#I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT SCREAMING

[megaawkwardhuman]

NOBODY TALK TO ME I'M NOT OK

#WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY #what we do in the shadows #wwdits #throwing up my thoughts onto tumblr again #I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A SEASON 7 MINIMUM #THERE'S NO FUCKING WAY THEY'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO WRAP THIS UP NEXT SEASON #OH GOD I'M SO FUCKING AFRAID FOR NEXT SEASON #WE NEED A PETITION FOR A SEASON 7 OR SOMETHING #I'M NOT GOING DOWN WITHOUT SCREAMING #IT'S NOT NANDERMOVER UNTIL I SAY IT'S NANDERMOVER

[who-is-page]

Life is hard! Consider buying my stuff!

My life isn't quite falling apart, but things have gotten really tricky lately. One housemate (and their super destructive, permanent houseguest) is refusing to pay their share of rent or utilities for the next three months, and another is refusing to pay their full share of rent for that same amount of time and is making us cover around $75 every month, and I'm having to double-up my hours at work while still being a full-time student (and also one of my professors, who we're 99% sure is using ChatGPT to generate her citations because none of them exist and we pointed this out, hates my guts and has been grading me really harshly and forcing me to go full-sail on every assignment to ridiculous degrees in order to pass this required class).

My spouse is working on getting full-time at their job, but it looks like they won't be able to until December, and we also have no idea how much rent is going to increase this year-- my guess is it's going to go up another $500, same as last year, to a total of $3,000, so things are gonna get really fucking bumpy until around January, probably.

So basically, if you like the work I've done, consider throwing me a tip on Ko-Fi or buying my stuff on Itch.io:

(Also I promise we have more stuff lined up that we want to polish and publish, life has just been super-duper fucking busy! There is so much more going on right now than what I've mentioned here, especially in terms of surprise medical bills and other horrible surprises. And we haven't forgotten about Inky Paws issue 2, either, which we're still hoping to have done by December and which will STILL always be entirely 100% free to download, no matter what our living or money situation looks like. That will never ever change, so please don't worry!)

#personal #yells #one of the surprise medical bills was MY TOOTH FUCKIN BROKE #I need to get a whole ass crown!!! wtf I'm anti-monarchy this should be illegal to happen to me #there are other surprise medical bills too but that's the one I'm most like are you FUCKIN srs rn #I love dentists and I think they're the coolest so it's like not scary or anything it's just. it's SO EXPENSIVE. #All the other bills should be at around $600 or below but this definitely won't even with insurance and I'm like whyyyyyyy #I should have gotten the crown like a week or two ago but I literally just cannot afford it rn so I'm trying to just be careful #with the patch the dentist put on it a month or so ago.... #sorry I'm just using the tags to SCREAM at this point like oh my god guys #you would not believe some of the bullshit that is going on rn #My housemate's permanent guest? it's their partner with assault charges #Who kidnapped a cat #Burned their last place of residency down #Bite and shanked their mother at 5am while she was asleep in her bedroom #And got my housemate arrested on false charges last year for funsies #And jumped off my roof #And brings stray animals in the house #And makes the hugest messes in the kitchen and living room without cleaning them up #(And I think she's a local drug dealer but that's more just a DO IT IN YOUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE AND NOT MINE thing) #So the whooooole polycule is on high alert that this person is gonna go off the rails and hurt people/pets at any time #I'm so unbelievably stressed out and worried about my cat especially #And like. I have PTSD dudes! This is so unimaginably fucking awful for my mental health! #If it weren't for my support system I would be in PIECES right now. I am so lucky to have partners and friends who care. #Also if some of that list sounds Weirdly Familiar to you it's because I wrote a fictional AITA post for NaNoWriMo '21 based on some of it #Yeah THAT is how long this stuff has been going on and what I've listed here is only Tip Of The Iceberg #Those two people will be gone by the end of November but oh my god I'm so stressed about retaliation and shit #The housemate in question tried to deflect by being like-- oh well she was just off her antipsychotics! #Like dude I don't know how to break this to you but. 1) that's a reason but not a justification for her behavior #2) She's an awful and horrible person both on and off her meds so obviously it is not the sole fault of her psychosis

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??' #then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like... #that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

[shima-draws]

Currently in my banging my head against the wall phase. Hope you all are well 🥰

#Doc told me to schedule another MRI on Tuesday. They said they sent the order over on Tuesday. #I call on Tuesday to schedule the appointment. They don't have the referral yet #I called yesterday to try and schedule. They STILL don't have the referral #I message my doc and make sure they actually sent it over to the right place. (They did.) #They say they'll fax it over again! Great! #I call AGAIN today. They STILL don't have the referral #Bro I just need to schedule this fucking MRI so I can find out what's WRONG with me #The girl on the phone was like 'Oh yeah we're real busy we get orders all the time it must not have hit the system yet' #BRO IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS. HOW HAS NOBODY SEEN IT. TEARING my hair out #I went to their website to try and schedule online. Guess what? THEIR GODDAMN SCHEDULING ASSISTANT IS DOWN FOR MAITENANCE #SCREAMS #Anyway yes so in my banging my head against the wall phase. I'm so tired #And still in pain! To nobody's surprise!! #They can't fix what's wrong with me if I can't even get in to get an MRI. Hello. PLEASE #This isn't really smth that can wait a couple weeks #I should've been in to see them like YESTERDAY. #My pain is so bad I had to stay at home today. And I go and ice my back every hour or so #Bc I can't sit down for more than 45 minutes without wanting to kill myself ;)))) #Shima speaks #I'M SORRY I'm just so. I've been over this for months. And now that I'm THIS close to getting answers #I can't. Seem to get these people to schedule an appointment for me #Grinds my teeth

[theangrypomeranian]

me rn

#pom ponders #work woes #thinking about how my ex bestie is coming back to the store next week and i already want to cry #i know working with her is going to stress me out and it's going to affect my mood at work and at home #I'm going to have to put my guard up around people and be cold to them and i don't want to #but i can't trust anyone to not fall into her charms and i don’t have the energy to fight it #so i just have to accept that being at work is going to be hell and I'm going to be upset all the time #and i can't go anywhere else right now and i can't quir because i need the money to pay my bills and feed my cats #my mental health is gonna go down the toilet but who cares right #and I'm here screaming into the void because i can't rant to anyone else without sounding like a broken record #oh well i guess

[isfjmel-phleg]

It is one of the days when the desire for my own private office with four walls and a door is extremely strong.

#random personal stuff #personal whining ahead feel free to ignore #the incessant humming the talking to himself the noise-making #the loudly saying 'THAT'S ONE RINGY-DINGY' whenever his phone rings #I wish I knew how to politely ask for it to stop without sounding incredibly petty #I wish I could be guaranteed a non-hostile response if I did #it's not that I'm unwilling to confront a problem but for that you need TWO people who want to work toward a solution #just imagine a utopia where you could say 'hey could you please not do that? it's distracting' and they say 'oh sorry' and we all move on #but in this case it's me with six years of pent-up frustration vs. a man who does not take constructive criticism however reasonable #the last time I asked him something like that (please turn down your volume) it didn't go well #time for headphones maybe but I can still hear it through them #I will figure this out someday but for now the screaming will be restricted to the inside

[neverendingford]

.

#every time a character does the whole “talk softly and reassure the dangerous person” thing while also walking ominously towards them ughh #it drives me absolutely nuts. like. you're trying to talk them down from paranoia while you're threateningly walking towards them? #someone does that to me and I'm shooting them at least in the leg or stabbing with whatever makeshift spear I've manufactured #anyway. criminal minds is getting real annoying with the whole pathologizing of people. #like. guy shows signs of being very good at torturing people and they go “ah yes.. a pure sadist” or whatever the fuck #I get that it's shitty crime drama stuff but still. ugh. #I just. I fucking hate when people take the obviously wrong route when talking to mentally destabilized people. #like. people are shit at talking to suicidal people. are shit at talking down irrational fears. people are shit at talking down paranoia. #I hate how people don't fucking know how to interact with freaks I hate how people don't know how to interact with me #everyone acts on their own level without understanding what it's like in any way #and so everyone just projects their own reality onto you without performing any sort of empathy or exercising any sort of understanding #and I want to scream so fucking loud #you're all living in a cotton candy world and your words disintegrate in my humidity #and it's so fucking lonely #and my mind has been clear this past week. the autistic need for pressure satisfied by this prescription pushing on my brain #and I can feel the cogs turning. the wheels and pins and linked gear trains and drive shafts and traction band motors. #all the parts of my brain churning around and I can't get close because the heat from my motor makes my hood hot to the touch. #I burn your hand as you try and press your palm against my flanks. #only think saddle and tack make contact. strict guidelines and harsh rules to govern me. #when I am free I buck and I shift gait and I drag you under too-low branches #also. compared to Hannibal I can basically listen to criminal minds as a podcast. none of the visuals really contribute anything to the show #like. feels very shallow

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

GO THEN BUT KNOW YOU GO AS ONE BELOVED THOUGH YOU GO WITHOUT YOUR MIND

(GO THEN IF YOU MUST AND YET OF THIS BE SURE THAT MAD AS IS YOUR GOING DEARLY ARE YOU LOVED BY THOSE YOU LOVE)

#intertextualizing mayhaps? mayhaps #(first is from anne carson's antigonick; second is from george herbert palmer's translation of the antigone) #AND YOU WITH YOUR HEAD DOWN YOU'RE THE ONE? / BINGO #YOU CHOSE TO LIVE AUTONOMOUS AND SO YOU DIE THE ONLY ONE OF MORTALS TO GO DOWN TO DEATH ALIVE #NEXT WORD IS DEATH / DEATH #I WAS CAUGHT IN AN ACT OF PERFECT PIETY (greater love hath no man) #we're not without guidance there is a pattern (nothing new under the sun) #ANOTHER/ AN HOUR/ AN HOUR AND A HALF/ A YEAR/ A SPLIT SECOND/ A DECADE/ THIS INSTANT/ A SECOND/ A SPLIT SECOND/ #A NOW/ A NICK/ A NECK #HERE WE ARE IN A SONG ABOUT JOY HERE WE ARE IN A DAY ABOUT DUST #THE DUST IT TAKES TO HOUSE ENEMIES THE HOUSE IT TAKES TO DUST JUSTICE THE JUSTICE IT TAKES #TO DODGE A BULLET THE BULLET IT TAKES TO JUSTIFY LOVERS THE LOVE IN WHICU TO DELETE YOUR OWN DARLING #the darling you dust the dust you disperse the you who does not does not what does not/ nick #here we are we're all fine/ we're standing in/ the nick of time #...ok I'm fine now just needed to get that out just needed to uhhh scream some vaguely relevant antigonick quotes akskksjfjs #Lu rambles #compare case histories

[pa-pa-plasma]

i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid

#& you wanna know the kicker? she's going on a vacation. yeah. she's going on a plane right now while badly sick with covid #how do i communicate with people who are literally missing their brain? #it was my sister who screamed at me btw. she feels the need to play devil's advocate whenever i open my mouth #my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours #what the actual fuck is it with parents & not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze? they straight up just spray people with covi #& then laugh about it when you point it out as if spreading the fucking plague is funny #best part is that we're pretty sure her getting covid 5 times a year because she refuses to wear masks killed her husband #not joking about that btw. all she had to say oh ''ooh yeah that would explain it'' #like ?????????????????????? #i didn't get the chance to go grocery shopping either so now i dont have any fresh food #if i have to eat one more frozen or processed meal i'm gonna fucking kill someone. & now i cant do that because i have basic empathy #i don't even feel right ordering food cuz like. i have to interact with someone to do that (can't pay online) #i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it'' #bitch i'm queer. i wear queer pins. i wear a queer jacket. you're telling ME i wouldn't get receiving weird looks??? #god my sister wants to be oppressed so fucking bad. i'm sorry but bitch isn't a slur & you're a fucking coward for not wearing masks #i hope you cant fucking work for weeks because of this bullshit. bitch

[tardis--dreams]

Me: *gets my period every once in a blue moon, has used nothing but a menstrual cup for years* Hm, I better pack as many tampons as if i get my period 27 times in the next 4 months. Just to be save :)

#also me: *never injures myself* i better pack as many bandaids as if i got scrached or cut every day #me: *never takes anything against a cough* i bet I'll get sick for 3 months straight so I'll be in desperate need of all this fucking cough #medicine #I'm so good at packing #oh well #i cut down on the cardigans and pants ㅠㅠ #also only one hoodie #otherwise my yoga mat doesn't fit and i cannot live without my yoga mat #(travel mat. I'm not carrying a normal sized heavy ass yoga mat with me) #I'm gonna go cry now and then continue packing #void screams #✨️oversharing✨️

[mintytrifecta]

I spent over 8 hours in the kitchen today trying to bake something and it doesn't even look like what it's supposed to Im gonna SOB

#I DIDNT EVEN EAT IT YET BUT IM. HHHH HHHH DAMMIT #If anyone out there knows how to make sfogliatelle without a pasta machine.... Girl help </33 #It's cooling down now but hh #At least let it taste good if it doesn't taste good I'm going to sob AND scream

[slippery-minghus]

i would love to go into a store someday and not have to fucking feel like i'm about to explode like a fucking nuke and shit myself within 5 minutes of being in there.

like.

please.

p

l

e

a

s

e

#every. fucking. time. #what is it about stores!! that make my guts want to go nuclear!!! #for a little while i was okay with my regular grocery store #but then they rearranged and i'll still go way out of my way to get there even after i moved but??? #since everything's in different places??? #my guts are like UH OH GOTTA SHIT #how am i supposed to shop quickly and get out of there before i end up in meltdown if i cant think straight because #every ounce of focus is going to keeping my entire digestive tract from falling out of my ass??? #it's DISGUSTING #and IM SICK OF IT #i at least managed to get home without cracking any of the eggs i bought #even though i didnt even make it out of the parking lot before the bag fell over #and then as soon as i set it down in my kitchen it fell over again(: #somehow none of them broke #and i am woefully unsatisfied that the gouge i bit into my hand trying to keep from screaming and actually melting down wont bruise #because i never bruise #(and i'm trying. i'm trying to be mindful of the xacto knife i bought for my craft project. trying not to think about other uses. trying.) #personal

[amaraudermind]

I need to get over my self hatred so I can move into more important things

Such as cosplay.

I need to stop hating myself so I don't feel awful dressing up as characters

#the void screams #and by that i mean that i keep procrastinating with thoughts like 'oh i can do that character once i'm in shape' #bitch shut up!!! literally internalized fatphobia sit down i can cosplay whoever i feel like without the stipulation #of being a size twelve or smaller!!! #it's sucks because i try so hard not to think that way but it still comes through in the little ways #like not letting myself cosplay. or thinking back to when i was so fucking sick in high school and #still holding that up as the time i looked the best because i was conventionally attractive. just. #fuck. #i. want. to. cosplay. so shut up brain i am GOING to cosplay. #i will cosplay as spoiler. and red hood. and starfire. and green arrow. #i WILL make group cosplays for my family of the bad batch and vox machina. #i will love myself no matter how much spite i have to put into doing so. there is no other option #i will not go back to wallowing in self hatred and misery i refuse to let myself.

[poppiesforthirteen]

dedicating this snippet to @cosmicallyavg djsjdkf

#still far from the actual murder but i'm writing out of order a little. i'll get there #context. my theory (? idk how canonical it is) is that after the division fobwatching #they essentially melted the doctor down for parts. started from new. little house without much to say for itself #easier to make a child from something existing than to create a completely new gallifreyan #cheaper for sure #anyway skdkfkhks #ask to tag? #there's a lot going on here #another way to scream your name

[adlibitur]

--

#it's fine i'm just having another meltdown about surgical menopause #this is hell this is hell this is hell this is evil hell i cannot over state how this without informed consent makes me wanna die #i would never have agreed to this if there was informed consent and the doctor even put he didn't know about surgical menopause in the chart #when i grilled him after and told him i never would have agreed with i formed consent and he REALLY SAID THAT INFO DIDNT EXIST #my voice is stuck like this my teeth are going bad my bones are degenerating and so is my brain i just want to lay down and cry #there's nothing i can do about this and this is what im stuck with as my life now #i would give an arm and a leg to extend colorados medical malpractice statutes of limitations theyre so short #i seriously would pursue legal action against this doctor #nothing would make up for this though i constantly feel like screaming and being absolutely violent because i don't know what to do with #how upset i am maybe i should go to a wreck it room or something lmao i simply do not know i'm just trying #trying not to take it out on myself even though i want to #if i start i won't stop and that's a deep hole i don't think i could get out of if i do #which is why im avoiding it as much as possible #it's called ptsd sweaty

[altruistic-meme]

have recently had an experience i can only liken to that one post that was talking about how your SUPPOSED to bother, and lean on, and ruin your sleep schedule, and take time out of your day for the people around you, because that's what a friendship is and what a community does. but. from the first part of that post where the person was talking about how they would never let their friends help them move bc they're an adult. kind of.

#aka my sister made me feel like a huge fucking burden on her life #and the biggest inconvenience of the year #because i dared to ask her to get up 30min early and go to bed 30min late #to give me a ride to and from work because my car broke down #and then if course when i finally decided (.... well there were several breakdowns during the decision) #but i decided to just call my mom and get her help setting up so someone ELSE could take me to work #my sister then got mad that i DIDN'T TELL HER #even though i had made a point of asking her every day so that she knew it was still needed #but sure alright okay :) #I've had. a very rough week. #ok ok ok im just screaming into the void right now bc I've been trying to not lose my sanity #I'm fine I'm okay like i said this has just been a rough week #i need to message her thigh which I'm not looking forward to #and im trying to figure out how to say 'so are your still upset with me or can i ask the question i wanted to ask you 2 nights ago now?' #without sounding incredibly passive aggressive even though i definitely feel it #both incredibly annoyed at her behavior and very deeply and intensely sad #shh ac