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asphodel-storm · 1 year

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This was spawned largely against my will because @baldwinboy5ive made a (wonderful, on point) Cobra Husbands fanvid (which you should go watch) and the song had the lyric 'I'll see you in hell when I fucking die'. Thank you thank you for the inspiration.

It was supposed to be a drabble. It is not. I don't know how I feel about it because I haven't read it. So, yeah, no editing: spoooOooOooKy.

CW: made up afterlife. Those always hit me in a weirdly unpleasant way so might want to skip it if you’re the same.

--See You In Hell--

So, he finally made it. After a lifetime of people telling him to go there, John Kreese was finally in hell.

It was alright.

He wasn't on fire. There were no echoes of tortured screams. No lake of ice. No cackling demons. Hell was a parking lot outside the diner where he'd worked as a teenager.

The only reason he thought it was hell was because...he wasn't actually sure. He went inside and asked the patrons of the diner. They confirmed it.

If he thought he was in hell, that's where he was.

The man behind the counter offered him a free burger to celebrate his arrival and he ate it with no small amount of suspicion.

It tasted good. Familiar.

Everything in hell was familiar; it was the neighbourhood John grew up in. He wandered around until he was standing in front of his childhood home. He took a deep breath before heading in.

His mother wasn't there. John was both disappointed and immensely relieved - those priests didn't know what they were talking about. His mom had deserved heaven and that must be where she was.

The house was exactly like it was in his youth, though, down to a stain on the ceiling from the first time he'd made pasta sauce.

He supposed it was his if he wanted it, but he didn't think he did. He spent the night, then kept walking.

He never got tired of walking. He didn't have any of the aches that came with old age. At the diner he had caught sight of himself in the surface of a napkin holder and he had been a man in his 80s, but when he looked at himself in a shop window now he was about the age he was when he and Terry first started talking about opening their own dojo.

That was the first memory that came to mind when he thought of himself as he looked now. He did not immediately think of it as the age he was when he was mourning Betsy, or the age he was when he killed his captain - this was the him from the night he and Terry had stayed up until dawn talking about all the wonderful things they were going to do in the future. They'd just about planned out an entire life together that night.

They hadn't done a whole lot of it.

John had had to open the dojo alone. Terry was still there, of course, he saw him a lot - but he was his patron, not his partner. He knew that wasn't how Terry had seen it, and John had tried not to either. When they were together they were a unit, but when they were apart it got harder and harder to tell himself things were how they were supposed to be.

He's not sure why he left. After everything with Miyagi and LaRusso - after Terry had helped him through that - it felt like there was nothing for him in the valley anymore except for Terry. And Terry would have tried - clumsily - to change that. He would have given John anything he wanted, which would have meant that none of it felt like it was really his. He had wanted to live a life he and Terry built together and a life Terry gave him just wasn't the same thing.

Of course he regretted leaving. But -

Oh, was this how hell worked? You torture yourself with regrets from your life? John scoffed and shook his head. He hadn't had to die to do that.

John wasn't sure how long he wandered after that. Days and nights passed. He never got hungry, but there were restaurants and supermarkets if he felt like eating. He asked one shopkeeper what the point of stores even was and why he ran one. He shrugged and said he ran it because he wanted to, and that nobody was starving here but some people did get hungry.

The food cost money too. Hell had an economy. Hell seemed to have just about everything earth had.

"Guess it wouldn't be hell if all the food was free."

"Hey man, speak for yourself - I'm in heaven."

At some point in his roaming John found himself in Vietnam, specifically the jungles he had fought in in the 60s. He rounded a corner and was suddenly there. All around him the war continued. He had always believed that war was eternal and now he had proof.

He found his old captain in the clearing where they'd been held prisoner, sitting with his legs dangling off of the bridge above the pitt. John joined him - he was the first familiar face John had seen since arriving and, if he wanted a chance to avenge himself, that might be an interesting change of pace. The white haired man just laughed when he saw him.

"Kreese. Been wondering when you'd turn up."

"Got a score to settle with me?"

"Thought I did for a long time. But no. We're square, unless you've got something to settle with me?"

"Already did."

The other man laughed again.

"Been dead long?"

"I lost track of time, but I don't think so. Have you been here the whole time?"

"On and off. It's hard to get away from this place for good. Even the boys who made it to heaven wander in once in a while."

"I don't think I'll be back."

"It's not up to you, Kreese. Or, it is, but not in a way you have much control over."

"Divine punishment?"

"Some people might say that. I'm not one of them. I figure hell is just your world. Some people try to stay in their favourite bits, some people expand their worlds by visiting new places - but cutting parts out? Well, there are all kinds of hippies who've been meditating on that a long time. Maybe they've cracked it. But I'd never let this go."

John sat with the captain a while longer, listening to the screams and explosions of the jungle. It was as hell-like as hell had ever been.

He did find his way out, though, even as the captain's mocking voice promised he would see him soon.

Over time he figured things out - or at least figured out that he wasn't going to. He stopped in at a library and found out that culture had kept right on developing. There were all kinds of philosophical texts on the nature of the afterlife. John Kreese had never been one for philosophy.

It occurred to him, though, that nobody ever explained life to you. Nobody ever told you the point and the rules were all made up. Why would death be any different? Had he expected a burocracy? A welcome basket? No, it was time to stop roaming around and find a productive way to spend his time.

He ended up in the valley - the one from the era he'd died in. Approximately. He found the strip mall with Johnny's version of Cobra Kai and the dojo was empty. He opened it.

Students wandered in - people who had never ticked 'learn karate' off their bucket lists in life. Kids whose health hadn't let them participate in life, who were thrilled that they could now jump and kick and punch. People who just never got around to it. People who had found new battles to fight in death - of course hell had it's own new wars for those who went looking - and needed training.

Master Kim showed up one day. He was not the stern man John remembered, and he looked younger than he had been when John had known him, but it was him. They sparred, and after beating him his old teacher asked if he had figured out what he wanted out of death yet. He thought teaching was it, but his voice when he answered lacked conviction.

Master Kim said that he was still teaching too (and that John should come to his class since he was clearly rusty), but he said that wasn't all he wanted. Some day - hopefully a very long time from now - he wanted to take his granddaughter to Disneyland.

He'd always been aware that he was old, and that she would be on her own when he was gone. It had been his job to prepare her, to make her strong. He had trained her well, but he wished he had known how to be softer with her in the times when they were not training.

John thought of Johnny Lawrence - thought of a lot of his students - but didn't dwell on them.

"What makes you think Da-Eun will end up in hell?"

"What makes you think this is hell for everyone?"

John promised to come train with Master Kim at his dojo another day. He couldn't make sense of what he meant about this not being hell for everyone, so he didn't try.

He started to believe it, though, when he got two more visitors. The first was his mother and she promised him that, yes, she was in heaven. And how would it be fair to call it heaven if she couldn't see her boy?

Heaven and hell overlapped, she said. They were not the same, but they were not different. You were where you thought you were, but you couldn't think yourself out of hell.

"There are whole university departments where they do nothing at all but talk about this, sweetie. Let's leave that alone for now. Come on, tell me everything? Were you... were you alright, after I died? Am I the reason you're in -"

"No, mom, no. Not at all. That...I did that." He hadn't even admitted that to himself yet, but the realization came to him suddenly when faced with the tears in her eyes. "I... well, it's going to take a while to cover my whole life."

"I'll just have to keep visiting then." She smiled and John realised he was crying. He hadn't cried in decades. He hadn't cried in the cage in Vietnam. He cried now like he had when he lost her, and she held him and stroked his hair like he was 7 and had had a bad dream.

She said she hadn't been in their house when he stopped in because the town they had lived in was somewhere she tried not to go. Somewhere she still ended up, sometimes - like the war, for him - she tried her best not to linger. She seemed to have a lot she wanted to tell him, a lot she needed him to understand, but there would be time for that other days.

The next major visitor was Betsy. His mother had found him after an old neighbour had spotted him in their old town and mentioned it to her, and Betsy had found him the same way. She ran to him and hugged him and even pecked him on the cheek.

"Hey dollface."

"Haven't heard that in a while."

Betsy's first visit was a lot less intense than his mother's. They caught up like old friends - she was one of the only real friends he'd ever had, after all - and he was glad to hear she was doing well. She was working in a dress shop, apparently- just because she wanted to. She liked seeing all the different fashions and helping people find dresses that made them feel good. Money mattered a lot less in hell/heaven, even if it did exist, so she could just leave if it stopped being fun. For now she really loved it, though.

"I didn't wait for you." She blurted out suddenly. "Oh Johnny, I'm sorry, I tried at first but then after a while I thought you had your whole life ahead of you and you certainly wouldn't wait for me. I keep expecting you to tell me all about your beautiful wife and children, but you just keep bringing up your dojo and your one friend from the army and - oh. Oh, Johnny I had no idea."

"That makes two of us."

"The man you started your dojo with, you said you planned a whole life with him and it went right over my head, silly me. Tell me all about him."

"Oh..." He realised what Betsy must think. He opened his mouth to correct her.

"We didn't exactly stick to our plans." Was what he ended up saying.

"Well, maybe you still can."

There were a handful of other surprise visits after that - Ponytail and some other guys from the war - but mostly things started to even out. Normalize. It was all... empty.

Seeing his mother was wonderful, he liked spending time with Betsy, training with Master Kim, and he was even working on getting his captain to step out of the war for a while to visit his dojo (he wasn't sure why he wanted him to, but he did). There were high points, but the overall tone of his afterlife was settling into something empty. It felt like there was still something more he needed to be doing. Maybe that was what it meant to be in hell.

Finally, though, another unexpected visitor turned up.

"No ascot?" Terry appeared older than he had been when he'd been called Twig, but he was still a lot younger than when John had last seen him. His hair was dark again.

"Not today."

"You here for a fight?"

"Thought you might want one."

John felt like he should. He probably would have not long ago. He wasn't sure he didn't now.

"Any time." He replied with a grin.

"I've been dead a while."

"Go see the captain yet?"

"Yeah, he told me where to find you."

"So what do you want, Terry?"

"I want to know what you want. I tried my whole life to figure out what you want and give it to you and -"

"That wasn't what I wanted."

"It was near the end."

"...maybe." Neither of them had been at their best the last time they saw each other.

"I've been looking to settle down."

"Well, you've pretty much just got to go to any of your big mansions at any time you owned them."

"Those places are all part of my hell."

"Everywhere is part of hell."

"Not everywhere." Terry held a hand out to him. John looked at it suspiciously for a moment before taking it. And then they were in a very different Cobra Kai - or, what would have been Cobra Kai if they arrived a few months later. It was the original space they started renting.

"We could do it right this time."

"And then go back to one of your mansions after work?"

"No. There are some houses not far away. They're small, but unoccupied. I haven't figured out how real-estate works in the afterlife if it's not something you already owned, but I figure... we pick something."

"You want to spend eternity living in a tiny house with me and teaching karate?"

"I always have. I know that's not what I did, but -"

John might be more surprised by the kiss than Terry. He hadn't never acknowledged to himself that there wasn't anything there besides broken friendship, never mind...this. But this was it. This was what he wanted. A little corner of the world that was theirs. They were too late to build a life, but maybe they could still build something.

When John pulled away Terry was looking at him with every ounce of devotion he thought he'd lost for good while they were still on earth. But he supposed if that were true Terry wouldn't have come to find him.

When Terry kissed him it was deeper, more thorough, and made John second guess his decision not to move in decades ago. It would take a lot more than this to get either of them to 'heaven', but a cozy corner of hell might be just as good if they built it together.

#john kreese #terry silver #cobra husbands #john kreese x terry silver #i have not edited or even read this at all it was supposed to be a drabble and now it is this #I have no more time for this fic any mistakes will just have to stay #i am so hungry #i need to make dinner #happy halloween

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hailsatanacab · 6 months

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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

#dpxdc #batpham #i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e #immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot #after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along #my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom #and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan #(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets #dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp #they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny #duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone #everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him #damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but #2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers #(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha #spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha #anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun #i wanna make these slides so bad

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