#I don’t want to be alive anymore

[eljayetc]

@buddywakefieldpoetry

#buddy wakefield #human the death dance #EVERY DAY IS ONE DAY LESS #si tw #suicidal ideation tw #tw in tags #tag tag tag tag #I just want to unexist #I don’t want to be here anymore #I don’t want to be alive anymore #I passed my expiration date years ago #I’m not meant for this #*gestures vaguely* #blob #ihe #let me die

[theycallmemomo]

Good to know you couldn’t even keep your word and you didn’t mean a goddamn thing you said.

#heartbroken #i want to die #i don’t want to be alive anymore #please just kill me #goodbye

[shred-cruz]

I tried.

#I’m so fucking stupid #I don’t want to be alive anymore

[texanqueer]

That fucking priest from Fleabag better be right. This shit better pass.

#I don’t want to be alive anymore

[dont--letmebegone]

.

#i don’t want to be alive anymore #whatever tho

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

modern computer viruses are so boring. “Mimimi I wanna mine bitcoin with a botnet using your computer” “I wanna do a DDOS attack on AO3” do something fun and slightly annoying for once. Make a funny lil ambulance drive by on my screen and beep at me, or give me an intense ethical dilemma, or educate me about other viruses. don’t give me this boring repetitive “building a botnet” crap I want ACTION. Try to trash my computer and just accidentally corrupt three files, at *least*.

#/j /j /j #obv I don’t want my computer trashed #but like #while it’s comforting to know most modern viruses aren’t actively destructive to your device #it’s really sad that the funny or kindhearted ones aren’t around anymore #I wish I was alive for the silly ones like Animal or Ambulance

[low-poly-leon]

Woah, slow down babe!

#dmc #devil may cry #mudposting #mud art #I got lazy halfway thru this I don’t care anymore #thog dont caare #I feel like the only guy alive who doesn’t want a remake of this game I don’t want a remake of any game. everyone leave them alone #unless it’s a dmc2 remake because we need context for that game please anything #I need to see HD agonof inis #plus its an excuse to basically just make a new game #what was I going to tag this with. fuck idk #Dante dmc

[yioh]

it’s so weird being at work and doing courses on child protection and reading abt how careful and on guard we need to be to preserve the safety and health of a child and then i go online and i see children on live videos taken at this very moment going through the most horrific terror attacks known to man… , inflicted on them by adults ………… the same adults who’re taught to make sure that none of their actions should even slightly harm a child…. seeing them screaming with blood and tears streaming down their faces and missing limbs because of bombs that grown fucking adults are dropping on them when all my life i’ve learned that no matter what, no matter who, an adult should protect a child from even the smallest of harm breaks my fucking heart man …. free palestine free congo and all the other people being systematically exploited, murdered, abused, abducted .. no one deserves this torture. there is no justification for something this indescribably cruel

#babies that are 17 days old !!!!!!!!!!! #i don’t understand how to live in this world . the more i stay alive the more life loses its meaning. #there are small children getting their limbs amputated with no anaesthesia ….. and we all just have to go abt our daily lives……. #makes me so sick. i never want to have kids in the future #i don’t trust this world with anymore lives

[babyfairy]

it takes about 5 seconds of thinking about my personal life before i start to cry now i think that’s really cool and good. fun too

#said literally 3 words earlier to my mom and started to cry so i stopped immediately like i’m so tired dude. #i don’t want to think about any of it anymore. i wish i could just go on autopilot. i’m so mentally checked out #from everything and everyone. i feel like i’ve given up on almost everything i enjoy doing #i just work go home watch tv sleep and then repeat it all over and over. i can’t be still. i can’t live in the moment anymore really even #because that means i have to be present and absorb what’s actually going on around me. all the change #i feel like i’m fading into the background more and more every day #i don’t even care either it’s just kind of like …? good lol #the more i fight my grief the worse it gets #if i can outrun it until my time here is up then that’s fine. i’m sure i won’t but. lol #anyway if you read all this i’m fine i just don’t really like being alive it’s whack imo nothing brings me joy long term #it’s all fleeting. mostly i just feel blank and disconnected #and that’s it. and tired lol

[songtwo]

idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..

#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today…. #and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop #but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him #and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him #and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself #and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week #it’s been like 5 times since december #but 3 have been on the past month alone #and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident #and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved #and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening #and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again #by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive #and like. idk what to do #i really don’t want to be w someone like this #and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this #but i also can’t abandon him #like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone #but like i don’t want to live like this #maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out #but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg #i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either #and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk #i just don’t know what to do #i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:( #and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week….. #but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now

[goldkirk]

woke up and opened my phone to find my sister sharing “pride is evil dangerous brainwashing and queer people are evil and dangerous and out to corrupt and steal our children for Satan” content so that’s less than ideal

#she’s been escalating in her public stories trying to get me specifically to engage and messaging me several times in the past couple weeks #so I know not to engage bc she just wants a validating fight and I don’t do that anymore #I’m a healing person and she’s not even beginning to heal #but god it feels really bad in every way. just need to sit with this for several hours and feel my feelings and journal about it probably #in other news my dog is super happy to be alive!!!!!!! #the sun is out! the cat is lounging! I had fresh clean water! 10/10 #shh katie #oof tag #personal #family

[alwaysxlarrie]

hii everyone !! i’m super excited to be doing this again ! i know i’m putting this out a bit later than usual in the holiday season, but hopefully the form being open for a bit longer than last year will help balance that out lol.

you can fill out this form if you’d like to receive a christmas / holiday card from me this year :)

friendly and important reminder that no one will see any personal information that you choose to enter on the form besides me. also! some things are the same as last years’ form but there are also a few new things i added. i’ll be shipping internationally + domestic. if anyone has any questions, feel free to dm me or send me an ask !!

(also yes i drew the banner myself i am artisté™️ thank u very much) (jk procreate is just a goddess that allows me to be adequate)

#holiday cards #christmas cards #im so excited!!! #allwaswell16 #alwaysxlarrie #now that i actually have my license rather than a permit #i can actually drive to the post office whenever i want without having to wait for my mom to be available #AND i don’t work in retail anymore so i have MUCH more free time to do these #what a time to be alive lol

[lume-nosity]

I MIGHT GET BANNED I SAID BAD THINGS

this reminds me of the time i got temporarily suspended because all i did was bypass the chat filter by swearing and that was in 2020 (it was a dare and 2020 me was quite the gullible fellow)

it depends on the context and severity of the problem but knowing roblox, they ban people for the smallest reasons like saying “hi” for instance,,, their automated moderation system is broken. so seeing this a few days later i hope they didn’t ban you and instead be more lenient 😞

#📬 lume answers #💛 lumes mutuals #🤍; des! #i haven’t played roblox for months i forgor about it #in fact i left roblox the moment voicechat was introduced because i know that MOST people using that are unhinged #only times i go back is if friends want to play roblox with me #i don’t go there on my own accord anymore (um except maybe breaking point or flicker if those games are even alive) #anyways that’s irrelevant. my lovely pookie wookie hopefully roblox won’t pull a ban hammer move on you 🙏🙏

[lokasxnna]

Almost had a panic attack and called out of work today.

#emily rambles #i got hit with a very big wave of ‘i don’t want to be alive anymore’ #and i started crying and i didn’t think i could see my patients but i did #just 3 more appointments #and i get to go home and cry

[lambentplume]

i’m trying not to beat myself up for not having postgrad plans 😭 yes i am moving at my own pace unfortunately i don’t LIKE my pace,

#jaerambles #i’m so scared. i want to know that things will be fine. #at the very least i have somewhere safe to live so not scared in the physical sense but emotionally #there was previously a lot of pressure on me to Make Something Of Myself but that kind of. lessened with the Problems #but now that i’ve been focusing so hard on fixing the Problems i don’t have any career aspirations and i’m scared of being aimless #i really don’t know what i want and i don’t know how to make the moves necessary to get what i want. at least not anymore #when people ask me if things are possible it’s like damn why didn’t i think about that. damn. #anyway 😭😭😭 i stressed really bad about this all day and now i’m just kind of stuck because i can’t Do anything about it yet. #gotta finish my degree. my degree that i didn’t even like all that much. #that’s the thing that gets me i want so badly to feel alive and not just going through the motions #i’m midway through my twenties i have time but i just don’t like how i’ve been spending it #thank you tag system i love typing in tags. #man. i’m so stressed 😭 my resume is so old i haven’t worked in over 6 months and i have no extracurriculars #like what HAVE i been doing. just being mentally ill.

[scrimple]

i wish i was a good person

i wish i deserved a life on earth

i wish i deserved kindness and love

i wish i could be good enough

i wish i deserved to live

#bunny talks #pathetically slit my wrist trying to die but was unable to cut deep enough #all i did was make a styro on my shoulder. no wrist styros because i kept pulling away #i don’t know what to do with myself anymore #i just know i have to end it and i will someday #then i will be free of all these feelings #i don’t want to be alive if i have to feel this way all the time #i’m tired. let me rest #i just need it to end i just need it to end i need it to end #this life was never worth living #it never will be #i will always be abusive and manipulative and evil as long as i am alive