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seasidesandstarscapes · 5 days

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Right in the Numbers - Chapter 1

Summary:

Don is a major league hockey player with a secret. Sometimes, his paycheck goes to a specific camboy, a far-off fantasy that gets him through lonely nights. It's a great anonymous arrangement, until the camboy pops up as the new goalie for the season. Don is so screwed.

Rating: Explicit

Genre: Modern AU, Hockey, Camming, Strangers to Lovers, Friends with Benefits, Falling in Love, Porn with Plot

(and many more tags on AO3 lol)

Words: 3858

A/N: welp here it is. shout-out to @savvylittlecoxswain who was the main fuel and inspiration behind pretty much all of the hockey stuff that pops up in this fic!!!

AO3

Don’s friends are right, it’s always the quiet ones.

He’s been waiting for this all week, turning down plans because tonight is special. He even has money invested in this. Nothing outrageous of course, but it’d be enough to get a few raised eyebrows if his team ever found out.

Don settles against the headboard, pillows stacked behind him as he opens his laptop. A finger traces around his mouth while he brings up the website, anxiously watching the loading screen.

It’s not time to start yet but the chat is full force, just as excited as Don. He doesn’t really join in, not unless he’s just left a tip, and even then his nerves get the best of him.

The screen blinks and Don holds his breath as a face appears on the screen. The man on the other side is adjusting the camera, smiling and looking directly into the lenses.

If Don pretends, the smile is just for him.

He doesn’t know the man’s real name, but he has his own nickname for the streamer. B. Maybe it’s a bit simple but Don has his reasons.

“You all are begging for it,” B smiles at the screen, his eyes darting over to the chat.

Don rolls his eyes a little at the lewd comments, the over-the-top confessions of love. All B wants is the money and Don’s fine with that.

The string of his hoodie is now in his mouth as he watches B interact with the chat. His laugh is beautiful, smile so big and genuine. Don wonders what really makes B happy, what he does when he’s not camming.

“Well, it’s finally eight o clock,” B scoots back onto the bed. “DH22 bought tonight’s tier, so this one’s for you, baby.”

Don blushes. No one knows it’s him, B only knows him as a username, but it still feels so personal.

Dressed in just a white t-shirt and jeans, B sits back on his heels, legs spread so his erection presses against the restraining fabric. Don exhales sharply through his nose, his own cock stirring to attention.

B bites his lip, runs his hands down his sides, across his thighs.

“Been waiting for you all day,” B sighs. “Wanted to get off so bad.”

Don swallows, wonders if he should say something in the chat. He hesitates before throwing all hell to the wind.

But you didn’t, did you?

There is a ding on B’s end and Don realizes notifications for his responses are turned on.

“That’s right,” B pops the button of his jeans. “I was good for you.”

This is almost too much. With a swear, Don shoves his sweatpants and briefs out of the way, gives his cock a quick stroke. Meanwhile, B drags his zipper open, slides his underwear down just enough so the tip of his cock is peeking out.

“Since I was such a good boy, do I get rewarded?”

Fuck. Don is tempted to really drag this out, but B is the picture of sin.

Touch yourself nice and slow.

B groans with relief, pulls out his cock and teases with his fingers. He slides his hand lazily along the length, moaning and throwing his head back.

So perfect. Just for me.

Don wants to die. He doesn’t know why he typed that, barely remembers doing so.

“Yeah, I’m all yours,” B smiles. “Wish you were here to fill me up.”

Squeezing the base of his cock, Don holds off his impending orgasm. He can’t finish so soon, not when the real show is yet to come.

Can you finger yourself? Open up for me?

Any initial embarrassment is starting to fade. Don is safe behind a computer screen, he can be as filthy and demanding as he wants. After all, he did pay for tonight’s show.

“Oh fuck yeah,” B grins.

He strips out of his clothes, turns around so his back is to the camera. B flashes a smile over his shoulder, grabs a bottle of lube and coats his fingers.

“I bet your fingers are bigger than mine,” B sighs as he slides the first finger in. “God, you’d stretch me so good.”

Don can only dream and he moans as B falls forward, his ass and hole taking up most of the screen.

“Oh, fuck,” B whines, shoving more fingers into his tight hole. “Fuck me, D.”

Blood pounds in Don’s ears as he fists his cock. B is way too good at this. He’s a flirt, charming, and so incredibly hot. It’s no wonder he’s a top star in the cam world.

“Baby,” B pants, twisting just enough so the camera can catch his face. “Can I use my dildo?”

Don knows just which one B is going to use and he almost explodes at the thought.

Of course.

B lights up, reaches off camera to grab the toy. It’s skin colored and veined, exactly the same size as Don’s cock. At least, if he’s done his math right. He didn’t stay up until 5 after that live-stream for nothing.

The dildo slides easily into B and he sits up to fill himself all the way.

“Oh my god,” Don groans, squeezing his cock.

“Yes, D, oh fuck,” B moans as he lifts himself and slams back down. “Just imagine your hands on me.”

It would be better than his first goal. Better than making the leagues. Don’s hand is flying now and he doesn’t last as B fucks the dildo.

Don cries out as he comes, coating his hand, getting some on his hoodie. He pumps through the sensitivity, his ears filled with B’s moans and whines.

“I’m close,” B stammers.

Come for me then.

Don doesn’t know how he manages to type that and grimaces at his cum covered hand.

B adjusts his position so the camera has a perfect side view of him, dildo underneath him, cock bouncing against his stomach.

Becoming incoherent and babbling, B comes untouched, back arching, white ribbons spilling across his body and bed. B shakes through the orgasm, closes his eyes as he collects himself.

Good boy.

B smiles at the camera, faces it as he drags his fingers through the cum on his stomach and chest.

“Just for you, DH22.”

Thank you.

It’s cheesy but Don means it. Tonight was amazing and hot. Post-orgasm, B is beautiful, disheveled and smiling.

“I should be thanking you,” B laughs a little. “I hope you’ll be getting another tier again.”

He winks at the camera and Don heaves a sigh. He has to remind himself this is just a transaction, no meaning behind it. With a quick goodbye, Don leaves the chat, closes his laptop.

He needs a shower.

It’s the usual locker room camaraderie on this Monday and Don tries to tape up his stick without any interference.

He’s thinking over what he needs to focus on during practice when the locker room door opens. Ulbrickson walks in and everyone goes silent.

“I’m sure you’ve all heard the rumors and I’m here to tell you it’s true.”

There are glances exchanged, conversations to be had later, but for now the team keeps listening.

“So, while Morry is recovering, we have a new goalie. Don’t give him a hard time,” Ulbrickson says and opens the door.

The next person who walks in is a shorter man with dark hair and brilliant blue eyes. His stare is challenging, fiery, but Don’s heart is in his stomach.

It’s fucking B.

He’s seen this man naked, heard his voice during sex. And now here he is looking around the room and locking eyes with Don.

Don panics, stares at his feet. No, this can’t be. B is just a fantasy behind a camera, not right in front of him, real as can be.

“Name’s Bobby Moch,” B introduces. “No need to go easy on me cause I sure won’t with you.”

He flashes a grin then and the locker room relaxes, a few laughs here and there. Not that Don is feeling anything but abject terror. He might give himself away, might say the wrong thing during practice.

He looks up as Bobby approaches him and he thinks to run.

“Guess this stall is mine then?” Bobby points to the empty one next to Don.

Shit.

“Uh, yeah. I think,” Don mumbles, trying to focus back on his stick.

Bobby just shrugs and gets ready for practice by taking off his shirt first. Don wants the ground to swallow him up and he rushes through taping and getting fully geared up.

He’s just about to leave when a hand on his arm stops him.

“Always nice to meet a fan,” Bobby says quietly with a smirk.

Don’s eyes widen and he stumbles back before rushing out of the locker room. He’s so screwed.

He scrambles onto the ice, but even the comfort of his blades cutting into his turns don’t quell the storm inside of him.

It must be radiating because Joe comes over, nudges him.

“New goalie rubbing you the wrong way?”

Not quite, Don thinks. “What do you mean?” He tries to feign innocence.

Joe raises an eyebrow, laughs under his breath. “Haven’t seen you like this since Chuck gave you that drunk lap dance.”

Don doesn’t want to remember that night, especially with Bobby clamoring onto the ice. He’s a bulky form now, hidden behind the goalie helmet and Don breathes a sigh of relief. He doesn’t know if he could get through practice seeing Bobby’s face clearly.

“It’s nothing,” Don quickly says and Joe opens his mouth.

It’s then when Ulbrickson calls for drills. Thankful for this saving grace, Don gives Joe a small shrug, as if to apologize, though he’s not sorry at all. Right now, he just has to focus on the ice, the stick in his hands. He sees Bobby out of the corner of his eye but does his best to ignore him.

It goes fine until it’s time to practice scoring on Bobby. Don has no choice but to look at him now and hates how Bobby’s eyes bore into him. He must realize by now who Don is exactly. He can practically feel the number on his jersey screaming out to Bobby.

He doesn’t mean to take a backseat while the guys shoot pucks at Bobby, but right now he needs all the time he can get.

Bobby is a force to be reckoned with. No one can get a goal past him and now everyone is starting to doubt themselves. It’s Don’s turn at last, nowhere to run, and he swallows, tightens his grip on his stick.

Don inhales sharply through his nose, bats the puck a bit before he tries to pull a fast one on Bobby.

It doesn’t work.

Bobby blocks his puck, sends it scattering away with a hollow echo. It’s quiet in the arena and Don chews around the mouthguard.

Ulbrickson says something to the team but Don doesn’t hear it. He can only watch as Bobby gives him a smug grin, raised eyebrows challenging him.

Don’s hands are clammy, a lump has formed in his throat. He’s going to be off the team today at this rate. If all it takes is one man to throw him off his groove, Don can only imagine how the games will be.

Bobby moves out from the net, sidles in close to Don.

“DH22, huh?” Bobby’s voice is so quiet, Don has to strain to hear it. “I had fun with you last night.”

Don chokes on his own spit, eyes going wide as Bobby goes back to his previous position. Bobby is smiling like he’s won the Stanley Cup and Don wants to cry.

“You okay, Humesy?” Roger asks, skating up next to Don’s frozen form.

“Hm?” Don blinks.

His mind is a mess of confusion, horniness and god knows what else as Bobby’s words echo in his ears.

“You’re kinda blocking the way if we want to practice on Bobby.”

Don wishes Roger hadn’t said it like that and he winces as he skates to the side.

“Alright, give it to me, baby!” Bobby cajoles the team and gives Don a wink.

Maybe if he faints he can escape this cruel twist of fate.

“You think you can take all of us at once, Moch?” Chuck calls back.

The mental image in Don’s head is killing him and he panics when a hand lands on his shoulder.

“You don’t look so good,” Jim’s eyes shine with concern.

Shaking his head, Don forces a smile. “I’m fine. Great.”

Jim isn’t convinced, but he lets Don be as he joins the others. Even with eight guys scoring on him, Bobby manages to block most of the shots and Don thinks he sees a trace of a smile on Ulbrickson’s face.

If only he could feel the same way.

When they’re finished with practice, changing out of their uniforms for the day, Don nearly screams when Bobby sidles up next to him.

“Last game with the Preds, you played pretty solidly,” Bobby compliments as he strips himself down.

Don focuses on his stall, his chance to escape as Bobby keeps chatting, just standing around in his briefs. Sure, he’s seen Bobby with a dick up his ass but this is different.

“Think you could change it up a little though.”

“What does that mean?” Don frowns as his jersey drops to the floor.

Bobby laughs, clear and bright. “During practice. You went for your usual deke.”

He bends down and picks up Don’s jersey for him. Don tries to ignore the curve of his spine, the flex of his shoulder.

“That so?” Don mumbles as he takes the jersey from Bobby.

“Yeah. Well, I’m going to hit the showers. Wait for me?”

Don knows he should refuse. Should just run, but he just nods his head and settles into defeat. At this Bobby gives Don a wide smile and a slap on the back.

Well, actually he slaps his ass.

Before Don can say anything Bobby has already slipped away.

The sting of the slap sends a shiver along Don’s body. Already Bobby is comfortable with him and Don can’t find it in himself to be anything but enamored. He’s even tempted to follow Bobby into the showers.

Then, Don collects himself and he curses his growing erection.

He could run home and just take care of this on his own, but anticipation hangs in the air. Maybe Bobby has something else in mind. It’s stupid to hope but Don can’t help himself and he makes a grocery list in his head to ignore his hormones.

Bobby’s shower is quick and he seems pleasantly surprised to see Don waiting for him. Most of the team is gone by now and Bobby glances around before leaning close to Don.

“Your place or mine?”

Right here if they could.

But Don composes himself and shrugs. He couldn’t care less if this means what he thinks it does.

Bobby chuckles, drops his towel to change and Don is a tomato. He looks away, pretends he doesn’t already know where every freckle and mole sits on Bobby’s skin.

“Such a gentleman,” Bobby pulls Don from his mind.

Bobby is dressed now, jeans and a hoodie, and he pulls Don from the locker room. No one seems to notice to Don’s relief and before he knows it they’re at an unfamiliar car.

“Wait,” Bobby frowns. “Did you drive here?”

Don shakes his head. “I usually get a ride from one of the guys.”

“Oh good,” Bobby smiles as he climbs into the driver’s seat and motions Don to get in the car as well.

The first thing Don notices is how much the car smells like flowers. He spots the air freshener easily, a cartoonish daisy dangling from the rear view mirror. It’s rather cute.

Bobby’s eyes sparkle as they head off, but no words are exchanged. Don doesn’t even know where to start. A simple “Was I what you expected?” doesn't seem to cut it.

They pull into a parking lot and Don is in a haze as he follows Bobby up to his apartment. It’s spacious and clean, bright decorations that just scream for Don to look at them. He’s not surprised Bobby has such a nice place. He can only imagine Bobby’s supplemental income on top of being in major league hockey. And that’s the other thing.

“How has no one else found your channel?” Don blurts out before he can stop himself.

Bobby laughs with a shrug. “I’m sure they have, but there’s been worse scandals in the leagues. You saw me at practice anyways. They’d be idiots to cut me.”

Don supposes Bobby is right and apologizes for his abrupt question.

“It’s fine,” Bobby waves him off. “Always happy to educate.”

There’s no doubt of that in Don’s mind and he only registers he’s in Bobby’s bedroom when Bobby shoves him back onto the mattress. It’s softer than the camera makes it look and Don can see all the equipment and toys shoved to the corner of the room.

“Can I ride you?” Bobby climbs on top of Don, braces himself over him.

Don can only nod, still in disbelief he’s here. With his porn crush.

Bobby leans down and kisses Don deeply before he jumps off to strip out of his clothes. Don figures he better follow suit, but he feels awkward and gangly as his foot gets stuck in his jeans.

“Here.” Bobby helps Don with the last of his clothes before he’s attacking him again, kissing along his jaw and down his neck.

“Fuck, if I had known I’d be meeting you like this, I would’ve given you last night’s show free,” Bobby pants as he trails his mouth across Don’s chest.

Don moans, but whether it’s at Bobby’s words or his lips, he’s not sure.

“Can’t wait to get you inside me. Gonna be so good,” Bobby kisses Don’s stomach.

He goes lower, a ghost of a breath along Don’s cock. Don shudders, can’t even think of a single thing to say. He’s sure this is all just a dream.

A bottle of lube bounces next to him and Bobby sits at his waist.

“Finger me?” Bobby asks, his eyes begging, lip almost in a pout.

Don’s heart thuds in his chest and he sits up to crash into Bobby with another kiss as he opens the lube. Fingers coated, he traces his hand to Bobby’s hole, soaking in the shudder and bated breath Bobby gives him.

Licking his lips, Don prods with the first finger, watching Bobby’s face. His eyes roll up, he’s in pure ecstasy as Don pushes the digit further in. He’s fingered himself before and enjoyed it, but Bobby makes it seem like there’s no greater pleasure.

“God I knew it,” Bobby gasps. “Your fingers are so big.”

“I only have one in you.”

Bobby huffs with a grin and wraps his arms around Don’s shoulders. “You know what I mean.”

Don copies Bobby’s smile, kisses his collarbone as he slides another finger next to the first. Bobby bites down on his lip and Don worries Bobby will draw blood until Bobby lets out a heady moan as Don drags his fingers out.

“Please, please, I’m so ready,” Bobby grips tight to Don.

Better safe than sorry, Don takes the time to stuff Bobby three fingers full, dragging his fingertips along the inside of Bobby’s hole. His mouth marks up Bobby’s shoulders, neck, and Bobby makes no protest, only holding Don closer.

After a bit more fingering, Bobby whimpers, grinds his neglected cock against Don’s stomach. His impatience takes over and he lifts himself off Don’s fingers, shoves him to lay back on the bed.

Snatching a condom from the bedside table, Bobby drags it over Don’s cock, a prideful smile as Don arches off the bed. He’s not going to last long.

Bobby is careful as he guides the tip into his hole, discomfort only flashing once across his face. It takes more than one try, but once Bobby is fully seated, the two men groan in tandem.

“So much better than a dildo,” Bobby sighs as he wiggles his hips.

“Even better than the tentacle one?” Don quips under his breath but Bobby catches it all the same.

“Well, it’s close but I think you just edge out on top,” Bobby teases.

The two laugh which quickly turns into swearing as Bobby moves on Don’s cock.

Bobby’s hands splay across Don’s stomach, his knees taking the rest of the weight as he slides up and down the length.

Don grabs onto Bobby’s hips, thrusts each time Bobby comes down. Bobby writhes and moans, his eyes shut tight and fingers curling. Don refuses to miss a single second of Bobby, staring so intensely, he wouldn’t be surprised if Bobby caught on fire.

Bobby clenches around him and Don is lost. He can’t think beyond his release, what Bobby will look like when he comes. He’s seen it a million times, but this will outshine them all.

“Don,” Bobby moans, and Don sits up, holding Bobby tight against him.

Their movements are haphazard, yet steady and before Don knows it, he’s coming with a stuttered moan. Bobby keeps grinding against him, repeating his name and Don’s about to pass out when he feels warmth spill on his skin.

They hold onto each other, silence overtaking the room before Bobby pulls back with a brilliant smile.

“Damn, I’ve gotta have you on the channel sometime.”

Don blushes, unsure of what to say as Bobby peels himself off and stumbles to the hallway. Still in a bit of stunned silence, Don takes off the condom and silently thanks Bobby for the trash can that sits right next to the bed.

“Here.”

A washcloth smacks Don in the face and he rolls his eyes at Bobby’s laughter.

“You’re lucky I like you,” Don says as he cleans himself off.

“Fuck yeah, I am,” Bobby curls up next to Don, his body squeaky clean.

Don doesn’t ask and when Bobby takes the washcloth, sets it to the side, they lay back in the bed, tangling up in the sheets.

“So,” Bobby starts. “Is this cool?”

“The sex or…?” Don isn’t sure what Bobby is getting at and he prepares himself for the conversation to go any which way.

“I mean,” Bobby shrugs. “It’s kinda hard to date when we’re on the road so much. But I liked this.”

“No strings attached?” Don offers.

Relief washes over Bobby’s face and he nods. “I mean if it’s alright.”

“Fine with me.”

Don gets it. His last serious relationship ended in an all out war. He doesn’t need the drama and if this never happens again, then at least Don gets to say he slept with Bobby once.

If he’s being honest, this is freeing. Exciting even. There’s no risk of heartbreak and the day they have to say goodbye, at least it will be on good terms.

Yeah, Don thinks he can definitely handle this.

#coxstroke #bobby moch #don hume #bobby moch x don hume #don hume x bobby moch #salix's sideblog escapades #savvylittlecoxswain #y'all ready for this cause i sure aint

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faerociousbeast · 1 year

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hi! im fae. as made obvious by the 'fae' part in every single one of my usernames but i feel it should be stated regardless

faemesbond -> faey -> faejoshi -> faeslur -> faggotfae -> faejoshi -> faggotfae (happy pride)

ill probably change it again at some point bc ive snatched a bunch of good ones BUT the general rule is, if the user on your dash is dumb and has fae in it, its usually yours truly

other info: i don't tag most slurs, i don't tag swearing caps etc, i don't usually tag nsfw or suggestive jokes, i do flirt with my friends around my age so please let me know if any of that makes you feel uncomfortable!

please tag: mentions/images/references to club penguin with "fae don(')t look"

#pinned

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albino-whumpee · 2 years

Photo

Hello!

Once again I´m opening commissions! I will put some of the reasons below the cut, but primarily, this batch of commissions will have a discounted price until the 31st of December.

On the 1st of January 2023, prices will go back to normal. So if you were considering commissioning me, this is your chance!

FAQ

Payments through Paypal or Ko-fi Donations. In case of Ko-fi please first send me a DM and then add your username into your Kofi note.

Payments on USD.

I ask for reference pictures. Picrews, moodboards, specific clothing choices, face claims, drawings, etc. Please be sure to send them! In case you don´t have any, please give a detailed description of what you wish to see, the general “mood” or emotion you wish to feel with the piece and other physical and personal details (such as scars or mindset).

I charge an extra $20 USD fee for each extra character added to the piece.

From the 3rd revision onwards, I will charge a 20% extra fee for each change.

What I do and won´t do

Whump

Ocs and Fanart

People with animalistic traits such as tails and ears.

Animals

Suggestive or +18 content

Won´t do

Furries

Overly complicated backgrounds

Comics**

Mechas

Excessive gore

**I will only do 1 page long comics and the rate will be discussed privately.

For any other questions or inquiries, please send me a DM or an email to:

[email protected]

Any reblogs, comments, job proposals, donations, reblogs or even just “good luck” messages are welcomed! No worries if you can´t commission or support either. I completely understand.

ok now that I have said everything necessary, I can explain myself a little.

From some time now I have been severely suicidal. I have always been suicidal since I was 9. But this last few months have become really difficult. Talking with my doctor and therapist, we´ve concluded two possibilities.

1. I may have a brain injury or some type of neurological defect that has been making my depression persistent and resistent to medication. I need to have a few tests run to rule out this possibility.

2. The environment I´m at is not letting me progress even if I try.

I don´t wanna talk about my whole family drama and trauma dump you, because even though it is a reason for my depression and suicidal ideation, it´s not the actual problem.

If I want to make art my actual job, I gotta live from it.

I know my portfolio isn´t strong enough to present to any company right now, so I will be taking measures in order to have something of quality.

But in the meanwhile, I want to make a cushion that helps me move out.

I would truly appreciate if you can support me by commissioning me or donating. If you know about any job offers I´m also all ears. I´m not naive enough to think this can be my only source of income. At least not for now. So I am also searching for a day job to create that cushion quicker.

If you´re down here, I thank you for reading and caring.

#art commissions #art #digital art #illustrations #painting #illustration #drawing #doodle #sketch

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pick-me-up-im-scared · 8 months

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Get To Know Me(-ish)

I was thinking I could answer some typical “get to know me” questions, if anyone’s interested in reading them. If not, I’ve just done it for myself, I guess. Anyway, I’ve found these on Google. Let me know if there’s someone to credit! (prepare for me babbling on about completely useless stuff)

What's your name? Julianna (but I´m open for any nicknames, especially "my little ps5 cooling fan")

How old are you? I turned 23 this year. Yep, I´m having an internal crisis

What's your sexuality? I will say bisexual for now. But there´s a VERY high chance I'll change it to 100% lesbian. Like, right know girls are the only thing that interests me.

What I love the most about myself? I´m very kind and loyal. It could be seen as something bad, ik. But I´m trying to not let people use it against me. I also believe I'm a good listener, which is somethings I'm proud about. I'd also like to think I could make a boring task funny, like grocery shopping or doing the dishes.

What I dislike the most about myself? I have a pretty bad temper, I blame it on my dad. If I'm pissed, don´t even bother trying to calm me down. Just give me a few minutes to myself and I'll be back. But that leads me into the next thing I hate about myself, I hold onto things for waaaay to long. If someone did something bad 5 years ago you better believe I still think about it. I´m also stubborn and think about other people´s opinion SOMETIMES, but let's not focus on that. I like to believe I just need to find "the right person" to pull me out of that mindset...

What are your favorite movies? This is suuuuuch a hard fucking hard questions for someone who enjoys movies like I do. And I’m not saying it in a “I like to watch movies like every other fucking person on this planet”, I mean I’m like sooo invested you wouldn’t even want to go see a movie with me. There’s no such thing as talking while the movie is playing. I even pay attention to the small things the actors do to make their role more “truthful”………yeah, I’m a maniac.

Anyways, I won’t even try to list all the movies I like or else we’d be here for YEARS! But two movies I can rewatch the second the credits starts to roll is either Once Upon A Time In Hollywood or The Dark Knight. But I also enjoy kids movies a little than I should…….but that’s a whole other story.

What's your favorite song? If the previous question was hard, then this is on fucking Viagra. I listen to sooo much music with such a variety. Like I listen to every genre there is! But I’ll give you three songs I haven’t grown tired of yet, even though I have them on repeat 24/7:

José Feliciano - California Dreaming

The Strokes - Repitila

Justin Bieber - Hard To Face Reality

What are your hobbies? I´m trying to make myself busy with literally anything. I can't stand the thought of not being productive (doesn't stop me from laying in bed, watching youtube for hours!). So basically anything productive. Drawing, some sculpturing (nothing professional, calm down), very rarely write (obviously, I haven´t been updating this blog for like ages!). Recently I've been trying to learn how to play the piano AND electric guitar (ik, you can give me your number after the show).

Do you plan your outfits? Yeah, way more than I think anyone who sees me thinks. Idk how many nights I've spent, planning out in my head the outfit for the next day. Even if you see me wearing sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt you better believe that t-shirt wasn't the first one I tried on. Even if I´m going to the fucking hospital I can´t wear socks that doesn't match with the rest of the outfit...

The meaning behind my username? Tbh, I just started thinking of random stuff, like "sayings" that doesn't sound too...cringe? Then the Patrick meme of him in a knitted sweater with the writing "Mom, can you pick me up? I´m scared" (or something like that) popped into my head. I rephrased it a little before checked if it was taken, and it wasn't.

Any addition? Vanilla Coke or/and Dr Pepper (apart from my huge cocaine addiction), like I´m obsessed. Ik it sounds sooo dramatic, but if I had a no limit access to either of those sodas I'd die of diabetes in a week. If you want to get in my pants, just buy me a can and I'll get on my knees and propose to you.

Turn ons? I could say something like "eyes" and "hands", but I'll say some features I don´t think are AS common, but I go craaazy for. One of them would be scars. I can't explain to you how fucking kneebendingly HOT I think scars are. Idc if it's from acne, self harm or an actual injury. It's. So. Fucking. Attractive! People who's self contious about their scars, hit me up!

Second thing I find really attractive is backs, idk why but I just find them so ecstatically pleasing especially filled with scratches of my nails.

Turn offs? People who's playing hard to get or think they're hot shit! I've spend too much of my teenage years chasing those type of assholes. And people who think people like that, wtf is wrong with you? I'd have a nerdy sweetheart everyday of the week! These fuckboy-type of behavior needs to be stopped, istg. If you like me, tell me that! (also, I need that clarification every now and then, otherwise I'll think you despise me...)

What skill would you most like to learn? To be able to comprehend any social situations without wanting to blow my brains out. I´m the worse when it comes to socializing, like overall. Doesn't matter if it's my relatives or complete strangers, I'll dig my nails so hard into palms inside my pockets. People who can start having a random discussion with someone on the streets, or blend in with their partner´s family first time they meet them PURLEY amaze me. I wanna be like them sooo bad.

Favorite ice cream flavor? I will say just plain vanilla, CAUSE if a brand is good the flavoring doesn't need to be so complicated (to slap). The brands who has these crazy flavor combinations are usually doing it to try and conceal their shitty ice cream *cough* Ben & Jerry *cough*. But if I wouldn't choose that I'd probably be something super childish, like "rainbow bubblegum cotton candy confetti".

Dogs or cats? I know the lesbian community will throw me out, but I 100% choose dogs. Idc what you say, cats are satans creation!

Favorite quote? "When you're having a bad day, don´t forget you're ugly too"

Favorite sport? I´m not really into sports. I was never an athletic kid. But whenever there´s pingpong on tv, I'm in a trance. Like I'll spend HOURS watching that shit without even knowing the rules.

#get to know me #why am i doing this #no one will read this

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theyaremycrocsyoudonut · 3 months

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Thank you @anthruser for tagging me! I've never done one of these before so any and all corrections/recommendations are welcome.

🔠Name: I'm hiding my Tumblr account from a couple of friends so I don't want to say my name, but for the sake of brevity I guess you can call me Don (theyaremycrocsyoudonut haha get it ba-dum tssss)

🌀How do you pronounce your own Tumblr handle in your head? My username is a combination of the "what are those???" "They are my crocs" meme and Gordon Ramsay yelling at some poor wannabe chef and calling him a donut. So I imagine the crocs meme in a really angry Gordon Ramsay voice

🪟When you look out the window right now what do you see? The apartment complex beside mine. I wish I could see some trees though. Trees fuck

💼What is the most unusual profession someone in your family was in? I can't think of one that really stands out. Almost everyone in my family practices an "unusual" profession, but not like mind-boggling unusual, you know. My mother is a counselor for the ministry of immigration, specializing in securing EU programs and funding for the immigrants. My dad is responsible for the security of my country's equivalent of the Pentagon, I think it is the ministry of external affairs? My grandfather was the captain of various cargo ships and travelled the entirety of the world like 3-4 times, which for me is the coolest profession on the list. My other grandfather was a helicopter pilot and a meteorologist for the Air Force.

🎨What hobby were you really into as a kid? I was really into speedcubing. Then I continued to learn how to solve new cubes till I was about 16. I wasn't ever freakishly good at it but I was decent. My personal best at the classic 3x3 was 29.7 seconds and I intend to get into this hobby again when I finish my exams and lower it even more.

🔍First autofill Google result when you type 'How can I...? "How can I see who unfollowed me on Instagram" Turns out you can't unless you search for them by name

🎶If you were the main character in a sitcom, what song would be playing during the opening credits? Oraia tipissa I zoi- by Psycho(or by Akikloforita on Spotify)

🎬What's the last movie you watched? The Iron Claw. Holy fuck you cannot understand how much of a masterpiece this film was. It baffles me how it did not get a single Oscar nomination. Visually it was a masterpiece. I don't cry easily, but this movie had me slobbering like a 7 year old. Those few final scenes and the reference on ancient Greek mythology fucking broke me. 10/10 please watch this immediately or I will explode.

🎥What's your favorite movie genre? Whatever Tarantino makes (ik that as a person he sucks but his movies are FIRE) and the entire genre of "obsessed artist"(see Whiplash, I, Tonya, Black Swan and such)

🍿What movie would you recommend? I could go on forever but I'm going to try and be brief. All of the aforementioned films + Pour Things (an ode to absurdism), Babylon (truly an underrated gem), Eteros Ego (the best film of modern Greek cinema, an amazingly well put thriller and can be found on YouTube with English subs).

👯‍♀️Do your IRL humans know about your fandom life? Well, because of my inability to shut up they know about it. The thing is, I don't want them to see just how deep my shameless obsession goes. Which has created a problem, cause now they're BEGGING me to give them my username. I've promised to give it to them after our exams, so shout-out to R and T if they're seeing this then. Love you guys 🫶🫶🫶

🚣🏼‍♀️If you could do one activity with your pocket/fandom friends what would it be? We would go to John Wells's house and very kindly set it on fire <3. Then we would go for a picnic or something idk.

I don't know most of you personally, so I don't want to be annoying and tag anyone that doesn't want to be tagged. I'd love to get to know more about you all though so I have someone to tag in the future!

#shameless #tag game

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cocamalfeta · 8 months

Note

Regarding that 'not a shipper, swear I'm not even though I'm all up in shipper rhetoric' anon giving you advice (lol) and asking why the company would promote one 'gay' r/s while protecting another, the simple answer is deniability.

All idols do fanservice. That's expected, it's practically demanded by the fans, so everyone turns a blind eye to the 'gayness' of it because there's a level of deniability that allows fans to see cute moments while also believing their idol is still accessible to them.

However when you got idols in a same sex r/s also doing fanservice, you completely lose the deniability factor and you give people looking for a 'gotcha' moment more evidence towards their headlines and stories should any hint of the reality of the situation come to light.

If I'm not dating my friend then a touch is just a touch but if I am dating my friend then that touch becomes so much more.

So that's why the company would push one and not the other because if anyone ever questioned the fanservice between a pair who arent romantically involved, they know there's nothing real for them to uncover, no secrets that they could bring to light---but with a pair who are actually involved, they no longer have that security or guarantee.

And it's really not worth discussing anything else with someone who can't even grasp something as simple as that.

Yes, very well explained, thank you. Won't you disclose your username? I dont even know what i'm doing writing about these things lol --i think its because as I'm writing i don t feel the need to scroll or repost so much It gets so boring

#bts ships #shipping culture

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reelovesbuckybarnes · 1 year

Text

Please all you that knows @the-tj-hammond you anonymous people please for god`s sake ...

PLEASE STAY OFF MY BLOG AND STOP HARASSING ME! PLEASE STOP I AM ON THE VERGE OF COMMITING SUICIDE IF THIS DOES NOT STOP!

and another thing i did not stalk ''he's friends on my instagram i am not even going to give my insta username on here i might get attacked and harrased there as well. i just wanted to know as to why ''He'' blocked me . Now is that stalking?!

Please get off my back and stay off my asks and my blogs.

@j-bucky-barnes-anon @asipofwineandfandoms @oh-my-damn @buckysbarnes @musette22 @sarahrogersevans @musicandchat @filmgifs @just-shower-thoughts @justarandomgirly @rob-pattinson @askhawkybarton and all my followers if any of these anons are saying bad things about me or wants to do me any harm please report and block them i am fearing for my life now on here . I really need your help here guys i honestly don`t know what to do.

I am too afraid to check my email . I am even too scared to check what`s going on my blog .

#help please #in danger #fearing for my life

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tonkitelevision · 2 years

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capitainelevi · 2 years

Link

I`m on Twitter!!

#I don`t know any of your usernames :(

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prissy-andrews-is-that-bitch · 4 years

Text

Evening Stars

I finally did it!! Here's the first chapter of the fanfic I said I would write, thank you so much @delphinelacroix @pauciloxuent and @bleuaceofsparrows for being my betas! I'll post this on ao3 but first I want to figure out the tags I want to use.

<><><>

Chapter I

It’s around midnight, and they’re still talking.

princess_cordelia: I can’t believe we talked to each other for the whole day, it’s already midnight!

the_good_doctor: Well, I guess I lose track of time when I’m talking to you.

Anne can’t control the smile on her face. Whoever this guy is, he always knows the right thing to say to make her smile.

princess_cordelia: I’m getting really tired, I think I’m going to go to sleep. Goodnight, talk to you tomorrow.

the_good_doctor: Nooooo, don’t leave me alone in the dark of the night.

princess_cordelia: I’m not leaving you, I’m going to sleep. You should do the same, don’t want you looking like a zombie in school tomorrow morning.

the_good_doctor: If you say so… Goodnight, sleep well

princess_cordelia: You too

She turns her computer off and goes to sleep, wondering who could be on the other side of the screen.

It all started around a month ago when she went to the Queens University website and saw that she could talk to other future students. So she decided to create an account to make new friends and possibly a kindred spirit. Unfortunately, it didn’t go that well. Most of the people she talked to weren’t that interesting and some of them weren't exactly looking for a friend.

Until one day, when she found this profile of a boy who seemed pretty interesting to talk to. Anne eventually found out that they go to the same school. The only problem is that she has no idea about his identity. The accounts are created under a username and for some reason, she never bothered to ask who he was.

-----

Anne is at the library studying with her bosom friend Diana. Miss Stacy gave them a lot of homework and they were using the extra time to study.

“Have you heard about Jane’s Halloween party?” Diana asked as she gave up on her math homework

“Isn't Halloween still two weeks away?” Anne answers, not looking away from her notebook.

“I mean, it is, but everyone is already talking about it.” Diana moves closer to her friend, lowering her voice, “Do you think your prince charming is going?”

Anne can feel her cheeks getting as red as her hair and starts to really regret telling Diana about her mysterious penpal.

“He’s not my prince charming.” She raises her head. “And to answer your question, no, we haven't talked about it.”

Diana checks the time on her phone. “I have to go, or else I'll be late for my piano class. We'll talk about this later.” She gets up and gathers all her stuff.

Anne hugs her friend goodbye “Have fun at the piano class.”

“You know I won't. I'll text you when I'm done.”

Anne ponders going home too, but she knows she's more productive in the library than at home. And there is still a lot of undone schoolwork.

A few minutes pass when she feels someone touching her shoulder; it’s Gilbert Blythe, her academic rival. “Do you mind if I sit here? There aren't any other free chairs.”

Anne looks around and notices he’s right; the library is, in fact, crowded with people. Avonlea has a really small library.

She moves her stuff to the side. “Sure.”

Anne doesn't really know what to think of Gilbert. When she first met him, she completely hated him because once he made fun of her hair. Which led Anne to hit him in the face with a big binder.

However, things are different now. They aren’t exactly friends, but Anne now allows herself to have a conversation or two with Gilbert.

“So,” Gilbert starts as he unpacks his stuff. “Have you studied for tomorrow’s geography test?”

Anne freezes, oh no.

“Don’t tell me you forgot about it,” the boy says, holding back a smile.

“What? No, of course I didn't.”

She did, in fact, forget about it. But there's no way she's letting Gilbert Blythe know that.

“I just realized how late it is, Marilla told me to be home before dinner,” she lies.

“If you say so. See you tomorrow then,” Gilbert says.

“See ya,” Anne says while dashing out of the library. Green Gables isn't that far from there so she can easily walk between the two places. Well, in this case, run between the two places.

Five minutes later she arrives home, heading directly to her room. The redhead starts studying, only stopping once because Marilla insisted that she had to eat dinner. Anne got almost no sleep that night, only closing her eyes one hour before she had to wake up. She guessed one hour of sleep is better than none.

The day felt more like a year. The test didn't go that bad but obviously the lack of studying was noticed. When she gets home the first thing she does is go straight to her bed and sleep.

She sleeps for hours until she wakes up hungrier than ever, so she goes downstairs as quietly as possible to have some of the dinner leftovers. When she comes back to her room she checks her phone and notices that she has a text from the Queen's boy.

the_good_doctor: Hey, is everything alright? You haven't answered any of my texts, did I do anything wrong?

No, no, no, Anne wants to apologize for worrying him. In person would be the best way but she can’t do that given to the fact she has no idea who he is. She decides to write an e-mail instead. So she begins:

“I'm so incredibly sorry. I didn't mean to ignore you for two days, what happened was that I forgot I had a test today so I spent yesterday night studying, I hardly got any sleep. So today when I got home the first thing I did was go to bed, I just woke up. By now you are probably already asleep, but I hope you forgive me. You didn't do anything wrong, I should've said something. Sorry I worried you.”

Yeah, that'll work. It's almost 1 am, he'll probably only see it in the morning.

Or so she thought because a few minutes later she gets a text from him. What the heck is that boy doing this late at night?

the_good_doctor: A lot of people seem to be forgetting about their tests lately. Anyway, I'm not mad, I was just worried. So what are you doing up so late?

That’s a weird thing to say, how many people does he know that forgot about the test dates?

princess_cordelia: What do you mean? Also, I should be the one asking that question. I slept for the entire afternoon. It's obvious I can't sleep now, so what are you doing up so late?

the_good_doctor: Ignore it. Okay, fair enough, I was actually about to fall asleep, you were the one to wake me up, but honestly, I don't mind waking up if it’s to your texts.

princess_cordelia: Don’t be ridiculous, I’m sorry I woke you up.

the_good_doctor: It´s fine, don´t worry about it. How was your day?

And just like that, they talk until it’s almost 3am and they both decide it’s better to go to sleep. Even if neither of them wanted to stop talking, it was too late and it started to get difficult to keep their eyes open.

In the morning Anne overslept, waking up to Marilla’s voice demanding her to get out of bed to which she reluctantly obeyed.

The weekend ended three times faster than it started and suddenly, much to Anne’s despair, it was Monday again.

#awae fanfic #awae #anne with an e #anne with an e fanfic #my fics #shirbert au #shirbert #shirbert fanfic

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dizzyhslightlyvoided · 4 years

Text

So when I was an egg in high school, I created a self-insert OC named Yar Kramer. I used him for a bunch of RPs, and several works of fiction, only one of which I actually completed. There were like two sprite comics and one thing I made that was literally just "sprites + dialogue and descriptions of the action", plus an unpublished and incomplete novel.

The original original roleplay was on a Hitchhiker's Guide website called the H2G2, created by Douglas Adams as an attempt at realizing the eponymous Guide (which has been largely supplanted by Wikipedia). My username was originally "Adolescent White American [wronggender] Who Likes 47" (I liked the number 47 to its frequency in Star Trek); people shortened this to "Yankee Kid, likes 47" and subsequently "YK-47" and just "YK", which I backronym'd to "Yaradovich Kramer"[sic], after Yaridovich from Super Mario RPG and Cid Kramer from Final Fantasy 8. He was originally a coolkid Jedi in a red jacket, but at some point I retconned it to generic "psychic powers."

I also roleplayed him on a few RP MUDs, but I don't really remember any details there.

The "Original" Story

The novel was going to be called "Red Jacket", I think. "Yar Kramer" was a witness-protection alias, and his original name was Daniel Lancaster (hmmmm, someone's primary identity doesn't match their birth name!); he and his family had been forced to work for an evil organization called Project Robinson, which intended to create genetically-engineered espers for reasons I'm not sure about now. Project Robinson was led by an evil scientist called Dr. Krause and a computer named Mother Brain; I justified stealing the name "Mother Brain" because there were three unrelated video games which featured a character by that name (Metroid, Phantasy Star II on the Genesis, and Chrono Trigger).

The Grim Reaper was a woman who talked in underlined dialogue, and whacked people over the head with her scythe rather than actually reaping. She'd changed her form in the 1960s because she found the whole "skeleton" deal to be depressing. She had a black motorcycle with a flame pattern and the text "Pale Horse", and the souls she collected traveled in a pink sidecar which said "Binky" on the side in Comic Sans (where "Binky" is obviously a Discworld reference). When I created this in the 00's, there was totally nothing significant about a character who'd clearly changed her gender, nuh-uh.

Yar's love interest was Mackenzie Robinson, one of Project Robinson's creation. Despite the fact that the gummint had an active hand in extracting Yar's family from Project Robinson, there was some FBI/CIA spook called Agent Pinkerton who hounded Mackenzie like Inspector Javert. I know he had a classmate named Eckhart, who was this ratty-faced jerk with a heart of gold, who was inspired by one of my RL classmates.

I also found a half-written script for a comic, which gets as far as a prologue, followed by a scene which estalishes the witness protection business. Yar jokingly introduces himself Trigun-style as "Yaradovich Halvorsen Thompson-Stryfe-Gainsborough Donatello Leonard Raphael Michelangelo Farnsworth Anderson-Smith Jean-Luc Jones Solo Pepper Tibloxley Amelia Fayette-Mahoney Kierkegaard Williamtonshireworth Melora Kramer I." Wow. Let's see, "Halvorsen" and "Kierkegaard Williamtonshireworth Melora" are clearly made from whol cloth, and I'm not sure where "Jones" came from, but other than that, I can see in order ... Trigun (Thompson and Stryfe), Final Fantasy VII (Strife and Gainsborough), all four Ninja Turtles, Futurama, The Matrix, Star Trek, Star Wars, Cowboy Bebop (re-engrished "Pepelu Tivruski"), and Slayers. Again, wow.

First Reality

The "main" sprite comic, which was a sort of Final Fantasy parody made mostly in RPG Maker, and which ran from 2001 to 2004 on Keenspace. Yar Kramer was a "Neo-Samurai" (basically a ripoff of SeeD from Final Fantasy 8), fighting alongside a dude named Shigeru 'Gary' Oak (Gary Oak except as an adult, with a gunblade and dressed as Seifer Almasy, with no sign of any pokemon), and Tina Branford (Terra Branford without her tragic backstory).

The setting was incomprehensible if you didn't have detailed knowledge of Final Fantasy 6, 7, 8, and also Mega Man X; nearly every single place name was named after something from Final Fantasy except for Death Mountain, where they went to in order to get the Triforce (long story). A pink-haired goofy-and-hyperactive Celes Chere was the princess of Mysidia, and was a FF8-Sorceress; she frequently went in disguise as a thief named Fobby, and used a Reploid named Dancer as a body-double.

The main villain was named Darklumen, and his evil plan was to destroy the world by weakening the fabric of existence by leveraging sprite comic cliches, thus demonstrating that I have always been Like That. (The fact that I had a direct author avatar called the "Ultimate Guardian Force" with semi-omnipotent powers over the comic isn't even worth dwelling on, because omnipotent "author" characters are par for the course with sprite comics.)

The other party members: Kefka Palazzo, who was the court jester for Mysidia; Enerion Imusen, a half-Esper who was invented from whole cloth, who overcame his hangups about being half-esper with Tina's help before he got killed off by the bad guy; and "Rock Light" (because one of the reality-damaging sprite comic cliches was "Mega Man is present"), who was actually the Great Guardian Force Yu-Yevon in disguise for convoluted reasons.

In the ending, it's mentioned that Gary marries Princess Celes, and sort of vaguely implies that Yar ends up with Tina. (Tina made actual romantic overtures to Yar halfway through the comic, but they were interrupted by shallow comedy.)

I absolutely refused to let go of a running gag in which a male character would say something that broke the fourth wall, and at least one female character would immediately yell at him for doing so.

... I actually found some MIDI songs in the First Reality files which I personally composed. Well ... I say "composed", but the Darklumen final boss music was clearly based on the Super Smash Bros 1's Final Destination music with techno-twittering from All Your Base, one was based on a boss theme from Final Fantasy X combined with anime music, and Yar Kramer's personal themesong was chiefly based on Glyde's theme from The Misadventures of Tron Bonne.

YaraY

The other sprite comic, hosted on a subdirectory of First Reality's site. The name came from Yar's evil twin, Ray Remark ("Yar" and "Kramer" spelled backwards), and also from the Japanese expression "yare yare" (translated in JJBA "good grief").

It was a shallow Bob and George-esque thing with Mega Man sprites, and invovled Yar's shenanigans opposite Ray Remark; a straightlaced roommate with blue hair named Elbert Ssab (I don't know where I got "Elbert" from, but I came up with "Ssab" after noticing that "Elbert" backwards is "Treble"); a Reploid named Jive who was an orange recolor of Zero from Mega Man Zero; and a girl in a pink shirt named Kira, whose character concept began and ended with "hyperactive blonde girl." At one point, there was a comic which depicted First Reality as an actual console RPG being played by Kira; this comic was then ported directly to First Reality.

I abruptly stopped updating it in the middle of a story arc in which Jive went off with a group Maverick Hunters which inexplicably included Zio from Phantasy Star 4, who was just there to be generically evil rather than actually pursuing any of his canonical goals.

Super Adventure Yar

And finally, the "sprites plus dialogue" thing. It used whatever anime, video game, and internet characters I was interested in at any given moment, and there were inserts from several people I knew online. All of whom were basically overpowered in some respect, i.e. one of the friend-inserts was literally just a redheaded Goku in a trench coat, except his Saiyan name was "Suckarot". It was the most absurd and ridiculous of these things.

Yar was your basic inexplicably-overpowered action-shounen protagonist, and people kept going "What!? Why is he so powerful!?" (If there was going to be an explanation, I never got a chance to give it and I don't remember what it was, but I doubt there was anything reasonable.) Of course, this was also true of pretty much every protagonist.

His fighting style involved throwing energy blasts, and his signature move was named "Island King Kamehameha", because I knew the etymology of the Dragonball attack, but the kind of creative person I was at the time was that nuance, self-awareness, and "general understanding of what I was putting into my stories" were something that happened to other people.

Mayl Sakurai was impulsively violent with a squeaky-mallet.

At one point, while the protagonists were discussing a plot point which Mayl wasn't present for, she said, "What the hell are you talking about?" and then tossed an entire burger into her mouth.

Cut Man's NetNavi was FishMan.exe.

Yar bought Chii Chobits from Strong Bad, who ran an unbelievably shady second-hand electronics store; Chii's copycat tendencies extended to copying other peoples' magic and superpowers.

He also bought a generic NetNavi and expressed the intention to customize it, but all sign of NetNavis were dropped after a few episodes.

The "ageless faceless gender-neutral culturally-ambiguous adventuring person" (AFGNCAAP) from Zork/Enchanter was one of the main characters. They frequently used spells from Enchanter such as "gaspar" ("provide for your own resurrection" -- basically like a Final Fantasy "Auto-Life" spell, but AFGNCAAP was also able to use it on others), "vaxum" ("make hostile creature friendly", and every single target which it actually worked on promised to kill them after it wore off), "krebf" ("repair willful damage"), and "talcor" (healing; this seems to be something I made up myself, because I can't find any references to it in Enchanter canon).

I insisted on using "he/she" and the like instead of just the singular "they", wow I was deep in the egg in 2004. But they did say "I don't have a gender" at one point!

Magus/Janus from Chrono Trigger was trying to take over the world using robotic Sinistars. His minions were "the Terrible Trio", which consisted of Onslaught from Marvel vs. Capcom 1, Dalton from Chrono Trigger, and Dynamo from Mega Man X.

I stole the "now I'm wet and on fire!" joke from the webcomic Adventurers! during a fight between Dalton and AFGNCAAP.

Magus got a Vegeta-style "suddenly I happen to be on the same side of the heroes" redemption with the sudden arrival of, um, the Saiyans. Starting with Raditz as just a retread of Dragonball Z.

After Raditz was beaten, he sent a message to Vegeta and "Zappa", who was just Nappa but with a terrible wig and an atrocious southern accent; I have no idea what I was going for there.

The planet Arlia from Dragonball Z was populated by clones of Alia from Mega Man X5. It had the same fate as in the show, namely that Vegeta and Zappa just casually blew it up after going on a rescue-a-princess quest.

There was an "It's a gundam!" joke there.

The Goku-expy friend-insert taught Yar how to fly Hitchhiker's Guide-style ("throw yourself at the ground and miss"), and how to use bullet-time.

Mayl trained under Magus. At one point, while she was fighting a friend-insert with a sniper rifle (who'd previously stolen everyone's wallets for no apparent reason), Magus remarked that she had "hidden potential" and noted that in her hands, her squeaky mallet was just as powerful as the sniper rifle.

Vash the Stampede showed up, and the plot promptly started getting derailed as everyone around him dropped everything to try to claim his $60 billion bounty (Onslaught, to Dalton and Dynamo: "We'll split it 50-50-50!").

At one point, Vash ran off with Chii for reasons that only slightly made sense in context, and Yar chased them to a town called Las Eisley.

The three of them got into a bar fight at a "restaulant"[sic] (I thiiiink this was originally actual engrish from Trigun itself?) which completely wrecked the building.

After the bar fight, Yar called up AFGNCAAP to make repairs using the krebf spell; AFGNCAAP asked, "Was all the damage willful?" and Yar replied, "Well, I definitely proceeded in the full knowledge that massive destruction would occur." Due to the rules of sprite-comic comedy, this was enough for krebf to work.

There was a "Dear Strong Bad, how do you type with boxing gloves on?" joke.

In the middle of everything else, I started writing an episode introducing Valkyries and Loki -- which displayed a surprisingly deep knowledge of Norse mythology on 18-year-old-me's part -- but I never finished it and my files don't even have the sprites for the main Valkyrie character, who was another friend-insert.

... All of these continuities just feel amazing to me in retrospect, because this is the kind of thing that can only happen in fanfiction. Only something using existing characters, our existing associations with these characters, can possibly reach this level of ridiculousness.

Which isn't to say it's all fun and games, though. I was a particularly un-woke Rotten Egg, which meant that there was rampant sexism, and lowkey fanservice. The concept might look fun, but the execution was invariably "the worst parts of the sprite comic fandom."

#yar kramer #original character #fanfiction #trans stuff #my stuff #re: my stuff #meta #shenanigans #meta shenanigans #bob and george #violence mention #death mention #sexism mention #long post in link

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