#How do I find myself in my 30&039;s

[calltoamentor]

Love and Risk: Closing The Long Distance

How do you close a long distance relationship as a risk averse person? How does it impact your job search to move across the country? What if it doesn't work out? These are questions I had to ask myself before moving 15 Hours away to start again.

Daily writing promptWhen is the last time you took a risk? How did it work out?View all responses Impulse and I have never been friends. My method of being has always been to choose the most stable, direct, safe option I can to mitigate any harm that may or may not come my way and keep those I love safe; regardless of whether they would have ever seen any risk from my actions or not. Most times…

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#big life changes #closing long distance #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1919 #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #how do I start over #job search #long distance #long distance relationship #Taking risks

[pjstafford]

Last Saturday night I was at a David Duchovny concert in Vancouver.  The concert venue was at the Imperial - a great venue- but in a neighborhood that the Urban Dictionary says is the worst neighborhood in all of Canada and some homeless advocacy groups argue  is the poorest neighborhood in all of North America.  Many of us at the concert had traveled to Vancouver from across the globe and there was some fear and trepidation which I over heard from other concert goers about this neighborhood. I had worked as a homeless advocate and have been on the board of a homeless shelter in the 90′s in Albuquerque.  I want to share my viewpoints of my experience in the worst neighborhood in Canada from an X-File frame of view because what brought me to Vancouver on October 14 was, of course, to see David Duchovny in Vancouver where the X-files was and is being filmed during a week-end which included 1013 Friday.  How does homelessness and the X-file find a theme together?  That is outlined in the link to the video above.  

I guess one way to set the mood is to say that my friend and I were only spending a week-end in Vancouver, but many other David Duchovny fans had been in Vancouver a week and had been to many famous filming sites.  My friend and I were staying at a Ramada fairly near the venue.  We drove through the area at first looking for parking before deciding that the valet parking at the Ramada was the best choice.  As we drove by I said- looking at the homeless and the city streets and remembering the video above- “oh, my God, this is the neighborhood they shot “Home Again” in.”  I realize, of course, the complete insensitivity to the plight of homelessness to see it in such focused X-file terms, but it was my frame of mind at the time.  My friend and I did in fact look for the filming sites of “Home Again” as we walked around the neighborhood, but because it is from the last season which we have not yet seen hundreds of times (only dozens) we were unable to locate exact locations.  We did watch the episode again back in Seattle the night before I flew home.  

On Saturday morning we decided to walk to the Ovaltine Restaurant (the filming location of a scene in Jose Chung) and to go by the venue.  We found ourselves walking down what I now realize is the area considered the worst two blocks in at least Canada and possibly North America.  The poverty was clear- people living in tents on the street a few blocks away from some fine, upscale and beautiful neighborhoods.  We then went to the Ovaltine Restaurant, the venue, back to the hotel for an hour of two, back to the venue to stand in line (starting at noon), walked back through the neighborhood to gastown for a bite to eat and back to the venue to stand in line again, before taking a cab back to the hotel after the concert.  

I want to state fairly clearly that there was not one time I felt scared or fearful (although I would not walk back to the hotel in the evening because I am not foolish) and the only time I was asked for money was after leaving the venue after the concert.  As we walked down the blocks at 9 a.m on a Saturday morning, we were greeted with “Good morning Ladies” and comments that our coffee cups were pink.  When our way was blocked and I said “excuse me” people moved out of the way politely.  There was nothing unpleasant about that walk except for being confronted with the fact that poverty exists and people (human beings) live in horrific conditions day in and day out.  

As we stood in line for 6 hours to see a concert, there was an need on an occasion to use a restroom.  The coffee shop sometimes let you and sometimes said that it was just for customers so my friend and I started using the community center on the corner which was truly more of a homeless center.  Again, I was greeted, offered water and shown the restroom.  My friend found blood in one of the restrooms so we climbed the stairs to use one on the other floor.  There were food being served, there were disposable containers for needles, there were signs telling people where to go if they were overdosing.  People were being afforded respect and dignity.  I was impressed.  

Here are some statistics from “Addressing Homelessness in Metro Vancouver” a white paper published in February 2017.  

An estimated 80% of homeless people suffer a chronic health issue (45% suffer two or more health conditions concurrently)15 b. 44% of sheltered and 55% of unsheltered homeless have an addiction (2014)16 c. 33% of sheltered and 36% of unsheltered homeless suffer mental illness (2014)10 d. 30% of sheltered and 27% of unsheltered homeless have a physical disability (2014)1

As we stood in line several neighborhood people talked to us.  We actually had sandwiches we did not want to eat, but couldn’t find any person that wanted the sandwiches.  Again most neighborhood people were polite, courteous and curious about why so many of us were waiting in line in front of a concert venue 6 hours before the doors opened.  I laughed on and off for hours at a woman who said “what are you protesting?”  I told my friend that we were the laziest protesters ever - no signs, no marching, no chanting- worst protest ever.  At one point a women who appeared to be suffering from withdrawal of some time fell.  Other people in line offered her assistance but she could not focus on them enough to accept their help.  She was in her own world.  After a few minutes when I witnessed her getting her shaking under control and her checking her legs to see if she was hurt, i went up to her.  From her perspective I was a big brown blob walking up to her and I startled her.  I told her that when she was ready I was willing to help and she desperately reached for my hands.  I helped her up and she grasped a tree until she was ready to stand and walk on her own.  I offered her food.  She did not want it.  She never asked for money.  Never threatened me.  

The next morning I woke up thinking of that episode “Home again” and the point of the episode.  I wondered how many of us X-Files fans might have thought back to that episode that night having experienced these and other moments.  The point - people are not trash.  They are not disposable.  They are not to be discarded.  I can walk away from that neighborhood and I can avoid the similar downtown areas in Albuquerque, but the people and the problem still exist.  From my experience in Albuquerque I know the underlying issues of homelessness - mental health issues, substance abuse, traumatic brain injuries, lack of literacy, lack of job skills, disenfranchisement from society, family and friends having giving up on them.  I know that veterans make up a large percentage of our homeless population in America, I know that senior citizen homeless numbers rose drastically in 2008 and subsequent years when retirement savings were loss and, like Vancouver, native people are a higher percentage in the homeless population than in the general population.  We can look to our educational systems, our prisons systems, our health care services (especially for the mentally ill), our foster care systems and juvenile care systems and to our economy.  The reality is a whole lot of us who go through our lives as hard working, normal citizens are closer to homelessness than we would like to admit.  In the past year I had to borrow money from friends and move into a friends home because of unemployment and I actually consider myself a fairly successful human.  We are all just humans doing the best we can in our life with what we have.  Nothing could remind us more of that than having spent so much time in that area around people who despite their issues were polite and courteous to us. 

I know our fan groups are a socially conscious and caring group of people who donate to all kinds of causes - let David Duchovny issue a post asking people to donate to charities on his birthday and beautiful things happen.  The proceeds from this concert went to hurricane victim.  This is a fan group which organizes volunteer and donation events for charities in honor of Gillian Anderson’s and Scully’s birthday.  The holiday season is ahead of us .  I am especially asking something of every one who attended that concert and interacted that night with a person who lives on the street in the worst neighborhood of North America.  If you fall into this category, than this holiday season in honor of “Home Again” and the X-files they do something in your communities to alleviate the effects of homelessness, reduce the possibility of someone becoming homeless or end some of the underlying causes of homelessness - take blankets or socks to a shelter, donate to a literacy program, call your legislators and demand better services for addiction treatment.   Buy subways cards and pass them out whenever you see someone with a sign saying hungry.  

At the very least, the next time you are in a situation where you are going to interact with homeless individuals (perhaps because of a David Duchovny concert), please treat people with respect and kindness.  People are not trash.  They are not disposable.  I was reminded of this last Saturday.  

[calltoamentor]

Loving Yourself Enough to Change

What are five ways you can change your life when you're depressed? How does trauma impact self-care? This is a complicated topic that everyone and their mom seems to have a "quick fix" for. Here's five much more existential and challenging ones instead.

Daily writing promptWhat are 5 everyday things that bring you happiness?View all responses How much do you want change in your life?How much do you want to change? No shame if the answer is “Not very much, thank you. I’m tired from living the life I have up until this point and am currently debating whether I honestly have the energy to do anything about my current situation as it is.” Nowhere…

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#5 easy steps #Burnout Prevention #Burnout recovery #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1906 #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #Life change #productivity and depression #trauma Recovery

[calltoamentor]

Finding My Fictional Mentor Archetypes

Growing up in a toxic family system, fiction and fantasy were not only escapes but ways to find and engage with my authentic self. It made it easier to find aspects of myself I loved and wanted to embody more.

Daily writing promptIf you could be a character from a book or film, who would you be? Why?View all responses                 I did not have many great role models when I was young: I grew up in a difficult environment, and while I had plenty of people who cared, none of the examples I saw reflected the life I wanted. I grew up in a small town in New England, where the only thing that really…

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#dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1901 #How do I become who I&039;m supposed to be #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #How to be your authentic self #Life change #personal growth #self acceptance #Women in fiction #YA fiction

[calltoamentor]

Self Expression and Shame

I cannot express enough how little living in shame around being who you authentically are actually helps you survive in the real world. In real life, no one who matters cares.

Daily writing promptDescribe something you learned in high school.View all responses I grew up with a certain phrase. A phrase that would grow to define my entire relationship with my adolescent self and create many a roadblock between my waking life and my true self. A phrase that was uttered every time some aspect of who I am or what I enjoy did not align with the interests and ideal vision of…

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#Conversations with my teenage self #Creating the life you want #Creating While Depressed #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1905 #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #Life change #personal growth #self acceptance #self worth

[calltoamentor]

Validation of Ambition

Daily writing promptIf you could have something named after you, what would it be?View all responses A commonly encouraged ambition in most of Western Society is the idea that our name will carry on for years, decades, centuries after those who loved us best have left this earth and are no longer able to pass it down. We as people tend to want to build community and want to do right by our…

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#ambitions #Anti-Burnout #Burnout #Burnout recovery #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1893 #How do I become who I&039;m supposed to be #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #Hustle Culture #Validation

[calltoamentor]

Owning Your Own Power

When you reclaim your magic, doors open for you. But how do you reclaim your magic? What if you only have really mundane magic? What if you are not the chosen one? Today let's talk about the importance of mundane magic.

Daily writing promptWho is the most confident person you know?View all responses One of the most frequently used, and frequently maligned, literary devices found in the world of Fantasy is the protagonist with hidden gifts. It is not hard to see why; it is often handled as a way for the writer to escape a hole they cannot seem to otherwise find their way out of and is often treated as the…

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#Authentic Self #Conversations with my teenage self #dailyprompt #dailyprompt-1879 #Finding yourself in your 30&039;s #How do I confront obstacles #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #How do I increase my self-worth #Life change #Motivation #mundane magic #personal growth #self acceptance #Self acceptance journey #self discovery #simplify your life

[calltoamentor]

Alone By Choice

An entry regarding my experiences leaving a toxic relationship and my decision to prioritize my own growth and well-being for its own sake rather than the health of a theoretical future relationship.

The world is not exactly welcoming to an unmarried woman. There seems to be no place in society for us except at the edge of things. — Kathani Sharma, Bridgerton Season Two There is something uncanny about the experience of being single for the first time in my adult life in my 30’s. Particularly when people find out that it was not through death, where they could at least tut sympathetically…

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#Being Single #Being single in public #Change #Finding yourself in your 30&039;s #growth mindset #How do I find myself in my 30&039;s #How do I increase my self-worth #Life change #life changes #personal growth #Reclaim my power #Singledom #Toxic relationship #Unhealthy relationship