#I have symbolic nightmare stress dreams

[bpdohwhatajoy]

Anyone else have symbolic ptsd dreams more than literal depictions of your past trauma

#ryan.txt #cptsd #ptsd #trauma #traumatized #I think people who don’t know ptsd or see it as a monolith describe it like that #and I just recently realized that when my ptsd flares up #I have symbolic nightmare stress dreams #that usually involve me being attacked or in very present danger #hence the symbolism part #I used to not understand that symptom and I think honestly the criteria is written by people that don’t have ptsd #bc there is no way everyone’s ptsd dreams are the stereotypical way its described #I’m sure some do #but like I said most of mine are symbolic #and I realize now I feel in dream emotionally the way I felt when the trauma was occuring #helpless in danger under attack threats

[writing-for-life]

Dream’s Therapist

Parents

The session notes get longer and longer, so I decide to go over all of them again to decide on today’s topic of conversation.

Intake

Insomnia

Nightmares

Emotions

The client is on time (well, 35 minutes early, but my receptionist tells me he brought a book; she is certain it is “Le Mythe de Sisyphe” by Camus, and he reads it in French). When he comes into my office, he wears a black… robe? despite it being 25 degrees Celsius. Surprisingly, he takes it off though and hangs it on my coatrack. There is still no smalltalk, although he asks, very politely, if I could open the blinds a bit more since today, the room is too dark for his liking.

DT: I’d like to talk about your family today. How do you relate to them? (I notice immediate signs of stress and he looks at my paperweight) Take it, it’s fine.

Dream (He takes the paperweight and begins to fiddle with it, turning it over and over and over again): My family is like… a cosmic jigsaw. We should fit together perfectly, and I reckon we do. In theory. From a distance. To all you mortals. But you should never, ever look too closely.

DT: And why is that? What about your parents?

Dream (Silence ensues. It lasts for 9 minutes. I contemplate several times whether to cut it short but decide to let him sit with his thoughts until he is ready): They like to play a game of charade, I suppose. If we communicate at all, it is in cryptic symbols and metaphors….

DT: You like communicating like that, too, don’t you?

Dream (I notice a glare, quickly followed by a violent shake of his head): My father once gave me an hourglass with a note that read, “Your move.” I still have no idea what he was trying to tell me.

DT: Did you ever ask?

Dream (I notice the familiar eye-roll): No.

DT: Why not?

Dream: You would not understand.

DT: Try me.

(Another bout of silence ensues. This time, it lasts 10 minutes, and I decide to finally intervene—he’s not getting a lot of bang for his buck this way. I notice a moment too late I shouldn’t use the word ‘bang’ when relating to my clients, not even in my mind).

Maybe just explain to me what your parents are like.

Dream (I notice a slightly annoyed exhale through his nose): My father has a particular (he frantically turns the paperweight in his hands) …watch that is a source of contention, and he insists on synchronised cosmic events. Well, not really synchronised as you would define it I suppose but… (he shakes his head again). No matter. My mother has a thing for unravelling galaxies and the ensuing chaos. They are not a great match by any means.

DT: Doesn’t sound like it. Are they still together?

Dream: No. They have not been for a very long time.

DT (Divorced parents. It makes sense): And how did that influence your upbringing?

Dream (He laughs. It sounds… I have no clue what to think and try not to show it on my face. He truly sounds like someone who has forgotten how to laugh. I actually feel sorry for him. I remind myself not to show that on my face either): My father is Time, my mother is Night. Do you expect me to relate to them as my role models?

DT: (I notice bitterness that most certainly covers up some hurt and wonder if he tries to be metaphorical, or if he is diving down into the depths of his delusion again): Do you? Or did you at any point?

Dream (He leans back in his chair and spins the paperweight on his index finger. It keeps on spinning. I’m confused): How could I possibly relate to someone who prunes roses before they are fully in bloom and never even smells them? Or someone who permanently entertains herself with moonlight cocktails and star-shaped canapés? My parents are… unrelatable and exhausting.

DT: And is exhaustion all they make you feel?

Dream (The paperweight stops spinning, and the silence lasts for 6 minutes this time): No, they make me feel conflicted. (He didn’t say he doesn’t feel. Good.) My father… might have taught me something about duty and the weight of eternity. But I suppose I might have preferred warmth (he starts fidgeting with the paperweight again and briefly looks at me) over cosmic-level indifference.

DT (I am surprised at the sudden willingness to share his emotional landscape. I still don’t show it on my face. I hope): And your mother?

Dream (I notice a hard swallow before he gazes out the window. His voice is very quiet): My mother paints the skies with stars. But those… nights are lonely. She revels in the beauty of darkness and starlight but never touches the hearts of her children. She never dreams of us (His voice turns quieter still). Or of me.

DT: You don’t know that.

Dream (He looks at me again): Trust me, I do. Perhaps you should remember who and what I am?

DT (I decide to tread carefully): Yes, you told me you are the embodiment of imagination, dreams and nightmares.

Dream: Correct. And I know she doesn’t dream of me.

DT (That delusion is stubborn. As they are): If your parents never gave you what you needed, did you ever try to seek comfort or solace elsewhere?

Dream (I notice he holds on to the paperweight so tightly that his knuckles turn white. Even whiter than they are): For as long as I remember I longed for nothing more than just a fleeting touch transcending cosmic duty. (He looks at me through his lashes before he focuses on the paperweight again) Make of that what you will.

DT (I wonder what’s gotten into him today. The sudden openness is confusing. Not that I’m complaining): I don’t make anything out of anything. Let’s stay with those desires. (I notice he flinches) What do you truly want?

Dream: I… feel adrift. (He seems to think for a moment): Sometimes I envy you humans (Okay, I can work with the delusion). Your families argue about burnt toast and forgotten anniversaries. My family argues about the curvature of spacetime and the existential implications of your socks disappearing in your laundry. You have no idea how these things affect… (He stops himself) Never mind. You have simpler families—Sunday dinners, awkward Thanksgiving conversations, and no cosmic-level crisis before dessert.

DT (I decide to play): I think you might underestimate the crisis potential of our dinners.

Dream: Do I? (He actually smiles.)

DT: Yes. But let’s stop changing the subject (I notice he looks slightly embarrassed, which is surprising) and get back to your wants. If you had to choose one thing you really wanted right now, what would that be?

Dream (His voice is very quiet again): To escape the endless cycle. But my duty binds me.

DT (That took the wrong direction and definitely requires reframing. Change of tack): It seems to me that you think of yourself as a silent observer at times. Or as being responsible for other people and their dreams. At least that’s what I’m gathering, correct me if I’m wrong. (He just looks at me but doesn’t say anything) What if you dared to dream yourself?

Dream (I notice the deep frown on his face before he puts the paperweight back on my desk): It is not possible to dream beyond one’s destiny. And mine is not to dream.

DT: What if that weren’t true?

Dream (Silence again. Quite brief this time): That seems… like a tome bound in too many shadows.

DT: Did you ever notice you relate to yourself as if you were (I’m fishing for the right words here) a book, written by someone else?

Dream (I notice he shuffles uncomfortably in his seat): That would be assuming I had a story of my own, which I do not.

DT: And why would you believe that?

Dream (I notice he taps his foot. Six times): I trust our time is up?

DT: No, although we’re getting closer.

Dream: Good, I shall leave then. (He makes a move to get up)

DT: I’ve got homework for you.

Dream (I notice the eye-roll, but he actually stays seated): The infernal diary again?

DT: No. I’d just like you to reflect on a thought.

Dream (I notice the raised eyebrow): And what thought would that be?

DT: If it is truly paradoxical to allow yourself to dream while thinking you are responsible for other people’s dreams.

Dream: The former seems… highly improbable.

DT: Are you going to think about it though?

Dream (He gets up and looks around the room for a moment before his eyes finally connect with mine again): I shall, despite the very apparent futility of your… experiment.

DT: I don’t experiment with people’s thoughts or feelings. I just encourage them to step back and have a closer look at them.

Dream: I shall try to… forgive me: I will trust your expertise on the matter.

DT (I notice he actually has internalised our last session. At least to a degree): The delusional one?

Dream (I notice he really wants to suppress a smile, but it’s not working): No, the real one.

DT: Same time next week then?

Dream: Yes. And you may still use ink in your diary. For however long you deem necessary…

< Previous Session

#the sandman #sandman #sandman fic #Dream’s therapist #dream of the endless #morpheus #dream of the endless rp #Morpheus rp #father time #mother night #they very apparently suck #satire #tragicomedy #I’m so sorry #it’s impossible to stay lighthearted with this guy #queue

[macdenlover]

My fucking god. There is so much to take apart.

This episode gave us a peak into Dennis’s mind and it’s the closest thing we’re gonna get to putting him under a microscope like a little bug and studying him in a lab. It isn’t what I expected from this episode but man oh man am i glad to have it. There’s a few things we need to establish first that’s gonna be the basis of my analysis. Dennis is angry, but he ultimately uses that anger to mask fear, pain, and every other emotion that he doesn’t allow himself to feel. Also, the entirety of the episode— every little detail was intentionally conjured by Dennis’s mind either consciously or subconsciously so none of it is off the table to dig into.

There’s two big things at play here— one, his desperate need for control; and two, his instinct to self sabotage. This episode did one hell of a job at showing how woven together the two are.

The essence of Dennis’s character is this impenetrable shell he’s built to protect the vulnerable part that sits at his core, and we finally got to see HOW he builds that shell piece by piece. This is the pressure-cooking of the diamond— if you apply enough pressure it’ll harden the shell.

Everything is thrown out of balance when Dennis learns about his high blood pressure, but what really bothers him about that is the inevitability of aging— something we’ve seen him be insecure about for many seasons. But what’s different about this episode is that while his usual fear of aging comes from vanity, this time it’s combined with Dennis being so afraid of the world around him changing and leaving him behind. This follows the thematic trajectory of this season— all the characters struggling to cope with inevitable change. 

A stress-free day at the beach is a pipe dream. Happiness is something so hopelessly distant from him that he builds a fantasy about chasing it while never getting there— sabotaging the plan because he either thinks it’s too impossible, something he doesn’t deserve, or both. This is not the first time we’ve seen this from him. In The Gang Saves The Day, the rest of the gang’s fantasies revolve around them finally getting their dream ending, while Dennis’s stuck out from the others as a barely comprehendible mess of his own misery. (I’m gonna rewatch this episode soon and give you a full breakdown of my thoughts). Dennis self sabotages in his own fantasies because he can’t imagine a reality where he is capable of getting what he wants. Dissatisfaction is something so permanent to him, and Dennis Takes a Mental health day is all about him trying to cling to things that are permanent to regain his sense of control. He is creating uncertainty in his own fantasy so that he can be certain about it. He is such a broken man and it is such a fucked up cycle— one thing continues feeding into the other. “The pin’s the key to the phone, the phone’s the key to the car.” 

The primary source of his frustration in this episode was the automated systems, which I think holds place to represent more than one thing. It’s a symbol of the changing world that he can’t control or escape from, but it also represents the parts of himself he’s fighting against. He forms systems in his life that are so methodical and complicated that it gets in the way of his ability to have real human connections. They went right on the nose with it in this ep by having him spelling out his own name as an acronym in a fit of rage. Subconscious Dennis’s d.e.n.n.i.s. system is fucking crazy. 

D- “Deliver me from this”

E - “Engage with human”

N - “Nightmare”

N - “NIGHTMARE”

I - “Is this real?”

S - “Somebody help me”

If you interpret this as his frustration with not only the state of the world but himself and his perpetual loneliness it gets incredibly heartbreaking. Guys I’m really tearing up here. 

His interactions with others in this episode also say so much about him and the inner conflicts he’s experiencing. He knows he establishes control by taking his frustration out on other people, but he simultaneously struggles with that making him a bad person. He yells at the customer service workers and then APOLOGIZES and reassures them that it’s not them who he’s really mad at. He doesn’t mean to take it out on them. (Potentially wild implications for Dennis woobifiers here.) He wants to take his frustration out on people who he believes deserve it, like the CEO. He gets to see himself as a hero in this story even if he’s miserable. If happiness is a pipe dream, he can settle for second best which is the rush he gets from taking his pain out on the guy who fucked him over. But he is simultaneously the person he spent his entire fantasy craving a real human connection with. He doesn’t know how to do that. It got weird and a little sexual (he definitely wanted to fuck that guy till the room stank). he is vindicated with violence at the end, which is ultimately what he will always resort to because it gives him the sense of power that desperately needs to make the frustration, vulnerability, and weakness go away (mentally AND physically). This is his cycle. 

I’m not sure Dennis could have an episode where he breaks down and cries and has a huge cathartic moment and then goes back to his regular self the next episode the way Mac and Charlie have. Dennis is a whole other can of worms. RCG are comfortable with exploring different sides to these characters as long as they are kept in a state of limbo for the length of the show, but letting Dennis openly express his feelings (even to himself) might make it impossible to come back from because this is literally the entire crux of his character. The last time he opened up emotionally he fled to another state only come back a year later more hostile and emotionally distant than ever. They had to put a hard reset on him after season 12 because they knew that version of him didn’t have longevity in the show. I WISH so fucking bad that they would explore the vulnerable parts of him more explicitly on the show but for now I will settle for being a little vulture and picking it out of the carcass of this season. 

#iasip #i had a lot of thoughts about this ep #this is just my raw opinions #i call this my 2:00 am autism + adhd combo move #would you believe it if i said i had more that i cut out 😭 #tell me ur thoughts pleaseee

[anonymous-dentist]

It’s been a while since we’ve seen the qsmp entity rooms, but the way I chose my little entity thingy was based off of how comfy each room seemed to be.

So I’m gonna do a tierlist of the rooms from Least Cozy to Most Cozy, because I am a master of interior design

5. Blood

This doesn’t look cozy at ALL!! The colors are gorgeous and all, and I like the lanterns, but the devil kinda ruins the vibes for me ngl. He’d be the WORST roommate, and the whole room looks way too Meat for my tastes. Absolute sensory nightmare, no way

4. Energy

I love blue and purple, and I’m a maximalist at heart, but the pregnancy viruses are a Huge no for me. I like how chaotic everything is, but it also stresses me out IMMENSELY and I know that I’d just spend all my time sorting things out and evening the walls and stuff

3. Fear

So this one doesn’t count because you can’t connect to it or whatever, but it’s the one that reminds me a lot of my own dream bedroom, so it gets a spot right in the middle to make things fair

2. Death

Bro this is cozy as hell even with the God Of Death chilling and trying to kill me. Put a bed and my computer in here and I’d stay, fuck it. But I’m also allergic to grass and pollen and there’s a lot of nature in here, so it’s unfortunately second place

1. Knowledge

Are you KIDDING ME? This is my DREAM!! Add a bit more green in there and it’s absolute PEAK! I’ve been reading since I was like 3 years old (lowkey taught myself by reading encyclopedias and watching Sesame Street lol), and every wall in my actual bedroom has at least one bookcase against it. “What about the spooky masks?” Well, this Mask Cult really doesn’t seem much different than the like four academic honors fraternities I’m in. What about the spooky symbols? I used to keep a book of ancient runes and “historical supernatural mysteries” as my bed as a kid. I used to have the writing systems of like three different ancient languages memorized (but I couldn’t use them well, being 8 years old.) Is the room too bright? Maybe, but I sleep with an eye mask on to keep the light out, anyway. I could literally just sit and chill and read in here all day and not get bored, and it’s Perfect for me

Idk what these entities actually do, but based off of interior design choices alone, Knowledge gets my vote. 🤓📚🎭🪦

#I’m chilling tbh

[moonkissedmeli]

Rosemary; Salvia rosmarinus

rosemary is a very powerful little plant and I recommend it as a witch's essential herb, a non-negotiable if you will, as it has so many uses.

Other names: sea dew, compass plant, polar plant

Nutritional and Medicinal Fun Facts:

Good for hair and scalp

Good for metabolic health

High in carnosic acid which has anti-cancer properties

Improves memory and concentration

Improves eye health

Can help regulate liver

Aeromatic may help reduce asthma symptoms

Aeromatic and eating it can help reduce stress and anxiety

May reduce inflammation

May help increase circulation

High in antioxidants, manganese pantothenic acid, niacin, thiamin, folate, and riboflavin

extra fun fact: part of the mint family; eucalyptol (camphor-like) and alpha-pinene (pine-like) are the compounds that primarily give the rosemary flavor

~Magical Properties & Lore~

Element: Fire

Planet: Sun

Gods: Apollo, Helios

Goddess: Aphrodite, Hebe

Spells & Rituals:

Love spells

Beauty spells, especially in an aromatic

Health spells and rituals; I also use it in spells to break unhealthy habits

Antifertility spells (along with safe sex! mundane first, always)

Protection and banishing spells regarding negative spirits; especially visitations at night

Sachets, tea, or aromatic for spells to improve intelligence and memory; excellent herb for student

Helps with nightmares and remembering dreams

Use as a tea or aromatic for dream work and past life remembrance

Burn to cleanse home or self of negative energy

Grow it inside to purify the air

Tip: pairs powerfully with Juniper in most situations

Lore:

Christians believe it grows for 33 years until it is the same height as Jesus. They believe it got blue flowers when Mary placed her cloak on it when fleeing to Egypt. It is a Christian symbol of fidelity and remembrance.

Couples should plant on their wedding day and interpret the growth as divination for the family.

Couples have also wore it at their wedding and given as favors to their guests.

Said to protect against the evil eye.

In Wales, it was used as a funeral favor and sprigs were lowered with the casket.

Embalming herb in ancient Egypt

Ancient Greece & Hellenism

Symbol of love, beauty, and eternity

Said to help people retain youth when smelled

Increases memory; students would wear garlands of rosemary for exams

Protection against evil

recipes to eat it in: so good on chicken, fish, and potatoes, rosemary-infused olive oil, rosemary and lemon pasta

#kitchen witch #kitchen witchery #hearth witch #hellenism #hellenic #helpol #pagan #spells #rituals #cleansing #lore #medicinal herbs #protection spells #evil eye protection #spirit work #divination #dream work #rosemary #aphrodite #apollo #hebe #helios

[to-hypnos-we-dream]

I honestly forgot that the Greek Parthenon had a god of sleep in its ranks (mostly cause I don't practice any religion or belief and km pretty neutral on all things spiritual)

I remember glossing over the same Hypnos while going down internet rabbit holes

Something about him is just so comforting to me, knowing that concept of a god of sleep exists. Maybe it's cause I've been connected to sleeping all my life. If I was ever stressed, I'd sleep or if I was at school, I'd still sleep.

People away as a joke that there hobby is sleeping but lowkey I don't think its much of a joke for me anymore 😭 I've always just loves sleeping anyways and my dreams have always been vivid. I use to keep a digital dream journal on my phone but my phone broke so it's gone rip

For some reason, whenever I think of Hypnos, I just think of a soft muted baby blue and milk white colours. It's very calming

What's Hypnos like when he comes to visit your dreams?

Seems I’m not the only one with that connection :) I 100% agree with the baby blue and milk white association! Hypnos has always been a comforting figure to me, when I was younger I’d even use sleep to cope with my life. When it comes to my dreams, Hypnos is like a fatherly figure who’s as kind and gentle as a breeze or a hand that cups your face when you’re sleepy. Sometimes He may have more intense forms such as in serious dreams/nightmares, or even silly forms in the kind of dreams you get when you take Benadryl

In all of them, He is something I must follow or a symbol of love and comfort

#hypnos worship #hypnos deity #hellenic polytheism #hellenic pagan #hellenic deities #pagan #deity worship #helpol #hypnos devotee #hypnos devotion #hellenism #hellenic #asks

[circular-bircular]

Hey, can you go more into the sleep disturbances part? If that's okay, I'm not prev anon but it caught my interest since something similar could be an explanation for something I struggle with?

Now, take this with a grain of salt, as I also may have the early development signs of REM Behavior Disorder, so... I may be Super Fucked(tm)

But I do know that DID and other trauma based... things... can impact your sleep. Every single person I know with DID struggles with sleep in some way, often with insomnia, though I've also seen folks who flip the other direction and oversleep massively.

@justanothersyscourse I KNOW you've shown me studies about this in the past when I was freaking out about how much I was sleeping. Happen to have them on hand?

For me, personally though:

I struggle to fall asleep without help from my partner. They either have to utilize some hypnosis triggers that I've had set up since High School (long fucking story) or, most recently, we've done some mindfulness during sleep that helped send me to snoozeville.

My dreams are sometimes incredibly symbolic traumadumps. I've woken up from horrible nightmares before. Sometimes I don't wake up, and it just saps my energy the next day. These always feel a lot worse than the nightmares I used to have as a baby.

I experience sleep paralysis sometimes when I wake up from nightmares. It's not often, but waking up and seeing that goddamn dog from my nightmares -- I'm gonna shank a bitch istg.

This is where REM Behavior Disorder might be coming into play the most: I sleep walk, talk, eat, [REDACTED]... I am fully awake and present while asleep a lot of the time. It gets worse when I'm more stressed out, which is just about all of the time as a teacher. It's a 50/50 shot whether I'm actually getting proper REM that night or not. I hold entire conversations with my partner while asleep, oftentimes fully in a dream. You've no idea the embarrassment (and horror at what it could mean for my future) of your partner explaining to you that they had to carry you to bed because "You said you were a mermaid and couldn't walk, and you kept flopping your legs everywhere." It... yeah. Yeah. That's one of the tame ones at least. Insert Nightmare Mode Here.

That's just some of the things. I've found music has helped a lot for helping me fall asleep. Rises The Moon is a great song for sleepy times.

#asks #anon #kitty caught the rabbit

[fandoms-are-my-friends-1321]

An Ineffable Meeting

This is my first time writing for Dream of the Endless, but I thought it turned out okay. This takes place after season one’s events, and is a crossover between The Sandman and Good Omens. As always characters are not mine, and I hope you all enjoy it!

Description: Morpheus and Y/N, who happens to be Anthony J. Crowley’s sibling, have been dating for a while. Morpheus thinks it’s time for him to meet Crowley, but Y/N is all too aware of how their brother can be

Warnings: suggestive at the end, otherwise none (but if you catch something that I missed please let me know!)

Morpheus had witnessed countless beings and entities in both the Dreaming and the mortal realm. Some divine and others horrific, the many faces that the Lord of Dreams viewed seemed to blur after a century or two. However, he never expected that a demon would stand out the most to him.

After being ushered out of the Dreaming by Lucienne, Morpheus found himself seated on a park bench feeding the pigeons. Lucienne claimed that he had become overly stressed the past week, but Morpheus did not see the need for relaxation. A century of imprisonment created a void of pressing matters that could not possibly be ignored. Still, he found some enjoyment from the soot colored avians pecking away at his feet.

“You do know that pigeons prefer sourdough over a baguette, right?”

Morpheus looked to his left, annoyance etched on his face from being disturbed. His displeasure was replaced by curiosity as he took in the person before him. They appeared to be human, at least in the physical sense, but Morpheus was not naive. He could pick out a demon without a second glance, but for once in the several eons of his existence he did not feel the normal disgust that came with meeting members of Hell.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. I know these creatures on a very personal level, and they are incredibly picky about their bread.” The demon smiled at Morpheus as they pushed their aviator sunglasses up, the dark lenses preventing him from seeing their eyes. “The name’s Y/N, by the way.”

Morpheus observed the snake tattoo under Y/N’s right ear, the symbol oddly familiar to him, before rolling his eyes and focusing his attention on the birds once more. “It appears that they like this bread well enough.”

“You are rotten at introductions, Mr. Dark and Brooding.”

Morpheus was taken aback by the unexpected nickname. Did this demon who called themselves Y/N truly not comprehend that they were standing before one of the Endless? Y/N tilted their head as they smirked. “Do I know you from someplace? Where exactly have I seen you before?” They tapped their chin in contemplation before snapping their fingers triumphantly. “Twilight! That has to be it!”

“Perhaps you will recall my visit to Hell. Your sovereign, Lucifer Morningstar, called upon every demon to stand before me so I could find my stolen helm. You would have been among those numbers,” Morpheus stated coolly. “I am Morpheus, King of Dreams and ruler of the Nightmare Realm”

“Funny story that,” Y/N admitted with a nervous chuckle as they rubbed the back of their neck, “I may have skipped that call to go to a book signing. Hastur was pissed at me for weeks, but that uptight asshole got over it eventually. On the bright side, guess I can ditch these now, huh?” Y/N removed their sunglasses, and their serpentine eyes met the lighter ones of the dream lord. The realization hit Morpheus as he straightened his back against the bench. “You're a Crawley? The same to have infiltrated the Garden of Eden and tempt humanity. ”

“That was my brother, Anthony J. Crawley, but we go by Crowley now. We found it to be a better fit for us both.”

The chimes from the nearby clock tower located at the center of the park made Y/N jump. “Oh shit, I’m late! We will have to finish this conversation another time, Dream Lord.” The demon rushed off before Morpheus could even offer to take them where they wished to go.

***

That encounter had taken place half a year ago, and since then Morpheus and Y/N Crowley had formed a close bond. It had taken some time, for Morpheus was hesitant when it came to relationships. He was not new to partnerships, far from it in fact, but this relationship was not one that he wanted to lose. This was the reason that Morpheus had summoned Y/N to his throne room.

“Did you really miss me that much, darling,” Y/N quipped as they strutted across the marble floor that stretched in front of Morpheus’ throne. “You are lucky that I finished my demonic business this morning.”

Morpheus rose from his throne to meet the demon halfway, his coat floating gently with his movements. The corner of his lip raised slightly as he stood before Y/N. “Do you find gluing a penny to the sidewalk to be demonic work?”

“It’s the oldest trick in the book, and it has fooled many humans! There are countless times that-”

Morpheus silenced Y/N’s rant as he placed his lips against theirs. Y/N smiled through the kiss as they raised their hand to feel the soft ends of Morpheus’ dark hair. The two parted as Morpheus moved his hand to cradle Y/N’s cheek, his thumb caressing the skin there. His eyes glittered with adoration for his lover, but Y/N had learned every slight detail of his facial expressions. There was more to this look.

“Why are you acting so lovey dovey? I can tell by that look in your eyes that there has to be another reason for calling me here, Dream King.” Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed as they tried to deduce what Morpheus could possibly be up to, and the demon caught on to his plan. Y/N shook their head in disagreement as their slitted eyes averted to the floor. “No, no! Absolutely not! We can’t do this now, Morpheus.”

Y/N only ever used Morpheus’ name when they were serious, but he pursued the idea nonetheless. “If not now, then when? We cannot delay this any longer, my love. By now Crowley is more than aware of our relationship, and he will be expecting to meet the one who is with his sibling.”

Y/N could not meet the icy blue eyes that pleaded with them to give in. The demon always crumbled if they looked into his eyes. “I-I just don’t know how he will react. You are one of the Endless, the greatest beings on this or any plane of existence, and to bring someone so powerful around my brother…he may feel threatened.”

“Then I will reassure him that I am capable of loving you despite my reputation and my position. Please, Y/N, arrange a meeting with Crowley.”

Morpheus rested his forehead against Y/N’s, and he felt their shoulders relax. “Fine, but only if you are on your best behavior.”

Morpheus smiled, a rare occurrence that seemed to happen more frequently when he was with Y/N, and he placed a quick but sweet kiss on the end of the demon’s nose. “Only the best for you, my little serpent.”

***

Morpheus and Y/N walked arm in arm down the London street, which was surprisingly empty despite the warm rays of the sun shining down upon them. Y/N was wearing their classic aviators just in case a human happened to pass by, but even the dark lenses did not stop them from taking in Morpheus. How was it possible that this gorgeous being was with a low level demon like them? With that spiky hair that was soft to the touch and eyes that reflected the afternoon light, even the small wrinkles that formed around his eyes as a gentle grin rested on his face. He could be with anyone in existence. Yet, here he was, fully devoted to them and only them. Y/N squeezed Morpheus’ arm as they pressed closer to him, their own smile forming despite the nerves bubbling in their stomach. “We are almost there. Are you sure that you want to do this? We can turn back if you want.” Y/N tried to plant their feet in the ground and move back the way they came, but Morpheus held them close.

“Yes, I want to do this. There is nothing to fear, and everything will be well.” Morpheus intertwined his fingers with Y/N’s as they strolled the final length to their destination. The sign above the corner shop read, A.Z. Fell and Co., and the door was answered by a curly haired blonde before the couple even had the chance to knock.

“Oh Y/N, it is such a pleasure to see you again! It is also a pleasure to make your acquaintance Mr. Morpheus, or Lord Morpheus if you would prefer? Of course I can use any term that you would like…” The man who opened the door continued to ramble as he fiddled with his tie.

“Please,” Morpheus stated, “Morpheus will suffice, I assure you.”

“Brilliant! Oh, I do apologize for not introducing myself. My name is Aziraphale, and I own this little shop. Please, do come inside. Your brother is waiting in the parlor.” Aziraphale stepped aside to let the couple in before rushing off to the kitchen. Y/N escorted Morpheus through the thin path that weaved between stacks and shelves of books, many of which were covered in dust. The two entered the parlor, and Y/N braced themselves for what was to come next.

“Hello, brother dear! Hope you and Aziraphale left plenty of dessert for us. Your sweet tooth has stolen many delicious treats from me,” Y/N spoke as they hugged Crowley.

“Angel is the one with the sweet tooth, little Sis, not me. I did manage to save you some this time, though.” Crowley wrapped his arms around Y/N briefly before turning towards Morpheus. Crowley reluctantly offered his hand, a glare evident despite the sunglasses he wore. “Morpheus, I presume?”

Morpheus clasped the hand that was presented to him. “You are correct, Mr. Crowley.”

“Don’t call me, “Mr. Crowley”, it sounds like that bloody Ozzy Osbourne song. Crowley is fine.”

“As you wish, Crowley.”

Crowley moved back to his previous spot while Y/N and Morpheus sat on the couch opposite of the one he was on. Y/N removed their sunglasses and placed them on the table. “You can take yours off too, brother. I promise you that Morpheus is not one to judge.” Crowley took off his sunglasses with an audible groan, clearly wishing to keep them on. “That’s surprising considering he is one of the Endless.”

“Hold your tongue,” Morpheus growled. If looks could kill, Crowley would have been disincorporated instantly. Y/N began to fiddle with their hands, a clear sign that they were uncomfortable with the conflict, and upon noticing their movements, Morpheus moved his hand to encompass their own. “What I meant to say was that my siblings and myself have been portrayed as heartless beings who do not care for others. This is nothing but a rumor, and I have been looking forward to meeting you, Crowley.”

Y/N was put at ease by the new reply, but Crowley was still very tense. “I’ll go see where Azi is with those desserts,” Y/N mumbled quickly as they clamored into the kitchen. Surely, Aziraphale would be able to help their brother relax. In the meantime, this left Morpheus and Crowley alone in the parlor.

“Your sibling means a great deal to me. My life remained stagnant before they arrived, and now I could not see my future without them. The Dreaming prospers more than ever, and I believe it is due to them being by my side.” Morpheus meant every word he said, but Crowley wasn’t buying it.

“I’ve heard all this before. “ ‘Y/N is my world’ this, and ‘I would never hurt Y/N’ that. Well, they did hurt her. You will be the same.” Crowley sat with his arms crossed as Morpheus began to feel agitated.

“Why do you assume that I would dare to hurt Y/N? They have told me about the past and the lovers who have harmed them, and I am showing them the love they deserve and should have received long ago.”

“I assume these things because you are one of the Endless!” Crowley was standing now, his face matching the fiery color of his hair. “Beings like you take what they please and then throw it out just as quick! That will not happen to Y/N. Not on my watch.”

Morpheus pushed himself up and stepped towards Crowley. Even though the Dream Lord towered over Crowley, the demon did not budge. Y/N and Aziraphale entered with the desserts. “Look! Aziraphale ordered those mini pies that I adore,” Y/N said giddily. The chipper sound of their voice caused both Crowley and Morpheus to snap their heads towards them.

“Oh, I told Angel that you would enjoy having some of those,” Crowley replied with a shrug as he backed away from Morpheus. Aziraphale escorted Crowley to sit, his soft expression counter to the grimace that Crowley still wore. Morpheus was still standing as Y/N passed him a mini pie. “You must try this, my darling. These are absolutely to die for!”

Morpheus felt a wave of calm at the melodic sound of his lover’s voice, and he took the pastry with a smile. “Thank you, but I have no doubt that this human dessert does not compare to the sweetness you show me every waking hour.”

Y/N blushed as they scurried over to sit on the sofa again. Aziraphale could not contain his joy as he looked between Morpheus and Y/N. Crowley on the other hand was making no attempts to hide the rage he felt towards Morpheus, the unspoken actions of their broken up disagreement on the verge of exploding from him. Morpheus sent back a displeased glare of his own.

“Did I miss something?” Y/N asked.

“Other than Morpheus proving my point, no,” Crowley sneered as he reached for his own mini pie. Aziraphale swatted his hand, causing him to gape at his normally peaceful boyfriend. “What was that for?!”

“You know what it was for, Crowley,” Aziraphale commented sternly. “Morpheus is our guest, and it is obvious that Y/N is smitten with him, so please behave yourself, dear.”

The sip of champagne that Y/N had attempted to take almost ended up all over their brother sitting across from them. “Azi, you are too kind.”

Y/N shot a look at Crowley, catching him and Morpheus competing for dominance in a staring contest. That was the last straw. “Would you two knock it off! This is precisely why I didn’t want to bring Morpheus here in the first place!”

“How do you know you can trust him? I will not let you be hurt again, especially by an eternal being with a stick up his ass!”

“Morpheus, we are leaving.” Y/N angrily put on their sunglasses, hiding the tears of frustration that threatened to fall from their golden eyes. Crowley knew that he upset his sibling, and that familiar twinge of guilt took over. “Y/N, please, I didn’t mean it-,”

“Crowley, if I may,” Morpheus interjected. “I understand your apprehension about me. In the past I was unkind to many beings and closed myself off from the world, but I swear to you that is no longer who I am.” Morpheus grabbed Y/N’s hand, his eyes soft and welcoming. Y/N accepted and leaned into their lover. “My life is no longer filled with sorrow now that Y/N is with me. I do not wish to cause them more pain, but I will be the one to heal their broken soul.”

Y/N gave a short laugh. “I don’t have a soul, Morpheus, but I appreciate the kind words, love.” Morpheus feigned offense, but the way the corner of his lip curved upwards revealed how he truly felt. Crowley, after listening to the words of the Dream Lord, understood why their sibling fell for him in the first place. The red head let out a defeated sigh. “Fine, I may have jumped the gun a little here,” Crowley admitted. Aziraphale nudged Crowley in the ribs, urging the demon to keep up his apology. “And I am glad that you will be there for my sibling, Morpheus.”

Y/N smiled now that the tension evaporated, and both Crowley and Morpheus were equally happy to see them so pleased. The rest of the afternoon was filled with laughter and Crowley telling as many embarrassing stories about Y/N as he could. After the sun disappeared and the onyx sky spread over the earth, Y/N and Morpheus stepped out of the bookshop.

Aziraphale waved excitedly from the entryway, Crowley’s arm resting securely around his waist. “Please do visit again, you too! Next time I will cook a proper meal!”

“We will be back soon, Aziraphale! Love you, big brother!” Y/N called back as sand swooped around them and Morpheus.

“Love you too, Y/N, and don’t be too flirty with my sister, Morpheus, or I will come to the Dreaming and deal with you myself!” Crowley threatened with a smirk. The sand already engulfed the two beings before Morpheus could throw his own witty quip, but that did not stop him from telling it to Y/N as they stood before his throne. “Your brother is quite the character. He reminds me of Desire, but he is much more tolerable than them.”

“That tiff you had with Crowley says otherwise, and I am not sure if I have forgiven you entirely.” Y/N crossed their arms and turned their back to Morpheus, a playful smile unrevealed to Dream. Y/N was caught off guard when Morpheus scooped up the demon and moved to his throne. He sat down and placed Y/N onto his lap before layering a row of kisses up their neck. Morpheus stopped when he reached Y/N’s ear.

“Do not forget who rules this realm. Still, I do not wish for you to leave here upset.” Morpheus pulled back, his eyes darker and full of yearning. “Allow me to show you how genuinely sorry I am, my beautiful serpent.”

Tags: @pinksirensong , @literaturememesfordummies , @bryandechartisasmolbean , @unaviodabledirewolf , @igotanidea , @iloveangstposts , @chevvsgotanumbrellatattoo , @onyxblackwinchester , @malevolent73

#morpheus x reader #dream x reader #dream of the endless x reader #dream #morpheus #dream of the endless #sandman #the sandman #the sandman imagine #the sandman netflix #tom sturridge #morpheus imagine #sandman imagine #good omens #anthony j crowley #aziraphel #morpheus x reader fluff

[todayinmagicalgirlhistory]

Hello I am a black electric witch and I was wondering how do you in particular enter the fae?

If you're talking about how to enter Faerie itself:

There are various methods. I personally use astral travel, but there's lucid dreaming, meditation, ecstatic dance, etc. that you can also use as methods for entering this realm. Some may rely on a faerie to take them there and I can only stress that if you are going to rely on that particular method, this faerie needs to be someone you'd trust with your social security number and your credit card details. Don't trust a random person with that information and don't trust a random faerie to take you to Faerie without stipulations.

But if you meant specifically how to begin interacting and working with the fae:

Methods can vary depending on the fae local to your area and/or the faeries you're trying to attract to your space. A close non-practicing friend of mine accidentally invited a brownie into her home when she got really into baking and would leave her freshly baked goods out to cool overnight. Then stopped doing it when she lost the time for baking and subsequently, accidentally pissed that brownie off.

If you're interested in sea-faring fae, then leaving out coral, sea glass, pearls, etc. will be appealing to them. Or if you're interested in death fae like banshee or dullahan, then the best things you can leave out are grave dirt, apples (Irish symbol of the dead), bones and things of that nature.

If you're interested in a specific kind of faerie but you're sincerely doubtful that you live in an area where those kinds of faeries would frequent, then I'd recommend a spirit attraction spell that essentially acts as a 'HEY, IF YOU'RE INTERESTED COME OVER TO MY PLACE' beacon. A good one I know of, not made by me, is to get a white candle, carve a sigil into it that's something along the lines of 'attract (insert kind of spirit) to my home' and then let the candle burn through the sigil.

The creator of that spell does have a major disclaimer though that this doesn't control how many will stop by your place so they recommended to immediately blow out the candle the moment it burns through the sigil.

If you're not interested in the specifics, then leaving fae-favored gifts out in a spot for local fae to take interest as a sign that you are hoping to establish a relationship with them. In one particular case, I left a dried rose petal filled with honey and cinnamon under a flower bush and that was how I met the faerie from my Hair Toucher story.

In all my advice to attract faeries to your home though, I of course stress that your home is well-warded and you have very set and established house rules that won't have any chance of getting loopholed.

I will also advise that, if you establish a relationship with a faerie where they will expect regular gifts then make it one that you know you can manage. If you're like my friend I mentioned who was pretty much baking every night, that brownie built up the expectation that they would be receiving new baked goods in exchange for looking after my friend's home every night. Then that stopped because my friend didn't even notice she had a brownie in her home and she started losing things around her house and having nightmares on the regular.

Not all relationships with the fae are that... transactional, for lack of a better word. It all completely depends on the standards you set for the relationship. For instance, with my selkie and banshee friends, there's no regular gifts at all. Just pure companionship.

If the way you attracted fae to your home was by leaving cream out every Friday, the fae you invited into your life will be expecting cream left out every Friday. So if you go that route, I would recommend setting a schedule that is easier for you to work with and if something comes up to let the fae know you'll have to skip your usual day.

#magical girl answers #faerie witch #fae witch #faerie witchcraft #black witches of tumblr #witchblr #spirit work #fae work

[gessshoku]

38... and pick two other numbers from the list that you want to answer, I have anxiety and couldn't decide *panics and runs away to procrastinate writing*

COWARD!!!… smooch for ya forehead, is oki is oki-

But Hrm,, my favorite song rn is Better Place (Family Harmony) YES FROM THE TROLLS MOVIE I LIKE THE SOUNDTRACKS A LOT‼️‼️

7. What scares you the most and why?

I’m scared of the communicating, I would’ve said the dark or even roaches but those don’t make me freeze up and shake uncontrollably. I’ve been getting better at it tho! It’s just very hard for me still, it gets hard to breathe and it feels like I’m dying, I’m sure many can relate :D

Communicating doesn’t just mean me and someone else fixing a problem or saying I’m sorry, it also means stating a boundary or asking for something. I guess the scary thing about it is the aftermath, what will happen? I don’t know and that scares me because well Gess hasn’t had a lot of good experiences. (And Gess doesn’t believe they deserve the world).

But like I said, I’m getting better- waaaay better, and even met some friends who understand the way I feel and it’s.. pretty great.. (〃ω〃) ♡*:・。.

8. What’s a reoccurring thing in your dreams?

Death, dying, the dark, the apocalypse or things that symbolize wanting to escape something stressful.

I’ve dreamed about gruesome things for so long seeing blood and gore in my dream doesn’t scare me anymore, I’ve only had like 2 actually nightmares in my life that have made me wake up and have a panic attack.

I don’t have many good dreams unfortunately, there are a few but I won’t say them because NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS !!!! |▽//)ゝ

#gess box of cookies #mweheheheh #Ehe

[apotelesmaa]

Friends were talking abt dreams that gave them deja vu which is so wild to me I either have bizarre nightmares or my subconscious feeds me the most hamfisted stress dreams you’ve ever seen to the point where it’s not symbolism it’s just calling me a moron

#& then I wake up from the stress dreams and feel like I’m a deeply evil person. such is life. #mine

[another-whump-sideblog]

Jane’s Pets Chapter 70: Grief

TWs in the tags

Previous

Masterlist

Next

You think that if the nightmares stopped and the brain damage went away, you would be okay.

The days are usually fine. They’ve been getting better. Sometimes you’re so scared that you can barely breathe and you can hear Jane laughing, laughing, laughing, and when Diya and Greg and Barron try to help all you can see is kind strangers gutted in front of you and blended into a smoothie and if you spit it out you’ll have to lick it off the floor.

But that happens less and less. You should be relieved, but you’re not. You don’t know why it got worse so suddenly, and you don’t know why it’s getting better, so it could get ‘scratching your skin off’ bad again and you would have no idea how to make it better. And you have no idea how to prevent it.

The nights have not been getting better. Not for you and not for Diya and Greg and Barron. They’ve been having more nightmares too, undoubtedly because of the stress you’ve been putting them under lately. It’s hard for anyone to feel safe when someone in their house is screaming at all hours of the night.

You hate that you’re making things worse for them. Reminding them of being trapped with the fae or a vampire or… whatever Barron nightmares about.

The book you’ve been reading talks about how the author used lucid dreaming to combat nightmares, so you’ve been trying to lucid dream.

You haven’t been trying as hard as you could be. Writing down your dreams is supposed to help with lucid dreaming, and you’re… not going to do that. You don’t want to think about your nightmares any more than you have to. And with recurring nightmares like you have, it’s supposed to help to rewrite the ending and then visualize the dream with that ending over and over again.

That sounds like torture. You think psychology is wrong on this one.

What you can do is check if you’re dreaming often. In the book, the author describes counting their fingers and checking the time, because those things didn’t work in their dreams. If they couldn’t read the time no matter how long they tried, or if clocks produced nonsense numbers and symbols, they knew they were dreaming. If they had trouble counting their fingers or had a different number of fingers than normal, they knew they were dreaming.

There aren’t clocks in most of your nightmares, but you figure that if the thought “I should check the time to see if I’m dreaming” gets so routine that it’s in your dreams, it will still help you realize your dreaming. Because that’s not a thought you’d have back at the house, where there are no clocks.

You’re not sure if the counting fingers thing will work. Surely the fact that you have 5 fingers on each hand is deeply ingrained enough that it would hold true in a dream. But it worked for the author of the book, so it’s worth a shot.

Diya’s been doing these checks with you, also wanting a way out of the nightmares, though not willing to write them down or dwell on them like the book suggests. Ey’s on the same page as you as far as that goes. The two of you have been trying to figure out other things that would help you figure out you’re in a dream.

“I mean, there’s the phrase that’s like ‘someone pinch me’ when you think you’re dreaming, but… I’ve always been able to feel pain in dreams. Even before all the stuff with Jane happened.”

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s anything that applies to everyone when it comes to this stuff. Maybe we could get in the habit of like, tracing out a word? Since reading is supposed to be hard in dreams, writing should be too, right? And that’s something you can do basically anywhere, so we have something to check even if there’s no clocks or books or whatever in a dream.”

“…That could work. What word?”

“We don’t have to use the same one.”

“Right, right. But what kind of words were you thinking?”

“Just, like, a regular word. Flower or something.”

That works. You trace the word ‘flower’ onto your arm. You can get in the habit of doing that.

“So, we have three ways to test if we’re dreaming.” Diya claps eir hands together. “That should be good. Do you want to go on a walk?”

You nod and let Diya lead you outside and in a random direction. You’re very, very tired, but your head only hurts a little, so overall you’d say you’d feel pretty okay.

You wish Puppy and Kitty were here. You wish you knew their names. For as afraid as you’ve been lately, you know they have it worse, and you’d do almost anything to save them.

“Diya… what if they never agree to let us save them? What do we do then?”

Diya squeezes your hand. “I guess we’d start trying to kill Jane while they were still there.”

“But- but what if she punishes them to get at us? What if she kills them?”

Diya is quiet for a long time. “I don’t know.”

“I know you guys said we can’t help them if they don’t want to be helped. But they /do/, they’re just scared. They want to be saved, I know it, even if they pretend they don’t and- and lash out at people who are trying to help them. So at what point do we just help? Even if they’re pretending they don’t want us to? How long should we wait for them to choose on their own when they don’t have free choice for as long as they live in that fucking house?”

Diya chuckles weakly. “These sound like questions you should ask Barron.”

“I just- we’re supposed to respect their decisions, but- I don’t! They’re brainwashed and scared and I don’t think they can choose for themselves while living with their torturer. We should just take them. Restrain them here if we have to, because it’s better to be restrained here than to be doing anything in that house.”

“It’s… it’s not really about morality.” Diya’s voice is quiet, a big change from normal. “We don’t have the resources to keep two people here who don’t want to be here. Whether it would be right to do that or not. And… you saw what Puppy did to Greg. It’s not her fault, but she is dangerous. We’re willing to take risks to help you guys, but we can’t be reckless. We can’t help at all if we’re dead or too injured to protect you.”

That all makes logical sense. Still, you stop walking, cross your arms and frown. “We can’t just leave them there.”

Diya stops walking too, and faces you. “We’re not. We’re keeping an eye on them. The second they’re ready to leave, we’ll be there.”

That’s not enough. Not anymore. “What if I never see them again?”

“Then you never see them again, and you keep going on anyway.”

“No!” The anger is gone as quickly as it rose. You’re not supposed to say no, Jane doesn’t like it, can’t let you get away with it- “sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You have nothing to be sorry for. I know this is frustrating.”

You cover your face with your hands. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-“

“You’re safe. Come on, take a deep breath. What are five things you can see?”

“Mhm…” You try to breathe. Empty your lungs before taking another breath. You put your hands down. “You- I can see you, and dirt, and my hands, and the sky, and… my clothes.”

“There you go. What are four things you can touch?”

“The ground, um… the air, my clothes, um… you?” You’re asking for permission. Diya nods and envelopes you in a hug.

You rest your head on eir shoulder. Ey doesn’t ask anymore questions and ey doesn’t pull away.

You’re safe. You feel safe.

“I, personally, think your friends just need more time. But I’ve been wrong before, and if you don’t see them again… we’ll be here for you.”

You don’t want to think about that possibility, but it’s comforting to know that in the worst possible ending, you’ll still have people to support you. People who you love and who love you.

After a long, long time, you break the hug. “Let’s go home.” You say, and you and Diya go back to the cabin.

~~

Puppy can’t quite shake the sad mood following her around as she does her chores. She’s in pain and she’s tired and she misses Bunny.

Her attempts to daydream have not been helpful. She can’t stop thinking that Liam and Charlie and this free version of herself are dead.

Gone, gone, gone. Charlie replaced by Kitty, Liam replaced by Bunny, and whoever she used to be replaced with Puppy. She is daydreaming about dead people. People who don’t exist anymore and never will again. Dead.

She didn’t know Charlie very well, before Master had turned them into Kitty. But she knew Liam. He was trusting and loyal and happy. She knows that while she misses Bunny, she is also missing Liam. And Liam won’t come back when Bunny does.

Those thoughts suck the fun out of daydreaming. She just wants to pretend everything’s okay for a while. She doesn’t want to grieve her friends who are, by almost all measures, still alive.

When she finishes her chores, she goes to her room and brushes the fur of all her plushies. She can keep them happy, at least. She can keep them safe and cared for.

But that’s not true, is it? Because Master took her bunny, and Master could be doing absolutely anything to it. She might never get it back.

Someday, she will grieve Bunny and Kitty too, and there won’t be anyone else to take their places.

A/N: Let me know if I should tag anything else!

Tag list: @eatyourdamnpears @whump-in-the-closet @scp-1296 @fuzzybucketz

#whump #whump writing #whumpblr #creepy whumper #intimate whumper #nonhuman whumper #multiple whumpees #pet whump #cannabilism mention tw #discussion of torture tw #whumpee #whumper #caretaker #2nd person pov #3rd person pov #jane’s pets

[nemetonisevilpassiton]

Hello! From what I gathered you are DarkAthena's meta account (i hope I'm not mistaken) and I just discovered your meta and I must say I really like it! At multiple occasions you mention symbolism and colour theory in teen wolf. I wondered if you would be willing to do a more complete summary of your understanding of it. I have a few idea of my own but I especially liked when you talked about mirror and Scott Mccall's messed up reflection of the self and I 100% agree with Stiles and transitional spaces (keys, door, etc).

Well all that to say I'd be really interested in your interpretation of Teenwolf's symbolism:)

this is a bit of a - symbolism is a huge chasm of a topic, and there are symbols we understand and ones that are clearly there but make no sense - like Chris Argent keeps showing up in scenes with frogs, ceramic frogs, frogs in a shadow box [in his office] and it's like, okay your association is frogs - but what does it mean, is it the way he flip flops on his opinions, is it a reference to the frog and the scorpion and how he is always going to be the victim ....

the thing with symbolism is you have three issues

people agree what the symbolism is and disagree what it means

people disagree what the symbolism is but agree with the final conclusion

people disagree there IS symbolism

now the color theory/symbolism primer is the result of LOTS of work that happened in the background, with people going look! and then it falling apart and worked over and ground into the dirt and still it's not definitive because it's an impossibility. Even if Davis et al sat down and laid it all out - people would still disagree with it

the primer

now most cinematic [and to an extent literary] symbolism is based on Freud, specifically Freud's dream dictionary [yes, really] and the problem is that most western writers know that symbolism, so they continue what they see etc - this is true of colour theory and was the WORST because teen wolf's colour references are reversed because the symbolic associations of godai [the five elements, each representing a season] are reversed

so if we take the basic Earth - it represents repression, claustrophia [I read the other ask, give me a moment] the keeping of secrets, the concept of compression. Like in ATLA the city that denies the war is Ba Sing Se - a city of earth benders with a huge earth wall. See how it works and that's normal. You bury things you don't want people to find so earth = hiding things, lying to keep a secret.

now in teen wolf Earth represents the opposite, the release, the revelation of secrets, rebirth, Derek's evolution is in the earth series [4] and look how much of that series takes place underground, in the vault, in la iglesia, the underpass at the school

mirrors = mirrors mean differnet things to different characters, traditionally a mirror is used to reassure that the self is correct or to tell an undeniable truth [Snow White, Nehelenia's mirrors] which applies to Stiles

they can mean a transition between places, or how those places are seen [Alice through the looking glass, or Candyman] that applies to Lydia

or they can show just how fractured a character is - the broken mirrors [a lot of slasher movies] = Scott

but add on to that the phantasmagoria sequences which were called mirror verse because often details were reversed = it's a very complicated theory that involves a lot of pointing that and that charlie day jpeg with strings and stress

Scott's symbol is shadow - which was a nightmare to work out btw, look how often he is show in shadow, he saw his beast self in a shadow etc - and when I pointed that out the wankstorm could have been seen from space = but all it means is that he has a dual nature - rather than derek who is one as a wolf and a man = werewolf, scott never reconciles

when you point them out they are super easy to go - oh yeah that makes sense, but other people might go - melissa has all those owls because she likes them,

all the way through 6a the meta pack were screaming about the yellow wallpaper and no one knew why until lydia pulled away the yellow wallpaper to reveal the door and we're like WE TOLD YOU because when you dig in and look critically you start to see patterns and those patterns go back to something famous, like how in canaan it was like event horizon- we knew EH was there, but couldn't prove it

and that's the ultimate truth

its not about what you think - but what you can prove

now if you wanna headcanon stiles as penelope from the odyssey [the fic i'm working on] you don't need proof, but if you wanna mess around with the guts of it [a good critical look is often like a dissection]

symbolism can be a nightmare, it can also be an easy step into deeper literary theory - which is what it is - we call it meta because we don't have to put it in the proper format and link a bibliography with books we pretended to read

symbolism is like - oh this appears a lot - does it mean anything

but sometimes the symbolism makes a clear point that just isn't there

derek is association with stairs - traditiionally stairs represent sex [think of old movies where characters would go upstairs, fade to black and it's obvious they had sex] up means accepting, down means rejecting, and derek doesn't even walk down stairs until season 3, he jumps - which prepresents an unwanted sexual attack

see that's solid

but Derek buried peter in the basement - gothic symbolism representing sex, specifically repressed desire [think fall of the house of usher] at the bottom of the stairs - which in symbolsim add them up and you get = Peter violently sexually abused Derek and Derek is hiding it

but there is no evidence of it whatsoever - so somewhere the symbolism as it is historically doesn't match, and it might just be that by burying peter he releases him [see the jennifer and nurse jennifer theory] from his madness and the set was too small for it to be anywhere but the bottom of the stairs

and yet people can argue that it's solid even though it's not explicitly supported, because Peter certainly encouraged the relationship with paige which ended so very badly....

symbolsim - it's a fancy word for your guess is as good as mine but at least now we've gotten past the point where the very mention of colour theory gives me eye twitches

#teen wolf meta #teen wolf symbolism

[itsgoghtime]

Hello hello! I’ve missed you all and I’m super excited to get back into all the analysis posts for all the amazing fics that are coming out! (@sophieswundergarten you posted a new chapter on yours the day I decided that I was going to finish these ones and DANG ITS SO GOOD and I have thoughts that I will post on yours later!)

Spoilers and all the thoughts ahead for one of my favorite fics in the world, S.O.S. Chapter 5 : Broken Legs and Broken Wings

can I just say... I love birds. thank you.

I cannot imagine having nightmares like Curtain, okay? that just sounds absolutely awful - going from Nicky leaving, to his parents abandoning them (and the sadness from knowing that he doesn’t know), to his parents deaths, to SQ BEING THE ONE IN THE WHISPERER AND SHRIVELING LIKE THE PEOPLE IN THE MUMMY MOVIE GAHHH - still recovering from this one... that would be extremely traumatic.

okay but then lil SQ showing up at his bed and Curtain - “still half asleep, jumped and recoiled into his bed away from the voice” I imagine he just has this lil clown laugh that he does when he’s freaked out like that and it now lives in my head

CALLS HIM NICKY AHHHHH - I love how often this really comes up and all the dang symbolism in those moments - GOOD HEAVENS and then we get the innocent “I’m not Nicky. It’s me, SQ.” and his dream about the dark room sounds eerily identical to the Waiting Room in the book... I’m sure you did that on purpose but dang that would be legitimately terrifying

SQ and the sleepover request - you keep him safe buddy, you keep your dad safe  - and then we get this gem after Curtain and his “nightmare about paperwork and stressful grown-up business” BRO ITS TRAUMA AND YOU DENYING IT DOES NOT HELP YOUR SONNNNN - but anyways, we get this line that I love “However, after his recent nightmare, there was nothing Curtain wanted more than to have his son close to him.” jeez tugging at my heartstrings like they’re electric guitar strings or something

we get stern dad Curtain but how they both just snuggle in and say the “goodnight I love you” GAHHHH MY HEART

I absolutely adore the idea of SQ going out with binoculars and his lil art supplies and going out into the wild and that Curtain encourages that (until he wants to go see his dang friends in the dang woods outside the dang fence ANYWAYS) - here’s one of my absolute favorite lines - “SQ’s favorite thing to paint were his friends, and the particular kind of friends he was interested in was a trait he inherited from his birth father.” 

okay and I love the idea that someone came up with that SQ is psychic - he knows their names AND HE HAS A FAVORITE - I’m rooting for Oliver too, SQ 

BUT OLIVER FALLS - WHAT NOOOOO OLIVERRRRR

oh my good gracious heavens - “10 feet is 10 feet... not 9.5, so I’m going to have to ask you to back away, unless of course you’d like an official demerit.” Jeffers what in the world bless your sweet soul WATCH FOR FREAKING SQ YOU SILLY SILLY MAN - NO THIS ISN’T A PAY RAISE FOR YOU

I absolutely loved the “Jeffers was still in the process of scaling the fence,” like, yeah that guy wouldn’t be the kind of kid that did that in his free time in the summers trying to get home from his best friend’s house at night before his mom got mad... anyways let’s continue - “when Milligan, who had been off in the distance when he had seen SQ fall, rushed towards the fence, and vaulted over it, in one heroic swoop, causing the fence to wobble and Jeffers to lose his balance.” hehe SUCKAHHH - the 6′5″ large man would show him up *coughcough somebody was definitely captain of the rowing team and somebody else definitely wasn’t coughcough* - but the hatred that Jeffers lowkey holds against him is something you can totally see later

Curtain being a good dad. yes.

Dr. Wetherall. Yes. yes yes. BRING BABY KATE YESSSSSS

okay so the Curtain being a good dad moment is slowly beginning to fade... lil SQ is afraid :( and the whole “Shepherd Quaid Curtain... please answer my question.”  does not help

the SAFE line gahhhhhhh - coupled with “Curtain sighed and pressed his lips together. A bird. His son was talking about a bird.” okay Curtain but you’re the one who won’t let the poor boy make friends - I get the point about keeping him safe and not letting other people mistreat him for whatever reason, but this is your problem my dude

and SQ is so worried about him - “But he’s my friend... And he’s still down there and he’s probably so scared and cold. And what about his family? They’re probably worried about him. I have to go back and save him dad!” my good heavens we also just get the “Maybe it was the way that Pedalian had said those same words before he died: ‘I just wanted to save her.’” from Curtain and I just...GAH

oh jeez - Curtain, friend... again, I understand being triggered and reminded of Pedalian and also being protective of SQ, but I think he’s sometimes so blinded by the need to protect him that we have situations like this where he doesn’t see SQ, if that makes sense. It’s so evident not only in the way he speaks to SQ, but also when SQ winces and he thinks something is hurting him - duh Curtain, ITS YOU 

we go between stern, mean dad Curtain and concerned, gentle, decent dad Curtain and you can totally see why SQ ends up the way he does later... ouch

I mean, going with this idea, we have “What on earth could have made SQ think his father was capable of something like that?” and “There was something about this reaction that disturbed Curtain even more.” - it makes me kinda sad for him, because he’s unintentionally pushing SQ away with how he’s parenting him - SQ can never really count on how his dad will react in any given situation because he’s so... all over the place. 

“The person Ledroptha Curtain intended to make feel horrible was someone else entirely.” is one of the best lines that has ever been written - it’s then followed by a bunch of screaming from Curtain (who makes a lot of valid points) and then “SQ might have spent his life in a chair due to your incompetence!” our dear Jeffers - here’s one of the first examples of failing to secure the perimeter... to be followed by many many other instances...

also Jeffers not catching the sarcasm and thinking that he might actually lose his job to Wetherall - bless his soul - no Jeffers, the literal reason you’re there is because you’re unaware and ask no questions (the very reason that Wetherall ends up leaving... mentally...)

I really appreciated the line “If there was one thing Curtain needed to impress upon his employees, it was that keeping his family safe was their top priority.” 

“...the next person responsible for SQ getting injured on their watch was going to experience the full wrath of Ledroptha Curtain.” heheheee YES

“...this image was always shattered when he stood next to Milligan, who towered above Jeffers, and now because Milligan had proven his physical superiority by stealing what was supposed to be Jeffers’ big moment (saving the boss’ son) and turning it into Jeffers biggest shame (failing to secure the perimeter).” AND THEN “Jeffers didn’t exactly have a plan for how he would accomplish this (he wasn’t the planning sort of man), but he knew that when the opportunity arose, he was going to seize the moment and prove himself. Somehow.” this man has impostor syndrome and I think it is the funniest thing - I get why he feels the way he does and it’s valid, but knowing that it’s Jeffers just makes it hysterical

okay but then Curtain has the moment of “...even though he hadn’t been yelling, he had raised his voice quite a bit. And SQ had always been sensitive to noise. Well, and of course Curtain had also stood up to his full adult height, which does look rather intimidating from a five-year-old’s perspective.” AND THEN THE LINE ABOUT OLIVERRRR - yes it’s a bird, but as a wise song from a movie once said, “Critters have feelings too” and Oliver is SQ’s friend

I love love LOVE “Curtain remembered the way that his son had looked at him when he said those words. Desperate, pleading with his father, staring at him with his adorably wide innocent brown eyes. Pedalian had had those eyes. Nicholas had them too.” ANNNDDD “One day, Ledroptha Curtain was going to learn to say no to those eyes. But today was not that day.” nobody can say no to those eyes. my freaking HEART GAH

Putting on his hiking boots and getting the flashlight - YES CURTAIN YESSSS

oh my good gracious heavens - Jeffers put up TrAfFiC cOnEs and CAUTION TAPE WHAT - he cracks me up and I think I have laughed just as hard every time I’ve read it

hehehe the “Instead, he scaled the fence (though with great difficulty) ad made his way down to the other side) we all know who the captain of the rowing team was and who wasn’t, don’t we

but then “Curtain sighed. His son was really going to resent him now.” with “He shined the flashlight in the direction of the noise and found Oliver, still alive, but struggling to move.” HE’S CALLING HIM OLIVERRR AHHHHH

both of lil Oliver’s wings are broken - like SQ ;(

I also love the glimpse we get into Nicholas and Nathaniel at the orphanage - SQ really is so much like Nicholas and I love that for just a moment, it seems like he draws on that experience and isn’t doing his usual “I hate Nicholas” routine and takes Oliver home

from the very beginning of this, I have loved seeing SQ and Kate’s friendship. He draws her pictures and I think that is the cutest thing - and I’m sure the Wetheralls have SQ’s art up in their home.

KATIE-CAT - AHHHHHHHH

You can see Curtain is trying - yeah, he isn’t the best parent, and he really should probably be a little more self-aware, but he’s trying

OLIVERRRRR - I love that Curtain tended to the lil bird and SQ’s excitement? My soul is filled.

“Thank you dad... I love you”

“I love you too, Shep.” GAH

okay but Garrison standing outside SQ’s room, Milligan finding her... my heart

I really... can I just say, I have really learned to appreciate Garrison by reading SOS. Watching her in the show, I don’t feel like I was really able to understand the depth of her character because we’re so invested in everyone else’s story (which is still magnificent and amazing). But reading SOS helped me really see her value and how relatable she is - it’s become my canon anyways haha - but overall, Garrison just needs a hug and good friends (like Milligan, but we all know what happens there... ouch)

she’s still so worried about SQ... but there’s that mental image of Pedalian in her machine and thinking SQ will ask her questions... mY hEaRt hEaVeN fOrBiD

And we get more of the relationship between SQ and Curtain - makes me so freaking sad but there’s some cute wholesome moments that I also love

“You don’t need to be afraid to talk to him. Pedalian’s death wasn’t your fault. You know that, right?” GOOD GRAVY my heartstrings are all tugged

Tommorrow, Tommorrow, Titration tomorrow - GAH (someone needs to write the lyrics of “Tomorrow” from Annie to that line from the show ahahaaaaa)

As sad and ironic as the line is about Garrison’s lab being underground and it not being good for someone who’s trying to recover (haha I can relate) BUT I thought there’s such an interesting point to the line about the Whispering Gallery being at the top of the tower when “...the machine would have worked just as well underground with the rest of the lab.” I mean, it just feels like another power play from Curtain of “I’m higher and better than you” so much that he literally designs the building that way. Maybe I’m reading into that too much, but I thought it was interesting.

haha - Garrison not understanding what the antennas are for is absolutely hilarious AND THEN Curtain totally is just like “let’s brainwash the world with all the good feelings” without saying it outright and I think that’s hysterical because it totally covers season one and season two

AND THE LINESSSSSSS - poison apples poison worms, friends, it’s all there and I love ittttt

for no reason at all, Curtain talking about his “student volunteers” reminds me of that post that’s been going around recently about crazy grandpa Curtain electrocuting children in caves and I cannot undo the comparison in my brain

he makes it so much about their business arrangement it hurts my heart for Garrison

Curtain suggesting a nap is me trying to convince myself to go to sleep every night heheheee

I also think it’s interesting that Curtain recognizes that SQ is a barrier between him and Garrison, and that it’s probably part of the reason that he keeps SQ so close all the time. I’m sure there’s other reasons too, but that just clicked for me when I read it

THIS LINE - “As much as he was not willing to part with his vision for the future, a future where he could have complete control, where he could keep his family safe, where he could have all the power and security he wanted, Ledroptha Curtain was also not willing to give up the only friends he had ever had. Not after what he had already lost.” all of it. is. just. AMAZING. we’ve really watched him go down so slowly it hurts watching him hurt and think that it has to come to this - also the fact that he’s emotionally preparing for his friend’s betrayal hits very close to home due to past experience

SQ and the bird in the cage being imprisoned together is so symbolically symmetric. I love it.

Ledroptha “Control is good because it protects my family” Curtain bless his soul

AGAIN WITH TITRATION - if I remember after I finish all these analysis posts, I’ll write the lyrics to that tune because it now lives in my head rent free along with all our Muppet MBS song adaptations hahaaaa

Katie-Cat. My heart.

Milligan takes the ferry - probably best he lived away from them as long as he did... but knowing how things happen makes that line hurt

Kate would be a fantastic lab manager though - and Milligan is just so proud of her (this should be part of the “Tomorrow” adaptation for sure)

also Milligan is literally just the best. The Wetheralls are the cutest and it’s just so sad that things happen the way they do - I understand why, but gosh dang - it almost hurt more the second time around

---------------

Another amazing chapter - I feel like this one was one of my favorites, just with all the different perspectives we get to see - and lil SQ and Kate, the ultimate friendship that we never got to see

I also just really love the title of the chapter - there’s a lot of symbolism not only because of SQ and Oliver, but it’s also legs being broken like progress having to be stopped for a little while when Milligan and Garrison left. Broken wings like broken trust, broken friendships, and Curtain’s grounding himself fully in his vision for control. I love it.

Inspiring work as usual, @nobody33333333 - thank you for writing this, it has healed my heart (and continues to heal my heart) of the Season 3 hole that was there.

Love you all 💛,

Talk to you soon,

- Gogh 🌻

#the mysterious benedict society #mbs #mysterious benedict society #ld curtain #mbs disney #sos #sos chapter 5

[raisinushigher]

some thinfs about the fake gandhi au hi

-fake gandhi isnt a figment of abes imagination but they werent made by the board either, they are something only he can see and only exist because of abes fear and insecurity, but they are still a living sentient thing, kinda like heebie jeebie except i still havent seen ep 3 so idk how right i am about that

-im planning on there being crazy symbolism to do with butterflies. not sure what everything is very vague rn but absolutely something. theyd be a sort of foreboding omen the way crows/raven often are in fiction

-abe avoids sleeping as much as humanly possible to avoid seeing fake gandhi but obviously that just makes his stress worse so it backfires

-fake gandhi wants to kill and replace the real one thats locked in the freezer, they have to be a particular kind or powerful for that to actually happen though

-they do only exist in abes dreams/nightmares at first, but the worse abes mental state goes, the more influence they have on the real world and they soon make changes in not only what abe thinks is going on around him, but what actually happens (this is how they plan on replacing gandhi)

-yeah its very much a tulpa situation

-fake gandhi is evil yea but i do want to add some sort of human quality to them too. like the only reason theyre trying to infiltrate gandhis role in abes life is because thats the only way they know how to exist. say its like you bring a robot to life and then you tell it you’re going to destroy it, something that just started being alive will do anything to stay that way

-it isnt immediately like “oh no the evil ghost is here wants to kill my friend!!!” it has way more of a buildup. the fake starts out being very friendly with abe, even being more touchy and affectionate with him than gandhi normally would, and they wouldnt entirely know how to act right, and this would lead into abe wanting to get rid of them and everything just spiralling from there

#just a leetle bit obsessed #clone high #clone high gandhi #clone high abe #gandhabe #mine

[the-void-writes]

”in the ocean of my eyes you see yourself, as a mirror i am your truest friend”

I finished writing this at like one in the morning so I'm sorry if clunky, but it was really fun to work on this and really fall into the inner voices of these two so thank you so much! (This is also a pretty loose interpretation of the prompt so I'm sorry if I misunderstood it lol)

For All Eternity - Paternal Instinct

Rio didn’t plan to go on the damn trip until Will said he was doing it alone. Despite his condition, he wanted to make the trek to the neighboring kingdom for Gazali’s delivery. Rio had tried to dissuade him, to no avail. He was still stubborn after all these years… just like his father.

So the two of them walked to the next kingdom in relative silence. Sometimes, Will would ask about the old staff team, and Rio would ask about Dante, but the rest of the time was just quiet. It wasn’t as awkward as the silence they shared during dinner, stuffed in a large old tent as the rain beat over their heads. In a way, it was comforting to not have to talk, but it also made Rio feel even more guilty. He owed Will so much, but he had no idea where to start.

The first night in the tent was nothing special, and their journey continued the next morning. On the second night, when Rio couldn’t get himself to sleep with the rain hitting the trees, he heard something different. Rustling and wincing, coming from the bed behind him.

Even in his sleep, Will pulled at his hair out of habit. He muttered to himself, writhing from some invisible wound, and Rio could feel the air getting thicker. It was most likely a stress-induced reaction from a nightmare. Jin used to get them all the time.

Rio did what he could to help him without waking him up and facing an uncomfortable conversation. He took his thick coat and laid it over the young man’s shoulder, feeling a tug at his heartstrings as Will grabbed the fabric and pulled it closer. The coat wasn’t perfect, but it was a good substitute for the heavy wings that had given both of them immense comfort. 

The pressure in the air dissipated, and Rio settled back into his makeshift bed. Something sharp pressed into his hip as he laid down. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the source of the sharpness; two necklaces, the ones Jason had shared with the man that rested a few feet away from Rio. They were copies of the originals, the ones Rio had failed to save, along with everything else in his life. It felt wrong to keep a symbol of someone else’s comfort and love, but it gave Rio a sense of security. In a small way, Jason was still with him, and that helped him sleep.

Rio never brought up the nightmares to Will in the morning, not even when they came back each night after that. His personal trauma was none of Rio’s business, not after he had failed to keep track of him for ten years. Besides, he had a good idea of what he was dreaming about. They both lost the people they loved that awful day in Preston.

Still, it got to the point where Rio would stay up and watch for Will’s spasms so he could drop the coat over him. The boy must have known what he was doing when he woke up each morning with the coat in his hands, but he never said anything either.

When they finally made it to the kingdom, tired from walking and camping, they dropped off Gazali’s package and spent an extra night in one of the inns. It was one room, and even though it had two beds, Rio still took the couch. Part of his soldier-training still lingered in his mind, it seemed, the part that taught him to always be ready for a security breach.

There was no breach to prepare for, but Will started to stir again. Rio walked over and gave him the coat like it was just any old part of his day. As he walked back to the couch, though, Will’s muttering grew louder.

“Danny,” he said, “I’m sorry. Don’t leave.”

Rio stood frozen in the center of the room. He wasn’t dreaming of his parents, or his siblings, or his teammates. There had been someone else in the time between Preston and Paradise, and from the pained crack in Will’s voice, this person had hurt him badly. That sob was the sound of heartbreak.

The next morning, Rio sat at an empty table, picking at the food that the inn staff had graciously laid out for their guests. He kept thinking about Will’s words, wondering why it hurt him so much just to hear it. It was none of his business, and yet he couldn’t help but pity the boy. His hand rested over the pocket with the necklaces, trying to think of what Jason would do if he were there.

Rio jumped as another cup and bowl hit the table in front of him. Will sat down and quietly ate his food, glancing up at Rio when he realized he was staring at him. To his surprise, Will smiled at him.

“Hi,” he said.

Rio tightened his jaw and forced himself to speak. “Hey.”

“Is it good?”

“What?” He looked down at his plate. “Right— Sure, it’s fine.”

Will sighed. “Better than what Gabe used to serve, right?”

“God, don’t remind me. That chowder was just flavored sewage.”

Will chuckled, but Rio could still hear the pain in his voice. He yelled at himself mentally for lingering so long on what he had heard. Will finally noticed the struggle on Rio’s face.

“What’s wrong?”

Rio shook his head. “No, I have no right to ask.”

“Please, go ahead.” Will shrugged. “We can stop acting like we’re strangers, you know.”

So he wasn’t purposefully avoiding Rio, after all. More likely, he was just bad at starting a conversation, something Rio understood way too well. The old soldier ran his hand through his beard, arguing with himself before finally speaking up.

“Who’s Danny?”

Will went pale, letting his fork fall as he rested his head in his hands. Rio punched his own leg to punish himself.

“You don’t have to answer. That was stupid of me—”

“No, you’re fine.” He chuckled slightly. “You heard me in my sleep, didn’t you?”

Rio nodded. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know, it’s a habit. Dante hears it all the time.”

“We can just let it go.”

“It’s okay, Rio.” 

Will took a slow drink as he prepared himself to speak. Rio could tell his voice had grown much quieter over the years. Aside from the slight strain at the back of his throat, he sounded just like his godfather…

“There was a club in one of the cities outside of Bluebrook. I think they stole a bunch of Gabe’s technology and ended up making these androids. Some for weapons, some for medicine, and some for—” Will cleared his throat. “—other stuff.”

Rio almost laughed, but he caught himself just in time. The idea of people stealing Gabe’s technology and using it for personal toys to pass the time in the apocalypse— Rio really hoped that Vesely had seen the place at some point.

“So Dan was one of the thieves?” Rio asked.

“Dan was a medical android. He wasn’t sentient at the start, but he saved a lot of people. Some of them were grateful, but a lot of them wanted those resources for themselves. There was a huge fight, and Dan was all that was left.”

“Christ, I thought our doctors were competitive.”

Will chuckled. “Yeah, exactly.”

“So did you find Dan?”

“Miles found him, brought him back to the hospital, and started giving him all sorts of upgrades, starting his sentience.” Will smiled. “He would have liked you, actually. He loved finding other people who had transitioned.”

Rio couldn’t help but smile. There was something validating about a machine feeling everything that he had felt as a child. Before he could ask more about it, he noticed Will trying to discreetly wipe away a tear. He knew that forlorn expression all too well.

“You loved him, didn’t you?”

Will smiled as another tear fell. “I didn’t have many friends in Bluebrook. My brain was fried, so I didn’t make much sense, and I couldn’t focus on things. Dan was one of the few people that stayed patient with me. I couldn’t help but fall for him, especially since he fell for me first.”

As much as it pained Rio to hear that Bluebrook had cast Will aside, he was touched to hear about his love for Dan… And yet, the android wasn’t anywhere in Paradise. Rio lowered his voice.

“Is it okay if I ask what happened to him?”

Will nodded, wiping away a few more tears. Rio waited patiently until he was ready to speak again.

“The doctors were convinced I was gonna die from the Infection— the one they wouldn’t tell me about because they didn’t know what it was.” Will closed his eyes. “So Dan chose to leave before I could pass. He knew if he stayed and watched me die, he’d never leave Bluebrook. He didn’t get very far, though… Gabe’s men took him away for spare parts.”

When Will opened his eyes, he nearly jumped from the table. Rio’s one good eye was small and sharp, brimming with fury.

“He abandoned you?”

“It wasn’t fair to keep him with me.”

“It wasn’t fair to leave you alone!” Rio hit the table. “For God’s sake, you were sick— and the bastard just gave up on you?”

“He finally had freedom, it was the least I could do.”

“Yeah, well, staying was the least he could have done for you. If I ever see that piece of shit, I’ll dismantle him myself.”

“Gabe already beat you to it.”

“I’ll find whatever pieces he took, then, and I’ll burn them. Stupid goddamn machine—”

He took a swift spoonful of grits and ate it angrily. Will’s grip on the table slowly softened, and he began to laugh quietly. Rio stared back at him in confusion.

“What?”

“I’m sorry… You’re just like Dad, you know?”

Rio dropped the spoon and rubbed his eyes. “Shit, Isaiah— I’m sorry, kid, I didn’t mean to hit the—”

“Not him,” Will said, “Jason. You guys are exactly the same.”

The sharp chill running through Rio’s body made him freeze in place. He shook his head and tried to play it off.

“Kid, as someone who lived with the man for six years, I can tell you we’re nothing alike. He was the quietest, most gentle and loving man I’d ever seen.”

His eyes stung, but he refused to cry, even when Will smiled at him so earnestly.

“You’re both fathers,” he said. “You love your kids more than your own lives. If anyone ever hurt them, you’d snap their necks.”

Rio was going to object, but then he thought back to the day Will was first infected, when Jason almost killed Vesely with his bare hands for hurting his son. Jason was a beautifully complex man, someone capable of both vengeance and forgiveness. Perhaps Rio was, too, but he didn’t have Jason’s patience. That was what separated them.

“Forgive me for saying it,” Will said, “but you both hate yourselves, too.”

There was no argument there. He had stayed up many nights to keep Jason company as he blamed himself for everything in his life.

“Your parents were horrible,” Will said, “and the people in Preston just made it worse. They changed how you looked at yourself, regardless of any good you did. They made it impossible for you to forgive yourselves.”

Will traced small patterns along the tabletop. His blue eyes always looked so miserable, so tired and broken. It made Rio all the more impressed that the guy could still smile after all these years. He had more strength than Rio could ever hope for.

“You also saved my life,” Will said softly. “You don’t think you did, but you’re the only reason I’m not doing tricks for Gabe.”

“You didn’t end up any better off.” Rio sighed. “I should have looked harder when I lost you. Then you wouldn’t have met that android asshole.”

“It’s because of Dan that I found Dante. We shared the same pain—” Will tapped the table. “And so do we.”

“Will—”

“We both lost Jason. In different ways, yes, but we still knew him better than anyone else here.” 

Will held his hand up to his neck, grabbing for the necklace that Vesely had destroyed years ago. The disappointment in his eyes broke Rio’s heart.

“I just want you to know,” Will said, “that I never hated you for any of it. The war, the car accident— it was never your fault. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I hope you know that—”

Rio held up his hand. “Stop right there— What do you mean I won’t forgive you?”

“You know what I mean, Rio. He died for me.” Will clenched his fist. “I’m the reason you lost Jason.”

It was a lighting-fast reflex, one Rio didn’t realize he was doing until he was squeezing Will’s hand. His eyes shook a little in the light of the sun.

“I lost Jason long before then, kid. Any future we could have had was gone the day I chose to lie to him.”

“But you still loved him—”

“Listen to me, okay? You didn’t kill Jason. We know what he was like, he would have cut off his arm for someone if they needed it. Jason did what he did because he was more of a hero than any other goddamn employee in that nightmare of a company.” Rio closed his eyes. “He did it because he loved you more than anything in the world.”

Will couldn’t stop crying, but Rio knew it was exactly what he needed to hear. Still, he could do more for him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the necklaces, laying the sun and moon charms in Will’s hand.

“So don’t you dare blame yourself for his actions, or for Gabe’s stupid fucking plan. If Jason were here, he’d tell you it’s not your fault.” Rio sighed. “He’d tell you everything that I can’t. He was always the better father.”

Will stared at the charms, tracing the edges carefully as though he might break them. “You— How did—”

“They’re both clones. I was gonna give them to you when I found you again, and then I lost you like an idiot. But we’re here now, and they’re yours.”

Will took the little moon necklace— still marked by the crack that Jason had fixed— and placed it around his neck. As it rested on his chest, his face seemed to brighten up, like a bit of life had been returned to his body. He stared at the sun necklace for a bit, and then held it back out to Rio.

“Here, please,” Will said.

“No, kid, I couldn’t—”

“You deserve a part of him, too.”

Rio took the necklace carefully and put it on, letting the charm rest beside the heart locket that once belonged to Jin. Two people who meant the world to him, guarding his heart wherever he went now. Will had given him his own piece of Jason, a light in the darkness. He dried his damp eyes with a smile.

“You’re too damn kind, you know?”

Will smiled back at him. “I had some good teachers.”

Now that they were talking, it felt impossible to stop. The whole way back home, from breakfast up until dinner, they shared their stories of everything after Preston. Rio felt a huge weight fall off his chest as he let himself speak freely. When he looked at Will, he didn’t see a fragile boy, or a patient, or a life that he had destroyed. He was simply the son of the man Rio once loved. 

From then on, the soldier vowed to give Will a long and happy life in Paradise, as he had always deserved. He wasn’t his father, but he would look after him however he knew best. After all, the best way to honor Jason was to follow in his footsteps, to love what he had died to protect.

#writeblr #ask games #wip: for all eternity