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#I can't do the Maxo thing again I don't have it in me
royalarchivist · 4 months
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Fit: Hello, poop doctor! Hello, good to see you.
Pac: Hello poop doctor! Can you check my- my intestines?
Fit: [Cracking up] If it's one of those exams, I'll- I can leave the room.
Pac: OH WAIT- NO NO! NONONONONO! NO! I'm fine! I don't need it. [He stands in the corner of the room] Ramon, throw the water on me, I wanna drown myself here too. I wanna go, please! I said some shenanigans that I regret.
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mechaknight-98 · 24 days
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Aftermath (NSFW) FT Sejeong
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Authors note: had to do a bit of world building as I try to figure out what the world looks like now that I don't want to use Karina or Jiyho anymore due to the dating thing…it would be weird ya know.
"Hey, Danger can I ask you something," Seji asks me with a clear and concerned tone,
"Yeah, sure," I answer hesitantly. Sejeong smiles brightly.
"Why did you run away from me," She asks. I bite the inside of my cheek as I consider my response.
"I figured it would be better than dealing with any of the repercussions of my feelings. I have a limited time left to live and I didn't want to put anyone through the sorry of losing someone they care about. So I figured dipping before that would be a cleaner cut-off than this going too deep instead," I reply
"You coward," Sejeong teases.
"I...yeah you're right. I should have let you choose," I reply
"At least you're a reasonable coward," Seji teases further
I squint at her causing her to smile wide, "I am not a coward, nor am I reasonable," I reply. Seji beams
"Oh really and why don't you think so," Sejeon asks sternly.
"You'll see soon enough," I replied.
Three weeks later Sejeong bought my little photo studio and shop. she was okay with not paying rent as long as I became her "personal photographer", and so I went with her all on these trips and events to snap pictures of the beautiful girl, but honestly she used it as an excuse to relentlessly fuck. I would spend hours cutting angles and working on shop composition to make sure the photos were perfect, and looking at her face always led to a visceral response. I'd be hard for hours, and like clockwork, she'd come into my office give me a warm-up blowjob then have it lead right into mindblowing sex.
As I worked on photos there was a knock on the door. I assume it's Sejeong as she's the only one who comes in here typically. The door opens to a tall dark-skinned man he smiles at me with malicious intent.
“Well, I didn't think I'd ever see you again,” he says as aggression rises in his tone.
“What do you want Alistair,” I ask
“Oh remember call me AL or Tahm,” Alistair replies
“Oh well you know I'm just checking in on my favorite curse bearer. I truly thought you'd come hunting for me, but you never did. I wanted to know why, but you were hard to find. When you said I want to disappear I guess you meant it,” Alistair adds.
“Are you here to kill me, because if so I'm not going down without a fight,” I reply
“What heavens no! I'm here to give you something you want more. Freedom,” Alistair replies.
“What is the catch,” I ask.
“No catch at least this time. I can't beat the curse bearer chasing me as he is using holy relics, but you have a myriad of experience so I figured I'd make a deal,” Alistair answered.
I look at the photo on my desk of Sejeong and I, “Fine I’ll draw up the contract.” I reply
30 minutes later I procured a draft of the deal between Alistair and me. He's excited as deals are like his favorite thing to make something about the ability to bind and
Making rules that can't be broken makes him feel safe. After we sign he smiles and hands me my Maxos Cards. I look at him surprised
“Why,” I asked
“I am asking you to hunt someone using holy weapons and not give you your best tools against holy weapons. I'd be a fool, besides I have to give them back to you anyway.” Alistair replies nonchalantly. I nod and grab them.
“So where was the last reported location of this curse bearer,” I ask
"So there I was, in Minnesota of all places, following leads to my ex, Janie. The trail led me to a scene that raised my concerns: golden ichor staining the ground. I knew this was about to get more complicated. As I concealed myself, the door creaked open, accompanied by ominous sounds of groans and a knife piercing the wall.
"Step out from your hiding spot," a familiar voice demanded. I cautiously emerged, armed with my card and sword, only to face Janie.
"Dangerfield? Of course, he'd send you," Janie muttered with evident annoyance.
"What brings you here?" she interrogated, her accusatory tone emphasizing the revelation that my ex was now a full-blown witch, a fact I was still processing.
"I'm here for the holy weapon, nothing more," I asserted, my mind grappling with the revelation of Janie's newfound identity.
"And what were you promised in return?" Janie probed further.
"Freedom," I replied succinctly.
"Freedom? From whom?" Janie's disbelief was palpable.
"Alastair," I confessed, bracing myself for her reaction.
"Alastair? Did you strike a deal with him? You're unbelievable," Janie's frustration simmered.
"He promised Morrigan would leave me alone," I explained, hoping to justify my actions.
"You never think, do you? Your recklessness causes chaos for everyone," Janie scolded, her frustration evident.
"I'm only here for the weapon. Give it to me, and I'll leave," I urged, attempting to end the confrontation.
Janie's gaze hardened as she considered my request. "What if I refuse?" she challenged, prompting me to reveal my trump card - my maxos card.
Her eyes widened at the sight. "You wouldn't dare," she uttered, realizing the seriousness of my intent.
Taking a defensive stance I watched as Janie's eyes widened
With a mixture of resignation and menace, Janie relented, handing over the holy weapon. "You'll regret this, selling out a friend for your gain," she admonished.
"If I were truly betraying you, I'd have handed you over to Alastair," I retorted, stowing away the cards.
"This is why I despise dealing with your kind," Janie spat bitterly.
"Careful now, insults might provoke me to take action," I teased, though the underlying tension remained palpable.
"Pathetic," Janie scoffed, as I left her house, her warning lingering in the air.
Returning to Alastair, I handed him the weapon, cautioning him against its use.
"Why not?" he inquired, intrigued by my warning.
"It's not just holy; it's a fusion of divine and demonic energies, a result of a battle between a demon and an angel," I explained,
"so why is the blade okay with you," Alastair asked
"Because I am Fomori," I answered.
"Oh...Interesting," Alastair said. Alastair's grin widened at the revelation. "Morrigan's favored, no wonder you sought to disappear quietly," he mused, anticipating the chaos to come as he reveled in it.
"I look forward to seeing the next part of your tale," Alastair replies. "Our deal is done," He says calmly as he conjures two contracts that burn themselves up before me. I feel the burden of my curse lift and Alastair smiles.
"I look forward to the damage you will cause. That will be more interesting than anything I could ever do with such a weapon. I see it has bound itself to your soul so using it would only garner your strength." Alastair adds. I shrug at his point to which he smiles.
The next day I arrived at my office to see a pouting Sejeong
"Hey, Seji. are you ok..." Before I could finish she had me cornered in a kiss.
"I got your not but I was worried sick for you," She replied. As she she ran her arms through my body she gasped,
"You're curse-free," she exclaimed with surprise.
"Yeah," I nodded.
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anonymous-dentist · 4 months
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Will you still continue writing and putting qbbh in your stories?
I'm asking this question after months because I can't stand people "separating" the cc from the character, when it can't be done, not when the cc defends such a despicable person. I kept quiet for a long time because you're my favorite writer, but I'm tired of pretending that it doesn't bother me because I suffer daily from racism and xenophobia (things that both qbbh and cc don't seem to care about JAJAJA).
I don't know if you will respond to this or just ignore it, but regardless, thank you for writing such beautiful works and stories, I won't follow you any further, not until I have your response. And if you keep writing Defender of the Bastard, I'll pretend I've never read any of your works, that I've never even met you.
I used the translator to make the job easier 0___=
Okay, anon, I'll start this by saying that I 100% understand where you're coming from. If you've seen my pinned, you know that I hate that shitty green teletubby and all his friends equally, and I do NOT fuck with anyone supporting them. And you've probably seen me speaking up about the freakish xenophobia that parts of Bad's fandom have been taking part in basically since April (that I know about, I've never been a viewer.)
But also? I don't write qBBH. I've written him maybe five times Ever since the QSMP started, and three of those five times were in Breaking Dawn. And, even then, he's not really super important to the narrative at all, and he was never going to be. If anyone from the book club was gonna be important, it would be Maxo because he was super important during the Regret Arc, unlike Bad. And you may have noticed that I haven't even mentioned Bad in that fic since he started getting weird about Dream recently. I legitimately rewrote all of the most recent chapter to keep Bad out of it.
With my other current multichapters (Let a Spider Run, Evil Eye), he was never gonna be a big part of them because I quite genuinely just don't give a shit about his character and because his character isn't too important to the parts of qCellbit and qRoier's stories that I want to explore. Breaking Dawn? Regret Arc. Let a Spider Run? ...Kinda all over the place, but it's the bit of May when Cellbit and Roier started getting interested in each other. Evil Eye? Current "Fuck The Federation" Arc. So if you wanna follow those, go ahead, Bad would only be a cameo mention at most, almost definitely not someone super important. The fic he'd appear most in would be Breaking Dawn, but even then it's like one or two more times because, again, Maxo is actually the more important one there. Limited roles, dig?
But also? You have no right to demand what I do and do not put in my writing. Am I gonna put Bad in anymore? Not in any huge role because I never did, but you showed up and decided to effectively threaten me into not writing him at all by saying you'll never read again. And that's disappointing because I'm so ridiculously thankful for all my readers and I never want to make anyone uncomfortable, but you coming in and demanding I effectively change the plot to my passion project instead of coming and talking to me in dms or something is just kind of a dick move.
I don't hold anything against you, anon, and I won't hold anything against anyone who decides to unfollow me because I'm gonna keep having qBad appear as minor characters in my fics, but you've gotta understand that he's a character. Does he suck? Yeah, and so does the CC, but separating fact from fiction is a vital part of appreciating Minecraft RP storytelling. And I 100% understand having difficulty separating character from CC when it comes to a CC who has done some real shitty things, but sometimes you just need to take a step back and stop consuming content from something that brings you this much distress just by having a single character in it.
You're probably young, and I'm really, really sorry that you've dealt with so much horrible bullshit because of this one man's fandom, and I'm sorry that this guy is on a server that you love and appreciate and I understand that so well (I was a DSMP writer for a while, after all), and I hope that you understand what I'm saying here. I'm not currently planning on including him in anything beyond one or two brief appearances in Breaking Dawn, but you don't really have much of a right to demand that of me. I made this decision weeks ago.
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bonesandthebees · 1 year
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just saw a tweet about a whole ass FEDERATION ON THE QSMP??? I'm never ever going to get the lore I give up
-🕷
actually the federation has been around on the island since day 1! it just only started really becoming relevant and talked about recently. the federation is the group that runs the island, with the two known members being the duck that talks to the players in the little PSA cutscene videos we get sometimes, and the white bear thing (called by many names including cucurucho, osito bimbo, the census bureau)
cucurucho has been interacting with the players a LOT recently bc many of them are starting to theorize what the island is, why they can't leave, what the purpose of the eggs is, what the federation wants with them, etc. although most of the players have participated in some degree to the investigation, those spearheading the investigation are primarily cellbit, bbh, and maxo
there's a lot of lore already which is really cool! but also it's not super hard to catch up on from what I can tell? I don't watch streams most days and just keep up through whatever gets put on my twitter tl or dash and I've been able to keep up with major stuff for the most part. but then again I kinda did the same thing when I was first getting into dsmp lore in early 2021 so maybe that's just a me thing lol
it's really fun though!! i do recommend trying to get into it if you're interested bc it seems like it's only going to get better from here!
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thecoddaughter · 4 months
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QSMP Characters as The Fray's Discography (Part 2)
Part two is now here, if you want to listen along, the link is below.
THE FRAY
Syndicate - Cellbit & Roier
“Baby, close your eyes. Don't open 'til the morning light. Don't ever forget, we haven't lost it all yet.”
“Someday when this is over. We may still have no answer. For now, it's when I hold her we are closer.”
Absolute - Bagi & Tina
“It's a kiss that sits upon on her lips, that waits for planes and battle ships. She wants to be a dancer and he has got a picture on his wall and it's a sailor in a new port every night. Yet man was born to trouble like sparks fly upwards innocent.”
“Quiet but I'm sure there is something here. Tell me everything cause I want you here”
You Found Me - Bobby, Trump, Juana, & Tilin [i used to be a little nine-year-old Quinny sobbing to this song and i think that makes this even sadder for me]
"Where were you when everything was falling apart?” 
“Lost and insecure. You found me, you found me lying on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded. Why'd you have to wait? Where were you, where were you? Just a little late, you found me.”
“Well, in the end, everyone ends up alone but losing her… The only one who's ever known who I am, who I'm not, and who I wanna be. No way to know how long she will be next to me.” (This specific line is Juana about Tillin, to Charlie)
Say When - Fit & Pac (this song feels like disaster gays)
“Turn around and you're walking toward me. I'm breaking down and you're breathing slowly. Say the word and I will be your man, your man.”
“Later on, if it turns to chaos. Hurricanes coming all around us. See the crack, pull it back from the window, you stay low.”
“Come across, you're lost and broken. You're coming to, you're slow and waking. You start to shake.”
Never Say Never - Ramón to Sunny
“Picture, you're the queen of everything far as the eye can see under your command. I will be your guardian when all is crumbling. I'll steady your hand.”
Where the Story Ends - Tallulah 
“Trying not to lose my head but I have never been this scared before. Tell you what I'll do instead, lay my body down on the floor to forget what I've done.”
“The violins make no sound and I begin to feel the ground.”
Enough For Now - Maxo & Sunny [i am about to cry, i’ve somehow never heard this one]
“The daughter's father watches, quietly we assume. He's no longer with us, but he left this dusty room and your name and it's an honor. It's a shame but it's your honor to take it on your shoulder.”
“Things your father never could do. That's enough for now. He would have never left you broken. He would have held you. Things your father never told you.”
Ungodly Hour - Mariana & Slime
“And I am short on words knowing what's occurred. She begins to leave because of me.”
“I wish that I could carry her but this is our ungodly hour.”
We Build Then We Break - (not doing this one cuz 89% this song is about leaving abusive relationships and not the vibe of this project, great song tho)
Happiness - Our two constantly grieving children, Pomme and Richas
“Happiness, feels a lot like sorrow. Let it be, you can't make it come or go. But you are gone. not for good but for now. Gone for now, feels a lot like gone for good.”
“Look for it, but you'll never find it all. Let it go, live your life and leave it. Then one day, wake up and she'll be home.”
Be the One - Tubbo & Fred [aka gay and sad]
"They're two lovers in the night. Waiting on the sun to rise. Passing ships into the night."
“But you just whisper what you said one last time. I could have sworn I heard you say. That you are mine. Faded flowers in your hand. The best that I could do. It's the only way I've had of reaching you.”
“What if I knew how to yell? What would I pray? What if I knew how to tell? What would I say?”
Fair Fight - The surviving eggs about the dead eggs [and i’m crying again]
“Light breaks from the left and hit's between the buildings.”
“She up and died and left you in a fall you cannot forget. You were too young and you said not yet.”
“You looked around but she was nowhere to be found.”
Heartless - Mariana and Slime [i do not like kanye, this is the better version of the song anyway…]
“I mean after all the things that we been through. I mean after all the things we got into. And yo, I know some things that you ain't told me. Yo, I did some things but that's the old me.”
“You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me. They say that they don't see what you see in me. You wait a couple months then you gone' see. You'll never find nobody better than me.”
Uncertainty - Bad (and Dapper... and Pomme... this man accidentially gave his kids his personality.)
“Uncertainty is killing me and I'm certainly not asleep. Maybe I've gone far to deep. Maybe I'm just far too weak.”
“And there is so much we don't know so we love and we hope that it holds”
“Thousands were lost maybe more. The question remains, what is this for? Maybe it came unexpected. Maybe I'm left unprotected.”
“So I'm going to fight for my own”
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thediamondmodcart · 9 months
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"Good Morning."
A small shiver traveled down its back. Nether, it's that thing.
Dan turned around, he scrunched up his nose at the sight of the familiar white robotic bear with a chilling smile. It smiles at him as it cocks its head.
Dan doesn't exactly know what to make of the Federation. They offered him a house, gave it a son, in turn, a husband, and now he assumes they'll offer something else. From what he's heard from other residents, this guy's creepy.
It follows you around, stalking from afar or its directly behind you, once you do find it, they ask you questions about yourself, then leave.
So far, at least to Dan, it's been kind to him. Sure, they were creepy as the others have said, but it's been patient with the way they've treated him.
He places down the pickaxe in his hand, staring at the soulless camera lens of what it called its eyes. They blink.
"So..." Dan starts, "..Do you need anything?" What did they call this thing? Cucurucho?
Cucurucho laughs robotically and steps into the cave. Okay well, it's not exactly a cave, it's just a small clearing that Dan made for a mine, but it does look like a cave with the way he had been terraforming.
Their ears perk up and its arms stretch out in greeting. "Good Morning," Cucurucho repeats. "We at the Federation have another offer for you."
There it is. He was right. They've been so nice to him lately, offering exceptional things, what more could they offer? Why were they even offering in the first place?
Dan makes a face. It wasn't quite sure what to make of the bear's statement, nor it wasn't sure what was the proper way to respond. He opens his mouth before shutting it then reopening it. Nether, this was hard.
"I— Before that, why are you even offering me things in the first place?" He asks. A good start, kinda. It was bold and upfront, and Dan needed answers. He has no idea what he'd be agreeing to.
The robot blinks. It doesn't move at all but continues staring at Dan. They let out a sound that resembles laughter, the duration was short and sweet, although the tone was nothing but.
He opens his mouth to repeat his question, but Cucurcho raises a paw to stop it. They narrow its eyes at him.
"Please, no questions until after." They ignore Dan grit his teeth. Cucurucho lowers its paw at him. It looks at them in confusion.
"Good Morning," Cucurucho tries again. "We at the Federation have another offer for you."
It stretches its paw out towards Dan.
"We would like you to join us."
Why was he getting these predictions right? The offer he was anticipating and was, oh, so afraid to hear, exit the bear's speaker. What would they even offer to it there? Would it be worth the pay?
Its mouth felt dry, he opens it again just to shut it. Does this offer come with a choice? Should he ask Maxo and his kid? Nether, would they even let him go? It shouldn't be that bad... right?
The blazeborn scrunches its nose. "I don't know..." His voice is shaky, "What... What's in it for me?"
Cucurucho laughs. Could it shut up?
"We would like you to join us."
It dodged the question.
"Would I even be getting paid?"
"We would like you to join us."
"Where do I have to work?"
"We would like you to join us."
"Can't I just work from home?"
"We would like you to join us."
"Do I even get a choice?"
"We would like you to join us."
"Do I even get to say goodbye?"
"..."
...Silence.
...
...Did the cave get darker?
He felt another shiver crawl up its spine. What's going to happen to him? Would they even notice?
Does he actually get to say goodbye?
Is there a choice or not?
He wouldn't know, after all,
The white walls seemed to cramp.
He was home.
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maximum-father · 10 months
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Maxo sat his phone down on the counter, sliding it away (and nearly over the edge). She had been on it enough these past few hours, and her mind was finally starting to get too foggy to see the letters. They had to get back to eating anyway. Just being sick took a lot out of someone, let alone what they were going through emotionally.
She had gotten through nearly half of the bowl of soup (cold), when the door opened. He'd stopped locking it weeks ago.
"Hey man, you okay?" Forever walked inside, steps careful and measured, as if there were mines underneath the floorboards. "I heard some... things, and decided to stop by."
Maxo felt a hand land on their back, testing the waters as she figured out how close she could get before he blew up.
"I'm... thank you." Maxo didn't look up. It felt like Her mind had turned to sludge, slow and with her thoughts melting together. "It's fine, though. You don't have to do all this for me."
"Hey, I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't check up on you when you needed it?" She could feel the smile on his voice.
"..."
"Come on, let's just... do you want to move closer to the others? This can't be good for you."
"That would be nice."
"Alright, I'll stop by again once you're better. For now let's just... I'll just make sure to stop by whenever I can."
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