#I do weirdly have a lot to say

[manchesterau]

Blindfolded Cat Face Game ^.^

#dan and phil #daniel howell #phil lester #amazingphil #dpgdaily #dnp gifs #i honestly have no idea what to tag fghfdghfdgh #i watched this and was like 'oh this is so cute and weirdly intimate....i must make a gif so here it is #do not be shocked when you see a lot more dan and phil on my blog and less of....ahem #someone is going to send me an ask like 'are you still a larrie?' jhgfcvhbjnkhgfcdgvh watch #anyways this is so fucking cute #.gifs #mine #my edit #dnp #my dan and phil phase is bacckkkk which is to say it never really left #i just never blogged about them njhbvbghnj

[venusmages]

I love online nerds' weird obsession with fiction vs reality bc both me and my partner have had ppl call us not gay enough bc one or both of us make f/m and m/m pairings more often than f/f

like. you should be thanking me. no one has gay and het ships as good as lesbians. its a secret sauce. you write men better when you have no irl interest in them and they're just barbie dolls

#dyke fujoshis are gods strongest soldiers #*gets shot by other gen zs* #also im more picky w f/f and i think its purely bc i do have an actual interest in women yk #also ill say it. a lot of fandom popular lesbian ships are either underdeveloped or boring as fuck #the first ones ive seen that ive liked has been bg3 stuff (laezel...my beloved...) #i think a lot of fandom lesbian shit tries to make it Gay Girls but Het anyway and its not my bag #also im mostly fem4fem and the only fem4fem media USUALLY #is written by straight guys (ew) #so its either weirdly disonnant or completely unsexy #shout out to the artists i follow that give te good fem lesbian art though i eat that shit up #i have a feeling dungeon menshi is gonna be one im actually about #OH I LIKED CAITLYN AND VI TOO

[quinn-pop]

yet another oc that only exists because i wanted to write something very specific

(middle is a little older, hence her scar healing. i like to think she gets a glass eye at some point)

anyway this is mira! (they/she) since that wip is almost 20k words and counting i won’t give away too much but long story short she’s the result of meta going “one last time, i promise” and adopting yet another kid

also galaxia kinda indirectly picked the name :)

i’ve mentioned before that i headcanon that pretty much all astrals are autistic and this is just kinda an extension of that. whereas meta tends to suppress his emotions and conform to others, mira…doesn’t. she gets uncomfortable and upset and lashes out at people easily, and working through their emotions is no small task.

the main reason i chose to write them that way was for the sake of narrative but i’ve grown attached to it because there’s a lot of ideas there i’d like to explore. stuff about navigating emotions and relationships when existing is so suffocatingly uncomfortable. it’s not something i could center around Kirby himself, but i think it makes sense with a post character development meta knight.

they are very loved (omg oldee cameo???)

kirby was definitely very excited to have younger siblings after being used to being the youngest in the room for so long!! (with the like. one and only exception being gooey.) he’s super affectionate with both of them and wants to have a close relationship one day, but for now mira is pretty unappreciative of that fact lol. they don’t like being pestered for hugs

everyone else is okay tho

(i know that’s hard to read. oops. “obvious bite marks”. siblings being siblings.)

mira also has a very love/hate relationship with the egg kid, being so close in age they kinda Have to get along but in typical sibling nature they also fight a lot. sure it’s probably rough for a while but i think in the end they’d be good buddies. maybe not as close as Kirby and Bandee but still.

anyway i have a lot of thoughts and am very busy but. i’m really enjoying writing about all this lately it’s been fun ^^

#I picked a name and then proceeded to write a comic in pen in which i used that name and posted it #and only after all that did i learn that mira is becoming a very popular name. which i generally avoid #but oh well. it’s stuck #im gonna be completely honest a lot of how i pick names for characters is based off of how many puns i can make out of it #im sorry to disappoint you with that information /j #kirbyposting #my art or something #meta knight #kirby #king dedede #metadede #Kirby oc #semi future au #I swear i’ll introduce oldee one day im just bad at having drawing ideas #also trying very hard to not make self deprecating comments over some of this art cause i just. don’t really want to spend forever redrawing #stuff anymore. like I used to do for a lot of these posts. It’s whatever #anyway kinda a part two to yesterday’s post (as in: I made sure they were both ready at the same time so i could queue them together lol) #weirdly enough this isn’t all that different from my dmk interpretation #i can’t really decide what color she is either #part of me wants to say bright blue red eyes because i think that would look absolutely sick but that seems like a bit too much blue #all things considered #maybe bright yellow blue eyes idk ill figure it out later (maybe)

[dr3amofagame]

forgive me my demons but i see this take so much and it drives me a little crazy . c!Sam is stupid, obviously. He has no self-awareness, he somehow completely misses on the fact that his actions have social ramifications, he has a sense of entitlement a mile high and thinks that everyone automatically should fall in line and agree with his authority just because he decides that he has it. he navigates conversations with the grace of a wrecking ball because he assumes that everyone will agree with him being In The Right and therefore doesn't actually go for much more convincing half the time than "do what i say or you'll end up locked up in an inescapable prison." his moral compass is a roulette wheel and his justifications incomprehensible.

but at the same time, c!Sam is far from unintelligent. like, not just anyone was going to CREATE and then RUN pandora's fucking vault. he made a world eater ?? if there's like anyone on the server that could reasonably create shit to cause mass destruction across the server other than like the literal fucking nukes, then yeah it'd be him, see the world eater again. sure, he makes the craziest fucking assumptions off the fact that he's Right And Justified And The Ultimate Authority And Everyone Should Agree With That, but he's also able to lie and manipulate and gaslight and coerce and threaten pretty much without breaking a sweat if he ever deems doing so necessary for his own goals, and it's not like the methods by which he does so are like, all that clumsy either. like people absolutely bought his whole deal early on in the prison arc, believing him to be a well-meaning, burdened Warden doing Whatever It Takes for the good of the server, which did in large part have to do with how his character talked about the prison to others and such, etc. just because c!sam is crazy bonkers and expects his ex to forgive him chopping their arm off doesn't mean that he's completely incapable of being pretty damn convincing at some points.

and like, even more importantly, his being dumb really didn't make him ANY less intimidating. i'd argue that it made him A LOT WORSE, honestly! just because his moral bullshit is twisted up in knots doesn't mean that he's any less dangerous for it. c!sam is, honestly, from the top of my head, one of the most casual about being violent on the server, purely because he believes he has a Right to it. he believes that people owe him obedience by virtue of who he is. he threw several people into pandora's vault WITHOUT LIKE, ANYONE KNOWING just because he decided that they deserved to be put in prison. he kidnaps a toddler??? c!Sam really doesn't bend himself in half trying to justify things according to someone else's moral system; as he literally does in that one scene with c!Bad during the stream where they investigated Sam Bucket, he literally just. is the epitome of the guy that lets himself do shit because he has a self-written permit that says i do what i want. the only thing getting in the way of c!sam's bullshit is c!sam, and i think that people honestly chronically overestimate how much he holds himself back from horrific violence. he stabbed a teenager to Make A Point about his authority? he repeatedly threatens hannah, one of his own employees, because of things she did while being mind controlled--and then like, uses this to excuse himself of? workplace harassment? in the stream after techno escapes with dream, he literally MAKES UP A REASON to be really fucking angry at dream and then threatens TO TORTURE HIM over it. when new people joined the server he would threaten them with a sword for asking questions about the prison in a way that seemed too 'dream sympathetic.' and he regularly tells people that he would commit all the atrocities again, including ponk, because he's entirely 100% convinced that everything he does is justified?

and a lot of the stuff people hold against him, like. sure, his plan to contain technoblade didnt work, but it SURE DID WORK BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE THAT TRIED, DIDNT IT? like techno would've been decently screwed if he didn't have a statis chamber set up. and well, the situation with dream speaks for itself--he was stuck in there for ten months. a lot of what people attribute to c!Sam's stupidity really does very little if anything to make him less scary--less effective, maybe, but for every time his moral bullshit gets in the way of him getting something that he wants there's probably a few other times you can find where his ability to justify himself out of anything makes him do something fucking ridiculous . anyway i dont even have a point to all of this except c!sam is scary as fuck bro

#c!Sam critical #c!Sam neg #like he's bonkers. #also like the times he fails are like well his TNT plot didnt work against the eldritch egg like that's HIS fault #and then stuff like well he let tommy die like that was just about stupidity and had nothing to do with him showing the fuck off #i feel like he gets underestimated a lot in fandom lmao which like. i mean. #honestly c!sam's victim complex 'oo i had to do it im not a bad guy i just didn't have a choice' copium is off the damn charts #so it's a little funny to see i think the way his pathetic paper bagisms end up reflected in fandom attitudes about him #also people way underestimate c!sam's ability to manipulate like for real #just because he's weirdly and terrifyingly earnest at the craziest moments because he thinks he sounds perfectly normal #while saying like the craziest bullshit you've ever heard in your life #doesnt make him incapable of lying and shit when he thinks he has to #anyway #i love him your honor

[gurorori]

if you say shit like 'autism is not a disability' i hope you actually have really bad things happen to you and you are banned from the autism community for the foreseeable future. get another fun weird club if you so badly need one

so profoundly tired of people trying to make autism into this whimsical quirkiness when it's for most people a serious and debilitating life altering disorder

#im not even that high on the needs spectrum at all. i definitely need a lot of support but it doesn't nearly compare to hsn autistics for ex #but our autism have never been masked and it's always been apparent in obvious ways that stunted our social and personal development #we can't mask at all it's not an option to us. we are disturbing in person. we talk weirdly. we are monotone with very rare exceptions. #we do not understand the overwhelming majority of very important social cues and we can't pretend or mask that #we've always been singled out and our impairment has ostracized us from peers our entire life #especially with the struggle of getting daily tasks done. we are JUST a little more independent with things than we were as a kid #i always talk about not feeling like an adult and being stuck in kid (teen at best!) like mindset and abilities and understanding of things #that is autism too. we are stunted and disabled developmentally in many ways as a result and we were never on par with others of our age #and we will never be. #i hate this sentiment so much and i hate the 'disabilities wouldn't exist if society was perfect at accomodating us all to a T' #like yeah surely our violent outbursts and shutdowns and intense stimming wouldn't exist? our need to regulate stimuli #our Inability to regulate emotion or response to overstimulation? #like holy shit if you're autism lite jsut say that. some of us are actually significantly impaired and very much DISABLED and require #support to function. and surprise surprise some autistics need help with every step in their daily life. are they not disabled? fucker

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[front-facing-pokemon]

#another bonus under the cut where i got up under their big head to get 'em a little closer and a little more front-facing #aggron #aggron is just cool. a big metal bitch who *could* hug you but is probably actually just gonna obliterate you. is that anything #i think i prefer lairon more. it's kinda just a little metal creature and i think that's awesome but aggron stands up #and normally i'm a big big fan of when pokémon stand up. when everyone wanted sprigatito to not stand up i was like #please stand up. because i am a furry and i knew it was gonna become favorite pokémon material if it did. and it did and meowscarada is #wonderful and i love it and it's one of my top like 10 of all time. but aggron is like. i dunno. a little too gruff for me #i think aron and lairon are cute and i'm generally a fan of and user of cute pokémon but aggron is very. how you say. aggressive #and also… ron… aggressive ron. new show on netflix i just reinvented aggretsuko but for pokémon #also weirdly every furry on the face of the earth likes aggretsuko but for one i've never had a netflix account and for two i just #don't ever watch shows. it's just not something that works in my brain. having to get them‚ and then just taking the time to sit down and do #it just never does anything for me. the last show i watched was because i was over at a friend's house and he was like hey. we're watching #this show now. i want you to see this show. and it's a show that folks generally lamented for a lot of reasons so i was like iii dunno about #that one! but he was like no trust me it's fine. and then i was like. kinda uninterested at first but it turned out to be really good #and i'm still ashamed. that i liked it as much as i did. so i will not say what it is. it's not supernatural. it's a short-ish show #but like it was good and i didn't expect it to be. which has nothing to do with aggretsuko OR with aggron for that matter #literally idk. look it's distraction (AGGRON DISTRACTION)

[blujayonthewing]

hi, is this guy telling me to put the marinade that had the raw meat in it directly on top of the finished dish. and then eat it

#re-reading this recipe three times looking for where it says to reserve some marinade before putting raw meat in it #or to cook some marinade to turn it into a sauce that doesn't still have raw meat germs in it #hm. hm. #this recipe also calls for rice wine and sake separately #not that there aren't other rice wines but my brother in christ can you be more specific #I'm gonna try it with mirin which will probably be good and also is what 1) I already have 2) I can get at the grocery store other than sak #ALSO furikake is like... a whole category of seasoning. it comes in a ton of different varieties lmao #me: oh 'Gourmet's furikake' ? is that a specific mix he tells you how to make somewhere in the book? [it is not] #this book is very beautiful to look at but a lot of the recipes are somehow both weirdly pretentious and surprisingly unhelpful #'here's the recipe that in-game is made by setting apples on fire :) first take your vanilla sugar--' bro you are doing too much.

[astromechs]

figuring out i have published nearly 60,000 words of rebelcaptain fic to ao3 in the past year, and that's just the stuff i've published

#definitely thousands of words more lurking in unfinished drafts lmao #like this is... a lot for me #i think my rebelcaptain renaissance happened after the time i needed to truly grow as a writer and become more creatively free #to do what i always wanted to do with them but felt like i didn't have the ability to back in. like. 2017 #because back then i was always so terrified about characterization that i never really accomplished much in general and specifically w them #and it's the point now where i can be so free as to feel like i've truly taken these characters as my OCs #not in the sense of being weirdly possessive over them and saying no one else gets to write them ever or anything stupid like that #but like. taking ownership over my own takes on them. and thus allowing them to live and breathe and yea live rent free in my head #that's what i mean by that #anyway: positive reflections on myself and my journey to overcome my ridiculous perfectionism! #being mentally ill about my blorbo ship has helped that so much LMFAO

[larnax]

no therion's story doesn't only make sense if you do a solo run. i've seen this take multiple times and every time i'm completely baffled because No It Doesn't. not true. false. incorrect.

like okay this does require you to understand that the literal words a character says are not necessarily the truth, but therion's story and gameplay both make way more sense if you accept the fact that therion is not a loner and shouldn't be one.

let's start with the beginning! the FIRST scene you see of therion is him meeting darius at age 11, who he will spend the entire rest of his childhood with and implied some time into adulthood, so he has spent probably the majority of his career as a thief working in a team, which is also borne out in his gameplay, because thief is a support class.

don't argue with me i'm right. while you can run therion as a DPS, investing in attack over speed and evasion means that therion's frailty gets in the way, and he struggles to do damage on par with olberic/h'aanit/alfyn, and cyrus/tressa do way more elemental damage than he does. however, if you instead spec him for support, share SP becomes the most insane skill in the game. a speedy therion can debuff a boss into oblivion before they have a chance to do much before stealing enough SP to let olberic fire off three divine skills without needing a refill. dancer therion is worth doubling up on weapons because his speed and evasion means that he can buff allies quickly and a dancer/thief is the only combo that will regularly dodge attacks before the late game.

therion's skills primarily revolve around giving allies openings to more easily take down enemies(i mean for balancing reasons but play with me in this space) because that's the job he had when he worked with darius. he's not an especially skilled combatant on his own because he didn't need to be, his job was to pin foes down so darius could spam sweep.

additionally, while i hate this decision badly, therion's percentages are fixed so that every chapter past the first has a necessary skill check that's very difficult to pass without either a glean info character and a KO NPC character(why did they do base 3% brigand leader's garb to him.), again because he's used to having someone else deal with gathering information and doing the majority of the fighting for him. he's not terrible at getting info out of people, but he's also not great at it, for example he just goes along with barham's scheme instead of finding a way to threaten or coerce him into revealing the info right away. like basically all of his plans would've failed if the guards or his informant had just said No and refused to help him as opposed to cyrus who responds to being told no by finding out that his informant's daughter died in order to manipulate them into coughing up the info he wants. therion might be capable of manipulation beyond basic impersonation or pretending to be friendly, but if he is we don't see it.

therion in general is also a very passive character if you look past his words at his actual actions. he resists for about two seconds when heathcote cuffs him before following their orders for the rest of the story even when he's uncuffed in chapter 2 when he's still not a huge fan of the ravuses. he again goes along with barham even when he's almost certain he's being fucked with. he is almost always either acting on someone else's orders or defending himself from someone else's attacks. the reason for this is best illustrated in one of the cutscenes with darius where it's made pretty clear that for the majority of their partnership, he kept therion dependent on him to make decisions, and because that started when he was relatively young it's likely that therion just doesn't have that strong of an instinct for advocating for himself or firmly saying no to people twisting his arm(he asks darius a question once and gets thrown off a cliff for it, implying he was even more obedient before that). he can say no once, but we have no idea if he would've given in to the bandits at the beginning if they hadn't responded to his initial no by attacking him, so it does actually make perfect sense that any of the stronger-willed travelers could just respond to that no by saying they weren't asking and dragging him along. he's prickly and verbally hostile, but that mostly seems like a defense mechanism because otherwise he's easier to coerce than ophilia. i get that this seems like i'm trying to infantilize therion but that's really not my intention, in fact that takes the Therion Doesn't Kill People point i made awhile back reflect less on his being a secretly good person and more being too passive to feel the need to finish the job and generally makes him more morally ambiguous because it's less clear what decisions he makes due to personal growth and what he makes due to inertia. is he a good person, or is he just too tired to be a bad person? ideally the story would actually go somewhere with that theme but it wouldn't be octopath if they didn't periodically drop the most insane writing that rewires my brain before either doing nothing with it or actively ruining it.

also, therion's story gets way stronger if he's in a party, because while cordelia and heathcote are (TREATED AS) the reason he learns to trust again, in-story they spend, what, one hour together maybe? cordy and heathcote are his bosses and the most either of them do cordelia using her empath powers to deduce that therion looks sad or heathcote telling him that he's the real asshole for being mad that he's being blackmailed. they're also canonically lying to him when they say they don't know what the dragonstones are, so even at the end of the story they don't really trust him(i wont spend too much time complaining abt them i just don't think you get to be a savior character if the town you own has a ghetto). on the other hand, if you do his story with a party the travel banters all make some attempt at showing therion slowly coming to trust and rely on them despite initial friction, and in gameplay therion acting as a support expresses the theme of him realizing that he actually can work in a team where his allies have his back and there are people he can trust. in that instance his final conversation with darius includes him talking about his companions, because to be here at all they have accepted him after seeing him at his worst and helped him despite it, and who he's been able to help in turn. if you're doing a therion solo run he's just talking about how his boss who's blackmailing him for free labor said he looked sad one time, which is a pretty weak climax if we're going to be real. i stand by saying that octopath works best when it's episodic and stories shouldn't rely on specific characters to work, but genuinely i do think therion's story's themes being expressed strongly in gameplay and the nature of rpgs with a party system are quite cool and my favorite thing about his story.

so it specifically annoys me when people are like "oh well he limply says no before letting you continue to drag him around" like it's a plot hole and not a character trait especially when therion's being a prickly asshole who is also a complete doormat is i think very interesting characterization!!!! ophilia commenting on the fact that therion has no instinct for revenge and therion says "yeah what's the point" makes me so normal.

ALSO why's therion the poster boy for "hey this character's story doesn't make sense with their gameplay" when primrose exists???? why it so contradictory a character whose story is about them learning to trust in their companions again to be in a party while a character who starts off by telling you to fuck off and leave her alone because this is her fight before heel-turning for no reason and then just continuing to be your ally with no justification is totally fine. also why is primrose a support class???? she's not a dancer she's an assassin she doesn't support anyone in her story and her character is about her singleminded and specific familial revenge. she's also a very strongwilled character so it makes no sense that she wouldn't just say no and mean it. i know the answer is that octopath doesn't like women so primrose just got slapped into a princess jasmine costume and femme fatale character before any of her story was actually developed but like oh my goddddddd. primrose girl im so sorry they put you in the nightmare hell dimension.

#c.paradisi #octoposting #i get that to a degree this is an interpretation #octopath never says any of this stuff explicitly enough that i for sure think thats what they were going for #but at the very least it feels like a really weirdly uncharitable reading of his character #his entire story is abt learning to trust his companions again. why would it not make sense for him to have companions #to be uncharitable right back i think its a thing that happens a lot in fandom #where characters are reduced to who they are at the very beginning of a story #and then further simplified into tropes #therions a criminal so he is an evilbadman who hates people and loves crime #which is boring. i think thats a boring direction to take his character in. #it also makes other characters more boring bc you have people infantilizing tressa or alfyn so therion can be evilbadman-er in comparison #i have so many thoughts on cordelia and heathcote though #theyre very well-written villains that do a really good job of mirroring darius and illustrating therions passivity as a character #ot just doesnt uhhhh. seem to realize that.

[gibbearish]

its been fun watching the hbomb subreddit try very very hard to stick to the "if anyone harasses james on my behalf they wont see the light of heaven" by imo overcorrecting to "any time anyone mentions somerton ever it's because you're obsessed with him and want to pick on him because he's the villain of the week" bc its like. yknow actually i dont think people keeping an eye on his various attempts to weasel back into the spotlight and keep doing his same old shit over the last /two months/ is the same as harassing him because it's hip and fun. i think maybe those are not the same thing

#and like obv yes its possible to do both but idk #im just kinda like. 'dont harass him' and 'ignore him completely even if hes continuing to do shitty things' are um #different. those are different #origibberish #i will say though that subreddit is very good for gauging if im getting weirdly parasocial at him #like i still have yet to do that at a celebrity i like afaik because i just. Dont Like Celebrities usually #so now that i have one (1) that autism brain has finally decided to look up to im like Uh Oh Is It Finally Time #and then i see posts on there sometimes and im like. ohhh ok no i get it now #and i mean i can see why they feel that way‚ its the hbomb subreddit and Thats The Most Recent Hbomb Video #and it had yknow. immediate and impressive results #so of course people are going to a) talk about it a lot and b) talk about the aftermath as it happens #and if youre in the 'only talking about this one guy' group and that one guy has only talked about one other guy in the last Year #like. yeah . youre mostly gonna be hearing about that guy #oh parasocial abt hbomb not abt somerton i just realized how the phrasing there was weird jwhfksbfk #that being said i literally made a post like two weeks ago abt how i didnt actually know his first name so like i think im probably good #my scope of knowledge about him extends Exclusively to whats In His Videos #or well and i guess to like. patreon posts too but i tend to just dismiss patreon notifs without reading them a lot KENFKSNFMDB #like yeah yeah this show i follow posted their podcast i dont follow early for patreon subs i dont care get out of my way

[alukaforyou]

local tattoo artist tries drawing anime husband on the ipad but it doesnt go well : |

#ok so like i cant draw on procreate LOL #it works for the tattoo stuff cuz my tat designs dont have any painting #i want sai back ;_; but im like never home cuz im always at the studio working + doing designs #and hanging w the bf and after dinner i get home at 10p #and i just wanna chill LOL i've been drawing at a snails pace at home #i tried drawing at the studio on the ipad it sucked a lot also i just cant fckin draw LOl #i need to look at more ref pics / do photo studies but FAK DRAWING Y IS IT SO HARD LOL #idc im gonna churn out 100s of weirdly drawn pics of mads like one of them will turn out good #this is not the one tho ahaha #omg alu is that a wip #im just struggling on every art program huh LOL

[elytrafemme]

also like. life update. since coming to college i think i've decided i want to be less online in general, because i don't think it benefits my mental health to be on any online website too much. i know i still have strong ties to fandom and whatnot but i'm trying to reconcile my relationship with the things i've created knowing the headspace i was in when that happened; cs is more of a diary to me than anything, at least where i'm at currently. i DO want to be on discord more this break because there's people i want to VC and catch up with-- but ultimately i think i'm like exactly the worst kind of person to operate with any kind of stability on the internet so we're going to mess around with what that looks like for me for a while. love u guys and once finals are officially up in two days i'll be back to say hi :]

#nightmare.personal #i just think like. idk. i don't really know how to compassionately phrase this #but i realized with all the stuff happening in the world that like. #it's just far better to host those conversations and do those actions irl? #for a lot of reasons. one of the major ones being that its easier to weed out people in real life who are like #wildly antisemitic and awful shit like that. vs being online its like people do that for breakfast #it's also just easier to do meaningful things. so then kind of from that i was just thinking and like #it's weird! because i don't miss the act of posting or opening discord or anything #but i miss the people. but also the way you interact with online friends is so distinctive? #like i can't just get everyone's phone numbers. it'd kind of be sick if i could but you know. everyone feels diff about internet security #so like i'm constantly drawn back to tumblr because i miss people and same with discord #but i don't really adore being on here that much so it's like. really weirdly perplexing #i'm also so goddamn bad at keeping up online friendships and everyone i know here has the patience of a saint #which i deeply appreciate it's also just kinda like. #if we were here in person i could so much better convey my appreciation for you all #so i just hope you know that i do appreciate you. it's weird. #i also have to separately reconcile with the fact that i'm an evolving person IRL #but online that comes at a lag? so like i don't even know how anyone perceives my personality #because it's not that i ever really faked it its just kind of like. we all start somewhere #i don't know what i'm saying. it's disorienting is my point. #i guess i could fix this if i got the discord or tumblr app but #i'm not going to do either of those things but like. i don't know #i wish i talked more regularly to people but the actual process of doing that feels so odd to me #i dunno. we party

[rpfisfine]

my friend pisses me off soooooo bad

#i text her first to ask abt how her essay is going wish her luck 2 times and she doesnt even like the message or say anything she just #changes the topic and then leaves me on read. okay #plus shes been getting so weirdly paranoid that im talking shit abt her to other ppl just bc ive finally made some other friends that arent #her after 1.5 years of suffering alone at my uni #(which i seriously to be honest do just bc shes been getting on my nerves with a lot of things lately) #but like man . throughout the 1.5 years that weve been talking to each other we havent progressed enough to call each other by #our first names to get the other to turn around etc i dont think we r close enough for me to abandon the wonderful religious practice of #sometimes discussing the things that your 1 friend does that piss you off with your other friends but then still hanging out with them #not because youre some sort of irredeemably evil two faced motherfucker but because thats just a normal part of having social relationships #mp #like i get that insecurity sucks and its a shitty feeling etc but ive literally dealt with this my whole cringe embarrassing childhood & #teenage years LOL like as long as your friends still make a conscious decision to spend time with u & u have fun together #then i think you dont need to worry. which is what i do so #the sun will rise again tomorrow

[skitskatdacat63]

you don’t have to post this but i just want you to know i totally relate i rbed an ask game post today and got no asks :/ it sucks even if it’s just a silly little tumblr game

Yeahhhhh :(( I'm glad I'm not alone, anon. This made me feel a bit better, so thank you <3

#I feel pretty lonely in general atm #and it's not fun when you try to make an attempt to get out of your shell and it just. Doesn't do anything. #I already feel weirdly desperate for attention when I reblog those #like it's one of those things that still make me feel weird for some reason #And it doesn't help when you feel like you don't get acknowledged #again im probably being super whiney rn but #i feel like im having trouble attracting interest? is that bad to say? idk :/ #i just wanna talk about anything and i just have trouble finding ways to get people to engage ig #thats not to blame anyone at all. i just dont know how to get that :') #its just a weird thing to kinda feel like youre losing your footing like this #ughhhh sry i sound so insecure #but idk. i wanna talk about art and such. or get peoples opinions or questions. #but I just dont even want to reblog them bcs it makes me feel emptier than not reblogging #and you see other people's blogs and theyre getting a lot of asks and idk what to do in that situation #they deserve those asks and im very glad for them but like. am i doing smth wrong :/ #my constant insecurity is that im being annoying. and unfortunately things like this just make me feel like people are fed up w me ig #SORRY AGAIN. its my blog i can complain ik that. but still. am i being whiney idk #catie.asks.

[zero-a]

people will go all "just be yourself and love yourself! :)" and then go "if you don't act the way i want, you gotta reprogram your entire way of thinking then reach into the very core of who you are and what makes you you, discard it, and replace it with this better, friendlier, more empathetic version that's coincidentally far more convenient for me to deal with than any other possible compromise we can make that you can do for me but doesn't stretch your mind to nothing but thin bands of what you'd consider 'You' :))))))"

#mine.txt #just thinking about all those 'think positively!' and 'romanticize your life!' posts #like on one hand i can see their merit cause self-hatred though instinctual is ultimately detrimental to your mental health #but on the other hand...some of them (a lot of them) are really just unashamedly asking other people to completely change themselves huh #all in the guise of ''positive thinking'' ''self-love'' and ''betterment'' no less #i suppose i shouldnt be surprised considering most people can barely grasp the concept of someone who Genuinely has muted emotions #as a natural state instead of a depressive symptom #not to mention the human quality of escalating things #so ofc tumblr which seems to currently be in its mental health recovery phase would naturally lean in so hard towards ''radical happiness'' #but man sometimes i really do just wanna shake the person from behind the screen and say #'no! dont you understand! this is just how i am! stop implying that everybody who doesnt feel joy at simply waking up is a miserable hag!' #sometimes they dont even imply it they just straight up say it 💀 #im honestly fine (as in idc) with seeing them but they remind me so much of those toxic positivity bitches that sell you random hoaxes #and tell you that youre ''ruining their vibes'' when youre not just beaming like the sun every waking second #well idc most of the time that is #sometimes they just trigger my szpd (and my dpd weirdly enough) #with the szpd obviously i dont like being told what to do and what to feel and having some rando assume things about me #but with the dpd its like #oh i must be doing something wrong ofc this stranger on the internet knows more about emotions and feelings than me #cause im a dumbass who doesnt Feel things therefore i must do what they say even to my own detriment #this mainly applies to those guilt-trippy ones so ive learned to steer clear of them #possibly even block the op