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corn-fanfiction · 5 months

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Oh My Love (Damien Karras x GN Reader Pt. 3)

(Pt. 2) (Pt. 4)

“This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

Rating: M

Tags: religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, priest kink, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, gn reader, queer characters, realistic depictions of anxiety attacks, s*icide, foul language, eventual sm*t

December

“Glory to God in the highest,

and on earth peace to people of good

will. We praise you, we bless you,

we adore you, we glorify you,

we give you thanks for your great glory,

Lord God, heavenly King, O God, almighty Father… ”

Karras’s prayer rings out within the church and is reciprocated by the congregation. You sit in a back corner by the pipe organ, reading an unpublished chapter of Father Merrin’s latest dig report (which you still can't believe he loaned you). Truth be told, you do still yearn a little for the high arches and warm sounds of a nave. A corner of your heart aches for the carpeted floors and creaking pews, the light streaming in through stained glass depicting saints and martyrs.

Your eyes drift to Betty, the organist, and her nimble hands on the keys. She's older than you but not elderly, maybe 40s, and has proven to be kindly and realistic: your two favorite traits. You love listening to her play. She's always in the pocket of the rhythm which keeps you on your toes. It's easy to get distracted by her playing.

Except you don't get distracted from Father Karras suddenly pausing during his recitations. You lower your reading and furrow your brows in curiosity. You give Betty a glance and she shrugs her shoulders and continues playing.

When you look back to Karras he's back into his flow, but you see his eyes flick up to the congregation, then to you, the back down to the prayer book. You're hesitant to let it go, but you force yourself to keep reading and check on him later.

He has office hours. He said so. So it would be no problem at all for you to pay him a visit. Right? Right???

Right. So, you gather your courage and knock on the door to the little white cottage out the side of the church..

“Come in.”

You let yourself in. Damien's desk is situated against the right wall and he turns to you when you enter.

“Y/n,” He says, his eyes betraying a slight surprise.

“May I come in?”

“Of course. Can I get you anything, coffee, water, tea?” He stands from his desk and moves to get you a drink and you sit.

“No thanks, I'm good.”

He stops, awkwardly grips his hand like he’s missing something, then returns to his seat, but moves it to face you.

“Alright. So how are you settling in? How are you feeling?”

You shouldn’t be surprised he’d ask about your wellbeing. It’s his job. You give a tight smile.

“Good.”

He nods.

“Good.”

“Say; and I hope this isn't too presumptuous, but I wanted to ask…are you okay? I mean, I've only noticed the past couple weeks you've been…distracted, I suppose. And I think I wouldn't have been able to go around if I didn't check on you.”

Maybe it’s the priest in him, but for a moment you notice a flash of something across his dark countenance. But just as soon as you see it, it is gone.

“I'm fine, thank you for asking. What about you?”

You raise your eyebrows.

“Me?”

He splays his hands like it’s obvious.

“I can imagine the transition from Rome back to Georgetown could be jarring.”

You nod thoughtfully.

“It is, but at least it's familiar.”

“Have you seen your family at all?”

The question catches you off guard. Your pulse quickens and you palms sweat. How- does he not know?

“I'm sorry?”

“Your family, Joseph Dyer said that you had family nearby.”

Oh. Oh, he didn’t know. You suppose there’s no reason any of them should. Still, it’s unsettling.

“Oh, he must have misunderstood, or maybe I wasn't clear. My family passed in a house fire when I was in Rome.”

Damien’s face darkens. “Oh, I'm sorry.”

You shake the sentiment away as you’ve heard it a hundred times. It’s not that you don’t believe him or can’t appreciate it, but after so long the words lose meaning.

“No, don't be. Georgetown was my brother's favorite place. It reminds me of him.”

Damien relaxes into his chair.

“What was his name?”

“William. He was younger than me.”

“Tell me about him.”

“Um, he was inexhaustibly kind, but hilarious. I mean he was the funniest person I knew.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah. I think you two would've gotten along great. He was brilliant. He uh, wanted to be a civil engineer when he got out of school. He was 19.”

“He sounds like a wonderful young man.”

“He was.” You sniffle as tears began to fall. “Shit, are you gonna have to bill me?”

Damien laughs, actually laughs for the first time in front of you. Everything else up till now has been guarded chuckles and passive hums.

“No. Technically since you're a student you're entitled to free therapy.”

“Hm. Good to know.” You wait a moment, watching him. “You’re sure you’re fine?”

The lie slips from his lips with ease.

“Yes.”

“You know it’s a sin to tell a lie. Ink Spots said so.”

Back to a hum.

“I’ll keep it in mind. Is there anything else?”

Oh. Does he want you to leave?

You wring your hands in your lap but shake your head.

“No, that was all.”

You stand to go and Damien sees you out. As you exit, a young priest passes you to visit Damien, and when you turn around to give a final parting, the door has already closed.

The next morning you are right on time for the daily jog. It’s not every day, but often that you and Damien cross paths here. But today, you’re alone.

That’s strange. Where is he?

No water bottle or towel in sight. The early morning is clear and cold and you can see around the entire track. No, totally alone.

You try not to dwell too much on it. It is getting colder every day, perhaps he’s sensitive to it. Maybe he has early mass this morning and you simply forgot. All of those seem more settling than the alternative that your gut twists into a likely truth. That he was lying yesterday.

When you make your first lap and return to the bleachers, there he is, setting down his things and removing his windbreaker to reveal his sweatshirt underneath. You slow before him but he doesn’t look at you.

“Wow, I’m never here before you. Everything alright?”

Damien nods but when you catch even the side of his face, markings of haggardness and exhaustion are evident in the droop of his eyes, the lines of his face.

“Sure. Had a bit of a time getting up this morning.”

You brace your hands on your hips.

Ah. Fuck it.

“I understand that. Listen, Father…” You catch yourself. Maybe you’ll have better luck with the personal angle. “ Damien . Would you want to see a movie tomorrow? They’re showing It’s a Wonderful Life at the theater and I go every time it’s on. I like to sit in the back and make stupid commentary and…” You notice now that he’s looking at you and grinning. “...I’m not selling this, am I?”

“On the contrary, I’d say you made a compelling case. Sure, why not?”

A wide grin breaks across your face that you don’t try to hide. “Alright. I’ll pick you up at the cottage. Five alright?”

“Five is fine. Alright, care to run?”

Well, of course you’re distracted for the rest of the day, and how could you not be? You’re only going to be sharing your favorite movie with someone you now consider a good friend.

It has to cheer him up , you think. It simply has to.

The next day you actually have to attend a lecture, so you tuck yourself into a seat in the back of the hall and scribble mindlessly on your notepad. You have to start writing your thesis soon and you have to admit to yourself that you haven’t exactly made strides on it.The book of hymns proved fruitful, but you were otherwise occupied with Father Merrin’s report. That, and thoughts of a dark haired priest.

The bell rings and your stomach knots. Doubt creeps in.

Gee, what if this was the wrong move? I mean, what do you expect?

Your professor calls your name before you have a chance to dart out. Dr. Lance, an aging woman in her sixties, smart spectacles perched on a small nose, approaches you, her large frame taking only a few strides before she is upon you.

“I couldn’t help but notice you sitting in the back today.”

You blush and hold your books closer to your chest. “Yes, I’m not feeling well and wanted to be close to the exit in case I needed to leave. I didn’t want to be a distraction.”

Dr. Lance hums. “How are things at the church?”

“They’re fine. I’m learning lots.”

“Good. I’ve spoken with Father Merrin a handful of times-”

“I didn’t realize you knew him.”

“Oh, yes. Going on two decades now. He told me that you’ve been spending quite a bit of time reading his Kuwait Report, and spending time with one of the priests. What was his name?”

You swallow through a dry throat. “Father Karras?”

“Yes, that was it. Kind man. I understand it’s a new environment with many points of interest, but I have a responsibility to remind you of your purpose there. I’m sure Lankester’s report is fascinating, but will it aid you in your thesis?”

You force yourself to meet her eyes. “No, probably not.”

“I’m not dictating your free time, mind you. You’re a grad student, you’re an adult. But I also know how an experience like this can host distractions.”

You had been ready to flee the conversation at the soonest chance, but you linger at her words.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for the sake of professionalism, I’ll simply say that…well, institutions often have a way of drawing us in before we really know we’re there.”

And God help you, you laugh. Dr. Lance’s brows pull together in scrutiny.

“What?”

“It’s just…the idea of being tempted by a church . It’s funny, is all.”

Dr. Lance seemed to be out of things to say so she lets you go. You rush back to your apartment and tear through your closet, your conversation shaving off five minutes of your time, that and the class had run over a bit. You're stuck on what to wear. Not too casual, but not too flirty. Definitely not anything flirty. Maybe something that makes you feel beautiful, handsome, nice. Yes, that's it. Nice.

So you find something nice and adjust your appearance in the mirror. A brush here, a flick there; maybe he won't notice. Maybe he will.

You arrive at the cottage at 4:57. You're glad you wore a coat as the wind breaks through the scraggly trees and bare shrubberies.

At 5:02 the screen door to the cottage opens and Damien steps out in his windbreaker. He notices you appearance almost immediately and smiles as he locks the door behind him.

“Well, you look nice. Now I feel underdressed.”

Nice.

“Well, there's probably still enough time to throw on a cassock if that's fancy enough.”

He laughs at you again and you two begin walking. You crane your neck over to look at his shirt. He leans away.

“What?”

“Your collar. You're not wearing it. I didn't think you all were allowed out without them.”

It's true, Damien is wearing a corded black turtleneck, something that compliments him quite nicely.

“Well, we wouldn't want everyone to know.”

“That you're a priest?”

“Sure. Aside from the hundred something people we see every week in mass, it's a phenomenally well kept secret.”

You throw your head back in laughter. He seems to be in better spirits. Good , you think.

You two approach the kiosk and you insist on paying for both the tickets.

“Priests resign themselves to a life of poverty, right? Consider it a donation to the church.”

It's a joke and one he mildly chuckles at, but seems to maybe lower his head when the ticketer hands you back the tiny slips of paper.

“First room on the right.”

As the two of you walk in, you begin to ponder. Perhaps he was telling a partial truth earlier. Perhaps he forwent the collar so people wouldn't recognize a priest out with a grad student. But why would they care? Georgetown was overflowing with Jesuits and students. Surely there's bound to be overlap.

Still, there's something knocking at the back of your brain. Almost as if you feel it too. Some foreign scrutiny that you can fight all you want to dismiss as ridiculous, presumptuous. But still.

You two make it to the back of the auditorium and settle into your seats. There's only a handful of other couples dispersed throughout.

Other ?

You focus on the film.

“What's wrong, is he sick?”

“Worse, he's discouraged.”

This part always, always sends you into a tizzy and you find yourself laughing out loud. You turn a couple heads and shrink down into your seat, giggling.

“Do you do that a lot?” Damien whispers.

The sound makes you feel warm. He's speaking only to you. Only you. And he's not being critical. You can catch the mirth in his eyes, alight by the twinkling stars on screen.

“Oh, it's just getting started.”

By the time George and Mary are walking back from the party, your feet are propped up on the empty seat in front of you and you and Damien are both munching on a bag of popcorn you left to get earlier.

“ Oh buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight, won't you come out tonight. Buffalo girls won't you come out tonight, aaaaand dance by the light of the moon.”

You sing along quietly, knocking your feet together lightly. If you weren't so engrossed in one of your favorite scenes, you would notice Damien watching you.

“I thought you didn't like romance movies.”

You flash him a grin. “Eh. This doesn't count.”

But when Mary and George draw close together and it seems as though they may just kiss, you feel that same flutter you get in your chest every time.

Oh, what you wouldn't give to be looked at like that.

If you were paying even a little more attention, you may be thinking that you were.

After the movie, he offers to walk you home. You accept.

“Thanks for coming with me tonight. I get a lot more strange looks when I go by myself.”

“Well, thanks for getting me out. I don't really do these kinds of things. I'm not sure why. I suppose I have the time.”

“Sometimes it just takes someone asking, you know?”

He gives you a loaded look. “Yeah, I do.”

Whatever his intended implication is, you fight a blush. You chalk it up to the cold. You two approach your apartment. You fiddle with your keys.

“Would you like to come up for a few minutes? Warm up?”

And that’s all you want. Just to offer him brief shelter. He looks at the ground and you already know his reply.

“I’m not sure I should. It’s getting late.”

Ah. He can color it any way he likes but you know the true meaning of his words. You bite your lip- an anxious habit your mother had always discouraged.

“Have I done something to make you uncomfortable?”

His eyes widen. “No- goodness, no. I have the five o’clock mass tomorrow.”

“Makes sense.”

“Which means I won’t be at the track, either.”

“It’s fine.” You give him a smile. “Well, goodnight, Father.”

You turn to leave but a hand reaches out and catches your arm. Not a grab or a grip, but a gentle laying upon your coat. You face him again.

“I really do hate to cancel on you.”

“It’s fine, Damien. Really.”

He presses his lips together in measured thought. “It’s nothing else.”

You search his eyes for some truth. What does he mean ? It’s nothing but circumstance that he can’t come up, can’t meet tomorrow morning? Or is it something worse: the time spent is nothing else? You know what the else is. It’s gut-wrenchingly devastating, despite your supposed absence of expectations.

“Alright,” is all you can think to say. You move from his touch and return to your apartment. From the window facing the street, you watch as he rubs his mouth, glances out to the street, and then eventually makes his careful way back to the cottage. You draw a bath and heat up some tea. Both scalding waters still can’t manage to quell the chill within.

#angst #fanfiction #damien karras x reader #damien karras #the exorcist fanfiction #the exorcist #the exorcist 1973

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kitsunebishake · 1 year

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this is just a little rant about how queer fire emblem engage is

I abstained myself from going on this rant on the tags of anotjer post because I know I'm annoying as hell lmfao

also mild spoilers tho I already speak vaguely by nature so nothing huuuge

OK SO can we just take a moment??? to think about how fucking queer this game is???

we have diamant pondering how pretty alfred is and comparing him to a serene and beautiful flower covered scenery

we have rosado wanting fogado to think he's the cutest person ever

whatever the fuck was that support with alcryst and fogado

MARYGOLD AND ETIE???? FEELING EACH OTHER'S SKIN????? LIKE????

rosado's entire existence is queer no matter from which side you look at it too, transfem? transmasc? fem gay? nonbinary? all of them, literally could be all of them

ivy in general is peak pathetic woman OTD material, she IS the fictional lesbian standard

(yes I am aware they're technically all bisexual but me HC 2 of them as gay/lesbian is not bad... I think)

kagetsu and alfred @ diamant and boucheron is so fucking queer too like I couldn't stop laughing because they made me feel a bit self aware LMFAO (they could be a polycule too who knows)

and speaking of muscles, why the fuck bunet was so okay with the idea of alfred licking his muscles? 💀 THAT'S NOT NORMAL MY DUDE, I MEAN I KNOW ALFRED IS PRETTY BUT DAMN

I think celine and chloe were also very 🏳️‍🌈

and merrin, which is literally inverse rosado

I have not watched all the supports but I'm sure if I did I'd find even more stuff to point at like a wojack meme and go "queer."

the resident cis gay man on my Facebook friend list who is constantly talking about wanting to get railed also has deemed male alear is extremely queer just for existing, so has one of the 50 lesbians on my twitter friend circles

and you know what? I think I can see why

there's also THAT scene during chapter 10 which made the VTuber I watch go from shaming his chat for being thirsty for the evil dragon to "oh shit, I get it now, that's kinda hot" which is like peak homoerotic violence

I'm sure there's more I've seen but I have forgotten

back to thinking about diamant and alfred kissing

EDIT: I wrote this on the 15th, it is currently the 16th and I have to say... I was right, there's a lot more queer

I have officially watched all of rosado's supports and some of them in Japanese, and it is incredible how they just didn't translate some parts? I need a transcript to confirm, but I'm pretty sure rosado uses 中性 to describe his townsfolk... that means gender neutral, literally the kanji for medium/middle + sex/gender

he also specifically mentions cutesy men and cool women, confirming people from his village are not just cute but in general showcase different types of beauty, regardless of gender (and yes! he also says the "regardless of gender" part in Japanese too! I love him sm)

there's also the first support with louis which I think is really funny because the ENGLISH VERSION JUST REMOVED TJE PART WITH "EVEN THOUGH I'M A BOY????" LMFAO

I imagine because they thought it was offensive or something? but I think it makes sense, fogado said to celine the firenese appear unsociable and closed off to those from other lands, closed off being the key word here

rosado obviously doesn't care about gender, much less his own, and he clearly doesn't even care when people find him cute and stare at him, he was quite comfortable with seadall and fogado staring, so he was probably just surprised a firenese (*he probs doesn't know mauvier was firenese, he doesn't seem to talk about that too much) would find him please to look at as well, much less on the level louis was staring lol

also, I think in general the Japanese version was cuter, cuz it has louis explicitly saying he doesn't give a shit about gender/sex :3

(also my HC is currently that rosado is a fem transmasc and merrin a masc transfem... balanced, as all things should be)

EDIT 2: it's the 18th and I have no idea why I didn't mention seadall at all

but he is also queer, everything he does is extremely queer

him watching rosado bathe is... certainly something

(also him being the "women looking unkempt after using 83738477448 skin and hair care products vs men looking perfect after washing with only water and soap" meme with rosado is god tier content)

#that is not to say I don't like the m/w in this game #because that would make me a liar I want to see alcryst and celine marry and be happy #like they're so sweet and cute #I think they're super lovely #and I also realised that they'd be the ones giving birth to the next heirs to the throne #because even if alfred was trans (which I will 100% draw trans alfred at some point)#I think he would not survive giving birth #which means diamant would absolutely refuse to have a child #that man would absolutely just do everything in his hands to keep alfred healthy and alive #so yes #no babies for them #also the double cousins thing is apparently rly weird for people so it's probably for the better?#better #I still don't know what alcryst x celine should be called #I am very bad with ship naming conventions in English #Japanese is so much easier

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