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non-stop-imagines · 5 months

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Cheating?! This is such a treat! The title that caught a my eyes the most is “Hate U,Mean it”. If we can have a lilllll sneak peek of it 😶

I'm glad you're enjoying this little sneak peak moment! 🥰You absolutely may! 😁😊

(I absolutely did just type this up. I wanted to have something typed up for it anyway so thank you for the motivation 🤣)

(Hint: Who remembers me answering a question about a cheating trope...?)

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"Hi, baby!" You hear your sister squeal as she greets her boyfriend inside of your guys' shared apartment. After a few terribly audible kisses you hear the obnoxious laugh you've hear far too many times through your sister's phone.

"Hey, sunshine. How are you doing today?" His voice makes you cringe slightly, and you weren't completely sure why, but you have found it necessary to question it.

"I'm doing great now that my boyfriend and my favorite sister in the world finally get to actually meet each other." Layla voice gets louder as she and Daniel approach the living room where you sat on the couch with your laptop.

"I'm your only sister, doofus." You call back to her, not looking toward the archway entrance that your sister pads her way through with her socked feet, wrapping her arms around you neck over the back of the couch.

"Details, details." She reaches forward and slightly lowers your laptop screen, not enough to shut it, but enough to make you focus on your sister fully. You two were twins, identical twins to be exact, but the golden retriever aura your sister gave off was an obvious contrast to your black cat aura, and it was exceptionally evident in any interaction that included both of you. "Sister Yn, boyfriend Daniel. Boyfriend Daniel, sister Yn." Your sister waved between the two of you as she introduced you two to each other for the first time in real life.

"Sister Yn." You've only seen that smile in passing, a quick glance at Layla's phone when you heard his voice, but seeing it in person was like staring into stadium lights.

"Please, I'm no nun. Just Yn is fine." You eye the hand he had held out for you to shake but don't return the gesture, instead returning your gaze to his and letting a smug grin grow on your lips. When you did this you saw a small twist in his face as he pulled his hand back and your sister stands to wrap her arms around his waist.

"Well, just Daniel is fine for me." His arms instinctively wrap around Layla's shoulders to pull her into him, his eyes still stuck on you.

"I don't know, I think 'Boyfriend Daniel' is kinda fun." You joke and open your laptop again to continue the work you were doing.

"Lovely." You didn't even try to hide the smirk on your face when you hear the disdain in his voice from the unexpected nickname that was just donned on him.

"Yn, be nice. Come on, Danny. We were already disrupting the businesswoman hard at work. We'll catch her later when she hopefully nicer and less busy. And possibly after she orders us take out for dinner." She tries to rush out the last bit of her spiel but knew she was caught was you hold out your hand without looking at her, to which she disconnects herself from her boyfriend and walks back over to you while taking her card out of her phone case.

"Smart girl. I'll let you know when the food is here." You call after them, allowing them to leave the family room to head to her bedroom, still able to hear their conversation briefly.

"She's nice I promise. Just a little shy which makes her seem kinda mean in the beginning. I promise you two will be best friends in no time." Your sister's words twisted your heart ever so slightly. You wanted to try a be friends with Daniel, for her sake, but even just being friendly with him has proven to be difficult for you. There was something unnerving about how chipper he was all the time.

"I know, sunshine. She really does seem very nice. Some people just take more time to warm up to people than others. And lucky for you and me, I'm a very patient boy." These words alone, and the oddly flirty tone it was said in, brought back your cringe from earlier. In that moment, you decided it would be easiest to let yourself dislike Daniel than to force yourself to like him, and you were determined to stand firm on that decision.

"I'm so sorry, Layla. But your boyfriend gets on my last nerves." You quietly apologize to your sister, who was no doubt already in her room, door closed and well out of earshot.

#anon #formula 1 #black reader #WIPS Game #daniel ricciardo

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kaitlynpcallmebeepme · 2 years

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Two hearts beat as one

Two hearts beat as one

Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

Idea: Spencer x reader friends to lovers based the idea off of a blurb from @rintsuru where Reid shows the reader a magic trick where he writes something on a card and shows it to the rest of the team (they know he likes you) and shuffles the deck and pulls out not their cards and then says something like its behind your ear and then that's when the reader pulls the card out and reads will you go on a date with me. Reid frames that card in glass later.

Add a part where spencer just loves how she thinks of random things, after she gets shown the card and answers she says, you know the doctor had 2 hearts, how do you think cpr would work on him

Requested: Nope. @halloween-is-my-nationality This was the Spencer idea I had that I said I would write.

Author’s Note: Ok, 12 hour night shifts aren’t terrible, for me at least. It’s just bad when I either have not gotten sleep the night before or I have to do something the morning I get off. I’m currently 7 hrs after getting off my night shift and I’m not tired enough to go to sleep, so I finished this (which I also started on my bored night shift last night). I’m going to try to sleep after this. I made the perspective Spencer’s in the first person for the most part. I couldn’t resize the card picture. Requests are still open. Feedback is always appreciated. Also, tell me if you want to be part of a Tag List and I’ll tag you when I upload something new.

Warning: Just some cuteness, card magic, Doctor Who references, and Morgan being the big brother that Spencer needs.

Word Count: 1,351

“You can’t just keep staring at her forever pretty boy.” There goes Morgan again teasing me about my very obvious, but still trying to hide it, crush on my co-worker and team member.

“I’m not staring. I’m silently observing and you were staring at her first, I just followed your line of sight.”

“But I haven’t kept staring at her for 3 minutes.”

“2 minutes 47 seconds. You’ve been staring at her for 23 seconds.”

“Just ask her out pretty boy. You got some game to you.”

“The last time you tried this with me it was really awkward, we were on a case, and in a loud bar. My brain was distracted with too many things that time.”

“It’s definitely distracted now.” I hate to admit when he’s right. She’s the only person who can make me lose my train of thought if she’s speaking or just listening to me.

“Ok well if this is so interesting to you instead of all of the other women throwing themselves on you, then at least try to be helpful.” I couldn’t stand Morgan’s teasing much more. Yes, we hung out every weekend and watched some nerdy show or movie. So what. Garcia has seen most of them already and Y/n’s the only other person in this building who will watch any of that genre in general, much less with me. She’s just perfect, from the way she’ll read Harry Potter at her desk or has Supernatural and Sherlock stickers on her laptop and will trace them with her fingers every so often.

“Hey, I'm trying to help my brother ask out his future wife.”

“And you’re jumping from step negative 10 to 8 of relationships. I start on the scale at a negative 20. Work with me.”

“If you are not going to ask her out, there has to be reasoning behind the hesitation. You only ever do things when the odds are in your favor.” That was one thing Morgan was right on. There was a lot of hesitation. No one’s ever liked me that way, liked or put up with my rambles, and wanted to stick around for the stressful and dangerous career I chose.

“I just don’t want her to not like me then leave like those who left before.”

“I guarantee you that won’t happen. You guys hang out every break we get, she’s met your mom, always sits next to you on plane rides, plays with your hair when you don’t notice, knows to grab you lunch and take care of you when you won’t take care of yourself, and if we could, you two would be sleeping in the same room on cases.” What a list Morgan. You’ve been keeping tabs on us.

“Hotch would probably make us have ground rules to keep professionalism so the department doesn’t separate us off the team.”

“So you do want there to be an ‘us’?” Morgan’s teasing tone is so annoying. But I have to admit he’s right. I want to wake her up to breakfast in bed and read to her until she falls asleep next to me.

“I just don’t want to lose her either way.”

“I get that. It’s the fear that’s holding you back. Fear of if it’s worth it to not have that happiness but still have her in your life. But, from what I can see, the way she look at you, always asks about how you’re doing when I get a call from her on a case, the way she's the first person you ask anything to case related or not. You two were made for eachother. You aren’t going to find that magic in just anyone.”

That phrase hit me. I know now how to ask her out without saying anything and, if I’m honest with myself, it was one of the better ideas I’ve come up with.

"You know what I'm going to ask her right now." I opened my office desk drawer, grabbed two things, and marched off to her, avoiding the unnecessary stress from Morgan’s smirk. Having already finished her paperwork, she was reading Goblet of Fire at her desk, but her attention turned to me as I went up to her desk.

"What's with the cards Spence? You have another magic trick to show me?"

Ok Spencer, now or never.

"Yes, and so you don't have to memorize the card number I'm going to write on this one and this will be your card." I took out the marker I had brought with me and wrote on one of the cards.

"Are you sure Spence? Wouldn't that be ruining a good deck of cards?"

"It's fine. Now." I flipped the card with the note on it over so only the back showed and she didn’t see the message. I could start to see the team at least gazing in our direction wondering what was going on. I turned back to her because I wouldn’t be able to finish this if I was focusing on the team. I placed the card in the middle of the deck. "These are going to get shuffled by you." She grabbed the deck, split it in two, shuffled it three times, and handed it back. Counting strategically I moved a couple more cards out of the deck that I knew weren't hers. I placed one card in front of her. "Flip that card over and see if that's it." She picked it up and, not surprisingly, it wasn't her card. I flicked through the backs of a couple more cards deleting some from the counting. I handed her another card. "Is that your card?"

She flips that card over. "No. Spencer are you sure you're doing this right?"

"Yes I am. Ok, one more try." I pay close attention to cards as their stiff corners flip through my fingers. I pull out the last card, my nerves rising as I pushed it across the table to her. "That's your card." I said with the most amount of confidence I could mustard up at the moment.

She picks it up, and her eyes widen.

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes. I would love to go out with you Spencer Reid."

She smiled as she held the card. I was just cherishing that this moment went so well for how little time I planned it.

"Did you pick the two of hearts because of our two hearts or because the Doctor has two hearts and we both love Doctor Who?"

"Mainly for the two of us and that couple saying 'two hearts beat as one'."

"How do you think CPR would work on the Doctor since he has two hearts?" That was a question I wasn’t expecting after this. Back to our nerdy-selves.

"Well they showed that in the 2005 version Season 3 episode 1 where Martha performed CPR on the Doctor. Although it was inaccurate CPR as she did 5 compressions per breath where as it's supposed to be 30 compressions then two breaths, and the doctor was suffering from blood loss as well as hypoxia, so compressions and breaths alone would have done little to help without a transfusion or a fluid bolus, but I think it would still work as long as the compressions are helping to pump both of his hearts. However, I sus- *kiss*."

I did not expect her to kiss me that quickly. It was only a quick kiss as she also knows I’m not someone who shows big signs of PDA, especially in the work place, but I’d let her kiss me any time.

"And that's why I love you Spencer Reid."

I could care less about the fact that the rest of the BAU could see us, or that Morgan was probably about to clap me on the back, or Penelope filming this whole interaction right now. I found my other half. She kissed me again, longer and deeper this time, and then took the playing card. "This is getting framed, so you'll be down one card babe."

"That's ok. I don't think Jack and Henry will mind."

#criminal minds imagine #criminal minds masterlist #Criminal Minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds family #bau #BAU Family #spencer reid imagine

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seerofmike · 1 year

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something im starting this year is a very self-indulgent, "my year in review" thing where i list 7 video games i enjoyed this year + 7 movies from this year that i liked because as time goes on i feel like i'm getting worse and worse at determining what i did and when i did them so this is basically just a place for me to journal the things i enjoyed this year for future reference.

all the movies are 2022 releases but since i'm hardly ever on top of current video game releases. my games list is gonna be all over the place. im mixing them up. feel free to read if you want yippee it's meant for me but since its being posted publicly ill write em all up as little recommendations. going in no particular order other than alphabetical and alternating between a movie and a video game i liked this year. also why 7 of each ? because 7 is my favorite number fuck you

The Batman

-hmmm. thoughts. congratulations to our second gay batman, robert pattinson. ok this is only half a joke. i love the riddler being a twitch streamer terrorist i like when media modernizes older characters it's funny. gotham truly felt like a shithole in this movie. soundtrack fucked. can't fight city halloween was on my spotify 100 wrapped

Inscryption (2021)

-i fucking suck at this game, i still have not beaten the trapper and as i understand theres like 2 whole other parts of the game to go or something??? so no i have not beaten it yet. but i have also sunk an unholy amount of time TRYING to beat it and i didn't get sick of it. it's a very dark but very entertaining card game and it has a free demo. even if you don't like card builder games i think you should try. it has a very unique atmosphere and premise

Bullet Train

-yes i liked the cringe brad pitt action movie. fun fact this was actually specifically tailor-made for me in a factory! it has a large cast of assholes trying to kill each other and it's funny and wacky and i love the directing. that sounds so fucking nerdy to say but i want to be a film director so im gonna say it. the directing of the action sequences especially was really impressive to me because there's only so much space/movement your camera can (believably) achieve when filming in a small, rectangular, ever-moving box like a train and i think mr david leitch did it very well. also tangerine and lemon funniest characters in an action comedy ever

Milk Inside a Bag of Milk Inside a Bag of Milk (2020)

-i kind of don't want to say much about this on the off chance someone reads this and also decides to play a game on this list but. listen. play it. it's like a dollar. it's very short, it's about a girl dealing with mental illness, and that's all i'll say about it.

Glass Onion

-mr benoit blanc u are so fruity. but ohg this was fun. it was fun! and it was especially more fun to rewatch it and see all that i missed and the small moments that they weren't really trying to hide from you. i enjoy the concept of being gaslit by a movie. also janelle monae is always so fun to see act

Paradise Killer (2020)

-honestly, there is so much i hate about this game. the sprites are awkward. the voice acting is bad. the platforming is abysmal. yet it's still here because i think its world is genuinely insane and unique and it knows the exact type of vibe its going for with all these terrible people in a vaporwave reality and it achieves it and also its a murder mystery and i like those. give it a try

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

-yeah we all know her pussy slaps. there really isn't anything new for me to add. it's funny. it's got good action. michelle yeoh best actress award NOW!!!!!

Pathologic Classic HD (2015)

-yea this one is kinda cheating. i started it last year and got like 2 hours into it and gave up and then did a bunch of other things but i finally figured out how to get my controller hooked up to my laptop this year and i played it. 100%'d it. its proudly displayed on my steam profile.

look at that. awful. horrible terrible plague walking simulator 0/10 am playing again

Nope

-i love jordan peele. i love keke palmer. i love daniel kaluuya. this movie was made FOR MEEEEEEE it was very slow and tense and i know a lot of people complained about the slow pace of it but the build-up made (SPOILER) reveal all the more terrifying. speaking of terrifying, the scene where everyone (SPOILER) is the scariest thing ive seen in years and i think i have claustrophobia now :) also akira homage <3

A Short Hike (2019)

-this one was soso cute and relaxing :) it was very funny and had a cute artstyle and i beat it in like 1 hour. not a very big commitment but its charming enough to want to come back to

Puss In Boots: The Last Wish

-ummm. so. puss in boots??? that shit slapped????????? it had NO reason to be that good. like obviously the animation has been spiderverse'd which SLAPS but the they put their whole puss(y) into this movie and they didn't have to. it's good. all the characters were SO fun, literally all of them. i love the stupid little dog. he is my scrimblo. go check it out if you haven't it is NOT the soulless cash grab i thought it would be

Slime Rancher (2017)

-so like, conceptually, this game is weird as fuck. a first person shooter where you suck up little jellies and feed them and harvest their poop. its insane. its also very relaxing but also very ...management-y, like the way stardew valley is where its technically very relaxing but you are doing SO much to maximize ur profit for the day. i love that shit. look at those things. theyre adorable

Sonic the Hedgehog 2

-ohg. knumckles

SOMA (2015)

-ok so i don't actually get scared that often BUT here is a mike secret. ocean shit SCARES me i do not like anything set under the ocean and the fact that this game takes place underwater freaks me the fuck out. i dropped my 3 hour save file to switch to little baby for bitches mode after 3 hours not because the monsters themselves are scary but because emotionally i cannot handle monsters on top of a deep sea setting. also the story was really good you should play it

#mike 2022 year in review

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pbandjesse · 5 months

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I had a really nice day. It was fun working from home. It was also kind of hard because I needed feedback and had questions I will have to wait on. But I got a lot accomplished!

I didn't stay home the whole time though. I would go out at one point. I had a very productive day.

I slept alright last night. James had fallen asleep on the couch for a while and I found it hard to fall asleep knowing they were out there. I would go out and kiss them on the head and they said they were sorry and came back to bed. They didn't do anything to be sorry about, but I told them it was okay anyway.

They were already gone to work when I woke up at 9. I am glad I got to sleep in. This whole week I'm going to get to sleep a little longer and that's just so lovely.

I felt good when I woke up. I stripped the bed and tidied up a bit. And went to get washed up.

I had decided I would listen to an audio book today. Since that would be long and I wouldn't have to change it basically all day. I chose one called "The fungus" from 1990. And it was great. I really liked it. It was an apocalypse story about a mushroom/spores that take over London. It was narrated so well. There were some very very random sex scenes, and it talked about rape 4 separate times. But overall I really enjoyed it! It was nice to finish that all today while I did all my little tasks.

I decided to take a shower and wash my hair. I did not use enough conditioner and felt sort of like a lion all day. Just very fluffy hair. But it was very clean and that was nice. I felt a little greasy last night. So this made me feel better, very clean.

James had made me an omelet that they left in the microwave. And it was a particularly good one. I brought it to my studio along with my laptop to get to work.

I would spent the first couple hours of the day designing a holiday card and a postcard to give to couples who get married at camp. I thought it would be fun to have 'happy holidays' in Blackfoot. Which is what language Puhtok is from. And I was able to find it! It is more a direct translation to have a happy Christmas, but it's close enough and a debated translation. I think it's more about use, and I have literally no idea how to pronounce it. But I think it's so cool that we could use that. I hope the office agrees.

The postcard was also fun but I struggled a lot with the language on it. I made a patch design and I think it's very cute but I am not positive it's correct. Next week I will hopefully get some feedback and make it perfect. James did just tell me that I spelled congratulations wrong. Terrible. It's okay I will fix it later.

Once my laptop was on the verge of dying I would decide it was lunch time, and I would go for a drive. I had a few things I wanted to go do, and would get something to eat while I was out.

It was not as cold out, but it was very windy. Which blew my hair all over and did not help the lion hair accusations. But it was not a bad day to be out in the world.

I drove to Glen Burnie. My GPS took me a very strange way through the city to 95. Which was whatever. There wasnt any traffic and it was a pretty nice drive.

I went to value village first. I continued listening to my audio book. I enjoyed walking around and seeing all the lovely weird things. I had some excellent finds today though. I did put some things back but the trumpet candlesticks were a need. I also got a candle stick wall holder that is so lovely. I got two pairs of shoes. And another dear america book. I also got another one of the glass cups I love. I used to have more but I only have one now!! So now I have a second one again. And for $2 instead of the $20 they normally cost. Amazing.

I would pay at the self checkout after walking through the store a few times. Even though it had lights on the lady was super when I needed help when it acted wrong. "I didn't want you to use that one!!" Well then why was the light on?? And you didn't say anything. Whatever. I checked out and headed to tacobell.

It was surprisingly busy. A whole construction crew ordering at the counter. I ordered at the kiosk and had barely any wait. It was very strange.

I was all of a sudden overheated and not having a good time. I had to open the windows while I ate my lunch in the car. But once I cooled down I would feel better and be okay. Even if I had to put the AC on high in the car for a few minutes.

Target was more money then I expected. But I had fun and stuck to my list pretty well. I was very excited about the cookie/truffle tins. They light up!! It's a decoration and a snack! I was very excited for the skirt, which I thought was $10 but was actually $4! I got some hair cream. For the lion hair. And then I was done. And it was time to go home.

It was a fine drive home even if people were dumb and were being bad about merging. But I made it home in one piece.

When I got inside I took some haul pictures to show Jess what I got. And took all the tags off and put things away. And then it was back to work.

I would work on my laptop on the schedule for camp until almost 6pm. This was rough. I went through the whole schedule 3 times. I got some of it sorted. I made a lot of mistakes. I accidentally doubled things up. But I think Im at least going in the right direction even if I don't have it done yet. It was really tough to think I had it, after 3 rounds of typing everything out, and realizing it wasn't correct m it was kind of upsetting. But I need someone else who understands the schedule to give me some answers about who goes tubing and canoeing and how many lifeguards we might have. And it is just a larger task then I think I thought. And I already knew it would be hard!

I still enjoyed my book though. James would come home while I was still working. And we chatted while I worked and they helped me go over the schedule and we thought it was correct and then when I realized it wasn't I had someone to be sad with while I called it a day.

James warmed up leftovers for us. And they went to their room to play DND with friends. And I started reading another book.

Actually reading this time and not listening. I got a copy of "ballad of songbirds and snakes" and read the first 3 chapters and it's great so far. I loved the hunger game series when it came out and I'm excited that I finally am interested in reading the prequel. So then I can watch the movie.

I would take a quick shower. And get changed. I hung out in my studio for a bit. Changing out my piercings. Feeling annoyed with my second hole in my ear. I don't have any good rings for it right now, they are all broken or missing parts. I have some earrings I can wear but I am not thrilled with them right now.

I grilled my bangs and moisturized my face. And now me and James are in bed.

And tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are going to the Chang's and I am looking forward to that. But during the day I hope to read and do some sewing. I usually hate holidays because it's so much waiting and then I can't function. But I have decided that I am doing these two things so I can't be upset about waiting all day.

And I can just be thankful for my husband and my family.

I am also thankful for you reading this. I love you. Goodnight everyone.

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zanzindorf · 6 months

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Office Tour! I recently added some new thingies to my office, and thought it'd be neat to do a photo tour. Completely disregard my color scheme for my walls and curtains lol. I don't like purple and green together, but they were the only blackout curtains I had.

Picture 1: On my main desk a have three computers hooked up. The big one on the left is my main machine. It runs Windows 10 right now, but that will soon change to Linux Mint once I upgrade my storage drives. The two machines behind the monitors are older machines for special tasks. The Windows 7 machine is for running games that run poorly on newer machines, like Gruntz! It's an old dentist office computer I bought from a thrift store for $20. The other is a banished office optiplex I salvaged and upgraded. It runs Linux Mint, and will one day be my home server for my website (I hope).

The two older computers only display to my second monitor, but I'm fine with that. Each computer has it's own pair of mice and keyboards, which is kinda annoying, but I can deal with it. I recently upgraded my main computer keyboard from an old office membrane board to an even older office membrane board. This new older board is PS / 2, and I had to fight Windows to get it to function, but it works. The older membranes feel nicer for some reason. Still super spongy and terrible, but it's nice for a free upgrade. One day I'll upgrade to a quiet, mechanical keyboard.

Picture 2: All the way to the left of my desk is my pen display for drawing. It's an Artisul product, which was way cheaper than a Wacom. I'm happy with it, but I haven't got to use it very much. Hopefully that will change with this new job I got.

Picture 3: To the left is the fourth and last desktop I have set up. This one runs Windows 98 for even older games that won't run on Windows 10 or 7. Well, with emulators and virtual machines, you can get almost anything to run on anything, but real hardware is nice. My brother helped me set this one up. The main upgrade I'm looking for on this machine is a better sound card for DOS compatibility.

The tube TV is really nice for playing my Playstation games. One thing you don't see in my office, unfortunately, is a CRT monitor. The LCD next to the TV is my monitor for the 98 machine. It's a good LCD, but I'd like a real CRT. I may have to reinforce the table if I find one lol. The desk in this picture is an old door that was left in my basement from the previous owners of my house. The door is resting on two end tables.

Picture 4: Pusheen is enjoying playing on my PiBoy. I think Hamtaro: Ham Ham Heartbreak is Pusheen's favorite game. My PiBoy runs on a Pie 3 Model B, which a friend of mine gave me.

Picture 5: This is my one and only bookcase in the house. It's mainly picture books and text books. Lots of Where's Waldo, I Spy, game development books, art books, and a few novels. I'd like to get more into reading now that I have more time. Feel free to judge my library. One book I have on my list to read is Etidorhpa. Not entirely sure why I got it, but it reminds me of Journey to the Center of the Earth meets Dante's Inferno. It's fairly old, like 1897 old. I'll do an update if I read and enjoy it.

Outro: That's it for my tour! I have more computers, but that's enough computers for one post. Maybe I'll do a tour in the future for just my laptops. Hope you enjoyed. I think my Ask Me Anything is open. If you have questions about something pictured and want more info, I'm happy to expand :)

#office tour #old computers #computer stuff #retro gaming #pusheen #battlestations #linux #drawing #ramblings #retro

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mav-the-artist · 1 year

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EXCITING NEWS!!!!!! (IMPORTANT PLEASE READ)

Hey everyone! Sorry for not posting art for a bit.

Last Monday (Jan 30th) I finally purchased A GAMING DESKTOP!!!

Now I can draw better, ACTUALLY animate with an animation program (once I find a good one to use), get back into pc gaming, and STREAM (eventually)

ALL this time I was drawing and animating with this hunk of crap:

This is a TOSHIBA Satellite 17 inch Windows 7 Laptop.

Windows 7.

That I've been using since 2012.

As a whole, this computer is an absolute piece of shit.

It's on life support (plugged in charger when running at all times). It cannot multitask. You can't even play music in the background while drawing. AND I couldn't even use discord. Any program idling in the background would slow it down and heat it up. Video card would crash when watching youtube. Flash games would load 1 frame every 3 seconds. That is not an exaggeration. I'm lucky that my Wacom tablet worked on it, but that probably was gonna go next. There's a lot more wrong with this laptop, but you get the gist.

NOW:

I've been doing really REALLY well lately in my life (you can read this post for context). And I've been eagerly wanting to upgrade. So my tax refund came in a couple weeks ago and I had found a desktop that was within my budget.

This...is my new rig:

(these are just still photos; the tower, mouse and keyboard are actually cycling through all colors of the rainbow)

This is an iBUYPOWER Trace MR258i . Now don't be fooled like I was with the company's Aliexpress-sounding name, lol; this is a reputable gaming pc company. I picked it up for $1080, including tax (it includes the mouse and keyboard, not the monitor). Originally it retails at $1500 before taxes, but it was on sale for $1000. Now this is definitely not a high-end rig, but it is a fucking amazing computer nonetheless.

Under the hood:

Mobo: ASRock B550M-c microATX form factor Video card: Gigabyte Nvidia Geforce RTX 3060 12GB Drive: 1TB Western Digital NvMe M.2 SSD (Solid State Drive) RAM: 16GB (2x8GB sticks) DDR4 3000 Power supply: 650 watt CPU: AMD Ryzen 7 5700 3700Mhz

Operating System: Windows 11 Home

One side of the case is made with a tempered glass panel, so I can see all the cool compy parts with RGB; it's lookin like a rave in there :D

When playing GTAV at High settings I get around 160fps.

I'm not terribly picky, plus I'm still learning about pc parts 'n stuff, but this computer is definitely beyond my expectations and can handle everything I throw at it. It's perfect for what I need to use it for.

WHAT THIS MEANS NOW:

I can draw much easier, on larger canvases, and they can get done somewhat faster now that I have a properly working pc. I can also draw better art with backgrounds and all that.

I PLAN ON ANIMATING WITH A LEGITIMATE ANIMATION PROGRAM. MAYBE EVEN AN ACTUAL MADCOM FAN EPISODE.

STREAMING (SOON)

GAMING (of course)

I've never seen my art program run so smooth. My drawing tablet works with the new PC, and lines are really fucking smooth and there's zero lag nor jittering.

The past week since I've gotten it, I've had to transfer all my stuff from my old laptop to this new one, setting the new pc up, downloading games, etc etc. AKA I've been busy af the past week, not including my retail job that's been kicking my ass.

I just wanted to make this post so you all can be updated on what the hiatus was all about.

ANYWAY I'M SO FUCKING HYPED Y'ALL LETS FUCKING GOOOOOO-

#Mav talks #Personal #I know it's after 2 in the freaking morning but I didn't want to keep putting off making a post abt this #That Jeb flying animation will be the last artwork I made on that shitty laptop :)#If I stream I might not do voice cuz I'm kinda insecure abt my voice #it sounds kinda feminine still and I'm not sure.. maybe I shouldn't worry lol #(dysphoria is so FUN /joking)#also I'll prolly do art streams first cuz I kinda suck at gaming rn since I'm just getting back into the groove

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rjalker · 2 years

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I'm on my phone and I'm cleaning so I'm not getting out my laptop just to make a fucking post but no, in fact, ADHD and / or being autistic does not fucking force you to Rob Graves and lose all sense of morals. Having ADHD or being autistic does not make you an inherently horrible person who is incapable of being a good person and not hurting people. Being neurodivergent does not make you a bad person, it does not make you incapable of being good and I am really really really really fucking sick and tired of people acting like ADHD is the ultimate get out of jail free card by pretending like having ADHD forces them to be horrible people and forces them to do harmful things.

Claiming that having ADHD are being autistic just inherently makes you incapable of being a good person is not the fucking Progressive statement you fucking think it is. You are not fucking helping anyone by saying that having ADHD just makes you incapable of having morals and being a good person.

Corporate wants you to find the difference between this picture and this picture. One paper says, mentally ill and neurodivergent people should be locked up and institutionalized for the good of society because they are all monsters and should be kept away from normal people at all costs.

The other paper reads, being neurodivergent just means you are completely incapable of being a good person and having morals and treating other people with basic decency. You should not hold neurodivergent people accountable for their harmful behaviors because there's nothing they can do to stop those harmful behaviors.

It's the same fucking picture.

But now people are legitimately going around trying to argue that it is okay for them to be a bad person because they're ADHD or Autism forces them to be a bad person. They just cannot help but be a horrible fucking person.

It's the same fucking thing as an abusive partner saying oh well I'm just a terrible person so that they can pretend like that can never change.

Having ADHD does not make you completely incapable of being a good fucking person.

Being autistic does not make you completely incapable of being a good fucking person.

Being neurodivergent or mentally ill in any way does not fucking make you completely incapable of being a good fucking person.

Stop acting like everybody who is near a Divergent is inherently and automatically a horrible person and there's nothing they can do to avoid being a horrible person because it's out of their control. That is the exact same ableist fucking bullshit that has gotten neurodivergent people institutionalized for fucking decades.

Having ADHD does not make you a monster. Being autistic does not make you a monster. Having schizophrenia does not make you a monster literally no mental illness or neurodiversity makes you a fucking monster.

There is no fucking neurodiversity that makes you incapable of having morals. There is no neurodiversity that means you can't be a good person.

Stop blaming your personal fucking failure to be a good person through the decisions that you consciously and purposefully make on your neurodiversity.

You are not defending yourself. All you are doing is demonizing neurodivergent people and leading to more fucking hatred.

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saintgeniushero · 6 days

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I am sick and tired of my husband. And it is pretty obvious he feels the same, but he always hides behind the "I'm autistic" thing, and I tell him "well then, in that case, all I need you to do is to learn/remember this one thing..." and he always says, often laughing, "I can't!". He plays dumb, and he knows it. He thinks it's cute or something. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Maybe it's laziness to avoid putting in work into improving himself as a person or improving the relationship, but whatever it is, it goes too far. His words and his supposed feelings don't match his actions. Due to the American immigration system, I can't divorce him (an idea I've never thought seriously about because of my beliefs in the concept of marriage, but which he has thrown around before) without jeopardizing everything that I worked all my life to achieve, not to mention defeating the point of marriage. I would have stayed on the fucking work visa, which I EARNED with my literal blood (from my hands, from work) and sweat, instead of switching over to the green card, but obviously one doesn't get married planning that the marriage will end up wrong. I did the common sense thing: A green card guaranteed that I would stay with my love, but it's conditional for 2 years because despite proving to the government that our love was sincere, we still have to prove it again at the end of those 2 years; that the marriage wasn't a sham. And it wasn't. It's not. But it has deteriorated. It's a bad marriage, but it's a real marriage. Here we are still trying to love each other. Today was his birthday and I celebrated it big time. I work as a barista making $16/hr (he gets a salary x3 that, but has thousands of dollars in debt that affect my previously Excellent credit score) but I still said yes to his every whim and spent $250 in gifts, food, cake, etc. I wanted to make the day perfect but he liked nothing, though he said he saw I was trying and appreciated it. We had sex. The marriage is terrible but it's salvageable, but only if he tries! He is not trying. I am. I really am. I'm a barista and not an engineer because I got married to him and got locked out of the job market for 2 years, but instead of looking for a job in my field 24/7, I work 50 hrs a week to contribute to rent and look for jobs instead of resting in my free time. He will say he is trying but I know it's his ego speaking. He would rather distract himself with familiar activities than try new solutions to our usual problems. I don't know how to help him. He has usurped the apartment with his mess and noise. I'm losing it. I need therapy. I've lost focus and intellectual energy, but I am still an extremely motivated hard worker. I just need physical space and silence (or background noise that isn't YouTube videos of dumb people yapping about some nonsense). A STEM job would give me those two things, but my husband demands without helping. I say what I need and I'm told I put up excuses. Where am I supposed to use my laptop? On the floor??? It's not an excuse if your mess taking up all the physical space in the apartment is a real problem! It's 11:16PM right, where am I supposed to go to do work? To a bar? To the stairs in our apartment? In the toilet with my laptop on my lap? My life is like that "Pursuit of Happiness" movie, but I still haven't reached Happiness.

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transienturl · 2 months

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Aha! I'm right. Or at least I think I'm right.

So: over the last couple of generations, high-end (~45-watt-and-higher) laptop CPUs from both AMD and Intel have come in two variants: a traditionally sized chip that's primarily designed for mobile use, and a larger chip partially derived from the desktop version of the CPU in question with a higher maximum core count (each core is itself physically the same and generally is similar in speed) and significantly weakened integrated graphics to save chip space for those extra cores. This isn't an official name, but I'm going to call these bigger chips "extreme" in this post.

(Oh, for clarity, gaming laptops generally use the graphics that are built into the CPU when you're not running a game, as running a separate external graphics chip uses a bunch of power even when you're just browsing the web; there are multiple modes of operation here and it's not important to this post.)

For Intel CPUs, starting with 12th gen, the regular chips have an H or HK at the end (e.g. 12700H) and top out at 6+8* cores, while the "extreme" chips end in HX (e.g. 12800HX) and the latest ones top out at 8+16 cores. The lower end of the "extreme" range totally overlaps with the regular chip line, though.

*6 big performance cores; 8 little efficiency cores. AMD uses one type of core that, to oversimplify, let's call a compromise between the two

AMD's "extreme" chips came out about a year after Intel's, and AMD's model number scheme recently got changed to be, in a word, fucked, so we'll gloss over the names and link here for details and say that, loosely, if it doesn't end in 45HX (or, in the future, 55HX, probably), it's a regular chip and tops out at 8 cores, while if it does it's an "extreme" and tops out at 16. Again, there's an overlap between the low end of the "extreme" range and the high end of the regular range.

Why do these overlapping chips exist? I think a big reason is that the packages are physically different between "regular" and "extreme" chips, and so a certain laptop motherboard design (and, essentially always, laptop design) is compatible with one or the other. The AMD Ryzen 7745HX, say, is an 8 core chip in a physical package that could fit 16 cores, and would thus be used in a lower spec variant of a laptop that can go very high-end.

Now, normally you would think the consumer shouldn't really care about this distinction. If I'm getting an AMD chip with 8 "Zen 4" cores, I shouldn't have to care about whether it's a 7745HX or a 7840HS, right? If I'm getting an Intel chip with a 6+8 "Raptor Lake" config, I shouldn't care if it's a 13700H or a 13700HX, right? Small difference in maximum clock speed aside, anyway, which one should generally ignore IMO.

But, not quite. Because, firstly, as mentioned, the "extreme" chips have significantly worse integrated graphics. Now, this generally doesn't matter in a gaming laptop with a massive, expensive discrete graphics card that will turn on whenever you open a game. It wasn't that many years ago, though, that Apple (a company that drove high-res laptop displays, and cares immensely about UI performance on them) actually commissioned an exorbitantly expensive-to-manufacture chip line from Intel with more powerful integrated graphics.

But the other point—something that, as far as I can tell is specific to AMD—is that their "extreme" package, as far as I can tell, has higher idle power draw than you would expect from a mobile chip. Because it kind of... isn't a mobile chip in some senses? Like the desktop chip it's based on, it's actually two to three chips packaged together, and while that kind of thing is likely the future (Intel just announced their first mobile chip, Core Ultra, that's broadly in this category), the AMD Dragon platform doesn't seem very mobile optimized. Hey, it was the first non-monolithic mobile chip, it's not terribly surprising.

Now, that doesn't make it a bad line of chips. Actually, AMD CPUs are as a baseline currently measurably more power efficient than Intel ones (Core Ultra muddies this but ignore that for now, it's not widely available), so their "extreme" Dragon ones generally wind up in the same battery life range as their Intel competitors. But it does mean that—again, as a generalization—a gaming laptop might find itself in the slightly higher tier of battery life than an otherwise very similar device because they have AMD CPUs that are similar in specification and performance but different in physical package.

And I think I found one! The reason I made this post is because I was trying to decipher Lenovo's 8th generation gaming laptop lineup, as one does, and I couldn't figure out the difference between the Legion Pro 5 and the "Legion Slim 5."

(Well, aside, the big issue is that the latter's name is entirely inconsistent; Lenovo has a thinner and lighter product line that the Legion Slim 7i (and hypothetical-but-nonexistent AMD-based Legion Slim 7) continue, but the "Legion Slim 5" uses the regular-size body and should thus be a "Legion 5." Also, in the past they used the "Pro" name to indicate a taller 16" display, but all of them use that now, so they're now using it to mean something else.)

But, whatever, anyway, I noticed that the Legion Pro 5 is using the "extreme" processor line and the "Legion Slim 5" is using the regular one. And they're otherwise very similar! In fact, if I compare part numbers 82Y9000NUS and 82WM001JUS on the Lenovo site at this very moment, the only differences in their compare tool are the HS/HX CPU model numbers as mentioned, a 0.23lb/0.1kg weight difference in favor of the Pro (the Pro body has more metal, per reviews), a $60 price difference in favor of the "Slim," and shipping with a different charger. Those are two awfully similar devices for a company to be selling at the same time in the same hardware generation.

And god, I want to be a laptop reviewer with the kind of budget that lets one buy laptops for review so bad, because that would be such an interesting comparison. I couldn't find many review outlets that have tested both (and why would one have). The only one I could find is the venerable NotebookCheck, which has tested an 8-core "Slim 5," an 8-core Pro, and a 6-core Pro...

...and got web browsing battery life figures of ~7, ~4, and ~5.5 hours. Now, I wouldn't trust those numbers to be highly precise by any means; I would want to see more tests from different review outlets. But that's completely absurd. These are very, very similar devices, and the slightly higher-end one is getting something like one third or more worse battery life in that test. If that delta is accurate, I have no idea how much of that to assign to the fact that one of them is a Dragon chip and one is a Phoenix chip (and the differences in their motherboard components directly due to that difference), but, I mean, I have no reason to conclude that it's anything else; if it's some other component, why would Lenovo put the more efficient component in the cheaper device?

So that's just truly fascinating to me. I guess the practical upshot of this might be "hey look, a scenario where the 'better' product is probably worse," but I doubt anyone will be reading this and cross shopping that particular device. More generally, it's just cool to find a scenario where subtle details like this have a (seemingly) meaningful effect on something most users of a device would find themselves caring about at some point, when these days I find that the majority of tech products are all reasonably decent and all reasonably comparable and there's not a whole lot of analysis to be done that anyone should care about.

#I need a tag for “computer bullshit”#long post #this... took me... like three hours to write up why do I do this #(I know why. actually. practice explaining things.)

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mercuryvesmakes · 3 months

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Art from 2021 (Part 1)

meet my cat

this was the first year in a while that i really wanted to try and build an online presence as an artist, and it ended... unsuccessful.

i have since deleted or privated all(?) of the accounts i posted on in 2021, so i could start over again. what lesson should i have learned then but i think i've kind of figured out far in retrospect? i think i try too many things. people like to follow people who are consistent and i'm kind of... not? my art style isn't all one thing, the things are draw are a little all over the place, and i'm awful at posting on a schedule. these are all things i'm still working on ways to get around or fix. the other lesson i should have learned was that dumping my past work to "start over" when there was no reason to is dumb! that's why i'm reposting all this stuff in these reflections.

i might pick out a few of these to repost on their own later, the pokemon disney princesses in particular, but for now:

i wanted to do EVERY princess but, y'know - i considered opening commissions just to draw single characters with one pokémon, but i wasn't sure people would want to pay what i'd need to charge for the amount of time these take to draw and render. but, like, honestly, that the constant struggle of being an artist, isn't it?

in my pre-2014 post, the first drawing was of a fairy i colored with a laptop trackpad; this was my attempt at a re-draw, and i wasn't terribly happy with it, but here it is.

there are no statistics on this, but i would hazard a guess that over 80% of artists' attempts at designing tarot cards end up incomplete

i tried opening a teepublic shop that i only made $12 from in two years and ended up taking down

i did some watercolors

i wanted to do a drawing in the style of a comic without making a whole multi-page thing. even a few years out, i still really like this - i'd just rather i had lightened up the right side of the third panel so it's more clear that one of them was being paid to be there.

some (mostly) good drawings, and then this thing:

i have no excuse

#art reflection

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enviousjam · 10 months

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more STUFF and THINGS !!!

2017 - homeless man died in front of the house. the current owners don't know about it, I doubt anyone is going to tell them now. It has nothing to do with the fire and I'm not superstitious but this did remind me about it

4th of July, 10:00 - neighbors have been shooting off fireworks, they go to bed within the hour. People were saying the fireworks were illegal. I can believe that because those fireworks were really fucking loud, and it's such a common thing on the fourth of july

11:00 - that shits on fire!!! Neighbors get out with their dogs, but they can't find their cat. People down the street saw the fire and woke my family up. By the time I'm outside one of their cars is on fire. It's so close to my house that we're watching wondering if the fire is going to jump over. Firefighters showed up not much later. They found the cat, it was hiding under a bed.

12:00 - the fire is out, firefighters are demolishing the garage. Rest of the house is ok. Everyone's going back to their houses, I go back to bed. Neighbors stay at a friend's house

Some time between 2:00 and 6:00 - someone breaks into the house and steals valuables, laptops, social security cards. This is way more of a nightmare than the fire tbh. I didn't see anyone over there when I left for work, and cameras didn't pick anything up, so idk. My car got blasted in the crossfire by the fire hose so I guess I don't need to clean it for a while

Rest of the day - contractors working on the garage. Nobody will be living in the house for a while. My car and clothes are stinky. One of the trees in my yard is singed on one side

They don't officially know what started the fire but the day it happened and the activities that happened right before the fire lead me to believe... maybe... it was the fireworks. Our houses were built so that there's a fire resistant wall separating the garage from the house, so that stopped the fire from spreading too far.

I was afraid of the car exploding, and we did hear loud popping while it was burning. Later I googled it, and it's incredibly unlikely for a burning car to explode, which makes me feel a lot better. Gasoline will just burn if there isn't enough oxygen and pressure to cause an explosion. That explains why everything smelled like gas. The loud popping we heard was the tires bursting.

Whenever you have to get out of your home in an emergency I guess it's really important to take your documents like social security and passports. Some terrible people might decide to take advantage of you while you're down.

#env.typ

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paved-un-paved · 1 year

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Review: f-stop Gear Loka 37L Backpack

My wife says I have too many camera bags, while I always feel that there's room for at least one more. A bag for every situation, right? But it's good that she tells me that; it keeps me in check, because otherwise we might have a room full of packs and bags. As a result, I tend to "try out" a pack for a while and, if it doesn't fit my flow when I'm out there, I put it out back on the market and get something else. I tend to buy gently used, or last year's model, to save a little. And that's why this review is for a pack that is no longer sold new, f-stop's Loka - but you can buy the newer ultralight (UL) version from their site, and from all accounts, it's an improvement on an already impressive pack.

I had always gravitated toward the f-stop brand: rugged, durable, good-looking camera packs made for photographers who push their gear more than most, and who might need to pack more than most. Before covering endurance sports, I was happy to shoot with just one camera body and a couple of lenses. Now I wouldn't want to shoot a cycling race without my two Nikon bodies at hand, one with an ultrawide lens and the other with a tele. I also like to use HSS flash, on or off-camera, so I need the battery pack to go with it. And all the other usual stuff: batteries, cards, snacks, cords, and so on. I tried the Lowepro Whistler 350 for about a year, and always came home with a backache. Great pack, but hoofing it around a race course all day made every one of its pain points terribly apparent. After some patient searching, I found a used Loka 37L at a good price, and "traded up", as I do.

If you know about f-stop bags, then you've probably heard about their modular design. While some might say that buying inserts separately from the pack adds to the expense of a new bag, it's part of what makes these backpacks special - and cost-effective. How many times have you found a pack that seemed just right on the outside, but you really wished the inside compartment had been designed completely differently? With the Loka (and all of f-stop's other packs) you can pick the insert from their selection of Internal Camera Units (ICU's) that best fits what you want to carry. For me, the Pro Large ICU fits everything just right. So that fits a Nikon D4 with 70-200/4 attached, a Nikon Z 6 with an ultrawide on it, a GoPro, a flash, and accessories. All very well protected in the ICU, accessible by a big zippered flap on the back of the pack. Then there's a bunch of room on top of the ICU, which you can reach easily through the top zipper. Here I keep a rain jacket for me, one for the camera, and an f-stop Accessory Pouch. There is still room in there for more - including my laptop, in its own protected pocket.

Now on the outside of the Loka, there is a small top zippered pocket. This holds my snacks, business cards, and sunscreen. On the front, there is a large compartment with plenty of room for my battery pouches. Two side pockets hold my big Nalgene bottle on one side, and the tripod on the other. Some quick specs on the original f-stop Loka 37L

37 liter capacity

Weight: 3.45lbs (without ICU)

Meets international carry on size specifications

Designed to fit up to a Pro Large ICU

Aluminum internal frame

EVA padded waist and shoulder pads

DWR treated, 330D double Ripstop Nylon with 1500mm Polyurethane coating

Heavy-duty zippers

Honestly, there is so much versatile carrying capacity in the Loka that it's easy to just cram it with stuff, but I have been pretty good about keeping it light. Things like the laptop don't go on races or hikes with me, but it's great to be able to transport it from home to the Jeep or elsewhere without having to take another bag or case just for it. Speaking of hikes, I could see myself going on a thru-hike in the Grand Canyon in this pack, with a smaller ICU inside for just one camera body, and the rest of the bag to hold all the camping essentials. I even have f-stop's tough Gatekeeper straps, designed to clip onto the outside of the pack so I could strap down a sleeping bag, mat, and whatever else. (The snazzy Gatekeeper straps you see here, and all the orange accents, are part of the Nasturtium color kit I have on my pack.)

So how comfortable is the Loka? It takes a little adjustment, but once dialed in, the pack is pretty easy on my back, even when weighed down with everything I might carry in it. The waist belt really helps, as do the padded shoulder straps, but it's the internal aluminum frame that makes carrying this big backpack a lot easier than it ought to be. I've lugged it around during all-day races on a hilly course, and didn't end up with a sore back.

The pack really is tough, too. It gets emptied out and tossed to the side at races, hung from trees or railings, dragged through branches and brush on hikes through the Florida Everglades, and pulled in and out of the Jeep several times a day. The Loka is up for all that and a whole lot worse.

The best thing I can say about the f-stop Loka? It's the only backpack I've had that I have not thought of replacing.

#photography #camera bag #sports photography #sports photographer #cycling #racing #nikoncreators #gravel bike #road bike #mountainbike #gear review

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connorinabeanie · 4 years

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A slightly salty take on North and fandom

Disclaimer: Nothing in this post is meant as an attack on anyone. Fandom is subjective and you have the right to interpret media, form your own conclusions, and create whatever you want. These are my opinions about what I’ve seen, as well as my experiences in previous fandoms and the patterns I’ve seen play out over and over again. It’s okay to disagree with me, and it’s okay to have a respectful discussion in reblogs/comments! Just keep it civil. That out of the way…

North. She’s polarizing character in DBH; she tends to be loved or hated, and I’ll admit it: I didn’t like her at first either. I wanted to, but as I played through my first time I just couldn’t get past one of her traits in particular, which was that she was so convinced she was right; she blamed Markus for every mistake, refused to adapt her tactics or consider other methods, and seemed more driven by vengeance than anything else. So as much as I wanted to enjoy her character, I found her to be a poorly written “strong female character” archetype that fell flat in execution, as most characters of that type do.

Honestly, I think this is the reason most people who dislike North dislike her, at least consciously. They genuinely think she’s a terribly written character, and they’re not necessarily wrong. One playthrough on a standard route, with no extrapolation or extra consideration, combined with a lot of people getting the awkwardly forced romance (I actually avoided this, completely unknowingly, on my first playthrough) leads to a dislike of this character. That’s understandable! I would expect this from people who played the game once. But that’s where the problem comes in, for me.

People active in a fandom usually haven’t consumed the media they’re into just once. They usually don’t engage in surface-level interpretation, and they usually don’t lack context. But I find it hard to believe that so many of the opinions and interpretations regarding North could possibly come from people who have approached her character with an open mind and additional information, because just one major path divergence shows a completely different side to North’s character.

I’m talking, of course, about North’s leader route. When we see her in Markus’ role, leading instead of advising, her true motives come out: she loves her people and is willing to fight for them. She isn’t interested in playing nice with her oppressors, and why should she? There’s a whole discussion here about how oppressed people are judged for how nicely they fight for the rights they should already have, where there’s a ‘good’ way of protesting and a ‘bad’ way of doing it (which is, ironically and showing how tone-deaf Cage can be, supported in the narrative of DBH as well), but I won’t go into that in depth; other people have posted really good takes on this already. I’ll just mention it here and there where relevant.

Once of those relevant places is that, as I said, in North’s leader route she isn’t interested in peaceful protesting. And you know what? When I played this game the first time and had Markus, I had been peaceful up until Night of Soul, which is where North would be making her first major decision as a leader if you don’t have Markus. Yet when it came down to it I made the same decision with Markus that North makes on her own, because you know, as a Jewish woman, I wasn’t super interested in peacefully protesting at the gates of camps that were currently killing people. Playing nice hadn’t worked, and it was time to fight.

So maybe I’m in a different position that some others when it comes to interpreting North’s choices, and as I saw that she made the same choice that I did when playing Markus, I’m just… Not impressed that the fandom tendency to criticize this choice as warmongering, unreasonable, and a ‘betrayal’ of Markus’ peaceful actions (always assuming that Markus had been completely peaceful before, which is the way the story pushes on you, but certainly isn’t a given.) As far as I’m concerned, North is taking the action needed to save her people who are in danger right that instant, and humans don’t deserve a nice civil protest (and if I were in her position with Markus alive, I would be furious that he wanted to just sit and talk while people were dying.) They need to be stopped, and she’s going to stop them.

But it wasn’t just her choice in the church that brought me around to North’s side during her leader route, it was her behavior during Crossroads. Specifically, it was her behavior toward Connor, and how it contrasted with some of her actions earlier. So, going back a bit to Spare Parts, where the Jericrew goes on a mission to steal parts from the Cyberlife warehouses at the docks, and you run into John. North votes against taking him with them, citing that they can’t trust him and it’s too dangerous. Moving on a little, to Stratford Tower, if (or, more likely, ‘when’ since it’s pretty difficult to avoid) Simon is injured, North suggests shooting him. These are pretty harsh marks against her, because they seem needlessly ruthless, but are they really?

With John, the answer is maybe yes. But think about it from her perspective; they’ve never seen the ability Markus used, in turning an android deviant. So as far as North is concerned, John was a threat to them about two minutes earlier, and now wants to go with them? With no traumatic catalyst or trusted android vouching for and giving him the key to Jericho? To North John is a potential threat, a potential danger, and she has no reason to trust him. But as the story goes on, North never makes another objection to an android joining them in this way, because she knows they’re truly deviant. As soon as an android is deviant, they’re one of her people.

With Simon, the answer is probably no, because North is exactly right; if Simon lives, and Connor finds him, Connor finds Jericho. It’s that simple, and it’s not a rare series of events. North might be a little fast to jump on the option, because there’s a genuine argument to be made that it isn’t worth killing someone just because there’s a chance that something (even something very serious) might go wrong, but she clearly isn’t choosing this option because she wants it; she’s choosing this option because she thinks it’s the most guaranteed way to protect her people. It’s a difficult, ruthless decision to make, but it isn’t one made out of malice.

(It’s also worth noting that Simon suggests leaving North when she’s in danger in Crossroads, when the only people that would be at risk from saving her were Markus and Connor, and this happens whether or not North suggested killing Simon one the rooftop. Yet this choice is almost never criticized, because it comes from Simon, and I’ll get into that later.)

But with those particular attitudes from North out of the way, it’s interesting to see how she reacts to Connor in her leader route. North instantly shows concern for him, never blames him for the attack on Jericho, and—like Markus—tries to prevent him from going on his suicide mission to Cyberlife Tower. She’s kind and understanding, and it’s clear that she accepts Connor immediately as one of her people.

This is a place where I have some trouble with fandom interpretations of North and Connor’s relationship, specifically in terms of North being angry, cold, or extremely suspicious of Connor (a little suspicion, especially in a more ‘good end’ route where she has less direct interaction with Connor during the revolution, is reasonable; I’m talking about outright refusal to even consider accepting him.) It bothers me for two specific, and somewhat different reasons.

One is that it directly contradicts a theme of North’s history, which is that deviant androids are not their pasts. They’re not what they were before they woke up. The idea of North holding someone’s past, before they turned deviant, against them is just… I can’t imagine it. I can imagine her suspicion, as I mentioned before, until she's very sure Connor is truly deviant, but that seems very apparent to her right away in any route (I find it hard to believe she’d think he was faking deviancy after delivering the army to Markus.) Some concern or suspicion after finding out about the attempted hijacking makes sense, but the way I see it portrayed in fic is often jarring; it seems completely out of character for her to blame Connor for something like that, as opposed to being angry on his behalf, because North wants androids to be free (and, more deeply, she’s experience being used for something she never wanted.) She wants androids to have the chance to live, to become their own people, and to leave their pasts behind them. Why would she blame Connor for what he was made to do, whether before he was deviant or when Amanda tried to take control of him? It goes against everything North stands for, and that leads me to my second reason:

I think people choose this interpretation because it makes North a villain. Maybe it’s not an active conscious decision to do this (and in fact I doubt it usually is), but it reminds me very painfully of the trend in fandom of villainizing a character—especially a female character—in order to woobify a male character (and, often, get the female character out of the way of a ship) and I can’t help but see that here. It seems like a cheap, easy way to excuse other characters turning against North for her behavior, and therefore getting her out of the way as well as causing drama and conflict for the characters the writer really wants to focus on.

And that seems like a good segue into the big topic that people are gonna get mad about being called out on: misogyny. And even more specifically, misogyny when it comes to shipping.

I’m just gonna state this super clearly at the forefront: I have no problem with shipping whoever you want, whyever you want. I’m not personally into most ships for various reasons, but I do have some favorites (most of which other people aren’t into) and shipping is fun! Not everyone agrees on shipping, and that’s okay; not everyone has to like what you like, we can all still exist in harmony.

But that isn’t to say that people don’t engage in, for lack of a better word, ‘problematic’ behavior in their ships. As opposed to just going ‘hey, I like this, I’m gonna do it’, way too many people become obsessed with justifying their ship (and I think this comes from an underlying desire to ‘prove’ it’s canon or based in canon, as a way of making it seem more legitimate, which is a whole other topic I could rant about.) In the process of these justifications, and then often as a part of the fixation or obsession that some people develop about their ships/characters in their ships, any character or ship that ‘threatens’ someone’s favorite is a target that must be destroyed. And, in what I would say is arguably the vast majority of times, that threatening character is a canon female love interest.

Open bashing has (with good reason) gone out of fashion in fandom, so the way to get characters ‘out of the way‘ is to argue an unlikeable interpretation of them. I feel like this is what happens a lot of the time with North, and with the poor writing and flat portrayal of her character in the ‘good end’ route, it’s very easy for people to take the worst of her personality, say it’s canon, and then get rid of her. This is usually a bit side-eye worthy when it happens in any fandom, but it’s extra ridiculous in DBH for one very distinct reason:

North doesn’t have to be a love interest. As I mentioned before, when I first played through I never got the ‘lovers’ scene, because North said way back when Markus first met her that she didn’t want to talk about her past and so in the scene on the roof I just didn’t ask her (and I could write another whole discussion about how no means no and pressuring someone to tell you their past is NOT how to get a romantic option with them, but that’s an issue with another time.) The rest of the game progressed completely as normal, with the only changes being a lack of kissing options in a few later scenes. There’s no reason why fic writers can’t just choose this option for their fic’s canon, and move on.

And yet I can’t tell you how many times North is an obstacle that has to be overcome in order to get Markus with Simon or Connor (because let’s be real, North, Simon, and Connor are the only major ships for Markus even though Josh is RIGHT THERE, but again that’s another topic for another time.) It’s completely unnecessary, and yet there it is: North is this unreasonable, horrible person who is terrible to [insert love interest here] and Markus has to overcome this internal struggle to break free and be with [whoever] and truly be happy.

It’s such nonsense. It’s using this ‘undesirable’ female character as a source of drama and angst for this poor sad male character to have to deal with, as opposed to taking even a moment to treat the female character as a person who might have motivations, experiences, and emotions, and I’ve seen this over and over and over in every single fandom I’ve ever been in. This isn’t a North-specific thing, it’s a female character thing, and honestly if Kara’s storyline weren’t so separate from the fandom favorite shipping characters then I think the same thing would happen to her (as opposed to her existence just being entirely ignored.) This is such a pattern in fandom that I find it very difficult to believe this is a special case where it’s somehow legitimate.

One of those reasons is that the ‘justifications’ for disliking North tend to be complete double standards between North and whatever love interest the writer is going for, whether that’s Simon or Connor. With Connor, it’s extremely obvious; almost all of North’s negative traits are traits he has to some extent as well (ruthlessness, solving problems through violence, stubbornness,) but those traits are not only not usually treated negatively in Connor (and instead are depicted as justified and necessary in context, which I’m not saying they aren’t, but that it’s unfair to say that about him and not her) but often erased entirely, leading to the obnoxiously delicate, wilting flower version of Connor that shows up in so much fic. But again, an issue for another time.

For Simon, it’s less obvious because North and Simon are quite different, but not in opposite ways; North and Josh are opposites in many respects, but Simon is, in a sense, perpendicular to the line North and Josh are at opposite ends of. Simon doesn’t have particularly strong opinions about anything, just going with the flow and being supportive; his strongest opinions are about being cautious and not taking risks. Except, of course, for that scene I mentioned before, where he outright says they should just leave North to die. For such an overall bland character, that needlessly harsh moment stands out to me and I find it kind of amazing how it’s just completely ignored, often while holding it against North that she suggested shooting Simon on the roof.

So I guess the whole point of this rant is that I wish people would think more critically about North as a character, rather than a flat archetype, especially in the context of shipping. It’s cringey and painful to see blatant flanderizing of her character for the sole purpose of being ‘able’ to ship other characters together, whether to use her as an antagonist or just to get her out of the way, when it’s completely unnecessary to begin with. It’s also very obvious where someone’s priorities and biases lie when they’re happy to write North off but then obsess over other poorly written, bland, or even outright purposefully antagonistic characters that they deem somehow to have more potential and be more worthy of attention and character development.

Overall, there’s no requirement to like a character. It’s totally fine not to like a character. But double standards and needless demonizing of a character go far beyond not liking them, and it’s important to stop and think about why it might be happening. Is it always misogyny with North? No, I don’t think so, there are definitely people who don’t like her for her traits and that’s fine. But I think it’s very telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior then spends time in fan works purposefully making her a villain for the benefit of drama in their pet ship. It’s even more telling when someone who claims to dislike North for her personality and behavior, yet they celebrate the potential of characters that are canonically far worse (but who just so happen to be attractive men.) And, unfortunately, both of those situations coincide quite often with vocally disliking North, and there are only so many ways to interpret such a correlation.

#detroit become human #dbh north #my posts #I wanted to include screenshots but #I'm on a really terrible laptop and it was just not in the cards #so sorry for the wall of text #also writing this has just reminded me of how many other rants I want to go on #there's so much to talk about

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helpbutton95 · 3 years

Note

For the 100 ways to say I Love You prompt, I give you number 3 “no, no, it’s my treat”

Hope you’ll have fun 🙃

It had started with little things. A carton of ice cream or a bottle of wine. Kara had been oblivious after all the first time it had happened she had bumped into Lena in Noonans where she had invited her to lunch. It wouldn't be the first time Kara heard the words, "No, no, it's my treat."

Kara had never been oblivious. She wasn't like that, after all, she was Supergirl. Supergirl was sharp, focussed noticed the finer details. She just... Didn't notice human social queues very well. Lena's treats, continued, flowers overflowing Kara's office, unrestricted access to Lena Luthor's office. Not many in the noble house of El had that privilege. Or rather it had been revoked. The first time Kara gets a hint that it might be something more was when they went to Metropolis. Kara to interview the new tech giant slowly encroaching on Lena's patch. Lena had said she had a business meeting and would be going anyway that they should just take a private jet.

"Lena, I can't agree to that," Kara protested and Lena shrugged as if it was nothing.

"I was going to go anyway, Kara, I might as well move it forward a week and spend some time with my best friend."

"But it's a lot of money to spend on a plane, Lena."

"It's fine it's my treat," Lena waved off before turning back to her book.

Kara hadn't felt the need to question it, not really after all, Lena was going anyway so it wasn't that big of a deal.

It wasn't until Alex had told her that apparently it was a huge deal.

"She's changed her entire itinerary for you, Kara," Alex had stressed as the walked along the promenade.

"So?" Kara had shrugged as she tried to fit the whole donut into her mouth.

"So?" Alex repeated with an eye roll. "So, Jess must spend weeks organising her diary down to the second to just change it on a whim cause you're going to metropolis and she wants to go with you, makes it a thing."

"She's just being generous," Kara muttered as she swallowed the donut.

"Maggie bought me tickets to Bare naked ladies, that's generous. Changing her entire week to fit around your schedule?" Alex left the question hanging and Kara tried to ignore it, she chose not to answer her sister. But it had planted the seed in her mind, Kara began to notice that as much as money was no object for Lena, Lena made an effort to show Kara the finer side of human life. Soon, all she heard was 'No, no, it's my treat."

It began to become more and more noticeable the way Lena's platinum card would appear, the same phrase appearing over and over. It didn't make Kara uncomfortable until one night when Lena was working late when they were supposed to be watching an Officer and a Gentleman, a great film in Kara's eyes. Kara glanced at Lena as she typed quickly over her laptop.

"I'm almost done, then I'll watch this terrible 80's film," Lena muttered, waving her off, the familiar crease between her brows.

"Do you think I'm poor?" Kara had asked, chewing the inside of her lip. The irritating typing on Lena's laptop stops completely.

"What?" Lena asked, looking up with wide eyes. Green eyes were searching Kara's face for some explanation and it made Kara fidget with her glasses.

"I was just wondering, I just... I noticed that you like to buy me things, and it's not that I don't appreciate it Lena," Kara quickly amended, "I just wanted to be clear that... I have money."

Lena's eyes narrowed slightly as her brain tried to process the words spilling from Kara's mouth. Lena shut the laptop slowly and Kara could see the muscle in her jaw popping as the vein in her forehead began to show. A clear sign that Lena was trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"I- I don't think you're poor, Kara," Lena explained slowly. "I just wanted to do something nice for my friend."

The word friend was like a gunshot to Kara's chest because Lena looked wounded by Kara's words.

"I, uh, I should go, Kara," Lena said after a moment's silence. She stood lifting her laptop and Kara was scrambling to stand after her.

"No, Lena, I didn't mean-"

"I have to finish this work and I'm not going to stop until I do," Lena dismissed, not acknowledging Kara's protest. "Enjoy your movie, Kara."

It had gotten a little better, Lena had come around after ice cream and Kara bought the most expensive scotch she could afford.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk," Kara whispered, handing Lena the scotch and Lena sent her a look of mild irritation before moving away from the door.

"You weren't a jerk, Kara," Lena said as she let Kara into the apartment. Kara followed happily as Lena relaxed. She could do this, Kara thought they were just friends after all. That's all Lena wanted. The evening is filled with small talk and take out.

"I'm sorry if me buying things for you made you uncomfortable," Lena said, after an hour into the movie. "I just wanted to show you that I do care, Kara, I know you don't have a lot of money and I don't want you to feel like we can't do things."

Kara regarded Lena for a moment and it slowly dawns on her the way Lena looks up at her. That Alex might be right. After Kara cleared her throat and they finished the movie and friends night, Kara's mind didn't stop. Did Lena like her? Was that a thing? Could it be? Could they be together? Kara began noticing more and more. More than before. The way Lena's heart did a small flutter when their hands brushed or the way she looked up at Kara with a look that showed her feelings. There was no wall, no guard up. Just Lena. Just Lena, who was her best friend, who had been there for Kara no matter what, who had taken the fact Kara was a crime fighting alien like it was nothing, that she knew from Kara's fifth visit to her office.

It happened on a normal Friday, a night that was often filled with movie night, an excuse to get Lena home and not work. It had been exhausting for both of them, between the regeneration projects, Lena having to work all hours with Sam on acquisitions, Kara couldn't really blame her for falling asleep on her shoulder, with both of them curled up on Kara's couch.

"Sorry," Lena muttered as she slowly sat. "I should go home and sleep, Kara, I'm sorry for keeping you up."

"I can fly you back," Kara quickly suggested, before she added, "it'll be faster than the town car."

She couldn't look too hurt at Lena no longer using her as a personal pillow.

Lena gave a small smile, "Don't pretend you weren't asleep too."

In truth, Kara wasn't asleep. She was far too focused on Lena, how soft Lena was pressed against her, the feel of her chest against her side, her leg draped between Kara's... No, the last thing Kara had been thinking about was sleep.

Kara shrugged before standing and pulling Lena to her feet. The feeling of Lena's arms slipping around Kara's shoulders made her stomach flip before she scooped Lena into her arms. A small squeak from the half asleep CEO made her laugh before slowly floating and Kara felt Lena's grip tighten. Kara flew as quickly and gently as she could, trying not to hit the billboard when Lena tucked her face into the crook of Kara's neck.

It was distracting, the feeling of Lena's lips ghosting over her skin, the way her grip tightened when Kara slowly turned, the feeling of her thighs pressing together under Kara's hands.

It was over far too quickly. Lena's balcony came into sight before Kara was ready to give up the feeling of Lena in her arms. Setting Lena down, Kara didn't miss the lingering of Lena's arms around her neck.

"Thank you, Kara," Lena said as she stood in front of Kara, her green eyes searching Lena's.

"It was my treat," Kara said without thinking, a smile tugged at the corner of Lena's lips.

"A treat?" Lena asked with an arched brow, and suddenly Kara can feel how close they are. She could feel Lena's breath brush her skin and the way Lena's heart thundered in her chest. Her green eyes wide as they search Kara's own.

Kara could only nod like an idiot before she did what she thought would be the stupidest thing in her life. She closed the gap between them and took a plunge, maybe Alex was right after all. Lena's lips were soft, and Kara's stomach did a flip that she hadn't felt before. Kara's hand's came to rest on Lena's hips and it was soft, and everything Kara had thought sharing a kiss should be. When they parted and Kara looked down into Lena's eyes her face broke out into what felt like the biggest grin she could.

"That was quite the treat," Lena said as she bit her bottom lip and Kara nodded, placing her hands on her hips. "I hope it isn't the only treat I get, Supergirl."

#supergirl #supercorp #supercorp fluff #prompts #I like prompts #All the Asks #Beth's Asks #red-cape-morgana #I'm sorry I forgot

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angellesword · 3 years

Text

MAGIC SHOP | JJK (01)

Description: You and Jungkook were best friends who were in love with each other. What would happen when Soojin, your half sister who you’re trying to impress, told you she’s in love with Jungkook too?

Alternatively:

“Would you believe me if I said that I was scared of everything too?”

Genre: childhood best friends to lovers, family drama, angst, fluff, slow burn, pining, slice of life au.

Pairing: Architect!Jungkook x Architect!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Warnings/Note: This fic doesn’t include incest okay? Taemin only treats Jungkook like his own son but he is not related to OC and Soojin by blood. But if you’re uncomfortable, please don’t read. Soojin’s mom HATES OC for being an illegitimate child.

SERIES: CHAPTER 2

"Oh shit, shit, shit—"

You clamped your eyes shut upon hearing the unending profanities leaving Soojin's mouth from the other line.

This same thing had happened more than you could ever count that was why it didn't come as a surprise to you when Soojin, your sister, asked you this: "Fuck. Can you please pick me up? Dad is going to kill me!"

When she said 'dad,' what she really meant was the head of the architects as well the people involved in the project you two were currently working on.

"Soojin, Both of us will be late if I come and pick you up. Can't you just hail a cab or something?" You sighed, stopping the car when the traffic light turned red.

You were just two minutes away from the office.

"But I hate the smell of cabs!" She whined. You could imagine her pouting her lips since she didn't get what she wanted in the first try.

"Please?" She tried again.

You remained quiet.

"You're my sister. You should always be on my side!"

You could no longer keep your mouth shut after that.

You exhaled loudly, finally relenting. She won. You could never say no when she started pulling the 'you're my sister card.'

Admittedly, it was the key to your soft spot, the only thing that could melt your cold heart—the only thing that made you feel like you were a true Kim.

Kim Soojin. This was your half sister's complete name. Her surname was something you had wanted to use ever since you were a little girl. Your father promised you that he would let you carry his last name when you reached the age of majority.

You were twenty six now. Eight years had passed since you turned eighteen and yet, the last name of your mother was still attached to your first name.

Huh. You should have known that nothing would change. You didn't even know why you were still expecting when it was clear from the very beginning that Kim Taemin, your father, never kept his promises to you.

He always let you down, always made you feel that you didn't matter. You didn't want to be like him. This was one of the reasons why you chose to pick up Soojin from a hotel even though it would cause you to be late at work.

You didn't want to disappoint Soojin. This, however, didn't mean that the latter felt the same way.

"You reek alcohol..." You winced as soon as your sister entered your car.

She was wearing the same dress she wore at the party last night. Soojin liked bar-hopping with her friends. She actually invited you but you couldn't join them because you were busy preparing for today's presentation at work.

You and Soojin were both architects at Castle, the architectural firm owned by your father. As mentioned, you two would be presenting today—both as leaders. There were two teams in your department and Jungkook, the head of the architects, chose you and Soojin to lead each team.

In short, your sister was your rival. You knew you should be rejoicing now that it looked like she was an intoxicated mess, a clear indication that she wasn't ready to face your colleagues.

However, instead of delight, the only emotion you felt was disappointment. You were disappointed that she was acting so reckless when she was supposed to be leading people towards success.

"Yeah I know. My head is killing me." She sighed dramatically as she eyed you from head to toe. "Let me borrow your coat. I'm wearing a tube dress. I can't go to the office looking like this."

You took off your coat and handed it to her without a word. She needed it more than you do. Your dress was already appropriate for work. You only paired it with a coat because it's cold in the building, but you'd live.

"Ugh. I need coffee. Can we get one? And what's that thing you made me drink when my head's spinning? I need that too." She locked in her safety belt, a sign that she didn't want to get what she needed to make herself feel better.

She wanted you to be the one to buy her a coffee and probably some ibuprofen to help with her hangover, and since you were the best sister in the whole world, you did exactly what she wanted you to do, leaving her in your car—but not after asking her to open your laptop to send your presentation to one of your teammates via email.

You had the revised copy of your team's output. You knew you would be late so you wanted them to start without you.

You trusted your group. You were certain that they could manage even if you were out here buying vanilla bean frappuccino with three pumps of raspberry syrup for your sister.

Unfortunately, you overestimated your team.

They were a hot mess without you. They couldn't start the presentation since they believed that you had what they didn't have.

"Oh, so now the VIP decided to show up, huh?" You were welcomed by Sin-ae's sarcastic remark the second you entered the conference hall.

Kim Sin-ae was your father's legal wife so you understood why she hated you.

"I'm sorry. Traffic's terrible..." You lied, bowing your head as you continued to apologize to everyone.

"And yet you still have time to buy yourself a coffee..." Sin-ae raised her brow.

You automatically hid the plastic cup on your back. This was Soojin's coffee. She asked you to hold it for a while since she needed to go to the washroom to freshen up a little.

"I'm really sorry..." This was the only thing you could say before making your way towards your panicking teammates.

"What happened? Why haven't you guys started yet?" You whispered, eyes darting to the black screen of their laptop.

"We can't start without you, team leader. You have the revised copy of our project." Mina groaned, tears pricking at her eyes.

She was frustrated as she explained that they tried to sidetrack the important people in this room through motivation and corny jokes.

It didn't work. The panel was pissed off, especially Soojin's mom.

"Did you check your email? I asked Soojin to send it to you," your heartbeat doubled when Mina nodded, feeling dejected.

"I did. But you sent a blank document."

"Shit." You tongued the inside of your cheek, striving to calm down as you opened your laptop.

You still had ten minutes before Soojin's team took over.

You could do this.

But for the second time around, you were incorrect.

You couldn't do this—not when your file seemed to be corrupted. You couldn't even find its contents anywhere.

"Shit, shit, shit..." It was your turn to cuss nonstop. What happened to your damn file?

You felt like you were about to faint when someone suddenly tapped your shoulder.

You looked back only to see Jungkook's soft brown eyes. He had this look that instantly calmed you down.

"Are you having problems?" Even his voice was soft. "Do you want help? Tell me what I can do for you..."

Jungkook knew you were stubborn. You rarely admitted your weakness so he already expected you to shake your head, refusing to accept any form of help.

"There's nothing you can do. Our file is corrupted..."

Jungkook's eyes dilated.

"No." He shook his head too.

How could this happen? It was impossible. You were many things but being reckless wasn't one of them.

He knew how much effort and time you had exerted for this project. You would never allow bad things to happen to it.

Fuck.

Did someone sabotage you?

But who?

"Good morning, everyone!"

The door of the conference room abruptly opened, revealing Soojin who didn't look intoxicated anymore.

She looked fresh, like she woke up on the right side of bed.

She looked like she had already succeeded.

"I'm right on time, aren't I?" Soojin smiled when she spotted your team packing up.

You were too stunned to know what was happening around you—too stunned to know that Soojin planned all of this.

She only pretended like she was drunk so she could sabotage your whole presentation.

She was a good architect, but she knew she'd lose this project. She saw glimpses of your plan and it was clearly better than their team's output.

Soojin couldn't accept defeat, not when this project would serve as a way to be closer to Jeon Jungkook, the love of her life.

The winning team would have the privilege to work with the head of the architects. Jungkook would lead the project together with Soojin.

Mrs. Lee, their client, was a business person who was also an advocate of mental health. She said she wanted Castle to think of a plan that would ease the mind of people.

Soojin's plan was to build a luxury spa that would help people who were in distress to feel relaxed.

Since you blew your chance to show off what you've got, the architects working at Castle didn't have a choice but to just agree with Soojin's plan.

It was approved immediately, especially because Kim Sin-ae coaxed everyone to choose Soojin's idea.

Sin-ae wasn't an architect but she was allowed to be in this conference room since she was not only the wife of the chairman, but also a great friend of Mrs. Lee.

"Thank you so much for choosing our team." Soojin's smile was big as she shook the hand of Mrs. Lee.

"It's my pleasure..."

It broke your heart to see Mrs. Lee smiled. It wasn't because you were jealous of Soojin's achievement. It was more like you hated yourself for being an idiot.

You overworked yourself. Maybe because of exhaustion, you deleted the contents instead of saving the changes you made.

Damn. You should have checked it again this morning.

You continued to beat yourself up as you watched Mrs. Lee conversed with Jungkook and Soojin.

Your stomach dropped at the sight. Soojin was wrapping her hands around Jungkook's biceps.

Luckily, someone blocked your eyesight. You didn't think you could bear another second looking at them.

But you know what they said, it wasn't always luck.

You knew luck wouldn't be on your side now that your father was in front of you, demanding you to look at him.

"Father..." You bowed, greeting him.

Taemin didn't smile, keeping a stoic expression.

"You disappointed me," was the first thing he told you today. You knew he was here, watching you fucked up.

He didn't say anything when his wife threw sarcastic remarks at you. He also didn't ask if you were okay or if he could help you when it was apparent that you were struggling a short while ago.

Your father paid you no mind as he conversed with Seokjin, your half brother who was five years older than you and Namjoon, your other half brother.

Your two older brothers were engineers but Jungkook invited them to ask for their opinions, hoping he could learn a thing or two.

Out of the six members of your family who were here today, only Jungkook showed you kindness.

Jeon Jungkook who wasn't even related to you by blood.

He was just a dear childhood friend who happened to be loved by the Kims, someone who was adopted by your father when he became an orphan.

Taemin couldn't just abandon little Jeon, which was very in contrast to how your father treated you.

"I'll do better, father." You said, voice sounding like a robot.

Taemin clenched his jaw.

"You better. The next time you fucked up, you won't be allowed to set foot inside my building. Do you understand?"

"Yes, father..."

With that, Taemin left. He was immediately followed by your brothers who didn't even spare you a glance.

"A bastard without a brain. I'm glad you're not carrying our last name—" Sin-ae sneered at you right before following her sons out. "—because it would be such a shame."

You didn't have the chance to respond because as soon as Sin-ae left you alone, Jungkook and Soojin came near you.

"We're having lunch with Mrs. Lee and our family today. Wanna join?" Soojin smiled sweetly at you.

You couldn't answer because of the lump in your throat, and also because you didn't really hear what she said. Your whole attention was focused on Soojin's hand that was still wrapped around Jungkook's biceps.

"Yeah, didn't you say you like steak?" Jungkook also smiled at you. His doe eyes were sparkling.

"Ah," you swallowed thickly, finally realizing that they were inviting you to have lunch with them.

"You go ahead. I still have things to do."

"But you haven't eaten breakfast yet." Jungkook's lips protruded into a pout, his forehead creasing.

He knew you for more than two decades now, meaning he could tell if you had eaten already or not.

Judging your expressions—constantly touching your stomach while hiding your other shaky hand behind your back, he could tell that you were hungry.

He also knew that you had a habit of skipping breakfast because you had no appetite from five to nine in the morning. You usually ate at around 9:15am, but you didn't have the chance to do that since you were caught up with today's meeting.

"Uh..." You bit your lower lip, trailing off. You didn't know what excuse to give him since your mind was still not working.

What was the polite way to say leave me alone. I don't want to be with anyone right now?

"Don't force her, Jungkook. Maybe she's not in the mood to eat yet..." Soojin. She was the one who found an excuse for you. She was looking at you as if to say that she got it, that she would not let Jungkook bother you any longer.

Soojin pulled Jungkook towards the exit, leaving him with no choice but to just look at you until he couldn't anymore.

No one could see you anymore.

You were alone in this cold empty room.

You knew you would break down if you stayed here any longer.

And so you left too.

You left the building because the whole place was suffocating you—reminding you that you messed up.

The only place that could calm your heart was the playground. It was located near the elementary school where you and Jungkook studied before.

No children were allowed to go to this playground during class hours. Most of them flocked here at around four pm so right now, it was only you who was sitting on the swing, sighing.

It was such a gloomy day. You were glad that the sun refused to shine while you were having a bad day.

At least one thing felt right.

"I know you'd be here..."

Or maybe two things felt right.

"Are you stalking me?" Your head snapped up, meeting Jungkook's gaze.

He was standing in front of you. You saw him shrugged his shoulders upon hearing your question.

"Whatever you wanna call it. I'm just here because I know you're hungry..." He flashed a toothy grin as he handed you some food.

You accepted it without hesitation. He brought your favorite sweet probiotic drink, some chocolate bars, and a corn dog.

"I can't believe you only bought one corn dog," you shook your head, feigning disappointment.

"Ah, I bought two..." Jungkook was blushing. "But I was hungry so..."

His response elicited a hearty laugh from you. Of course he bought two corn dogs, of course he ate the other one even though he swore to himself that he would never give into temptation.

He loved corn dogs, just like you did.

"Don't laugh at me! You're not the only one with a growling stomach, you know?" He pushed the swing forward.

"Jungkook!" You gasped, heart skipping a beat because of the sudden movement.

He only stuck his tongue out at you.

God. He was such a child.

"What? I didn't get to eat steak so you can't judge me for eating your food!" He snatched the beverage he gave you.

He wasn't planning on drinking it. He was only opening it for you.

You were holding the corn dog on your left hand while your right hand was gripping the chocolate bars.

Jungkook brought the small bottle of beverage closer to your mouth, urging you to drink from the straw.

You did.

You moaned too. It was delicious.

"Stop moaning, you wench!" He glared, causing you to smirk.

"Why? Are you turned on?"

"Shut up." He was flustered again. He even pouted his lips after drinking from the same straw you used. Just like with the corn dog, he also couldn't resist drinking this tasty beverage.

You didn't comment on it. Jungkook was your best friend. He could have whatever you have. Apart from this, you didn't have the energy to nag him.

You appreciated the silence. You simply wanted to enjoy your lunch and Jungkook's presence.

He was lightly pushing the swing back and forth. It made you feel relaxed and for a moment, you stopped the negative emotions from clouding your mind and heart.

You decided to only let the good stuff embrace you. After all, you had a lot of things to be thankful for.

You made a mistake but you were alive, breathing and able to correct it.

You made a mistake but you were healthy, having the energy to create a plan in order not to let the bad things be repeated again.

You made a mistake but you still had a job.

You also had enough money to get by.

But most importantly, despite your mistakes, you still had Jeon Jungkook—someone the world couldn't take away from you, even if they tried to.

And that was enough for you.

more JJK fics:

one shot: EUPHORIA

completed series: YOUR EYES TELL

MASTERLIST

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