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#I'll be back to regularly programmed stuff I promise
bionicle-ramblings · 6 months
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I forgot that Takua has crippling loneliness...
Now I'm realizing why I latch onto him, Vakama, and Jaller so much, aside from familiarity
Takua because I can relate to being introverted but still having SO MUCH to say to people and, again, feeling lonely even with people who care about me
Vakama because I can relate to having anxiety and putting so much pressure on myself that it can honestly make me run into a wall
Jaller I think it's because of the "particular" way he is, being the type that is very "by the book" and also because I can understand wanting to be cautious, though that tends to become irrational worry
Idk, it's that realization that just somewhat made me skid to a halt, like have an, "Oh, shit, hold on," moment
Idk, not much of a rambly post, but it's something I had to get off my chest really quick because I hope getting it out helps me more than anything, so I'm not thinking about it more than I should
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non-stop-imagines · 9 months
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My Biggest Fan
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Black Mom!Reader
Word Count: ~1.9k words and an insta smau
Warning: Fluff, truly just fluff surrounded by delusions and hopes for a good Monza race, Charles being a great dad to the reader's daughter, reader daughter (Gianna) is from a previous (unmentioned) long term relationship
A/N: I know I said Logan was next, but... Charles' look in Monza has me FERAL! His hair obviously longer in the back, his smile in all the videos and stuff because Ferrari hasn't fully disappointed him 😫😫😵😵‍💫🫨. When I tell y'all this man is my husband and I would GLADLY have his children- 😤. This has had me unhinged all weekend and I can't even remember what it was about the post qualifying interview that made me think of this, but I wrote this in a day because Mr. Leclerc has had me hot and bothered all day. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy, whatever it is. Completely unsure of whether or not it's actually good because I'm blinded by my crush on the Monegasque driver. I promise I'll get back to our regularly scheduled programing. Love you all!!!💖💛💖💛💖💛
A/N 2: All of the pictures used for the smau portions are all from pinterest and are not my own product.
A/N 3: man petite souris = my little mouse; Désolé = sorry
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   “Gianna, baby, sit still. You want your puffs, don't you?” You sit at the edge of the bed with your 4 year-old wriggling around in your lap, messing with Charles’ hat, the object she was nearly screaming for 5 minutes prior. You continue to gently brush back the moisturized dark coils of your daughter’s hair, glad that you had a small still window that allowed you to pull back at least one small portion of hair into a small puff. Once you were done with one side you quickly tried to pull back the other side in an effort to take advantage of your daughter's continued stillness, but just as you were going to start wrapping the elastic around the puff, Charles walks out of the bathroom, and your daughter's attention immediately goes over to him.
   “Charles! Mama is putting my hair in puffs.” She runs over to Charles and looks up at him, patting the puff that  you have already put in. You watch as Charles picks her up and props her on his hip to carry her back over to you.
   “I see, ma petite souris. But you’ve got to sit still so your mom can finish.” He places Gia gently back on your lap and then takes the hat that fell to the floor when your daughter hopped up and put it on. As you expected, you felt a whine start to bubble up in Gia’s chest, but after dating you for just over 2 years and being around long enough to know how to field your daughter's tantrums, Charles wasn’t phased. Once he saw Gia's face start to twist up, he knelt down in front of you two and lifted up your daughter's small chubby hands in front of her. "Well now you've got to hold still for me. I have to practice." Charles then began to use your daughter's hands as the paddles on the back of his steering wheel, making the noises for the car as he does so. You take a small second to watch them, loving the sound of your daughter's giggle, the sight of Charles' bright smile with crinkled eyes. It wasn't until Charles made eye contact with you and briefly cut his eyes back at the child in your lap that you remembered the task at hand. Luckily, this was a tactic used by Charles many times before, and when they played this game, Gia worked hard to stay unmoved from the small amount of pressure being placed on her hands, which in turn kept the rest of her body considerably still, long enough for you to pull the other half of your daughter's hair into a puff and quickly clip red bows to the front of them.
   "There, done." You fluff the puffs a bit with your fingers, admiring your quick work and fixing small pieces that you notice.
   "No, checkered flag!" Gia bounces in place, staying stagnant in her location until Charles finishes the game. So he does, making noises simulating the car going faster, gently shaking her as he does.
   “Checkered flag!” Charles mock screams, lifting Gia’s arms in the air and swiftly picks her up in a smooth motion. “What do you think? Did we finish P1 or P20?” You take the time to clean up the hair items that ended up sprawled out all over the bed at some point, not being able to take your eyes off the cute scene before you.
   “P1!” Gia shouts, Charles bouncing her simultaneously with her response.
   “Yeah, P1! Do you think I’m gonna win P1 today?” Charles sways the child back and forth, taking a step back when you go to walk in front of the bed, but you stop for a moment to reach around the back of his head to feel the excess hair sticking out from the bottom of his hat. “Quoi, mon amour?” He turned  his head to you, wide eyes waiting for your answer.
   “You’re gonna need a haircut soon, it’s getting long in the back. Which means we get to see your mom.” You smile, but at your hand that was still massaging through the long hair at the nape of his neck.
   “Oh, she’ll love to hear that. I hear at least once a week how much she loves you and Gia. We can go next weekend.” Since your attention was still on his hair, you didn’t see the sweet, domestic grin that slowly presented on Charles face as his eyes danced over your features, heart fluttering at the motherly touch you gave to his head.
   “Hey, you were talking to me!” Your daughter began to lightly tap the top of Charles’ hat with her open palm and you both turned to face the girl.
   “Ah ah. Hands to yourself.” You were the first to answer, looking sternly at the child.
   “Désolé, mama.” Gia pouts toward you, to which you proceed to gently tilt her head down so you could kiss her forehead, earning a smile from the little girl in Charles’ arms.
   “That’s okay, baby.” You gently squeeze Gia’s shoulder a couple times, move your hand down so you could run it over Charles’ arm, grinning at him, then finally begin to make your way to the bathroom. “I’m gonna need to start getting in on these French lessons before I’m completely unable to understand my child.”
   “I’ll schedule you for Fridays.” Charles laughs, watching you head toward the bathroom. 
   “Ha! Gee, thanks.” You shake your head as you tuck the hair items into one of the tote bags you brought. “I just need, maybe, 15 more minutes and then I’ll be ready to go.”
  “That’s fine. Take your time, mon amour.” You disappear into the bathroom and Charles turns his attention back to the patiently waiting child in his arms. “Now, you. What do you say? P1?”
   “Yeah! P1 for the Tifosi!” Gianna shouts proudly, looking expectantly at Charles waiting for him to compliment her use of Ferrari terminology.
   “Where did you learn ‘Tifosi’?” Charles lets out a heavenly breathy giggle, smiling and adjusting Gianna in his arms slightly. 
   “Uncle Fred!” Gianna pokes at Charles’ dimples until she is finally set back down on the ground.
   “Ah, I see.” It was Charles’ turn to instinctively fix small pieces of the child’s hair, also taking the time to straighten out the bows clipped to the puffs. “So, you think P1, huh?’ An unhesitating nod from the 4-year-old was all the answer Charles needed, reaching out to gently squeeze the child’s cheek. “P1 it is. Now, let's get some shoes on those feet so we can get to the track.”
________
   Charles makes quick work of hopping out of his car after parking it in front of the number one sign in parc ferme and getting weighed, quickly trotting over to you and Gianna while pulling off his helmet so he could kiss you immediately upon reaching you.
   “You won in Monza. Again.” Your foreheads were pressed together in the somehow simulated private moment, silence swirling around you two in the midst of celebration. That was until you both hear the small, excited voice of your daughter, hopping up and down while gently pulling at Charles’ race suit.
   “You won! You won! Even with the safety car!” Charles swipes her up and nuzzles kisses into her cheek, making your daughter giggle and wrap her arms around his neck.
   “I did, man petite souris. It’s because my biggest fan was cheering me on.” Charles didn’t notice exactly how long his celebration with you, Gianna and his team went on, but soon it was his turn for the post race interview and he still had Gianna in his arms. Instead of doing what was expected, and possibly required, of him, which would have been setting Gia down and letting her go back to you before doing his interview, he keeps her in his arms, only setting her down once he’s across from the interviewer, still keeping a grasp on her hand.
   “Charles, what a race, especially in front of this crowd, how are you feeling right now?” As the interviewer asked Charles the simple question, Charles could feel the tiny stature of your daughter shift back behind his legs, making him smile wide before answering.
   “Amazing. Simply amazing. We truly came into this race wanting to do our best. The car was great today and I can fully say that the team had no missteps. So, I’m glad to say that everything worked perfectly to produce this win.” His words were followed by the roar of Ferrari fans in the Monza grandstands, making the small girl behind his legs cling tighter to him.
   “It was just as amazing to watch. And your restart under the safety car was even more amazing to watch. What were you thinking in that moment, Max right behind you?” After the question was posed, Charles felt another shift behind his legs, bending to the side slightly to rub gentle circles on the child’s back before answering.
   “Erhm, staying calm. Making sure I had the timing correct. Really I was just trying not to overthink the situation. Once the safety car went in, I told myself to just push to the end. I guess it worked.” Charles lets out a breathy chuckle with his last few words, receiving a small tug to his race suit, the action by your daughter bringing the attention of your boyfriend and the interviewer towards her.
   “And what did you think about the race?” The interviewer’s voice gets softer and more playful as he addresses your daughter, who is picked up by Charles after being handed his microphone.
   “It was a good race.” She speaks quietly and shyly, moving the mic around.
   “Speak into the microphone, petite souris. What did you tell me this morning?” Charles speaks sweetly to your daughter, smiling when she wraps an arm around the back of his neck and bringing up a hand to help her hold the microphone.
   “I said that he was going to get P1. And he did! I think I’m magic.” You smile from behind the rope that separated the interview area from the rest of the track, watching the product of 2 years of numerous interactions, of listening to your daughter, of learning about her, pay off in the purest most seamless way possible. “I like seeing the Tifosi happy. I’m gonna drive for Ferrari so I can make the Tifosi happy, too.” Your daughter’s words caused the crowd to erupt in even louder cheers than when Charles initially addressed them. The smile that Gianna had could have lit up a pitch black room and the one that Charles shone toward her could have made the night sky look like the day. Charles addresses the crowd one last time, this time in Italian, before waving and carrying Gianna back to you. 
   “You were great out there, babycakes.” You giggle to your daughter, knowing the experience wiped out your daughter by the immediate grip her arms had around your neck. You beam up at Charles. “I’m so proud of you.” 
   “Thank you.” He seems to shy away from your praise but continues to hold eye contact with you, finally giving in to your gaze and bringing his lips to yours for one more long, sweet kiss. “Ti amo.”
   “Ti amo.” You give him one last kiss and send him off towards the cool down room before beginning to follow the rest of the Ferrari personnel towards the podium, contemplating if you should make a short stop to lay Gianna down for a nap in Charles’ driver room.
charlesleclerc
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Liked by scuderiaferrari and 302,909 others
charlesleclerc Love my fans (and my future Ferrari driver) ❤️ 🏎️
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user1 Everyone liked that 👍🏻
yourusername All I am is a fan, huh 🤨
>charlesleclerc No, but want I want to say would not be for the eyes of children 🥵😘
user2 Y'all better have another kid soon because I need Charles to be in his Dad era, pronto
>charlesleclerc Trust me, Gia is enough for now 😪
user3 So...when does karting start?
>yourusername ...next March 😶‍🌫️
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golbrocklovely · 7 months
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hey yall, long time no talk :)
i'm finally gonna get around to answering all the asks i got, plus posting my review of the conjuring, plus any other random stuff i forgot to post before my 13 nights of halloween.
it's probably gonna take me a little bit, but by the end of this weekend, we should be back to our regularly scheduled program.
feel free to keep sending in asks and whatnot. i'll get to them eventually, i promise lol
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on-noon · 2 years
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Part Two of this
Taglist (ask to be +/-): @saltysupercomputer @aloeverawrites
Mali taps me on the shoulder while I read a book.
"You got a letter from Galwant!" she says.
I take it. Admissions weren't supposed to come for another week yet.
It's already nighttime, so I can't go over to Jalthe's yet.
I always felt confident I would get into Galwant, but now with the letter in front of me, I'm not certain. I can't focus on my book anymore, I stay on the same page for what must be ten minutes. I put the letter in the book as a bookmark, then go to bed. The sun has barely set, but what else am I going to do tonight?
After breakfast, I walk over to Jalthe's house.
"Look what I got yesterday." I wave the letter.
"Have you opened it yet?"
"No, we promised. Also, I'm too nervous."
"Well, open it now"
I break the seal, and pull out the letter.
"Alawyn Void, we are writing to inform you of your acceptance to Galwant," I read. "However we noticed..."
"Why'd you stop reading?"
"The rest is just boring information. We got the important bit. I'm accepted!"
Jalthe congratulates me, then his dad brings out some cookies.
They talk about my plans, his dad gives me some advice. I say what I've always said for my plans, I want to be an accountant.
They seem to act like it's cool. But I know Jalthe would have a great time being a magic researcher, and I don't feel that way about numbers.
When I leave, I read the rest of the letter.
However, we noticed a few oddities with your application. We received a note from your headmaster, signed by the local mana tester that you don't have magic. That wouldn't be a problem, we have a promise to accept people regardless of magic ability, as you surely know. Then we got to the magic examination results. There were a few notes added, and after reading those we would like to recommend you attend another academy, for we feel you would best be able to learn as we are not equipped to help students master their magic in the way you could. For that reason, we forwarded your application to Tharin Academy, and we hope you consider them. If you are determined to come here, you are welcome. After all, we pay no attention to magic abilities in applications and your academics were very strong. Further information will be coming when regularly we send out admissions decisions.
I burn the letter. Magic can be quite useful.
When the normal time to receive admissions decisions nears, I make sure to be the first one to check the mail every day. And then one day, there's a letter from Tharin. I stuff that into my pocket. There's also a letter from Galwant for me, so I take that as well. I head outside and climb the old tree to read them. First the Tharin so I can get rid of it if they reject me. If they accept me... I'll deal with that then.
I slit open the letter, break the seal. I read it. I'm accepted.
A bird flies up past my face, and I hear footsteps. I stuff the letter back in my pocket. Jalthe is running down the road. I jump off the tree– about to use wind to soften my fall, but then remember Jalthe can sense magic.
"Are you okay?" Jalthe yells.
"I'm fine. Might have some bruises tomorrow. Did you get the letter?"
He reaches me, "Yep." and waves the letter. He's out of breath. Did he run the whole way here?
He rips open the seal.
"Dear Jalthe Mender, we write to inform you that you have been accepted into Tharin Academy!"
"Ey, congratulations!" I shout. "I knew you would get in. And the advanced program?"
"We have also decided you are a prime candidate for our advanced program. We look forward to hearing your decision on whether to attend. Furthermore, admission to the advanced program comes with a full scholarship. Please inform us if you will be attending."
"Once again, congratulations. Now you get to study that multi-mana magic you were talking about!"
"Yeah. I guess." Jalthe sits against the tree.
"Why don't you sound more excited? Every time you talk aboult that I know you want to do it."
"I do, it sounds great. It's just– I barely got to know you, and now we'll part ways. I know we still have two months, but–"
I take the letter out of my pocket, and hand it to him.
"What's this?"
"Read it." I say. I watch him open the seal, and start to read it, and then I start pacing.
"You got into Tharin! Why didn't you tell me you applied?"
"I didn't believe I'd get in."
"I suppose your great at classes, and your magic does offer research oppurtunities– but do you want to go? Tharin focuses it's classes on magic."
"I've listened to you talk about magic this long, I can handle an academy talking about it. And besides, every academy focuses on magic classes. Even Galwant has a fourth of the classes be about magic."
"As soon as you can, come to my house. I'm sure my dad will make something, and we can talk. I can't believe your going to Tharin – are you sure? You would fit in so well at Galwant? And you don't have to decide now, I can wait."
He runs off, surely to tell his dad.
I didn't tell him. Why not? There was a perfect opportunity. I have to tell him eventually, and the sooner the better, probably. After breakfast, I head down the road. I'll tell him today.
When I knock on the door, it only takes a few seconds for Jalthe to open it.
"I need to tell you something," I say.
"Okay. What is it? I understand if you want to go to Galwant–"
"No. Can you promise to keep it a secret?"
"Of course." Jalthe says. "I guess we should go to my room?"
"No, the forest would be better."
"I know a clearing not too far. Let's go."
We reach a little area with a fallen tree, which Jalthe sits on.
"So what is it?"
"I–"
I use the wind to blow some leaves off the ground. I try to smile.
"Wait– You just–"
I nod. I make a plant grow– to knee high.
"No. You have magic?!" Jalthe shouts. This is why we're in the forest.
I nod.
"That's incredible! How? And– did I– did you use different types of magic?"
I nod, and float a leaf up, then burn it.
"You know how you said mana combined is like putting filters on top of each other? Well, what if you combine them all?"
"It'd be black!" Jalthe says. "Just like your mana! When'd you figure that out?"
"A day or two before I started talking to you."
"This whole time? Does anyone know?" Jalthe asks.
"Not really. I snuck into the magic exam and said I had plant magic, so that examiner knew, but she didn't know I didn't have magic. Galwant knew something was up, and actually recommended I go to Tharin. But no-one knows about the multiple types."
"Why not? Do you realize how big of a discovery this is? Even if you're not powerful, you'll be one of the most famous mages of the century. Especially if you can cast spells that use multiple mana types all on your own. Are you powerful?"
"You don't care that this whole time I didn't tell you? I lied to you."
"Did you? Anyway, this is too cool. I can't be mad. How powerful are you anyway?"
"I don't know. I don't really know how to figure that out. Are you sure you don't care? I'm sorry."
"I can teach you, you still don't know much magic right? I'll teach you, that way you'll be more able to keep up at Tharin."
"That would be great. So far I've been just remembering people's spells and practicing later. But you'll keep it a secret, right?" I ask
"I don't know why you want it to be a secret, but yes," Jalthe says. "We should probably get back. My dad is waiting for us. He made pancakes."
We get up and walk back through the forest.
"Wait, does this mean you're going to Tharin?" Jalthe asks.
"Yes. Yeah. Even Galwant thinks I'd fit better there. And you're going there."
After eating the pancakes, we go back into the woods, and start my magic lessons. At the beginning though, it's just me showing Jalthe what I already know. I start with air, because it seems the least harmful. When I get to the floating spell, I lift us both up into the air.
When I drop us, Jalthe seems shocked. I should have asked before lifting him into the air.
"That's a mid level spell! And you've learned it in what, a month?"
"Month and a half"
"Still, that should take much longer to get to that level. Like that's average for having learned for ten years. And you somehow can both use that much power, and have that much control? You've really been learning fast. When did you learn that one?"
"The day after I first figured out I had magic. But I wasn't really able to control it."
"A day? You could channel that power after a day? How much can you use now?" Jalthe yells.
"I don't know. That's what I need you for. I can only guess what spells are bigger. How about this, you try to teach me the biggest spell you know?"
“The biggest I know? That would probably involve stopping someone else’s spell, because you need almost double the energy. You get half of it back, but still need to be able to channel that much energy. You’ll need to cast a spell for me to demonstrate, preferably not too big? Most of my magic needs other people to practice– so you’ll have to make do with me.”
I try to make a small light, and Jalthe casts a spell, and no light appears.
Jalthe asks, “Got that spell? Or should I explain it?”
“I think I understand it. Cast a spell, and I’ll see”
I feel his use of magic and attempt to copy his spell. But I'm too late, so his spell completes, and mine collapses.
"Need me to demonstrate it again?'
"No, I was just late. I just need to try again."
He casts the spell again, and this time I'm ready.
I successfully stop his spell. 
“Seems like I’m at least that powerful. How powerful is that?”
“That’s pretty powerful. I just barely can do it, and I’m supposed to be the most powerful magic user in the school. But if that’s not powerful enough to find your limit– know what? I think I figured something out, it probably won’t be useful, but it should at least show you what it’s like to do a spell that’s too powerful. So, you’ll try to probe my mana, I’ll stop it, then you stop me from stopping you. That should be a large enough amount of magic, only some of the best mages have reached that power level.”
“You can stop someone from stopping magic?”
I try, casting to detect mana then almost immediately stopping Jalthe’s spell. There’s a weird feeling, indescribable and wonderful. I detect Jalthe’s mana.
That wasn’t supposed to happen. How can you be able to channel this much magic? You haven’t practiced that much!”
“Sorry?”
“No, no it’s wonderful. But that much should definitely take practice. To be able to channel that much magic– it at least felt difficult, right?”
“Well, I felt something? It kinda seemed like what everyone described the first time they use magic. Now I understand why they never were able to explain it.”
“No, no this shouldn’t be what you felt when you first used magic, that is an incredible feeling, this should be more of a straining. Can’t you tell the difference?”
“I didn’t feel anything when I first used magic.”
“What? You sure?”
I nod.
“What was your first spell?” 
“Disturbing the earth,” I say. “A very small spell, for six year olds.”
“Okay. I think I remember reading that for some mages who are powerful enough, they don’t feel it on their very first spell, but rather a bit of a bigger one,
they don’t feel it on their very first spell, but rather a bit of a bigger one, for some reason. There are theories about the feeling being actually not just magic being used, but like a stretching of the muscles- obviously not actual muscles, but y’know.”
“Yeah, okay. So why didn’t I feel it then?”
“Well, the theory goes, for some people who are powerful enough their first spell isn’t powerful enough to even start a change in how much mana they can channel– it’s well documented that the more total power, the faster the ability to channel mana increases. But if you really didn’t first feel yourself using magic until now– you’re really powerful. Like those powerful mages who didn’t feel their magic at first, felt it soon. Probably that disturb earth spell would have been powerful enough.”
“So then, how powerful am I?”
“As powerful as there are only legends about– and this is ignoring the whole all magic types. I don’t think I’m qualified to teach you,” Jalthe says.
“I don’t want to tell anyone else yet, I’ll wait ‘till we get to the Tharin. So you’re the only one choice I have to teach me, and besides, I’d say the prodigy is probably a pretty good choice.”
“Please don’t call me that. But I guess I’ll teach you. At least until we get to Tharin. They’ll have to be able to teach you better,” Jalthe says. “What is it you want to learn?”
“Theory. More spells. Practice,” I say. “But it’s getting dark. We should finish up for today, see you tomorrow.”
We practice most days. Jalthe helps me get up to speed in magic theory, and really helps me with the complex spells, to have more control.
He keeps wanting to do tests to find my limit, but I refuse to do any spell that does anything big enough to cause noticeable destruction, or like a huge light coming from the forest. So he can’t find a spell to suitably test my strength. 
I don’t know if I want to know yet. I already don’t know what to do with Jalthe’s insistence that I’m the most powerful mage ever. — I still sometimes forget I have magic.
next part
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Hey y'all. Update on me.
So my health has more or less bounced back from the damage done by that medication I had to quit. I'm starting a new eating program with my husband today. I won't describe it because I don't want to trigger anyone who might have an eating disorder but I promise it's a healthy change even if it does have a number of restrictions so y'all don't need to worry about that. I will say though that I have to quit the energy drinks and can't have any alcohol on this diet. I can easily live without the alcohol but I need my caffeine so now I have to get it from unsweetened tea since I don't like black coffee. Thankfully, tea with fruit ingredients is allowed so I'm drinking a highly caffeinated green tea with peach flavoring. (it's the Energy Green Tea from Celestial Seasonings if anyone wants to try it! I don't recommend the Energy Black Tea because while it has vanilla flavor in it, it gets so bitter if you steep it the recommended time and then there's no saving it. Blegh.)
Again, I want to thank all of y'all for your support and help when I was at rock bottom a few months ago. I don't think I could have gotten through it without you, so thank you.
Our financial situation is Not Great at the moment, but it will soon get better, I'm sure. We won't be spending extra money ordering delivery or going out to eat, I have gotten back into my crochet work and reopened my Etsy shop(there's not much in it atm but I'm hoping to be able to list items on a more regular basis) so I will be bringing in a little extra that we can use to get groceries or my meds or whatever, and my husband is currently in school to get his CDL, which once he has it and can actually drive the trucks at his workplace, he'll be paid much more than he is currently. We had to spend all the money he had saved to get my mother a new engine for her car, which was a whole unpleasant fiasco that I won't get into, but we'll soon be able to start saving again, and we're going to try to save up for a down payment on a house, or a better car for my husband. Big plans on the horizon.
Heavier stuff.
I know a lot of my American followers are upset to say the least about the recent actions of the Supreme Court. I am too. I'm angry and scared, and I know a lot of y'all are too. Do whatever you need to stay safe. It's a terrifying time to be in right now. I can't really express exactly how I feel about it, the fear and anger. At this point, I think any and all paranoia towards the government is completely justified, and I say this as someone who has had literal paranoid delusions about the government. Again, do whatever is necessary to keep yourself safe. There are people out there who know more about how to stay safe right now than my ADHD brain is capable of retaining so keep an eye out for anything useful.
I can't promise to make content regularly at the present time as I have a lot on my plate between house spouse responsibilities, crochet work, and trying to keep up with my personal wellness plan(or at least get it rolling into action) but any time I get inspiration I'll try to make and post something. In the meantime, feel free to send in your requests but be aware I might not be able to get to them in a timely manner. I know I have a couple that have been sitting in my inbox for a long time and I deeply apologize for not getting to them yet but I'll try to when my head is less tired and more clear. I've been battling a migraine for the last few hours and the brain fog and fatigue are starting to set in. I might go to bed early tonight. I'll try to get a crochet thing started at least. Lots to do over the weekend too.
Much love to all of you.
Stay determined. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💙💜
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bacchicly · 2 years
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ABOUT ME (PRONOUNS SHE/HER)
'CUS CONTEXT IS IMPORTANT
Other posts:
Back to my masterlist | My "rules" for writing sex scenes | Why Criminal Minds
I am an 40 yo ish short very fat cis white woman (seriously I am a hobbit) living and born in Canada.
I have been married for over a decade to an awesome imperfect ridiculously funny kind intelligent and very educated man who is over 15 years my senior - and who regularly drives me batty and vice versa. Our marriage is not perfect but we work at it and love each other.
We have a kid who is under 14 but over 7 who is awesome and aggravating and whom I love with all my heart.
I am slowly climbing out of the chaos built up by being undiagnosed for ADHD decades...and this blog is part of that process...but slow is the operative word.
I was diagnosed in my late 30s with ADHD with PMDD symptoms (i.e. PMS on crack which for me includes the-opposite-of-fun moments of self harm ideation and suicidal ideation mixed with emotional outbursts and an increase in all my ADHD symptoms - but my healthy self is going to win against my unhealthy self - I'm determined)
Anyhoo - I struggle with time management, ordering tasks, over promising, working memory stuff, spelling and grammar, habitual or low-dopamine producing tasks, focus, and filtering. I'm impetuous and intense and I appreciate it when people tell me if I have inadvertently gone too far (nicely) even though it often upsets me in the moment.
I am an office worker with a very very good job that I am extremely lucky to have and most days I am very good at it. I have an undergrad degree in Theatre and before that attended a special Dramatic Arts program in high school. My family has ties to theatre and teaching as well.
I have worked for pretty much every type of stage production out there - student, amateur, semi-professional, fringe, professional - I have directed solo shows and a full scale musical and everything in between. I have worked as a dramaturge, playwright, designer, puppet maker, stage manager, tech, front of house person, promoter and performer. I currently have 8 partly written scripts on the go..
A few words about my smuttier works:
I have been fascinated by sex, romance, pregnancy, love, psychology, culture, and bodies for as long as I can remember.
I believe people need to have language and positive examples to understand what the heck is happening with their bodies and emotions. I believe this helps keep them safe - both physically and mentally.
This is why you will never see an age recommendation here based on sexual content - although I try very hard to add content warnings so people including minors and their loved ones can decide if they want to/should consume it.
Basically, I generally do not publish anything I think my 12 yo self should not have seen - does that mean its appropriate for all 12 yo's - nope. But very little I write sex-wise - except probably the cursing - can be found in most modern historical romances which at least where I live are not controlled. I was taking them out of the library and buying them from bookstores at twelve (pretending my very good parents didn't know and I was being "such a rebel").
For those who want to read/interact with my blog:
All I'll say is if you want to interact with me or my work - you are welcome - this is a safe space - but I expect you to be polite, curious, kind to yourself and others, and respecting of yourself and others - whether you are "lying" to your mom like 12 yo me - or are 89 yo and just enjoying a bit erotica for fun.
You set your boundaries - you make damn sure the people in your life know your boundaries and you expect them to communicate theirs as well. You tell someone you trust (or me) if you are afraid or hurting or if you have a question or believe that something I wrote could cause harm.
You are worth it.
In my book, we are not bad for being curious about sex or enjoying orgasm or falling in crush or love or lust...or none of the above..we are human. But I believe it is wrong if we let any of that allow us to wilfully cause harm or spread hate.
Fortunately, there are things that can help us navigate these waters in ways that will not hurt ourselves or others. That is the challenge.
Respectful love - requited or not - enduring or fleeting - acted upon or not - romantic or friendly or familial - RESPECTFUL LOVE IS ALWAYS TRUE LOVE AND ALWAYS WORTH IT.
I do not promise you will never have a broken heart...in fact I am pretty damn sure you will have several in this life and you will likely break one or two or more yourself whether you know it or not..and that is ok....
But there better ways to break a heart or react to when one breaks... and worse ways.
I do not believe there is only one person for each person. Or one type of "correct love"
But...
I do believe in true love.
I do believe in commitment.
I do believe that it is ok to choose to have respectful consenting sex without love.
I do believe that respectful mindful choices can be made when we feel love.
I do believe that love is in our control and not the other way around.
Anyways... that's me - verbose, passionate, unorganized (yup I know it's disorganized but people who are not organized cannot be expected to use the correct term - so I don't - on purpose - because it's dorkily funny to me) fascinated by love and sex etc., and living imperfectly by my own moral compass.
As Penelope would say "Welcome to my Thunderdome".
Other posts:
Back to my masterlist
My "rules" for writing sex scenes
Why Criminal Minds
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