#I do go on the internet but not as often

[isot1ne]

i like to think goth is a gender in of itself

#goth #gothgoth #gothic #gender #gothgender #i usually just go by nonbinary but gothgender resonates quite a bit tbh #and there is something to be said about the overlap between the trans community and the goth community #and especially with how goth often rejects typical gender norms #idk there's definitely an essay to be written here but im not good at articulating my thoughts #but i dont really get dysphoria from looking more feminine or masculine the way i do if i feel like i look too preppy #and being able to be goth feels like its improved my mental health #idk tho im just someone on the internet throwing words at a wall

[plulp]

IM NOT A DOCTOR BUT I THINK I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP

#my art #dol #harper the doctor #HIIIIIIIIIIII HI EVERYONE 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋 #its a little bit off so that makes me kinda upset :( but ill figure something out. it might be the colors :( #or maybe the spacing? i left a lot in the top left :( but its fine #and im going to use every lyric of that song for every harper piece i make so that i dont have to think about making captions okay? #but HERE. a HARPER PIECE YOU CAN REBLOG #i give them the stupid messy sidebun because its cute. to me. #im so sorry about the radio silence but i DID warn you all i get artblock often #but!!!!!! i was also accepted into a zine despite my lack of internet presence :) so ive also been busy with that and other stuff too #accidentally made this while practicing for the piece because i couldnt get the style right :( but hopefully ill get a better hold on it #anyways. harper is not a doctor and i love them so much it makes me sick #harper my EVERYTHING. hes my PRINCESS. #MY ANGEL. #i want you all to remember this isnt just an art blog. its a harper fanblog #ohhh but i do have a few few few announcements to make in my next post okay? so dont ignore it alright? kiss kiss love you #IM GONNA BE FUCKING SICK HES HOLDING THE SYRINGE WRONG. AND I CANT FIX IT NOW BECAUSE ITS BEEN RBED

[fury176]

.

#oh the feeling when you come back from your neighbor's funeral #who was killed by russians on the front line with a phosphorus bomb which are prohibited to be used in the whole world #and then you go on the internet and see westerners saying how PRIVILEGED you are #that what is happening in Ukraine isn't a genocide #apparently because slavs are mostly white huh? #even though russians said countless times they're ready to kill millions of ukrainians #westerners' commentary about how the mass graves and torture chambers on photos aren't real #that russian soldiers don't rape ukrainian women #that oRdinArY rUssiAnS that laugh at photos of ukrainian children's corpses are not guilty #because it's just “putin's war” #and that Ukraine should just blow up so the west could enjoy Dostoevsky and Tolstoy in peace #i always try to be strong and rational #but more and more often i feel like i can't do this anymore

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[coquelicoq]

in general it bugs me when people pull a quote from a work of fiction and attribute it to the author and not the character who said it. the author is obviously relevant information and should be credited, but attribute the quote to the character, source the book the quote is from, and attribute the book to the author. it especially bugs me when the quote is taken completely out of context in such a way that the poster seems to be framing it as a universal truth. authors have their characters say all sorts of shit! the character who said it is pertinent information in interpreting the quote.

#this isn't always relevant it's just something that is often a red flag for me when i see uncontextualized quotes floating around #a red flag in that it makes me suspect that it is not actually something that person said or wrote #i don't know why but people really do go around attributing shit to people who never said it #and then just putting it on the internet. for all to see #skepticism #my posts

[astranauticus]

the rwd season 4 qna inspired me to start thinking about college au headcanons except a lot of these are gonna be really specific to my school and y'all are just gonna have to deal with that <3

Kyana feeds some of the school cats. she would feed all of them if she could

Dani smuggled Plug (the scrawniest black cat you've ever seen) into her dorm room illegally and somehow management hasn't caught her yet (based on a true story) (Kyana visits to see Plug all the time)

Finbar keeps an updated tier list of every canteen in the school with breakdowns of the best stalls/dishes for each

A senior from the school of engineering once said to me 'all the engineering people dress like rats cuz our classrooms don't have aircon' (context: tropics) anyway that's Dani

Kyana would probably be involved in a lot of freshman orientation events from second year onwards. she just likes talking to the new kids and giving them advice like she would be the kind of orientation group leader who'd get messages from her freshies asking about all kinds of random nonsense because she's made sure they know they can always contact her with questions

VR-LA is The Guy you go to for textbook pirating resources

(this is more of a 'wouldn't that be funny' but VR-LA is just Veerle's discord handle)

Docent is the name of VR-LA's old laptop that broke down so he gave it to Cassimere (computer engineering major he met once at a networking event) to fix except Cassimere got everything off the hard drive and then somehow managed to fuck it up Even More so he had to get a new laptop (and named it Emi)

Roy has gotten food poisoning from his dorm meal plan at least once (based on at least one true story)

The heap trio + Mandy would be those friends constantly playing majong in the dorm lounge and if all the majong tables are taken they just play in one of their dorm rooms on a towel to dampen the tile shuffling noises (it was Mandy's idea)

Every morning Dani goes to the drinks stall at her faculty and orders one iced coffee to the point where the stall owner starts preparing an iced coffee whenever they see her approach (based on my true story)

Roy would be one of those people who goes clubbing every other week and every time he tries to drag the rest of the heap trio and Egan almost always goes and Dani would go if she didn't have a good excuse but always begrudgingly. anyway Roy would always be the only one having a good time until Egan gets drunk enough to start having fun

Finbar actually uses the dorm kitchens instead of just buying canteen food and it always makes the hallways smell really good

Vhas also uses the dorm kitchen sometimes but like. one time i walked into the pantry on my floor and someone had left cut sweet potatoes and 2 eggs in an inch of water in a pan on the stove. that's Vhas

Kyana's constantly applying for overseas exchanges and international summer/winter school programmes. the world is large and she wants to see it!

Maxim's the definition of a hall phantom. you know he lives on your dorm floor because you pass him by in the hallways sometimes and literally nowhere else. sometimes you're not convinced that he actually exists

VR-LA and Maxim's friendship stems from them being from wildly different faculties (VR-LA's in STEM, Maxim's doing anthropology so arts/social sciences) but also having lots of weird interests they cant really bug anyone in their home faculties about

Elyse is in student government and every once in a while Finbar receives a series of angry texts about the newest idiocy she's had to put up with

MR-SN and AS-TR start a stargazing club together. other notable members include AS-TR's girlfriend E-DN, MR-SN's friend C-RA (the one who always volunteers to carry the heavy ass telescopes) and MR-SN's friend K-LB who he pestered into coming to fix one of the wonky scopes even though K-LB's actually in electrical engineering but he's the only engineering person MR-SN (an arts student) knows

oh and of course VR-LA joins because he genuinely just likes space (developing a crush on his club chairperson was not on his bingo card)

Kyana and E-DN were MMA sparring buddies at one point which is how she found out about the stargazing and joined immediately

honestly i can probably think of more but this post is fuckin long LMAO

#rolling with difficulty #'do not let the internet turn you into an american' i say as i make posts that can be understood by me and me only #i mean im not sorry about it this is my house #like my experiences are just gonna be extra incomprehensible because my countrys fuckin tiny so the target audience really is me and me onl #too bad! you think its hard to read my posts? i gotta live like this! #if i sound extra confrontational i got 5 hours of sleep for the whole week unfortunately so just know its all /lh more or less #really tempted to make some kind of business major joke for roy even though obviously the heap trio would all be in engineering #bc its just common knowledge in my school that business majors are the ones with the most free time to go clubbing all the damn time #and *also* theyre the faculty that dresses the best which also tracks?? #didnt really nail down specific majors for everyone (besides the obvious ones like food science for finbar and mech eng for dani) #but i kinda like the idea of cs for VR-LA because of that 'programmers are real world wizards' joke and also.. projecting #cs with focus area in AI would even make sense bc of docent and emi. if i want to make the projecting Even Worse! #also if i ever do human designs for the old crew (doubtful cuz i find drawing robots more fun than drawing humans) #look up sally hansen hypnautical nail polish bc i wanna give human AS-TR that as a nod to her original design #didnt really get into the fashion of it all bc again i live in the tropics so nobody really dresses well here #the goal is to dress to not sweat more often than it is dress to look good #hands down my favourite line in the cqna was noir's i thermoregulate through my forearms #so in the middle of summer i still wear all black and just roll up my sleeves #like thats ME. except its summer ALL YEAR ROUND #walao #asto speaks

[spider-man-2o99]

miguel voice Well. guess im an enemy of the state now. shocksake .

#talking tag #spider-man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #miguel o'hara #marvel #comics #comic panels #his origin is So Fun...... . . . . sm2099 issues number 1-3 my BELOVWDBELOVEDBELOVED #i loev these panels a lot ive reread them very many times and the origin issues especially r vvv dear to my heart #godd vbbdvbdcbvbnvc the Influence this damn comic has had over my humor... #. #Anyways. small Consistent SM2099 Thing(TM) that we see even here in the origins(!!): ppl reacting 2 mig by going What The Hell IS That Thing #(it is never Outright Commented Upon but literally it happens to miguel so often in the comics that it drives me bonkers yonkers--) #(gnashing my teeth) YOURE SO CLOSE 2 TELLING A STORY WITH MEAT IN IT MARVEL WHY DO YOU SHY AWAY AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY... #sigh. i know why. i know why. (4 them fat stacks babeyy) #thank god we got the internet for all the weird esoteric nerds (me) to complain on at least lol

[icewindandboringhorror]

Hrmm... put together a roommates quiz finally after years of thinking it would be an interesting idea lol.. Though obviously not meant to be taken super seriously, I just like thinking about this aspect of personality compatibility. Like yeah, maybe you could get along with someone just chatting with them, but living together is such a different thing. .. curiouse...

#Not that I think that many people would really care since I barely know anyone on tumblr in real life and would never live with random #internet strangers lol but... idk.. I made this to give to friends from time to time and thought... why not post it here too #just out of sheer curiosity if anyone takes it what the most common results would be and etc. #My initial assumption is that most people would probably fall into the 'maybe' category and that either extreme of 'best roomates' #and 'worst roomates' would be the least common #very long also since I like to be thorough I guess #THOUGH... upon second thought... tumblr is home of the like Weird Introverts Who Sit Inside All The Time.. so maybe it's more #likely to come across compatible poeple on here. given that many of the questions are about how meticulous #people are with their scehdules or how often they invite friends over or if they like to mostly stay inside etc. #(since personally I think having a roommate coming and going and bringing random people over all the time would be too chaotic #lol... I need a peaceful quiet household) #Also I kind of don't like the way uquiz seems to do results. I was hoping it would be a number tally? I used some sort of quiz making site #before where you weight the question responses with a number (so the 'Best' response is worth a 0 #The worst is worth like 5 points. and all the in between are like 1 - 4 points or something). So then it is actually possible to have a #''perfect score'' category (someone who gets a literal 0 points). and also you could weight some EXTREMELY bad answers #to add like +10 to the score instead of just +5. And someone who got the MAX possible points would be the WORST compatibility. etc. #But uquiz seems to just be like ''which category did you score towards the MOST'. So someone can give some pretty bad answers #that are VERY non compatible. but as long as MOST of their answers landed in a 'compatible' category #then they would still be listed as compatible despite still actually having some dealbreakers in there. Which is also possible with the #'every answer is a number amount' ranking system too. but I feel like that one does allow for a little more customization #and accuracy (like making the dealbreakers add like...+40 to the score or something so that #there's basically NO way that someone could answer with one of those and still get a good score. Or the ability to have a literal #'perfect score' (getting a zero) etc. #BUt anyway lol... inchresting.. inchresting... curious to consider maybe making a uquiz #for the characters in the gameI'm making like.. which npc are you type quiz or something #now that I've made one and seen how it works.. hrmm hrmm.... #(< game will not even be done for like another year but still thinking about nonsense like this lol)

[lanaevyssmoved]

ideal society change is everyone having multiple first names. u got ur given and whatever the fuck. and then the list you gave urself

#fray.txt #i go by so many names fray is just The Safest Choice but the others are on my pronouns.page and all are chill #it would be sooooo cooool if in society i could be like #here's 5 names u can use. pick whatever the fuck u want #even feels weird doing that online cuz multiple names are so often associated with this particular part of the internet #that is usually one people grow out of and look down upon as immature or childish .. 'oh i remember when i did that haha cringe' #sorry my gender is WEIRD and that includes enjoying MULTIPLE NAMES #fuck ur rules #something something the autistic relation to gender .... anyway

[stars-inthe-sky]

So, hey. How did you and your family celebrate Passover when you were a kid? How about now?

My Rhode Island aunt and uncle almost always hosted a big family Seder, and it was the absolute best. A good Seder is educational, food-filled, and legit fun—it's a ritual meal that includes storytelling, singing, prayers, and a general focus on including and teaching everyone involved, regardless of age or even whether attendees are Jewish. (If ever you're invited to a friend's Seder, go! Do not bring a challah, which my actually-bar-mitzvahed brother-in-law did once as an attempt at a thoughtful host gift. We still make fun of him.)

And my uncle (the same one who officiated at my wedding, and the wedding of my other sister) may well be the greatest host/leader there is; over the years he compiled from a medley of sources what added up to his own Haggadah (basically the guidebook to the Seder—there are a million published and informal versions working off the same template, with readings and activities and interpretations that can go kid-centric or feminist or traditional or whatever). It was always just insanely fun, and warm, and joyous, with incredible food and an increasing array of baked-in, just-us traditions.

Since I went to college basically down the street from their house, and then lived just an hour away in Boston for so long, that was pretty much the heart of my and my family's celebration most years—right up until Passover 2020, at which point the pandemic negated what had been plans to travel from our new home in Illinois for it, and they also downsized and had their own kids scatter geographically and gain very little ones, so that particular tradition is at best on hiatus now.

But there are fun Seders everywhere—well, the Zoom ones of the pandemic years were a mixed bag, but we've found friends who've make a good go of it, over the years, too, if not quite as an elaborately planned out hourslong celebration as my uncle would do. When I studied abroad in Denmark, Boyfriend and I went to an Orthodox Seder that was in a mix of Danish and Hebrew, for instance—that was novel, and so much of the procedure and the Hebrew was familiar enough to follow along.

Still working on exactly where we'll be for those two nights this year (we haven't really met any Jewish families in Pittsburgh yet to garner an invite, and none of the Reform or Conservative synagogues seem to have community events, which is surprising? And I don't really want to go to Chabad?) but we'll figure something out.

That said, as fun as the Seders can and should be, the rest of Passover is a slog of not eating bread or adjacent products, and experiencing whatever it is matzah does to one's digestive system over the course of a week. It's a meaningful observance, and the fact that the relevant rabbinical boards have stopped including rice and legumes in the "no" column in recent years has been great, but...it's ultimately a holiday recalling the story of the Exodus, and how we were slaves once, so, like, there are some less-fun elements. But the freedom celebration parts usually outweigh that!

#ask me ask me ask me #stpauligirl #passover #pesach #jews! #jewish holidays generally have fairly set observances and the details come down to your family/community/congregation #as well as interpretation and denomination and general religiosity #but basically anyone celebrating passover will be doing some seders and no bread and lotsa matzah #and no it will never stop being amusing how often goyim seem to enjoy eating matzah and how jews *always* eat an assload and do not enjoy i #i'm sure it's because it's an imposed week out of the year and not a novel cracker alternative but anyway #a potentially amusing sidenote: #boyfriend has been in the picture since the beginning of college and always came to the family seder thereafter #the first time he remembered that his mom told him not to go to someone's house empty-handed and procured (in lieu of flowers or whatever) #a moses action figure which then graced that seder table proudly from 2006 onward #'moshe rabenu' also made an obvious and necessary appearance at our wedding #and another tidbit for the jews here #the first covid seder i'd seen someone do this on the internet somewhere #and so for the zoom seder made a separate account labeled 'eliahu ha'navi' and had it request admittance at the appropriate moment #got a BIG laugh. still pleased about pulling that off.

[clonerightsagenda]

The thing about college AUs is that they often focus on students and fail to realize that at many higher education institutions the employees are this close to breaking out into open warfare. A W359 college AU where they are students would not work. A W359 college AU where they all work at a community college and still want to kill each other the same amount would be entirely believable.

#the Hephaestus has powerful community college energies #run down underfunded held together with spit and prayers #people assume everyone there is secondrate and couldn't do any better for themselves #then they get acquired by a for profit and when the shiny Urania Institute people come swanking in #they're like hands off our garbage #the only reason the fma college au was low on faculty drama was bc i thought of most of it while in grad school #now I am on faculty and god. I thought grad student drama was bad #I mean tbf grad students are often teetering on the cliff's edge a bit more but still #one time they upcycled our computers (not replaced them. we got slightly newer used ones) #and they had to go back and install internet explorer bc a loadbearing part of our accounting system requires it #i work at the Hephaestus station of colleges #Hilbert is still doing horrific experimentation but in a lab that's not even as high quality as the local high school's #wolf 359

[bonestheghost16]

FUCK YA I ATE 3 TIMES TODAY I DRANK WATER I TOOK MY MEDS I STAYED UP ALL DAY TO DAY NOT EVEN 1 NAP IM BEATING THIS SHIT!!!

#mental health #havent been doin so hot so this is a big improvement #i feel kinda weird telling internet strangers who dont care about this but i dont got many people irl to tell #and i dont want the people i do got to know so i guess internet strangers is good #hell i even went out today and got ready and got to go look at new glasses #im really proud of this #but also its kinda strange idk its just alot im not that great with emotions #kinda hard to tell how im feeling #dont repress emotions kids or you will be ranting to internet strangers while trying to figure out what your feeling #send help lmao #shit it feels like i have been ranting in this post alot #i should probably rap this up i guess #life update #shitpost i guess #idk #thanks for listening #this felt weirdly good to get out there 😄 #i should do this more often........NAH #ok fr night yall

[possibly-eli]

once again posting a reminder (very gently, when you consider how fucking frustrated i am) that i am anti-kff! there are otherkin terms that people can use and, instead of educating themselves on this, they actively CHOOSE to belittle and bully otherkin folks, all while being a teensy tiny little bit ableist in how they go about it. its not a "erm these people are just minding their business and they're ALSO kin anyway" NO they are NOT. they are, by very fucking definition, either 'hearted or 'link (IF their connection is genuine ANYWAYS). that is NOT. KIN. and its kinda fucking telling if you think a community whose entire existence hinges on deliberate ignorance and harassment of a group is equal to the group theyre harassing and bastardising the terms and experiences of

#am i making ANY FUCKING SENSE #i swear to GOD #"dni antikin (this includes anti-kff) no the FUCK it does NOT #because kff ISNT. KIN #JESUS FUCKING! CHRIST!!! #kff “kins” are LINKTYPES and HEARTTYPES most often (again. if theyre not just being hashtag quirky on the internet) #also please please fuck off if you use the word “k/nn/e” i dont even care if you arent kff just. please go away #im stressed as balls man i dont like having to think about shit that stresses me out and annoys me but here i am! thinking about it! #this isnt directed at anyone btw i just keep seeing “omg this character is one of my biggest kins (kff)” and im so fucking tired of it #its mainly on tiktok anyways so im kinda shouting at air but fuck off #and like even when i see other ACTUAL otherkin/nonhuman/alterhuman folks say “oh yeah i 'kin' this character for fun” #it makes me so aggressively uncomfortable cause just. use 'link' man #use 'click' or 'heart' #stop Doing That cause thats not a fucking kintype and you are contributing to the problem (though minorly compared to other stuff) #theres also this one server wherein people would act and talk about their hearttypes as if they were kintypes despite outright saying - #- THEMSELVES “oh yeah this is a hearttype” #do you know what a fucking hearttype is? #are you stupid?

[adelle-ein]

anyway i googled the number of episodes in a gbbo season to see how long i spent crocheting something and. yall are still picking on ruby and rahul in 2023 huh

#it's time to move on with your sad little lives......... #i often think the judging is terrible and this season definitely had its moments but uh. blaming the contestants sure ain't it #i saw an internet comment that [redacted female competitor] from this season was ''pulling a ruby tandoh'' and just like. #why. do we go through this. every fucking year. and continue to harp on bullying past years! #txt

[your-god-empress-lavender]

Henrow blorbo

first off, ohmyfuckinggodyouaresocoolllllllllllllllll

secondly, what ya workin' on currently? <- is deathly interested, yes please please please info dump if you have the spoons

- Ryan

Bonjour my furry friend. At the moment i'm mostly working on getting a job so that i can afford rent, but when i'm not doing that, i'm working on designing some new N-substituted 5MeO-tryptamines (in order to avoid being banned for breaking tumblr TOS, i can't say exactly what for, but if you look up 5MeO-tryptamines, you should see). So far i've only managed to make things that make me super sleepy (and maybe a tiny bit inebriated), so presumably my body is mainly metabolizing them into melatonin. I also have been working on working through the details of making a rocket engine which relies on both muon catalyzed fusion and z-pinch fusion (mostly because even though i know it's way above what i'm probably capable of, i just love space so much i desperately need to see it for myself and i figure that since rockets are so absurdly expensive, the only way i'll end up in space is if we can get a whole new generation of ultra-efficient rockets (for example, given p-N14 fusion, if we manage to get 1% or more (i don't really expect more than 0.1% max, but still) of the hydrogen fusing with nitrogen, we'd be able to put 150 tons on the moon from earth with only using about enough fuel to fill a small car (instead of needing a skyscraper sized rocket to send maybe 30 tons)). Now, if it were as easy as my calculations show it to be, i can't imagine how there are any rockets flown that aren't fusion, but seeing as i haven't even made a working proof of concept yet, i'm not in a position to criticize the thousands of aerospace engineers who are working on conventional chemical rockets. I love fusion because it's simultaneously so easy (i live pretty close to an old uranium mine where i can actually pan some uranium out of the creek near me, then use that uranium to make a neutron source (B10(α,n)) which is really just fusion between helium and boron, happening at room temperature because of how high energy the α particles released by uranium are) and so absurdly difficult (without catalysts like muons, it requires absurdly high temperatures and pressures that almost always take more energy put in than they can give out). Anyway, i've also been sorta working on studying a material that a while back i got way too excited over and may have called a room temperature superconductor (almost certainly not the case), but in an attempt to make it more pure and study it for real i've been trying to work on the exact calculations of its composition and finding a better way to heat it up to high temperatures (i might just but it in a flat-bottomed flask, especially since it finally warmed up enough for me to go back outside where the fumes released by its production won't make folks mad).

And then there's the biological experiments, currently with electroceutical tissue modifications since most of the other projects i have planned require me to have a gene printer capable of reliably printing genes thousands of base pairs long and i'm not sure when i'll be able to build that. The most recent thing i've been working on is really exciting because if it works it means that i've successfully done something that has never been done before to a human body (and given the long lasting pain in that part of my thigh, it seems very possible it is working), but i'm hesitant about sharing what the project is because i don't really want folks putting gap junction blockers, calcium channel blockers, and sodium channel blockers into open wounds without knowing how to do it safely and correctly to get the desired results and not just a really messed up wound. If/when this experiment turns out well, i might give directions in private, but i'm still somewhat hesitant due to the risks inherent in this (the biggest and most likely is literally giving yourself a form of cancer, something i'm not eager for others to risk). Soon i might try chemical dedifferentiation of skin cells (thinking on my back or upper arms) followed by some mildly dangerous experiments to test how reliably i can make it turn into other cell types. And while i haven't made good work on it in a while, i've also been trying to make something similar to shimmer from arcane (ideally not addictive or harmful to the user, but most importantly the quick energy burst, decreased pain, and increased regenerative abilities (obviously it won't be anywhere near as dramatic as in the show, so calling it shimmer may not really make sense, but it is where i got the inspiration)).

Then i suppose there's the battery project i was talking about in my last post, and i'm also trying to learn how to make alcohol under my desk (i mean, it's super easy, it just doesn't taste great). There might be a few more things i'm working on but rn i'm super eepy and have talked about a lot already. If this seems like i'm doing a lot or impressive, also note that i'm actively failing out of college (for my own pride: the material is super easy and mostly i already know it, i just can't stand wasting so much of my time doing homework that doesn't help anyone or anything) and not yet working a job, so i have a lot of time and so much free brainspace to think about and do all this. I also work very slowly on each thing because i keep bouncing back and forth between all of them and almost always end up adding new projects before i've finished the old ones and so i almost never see a project all the way through to completion (at least some of the bio projects are just sitting in my body and i am just waiting to see how they turn out in the next 2-3 months, so those necessarily will see completion, even if it's failure). I really hope i see the fusion rocket to completion because if i don't think i'll ever be able to see the earth from afar or the moon from up close.

#idk #answer to your ask #i hope this is mostly complete #also wow this is long #that's what she said #i'm kinda surprised how many projects i have #i don't often count them #but yeah here they are #i promise i'm not trying to use this for evil #also college kinda sucks because everyone assumes you know nothing and are incapable of learning #not saying you shouldn't go but just that in my experience it ain't worth it #you can learn so much more from the internet and free courses offered online (oer and mit opencourseware are good starting places) #also now that i've shared these projects i hope that makes me feel more accountable and have more need to actually finish all of them #i have so much schoolwork i gotta do and probably won't #1.37 gpa first semester was impressively bad #legitimately went into college thinking i would be challenged and enjoy it but now it's like #“wow i know all of this and yet i am required to spend 8+ hours on homework each day in order to pass even with perfect test scores” #anyway sorry that probably sounds like i'm being super annoying #these tags are getting super long #byeeeeee

[queenofzan]

i have a strong, visceral reaction to people suggesting internet friendships aren't real friends or everyone would be better off without the internet, because the internet is the only place i have ever been successful at making friends, and the only place i have ever been successful and maintaining friendships

and that's honestly probably because the internet is full of other neurodivergent weirdos who have trouble making friends in real life, but a non-zero amount of it is also on the internet no one can tell you're autistic

and i just. the reason i'm still close to sophie and jet and all the friends i know through them? internet. the reason i felt comfortable moving in with mo and her roommate (who is now my wife)? we followed each other on twitter for months before i needed to move in. the reason i know people i can just text when i'm in agony about my blorbos, or need to vent about ableism, or get a second opinion on an art thing i'm working on? almost universally the internet, either directly or secondarily

and like. maybe it's not healthy. maybe it is legitimately worse than having irl friendships of varying levels of closeness. that avenue has never been open to me. people saying "get off your phones" are suggesting i go back to being isolated and having to romanticize that to cope with the crushing loneliness i experienced until the internet became common enough that i could simply hang out there

i literally made up songs about how i was "meant to be lonely" because i didn't have any IRL friends for the majority of my childhood

it's just like. can we not "jokingly" or "scoldingly" talk about taking away or restricting access to the only accommodation anyone has ever given me for the extremely real human need of "socialization" that has worked on a long-term basis???

#it does suck that i can be friends with people for upwards of a decade and only get to meet them once #it does suck that i cannot go ugh i'm bored can i come over and just sit on the couch with my internet friends while we do separate things #but lmao taking away the internet wouldn't give me that opportunity irl #like i do have irl friends here but disability + day jobs means hang outs don't happen that often #i can get online and yell about baldurs gate or murderbot and know some of my friends are probably up