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cherrygummycandy · 2 years

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Babysitting Evil

Platonic!Young!Gru x Babysitter!Reader

(This serves as a part 2 to my Young Nefario x reader fic. I plan to go more into Gru and Nefario's relationship dynamic later, bur I wanted to build up to that!)

Part 1:

(Look at him. Baby boy, baby.)

A few weeks after your encounter at Villainous Records, you find yourself laying on your bed. Laying on your stomach, your legs are kicked up, as you absentmindedly read the latest addition of 'Groovy Greens', your favorite environmentally conscious magazine label. Your eyes trace over the brightly colored pages, speed-reading articles about recycling and making bell-bottoms from recycled denim. Just as you flip the page to a piece on organic alternatives to popular styling products, a ringing sound makes you jolt. Sitting up, you grab the receiver of your rotary phone, holding it up to your face. "Hello, Y/N L/N speaking!" You exclaim cheerfully, only to be met with a scratch voice on the other end. "Y/N, honey, good to hear from you!" You recognize the gravelly voice as belonging to a rather odd woman you met at a yoga class a few weeks ago. 'What was her name?' You think to yourself, brows furrowing in concentration. Maisy? Marcy? Marlena!

"Marlena... Gru, was it? From Sven's yoga studio, Hi!" You greet her. "What are you calling about?" You're cut off when you hear her saying something to someone on the other end, before she resumes the conversation. "You know how when we meet at the yoga studio you said since I was new, I ever ever needed anything, to call you? Well, you're such a sweet girl, so I'll take you up on your offer." She explains. You remember saying that, but it was more of a pleasantry. You couldn't have imagined she would actually take you up on it.

"Uh, yeah, okay. What did you need help with?" You ask, unsure how to approach this. "It's not what, rather who you can help me with. I'm leaving with my spiritual counselor, Jacques." She sighs at the mention of this supposedly dreamy man. "I'll be gone for the weekend, I was wondering if you could stop by and watch my son for a while. Just a couple hours for a few days." She says this so calmly, that it doesn't even click with you what she's asking. "You... want me to babysit your son? Me? A stranger?" You ask, shocked and a little upset this woman would hand her child over to anyone so easily. "Yes, that's what I said, now, can you do it? I'd rather not leave him to his own devices, that devil-boy would probably blow the house up like he did my car." She mumbles the last bit under her breath, but you still catch it. You're conflicted, you don't want to babysit a stranger's kid all weekend, but you also don't want anyone else babysit this kid. What if he gets stuck with someone worse than you? A criminal even! Ignoring the gut feeling that this was a bad idea, you agree. "Vunderful! I'll be gone when you come over, but I'll tell him your coming." She gives you the house address and lays down a few rules. "He's an antisocial child, has a lot of nerve, that boy." She grumbles. "His little friends live at the house too, don't let them get into the tupperware. Ta-ta, now!" She hangs up.

"Wait, his friends live with you guys?" You ask, only to be met with silence. "Marlena?" You ask, before grumbling and slamming the phone back down. You roll over and yell into your pillow, hands white from gripping it so hard. Removing the pillow from your flushed face, you brush out your tangled hair and grab your boots. You pack a few essentials into your purse, and a candy bar for the kid. You think for a moment, before grabbing your magazine as well, rolling it up and tucking it into the bag. You grab your keys and head out the front door.

The sound of tires rubbing against pavement echoes out as you pull into the driveway of Marlena Gru's house. You blink a few times, the garish pink of her house mixed with the sunlight gives you a major headache. You park and walk up the steps, knocking on the door. Three small windows frame her door, and though you hear footsteps, you see no one inside the house. The pink door swings open quickly, and you are still met with no one. "Ahem." A small voice says. You look down to see a very small boy hunched over, arms folded as he looks up at you. "Are you de' babysitter?" He asks, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. His accent is incredibly similar to Marlena's.

"Yeah, I'm Y/N! What's your name, little guy?" You ask, leaning forward to match his height better. You put on your best babysitter smile, though it doesn't seem to change his serious demeanor. "Gru. And I'm not a little guy." He says. He steps aside as you make your way into the house, which is just as bright and pastel inside as the exterior of the home. "So, I have a few things we could do for fun!" You exclaim, shaking your bag. "I'm not super familiar with what kids are into, but I brought-" As you begin to talk about what you brought with you, Gru only sighs. He reaches into his dark jacket and pulls out a small gun with a strange green liquid inside. He presses the trigger, launching a stick string of green goo towards your bag. You squeak and drop your bag, and the green goo sticks onto your bag. Releasing the trigger, the goo recoils back into the gun, and Gru grabs your bag. You're still left in shock when he lets out a weird little giggle.

"Okay, 'Babysitter'." He uses air-quotes around the word babysitter, which only confuses you. "Let me lay down some rules. 1, I don't need a baby sitter, I'm eleven and 3 quarters. Not a baby." He flicks another finger up. "2, I don't want to partake in any babysitting activities, like puzzles or... baking..." He seems to struggle to come up with things babysitters do, eyes flitting back and forth as he tries to think. "3, do not bother me or come into my lair." You til your head. "Lair? Do you mean your bedroom?" You ask. He freezes, before nodding. "Uh, yes, my... my bedroom." He confirms. He shakes off his thoughts and returns to his hunched posture, before turning to leave.

"Wait, can I have my bag back? And where did you get a-" You try to focus on the tool he used to snatch your bag. "A goo gun?" You ask, unsure. He sighs, as if exasperated by your lack of knowledge on strange weapons. "It's called 'Sticky fingers', I got it from a friend." He explains. As he opens his mouth to explain further, a loud crash can be heard through the house. You and Gru turn to the stairs and see a bright blur of yellow come flying down the stairs. When the yellow blobs land in front of you, you step back a few feet in surprise, and Gru groans loudly.

"I told you to wait upstairs! Why can't you understand?" He yells, his posture straightening as he waves his arms about in anger. When he's done yelling, he puffs out his cheeks and glares at the yellow figures with a red face. It's kind of adorable, and you chuckle. "What are you laughing at, Babysitter?" He snaps, turning to you. "Nothing, sorry." You chuckle, shaking your head.

You turn your attention to the yellow forms on the floor. One of them stands, and you look closer. You gasp a little, noticing the creature looks like a taller version of Bob, the funny little guy you found a few days ago. "Eh, sorry, mini boss," The tall one starts to talk to Gru, presumably trying to explain himself. The second figure gets up from the floor, and you're shocked to see he has one eye. He launches himself at the taller one, yelling and trying to throw his fists. The taller one only sighs and continues talking to Gru. "Stuart, stop that! We talked about fighting in the house!" Gru yells at the smaller one, who only grumbles and walks away. "Gru, what are these?" You ask, and the boy sighs as he begins to explain. "These are my minions, who WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY UPSTAIRS!" He raises his voice at the end, glaring at the two of them.

"Eh, Mini Boss?" a small voice calls from the top of the stairs. You look up, recognizing the voice. Peeking through the bars of the banister, one hand still holding his bear, is Bob. "Bob!" You exclaim happily, which catches his attention. "Patoo, amigo! Bello!" Bob happily shouts as he hops down the stairs, tripping and bouncing off the floor. He doesn't even stop going until he arrives at your spot in the living room. As Bob hugs your leg, Gru and the other two minions look back and forth between the two of you. "Bob, you know the babysitter?" Gru asks. Bob happily nods, hands waving about as he regales Gru with his story. Gru looks at you when Bob is done explaining. "So your the person who brought Bob to Nefario?" Gru asks.

"Yeah, that must mean your Nefario's friend? The one who uses his gadgets!" Gru smile sheepishly. "Well, I do know my way around a few weapons." He admits, looking down at the floor and kicking at the shag carpet. You feel a tug on your pants leg, and look down to see Bob pointing at the other two minions. "Le Kevin!" Bob says, as he points a gloved finger at the taller minion. "Hello Kevin!" You greet. Kevin raises his hand to wave, before being pushed out of the way by the one-eyed minion. "Le Stuart." He says, snapping finger guns at you and pouting his lips. You look at Gru, then back at stuart. "W-what is he doing?" You ask Gru, stepping a few feet back from the minion. "I have no clue..." Gru sighs, shaking his head. "Kevin, Stuart, Bob, back to the lair." He waves his hand, and the minions pick up there pace as they head back upstairs. You wave to Bob as he leaves, and Gru remains there, rocking on his heels. His face is flat and he seems conflicted. You simply stand there silently, letting him think through, whatever he's doing.

"Gru? You okay?" You ask. He jolts, your words snapping him out of his thoughts. "Oh! Yes, of course." He seems like he wants to stay something more. "So, you said you have a lot of gadgets in your, uh, lair?" He nods. "That's a neat hobby." You try to take an interest, since you were genuinely curious. Besides, if you're gonna spend the weekend here you might as well get to know this kid. "Do..." He pauses awkwardly, as if afraid to ask what he wants to ask. "Yes?" You prod, hoping he will continue. "DOYOUWANTTOSEETHELAIR?" he yells, his face red with embarrassment. His words are so loud and quickly you can't decipher what he's said. "Gru, can you repeat that?" You ask gently. He takes a deep breath, and tries again. "Do you want to see the lair?" He asks. You don't answer for a few seconds, a bit surprised. He seems to take this as a no, and quickly tries to recover. "Never mind, it's secret anyways, and no grown-ups allowed, so..." He sputters. You can't help but feel sorry for him, it doesn't seem like he has a lot of people interested in his hobbies. "Aw, that sucks that there aren't any adults allowed in the lair..." You trail off, glancing at him. "How, How come?" He asks, perking up at your words. "Cause' I think the lair sounds cool, if only I could go in there-" You grin as he falls for your trap. "Well, I am in charge, so, I'll make an exception." He motions for you to follow as he bounds up the stairs, clearly trying to act cool. You giggle, seeing how excited he is. He drags you into a pretty standard kids room.

"Wow, nice lair, Gru!" You look around, only to be met with an unamused little boy. He rolls his eyes and scoffs. "This isn't the lair, not that you would recognize a lair." He smirks "You're just a babysitter, not a genius like me." He seems to have regained his ego now that you've agreed to see his lair. "In here." He walks into the closet. You're skeptical, but play along, squishing yourself into the small closet. Suddenly the floor beneath you drops rapidly as Gru pulls a lever. You scream as you plummet downwards next to the boy, who's simply grinning wickedly at your terror. When the fall stops, Gru steps out of the tiny elevator, and turns back to where you're cowering. "Stop shaking, it's just an elevator." He scoffs, walking ahead. You slowly and shakily get up from the elevator, carefully balancing yourself as you wobble forward. "Y-you don't have any other entrances into your lair?" You ask. He smiles and shakes his head, prompting you to roll your eyes at the smug kid.

"Minions!" He yells and raises his arms, stepping forward into the metal room. A flood of yellow minions, each with varying sizes and eyes come into the room, gathering around him. Your jaw drops in shock at the sheer number of them. "Minions, this is the babysitter." He presents you to the minions, who cheer. "Gru, my name is Y/N." You scold him lightly. He looks at you with a blank face, and responds with a sigh. "That is what I said." He looks back over his crowd of minions. "The babysitter is responsible for returning Bob to us, and I will now be giving them a tour of de lair. Please man your stations." He claps his hands and all the minions scramble to various posts throughout the lab. As Gru begins to walk to the first lab station, you look around in amazement. "Gru, did you do all of this?" You ask. He shrugs and smiles, "Well, I did de designs, the minion handled construction." He explains. "This is incredible!" You exclaim, only making him smile more and look down sheepishly. "How many minions are there, exactly?" You ask. "I don't really know, there seems to be more every time I come down here for a meeting." You nod.

Gru shows you around the lab, demonstrating how the minions are indestructible, showing you the various weapons he has (some are cute, like a cheese ray, others are less so, like all the bombs). At some point, you find yourself at a small table, watching Gru kick a vending machine as he attempts to get out a bag of chips. "Gru, didn't you build the vending machine? Just open it up." You say. He pulls on the machine and slips, falling down with a sigh. "I can't, I lost the key." He grumbles. He kicks the machine one more time, before giving up and sitting down with you. "Hey, there's a candy bar in my bag, you can have it." You tell him. His eyes light up as he rushes to go and grab the bag he stole from you. When he returns, he begins to happily scarf down the candy bar. "So, Gru, I gotta ask, what does your mom think about all your gadgets?" You ask. He stops eating the candy and looks down, folding his hands in his lap. "My mom doesn't really like my gadgets, she says they make too many noises, and cost too much on the electricity bill." He says sadly. "She doesn't like my minions either. Last week, Bob got into her makeup, and she kicked him out! I had to sneak him back in through the window." Gru laughs, but it isn't genuine. He seems incredibly sad. You feel a pain in your heart at how lonely this boy is. "Well, what about your friends?" You ask. "I'm... not the most popular in school. Probably because of all the lunch money I've taken..." He trails off. You sigh, "Yeah, that'll do it, Gru." He nods. "What about nefario?" You ask. He seems to light up at the mention of the quirky doctor. "He's a good ally. He helps me with my gear, in exchange for testing on the minions. He also takes me to places my mom won't. Sometimes we get ice-cream." Gru smiles, and you feel your heart melt at the sweet relationships between the two. "Well, I'll tell you what. If you eat all the dinner I'm gonna make, I'll take you to get some ice-cream." You offer. Gru looks at you with wide eyes. "Really!?" He asks. You laugh and nod. You feel a few pairs of eyes on you, and turn to see Bob, Kevin, and Stuart. You sigh.

"Alright, you guys can come too."

#cartoon x reader #x reader #despicable me x reader #despicable me #minions movies #minions 2 #rise of gru #minions rise of gru #young dr nefario x reader #young dr nefario #gru x reader #felonious gru #gru #minions movie #dr nefario x reader #dr nefario #illumination #animated movies #animated

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joethetoonfanandoutcast · 8 months

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This is the complete list of characters I would have cameo at a Universal Animation assemblage similar to Once Upon a Studio.

Felix the Cat: Felix the Cat

Woody Woodpecker: Woody Woodpecker, Winnie Woodpecker

An American Tail: Fievel Mousekewitz, Tanya Mousekewitz, Papa Mousekewitz, Mama Mousekewitz, Yasha Mousekewitz, Tiger, Henri le pigeon, female pigeons, Tony Toponi, Bridget, Honest John, Gussie Mausheimer, Warren T. Cat, Digit, Maus Street Maulers, Cat R. Waul, TR Chula, the Cactus Cat Gang, Miss Kitty, Wylie Burp

Land Before Time: Littlefoot, Cera, Petrie, Ducky, Spike, Littlefoot's grandparents, Chomper

Opus 'n Bill: Opus, Bill the Cat, the ducks

We're Back!: A Dinosaur's Story: Rex, Elsa, Woog, Dweeb, Louie, Cecilia, Vorb, Stubbs, Captain Neweyes, Dr. Bleeb

Casper: Casper the Friendly Ghost, Stretch, Fatso, Stinky

Babe: Babe, Fly, Rex, Ferdinand, the mice

Balto: Balto, Jenna, Boris, Steele, Muk, Luk, Nikki, Kaltag, Star, Dixie, Sylvie, Rosy

Rocky & Bullwinkle: Rocket J. Squirrel, Bullwinkle J. Moose (in their 2D/CG 2000 looks), Fearless Leader, Boris Badenov, Natasha Femme-Fatale (in their 2D 2000 looks)

Curious George: Curious George, Ted the Man in the Yellow Hat, Maggie Dunlop

The Tale of Desperaux: Desperaux, his parents, Chiaroscuro "Roscuro", Chef Andre, Boldo

Despicable Me: Felonious Gru, Lucy Wilde, the Minions, Dr. Nefario, Margo, Agnes, Edith, Kyle, Vector, Mr. Perkins, Silas Ramsbottom, Eduardo Perez/El Macho, Antonio Perez, Scarlett Overkill, Herb Overkill, the Nelsons, Balthazar Bratt, Dru Gru, Marlena Gru, Fritz, Clive the Robot, the Vicious Six, Master Chow, Wild Knuckles' henchmen

Hop: EB, Easter Bunny, the Pink Berets, Carlos, Phil, bunnies, chicks

The Lorax: the Lorax, the Once-ler, Ted, Audrey, Mrs. Wiggins, Granny Norma, Aloysius O'Hare, O'Hare's bodyguards, Sy the Delivery Guy, the Hummingfish, the Swommee-Swans, the Barbaloots

The Secret Life of Pets: Max, Katie, Duke, Gidget, Snowball, Mel, Buddy, Pops, Tiberius, Rooster, Chuck, Liam, Daisy, Hu, Sergei, wolves

Sing: Buster Moon, Miss Crawley, Herman, Rosita, Norman, their piglets, Gunther, Johnny, Marcus, Stan, Barry, Ash, Lance, Becky, Eddie Noodleman, Nana Noodleman, Mr. and Mrs. Noodleman, Hobbes, Meena, her mother and grandparents, Mike, Nancy, Suki Lane, Porsha Crystal, Jimmy Crystal, Jerry, Nooshy, Darius, Klaus Kickenklober, Clay Calloway, the Q-Teez

The Grinch: the Grinch, Max, Fred, his mate and calf, Donna Who, Cindy-Lou Who, Bean, Buster, Bricklebaum, Mabel, Groopert, Axl, Izzy, Ozzy

Super Mario Bros.: Mario, Luigi, Princess Peach, Toad, Bowser Koopa, Donkey Kong, Cranky Kong, Kamek, penguins, Giuseppe

Migration: the duck family, Delroy, Pigeon, Erin

Characters I'm unsure would make the assemblage:

The Veggies of VeggieTales

The Jetsons, Mr. Spacely and anyone involved in Jetsons the Movie

And for real-life people:

Steven Spielberg, David Kirschner, George Miller, and Chris Meledandri as themselves.

What do you think?

#once upon a studio #universal animation #illumination crossover

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snake-rot · 3 years

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(EXCLAIMING)

(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)

(GROANS)

(WHIMPERS)

(GRUNTING)

(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(GROANS)

(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(COUGHS)

Sweet home Alabama

Where the skies are so blue

WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?

Sweet home Alabama

(GRUNTING)

Lord, I'm coming home to you

(GRUNTS) Justin!

Quick, honey, take my picture. I got the pyramid in my hand.

(CAMERA CLICKING)

Yeah

Justin, you get back here right now!

No, stop!

GUARD 1: No, no, no! Stop him! GUARD 2: Go back! Don't climb!

(JUSTIN IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)

Wait, wait.

Hold on. Easy, little boy.

Okay, stop, child! Stop right there. No!

(GASPS)

No, no, no, no, no! Oh! There he goes.

(GASPS)

Justin!

I've got him! I've got him!

(JUSTIN GRUNTS)

(AIR ESCAPING)

Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered

that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen

and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.

There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens

try to protect their beloved landmarks.

Law enforcement still has no leads,

leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world's villains

is responsible for this heinous crime?

And where will he strike next?

Gru: Freeze ray! Freeze ray! Freeze ray! [laughs evilly] Fred: Morning, Gru! How you doing? Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don't appreciate it. Fred: Sorry. You know dogs. They go wherever they wanna go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] I'm joking! Although, it is true. Anyway, have a good one. Fred: Okay. Yeah. Steamrolling whatever Gru: [groans] You've got to be pulling on my leg! Margo: Hello! Cookies for sale. Gru: Go away. I'm not home. Margo: Uh, yes, you are. I heard you. Gru: [gasps] No, you didn't. This... [monotone] is a recording. Margo: [scoffs] No, it isn't. Gru: Yes, it is. [o.s.] Watch this. Leave a message, beep. [Edith kicks the door] Gru: Ow! Agnes: Goodbye, recorded message. Margo: [o.s.] Agnes, come on. Gru: Huh? [screams] Kyle! Bad dog! No! No, no. Sit. My muffin. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Ah, Dr. Nefario. Dr. Nefario: I know how you must be feeling. I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but, in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats. Gru: What? What happened? Dr. Nefario: It's all over the news! Some fella just stole a pyramid. They're saying he makes all other villains look... lame. pause Gru: Assemble the minions! [throws Kyle off of his arm] Minions, assemble! Minion: Okay. Okay. Hey! Gru: Looking good, Kevin! How is the family? Good? All right. That's my Billy boy! What up, Larry? Hello, everybody! Yeah, all right! Simmer down. Simmer down! Thank you, okay. Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids. Apparently, it's a big deal. People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that. But am I upset? No, I am not! A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book. Minion: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Gru: No, no raises! You're not going to get any raises. What did we do? Well, we stole the Times Square JumboTron! Nice! That's how I roll. Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh? But that's not all. We stole the Statue of Liberty, the small one from Las Vegas. And I won't even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas. Okay, I wasn't going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big! Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water! And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario... Dr. Nefario: Thank you! Gru: There he is. He's stylin'. Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the 'true crime of the century. We are going to steal... The Minions all pull out their weapons in response. Gru: Wait, wait! I haven't told you what it is yet. One of the Minions, Dave, shoots his rocket launcher at a crowd of Minions. Gru: Hey. Dave, listen up, please! Dave: Ditto. One of the Minions Dave shot walks over to him and punches him on the shoulder. Gru: Next, we are going to steal, pause for effect, the moon! The Minions cheer in response. Gru: And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back! And I will be the greatest villain of all time! That's what I'm talkin' 'bout. [picks up his phone] Yes? Dr. Nefario: Hello, Gru? I've been crunching some numbers, and I really don't see how we can afford this. It can't be done. I'm not a miracle worker. Gru:Hey, chillax. I'll just get another loan from the bank. They love me! Margo: Edith, stop it! Edith: What? I'm just walking. Girls: Hi, Miss Hattie. We're back. Miss Hattie: Hello, girls! Agnes: Anybody come to adopt us while we were out? Miss Hattie: Hmm... Let me think. No! Edith immediately puts a mud pie on Miss Hattie's desk, much to her displeasure. Miss Hattie: Edith! What did you put on my desk? Edith: A mud pie. Miss Hattie: [sighs] You're never gonna get adopted, Edith. You know that, don't you? Edith: Yeah, I know. Miss Hattie: Good. So, how did it go, girls? Did we meet our quotas? Margo: Hmm... Sorta. We sold 43 mini-mints, 30 choco-swirlies and 18 coco-nutties. Miss Hattie: [gets up] Okay.

Well, you say that like it's a great sale day. [furious] Look at my face! Do you still think it's a great sale day? Edith rolls her eyes in response. Miss Hattie: [hangs up a portrait] Eighteen coco-nutties. I think we can do a little better than that, don't you? Yeah. We wouldn't want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No. Girls: No, Miss Hattie. Miss Hattie: Okay, good. Off you go. Go clean something of mine. Girls: Hi, Penny. Penny: Hi, guys. Gru: Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but... Gru's Mom: I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid. [Gru sighs in disgust] That was you, wasn't it? Or was it a villain who's actually successful? [laughs] Gru: Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that's very, very big, very important. When you hear about it, you're going to be very proud. Gru's Mom: Ha! [sarcastically] Good luck with that. Okay, I'm outta here. [hangs up the phone before sending her karate instructor flying] Gru: Gru to see Mr Perkins Receptionist: Yes, please have a seat. Neil Armstrong: That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind. Young Gru: Ma, someday I'm going to go to the moon. Gru's Mom: I'm afraid you're too late, Son. NASA isn't sending the monkeys any more. Vector: Hey. I'm applying for a new villain loan. Go by the name of Vector. It's a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude. Vector! That's me, 'cause I'm committing crimes with both direction and magnitude. Oh, yeah! Check out my new weapon. Piranha gun! Oh, yes! Fires live piranhas. Ever seen one before? No, you haven't. I invented it. Do you want a demonstration? Shoot! So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my... Receptionist: Mr Gru, Mr Perkins will see you now. Gru: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket. And then, the moon is ours. Perkins: Wow! Well, very nice presentation. I'd like to see this shrink ray. Gru: Absolutely! Will do. Soon as I have it. Perkins: You don't have it? And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money? Gru: Apparently. Perkins: Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru? With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit. How can I put it? Let's say this apple is you. If we don't start getting our money back... Get the picture? Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you. Like that young fellow out there named Vector. He just stole a pyramid! Gru: I've got it. I've got it. So, as far as getting money for the rocket... Perkins: Get the shrink ray, then we'll talk. Minion: Suckers! Suckers! Gru: We got it! What? Hey! Hey! What! Hey! No, no, no! You! Vectors: Now, maybe you'll think twice before you freeze someone's head! So long, Gru! Gru: Quick! We can't let him get away! Up ahead! Up ahead! Fire! Fire, now! Vector: You missed me! Gru: Come to papa! Take that. Vector: How adorable. Gru: Got you in our sights! Like taking candy from a... What? Vector: Hey, Gru! Try this on for size! Gru: That's weird. What is going... This is claustrophobic! No, no, no! Too small! This is too small for me! [groans] I hate that guy. Margo: ...and please watch over us, and bless that we'll have a good night's sleep. Edith: And bless that while we're sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains. Margo: Great. Thanks for that image, Edith. Agnes: And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn. Amen. Margo/Edith: Amen. Agnes: Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it Gru: Don't you... What the... Good luck, little girls! Edith: Whoa! Cool. Margo: Hi! We're orphans from Miss Hattie's Home for Girls. Vector: I don't care. Beat it! Margo: Come on! We're selling

cookies so, you know, we can have a better future. Vector: Wait, wait! Do you have coco-nutties? Margo: Yeah. Gru: Light bulb. Dr Nefario! I'm going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies! Dr. Nefario: What? Gru: Cookie robots! Dr. Nefario: Who is this? - Gru: Oh, forget it. Mrs. Hattie: Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr Gru. And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements. Thank you for that. I love reading. And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood. - Minions: Me, me, me. Me, me, me. Minion: Kevin? Mrs. Hattie: You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds? It's not that impressive. Minion: Idiot! - Minions: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Mrs Hattie: What in the name of... What? Gru: Well, here's the dealio. Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on. It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children. I'm sorry. You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish? Mrs. Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish? Gru: You have a face como un burro. Mrs. Hattie: Well, thank you! Gru: Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption? So, so excited! Mrs. Hattie: Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby. Margo: I bet the mom is beautiful! Edith: I bet the daddy's eyes sparkle. Agnes: I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears. [Edith and Margo look at her curiously] I'm just saying it'd be nice. [picks up a Cheeto] Aww. My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly. Edith: That's a Cheeto. Agnes: Oh... [eats said Cheeto, making Edith and Margo recoil in disgust] Miss Hattie: Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman. [pause] Gru: Who's Debbie? Mrs Hattie: Your wife. Hi, girls! Girls, I want you to meet Mr Gru. He's going to adopt you. And he's a dentist! Agnes: Yeah! Margo: Hi. I'm Margo. This is Edith. And that's Agnes. Agnes: [sing-song] I got your leg, I got your leg! Gru: Okay, that is enough, little girl. Let go of my leg. Come on. You can do it. Agnes: Higher! Higher! Gru: Just release your grip. Wow! How do you remove them? Is there a command? Some nonstick spray? Crowbar? [sighs] Okay, girls, let's go. [They drove off in the distance.]Vector: Uh-huh! Oh, yeah! Pretty impressive! What are you looking at? Boo-ya! You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash! Take that! You done been shrunk! (His phone rings) Yello? I got the shrink ray, all right. No, I'm not playing with it. Gru? Don't make me laugh! No. P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P.P.S., by the time I'm done with him, he's gonna be begging for mercy. (Shrinks a toilet) Okay, bye. (Hangs up) Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby to... [The toilet pops out and water sprays him.]Vector: Curse you, tiny toilet! [Gru and the Girls arrive at Gru's Home.] Gru: "Okay, here we are. Home sweet home. Margo: So... This is, like, your house? [realizing] Wait a sec... You're the guy who pretended he was a recorded message! Gru: No, that was someone else. [Margo gives a skeptical look before she, Edith and Agnes enter Gru's house, with Gru following suite.] Agnes: [scared] Can I hold your hand? Gru: Uh... No. Edith: [looks around] When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this'd be more like "Annie". Gru: No, hey! [screams] Kyle, these are not treats. These are guests. Girls, this is Kyle, my... Dog. Kyle snarls in anger. Agnes: Ooh! Fluffy doggy! [approaches Kyle before he runs away, much to her disappointment] Margo: What kind of dog is that? Gru: He is a... I don't know. Margo: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids? 'Cause, uh... It's not. [Edith sees a closet that is sharp and goes in it.] Gru: No! No! Stay away from there! It's frag... [He sees juice spilling on the floor.]Both: (Gasps) Gru: Well, I suppose the plan will work with two. Edith: [muffled] Hey! It's dark in here. [Gru opens the iron maiden, revealing Edith, who spits out a straw]Edith: It poked a hole in my juice box. [They went to the

kitchen.] Gru: As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need. All right. Okay. As I was saying... (Edith knocked a bottle down) Gru: (Cont'd) Hey! Oh. Edith: Somebody broke that. Gru: "Okay, okay. Clearly, we need to set some rules. Rule number one. You will not touch anything. Margo: Uh-huh. What about the floor? Gru: Yes, you may touch the floor. Margo: What about the air? Gru: Yes, you may touch the air! Edith: (Gets out a laser gun) What about this? Gru: (Screams) Where did you get that? Edith: [shrugs] Found it. Gru: Okay. Rule number two. You will not bother me while I'm working. Rule number three. You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart! So, no, no, no annoying sounds. All right? Agnes: Does this count as annoying? [popping] Gru: Very! [sighs] I will see you in six hours. Margo: Okay, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine. We're gonna be really happy here. Right? Agnes? Gru: Question. What are these? Dr. Nefario: A dozen boogie robots! Boogie! Look at this. Watch me! Gru: Cookie robots. I said cookie robots. Why are you so old? Dr. Nefario: Okay. I'm on it. Margo: Hello? Agnes: TV! Margo: What is that? Edith: Whoa! That is cool! Come on! Agnes: I don't think he's a dentist.Dr. Nefario: We've been working on this for a while. It's a anti-gravity serum. I meant to close that. He'll be all right, I'm sure. Gru: Do the effects wear off? Dr. Nefario: So far, no. No, they don't. And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered. Gru: No, no. I said "dart gun," not... Okay. Dr. Nefario: Oh, yes. 'Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this? But, anyway. What I really wanted to show you was this. Gru: Now those are cookie robots! Agnes: La, la, la, la I love unicorns Gru: What are you doing here? I told you to stay in the kitchen! Margo: We got bored. What is this place? Edith: Can I drink this? Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode? [Edith kicks him in the shin] Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru: Get back in the kitchen! Agnes: Will you play with us? Gru: No. Agnes: Why? Gru: Because I'm busy. Margo: [scoffs] Doing what? Gru: Umm... Okay, okay, you got me. The dentist thing is more of a hobby. In real life, I am a spy. And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do... Edith: What does this do? [She fires a laser and it hits Agnes's unicorn and it burns to ashes]Gru: Hey! Edith: Whoops. Agnes: My unicorn! You have to fix it. Gru: Fix it? Look, it has been disintegrated. By definition, it cannot be fixed. [Agnes gasps in shock, then starts holding her breath] Gru: That's freaking me out. What is she doing? Margo: She's gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one. Gru: [sighs] It is just a toy. Now stop it! (Agnes faints) Gru: Okay, okay! I'll fix it! Tim! Mark! Phil! This is very important. You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy. Gru: Hey, hey, hey! A toy! Go, and hurry! What are those? Gru: They are my... Cousins. Jerry! Stuart! Watch them and keep them away from me please. [The three minions put on a disguise and head to the store.]Minions: Wow!- Wow! [Meanwhile the two minions and the girls are tossing toilet paper at each other. Gru comes up and he sees the Girls and the two minions having fun.]Edith: It was your cousin's idea. Jerry: What? Gru: Okay, bedtime. Girls: Aww... Minions: Aww... Gru: Not you two! Minions: Yay. Gru: Okey-dokey. Beddie-bye. All tucked in. Sweet dreams. Margo: Just so you know, you're never gonna be my dad. Gru: I think I can live with that. Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs? Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn. Edith: "Cool." Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story?" Gru: No. Agnes: But we can't go to sleep without a bedtime story. Gru: Well, then it's going to be a long night for you, isn't it? So, good night, sleep tight, and don't let the bed bugs bite. Because there are literally thousands of them. And there's probably something in your closet. Margo: He's just kidding, Agnes. Agnes: It's beautiful. Gru: Girls, let's go.

Time to deliver the cookies! Margo: Okay. But first, we're going to dance class. Gru: Actually, we're going to have to skip the dance class today. Margo: Actually, we can't skip the dance class today. We have a big recital coming up. We're doing an excerpt from Swan Lake. Agnes: Yeah, Swan Lake! Gru: That's fantastic. Wonderful. But we're going to deliver cookies! Come on! Margo: No. Gru: No? Margo: We're not going to deliver cookies until we do dance class. Really? Gru: Well, I am not driving you to dance class. So if you want to go, you are going to have to walk yourselves. What are you doing? Margo: Walking to dance class. Gru: Ya? Okay, fine. You just keep walking, because I'm really not driving you! Margo: Okay. Gru: You're going to suffer the wrath of Gru! Seriously, I'm going to count to three! And you had better be in this car! Here we go! One! Two! Teacher: ...three, four and five. And lift, and stretch. And one, and two... Agnes: Here you go. Gru: What is it? Agnes: Your ticket to the dance recital. You are coming, right? Gru: Of course, of course. I have pins and needles that I'm sitting on. Agnes: Pinkie promise? Gru: Oh, yes. My pinkie promises. All right. Our first customer is a man named Vector. Margo: But he's a V. You know, we're supposed to start with the A's. Then we go to the B's. Then we... Gru: Yes, yes! I went to kindergarten. I know how the alphabet works! I was just thinking that it might be nice to deliver Mr Vector's first. That is all. Almost over. It's almost over. Vector: Girls, welcome back to the fortress of Vector-tude! Do you have my cookies for me? Margo: Four boxes of mini-mints, two toffee totes, two caramel clumpies and fifteen boxes of coco-nutties. Vector: Exactly. I'd like to see somebody else order that many cookies. Not likely. Name one person who ordered more cookies than me. Margo: That'll be $52. Vector: Right. Seven, eight, nine... Tic Tacs! Where was I? Seven, eight, nine... Agnes: Why are you wearing pyjamas? Vector: These aren't pyjamas! This is a warm-up suit. Edith: What are you warming up for? Vector: Stuff. Agnes: What sort of stuff? Vector: Super-cool stuff you wouldn't understand. Agnes: Like sleeping? Vector: They are not pyjamas! Here you go, 52 big ones. Bye! Gru: Come on! Vector: What the...? Quiet down, fish. Down, boy!Gru: [laughs] We did it! Come on, girls, let's go! Margo: But what about the other people who ordered cookies? Gru: Life is full of disappointments... For some people. [chuckles ominously] Agnes: (Screams) Gru: Don't do that! Agnes: Super Silly Fun Land! Can we go? Please? Gru: No. Edith: But we've never been. And it's the funnest place on earth! Gru: "Don't care." Girls: Please? Please? We'll never ask for anything else, ever again! Pretty please? Please? Come on! Come on! Gru: "Light bulb." Edith: Come on! Gru: "Goodbye, have fun. [He began to leave. But a attendant of the roller coaster stopped him.]Carnival Ride Worker: Sorry, dude. They can't ride without an adult. Gru: What? [groans] [Soon Gru gets sick from the roller coaster ride.]Agnes: Oh, my gosh! Look at that fluffy unicorn! He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die! Margo: You've gotta let us play for it! Gru: No, no, no. Agnes: Come on! Gru: How much for the fluffy unicorn?Carnival Barker: Well, it is not for sale. But all you gotta do to win it is knock down that little spaceship there. It's easy! Agnes: Yay! Again! Margo: Wait! Edith: Come on. One more time! Agnes: Just one more. I accidentally closed my eyes. I hit it! I hit it! Edith: That was cool. Awww. Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that? She hit that. I saw that with my own eyes.Carnival Barker: Hey, buddy, let me explain something to you. You see that little tin spaceship? You see how it's not knocked over? Do you know what that means, professor? It means you don't get the unicorn! Somebody's got a frowny face. Boo! Better luck next time! Gru: Okay, my turn. [Gru uses a fire gun and it blows up the whole booth.]Gru: "Knocked over!" Agnes: It's so fluffy! Yeah! Margo: That was

awesome! Edith: You blew up the whole thing! Agnes: Let's go. Let's try another game!Dr. Nefario: Gru, do you mind if I have a quick word? Gru: Okay, girls, go play. I got the shrink ray! Cotton candy! Dr. Nefario: We have 12 days until the moon is in optimum position. We can't afford any distractions! Gru: Get me Perkins. Sorry to bother you, Mr Perkins, but I figured that you would want to see this! Mr. Perkins: What? Well done, Gru. Rather impressive.Gru: Now, the rest of the plan is simple. I fly to the moon. I shrink the moon. I grab the moon. I sit on the toi-let. What? (girls start laughing) Sorry. Sorry! Could you excuse me for just one second? I told you not to touch my things. I told you, I told you. I've told you a thousand times. Margo: Hey, can we order pizza? Gru: Pizza? You just had lunch. Edith: Not now, for dinner. Gru: Dinner? Just... Fine, fine, fine, whatever. Just get back in there! Margo: Can we get stuffed crust? Agnes and Jerry: Stuffed crust!Gru: I'll stuff you all in the crust! Agnes: [giggles] You're funny! Gru: Just don't come out of that room again! All right. Sorry about that. Where were we? Mr. Perkins: You were sitting on the toilet. Gru: No, no, no! No, I'm sorry. It was a little attempt at humor. I know how much you like to laugh... [Mr. Perkins glares at him] Inside. Eh, now, I was saying... [the door suddenly opens] You don't seem terribly focused, Gru. Believe me, I am completely focused. Right? Edith: Hello! Mr. Perkins: What? Edith: That guy is huge! Agnes: Are we on TV? Mr. Perkins: What are those? Children?Gru: What are you doing? I told you to stay out of here! No, no, no! *Agnes: Freeze ray!Mr. Perkins: Mr Gru? Gru: Okay. As I was saying... Mr. Perkins: No need to continue. I've seen quite enough. Gru: But my plan... Mr. Perkins: Is a great plan. I love everything about your plan, except for one thing. You. Young Gru: Look, Mom, I drew a picture of me landing on the moon! Look, Mom, I made a prototype of the rocket out of macaroni! Look, Mom, I made a real rocket based on the macaroni prototype! Gru: I don't understand. Mr. Perkins: Let's face reality, Gru. You've been at this for far too long with far too little success. We're gonna put our faith, our money, into a... Well, a younger villain. Gru: But I... Mr. Perkins: It's over. Goodbye, Gru. Gru: Now, I know there have been some rumours going around that the bank is no longer funding us. Well, I am here to put those rumours to rest. They are true. In terms of money, we have no money. So how will we get to the moon? The answer is clear. We won't. We are doomed. Now would probably be a good time to look for other employment options. I know. I have fired up my resume as I suggest that all of you do, as well. What is it? Can't you see that I am in the middle of a pep talk? Yes! Yes, we will build our own rocket using this and whatever else we can find! Grab everything! Hit the junkyards! Take apart the cars! Who needs the bank? Let's go. Let's go! Mom! What are you doing here? Gru's Mom: And here he is in the bathtub. Look at his little buns. Gru: Mom. Not cool. Gru's Mom: And here, he's all dressed up in his Sunday best. Margo: He looks like a girl! Gru's Mom: Yes, he does. An ugly girl! Agnes: You're funny! Edith: Yes! Mine's shaped like a dead guy! Receptionist: Mr. Perkins, your son is here. Mr. Perkins: Send him in. Vector: Hey, Dad. You wanted to see me? Mr. Perkins: Yes, I did, Victor. - Vector: I am not Victor anymore. Victor was my nerd name. Now I am Vector! Mr. Perkins: Sit down. Do you know where the shrink ray is? Vector: Duh! Back at my place. Mr. Perkins: Oh, is that right? Back at your place? That's cool. I guess Gru must just have one that looks exactly like it! Vector: What the...?! Those girls sold me cookies! Mr. Perkins: Do you have any idea how lucrative this moon heist could be? I give you the opportunity of a lifetime, and you just blow it! Vector: No, I didn't. Mr. Perkins: Oh, really?Vector: You just wait until Gru sees my latest weapon. Squid-launcher! Oh, yeah! Man:

There's a squid on my face!Vector: Don't worry. The moon is as good as ours. Gru: Come on now, it's bedtime. Did you brush your teeth? Let me smell. Let me smell. You did not! Put on your PGs. Hold still. Okay, seriously! Seriously! This is beddie-bye time, right now. I'm not kidding around. I mean it! Edith: But we're not tired! Gru: Well, I am tired. Agnes: Will you read us a bedtime story? [pause] Gru: No. Agnes: Pretty please? Gru: The physical appearance of the "please" makes no difference. It is still no, so go to sleep. Edith: But we can't. We're all hyper! Margo: And without a bedtime story, we'll just keep getting up and bugging you. All night long. Gru: [sighs] Fine. All right, all right. Sleepy Kittens. Sleepy Kittens? What are these? Agnes: Puppets. You use them when you tell the story. Gru: Okay, let's get this over with. "Three little kittens loved to play, they had fun in the sun all day. "Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed."' Wow! This is garbage. You actually like this? Agnes: Keep reading! Edith: Come on! Gru: All right, all right, all right. "Three little kittens started to bawl, "'Mommy, we're not tired at all.' "Their mother smiled and said with a purr, "'Fine, but at least you should brush your fur."' Edith: Now you brush the fur. Gru: This is literature? A 2-year-old could have written this. All right. "Three little kittens with fur all brushed "said, 'We can't sleep, we feel too rushed! ' "Their mother replied, with a voice like silk, "'Fine, but at least you should drink your milk."' Agnes: Now make them drink the milk. Gru: I don't like this book. This is going on forever. "Three little kittens, with milk all gone, rubbed their eyes and started to yawn. "'We can't sleep, we can't even try.' Then their mother sang a lullaby. "'Good night kittens, close your eyes. Sleep in peace until you rise. "'Though while you sleep, we are apart, "'your mommy loves you with all her heart."' The end. Okay, good night. Agnes: Wait! Gru: What? Agnes: What about good night kisses? Gru: No, no. There will be no kissing or hugging or kissing. Margo: He is not gonna kiss us good night, Agnes. Agnes: I like him. He's nice.Edith: [turns off her light] But scary. Like Santa! Dr. Nefario: Only 48 hours till the launch, and all systems are go. Gru: About that, I was thinking that maybe we could move the date of the heist. Dr. Nefario: Please tell me this is not as a result of the girls' dance recital, is it? Gru: No, no, no! The recital? Don't... That's stupid! I just think it's kind of weird to do it on a Saturday. I was thinking, maybe a heist is a Tuesday thing, right? Dr. Nefario: Gru, you and I have been working on this for years. It's everything we've dreamed of. Your chance to make history, become the man who stole the moon! But these girls are becoming a major distraction! They need to go. If you don't do something about it, then I will. Gru: I understand. Dr. Nefario: Good. Minion: Butt. Butt. Butt. Gru: All right. Now, when we put our cups together, we will make the "clink" sound with our mouths. Ready? Edith? Gru: and Edith: Clink. Gru: There we go. And now we drink. And Agnes? Gru and Agnes: Clink. Gru: Very good! Excuse me, girls. Girls: Come on! Gru: Don't worry, I'll be back. Keep clinking. - Clink, clink. - Clink, clink.Gru: Miss Hattie, what are you doing here? Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I received a call that you wanted to return them. [Gru gives her a quizzical look] And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary. [swats Gru's head with the dictionary] I didn't like what you said. Gru: But... I will get the girls ready. Agnes: Don't let her take us, Mr. Gru! Tell her you wanna keep us. Mrs. Hattie: All right, girls. Come on, let's go. Margo: Goodbye, Mr. Gru. Thanks for everything. Dr. Nefario: I did it for your own good. Come on, let's go get that moon. Gru: Right. What is this for? The recital? I am the greatest criminal mind of the century. I don't go to little girls' dance recitals! Dr. Nefario: Opening launch bay

doors. Commencing launch sequence. And we are good to go in T minus 10 seconds. Ten, nine, eight, seven, six... Vector: Oh, yeah! Gru: Nice work, Doctor. All systems go. Vector: Boo-ya! My flight suit. Oh, yeah! Once again, the mighty... Gru: I've got it! I've got the moon! I've got the moon. I can make it. Dr. Nefario: Wait a minute! Jerry: Kevin! Gru: Come on! Come on! Agnes: He's still not here. Margo: Why would he come? He gave us up. Agnes: But he pinkie promised! Teacher: Girls, girls, places. Edith: No, we can't start yet! We're still expecting someone. Agnes: Can we just wait a few more minutes? Teacher: All right. But just a few more minutes. Margo: He's not coming, guys. Dr. Nefario: Gru! Gru, can you hear me? Quick, we have to warn him, and fast!Gru: Okay, okay. There's the library. That's Third Street. The dance studio... There! There! There it is! Janitor: Sorry, buddy. Show's over.Gru: Over? Gru: Vector, open up! Vector: First give me the moon. Then we'll talk. Agnes: Mr. Gru! Vector: Zip it, Happy Meal. Gru: Now, the girls. Vector: Actually, I think I'll hold on to them a little while longer. Gru: No! Vector: Oh, yeah! Unpredictable! Gru: Listen close, you little punk. When I get in there, you are in for a world of pain! Vector: [laughs sarcastically] I'm really scared. Agnes: He is gonna kick your butt. Vector: What? He punched my shark! Dr. Nefario: There he is! Hang on, Gru. Oh, no! Gru: Vector has the girls. Go! Dr. Nefario: What happened to the ship? It's big again! Not as big as the moon is going to be! Gru: What? Dr. Nefario: The larger the mass of an object, the quicker the effects of the shrink ray wear off! I call it the Nefario Principle. I just came up with it now, actually. Gru: Oh, no! Margo: Did you see that? Girls: Vector! Help! Vector! Over here! Vector: Hey! What are you girls doing back there? Girls: The moon! Watch out! Vector: Ouch! Gru: Get as close in as you can. You got it. Margo: Mr Gru, up here! Agnes and Edith: Mr Gru! Gru: Okay, girls! Girls! You're going to have to jump. Edith: Jump? Are you insane? Gru: Don't worry, I will catch you. Margo: You gave us back! Gru: I know, I know. And it is the worst mistake I ever made. But you have to jump now. Margo: It'll be okay. Gru: Okay, girls. Margo: Jump now! Gru: Margo, I will catch you. And I will never let you go again. Vector: Not so fast! Gru: No! Margo: Let me go! Gru: Margo! I'm coming, Margo. Hang on! I got you.Vector: No! Oh, poop. News Reporter: This time, good triumphs, and the moon has been returned to its rightful place in the sky. But once again, law enforcement is baffled, leaving everyone to wonder, who is this mysterious hero? And what will he do next? Gru: Okay, girls. Time for bed. Edith: Come on! We want a story. Agnes: Three sleepy kittens! Gru: Oh, no! Sorry. That book was accidentally destroyed maliciously. Tonight we are going to read a new book. This one is called One Big Unicorn by... Who wrote this? Me! I wrote it. Look, it's a puppet book! Here, watch this. That's the horn! Agnes: This is gonna be the best book ever! Gru: Not to pat myself on the back, but, yes, it probably will be. Here we go. "One big unicorn, strong and free "thought he was happy as he could be. "Then three little kittens came around "and turned his whole life upside down." Edith: Hey, that one looks like me! Gru: No, what are you talking about? These are kittens! Any relation to persons living or dead is completely coincidental. "They made him laugh. "They made him cry. "He never should have said goodbye. "And now he knows he could never part "from those three little kittens "that changed his heart. "The end." Okay, all right. Good night. Margo: I love you. Gru: I love you, too. No, no! All right. Didn't I get you already? They're very good! Gru's Mom: I'm so proud of you, Son. You've turned out to be a great parent! Just like me. Maybe even better. Gru: No, I'm fine. Go ahead. No, no, no! THE END Hey, Carl! Hey. No, no, no. Me, me, me. John? No, no. Me, me, me. Oh,

poop. Oh, no! Stop! Stop! Hello, I am Gru. Back to work, back to work! Back to…

IS THIS THE ENTIRE FUCKING SCRIPT?

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newworldwarbler · 3 years

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you know I'm always gonna ask Raphael ;) also Dr.Nerfario plz?😳👉👈

I present to you: Raphael, your favorite snack character

Sexuality headcanon: He is absolutely bisexual, bro just look at him. Radiates huge bi energy. I don't think he would have a preference, so 50/50 pretty much?

Favorite ship(s): Raphael x Dragomir all the way🙏🏻

Brotp: Imagine Tim and Raphael sharing their love for dogs🥺 Raphael would be like an older brother to him oh god help this is too pure😭

Notp: Rose x Raphael. I used to kinda ship it when I was like 11 but no. Rose is a lesbian and they are good friends✨

A random headcanon: Raphael gets easily attached to people. Even though he acts tough, he is really drawn to people and feels lonely fast due to being neglected in the past. However, this makes it easy for people with bad intentions to screw him over, which has definitely happened and this has damaged him and his self-esteem. He is pretty fast with opening up, it's like in the game how he reveals he likes puppies to the MC ✨

General opinion: He is a great guy man. I wish we got to know him and Rose better, especially because the MC most likely used to be so close with them as a former chaos pirate... I also like his smirk. He looks like such an asshole but I can't help but love him.

Dr. Nefario!!

Sexuality headcanon: I think he is gay af

Favorite ship(s): Omg I love Nefario x Richard so much. They have not interacted once in the game but screw canon, they are married.

Brotp: Dr. Nefario and Alexa!! Imagine them just chilling in the laboratory together drinking tea/coffee and doing a bit of research and they suddenly hear a loud bang from behind them. They both know well it's Dr. F doing crazy shit again, and Alexa suggests doing rock paper scissors to determine who of the two is going to help him clean up the mess for the 736363th time.

Notp: Hmmm idk, no one ever ships Nefario with anyone XD

A random headcanon: I don't headcanon this really but what if he is just straight up blind in his one eye he has the monocle for and he tries to hide it? Maybe in some kind of experiment he lost his eye. Or maybe he is just that extra he wears the monocle to be fancy.

Ok happy headcanon now: he loves wearing scarfs, not only because he thinks he looks good in them but also because they are soft and warm. He gets cold kinda fast so he snuggles himself in it✨

General opinion: He is in my top 3 favorite mysims characters, he is such a nerd I love him. He literally just went and robbed the whole town damn you go girl live your best life. Anyways he should have been in more games, but at least he got more lines than Raphael XD

#mysims (game)#asks #munchie-mochi #melody txt #nefario #raphael

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largesunglasses · 5 years

Text

If you're not in to signs and spirits and ish this is not a post for you. Also if you plan on seeing Abominable skip because there might be a spoiler.

So we went to see Abominable and I had multiple holy shoot moments. We always joke that the scientist in the minions Dr. Nefario looked like my mom's dad. Well tonight at the movie Mr. Burnish came on screen and me and my dad straight up looked at each and then they said his name...my mom's maiden name is Burns.

This is the only picture I could find of my grandfather older and it's in the kids room so it has a glare from the light and no body else probably sees a resemblance but I do.

So cool the bad guy looks like my grandfather. THEN there's a part of the movie the cast is out of the city and can see stars. One of the characters says his mom always said the stars are your ancestors which my dad's dad always told me a colorful sunrise/set and the first star you see in the sky is someone in heaven saying hi to you. Later in the movie one of the characters who lost her dad kept looking at the stars and one would stand out and shine a bit brighter....

Then later in the movie I'm sitting next to my mom who's 100% crying and I get this whiff of something. I look around to see if someone stood up or moved that I could possibly be smelling their perfume. It straight up smelled like my mom's mom. When I went on the walking tour in Salem our guide told us if you ever smell something familiar out of no where it could be a spirit visiting. Every now and then I can smell "New Hampshire" and when he said that I felt it.

It was just weird. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm crazy but I felt surrounded tonight. I got in my car to and of course a James Taylor song came on.

#maybe they were letting me know they were with me yesterday during that scary almost car accident 🤷🏻‍♀️#or im just a big ole weirdo

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minionsarecool-blog1 · 7 years

Text

The bet

Chapter 1: Day 1: French Maid

He couldn't believe it. Kevin had lost to his little brother. He never loses! But he did. He was being a little too cocky and slipped up. Now he was paying the ultimate price.

See, Stuart bet his older brother that he would beat him in Super Smash Bros Wii U. Since Stuart always made bets like these, Kevin thought it would be no big deal. After all, he always won. That's what always happened. Stuart would bet Kevin that he would win, and Kevin would beat him, causing the younger henchman to get pissed and storm off.

This time, however, was not the case. Stuart somehow won and now Kevin was stuck doing whatever the smaller Minion wanted for a week. That's right, seven days! Right now, he was waiting for Stuart to come back. The brother said he needed something that was part of the bet. When he came back, Kevin's eyes widened.

"Oh no." Kevin said, waving his hands in front of his face. "There is no way in Hell I'm wearing that."

"You have to." Stuart said, shoving the black and red French maid outfit in his face. "It's part of the bet."

"Why?" He asked. "Why do you want me to wear this?"

"Because it'll humiliate you." The younger brother said, smirking. "Put it on."

The taller Minion groaned. "OK fine. Let me just change in the bath-"

"No." Stuart said, giving him his signature look. "Change in front of me."

Kevin gave him a look. "W-why?"

"Because you have to if I say so."

The older henchman sighed. "Fine. Little pervert." He said that last sentence under his breath, although Stuart still heard it. Kevin slipped his overalls off and took the French maid outfit and was about to slip in on when Stuart stopped him. "What now?"

"You have to take off your boxers."

Kevin's face flushed pink. "Why?"

"So you can wear this~" He said, holding up a black thong. Kevin's pupils shrank.

"W-what!?" Kevin said, fear evident in his voice. "No!"

"Yes." He said, picking up black stockings and matching black shoes with red laces. "You must wear these, as well."

"No!" He said. "I-I'm not doing that."

"Come on. Don't be a pussy." Stuart said. "It's just a dress and thong. They're not that bad to wear."

"Then you wear them."

"I would, but I didn't lose." He said smugly. Kevin growled. "How long do I have to wear this?"

"As long as the bet is going on." He said. "So seven days."

Kevin groaned once more. "Fine. I'll wear the fucking dress." Stuart smiled. The older brother slid his boxers off, momentarily flashing his brother, which Stuart didn't seem to mind. He removed his shoes, put the thong on and rolled the stocking up on his legs. Then he put the other shoes on. He finally slipped on the dress and hat(1), ruffling out any wrinkles on them.

"You look amazing." Stuart said.

"Thanks..." He said, deadpan, face red from embarrassment. Stuart handed him a feather duster that matched his dress in color.

"There. Now, you're perfect." Kevin scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Let's just get this over with." Kevin said. "What's next on your twisted agenda?"

"Eager to start are we?"

"Just tell me."

"Hmm..." Stuart thought. "I'm…not really sure."

"You really don't know?"

"Nope." Stuart thought for a little while longer. Still, nothing came to his mind. "Well, I give up. Let's ask someone." He left his room and motioned for Kevin to follow, which he reluctantly did.

Stuart scanned the lab for traces of his closest brothers. As they passed by the rest of their kind, a lot of eyes were on Kevin. Most were of shock, others were unwanted advances on the tribe leader. They even passed by Gru and Dr Nefario, who were shocked to say the least. When asked, Stuart simply told them the truth. They confirmed in understanding, somewhat. While searching for someone that could give Stuart some ideas, a certain higher pitched voice spoke.

"Big brothers!" The voice said.

'Oh no. Why must he see me like this?' Thought Kevin. The two older Minions turned around. "Hey Bob."

"Sup Bob."

"Hi guys." The youngest Minion said. "What are you doing?"

"Just wondering what to do next." Stuart said, stretching his arms. The naive Minion looked at Kevin in confusion.

"Why are you wearing a dress?"

"I lost a bet to Stuart and now I'm stuck wearing this for a week."

"That's not all." Stuart said. "He also has to do whatever I say for a week."

"You lost a bet, Kevin?" Bob asked, astonished. "You never lose!"

"I know." Kevin said, sulking.

"Actually, Bob." The teenage Minion began. "Do you have any suggestions on what Kevin could do for me?"

"Hmm..." He thought, petting his little teddy bear's head. "Not sure."

"Oh OK." Stuart said. He knew Bob wouldn't have any ideas and if he did, they would most likely be childish.

"I'm sorry."

"It's OK."

"You know." The heterocromic Minion began. "Dave might have some ideas. He usually does."

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ranminfan · 2 years

Text

Suggestive themes

Last night

🎶If you want my body🎶

🎶and you think I'm sexy🎶

🎶come on sugar let me know🎶

#suggestive #you get so drunk you start kissing strangers #🥴#things got a little hot and steamy #anonymous woman #young dr nefario #despicable me #my art #digital art #Do ya think I'm sexy by Rod Stewart #did she thought he was sexy???#again nothing happened!!#He's still fully clothed.. ish #Sorry for the inconsistency with the woman's looks I wasn't paying much attention to her 👀#I'm feeding off my thirst rn 😩💦

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cherrygummycandy · 2 years

Text

Lost and Found

A Young!Dr Nefario x reader fic.

(Sort of requested?)

Stepping out of 'Rick's Records', you balance your shopping bag in one hand, and your other previous purchases in the other. In hindsight, hitting so many shops at once was not your best move, but you had some free time. As you return to your relaxed position, having balanced the various heavy bags, you suddenly notice the time. 'Holly- 1:30 already! Jesus, I gotta get going!' You think, and quickly begin to increase your pace. Wearing heeled boots probably wasn't the best move, but god if these shoes weren't groovy!

Just as you neared your turn onto 32nd street, you trip on a rather large crack in the sidewalk. "Aah!" You screech, your numerous records falling out of the bag and fall to the concrete with a sickening crash. You quickly follow the records, dropping to your knees and grabbing at records. You try to shove as many back into the bag as you can, checking each small flat box for any damage. You sigh relived when each record seems to be undamaged. As you stand back up, you hear a sound coming from a nearby alley. You shake off the sounds, figuring it's just an alley cat. However, you hear a sigh, then what sounds like a sniffle.

You furrow your eyebrows at this, and peek into the alley. You can't make out anything other than the various boxes and trash that litter it. Then the sniffle comes again, this time seemingly from behind the commercial dumpster. As you step closer and peer around the dumpster, you're not sure what to make of what you see. A small, yellow, thing... is cowering. It appears to have a small teddy bear with it.

"Uh, hello?" You ask softly. The yellow blob looks up, allowing you to get a better look at it. It's wearing goggles and a small pair of denim overalls. "B-bello...?" It responds, wiping a tear away from under its goggles. "Are you okay, Who are you?" You ask, dropping to your knees in front of it. "Le Bob. Minion es lost-" He trails off with a strange language you can't quite place but somehow understand. "Bob?" He nods. "You're lost, right?" He nods again, and hops up. He continues talking, his small hands waving in various directions. "Okay, slow down, slow down." You say, hands out in front of you. You stand back up. "Alright little man, do you know where your home is, exactly?" Bob looks down at his hands, thinking, before shaking his head. His lips tremble as he begins to wail again. "Whoa, Hey, alright. Do you know anywhere someone might know you, or know where your home is?" You gently pat his head, trying to calm him down. "No, le bob no es-" His eyes land on your bag of records. "La musica! La musica!" He exclaims as he runs to point at your bag. "Musica-,Oh! Rick's Records?" You ask, but the minion shakes his head. He grabs the leg of your pants and points out of the alley. "Chill, tiny bro, I'm coming, I'm coming!" You laugh, grabbing your bag as he practically drags you by the hem of your bell-bottom jeans. After some time of walking, he stops and points upwards. A large sign looms over you, reading 'Villainous Records'. "Huh, I've never heard of this store..." You mumble, as you follow Bob inside.

Entering the colorful shop, you're surprised to see it has a pretty good inventory, but practically no customers. You're snapped out of it when you feel another tug, and look down. Bob points over at a counter, where a man seems to be tinkering with some sort of strange box. "Nefario! Bob amigo!" He says. You walk up to the counter. The man still doesn't seem to notice your presence.

"Ahem!" You cough, leaning forward on the counter. The man jolts up, banging his head on a lamp. "Oh! I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to spook you!" You exclaim. "No, No, sorry miss, it's my fault." The man rubs his head a little, before shaking it off. Now that he's standing, you see how tall this man is. He has brown sideburns and a bright outfit. He's kind of... cute. You try to shake off these thoughts. "I'm sorry to say, we just closed." He pauses, but looks up and shrugs. "I guess I could help you out though, even though you almost gave me a concussion." He jokes. Chuckling, you shake your head. "Well, thanks, but uh- I'm not here for music." You motion down, and the man adjusts his glasses and leans over the counter. Bob, who hasn't let go of your pants up until now, waves nervously. "Bello!" Bob squeaks, rocking on his heels.

The man sighs, and dramatically falls back into his chair. He rolls the chair over to a bright red rotary phone and begins to dial. He picks up the phone and waits a few moments, nodding in your direction. The dial tone plays a few times, then stops. "Hello? Yeah, it's Nefario. Are you missing one of your, uh-" He looks back over at Bob. "One of your little minions? Yellow fellas' with goggles?" he waits, listening over the phone. "Yeah, no, I'll ask." He puts a hand over the phone speaker. "Is that one Bob?" You nod. He puts the phone back up. "Yeah, it's him. No, I can't. I would, but I'm on the clock. No- just drive your bike down here, I can't leave. Just cause' the shops closed doesn't mean..." He argues over the phone for a while, before saying goodbye. He spins his chair and rolls back over to the counter.

"Alright, someones on there way to pick him up, where'd ya find him, anyways? His family's been lookin' everywhere." He asks, looking you over. "I found him, crying. Behind a dumpster." You say, looking down to notice Bob is gone. You look to see where he's gone, and see him running in a circle by the door. You tilt your head, confused at what he's doing. The man laughs at your confusion, and you turn to him with your arms crossed. "What's so funny?" You ask. He shakes his head, and calms himself. "Sorry, luv. I promise I acted the same way when I first met the little dudes." He admits. "Little dudes? There's more of, whatever Bob is?" You ask. He nods. "Um-" You look back at Bob, who is now trying to climb a shelf. "Can I ask what he is?". "You're already asking, aren't ya?" The man jokes, leaning back in his chair. His attempt to be smooth fails, as his chair falls backwards, dropping him with it. You burst out into giggles, before shuffling around the counter. The man glares at you from his spot on the floor. "I'm sorry! It's just- well..." You giggle again. The man stands up again and brushes himself off.

"To answer your question, I have zero clue what they are. A friend of mine takes care of em'. They're really not that odd, once you get to know em'." He says. You nod. "Asking a lot of questions, huh?" You nod sheepishly. "Can I ask one?" He looks at you. You laugh, and say. "Your already asking, aren't ya?" You repeat, mocking his accent. He rolls his eyes. "Very funny. But, seriously, what's your name?" He asks. You make eye contact with him, only for him to look away, seemingly losing some of his confidence. "I'm Y/N. who are you?" You ask. He looks up, a bit surprised you actually gave him your name. "Most people call me Dr. Nefario. Or, y'know, you can just call me Nefario, if ya want." He trails off. You smile, before noticing the clock behind him. "Oh! Oh no!" You quickly grab your bags. "I'm so late, god, I have to stop getting distracted." You quickly head towards the door. Bob looks up from whatever he was doing. He runs up to you and hugs your leg, before saying goodbye in his strange language. You smile down at him. "Bye, Bob." You coo, then look back over to the counter.

"Thanks for you help, doc'." You say, opening the door with your foot, smiling cheerfully as you leave. He stands there silent for a few moments, before snapping out of it. "Yeah, uh, anytime..." He stutters, fixing his glasses and returning to his work.

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