#I don't think I mentioned at the time because it was in the middle of kirb2k

[weird-is-life]

Shouldn't I want you?

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: Spencer lets you break up with him, thinking he is not enough for you

Words: 2.1k

Warnings: angst, happy ending, arguments, mentions of ice-cream, lots of tears, swear words, use of y/n and pet names, mentions of Spencer being in prison

----------------------------------------------------

Spencer has been acting weird lately. And you don't know why. He's been so distant. Making different excuses on why he couldn't make it to the dates.

He's also started texting you less and less. And the calls just seem forced from your side, like he doesn't even want to speak with you while away on cases.

It's honestly breaking your heart, and maybe that's Spencer's plan. To just break your heart so you would break up with him.

It's making you so anxious that you wait everyday for the text from him that will say 'It's over. I'm breaking up with you.' But it doesn't come, and you don't know what to think of it. You don't even know why would he want to break up. You don't think that you've done anything wrong, and you are very certain that Spencer hasn't done anything wrong either. This whole thing is just so unusual.

On the one hand, Spencer is almost ghosting you, but on the other hand he doesn't want to break up? You are so confused about the whole situation.

You are crying over the break-up that hasn't even happened yet, watching your tv with a big bowl of ice cream in your lap. Spencer's supposed to come home today from a case, but you know he's not going to come to your apartment. He hasn't done that in the last few weeks, not since he's started being so distant.

So you sit in a pit of your tears, cheesy rom-coms and a bucket of ice cream. Suddenly, there's a knock on your door, and looking at the clock you know exactly who it is.

You panic, you didn't expect him to come. You quickly wipe your tears away, and hide the ice cream in the freezer. You know that you look puffy anyways as you open the door with a big sigh and a fake smile.

Spencer, of course, sees right through it.

"Hi- what's wrong?" Spencer immediately asks with a frown. He pushes you gently out of the doorway, and steps inside too as he closes the door.

"N-nothing," you lie, trying to force a smile on your face, "what...what are you doing here?"

A quick flash of hurt and confusion passes over Spencer's face, "I wanted to see you."

You suck in a shaky breath,"oh."

"Oh?" Spencer asks, baffled. "Seriously sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Don't-Don't call me that," you whisper, eyes on the ground.

"What?" Spencer's eyes go wide, "I shouldn't call you sweetheart?"

You sigh, and look up at Spencer. He looks so lost by what you mean, and for a split of a second you think good, let him be confused. You've been confused for the last few weeks because of him. But then you remember that it's Spencer, still very much the Spencer you love.

"Yes, you shouldn't," you sniffle a little, "because it's only hurting me more."

"I-" Spencer starts.

"Spencer, just let me finish. I think that we both know that you don't want to be in a relationship with me anymore. So please Spencer, let's just not do this anymore. I can't keep going on like this, it's-it's just too much. It hurts too much," you say, your cheeks wet with tears yet again.

Spencer stays quiet, it's actually one of the rare times that he doesn't know what to say, and it just breaks your heart even more.

"Y-you won't even say anything? No reason why?" your voice breaks in the middle of the sentence. But looking at Spencer's teary eyes and completely shut mouth, you know, you two are done.

"I-It's over, Spencer. Please just go, you can come take your things some other day," you don't even wait for him to say anything. You go open the door and look anywhere, but him while he slowly leaves.

You don't have the courage to look at him. You hear him sniffle, but don't look. You can't see his broken face, it would be even worse than it already is.

Spencer leaves, and you slam the door shut behind him. It feels like your heart is being cut open by millions of tiny glass pieces as soon as the door closes.

You barely manage to walk towards the couch before you break down. Sobs violently shaking with your body.

-

A few days go by, and it's only when you don't pick up your phone on like the 20th try does Penelope march into your apartment.

You reluctantly open the door after she knocks, and knocks, insisting she's not leaving until you open the door.

"Hi," you greet her, and you immediately notice her slightly shocked face at the sight of you. And you get it. You haven't slept properly for the last few days, and the almost constant tears can't help either.

"Oh my gosh, honey, come here," Penelope instantly pulls you into an embrace, and you melt into it like a puddle.

She squeezes you tightly until you're ready to let go. "Pen, what...what are you doing here? Did Spencer send you?"

"Don't even say his name. He's in big, big trouble," she says in her own angry way. A small smile appears on your face when she says it.

"I can't believe he's done this. He can be such an idiot sometimes even if he really is a genius," you don't argue with that, but you don't want to talk about Spencer either. He's been on your mind enough as it is right now.

"Can we...can we not talk about it? I just want to get over it, and move on as soon as possible, "you sigh. You let Penelope in, and you want to make her go sit down to the living room while you make the tea, but she insists on staying in the kitchen with you.

"Believe me, honey, I wouldn't want to talk about Spencer if it wasn't important," she starts, and your mind immediately goes to the worst possible scenario.

Seeing your wide, worried eyes she adds, "he's okay. He's just stupid, that's all."

"Yeah," you agree quietly, even if you know that it's not true. Spencer maybe used to be clueless about things like relationships, but that has changed. He was never clueless in your relationship.

"Oh sweetheart, " Penelope rubs your shoulder in comfort, "I could beat him up for making you so sad."

Her very serious tone makes you let out a small chuckle. You and her both know that she wouldn't even hurt a fly let alone Spencer, her dear friend.

"Thanks, Penny, but it's okay, I'm okay. Spencer didn't want to be with me anymore, and i-i made my peace with that or-or at least i will eventually."

"But that's just it. That's what I came here to tell you. Spencer loves you, and he just let dumb people with dumb opinions get to his head," you almost burn yourself with the warm water for the tea when you hear her words.

"What do you mean?" you quizz. You forget about the tea, and turn to her.

"He'd heard some people talk about you and him. Some colleagues saw you two together somewhere, and started gossiping. He heard them say that you're too good for him with him being in prison and all-"

"What? That's just ridiculous," you exclaim, you've never heard such a bullshit before.

Of course, you know that Spencer was in prison, but you also know he was innocent. You knew Spencer even before he went to prison, and maybe he did change a bit, but he was still the same Spencer. The Spencer you've always been in love with.

"Exactly, I told him the same, but he wouldn't listen, " she looks sympathetically at you, "I think that Spencer just loves you so much that he's willing to let you go for better or worse."

You are stunned. You stand there absolutely baffled, and Penelope just looks at you with understanding. It takes you good few minutes to finally say something.

"You knew about this?" you question as you head towards the door with Penelope on your heels.

"No, I found out yesterday otherwise I would have told you sooner," you quickly put on your shoes as you listen to her.

"I know you would. Thank you for telling me this, Pen. You're the best," you give her a tight hug.

"He's at home right now," she tells you, you appreciatively smile at her, and basically run to your car with Spencer on your mind.

-

When Spencer opens his door, you instantly push yourself inside. You don't give him even a second to react, protest or say anything.

"Spencer Reid!" you start angrily. "I can't fucking believe you. You let us break up over some stupid gossip? And you didn't even tell me?" You say, hurt.

"It's not stupid, it's true-" Spencer starts calmly, a complete contrast to you. But on the inside he feels like he's going to pass out. It was already hard for him without seeing you, but now it feels like hundred times worse.

"Like hell it is!" you argue. "Spencer of course you're enough for me. I don't care what anyone says. It's not even true anyways. I don't care that you've been in prison, i don't care about any of it."

"But it is true. I'm no good for you. You can do so much better, sweetheart. Like look at me," he gestures towards himself, " I'm such a mess, my life is always messy. You don't deserve this kind of life, you deserve so so much better. You don't deserve to be waiting late at night for me to come home, wondering if i even come home. I can't let you have that kind of life. I'm not worth it."

Finally, Spencer lets the tears go down his cheeks freely. He knows what he is giving up by breaking up with you. He'd planned his whole life with you by his side. But it's better this way. Well that's at least what he is telling himself anyway.

"Don't you get it, Spencer?" you laugh dryly from the frustration, "I don't want better. I don't want anyone else. I just want you. I want you, Spence."

You sniffle slightly, and look at Spencer with hopeless eyes begging him to understand.

"You shouldn't, sweetheart, you shouldn't want me," Spencer tells you helplessly, running his hands through his hair.

You take a brave step towards him.

"Why shouldn't I?" you start. "Shouldn't I want the sweetest, the kindest person I know in my life? Shouldn't I want to be with the person that makes me smile, and makes my heart go fast? Shouldn't I want to be with somebody I completely trust? Shouldn't I want my best friend in my life forever? Shouldn't I want somebody who I feel safe with? Shouldn't I be with somebody I love the most?"

"So Spencer you tell me? Shouldn't i? Shouldn't i want you?" your cheeks are wet from the flowing tears, too.

Spencer shakes his head. You're impossible. How could he ever think that you'd just get over him without questioning why. He should have known better than that.

Spencer takes the final step that's between you two, and softly wipes away the tears from your puffy cheeks.

"I just want what's best for you," he whispers with a broken voice. Looking right into your watery eyes.

"Then let me have you!" You point at his chest with a sniffle. You see Spencer's face soften, like he finally understands.

Spencer's hands move from your cheeks to your hips, and he pulls you closer to him. "A-are you sure?"

"Spencer, you're unbelievable, " you say, vexed, "there's no one else for me Spence. No one."

Your words are the final thing for Spencer to breakdown, to allow himself to be with you. He pulls you towards him, hugging you oh so tightly. He hides his face into the space between your neck and shoulder. You feel the wetness of his tears run down your skin.

"There's no one else for me, too," he whispers into your shoulder. You hum in agreement, not ready to say anything yet.

After a few minutes you pull away, caressing Spencer's cheek you smile at him. "I love you," you mumble, "Please don't ever let people get to your head like this. At least not without telling me, yeah?"

"Yeah," Spencer says in hushed voice, leaning into your gentle touch. "I love you, thank you for not letting me be an idiot."

You both chuckle, sniffling, and it finally feels like it's all going to be okay. Like your worlds won't be ending after all.

You and Spencer go snuggle on his couch, content to be near each other again after the few days apart, and even if you know that there's still a conversation to be held tomorrow, you feel happy.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid

[cripplecharacters]

Salutations! I’m in the process of creating a story wherein both characters are missing an eye. One has a prosthetic, but is presently isolating themself in the woods, and wears an eyepatch to protect the eye while alone; the other’s socket is either empty, or they have a glass eye with no actual details (iris, pupil, etc.). I’ve struggled to find references for the latter, and fear it may come off as unrealistic. I understand prosthetic eyes keep the eyelid from collapsing, but aside from that could a person just not wear one? If these options are unrealistic, please let me know. I can supply you with concept art if need be.

The story itself centers around these characters after one of them finds the other by accident. They’re painted as foils—the one hiding out in the cabin adhering to a self-made sense of logic that centers on cycles and confirmation bias, while the only who takes refuge there after running away is deeply paranoid and prone to hallucinations. The first character is missing their left eye; the other their right. I don’t want to make a symbol of their disabilities, but I feel their designs simultaneously stress their opposing perspectives, as well as the fact they paradoxically still manage to see “eye-to-eye.” Their visual impairment is just one of many ways they’re able to connect across the story, as they also bond over their obscure passions and delusions, and respect each other’s warped worldview to such an extent said worldviews start to blur together. In addition to this, the story places an emphasis upon an entity known as the “ocellus,” which is basically the “false eye” you see on moth wings. In my outline so far, it’s the name of a mysterious band which the pair discover in a record collection, and resolve to solve the mystery of (regarding the members, music, etc.) One of the characters also sleeps with an eye mask with the pattern of moth wings and their respective ocelli overlaying their own eyes; their paranoid counterpart also sees eyes in the trees and wood of the cabin.

Absolutely none of this is set in stone; before it is, I just want to know how much of it is fine, which parts “moralize” or make a symbol of a disability, and what is straight-up ableist. Please let me know if you need more details.

Hi!

The prosthetic eye has two main functions: 1) to keep the eye area stay in shape, 2) to protect the socket. Both of these can be achieved by conformers (it's like a big contact, except it goes into the socket and not on the eye) which I talked about here!

A blank prosthetic eye would probably be fine. The process of getting it custom painted is expensive from what I know, and IRL a lot of people will decide on the generic kind rather than a custom. If in your world the generic happens to be a blank, there's no problems I can think of? Potentially, you could explicitly say that it's not how most prosthetic eyes look like (maybe someone else knows a person with an eye prosthetic and they comment that it's unusual?). You mentioned that the character doesn't have it in all the time, so I don't think the trope of "blind character has blank/white/milky eyes" applies here because it's clear that it's a prosthetic.

A person could decide to go bare, but the sensation of blinking could be uncomfortable, and they would need to clean their socket more to get rid of anything that could get inside. Normal saline could be used for that.

I don't think there's an issue in them missing different eyes at all. If you want to make sure it's not giving "Just Magic Symbolism" energy then you could incorporate some boring everyday things that would make sense. If they go somewhere together, they could decide to walk missing eye-to-missing eye, so that they see what's going on the sides rather than in the middle, things like that. It could make it feel more grounded, so to speak.

I don't see any issues with the moth fake-eyes symbolism either, I think it makes sense for the story you're trying to tell.

If you want to be very safe, I would have a character (can be minor, or background) that's also missing eye(s) that's not connected to any of the potential symbolism and is more of an average Joe of Not Having an Eye.

In case you decide to get into that, it would be nice for them to have different causes of why they don't have eyes. It feels like in fiction it's always physical trauma, but there's a whole more that could cause someone to not have an eye;

anophthalmia,

retinoblastoma,

severe eye infection,

elective enucleation (removal) of an already blind/painful eye,

just to give you a few ideas! Giving them "boring" everyday reasons of eye loss will also make it feel less symbolic and more like a regular disability. Think "dramatic swordfight with Huge Meaning" vs "yeah I had cancer in my eye when I was 2".

I hope that this helps; if you have any further details you'd like to ask about feel free to send another ask!

mod Sasza

#mod sasza #anonymous #face difference #eye prosthetics

[blackbird-brewster]

Meta: Jemily Queerbaiting

With the huge influx of posts saying 'Jemily is gonna be canon', I really appreciated seeing this post because OP was completely correct. I didn't want to write an entire dissertation as a reply, so I'm making my own post with my personal opinion on this. (All sources are noted in footnotes)

Before I began this rant, for anyone who thinks this is anti-Jemily. It is not. I have shipped Jemily for 18 friggin years and that's never going to change. This post is specifically my thoughts about queer baiting.

First off, I need to note that the showrunners (and the cast members who use social media) KNOW what a huge queer following this show has and that's why we got pansexual Tara Lewis in S16 [1]. Which, in itself, was SOOOOOOO important!!! Our first canonically queer main in SIXTEEN seasons was a middle-aged Black woman!!! That's phenomenal. (The fact it was horrible rep, because they instantly ruined her relationships once her queerness served it's plot point is a whole other post entirely)

In my opinion, the 'big Jemily moment' Paget posted about on Twitter [2] (and AJ hinted at during a recent IG live) is simply queerbaiting to get people to watch S17. I know a lot of you are newer to the fandom and I love your enthusiasm, I really do, ship and let ship, but listen, let's be real, Jemily is not going to be made canon. The showrunners aren't going to suddenly say (after 17 seasons) 'Surprise, Jemily is endgame'. This show has never cared about queer rep and now that CBS/Paramount have already ticked their queer rep box with Tara, they won't be in any rush to add any other characters to it.

Please buckle in, I've got a lot of thoughts on this matter --

What is Queerbaiting?

If you aren't aware of what queerbaiting is, here's a good definition:

Historically, queerbaiting has carried two meanings: the first is an act of aggressive heterosexuality to shut down queer subtext on screen while still teasing and catering to the queer audience in advertising, public relations, and fan engagement strategies; the second is an existing homoerotic tension between two characters played up on screen while met with derision by the professionals behind the scenes. [3]

The Medium article quoted here is from 2017, a time when parasocial relationships were really starting to take over social media. In 2024, actors are now only a mention or tag away online, they have direct conversations with fans, and this process has allowed for an even deeper form of queerbaiting.

Oftentimes online, actors are asked directly about certain ships and while some ignore these questions (usually to avoid breaking their contracts or other repercussions), others (looking at you, Paget) choose to instead tease fans about queer ships. She's done this for years upon years and if I've learned anything in the past twenty-years of existing in fandom spaces it's this -- don't hold your breath. In it's original meaning, for something to be deemed as queerbaiting there had to be malicious, or at least, purposeful intent to string queer fans along by teasing them with suggestive content about the ship in question, while knowing this ship will never come to fruition in canon.

The thing to remember is, Paget and AJ aren't the only ones who know about Jemily shippers -- the network and showrunners are well aware of this ship too. When networks/showrunners figure out they have a strong sapphic fanbase, they love to use that to their advantage to get more viewers and higher ratings. Queerbaiting is a goldmine to keep fans watching long running shows, look at Rizzoli and Isles, Supergirl, and OUAT for examples of this.

Jemily and Queerbaiting:

Ever since Emily joined the BAU in S2 (2006), there have always been fans who ship JJ/Emily (shoutout to the old LJ forums!). Way before celebs were just a tweet away from fans, back when all our fics began with disclaimers so we wouldn't get sued by networks, we went to great lengths to keep our fanworks far removed from actors/showrunners attention.

As far as Jemily goes, this reply from Paget in a 2009 interview with TVGuide.com [4] (which has now been deleted from their site unfortunately, but there are quotes on Tumblr still [4.a]) confirmed some fans' worst fear -- the actors had found our fanworks online.

TVGuide.com: Of course, a band of fans want her to hook up with Hotch.

Brewster: I know! I didn't realize that fans make these videos on YouTube? A.J. Cook sent me a hilarious one that made it look like Prentiss and J.J. were having a secret lesbian affair. You know, when Hotch was blown up in the SUV, we shot this scene where he's in the hospital and I'm standing next to him, looking at his bleeding ear. Our director came in and said, "Paget, you're looking at Hotch like you're in love with him. It looks really weird." So now, every day, Thomas [Gibson] and I flutter our eyelids at each other.

This was the first time I recall anyone acknowledging Jemily shippers publicly and at the time (Jan 2009), the show was still in Season Four (just before CBS fired both AJ and Paget [5]). Paget genuinely said it's 'hilarious' that fans shipped JJ/Emily. Even now, I'll see people say 'We know Paget and AJ have seen Jemily fanvids, so they obviously ship it too' -- but those same people rarely acknowledge the full context of the original answer. Paget not only thought JJ/Emily were 'hilarious', but then she doubled down and turned her reply back to how she and Thomas liked to play up the chemistry between Emily/Hotch.

While no one can say for sure which video it was that AJ sent Paget, just knowing they were watching JJ/Emily fanvids sent a bit of a shockwave through the femslash side of the fandom. To some it felt like an invasion of privacy, fanworks are by fans for fans -- knowing the cast were poking around in fandom spaces added an extra layer of worry around what we fans were posting online. Fifteen years ago, it used to be quite taboo for actors to outwardly discuss shipping or other fanon for whatever show they were in, and we fans were usually comfortably removed from the actors altogether.

Of course, now it's the norm for fans and actors/showrunners to co-exist online and interact with one another. This connection has opened new ways for shows to queerbait their fans. Pretty much every show has some form of social media account now and there is no doubt that the people running those accounts keep up with the most popular ships and hashtags. Not to mention that actors are constantly barraged with questions about whether they ship their character with x,y,z, or whether they think a ship should be made canon, etc. These interactions only serve to benefit the shows themselves, because whether the conversation is for or against a certain ship, it's all just free publicity (Why do you think CM now has a TikTok account?)

Every time AJ or Paget say anything about Jemily, the queer side of the fandom loses their minds. But this has been going on for YEARS now and every single time, it turns out to be nothing but social media hype and queerbaiting. Remember this AJ post? [6] Or what about the notorious reply by Paget to a fan, where she talks about how she and AJ held hands under the table 'for the shippers' [7] I've seen this cycle over and over again, so perhaps I am cynical, but I'm not getting my hopes up that Jemily will ever seriously be canon.

It's widely known now, after both Kirsten [8] and Paget [9] have talked about it, that there was an early idea where Prentiss was supposed to be queer, but that was ultimately scraped before it ever made it on screen. For context, please remember, this show has been airing for nearly twenty years. It began in 2005, during the highly conservative Bush administration. Queer people didn't have rights in the US, we couldn't get married, we were rarely protected under discrimination laws, and we could even be fired for simply being queer (in some states). Diverse queer representation on screen was extremely limited to things like 'The L Word' and 'Queer as Folk' (both aired on Showtime, so they were behind a paywall. And as far as tLw goes, that show was extremely male-gaze focused and is horrible in nearly all regards if you try to rewatch it now). As far as prime time shows went, queer rep was even more rare. Which is why Emily wasn't queer from the get-go.

Yes, things have changed since 2006 in terms of queer rep on TV. We have a myriad of queer identities represented in TV and film nowadays, which is why I think it's so easy for newer fans to say 'lf she was supposed to be gay anyway, they should just make Emily queer in canon!' I know this is what fuels most fans' demands for Emily being confirmed queer, and I get it, I DO. I would be all for it! However, I do not, in one hundred years, actually believe that is going to happen after they already canonically queer confirmed Tara in S16. The fact we even got ONE queer character is ground-breaking for this show.

It's also worth noting, that in the time between Paget's departure in 2012 and her return in 2016, she became very active on Twitter. This was when more and more fans began asking her about Jemily and after Kirsten's AfterEllen interview, fans also pushed for Paget to address the possibility of Emily being gay. 'Pushed' is actually an understatement for some of the outright harassment she would receive. (AJ received some of this harassment too, but less so because she doesn't use social media ass often) Back then, neither of them replied to these things directly. Yet, no matter what either woman posted, the replies were full of Jemily stans begging for her acknowledgement. (Did you know 'stan' is literally a term coined for stalker fans?) I remember one time AJ's friend was missing and she posted info on her IG about it, you know what the replies were? People asking her about Jemily. It was genuinely sickening.

Within this context, it was no surprise to fans when Emily came back in S12 , she and JJ's friendship was seemingly erased. The two women were rarely on screen together in the late seasons, plus the writers saw fit to even give Emily not only one (Mark in London, but two, on-screen boyfriends for the first time in the entire series. I personally do not think these changes to Emily's character were coincidence, I saw the hellscape of what people would say to AJ and Paget online and I fully believe that upon Paget's return to the show, the showrunners purposely tried to distance JJ and Emily to dissuade the more abusive side of the fanbase.

Can I prove that, no. But it is the only reason I can think of as to why Emily S12+ seemingly didn't care about JJ anymore, despite their deep and meaningful friendship. I mean, they both CROSSED THE WORLD to go rescue each other in prior canon -- but when Emily comes back, they acted like they barely knew each other. This was even more prevalent in S16, when JJ's main storylines all revolved around Will, and Emily barely looked at JJ in the entirety of ten episodes. (Remember how Prentiss didn't even hug JJ after bomb, but she did go hug Luke?)

So, do Paget and AJ earnestly ship Jemily, or are they continuing the long tradition of queerbaiting us? Who fucking knows, not me. But based on the history of this fandom, I think I can make a safe bet. (Interestingly, if you search all of Paget's twitter for the word 'Jemily' [10] she only has 3 direct tweets mentioning the ship. I don't think it's a coincidence that two are within the past few months since they started filming S17 (the other one was a RT of Kirsten (who tagged something Jemily)

This is all to say --

Just because Paget and AJ have publicly talked about Jemily,, this doesn't mean it's ever going to happen on screen. And you know what, THAT'S OKAY!! There has been this constant outcry (after Tara became queer confirmed) of 'Do Emily next' or 'Why wasn't it Emily with a girlfriend!?' and 'Jemily needs to be canon in S17!' -- as if people believe their ships aren't worth anything unless they are canon.

That couldn't be further from the truth! Fandom is built on headcanons and fan interpretations and rare pairs and all types of shippers. Your ship does NOT need to be canon for you to enjoy it. I will ship Jemily forever, no matter what. I don't think there will be some magical queer plot in S17, at best, we might actually get to see Emily/JJ on screen together again and after the train wreck that was S16 -- I'll take whatever I can get.

And hey -- if I am completely wrong, if Erica Messer pulls a Korrasami out of her hat, I will be ecstatic. I will be happy to be proved wrong, but at the same time, I'm not going to lose sleep over it and I'm DEFINITELY not going to go hound the actors about it on social media.

Sources:

[1] 2022 Digital Spy article about the importance of Tara's coming out

[2] 04/18/24 Paget Tweet

[3] 2017 Queerbaiting article from medium.com

[4] 2009 Broken TVGuide link

[4.a] Tumblr quote from the above TVGuide Interview

[5] 2010 Kirsten interview screenrant.com

[6] 2019 AJ Instagram Post

[7] 2020 Paget video on Twitter (via @karasluthqr)

[8] 2015 Kirsten interview AfterEllen.com

[9] 2016 Paget Interview CriminalMindsFans.com

[10] @PagetPaget search 'Jemily'

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #jennifer jareau #paget brewster #aj cook #cm commentary #queerbaiting #cm meta #criminal minds evolution #cm evolution #my writing #long post

[nesiacha]

I already talk about horrible movie about the frev. Today I will make a critic about the bad points about a good movie with a very good historical accuracy that I really like but it’s also important to criticize good historical films even if we liked them as a whole (I must say that I liked them personally and I continue to do so) . Firstly, even if it may not have been the intention, because it was not the theme of the show as the writers had planned several themes with the people, including the Night of Varennes, I didn't like that the politicians were seen prominently while the people were too much in the background (minor criticism because the show was discontinued after the success of 'La Terreur et la Vertu,' so maybe they intended to do it later).

Next, the women of the French Revolution are too sidelined, and Lucile Desmoulins is portrayed more as simply worried for Camille Desmoulins without showing Lucile's political side, which accentuates the sexism. Camille Desmoulins is depicted as more naive than he actually was, in my opinion, perhaps to absolve or infantilize him, I don't know.

I would have liked it if we briefly mentioned the retaking of Lyon by Couthon, even just in passing. We have 4 representatives of the indulgent faction (Fabre d'Eglantine, Danton, Camille Desmoulins, and Philppeaux) compared to only 2 on the Hebertist side (Hébert and Chaumette). We only mention Vincent, Ronsin, and Momoro briefly, but I would have liked them to have the same amount of screen time. We should also see their trials and the fact that they were going to the guillotine instead of that, the topic is quickly dismissed.

Moreover, although Castelot and Decaux had a very good debate that I invite everyone to watch, there's something that bothers me. It is said that the CSP (Committee of Public Safety) is at fault for parodying justice against the indulgent, but as usual, we forget the parody done to the Hebertists and also forget that done to the Enragés like Jacques Roux when the CSP, the CSG (Committee of General Security), and the Convention relentlessly attacked him illegally to the point where he committed suicide. Double standard once again, and the parody of justice is justified a bit too much for my taste (which also executed many innocents like Lucile Desmoulins, Marie Françoise Goupil, even Chaumette who had, however, refused the insurrection of Hébert, Gobel, etc)...

Then to say that Barère is acting in good faith from Decaux's point of view? No seriously, I don't buy Barère's whitewashing, he's generally a weathervane (the only time the show mentions it from this side is when Danton says that Barère is for the tipping scale).

Another point is that I found Robespierre a bit too naive at times. In real life, he knows that deep down Danton is a dubious character, but he thinks that the Hebertist wave is more dangerous. It's a political calculation until he realizes that he underestimated the indulgent movement and will opt for a middle policy. There he is almost surprised by some of Danton's movements.

Finally, the end of 'La Terreur et la Vertu' is not bad and very emotionnal; there is an explanation that Saint Just did not move during the insurrection. But personally, I think that our five deputies certainly had scruples regarding the legality of the Convention, as has been said repeatedly, but they mainly hesitated because of it. If they were 100% against not moving against the Convention due to legality, they would have said so. My theory is that they felt exhausted and confused because 17 out of 49 sections had risen, which was a significant number but not enough to justify an uprising, not to mention they were at least somewhat legalistic.

Finally, I would have liked an explanation of why Hanriot was so loyal to Robespierre (we know this if we research the character a little, but a line or two of mention wouldn't have cost much), but I'm glad he wasn't demonized. Far from me the idea of wanting to put this excellent film on trial, but as I said earlier, it is also necessary to see the negative aspects of this film to have a better improvement of the content (although today it regresses even more).

I would have liked it if we also briefly saw Tinville refuse to prosecute Fleuriot Lescot; it would have added a little more humanity to his character (although I don't like Tinville at all, I find that he is always too caricatured to be believable. Fortunately, the TV movie shows his "human" side, but not enough).

The only problem is that I have the impression that they are telling the false message that the execution of Robespierre and his colleagues marks the end of the social revolution when in reality the coup de grace was not done for me. that with the execution of Romme and his friends (the episode of the execution of the Hébertists, Cordeliers, indulgents and of Robespierre and his colleagues was above all only a continuation of weakening between 'internal struggle') and the end of the frev was only after Bonaparte coup d'etat . After seeing that the show was suddenly stopped, perhaps the writers intended to rectify it.

A small gratuitous jab nonetheless from a line in a TV movie: Barras: You will take Robespierre and Saint Just.

Me: Wow, and does Couthon count for nothing, I guess? The poor has just been royally ignored."

#frev #french revolution #critic #danton #robespierre

[fairuzfan]

Something I can't figure out about IU from a lot of conflicting information, is whether or not the school as a whole, like faculty and student body, supports Palestine. I don't understand, is it mainly an administrative problem, or is it something common with faculty/students and basically an issue to the core of the school? You've mentioned having friends who go to IU, would you be able to ask them for their opinions on this? Totally understand if not, I'd just like to hear from someone who's been there for more than a superficial tour. IU was one of the universities I've been looking at for school in the future, but if they're going to support a genocide I obviously don't want to give them thousands of tuition dollars.

This is a more complicated question than you'd think because there are multiple IU campuses across the state and each one kind of has a different vibe from what my friends tell me. I'm talking mostly about IU Bloomington, which is the main campus, but there are like 5 different campuses across Indiana.

It depends on what you're studying tbh, like I heard the business school has a huge racism problem from both students and faculty. From what I understand these days, the leadership is overwhelmingly zionist so like the president and the board of trustees and stuff. The president actually took back her initial statement on "the conflict in the middle east" (not naming any specifics) to focus solely on "Jewish Students" (in other words, emphasizing that Israel represents all jews) and didnt mention palestinians at all. Like she went out of her way to be zionist and IU Hillel all pressured her to do this, as mentioned in the article. There are a bunch of students who are Israeli zionists. Actually, the article talks about how IU students went to the kibbutz near Gaza for a tour a couple semesters ago, which to me is absolutely disgusting that a university would fund a trip to the area around a concentration camp.

Also on the IU woman's basketball team there's an Israeli student who apparently cheered on the carnage of Gaza on her social media and I don't think there's been much reprimanding of her.

At the same time, I've heard it's mostly a leadership issue. The student council I believe released some sort of statement about Gaza that was Pro-Palestine and I've seen some professors publish things in newspapers calling the entire thing ridiculous and racist. So it depends.

I will say that if you're basing your educational career off of which universities support Palestine or not, you will have a very hard time finding a school. So you'll have to do some cost-benefit analysis of what you're able to handle.

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Cuddling with Stray Kids

pairing: ot8 x reader

genre: fluff, suggestive

a/n: mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety, this is just my opinion, not proofread, hope you enjoy!🤍

additional notes: i have 12 things in my drafts and they're all over the place but i wanted to post something

Chan:

I feel like Chan gives the best and biggest hugs so you will probably be drowning in his arms with your face buried in his chest or neck. It's probably late at night when you cuddle, and first you talk about your day and complain about your work or studies. Chan will listen to you and throw in a few quips here and there as he holds you and caresses your hair. Then you ask him about his day and he'll talk about his members and funny things they did or said. As it gets later, you both get quieter and Chan's favorite thing is when you put your leg around him and pull him even closer, leaning in and leaving kisses everywhere on his face. Every time you do that it makes him blush, no matter how long you've been together. Even though he usually says he can't sleep, he will fall asleep first in your arms because he feels relaxed and safe. Then you can admire his beautiful face before you drift off to sleep too.

Minho:

I feel like Minho would also love facing you and talking to you while cuddling, but he would love to bury his face in your chest and leave little kisses everywhere. Most of the times he will also leave small bites and nibbles and you always warn him not to start anything cause you really want to take some rest. He always smirks and leaves a few more kisses on your neck. I think he would also love pressing his lips into yours, as his hand slides under your shirt and rests on your back. He would draw little patterns on your skin and his hand would always without a doubt slide down to grip your ass. Can you blame him though, you're hot and he loves you, he just can't help himself.

Changbin:

Changbin would love it if you lay on his chest. He would put his arms around you and caress your hair and face. The sound of his heartbeat will always calm you down, any anxiety of the day will be wiped away as soon as you feel his big arms wrap around you. He would kiss your hair and forehead gently and ask you if you were okay and if you had a good day. You would talk with him but your eyelids would get heavy, it's hard not to fall asleep when he's touching you so gently like he's afraid to disturb you. His presence is calming to you and you feel so loved and safe.

Hyunjin:

Hyunjin would love to be the big spoon and he'd hold you so close to him and so tightly that you think he might want to merge into you. His face would be buried in your hair, he just loves to inhale your sweet shampoo because it calms him down. His hands would be roaming around your body, and he would squeeze you gently a few times. But, Hyunjin can't help himself being this close to you while your perfect ass is pushed up against his middle so cuddling sessions almost always end with lazy sex.

Jisung:

I think Jisung would love being both the big and the little spoon. If he's the little spoon, he'd love it if you held him real tight and also hold his hands at the same time. But, if he was the big spoon, I feel like he'd just grab and hold your boob. Nothing sexual, he just finds it relaxing to hold it and squeeze it like it's a stress ball. On some days, I feel like he wouldn't stop yapping while you cuddle and you would be playfully annoyed at him, so he would annoy you even more on purpose. He'd probably start talking nonsense or he'd start singing with an annoying voice. You would smack his butt and he'd just laugh because he enjoys teasing you. On other days, when he's really tired and in his head, he'd be quiet and he'd let you talk about everything and anything because the sound of your voice calms him down.

Felix:

I think Felix would love to rest his head on your chest or tummy. This boy will be clinging to you like a koala, limbs all wrapped around you so you don't ever think of escaping. He would nuzzle his face in your chest or neck, and if he's laying on your tummy he will bury his face there and leave kisses on your skin. His hands will be all over you as will his lips, he can't help it, he adores you. I think cuddling sessions with him can go either way. Either he's falling asleep as you caress him or because he's a horny little thing he will end up with his face buried between your legs.

Seungmin:

Okay so, I feel like Seungmin would love facing you while cuddling. Even though he's shy and it's hard to maintain eye contact for him, he loves the way you look at him, the admiration in your eyes. He loves the way your eyes crinkle when you smile at him, and the way you caress his cheek and hair. He would hold your waist and run his fingertips on your skin gently. If it's late at night, he'd probably sing you a gentle lullaby, especially if you had a bad day. He'd sing for you whenever anyways. I feel like he'd also love to exchange a few gentle kisses before both of you drift off together, holding onto each other tightly.

Jeongin:

I feel like he'd be the most restless out of everyone while cuddling. He would love to spoon you, but after some time he would just start feeling jittery so he would play with your hair, poke your cheek or start tickling you. Your cuddling session would probably turn into play wrestling, as you both tried to tickle and annoy each other. When you're both almost breathless Jeongin will lean down to kiss you and let's just say that you're not going to sleep soon.

#skz x reader #skz smut #skz fluff #skz soft hours #skz reactions #stray kids fluff #stray kids x reader #bang chan x reader #hyunjin x reader #changbin x reader #lee know x reader #lee felix x reader #seungmin x reader #jisung x reader #jeongin x reader #i.n x reader #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #bang chan #lee know #seungmin #han jisung #changbin #jeongin

[zorosprincess]

Betrayal

PAIRING - Miya Osamu x Reader WC - 1.4K GENRE - Light Angst not really Crack Fic lbr CW - mentions of cheating

"I'm sorry."

It was a whisper, a pathetic sentiment at the moment.

"Osamu, please, I'm sorry."

There was nothing else you could say. You knew that. You couldn't even look at his face. You looked anywhere you could besides him. Your fingers pulled lightly at a loose thread on the sleeve of your sleep shirt, the loose shirt that belonged to the man you currently couldn't look in the eye.

"S'that all ya have t'say?" The betrayed tone bled through Osamu's voice as he leaned against the wall across from you.

You were suddenly extremely aware of how uncomfortable your couch was in this moment. You averted your eyes again, focusing on the coffee table in front of you now. It was a pretty glass top one that Osamu and you had picked out together your first month in your little apartment together.

You almost smiled as you remembered how happy you and Osamu had been to decorate your apartment together. You didn't because you remembered that you were about to be in one of the biggest fights you'd ever been in with each other.

And it was your fault.

"What else am I supposed to say 'Samu?" There was nothing you could say.

"I didn't mean to?" You did mean to.

"I didn't know what I was doing?" You knew exactly what you were doing and how much it would hurt him if he found out.

"I didn't do it?" You both knew that wasn't true. You had been caught red-handed. He had walked into the room in the middle of it.

You sighed and hung your head again. Your eyes trained on the decorative rug under your feet. You slowly traced the design with your toe as you waited for him to respond.

"How could ya do that t'me?" His voice was soft and if you didn't know better you'd say he was about to cry. But you knew better and you knew that if Osamu was arguing with you and was going to cry, he'd wait until you weren't there. Thinking that crying would only make you feel worse. You could say that this time, you might deserve to feel worse than you already were. But he was always thinking about you. Even now. "I thought ya loved me y/n."

Your head shot up then, eyes connecting with his. His eyes were filled with genuine hurt and you could feel your heartstrings slowly snapping. He leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, his muscles tensed and if the situation was different, you would have been simply admiring how absolutely attractive he was and how lucky you were to have him around. Instead- "I do love you!" You shouted, unintentionally being louder than you meant. You quieted yourself. He didn't deserve to be yelled at. "I love you so much Osamu."

He scoffed a little bit, turning his head to look away from you. "Ya love me so much." He drew out the 'so' and you flinched a little bit at the sarcasm in his voice. Tone biting into you. "That's why ya went and betrayed me like this!" His arm flung out and pointed towards the evidence of your betrayal as he yelled. You bit your lip, shame filling you. "If ya loved me ya wouldn'ta done it!"

"I'm sorry 'Samu!" You shouted back, losing your calm composure. "I don't know what I was thinking!" You sniffed a bit and gestured randomly as you continued. "You just weren't around! And it had been so long!" You threw your head back and groaned lightly, shifting your volume back down. "I don't know, I just couldn't wait anymore. I'm sorry 'Samu."

You lifted your eyes back to meet his as he looked at you incredulously. "Are ya kiddin' me!?" He was pissed now and you almost regretted your outburst. Almost. "Ya couldn't wait!? That's yer reason fer betrayin' my trust!" He laughed then, not a happy one that filled you with joy, not like the usual way he did. A bark of a laugh, one filled with irritation and sarcasm. "This is the last straw y/n! We're done!"

Your jaw dropped then. Amazed at the words that had just come out of the mouth of the man you swore you loved more than anything. "You're joking." He shook his head and crossed his arms again, looking away from you. You groaned in irritation. "You're being dramatic Osamu!" You were shouting without regret now. "It's not that big of a deal!"

"Dramatic!?" He looked back at you, jaw dropped. "Ya cheated on me!"

You rolled your eyes then, the last bits of your apologies draining. "I did not cheat on you!" You defended yourself to him.

"Ya betrayed me!" He shouted back, flinging his arms around to emphasize his point.

You ran your hands over your face in exasperation. "Now you're just actin' like 'Tsumu." You dug at him and watched as his jaw dropped at you. If he wasn't betrayed before, he surely was now.

"How dare-"

You cut him off. "It was just food, 'Samu! I'm sorry!" You went to stand from your position on the couch finally, taking a step towards him.

He stopped leaning against the wall in order to step away from you. That hurt. "Just food! I wake up 'spectin' to see my beautiful girl cuddled with me and 'stead find ya out here eatin' without me!"

"I tried to wait for you!" You raised your voice again. "You were the one not waking up! I thought I could get away with it before you woke up!"

"Ya thought ya could get away with it!?" You cringed as he mimicked back your choice of words, a bad choice. He pointed back to the evidence of your betrayal - an empty take out bag that you had door dashed to your apartment with the instructions to not knock and only text so that you wouldn't risk waking Osamu. "Didn't even think to get me somethin'!?"

"I'm sorry! Let me make it up to you please." You lowered your voice and he let you step closer. "I'll buy you whatever food you want from wherever you choose for the rest of the day." You could see his body visibly relax a little as he started to calm down.

You looked up at him and tapped on his collarbone lightly, trying to get him to look down at you and stop looking over your head to avoid you and your remorseful stare. "Forgive me baby?" He grumbled as you leaned up on your toes and pressed a kiss to the base of his throat, your usual indicator that you wanted him to lean down for a real kiss.

"Three days." He bartered with you, finally looking down and catching your gaze.

You hummed in thought before shaking your head. "Two. Take it or leave it."

"Fine." He wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you closer at last. "You drive me crazy." He mumbled the half-hearted insult and pressed a soft kiss against your lips before releasing you.

Now that you two were done arguing, you could take a moment to appreciate the way he looked as he stepped back. Shirtless (stolen by your form) with his sweats hanging low on his hips, hair still messy from sleep. You smiled as you caught his eyes linger on your bare thighs, right where his shirt ended. He only rolled his eyes and turned away when he realized that he'd been caught.

"So, are we okay now?" You sing-songed as he started to walk back to your bedroom.

"You're still y/n for the next two hours." He threw back over his shoulder. "You don't get to be called Angel yet."

It was your turn to have your jaw drop in shock. "You never deny me of cute nicknames! You can't do that!" You scrambled to follow after him, not being able to see the smirk creeping onto his lips at your reaction.

"Ya compared me t'Tsumu." He wasn't honestly mad about it anymore, but he would be lying if he said he didn't find it cute to watch you pout at not being called by your usual nickname. He'd ;et you off the hook later, and make up for it at length.

"I said I was sorry!"

a/n a rewrite of my first ever fic <33 i still love her

#osamu x reader #osamu miya x reader #miya x reader #miya osamu x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #osamu fanfiction #miya osamu fanfiction #osamu miya fanfiction #𓇻 Osamu’s Gravity #𓇻 Void Screams Back

[luveline]

I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.

Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx

that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention

So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!

so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.

I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.

There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.

I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.

sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!

I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️

#jade's asks #ily

[shroomsroom]

Prompt: friends 2 lovers smut xx

Summary: In which you come home from a party wasted, ready to confront Dallas about how he'd been treating you.

Warnings: Drinking, Use of word 'whore', small voice kink mention, jealousy, mentions of other men and reader,reader makes the first move, oral male receiving, fingering female recieving, teasing on both ends, unprotected sex

Author's Note: This is heavily inspired by Go Go Dancer by Lana Del Rey and Girl Next Door by Ayesha Erotica, go give them both a listen! I'm also trying out a new layout because I think it'd be cuter.

Maybe you had been a little lax when it came to counting your drinks. Or maybe you were trying to drown out the feeling that Dallas, your neighbor, started ignoring you the moment you tried getting closer to him, offering him cookies and other baked sweets, and even going as far as to try and invite him into your house to 'watch a sports game'. Admittedly, all your attempts were because you wanted him in your bed, but it did hurt that you were always rejected. You fiddled with the empty drink cup in front of you, trying to think of a reason that Dally would avert his eyes and retreat back to his house everytime you tried to speak to him.

By the time you were wasted all you could think of was Dallas, so you found yourself at his door, knocking politely. The door swung open a little while after you knocked. It was Dallas, in all his greaser glory. He stood there for a little, taking the sight of you in, before speaking.

"Need sum'ing?" His gruff voice went straight to the ache in your core. You purse your lips, trying to think of what you wanted to say to him.

"Mm..do you hate me? Or maybe you think I'm a whore?" You ask, a hint of a loopy smile playing on your lips. He's silent, bewildered.

"'Scuse me?" His eyes narrowed, studying you, watching your distant and hazy eyes. He immedietly could tell that you were piss drunk.

"Oh c'mon! You know how hard I've been trying to get with you!" You whined. Dallas held a look that both had amusement and utter shock, his face swirling with emotions.

"Come inside, Y/n." He takes a step back from his door and you stumble inside. He sits down on the couch in the main room and you follow after him, sitting next to him, leg pressed against his.

"How many drinks did you have?" Dallas asked, rather amused at your state.

"Dunno, he just kept buying them for me," you slurred and he gave you a look.

"Who?"

"Someguy" you smile lazily, "Why, jealous?" you nudge him.

Dallas grits his teeth and turns to you quickly,

"Hell yes, I'm jealous. I hate having to see you bring random guys home in the middle of the night." His anger masks his sadness of seeing his pretty little neighbor with other men. Your jaw drops.

"But I thought you were avoiding me! That you didn't like me or something!"

"Are you kidding?! Having to see you every day with a tight little shirt and a short skirt makes me crazy. I have to leave every time you talk to me because I get so turned on by you." He rubs a hand over his face, sighing.

"Really!?" You ask excitedly, placing a hand on his thigh while leaning closer to him. There's a slight blush that plays on his cheeks, but he clears his throat and nods. He moves his hand to pull the strap of your dress up from where it'd fallen past your shoulders before looking away.

"Oh, don't be all modest now, Dallas, I bet you've thought about taking this very dress off me, and now you're trying to keep it on!" You tease him. There's a faint glint of something in Dally's eyes, and his eyes turn to you lustfully.

"If that's what you want."

He lays you down on his bed, facing him, your dress has been shucked off and he's now working on his belt. The room is unbearably hot and the feeling of Dallas's jeans between your legs makes it hotter. The clink of metal alerts you that his belt was on the floor. You sit up, pulling down his jeans and toying with the waistband of his boxers.

"Don't tease, doll." He speaks firmly, his authority making you wetter.

You huff but pull down his briefs to free his cock. It was long, longer than you'd probably taken before and mouthwateringly thick. You peeked up at Dallas through your lashes, before taking his tip into your mouth. You start slow first, laving his whole shaft with your tongue, but he gets impatient and frustrated at your teasing. His hand makes its way to your hair and he starts to shallowly thrust into your mouth. You moan softly and move your hand to jerk off what he doesn't shove down your throat. After a while he pulls you off of him with a wet pop, caressing your hair before pushing you back onto the mattress. His fingers find your bare cunt and it's almost embarrassing how wet you are. He tuts, "Been wanting this for a while, hm? Showed up at my house to get fucked silly?" He teases, while making a show of licking your arousal off his fingers. You whine in frustration at the lack of friction on your aching pussy. He snickers, and you glare at him, he just continues laughing and strokes up your cunt with two fingers. His fingers are quick and nimble, teasing your hole and clit by barely grazing it, giving you only an ounce of the pleasure you needed. After having enough of Dallas's teasing, you grabbed his wrist and grinded your clit against his palm. He laughed at your desperation but a part of him was wildly turned on. Eventually, he gave in and started to insert his fingers, slowly pumping in and out of you, his thumb working your clit in small, slow circles. By God, did Dally know how to work you, he had you arching and bucking your hips just with two fingers. Your heavy breathing and the squelching sound of your wetness filled the room and painted your cheeks a bright red, it was all so lewd and yet not enough for you.

"Tell me, Y/n, how many men can make you feel this good on just their fingers like me?" He worked you harder, deliberately making it hard for you to string together a sentence. You open your mouth, but all that comes out are breathy little gasps and moans. His other hand flicks your clit as punishment. "C'mon, doll, use your words."

"Fuckk..oh! None, none except you!" You moan, back arching so hard your head hit his headboard. You squeezed your eyes shut, fresh tears welling and leaking from the corners. "Dal-Dallas, 'm close" you mumble. For a moment he slows, as if he's debating on whether he wants to make you cum or watch you whine because you couldn't. He settled on being nice today and curled his fingers once more to have you moaning out his name loudly.

He removed his fingers slowly, watching your hole flutter around him. His hand made its way to your hips, soothing you by rubbing small shapes and patterns into your soft skin. As soon as your breathing returned to normal, he lined himself up with your entrance, his tip an angry red because of how painfully hard he was. Slowly, he pushed into you, but his prep seemed to under compensate for how girthy he was, he was definetly thicker than 3 fingers. He started slow, giving you time to adjust before his pace grew quicker and more animalistic.

"Been waiting to fuck you just like this for a while," He groaned, hips pistoning into you. You moaned loudly, nodding your head, although you could barely make out what he was saying. You felt your orgasm approaching quickly, but before you could warn Dally, his hand found your clit and sent you reeling over the edge. Although his hips slowed at first, they never stopped and once your bleary eyes cleared enough to see him again, he was thrusting into you again with the same force. Your voice was hoarse from moaning so all you could do was grip the sheets and whine. Only until you felt his milky cum spurt onto your soft tummy did he let go of his bruising grip on your hips. He huffs, flopping down next to you and burying his face in your neck.

"Like it?" He mutters into your skin. You nod, breathless.

"Wanna do it again?"

#shroomsroom #clara'sroom #dallas winston x reader #the outsiders x reader #dally winston x reader #dallas winston smut #dally winston smut #dallas winston x reader smut #dally winston x reader smut

[piko-power]

So, the Knuckles Show...

It was a hassle to attempt and find the show somewhere else (pirate if you wanna watch), and also I had a lot going on that day, BUT!

I have finally finished all six episodes of Knuckles, and my final thoughts...!

...It was pretty good.

Honestly, nothing to ground-breaking and outstanding but it was fantastic and such a lovely treat to hardcore Knuckles fans. Like me lol. (It may not look like it, but TRUST ME THIS SHOW TURNED ME INTO A HARDCORE KNUCKLES FAN.)

All of my thoughts are under the cut, but to make a long story short, I really enjoyed it! (Forgive this post and me I'm not the best at sharing reviews DX)

Now, some things I wanna point out... (MASSIVE SPOILERS AND PERSONAL HEADCANONS AHEAD)

THOUGHTS ON CHARACTERS

I really liked Wade Whipple. He's goofy, and dorky, and he was fantastic for saving his family and Knuckles. His character arc was really interesting to watch, and he's got a lot of funny moments. Him and Knuckles also make a great team. I believe he would make a great Uncle for Knuckles. XD

Knuckles' arc was fantastic too. I was hoping that he realizes that Earth is his home, and he did. The Movie Series version of Knuckles is definitely my favorite version of Knuckles. EVER. Love this character to death. Number one favorite character right now.

The story was pretty good, too. Interesting that Knuckles isn't the only main focus, but I was onboard with the idea that Wade is also in the spotlight. I liked Wade but I love him A LOT.

The whole drama with Wade's family was something that honestly caught me off guard, but in a good way. It's just great to see more of his extended family. (And Wade's mother and is just so sweet and cool.)

Mason and Willoughby were fun to watch. Almost better than Orbot and Cubot, honestly. XD

The Buyer... I kind of forgot about him until the last few episodes. XD Cool villain, though!

Pachacamac... Never thought I would actually enjoy this character. Really wish he got enough screen time, dude is so hilarious. So much better than the Pachacamac we all knew from Adventure 1 pffffft. And hearing Doc Brown's voice coming out of Mac's mouth was the best part. He fits the role perfectly.

WACHOWSKI FAMILY CRUMBS! WE GOT TO SEE MORE OF THE WACHOWSKIS! It was only for one episode, but it's just so refreshing to see Knuckles with his newfound family, especially Tails. (Even though he didn't get enough screentime.)

No Donut Lord... 😔

MY HEADCANONS OF THE EVENTS DURING THE SHOW (and afterwards)

The house is still in construction after the second film. I have a feeling that the Knuckles show took place probably a month or two after the second film. (Or at least after the baseball field scene from the movie.)

And if that's the case, then it's probably why Sonic and Tails haven't called Maddie "mom" yet. Sonic JUST made Donut Dad official, but not hearing Sonic calling Maddie "mom" didn't surprise me, actually. Since he had a mother figure once before, and now she's gone. Sonic is probably still struggling to make Mama Maddie official after that whole mess. 🥺

And also I think Tails does look at Tom and Maddie as his parents, but calls them by their first names because that's what he's most comfortable with for now.

Sonic mentions that Tails and Knuckles are his roommates. ...Something tells me that he hasn't realized the bigger picture yet. 😈 Once the realization hits, it's over for the middle child.

I seriously don't believe Knuckles is sticking with the Whipples. He's got a bed at home, and "pretzel woman" is a motherly title of sorts for Maddie. I just think Knuckles and Wade have formed a really strong bond. Wade is more of a uncle figure for him, but the Whipples are part of the Wachowskis regardless. 💕

I bet Knuckles' grape stash that the moment Knuckles walks back home with Wade, Sonic, Tails and Maddie (and Tom if he came home) freaks the hell out because he just straight up left home without an explanation. Especially since he's grounded and shouldn't have step foot out of the house. But all that matters is that Knuckles is at home with his family. Did this calm everybody down? No, and yes. It's hard to explain. (At least Sonic knows now that Knuckles can finally relax.)

Ever since the events of the Knuckles Show, seeing visions of Pachacamac is pretty normal for Knuckles, whether he needs to be guided for something even if it's small, or he just casually shows up in his dreams just to say "hi." I feel like since he visited Wade while he was unconscious, I think Pachacamac would also visit other people's dreams or visions. It be so goddamn funny if this dude just randomly show up in Sonic's dream, scaring the living daylights out of him, and when he explains it to Knuckles, he's like: "Oh, that's just Mac, he's cool." and Sonic is like: "???????"

THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODES - Fair warning, I've only seen these episodes ONCE (Including some clips I rewatched on Tumblr.) so some things here might be fuzzy or wrong, so bare with me here...

Episode 1 was a great start. I love the dynamic Sonic and Knuckles has. Bummer that we didn't get to see more of them together, but with the power of writing, that problem can be solved! (HUZZAH!) I love the small bit with Knuckles and his mother Maddie after he got grounded and how he just, took it okay with the fact that he's grounded. And I love Sonic trying to help his new buddy out, he's an absolute sweetheart for that. Pachacamac's appearance in the episode took me by surprise and he was such a joy to watch. Love the elderly goofball. Seeing Knuckles and Wade interact was nice, too, even when he gets to talk about his dad. It was a nice moment. And Knuckolas Cage. Best nickname ever, how dare Knuckles decline such a title for a perfect warrior XD

Episode 2 was great. Absolutely love the daydream scene with Wade's plan on saving Knuckles from the G.U.N. agents, and Holding Out For a Hero playing in the background. GOLDEN. Don't remember much else other than that and Knuckles and Wade rocking out to so music. (And Knuckles breaking the radio again.)

Episode 3 is when we get to see Wade's family members, and it was nice. Wanda is one of those siblings that we had and Wendy (is that her name?) is just so lovely. We got to know more of Knuckles' dad, and once more, it was a tender moment between an Echidna and a dork-ass Uncle. 😊 And we got a EPIC fight scene with Knuckles, Wendy and the goons. It was AWESOME. Also, love Wade's room. He's got good taste.

Episode 4... Oh, my God. It was a fever dream. Literally. It was so RIDICULOUS but it was the greatest thing I've ever seen in a long time. XD I love musical numbers that just come out of NOWHERE, and this was one of them! Adam Pally (Wade) in a Knuckles costume is just the most elegant thing. AND ECHIDNA MUPPETS ARE REAL! I WAS HOPING THAT THEY WOULD ACTUALLY BRING IN THE ECHIDNA MUPPET!! Jokes aside, it was a strangely epic episode of Wade going through Knuckles' past in a unique way. And the songs were pretty great. ...You think that's where all the budgeting went? On this gorgeous musical number? /j Also we got more of my boy Pachacamac, being one of my favorite characters besides Knuckles lmao GOD I wish we got more of Pachacamac. I love him so much XD

Episode 5 Is when they arrive at Reno. It was alright. We got to see Wade meeting his dad finally (also Knuckles is using a phone no problem I guess??) I think that's all I remember. WE GOT KNUCKLES WITH THE HAT THOUGH SO YEAH!

Episode 6 is the last one of the mini series and it was pretty kick-ass. More cool fight scenes, with Knuckles and the Agents, him against the Buyer, which was short and sweet, but still pretty intense. Wade and Pete was competing in bowling. Kept forgetting about that, but it was cool regardless. And Wade being the best uncle ever and protecting Knuckles while he was out. Also kind of forgot a lot from this episode, but nonetheless, badass way to end the mini series. Complete with the classic freeze frame of Knuckles and Wade getting a high five! Knuckles realizing that his home is on Earth was such a powerful scene. It was the first Sonic movie all over again.

And yes, there was a pretty quick post credits scene where Knuckles found a song and claimed it was his jam. It was really cute. XD

Really wish there was a scene where Knuckles came back home to the Wachowskis with the family flipping the lid over the fact that he left the house, but in my heart I know damn well it happened. I know this series too well lmao

That's pretty much all I wanna say about how this show made me feel. It was a fun time. Not was insane as Movie 1 and 2, but still as enjoyable.

Honestly, after watching this, I hope we get a Wachowski family TV show, where it's just the family on misadventures, and moments together that are comedic, fluffy, angst, any emotion you wanna feel watching it, and it's just a good time. I just wanna see more of this goofy little growing family. (Also it'd be cool if season 1 was after the first movie because I wanna see Sonic adjusting to his new life with Tom and Maddie and spending traditions and holidays with them before the sequel.) I love this series too much. 😅

This show got me really ambitious to work on my stories and I really wanna show the community how amazing these characters are. (I just need to get an AO3 in the future...)

It feels good to be back on the Wachowski bandwagon.

The Knuckles Show is flawed, but it was a fun time. I love the characters, I love the story, I love the choice of songs they used, and of course, I love Knuckles. This is the best we've ever seen of Knuckles, and I'm proud of how far this little, tough guy has came.

The Echidna Warrior made his debut 30 years ago, and he's never been stronger. Keep on punching, Knuckles! 😎💕

#piko rambles #knuckles wachowski #sonic movie 2020 #knuckles series #knuckles series spoilers #I don't really do review posts. Just wanted to share my thoughts on the show.

[kirby-the-gorb]

#kirby #daily kirby #my art #digital #hal laboratory #nintendo #I don't think I mentioned at the time because it was in the middle of kirb2k #but I had an appointment with a hematologist last week #they confirmed the culprit behind my chronic illness is definitely my mast cells #but I need to get a bone marrow biopsy next month to find out #if it's actually not-technically-autoimmune (mcas) #or if it's actually not-technically-cancer (mastocytosis) #which is actually good news cuz 1 someone finally confirmed my nearly 6 year old hypothesis instead of just agreeing (or disagreeing) #and 2 if it *is* mastocytosis they're gonna start medicating me A Lot more aggressively :) #which I need! I've been sick for right about 8 years now but it's gotten rapidly worse in the past 1-1.5 years #so clearly I'm badly under-medicated #(since I've been on all the same meds for 2 years except for my own emergency intervention.) #(I mean technically I've been chronically ill my whole life it just wasn't disabling until early 2016) #anyway I'm so tired I feel like a ragdoll half the time! sure hope I get adequate medication in a couple months!

[sysig]

He’s my little meow meow, my darling, my bbygirl (Patreon)

#Doodles #Commander Peepers #I'm soooooo normal about him you guys <3 So normal! <3 <3 #*Looking back over the other Little Guys I've collected* Hmmmmmmm Evil Xisuma and Spamton and Sableye and Rick Diggins #I think there might be a theme here #Just casually making Venn Diagrams in my head - Evil X has the red/black - Spamton is trans - Sableye has Gremlin energy - Rick is too tired #And those are just the ones I can think of lol - if you look I did the same stretchy pose with EX when I was still drawing him lol #The Stretch Pose is how you can tell if I like a character lol - they stretchin'? I am infatuated <3 #I mean I'm normal I'm totally normal lol #Also had to give him a bbygrl pose - I for the life of me cannot find it again but the reference is very strong in my mind's eye! #Not that I couldn't go for another one at some point lol ♪ #Ugh the middle one lol - so that Word of God I mentioned in passing about female Watchdogs #I read it in passing as just a basic research of ''Oh here's what The Original Creator has to say alright neat'' #Except that it Immediately made me itchy and I was like ''What. What brain this is not that big of a deal what are you doing'' #And I was like ''No I'm being silly about this - just because I don't agree doesn't mean it's a big deal lol'' #Except then I had stress dreams and woke up Weird the next day and the last time that happened I left a fandom #And the time before that I wrote 4 consecutive pages of 20-something panels in like 18 hours of consciousness - I have normal reactions lol #But I opted instead to vent to smol about it and she agreed with me so basically I'm just saying I'm correct lol /s #Personally Peepers doesn't strike me as misogynistic - he's very much an Equal Opportunity villain in my eyes! #And yeah I considered a lot of different angles around it but like - based on the text of WOY I just don't buy it #If it's not in the show it doesn't count! For all we know there might not even be any female Watchdogs! Lol #Would also lead to the equally-to-Spamton interesting question of How Does Trans Work in that kind of situation #I've definitely not already put a lot of thought into it don't look at me lol #Don't ask me to write an essay about both of those things I'll do it and where will that leave us lol #ANYway lol ♪ He's still the absolute funnest to draw in distress and discomfort <3 And kneeling! He makes me want to practice :D #I always feel like I can try again and do better! >:3c

[fragmentedblade]

Not to be a jingfu on main, but it's so cute that Jing Yuan thought of Fu Xuan with those jelly beans

#me: the Xianzhou characters are all just coworkers #also me whenever anyone is shown to be fond and have intimate knowledge of some other character: awwww #Like Fu Xuan and Jing Yuan playing starchess and teasing each other or making a reference to things they like #or Jing Yuan talking about young Yukong #Quingque apparently disliking Fu Xuan but obviously that not being the case‚ knowing what she likes and how she thinks #Fu Xuan hiding that she has a sweet tooth but Jing Yuan and Quingque knowing it and teasing her for it #I don't know. There are a lot of instances of these small intimate details in the middle of what looks like a coworker relationship #Good coworkers‚ but coworkers nonetheless #And ironically it moves me so much? Even more so than Belobog. I've been told several times that Belobog seemed more tight. And I agree #In Belobog people were friends or family or companions but linked by something closer than mere coworkers with Wildfire #Even Sampo in the Underworld was strangely 'theirs'. He had the magenta colour of Wildfire and he was trusted to some extent #The Luofu characters don't have that. And yet the fragments of intimacy scattered through their interactions move me a lot #These are people who have known each other for centuries. Jing Yuan knows of Yukong's youth‚ its joy and grief #He knows Fu Xuan has a sweet tooth and teases her about her height. Quingque does too #Fu Xuan chastises both of them for being lazy but she knows they're smart and good at their job. She plays starchess with Jing Yuan #Quingque mocks Fu Xuan for being a workaholic but is very aware of the weight she carries both in her position and ideas about destiny #I won't mention Yanqing and Bailu because there is obviously more than a coworker bound when it comes to them #But yes I love the moments of intimate knowledge scattered through the Xianzhou‚ so telling of the fact that these people have known #each other for longer than several human lifetimes‚ and that perhaps they don't necessarily regard each other as more than their coworker #But perhaps that's enough in order for them to care. Perhaps in a lifetime over one thousand years the intimacy gained with a coworker #through several centuries is something beyond what we could understand in our decades lifespan #But also‚ perhaps‚ I don't know. Also‚ perhaps‚ the do care beyond coworkers in that strange line between work and friendship #Perhaps it's strange for Xianzhou natives to tell apart that kind of relationship after so much intimacy and knowledge through the years #And perhaps‚ once again‚ as it often happens for them‚ they think they'll always have enough time to tell; until they run out of it #They play chess together. Quingque can lose time because Fu Xuan can't stay mad if she brings her sweets. Are they just coworkers? #We play chess. I know what tea and sweets you like best. I brought them today since you would indulge me and play starchess with me #Thanks for playing with me‚ I'm running out of book puzzles. You keep divining my moves but I'll invent a fake story to distract you #Are we coworkers or something more like friends? Where is the line after so many years? #I talk too much but I love this charged nothingness haha I find it ironically so true to how many relationships in real life develop #And I find it so moving‚ that representation of this endearing smallness of everyday life. Of these small things is life made

[noxtivagus]

i've been less shy lately so damn i realized how. idk how to say it. wait

#🌙.vents #bcs okay during my shift for my class' booth i rlly helped quite a lot w my classmates in my shift too n yeah others too #i helped the lower school kids that visited hehe n then even a parent n yeah n not to mention my classmates too in general. yh #n to my classmate i was like. 'hey btw i like your mcr shirt' n i said that for my twin as well n. wow. yeah. i really did that woah #n then for my friend apollo n i helped out w their booth too. n i helped like two people for my shift for our (optional) fair committee n #yeah the long one w the discrepancies damn n we even talked a bit while waiting n all n then said hi to a lot of my old friends from back i #middle school. thinking abt it makes me want to cry actually it makes me so happy right now bcs like #my longest friend ever we rarely see or even talk but we're friends n we spent like the whole evening together w other friends #n. personally it just. aghhh i don't know it makes me happy when i can be like.. a friend for others? someone you can hug n then #someone you can open up to someone you know will listen someone you know won't judge you someone you. yeah #n i really mean it i don't know how to put it any other way because i just can't not be sincere about how i love n it hurts bcs #i don't want to be sad. i hate feeling tired. n that's so human n everyone feels sad n tired but #i'm so torn between being kind to myself n dehumanizing myself at the same time. that helplessness like you know better but you just can't. #ah yeah. not only that longest friend but also my longest friend in my school who moved for this sy for. yeah #used to talk n see each other everyday at school n we're third cousins actually n knew years after we were friends. #oh i'm crying again.. no. no i'll push that out of my head wait.. aa sorry i'm sharing my life story 💀 n i know it's because i'm lonely n #you see i just. i just can't. i know i should reach out but i can't & i wouldn't because everyone else have their struggles too #but i can't do.. this on my own but i want to be the one to help others. i notice too much i just need to shut it out somehow #ah yeah wait. other friends too :^) n i often wonder what others think of me. what i mean to them. how they see me #we're all human we all think n not everyone is so self-aware or introspective but. i find it all interesting nonetheless #i would share my own thoughts freely if one would ask. & my own curiosity n willingness to listen is endless #ah but.. nah no i won't entertain that line of thought any further. not sure if i already wrote this to myself today but yk the #i think. when i can really be free n all. i'm good w vulnerable moments i'm good in social situations. i can read them well. n i know what #to do. technically at least. mostly. not always bcs anxiety rlly sucks too n goddamn on the other hand i'm honestly insecure if i'm too #serious at times? like i take life seriously honestly but not like. in a boring way or wtvr i just really value life #most of this is just idle musing i think i've been here in my seat for hours. oh how the time flies huh? midnight is nearing & the tears #in my eyes are drying up. n i just wish that in this moment that time would wait and stop. #sorry i'm not trying to be poetic okay with an unintentional rhyme i'm just writing my thoughts fuck #nah i thought about this earlier n now i'm at a loss for words again. it's sunday n i'm still to tired to reply to the rest of my friends #i'm so sleepy i think i'll write a bit n sleep soon. calmed down after writing that last tag. i'll rest n do more tomorrow.

[ink-asunder]

I think going to school was literally the worst thing that's ever happened to me.

#and i have been assaulted on multiple occassions! #i'm writing some school-related scenes in a story and all of them are So Much to just write down and I am having Symptoms of Trauma #idk i think it was the constant disregard and downplaying of my rights as a human. the lack of bodily autonomy because i was a minor. #the relentless bullying from peers who literally called me It and That Thing and threw a fit if they touched me #being humiliated every time I Exhibited Being Human (like going to the bathroom during break or grunting while exhibiting physical Effort) #not to mention the time some kid sh-ed and said I bit him and the entire middle/high student body witnessed against me #when nothing could've physically taken place. and the principal literally told me (at least TRY to make your story believeable) #Not to mention how my family treated my grades. it was standard shit but at the same time. the fact that parents ALLOW the kind of abuse #that goes on in schools is among the most fucked up parts of our culture #parents don't give a shit. and they don't believe you. and They have it worse as adults so why are You complaining about having 6 hrs #of homework a night. and dedicating stupid amounts of time to school. and complying to a schedule that ruins your body #i literally homeschooled because i wasn't physically able to keep up with mainstream school. and homeschool was faster. 4hrs a day tops. #not to mention the teachers who were total creeps and totally assaulted several students. yeah parents believed that one too. #ugh i have ptsd from severe medical trauma (the aforementioned assaults...) but the idea that EVERYONE is going through this school shit #it hurts my soul more than my own traumatic experiences. this isn't okay. #anyway i'm 23 and dropped out of college but for any of you still going to school--please take care of yourselves. #i'm here i hear you and you need better.

[cryptid-kratt-kid]

Last night I had a dream that some weird sentient ooze (?) Monster had transformed into Martin and then proceeded to try and take his place.

I remember finding out and confronting it, and it responded by suddenly becoming near indistinguishable from Martin, getting uncomfortably close to me, and then joyously laughing about how he was gonna do something BIG in a week.

It's wonderful, the things you dream up when you're sleep deprived. Should I make this an AU?

#How long are you going to keep using me? #wild kratts #wild kratts au #I was also in the middle of some wierd war with the actual Martin because I'd insulted his swimsuit #He insulted my swimsuit back and I threatened to deck him #Then the rest of my friends split up into team Flame and team Martin and we had a war with legit physical violence right inside my house #Chris didn't do much. He just kinda watched. #Chris might've been on team Martin but I don't really remember #I also got sidetracked and followed Sonic the hedgehog (or at least someone who sounded like him) on his epic quest to learn more about #absoloutly massive slugs so he could better take care of his own. #There was also this wierd remote control chick that I found who the fuck knows where #It ate everything you drove it towrds and then shat out rewards. but everytime it did it got bigger #and eventually it got so big that it started growing without my input and devouring the giant fancy hotel(?) that I was suddenly in #even the little smiley bendy (yes BATIM bendy) face on the controler became a terrified screaming one when the chick got out of control #I think it might've even eaten me? but I wouldn't know because I had suddenly started watching the whole thing go down behind a screen #like I was watching some kind of lets play youtuber play a videogame. #And then I spent some time running from the cops with dipper and mabel pines (?) and then I eventually woke up #Actually I think the chick thing might've happened twice because I felt this wierd sense of deja'vu when it happened #Is it worth mentioning that I had started watching Amphibia before all this? #Also the chick once left me a wierd piece of paper asking #The rewards were Genshin impact character fragments that gave you the character if you collected enough of them and primogems #Did I mention that some wierd Genshin event was going on in the middle of the war and I litterally had surrounded Lumine and Xiao with the #wierd fucking RC chick #And they were mad that it was shitting out Venti fragments and Lumine started yelling about how she wanted him #I beat Martin in the knees witha metal pipe :) #And Im pretty sure he or one of his soldiers beat me with one to #but I was strong and didn't collapsed and it scared them as I kept bonking at them with the pipe #Someone also told me to get on a ride from disneyland I think? and after I got off of that that's when Ooze imposter Martin threatened me #with the post above. #Wow this is the most I've written in the tags in literally my entire Tumblr life