#I swear this is a great place it just has the same pitfalls as many fandoms

[turquoiseorchid]

what is roswell about? i've never seen anyone else post about it but you've got me intrigued

Ooh, join us! Roswell New Mexico has 4 seasons (2019-2022) with 13ish eps each; it was on the CW and is available on Netflix. (It’s a remake of a 90s or early 00s show just called Roswell. That one’s on Hulu and I’ve only seen a few episodes.) Overall, it’s about aliens living in Roswell and their human friends/love interests, plus a few alien-related mysteries. Most of my summary will be about season one and I’ll leave the rest for you to see for yourself.

Liz (human) comes back to Roswell ten years after high school, discovers her high school crush is an alien, and then finds out her sister had been killed by aliens. This and other developments lead to their whole social circle getting in on the secret and there’s a bunch of love triangles.

If I knew who you were, dear anon, I’d tailor this to what fandoms we’ve already got in common but to cover some of the likely options and their high level comparisons: If you like Leverage, this has found family and the love triangles can easily be shipped as throuples/polycules. If you like The Magicians then same as leverage plus canon queer characters and magic(technically science) powers. If you like Supernatural, there can be a lot of overlap between malex and destiel (for better and worse). If you’re still here from my Torchwood days, again queer characters with messy relationships and a lot of snark.

Let’s introduce some of the characters!

In the Pod Squad (the three main aliens), we’ve got Isobel, Max, and Michael (left to right in gif). Max and Isobel were adopted together and grew up as the Evans twins while Michael was a foster kid but all three are inseparable. Isobel starts off the series as someone whose identity is mainly focused on wife/sister/volunteer but breaks down her walls and grows into a total badass. Often portrayed in fanon as “the woman with the brain cell” for better or worse. Max is a writer-turned-cop and total romantic who has been pining for his high school crush (Liz) for over a decade and risks his family secret in order to save her and struggles with choosing between her safety and his family’s. Michael is an angsty bisexual mechanic with a troubled past and became many people’s blorbo on sight. He too has a high school sweetheart (Alex) who he’s never gotten over but grows enough to find healthy relationships and let people in. They all have various powers including telekinesis, healing, and mind control/influencing.

And now for Team Human! Liz is a scientist who left town after graduation because her sister died from (apparently) drunk driving and gets shot an hour after she returns. The lack of being dead causes her to investigate/confront her crush (Max) and learns about aliens, leading to the realization that her sister was killed by an alien and the crash was a coverup. The first person who she brings in is her ex-boyfriend, Kyle, a jock-turned-surgeon with a strong moral compass who tries to rein in the mad scientist tendencies of his ex-girlfriend (who he still has feelings for).

Next in on the whole alien thing is Alex, a gay emo who had a secret thing with Michael in high school before leaving to join the Air Force. He’s back in town (minus a leg) and has his plate full with finding out that his abusive homophobic dad runs a secret military team hunting aliens and oh hey, his high school boyfriend turns out to be an alien! He’s best friends with Maria, a psychic who runs the local bar. Besides bartending, she splits her time between fortune telling as a side hustle, encouraging Alex about his old flame (secretly Michael), and nursing a crush on the local barfly/mechanic (also Michael).

(Fun fact: I have no idea how to use tumblr’s gif search so both of the human gifs were found through their respective throuple ship tags.)

There are plenty of ships around depending on your preference but the most prevalent is malex (Michael/Alex), it’s nearly inescapable. Echo is Max/Liz and generally well liked. Isobel starts off with a husband (Noah) but also gets other love interests. The two main throuples are malexa (malex plus Maria) and kaliz (echo plus Kyle).

Anyone else please feel free to add why Anon should watch RNM!

#asks #not putting this in any tags since I might have come off as harsh about malex and or some fandom #I swear this is a great place it just has the same pitfalls as many fandoms #anyways yes anon you should watch RNM #this is longer than I intended can you tell I didn’t want to work today?

[popculturebuffet]

The Loud House Reviews: The Boss Maybe/ Family Bonding

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Loud House weekly coverage continues as Leni is pushed into the deep end of responsiblity and taking over Lori’s old role of babysitter while her parents are gone and promptly drowns in a sea of comedy clubs, human body parts both on screen and in the fridge, old men in holes and indoor beach volley ball. 

First things first: Last week I forgot to mention Rusty’s mustache freezing off as god, wether it be the judeo-christian god, Odin, that prick Zeus, the flying spagehtti monster or one of many other gods out there. Perhaps all of them did it at once out of hatred for the little weiner. Maybe one of them finally answered my prayers which in that case, that was nice and all but there are far worse things going on i’d prefer you took care of. Also the “stuff I couldn’t fathom” turned out to be just more loudcest, because of course it did. Loudcest is like David Spade, you think it’s finally gone or isn’t doing as much but then it comes around and makes the wrong missy and you waste 90 minutes of your life thinking i’td be so bad it’s good when it’s really just boring and a waste of it’s main actress talent. I lost track of that metaphor, but Loudcest is like david spade in that people like it for reasons I can’t fathom and it hasn’t quietly faded into the background for reasons I can’t fathom, though at least david spade was funny once. So maybe Loudcest isn’t like david spade. or maybe i’ve been taking too long with this bit. 

But whlie last week was a bit wonky it also had a lot to setup.. but now it’s time to see what the show does with all the setup over, and a lot of new possiblities ahead. PItter Patter!

The Boss Maybe Ah now this is exactly what I was hoping for this season. New situations brought about by the year-up and all the changes it brought, with the same old heart and humor and character progression that drew me back into the show. This is the kind of episode i love and have talked about in the past and dosen’t fall into any of the shows usual pitfalls in the process. Just great. I could end it there but I haven’t shut up before why do it now.  So this episode focuses on Leni who I talked about a bit last week and easily had the best plot and in general tends to have good episodes, both before and after the show became an ensemble piece, and even in episodes without her tends to slide in just fine. She’s always a nice breath of fresh air when she shows up. 

I think that’s due to a number of things. For one it’s how sweet a person she is: She’s genuinely nice, kind and well meaning. While she is dumb as a box of rocks that resemble Pauly Shore, what I like is her stupidity isn’t malicious, or overused for misery. She causes comical injuries from time to time with it but she’s quick to apologize iff she realises it and usualyly has no ill will to anybody unless provoked or fighting Lori over a dress despite them wearing the same clothes all the time. I know standard animation thing but it’s always weird to me when shows with a stock outfit for a character have a fashionista, and prefer when shows have stylish characters actually change outfits like Kim Possible did with it’s title character, Xiaolin Showdown did with Kimiko and of all things LIttlest Petshop did with Blythe. Granted Blythe is a nothing of a character but still, credit where it’s due. But I do get this is also a nick show and they givet hem the budget of 50 cents and a network memo that says “BEG US FOR MORE MONEY” written in blood, so fair enough. 

That aside she’s just plesant to watch. The other factor is Liliana Mumy. If you haven’t heard of her , she’s a vetran voice actress whose been doing this on and off since she was a kid, voicing Panini on chowder as a child and later going on to voice Beth in bravest warriors among other roles. Why she only does work so ocasionaly I have no idea but when she does she’s great. She’s also the son of fellow child actor BIll Mumy, aka the guy who as a kid played Anthony Fremont from the Twilight Zone classic “It’s A Good Life”, which if you haven’t seen it is about a small child who has the power of a god and thus can banish people who are “bad”, i.e. disobey him and thus rules over a small town as a creepy and cruel despot. Oh and he can read minds so if you dare to have a thought he dosen’t like your getting banished, with no telling what that means or where anyone disappeared goes. It’s good stuff. Highly recommend it, Mumy is absolutley terrifing and a brilliant actor even at that age and I wish he’d done more as an adult. I also bring it up because Lily played his daughter when they did a sequel episode during the UPN version of the show, set decades later and showing just what the little terror was like grown up... as well as what happens when his DAUGHTER gets the power. It was also really good and worth a watch after the first one. Good stuff. 

TLDR: Leni is one of my faviorites, so’s her voice actress, i’ve rambled enough about unrelated stuff at this point. 

We open at the mall, where for Leni life begins after schol, that’s when we bend all the rules time to hang with all her friends in the place where she belongs!

I mean technically she’s 17 now, but she was 16 when she started this job and none of them were 16 by the time the show ended so nyeh. This started in season 3 when the show started giving the girls not just their own stories but their own supporting casts., storylines, love intrests etc. Luna and Luaan got their romance plots with Sam and Benny, Lori got her college plot towards the end of the season, Lynn’s friends started showing up in her plots more, Luna’s mortuariy club went from assorted background friends of hers to a full fleged supporting crew, and of course Lincoln’s friend group started to become a recurring part of his plots away from his sisters. 

For Leni, being one of the only three kids that could legally work at the time, another possible plot to dig into, and with Luna having way less incentive to get a 9-5 job with her music to work on and the fact we’ve seen her use said music to make money once in a blue moon, Leni was a good choice. It gave her something she was good at besides fashion, even if it’s fashion adjacent and gave us a new supporting cast for those stories: Her boss Mrs. Redinger, your standard “i’m tough by fair” type, and her new friends Fiona and Miguel, two fellow fashion savy teens played by actors i’d never heard of but who do a damn good job and play off her well, with both being a bit sarcastic but Fiona being a bit more mopey and deadpan and Miguel being a possibly but defintely gay teen. Both play off her well by being more down to earth and more wiling to be negative, but still enjoyable enough to be around you can buy them being friends with Leni and their a stellar addition to the cast. I wish, much like we’ve gotten with Liam lately, we could see more of them outside leni stories. Their a treat. 

But I really like Leni’s work there. Besides the cast it puts Leni in a role of responsiblity she excels at. My only real problem is her boyfriend, maybe I dunno, Chaz, one of the ONLY love intrests from l is for love to get mentioned again and one of the more intresting ones, never shows up despite also working at hte mall and the story potetial of them working for rival stores or the same store. I mean I can’t blame them for not throwing another love intrest on the pile when they had two ongoing romance plots, but now both Luna and Luann are on steady ground with their steadies, it’s time to pull that trigger, get off hte ground and eat that horse. Also let LIncoln have one again will ya? It dosen’t have to be stella but Girl Jordan is right there, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again.. where is she. And if not her just make one you’ve proven to actually be really good at it. 

Where was I? Ah yes the mall. Leni is doing great at her job, suggesting some gloves to scoots, who ceases being skeptical when a hunky younger man of 30 something compliments her on them them chases off after him. If you don’t remember who scoots was that’s the old lady on a scooter who makes troulbe and appareltly can still get it. Good for her. Granted this is coming from someone who ships eda and stan pines still even though it’s now revealed she’s 30 but... frankly I don’t think age is a concern with her and stan can make this joke, so it evens out. 

I mean he would right? I”m getting off topic even more than usual, point is Leni is doing great and her boss takes her to the break room for cake room... it’s just the one cake but can you imagine a cake room? that’s the life. Just a fridgerated room full of cake. 

Turns out she’s EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH. And she didn’t have to chain squidward to an ancient battle ship to get it or anything. After some confusion, Fiona has to clarify it’s NOT her birthday because of course she does, Leni is proud. Full of cake and pride she tells her mom whose decided to reward her good job at work.. by dumping a bunch of respnosiblity on her.  I kid. Rita is being somewhat resonable here. She asks Leni to take over Lori’s old role of babysitting/making sure the other 10, now 9 kids don’t burn the house down... no really she actually specifies that when leaving in the next scene. Which.. fair enough.. you have 11 kids, all likely to plug in a lot of stuff especially Luna and Lisa, said Lisa is a mad scientest who ends up nearly being the one to do it this time, Lynn has no common sense, and the younger ones who aren’t mad scientst are still reckless and vain and combattive respectivley so the odds of a house fire nearly breaking out on any given night are 1:1. But Leni in a show of self doubt that’s rare for her is scared (Though her revealing that by answering a question of how she’d feel about about babysitting the kids with “Scared” was fucking gold. I swear Lily’s deliveries are always so great. ), and while Rita assures her she’s not sure. But as I said, she is being resonable: While Leni’s not the brightest she’s kind, she’s been shown even before her recent major award she’s responsible, she’s babysat for other people’s kids, and she’s kind. I mean they COULD put Luna or Luaan in charge but while when I first read the preview blurb for this episode I was cuirous why they didn’t think of that or thought they would, this episode does a good job presenting WHY they’d do it, while other episodes fill in the gaps: Luna is a bit reckless and Luaan can get caught up in her bidness and as we know once a week goes through the green door and comes out a gamma monster fuled by the sound of her own laughter, a horrible mixture of the joker and madman.. the leader’s insane brother. I’m a huge nerd, you all know this. Leni is the right choice.

Despite her nerves Leni has little choice but to take it on and Mr. Loud proudly sees her out with ye olde english as he and Rita, with lily in a cute little knight’s helmet in tow, are going to a renisance fair to cater, with Lynn Sr needing the backup. And while you may say “what about his staff”.. their either going with and he just needs an extra pair of hands since it’ll be nuts, or some of them are staying behind to man Lynn’s Table while he’s out on his catering gig. I mean the man has plenty of time for his kids, he’s not at the restraunt 24 hours a day. Someone else has to run it when he’s gone. I asked internally why they didn’t just take them along.. then reminded myself that taking all 11 kids to the faire at once, without anyone to watch them and likely having to call in favors when jsuta s likely, Lynn Sr and Rita can take them all another day with presumibly free passes as part of the catering job as that sounds like the kinda thing he’d do. Also Senior’s into scarf’s now thanks to Leni, which I love. Looks good on him. Hank should give her a call. Ascots may be out but I think he could rock a scarf. I’ve had ventures on the brain.  What follows is naturally Leni having several panic attacks as chaos naturally insues btu without Lori’s lifetime of experince dealing with it. IT’s a nice dynamic: Leni, as we’ve established, has always been sort of Lori’s sidekick, her best friend, her amigo. Sure they fight, siblings do that, but they’ll always be there for each other when it counts. SHe’s never really had to THINK without her or be without her, so throwing her into the deep end of taking care of the kids really leaves her shook. It’s a HARD job, it’s probably why the louds don’t bring in babysitters often: there are 11 kids to look after, 10 now and only 9 tonight but still a LOT of them and most of htem pretty high maintince. It was just easier with Lori because she grew up knowing each of them, knowing each of their weaknesses and putting the fear of her righteous wrath into them. They’ve spent their whole lives looking up to her, literally and figuratvely, as their big sister and respecting her as the biggest authority in the house that’s nto her parents, sometimes bigger. Those aren’t just big shoes to fill , their Galactus size and that combined with her big sister worship leaves Leni understandably scared, lost and frequently paralized with anxiety this episode.  No really multiple times she just freezes and one times she screams. As someone with Anxiety disorder I related to this.. sometimes you either just break down or you just FREEZE from the stress and everything hitting you at once and have no idea how to progress while people are still barking at you to do something. It’s a lot but it was a nice touch that really added to her sympathy.   And her anxiety is also understandable when she’s being hit with 80 problems at once, which i’ll tackle all at once here rather than in order as this episode has a really frentic and good pace: while it follows the formula of “Leni runs into a problem, Leni freezes, then Leni gets help from Lori twice hten mr.grouse, more on that in am inute”, the quick pace and great jokes help keep things from feeling too repetivie. 

Anyways the chaos: Just from the start Lucy puts a possibly human liver in the fridge, Lana eats all the cookies then gets skunked by her pet skun, and Lola and Lynn get into a fight over 5 bucks Lynn found, and since Leni can’t just let one kill the other as nature intended she has to fix all this.. mostly by removing the smell with tomato juice and scaring off the skunk and cutting the dolar bill in half. Money dosen’t work that way as both sisters point out but frankly it’s Lola and Lynn, I don’t care who they feel. 

Meanwhile two of my other faviorties get into a tiff over their room: Luaan turns it into a comedy club and kicks luna out, with Scoots and her new man returning. Again, get it girl, get it, and Leni, under Lori’s advice, pretneding to be a fire marshall.. only for Luna towarsd the end to turn it into her own rock club. Lisa creates a corossive super substance that burns a hole in the floor, Lana continues to grapple with the skunk and finally Lincoln and Clyde.. watch a scary movie despite Lucy’s warnings.. and Lucy does something else.. I think? It was a chaotic episode with a lot of set pieces so forgive me if I forgot one of them. Honestly she’s the most well behaved there.But yeah as per the cliche Lincoln and Clyde, after Leni gets the wifi fixed with Mr. Grouse’s help, they get super scared and freaked. Everyomne is freaking, the house is falling apart and Senior wants permission to wear a pinky ring via thought cloud.. which.. no man no. Scarves yes but no one looks good with a pinky ring. No one. And I say that as amporphous blob covered in hair, sweat and regrets. 

As for how Leni deals with all this she leans on Lori, calling her twice, but at inportune times: during a golf game and at the library where said phone gets taken. Granted, I don’t get why she didn’t have it on silent, as I would in those situations, but then we wouldn’t have an excuse to include her and it feels necessary to show WHY Lori can’t just help all night or reassure her sister and with Lori gone the panic only intensifies. As I said she gets paralized with fear and later just outright screams.. which attracts an irate Mr Grouse, the next door neighbor who I need to watch more of’s episodes. Including 12 louds of leapin.. I know i’m way overdue on that. This december. Promise. 

The old man who yells at Louds helps for a bit, helping get rid of a beach Lynn set up because she’s lynn, she has the consderation of a puppy, but eventually falls in a hole like most great heroes and most elderly people. I mean the ones up the street at the retierment home must fall in once a week. They get out of course because the assitant living mole lets them ride out as it digs into the walls. Or maybe that was just a hallucination.  Eventually though the start at her job comes back as she calls the only people she has left for help: Fiona and Miguel, who are at the mall in chairs because of courser they are, and both are confused why she’s so helpless: She’s fantastic at work, she’s kind, confident and smart.. about certain things, she can do this. Besides helping her confidence with this really sweet moment they also give her a good tool for how to use said confdience from work: just treat her siblings as customers. It’s also a nice call back to how we’ve seen Leni learn way back in season 1 during “Driving Miss Hazy” we’ve seen that she can have troulble grasping things, but when you put it in terms she understands, like fashion, or shopping, or in this case helping customers with their issues, she snaps into it. She learns at her own pace in her own way, it’s why I think sh’es neurotypical, and possibly ont he spectrum like yours truly: while her stupidity isn’t part of that the unqiue way she processes things has me supscious. either way it works. 

So with a new strategy Leni.. literally adresses them like shoppers, which is comedy gold. However it’s a valid strategy:  besides the visualation part by getting them to form a line, instead of trying to handle 2 or 3 problems at once she simply handles them one at a time: She scares the skunk off again, shuts down both competing clubs in the older kids room, uses water to take out lisa’s universal solvant, gives Lola and Lynn 5 bucks instead of just cutting a ten in half this time, and in the sweetest moment of the episode, reads Clyde and Lincoln a childrens book to clam them down. Sure it’s  a bit funny but their genuine relief and all threes adorable expressions really melt the heart. 

Leni finally wins, just as her parents get home and congradulate her, Rita’s faith not misplaced. While Rita probably knew it’d be an adjustment, and frankly should’ve prepped her sooner, she knows her daughter and knows waht sh’es caapable of. Also Senior brought home meet and gives leni a turkey leg who gives it to the old man who now lives in a hole inside their house. That’s his home now. Mr Grouse is just there now. Or I wish he was. But I guess you can’t always get what you want epsecially if it’s an old man living in a hole in the loud’s living room. Someday.  Final thoughts for The Boss Maybe: As you could easily tell I loved this one. Funny with a hell of an emotional core, and with great pacing espeially for a loud house episode, this was a joy to watch and easily one of the best episodes the show has done. Just a funny, breezy watch with a lot of subtext, intetional or not, regarding what we’ve seen of Leni and honestly i’m going to go with intetional. It felt really rooted in who Leni is, her relationship with lori, and her work without hitting you over the head with it. It just all flowed really well and made for a hard one to top for the season this early. I’m impressed and it gives me hope for the rest of the season. 

Family Bonding

This one was.. okay. As i’ve learned the hard way from doing Amphibia when an episodes just okay it’s best to breeze through it.. but I can give it this. While it’s mostly a standard loud house episode the ending.. wasn’t predictable. That’s for sure. I mean.. it left me with only one thought really...

But i’m getting ahead of myself. The episode’s plot is standard for the most part: Lincoln’s obessed with a new spy comic book about a james bond expy.. okay so that’s what Sterling Archer did besides physical therapy for the three months between his waking up and Season 11.  Anyways they soon get more exciting news from Lynn. New Neighbors! Before Rita can stop them, the rest of her family tramples over her and goes to make their aqunatince and of course be a bit overbaring with it before Rita rushes in with a spray bottle to spray them like a bad dog because frankly when your dealing with 11 people most of whom are really impuslive, sometimes dog training just works. You try raising eleven kids and see how long before your brain breaks.  Anyways after introductions and the mom turning down cherry pie, you monsters, lincoln sees strange flashing lights and a device and is convinced something is up and unable to convince his family and on a spy kick, recurits clyde. Now why he dosen’t call on Stella and Zach I dunno. And yes I said Zach and not my boy Liam. I have my reasons: Stella, besides being a faviorite of mine, is a tech whiz as shown in one of the comics and in the cookie episode, and Liam is already a paranoid conspiracy nut and as we’ve seen with Dale Gribble, they can be suprisingly useful. I mean Dale is not the best on common sense but he knows goverment bilaws in and out, is skilled with a gun or a bag of pocket sand, and has danny trejo’s octavio, whose basically danny but as hired muscle instead of a master actor, on speed dial. I mean we don’t know if Zach dosen’t have a danny trejo on speed dial or not. We never asked.  As for the other two while I love LIam, spying just dosen’t seem to be in his sizeable skill set and Rusty.. well rusty’s about as subtle as a man covered in screeching cats he glued to himself blowing an airhorn, while screaming the script to a micheal bay movie while doing the explosion noises himself.. which Rusty has probbbly done.  The real thing i’m getting at is I don’t get why, outside of Clyde and LIam, the writers think when LIncoln has an epiosde it either just needs ot be ClyncolnMcCloud or the ENTIRE group, when one or two would do the trick. YOu CAN seperate them out. People do hang out with diffrent friends at diffrent times. I know the show’s grasp on reality is tenous at best, we got to that last week with the whole one teacher for core classes thing with schooled and this week.. again we’ll get to it in a second, but friends DO hang out seperate. We saw each member of the Lincrew, minus stella because she didn’t exist yet, doing their own thing in Racing Hearts. It’s not that complicated. It’s hard to flesht hem out when their used as one solid unit and not unresonable to just use one or two. it’s a lesson I hope the show learns eventually and hope it’s sister show learns too. 

But yeah our dynamic duo spend the episode as youd’ expect; unraveling conspriacies and stalking the new family, though there are some funny bits. Besides Rita squirting her family like a cat or a dog, we have flip getting half his face shaved by a survelince drone and okay maybe just those two things. not bad bits, but the general concept of them roleplaying into mischief.. has been done before. The show’s done the detective bit before and the spy trappings really don’t change that. And you CAN do a good spy takeoff episode, this one just sin’t it and feels like your standard LIncoln and Clyde messaround with tuxedos. Which to be fair are pretty awesome but still. It’s pretty flat.  The climax though? I’ll give it this.. it’s pretty entertainngi if also 100% what exactly the fuck. So our heroes are naturally caught sneaking into the neighbors house and its eems they were wrong, etc etc, exactly what we expected the new kid will hang around.. at least we have a new character. Instead.. LIncoln accidently hits a knob and unveils a panel

So yeah... turns out the new family ARE spies, just for Peach Growers and plan to wipe out all cherries in royal woods. Yup.. look I know this universe is patently insane but even for loud house, even with all of lisa’s super science... even with the slapstick but this is just.. nuts. Like i’m fine with suspending my disbelif, this show is a goofy comedy, but this is a bit much. I LOVE it for being nuts but only in a “what on spagehtti monster’s green earth were you thinking”. I get swinging for the fences but Lincoln getting into a fight with a bunch of spies after playing spy, well beating them with slapsticks and stopping their plot to elmitie cherries..t his isn’t Kids Next Door. This just.. dosen’t work. Jeff Goldblum tell em why, my brains too broken to articulate this anymore

Yeah that. It’s just a weird climax and ends iwth LIncoln vetting the new neighbors.. which does it include girl jordon? Did they just write her out? If so why? Fans liked her, you can have more than one female character in Lincoln’s friend group. Zach is replacable. You can give me whatever the fuck this was, but not an intresting friend for him who has personality already. I get 50% chad but not your decision making. Gah. 

Final Thoughts for .. this. one This one really didn’t work. Besides the ending just not fitting the series specific brand of ludicrous, I mentioned KND for a reason as it made this sort of plot work fine by having it’s whole unvierse be really fucking weird and specific, it’s mostly just okay. We’ve seen this before.. well okay I haven’t watched many of the Lincoln and Clyde messarounds, but the formula’s about the same.  And that dosen’t work. For one you have a HUGE swath of new possiblities: A new school, Chandler coming back, new teachers and faculity, a new principal, and Lynn and LIncoln being in the same school, and you instead just.. retread the same crap. you have 4 of lincoln’s friends other than clyde to use but don’t let them in on the fun. And most agrivating to me you move new neighbors into the neighborhood while neglecting some of your old supporting cast and have them be villians of the week instead of adding someone NEW to the neighborhood. Give one of the other kids a new friend, or give lincoln a new friend to add to his group and replace liam, shake up the dynamic with him and clyde bya dding a third or, most obviously move one of his friends INTO the neighborhood, most obviously stella since you spent so much time building her up then have her addition affect Lincoln and Clyde. Sure we’ve had an episdoe of one of his friends getting in the way of them before, but this would be diffrent. This episode is just.. not great and was a waste of my time, espespcailly after following such a stellar episode. It’s probablyt he first genuinely bad episode i’ve covered on this blog. Now that probably won’t stand, i’ve seen genuiley worse but.. as a wise penguin once said. 

One last note. That Young Dylan graphic is really obnoxiou and obtrusive.  It’s the second most obnoxious thing i’ve seen on this network. 

I”m out for this week. If you want more check out my Amphibia reviews, as I just finished a new one today, my other loud house reviews in the newly minted nickelodeon tab or other stuff on my other tabs, send me an ask for reviews you’d like to see or pay me to review whatver you want for 5 bucks via direct message. And check this blog Monday for the return of weekly Ducktales coverage, and next weekend for the next episode of loud house, and throughotu the week for more reviews.  Until we meet again, GO TEAM VENTURE!. Play us out Mary Kate Wiles. If nothing else this episode let me use this song. 

#the loud house #leni loud #lincoln loud #lori loud #lynn loud #lucy loud #lisa loud #lana loud #lola loud #luna loud #luann loud #rita loud #lynn loud sr #lily loud #clyde mcbride #nickelodeon #reviews #recaps #animation #criticisim #circus afro

[anubislover]

Welcome to the Heart Pirates, Nami-ya chapter 17: Getting Hands-On

Neither navigator made an effort to hide the despair on their faces as they walked into the infirmary. Why bother? Law would figure out they failed the second he realized they didn’t have the antivenom they’d set out for; just some canned goods and a journal describing the horrors that had taken place on the ship. That, and the bloody scrapes from the vulture’s attack stood out starkly against Bepo’s white fur, so even if they wanted to pretend everything went swimmingly, the doctor would call bullshit in an instant.

The large cat halted in the middle of the room, his pacing disturbed by their entrance. His brow furrowed at the subdued mood and nose twitched at the scent of blood and seawater. He gave a curt, questioning meow as he bounded over, circling the pair as he took in their minor injuries.

“I’m so sorry, Law,” Bepo said despondently, kneeling down so his captain could get a closer look at the shallow cuts across his muzzle. “One of the pirates flew off with the antivenom.”

“The captain’s a vulture in every sense of the word,” Nami sneered, tossing her own bag to the ground as she marched over to the cabinets to grab some antibacterial cream for the bear. She was wet, miserable, and trying to hide her internal panic with anger. “He told Bepo that if we want it, we need to trade the old man for it. But we can’t!”

Law snorted, which Bepo translated to “‘Why not’?”

Tossing Bepo the cream, she glared at his captain’s heartless response. “Law, the man was a prisoner on that ship,” she argued as she pulled out the leather-bound diary from her bag. “I read the captain’s journal—turning him over to those bastards is the last thing he deserves, even if he did attack us.” Flipping to one of the damning entries, she shoved the book under his nose. “They exploited his powers and tortured him. Made him help in what was basically slave trafficking. He had to turn children into animals to be sold as exotic pets or skinned for their pelts. Hell, I can’t blame him for panicking when he saw us—I’d have done the same!” Or worse, she thought to herself, remembering the cages and tools she’d seen in the cargo hold. I’d definitely turn the captain into a bug and squash him.

Yellow eyes darted across the page, taking in the captain’s cruel words before Law let out a few grunts.

Dabbing one of his cuts with the antibacterial cream, Bepo winced at his captain’s harsh retort. “Uh, Law says ‘The old man certainly suffered, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m literally dying because of him’.”

Nami’s heart twisted in her chest. Not just at how callous his words were, but at the fact that he was technically right. It was the doctor’s fault; if he hadn’t turned Law into a leopard, or his former captors into deadly snakes, none of this would be an issue. If they didn’t betray him, the venom would paralyze Law’s lungs and basically suffocate him from the inside. But then again…

Teeth gritting, she bit out, “Fine. If you want a more practical reason not to turn him over, how about the fact that we need him to turn you and the crew back into humans? Did you think about that?!”

Spotted ears flattened against his skull as he growled. “‘Of course I did! We’re in a no-win situation; I’ll either die painfully or spend the rest of my life as a snow leopard’.”

Bepo’s shoulders sagged further as the full weight of their hopeless situation hit him. “And who knows how long it’ll be until you go completely feral? Or the others? And if we can’t get you all human again, we’re stuck on this island forever—Nami and I can’t sail the Tang on our own.”

Tears of frustration welled up in Nami’s eyes at that. Damn it, things really were a mess, weren’t they? Nothing had gone right since the King Game! “It’s not fair! That was supposed to be an easy errand for some barmy old man! Law was supposed to learn a valuable lesson about letting his crew handle things, and the Hearts to not rely on his powers for everything! This was supposed to be a vacation!” she shouted, kicking the examination table in frustration so hard some of the zoology books tumbled to the floor.

“Nami…” Bepo whimpered, worried about his friend, but Law held up a paw to keep him from going to her.

Yanking off her wet boots and throwing them across the infirmary, she continued to vent. “I swear, I should have stayed in Weatheria! Then I wouldn’t have to deal with psychotic poachers or creepy octopus-men or underworld power struggles or any of the other crap I’ve run into since I agreed to this stupid deal! I’d be safe and sound with the Weather Wizards, training to be the best damn navigator Luffy could ask for!”

For a few moments, the only sound that filled the infirmary were Nami’s heaving pants as she caught her breath.

“I’m sorry we’ve caused you so much trouble, Nami,” Bepo finally said, hanging his head in despair. Law said nothing, but he too looked away from her, and the way his brow was scrunched up made it clear he was berating himself for all the danger he’d inadvertently put her in.

Anger spent due to her little temper tantrum, she rubbed her forehead and collapsed into a chair. “No, I’m sorry,” she sighed. “This isn’t your fault; danger’s par for the course when you’re a pirate. I’m just scared. I don’t like being backed into a corner like this. It makes me lash out sometimes. It’s like…it’s like when I first met Luffy. I was given the choice between shooting him with an explosive cannonball, or the pirates I was conning killing me. I didn’t want to die, but I couldn’t kill some helpless idiot in cold blood. There was no way I could win.”

“What happened?”

“One of the pirates decided that maybe I didn’t know how to light a canon, so he took the matches from me, and I…I attacked him. I couldn’t help myself! And then Zoro showed up and saved us both, and I stole the key to Luffy’s cage while we escaped in the confusion.”

“Sounds like your crew really has your captain’s back,” Bepo said, giving Law a sideways glance.

A tiny smile came to her face at the memory. “Heh. We weren’t even a crew then—just a misfit trio. Zoro’d known Luffy for like, a day, and I’d met him that afternoon. But the three of us still managed to save a village from Buggy and his crew and get a map to the Grand Line.”

Law let out a begrudging string of meows, and the corner of Bepo’s mouth lifted a bit. “He says, ‘If Mugiwara-ya was able to trust you and Zoro-ya to save him after just meeting you, I suppose I can show a little more faith in my crew’.”

“I’d be a lot happier to hear that if there was a chance you all could come out of this alive and human,” Nami sighed. “Except we’re still stuck in a no-win situation.”

“Maybe we could fight the pirates for the antivenom?” Bepo asked. “I know Law’s supposed to take it easy and not strain himself, but we’re kind of desperate. Snow leopards are supposed to be great jumpers—maybe he could snatch that vulture out of the air!”

“Or he could miss and it could fly off with the antivenom and drop it into the ocean out of spite while we’re stuck fighting whatever the rest of its crew was turned into.” She shook her head. “We’re at a major disadvantage—we don’t know what they are, their abilities, or even how many of them there are. Hell, we didn’t even think to ask the doctor about any of that—we just assumed none of them would be on the ship.”

Law sighed and grunted a few things, which the Mink translated. “‘It was an oversight on all our parts. We should have pressed the old man for intel before going in. Our desperation made us blind to the obvious pitfalls and our ignorance allowed the enemy to get a leg up on us’.”

Suddenly, his eyes lit up as if he had an epiphany. Putting an enormous paw on Nami’s leg, he gave a few growls before a smirk spread across his muzzle.

Bepo blinked before grinning happily. “He says, ‘Call the doctor, Nami-ya—I have a plan’.”

XXX

One Den Den Mushi call later the trio was back on the beach, waiting anxiously at the destroyed party site. Naturally, they were all cautious and alert, keeping an eye out for venomous snakes, large birds, or other animal attacks that could come charging out of the jungle. After all, the vulture might have demanded a trade, but that didn’t mean he didn’t plan to betray them the moment he got what he wanted.

While Law prowled the jungle perimeter, Bepo built a small fire to keep the evening chill away and provide some extra light.

“Do you smell anything?” Nami asked, shifting her weight from foot-to-foot nervously as she guarded the bags of supplies. She didn’t know all of the details of Law’s plan, but she was positive it would be ruined if the enemy appeared before they could spring the trap.

The two animals shook their heads. “Nothing fresh. I’d recognize the vulture’s scent if it were nearby; he reeked of rotting meat. And Law says he can’t see or smell anything suspicious, either. Seems we’re safe.”

“Well, I don’t trust that to last long. They never gave us a meeting place, so they must be expecting to find us, and this is the most obvious spot.”

There was a curt chuff, which Bepo translated, “‘True, which is why we need to be on our guard and hope the old man doesn’t take too long to get here’.”

She double-checked the bags, which were filled to the brim with supplies. At the top were a pair of Law’s best black leather boots and one of his long coats, reluctantly donated by an extremely grumpy captain. “Is there anything we might be forgetting?”

Law responded with an irritated growl, and Bepo said, “Um, he’s a bit mad that it’s mostly our stuff you’re giving away and none of your own.”

“Well, it’s not like my shoes or clothes would fit him, Law,” she said breezily. “And I doubt he’d be interested in any of my books.”

“He says that everything we need to replace because of this is coming from your paycheck.”

“No, it’s all coming from the money we’ll get from selling the extra antivenom. Do try to keep up with the plan, Law,” she quipped, tossing a smirk over her shoulder.

The tip of his tail flicked back and forth crossly as he growled something under his breath. She noticed Bepo sweating as he busily set about adding more wood to the fire, his fake whistle making it clear he was simply pretending to have not heard whatever was said so he wouldn’t have to translate.

Nami found she didn’t mind that, mainly because arguing with Law just didn’t have the same thrill when he had to speak through a third party. Nor was it as engaging without glaring defiantly up into a pair of smug eyes, watching his mouth twist into a scowl or smirk in response to her verbal barbs. And though they’d never really been shy about fighting in front of other people, having Bepo actually involved felt…wrong. Like he was unwillingly intruding on something intimate.

She shook her head, refusing to dwell on that line of thinking. She needed to focus on the plan and the task at hand, otherwise she might never get to properly fight with Law again, and that would be an absolute tragedy.

The leopard’s ears perked up, and he let out a meow as he loped to Nami’s side, placing his body in front of hers protectively, shoulders tense and ready to pounce should the worst happen. “‘He’s here. I recognize the scent’.”

There was a rustling of leaves, and as predicted, an old man stepped out of the jungle and onto the beach. He was tan, gangly and thin, at least Law’s height, with a tangled white beard that reached his navel. His face was thin and gaunt with prominent wrinkles across his bald head and around his sunken brown eyes. He wore nothing but a pair of tattered trousers and what appeared to be a thin cloak made of woven grass, and while he was muscular from what was likely a physically intensive lifestyle of living in the jungle, Nami could easily count his ribs in the firelight.

She could just as easily count his scars, too—lashes, lacerations, claw marks, and Nami swore she even saw faded evidence of a branding iron. It also appeared that he was missing two of his toes on his left foot, though it was difficult to be sure with the sand and shadows.

Anxiously, he glanced around as if expecting an ambush, though his attention was quickly stolen by Bepo. “I don’t recall turning anyone into a polar bear,” he said suspiciously, stance shifting as if about to bolt back into the jungle, “and where’s that guy I talked to on the phone?”

“Oh, uh, that’s me,” Bepo said, raising his paw helpfully.

He gasped in surprise. “A talking bear?!”

“I’m sorry,” he replied, hanging his head gloomily.

“Wait, bears can’t talk, which means you must be a Mink, yes? I’ve heard about your kind, but I’ve never had the pleasure of encountering one face-to-face!” he said, eyes getting a little starry as he took a few steps closer to get a better look. “Simply magnificent! Look at those claws! And you’ve got actual fingers! Your coat is remarkably glossy, too! Tell me, what’s your daily diet?”

Sweatdrops fell down both Nami’s and Law’s heads at seeing the old man practically fanboy over Bepo. That was…unexpected to say the least. For his part, Bepo was extremely shy and flustered at the sudden positive attention from a stranger.

“Uh, hate to interrupt, but we’re supposed to be having something of a business transaction right now,” Nami said awkwardly.

That seemed to snap the old man out of his fascinated haze and he practically leapt away before coughing into his fist. “Ah, yes, right. Do you have the goods?” he asked, eyeing the bags skeptically. He kept close to the edge of the jungle, one foot back as if he were ready to flee at a moment’s notice.

Treating him like a skittish deer she didn’t want to scare away, Nami carefully began removing items from the satchels, making broad, obvious movements to show she meant no harm. “Most of the stuff on the shipwreck was unusable, so we replaced them with some of our own supplies. We’ve got pots, pans, blankets, canned goods, a can opener, boots…”

Law growled irritably as his clothes were handed over. The old man ignored him, instead admiring the shiny leather in the firelight. “These are high-quality. Normally I’m not fond of wearing animal skin, but beggars can’t be choosers.” He immediately slipped them on, along with the long wool coat, sighing happily as the warmth encased him. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ve worn real shoes in years. The most they ever gave me were sacks to put on my feet, and that was only after I lost a couple little piggies to frostbite,” he said, wiggling his booted toes for emphasis.

Given what she knew of his treatment, it didn’t surprise Nami, though it did further solidify in her mind that those pirates needed a harsher punishment than just being turned into animals.

“We even brought you books from the library!” Bepo said cheerfully, holding up the stack of encyclopedias. “Nami said you were a conservationist, so we thought you’d like these.”

He studied the titles before wrinkling his nose. “Do you have anything else? Maybe a juicy romance novel or historical fiction?”

“What happened to ‘beggars can’t be choosers’?” Nami asked, a little annoyed. If he wanted a specific genre, he should have said something before they’d gone out of their way to haul a pile of thick, heavy books across the water.

Chastised, the old man shrunk back instinctually at her tone. “Ah, I suppose you’re right. It’s just that I simply hate reading my own writing; especially my older works.”

Three jaws dropped as they connected the dots between the ragged man before them and the author of the zoology books they’d spent the evening reading. “Wait, you’re Dr. Monroe?”

“I am indeed, though no one’s called me that in a long time,” he said with a melancholy smile.

Head jerking between the old man and the stack of encyclopedias, Nami found herself both shocked and further infuriated at the pirates on his behalf. He’d been a respected naturalist, someone who’d researched and written detailed books on thousands of animals, and yet he’d been reduced to a prisoner and tool for a monstrous captain’s selfish gain.

Turning the captain into a vulture was an insult to carrion birds.

“I…I’ve got a few novels I could give you, Dr. Monroe,” she said kindly, ignoring the way Law raised his eyebrow at her. She wasn’t sure if it was due to the realization that she might have a juicy romance novel to offer or that she was offering up her own stuff for free. She hoped it was the latter. “I can understand not wanting to reread your old work for the rest of your life. There are plenty of maps I’ve drawn that I just can’t stand to look at anymore.”

“I…well thank you, missy,” Monroe said, genuinely surprised at her generosity.

“Heck, come check out the sub’s library; you can take your pick of anything there!”

Law gave a vicious snarl in response, ears flattening and teeth bared.

“Uh, except for the medical texts,” Bepo explained nervously, making it clear he was giving the significantly more polite version of his captain’s outburst. “Those are off-limits.”

“Oh, don’t worry; medical stuff has never been my cup of tea,” Dr. Monroe assured him, surprisingly less afraid of a large bear or an angry snow leopard than an annoyed young woman. Looking over the bags of supplies, he gave a grateful smile. “Besides, it seems you’ve held up your end of the bargain, and I admit, you’ve gone above and beyond what I expected. Oh! Were you able to find the antivenom?”

Nami’s teeth sunk into her lip as she recalled their failure on the shipwreck. “I’m so sorry,” she said, nails sinking into her palms because of how tightly her fists were clenched. “We had the antivenom, but then this vulture showed up and stole it from us—”

“The captain,” he deduced sadly, visibly deflating. “He gave you an ultimatum, didn’t he? You plan on trading me for it.”

“Sorry,” Bepo answered, hanging his head. “I tried to fight him off, but it was too risky with those glass vials.”

“We don’t want to,” Nami stressed. “I read the captain’s journal. I know what they’ve done to you. But Law’s dying—”

Dr. Monroe held up a trembling hand to silence her. Skinny legs started to tremble while his hands shook, but his eyes were resolute as he looked at the trio. “I understand. I…I guess you have no choice, then. I’ll turn you and your crew human again. A deal’s a deal, and I’d like to have one last moment of moral high ground before those bastards rip me to shreds.”

Quietly prowling forward, a low chuff came from the snow leopard as he looked up at Dr. Monroe with intelligent gold eyes.

Bepo gave a small sigh of relief as he translated, “Law says, ‘It’s good to hear you have a sense of honor. That’s why we’re not handing you over. Turn me human, and we won’t need the antivenom. My powers will take care of it’.”

“You can talk to animals?” Dr. Monroe asked Bepo, shocked and amazed.

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.”

Stars filled his eyes once more as he gazed in awe at the Mink. “Don’t apologize! This is marvelous! Oh, if only I’d had an assistant like you back in my naturalist days—the discoveries you could have helped me make…”

Law took this moment to cough rudely, interrupting the scientist’s daydream.

“Ah, yes, right. Turn you human. Well, if that’ll save your life and keep me from being handed back over to those psychopaths, I’m more than willing to comply.”

With more confidence than Nami would have expected from the old man, Dr. Monroe strode forward, gently placing his hand on Law’s head. There was a shimmer in the air around him, almost like heat in the desert, before the snow leopard began to transform. As his body shifted and changed, Law stood, once again human and on his own two feet.

Human and not wearing a stitch of clothing.

“Oh my god, why are you naked?!” Nami shrieked, hands flying up to cover her eyes as her face turned beet red.

“Because he wasn’t wearing clothes,” Dr. Monroe supplied matter-of-factly.

“Why didn’t you warn us first?!”

“Because on the off-chance that you really do plan to betray me and hand me over to those pirates as a twisted form of revenge, I might as well get the last laugh.”

Scoffing in annoyance, Law said, “Bepo, hand me Kikoku.”

“Shouldn’t you get dressed first?” the Mink asked, though he dutifully retrieved the nodachi from its hiding place behind a tree.

“I’ll take care of it once the venom’s out of my system. See if you can find me something to wear once I’m done.” Nami could practically hear the smirk in his voice as he added, “Don’t worry, Nami-ya; your virgin eyes will be safe soon enough.”

Instinctively she wrenched her hands away to properly glare at him, only for all the color to drain from her face as she witnessed Law’s body parts floating around in the dome of his Room. As they flew about, blood was slowly being drawn out of them, and she could see little particles of what she assumed to be the venom filling the air like a mist.

“I told you not to look, Nami-ya,” he scolded, though humor laced his voice.

She immediately spun around to face the jungle, feeling fairly sick at what she’d just observed. She was suddenly reminded of that time in the alley when he’d drawn the faulty birth control from her bloodstream. Was this what he’d done? She recalled feeling floaty and strange during the procedure. No wonder he’d ordered her to keep her eye closed.

“Monroe-ya,” Law began, unperturbed by his audience, “though I’m not in the habit of helping people who have both massively inconvenienced me and kidnapped my crew, my navigators are sympathetic to your plight. That, and I’m in even less of the habit of giving into the demands of lesser pirates. So, I’m going to take care of your former captors, but I’ll need your expertise to do it.”

“Good god,” Dr. Monroe said, his voice filled with horrified fascination as he unabashedly stared at the unnatural display before him. “What kind of powers do you have?!”

“That of the Ope Ope no Mi. Believe me, you’ll see far more of what I can do before the night’s over. Now, you said the pirates that are still alive are much worse than those we’ve already faced. Tell me what kinds of animals they are.”

He crossed his bony arms, mouth set in a frown that was nearly hidden by his tangled beard. “Besides the Eurasian black vulture, there’s a red spitting cobra, diamondback rattlesnake, hippopotamus, chimpanzee, and wolverine.”

“A cobra?!” Nami shrieked, horrified. She didn’t need one of the zoology books to tell her that was bad news.

Dr. Monroe waved his hand dismissively. “Spitting cobras don’t bite; as the name implies, they spit their venom, which is generally harmless against intact human and mammalian skin. However, you don’t want to get it in your eyes, as if left untreated it may cause chemosis and corneal swelling.”

“Noted. The rattlesnake’s bite is still dangerous though, yes?” Law asked.

“Quite. However, it’s the hippopotamus you should really worry about—naturally aggressive, charges like a tank, thick skin, and powerful jaws. He’s their heavy-hitter. The vulture is their leader and scout, often flying over the island to find me. Meanwhile, the wolverine is extremely ferocious for its size. The chimpanzee’s vicious and crafty, and has the advantage of thumbs, so he’s been able to disassemble several of my traps.”

“It’s a wonder you’re still alive.”

The old doctor shuddered, seemingly recalling the various horrors he’d endured. “I’m sure they’ve been dreaming of ripping me to shreds and feasting on my corpse, but up until now, it’s been too risky. Even if killing me did turn them human again, they’d still be stuck on this island. At least as animals, they didn’t need as much food or shelter. But I knew the moment your submarine showed up in the bay, my days were numbered.”

Nami could now understand why the pirates were so desperate. After all, they were on an island that wasn’t on any map, had a magnetic signal that was too weak to be detected by a log pose, and was basically a death trap for most vessels; this was likely the only chance they’d have to escape before their minds went completely feral. And of course they couldn’t just ask the doctor to turn them back—not after the hell they’d put him through.

Trying to think about anything besides the journal entries, Nami said, “I’m surprised that the snakes and vulture survived considering how little native wildlife there is on the island. You’d think they’d have starved to death after two months.”

Dr. Monroe shook his head. “From what I’ve observed, they’ve been getting by on birds and the rats that escaped the ship, with the occasional baby sea turtle for good measure. And of course, the vulture’s been feasting on the remains of his former companions.”

Once more, she felt ill. She wondered if those rats were the normal kind, or the humans they’d been using for making antivenom. Then again, the journal had said they’d eaten their former cabin boy, so it probably didn’t matter to them.

“What about you?” Law cut in, interrupting Nami’s thoughts. “You’re not as malnourished as I first thought, but you’re still surprisingly skinny considering all the fresh fruit and fish the island provides.”

“The crew goes out of their way to make my life difficult as a petty form of revenge and intimidation tactic,” the old man groused. “I try to fish, but if I stay in one spot for too long, they find me and chase me away. Same with the fruit—the chimpanzee and baboon would steal it for themselves, or otherwise just destroy it to spite me. And of course, whenever I’d make a fire to cook or keep warm, it made finding me so much easier, so they’d typically charge in and destroy my camp.”

“Wait, doesn’t that make having this fire dangerous?” Nami asked, concerned. “They’ll find us in no time!”

“That’s part of the plan, Nami-ya,” Law assured. “They think we’re going to make a trade, so of course they’d expect us to make ourselves easy to find.”

“Here’s a pair of swim trunks, Captain,” Bepo said helpfully, pulling the garment out of the beach bag he’d been rummaging through.

“Thank you,” Law said, and Nami could hear rustling as he slipped into them. “You can look now, Nami-ya, assuming you weren’t already sneaking peeks,” he sniggered.

Despite the glare she threw at him, Nami had to admit it was nice seeing him bipedal and blessedly human again. And though she refused to say it aloud, it was very nice seeing the way the firelight flickered across his taut muscles and reflected in his cunning gold eyes. The shadows cast across his lithe figure made him almost look unreal, and she found herself tempted to touch him to assure herself that her eyes weren’t playing tricks on her.

Of course, Nami had the feeling she didn’t have to voice her appreciation. The way Law smirked knowingly at her blatant staring said it all.

“So, that power of yours really pulled out all the venom?” Dr. Monroe asked, full of scientific curiosity.

Law tore his attention from the feisty thief to the inquisitive naturalist. “Most of it, at least. I’ll still want a shot of that antivenom to ensure I’m completely cured, but I should be out of the woods for the time being.”

A sigh of relief left Nami’s chest. She was so glad Law had decided to actually reason with the old doctor instead of selling him out. She was even more grateful for the fact that, despite what he’d been put through, he wasn’t a malicious person—just a scared one. That had been clear enough when he’d told them about the antivenom and had agreed to wait until they’d gotten it to make the trade, but his willingness to help them even when he thought they were giving him up to his tormentors proved he deserved their help. It seemed that, while the pirates had done their best to turn him into a timid slave, they’d failed to rip away his humanity.

It was why she now had faith in Law’s plan; people like the vulture and his crew never expected people to act altruistically. They’d naturally assume that all pirates were as monstrous as them. They’d never expect their enemies to talk things out like civilized people and come to a mutually-beneficial agreement.

Rubbing his chin in thought, Law continued his line of questioning. “You said you can’t always control what kind of animals you turn someone into—that if they have a strong will, they can overcome it. Yet their whole plan was having you turn people into rare animals.”

“Yes. Most of the time they kidnapped civilians, so it was easy to assert my will over theirs. It’s a bit like Conqueror’s Haki, I suppose; it can dominate weaker people, but the strong can resist it and turn into something else.”

“Ah, that makes sense. Out of curiosity, what were you trying to turn me into?”

“Well,” Monroe said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment, “I was trying to turn you into a spotted seal. That way, you’d be unlikely to pursue me through the jungle.”

Nami could have laughed at the mental image—Law would have made a very grumpy seal. At least as a snow leopard he was able to maintain some grace and dignity, kitty antics aside. As a seal he’d have to flop around on the beach and make loud barking sounds to communicate.

He seemed to notice the humor on her face as he tossed her a glare before returning his attention to the naturalist. “And you got a snow leopard instead. However, I was able to take out two of your former captors in that form. Which brings me to my plan; did you change any of my crew into creatures that might be good in a fight?”

Dr. Monroe’s eyes lit up in understanding. “Ah, I see; use their transformations to your advantage! Yes, several of them could be quite effective in a fight, but my camp is on the other side of the island—how do you propose we get them before the pirates get us?”

Instead of answering, Law activated his Room, spreading it out across the entire island, eyes closed in concentration. In a blink, the bags and debris left from the party were replaced with an assortment of animals, several looking overjoyed to see their captain again.

Before any of them could raise a ruckus to celebrate their reunion, Law held up his hand for silence. “We don’t have much time; the enemy will be here soon. I was poisoned earlier, and while I’ve removed most of it from my system, they still have the antivenom I need to ensure I’m completely cured. They want us to trade the doctor for it, but as he’s the only one who can turn you all back, we’ve agreed to an alliance.”

Most of the animals appeared concerned at that, but Law continued, “Normally, I’d insist on you all being returned to your human forms first as a precaution, but Dr. Monroe has informed me that several of you have abilities that could be useful. So, I’m going to trust that, no matter what species you are, you’re still my capable, top-notch crew who can handle these beasts. Don’t let me down.”

There was a moment of stunned silence before the crew roared in approval, and Nami found herself smiling at the obvious love and trust they had for their grumpy, morbid captain. Though, honestly, she wasn’t quite certain about this part of the plan—sure, there was a gorilla, what appeared to be a four foot-tall bird, a mongoose, and a bear of some kind, but there were also significantly less-threatening animals like a tapir, a ring-tailed lemur, an armadillo, some kind of weasel, and a walrus.

Turning to the doctor, Law waved him forward. “I need your expertise, Monroe-ya; who should fight, and who should stay back.”

Though he seemed nervous to have the attention of his former hostages suddenly on him, Dr. Monroe looked them over carefully. “Right. Let’s start with the snakes—I’d suggest the mongoose take on the rattlesnake while the secretary bird handles the cobra.”

Looking at the three avians in the group, which included a puffin and a tiny, aggressively-buzzing hummingbird, Bepo pointed at the tall bird with long eyelashes and impressive plumage. “You mean that one?”

“That’s her. Very unique—there’s no other kind of bird like them, so they have their own classification! Most importantly, she’s tall enough to avoid the spitting cobra’s venom, and her stomp is strong enough to snap its spine. She’s like a ninja eagle on stilts!”

The bird puffed up proudly at the description and gave a hoarse croaking sound as she stood beside the mongoose who gave a little salute. Bepo grinned and stated, “Ikkaku says that she and Clione are ready for action!”

Law nodded in approval while Monroe once again looked at the Mink wistfully. “Oh, to have had you as my assistant…”

“Monroe-ya, stop fawning over my navigator,” Law cut in irritably. “We only have so much time to chit-chat. I’m assuming the gorilla will be suitable enough to take on the chimp?”

“Your extremely large friend has the advantage in strength, but that particular chimp is quite clever—he was the crew’s inventor, as it were, which meant he came up with most of their…contraptions,” he said with a shudder. Nami could easily guess he was the one who created the mechanisms used to torture the poor man.

The silverback gorilla grunted something and pointed at a porcupine, who nodded in understanding. “Jean Bart says he’s no idiot himself. In fact, he’s already got an idea for taking him down with Uni’s help.”

“Perfect. Which leaves the wolverine.” A large badger marched forward, glaring up at the doctor. “Hmmm, while a honey badger is remarkably tough, a wolverine is infinitely more aggressive, especially one as hateful as him. I’d suggest you recruit a larger animal for backup.”

Nami pointed to the large bear by the fire. “How about him?”

His wrinkled face twisted in disdain. “Missy, that’s a panda—lazy, stupid, and frankly the bane of my conservation efforts. Every time I requested funding, most it would go to saving them, even though they have absolutely zero survival instincts. I mean, they won’t even mate! Even with a human’s intelligence, I wouldn’t put a single belli on him in a fight.”

“What poor soul got saddled with this pathetic creature?” Law asked, amused when the panda in question scowled at him.

“I believe I heard his companion call him ‘Shachi’.”

Law’s smirk turned absolutely wicked as he approached the bear. “Are you at least still capable of doing kung-fu?”

Stubbornly Shachi tried to strike a fighting stance, only to wobble and fall straight on his ass, unused to his bulk and stubby legs. Pouting at his lack of agility and balance, he crossed his arms and sulkily growled something that could easily be interpreted as “shut up or else.”

The captain’s shit-eating grin showed he was less than impressed. “Oh, how frightening. What are you gonna do, big guy? Sit on me?”

“He says not to tempt him,” Bepo warned, ducking as the hummingbird dive-bombed him furiously. “And Penguin says he hopes you got turned into a sloth or something.”

“My first and second mate are a fat panda and a tiny hummingbird? I’m deeply shamed.”

“Law, for god’s sake, mock them later!” Nami groused, stomping her foot in frustration. She might have faith in his plan, but there wasn’t time to waste on teasing his buddies over their less-than-impressive forms. “We’ve still got a hippo problem!”

Resting his nodachi on his shoulder, he smirked at her over his shoulder. “Relax, Nami-ya. I know exactly which mighty beast in our arsenal can take him out,” he replied, indicating Bepo.

“Who, me?” the Mink asked as he glanced around, certain Law meant someone else.

“While I have no doubt he’s strong, I’m not completely sure a polar bear would win a fight with a hippopotamus,” Dr. Monroe interjected, mouth twisting in concern. “I mean, it’d be fascinating to debate with my old colleagues, but I’d rather not find out first-hand, especially with our lives on the line.”

Smirk widening, Law explained, “Except Bepo’s not some ordinary bear; he’s a Mink. I doubt even a hippo would have much luck against his Electro technique.”

“His what?” Nami asked, eyebrows raising. She knew Bepo was skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but she’d never considered he might have other abilities.

“Electro. It’s a power all Minks are born with,” Bepo explained. “It’s kind of like your Thunderbolt Tempo, except my body generates the electricity. I nearly used it against the vulture when he attacked us, but I couldn’t risk accidentally frying the antivenom. But you’re right, Captain—that hippo won’t stand a chance!” he said excitedly.

She felt a spark of hope. When Law had explained that he had an idea for dealing with the pirates, she’d assumed he’d meant he’d fight them himself. With his powers back he could easily take down the poachers in a second, but instead he was deliberately strategizing around his crew’s new abilities. He was allowing them to feel empowered after what was likely a frightening and frustrating night, while demonstrating his trust in them by letting them handle the situation.

He’d taken her words to heart, and Nami found herself oddly proud of him.

“What about the captain?” Dr. Monroe asked nervously, understandably not sharing her same confidence. “Secretary birds can fly, but she doesn’t have the experience to keep up with him if he tries to flee.”

“Let me worry about the vulture,” Law said dismissively. “I think it’s time we show those third-rate pirates who’s really king of the jungle.”

He turned to the rest of the crew, motioning for them to listen closely. “I know there are several of you who might feel slighted that I’m not requesting you join the battle. I did it not because I don’t have faith in your abilities, but because I have a far more important job for you—protect Nami-ya and the doctor. The enemy will be gunning for him, and if he dies, none of you will ever be changed back. You’re our last line of defense; I’m trusting you to put any grudge aside for the sake of the crew’s wellbeing. And mine.”

Though the leftover crew—which included an otter, raccoon, aye-aye, rabbit, and what appeared to be a deer with fangs—seemed disappointed that they weren’t being called to arms, they immediately perked up at his order. Nami had to admit, it was a good move on Law’s part; it kept the weaker and slower animals from getting hurt without damaging their pride.

Expanding his Room over the island once more, Law stated, “Everyone get in position—I’m bringing the fight to us.”

Nami, Dr. Monroe, and the crew only had a few seconds to comply before a bunch of seashells were replaced with a confused-looking group of animals. Just as the former naturalist had said, there was an enormous hippopotamus, a chimpanzee whose face was crisscrossed with scars, a cobra whose scales were the color of dried blood, and a brown rattlesnake with a striking black diamond pattern on its back. And of course, the black vulture stood at the front, its shoulders hunched as it focused its hateful gaze on Dr. Monroe.

It let out a low hiss as it stepped forward menacingly, only for the Heart crew to gather round their charge, with the walrus in particular using its massive bulk as a shield.

“He says, ‘You know our demands; hand over the doctor and we’ll give you the antivenom’,” Bepo translated helpfully, even as he glared at the angry bird. He wrinkled his snout, the red cut reopening slightly at the movement, the sting serving as a reminder of the last time he’d let the vulture get the drop on them.

With a scoff, Law replied calmly, “I do know your demands. I just don’t give a shit. You attacked my navigator and my cat thief; something I wouldn’t take kindly to, even if you hadn’t stolen the antivenom. I skimmed your journal, too—you’re a real piece of work. I actually have to applaud you for your commitment to being absolute scumbags.” Adjusting his grip on his sword, he gave a slow, mocking clap, his grin turning utterly sadistic as the animals glared daggers at him. “Ah, that feels good. Nothing like clapping your hands to show your contempt. Wings and paws just don’t give the same satisfaction.”

“Law, he’s saying that if you keep doing that, he’s going to peck out the soft flesh of your eyeballs.”

“Is he? Well, guess who has two thumbs and would like to see him try.” He stopped clapping to instead point both his thumbs at himself. “This guy.”

Nami was torn between yelling at Law for his childishness or cheering him on for being just an absolute asshole to a truly deserving piece of shit. She settled on giving an exasperated sigh even as she grinned slightly.

“He’s either extremely arrogant or utterly insane,” Dr. Monroe whispered to her, looking far more worried. Not that she could completely blame him—he didn’t know the Hearts or Law like she did, so this whole affair was much more of a gamble on his part.

Sympathetic, she patted his arm. “Believe me, Doctor, with him there’s no ‘or’,” she stated encouragingly.

Infuriated by Law’s disrespect, the vulture let out another hiss, spreading his wings in a grandiose gesture.

“He says ‘You don’t seem to understand the fact that we’re the ones holding the power. You’ve heard of supply and demand, haven’t you’?”

“As a matter of fact, I have. The thing is, you don’t have the supply.” Law held up the backpack, pulling out one of the vials to further emphasize his point.

Five sets of eyes widened as the pirates looked around, making a series of angry hisses and roars when they realized the same power that had teleported them to the beach had also snatched the knapsack right from their claws.

Realizing that they’d lost their advantage, the hippo gave a loud bellow as it charged forward, aiming straight for the doctor, determined to trample any of the animals that might try to get in its way. It didn’t expect Bepo to jump in the way, though, nor for him to grab it by the snout and release a crackling electric attack, blasting it with enough volts to stop it dead in its tracks.

Chaos swiftly broke out. The two snakes attempted to use the hippo’s distraction to sneak around, but the Hearts were prepared for such a maneuver. Ikkaku darted for the cobra, slamming her foot down on its back over and over, pounding it hard into the sand and ignoring its pained hisses until it was sure its spine was well and truly broken. In contrast, Clione used his agility to avoid the rattlesnake’s swift lunge, sinking his teeth deep into its neck at the base of the skull so it couldn’t fight back, holding on tightly while it writhed and slowly bled out.

In contrast, the chimp didn’t even get that far. Jean Bart grabbed Uni and gently tossed him to the smaller ape, who foolishly reached out to catch him. The porcupine’s sharp, barbed quills pierced the chimp’s hands, and Uni smacked him in the face with his tail for good measure. With his opponent suitably distracted and unable to use his hands, Jean Bart grabbed the chimpanzee and put him in a headlock, his muscular arms easily choking him out.

Meanwhile, the wolverine’s fight with Crozier was much less one-sided. It managed to sink its teeth into Crozier’s skin which, while his thick and loose hide protected him from the powerful jaws, left him pinned. However much to everyone’s surprise, Shachi lumbered over and swiped at the wolverine with his claws. On instinct the smaller mammal released Crozier, who took the opportunity to shuffle back, glancing up at the panda curiously. With a grunt that was likely some clever quip, Shachi turned around and sat down hard onto the wolverine, crushing it beneath his mass.

“Well, that was unexpected,” Law stated, blinking in surprise but sounding mildly impressed at his old friend’s contribution to the fight.

Seeing his comrades get taken down so easily by what should have been lesser animals clearly threw the vulture for a loop. He beat its wings, preparing to take to the air, when something small and quick shot forward. A horrific hiss of agony escaped him as Penguin furiously stabbed him in the eye with his needlelike beak.

Catching the two birds in his Room, Law Shambled Penguin over to his side before drawing Kikoku, vivisecting the vulture.

As the scavenger bird lay on the ground in pieces, showing as much terror as a creature like him could, Law looked at Dr. Monroe over his shoulder. “Considering how he tortured you for, what, two years? I’m open to requests regarding his fate. Shall I throw him into the fire and make roast vulture? Pluck his feathers to make a hideous hat? Feed him to the sharks?”

The naturalist appeared conflicted. His chapped lips were set in a frown while his wrinkled, sunburned brow furrowed. His eyes darted across the fallen forms of his former tormentors, internally mulling over Law’s offer.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to kill him,” Nami assured, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Dr. Monroe gave a little huff before shaking his head. “Oh, no, I want him dead. I want all of them dead. These bastards destroyed my life, killed my friends, and have put me through hell. It’s just…well, I simply hate seeing an animal in pain. I’m starting to regret transforming him. I suppose I’m still a conservationist at heart.”

She blanched, but she supposed she couldn’t blame him. After all, she wouldn’t have complained if Luffy had actually killed Arlong instead of merely defeating him. She just wouldn’t have openly admitted it, either.

“Well, if you don’t have any preferences, I suppose I’ll just help along the Circle of Life,” Law said, expanding the bubble to encase the other fallen animals.

“Tact.”

The former poachers were levitated into the air before being flung out across the cove, beyond the reef and rocks to land with a splash into the ocean. Nami wasn’t sure which would be a kinder fate—drowning or being eaten by sharks.

Either way, the battle had been won.

“We did it, Captain!” Bepo cheered, embracing him tightly. “Your plan worked perfectly!”

“Only because I had a capable crew to execute it,” Law said, smiling faintly as he allowed the happy Mink to cuddle him. The rest of the crew quickly surrounded him, chattering and squawking loudly in celebration.

Dr. Monroe, meanwhile, stood at the edge of the water and stared out at the spot where his former captors had been deposited.

“You ok?” Nami asked, standing beside him.

“Sorry. I suppose I’m just trying to process everything that’s happened. They…they’re really gone, aren’t they?” he asked, voice barely more than a whisper.

“They are. It’ll take some time for that fact to really sink in, but it’ll happen. I’ve got some experience in that department,” she said ruefully.

“Do the nightmares ever go away? The memories of what you’ve done to survive?”

Nami mulled over whether to tell him the truth or comfort him with a lie. Eventually, she settled on saying, “Not completely, but it gets easier. What’s important is that they didn’t completely take away your humanity. And now you’re free to live as you please.”

“You’re right. Thanks, missy,” he replied with a small smile. “And…and I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve put you and your friends through. You’re good folk. Well, your captain’s a little sick in the head, but there aren’t many pirates out there that would help someone like me the way you did.”

“There really aren’t. I don’t blame you for being scared. Hell, it took me way longer to warm up to them. So, what are you going to do now?”

“Stay here and live a peaceful retirement. Study the birds and sea turtles. I figure I’ve only got a few more years left, so why not enjoy it in a tropical paradise where no one can bother me?”

With a wide grin, Nami replied, “Sounds perfect for a guy like you.”

They were interrupted by a low squawk, and the pair turn around to find Ikkaku looking at them inquisitively.

“I’m not gonna lie, Ikkaku, I’m wholly jealous of your eyelashes right now,” Nami said, studying the bird’s face. She got a playful bat of her eyes in response before she jerked her head over at Dr. Monroe, tilting her head in question. “He’s ok. He’s just…got some damn good reasons to mistrust pirates. I’ll fill you in later.”

She nodded before indicating the rest of the group, her question clear; “can we turn back now?”

“Yeah, we should take care of that before something else crazy happens. This has been the worst vacation ever.”

She got a squawk in agreement, to which Dr. Monroe muttered an embarrassed apology. Nami turned towards Law, who was chatting with Shachi and Bepo over by the fire.

“You actually sat on him. I’m not sure if I should be impressed or appalled.”

Bepo frowned as Shachi grunted something. “What do you mean you got the idea from me?! Law’s the one who suggested it!”

The panda let out another grunt, which made Bepo droop. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Uh, guys, can we hurry up and get everyone back to normal before Bepo has to change his job to full-time animal whisperer?” Nami asked, strolling over.

“I suppose it is time for Monroe-ya to make good on his end of the deal,” Law replied.

The doctor grinned. “Absolutely. You kids have done me a huge kindness. If you’d never shown up, I’d still be plagued by those bastards. Now I can hopefully live out my days in peace. I think I’m looking forward to a nice, quiet hermit life.”

“Well, the sooner you change back my crew, the sooner you can get started on that.”

“Gotcha. Though, I gotta say, I kind of envy you—I can’t transform myself, so I’ve never been able to experience what it’s like. And you,” his eyes lit up, “were a snow leopard! One of the most beautiful and mysterious creatures I ever had the privilege to study! I sure as hell wouldn’t have minded trading places with you.”

“It had its pros and cons,” he admitted reluctantly, eyes flicking towards Nami. “Though I’m sure I’d despise it by daybreak—all that fur on a summer island would have been hell.”

Dr. Monroe’s eyes widened in understanding and chagrin. “Ah! I hadn’t even thought of that! You’re right; we should get you all back to your human selves before any of you get heat stroke.” He turned to some of the furrier crewmembers, giving a deep, apologetic bow. “I’m so sorry; I should have turned you all into animals more suited to the climate. I’m also truly sorry for keeping you in cages, and for ruining your vacation.”

Shachi grunted something which made Bepo frown. “Hey, it’s not Law’s fault that he got turned into something cool and you didn’t!”

The panda growled and crossed his arms.

“What’s wrong with being a bear?!”

Another grunt, and Bepo hung his head. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

Watching the exchange, Law frowned at his second mate’s bullying before he got a wicked look in his eye. “Monroe-ya, how many people can you change back at a time?”

The old doctor lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. “As many as I can touch or can touch me. I can probably get your whole crew back to normal in a few rounds.”

He indicated the panda. “Make sure Shachi’s in the first wave, then. I’d hate for him to make good on his threat of sitting on me, after all.”

Bepo nodded in agreement before a thought seemed to strike him as he glanced around at the crew with concern. “Um, Law, shouldn’t we wait—”

He immediately shushed Bepo. “It’s almost morning and they’re all impatient to become human again, right? I’d say we should get a move on.”

Nami sighed. She knew what he was doing, and part of her was tempted to stop him—the crew’d suffered enough that evening—but after everything that had happened throughout the night, she had to admit Law could probably use a laugh. And Shachi definitely deserved this for being mean to Bepo. So, she simply ushered Ikkaku to the side and whispered, “Don’t look—trust me.”

A moment later, about a half-dozen indignant yelps rang out, prompting Nami to chuckle and roll her eyes as Ikkaku looked up at her in confusion.

“I want you to remember the next time you decide you want to pull an embarrassing prank on me that I did not allow you to be seen naked by the rest of your crew.”

Secretary birds couldn’t make much by way of shocked expressions, but Ikkaku’s eyes definitely widened in understanding before nodding emphatically.

XXX

“Please tell me you’re not making coffee.”

Law glanced up at Nami as he reached into the fridge. “Relax; I’m making myself some warm milk to help me sleep. I’ve had an exhausting few days if you recall. So has everyone else, really.”

She couldn’t argue that. After the crew had been returned to their original forms, Nami had expected Law would make them leave right away, but he’d allowed them to spend a few more days on the island. Ostensibly it was so he could recover from the residual effects of the venom and finally collect the aloe he’d been looking for, but she suspected he was giving them all a little more time to relax considering the unexpected direction the trip had gone.

However, several of the crew had used that time to make sure Dr. Monroe was set for his much-desired new life as a free man and hermit. Upon hearing the doctor’s story, Jean Bart had been especially sympathetic and had strong-armed Seiuchi and Malamute into helping build a cozy cabin and permanent campsite. Cousteau had been kind enough to donate some of his fishing equipment and Crozier had given a bunch of tips for surviving in the wilderness, though his experience was admittedly more geared towards arctic survival than jungle.

Surprisingly, the Heart Pirates grew rather fond of their former captor. He and Cousteau had quickly bonded over a mutual love of nature. When he’d seen the greenhouse plans, he’d happily given his input, as he’d worked with many notable horticulturists. By the end of the second night, Penguin was laughing while telling the embarrassing tale of how he’d been trapped under his own hat upon being transformed. Even Law had warmed to him, as they’d conferred over better ways to treat Bepo’s injuries.

When they sailed away, Dr. Monroe had tearfully seen them off, though Shachi had joked that he was just sad he hadn’t managed to recruit Bepo as his new research assistant.

Yes, it had been a busy few days, but instead of being snuggled up in bed, Nami found herself in the galley watching Law pour milk into a saucepan.

“Tch. We’re tragically low on cookware. Ermine must have given the old man more of their stuff. I’m beginning to think recruiting you was a terrible idea—you’re turning my men into a bunch of charitable fools,” he said with a scowl.

Nami rolled her eyes as she poured herself a glass of orange juice. “Oh, hush—he more than paid for their labor with the antivenom.”

“Labor and supplies. He seemed especially happy to raid my library. By the way, were you able to provide him with any ‘juicy romance novels’?”

She attempted to hide her blush behind her glass. “No. Don’t be ridiculous.”

A midnight blue eyebrow raised along with the corner of his mouth. “Then I wonder where that racy paperback I found him gleefully reading on the beach came from?”

Pink deepened to red as she bit her tongue. Law realizing that she read erotic novels was nearly as bad as the fact that she was going to have to buy a third copy of To Catch A Turtle Dove. “It’s a mystery that may never be solved.”

“Pity. I was hoping the owner might be able to give me some advice on seducing you.” He gave a long, appreciative leer at her sleepwear; a pink spaghetti-strap tank top and matching booty shorts that definitely didn’t leave much to the imagination where her curves were concerned. “After all, you’re looking especially tempting tonight.”

“I think I liked it better when you couldn’t talk,” she groused, chugging her juice.

“Well, if it wasn’t the stimulating conversation, what brings you here, Nami-ya?” he asked, critically glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.

She tried to give a casual shrug, only to wince as a twinge of pain shot through her back. “I wanted a drink. That, and I couldn’t sleep,” she admitted, rubbing her shoulder. “My back’s sore from when I crashed through the deck of the shipwreck. Add on all the hard work from the past couple days and I’ve gotten kind of stiff.”

“Do you need something for the pain?”

She waved off his concern. “I’m not seriously hurt and Ikkaku already got me a few aspirin; I’m just waiting for them to kick in. Sure wish she hadn’t already fallen asleep, though—I’d kill for another one of her massages,” she laughed. Ikkaku would probably do it, though; upon learning that her modifications to the Clima-Tact had made it harder to control, the mechanic had basically shut herself up for the past few days attempting to fix it. It was clear she felt guilty, even though Nami had assured her that there were no hard feelings.

“She does give exceptionally good ones,” Law stated, reaching into one of the cupboards. While he was distracted, Nami took a moment to cast an admiring glance at his once-more human form. He really was very lithe and muscular, especially when he deigned to wear a tank top instead of his usual sweatshirt. The tattoos decorated his long arms so beautifully, too, the swirls of the hearts in particular drawing her eye. And while his fur had been wonderfully soft, she found she rather preferred the dark blue of his hair and goatee contrasting with his olive skin.

“See something you like, sweetheart?”

Grateful that she’d gotten better at suppressing her blush, she gave a casual shrug. “Just glad you’re human again, though I kinda miss the ears and tail. They were so soft and fluffy,” she cooed, giving an exaggeratedly wistful sigh.

“They would have been hell on my reputation, though,” he said bluntly, taking the milk off the stove. “I’d be mocked or fawned over constantly, so my body count would at least double. And that’s assuming there aren’t any other side-effects to my brief feline phase.”

As he spoke, he carefully poured the steaming milk into a saucer. Nami’s eyes popped as he lifted it to his mouth and, instead of drinking it like a normal person, began lapping it up with his tongue.

Kyaaaaaaa! she mentally shrieked, ready to run to the control room to demand they head back to Cousteau Island—Dr. Monroe had assured everyone that they hadn’t been animals long enough for it to have affected their minds, but clearly Law had sustained some kind of kitty brain damage!

Those fears were immediately quashed when gold eyes flicked up to her, a mischievous smirk curling his lips.

“Oh, you asshole,” she growled, sorely tempted to smack him over the head for his stupid prank. “You’re lucky I don’t have you neutered.”

He let out a little chuckle at her annoyed expression, tipping back the saucer to finish off the last of the milk. “You could try, but I’d easily reattach them. That, and I can assure you, you’ll want those particular…parts of me intact.”

She rolled her eyes at his arrogance but decided this wasn’t an argument worth continuing. Instead she occupied herself with cleaning and putting away her glass, ignoring his expectant look as she refused to take the bait or get embarrassed at his suggestive teasing.

“So, Law, I hope you learned an important lesson from this little adventure?” she asked, rolling her shoulders in hopes of loosening the muscles.

“To appreciate having the use of actual hands. Never again will I take them for granted,” he answered bluntly, admiring his tattooed fingers like they were the most valuable treasure on the Grand Line.

“I was going to say ‘to put trust in your crew’ but I guess that’s true, too,” she replied with a shake of her head. “I get that you’re a control freak, but really, was it so hard to stand back and let someone else fight for you? To trust in someone else’s judgement and abilities?”

“Are you really still lecturing me about this?” he asked, jaw twitching in irritation.

“I’ll stop so long as you get it through your head that you’re not some all-powerful deity that needs to watch over us weak, stupid mortals.”

He chuckled slightly at her description and twirled his finger in a circle, indicating that she turn around. Curious, she obeyed, jumping slightly when she felt his calloused palms gently rest on her bare shoulders. However, any resistance she might have shown was swiftly vanquished when he proceeded to press his fingers into the tense muscles, rubbing small circles against her back to ease the hard knots he found there.

“Ikkaku may be the better masseuse, but she taught me a thing or two,” he murmured as he firmly dragged his thumbs down the length of her spine. “Tell me if anything hurts.”

Nami couldn’t stop herself from arching her back, groaning happily as she felt a satisfying pop. His touch was warm and sure, applying just the right amount of pressure to the points of her back that had grown stiff and sore due to their last adventure. The pads of his fingers worked in tight circles along her rhomboid muscle, easing the tension that had made sleeping so uncomfortable. “Ok, yeah, I’m beginning to appreciate your hands too. Almost makes up for the talking,” she moaned as he switched to long dragging motions downwards.

“I’ll admit, being a snow leopard was a unique experience,” he purred, rubbing his thumbs in small circles along her lower back, gradually increasing the pressure with each rotation to coax her tight muscles to loosen. “Frustrating as the circumstances were, having such heightened senses was a hell of an experience. My eyesight and hearing were keener than you could even imagine but having such a powerful sense of smell was absolutely fascinating.”

“Really? I thought you were annoyed that you couldn’t track scents?” she asked, tilting her head to the side as his skilled fingers began working up her neck, massaging the sensitive flesh at the base of her skull.

“That had to do with my inexperience. But the scents themselves were just so enhanced. It was like I’d gone around wearing a surgical mask my whole life, and I was taking it off for the first time!”

Nami had to smile a bit at his enthusiasm. She supposed it had to do with him being a doctor—having such keen senses for the brief period of time must have shown him just how limited humans were, and he was probably wondering if he could replicate any of it through his medical procedures.

Which, honestly, was pretty creepy, but also kind of charming in its own way.

Hot breath fanned against her ear as he murmured, “And I must say, Nami-ya, you in particular smelled absolutely delicious.”

She blanched, remembering the way he tore into those steaks in the infirmary. “You were thinking about eating me?” she shrieked, trying to jerk away.

He let out a low chuckle as he spun her around, pulling her against him so their chests were pressed flush together as his hands rested on her waist. “Hmmm, not in the way you’re thinking, though it’d be what you deserved after taking such blatant advantage of me.”

She was too flabbergasted to blush. “Excuse me?”

Tongue clucking like he was scolding a naughty child, he explained, “There I was, laying on the examination table, dying from a deadly snake bite, and you simply couldn’t help yourself; you just had to put your hands all over me.”

“I—what—you—you nuzzled me!” she defended, poking him in the sternum.

“I was offering you comfort, and you took that to mean you could fondle me? For shame, Nami-ya.”

She stared at him, flustered and aghast. “Are you seriously complaining? You were practically begging me to touch you!”

“I never gave you any kind of verbal consent, though.”

“The way you were practically melting into my hands said plenty.”

A wicked grin spread across his face, and she intuitively knew she’d walked right into his trap. Before she could attempt to wiggle away, he used the muscular length of his body to pin her against the counter.

“Let me go, Law,” she snapped, though she couldn’t quite hold back a groan as his skillful fingers once more worked at the tight knot of muscles that had formed between her shoulders.

“Mmm, are you seriously complaining? You’re practically begging me to touch you.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“And you’re such a tease,” he whispered, nipping the shell of her ear. “Don’t even try to deny you’re enjoying this; the way you’re practically melting into my hands says plenty.”

Said hands strayed down to cup her rear, giving a playful squeeze before backing up just long enough to hoist her up onto the counter, stepping between her legs so she couldn’t kick out at him. “Consider it positive reinforcement. I did go out of my way to give my crew the chance to save the day, plus I helped an old man who I really should have tossed into the sea along with his captors for daring to attack my crew in the first place.” Pressing his nose to her neck, he inhaled her scent. “You pet me, so I’m petting you. I’m just taking what I’m owed.”

“You—”

“Or I could demand monetary compensation for all the supplies you gave away.”

Her jaw dropped and she angrily smacked him on the head. “The antivenom will pay for those!”

“Yes, but not until we actually sell it,” he growled, grabbing her wrist and pinning it to the counter. “I should really be making you pay in the meantime. Instead, I’m being nice and letting you off the hook in exchange for sitting still while I have some fun.”

The angry retort she intended to make died in her throat as he pulled her flush against him, burying his face against her neck while his hands roamed her sides, grasping and squeezing the soft flesh beneath them. The soft sensation of his warm mouth brushing against her sensitive throat made her shiver, though it turned into a full-bodied jolt when he bit down slightly and massaged the firm meat of her ass.

She prepared to strike him again, but something stayed her hand. Law was groping and mouthing at her skin, but it didn’t feel sexual. Or at least, not nearly as much as it usually did. It wasn’t electric and coaxing, nor was it hot and dominating. It was desperate, but not in a way that said he wanted to ravish her on the counter. It was clingy, needy. Like a freezing man seeking warmth. Or like he had awoken from a vivid nightmare and needed some kind of contact to prove he was back in the real world.

“Law, what’s really on your mind?” she asked, confused and concerned.

“Nothing. I’m just enjoying the chance to feel up a beautiful woman,” he replied bluntly, giving her pale thighs a suggestive squeeze.

Pressing her hands against his chest, she pushed him back enough to get a good look at his face. Brown eyes met gold, and for a moment, his expression wasn’t that of the smug pirate captain, but of a worn-out young man. “Bullshit. I know your style; you like to tease through subtle touches. You’ve only blatantly groped me when you had to put on a show for Drake or Smoker. And since we don’t have an audience, there has to be another reason.”

His face twisted as he internally debated giving her a straight answer versus brushing her off. She could practically see him composing a list of pros and cons. So, Nami sat there quietly, refusing to back down but not pushing.

Finally, he said with a scowl, “Maybe I’m doing it because, powers or not, getting you flustered is something I can control. And maybe I spent an evening dying of snake venom wondering if I’d ever experience human contact again.”

She suddenly remembered how on-edge he’d been during his ordeal as a snow leopard. How he’d been pacing while she and Bepo had been retrieving the antivenom. Nervously checked over their injuries and snapped at them when they pointed out his limitations. How hard he pushed himself making his plans for Atifakuto because he didn’t know what to expect and felt he couldn’t leave anything to chance.

He wasn’t touching her because he wanted to mess with her. He wasn’t even flirting. Law was simply desperate for comfort but was too proud to ask for it. So he went for the next best thing.

“Being a leopard really scared you, didn’t it?” Nami asked softly. The coarse hairs of his sideburns tickled the soft skin of her palm as she cupped his cheek. “I get it; not having your powers must be terrifying. Especially for someone like you Captain Doesn’t-Sleep-for-a-Week-Because-He’s-Obsessively-Planning. But we had your back, didn’t we?”

Despite himself, Law leaned into her touch, all but nuzzling her hand. “…it’s been a long time since I’ve felt that helpless. It was more than not having my powers. I was slowly dying, and yes there was a cure, but the last time someone put their life on the line for me like that, they died, and there was nothing I could do to save him.” He averted his gaze, though she could still see the haunted look in his eyes. “When you and Bepo went to salvage the wreck, all I could think about was all the ways you two could die. If you failed, not only would I die powerless and alone, but the rest of the crew would be doomed. And there was nothing I could do about it.”

Hearing that, Nami found herself feeling much more sympathetic towards the Dark Doctor’s obsessive tendencies. He’d experienced enough pain and hardship to make him paranoid about losing people, and took on so much because when things went wrong, he was far too likely to blame himself.

The soft pad of her thumb rubbed soothingly against his cheekbone, just under the dark bag beneath his eye. “I’m sorry, Law. I still think you’re a massive control freak but…I get it.” She really did. He clung to control as desperately as she clung to freedom and money. He grew up without it, lost someone he cared for because of that, and was loathed to let it go.

Without thinking, she pressed a comforting peck to his forehead before giving him a warm, gently teasing smile. “Next time you’re turned into a snow leopard, I promise to be a bit more considerate.”

That coaxed a wry half-smile from him. “If Monroe-ya ever does that again, I’m demanding he make you one, too. After all, a conservationist like himself could surely see how beneficial it could be to his repopulation efforts—”

“And we’re done,” Nami groaned, pushing him away. It was easily done, too, with Law stepping back with little prompting, making it clear that he would have let her go if she’d shown any real resistance.

Jumping down from the counter, she started towards the door, only to pause at his side. Nimble fingers wrapped around his wrist and gave it a comforting squeeze. “Get some sleep Law, ok? Your capable crew needs their powerful, scheming captain at his best.”

Though there was no smile on his face, his eyes were warmer, and he seemed more at ease. “I suppose they do. You should get some sleep, too; I need my cat thief ready for the job I have in mind.”

“And what job is that?”

“To help me win an auction for a vase laced with one of the deadliest poisons in the world.”

#fic: welcome to the heart pirates #lawna #lawna fanfic #lawnami #trafalgar law x nami #lawxnami #heart pirate nami #heart pirates #trafalgar D. Water Law #trafalgar law #op fanfiction #op fanfic #One Piece Fanfiction #one piece nami #cat thief nami #tw: animal attack #tw: animal harm #tw: animal death #tw: animal injury #one piece bepo #bepo #straw hat nami #one piece fanfic #leopard law

[booksaremyoxygenn]

Mosquitoland: Book Review and Best Quotes

Rating: 4

SPOILERS: 

Another beautiful coming of age story. There were cute parts like when she met the old woman, Arlene, on the bus and the crazy parts like when she ran from Caleb, Shadow Kid, and ended up on the roof with the Karate Kid. (My love for Albert and his whole essence as a character is overflowing.) That was lots of fun. Then there was some intense parts like when she has to puke in that man’s mouth so that he would stop trying to kiss her and potentially rape her. Most of all I appreciated Beck and Walt and the family they created. I was really sad when they left at the end so she could grow up and I just wish there was no goodbye even though I understand the need for a liquid goodbye. (It also made it more realistic, which I appreciated.)

I liked the reveal that all the letters were to her little sister that she didn’t originally want. I also love the war paint / lipstick, I have one like that too that when I put it on makes me feel invincible. I think that should be a staple for all women, to own something that you can put on at anytime and feel stronger.

I really appreciated that the author put in the scene in on 195 where Mim realizes that if she would have spoken up about Poncho Man sexually coming after her in the girl’s bathroom that she could have saved the hispanic girl from having to go through the same thing. I will not pretend to know what it’s like to be in the shoes of someone who has been sexually assaulted in that way BUT I think in any form of bullying or related topic it highlights why it is important to speak out. I loved how realistic this was whole story was and relatable. Beck is much older than Mim and they fell in love anyway, a message of how love knows no age. However, if Beck is available anytime soon I’m only 1 year younger.... just saying. Haha I love his character so much. 

Quotes: 

“A thing’s not a thing until you say it out loud.” (3)

“Every great character, Iz, be it on page or screen, is multidimensional. The good guys aren’t all good, the bad guys aren’t all bad, and any character wholly one or the other shouldn’t exist at all. Remember this when I describe the antics that follow, for though I am not a villain, I am not immune to villainy.” (p6)

“I loved it when she was like that, all young and fun and eager to keep being young and fun, and it didn’t matter what happened the day before or the day after, all that mattered was the Young Fun Now. Such a rare thing.” (15)

“I think my dad is a good man who has succumbed to the madness of the world. . . “So many do, my dear. So many do.” (23)

“I’ve developed a theory I like to call the Pain Principle. The gist of it is this: pain makes people who they are.” (43)

“And neither enormity nor shit-stank could be found in a pancake breakfast. Pain is what matters. Not just fast cars or big words or fabulous stories in exotic settings. . . I guess what I’m saying is, I’ve learned to accept my pain as a friend, whatever form it takes. Because I know it’s the only thing between me and the most pitiful of all species - the Generics.” (44)

“I wish wishing were enough, but it’s not. Sometimes you need a thing.” (49)

“Even Picasso used a little rouge.” (57)

“The girl who took matters into her own hands, figuratively, literally, fucking finally.” (71)

“Because life is rarely what you imagined it would be.” (85)

“Help is help to anyone, Mary. Even if they don’t know they’re asking for it.” (95)

“Have a vision, Mary, unclouded by fear.” (100)

“When you were born, you cried while the world rejoiced. Live your life so that when you die, the world cries while you rejoice.” (101)

“In a moment of heavenly revelation, it occurs to me that detours are not without purpose. They provide safe passage to a destination, avoiding pitfalls in the process. Floating in this lake with Walt is most certainly a detour. And maybe I’ll never know the pitfalls I’ve avoided, but I can say this with certainty: a sincere soul is damn near impossible to find.” (131)

* (After Iz sneaks out and comes home to find her parents didn’t notice.) * “No one was awake. No one was mad. No one cared. My God, Iz . . . I hope you don’t know what that feels like.” (142)

“I didn’t know her all that well, not really. I didn’t know her favorite color or movie, or what kind of music she liked, or if she prefered lakes to oceans. I didn’t even know her last name. But maybe those aren’t the things that channel love. Maybe the true conduit is more elusive than that.” (165)

“I had people. Who love me. People who cheated to lose. There’s really something to this, Iz, something that separates me from Shadow Kid. And I think this is what makes the storm pass.” (174)

“I want so badly for him to be real, to be good, to be a person of major fucking substance and despair.” (190) 

“Opening scenes are funny, because you never know which elements will change over time and which will stay the same. The world was, and is, mad.” (191)

“Life can be a real son of a bitch sometimes, bringing things back around long after you’ve said goodbye.” (196)

“And I cry. I cry thinking about the Rickys and Walts of the world, smiling in the face of all those Ty Zarnstorffs. I cry because I’ve never smiled like that, not once in my life. I cry because I love. For some reason, I always have.” (197)

“Frayed, worn, stringy, faded . . . It’s all just proof of a life lived well.” (211)

“I guess I just think life is more mysterious than death.” (228)

“You spend your life roaming the hillsides, scouring the four corners of the earth, searching desperately for just one person to fucking get you. ANd I’m thinking if you can find that, you’ve found home.” (250)

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be, like, a solid good-bye, you know?” “As opposed to a liquid one?” “Yes, actually. I much prefer liquid good-byes to solid ones.” (250)

“I’m done roaming hillsides. I’ve scoured the corners of the earth. And I’ve found my people.” (251)

“You ever have the feeling you lost something important, only to discover it was never there to begin with?” (258) 

“I play the What If? game all the time. But it’s rigged, is the thing. Impossible to win. Asking What If? can only lead to Maybe Things Could Have Been Different, via Was It My Fault?” (259)

“Sure, I’d love to kiss-hug-marry-hold Beck, but for now, I’m happy just to be with him. Sometimes being with gets overlooked I think.” (260)

“I swear, the older I get, the more I value bad examples over good ones. It’s a good thing, too, because most people are egotistical, neurotic, self absorbed peons, insistent on wearing near-sighted glasses in a far-sighted world.” (264)

“Life, it seems, delivers the best punch lines only after we’ve forgotten we were part of a joke.” (276) 

“Beck is teaching me how to be a better person, and when you find someone who inspires you like that, you hold on for dear life.” (283)

“And I think of all the times I thought I wasn’t okay, and all the times maybe I could have been, if I’d had Beck Van Buren around to tell me otherwise.” (311)

“Home is hard. . . It’s more than a storage unit for your life and its collections. It’s more than an address, or even the house you grew up in. People say home is where the heart is, but I think maybe home is the heart. Not a place or a time, but an organ pumping life into my life. There may be more mosquitos and stepmothers than I imagined, but it’s still my heart. My home.” (322) 

“Because even though honesty is hard, you really have to murder people with it if you expect to be a person of any value at all.” (323) 

“I was lovely once, but he never loved me once.” (326)

“Did God mess up?” I asked “Nope,” said Bubbly Skinned Man, smiling like a fool. “He just got bored.” (327)

“Maybe there is some black and white, though. In our choices. In my choices.” (340)

#Mosquitoland #David Arnold #Book review #Book quotes #best book quotes #reader #YA #Young Adult Book #Young Adult Quotes #Quotes #YA Quotes #YA Book review

[whitsundaysvacations-blog]

Why You Should Never Holiday In The Whitsundays

Unlike many other tropical locations around the world, you may visit the Whitsundays and ask yourself where are the huge crowds? Why am I at the lookout of the most beautiful beaches in the world and there are only a few people, if any? How can you possibly capture the essence of the entire beach if you’re only using a selfie stick? If only there were 1000’s of other people fighting to capture the same picture. Then there would at least be someone who could take a photo of you.

Another pitfall of the Whitsundays is trying to decide what to do and where to go. This is hard enough if you’re travelling alone but if you have a partner or a family, you can expect to have many heated arguments about where to spend your precious holiday time. The kids will no doubt want to swim in the beachfront Lagoon, while you’re content to laze around the resort pool. The wife may want to have coffee and lunch at the beach and you wanted to do an island jet ski tour.

Don’t get me started on fishing. I’ve caught so many great fish over the years that my friends don’t even talk to me on social media anymore. Sometimes I just want to have a quiet weekend and read a book and I feel relieved when it’s too windy to fish the reef. I can’t even get 2 chapters in and someone’s calling to say the Mud Crabs are running hot in the river or the Dam is firing for metre plus barramundi. It’s impossible to use the weather as an excuse as there are so many options. I can already picture the arguments now after your partner catches a bigger Coral Trout than you and you swear you’ll never fish again.

If you’ve ever argued with your partner about where to eat, you can also expect this to be a major issue again. This age-old argument will pale in comparison when trying to book tours in the Whitsundays. You may think you’ve won the battle by agreeing to see the Great Barrier Reef. But this is just the beginning of the war, how will you see the reef? By boat, plane, helicopter, diving or fishing? You can expect similar problems every day with every tour when you have so many options. With so many things to do and so many great places to see, you’ll need counselling long after the holiday has ended. These are just some of the situations to avoid when travelling to a tropical oasis.

So the next time someone tries to tell you they’ve just seen some amazing pictures of Airlie Beach, Bowen and the 74 surrounding islands, PLEASE show them this article. In fact, please share it with as many people as you can to make sure they avoid all the issues that come with a holiday in The Whitsundays. I could go on for hours about the pitfalls and how it will negatively impact your life but I think you’ve got the picture. I’m sure you know by now to play it safe with a holiday to an overcrowded destination, that’s not a beautiful and pristine location with lots of activities.

If for some reason you have to visit the Whitsundays and it’s completely unavoidable, like your friend has planned a picture-perfect wedding in paradise. For the sake of your relationship, your family or just for your own sanity I recommend looking up Whitsunday Vacations. They’re known for the best Airlie Beach Holiday Accommodation and specialise in The Whitsundays most luxurious properties.

For More information visit- Endless Oceans

#whitsunday vacation #holiday accommodation

[meet-girl-777]

How and where to find your soul mate?

How to find a soul mate? This question is becoming more and more relevant every year, and it is asked by both women and men of different ages. Special difficulties with the choice of a couple are increasingly experiencing residents of large cities, as well as people with higher education. In the cycle of events, in constant employment, we notice that time goes on, and find a soul mate for some reason does not work. And a person, even with a good job and great friends, remains joyless - because without personal happiness to be fully satisfied with life is impossible. Why is it difficult to find a soul mate and how to cope with the task of choosing the right partner? This and much more will be discussed in this article.

how to find your soul mate

• Who is she and what does the other half look like?

• Is it true that there is a unique and inimitable second half of each person? And to be happy it is necessary to find it?

• Where to find your soul mate? How to meet a good person?

• Why can't you create a long-term relationship? What if all the search for his soul mate end in failure and disappointment?

Approaching any problem, it is necessary to immediately understand the causes of its occurrence, to outline the range of possible solutions and take action that is necessary. And since the problem of choosing and finding the second half is very important and almost the most important for any adult, then it should be approached with special attention. So, let's try to understand all the nuances, so to speak, the two halves exactly and definitely able to find each other.

More ... https://www.facebook.com/Perfect-Girls-singles-USA-and-EU-whatsapp-and-skype-numbers-1774771229488885

The myth of the other half: looking for something that is not in nature?

In order to find something, you first need to determine what we are looking for. And, as a rule, very often at this stage we have a wrong idea of who we are looking for. And how can you find something that is not in nature?

So, usually the phrase "my significant other" means a certain individual of the opposite sex, which is ideal for creating a pair. At the same time, often a person, "planning" a soul mate, sets her criteria, which she must meet. By the way, often, very similar. Girls, when they describe their soul mate, fantasize about him being rich, beautiful, cheerful, caring, gentle, joyful, strong, without bad habits. Men, looking for their soul mate, want the chosen one to be liberated in bed, cook deliciously, be sensual, always beautiful, so as not to whine and not swear because of beer or football, so as not to be a spender and not look at him like a purse with ears. That is, we put to its potential "second half" requirements, a certain bar. And if you look at it carefully, it becomes obvious to any outside observer that this bar does not take any living person, it is too high. And what result can be achieved if you look for something that is not in nature? Correctly: no.

Draw yourself the image of the second half - a thankless task. Ideal people do not exist in nature and every person, even the real second half, which is ideal in all respects, will always have its drawbacks.

Therefore, we must learn to see not the external characteristics of the type of "fun" or "rich", and the internal desires and preferences of a potential partner in life, to understand it from the inside. 

The second pitfall in the question of how and where to find your soul mate, is the myth that they say somewhere in the world there is a special person, "the second half of the Apple", nature and God intended for you personally and no one else - only he and no one else (!) perfect for you, because it is your significant other. So we're looking for him. This is a beautiful legend, but how it confuses us: looking at another person, we constantly doubt the soul: "Oh my God, and suddenly it's not the same, not my soul mate? What happens if we get married, have kids, get on a mortgage together, and then I find my real soul mate?"And during this occupation we often forget that with such doubts we kill any possibility of love.

I want to find my soul mate

In fact, there are no unique second halves, which were originally created for each other, and then separated. Around each of us there are many potential partners with whom we can through love, mutual respect and understanding, to lay down a unique relationship and get used to each other as two halves.

Two halves are formed from two separate people by mutual efforts and desires. And only in this case, and creates the perfect pair, seeing that we have a feeling that they are "two halves of the Apple."

It is necessary to create a couple on the basis of physical attraction, because in this way nature tells us which person is most suitable for creating a pair.

Read more about it in the article "Natural marriages against rational marriages. Scientific method of building relationships".

Where to find a soul mate: wait - do not wait or search and find?

So, when you are looking for your soul mate, you need to abandon any stereotypes and go at the behest of the heart, or rather - by attraction. Let's say we did it, but the question arises: where to find your soul mate? Here's exactly where to look for her, a soul mate, if the world is so alienated and remote from us? At work all married or have guy/girl, among neighbors, too, there is no challengers. Is it really worth it to lower your hands and not hope to find your soul mate, especially if you are already over 30?

Some lonely people even give in to sad thoughts about this: "how good it would be to revive old customs, such as matchmaking, when single people were introduced to each other by their parents or even chose a couple" - we sigh slowly. "That's why in the past there was no such total loneliness as today," some of us say. In fact, this is a total misconception - before there were other realities, a different number of people and other tasks. Therefore, they were solved this way, today everything is different and the solution to the problem, where to find your soul mate is also different.

For those who look back with nostalgia, let's take a look at history and see how it really was. Yes, to find a soul mate was possible to almost everyone, and singles were except that quite outcasts or unsociable. But were they really the real two halves, as we understand today?

where to find a soul mate

Man has always, in all past times, been limited to a certain circle of people. This was due to the place of residence and the laws of ethics that existed at a certain time. When a girl or a guy grew up, they were surrounded by not very many potential candidates for the second half. We will not take the 300-year-old past, when the serfs married only among their at the behest of the sir and no talk about it. Even 20-50 years ago there were not so many people around a young girl or a single man who could be paid attention to to create a family. Former classmates and Institute comrades, neighbors in the high-rise building, friends from the yard, colleagues at work, well, you can still get acquainted at the dance, too, with a limited set of applicants.

Of those who came by age and did not have a pair, at the best scenario was 70 people, and this is the maximum. And if you look closely, it turned out that half of them just did not like, a third was unpleasant, even against someone categorically opposed by parents. And there were only 5-7 candidates. At the same time, three or four of them did not like us. In the end it was only one, by the way, not my favorite, but rather one that was agreed. If you're lucky, formed a good relationship. And if not? If a couple got drunk or lazy, a traitor or a sadist? Had to endure and pull the strap of married life - nothing else.

Today everything is different: we are looking for a soul mate in the first place for happiness, joy, community, pleasant sex, support to become good parents and ask the child a great future. Therefore, other tools are already needed, and not the old-fashioned Dating. And today they already are! How and where search is incredibly expanded. Literally every one of us has the opportunity to go to places where there are a lot of lonely people: exhibitions, cafes, sports grounds, in special clubs Dating interests - around us there is anything for every taste and every desire.

To meet a man, Tamara does not go to a restaurant, theater or Museum, she just comes to the supermarket and chooses one of those who choose dumplings for a long time.

No one will judge a woman if she herself starts a conversation with a guy at the bus stop. No one will mind if a new acquaintance starts in a shop or a bowling club - we have incredibly expanded the scope of our capabilities and removed the boundaries between people.

The greatest potential for us is revealed on the Internet: it is here that we get such a huge choice that no one has ever had.

On the Internet, everyone can search and find a soul mate, and 16-year-old girls and 70-year-old grandmothers. Moreover, on first acquaintance, you can spend 10-15 minutes to lay down an impression about the person, not Dating a month or two, then to detect the opposite of the views and desires. We can choose a partner in another country pr.my1.ru, we can find a soul mate somewhere in Vladivostok or Toronto. The Internet is an incredible breakthrough of mankind in pair relations.

More ... https://www.facebook.com/Perfect-Girls-singles-USA-and-EU-whatsapp-and-skype-numbers-1774771229488885

[velkynkarma]

Fic recs? Fic recs!

For Fandom Fic Rec Days because this is a fantastic idea. These ones will be for Voltron, but if people want fic recs for other fandoms I’ve clawed through extensively (Batman, FMA, Young Justice, One Piece) I can do those too. (Also, sorry to any writers who aren’t tumblr-tagged. I am terrible with names and probably don’t know you’re here. But I’ve still linked to your fic profiles in this case!) AUTHOR SHOUT-OUTS: a.k.a. “you should read everything they do it’s all quality okay” @maychorian Okay look, if you are in any way excited that I’m in this fandom, you owe maychorian a big ‘thank you’ since she was unwittingly the reason I decided to stick around after watching S1. Boom Crash The Sound Of My Ship was one of the first fics I found after wandering into the fandom and holds a special place in my heart to this day. I have fond memories of eating up the whole series by staying up late or sneaking chapters at work on my breaks. I once hid in my car during my lunch break to read a chapter right after it released? Recs all around, just read all her stuff. @bosstoaster You’ve probably read BT’s stuff already because who hasn’t but I don’t care I’m reccing her stuff anyway. BT writes everything. Like, everything. With a Shiro focus primarily, but she’s got a great handle on the other characters and will tackle such an insanely crazy variety of prompts I am continually stunned by whatever is produced next. Known for making you suffer but will make you laugh or feelz too. Special shout out to Spark to Ignite which is probably my favorite. Is this cheating because it was an exchange fic for me? Hell no. This was my One Thing that I desperately wanted to see in the fandom and it was not anywhere. BT did a fantastic job making it come to life and making me suffer but I asked for it so it’s okay and I reread this one all the time.

@butteredonions Where do I even START? So much good fic, guys. Onions fills my cravings for all things AU and she has such an insanely wide variety. If you like AU’s there is something there for everyone and they are always so well thought out and still fit each character so well. Also (in)famous for smol!Shiro, and I’m not actually partial to a lot of deaged!chars fics because people have a bad tendency to write toddlers and young children so innacurately, but this one is gold and so it’s great. But my personal fic shoutout is gonna go to The Throne In The Hall which is just all around amazing. Gorgeous imagery, great setting, solid plot, beautiful characterization, and badass fight scenes, this whole thing is just a delightful treat from start to finish. @ashinan Has some great works all around and you should read it! I can’t speak for Ash’s ship fics because I’m not really into ships, but people swear by both Ghost of a King and Bombs and Bullets, so I assume they are top quality for ship stuff. Me? I’m gonna rec you all Something Strange which is the most best, shut up, I will fight you on this. Amazing piece that is the modern supernatural cryptids-and-ghosts AU I didn’t know I need until I read this. Amazing characterization and so many little details that I just love picking out of the narrative and basking in. This fic is both hilariously entertaining because of the group shenanigans and frightfully haunting because of the ghosts (pun sort of intended?) Ash has also hinted at maybe doing more for the series and I’m clawing at the walls waiting for it. Read now. Do it. @mumblefox Rounding out the Think Tank, mumble’s work is worth checking out too! Like ash, a lot of mumble’s stuff is tagged for ships, which I don’t really do, but I absolutely adore Reconnaissance which is all I need to tell me mumble’s got top quality word weaving skills. Mumble does character dynamics wonderfully and I love watching Pidge and Keith work together in this, playing off each other both in the safe Castle environment and the heat of battle. There’s gorgeous imagery all throughout this fic and tons of little details buried in the narrative that just add so much character to the story itself. Also, I am a sucker for building any kind of alien culture or worldbuilding in general, and it’s here in spades. GriffinRose: I don’t see this fic writer recced a lot? It’s a crying shame, they’re good at what they do. Lots of Keith-centric stuff but not necessarily in a shippy way (which is usually what I see for Keith-centric stuff), but they also tackle some other characters too! My favorite is actually Mama Holt because we see a lot of Matt and Sam hanging around the Castle with the paladins in fics but Pidge’s mom? Not so much. This is a sweet little piece that hits all my found family feels, in which Mama Holt ends up on the Castle of Lions and slowly ends up adopting absolutely everyone in it, and I love every word in it. Yes. Check out Griffin’s stuff, you won’t regret it. INDIVIDUAL FIC RECS: a.ka. the “holy shit I found this amazing story I love and you should read it” section You Can’t Take the Sky From Me by isabeau225 Voltron fan? Firefly fan? This fic is the fic for you! Now a series and too damn adorable. Shiro’s not expecting any kids but somehow he just keeps getting more, and somehow he’s okay with that. Again, one of those fics that does child characters well. After I read this I squeed for half an hour and melted onto the floor.

Accepting Amelioration by XILVerify Daemon fics are my other weakness...when handled well. The problem I see with a lot of daemon fics is that writers will include the daemons but they are there more as a prop then as another character. This fic does a GORGEOUS job of avoiding that pitfall and a BEAUTIFUL job of writing the daemon concept in space with these characters and I fell in love with it. Also has some very interesting interpretations of daemons that differ a bit from the novel, but in ways I really enjoy...like breaking some of the standards for what animals mean what personalities, or making touching another’s daemon less of a sexual interaction and more of a close trust or strong platonic bond kind of thing. Beautiful work. Check it out.

One for All, All for One by KaijuDork Absolutely gorgeous Shiro-centric (but also team based) fic. Hurt comfort in spades as Shiro tries to help the paladins and they try to help him at the same time. Some beautiful and haunting imagery in this one. Still a WIP, but I’m hoping the writer can finish one day. I believe in you :) Of a Sort by hameru For the sickfic fan. Shiro is really, really sick, and the others do their best to help him out. Also a WIP but the first two chapters are just...quality sickfic and will fill all your hurt/comfort needs by themselves. (Still will be excited when/if more posts though) Empty Spaces by Oreramar Kind of a modern AU without the space stuff. Shiro loses his arm in an accident and things start to go downhill from there, until he unexpectedly finds the perfect new career...in daycare. Again, one of those rare fics that handles kids well (although they’re kind of there peripherally in this one), and the modern AU aspect is handled really skillfully too. Makes you feel all happy inside when you’re done reading it. The kind of fic I would love to see more extension on, although I’m content with this too. Shadows of our Dreams by KUG Because sometimes you just need a cuddle pile. This one fills the niche for both cute and fluffy as well as angsty and hurt comfort. If you need all kinds of feels all in one place this is your one-stop shop. Lean on Me by GlassSoldiers Wouldn’t be a good fic rec without a good 5 times! This is one of my faves. Shiro looking out for all his team, and his team looking out for him. I’m a big fan of this theme, obviously, so this one really hits the spot. Everyone gets a chance to shine, which is great :) how to win friends, influence people, and form voltron by brosura A WIP but a very worth it WIP, holy crap, read this. An AU in which Keith doesn’t get booted from the Garrison, and ends up slowly integrating with the rest of the Original Trio. Primarily Hunk’s PoV too which is awesome. Double awesome, it literally just updated as I was writing this list, which means there’s a new chapter, which means I need to find time to read it. AAAAAH. These are amongst my favorites. Good job to everyone on the list, and thanks for making my nights and work breaks exciting, for making me stay up late to finish just ONE MORE CHAPTER, for giving me something to read while eating, for giving me something to motivate me to get my own work done, and for giving me things to look forward to after terrible days. Love you all and this fandom has been amazing to me so far. :) ~VelkynKarma

#voltron #ficrec #ficrecdays #platonic fic #gen fic

[tarry-beatrice-blog]

Dear Chocolatier Letter

Hi, hello author, thank you for checking this out and suffering through what is surely long-winded rambling about my tastes. 

DNW: D/s, daddy kink, cheating/infidelity, dubcon/noncon, mpreg (and/or pregnancy in detail), coffee shop AUs, high school AUs, underage, unbalanced power dynamics, teacher/student relationships or AU, watersports, A/B/O (unless subverted) and first person POV

LIKES: road trips, time loops/fix-it fics, magic AUs, female friendships, soulmate/soulbond AUs, height difference, threesomes/moresomes, polyamory, found families, requited unrequited love/mutual pining, epistolary exposition, fake dating, woke up married, reincarnation, enemies to friends (to lovers), subversions of regular tropes especially with soulmates, dry humor, bed sharing, casual affection like holding hands, hugging, etc, five things fic, eventual happy endings, and awesome worldbuilding.

SMUT: enthusiastic/explicit consent, praise, biting/marking, breathplay, women on top, pegging, overstimulation, light bondage

Bend It Like Beckham (2002) Jess Bhamra/Jules Paxton

It’s been MONTHS of intense nostalgia for this ship and I missed out on yuletide so here I am requesting it for Chocolate Box. Bend It Like Beckham was honestly a game-changer for me as a film and I identified so much with Jess and her drive to do something she loved in the face of familial disapproval. 

The Ship: I love love love their friendship even with the pitfalls of you don’t understand how my culture effects my life but try your best to support and sometime put your foot in it BUT man, was I disappointed in later years that they left it hanging with a weird love triangle and the great beyond of American College. I’d like to see how their relationship develops after the movie, how Jules deals with Jess being better at the thing that ties them together and possibly blinds her to wow-i have-not-so-straight feelings. OR what if Jess is the one who realizes it first and panics because this is exactly what she had been swearing up and down wouldn’t happen to her less than support relatives (a new situation does not lead to new feelings, so much as understanding herself away from what is familiar) Really, I just want to see them in a happy relationship together because I was denied by the movie.

Some prompts: 

Jess gets hit on a distressingly high amount of times in front of Jules. Good thing she’s mostly oblivious to it. 

Future!fic retiring from the England Women’s National Team together or separate and the impact it has on the world around them. Jess imparting some words of wisdom to her younger teammates 

Codependency in college special edition: Everyone thinks they’re dating (and their team is their number one fans or they have a BOATLOAD of evidence to justify their misconception)

Just a good old-fashioned introspective OHMYGOD i have feelings for her now what do I do?? Bonus points for a sweet slowburn realization.

How does their: First Kiss? Coming out to family? WEDDING?? Go. In what situation would Jess defend Jules instead of vice versa? getting drafted for different teams and having a long distance relationship/reunion/eye opening? Being rivals instead of friends? getting called up to their National Team for the first time? A different first meeting?

The Good Place Tahani Al-Jamil/Eleanor Shellstrop

I haven’t regularly watched a TV show since the 90s so TGP was a complete surprise but here I am, delighted at the innovative take on dead people in the afterlife. The humor is really my favorite thing and Eleanor’s not quite quest to be better than she was when she was living. 

The Ship: The sexy skyscraper and the short troublemaker. There’s so many complementary aspects to Tahani and Eleanor and I just need everyone to get on board the Bi-train for the good of the people. I like that they’re both self-serving at their core, except Eleanor does it to prove she doesn’t care about anybody else, and Tahani does it because she cares immensely about what everybody else thinks. The height difference is also a fun dynamic. 

Some prompts: 

Get as wacky and wild as you want with it if you want to do an AU, just keep the dynamic of animosity to friendship to something more between them. Superheroes with unconventional powers? Star Trek-esque AU? Spy vs Spy?

A game show type-esque match making with surprising results for Tahani

Eleanor and the five times she denied caring about Tahani’s feelings

Tahani’s over the top love confession and Eleanor’s aversion to feelings come to a head

Eleanor being Tahani’s booty-call and being unable/oblivious on how to turn that into a relationship

Sense8 Felix Berner/Wolfgang Bogdanow

This show was just the right kind of weird and I’m sad they didn’t manage to continue it because the concept was really cool. Now I just have a bunch of unanswered questions to hang onto like what happened with Wolfgang after the Whispers capture.

The Ship: Pardon my language, but I fucking adore these two. Their loyalty to each other is my absolute jam. They would literally die for one another and it chokes me up because it’s completely the antithesis of the view the world has of them, which is like....vaguely criminals and amounting to nothing beyond the shady world they grew up in. I also have a TON of feelings about Wolfgang and Felix being east berliners, growing up in the aftermath of the unification and being completely aware that not everything was as rosy as Germany wanted to portray to the world. Also, their Conan the Barbarian thing? Precious. 

NOTE: I totally ship Kala/Wolfgang as well so you don’t have to write her off by any means. I just focused of felix/wolfgang for this. 

Some prompts:

PLEASE give me Wolfgang coming clean to Felix about the sensates and how crazy his world has become on top of the general mayhem that comes from being a Bogdanow. CANON tells us Wolfgang doesn’t lie so why does it take him so damn long to tell Felix the truth? 

The weird experiments Felix comes up with to see Wolfgang not be Wolfgang or times when Felix notices someone else “in” Wolfgang and how he takes that.

Pre-sensate, Wolfgang always felt Felix like a second limb. Felix called it his “wolfy-sense”

Anything pre-sensate dealing with the misadventures of Felix and Wolfgang, growing up together, falling into sleeping together, and in love?

Wolfgang’s first lie to his uncle is that Felix is just his sidekick and not much more. Steiner knows better than to take his word for it. 

AU of a different meet up: Wolfgang is reluctantly forced into being a king of Berlin, Bohn sends one Felix Brenner as a liason for a favor owed (or Felix finds his own way to meet this King of Berlin)

Felix finally meeting the other sensates especially Kala: the two most important people in Wolfgang’s life in the same room.

Westworld Maeve Millay/Hector Escaton/Teddy Flood

Westworld tickled my fancy for all things sci-fi and robots learning what is to be human and humans being gods with terrible consequences. Maeve tickled my fancy as a WoC on the show and naturally became my favorite because I’m predictable.  I’m a complete sucker for the philosophy behind what the TV show is setting up, what it means to be human, what is the next step, how we in creating the hosts have possibly made our own destruction and somehow advanced ourselves. The Maze pointing to the need to suffer to be human or suffering because of your humanity is gr9.

The Ship: I think Maeve is the new force of good (in her quest to find her daughter and possibly exploring the other worlds/the outside world) to foil Dolores’ possible descent into a “rogue” element in Westworld. And Hector and Teddy will be in crosshairs of that tug of war.  Hector, is the character who Maeve chooses to bring with her as an asset or something more, I think the choice behind the action is important as her whole arc is discovering what is fake and what is true behind who she is. Teddy, is part of the hero’s storyline, he’s a do-gooder but we get so many throaways on his proficiency to kill and his death is well, popular. Maeve and Teddy circle each other a lot in Westworld and I wonder what side he’ll choose, Dolores in the Host Rebellion or will he choose a different ally in Maeve? 

Some prompts:

Did their repurposed lives every cross? How does that shade into their interactions now? How does Teddy view Hector and vice versa?

Maeve has to sway Teddy and Hector to her side after they get reprogrammed again, trying to spark some sort of recognition of what they already had

Gunslinging 101 for Maeve by Teddy and Hector, or how they become an Outlaw Trio in the midst of a Host rebellion 

The Defenders Claire Temple/Colleen Wing

This is pure self-indulgence because they have minimal interaction in the show but I absolutely loved how they played off each other. #colleendeservesbetter and Claire is totally it. 

The Ship: I like how they’re always sidelined and yet aren’t defined by that, like they know perfectly well how useful they are and aren’t afraid to get creative. As a team-up, it’s the whole healer/fighter thing that they’ve tried like multiple times with Claire (no offense to Luke and Daredevil) and that bit where they reassure each other about being the stable rocks of the Defenders??? That was the moment I really thought these two could work. 

Some prompts:

Gimme all the fluff and comfort and trying to be normal in a world where superheroes show up at your door to pull you into stupid adventures every week. Bonus points for including other supporting cast members such as Foggy, Trish, and Misty

Five times The Defenders cockblocked Colleen and Claire with their unnecessary drama

A kidnapping attempt by the clueless idiot of the week underestimating both of them. 

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015) Illya Kurakin/Gaby Teller/Napoleon Solo

I’m still waiting for the sequel that will never happen for this movie. It was a great spy movie and I loved all the details from the villainess to undercover fiances to daring escapes and drinking on rooftops.

The Ship:My perfectly tailored spy ot3. i absolutely came out of the movie saying they needed to simmer in some UST before finding inappropriate situations to tease each other. Illya actually getting to choose for himself instead of holding on to this ideal KGB agent. Gaby being fiercely protective of both men and wanting them both without a doubt. Napoleon having something steady and real for once in his life without strings attached

Some Prompts: 

Casefics that are frustrating exercises in why won’t you just bang each other already from all parties involved, bonus if they have to keep a cover from getting compromised

Using their talents to show affection in non-ordinary ways and someone being oblivious, while the other is slowly catching on to the game

Just a good old casefic because at least one of them has to have a competency kink

A different meeting: they’re all crooked as they come and have no problems with it

Where they go in their down time between assignments and how they manage their relationship (or hiding it) 

Gaby’s not the damsel in distress, Napoleon is. 

DC Cinematic Universe Diana Prince/Lois Lane

Two ladies who know what it is to lose a hero who is consequently the man they love. Also, Diana’s bisexuality is into the whole I’ll eat your balls for breakfast thing because hello, her mother raised her on an island full of Amazons.

The Ship:Height difference! Ladies who can handle themselves in diametrically different ways and yet still know the importance of being vulnerable and affectionate and the power of love. I do like the dynamic of Lois being this extraordinary human to all the supes because she never gives up and is bravely stubborn about her goals and morals and not afraid to call anyone out on their bullshit.

Note: I ship the entirety of the DC Trio together and with Lois so you can also play with that if it strikes your fancy. 

Some prompts:

Lois interviews Diana in the months after Superman’s death. Diana tries her best to console her

Lois learns some sort of self-defense from Diana and gets to surprise the Amazon as well.

“So if you’re a god, could you be prayed to or is it like Clark’s super-hearing?” or Lois’ never-ending curiousity on how the whole Themyscira thing works

Somewhere along the way, Lois is the one Diana comes home to.

#dear creator letter #chocolate box #she speaks

[garynsmith]

Squatter attacks real estate agent with a rake, highlighting risks

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The Las Vegas Review Journal reported this week that earlier this month, a real estate agent was involved in a physical confrontation with a squatter who hit him several times with a rake.

According to court documents obtained by the Journal and reported by Max Michor, Tomarriane Wilson, 23, was arrested in conjunction with the fight, which occurred on the same day Wilson was told to leave the home he and others had occupied under a fake lease.

Wilson, his wife and two others initially cooperated with authorities when the lease they signed was proven to be falsified. However, when Wilson returned later to retrieve belongings, he was approached by the agent who, according to witness reports, blocked the garage with his car. Wilson stated he used the rake to defend himself after the agent threw a punch.

Reports stated the agent, a man in his 60s, eventually suffered a cut artery that required immediate surgery. Wilson was arrested and held in Clark County Detention Center.

Despite being years out of the recession, Attom Data Solutions reports that the number of empty Las Vegas homes is up from last year. A total of 14,334 houses sit without owner-occupants, putting Las Vegas at no. 35 on the national list. (Flint, Michigan is at the top, with almost 7 percent of its homes empty.)

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The ongoing squatter issue

Las Vegas, where I lived for four years starting in the midst of the downturn, has been a hotbed for squatter activity since the Great Recession. My wife and dog were attacked by a squatter’s dogs living a few doors down from us. The person packed up and left the house minutes after the attack while my 14-year-old dog was having his throat stitched back together and my wife was left nursing a severe bite to her arm.

The issue has become such a concern that a state law was passed in 2016 to combat it, essentially removing squatters’ right to a home, and local police have joined forces with real estate agents to execute a program called Squatter Spotters to identify homes being illegally occupied.

Doug Bradford, director of marketing and community engagement for the Greater Las Vegas Association of Realtors says agent safety is of the utmost importance to the organization.

“We put as much information out there as we can for our brokers to share with their agents,” Bradford told me. “For example, with the Squatter Spotter program, agents who suspect a squatting situation are provided forms to submit to metro, which in turn will address the matter within 24 to 48 hours. We stress that agents should never engage potential squatters.”

The issue in Las Vegas has become much more complex than people breaking in to crash on the floor for a few nights. Loosely organized crime rings have emerged, focusing on falsely leasing to otherwise innocent residents in need of a place to live. They have keys, official leases, a Craigslist account and, of course, open wallets.

Making these lease scenarios more enticing for unwitting occupants is the low barrier of entry to get inside. Scammers ask for little more than a deposit and a month’s rent, helping people avoid credit checks, addenda and other steps involved in a typical legal leasing process.

Beyond Las Vegas, squatting poses a serious safety risk for real estate agents nationwide, especially when occupants are under the impression they’re renting a home legally.

We all would do just about anything within reason to protect our homes; in fact, it’s the most common argument for people justifying why they own a firearm, according to a June 2017 Pew Research report.

Agents working on behalf of banks, investors and absentee homeowners are often charged with doing drive-by inspections or “poking around” a home they may be asked to sell. The risks can compound quickly when occupants see a stranger lurking around what they believe to be their house.

According to Inman’s special report on agent safety, nearly half (47.4 percent) of survey respondents said they would consider carrying a gun while on the job. That may be a smart decision in some markets because not all squatters are innocently taking over homes with fake leases. Many illegal occupants are breaking in to use homes as ad-hoc, low-level crime syndicate headquarters, fully aware they’re not supposed to be there.

Still, it remains significantly below where it was shortly after the recession and like many markets around the country, Las Vegas has very low supply.

I often entered apartments believed to be empty when I was selling multifamily properties, usually after assurance from property managers that an eviction took place. Our company’s policy involved printed notices a couple of days before visiting, followed by extensive knocking upon arrival before announcing oneself from the doorway with one foot firmly planted on the stoop, ready for take-off. (We sometimes sold some pretty sketchy places.)

I was fortunate enough to only suffer the momentary indignity (and admittedly, occasional enjoyment) of a few colorful cuss words augmenting the residents’ surprise to my having a key to their house.

While oft-repeated, personal safety should always be at the top of any agent’s list when preparing to show or inspect a home, when it comes to vacant homes, the best approach is to never assume it’s vacant.

If you do come across squatters, I hope all you hear are swear words, not the sound of something worse.

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