#I AM HIT WITH THE FACT THAT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW OF THE MONKEY MANS ORIGINS

[s0urw00lf]

All in time

Summary: finnick is on a mission to convince the world you aren’t what they think

Request: Finnick odair with reader who is strangely unsettling with like a creepy personality but also a sweetheart and she confuses everyone so much

Fic type: fluff/angst

Pairing: Finnick odair x reader

Word count: 1.4k

Masterlist

Boarder by @cafekitsune

An: i kinda hate this. But i hope you enjoy reading it more than i did writing it.

The games had changed you. And not for the better, the cheerful person you were when you were chosen was long gone by the time you stepped foot on that train to the capitol. Your walls went up and they were made of pure steel, no one was able to break your barrier. Until you met Finnick, it was like he just walked right through them with no problem whatsoever. He was quick to break down your barriers, only to see the complete sweetheart you truly were, the way you cried when you remembered all of the lives you'd taken in the arena, the memorial wall you'd put in your home for them. The way you secretly worried for everyone in the arena during every game, hoping they'd call it off right in the middle of it so no one else had to die. But of course, nothing good ever happens in the capitol. Which is exactly how you wound back up in the games with Finnick. Everyone was fairly wary of you, much to Finnick dismay.

Today is the first day of training, and while Finnick was walking around making allies, you were practicing your trident throwing accuracy, (which was pretty spot on) until you looked over to see Finnick making his way over to you with a small smile on his face. “You know it'd be a hell of a lot easier to make allies if you didn't look like you'd kill the first person who walked up to you,” Finnick said leaning on the trident stand. You sighed “I know, but it's stupid when almost all of us are gonna die anyway.” you said as your body thrust forward, throwing the trident and successfully hitting the target. You turned to him, making eye contact with his bright blue eyes. He nodded over to his right, you looked over and saw Katniss Everdeen, your blank expression quickly changed into one of slight panic, “absolutely not” you said shaking your head. Finnick started nodding his head muttering ‘absolutely’ over and over as he nudged you over towards her. “Come back with an ally,” he said from behind you, as you sighed and begrudgingly made your way towards the struggling girl. You hadn't been one for socializing, and you weren't as intimidating as people made you seem, in fact you were more afraid of not being liked than anything, but the facade helped you protect yourself.

Katniss currently had her back towards you, trying and failing to throw the knives and land them in the place intended. “You’re a badass archer, but your throwing is horrible,” you said in a monotone voice. She turned towards you and a look of shock crossed her face when she saw that it was you that was talking to her. her posture straightened “You know who I am?” Katniss asked. Your brows raised, “Everyone knows who you are, you and your boyfriend are a literal one in a million. Most beautiful love story in all of Panem.” You said. Katniss grimaced, “sorry, I just heard-“ she said before cutting herself off. You nodded, telling her that you already knew what she was gonna say. You pointed to the knife in her hand, “may I?”. She nodded handing you the knife and moving out of the way. you took her place in front of the target and put your arm in the growing position before pausing to show her, “Your stance was wrong. You wanna hit your target you have to get the correct stance.” You finished, before unpausing your position and throwing hit knife. You smiled looking over at her “Bullseye” you said letting a smile slip. You moved to get the knife from the target and walked back to Katniss holding it out to her mentioning for her to try again. She nodded taking the knife and tried to replicate your stance, before letting the knife fly at the target. Your brows raised surprised “Pretty good Everdeen” you complimented. She didn’t show any emotion but you’re pretty sure that’s just her. “Thanks,” she said in her quiet voice. you looked back at Finnick who was still resting in the same position, leaning against the trident stand, he nodded and you sighed quietly turning back to Katniss. “Knife throwing takes time and practice, so let me do the throwing and you stick to the shooting alright?” You asked holding out your hand, hoping shed catch your drift. She looked at you warily, but ultimately shook your hand. You smiled, and she gave you the best one she could muster “See ya” you said making your way back to Finnick who looked decently surprised. “See wasn’t that bad, you just needed a little push,” he said. You rolled your eyes, “you’re lucky she’s not unbearable, you would’ve been my target had she been” you joked with a smile

~~~~~

After you came back from rescuing Peeta and Johanna from the capitol, you were sitting on your and Finnick's shared bed when you heard a knock on the door. You made your way over to the door and when you opened you were met with a crying Katniss, you were instantly hit with worry, “are you okay? What’s wrong?” you asked pulling her into the room. She shook her head “I just wanted to thank you, for everything.” She said. Your brows raised in surprise. “I second-guessed Finnick when he told me all you guys wanted was to help us, I didn’t trust you and I'm sorry, “she said solemnly. You shook your head, “you had every right not to trust me, or him. I didn’t fully trust you either” you admitted. You hugged her, you knew she wasn’t a touchy person, but you felt like she needed it. She hugged you back, before pulling away. “Finnick is lucky to have you, and I’m glad he put everyone in their place for you.” She said. You frowned in confusion, “what do you mean?” You asked. “In the arena when you’d gotten separated from everyone else he was a mess, but Johanna made a comment, saying you were probably scoping us out, seeing which ones to kill. He went ballistic and said anyone who thinks you’d kill them is just as brainwashed as the rest of Panem. Said he’d been more likely to kill us if it came down to it. Said you’re in no way whatsoever weak but you’re damn sure not a monster.” She finished. You frowned, you hadn’t known this piece of information, but when you’d reunited with the group you had wondered why everyone had such a drastic change of heart towards you. Even the stone-cold Johanna. Katniss understood the look on your face pretty well, having worn it herself. She stepped away “I’m gonna go I just wanted you to know that I'm thankful for everything.” She said and you nodded, “you’re welcome,” you said as she left

~~~

Not long after Finnick entered the room. You quickly stood and ran to hug his tall frame placing your arms around his shoulders. “Not that I'm complaining, but what’s this for?” He asked as his arms slithered around your waist. You looked up at him with the most love-filled eyes you’d ever given him. “Thank you for not giving up on me,” you said. “Finnick was still confused and he let the confusion show on his face “Of course not,” he said. You backed away “I had a visit from Katniss, she thanked me for everything but she told me something else.” You said to him, he nodded telling you to go on. “She said you stuck up for me to Johanna. Told her and everyone else that you were more likely to kill them than me.” You said as tears brimmed your eyes. “What did I do to deserve you?” You asked. Finnick leaned down and placed his lips to yours, capturing you in a love-filled kiss as his arms brought you closer to his body. He kissed you as if his love depended on it like all his love for you was in that single kiss. He pulled away but kept you close. “Y/n, you have the most amazing soul I’ve ever seen. And people deserve to see it, to feel what it’s like to be cared for by you, even if it isn’t romantically. Y/n you are a gem, with such rarity that anyone would live poor just to have you by their side.” He said with the softest eyes, a voice so full of emotion that you couldn’t pinpoint which one was which. “I love you Finn,” you said, in this situation you didn’t know what else to say. “I love you too darling,” he said pressing another kiss to your lips.

#finnick x reader #finnick imagine #finnick x oc #thg finnick #finnick fanfic #hunger games finnick #finnick odair #finnick odair x reader smut #finnick odair fluff #finnick odair x reader #finnick x you #finnick x y/n #katniss everdeen #katniss x reader

[crystal-verse]

god i want. an au where it dosn't work. where it's just arr g'raha who's woken up, and he doesn't have all these memories and all these people keep looking at him like they're mourning someone. the world has changed and time has changed and all the people he knows have changed, but he hasn't changed, he was just sleeping, just sleeping, and the world nearly ended several times and apparently he helped prevent yet another end but he has no memory of this. they want him to join the scions. he does not know these people. (he barely knows the warrior of light, now, but did he ever truly know them in the first place?) his little sister is alive and well. she looks at him like a ghost. she's changed, and she's older than him now. he acts bratty and loud and brash to cover up the fact that he does not know anything it seems, and he is tired but he was sleeping for so long, so how could he be tired?

he doesn't know these people. they seem to know him. he wonders if he'd killed someone, when it was him and not that exarch who woke up. he wonders if it should have been him who was "killed" in that way, if it is him that lives and not that man who had known and become friends with all these figures from legend. he wonders if he'll always be fated to be a historian one step back from everything, because he simply cannot be a hero.

#bound with thread | original posts #letters in verse | talking #g'raha tia #crystal exarch #hello everyone i am being Incredibly Normal about g'raha tia at -checks time- 12:02 am #you ever think about the fact that arr g'raha is basically killed/replaced when the exarch wakes up in 5.3. because i do. a lot #hi i have brainworms over this man he's SO tragic and i need to hold him gently in my hands like how you cradle a small trembling kitten #genuinely happy about his character growth and progression and happy ending and all but arr g'raha was the one who grabbed my focus #and i do miss a lot of that character sometimes yknow? post-shb g'raha isn't the same person as arr g'raha and that's intentional‚ i think‚ #because he has gone through so much that we didn't see. so much trauma and pain because of the 8th umbral era and that loss he got hit with #and he's not the same person because he's *had* to change so much to keep himself and his people alive and i'm glad he's getting to #experience life to the fullest in endwalker onwards but just. i miss arr g'raha yknow #honestly the silliest thing about it is i miss his student of baldesion tattoo. was a fun little design element you know. #show us the tattoo again squeenix. give him back his red eyeshadow that he had. #give him his bow back i am begging #this has been: incomprehensible ramblings from simon at 12 at night

[acoraxia]

stop mischaracterizing sun wukong or so help me i will manifest into your brains and beat up your thoughts

#sniff #think pan #IM JUSSAYIN #EVERY TIME I GET. AGLIMPSE OF WHATS GOING ON OVER YONDER #I AM HIT WITH THE FACT THAT NOT A LOT OF PEOPLE KNOW OF THE MONKEY MANS ORIGINS #and it hurts #it hurts a lot man

[crabussy]

Happy Waitangi Day, if you celebrate!

thank you!!! I'd like to take this opportunity to make people aware that the current government of Aotearoa are attempting to change the treaty in a way that puts decades of work towards Māori rights at risk.

this article provides some excellent info on the situation. please notice how they're framing it- saying that "all new zealanders will be treated the same" is their way of saying "we don't think the oppressed indigenous people deserve special protection of their land and taonga". it is fucking nasty how they are reframing it as a positive thing for equality when they are simply destroying attempts at equity. it sssuuuuuucks and its bad and I would love for more people to know about it. the article also touches on the other shit things they're doing like forcing organisations to remove the te reo māori translation of their names, and withdrawing from the UN declaration on the rights of indigenous people.

basically!!!!! it sucks really really really bad and it goes so much deeper than this but I won't get into it here. happy waitangi day and let's hope future amendments of te tiriti o waitangi are made that support Māori rights!!!!

#waitangi day #māori rights #raising my hand. I am pākehā so if I have worded things wrong or my facts are off PLEASE let me know!!!! #it is important to amplify māori voices about this! #ask tag #thank you lovely tumblr user davtroc42! #ask to tag #I CAN VOTE NOW THANK FFFFUCK. I want these cunts GONE they are so vile. Act is spreading malicious rumours about māori people #by the way #talking about the 'māori elite'. saying they're not indigenous. #saying that the 'māori elite' (any māori person who engages with their culture proudly) must be eradicated #fucking disgusting! get hit by traffic now #rant #racism #ANYWAY. I DO APPRECIATE THIS ASK AND THANK YOU!!!! its important to use events like this to spread awareness!!!!! #everyone. I know there are a LOT of awful things happening across the world right now. thankyou for staying strong

[cacturne]

“Carmine is not the worst” and “kieran is not the worst” are statements that can and should co-exist

#Its always either “carmine did nothing wrong kieran is a stupid unhinged brat!” Or “kieran did nothing wrong carmine is literally abusive!!” #No. Theyre not. Neither of them are. Theyre just nd/mentally ill and cope with it badly #Its really not that hard come on #Also as an older sister with a younger brother a lot of the mean dialogue is pretty typical #Obviously that doesnt negate the fact that for kieran it hit him in his issues but he never spoke up about it and kept it to himself #And carmine is pretty dense and a bit in her own head so it makes sense that she wouldnt notice without being directly told #And with her specifically its made clear in dialogue throughout that she does care about her brother #She thinks about how in her mind things might affect him and chooses what she thinks is the option that wont hurt him. Though obviously #shes not the best judge there. But thats understandable she isnt very good at reading people #And kieran just doesnt know how to cope with his problems. When stuff gets too much he bursts and lashes out. A normal thing for a teenager #Obviously this now frightens carmine and she starts backing down distancing herself and generally just closes up around him #Because while she is abrasive she doesnt really *realize* she is. And its easy to see kierans abrasiveness as something inherently hostile #(Because even if he doesnt really mean it it still is aggressive) #Hey wait a second why am i infodumping about kieran and carmine pokemon in my tags #This is like the worst way to do it. Sorry cutting it short ty for reading if you did #ghosts howling

[tethered-heartstrings]

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us? Weird Questions for Writers

I have been told it is a red flag and that i am very strange for writing in complete silence. no music, background noise, nothing. I struggle focusing otherwise. I have occasionally put on white noise but only to drown out other sounds, it is not my preference. just me, the tippy tap of my fingers on my keyboard, and occasionally a little mrrp or meow from my cat if she is in the room with me. I used to not think it was weird but the more people that tell me it is the more i am inclined to also find it strange lol

maybe that i keep my writing documents (often porn lol) on the same computer/screen as my school work, but my documents are well organized

#do not know how people listen to music when they write or read like. god. cannot #i have put on nin ghosts to study but again #mostly to drown out other noise and at the time i only had an ipod so i didn't have a track for white noise lmao #i also don't type properly and type with like two fingers +/- a thumb but i type really fast #it is not a hindrance to me at all but i don't find it weird #i am sure a lot of my writing habits are weird to some people. like i might be the only one not using google docs and using word lol #as far as what cats think of us #I think it is very cat dependent but cats have a lot more love for us than stereotypes give them credit #cats can be extremely affectionate and clingy and cuddly #like the fact my cat chooses to be snuggled up on my lap or against my leg and only leaves the room when she HAS to #to pee or get food means she likes me #cats that show you their bellies or let you touch their feet or face trust you #(the feet can be hit or miss bc some cats hate it regardless) #your cats will miss you when you are gone and recognize you and love you #if a cat doesnt like you by god they will let you know loudly and sharply #bisexualmotif #themindisapowerfulmotif #the curious clown

[whattheskyknows]

Oh yeah just a quick update - I have temporarily made 13 Students private on ao3, meaning you will need an account to read it. This is only temporary. I should be making it public again soon!!!

#I've been receiving a rather specific amount of guest kudos daily and whilst I'm not complaining about getting kudos #what's making me wary is that it doesn't seem like the hits match this new influx of guests #and I'm sort of under the impression that a bot or something is leaving the kudos??? #I could just be overthinking all this and maybe I've just gotten lucky but #I haven't received almost 200 kudos during a single update before #paired with the fact I have not received a single comment ever since this rapid increase #I am a little 🤨🤨🤨 #I do not intend to keep it private for too long because I know a lot of my readers are guests in the first place #but idk #the latest chapter has the least engagement I've ever had on a chapter so receiving a bunch of kudos #after such a quiet response has got me a little suspicious lol #and this isn't me hinting at people to leave comments #but that has been a bit of a tip off that something isn't adding up #I haven't really heard of an issue like this before but hhhhh #rather just make the fic private for a little while instead of worrying if my fic has a bot issue or something

[ralsriel]

The owl house really just went "hey, you see these traumatized kids? You see how two of them even show VERY clear signs of ptsd?" and then looked at them and went "anyway, here's even more trauma for them, good luck recovering from this lol"

#the owl house spoilers #the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #THIS IS NOT A NEGATIVE POST BTW #I don't want it to come across this way #but my god. I am. #I don't even know what to say except for holy shit please give these kids some happiness #Luz is literally on the edge and the whole 'this person who I project myself onto should actually never exist!' is really worrying #and Hunter #oh where do I start here. #this whole episode might've just been 'Hunter's deepest trauma and fears: extra deluxe edition' #and I am. so hoping that he gets a happy ending. might just be my own cptsd brain influencing my opinions here but my god #I'd be so upset if he actually dies or won't find any happiness anymore #I don't think they'll do that though. Especially because they already had the chance to do so but brought him back #anyway!!! what an episode huh #I am!! boy I sure do have feelings about this whole thing and I do not know how to articulate them in the slightest! #on one hand I love the fact that the toh crew actually took their time to portray actual trauma in realistic ways #it definitely hit close to home and you could see the amount of care put into it #there's lots of small details that some people might not notice which are really important to me personally #even just the whole 'I think I'm getting better and like who I am! my fears might just be.. all in my head.. surely.' #to 'my fears have actually been justified & it feels like my happiness wont last long without the most terrible thing imaginable happening' #there's more of course #that was a lot to take in which may or may not be because of personal experiences but hoo boy huh #oh yeah also the VA's did a great job at changing their tone for each character #on the other hand. I really miss hooty. and eda. and king. and the silliness. and everyone else ;-; #and I don't mean this in a way of 'No! No serious topics allowed!' because I do like the more serious tone & it's more than reasonable #with the current situation #but hhhhh I just want them to be happy #anyway haha. them using Duolingo was fun huh? sure am glad the episode was about that only and nothing bad ever happened :)

[sharp-edges]

now its time for us all to play a game called "will matt rempe get scratched for the third game in a row, or are about to see him get his shit rocked by one or more of the devils (please of please, be more than one)"

#taps sign that says #my weird psychosexual crush on matt rempe is based on him GETTING hurt not him hurting other people so i do in fact WANT to see him get bea #up as retribution for that nasty elbowing hit on jonas last month #taps second smaller sign that says #yes i do know that head trauma is a big deal and i 'shouldn't' be actively looking forward to someone getting into a fistfight on the ice #BUT please consider that i am not a perfect person and i dont really care if im morally correct for wanting this #taps third even small sign that says #yes i do know that being unaware of his size and issues controlling his body has been a recurring issue for matt and that he spent his time #while suspended working on his coordination and awareness and that is a good thing i still want to see him fight it out and get square and #just move on from the whole entire situation #matt rempe #wow lots of signs in the tags here today

[seariii]

Huh... /pos

#i think that was intp me... because it was very analyzing the situation and giving an answer... #not much through feelings but more about how everything works and how I've seen him act before... #... and then that fact that i got reminded of at the end that helped me close with broche de oro #his reaction through out the conversation seemed uneasy but that last fact seemed to make everything click for him #infp almost poped out when i started talking about our experience... but managed to continue with it as a story and example #still couldn't see their faces for most of that but by his body language and the moments i saw his face it did hit him too #... sigh... well... its on stuff like this that im reminded that intp me does work nicely... and she is very needed... #maybe she isnt as warm as infp me but she cares and is worried too... and to some she still feels warm.... #mom isnt good with words and she is very bad at knowing how to tackle the problems... she is too logical and doesnt have much empathy #intp me seems to still have empathy... she just fails misserably a lot of time... then again the last week was hell JAJAJAJJAJAJA #i was emptionally in shambles and couldnt take no more so i probably just tried to turn that off and went full intp #instead of the healthy balance that is needed... especially when helping people.... in any case we are slowly getting back on track #i am slowly regaining energy now that im back home... #seari talks

[rosicheeks]

i do not know if i ever sent this to you. i have posted it. i hope you like it Princess.

#uhhhhhm no you HAVE NOT SENT THIS TO ME BEFORE?!?! #I literally am speechless #I’m not super talky right now #but even if I was I feel like I’d still be fucking speechless #like I already said I love your writing 🩷 #and it fucking BLOWS ME AWAY when people write about me or use me as an inspiration #like????????? what??????? me???????????! #I’m going to keep this close to my heart and look at it whenever I’m feeling down #I don’t remember if I said that already but it’s true #I need to get a journal or a cute box to put things like this in so I can just grab it and look through them when I’m feeling shitty #one thing I needed to say is the fact that you shared this with me now of all times??? is kinda crazy to me #idk if it’s a coincidence or if the universe/God/whoever/whatever is trying to tell me to go back into music and singing #not going to go into it too much but I’ve been looking at my life a lot lately #and I’m realizing I’m not getting any younger…. I know I’m still young but if I don’t do something soon - #my life is going to completely pass before my eyes and I really really don’t want that #I’m *finally* going to get mental help soon (long story but I have to wait a few weeks) #and once I’m actually mentally stable I can focus on what I want to do with my life #so I’ve been thinking a lot about my performing arts background and then randomly a get an email from a choir director I know #asking if I could please join the choir for their Easter performance cause they could really use my high notes #and she just kept complimenting me and it felt really nice ☺️ #then when I went to the first rehearsal I sat next to this girl and we were singing a part and the first sopranos go up to a high A #and I can hit it easily but most of them couldn’t so it felt like I was going this mini solo lol #but she asks me what my range is and I told her that back when I trained I could sing queen of the night which I think goes up to an F6 #and she was talking about how impressive that is #and it made me think about if I actually trained and got back into it how good I actually could get #I don’t mean this to be like ‘look at me look at me I’m so good’ #it just feels nice to have a little bit of a direction again #who knows if I’ll actually go down the music path again but it does sound damn exciting #I miss it with all my heart - I miss singing and performing and acting… I even miss music theory #anyway rant over and i ran out of space but thank you so much I seriously can’t thank you enough 😭🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I haven't talked to a friend in a few months but I want to, so I just texted a picture of my dog in hopes that that will start a conversation. Cuz I miss her but don't know how to start conversations.

#i made this friend during one of the worst weeks of my life #it was a terrible training week for summer camp #i was surrounded by strangers and closeted and didnt know anything #long story #but then i saw her! a trans woman! and immediately needed to be friends #and we immediately hit it off #she's cool as fuck and i love her so much #no i dont know her last name or where she lives. why is that relevant. i still love her #i am reallybad at remembering people exist if i dont see them on a regular basis #sometimes i forget my best friend of six years exists if we havent talked in a few days #so the fact that i remembered her and got up the energy to text her means a lot #i am so tired #my puppy is sick to his tummy. and he wakes me up ever hour or two to make it my problem #and i have an ear infection that's causing immense immeasurable pain. so its hard to fall asleep through that #thats not really relevant but i thought id bring it up anyway #i ate a really good lemon bar today #i hope you all have a wonderful day and eat a delicious baked good of your choice

[enigma-absolute]

Today marks 10 years since I first really stepped into the Eddsworld fandom and went through an event with it.

But it also happened to be first anniversary of its creator's passing. This year marks the 10th.

I figured 13 year old me wouldn't want to feel alone in that moment, so I made this to join her and go through the flow together.

Without Edd and Eddsworld, I don't think I would've had that accessible foundation, can-do mindset and enthusiastic influence, admiration and desire to animate and make stories of my own. I was a year too late when I first entered into the fandom and heard about it, but these past 10 years taught me it's never too late to make an impact and tell your tales - no matter how long they'll take.

Thank you Edd Gould. For everything.

#chris rambles #my creations #i sobbed a lot while making this and dealing with CSP crashing a few times during progress #long post #Edd Gould really did say to a friend that last set of green lines if you hit the readmore #it doesn't feel right to tag the fandom this time #EDIT: okay so i've got myself to cry a little more and put myself together #and boy howdy i understand now what it means when an emotional overload impedes your communication #(is annoyed at spelling+grammar mistakes in-comic and description but no i'm not gonna change it) #my god this fandom had both the best of times and worst of times - moreso fandom troubles than personal but still #fun fact: i got to meet a good bunch of the EWFM crew back in the day through the years and some are still good friends of mine #(this is when things were FINE and NOT WEIRD i'm talking early-mid 2010's here people) #some are moreso acquaintances and most just drifted away (that's fair!) #only one of them i know for a fact either one of us would take a bullet for the other (and if you're curious he was a lead role VA) #(won't say who for privacy but listen. A. if you're reading this: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I AM SO GLAD WE ARE FRIENDS) #yeah the friendship goes that deep and he makes me happy to say that I'm his friend #(he's also the only one of all the online friends i've mailed and penpaled to - who has sent stuff back. Nobody else but him.) #i need to chill now my goodness #there's so much ahead of me now bc of what my time in Eddsworld gave and I'm so so grateful <3

[countess-of-edessa]

my brain is so broken

how i genuinely feel: i was literally throwing myself at him. i could not have been more obvious about my feelings without straight up screaming them into a megaphone. it was humiliating how obvious i was being.

me (talking to him): i automatically assume any man who is attracted to me is a pedophile. i have never had a crush on anyone in my life, when one of my friends asked me out in high school i never spoke to him again. i don’t like your shirt.

#God help me #that’s not an exclamation of frustration although i guess it is also that but like literally God please fix whatever is wrong with me to #make me like this #i mean i know what it is it’s that i hate myself and i am afraid of vulnerability but still! #i am undergoing so much character development right now tbh #which sucks because i am not a character! if this was a narrative there would be a satisfying resolution and a climatic moment #instead i am just sitting in my chair #i mean in a way I am a character and there is an Author and He has already given me everything I need for the ultimate happy ending #anything further (and He has also given me a lot further) is just window dressing #that said #aaaaaaaaaaaa God please help me fix my horrifying psyche and resolve my distressing interpersonal relationships #TO BE FAIR #MOST OF THE MEN WHO HAVE HIT ON ME HAVE DONE IT IN CREEPY WAYS WHILE REFERENCING THE FACT THAT PEOPLE THINK I AM MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM #SO LIKE. I HAVE NEVER HAD ACTUAL CONFIRMATION THAT A NON-CREEPY GUY THINKS I AM PRETTY #SO THIS COULD BE TRUE.

[justinefrischmanngf]

this is exactly what i moved here for and it’s a good thing like 98% of the time but oh my god i’m literally all alone in this city……….

#my manager was talking about how he and his bestie and their friend are going to their friend’s in laws’ for eid tonight #and my manager was saying that that friend of theirs doesnt have any family in this city (and tbf idt my manager does either??) and so him a #and his bestie are always there for whenever he needs them #and idk it just hit me how enormously alone i am here #i’m not even religious so idk why eid was the thing like of all the times ppl have mentioned their friends #i need to get out of bed and do my laundry and i have a msg from my dad i havent opened so i shld reply to thaf #esp if i’m feeling like this but idk. it’s the first time i’ve rly felt like . struck by it in a way that has been bad #like i’ve missed people and i’ve been struck by the fact that i’m alone #but never in a negative way or a like . idk . oh i wish i had people way #but idk maybe i do wish that a little bit rn……….. #i think . idk i think a lot of things and it’s not the time for self analysis on tumblr #being in a place where i am alone was and is important to me rn and i think good for me #but i don’t have anyone in this city who i can put down as my emergency contact for anything and so it’s still my mum even for things she #doesn’t know i’m doing #and that’s very very weird #idk why i’m so emosh i’ll probably see my family at the end of this month for this family event and i’ll want 2 be free of them all #IDK MAN ITS JUST A LOT!!!! idw do my laundry