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seeminglydark · 11 months

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Idk if this means anything to you but I'm a comic artist who's had a hard time doing art for a few years. The first four was because of life hardship and lack of time/chronic pain, but now lately I've had time but a mental block. I'm creeping up on 30 and felt bad about myself for "missing out" on my opportunity to be a comic artist. It was really validating to see you post about being 41 (correct me if I'm wrong) especially since you have such wonderful comics that I've been following for a while now. It makes me feel less like I'm wasting my time putting my things in order when I "should" be drawing.

Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive or anything. It was just comforting and validating. Anyway, big fan! Love your characters a whole lot and hope you have a good day!

Dear Anon

I am 41 years old. I have wanted to make comics my entire life. before my dad got sick, and my childhood kinda fell apart, all i did was draw. after that, i used the stories in my head to cope. life moved on. i was convinced not to accept a partial scholarship to an art school in California. life got hard. i worked at a hotel, and after i escaped an abusive relationship at 22 i hitchhiked/bused far far away to start over. i tried to make comics again, but i had to survive, and so i got another job doing the only thing i knew how to do, hotels. and i worked. and worked. and life got harder and times got heavier and i didn't get time to draw and i worked double hours, 15 to 17 hours a day. and i went four years without drawing a single thing.

i kept working myself into the ground. i was 29 now. i picked up a pen again and drew a red haired boy. he had a hard life and no love and no friends. his problems were on the outside, for everyone to see. he ran away but his problems went with him.

i was 32. surely i was too old now. my time to be an artist was gone. i had no school. no hope. i was so far behind the younger gen i saw online. i cried. all the time. i wrote stories in my email drafts while i worked shifts. i stayed up late trying to learn how to draw again. i cried some more. the boy grew. i called him Fiach. worthy. a raven. later i renamed him Avery. he was like a bird, he had wings, he was my hope. i started writing some friends for him. the people i wished i had around me.

i started finding time and space. i got a new job, something where i was lucky enough to set my own hours. for the first time i had a partner who believed in me. things were hard. but i was drawing now. and that helped.

i went on a road trip and i started drawing pages of an unnamed story on 6 by 8 paper in a sketchbook. i drew 20 of them. 'what could i call this?' i thought. Nothing Seems as Dark...no says my partner. Seemingly Dark. he made me a logo. i was 35. i bought an ipad, i cant do this on paper, its too much story i have too much to say. so i learned how to draw digitally by tracing my own trad art pages.

I spoke to my dad for the last time on June 17th, fathers day that year. he said 'you're good. i'm proud. and you're gonna do amazing things. none of this is your fault. and we will speak again soon.' i didn't know id never hear his voice again. he died a week later.

i turned 36. i kept trying. i'm old, i don't understand the internet. how can i share this?

i stumbled across Lore Olympus. i was introduced to webcomics. id read comics online before but the thought never occurred to me. i opened an account on Tapas. and then i stared at it. what if no one likes it. what if its bad. my art isn't good. i should wait til i'm better. but will i ever really be better? or will i always believe that tomorrow is better? do it now. if even one person gets something out of this story, this story about a boy who is you, a boy who looking for hope, a boy who might make it, then that is enough isn't it.

June 17th 2018 i launched Seemingly Dark.

SD's five year anniversary is in a week. 0ver 700 pages. leaps and bounds in progress with my skills. a printed comic under my belt as of monday. i was always a storyteller. but i was always an artist too.

I am 41 years old, dear anon. I did not truly embark on this journey til i was 35. life got in the way. even now, chronic illness gets in the way. but its worth it. its never ever too late. i believe in you the way my dad believed in me. i reset my life again and again. but I was always an artist. and if thats who you are, and who you want to be, even if things dont go the way you wished they could, you're an artist too.

im 41 years old. i speak about my age, even though i often feel too old to belong in spaces, cuz really, in this case age is just a number. take care of yourself. do what you need to do. and little by little, when your able, carve out your space until it becomes more of a habit. sometimes i think about all the years i lost not drawing or creating. but there's a lot of factors that make me believe had i made my story then, it wouldn't be the story it is now, i needed to live a bit. i needed to find myself. i know this was long, but i just wanted you to see i also had to put my life in order, and getting notes like this reminds me it wasnt at all a waste. im glad i could offer you some comfort. thats honestly the best compliment i could ever receive.

TL;dR I was 35 when i sat down and seriously started making comics, because life always got in the way and so did my confidence. i always feared being too old. im 41 now, still going strong.

#rj rambles #this is really long im sorry anon #i think my late comic blooming story is kinda important for people to hear #thankyou for giving me a reason to tell it

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crowtrobotx · 3 months

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Today is Chrysalis's one year anniversary. It's also Lottie's canon birthday! (Yes, I did this on purpose - her birthday was chosen long before I got the balls to post the fic lol.) I am feeling some type of way about it. On the one hand I was hoping I'd be further along, and lately I've been honestly feeling a bit saddened watching commenters/readers drop off bit by bit. I am trying to remind myself it's more than likely just people losing interest in RE8 itself and not a reflection on me or my writing quality, but man it's weird sometimes. Especially given how popular Check Engine was, it's hard not to take it personally! I know it's got the double whammy of OC fic and child fic and for some people that's just intolerable but I don't think I'm wrong for feeling that way and I won't apologize for it! On the other, and more overwhelmingly, I am so proud of myself. I work full time. I volunteer. I am going to school. I have many non-fandom related hobbies I keep up with. Friends. Family. An insane dog. To have written as much as I have is really cool! And crazy! And something I was terrified to do for YEARS, well before the game gave me the inspiration to actually go through with it! I spent the first part of my life unapologetically being a weird little girl, and then when I grew up and went to college and got a big people job I tried to play a part, an acceptable "role" that I thought I had to fulfill in order to meet some nebulous definition of success. Slowly but surely over the last four years I've been reconnecting with the person I tried to smother, and it's been amazing, incredible and just.... I dunno. It's weird when things go so right for me.

Anyway. This story represents a whole lot more to me than just "teehee put the blorbo in situations." I mean, it's partly that lbr, but it's also a gift to myself. It's a way to soothe a lot of agonies I've carried, a way to laugh. I'm going to keep gifting it to myself until it's done, whether I'm the only one around still reading it or not.

#chrysalis (fan fic)#happy birthday my sweet and terrible gremlin daughter

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zarvasace · 5 months

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PROGRESS POST

(12/18/23)

If you're interested in what I've done recently, the state of my projects, and what I plan on doing in the new year, read on! :)

By Fandom

Linked Universe Projects

Shatterproof: I have more backstories cooking, and a half-finished fic or two, but that's about it. I plan on updating a story at least once before January

Council (1931 AU): backburner, haven't really had inspiration. Still on my radar though, and it spins through my head on occasion!

Marvelous Misadventures: been plucking away at this! I recently had an epiphany regarding the next part of the plot, so hopefully that gets me more excited to work on it

Considering expanding the coloring pages I made into a whole series, that could be cool

Misc stuff includes a couple half-abandoned oneshots, a few drawing ideas, and a major art project that probably won't happen because I'm trying not to burn myself out 😅

Four Swords Projects

Fairytale AU: recently gained fire for this again. Reread and organized all my existing material, edited the outline, and I desperately want to finish it soon. Hesitantly scheduling for before the new year. Draft currently maybe about 30% of the way, at 8k.

Isekai AU: I don't think I've mentioned this to anyone outside discord, but ta da I'm deep in this. I'm probably 90% done, about 30k. This will be a Christmas fic, I hope!!

Vampire lords AU: rambly vampire plot is going. Somewhat slowly. I've been trying to not overload myself with too much, so this has been demoted slightly. :) Bite fics happen spontaneously, though, and there might be another coming.

Rinthia AU: my original world, the one seen in Nothing New Under the Sun. This is kind of a passing thought, definitely in planning stages, but I would kind of like to expand this—see where the other characters are, give y'all some answers, because the answers are there

Non-fandom

I want to do more traditional art, graphite and watercolors mostly, and that usually means using photos or life instead of fandom stuff. Makes it a bit less exciting, but maybe I can find a way of doing that. I miss my lil oil paint studio area but I can work with what I have

I'm crafting a few Christmas presents instead of buying them because I do not have much money. That is something I need to spend like, this next week doing

Sanderson merch: I have a goal of getting a booth at Dragonsteel next December, and selling some small souvenir stuff. My plans involve making more pins (I ordered a couple already, and they're very nice), drawing some coloring pages, and maybe advertising here a little once I actually have some stuff I'm proud of up. This will ideally take a year to get together, though, so no rush.

By Month

November

I spent most of November working on The Worst Thing About Earth, kind of an impulse fic that spiraled out of control. I think I burned myself out a little on this, so I've been taking it slowly. Trying to, anyway.

December

So far, I've mostly worked on holiday gift exchanges and some backburner stuff. Like I said, I've been taking it kind of gently. I plan on finishing the FS isekai AU this month, and getting most of the way through the fairytale AU. Getting those off my plate will free me up to think about other things, I think. I also plan on maybe one more bite fic and one more LU disability AU thing before the new year.

January On

I'm not sure what the next month will bring! Ideally, I'll be wrapping up the fairytale AU and intermittently posting a few little things. I'm hoping to return to a couple of my older projects soon, mostly Marvelous Misadventures, because I've left that thing unfinished for LONG ENOUGH.

This next year, I want to try to devote more time to doing things for myself that aren't fandom things. I'd like to reread Stormlight Archive before #5 comes out in December, play more video games, and do more painting. I would like to establish a better habit of making and eating food. I want to play board games a little more often.

Still, the muse can be fickle, and as you probably know by now, I am very good at chasing my inspiration!!

#i speak from the coffin #progress post

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aurorafables · 6 days

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From the Grey, Chapter 2.

First of all, thank you for the likes and reblogging 😊 you just made my day when I saw any activity on my post. The story will be more than 20 chapters, so it's time for the second part. Enjoy! 😉

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic

Word Count: 3.7k

Cross-posted: AO3

All four of us hated interviews, and no matter how much we tried to take some of the burden off Noah's shoulders, as the main lyricist and music writer, as well as the lead singer of the band, most of the time it fell to him to answer the questions. Over the years, he got better at it, and he took the hurdles more easily from interview to interview. He could dissolve in a few minutes, and if asked about the process of creation, he could talk for hours.

We were in one of our label's offices between two concerts. Noah was called from a magazine, and they were talking on video call, and I, out of the picture, stretched out in the mustard yellow faux leather armchair with my cell phone. I was only half paying attention to the conversation, but sometimes I got lost in Noah's soothing voice while I was replying to my girlfriend's messages. When the possible connection between his lyrics and his experiences came up, I looked at him a little worried. I could only half see his face from behind his laptop screen, but I waited with bated breath for an answer. Noah thought for a moment, then revealed as much as he could, but gave as vague an answer as possible. “ … I'm trying to find the limit so that everyone can relate to what they’re going through, at least for the most part. And I also think it’s kind of corny sometimes to be like too specific and… it takes out the fun of it, the whole thing loses its effect and its poetry. In addition, I don't like to express my life and personal experiences too much through the lyrics. I want them to talk about my music, not me.” I was damn proud of him, and I think it was written on my face, because he glanced over at me and gave me a thumbs up under the table where only I could see. I was afraid that he would be put in an uncomfortable situation, that things he didn't want to talk about would be taken out of him, but he solved it professionally and then steered the conversation to slightly lighter topics. I remembered the moment when he was afraid and pushed the little notebook in front of me that hid the pieces of his soul.

We were both at the tattoo parlor trying to pass the time until closing time. Noah had finished a nice bathroom cleaning that I had done when I was a newbie, and was sitting on the corner sofa, holding a notebook that I've seen him carry a lot lately. I looked up from my sketch and watched him bite his lip as he wrote something down. Then he drew out a line, brushed a strand of hair that hung in his face behind his ear, and resumed writing. It was always good to spend time together, even if we were just sitting in the same room and lost in our own things. The silence was also pleasant with him. I really realized this when Noah spent the night with someone else a few days earlier. I had a hard time falling asleep, and even when I did, I woke up an hour later. It was five in the morning when I checked my phone for the umpteenth time and put it back on the windowsill in frustration because he hadn't texted me. I mentally forbade myself to ask him if he was okay, but it cost me to wake up the next morning as a zombie and go to work. It wasn't until the next night - as I listened to Noah breathe softly on the mattress - that I realized that I was missing it. The sound of his breathing. I glanced at the clock—we still had at least twenty minutes—then closed the sketchbook, stretched out, and sat down next to Noah on the couch. The corner of his mouth turned up as he realized I was there, but otherwise he didn't bother, continued to write, only looking up again when he seemed to have reached the end. Whatever he was doing. I didn't know him as someone who writes a diary, so my first guess would have been song lyrics. But I didn't really have to grope in the dark for long, because he opened his notebook and handed it to me. I raised my eyebrows questioningly, but took it from him without a word. I detected a slight nervousness in his dark brown eyes, and he added to it when he started biting his lower lip. I knew it was a big deal that was happening and I just felt I was the first to read into his notebook. Noah pulled up one leg, rested his chin on his knee, and looked at me as I began to read between the transcribed, drawn out lines.

"I see through you I know what you are I've seen the Devil more than I've seen God And when he has you by your neck I hope you choke on every fucking word you said" "You've dug your grave and you have no one but yourself to blame I see the world in black and white Because true color always fades under the right lights"*

“Wow,” I said with a big sigh, and staring in front of me, I tried to process what the lines were saying. I guessed who it might be about, it wasn't hard to figure out who he was so angry with, because these words almost oozed hatred. Then when I got over it, I could finally appreciate it all. "Noah, that's pretty good," I looked at him, and I can only hope that he saw in my eyes how sincerely I said this. Because in my opinion there was no trace of bias, only admiration. “Why don't you show it to your band?” Noah snorted and took the notebook back. “I'm not even seventeen, Nick. Why would they listen to me? Why would they want anything to do with a kid's lyrics?” “Because it's fucking good?” I asked back in disbelief. “No,” he shook his head and threw the notebook and pen into his bag. “It wouldn't make any sense if someone else sang it.” I watched as he quickly packed up and sullenly sank into the soft couch with folded arms. Oh…he never mentioned that. “Do you want to sing, doe?” I asked him with a smile. Noah rolled his eyes at the nickname I had given him a few years ago when he suddenly grew and was all legs and arms. “Why would I want to, when it looks like we'll soon get our first record deal as guitarists?” “Because you are young, full of dreams,” I whispered to him while I leaned my head on his shoulder. “You can be anything else. Just imagine… the audience standing at your feet and singing along with you word for word the songs you wrote.” Noah didn't answer right away, I'm sure he was toying with the idea of what it would be like if… "Nick, you are crazy," he finally said, laughing in confusion. “I'm just fucking tired,” I defended myself, during a yawn. “But I still mean what I said.” I pulled away from him, and Noah just shook his head in disbelief. In the four years we've known each other, I've noticed that he reacts strangely when I tell him he can do something big. It hurts to think that the reason for this could be that in his childhood he was constantly trying to destroy him to such an extent that he simply cannot deal with encouragement. It's like he expects me to laugh at him after that and tell him to forget it, he'll never be able to do that. And yes, it still hurt a little that he assumed that about me, but I understood it was unfortunately coded into his DNA. Words and their amazing power… However, there is something more here: his desire to prove himself, his determination and perseverance. “I hate so much that I can't put these in her face anymore,” he spoke after a while, almost muttering. It's like he's tired of all this a long time ago. Our eyes met and without a word I slid closer to hug him. "I know… I know," I whispered into his hair, then kissed his head. His dreams trumped everything, which makes me very proud of him. He started to build his life nicely, and before our first album was completely finished, our song Glass Houses also received the last touches and expansions on the text, just to make it all round:

"You said I'd never make it You said I'd make a mistake But now I'm right where I belong and you've got nothing to say"*

Noah founded a new band that was all his own, he started singing, and the audience is already singing along. And his mother has been rotting in a cemetery ever since, but perhaps not so deep that if thousands of people were shouting at the same time, she wouldn't hear the message intended for her.

We stepped out of the air-conditioned office into the Californian heat and the hustle and bustle of the street. I put on my sunglasses and waited for Noah to find his before we hit the road. People went to lunch, and at that time they poured out of the offices, and although we didn't fit in with the figures in suits and costumes, we still tried to remain invisible. Jolly and Folio were waiting for us at a Mexican restaurant just a few blocks from the Sumerian Records office. We stopped at a red light, and as the asphalt almost steamed from the heat, I regretted not tying my hair before we left the office. I ran my hands under my thick curls and lifted my hair a little. Noah looked at me and smiled. "There are advantages to having short hair, you know," he remarked, and I just stuck out my tongue. “Maybe some people can do whatever he want with his hairstyle, but I think my magic lies in my hair,” I answered him. “I can't believe that. When I met you, your hair was still short, and even then…” he began, but the light turned green, so we set off in the rushing crowd. “What then?” I asked him when we got through. Noah glanced at me from behind his glasses and shrugged. “Even then, you were you.” I furrowed my brows at his answer, but did not pursue the matter further. We were approaching a Starbucks, and I had already guessed that we would have a stop there. I was right, because Noah touched my arm and motioned with his head towards the entrance. I followed him, and I didn't mind that there were a few ahead of us, because at least we could cool down in there. "I'm getting the key to Steven's lake cottage next week," Noah said unexpectedly, while I squinted at the list of iced drinks on the wall behind the counter. Then I turned to him and waited for him to continue. “If you think so, of course, only if you want to… it would be great if you could join me.” Noah had pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head, I could see his eyes full of hope. I don't even remember the last time we went somewhere without the boys. "The thing is…" Noah continued while I was lost in my thoughts, "I miss you. Since I've been living in California with the others, we don't hang out much outside of the band.” He spoke my thoughts out loud in their entirety. We had another concert on Saturday this week, then two weeks of rest, which I would have liked to have spent with him, but then something came up to my mind. “I promised to come to Maya's mom's birthday party next week.” Storm clouds appeared on Noah's face. As fast as being doused with a bucket of ice water. He's always had a hard time with rejection…and besides, he's never waited to find out if it really was rejection. “Then…” “I have to be at the party organized by my girlfriend. But that doesn't mean I have to stay with them for the second week,” I told him with a small smile as I ran my palm over his forearm. “So yes, you can count on me, along with a dozen mosquitos.” Noah finally smiled genuinely, flashing his white teeth as his eyes narrowed and his small laugh lines deepened. I was instantly euphoric, but the thought that I would still have done anything to see him happy was terrifying. It was soon our turn to order, but for some reason I got really stuck studying his face. I watched him speak — I couldn't even remember what I ordered in the end — and I thought to myself what a strange coincidence that Maya is Asian. Until now, I didn't even pay much attention to this, but then our tour in Japan a few years ago popped into my mind.

Noah was lounging in a towel in front of the bathroom mirror, drying his hair. I sat on the bed in his hotel room and waited for him to finish, because we had to go to the rehearsal. I fumbled with my phone when I found a picture from the day before with both of us tagged. When we went sightseeing, some fans came up to us and we took a picture with them. Back then, it was still rare to be recognized on the street. I grinned and got up to go to the bathroom to show the picture to Noah as he had been in a weird mood all day and I expected it to cheer him up a bit. I raised my cell phone in front of his face. Noah stopped brushing his hair and put the hairbrush on the counter, then took the phone from me. He looked at the photo with critical eyes, then looked into the mirror, where our eyes met. He returned the mobile and said nothing. He turned on the hotel's hair dryer and began the operation with complete resignation, and I stood beside him, confused. “Is something wrong?” I asked in the loud noise. “What did you say?” he asked back after turning off the hair dryer. I sighed and leaned against the counter. "I thought you'd like it here," I admitted. ”It's a big adventure that we got this far with the band, and besides, hey, we're in Japan!” I spread my arms in confusion. Noah looked at me silently, his eyes shining darkly, then finally just shook his head. “Should I get more excited because we are in the birthplace of Manga and Anime?” he asked cynically. I wanted so badly to understand… I wanted to know what was going through his mind. I wasn't satisfied with that answer. "Your roots lead back here," I said quietly. Noah snorted and ran the brush over his hair again. “I have no roots. I'm just going with the flow.” “Do you mean you hate Japan?” “Why should I love it? Nothing binds me here except my mother's devil plan to not rest until she gives birth to a half-breed child.” I've heard this story before, and since then I haven't been able to understand what kind of person is, who is able to wade through all emotions and reason for the sake of a fixation. “This place… it just confirms to me that I don't fit in completely here either.” I remembered the bullying he received at school for being different from the others, which must have contributed to his dropping out of education at the age of fifteen. The blue bruise on his cheekbone and how he wouldn't even admit to me that one of his idiot classmates had laid a hand on him. Things got a little better when he started hanging out with us, the graduates who were three years older, but after graduation I couldn't protect him anymore. Freak, bastard, mix, little girl because of his long hair, fag… and these are just the adjectives he told me, who knows what words were thrown at his head. I have already received some of these, but it hurt much more to know that Noah had to face this every day. I looked up at him, because he was already half a head taller than me, and I only spoke when he was finally paying attention to me. “I don't know how much my opinion matters, but I think your mother's only good decision is that you exist.” I turned away and left him alone in the bath. Let his rage some more if he felt he needed to, but first I wanted to let him know how important he was to me. The next day, when we were in Nara, the city of deers, Noah finally smiled after a week. Indeed, his whole face brightened and he fed the animals as happily as a small child. As he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip and tried to hold back a burst of laughter as he idly watched me being torn apart by some naughty deers for a few morsels of food, I realized that digging into things the day before had been worth it.

Noah was a step ahead of me, checking on his phone if we were going in the right direction, and I was behind him sipping my shake, which turned out to be chocolate flavored after the first taste. My gaze drifted to his broad shoulders, then to his tattooed biceps, which tensed slightly as he gestured with his iced coffee towards a street where we had to turn. I would have bet that none of his old classmates would have dared to bully him again. The others were already sitting at the table when we arrived. Jolly noted that he was already starting to starve, which didn't seem like much of a problem since the appetizer was already on the table. Noah immediately threw himself on some roasted, spicy peppers while I browsed the drink menu. “How was the interview?” asked Folio, his cold beer in hand. I glanced up at them from behind the little notebook. “The usual," Noah shrugged, then licked his finger. “Don't worry, it wasn't mentioned that you fell on your ass on the way down the stairs at the last concert,” he added with an evil grin, for which our drummer punched him on the shoulder in return. We all started laughing. I remembered walking off the stage two days ago, exhausted, Folio coming after me, and then after a big thump - which I could hear clearly even through the loud shouting of the audience - I looked back and thought he was gone, but then I saw him sitting on the metal steps. Fortunately, he was not harmed. “I thought I would rest a bit,” Folio defended himself. “Some people hold only one microphone the whole time, and I am the one who trains hard on stage for an hour and a half. You should try it sometime, Noah.” “I'm still perfect the way I’m,” Noah looked at me and we smiled at each other. “You don't want to hear my drumming skill,” he added horrified. "Personally, I don't want to hear Folio sing," I interjected, and the others laughed and nodded in agreement. “Great, then everything will remain as it was,” concluded Jolly. The waiter came out and took our order. Noah asked for half the menu because he wanted to try everything, so I only ordered a burrito. I felt that I would have leftovers from his order.

“And what are your plans for the break?” Folio asked. "I'm meeting Maya," I answered. “I am going home to the family in Sweden,” said Jolly. “I have to record some vocals, then I will rest,” Noah answered. “With Karin?” Folio asked back. The mood at the table suddenly became frosty. Noah snorted but didn't say anything, just poked at the napkin. I felt that somehow I had to save him from this unpleasant situation. "That wouldn't be about rest," I said, the first thing that came to mind. It seemed like a good idea to play it off with a joke, but when Noah turned his head toward me, he looked at me like he couldn't believe I just said that. I already regretted speaking. "I'll be right back, guys," Noah said, still staring at me like I'd grown a second head. He headed for the bathrooms and I was so damn tempted to follow him and find out what was wrong, but I couldn't. I didn't want to run after him in front of our friends like I was his puppy, so I sighed and put my hands on my knees as if I could hold my legs back from the walk. "It would be good to neglect this Karin subject, Folio," said Jolly, then turned to me. “Don't feel bad about it. We didn't know we couldn't even joke with him.” I actually felt bad because I didn't know… I had no idea what was going on between Noah and the girl, so I didn't even think about hurting my best friend. Noah acted like I didn't exist that day. He quickly finished his lunch and said he had work to do and had to go. I stayed there with the boys and a pile of food. The tension eased a bit for our weekend concert, but it was still fucked up.

Suddenly, I found myself on the plane home, still not sure what happened at the restaurant. I've regretted a thousand times that I didn't go and find out what was wrong. I could only hope that we would be able to discuss it next week, and that was only one of the reasons why I couldn't wait to fly back to him in California.

*Bad Omens - Glass Houses

#bad omens fic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian #nick ruffilo #nicholas ruffilo #jolly karlsson #nick folio #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens band #bad omens smut

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itsjaywalkers · 2 months

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hi lovey how are you <3

it's late—like,,,4am late—and im somehow spewing out actual sentences BUT i have a question and i've been debating on how to start this whole thing so ill just say fuck it n get it out there—how do you keep up with all your wips??? bc like,,,,i've started writing, and i LOVE it. it's so fun to have these ideas finally out in word format instead of just stuck in my head.

but i have a really bad habit of starting smth n then...moving on to smth else when inspiration strikes. i occasionally go back to what i was originally writing, but even then it doesn't last long before im starting a whole new story 😭 im a little peeved as i've completely abandoned this one writing i slaved away at for days abt the backstory of one of my ocs—im somewhat proud of it n i don't want to just not get back into it.

as i write this, im currently staring at my laptop as i churn out yet another story of said oc (along with multiple other ocs myself n a friend made together) n im just,,,perplexed?? i suppose, on how so many fic writers keep up with all their wips.

i realize now that im just droning on n on so ill end here. writing is a bitch but also feels me with accomplishment when i do end up finishing smth, so i was just curious as to how you work around wips n things like that.

hello darling, i'm okay!! kinda dreading today's shift, but it is what it is. how are u tho??

and to be honest with u, i don't keep up with my wips like . at all . i do try to maintain some order, and sometimes i forbid myself from working on a story in favour of focusing on another one, but it doesn't always work, and there are times in which i really want to work on a fic even tho it's not a priority or supposed to be posted any time soon. but still, i try not to beat myself up over it, bc fanfiction is a hobby and something that i do for fun!! it shouldn't feel like a chore, so even if i do want to keep a schedule or alternate between wips so i can have some resemblance of balance, it's not really necessary, or even possible, considering the amount of wips i have lmao. it's our work and our writing, we're free to never finish anything if we don't want to, or to write 13847872648 fics at the same time, or to write only one for the rest of our lives. there are no rules or a right way to go about it yk??? i totally get the need to . focus on just one project, or at least be able to finish something, anything, but it'll happen at some point, i promise, and u should never force yourself, especially when it comes to an activity u do bc u love it and enjoy it

it's different if we talk about original fiction or original characters.. at least in my case!! i didn't get into writing fanfic until a few years ago, but i've been writing original stories since i can remember!! in fact there's this one i'm very slowly making progress with, that i came up with back when i was 17, and that i really want to . finish someday and hopefully try and publish it. for me, and when i'm really passionate about a project, like with this one, i do . force myself to not write anything else . it's inevitable to get new ideas, so i write them down, i make pinterest boards and even outlines, and occassionally, i also start them, write a lil of them when i need a break or to scratch the itch. but otherwise i just . do my best to stick to the one that i really love and i'm the proudest of. i do tend to hyperfixate and obsess a lot, so it's not THAT hard for me, bc even if i do get distracted sometimes, i always come back to this story. especially since i've been working on it for almost 5 years now, and i know it like the back of my hand. i could write three prequels and four sequels lol

so really, i don't think there's a right or wrong way to go about this. one of my best friends, and a writer i quite admire, jumps from a wip to another all the time, and also struggles to finish a story, but she just . trusts the process . lets herself have fun and write whatever she wants every day . it's been a while since she last finished something but she isn't too worried yk?? she enjoys what she does, and what matters is that she keeps writing. every person is different, and the way they approach writing is, too!!

my advice is to try and find out what works best for u and to stop beating yourself up over something that might be out of ur control. if u have this one story that's really important to u and that u really wanna finish, then maybe ur gonna have to practise some self-discipline, and force yourself a little, forbid yourself from getting distracted with these other shiny new ideas. but if doing that ruins the whole thing for u and sucks the fun out of writing then . take it one day at a time, focus on something different each day, and start 4 stories in the same week. it doesn't matter babe!! writing is an art, there's not a correct way to do it!!

#sorry if this wasn't very helpful i'm never the best person to ask about writing..#but i'm wishing u the best <333 #and i'm sure all ur stories are lovely #regardless of you finishing them or not #sending u a big hug #asks #s tag #on writing

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prince-rowan-of-the-forest · 1 year

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Crown Princes and Butterfly Wings (8/?)

Chapter 7 : Butterfly Wings

—-

Virgil meets the others, secrets are revealed. The party becomes four and the group begin travelling once again.

<- Previous | First | Next ->

@cutebisexualmess :)

—-

Whooo I struggled to get this chapter up to the designated minimum word count I have set for myself haha, not because I was struggling with ideas or anything, I just wanted to leave it at a certain point but I didn't have enough words when I got there :/

Virgil has officially joined the squad!! I wonder who will be next :eyes:

Also! The links on here actually work now! They were messed up before, but I'm fixing them! So they work, on this post at least.

Happy reading!

----

The moment Virgil’s feet touched the ground, the dragon- Tanwen rose up from her coil once again, turning to face them with a rumbling purr. Virgil’s face went red and he turned away and covered it with a hand. Roman laughed, feeling the happiness in the air. He could feel how proud she was. Roman turned to Virgil with a raised eyebrow.

They huffed, “She says she’s proud of me for finally getting out of that tower.”

“Oh?” Roman asked, “That’s not how most of the stories I’ve read go.”

“Obviously you haven’t been reading the right ones,” Virgil said with a shrug, “She’s been trying to persuade me to leave since I was sixteen years old.”

“Really? You were just… free to go? This whole time?” Roman asked, looking up at Tanwen’s huge form. She bowed her head.

My Prince is a coward.

Roman jumped as she did that- speaking in his head again. It didn’t seem nearly as threatening now than it had before, but it was still… an odd feeling.

“I am not!” Virgil yelped.

You have willingly remained in a prison for four years…

“It was merely caution.” Virgil said, folding his arms.

You are very brave for leaving, my Prince.

Roman watched Virgil as he curled into himself a little, Tanwen was talking to both of them- she must be- but Virgil seemed… almost upset about her words.

I am proud.

“I don’t… want to go.” Virgil said, so quietly that Roman- standing right beside him- almost missed it. Roman looked between him and the dragon. He couldn’t help but think that this felt like a goodbye.

You must

Virgil curled further into himself and Roman reached out- meaning to put a reassuring hand on his arm- but stopped halfway, he had no idea how this prince felt about touch.

His hand- left hanging awkwardly in the air between them- was taken by Virgil, who gripped it tightly. Roman could only stare in surprise. Virgil had made it clear as crystal that he didn’t trust- or even really like- Roman. Regardless, Roman squeezed Virgil’s hand back.

If you ever need me, I will come

Roman watched as she stood, spreading her wings and taking off. Virgil followed her with his eyes until she couldn’t be seen in the distance anymore and when she couldn’t be seen they turned away, taking a deep breath and looking towards the forest.

“Alright,” They said, taking another deep breath afterwards, “Where- where are we going?”

Grinning, Roman tugged on their still joined hands and led Virgil to the edge of the forest, trying to remember exactly where they had set up the camp. He needn’t have worried, though, because as soon as he breached the trees, Patton had come running up to them.

“Roman! Oh jeezy, I was so worried you were going to be dragon chow, thank goodness you came back, going in without a plan was so stupid- oh did you get hurt at all?” Patton asked, speaking quickly as he patted down. Roman’s arms. Virgil had let go of his hand as soon as Patton approached, stepping back, “Oh and- wait- since when did you have wings?”

“Oh dear,” Roman mumbled.

“Oh dear indeed,” Logan said, following Patton out of the trees, “Would you like to explain why you’re not hiding them?”

“Tanwen- uh- the dragon- she had me show them and I- sort of forgot…” Roman said sheepishly, “Sorry.”

“It can’t be undone now, and if it was necessary…” Logan sighed, “I will let it go for now.”

Roman turned to see Virgil was standing slightly behind him, he was hiding- if not obviously- and using Roman as a shield. He smiled back at his new friend.

“Uh, well, guys, this is Virgil,” He said, gesturing, “And Virgil, this is Logan, the wizard, and Patton, the traveller.”

Patton startled, only just noticing the other figure behind Roman, he fumbled a bow, in an attempt to be polite, “Um- it’s- it’s nice to meet you, Prince Virgil!”

“There’s no reason for formalities,” Virgil huffed, tapping his foot against the ground, “I’m barely a prince, at this point.”

“Ah, but you are still a Prince,” Patton squeaked.

“But you’re not acting all strange and formal around Roman- why do I get this silly special treatment?” Virgil said, frowning. Roman sighed.

“But- Roman’s not-” Patton started, before looking back at Roman, “You’re not a Prince, are you?”

“Let’s- er- let's get back to the camp and the Logan and I can explain everything, I think you deserve to know, at this point,” Roman sighed, walking forward towards the trees. He could feel all three of the others watching him. Patton followed quickly, walking next to Roman and glancing at his wings every so often but not saying anything. Logan led the way, looking back at him only once. Roman could feel his disappointment, and Virgil remained slightly behind them, following in almost complete silence.

—-

“Alright,” Logan said when they reached the camp turning to face them, “I suppose since Roman has been negligent of his duties that a proper explanation is in order.”

“Hey,” Roman said quietly, “I’m not- there was no negligence!”

“You forgot about your wings, and you told Virgil that you were a prince,” Logan pointed out.

“Logan, I had to show my wings or I would probably have been fried, would you rather me be dead or our companions know that I was a prince?” Roman fired back, crossing his arms, “We should’ve told Patton earlier what was going onyway, I know this is supposed to be a secret mission, but we never needed to trick someone who’s already accompanying us.”

“Even so, you should have hidden your wings after talking to the dragon, and told Virgil you were a knight or soldier instead,” Logan told him.

“He had no choice,” Virgil cut in, “Tanwen would not have let him lie to me, though you could have informed me that it was a secret and I wouldn’t have said anything.”

“It would have been unfair,” Roman said, feeling a little small, “To keep Patton in the dark after all of this.”

Logan was silent for a moment, before sighing, “Alright, I can see your reasoning, but- keep it within this group, alright? Just because we all know doesn’t mean you can be careless whilst we are travelling.”

“I never planned to,” Roman said with a small smile, “And I’m sorry I messed up.”

“It’s alright, it cannot be helped,” Logan replied.

“W-well I for one would really like to know what’s going on,” Patton interrupted, he had sat down on one of their bedrolls whilst he and Logan were arguing and was now looking up at them while he wrung his hands in his lap.

Roman sighed, moving to stand next to Logan while Virgil moved to stand behind Patton with his arms crossed, “We- haven’t been truely honest with you, Patton, you especially, you knew we were keeping things from you, but…”

“I knew that,” Patton cut in, “Don’t worry, I’m not upset about the secrets- I just- well I’d like to know what you’re on about.”

“We’ve been travelling together for multiple weeks now, Patton,” Logan said, “And I believe you have earned our trust. Virgil- unfortunately I cannot trust you yet, I hope you understand, but considering you already know, you may as well hear the whole story.”

“Oh good,” Virgil said, tapping his foot, “Well get on with it, then.”

“Alright, alright,” Roman raised his hands, “I am a Prince, one of the princes of Dalandaire, Roman Kylynne.”

“Wait- I didn’t- you’re that Roman?” Patton yelped, “Sorry- I-”

“It’s alright,” Logan cut in, “We took precautions so that you wouldn’t find out who he was, one being the spell that allows him to hide his wings. Our mission was supposed to remain entirely secret.”

“And your missing twin brother?” Virgil asked, tilting his head, “Is he real?”

“Of course, the crown prince, Remus Kylynne,” Logan nodded, “He disappeared roughly seven weeks ago in the middle of the night and Roman and I were tasked to secretly track down and return him to their fathers, Kings Thomas and Nico.”

“We didn’t want to cause mass panic across the kingdom with the news that the Crown Prince was missing,” Roman explained, beginning to pace, “So we chose to search for him in secret, although we didn’t expect to have anyone join us on this journey.”

Patton chuckled, eyes wide, “So- so what you’re saying, is that me, me, a poor farm boy from Miera has been travelling for the last four weeks with a Prince and someone else who’s very important?”

“I am a training wizard, my father is the King’s advisor and I hope to take the position when Remus himself becomes king,” Logan explained his role proudly, “I have grown up knowing the two Princes all my life.”

“To answer you, Patton, yes you have,” Roman nodded, “But I will not treat you any differently for it, nor do I want you to treat me in any different way, alright?”

“I’d… probably feel more comfortable if you didn’t treat me as though I was special also,” Virgil told them, scuffing one foot across the ground, “I may be a prince by blood, but I was not raised as one.”

“Alright, ok, so… just Virgil?” Patton asked, turning to their new companion.

“Just Virgil.” He nodded.

“And- just Roman?” Patton asked, looking back at them.

“Exactly,” Roman smiled, “Just Roman.”

“Alright then, now that you know most of the details- we can discuss more later if needed- it’s getting late, Patton, would you like to help me with dinner?” Logan asked, Patton grinned, brightening immediately and rushing across the clearing to help by lighting the fire they’d build earlier. Virgil turned to Roman.

“So… what’s going on with them?” They asked, Roman chuckled.

“Well, Patton and Logan are both into each other, romantically,” Roman whispered, “But Logan is dense as a brick and probably doesn’t even know that he likes Patton himself, let alone that Patton likes him back, and Patton’s been endlessly attempting to flirt with him since we started travelling to no avail-”

—-

Virgil was very interested in the fire.

It was strange, Roman thought, as soon as they’d lit the fire Virgil had moved to sit next to it. He looked softer, next to the firelight, it seemed to tone down the sharpness of his jaw and bring colour to his moonlight pale skin. It made Roman smile. His fellow Prince must like fire- it made sense, considering he seemed to have grown up with a fire breathing dragon as his only companion.

Roman decided, on a whim, to sit next to him. It was very hot, sitting so close to the fire, but Virgil didn’t seem to mind so Roman wouldn’t complain.

“Hey,” Roman said when Virgil didn’t acknowledge him, Virgil let out a sound that could only be described as a high-pitched squeak, turning to face him all whilst leaning away, Roman chuckled, a little awkward, “Apologies, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“It’s- fine,” Virgil mumbled, glancing back at the fire before looking back up at Roman, “I am unused to seeing a big fire so closely, it- um- distracted me, I am also unused to- people.”

“I see,” Roman nodded, “Do you like fire?”

“Bright things in general,” Virgil corrected, their wings twitching and- oh right, they were a moth. The attraction to light made a lot more sense now, just like Roman’s attraction to colour.

“I see,” Roman nodded, before glancing back at Patton and Logan, who were busy getting dinner served up, “Food is almost ready, I’m not sure what you’re used to, but we haven’t really got many options.”

“I’m sure whatever your little troop has will be tolerable,” Virgil said, rolling his eyes and standing from his kneel, walking over to Patton and Logan and leaving Roman next to the fire. Roman watched them go, shoulders slightly hunched and turning their head every now and then to look out into the forest. Roman sighed, he wondered how Virgil would fit into the dynamic they had going on right now.

During dinner Patton tried to get to know Virgil. He didn’t get very far, considering Virgil seemed reluctant to share most details about their life. Especially their life before the tower, Roman wondered what could have happened to make him hate his own family and kingdom so much.

Shortly after dinner they had decided to turn in for the night. Roman made sure to give Virgil a fair warning about what sleeping on the ground would do to you, all while side-eyeing Patton and Logan. What? He was still a little miffed that they hadn’t mentioned he would hurt in places he didn’t know he could hurt afterwards.

—-

When morning came, the group set off back the way they had come. Now numbering four instead of three. Roman couldn’t help but jump around, using his wings to flitter from one low-hanging tree branch to another, hopping between the large roots of the trees and laughing as he went. He hadn’t been able to fly properly in weeks, he felt like he deserved this chance before he had to hide his wings again.

Virgil had been watching him. Roman tried to pay no mind to it, but all the time he was flying he could feel the other prince’s gaze on him even without seeing his eyes. Sometimes he would look over and Virgil would look away, pretending to be uninterested or replying to something Patton said, but Roman knew it was a ruse.

Roman wondered if it was because Virgil couldn’t fly himself, maybe he was jealous, or attempting to work out the technique from watching Roman. Whatever he was trying to achieve by watching him, Roman found it couldn’t dampen his spirits.

What could dampen Roman’s spirits though, quite literally, was rain.

It had started as a drizzle, a light spatter or raindrops that was easily ignored, as the day turned into evening. But as they attempted to set up camp it just continued to get heavier.

They had taken up refuge underneath one of the large trees that only really offered a little bit of shelter whilst Logan looked through the books he had brought with him in hopes to find some kind of rain repelling spell that would work to stop them from getting drenched while they slept.

In the end Logan had been able to find a somewhat complicated spell that could last them the night. They’d set up under the tree just in case and watched as the water poured off of their little bubble in sheets. They’d slept close together for warmth- without the heat of a fire to warm them instead- and woken only to find that the rain fhowed no signs of stopping anytime soon.

Well, Roman thought as Logan enchanted all of their packs to repel water, he supposed they were going to get drenched afterall.

<- Previous | First | Next ->

#sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #rowans fantasyau #rowans writings

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jjkeverlast · 1 year

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2k22 end of year recap

rules;

post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

thank you baby v for the tag <333 @minniesvenus

TOP FIVE WORKS I'M PROUD OF

true love : by far the series i've put my heart into. these characters own my goddamn heart and i've enjoyed (so far) writing them and their crazy adventures!!! :'))) - currently writing chap 6

hurts so good : i was so stressed while writing this because i wanted the outcome to be just like i pictured it and it only came out better :') writing this specific jungkook was hilarious and i loved the dynamic between him and reader in this :') also my first sub!jungkook fic hihi - hopefully there's more to come

unexpected lovers : first yoongi fic and the longest fic i've written!!! this whole story was so fun to write and will always be closest to my heart. i wrote this when i was starting to find myself on tumblr and that shows a reflection of my growth as a writer :') i was fighting through the smut throughout the whole day and the outcome was so so worth it! also i miss yoongi and reader from this. (writing a lil drabble of those two hihi)

mr. and mrs. kim : aaah okay, this one hist the top five, mostly because it was my first action one shot and first time i truly challenged myself as a writer and my capability. which surprisingly turned out well!!! <333

new girl : gooood my first ever series!!! new girl was the starting point for me. i remember briefing the idea to jyad (@pjiminbloomx ) and then i just went for it. this was where i was slowly peaking through and extremely proud of myself for finishing this series in 2 months time. :) miss these little roomie goofs a lot tho </3

TOP FOUR WIPS

i've already posted a list of my future wips, but four of them i'm especially excited for so let's share some!!! keep in mind these will take time before release :') also i'm adding small teasers to them. <3

KICK THE GOAL — soccer player!jk

‘’Let’s make this more interesting, hmm?’’ Jungkook decides to speak up as he tilts his head, as if he’s trying to prove he’s better than you. His eyes are half squinted, his long hair covering them almost as he bites his lip awaiting an answer from you. He knows how to push your buttons in the worst ways.

‘’How about we just–’’ Namjoon tries to shut down the horrendous idea that’s about to be exposed.

‘’Loser jumps in the pool.’’

‘’It’s a deal.’’ You don’t even think twice. If he wants to play on who’s better, you’d love to prove him wrong and it seems like he doesn’t mind seeing you try.

HOW TO SURVIVE 101 — scaredy cat!yoongi

‘’At least I fight them instead of playing dead while wrapped in… toilet paper?’’ You tilt your head, expression reading nothing but disgust from your end.

‘’If it weren’t for my zombie costume, I would’ve been dead by now. Idiot.’’ He emphasizes hard on the word and you want to laugh about his behavior towards you.

‘’Zombie costume? You look more like a mummy from Scooby Doo.’’

He stays quiet, while you finally launch yourself to sit behind an aisle, covered from the zombie’s wandering eyes.

DOUBLE PURSUIT — agent!jk

''What's all this?'' You point to the blue boxes that look extremely heavy from here.

Jungkook's gaze moves towards you, a chuckle slipping past his lips despite your question not being remotely funny.

''Absolute hell.'' He groans, slumping back into his chair. You move forward, studying the boxes only to notice it's the complaint letters. Or more so, the letters that are sent by earlier agents, threatening your agency if they don't get the help they need. You've always been curious as to why your agency even received threats, when they've been nothing but helpful to society.

''I'll help you.'' You say without missing a beat.

HEARTLESS — kkangpae AU

‘’What’s on your mind?’’ Jungkook’s head turns, awaiting for your response.

You want to tell him the honest truth, of how desperate you are to get out of this madness that you suddenly got pulled in, but you can’t.

‘’I’ve been wondering how your tattoo looks in whole.’’ Your fingers rub against each other, afraid it was wrong of you to bring up his tattoo. The tattoo has a meaning, connecting him to where he belongs, where he chose to stay, to give his life to.

He chuckles lightly, ‘’Do you wanna see it?’’

TOP THREE IMPROVEMENTS

i'd say my smut... i was super insecure about it because i wrote it as if i'm writing a recipe rather than doing it as i please which i've later learned how to do. so i'm super proud of myself for that part!

use of words. english isn't my first language but my third and i've definitely improved my vocabulary and added more synonyms to my writing rather than repeating the same words again and again.

details. details. details.

TOP TWO RESOLUTIONS

to write just a little every day so i don't lose myself from improving a little more every day.

have less wips lmfao its a problem at this point and i'm surprised i could actually pick 4 before....

ONE FAVORITE LINE I'VE WRITTEN

sdjhfsdsksf it's not out yet.... (its gonna appear in true love chap 6) and i don't wanna spoil for my lovely readers who are extremely patient with me. </3

tagging some babes <3

@archivedkookie @haliiimede @gimmethatagustd @here2bbtstrash @here4btsfics @chryblossomjjk @indgio @jeonspub @jeonjcngkook @caelesjjk @sugarwithtea @royallyjjk <3 (no pressure!!!)

#tag game #2k22 end of year recap #btw this took me fucking forever #lmfao

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blackbird-brewster · 5 months

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It's done.

Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3, is done.

I could ramble for hours about how I feel right now and as much as I'd love to lie and say I'll try to be a bit succinct to spare you all a long, emotional essay -- that's not happening. My blog, my feels.

I think it's important for me to start by saying, 'Fooled Around' was a miracle project, it brought me out of years of writers' block. Up until July 2022, I had been writing-retired for seven years. There were a few times during that hiatus where I tried to write, but the words always felt forced and disingenuous. I honestly believed I'd never write fanfic again -- then one night, out of nowhere, I got a comment on an old fic and it reignited my passion.

I spent that whole night re-reading my old works, delving into my personal archives, reading the outlines of WIPs that were never finished and that's when I came across my original outline from 2015 for a Jemily fanfic based on 'Imagine Me and You'.

I even had a couple of chapters already written from back then, it wasn't very good, it was admittedly just a scene-for-scene remake.

And for whatever reason, after seven years, I saw this WIP and went "Huh, I think I'd like to finish that."

With that, Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) was born. I wrote the entirety of Part 1 in ten days and the thing was, it wasn't even labelled 'Part 1' because I had no intention of making this into a series when I was writing it.

But by the time I had it fully posted, I already realised how much I wanted to keep writing these characters. When I began Part 2 in September 2022, there were only TWO other fics on AO3 in the JJ/Tara tag (there are now 26!). I loved writing their story and creating my polyam OT3 which I lovingly call, Je T'Emily.

Part 2 took less than three weeks to write and when it was complete, it was my longest fic to date (87k) and this time, I really did feel contented with where the story ended.

Afterwards, I worked on other projects, wrote tons and tons of new fics, including my 101k Jemily saga: i can't be wrong (to be craving you).

All the while, my Fooled Around characters started popping up in the back of my mind again, little plot bunnies rattling around, keeping me up at night, until finally, I sat down in May and said 'What could Part 3 be about?'

What I never expected was for this fic to take SEVEN months to write. Previously, the longest I had ever spent on a single project was four months and those were babies compared to Part 3.

Part 3 not only eclipsed my previous 101k WC record for longest fic, it more than DOUBLED that. In the end, this fic turned out to be 220,000 words long (equivalent to a 960 page novel).

I wish I was the type of person who could be proud of their own achievements, but I'm not. Even as I write this, there's part of me saying just delete and never post it, because no one cares about any of this -- but I'm fighting that little voice, because I truly do want to document how it feels to complete such a massive fic.

I poured hundreds of hours into this story, I did SO much editing, so much re-writing, re-working. I had a total of four main characters, their individual plots, plus SIX other characters, and their subsequent side-plots. To weave threads and continuity through a project spanning seven months of work was no easy feat.

I learned so much about myself in the process. Both regarding my writing styles, my stamina, and the dire need for me to find balance with writing and my own well-being. I pushed myself into burnout and the last few months have been really difficult on me, but I was determined to finish what I started.

And now, I have.

Six months of weekly updates and it all ends this Friday and I couldn't be happier.

To any of my readers who have made it this far, thank you. Your weekly comments and support really were the motivation that kept me going through the worst of it. Please know your usernames are all known well amongst me and my partner, because I share all of your comments with them and rave about how amazing you all are for coming on this journey with me.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. We may not know each other outside of AO3 comments or tumblr, but please know, I consider each and every one of you to be my friends and I cannot express my gratitude enough.

Pleased to tell you all, Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) will be back next year. Not as anything as massive as Part 3, but I'm planning to write a series of individual character epilogues to wrap up the series.

Until then, X.

#faafil #faafil3 #my writing #about me 2k23 #I'm so emotional #je t'emily

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sunnysunoo · 3 years

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Love Letters ; Sim Jake

Pairing: Jake X Reader

warnings: explicit language and cursing

word count: 3k words

genre: friends to lovers au! fluff with tiny pieces of crack lmao

Jake was always known for being this perfect guy in school. I mean, they're not wrong. They always described him as if he's this walking piece of art in the hallways. People would stop to just stare at him. You'd stare at him all day too, but you set priorities first: writing him love letters.

You're no Lara Jean, but I guess you can say that she's what inspired you to write Jake letters. Who needs Peter Kavinsky when Jake Shim exists anyways?

note: Not me completely disappearing off of tumblr for like months and then showing up again suddenly lol. I got really busy the past few months since I was completing requirements for school, and I really didn't have the motivation to do anything at the time so I took so time off to take care of myself first so I hope you understand :) But now since it's summer break, I am given at least 2 more months until I go back to school in August :)) Here's the long-awaited Jake imagine that I completely forgot about lmao hope you enjoy <3

P.S I finished writing this at 1:26 am so please excuse the really shitty plot and grammar ill rewrite it once i wake up

tag list: @cha-raena ( sorry for the rlly late post bestie )

Dear Jake, First of all, I will never call you Jaeyun because calling you by your English name makes me feel like I'm your friend. Calling you by your Korean name makes us feel like we're cold strangers to one another and I don't want that. I want us to be something more than that, but it's hard when you don't even know who I am. I'm surprised how you don't grow tired of me just dropping letters right into your locker every time you open it, and that's one of the things I love about you. You don't just throw away people's efforts and you treasure them with care. It makes my heart beat so fast as if I ran miles away from here.

We're already one year left until we graduate high school, and I don't want to end my high school years without you realizing my feelings for you. I know for sure that you would never reciprocate the feelings that I have towards you, so I want to treat this as closure in case we do forget about each other in the future. Yours truly,

Moon

"How is this person not over you? That's like the tenth one this month," Jay said, looking over Jake as he reads the letter from his secret admirer. Jake has always been receiving these letters from the same person everyday for the past four months. He's thankful for the letters because they definitely make his day better, knowing that there's someone out there who loves him as who he is regardless of looks. He's not gonna lie that these little notes and letters make his heart race too. "Do you have any plans with finding the person behind the letters?" Jay asked as he watches his best friend trying to hide the small smile that's been growing. No one really knows who this mysterious person is and why they decided to name themselves the moon, but we don't judge anyone in here. If they want to be the moon in their next life, then so be it. "I really want to find the person who's making these letters," Jake shoved the letter in his backpack, trying to not wrinkle it. "But I don't know where to start." "Who's finding who?" A voice popped suddenly beside the presence of the two boys. You leaned beside the locker beside Jake's, watching him as he grabs his books from his locker. "Did Moon drop your daily letter today again?" "They did as usual," Jake wasn't even surprised. He would expect the letters every time he enters the school in the morning. He would open his locker to see the usual small letter placed inside his locker. He usually arrives at seven or earlier, but he's surprised that he could never even catch a glance of this anonymous sender around the campus. "Should I go to school at five in the morning?" "Five in the morning? Isn't that a bit too early?" You questioned, followed by a shaky breath. "The school doesn't even open until six." "I could just walk to that nearby convenience store I always pass by to grab a coffee." He argues, closing his locker shut before walking towards his classroom.

You and Jay followed beside him, and you sneered under your breath, "You don't even wake up to your alarm clock."

"Why don't you even want me to go early anyway?" He glances as you try to give him an answer. But before you could say something, Jay replies first.

"You’re probably hiding something." He said. You rolled your eyes and narrowed your eyes at him. "You are so weird." You grunted, before walking ahead of them. You feel panicked because you were scared that you made yourself obvious to them.

You were inside your classroom sitting on your desk. There were only fifteen minutes left before lunch, but you had eaten your packed meal before instead of going to your school cafeteria. You were fidgeting in your place, conflicted about Jake finding his secret admirer, not knowing that it was you who's been sending him letters the past few months. You're not scared of him finding out that the letters were from you; that was the entire reason why you wrote him letters in the first place. You're scared of how he was gonna confront you about it. Would he like you back? Would he hate you? Would he avoid you?

Your mind was full of scenarios but you were suddenly brought back to reality when a hand planted itself on your desk. You look up and saw Jay standing in front of you, eating sushi with his other hand. His face kinda looks like he knows something, and it's freaking you out a bit.

"What?" You asked, suddenly flustered over how his eyes stared right into you. He took the seat in front of your desk and flipped it so it was facing you. He sat down and blurted the phrase that you were dreading to hear from anyone.

"So, you like Jake?"

You suddenly feel like punching him in the face with his sushi.

"What??" Your body felt like, and you were left a nervous mess. Your heart like it was going to pump right out of your chest any minute, and your hands started to sweat.

Jay's mouth formed into a smirk. He caught you. "Jake may be a bit oblivious, but I can totally see right through you."

“Haha...no you don’t,” You tried to deny, but it was all useless when his expression looked unconvinced.

“Oh yeah? Then why are you all red? You look like a bursting tomato.”

“You don’t know that," You leaned further into your seat, playing with the strings of your hoodie.

“C’mon Y/N, you’re not even trying. Just give up and admit it,” Jay was trying to help you confess your feelings for Jake. Frankly, he knew it was you sending him letters this whole time—how can Jake not see it?

With a heavy sigh, you slumped and laid your head on your desk, embarrassed. “Fine. I like him, okay? Are you happy now?”

The smirk on his face grew wider, feeling proud of himself. You are not dealing with his annoying crap this early in the morning. He grinned and munched on his half-eaten sushi. “I knew it.”

“Congratulations,” It was muffled because you hid your red face away from him. All that was on your mind now was how you could book yourself a flight all the way across the world.

“But seriously, since when did you have a crush on him?” You raised your head to face him, giving him a look that could kill, except Jay finds it entertaining rather than intimidating.

“I started having a crush on him when we were in fifth grade. It was at a friend's birthday party, and he saw me being all quiet and lonely. Honestly, I forgot who’s birthday that was.” You told him the very first time you had discovered feelings.

“He saw how sad I looked so he accompanied me the whole time. He was even trying to feel more included in the games and stuff.” You felt a smile ghosting on your lips as you can still vividly remember how you felt your heart tug the first time. “It was kinda like I fell in love at first sight.”

Jay faked a gag, so you lightly punched him in the shoulder. He may be a bit of an asshole, but he’s one the most caring and kind people you’ve ever met. It honestly felt good spilling out your feelings about Jake to him.

Speaking of, Jake was watching you two play around and laugh at Jay's little jokes from outside, and he felt something burning from inside him. Was it that he felt jealous of you and Jay?

No, he can’t be...right?

Maybe it was because of how he felt separated from you and Jay because of him being a separate class.

Yeah, maybe it's because of that.

Dear Jake,

I just had the most bizarre day today, and I felt like telling you about it.

It was chemistry period, and we had to be partnered with someone for a lab project. I ended up getting paired with Yeojin. We kinda created this unexpected friendship, which I love. We would crack jokes at each other, tell funny stories, it was so fun to be with her that we had completely forgotten about our project. So now, we both got a detention slip for making an accidental explosion.

How about you? How was your day? I hope it was just as fun as mine. If you feel like the day just wasn't as happy or you're feeling down, just now that it's okay to feel that way because days like these just lasts for 24 hours. It will be all over before you know it and you'll be greeted by another day. Maybe it will be different, and you would be all happy again just like how my day went. Maybe being with you would be my happiest day yet, and I couldn't wait for that day to come. See you soon :)

Love,

Moon

"Yeojin!" Jake called, seeing her walk down the opposite way. "Hey, mind if I ask you something?"

"Hey Jake," She greeted him with a smile. "Sure, go ahead."

"Could you perhaps give me any information about your partner in Chemistry?" He had hopes of getting any kind of description about his mysterious sender, but he was instead given a sad frown on Yeojin's face.

"Sorry Jake, but that person told me not to tell you about their information." She gave an apologetic smile. "I wish you all the best in finding them!"

Jake muttered a small "okay," and sighed before walking away, feeling defeated.

Yeojin knew that he was gonna ask about Moon the moment he called her from across the hall. She couldn't wait to tell you about this.

"Hey Y/N," A voice said from behind. You turned around to see Jake with his backup hung on his shoulder. He brought his hand up and raked his hair, and you felt your face grow red. Jake is like a gift from the gods. How can someone look so ethereal even if they're just standing there? You could stare at him all day. You couldn't even understand a thing he said until he started waving his hands in front of you.

"Hello?" You blinked multiple times as you were brought back out to reality. You saw Jake's face grow into concern. "Are you okay? spaced out."

"O-oh..No, I'm completely fine." You reassured him, feeling embarrassed. "What were you saying again?"

"I was asking you if you wanted to go to school with me early tomorrow."

Well, shit.

Your eyes started to go wide, and your hands started to go clammy.

"Tomorrow?" You repeated, voice trembling.

'Well, yeah." He pouted his lips, and you felt like melting into a small puddle in your place. Your heart started to pound heavily.

Oh my fucking god, he is so adorable.

"Okay, sure I can go with you tomorrow," You weakly smiled at him, slightly tense.

How we're you going to give him the letter now?

"Good Morning," Jake said as he watches you close the gates of your house. It was past five in the morning, and you were a mess.

"Morning," You replied back before running your fingers through your hair, getting rid of any flyaways.

As you started walking your way to the bus stop, Jake kept on glancing towards you from time to time. He knew you were pretty, but since when did you become really beautiful in his eyes?

The walk was pretty quiet, but it was a comfortable silence. For him, mostly.

Meanwhile, you couldn't stop freaking out. You had written a letter the night before, but you don't know how you were going to slip it into his locker without him taking notice. If he saw you, he would know.

"Are you sure you're okay? You've been like this since yesterday," Jake blurted. You looked at him before heaving a sigh.

"It's nothing," You mouthed, suddenly feeling anxious and gloomy.

"Something on your mind?"

"Something like that." It was hopeless. I guess he would have to miss this letter today. It was the first time you skipped a day, and you're feeling guilty that you would have to see Jake's face sadden that he wouldn't receive it today.

As you two stop at the bus stop, Jake looked slightly panicked as he was rummaging through the pockets of his blazer before looking through his bag. "Hey, do you have an extra pen? I left mine at home and I have a quiz today."

You snickered, "Out of all the days, Sim Jake. The same day you have a quiz is the same day you forget your pen."

"Very funny." He scoffed.

As you unzipped your bag to grab your pencil case, a folded piece of paper fell out without you realizing it. When Jake went to pick it up, he notices that it was folded the same way as the letters in his locker. It looked so identical.

Once you already got your pencil case out, you were about to hand it to him when you saw what he was holding that made your body freeze with your hand holding the case in the air.

"Why were one of my letters inside your bag?" He glanced at you, waiting for you to reply.

If you were freaking out before, this is a whole other thing. The thing that you were fearing the most is happening right before you.

"Maybe it fell into my bag yesterday..." You stammered, making up an excuse to look like it was an accident. You were tightly holding onto your pencil case, chanting many curse words in your head as you watch Jake unfold the letter.

"I don't think I've received this one yet," He said before he opened the letter and read it.

You watch as his expression formed into confusion as he reads through the paper. It only took a few moments before something in him clicked that it was you sending him the letters.

"Y/N," He began, and you started quivering in fear.

You should've known this would happen, but you didn't expect it to happen this sooner. In fact, you believed that this wouldn't happen at all. But it did.

"Let me explain," You eventually gave up and accepted fate and watch as your identity as "Moon" be revealed to your crush. You're now exposed so you didn't have any other choice but to explain everything. "Yes, I am Moon. I was the one writing you the letters that you've been getting in your locker."

Jake's face was unreadable. He looked bewildered and puzzled. He was trying to comprehend what was happening right now. All this time, it was you?

"I started crushing on you when we attended that birthday party before. I didn't want to confess my feelings for you because I was scared that you were going to harshly reject me, so I started writing down letters as a way to tell you how I feel about you without making you feel awkward around me." You continued, eyes suddenly taking an interest in your shoes. They were brand new too.

Jake was silent, and you felt your heart crack into pieces. You were mad at yourself for being so careless about it that he ended up finding out about you as his secret admirer. You wanted nothing else but to run back home, lock yourself in your room and cry with your sad playlist on loop.

You were expecting a harsh rejection coming from him, but what surprised was how he took dangerous steps towards you, minimizing the gap between you two. He placed his hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

"I don't plan on rejecting you Y/N," You stare into his eyes as it reflects the sunlight of the early morning. "I'm actually happy that it was you."

You look at him, puzzled. He lowly chuckles under his breath before leaning over to place his lips against yours. It was a light, quick kiss, but it brought you feeling ecstatic. You've dreamed of this moment before, and now that it happened, you thanked your clumsiness.

As he pulled away, you were sure your face was a red mess.

"Thank you," His smile was as bright as the stars in the sky. It was the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. "Thank you for making me like I'm special to someone."

You felt flustered over his words. You were scared that he could hear the sound of your heart pounding loudly. The butterflies in your stomach were going wild, and you felt like this was all a dream.

"So, what am I to you now?" You broke into a smile as he grabs your hand, intertwining your fingers with his.

Jake acted as if he was thinking, "Hm..maybe my best friend still?"

He bursts into a fit of giggles as he sees your smile slowly disappear, replacing it with a look of disbelief. You removed your hand from his and walked at a faster pace away from him.

He ran to match your pace beside you before holding your hand again, "I'm sorry, I won't ever do that again. Is my girl mad at me?"

"Oh my god, it's only five-fifty, Jake." You too broke into laughter over his cheesiness, but your heart fluttered over the thought of Jake calling you his.

HERE’S A LITTLE BONUS! since I've made you guys wait for 4 months :(

"What the fuck?" Was the first thing You heard from Jay as you and Jake entered the classroom. All of your classmates were staring at your and his hands intertwined together.

Jay stood in front of you two, crossing his arms together. "Can one of you explain when this happened?" he motioned towards your linking hands. You and Jake smiled at each other before walking away, leaving Jay in a fit of joy, and confusion.

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fuchsiali · 2 years

Text

I have an idea for a Kaguya-Sama: Love is War xreader. Feel free to slander me on this folks, but I just thought that I haven't seen much xreaders or reader inserts on this series for, of course, obvious reasons.

Don't get me wrong, I love and adore the ships on it, 10/10 on uber eats, but the gears in my mind started turning in a not so pleasant way after reading the recent chapters.

Though I have read a reader insert about Love is War in Wattpad, the book seemed to be taken down since I can no longer find it. The cover for it is still up on Google though! (To whoever wrote that, bless you)

For the actual idea itself, now I'm just a bit shy to put it out there because I am cringing in different fonts about it, but at the same time I'm proud of myself for managing to fill in the holes (not in a good way).

MC is the daughter of 2 two business corporation owners(?). Her mother, the head of the Mitsui group and her father, the head of the [Surname] group (which will be inspired and based on the Sumitomo group). Both of which are part of the "Big Four" Zaibatsu in Japan.

MC has an older brother that'll play a major role when the conflicts start occuring. I also remember making their parents divorce when she was 4, her father leaving Japan and taking her brother with him (thats cringe 📷 ). The Shinomiyas will be having a part in this family drama!

Much like the deleted fic "From the Side lines", Miyuki Shirogane will be a childhood friend or just a friend that MC has known for a long time and was pretty her life line and emotional support during hard times, MC doing the same likewise.

MC will be a year younger than Miyuki, meaning she's the same age as Miko and Ishigami. Though she advanced a year for a specific reason and knows about Ishigami and the "drama" circulating around him. She's also the Historian of the student council (wow so original, Jenny)

There's this one arc (?) (its timeline is just about a month or so before the sports festival) where MC is helping repair the old building that's a head quarters for a certain club since it will get demolished to replace it with another building for a different club's benefit.

This idea is inspired by the Ghibli Film: From Up On Poppy Hill.

I'm planning on making a wide spread of variety for the love interest, meaning I'll try to include as much as the story can make it comfortable. I'm thinking about adding a few made up characters as love interest as well, especially with a few add-ons I'm doing in the plot.

After finishing the recent chapters of the manga, I was panicking since I had to fill in a few holes because I had to remove the major ships circulating the main characters.

The whole fic will try to mostly focus on the MC, the reader, and removing important pieces and replacing them is making me want to bash my head on the wall.

But after cringing and cringing about my own words, I managed to plug in the leaks (in a not so good way, but tolerable ig). I found a way to transition Miyuki's feelings from Kaguya to the MC, and a way to avoid and replace his confession with a scene with MC instead.

Ahh this is so awful and it's just a few notes in- I'll post a few more so I can embarrass myself even more. I'm going to regret this 👍👍

What do y'all think, though?

Yeah, I'm cringing too, bud.

#i have no idea what i'mdoing #help?#love is war x reader-ish #kaguya-sama: love is war x reader #fuck it

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savrenim · 3 years

Note

hi hi hi. so I just got into the Hamilton fandom, I swear I am four years late where did everybody go, and, well. I am apparently a hamburr shipper. bcs that is my life now. anyway I saw your fic ifmlam and I swear it is my favourite of all the fics I've ever read (and trust me I've read literally thousands). I love it so so much, how do you write fics like that??? I cried about four times during the whole thing, I stayed up till 4am reading it even when I had to wake up at 7 because it is just. that. good. I could not stop thinking about it for days afterwards and ifmlam has just ruined me. I can't think of listen to Hamilton without thinking of ifmlam anymore.

on to my qursttion: is it abandoned? of course it's perfectly FINE if it is. don't let anyone tell u differently, your fic is YOURS and u are amazing.

but pls I really need closure from ur fic, it has been haunting me if its abandoned or ongoing and I've read ur other fics and they are just chefskiss and thank you so much for writing them all. thank you thank you thank you, I will never be able to thank you enough for writing this fic and for everything it's done for me. I am probably thousands of miles away but I am sending you virtual jugs through a co.puter screen right now.

(don't feel pressured to reply to this or update it flam, I know how overwhelming it can get with so many messages and after a while u get desensitized to it. u can literally reply "thx. itfmlam is abandoned" and I would still be amazingly star struck. anyway has gotten way too long and I need to sleep and I'm sorry u probably won't see this so I'm just talking to myself right now but bye!!)

and thank you so so much for writing itfmlam.

aaaah hello anon!

thank you so so much???? I am so??? honored??? that ifmlam rates so highly to you, and also that you've read my other fics??????

the answer to the "is ifmlam abandoned" question is probably the worst possible one, which is pretty much "I do want to finish it, both for the folks that still want closure as well as it bothers to me have abandoned projects that are in the public eye/ already partially published, but also, it is last on my current writing projects list"

my current actually active writing projects list, kind of in order of priority, is

I'm literally three chapters away from being Actually Fully Done with the not-quite-first-not-quite-second let's call it 1.5th draft of an actual?? full?? original?? novel?? Opus which of course then goes out to beta readers and then gets who-knows-how-much edited and then maybe beta readers again if a lot does change and then a copyeditor my mom, my copyeditor is my mom, and maybe my little brother he's one of the betas but is very good at catching typos and then I!!! get to publish it!!!! which is the single thing I am most excited for!!!!!!!!! this should be closed up in the next week or two, and then take a while for people to actually read the draft and get back to me.

I really desperately want to finish my open-but-like-90%-written fic, which means we raise it up, the final chapter of to the bottom of the river bc I realized that it was kind of incomplete, and the second chapter of a buried and a burning flame because any more work there will need to wait until the author publishes the next book in the series. this should be closed up in the next month or two.

Speedwrite the draft of the second book of the Opus series so that hopefully by the time book 1 edits are happening, I have an almost complete draft of the second book. this is mostly me side-eyeing myself about taking nearly four years to write the first book, but that is solidly in part because I had so many other open projects which point 2 is about clearing that docket. this should be done in the next year.

And then just have my major projects be, at least until books 1-5 are written and published, books 1-5 of that because that is arguably the first major 'plot arc' of the series, so if I'm looking for a pause point on writing, that's probably where to stop.

There are two or three other short side projects (a weird fun second person short story tentatively titled witch-queen, a collection of four short stories Memoirs about a not-so-evil necromancer and the shenanigans he gets up to trying to rule a kingdom, working title Perfectly Normal Recipe Blog which is a collaborative project about a perfectly normal recipe blog that definitely doesn't include anything out of the normal) that will happen when they happen

There are other projects that are on the backburner -- The Numanok Files, a series of probably 12-15 short novellas about a mercenary/ bounty hunter esque person in space whose specialty is dealing with hauntings, but, like, 80% of their jobs is actually "you are effectively a space home inspector pointing out faulty wiring reacting to solar flares/ there's a weird alien fungus/ it's carbon monoxide okay change your atmosphere filters" and 20% of it is punching ghosts; there's a post-post apocalypse novel that I want to write that I know characters and general pacing and half the setting but need to work out the other half and figure out how much aesthetic I want to commit to; there's Strangeside7 aka spacerace book that is my reaction to how much I love how Redline the anime movie commits itself to "no we are about a race, like 60% of the screentime is just fully going to be an utterly ridiculous sci fi space race"; there's even a ridiculous YA trilogy that I would have to completely transplant the setting but might end up writing because the interplay between angel-physics and physics-physics was one of my favorite things in the world. and I guess the weird ridiculous technically a sequel series to ifmlam that was going to be published as original books that was basically me having fun with 'okay I fucking love star wars prequels old rotting space bureaucracy galactic republic style' except with seers and that also still might happen because it does have some of the coolest sci fi concepts and honestly I thiiiink that's all?

but the tl;dr of that timeline is I'm trying to finish a punch of projects Right Now, so that I can write books 2-5 of Opus, and then when I'm done that (which honestly, my average fiction-writing output is close to 100k a year. if I'm concentrating purely on one project, and writing books that are about 100k, we are talking four years. although my job situation is super up in the air in that period and writing might get put solidly on the backburner as I try to make it in academia, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) I will re-evaluate which projects go next, and that's when ifmlam is likely to come up for review.

I do not have any expectations that I will make it as an original author. I'm planning on posting all of my stuff online for free, but, like. it is incredibly difficult to convince people to try out even a piece of free and easily accessibly original work even if one has a huge following, I am a very small fanfiction author, and from what I can tell the majority of the people who are interested in my work are mostly interested in me finishing ifmlam. writing is a hobby for me, and while I'm writing mostly for me--and hence the for me bit at least for the next five years is pretty solidly going to be this series that I am deeply excited about and have sunk my heart and soul into every single aspect of--I'm human, and I don't really like shouting into the void, and I expect if I spend five years publishing to absolutely no response I will either stop writing for a while and do other things gods know my life is busy enough, return to fandom in general to write some other fanfic about whatever I get deeply into, or return to a work that I actually get response to. so ifmlam will probably start getting worked on a bit at that point one way or another. unless, of course, we are in the incredibly rare timeline in which I do make it as an original author, there are people who are deeply hyped for my original works and an actual demand for them, in which case as you may have noticed there are enough ideas there to keep me busy for a decade or two, and they will just get my full attention instead of fanfiction*. in this timeline, I will do what I was considering doing a few years ago, which is officially declare ifmlam otherwise abandoned and make one more giant chapter update which is a full and cleaned up outline of what I was going to write, interspersed with the scenes already written, and have ifmlam be given at least that closure.

*I want to make it clear that I very much love fanfiction and am proud to have been a fanfiction author and in my heart of hearts would keep writing it forever, I just also have a lot of ideas for characters and settings and magic systems and Aesthetics and I have been biting at the bit to write something that is //mine// and all mine and only mine for a while, I don't see original work as superior so much as there are a dozen fandoms that I am currently in and bursting to make content about except oops these fandoms currently only exist in my head, and I want to correct that

of course given how much as writing is my vent activity and I write what I'm in the mood for, there's a chance I'll feel ifmlam cravings before then, just... expect it to take a couple of years for an update, but also for there to be an update one way of another in a couple of years? but as for right now, I'm turning to original writing, because that is what brings me joy.

but I am really deeply honored that it brought you so much joy!!! and while I will never publish spoilers in a public place, if you message me off anon I am perfectly happy to give a run-down of my current plans for the ending, bc I know "wait a couple years and see" is not the most satisfactory of answers! and hey maybe you'll be like me and once you've given Opus a try you'll decide you like it better too, it does have Seers although they are deeply different Seers than in ifmlam but imo it's very gay and fun and at least politics on one side

#my life #my writing #ifmlam

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spnfanficpond · 3 years

Text

Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer: I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be? Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

#pond diving #spnfanficpond

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roswelldetails · 4 years

Text

RNM 2x05 - I'll Stand By You

So just a little note from me, the person behind the season 2 detailing. I am trying really really hard to keep emotion out of these posts...which is really really hard for me because I'm an inherently emotional person. I'm a glass case of emotion, ready to shatter at any given moment. (#dramatic) But I want to be true to the intent of this blog and keep my feelings, biases, and, you know, shipping out of this blog.

It was really really hard to do with this episode. Because I straight up ugly cried for like, 45 of the 60 minutes. 😂

So I guess, the point is, I'm proud of myself and sticking to the details here. My regular blog is where I'm doing the emotional flip out thing! 😂

EPISODE SUMMARY:

ACCEPTING REALITY — The discovery of some complications with Max’s (Nathan Dean) pod forces Liz (Jeanine Mason), Michael (Michael Vlamis) and Isobel (Lily Cowles) to confront the possibility that they may not be able to save him. Elsewhere, Maria (Heather Hemmens) and Alex (Tyler Blackburn) make amends. Kimberly McCullough directed the episode written by Alanna Bennett & Jason Gavin (#205). Original airdate 4/13/2020.

DETAILS:

Max/Isobel/Michael reunite at age 11 according to what Michael tells Alex in 1x10. So that would make the opening of this episode set in 2002ish.

Michael tells Max and Isobel, "I remember you. I don't know you."

"After nobody adopted me for a year they just stuck me with the name of that trucker who found us."

"I didn't ask you for anything."

This is like the thesis statement of Michael's whole history with Max in the flashbacks.

"Don't pay more than you collect, kid. Passing credit back and forth is a good way to get stuck with somebody forever."

Rosa's art.

What I can see says: "...what they all told me, but I didn't listen" and "Stand the shelter".

Rosa on her dreams

"I have not had any freaky dreams in weeks. Okay, Max is probably off haunting Isobel now that they're strong enough for their psychic twincest weirdness."

"How long has that been happening?"

"Um, I don't know. It's an old boom box."

"Rosa, have electrical appliances been malfunctioning around you?"

"I really thought it was just a side effect of the handprint."

"If being in the pod introduced a new protein into your system it could have altered your DNA too. You could be developing abilities."

"Liz, look. The handprint is changing. It's smaller."

"It's fading."

"Tell me this is a good thing."

"I don't think so."

Michael and Liz theorizing on why the pod shorted out:

"The pod's got a charge. It's like a battery powering the preservation process. This one's gone dead."

"Did the generator blow the electromagnetic threshold?"

"I think a surge came from the pod itself. But that pod has lasted almost a century. It shouldn't glitch out."

"Okay, well, then, this one did."

"All right, stop. It doesn't matter why the pod is broken. It just is. So how long does Max have?"

"My theory is that being tethered to Rosa through the mark is what kept Max from going brain-dead, and in turn the stasis process is what kept the mark from fading. So he could be gone by tonight."

"Okay, well, we have three more pods. So let's just put him into another pod."

"No. He's just gonna do it again. I haven't told you everything. I didn't want to scare you. I didn't want to be the one that took the hope away."

"Talk now, Rosa. Right now."

"I was seeing Max in my nightmares months before I told you about it, and he was begging me to stop you. He said that he was in a lot of pain in there."

"That's Noah's pod. Noah told us it was broken. It wasn't keeping him in stasis. He could feel time passing. None of us thought of that."

"We've been doing everything we can to make Max stronger. He pulled his own plug."

Note...as far as we know Isobel was the only one who knew about Noah's pod being broken. In 1x12 it was before Liz arrived at the house that he told them about the broken pod, so only Max and Isobel heard that part of the story.

Alex on his training. "NSA intelligence cryptology training".

Monitor screen in the secret lab:

Noah's heart is still too weak to transplant. Kyle says it needs at least eight more weeks

"I wrote a paper for a bioethics class on patients in vegetative states who feel pain. Sometimes it's all they feel."

As a non sciencey person, I was wondering if bioethics class was a real thing. Tonight I saw an interview on the news with a UC Berkeley bioethics professor on COVID. So yes, it's a thing.

Alex on Michael that summer post-Rosa's death:

Starting fights with jocks

Broke into the drugstore

Not going to UNM

Hasn't hung out with Max all summer

Got busted for stealing hubcaps (Kyle's hubcaps, we learn later)

Became a walking bar fight

Was in jail when Alex left to enlist

Michael on Max in 2008:

"It's more than that. And it's less than that. We were friends when we were kids, but now Max reminds me of a bunch of stuff that I'd rather forget. The only thing that we have in common anymore is Isobel."

Max's yearbook had a pencil stuck in the page with Liz and Max's photo in it. (The one we first saw in 1x03).

"Biology Club. Max hated science. He was in that club for four years just to watch your sister chew on the end of her pencil."

Max's mindscape:

First just desert, clouds, and then lightning strikes (destructive energy?)

Liz's antennae -- they disappear from Isobel's hands

Rosa describes it as broken

Crashdown special is Max's favorite "Little Green Man milkshake".

The Crashdown counter is kind of merged with biology lab equipment.

The juke box is there

The Crashdown booths

Jeep

Neon Crashdown sign

One of those claw drop game machines (from the Crashdown) but it's filled with baked good displays.

The yearbook

Later, everything else is gone except the one Crashdown booth, the Jeep, and the neon sign.

The distorted music they follow to find Max is the Cactus Groove song in the music list...just, messed around with. See @angsty-nerd's post here:

"I'm the hothead. You are the hero. It's always been that way."

"You stole the hubcaps off Kyle Valenti's graduation present. Both his parents are cops. Do you want to end up in jail tonight?".

👀 Tonight, specifically.

Michael seemed excited about the job at Foster's Ranch until he found out that Max set it up for him. Max found out about it from his dad (only like the 2nd or 3rd mention of his dad in the series so far).

"When I got back in town I asked Max why you and your brilliant mind hadn't changed the world yet. He said you didn't care about the world enough to bother changing it. He believed you could."

Max and Isobel in the mindscape:

"You're okay. I could feel something was wrong with you. Everything felt…"

"Cold. I know."

"You can't be here. It's finally ending. I can feel it. But I don't know what happens if you're in my head when I die."

"So it's true? You want this?"

"I could feel my connection to the outside world getting stronger, so I snapped. I couldn't take it anymore. I released a surge. You have to let me go, Iz."

"I can't take it anymore."

"Okay."

"I am so sorry."

"I just want to memorize this."

"Okay. Okay. I need you to tell Liz something."

"You can tell her yourself. She and Kyle are prepping for surgery. They're going to use the faulty heart. She just wants to talk to you before you die."

"No. No."

"You won't be suffering. They're just gonna bring you back and then let you go."

"No you have to stop this. You cannot bring me back under any circumstances."

"Max? What is really going on?"

"I am dangerous. Whatever Liz is bringing back is not me. It's just some broken shell."

Maria on her mom's computer

"Her nurse said that for the two weeks before she went missing, when she wasn't trying to escape, she was talking to someone online."

The 21st birthday flashback

Isobel gets Michael to help move Max after getting drunk on tequila. He passed out in front of the tattoo parlor. It's the same tattoo parlor Michael goes to at the end of the episode.

Max's weird drunken statement.

"The thing is, there has to be there. Okay? There's always three. Until the very end. I'll show you...What it means is you should be here…'cause it's all broken without three. So we'll figure it out. You'll find your way back."

👀 Until the very end. Interesting.

On Max becoming a deputy:

"You know he did the whole police academy thing because of you, right? He thinks you're gonna get into the kind of trouble you can't get out of if you don't know someone."

Back in the mindscape:

"I figured it all out. She, there's an energy to suffering, there's an energy to death, and when I heal people, I absorb that energy. So when I resurrected Rosa, I took in ten years of emptiness. So if you resurrect me, you will be bringing back an infection. Don't want… I don't want to come back as a monster. I don't want to hurt anyone that I care about."

"That's what this is about? We've been hurting, Max. We don't work without you."

"You will! You will. You are stronger now than when I died. All of you are. You, Michael, Liz, you will survive this. The three of you. No, you need to stop them, Iz. Now."

"Okay. I love you."

"You too." Isobel disappears.

Max is using pretty similar wording to his drunken rambles in the 21st birthday flashback

We don't see that Max is chained down until this next exchange with Rosa. Isobel didn't see that detail as far as we know. Didn't hear the chains clanking when they stood and hugged. Only after Isobel left.

"I'm sorry this is happening."

"Isobel is lying. She is buying time. You know she'll never let me go. But you can feel the darkness too, right? That's why you don't like being in my head. Because you know it's real."

"I didn't want that to be true, but yes."

"I know my sister and I know your sister and they'll never give up. So you have to be the one to stop this surgery, okay? Or I will destroy everything that we love. You have to stop them to save them. Now go. Please, Rosa. Go."

Isobel explaining to Liz

"When he saved Rosa he absorbed all of that dark energy. He's gonna have to expel it."

"And he's afraid he's gonna kill someone when he does."

"Yeah. So we just need someone stronger than Max to take that hit...if he thinks he needs to protect us he obviously doesn't know how capable we are. Bring him back, Liz. I'll handle the rest."

"I get it now. It's gotta be the three of us."

"He would never pull his plug to end his own suffering. Unless he thought he was saving us from something. And I'm a little sick of his heroic martyr crap."

In case you missed it, Michael did not know that. At the beginning of the hospital sequence Isobel is telling Liz what she learned in Max's mindscape and says that she hasn't been able to get ahold of Michael. Michael figured it out on his own. He finally "got it".

The pacemaker:

Isobel with Max at the end… everything is gone except the Jeep. And Bright Eyes playing (the song he and Liz danced to on their first date back in 2008). And then his eyes close and Bright Eyes fades away.

“First thing I remember is the three of us. We woke up terrified and lost. But together. And then all of the sudden I was alone. I got real good at being alone. I had given up on people entirely. And then you found me again. Hell of hero move. You showed up just in time. When you are a kid who nobody loves, kindness is a currency. Friendship doesn’t means jack. Family just lies, and hurts, and leaves. I’ve only ever known love to be temporary. So yeah, I push people away. Every time someone threatens to care about me I test their love until they have to leave. Connection is conditional. Everybody eventually gives up on the guy who refuses to be rescued. But you were the only one who I couldn’t run off. You never believed me when I tried to be something I wasn’t. So this thing in your chest, it might give your heart a pretty solid kick every once in a while. Consider it payback. It’s my hero move, Max. If you wake up, you consider us even, okay? If you wake up, we can be a family.”

Good visual parallels during Michael's speech. Alex and Kyle drinking together during the "and then you found me again". Maria walking up on "the guy who refuses to be rescued"

Max is in the coma for three weeks. Wakes up at the secret lab (instead of his house, which is where he was previously. I'm guessing it was a planned wake up because he's no longer plugged into all of the IVs and whatnot.

"I begged you to understand."

"Max, it's gonna be fine."

"No… I told you to let me go. I can feel it inside me."

"It's...it's symmetry, okay? It's just energy for energy. We can deal with that. Fight it, Max. This isn't you."

"I don't want to hurt you. I need to get out. I need to get away from you, from everyone."

"I can't let you do that."

Max shoves Isobel and runs. When he shoves her there's a slight ringing like the sound they use when the aliens use their powers. Isobel follows and stops him with her powers.

"I made a promise that if you came back and you weren't Max, and you were actually going to hurt people that I would kill you. I figure, hey, you got to play God. Make life and death decisions all on your own. Well it's my turn now."

MUSIC:

1. Letters To Cleo "Here and Now"

2. Lady Antebellum "Love Don't Live Here"

3. Cactus Groove "Fallin"

4. James Talley "Big Thunder"

8. Ross Copperman "Stars Are On Your Side"

5. Lindsey Ray "Keep You Safe"

6. Tommee Profitt feat. Sam Tinnesz "With you Til The End"

7. Bright Eyes "First Day Of My Life"

The Cactus Groove song is the first song this season that I haven’t been able to find on Spotify… let me know if any of y’all had any luck with it!

#roswell new mexico #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm 205 #i'll stand by you

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morallygreyprompts · 5 years

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How did you get the confidence to post things online? I have always had a really hard time sharing what I've written with anyone, and I thought that making a tumblr where no one knows who I am would help. I nearly had a panic attack when I thought about just writing something to post. I'm just wondering if you've ever had anxiety about posting and what you did to help. Thanks

How indeed... I talk a lot on this, so to answer that basic question, my answer is this: I get anxious all the time, writing is something somehow weirdly... personal. It’s okay to be nervous. What do I do? If I am genuinely happy with what I’ve written, but I’m nervous about posting. I read it over- just once more to be sure, and then I hit that post button before I can stop myself.

Well, I guess I’ve always been a perfectionist and self-conscious with the things I do. As far as I’m concerned barely anything I do is good enough, my work simply to be perfect and outstanding and revolutionary- hell, why’d you think it’s taking me four years to write an (admittedly 160K) fanfic? But in a way, writing is the exception. Let me explain, maybe it’ll inspire you a little.

Writers are lucky. We’re different from artists, and musicians and chefs. Hell, we can be writing a deadly serious post about a hostage situation, write ‘and then a clown came out of nowhere and yanked his trousers down‘, delete the sentence, and not a living soul would know about it. We can make little errors without anyone ever knowing, we can make plot holes and fix them and delete entire chapters but people only ever see the finished result. I think sometimes people forget that. The process doesn’t matter to the reader, they don’t need to know a damned thing.

That helps me- I can work with what I have, and no one needs to see it until I’m happy with it. It’s only then that you decide when others get to see it, and sometimes a little optimism goes a long way. I expected to write 3 or 4 posts, forget about this blog and disappear into the abyss, but people liked it, they liked my stuff, and honestly, I have never felt a greater feeling. Sappy, maybe, but dammit, it’s true.

I’m proud of my work, and yeah, I’d say writing is my talent. But it doesn't matter how good you are, it doesn’t dull that incredible feeling when there, right in front of you, you just made a world, a scene, a whole story. You did that and other people are going to read it and enjoy it. For me, after a while, that feeling of things needing to be perfect? It just faded. You can make mistakes, and that doesn’t make your stuff bad or worthless. It just takes a while for that message to sink in I think. Writing is tough, anyone will tell you that. I’m self-conscious about my stuff, still am, and the occasional hater does hit me pretty hard. But you get back on the saddle, tell yourself you can do it, that that one person doesn’t matter- and they don’t. Writing is just something I have to do, I couldn’t have gotten through the last few years without it. I started off writing Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfic. Looking back, I wanna curl up and cry at its quality, but hey, it got me started and it got me over the fear of the first online publication while I still thought I was mint. So I got off topic but bear with me, this is important. You’ve never posted anything before? First off, write for yourself. Write what you want to read, not for the faceless audience on the other side of your screen. Post the paragraph you’re most proud of. Three sentences, something as simple as a few lines of dialogue. It might only get two likes in a month depending on how many people find it. Commenting on other writer’s work might help speed the process along though and it’ll help them too.

But hey, posting wasn’t so bad, was it? Then you can write a little more if you feel more confident. Just don’t get caught up on the numbers. Your writing is pretty much a whisper in a music concert if you’re just starting out, it’ll take time for people to find you, and two notes doesn’t mean you’re bad, and that’s the important thing to remember.

I think I’m finished with my pep talk, and self-conscious me is insisting it’s a mass of incoherent nonsense, but I am going to tell that person to shut up and post this anyway. I’ve covered what I need to, I think. The biggest lesson to take away is, by all means, start small, but just do it. Imagine what the worst that could happen is, how likely that is to happen. Then think realistically about the best thing that could happen. I hope somewhere amongst my rambles, you find something that will help you bite the bullet and just try.

“A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t quit.” Richard Bach

“If I waited for perfection, I would never write a word.” Margaret Atwood

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csykora · 5 years

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Hi! Love your blog! I know you're a caps fan, but I have a question and it's not really team based so... how come players are still able to play with torn ACL (and sometimes not even realize it's "that bad")? I mean I get the whole playoffs mentality and why they'd still want to play, but wouldn't torn ACL hurt so bad you can't play sports professionally? I'm a little confused (also please don't feel bad if you don't want to/can't answer!!) I hope you're having a nice day!

Hello—

Man, this story stings. It sucks for everyone involved and I’m so sorry. Thanks for the sweet open-ended question, but I want to talk about Hyman specifically, actually:

Injuries that are given the same name can vary a lot. When we see reports that someone ‘broke a leg’ it matters which way they broke it and where, because some of these babies are more obvious than others:

The same goes for “torn ligaments”—how much is it torn? It’s meaningfully different if an athlete’s basically frayed some fibers vs peeling them all the way off her bone.

To catch an injury, I’m looking at signs and symptoms. Symptoms are things you tell me, like it hurts when you try to bend your knee. Signs are things I can find from outside, like a femur sticking out your leg. Both of these vary with the injury: on a partly torn ACL you can bend your knee, it just hurts, while sometimes it might not be physically able to bend. And then there are definitive tests.

We’re very good at looking for signs, but we don’t have x-ray vision. That’s what x-ray machines are still around for. X-raying everyone all the time is not compatible with playing hockey. So we need time to look for signs and we need trust to give us symptoms. The athlete needs to tell me something feels wrong so I take time to assess if something’s probably wrong so we then take more time to send them for more tests to see if something really is wrong.

Hyman didn’t.

“He doesn’t say anything, he actually told us ‘I think I’m getting better’. In other words, in his heart, in his mind, he was playing hockey.” —Mike Babcock

“I was able to stand on it, put pressure on it, and then it was just dealing with the pain. If you’re able to skate on it….I didn’t know what it was at the time, and that probably helped. But yeah, you just go and play.” —Zach Hyman

The problem isn’t that he didn’t. It’s why didn’t he?

Ligament pain is most often described as a jarring, stabbing, short, sharp sort of pain with movement. He says he thought it was “just a stinger”: it feels like the feeling when you’ve landed wrong and pulled on those same tendons, maybe pinched a nerve, maybe worse than it usually feels when you do that but it’s like something you’ve felt before and been fine so it’s easy to contextualize and decide it’s probably fine.

Look.

Cultural pain is a medical fact. We know that women of different racial backgrounds are treated as if they don’t have pain in childbirth because they tend not to cry about it. (Situational pain is, too: we know that people can perform c-sections and appendectomies and amputations on themselves while hopped up on the brain drugs.) Pain is never objective. We learn about it from our past and the people around us.

So my answer is yes, it hurt him, and no, if you are a professional athlete, pain doesn’t stop you playing, the same way my hands being cold doesn’t stop me making dinner: in your head the two things have nothing to do with each other.

From when I was about four, I was told not to say “ow” unless “there’s really something wrong.” I was not told what something really wrong would feel like. As I got older I learned that not saying ow might make adults happy; saying it would upset them for sure.

I once fainted in a public bathroom from blood loss. And then, this is key, I decided to do that again. For years! I was really good at it! Sometimes I say “what turned out to be internal bleeding”—no. I knew I was bleeding, I’m not a total dipshit, I just thought it must not be a big deal because no one told me it was. I was trying to be low-key about it. I was proud I was still useful despite the minor flaw of falling over all the time. I was proud that I wasn’t a problem.

Every time I didn’t feel good, I learned that I could do it anyway. So if you asked if I could play, I didn’t understand the question: the answer was always going to be yes.

That’s my cultural heritage. And that’s hockey culture.

I believe Zach, sincerely. I believe he thought it didn’t feel as bad as Something Really Wrong would. It didn’t feel worse than things he’s been through before, and after a while he got through those, so he thought he’d get through this too.

I didn’t know what it was and that helped. He’s saying if someone had told him it was a real injury, he’d have felt like he was really in pain and acted like he was really injured. That’s a problem.

(Note: I’m a fan of hockey and of humans not suffering. I just happened to fall in love with a certain Cap at a formative time in my life and I think I’m funny when I post about them. I follow all the major leagues, and the big idea behind what I do here is I’m often teaching myself something and sharing what I learn. You all really can ask me about all the major leagues.)

#hockey injuries #zach hyman

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