#I love when its one extreme or the other

[casdeans-pie]

I will never get tired of fics where Cas goes into Dean's dreams for whatever reason and Dean is having either just the filthiest most explicit sex dream about them both. or he's having a dream where they're like, holding hands and smiling at each other while they're grocery shopping

#I love when its one extreme or the other #and dean is mortified with both - probably the domestic one most of all because hes a little bit unwell like that #either way it always. chefs kiss. and i will read a hundred stories with that trope #destiel #Cas should have jumped into Deans dreams more it would have been so funny #castiel's angel powers #deancas #like if dean was just having a lil nap and cas just walks in and sees what hes up to #destiel headcanon

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Thank you. I'm sorry.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #jin guangyao #lan wangij #jin ling #LWJ shifting into fight mode was so damn cool. He is always ready to start throwing hands. #It's in a way that befits someone with a bit more bloodlust that his calm demeanor lets on - but nearly always in defense of someone. #What a great synergy with his personal philosophies! see that he is a Genuinely Noble Guy time and time again! #Is is also way more hilarious and unhinged than most people give him credit for? Also yes. #Nothing and no one ever said he did not or would not rip off JGY's hat mid-fight. I think LWJ needs to snatch more wigs LITERALLY. #Yes I'm delaying the part where I have to address the emotional turmoil of Jin Ling stabbing wwx. It gutted me terribly. #What is worse that realizing that someone you respected has done horrible things #than discovering someone who did horrible things being a kind and trustworthy person? #What is more horrifying that realizing other people are extremely complex and cannot be categorized into black and white? #When people hurt us or our loved ones we very much want to make them out to be irredeemable monsters. But they are not. #It is not actually such a terrible fate to just be a person. To be forgiven and forgive is possible. To change is possible. #This lesson is hard. It is something you have to actively challenge yourself to do. Black and white is the innate path to go down. #And its *why* I love Jin Ling so much. He is the character who fights the longest and hardest to challenge social and personal beliefs #He gets a pass for stabbing wwx for being so deliciously conflicted and tormented by it. #And with wrists THAT limp I can't imagine the wound was particularly deep

[regina-del-cielo]

Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but

considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill

Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"

But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.

They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.

It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.

I don't know I just think it's particularly neat

#my ponderings #the old guard #I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game #but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die - #- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message... #it means something #I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie #for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem #especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved #but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic. #and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war) #so it feels useless #and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality #which means they can never know what happens to the people they save #they don't (and can't) have the full picture

[green-tea-lemonade]

somehow when he tells the puns its always funnier

#art #digital art #procreate #homestuck #solnep #nepeta leijon #sollux captor #sollux gets em by being goofy and it works every damn time #nep always bursts into a little giggle fit from his puns and jokes because while she can make some good ones he perfects them #and he does a little eyebrow wiggle with it which gets her really good too #i can imagine nep can get him to laugh really good by turning up her sass levels 10x and its very obvious she learns from him #yes he is a nerd and a loser but thats part of the charm #they can make each other so much worse your honor its fantastic and they wouldnt give that up for the world #i love nep giving him constant smewches but damn if when he doesnt return some of those she doesnt curl up in a ball of blush #their first kiss she was still extremely blushy after like 2 hours and sollux doesnt stop teasing her about it

[lycanr0t]

i feel very frustrated about the trend of giving chil body hair bc if it was any other anime twink i would be thrilled its just that it seems to only be because people are SO afraid of him looking young they have to make him hairy to justify liking him in ships.

meanwhile it does directly go against canon (he literally is supposed to look like a child. this is integral to both his character and his race's lore as a whole and it makes no damn sense that he would be mistaken for a child if he has body hair i mean. cmon.)

and it's like. some men are hairless. some men look young. when youre a trans man in your 20s-30s its especially common to be mistaken for a teenager, even more so if you're not on t. and short. these traits do not make you less of a man or an adult. :/

#rot posts #listen its like. i just wish ppl werent doing it for the reasons they seem to be #you NEVER see tiny little men get body hair in fanart i should know ive been in multiple fandoms where i was the only 1 givin bitches hair #but it also sucks when its like. clearly from a place of discomfort and not wanting him to seem young #rather than actually loving body hair #for example where is laios with body hair. wheres kabru. mithrun. literally any other character #(senshi us a slight exception on account of semi canonically having hair) #it just feels like a performance for no one. ok yeah good job you made chil look like a hairy 30 year old #did you pay attention to how that totally disregards his story and how he canonically looks like a child and that IS an important aspect #half foots face infantilism to an extreme and his appearance is a part of this. the discrimination he faces is partially BECAUSE of looks! #so changing him to erase such a HUGE important aspect of his race's lore just bc ppl seem uncomfortable with him being young looking feels #idk the feeling. its frustrating to me #i just wish there was some self reflection here. i guess. some actual acknowledgement of his canon struggles #do you even like chil if you cant accept one of his core canonical traits... #whew anyways this is HUGELY a limited edition post bc im deleting it as soon as my husband reads it ❤️ #i hate drama i hate discourse so like always if you try to start shit i will ignore + block you soo fast dont try me

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.

#once again i jest but now i have to actually talk about it #like. okay we have no proof of any actual timeline for the dirge flashbacks other than. it was at least 30 years ago #so who knows how long they were at the manor. could have been weeks before The Incident. or months. or maybe a full year! who knows #but to me a timeline of like. they fucked and like a week later vincent found The Evidence and lucercia had her little breakdown #AND THEN EXTREMELY QUICKLY SHE AGREED TO THE EXPERIMENT AND IT COULD GO ONE OF TWO WAYS #1. she knew she was pregnant and thats why she agreed to the experiment cuz there was already a usable subject #and therefore she must have fucked hojo like a week after she fucked vincent AND THATS STUPID FAST FOR THESE EVENTS #or 2. she didnt know. agreed to the experiment. fucked hojo. and therefore thought seph was hojo's and NOT vincent's #AND BY THE WAY. i dont even actually believe hojo fucked either!!! cuz theyre both scientists so why wouldnt they think IVF was the best way #okay. well.... hojo is canonically a fucked up little freak. so. he might have taken the opportunity to... get in there. #also when did ivf even start being a thing? cuz that may play a factor into this if nomura even considered that #well either way lets just unfortunately assume hojo got in there #ITS STILL AN ODDLY FAST TIMELINE #also. fuck man doesnt lucrecia have a later line in dirge where she actually says shes in love with hojo? or something along those lines #IMPLYING ITS BEEN AWHILE SINCE SHE HAD THE FALLING OUT WITH VINCENT. YOU WOULDNT FUCK THE GUY AFTER ALL THAT SHIT #AND WHILE CLAIMING TO LOVE/CURRENTLY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HOJO!!!! LIKE CMON MAN!!!! SHE SUCKS BUT SHES NOT THAT KIND OF A MESS #i dont think vincent would fuck her until they sorted out their issues anyway and that CLEARLY didnt happen. #its VITAL that that did not happen!!!! #its just. if vincent and lucrecia fucked. everything would have had to happen EXTREMELY fast within like a 2 week timespan #and im just talking about up to when vincent learns shes partaking in the experiment. it was probably another week or two until vincent died #SO. logically it must have been like #fall in love->learn about the gimoire incident->refuse to speak to vincent->get obsessed with hojo->fall in love(?) #and then thats where i think its ambiguous on did the experiment become an idea before or after seph started to exist? #like chicken or the egg ya know. experiment idea or sephiroth zygote? #that feels fucked up to say. im so fucking sorry to seph to talk about this. yeah sorry i have to debate who fucked your mom bro #god imagine telling him that. like not even as a reveal thing cuz he knows who his father is. just like as a sick joke. your mom joke. #NO OH M Y GOD I HAVE A QUESTION NOW #in accordance to him having a photo of lucrecia in ever crisis. after he reads that jenova is an ancient (incorrect btw) #does he think that picture is still her? what about when he takes jenova's body from the lab???? #oh my god 30 tag limit. FUCK. i need like a rant blog for all this vincent talk now. my brain is going a mile a minute

[nie7027]

WAIT WHAT HOW DID WHISPERS FOUND OUT ABOUT WOLFGANG?? HE WAS THE ONE WHO HAD SHOWED THE LEAST TO HAVE SENSATE CONNECTIONS!!

will Riley and Nomi were obviously found out by the bpo and known to be connected (although I don't remember how whispers learnt about Nomi and Will being connected)

sun was probably the easiest to find out that was related to them since Nomi did a lot of hacking to help her which is something Sun couldn't have done on her own (and while the point of hacking is to leave not trace of you behind every person has its own style and no doubt the obp would be on the lockout for any hacking activity that smelled like something Nomi would do)

After that Capheus and Lito would be next in that order. Both showed out of the blue extraordinary capabilities that didn't make sense they knew and clearly marked them as sensates(just no way to know who they were connected to) just like the people visiting Capheus said. The only difference was that Capheus acts were widely known while Lito only had Dani and Joaquin as witness.

And finally Wolfgang mad Kala who showed it the less. In fact they didn't show it at all.

Kala with her perfect idyllic life never needed to make use of the others abilities (besides that one time will helped her defend herself at the temple).

And Wolfgang although did use the others abilities and pulled of amazing feats thanks to them all of those instances were stuff that would be credible he did on his own because they were in line with the type of person Wolfang is and what he's capable.

So yeah... HOW THE FUCK WAS HE FOUND OUT? While it made sense Lila would tell the obp about him she also said that the Cannibal was specifically looking for him!

So how???

Ugggh it really goes way too fastpaced in the last episodes and it doesn't make sense... the Wachowski sisters would never leave such a big pothole...

I know they had to skip a lot of explanations but...

Dammit netlix

#the way it is implied Whispers could see Kala through wolfgangs connection with her also annoyed me #it had already been established the connections didnt work like that between visitors #and that one annoys me because letting him know through Wolfgang saying the name would be easiest (and kinda did anywa) #wolfganf saying kalas name woulnt take from his characters it wouldnt make him weak actually it would help him #for him to give in to not grit his teeth and bear through it like he does every time #because this is not like pther times this is extreme pain hes endurimg and it is understandable #kala wont hate him for it nor would the others they would understamd amd forgive him #its not his fault #to know there are people out there who will still love him even when hes weak (and that weakness costs them high) is what wolfgang needs #i would also love to know all that went behind to pull of the plan to kidnap whispers and jonas but thats more because it would be so cool #not because its really needed to i can fill in the gaps on my own #sense8

[doctorwhoisadhd]

who in the torchwood team would hate nardole the most.

#torchwood #doctor who #nardole #dr who #dw #cannot figure it out #the one (1) thing im sure of is this: andy and nardole would get along SO well. they would LOVE each other. they meet like‚ ONE time in the #presence of at least one torchwood team member & like INSTANTLY hit it off in the background while whoever it is investigates smth and when #theyre done they come back to find nardole nd andy having a very quietly intense discussion abt smth extremely mundane & the team member #is like that photo of ben affleck with a cigarette. & then gwen finds out later that nardole and andy meet up every week to play mah-jong #also nardole would NOT fuck andy theyre just friends. and both of them get defensive if anyone ever suggests it. #in particular nardoles response is: (in a high and mighty tone of voice) 'actually. i dont sleep with cops thank you.' andys like 'whats #that supposed to mean' (a little offended) and nardoles like 'no a-dog its just a bit too messy for me‚ what with the legal system and all. #i dont do lawyers either. beyond clingy you know how it is' and andys like 'yea you know what thats reasonable i guess' #ari opinion hour #also andy DOES NOT KNOW THIS but thats the only thing preventing nardole from trying to fuck him like a bird doing one of those #weird ass mating displays. thank god for this also because it means we are all spared from whatever That would be (which‚ awkward‚ mostly) #ALSO YES NARDOLE WOULD HAVE A NICKNAME FOR ANDY BY THE END OF THAT FIRST CONVERSATION. IT WOULD BE SO FUNNY.

[b4kuch1n]

I'm not gonna screenshot it bc 1/it really doesn't matter that much and 2/the person who made the comment is a kid but: a while ago I made a comic that's supposed to be a genuine study and reinterpretation of someone else's sprite comic (made in the spirit of authenticity too - to recreate the vibes of the sprite comics from that era, iirc very specifically because it's funny) and I got a comment on that comic's post that's like "glow up"

which is a compliment obvs. and the commenter probably didn't mean anything by it, it's a common expression. but I've been trying to find a way to gracefully put that comment away ever since it appeared lol

I just very much don't want my art to be taken as trying to one-up someone else's art when that's not the piece's intention. especially when the piece that inspired my art is perceived as "low effort" or "shitpost" or stuff like that. I did mention in the tags of that post that my considering it a study is entirely genuine, and I can legitimately write pages about the cool stuff I find in it other than and inherent in the haha funneys, but that's not for you guys that's for me. I just think that approaching art competition-first like that is a miserable way to do it, and (tipping into overthinking here if the whole tiny-comment-got-stuck-in-my-brain-for-almost-a-month part hasn't given that away yet lol) I really don't want that to be the takeaway from my own art. at least generally. if I actually think the source material is trash and what I'm doing is genuinely categorically better I'd just come out and say it lmao

#bakuspeech #yeah it's the darkhog sprite comic #honestly I don't love comments that put my art and other artists' art in a hierarchy in general. wherever my art lands on that scale #especially when it comes to character writing and trans 'representation' #which like. idk man I'm writing One character. he's NOT gonna be The Trans Experience. he's gonna be one character. #but yeah I'd guess I'm writing it all out in a post bc it's not really a race that anyone opts in #I don't actively participate but by virtue of how my art is perceived I just end up on the scale anyway #so uh. I'm suggesting that we do not bring the scale into my house at all lmao #there's also the like. Don't Yuck My Yum guideline of looking at art that's like #I like the things I'm aping! most of the times! if I don't say it's shit and I'm drawing stuff from it usually that means I like it lol #and then you kinda come in like wow what you're doing here is better than the thing you like. and it's not like yknow. #really anything. it's extremely trivial comparatively. but you are in fact yucking my yum there #tldr please try not to think abt art u like vs art u don't as ''better'' or ''worse'' and #have grace for the things that don't please u personally. anyways I'm omw to finishing the frog now. just need to fell all the seams down #and put that boy in da spinner for a ride. and then it can live in a gift bag until the day #I really enjoy holding it actually... maybe after this one I'll make something else. tbh slick stretchy fabrics are superior to fuzzy fabri #doesn't pill And cooler to touch. stuffed toys for the subtropical population #I'll get a combilation of pics once the thing's at its new home. but for now. we must finish the job

[skitskatdacat63]

— Emperor Charles VI's diary entry on Count Althann's death

[text: "My only heart, my comfort, my most faithful servant, my soulmate, who loved me dearly as I did him for 19 years, [we] had a true friendship, we were one heart and one soul, and we never concealed anything from one another. He will always be in my heart, [my] beloved friend..I. have lost everything."]

#this is like. incredibly niche. #but also hopefully a quote one can look at without context and still feel emotional damage about #idk. i think about this quote probably at least once a week and then have to stare at it and cry a bit #its just GOD. yknow?????? #theres this one paper(which i linked) that i originally read as research for the AU #but i go back to it probably twice a month to reread it bcs im so !!!! abt it #i think its cause charles vi is just not that relevant but is relevant to me so to have this paper abt his personal relationships is very ! #its both nice as ref for the au but also very interesting to hear about historical queer relationships/dynamics #the sections about him and his wife are very endearing as well #but god like him and count althann. im literally so invested in this 300 year old relationship #this is obviously from his death which is incredibly depressing and heart wrenching to me #but the other things he wrote about althann in his diary are very sweet to me #they were inseparable to the point of often sleeping in the same bed and charles called him his 'eternal love' #AND ON ALTHANN'S DE WIKIPEDIA PAGE IT LITERALLY CALLS HIM THE EMPEROR'S FAVORITE #anyways literally every part of this quote absolutely destroys me but especially how he refers to althann and then the ending #and its interesting to me bcs apparently his diary entries were usually pretty to the point #but when various people in his as althann died he would write these extremely emotional entries that are so </3 #if you have any questions abt their dynamic pls i will talk abt them 🥰🥰 i find it fascinating #theres a book about his diary but its in german and 500 pages and kinda hard to get hold in but maybe one day!!! #also in AU contexts: althann and charles vi would be mark and seb so take that as you will 🤭😭 #as i said this is great for ref but also made me sooooo fucking invested in him #i have no idea how to tag this #historical #holy roman empire #emperor charles vi #catie.rambling.txt #historical quotes #habsburg #habsburg monarchy #ah wow if only my german prof could see me now. fucking...habsburg posting. why am i like this

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Horse Yaoi trotted so Horsegirl Yuri could fly.

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #equineswap au #wei wuxian #lan wangji #little apple #xiao pingguo #lan wunian #This is the first and second kiss I've ever drawn. And its horse yaoi and horsegirl yuri. Wouldn't want it any other way tbh. #And with that...Horse week has come to a close #Not the end of this AU mind you; I'll still throw some doodles in here & there and reblog any fanart #The concept behind this was to make something with the vibes of that one picture with the guys holding girls up on their shoulders #so the girls can kiss. And the guys are kissing too. I hope someone knows what I'm talking about. #Maybe one day I'll draw the unswapped version. Ill flip a coin to decide whether or not wangxian are carrying their equines or riding them #Thank you all so much for the extremely enthusiastic reception to my equineswap AU #The love for both sides of the swap has blow me away. These designs have been sitting around for a while and I wasn't sure I'd post them. #In the end it became a way to celebrate a follower milestone *and* this blog's 3 month anniversary #also...It has been a hard few weeks and I needed something light and fun. I really mean it when I say “you guys helped me pull through” #Love you all B'*)

[deoidesign]

I love Time and Time Again!! It was genuinely interesting to see two characters talk things out. Of course they kept secrets, but they knew when to reveal them and that made me want to stick around and read it. Thankyou for making such a wonderful comic!!

Thank you so much!!!

This really means a lot to me <3

I think there's generally a tendency to believe that relationships can't be nice in a romance or the story will be boring.

I understand where this idea comes from, stories should have conflict! And, real world relationships have conflict, as well. They always will! It makes sense that most stories centered around relationships would, inevitably, at some point, have disagreements, fights, anger...

I get why others enjoy it, its messy it's fun it's drama! but for me personally it just stresses me out since I've done so much work to NOT be like that!

As a writer, when presented with two people who are reasonably at odds with eachother, where neither of them is in the wrong per se, but someone still ends up hurt... it's a fun challenge to write them working through it in a believable way. it's a fun challenge, too, to put them into situations that feel equal and human.

I just think it's a necessary thing for who I am as a person to write relationships the way I do, and so I'm just very very very glad that other people resonate with it as well!

It means a lot. Thank you.

#me trying not to ramble on for paragraphs impossible challenge #asks #anon #I always love to talk about how uhhh #the perceptions we have of how relationships should be displayed #idk I dont think that theres any one way to do it #those relationships where people dont communicate and they fight all the time... #those happen. they happen all the time irl. #of course they would be reflected in fiction constantly! #but just for me personally #after YEARS and years and years of working on myself so I dont do that #I pause. think the best of my partner before jumping to conclusions. #take the moment to ask him hey #has anything been bothering you lately? things have been good but I want to be sure there's not little things I've done to hurt you #and i listen when hes telling me that yes. it did bother him when I made that joke the other day actually #and to learn to be patient #and not cry immediately #and listen #and ask instead of assuming #and always think the best thoughts first or whatever #its done me a world of good #and I dont think it is healthy for me personally as a person to write an unhealthy relationship with poor communication #because I get uhm... extremely invested in my writing... #in the way that it very much helps me learn about myself and practice habits. #cause obviously I still fail. of course I will #and I just would like to get as much practice as I can #of being better #for me and for him #and for all my friends

[aroacettorney]

dont mind me. im simply just putting together a ludgercasey angst collection.

252

265

203

268

271

283

310

356

492

497

#aro ludgercasey propaganda #''why cant u be normal abt them'' how can i be normal abt them when solid 80% of their interactions is either angst or stemmed from angst. #even their ''fluff'' moments were also angst. #literally no one does angst like they do. #ludger prefers to keep most of his connections extremely impersonal/professional. #but whether or not he wants to admit it theirs on the other hand simply does not... fit in that category. #he'd even tried to convert it that way but it just didnt stick bc neither of them could help but be themselves around each other lmfao. #ludger is seemly still oblivious to caseys attempt to mend their personal relationship. #which is not too surprising considering he was also oblivious to the existence of their past relationship. #after all there was no reason for him to believe that casey would want to have anything to do with him. except maybe putting him in jail. #so pushing her away seems to be the most logical decision right? personal relationship is a luxury to him anyway. #alas casey who wanted to believe in their past friendship takes it as a sign that ludger has no interest in maintaining it. #she now has to take a step back because ''if you force a relationship it may become more estranged.'' #so unless he takes the initiative they are likely stuck in this limbo. #(casey might use impersonal excuses to stay around but rn its all up to ludger to change the nature of their relationship) #casey girlie forget him i would have treated you so much better... is what i would have loved to say. #i wouldnt be suffering this much if ludger wasnt clearly holding himself back most of the time / if it was completely one-sided from casey. #i dont know if this is a slow burn or hurt no comfort but if casey gets no closure im gonna commit arson 😔

[soldier-poet-king]

Got asked for my professional opinion today on a complex legal issue by a much senior coworker 😭🥺 on the basis of my response, i got asked to join in on a meeting with some higher ups to explain what I had explained to said coworker 😭🥺 I am going to get a good grade in Career and Being Smart, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve

#alas my boss isnt here today to see how smart and competent i am when ppl as abt stuff I actually know abt #im sorry. i find thid one weird niche legal thing. SO INTERESTING #it was a sort or coworker who asked. shes also an archivist. but soon to be retired. and for a related but separate org #but our offices our next to each other #and i got to be smart and competent:) #nothing like riding that high of being extremely knowledgeable abt random specific things #its like. the same high i got from being in school #i DONT miss writing a billion essays a term. i DO miss positive reinforcement and academic approvak #since academics is the only thing i was ever good at #yes yes gifted kid burnout but more like. i was a poorly adjusted mental ill kid but i did Good In School tm #so no one ever bothered to help me. and now academics are the only way o can feel valued #I LOVE BEING COMPETENT AND SMART. #there i said it. i AM a horrible prideful gremlin #and its been a year since grad and thats the longest I've ever gone without teacher/professor approval #im dying. need me some external validation #i am goid at what i do. there i. said jt #i am a good information professional. i like metatdata. and finnicky digital files. and obscured IP issues that only affect #*affect very certain types of fonds #I EVEN LIKED REWRITING A LEGAL DEED #who have i become. alternate universe me was a bureaucrat. im so sorry. i love paperwork #and i love being PRECISE. everything needs to be finnicky and exact and say what it means and mean what it says #and it all has to be in service of smthn bigger and greater and more good #ironically. in my personal time. i am. messy lil bitch. but theres no room for finnicky wordsmith puzzles irl #i like this far more as a job. #sorry rae we were just talking abt how u hate medical records management and here i am like. 😍😍😍 legal issues in archives

[ganondoodle]

i really dont know how to write an utterly harmless opinion, ultimately irrelevant complaint or comment on an observation without someone getting pissy at me for it

#ganondoodles talks #how many times does one need to try and clarify that i dont mean it accusatory #yes yes i know tumblr and twitter are barely comparable #i have been here for twice as long as on twitter #im not being bitchy about getting less notes on my art here than twitter #im used to it #i meant to highlight that one EXTREME difference in attention that on post got and how weird ifeel about it #twitter is much more explosive like that #and no im not used to that on twitter either #like i SAID in that post #on twitter my art rarely if ever gets over 1k notes combined unkess i got lucky and a giant account rtd it #which in 99% of cases wont happen bc i draw mostly oc or very niche fanart #it just feels WEIRD #especially when the clown baby man himself is tearing twitter apart over and over #posts not getting super popular can be a good thing too #the amount of mind boggling stupid comments i got on twitter on my edit alone is enough for me to know that #im surprised the gan art has been nearly 100% positive in feeback #my point is that its WEIRD to watch the same art explode on one and do normal on the other site #i love tumblr!! #i dont care about numbers that much!! #im not gonna leave this site for twitter #ESPECIALLY BC NONE OF MY POSTS DO THAT WELL THERE EITHER #what kind of fool would i have to be to care that much about numbers id leave the only other site im on #for one that isnt much different just has more explosive potential yet still is way past its best before date #and each time you wake up you wonder how much more moldy it can grow before being thrown out #bc one post got popular once

[hella1975]

by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!! #like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha) #is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress) #and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us) #whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates