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helloalycia · 4 years

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never fell out of love // rory gilmore

summary: you and Rory broke up, but that doesn't stop you from teasing her and wishing you could still be together.

warning/s: none.

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I walked into Luke's, not bothering to look around, and approached the till where Luke was writing something down on his notepad.

"Hey, Luke, please can I get two cheeseburgers to go?" I asked with a smile.

"You want fries?" he asked, finally looking up from his notepad.

"Please," I replied, taking a seat at the counter.

He nodded and gave the order to Caesar in the back. I was prepared to wait for my food, until I suddenly heard someone call my name.

"Y/N!"

"Mom, no..."

I turned and saw Rory sat at the table near the window with her mum, Lorelai. Lorelai seemed confused as Rory tried to avert her gaze from me.

I merely smirked and approached the table. "Hey, Lorelai." Lorelai smiled in return as I looked to Rory with a teasing smile. "Rory."

Rory, who was trying her best to not look at me, forced a smile and waved a hand.

"Did I miss something here?" Lorelai got straight to the point, pointing between us. "Last time I checked, you guys were friends."

I chuckled. "Same, Lorelai." I looked to Rory with an amused expression. "Do you need to catch me up on something, Rory?"

Rory, going a deep shade of red by now, finally looked up and flickered her bright blue eyes to mine. "Hey, Y/N. Yes, we're still friends. You doing good?"

I grinned. "Perfect, darling, and you?"

Rory couldn't hold my gaze for long, as she slowly looked elsewhere. "Awesome."

Lorelai looked at her daughter with a puzzled expression.

"I should go wait for my food, but it was nice seeing you," I said, mostly to Lorelai, with a friendly smile. "Enjoy your lunch."

Lorelai nodded and waved. "Bye, sweetie."

I headed back to the counter and took a seat, feeling those familiar butterflies tugging in my gut. What can I say? Rory's presence did that, and she knew it all too well, hence her ignoring me. Or trying to.

As I waited for my food, I realised I kinda wanted a drink now.

"Hey, Luke, can I get a coke? I'll pay now too," I called for the diner-owner as he made some coffee.

Luke nodded and got me the drink. After paying for it, he went to check on my food. I waited and suddenly felt a presence beside me. When I looked up, I saw Rory had approached the counter and was purposely staying silent, despite being fully aware of my presence. She was obviously waiting for Luke to return.

"You should make it less obvious that you hate me, your mum is starting to suspect otherwise," I teased her, hoping to get a response.

She pursed her lips and glanced at me. "You know I don't hate you."

I breathed out, still smiling at her. "I know. It's just fun seeing you squirm."

She rolled her eyes and leaned onto the counter, impatiently drumming her fingers. I admired her appearance today – her long hair half pulled back into an up-do style, her bangs covering her forehead and making her eyes stand out that extra big more, her white blouse rolled up to her elbows and left untucked, only accentuating her figure. She was stunning and I wasn't sure if she even knew what she was doing to me.

"Two cheeseburgers with fries," Luke finally returned, holding out a takeaway bag. "Enjoy."

I smiled and accepted the bag. "Cheers."

"Can I get a cup of coffee, Luke?" Rory asked, relieved he had returned.

Luke nodded and moved to fill her a cup. I stood up straight, bag in hand, and turned to leave, but decided to do one more thing before I left. I pretended to grab some napkins so I could lean next to Rory and get close to her ear.

"You look really beautiful today," I whispered, before grabbing a napkin and stepping back.

Rory clenched her jaw and glanced my way, her eyes soft and questioning. I merely smiled and went on my way.

As fun as teasing Rory was, I did wish I could say all of this to her face. As a couple. The reason she was giving me the cold shoulder was because she wasn't ready to be official with me. We'd been together, though on the down low about it, for a few months, but she decided to break it off when she admitted she was too afraid to come out about us to everyone. Of course I couldn't stop her, but I never fell out of love with her. And I know she still felt something for me.

Leaving Luke's that day left me with a hollow feeling inside, as I realised I probably wouldn't ever be able to say how I felt about Rory out loud.

–

Of course Stars Hollow – or should I say Taylor Doose, town mayor – would find some reason to celebrate and throw some kind of party. At this point, I didn't even know what holiday we were celebrating, I just knew that somehow, Taylor managed to convince pretty much everyone in Stars Hollow to party in the centre of town.

"Taylor did a good job, I must say," Lane commented, looking around.

"Yeah, it sure does look pretty," I agreed, taking everything in.

The gazebo had fairy lights strung all around, matching the ones lighting up the surrounding town stores. It was nighttime, so they shone like little stars. There was also balloons tied around and little streamers hanging about.

"God, this song is awesome." Lane grinned, bopping her head to the song Kirk was playing on the speakers they'd hooked up. "Wanna dance?"

Half the town was dancing like it was their school prom all over again and it was actually really lovely if it weren't amusing.

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged and followed Lane onto the 'dance floor'.

The two of us laughed as we danced around like fools. Nobody cared because everyone was bad as each other.

When the song ended, Lane and I stuck to swaying to the music for a bit, tired out from all the jumping around.

"How isn't your mum scouring the seven seas to find you right now?" I asked Lane, curious to why she hadn't been dragged home.

Lane smirked. "I am currently at Jessie Davis's house reading the Bible."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Who is Jessie Davis?"

Lane tapped her nose and I laughed at her antics. She had her ways, as usual. A pro at deception.

"Hey, there's Rory– Rory! Over here!" she shouted behind me.

I turned and a playful smile fell upon my lips when Rory's expression turned from a grin to a frown. She sucked up a breath and approached Lane and I, a forced smile on her lips.

"Hey, how long have you been here? I tried looking for you earlier," Lane said, still dancing to the music.

Rory waved her hand dismissively. "Not long. Did I miss much?"

Lane laughed. "Just Y/N and I dancing terribly. Not much."

Rory suppressed a smile as she spared me a glance. I almost forgot to breathe because of how adorable she looked.

"Gosh, Kirk actually has a decent playlist tonight," Lane complimented, obviously impressed as yet another good song played. "I'm gonna go check it out."

Lane left to go check out Kirk at his place by the gazebo, leaving Rory and I stood surrounded by terrible dancers.

"Wanna dance?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow hopefully.

Rory crossed her arms nervously. "Erm..."

"Nobody will suspect anything. We're friends. Friends can dance," I reassured her, dropping all hints of playfulness for the moment.

She sighed and nodded, a real smile tugging at her lips. We both began to dance, joining in with the horrible dancing around us. It was lovely to be able to just mess around with her without having to worry what anyone else was thinking – nobody was paying us attention. Plus, she was laughing and I hadn't heard or seen that in a while. Not since we broke up.

Eventually, Kirk slowed down with the upbeat songs and put on a somewhat slow song. Not awkwardly romantic, but something anyone could dance to. So, of course, as Rory tried to pull away and leave, I grabbed her hand and pulled her right back.

"One more dance and I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night," I promised, nodding at her. "If you want me to that is."

Rory said nothing, but rested her hand on my waist and the other in my hand. I smiled and we both slow-danced around the gazebo, not drawing any suspicion because tons of 'friends' were doing the same, some even doing it for a laugh. But nothing was funny to me about the fact that Rory was closer than she'd ever been to me since we broke up, and her eyes wouldn't leave mine.

She was wearing a lovely purple dress tonight, her hair left out and curled, framing her face. I wondered if she was thinking about us. I knew I was. I missed her the longer she was with me, strangely enough.

I leaned forward, making her nervous and tense up a little. But I only glanced around before moving my mouth to her ear.

"I really want to kiss you right now."

I pulled back and acted as if nothing was out of the ordinary. As we twirled around Miss Patty, smiling as she waved at us, I made sure to act the part. Though, Rory staring at me like I'd said the worst thing ever did make me regret it a little.

Finally, the song ended and everyone clapped for Kirk, who was unsure how to react to people actually thinking he'd done a good job at something. I pulled away from Rory and took a step back, sensing her discomfort. I hated that when I looked at her, I felt the urge to kiss her still.

"I'll go," I said.

She stared at me, her expression unreadable, until suddenly, she stepped forward and pressed her lips against mine. I was surprised, wondering why she would kiss me in such a public place. But I didn't get much time to think about it because I soon found myself kissing her back, missing the taste of her lips and the warmth of her skin.

She pulled away when we ran out of breath, but her hands were clutching my waist tightly. Her eyes darted from my lips to my eyes and I saw that she was still a little confused, but she was smiling.

"Erm, you know you just kissed me, right?" I asked her to be sure.

She nodded.

"Okay, just checking," I said. "You also know people saw, right?"

Already, bystanders were talking between themselves, pointing conspicuously at Rory and I. No going back now.

"I love you," she said, grabbing my hands.

I felt my heart rate speed up. "You do?"

She nodded, eyes flickering down to my lips again. "I'm ready."

I bit my lip to contain my grin. "Rory... I love you, too."

She grinned, pressing a small kiss to my lips before pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her close, smiling into her shoulder.

I was glad to finally be hers for real now.

#rory gilmore #rory gilmore imagine #Rory gilmore x reader #Rory gilmore x female reader #gilmore girls #alexis bledel

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abewright · 4 years

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A GOOD LIFE REMEMBERED

“I was born in a one-room log cabin in Oklahoma on September 12, 1920”.

So my grandfather, Ed Roush, would tell his story every year after Christmas dinner was finished and the Nativity had been read - a ritual of giving thanks for God’s provision, for grace, and for a good life. His life, now lived, was good and we give thanks again today on his 100th birthday.

As the oldest grandson and the only boy in a string of five granddaughters, I often had the privilege of eating dinner with the grown-ups. This meant I had my own spot at the table when it came time for Grandpa to do his Christmas giving-of-thanks ritual; even better if the spot was the corner next to Grandpa. Regardless, I was always more interested in the grown-up’s banter than what fun might be had at the kids’ table. The entire family consisted of my grandparents, my parents, and my mom’s three brothers and their families. My uncles knew how to entertain. There were plenty of jokes and the occasional practical joke - like the time my grandfather's face ended up in a chocolate pie because he fell for the old “does this food smell funny to you?” trick. He was good humored regarding the practical jokes, and even though he never said it out loud, it was plain to see that he cherished the arniness of my uncles.

As a young boy, I admired my grandfather as he stood at the head of the table, read from the Bible, and told his story. He had a formal, but warm air about him that made me feel like everything was going to be okay. Like so many of his generation, he did not share many of life’s struggles. For most of my childhood and early adolescence, the extent my knowledge of Grandpa’s past was that he was born into poverty in Oklahoma, lost his father when he was 12 years old, lived through the Great Depression, fought in WWII, served in Congress for 16 years, and was the inventor of 911. Before our family was aware of his illness, early Alzheimer's loosened Grandpa’s tongue and he began to share detailed stories about WWII at Christmas dinner. Being only a teenager, I assumed that these were stories that had been told before, but not to children. I was wrong - we were all hearing them for the first time. He told us stories of fighting in the Battle of the Bulge, getting separated from his platoon, suffering frost-bite, seeing his fellow soldiers taken captive.

At that moment I realized that my Grandpa had lived a fascinating life and I knew little of the details. I wanted to know more about his life, learn from him, and simply know him more. We had a few short years when I had the maturity and wherewithal to ask good questions, and he had the mental health to answer. As his health declined I grieved all the time I wasted playing computer games at his home when we could have been discussing the Civil Rights movement or the astronauts he knew or how he navigated the complexities of faith and politics, for instance. His health continued to give way, and he suffered a few years before Alzheimer’s took him in 2004. I was 26 years old when he died. I had yet to marry Lisa and our first child was born six years later. Such is life, but as I write even now with tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat, I wish that my wife and kids could have known Grandpa like I knew him. Even so, our time together was rich and full of love. I often wonder if after dedicating so much time to his country, he simply wanted to just be with me and be a grandpa. No need to tell glory stories. If that was his goal, then he succeeded. I knew him in the best possible way - as a loving grandpa.

I still occasionally spend time with Grandpa. Every so often he visits my dreams while I am sleeping. We catch up on life. I tell him about what has happened since he left us in 2004. These visits are precious reminders that I was loved by Grandpa in more ways than I consciously know. Lisa also tells me that she sees him living in our lives through his legacy and the values he left with us; she feels like she knows him because she knows me and she knows my family. For these things, I am grateful.

Happy 100th birthday, Grandpa!

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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698

3 words that describe...

Your personality: (A bit) aloof, sensitive, and shy.

Your friends: Loud, laidback, cheeky.

Your family: Emotionally distant, (mostly) religious. I’m cheating so much on this looooool.

Your life: Right now? Put on hold. Thanks, coronavirus.

Your current mood: Hungry, and irritated eyes.

Your dreams/goals in life: Ok three words will be too short for this so I’ll just enumerate three whole phrases: I’d like to have a job that pays well, get a house that doesn’t have to be huge, but it has to come with features I’ve always wanted like cove lights and a yard for the kids and dog to play in, and get settled.

Your partner/boyfriend/girlfriend (if you have one): Funny, intelligent, courageous.

The person you last talked to: Brave, considerate, responsible.

The room that you are currently in: Comfortable, well-lit, homey.

The world in your perspective: Many stupid humans.

Yes/No questions...

Are you creative? Absolutely not. I like doing the logical/rational side of things... I let others take care of creative aspects, if they have to be present.

Do you like spending a sunny day outdoors? NO, unless I’m at the beach then sunny is the only way to go. Otherwise I’d rather be indoors or somewhere air-conditioned thx.

Do you get upset easily or over the littlest things? I can be. It’s usually when I’m already stressed/antsy enough, or if I’m on my period.

Do you dislike any of the people in charge of you (i.e: teachers, bosses)? I don’t particularly dislike my prof in my Rizal course but he sure teaches like he doesn’t want to be there. I just haven’t been getting the enthusiasm off of him, and that’s really important to me when it comes to being interested in my subjects. Oh but my PE coach this sem is a bitch - one time I forgot to wear the shirt color she demands us to follow and she ignored me for the entire period. Quickest way to make me feel shitty. So yeah. Probably her.

Do you like to read books/magazines/newspapers? I like books only if they’re non-fiction. I...don’t really read magazines anymore, and I kinda have to check into newspapers from time to time because I take up journalism.

Are you family-oriented? Towards my girlfriend’s family, yeah. I don’t really care about being family-oriented for my own.

Have you ever been friends with someone in the past out of sympathy? Yeah, this girl named MJ in Grade 7. She was a new-ish student then and no one was approaching her, so Gab and I tried to befriend her for a time. Didn’t really pan out that well - we just didn’t mesh - so we stopped talking not long after.

Do/did you ever get nervous around people you are/were crushing on? I still do.

Do you believe in global warming? Duh.

Are you happy with the way society/the world in general is? I’m typically pessimistic when it comes to people, so no not really. I just feel like the bad news always overweigh the good these days - and while good news can serve as rays of sunshine sometimes, I’d rather face reality than live in my own bubble and choose to be oblivious to all the shitstorms happening around me.

Do you ever question your own religion/beliefs? I did, as early as when I was 10. The Bible just didn’t make sense to me to my frustration, and I’ve always felt disgusted with my school guilt-tripping us to be good people because a man got crowned with thorns and nailed to a giant cross. I figured I can be good simply because I choose to, so I let go of my Catholic roots quickly after. Having no friends that time surely forced me to think hahahahahahaha jk 1/2

This/That...

Do you prefer today's trends/styles, or ones from the past? Both have awesome stuff, there’s no need to pick. I’m really into the mom jeans of the 90s, but I also like the yellow trend that’s been going on recently.

Being too cold or too hot? I’d rather be shivering but be comforted with a thick blanket, than sweat bullets and have absolutely no way to cool myself down.

Uploading music to your iPod, or buying CDs? Depends. I used to buy the CDs of my favorite artists then just download the other music I’m not as passionate about.

Fruits or vegitables? VEGETABLESSSSSSSSSSSS. I hate fruits.

Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate, for the most part. Vanilla tastes like nothing to me. Baseball or football? I don’t watch either and I probably won’t enjoy either either lmao, but I have a bias towards football because my girlfriend’s sisters play the sport. The mall with a bunch of little stores, or one single, big store? Malls kinda work differently here... they’re all one big building with a bunch of restaurants, clothing shops, sports shops, novelty stores, etc. Rap music or rock and roll? Not a big fan of either but I’d go with rock and roll I guess. I like some rap but none of them make me feel things, which rock can sometimes do for me. Roller skates or roller blades? I owned a pair of roller blades when I was 10 and had fun memories with it even though I never did learn how to do it properly. Horror movies that give you nightmares, or romance that makes you vomit? Horror for sure. I don’t even like romance-only movies; they have to be laced with a lot of comedy in between for me to enjoy them. Making more friends or making more money? Making more money sorry LMAOOOOOO Living it up and being stupid, or being safe and never pay the price? I’d always rather be safe. I hate getting reprimanded or caught doing something bad or being punished. Doing more of the talking, or more of the listening in a conversation? Listening, please. I don’t like having the attention on me for too long. Giving or receiving? Giving I guess? I always have a pretty good sense of what my loved ones need, and it’s always nice to see how good they feel when I give it to them. Cats or dogs? Dogs. Playing on the swingsets or the slides (as a kid)? Swings. I was traumatized by one slide when I was 6 because it was apparently blistering hot when I slid down from it, and it almost burned my butt off lmao.

Would you rather...

Bolding these because I’m lazy.

Live off of just food for 2 days, or just beverage for 2 days?

Tell a lie and be believable, or tell the truth and still be blamed?

Die at 65 with the love of your life, or live to 85 being single?

Fart and be heard from far away or fart and be smelled from far away?

Be tickled for an hour straight or be woken up by a bucket of cold water?

Have a cabel snap while bunjee jumping or have the bar go up on a coaster?

Have a deadly plague or a nuclear bomb hit your country? (Don't get ideas!) < This is a sick question to ask these days lol. I’m not answering.

Lick a frozen telephone pole or stick your hand in dry ice? Be rejected by your favorite celebrity or by someone you secretly admire? Give up your favorite food for eternity or eat a bowl of dead spiders? Make a lot of money at a job you hate or little money at a job you love? Jump off a bridge or from a moving car? < Another sick question.

Favorites...

Color(s): Pink, sky blue, off-white.

Song(s): I don’t have one at the moment. I haven’t listened to any music in a while, save for lo-fi.

Artist(s): Beyoncé if we’re talking solo, Paramore if you mean bands.

Music genre: I don’t have a favorite one; my taste is pretty scattered.

Movie: Two for the Road or Good Will Hunting

TV show: Breaking Bad, Friends, BoJack Horseman, Queer Eye

Actor and actress: Gregory Peck; Audrey Hepburn or Kristen Stewart

Movie/TV genre: Romantic comedy or drama lmao, I’m a sappy bitch. Suspense and psychological horror are also cool.

Restarant: Yabu, Mendokoro Ramenba, or Silantro

Food: Sushi

Dessert: Macarons

Hobby: Going to museums! Or reading about the history of anything.

Activity to do out of boredom: Scroll my social media feeds orrrrrr do surveys, or watch cooking videos on YouTube heh.

Type of weather: Bleak, rainy, and chilly.

Book: I don’t have a favorite.

Subject in school: History

Item that you own: My car hahahaha

Pastime: Eating out and window shopping. Maybe I’m just saying these because I haven’t been to a mall in a while :/

Site: Palawan

Tourist attraction: I’ve always wanted to go to those towers that lets you go to the top floor and the floor is just literal glass. If I’m gonna be a tourist-y tourist, that’s the first place I’d go to haha.

Random questions in your own words...

If you could have any desired superpower, what would it be?

The history nerd in me would take up time travel in an instant. And I won’t even be using it as a superpower lmao, it’d be like a research pastime for me.

What would be your dream job?

If I wasn’t such an introvert and if I were a lot better in handling crowds, I really would have wanted to be a pro wrestler.

Descibe your dream date:

Museum in the day, cute dinner at night.

What was the best day of your life like?

I don’t know if that has happened yet.

What was the worst day of your life like?

So far my worst day was when I wasn’t accepted into my school paper in high school and I spent like 18 hours crying my eyes out. I liked writing and was accepted for my portfolio, but people thought I was too shy to fit the group’s dynamic and ended up getting booted. There are quiet writers too, assholes.

If you ever have kids one day, what you you name them?

Too early for this lol I’ve only had name picked out - Olivia.

What's one thing that will bring you out of your worst mood no matter what?

My dog. FOR SURE.

Who's the most annoying person you've ever encountered?

Jem, someone from my college who thinks she’s close with me but I really do not like her at all.

If you could grow up to be like anybody, who would it be?

I don’t believe in having role models. I just want to be the best version of myself.

If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?

My mental health could be mental healthier.

What's your favorite inspirational/famous quote? I don’t depend on these either. Describe your dream ice cream sundae (unlimited toppings): Meh, I don’t like sundaes. Just scoops would be fine with me. What comes to mind first when you think of your favorite color? I have no idea why this is what I remember, but it was the day I went shopping for school supplies and got myself a pink clipboard, pink pencil case, pink expander, and pink highlighters. I think it’s because it was that day where I had to acknowledge that pink was in fact, unironically, my favorite color HAHAHA What's something in your life that you once hated but came to like? ^ The color pink. And chicken curry. What's something in your life that you once liked but came to hate? Cooked salmon. There was one phase my mom made it almost everyday and I just got sick of it. I refuse to eat salmon to this day unless it’s sashimi or in sushi. If you could stop any chaos/problem in our world today, what would it be? This fucking pandemic. 2020 CAN’T CONTINUE BECAUSE OF YOU. What would be the best way to die, in your opinion? Peacefully, in sleep, with no pain. What would be the worst way to die? Falling off a cliff (or anywhere high) and landing on a boulder EUGH I cringe at it. Also getting impaled. AND plane crashes. If you could give your room a free makeover, what would you do to it? I’d make it look spacier by moving the bed to the wall so there’s a lot of free space in the middle. I’d also add a desk, work chair, and a lamp so I can study there. If you could have an unlimited amount of anything, what would it be? The number of years my dog would live. What's one thing that you like that would probably surprise your friends? They know I like punk rock in general but I haven’t shared any of the music with them. It would definitely surprise them. Out of everything in the world, what holds the most meaning to you? Stability.

#survey #surveys

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wordsbysra · 4 years

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page turner

*** hey! this is a project i did at college this semester! the prompt was to present on something that gave our lives meaning, so i wrote a letter to my dad. plus i’ve been itching to post, but i’ve been too busy to write something new... thanks for letting me be both corny and vulnerable :) sra ***

When given this project, I was torn on what gives my life meaning. There’s plenty of things that fill me up with joy. Music has always been healing to me, but you can hardly classify dubstep and techno as therapeutic. I really like Trader Joe’s but eating your weight in cookie butter has its consequences. Makeup has always been an amazing way to express myself, but I understand it’s hard for people to believe I can do some sharp ass winged eyeliner, considering I look like I’ve been forgetting to wash my hair for the last four years. Even amongst all these things that make my life sweeter, nothing compares to my family. My dad, in particular. My dad taught me the value of education. He spent weeks on my elementary school science fair projects, tutored half of my high school statistics class over Skype, and even made me a list of 100 books to read before I graduate college. I just started #38 “Ham on Rye” by Charles Bukowski last night, but we’ve got a long way to go. He introduced me to literature, one of my greatest passions. Obsessed with crafting lavish stories that will keep you perched so far on the edge of your seat that you’ll forget to breathe, my dad is the brightest mind I’ve ever known. His consistent encouragement helped me overcome the anxieties and doubt that clouded my potential. Not only did I want to share with the class how my dad brought purpose into my life, but I wanted him to hear it too. Or read it… I wrote this sappy letter, but when I need them most, words fail.

Hey Dad,

It’s strange to think that I’m over halfway done with my collegiate experience, when it feels like just yesterday, you were still helping me with my times tables. For the first time in a long time, I am excited about learning. I am engaged in my classes (after 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep), I look forward to doing homework, and I feel like I might actually have a shot at doing something great when I’m out of here. For months, I panicked about what I was going to study. The devil on my shoulder told me English was a waste of a degree (it’s not). The devil on my other shoulder told me I wasn’t creative or bold or funny enough to ever tell a good story. But you, my middle-aged angel, encouraged me to follow my instincts and tell my story. I’ll never forget when you told me, “It’s the only story you get, so make it a page turner.”

It started in my bedroom when I was maybe four years old. I couldn’t seem to sleep with my closet door wide open and you found yourself sitting at the edge of my bed while I spoke incoherently about the monster that was watching me from behind my shirts and dresses. This was when the joy of story-telling was brought into my life, as you configured a story about the monster. You told me that the monster was scared, just like me, and every time I couldn’t sleep, neither could he. In hindsight, this was probably the biggest parenting cop-out ever, but it cured my nightmares. However, you still found yourself at the foot of my bed nearly every night after since I wanted to know more about the closet monster. What was his name? How old was he? Did he have a little brother like I did? You had me immersed in a world that didn’t truly exist, something that only a true storyteller could do. I was an intuitive little girl, so I knew your stories couldn’t possibly be real, but sooner or later, your stories became ours.

The first true book I ever read cover to cover was “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”. I sat in the cramped backseat with Alex as our overstuffed car inched forward in traffic towards the annual family reunion in quaint Idaho. I don’t know why we always had to reunite with Mom’s redneck survivalist side of the family, but you have very little say in family matters when you’re six years old. Between heaving fistfuls of Cheez-Its and those waxy fruit snacks that Mom always tried to pass off as real Gushers, I sat with a book gripped in my hands, its pages overflowing in my tiny lap. Every few minutes or so, a timid, “Dad, what does this word mean?” would escape from the backseat and be met with a simple definition, an example sentence, and so on and so forth. A grueling nine hour drive later and I had finished my first chapter book; I couldn’t stop gushing about how awesome Hermione was “because she’s smarter and tougher than all the boys”. The constant support I received to keep on reading led me to discover characters that inspired me. I found a sense of identity through intelligent young girls who stood firm in the face of danger. When it was time for us to begin the journey back to home sweet home Nevada, you surprised me with the second book of my new favorite series. I read out loud to the whole car for hours until my eyes got heavy and I fell asleep with another story whirling around my head.

Unfortunately, the older I became, the less I enjoyed reading. High school started to hinder my imagination and I was eventually diminished into just another statistic for the school district. It became less about telling a story and more about being able to analyze a story and condense my thoughts into a well-written, well-structured essay worth half of my grade. MLA style or bust! Reading books with you definitely wasn’t cool anymore (sorry) and we drifted apart. When I was seventeen, you were admitted into the hospital for a severe complication from one of several surgeries. Even with a bleak chance of survival looming over our heads, you still managed to give me a new story every time we came to visit, be it about a nurse you liked or a dumb commercial you had seen on television. Seeing someone so strong become so vulnerable really broke a part of me, but I ultimately became more appreciative of all the great experiences you had given me. I would run to the library before each visit, frantically searching the shelves for whatever request you had scrawled on a sticky note during my previous visit. Sitting by your side for hours, finishing off the pudding cup stash you were saving for me, each of us with a different book in our hands, pages turning every few moments. Even on your worst days, your sickest days, your weakest days, the powerful stories we read side by side outshined every moment of suffering. It was this point in my life that I realized the power of a really good book, and in an instant, my love for literature was reignited.

You made me realize that there is so little time to spend focusing on minute details and irrelevant characters. The only plot I should be worrying about is my own, since I am my own story, all by myself. I will always look back fondly on our weekly Saturday dates to the public library, and getting lost at the bookstore amongst the towering walls of bindings and pages, and staying up all night to finish a novel so you’d take me to the movie premiere, but I can’t wait to make the same memories with children of my own one day. Your love of books helped morph me into the most inquisitive version of myself, always eager to pick up something new to read, but always reminiscent of the texts I cherished when I was younger. “The Poisonwood Bible” (which was the first book I had recommended to you) has a quote that often makes me think of you: “I attempted briefly to consecrate myself in the public library, believing every crack in my soul could be chinked with a book.” You helped me discover parts of me that I didn’t know were there and encouraged me to be proud of all my cracks and dents. Don’t worry, I’ll make you sound totally awesome in my memoir one day. Thank you for introducing me to the whimsical worlds hidden between dusty pages and 12-point font. You helped excavate the purpose that had been buried inside of me all along. I am eternally grateful to be your daughter and I’m excited to see what crazy stories lie ahead for us. How’s this for a page turner?

P.S. I spent that $50 you gave me over Thanksgiving break at Barnes and Noble. I’ll let you borrow the books I picked up. Please send more money.

#writing #my writing #quotes

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itsjustcommon · 6 years

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My Testimony... finally

I’ve been avoiding writing this out for a long time. I’ve always had a hard time sharing my testimony. But recently I’ve seen a few people share theirs and it helped me a lot, so maybe mine can help someone else.

The thing I guess that I’m ashamed of most is that worst sins came after I was saved. My story is one of backsliding down Everest basically. But I’ll start in the beginning.

I was raised in a household that professed to be Christian. I was in church almost three times a week. I was forced to memorize scripture since 9 (I’m much more grateful for that now than I was then). Despite my parents being Christian we didn’t talk a lot about it. I remember in sixth grade we had a Sex Ed portion of our science class. I went to school in Wisconsin, it was a very liberal curriculum. They told us about pornography and masturbation and how they were a healthy part of growing up. Now I have to give my 6th grade self credit because something immediately sketched me out about that. I went to my mom and straight up asked her if masturbation was a sin. She said she would get back to me… I still haven’t gotten an answer from her yet.

Despite being extremely curious, I didn’t go there. That next summer my family moved from Wisconsin, all the way to Louisiana. I went to a small public school called Church Point middle, which is ironic because it was opposite of anything remotely godly. I guess kids are more sheltered in the town I was from because I learned a lot the next year. These kids were sexually active, knew every swear word you could think of, got into fights constantly, were so disrespectful to everyone and everything around them. It was honestly one of the worst years of my life. I stuck out like a sore thumb, I didn’t curse, I couldn’t tell you much about sex, I actually tried to do well in class, I was nice to the teachers, I had a weird northern accent and I pretty much kept to myself. Prime bullying material. I got called pretty much every name in the book but because the guys were so aggressive, my friends were pretty much exclusively girls, so queer was the name they settled on. I found out later it was someone I thought was my friend who started that rumor. At this point I had basically one friend- her name was Natia, she was a lesbian that already had a 1 year old baby-in seventh grade.

Seventh grade is where I started watching porn, I was already depressed and I felt like I couldn’t go to my parents for anything. My behavior started conforming to the people around me, I started swearing, manipulating people, cheating, getting into fights, ironically I developed this pridefulness over being morally superior to the people around me-despite engaging in all the same activities.

Eighth grade my parents moved me and my sisters into a private Christian school my mom worked at. That’s where I attended until I graduated. I was in a new environment so my actions changed accordingly. I became the meek kid again, I tried in school again, I stopped swearing(out loud), I became the good Christian boy I was expected to be. But there was one thing I couldn’t kick, I couldn’t stop watching porn, I didn’t want to either. I justified it because I has never heard anyone talk about porn in church, that must mean that it wasn’t a sin.

I met a kid named Timothy in eighth grade, there was something different about him. He was funny without being vulgar, he was a leader without trying, he loved Jesus not just with his mouth but his whole life. He was someone I wanted to be friends with, I wanted him to show me what he had that I didn’t. He was effortlessly Timothy, I felt like every move I made was all an act.

It wasn’t until sophomore year that we got close. But I got so much worse in the meantime. I was looking at pornography on an almost daily basis. The “soft core” stuff wasn’t enough for me anymore. I actually started watching gay porn, partially because I was still insecure from being called queer everyday for a year, it was a way to reclaim my sexuality I guess, make it my choice, and in part just because it was something that felt new and different. Again during all this time I still considered myself a Christian.

My sophomore schedule worked out in a way that I spent most of my day with Timothy, including a free period. It was because of this that we became really close. I remember one conversation where he asked me if I had ever shared my faith with someone. I told that I hadn’t and he challenged me to really think about why that was. He started reading the Bible with me, giving me books to read on my own, really discipling me. He confronted me about my sin and got me to the point where I admitted that I wasn’t acting like a Christian, and not only that but I had never acted like a Christian. He made me realize the title of Christian is a hat you can take off and on. That part of my sophomore year was one of the best seasons of my life. I felt like the dusty skeletons of religion became this thing that made me feel alive, really alive. For the first time reading the Bible felt new and fresh and exciting. It was my lifeblood

This is when I really started feeling convicted about my pornography addiction. I reached out to a mentor figure from my church who was a few years older than me. I called him in the middle of the night crying about how ashamed I was and how I needed someone to keep me accountable. And things got better, it wasn’t perfect repentance but God was changing my desires.

That same year my dad went to prison. That destroyed me, I’d never felt super close to my dad and all this did was push me further from him. My mom couldn’t afford rent with her single salary, if it weren’t for the church we would have been homeless. It was not a good time for my family. I fell back into my sin. And I feel like it was worse this time around because I knew it was wrong and I did it anyway. I stopped praying and going to church. I couldn’t even open my bible without wanting to throw up. I hated myself. I felt like God must hate me too.

I didn’t stay there long. I was able to forgive my dad and God brought me back. I helped a buddy start this small group program at our school and I threw myself into writing the curriculum and learning as much about God as possible. I learned that when I told others about the Gospel I was also preaching it to myself. When I stopped sharing the gospel I seemed to forget it too. My dad was released from prison in my senior year of high school, soon after he moved back in with my mom. Things seemed good, and they were. This was a season of restoration.

I was nearing graduation. I had good grades, I planned on going to LSU. I had the ACT scores, most of the cost would be covered by scholarships. I planned to major in philosophy and maybe to law school. One night when I was praying I got super convicted—I realized that I hadn’t gone to God for any of these major life decisions I was making on my own. So I asked him where he wanted me to go and he told me—the United States Air Force. So that was where I set my sights, I started getting prepared for that. It was strange because I went to a college prep school, it was assumed that I was going to college basically my whole life, I never thought about doing anything different.

This is a good time to talk about my summer job. I worked at a small baptist camp. I lived there during the summer in a house with 10 other Christian guys and worked with another 10 Christian girls. These people became my family almost immediately. We had weekly bible studies with our bosses, and often stayed up till morning just talking about Jesus. That summer was the closest I ever felt to God. I felt like he was revealing so much to me. All we did was serve campers and talk about Jesus so he was always on the forefront of my mind. I wish that season never came to an end.

At the end of the summer I shipped out to San Antonio for basic training. Armed with my Bible I was ready. It was tough, not because we did anything particular hard but because I felt so isolated from my friends and family. My first Sunday there I was able to attend church and it was so refreshing, I wept for most of the worship. Basic training was one of the most fruitful mission fields I’ve ever seen. All I had to do was open my bible and within 5 minutes someone would come up to me curious about God. I guess these people being isolated made them realize how hungry they were for the gospel.

After two months I graduated and headed to my tech training. I was there for 6 months. I didn’t have a car so I didn’t go to church. I got lazy. I stopped sharing the gospel, I stopped reading my Bible. And I backslide. I had this new found freedom to do whatever I wanted. I had no accountability to anyone. I was away from my parents for the first time and with it came incredibly loneliness. I fell back into my pornography addiction. It was worse than before, I had to look at crazier and crazier stuff to feel anything. And when porn wasn’t enough anymore I started talking to strangers online, posting pictures of myself on the internet. Someone recognized that I was in a Air Force dorm and asked me which base I was at. Turns out he lived 2 floors down from me. We had sex, it was just the next step, watching porn wasn’t doing it for me anymore so I lived out my fantasies. I found out later he was married. That didn’t stop me from seeing him a few more times. I just felt numb, even after I stopped seeing him. I knew it was the worst thing I’ve ever done but I couldn’t process any of my feelings about it. I started to punish myself by running every night. I would push myself to run 8 to 9 miles every night. I lost so much weight. It was incredibly unhealthy but I didn’t know what else to do. I had never messed up this badly, I felt like I lost my salvation. I couldn’t bear to think about it, so I didn’t. I kept running. I wanted to kill myself, but I was too afraid of Hell.

I went home for a few weeks after tech school was over in April. It was bittersweet, I missed them so much but I felt like I was lying to them. Finally I spilled my guts, I talked to one of my friends while I was home and I explained what I had done. Basically they told me to stop moping, I was at rock bottom but wasn’t doing anything about it. God commands repentance, so I needed to stop hiding from him. He was waiting with open arms. I took one step, I confessed to God and he was faithful to forgive. I took one step toward home and it felt like God ran to met me where I was at. Sometimes it was hard to “feel” forgiven. Eventually I had to acknowledge that I was forgiven even when I didn’t feel it.

I was assigned to my first permanent duty station that April. I’ve been here in Washington since then. I still struggle. I go to a small church, I’m part of a men’s bible study-I’m the youngest guy there by 35 years. It’s nice to be back in a position of being discipled, in my experience that typically means God is preparing me for something big. If I had to guess it’s probably my upcoming deployment. I’m hopeful for the future. God is still restoring me. Everyday I desire him more and my sin less. Sometimes progress seems slow going but it’s progress nonetheless. God is faithful, I’m confident he will finish the good work He began in me.

Takeaways:

If I'm not preaching the gospel as often as I can, I forget it. The number one way that I can be sure I'm keeping Jesus at the forefront of my mind is by telling other people what he did for sinners

There is no “too far gone”

Sometimes a Christian’s greatest sins are still in front of them, have faith that Jesus died for those sins too.

The Bible is serious when it says to flee sexual immorality. Do not toe the line. Run away-it is a slippery slope.

Scripture especially important to me:

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (1 Corinthians 6:9-12)

If anyone in the LGBT+ community is reading this I want you to know I don’t hate you, I’m not better than you. I have no high horse to ride on.

I’m just a beggar telling another where I found bread.

#long post

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inthispagewestanikon · 5 years

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First Encaunter <3 - a Junhoe scenario:

word count:1.2k

Ps: song: iKon - Only you

Ps²:If there’s any grammar mistake, I apologize!

Since a very young age I always loved books, any kind of books really and as I grew older I knew that whatever I did I should be connected to books somehow, maybe a teacher or Korean literature. However, life started showing me a reality I did not like at all, a reality where parents should shower their daughters with dolls and fashion magazines, rather than what they actually wanted, of course some girls could just really play with dolls and they’re free to do so because that’s what they like, but if they don’t then they don’t need to.

The stereotype embeved not only in Korean culture, but in all cultures, that girls have to grow up to fulfill this mother and wife role really bothered me to the point where I’d argue everyday with teachers and classmates.

One day at this random old library I used to go to, the old lady who owned it approached me after seeing the books I had been reading for the past weeks and I remember her saying loud and clear that I should fight against the tide to stand my ground, she then gifted me a book called ‘The female Eunuch” by Germaine Greer and from that day on I always carry it with me, like a Lucky charm.

A year after this encounter my mom received a call from a friend in Italy saying that he got her a scholarship in this famous art course. I was fourteen then and because my dad had a ridiculous amount of working hours to do, my mom ended up taking me and my sister along with her and we lived there for two long and eye opening years.

Coming back to korea I felt like someone totally new, I learned so much about feminism and ways I could change little by little the society I’m a part of. I learned a lot about political and social Science and that brings me to where I am today.

...

My lectures for the day were all finished and I had to go to my mom’s gallery in order to help her with the new paintings that arrived. I took the subway since her shop was in Itaewon and Yonsei was about thirty minutes far away. As soon as I got there she greeted me with a big smile.

“Oh! You’re here” She said giving me a hug. My mom has always been a very loving person, but after living in Italy she was very much into skinship.

“Yes yes” I said smilling.

“Come here, you need to take a look at these amazing paintings that came in today” she said excitingly and grabbed me by my hand.

We reached the storage room and there were so much paintings spreaded out.

“Mom, I told you to wait for me” I shook my head upon the mess she made.

“Sorry honey, I was so excited” Sometimes she sounded like a little girl, but at least I know who I got my intense passion from.

The new paintings were beautiful and as the new season was approaching the shop would be crowed for the next few days, filled with very wealthy people who came to buy exclusives for their collections, that means we have to get everything ready by next week, however, dealing with paintings requires so much care and caution.

...

It was about nine p.m when I finished my part and my mom was still there finishing up some work. Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve stayed and helped her close but she pratically kicked me out. So, after taking a bus here I am at this convenience store getting ramen. As I waited in line to pay a tall person stood behind me, I knew she/he was tall because a shadow came over me, so I decided to peek to see who was it and once I did I swear my jaw dropped to the floor.

We both were staring at each other intensely not knowing what to say, I mean that guy standing right there was my childhood crush and oh God, I haven’t seen him in so long that now he feels like a stranger.

“Hi’ He said quietly while scratching his head.

“H-hi” I bowed.

“So long” He said trying to look unbothered but I still knew that expression and it meant ‘what the hell am I doing?’ It was hard to get him embaressed but apparently I did.

“Yes, you’re a singer now huh” I said casually, doing the same as him and paying for my food.

“Yes, what about you? You moved to Italy and I never heard of you again” He said putting his stuff in the counter.

“Well, I study at Yonsei now” I said. It was funny seeing us act unbothered and ignoring the tension.

“Wah, knowing you I thought you’d never come back” He said.

“I am here right?” Lots and lots of things might have changed but me and Jun Hoe would always be pulling each other strings. “Anyway, what’s with the clothes?” I asked after seeing his flannel shirt and adidas pants, he looked like a beggar.

“Oh, this? It’s style...You know it?” He asked with a dirty smirk and raised eyebrows.

“I do, but do you?” I said back and he just twirled around as an answer.

After that we just stared at each other a bit without saying a word, there was a lot to catch up but I’d rather just accept that we changed.

“I’ll get going now” I said breaking the silence.

“Ah sure, go safely” He said and I bowed.

I decided to just walk back home, I definitely had some thinking to do but I don’t know if I want to. It was crazy to think that my childhood crush is now an idol that still makes thirteen year old girls swoon, older ones as well. As expected from him.

This encounter got me feeling nostalgic and reminiscing the times where we would play together at school, we were a duo for sure, even though he was a year ahead of me. I quickly shook those thoughts away and entered home, I took off my shoes and my dad greeted me.

“You’re home! Where’s your mother?” he asked.

“She insisted in staying and finish up work” I answered while making my way to the kitchen.

“Oh, that woman, seriously” He said like he was mad at his little kid “Go put on warm clothes, it’s cold” He then scolded me, probably because he can’t scold mom for being sttuborn. In moments like these I miss my sister living here so we can share the burden.

I showered and put on comfortable warm clothes, I was in the bathroom brushing my hair when his image came to my mind.

“What the hell? Stop this now” I said to my reflection while pointing at it with my hairbrush.

I went to the kitchen and ate my ramen, after finishing I cleaned up everything and went to my room. I then read a chapter of my beloved book like it was a bible, and stopped when I heard the front door close signing my mom was home. Finally I could sleep.

A/N: So, first of all, I hope you enjoy this “scenario” and yes, there will be a continuation since it’s kind of a series/fic idk what to call it yet…

ALSO, very important, I try to be realistic when writing something, so, given that the characters are korean I wanted to showcase some sort of realness with the “wah” and other ‘slangs’ if you may. I am in no way trying to copy them, just give a more “real life” feel to it!!!

#koo junhoe #junhoe #ikon scenarios #ikon #yg ikon #junhoe scenarios #korean #ikon imagines

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tanadrin · 6 years

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Reordberend

(Part 10 of ?; start; previous; next)

They ate lunch in the shelter: dried fish, and something that might have, in theory, once been bread. The afternoon was spent on more walking; they went more slowly this time, even though Leofric seemed impatient to arrive at their destination, but Katherine still struggled to keep up. On those occasions when she found herself next to Leofe, and not completely out of breath, she made a few halting attempts to ask exactly where they were going, but she didn’t understand any of the answers Leofe gave. She repeated them to herself anyway, trying to puzzle out whatever words they were made up of. Leofric overheard her once and gave her a funny look.

The afternoon’s walk was much longer than the morning’s, and as they proceeded up the valley, the view remained as beautiful and as desolate as it had been all day. But by four or five o’clock (she guessed), it was all Katherine could do to keep her eyes on the path in front of her, and not pitch over again into the dirt. But she kept up this time. That was important to her. Finally, after rounding a scree slope, she caught a glimpse of a little dark patch, up against one wall of the valley ahead, just barely differentiated from the stone around it. It was another village. Leofe pointed at it, when they got a bit closer.

“Ham!” she said to Katherine. Home.

It took them another two hours to reach the village proper. This one was bigger than the one they had left that morning; it had two large stone halls in the middle, joined by an enclosed passage; the smaller of the two halls had a squat tower at one end, topped by a cross. The square in the middle was tiny, and houses seemed to huddle around it for warmth, like bodies around a fire. As they approached, coming up the slope, a few figures wrapped in heavy coats seemed to take notice. They disappeared inside houses; but they reappeared a few minutes later, with more people, staring as they came into the village.

It was like the meeting in the little house all over again; all eyes seemed to be on them as they approached, but especially on Katherine. She thought she was rather unremarkable, dressed as she was in the native habit, but she realized, looking at her companions, that she still stood out. They walked differently for one. It wasn’t just that they didn’t seem nearly as exhausted by the journey, or the cold. They strode confidently ahead, while Katherine hung back, looking around at the unfamiliar place with trepidation.

Leofe barked something irritable at the people closest to the door, and there were a few scattered chuckles. Gradually, the conversation resumed. But eyes occasionally still flicked in Katherine’s direction. In the case of the smaller children, they openly stared.

“I guess you guys don’t get a lot of tourists,” Katherine muttered to herself.\

Leofe led Katherine to a side room in the hall. There was a small, low bed against one wall, and a table. An unlit stub of a candle, was jammed in a hole in one corner of the table, and next to it was a wooden chest. Leofe set the Gospel-book she had been carrying all day down on the table carefully, and gestured to the room.

“Yours,” she said--very slowly--in Old English. “You sleep here.”

Katherine nodded. “Thanks, I guess,” she said. “This is your hometown?”

But Leofe didn’t seem to understand, or care. She went to the door and beckoned to Katherine.

“Eat,” she said. “Then,” she pointed at the book. “More words.”

“You’re not serious?”

But Leofe, Katherine was beginning to suspect, had only one setting, and that was “super fucking serious.” She sighed, and followed Leofe back into the main hall.

Dinner proved to be more savory broth with unidentifiable bits in. Well, perhaps in this case, ignorance was bliss. But it still proved delicious. Katherine did find herself wishing longingly for a green vegetable, but, she supposed, you took what you could get when the most the climate supported in the way of local flora was lichen, and weird species of anaerobic bacteria. She lingered over her bowl, picking out the juicy bits at the bottom, slowly sipping the broth that remained, hoping in a desultory sort of way that maybe if she held out long enough, it would be bedtime. But Leofe gave her increasingly annoyed glances across the table, and finally, she took Katherine’s bowl out of her hand, and pushed it down the table.

“Come,” she said.

She sat Katherine down at the table, and lit the little candle stub, which sputtered and offered a dim light. Between the bad light and the thick, curled letters on the page of the book, Katherine struggled to make out anything clearly, much less words she could recognize. But to her surprise, Leofe proved a much more patient tutor with something to work off of in front of her. She would point to a passage, and wait for Katherine to read it; Katherine would stumble over it for a little bit, then Leofe would correct her, word by word.

The letters were hard. The first kind of r proved not to be an r at all, but to have the sound of an s; o and a and their weird little compressed æ were hard enough to tell apart in the dim light, and for all the world Katherine would have sworn that they were using p to write w for some reason. But, slowly, she began to get the hang of it. Sometimes, Leofe would point to a word, as if expecting Katherine to identify it. But Leofe never knew the English for it--not the modern English anyway--and Katherine realized she could just act like she recognized it, and they would move on. But here and there, there were words that were familiar. Something stirred occasionally in her hazy childhood memories of Scripture. Something about fire. Was that in the Gospels? Or was it somewhere else?

It was an exercise in frustration. She had never really read the Bible, not much. She knew it, in the way you could not help but know pretty much all the stories if you grew up with them, if your whole society had been steeped in one book for more than two thousand years. It was an ugly irony that now it seemed to be the vehicle for her survival--a much more literal form of salvation, she suspected, than anything Mom and Dad had ever alluded to.

She had been eleven the first time she asked her parents About Religion. All her life, of course, they had gotten together with other families on Sunday mornings, in their living room or someone else’s. Her parents called it going to church, even when they never left the house. And there were the singings, once a month, out of hundred-year-old songbooks of those big, loud, brassy hymns. She remembered fondly the sound of voices rising in complicated harmonies from the other room while she sat on the floor and played with her toys. She never identified those things as Religion. It was just what you did. One day, out of the blue, Mom and Dad announced she would be going to school. She asked why; to learn, they said. But I do that at home, she had answered. You teach me stuff. Why do I have to go to school?

She suspected, as an adult, that the answer was “It’s complicated.” Something between getting your slightly weird nerdy kid to socialize, so she wouldn’t be a complete pariah, when she entered the big bad world as an adult, and getting her out of the house for some peace and quiet for a few hours each day. But the only way they had been able to package this, in a way she couldn’t argue with, had been “Because we said so.” And so, grumpy more at the change in routine than anything else, she’d started going to school.

That was the first inkling she had had that she lived a life different from a lot of the children around her. They didn’t go to church. They didn’t know the songs she knew. Her teachers looked frankly alarmed when she sung for show-andtell one day a cheerful, major-key number about a fountain filled with blood from Emmanuel’s veins. And she felt for the first time in her life, a life that until then did not even have a word for a place where you were not welcome, where people did not instantly recognize you as some species of friend or family, like she was an outsider. The only word she had for the things that made her feel that way was religion.

So she went to her parents one morning, sat down at the breakfast table, and, as though it were a contentious question to which she could not possibly expect a straight answer, looked them in the eye and asked, “Are we religious?” Her mother smiled. Her dad just looked sort of pained.

She had felt like an idiot for not understanding that sooner. It wasn’t that she believed, necessarily. Or that she didn’t believe. Nobody had ever demanded an answer from her one way or another on that point. Religion had just been this collection of things, things that had been there her whole life. It seemed… normal. And it wasn’t like what other people seemed to talk about when they talked about religion.

But the whole thing only seemed to confirm her parents’ desire to see her spend more time with kids her own age. They signed her up for clubs and other Improving Activities. Katherine remembered the years after that as being ones of profound alienation. It made her question herself, compare her family to the rest of the world. Why was she the only one who seemed to assume there was a God? What the heck did you do on Sundays, if not go to church? Why were all the songs she knew so strange to them?

Her own parents were what the rest of the world called Jordanites. They were devout in their own quiet way, in an age of the world where religion was deeply unpopular. Worse, they were conventional, clinging to positively ancient ideas. People would smile and bemusedly tolerate the technopagans, or the syncretists, or the college kid who decided to go on a Zensufi retreat for a few weeks. But her parents were Christians. Just Christians. No modifiers. Not New Witnesses, not Theravada Christians. Certainly not, to themselves, Jordanites. They weren’t fundamentalists, not in the true sense of the word. They had no desire to be outsiders, opposed to everyone around them. They had not shut themselves up behind the walls of a compound, hurling curses and epithets at Babylon beyond. It was just that the rest of the world had moved on, and quietly, without intending to, had left them behind.

And confronted with that, with the option of being on the outside looking in, or being part of the whole, enormous world around her, Katherine found that slowly (at first), then quickly (once she reached adolesence), she could not help but choose the latter. Her faith, what little there had been, quietly dried up. And when she moved from Georgia to Ireland for university, it was the easiest thing in the world to simply leave all of that behind.

She had remembered how her parents struggled to reconcile themselves with the world. She remembered how they feared for her, after she admitted to them she didn’t believe. She remembered, even when she was a kid, the suspicion her family garnered for their unusual ways. Not least the questions of adults, who could not really believe everything was quite all right at home. As long as you’re happy, their voices said. But that culty shit creeps me out, their eyes added.

They did not understand what faith was to her parents. What it could be, depending on your experience. Other people read the Bible, and they saw hellfire and destruction and damnation. They saw laws forbidding this and that, and all the roots of shame and guilt and holy wars, and the apocalypse. That wasn’t what Katherine had seen. That wasn’t what her parents had shown her. These four books, the ones she pored over now in the hopes that it might save her life, well, maybe they contained all that, too. But there was something else in them, and there always had been for people like her father and mother. People who knew they were imperfect, but wanted to be better than they were. People who strove against the world, not because they hated it or scorned it, but only because the world was full of grief and pain and sorrow, which could only move their hearts to pity--for the suffering of the guilty and the innocent alike. People who did not believe in hellfire or damnation, but knew, in their heart of hearts, no one suffered in vain; that every soul, however unhappy, could look forward to salvation in the world to come.

Leofe’s voice had shifted; she had gone from correcting something Katherine had said, to reading out a few sentences at once. Suddenly, something snapped into place, and Katherine realized what she was looking at. It wasn’t the Gospels at all. Leofe’s voiced rolled over her, and each phrase fitted itself snugly against the familiar verses, and somehow, for just a moment, it was like the woman was reading to her in her own tongue. The sound that came from heaven, like a mighty wind filling the house. And on each one of them appeared tongues of fire; and, filled with the Holy Spirit, they began to speak the languages of every nation, and those gathered about them heard them speaking in their own tongue.

Katherine laughed; Leofe stopped reading.

“It was a good choice,” Katherine said. “I know this one pretty well.”

#tanadrin's fiction

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itslitlils · 6 years

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Going Head to Head With Fear

My biggest fears are as follows: heights, time, not being good enough, and loss. There you have it, a really big part of who I am has been revealed to you. I usually don’t tell people about those last two, but I am telling you for a reason. You’ll figure that out soon enough, though.

Let me tell you about some things I’ve done, today. First, I woke up at 9 am instead of my usual time, which is anywhere between 12 and 2 pm. I spent 10 minutes on a step climber despite the fact I wanted off on more than one occasion. The first time, I realized how high up the steps were and that I would be up there the whole time, climbing stairs (I fear stairs as they fall under the height category). The second time was at 5 minutes when I felt like I was shaking so much I would slip or pass out if I didn’t get off myself. But, I persevered, and I did it. Thirdly, I worked out my left arm. Fourth, I did homework while also getting out and spending some quality time with a dear friend of mine, Olivia Lieb. AND, I got to FaceTime one of my best friends, Silas. I went to a video shoot that a classmate of mine, Derek, is working very hard on. And, I changed my tire.

Now, I find myself here, making this post before going back to my homework.

Look, each of those things are things I’ve had to work towards, teach myself, or force myself into. As mentioned in one of my previous posts, my fear of time has often kept me up at night, as I hate the idea of wasting something that I can’t earn more of. However, lately, I’ve been finding ways to wind down and go to bed at a somewhat decent hour. Some nights, I shower, read my bible, and watch an episode of The Office before knocking out. Other nights, I have to pop a little pill by the name of Melatonin. (If your brain doesn’t make its own neurotransmitters, store bought are perfectly fine, from what I understand.) Regardless, I sleep well, and I usually wake up to my alarm, feeling pretty well rested. This way, I can more of my day, and I can actually socialize during the times I’m awake instead of grunting and hissing at any form of human interaction. My fear of time has motivated me to make more of the time I do have.

My fear of heights had very little to do with my overcoming the step climber, but it did play a small role (There’s no way I’m going to be beat by three extra feet between me and the ground. I’m not losing to three feet). The big thing that motivated me to stay on the step climber is also the thing that is motivating me to go to the gym. That is... drum roll..... My fear of Not being good enough. I’ve been overweight my whole life, and I’m sick of it. I’m going to the gym, and I’m trying to eat better (that’s the hard part, because I am the P I C K I E S T eater I know). That’s why I’m going to the gym, I just want to be healthier so I’m not so conscious of my appearance, so I’m not so scared of being rejected based off of it. And it’s so much more than just my appearance, it’s just the essence of who I am. Thus, the video shoot and a number of other things. I just have to tell myself that the best I can do is my best, and if that isn’t good enough, then tough. I’ve been learning to be nicer to myself and to love myself more. It’s a very slow process, and sometimes I question if I’m even improving, although I know I am. I’m no better than anyone else on this planet, but I’m also the best person I know.

I might be a little too sassy at times, and maybe a little too loud in some settings. I’ve been told I’m shy, that I appear to be rude at first, and that I don’t really have a spine. But, I’m so frickin’ funny. I improvise well. I write decently. I’m kind. I give good compliments. I’m smart. I love people, and apparently, people love me.

Which moves us into loss. Not much of my day had anything to do with Loss, but I do try to love people with everything I have, because I am so scared of losing someone I love. I’m also especially terrified of people I love dying or going away and them not knowing that somebody or myself loves them. When my dad was in the hospital the first night of his accident, he spent it in the ICU. We were told he probably wouldn’t be making it, and that terrified me so badly that I could not bring myself to leave the hospital (Although I HATE hospitals). I spent the night in a hospital for the first time since my parents took me home on December 26, 1997. Miraculously, my dad woke up that night rather than passing away. In turn, a prayer was answered, and I got more time with my dad. I got to tell him I love him, and I got to hear he loved me some more. We thought he was going to be okay, and then his health started onto another decline. I still remember the evening before he passed, watching my mother trying to feed him his favorite meal, and realizing we didn’t have much time left. I begged my mom to let me stay that evening, but I had school the next day. I had already missed too much school, and she told me he would be okay. I went home. The next day, he was gone.

Nobody was there for him.

I live with that everyday. The very thought of something like that happening again petrifies me. I want people to know I love them. Matter of fact, one of my favorite questions to ask people is “If you were to never see or hear from _____________ what would you miss most about them?” I feel like it tells me a lot about how much you truly value them, and what you value them for. I try to let everyone know what my answer for them would be every day through my words and my actions.

The point here, today, is to drive yourself into uncomfortable things. Fear doesn’t have to be your driving force, but let it fuel you rather than shutting you down. Say, “I won’t be beat. I’m doing this.” Gear up and get going. Eventually, fear may not be fear anymore, it may just up and leave. Who knows? I’m not that far into this, yet. But, take on your fears, head first, and don’t let up. They shouldn’t be there to begin with. Consider Fear the annoying cousin that you invite to the birthday party for the sake of civility. Annoy them enough, they leave on their own.

Song of the Day: Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea, Fall Out Boy

#Going Head to Head With Fear #April 23 2018 #personal blog #life advice #Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea

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mikrowrites · 7 years

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Love is patient

Summary: what is love to Jack?

Warnings: It’s pretty sad, okay? Death, Ship-free, Season 13 Spoilers, everything’s platonic af

Y/N watched the boy as he sat looking at his hands. Sam and Dean had gone to their separate rooms, so it was just Jack and Y/N. She looked up from her book again, sighing. “You okay Jack?”

The boy was silent. Y/N closed her book, standing up and sitting next to him. He looked away, a frown developing across his lips. “Jack?”

“You should stay away from me. You’re a really nice lady, I don’t want to hurt you.” He said, finally looking at Y/N.

“Jack, no,” Y/N smiled, “look at me.”

“Did I really kill Castiel? Like Dean says?” Jack asked, fear wrestling in his stomach.

“Jack, look at me.”

The nephilim obliged, looking at her with sad eyes. “Dean is wrong. You didn’t kill anyone. You are such a good young man and I can see why Cas wanted to protect you.” She put her hands on his shoulders. “You’re worth protecting. You deserve to live. Castiel saw that you were capable of being good. Your mother believed it too. They both loved you.”

“L-Love?” Jack asked, the word foreign on his lips. “What is love?”

Y/N was speechless a bit. “Do you still have that Bible?” Jack’s face broke into a grin, getting up and returning shortly with the leather book he had taken from the hotel room. Y/N opened the book, turning pages. She handed it back to him.

Jack looked up at Y/N. “1 Corinthians?”

“Jack, I want you to read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 Out loud. Can you do that?” She asked.

Jack nodded, looking down at the ancient words. “‘Love is patient, Love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.’” He was silent, before looking up at Y/N with tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”

Y/N smiled, hugging the boy. Jack hugged her back, burying his face in her shoulder. He didn’t know what this was, the way she was holding him between her arms, but it felt, happy. It felt like 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.

“Try and get some sleep, yeah?” Y/N pulled away, squeezing the boy’s shoulder. Jack nodded and watched her walk away. Quickly he got a pen, writing in the Bible next to the verse.

Love.

Mom

Castiel

Sam

Y/N

He paused before writing one more name:

Dean

Y/N walked down the hallway, suddenly running into a wall of fabric. She looked up to see Dean Winchester with a scowl on his face.

“Well, speak of the devil and he shall appear.” She sighed, trying to walk around him.

“Very funny.” He grumbled, walking past her. “So, you’re siding with Sam?”

Y/N stopped, but refused to turn around. “I’m not siding with anyone.”

“I heard what you told him.” Dean spat. “ALL of it.” She was silent. “I thought you really cared about Cas. But now you’re all buddy-buddy with his murderer? That doesn’t sound like the so called “love” you’ve been preaching about-“

Y/N rushed forward, smacking the bottle of beer out of Dean’s hand, the glass bottle shattered on the ground, the amber liquid forming a puddle as if the shards were bleeding, dying. “Bullshit, Winchester. You think I don’t care about Cas? Well Cas cared about Jack. And he protected him and protected the world. As Cas’ family we should, no, we MUST do the same.”

Dean shoved her back, eyes blazing with anger. “And why did Cas die? Say it, Y/N. Say it right now.”

“CAS DIED BECAUSE LUCIFER STABBED HIM! HE KILLED HIM AND HE’S GONE AND NOW WE NEED TO HELP JACK BECAUSE THATS WHAT CAS WOULD’VE WANTED!” Y/N screamed, jabbing her finger into Dean’s chest. “I’ll be damned if you think Jack killed Cas because it was Lucifer. He’s the one who did it. So you need to stop playing the blame game and pull your head out of your ass!”

Y/N walked down the hall, slamming the door shut, Dean’s angry protests echoing back.

The eldest Winchester, fuming, turned to see Jack kneeled on the ground in front of the broken bottle. “What are you doing,” Dean growled.

“The bottle broke.” Jack looked up at Dean. “I can fix it?”

Dean shook his head, an angry chuckle leaving his lips. “There’s too much you can’t fix.”

He looked at the boy again, who now was holding the bottle, which was intact and had the beer contained within it. Jack smiled at Dean. “I know you don’t like me. You hate me. But I don’t hate you. Y/N taught me that.” He held out the bottle to the man.

“Love is patient.”

#supernatural #supernatural reader insert #supernatural imagine #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #jack kline #supernatural fanfic

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ackackh · 7 years

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BoB Warrior au thing

I’m sort of writing a Band of Brothers Warrior au that focuses on Bill Guarnere and Joe Toye. I’m having a pretty good time with it so I thought I’d share a scene. Those of you who have seen the movie will recognize some of the dialogue. More under the cut.

Bill sits on a front stoop with his side pressed against the rusted, iron legs of an old railing. He remembers when the railing wasn’t rusted; when his father purchased this house it was new, just as new as every other house in this neighborhood. Now, bits of the concrete have crumbled away and grass has grown up into the cracks. It’s cold tonight. Early Spring. And Bill is wearing a black hoodie and a black, knit cap; the gloves he’s wearing are cut off at the fingers but he doesn’t mind, he’s felt worse. He could stay here all night taking swigs from a bottle in a brown bag, bitter and clean. It makes no difference to him.

His father’s car pulls up in front of the house, every bit as bright and polished as it was when Bill was a kid. The engine still rumbles too loud. There must be only so much you can do. His old man doesn’t look nearly as good. His eyes are the same, his mouth is the same line, but he looks tired and his hair has turned all white. He doesn’t see Bill at first as he locks up and walks the cement path to his door. Maybe five feet away from his stoop, he looks up and finds him. “Billy?” “Hey, Pop.” “Wha–what are you doing here?” he asks, offering his arm and lifting Bill up to his feet. Bill doesn’t smile, even if his father looks happy to see him. “She looks good, Pop,” he says, gesturing to the car, “Paddy Toye, a man of priorities.” His father has no reply for him so Bill says, “I thought I’d come by and share a drink with my old man.” His father scrunches up his brow but still invites Bill inside. The house still smells like cigarette smoke, the shitty carpet is still in the living room with the spots from one of Bill’s bloody noses hidden under the corner of the sofa, the curtains are still that godawful floral pattern. Bill thought coming here might make him nostalgic but finds there’s not much good to remember. All of the good parts of the home are gone now that there isn’t a trace of his mother. “I like what you’ve done with the place,” he says as he father makes himself a pot of coffee. “Not much of a woman’s touch around here, though.” As he paces through the family room he spots a Bible and a pair of reading glasses. His father calls back from the kitchen, “Yeah, well, no more women for me, Bill.” “Yeah.” Bill looks at the pictures of himself as a kid, all decked out for wrestling. It’s funny, he doesn’t remember ever being that blond. His father taps him on the shoulder to offer him a drink. “Coffee?” “Yeah.” “You haven’t seen a guy in fourteen years, you’re not gonna have a drink with him? Come on, Pop.” Bill shoves at him and smiles. “No, no, I’m off it, Bill.” his father offers the coffee again, “I’m coming up on a thousand days.” Bill shakes his head, “Come on, it’s just a drink.” He knows he must sound a little drunk; he can feel his lisp making its way to the front of his mouth. But his father declines a second time and sits in his rocking chair, so Bill takes another swig from his own bottle. He feels his father watching him as he turns and looks from photo to photo on the mantle. He spots one of Joe. “He’s a school teacher down in Philly.” his father says as Bill picks up the framed photograph. He’s with that girl Bill used to know, Tess, he thinks. His father tells him, “You remember her? They had a beautiful little girl. But uh, Tess got sick a few months after she was born, her heart, you know,” he clears his throat once, “and she died maybe two months later.” Bill nods his head and puts down the frame. He slides his cap from his head and fixes his hair, trying to think of what he should feel. Pity, he guesses. Pity and maybe regret. But he doesn’t feel that; he’s still too angry. He picks up a photograph of his mother. “So, you found God, huh? That’s awesome.” He says, “You know, Mom kept looking too but he wasn’t around. I guess Jesus was down at the mill forgiving all the drunks, huh?” He faces his father, whose hand is still wrapped around his coffee cup. He meets Bill’s stare but doesn’t say anything. Bill takes a breath and says, “Who knew?” He puts the photograph back in its place and asks, “So, you gonna ask about her? Or just sit there all sober?” His father says, “I know.” “Oh, you know?” Bill raises his brow and takes a seat across from his father. He leans back with his arms spread wide and asks, “What do you know? Do you know it wasn’t enough to drive west to get away from you? That once we hit the water we drove north, too?” He drinks. “When I got sober I hired a man to find you.” “And is that one of the twelve steps? Or does someone like you get twenty-four?” Bill sniffs and drinks. There’s tears pooling in his eyes but he bats them away. “Just twelve.” “Did your guy tell you what you needed to know?” His father continues his solid stare, like he’s trying to figure Bill out. “Just that your mother died. But that you had joined the Army.” “Airborne.” Bill says, sniffing again, “Well, that's too bad, ain’t it, Pop? You could’ve gotten some good details.” He drops back into his seat and lolls his head onto the back of the chair, “You could’ve heard about her coughing up blood in a shitbox with no heat. Having me rub her down with Holy Water because we didn’t have no insurance. All the time waiting for your pal, Jesus, to save her.” He looks to him again and says, “Did your man tell you that?” Now his father looks torn up as he says, “I’m sorry, Billy.” Bill drops his head back again and closes his eyes. With both arms slung over either side of his chair he says, “It’s good to know that you’re sorry, Pop.” He misses the way his father has to squeeze his eyes shut again and again to keep from crying, “It goes a long way.” He takes a few easy breaths and feels himself start to drift. Before he does, he furrows his brow and says, “I think I liked you better when you was a drunk.”

#band of brothers #au #warrior #fic #bill is tommy and joe is brendan #I'm really enjoying writing for bill #I've never done it before #she gabs #my writing

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anothermindofwonder · 6 years

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Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches. Endless hours spent at the library, looking out the window at the red, orange, green-fading-yellow trees and the children running around, while having a hot mug of tea wrapped in my hands have been some of the many ways I have been spending my autumn.

Each season has a special part about it that I love, but Autumn is definitely the most visually pleasing. It’s been the most peaceful time so far this year despite how much busier I have been. I’ve been able to explore new things, new ideas, thoughts, and found gems to share:

Venetia Berry – I only found Venetia on Instagram a few days ago, and her art captured me. It’s simple, and complicated. Her website contains more of her art if you want to look at it more.

Dead Poets Society – The first time I watched this was last year. I didn’t appreciate it enough and knew I hadn’t, which is why when I saw it on Netflix on the night of my birthday, I sat up until 11 p.m. on a Thursday night with my thai food and cake, knowing that I had school the next day. Robin Williams was a master in his craft, and the entire story that is told in this film, is tragically beautiful.

You Are A Badass – This has become my bible. I have been obsessing over this book to several of my friends. There is so much that this book talks about that I hold to myself. It is empowering, guiding, nurturing, and eye opening to all the excuses we make and silly, dumb, little things that we do that hold us back from thriving. Highly highly highly recommend picking up this book.

The Mothers – A secret romance leading to an unexpected problem, with lingering conflicts after its cease. The first book I couldn’t put down in a long time. Bennet’s writing style is capturing, and simplistic, and her story is obsessive.

Lolita – Such a controversial book; beautifully written, a great masterpiece by Vladimir Nabokov, but the topic is so messed up. But so good, but so wrong. I felt very conflicted while reading this, but loved it at the same time.

The Princess Saves Herself In This One – I spent an hour sitting on the cold shiny floor of Target reading Amanda Lovelace’s collection of poetry, and though I haven’t read it all, I know I am going to really enjoy it from the few that I have already read. Her story is heart-wrenching and capturing, and her words are beautiful.

Mom jeans – You know the jeans: high waisted, loose, and the most comfortable, fashion sensible piece of clothing ever. Finally got myself four pairs at the thrift shop and they are now one of my favorite things I own.

Red – Lipstick, nails, sweaters, pens, the leaves contrasting against the crisp, blue sky— this color has been haunting me everywhere. It has become a staple to my wardrobe, and is now “my” color. With my blue eyes, it brings a lot of depth to my face that I love, and all I have to put on is a dark or bright red lipstick, and I am ready to go.

A bold lip – Just pop on a bold liquid lipstick, some mascara, put the lipstick in my bag, and I am out the door, and looking good.

Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812 – This musical album has consumed my autumn, and it feels so nice to fall back in love with a Broadway musical after so long. I cannot express how many times I have played “Dust and Ashes” over and over and over. It’s stunning, and Josh Groban’s voice is a masterpiece; the cast is complex, diverse, and unique; the entire musical is beautiful. Highly, highly recommend taking a listen to this. My favorite songs are ‘Dust and Ashes’, ‘Charming’, ‘Letters’, and ‘No One Else’.

Dear Hank and John – A funny, random podcast where they answer strange, obscure questions with the best advice they can scrape together. Walking down red and orange leaf-pasted sidewalks, earbuds in while cars pass by in a faint hum, it’s been my favorite thing to listen to for entertainment.

Iron and Wine – In preparation to seeing him in concert next weekend, I have been listening to his new album, ‘Beast Epic’, almost everyday. It’s great for background music, or to play at night, or to just sit with earbuds in, laying on your bed, and closing your eyes, and just listening to.

Slowing down – Despite all of the things I have done this season (which is a lot more than normal), I have finally slowed down and been able to be productive and take in life at the same time. Take a break to breathe, look at the world around you, put time into your work, and suddenly you begin to truly admire each day you live through and all that you do. Life gets too loud at times, too congested, and too fast. Take time to sit and breathe and think, truly listen to people, look at what is around you. Just for a moment.

Playing ukulele – Since school started, I’ve been learning how to play the ukulele as a class, and I have fallen in love with being able to create music. So much so that I have already written a song, and found a ukulele to call mine.

Thrifting – This is one of my favorite things to do now because 1. it’s cheap and affordable and 2. it is amazing for the environment and 3. the clothing there is unique. Rarely will you find someone else with the same piece of clothing or accessory that you find at the thrift. There is a lot of really cool stuff that can completely change your wardrobe.

Walking – I live in a small college town, so everything is in walking distance. Biking is usually my go to, but as the leaves have been changing and the air has altered itself to a comfortable temperature, I have really enjoyed walking. Go to the library, to the quaint little coffee shop, to the park, or just around town for a break from schoolwork. There’s so much more you can take in, more time to think, to experience, to be present, and overall, I have enjoyed it a lot.

Deleting my social media apps – I deleted the apps off of my phone for a week in the middle of October after finding that I was constantly on my phone and I was stressed out because there was so much I needed or wanted to do, yet I would reach for my phone several times, wasting away hours and hours of my. And it was the best week so far. I got so much done, and was happier, and found a love in reading again that I had been missing.

Learning – Analyzing literature, and working everyday to advance my French, I’ve been on a learning kick. I have always tried to broaden my knowledge, learn new skill, and overall better myself. But specifically recently, I’ve been reading a lot, and studying a lot. I’ve been using apps like Duolingo and Tiny Cards, while watching Crash Course on Youtube, and those help a lot.

Library – Probably my favorite place now. I have a little nook beside a large window sill, and a plant behind me, surrounded by the large print books that I have been going to almost everyday after school to get my work done.

John and Hank Green – These two brothers, quickly became a favorite when I came across their YouTube channel, Vlogbrothers, during a time when I was really down, and disconnected. Their personalities, the way they think, and just who they are as people in general.

People – My family has grown into being “people” as I have gotten older. There isn’t the facade that used to always be there when I was younger, but now I see them as the people, the humans they are, the ones that make mistakes, that have history to them, that they are, or were, just like me. And it’s begun to spread to everyone I see. Everyone has a story, a history, things they smile at when recalling the memories, or the regrets that weigh down their chest, and I want to learn more about these people that congest our planet.

Just being, and living – Sometimes, you have to let go of fear; let go of all that you are paranoid— just gone— and be.

What went up on the blog?

Who are you?// 5 tips to get to know yourself better

Awaiting a dream (Self #3)

Perception

and more! Every week there is a new blog post on Sunday. What were some of your favorite things this month? Let me know what you want to read for future blog posts, and I hope you have an amazing day!

As always,

Autumn Favorites Autumnal nights spent curled up in a sweater, candles lit on the nightstand with a book in hand, and early brisk mornings, walking through the blanket of rich-colored leaves under the cold sunlight peeking through the bare branches.

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humanoid-lovers · 7 years

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3.0 out of 5 stars Left me (even more) depressed

2.0 out of 5 stars The Incredible Trials of Being A Woman When You're Living La Vida Privilegiado A big bowl of not much would be the best description of this fluffy comedy chick bio written by "Inside Amy Shumer" head writer and executive producer Jessi Klein. It's a book but feels more life fleshed-out stand up comedy bits strung together in chapters. It's kind of like Lena Dunham's autobiography, but less funny and with someone less relatable. And that's saying a lot.The book covers the agony of being a tomboy and a confused adolescent looking for cues as to how to present herself and to grow up. She is strangely silent about her undergraduate years at Vassar. College is typically a critical time of adjustment and exploring independence and creating identity. Yet we simply hear that she applied to Vassar, was accepted, and then she graduates. Then the book mixes her riffs on early and later heartbreak with her work at Comedy Central, LA vs NY, shopping at Anthropologie, therapy, infertility, and motherhood. She is very verbose on her bad boyfriends and extended heartbreak after her first long-term relationship ended. It's not that I don't care, but yeah, I kind of don't. It's just kind of a long, dragged out story of a privileged American girl who came of age in the late 20th century, who struggled with her identity and how to best live her life. She's been successful, creative, and independent. I don't exactly see an aura of tragedy about her, which seems to be part of her worldview. I wasn't laughing as I read the book, which I assumed would be a given due to her comedic cred, but mostly observing from the sidelines with a mix of boredom, vague hope for a compelling storyline or redeeming message, and then simply longing for the days when people didn't write memoirs when they are 40 years old. Go to Amazon

5.0 out of 5 stars Funny and touching I know Jessi Klein from her appearances on Wait Wait and was intrigued to read this book. My experience with comic memoirs tends to be that I enjoy them quite a bit at first, but they tend to wear thin by the end. In the beginning when you are getting used to the author's voice (which can be pretty outrageous in the case of a female stand-up), every little bit is delightful and there is some laughing out loud. This type of memoir tends to be relatively short but even so, most stand-ups do not do a two-or three-hour set, and not many authors are able to be funny and interesting for 200+ pages. Jessi Klein turns out to be a pretty savvy writer as well as a funny lady. The first part of the book is indeed very funny and often outrageous. As we get to know her and hear more about her life, including the serious parts with her humorous take on them, we get invested. And it isn't all jokes, all the time.The turning point in this book was Jessi's foray into therapy. She eventually found the right therapist for her and they forged an effective if unconventional relationship. I was surprised to be tearing up by the end of this chapter. Subsequent life events including Jessi's engagement, marriage, fertility struggles and eventually the birth of her child get the same funny-but-poignant treatment. The end result is quite satisfying.The high point for me is mostly funny but also poignant: the chapter about wedding dress shopping. I have reread that chapter a number of times and quoted from it to a relative planning her own wedding. I have an irrational love of Say Yes to the Dress, and I enjoyed reading Jessi's take on that show and all it stands for. Things get serious when she realizes the reason behind her inability to commit to a dress.Read more › Go to Amazon

2.0 out of 5 stars So much promise, so little delivered As a heterosexual woman who adores men, but always gets to be "the friend" I had high hopes for this book. But the sea of hipster profanity left me wanting to run to a Bible Study. Honestly, how is saying Fuck-shit-cunt-pussy all the time "creative" let alone "funny?" The intro was the best part. I did get a few good laughs, such as how hard it is to get and maintain a tennis ball butt. The rest, not so much. Yes, it takes work to look like this, but Dolly Parton said that back in Steel Magnolias--its not news.There was so much promise in exploring how a tom boy can grow up and still be a happily heterosexual woman, wife and mom. But it was all about "me" her potty mouth and, naturally, how fab NYC is. There's life outside of NYC people. Honestly. Go to Amazon

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sheilasministry · 7 years

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Jesus says I’m doing so much better in the Sermon’s He Blesses me with. I’m in my heart a lot with God Jesus when I’m saying His Word’s Alone from Him through The Holy Spirit. That’s how God’s Disciple’s did it in front of people like in an instant. It’s the same with me & many around this old world. The Word’s from God Jesus just come from Him through The Holy Spirit Alone Who Is God with God Jesus & God Jehovah. They are One God but Three in Presence as One God Alone Still. So here’s the deal with me & my future. I don’t have a clue but maybe. I’m supposed to be out more but I’m here with God to the point of just thinking I’m okay. Well I’am but He still want’s me out with some people to help them understand what it is I’m saying on my tweet site & you tube Sermon site. So I can be here but I can still be out. Well I’m here now but by the time I get home from helping others in their home. I get into being with God Jesus & God Jehovah with my routine schedule. But I have to add more to my routine. I’m not sure if I want to now but I’m here & people are still thinking I’m not here with God. So what’s up with that anyway? Well even Pastor’s have been told to go to God’s site & they even have said she is right on with God’s Word from the Bible. She quote’s the Scripture’s now more often & she is always saying she is just like she is, God’s servant. So why not them letting me know about them seeing God’s site on you tube? Well they come here to God’s blog site that’s why. Now I’m laughing out loud but God is saying He is to. So why am I not taken very seriously then? Because people don’t believe that I can be in Hollywood buzz town now at my age. Your kidding me? That’s the reason no one want’s to say; Hey man, let’s get together what do you say and catch up on God’s Word from His Bible He wrote for us to learn from. Okay God does have a sense of humor. So I’m going with God’s Heart on this. He says it. I will write it anyway. I know Angie is going to have fun from the get go. Why? Well she will not see much but enough of me with God. So what does that mean? I don’t know but I do. So if she says she’s see’s something up front. I will say; Not so doll. God says it’s not happening at all like you think you see it. In fact, it will be even better but you won’t be able to see anything at all until God says so. And He will inform me. How? Well He will say it to me also. So if I can say this to many people who are getting Married soon. God’s Word says it has to be between a man & a women or He does not recognize it as a Marriage Blessed by Him. So it’s ALL in the Bible people. Why do we try to keep changing His Word He wrote for us to be with Him for until His absolute Return like really soon. I had someone tweet back at me saying they thought God will come in maybe twenty years or so. I don’t know. We can only guess but don’t mess with God’s time frame. It’s been long enough & ALL of the sign’s that Jesus gave in the Bible are happening now. So that’s it for that. Oh yeah, give me a break you atheist people. You don’t make any sense at all. Don’t quote Bible Scripture’s from the Bible & then return your tweet answer after I give you like six tweeted Scripture’s back to prove Jesus Is God to with God Jehovah. Don’t say the Bible is fictionally made up when you just told me about God’s Word that says He’s not God to with God Jehovah. Just make yourself at home here. It’s going to be a long time before God does not Exist when we ALL KNOW He Already does. Jesus says I kind of went whaat to that stupid answer back after that atheist told me in their own chosen Scripture’s from the very same Bible that God is not Jesus to. Well that’s how people like them think. Our thinking down here on this planet is a mess. Including jehovah witness, mormon’s, buddhist’s and any other religion that denies God as God in Existence as God Alone Period & God Jesus as God Alone with God Jehovah & The Holy Spirit. They are ALL One God Alone but Three in Presence. Don’t go messing with God’s Heart when He’s with me. I might get a little perturbed at you for saying He is not God when we all KNOW He ALREADY Is God Infinite. So here I’am in the back seat of Angie babes car. Her rental car at least & it is very nice to. That car she rented. It must be nice to have that kind of money. I have a car that will probably last another two or three years if I take care of it. Well my husband. So anyway, she is saying; Sheila you are one strange person to see & talk to. I’m assuming she will be seeing these blog’s & then memorize them for her to be in that situation with me & then say it supposedly at the right time. Well she will say; I haven’t read any of those blog’s but I have seen some of them. Beside’s how would I know if this is the time or not anyway Sheila? Well I will know. God will tell me & she will have not read one more blog before she say’s; This is the most fun funny of them all. Then she say’s to me; Okay I have read some but not too many. They don’t make any sense. That’s why I suppose those Pastor’s never gave me a call. Oh well, Praise God Jesus I’m still in Heaven anyway. Okay so I say this to her; It’s really nice being with you in your rental car. Even though I’m in the back seat & your in the front. Oh, well I want to make sure those people come back & see you like this with me now. Well I’m sure they won’t. So I’m going now & thank’s for the warning. I will be sure and keep all in mind of what you told me. I thought I was the loony one but I guess you being from Hollywood buzz town & all. Well I guess it kind of mess’s with your mind. Know what I mean Angie? No I don’t. I’m not the one who writes for God but I can say He Is God with God Jehovah & God The Holy Spirit. Are we going to start a game here Angie? Or are you telling me the truth? But God says you kind of sort of know God but not much. Oh so now I’m being judged by you now Sheila? No I just know when someone is trying to fool God. He tell’s me these thing’s through The Holy Spirit. Many will not get that opportunity but for now I do. So what is it you want anyway Angie? I have to go home. Well you didn’t Pray for me. Well I did that in the back seat of this fine rental car of yours. So I’m going now. Wait Sheila. I’am Angie you know the one from Hollywood buzz town & all. I know. I’m not interested in knowing anymore now. So I have to go. See ya around. Maybe in a new movie you make in the future. Well I’m kind of out of that more now with my kid’s at home & all. Yeah I noticed you didn’t make a SALT TWO. So I guess that’s it for me in your action movies then huh? Well probably for now. Well too much longer & you will be to old to do much more then what you did in those two action movies. But I understand. That takes a lot of time to do & you must go home tired & sore. I mean no one want’s to be thrown down & around & bam on your back & over table’s & anything else like the kicking & blocking of some guy’s big old arm’s. Your so small but you did a great job though. I enjoyed watching you win those fight’s. You being so fine & little & take those big guy’s down. Crack’e me up when I watch those movies. But I like them. That’s why I keep watching them. Their not too much into too much junk. Just a good women & man fight scene. Well thank’s for the fun time Angie. I will see you in Heaven then I guess. Praise God Jesus for that. Well maybe I guess. What does that mean? You going back on your word with God now Angie? No I’m not going back on my word Sheila. I’m just getting into this whole God thing. I need some guidance for some future reference of what to do now that I’m here with God & all that. That’s what you said in God’s blog. You have to have been reading them. Well how do you know? Are you psychic or something Sheila? I don’t like that word but I will say this. God is with me through The Holy Spirit. Take that & use it & believe it can happen with you or not. I don’t care. I will Pray for you a lot from now on. Now go home to your kid’s & say hi to Mel the camera guy. I will see him soon enough but not now. Oh & why is that Sheila? Because God says he has to do something for me first. And if that work’s with me & my friend. Well great. If not, I don’t care anymore. Okay what is that Sheila? I won’t tell but I will say this. I know when someone is trying to sham me & I know this is one of those times. So go home to your family. They want you back home mom. They don’t get enough of you. So go home & be with your kid’s. This is a waste of your time here with me. No movie here kid. Just go be with your kid’s. They are the most important choice here for now. Okay fine, I will go back to Hollywood buzz town. Hey it’s really an honor to have met you. Even if was only a few minutes in the back seat of your car. Oh gee that sound’s really strange Sheila. Well it’s the time frame you know. I get into this Hollywood star’s car & she says immediately; GET IN THE BACK. I DON’T WANT ANYONE TO SEE US TOGETHER. I didn’t say it that way. Well those people didn’t show up. I’m still here & all we can talk about is God Jesus Being One but Three in the Presence as One God Alone Still. So that’s it for now. I have to go really. So no Prayer’s for me then. I told you. I already Prayed for you. And beside’s that’s when you say whatever you say what it is you want to say just for the fun of it. But I already know. So see ya around kid. In Heaven I know but it’s okay with me to just be here & say; Bye you person whoever you are from Hollywood buzz town. You have to get into the seat right here next to me. Just Pray & then I will leave & go home to my kid’s for you. No do it for them okay? Yes I will do it for them. Hey I’m going to intervene here because God says some Pastor just said he has never seen anything like someone telling a story & involving God in it so much. He’s now saying he will be back to see if Angie is really the one from Hollywood buzz town. He thought the fight scene yesterday was a fun one to unfold & read. But not sure who is who when talking. Well these are not the same movie scene’s people. God keeps saying that in these blog’s. He is not revealing which sign of post or which sign of whoever enter’s into this conversation is for real them or someone else. Okay Angie I will get in & Pray for you. You need Prayer whoever you are anyway. And I’m not believing you when you say I’m different. I like the idea but I’m just like anyone else who says God Is God Jesus to with God Jehovah & God The Holy Spirit. They are One God Alone but Three in the Presence as One God Alone Still Period. Hey that Pastor guy said these are fun to see unfold as a story. Now he see’s it could be more then one person or time frame. So this is nice to hear. One person finally get’s it. Whew whoo! Okay Angie whoever you are. Here I go to say a Prayer just for you all a lone. Okay I’m Angelina Jolie. I knew that already. But you said you didn’t know for sure. Now can I stay at your place tonight for a bit? I want to know more about God Jesus Being God to with God Jehovah. Well we can do that. But now that we are getting along so well. I don’t know if I want that to happen or not. What to happen Sheila? Well in some blog I think you & I are arguing about you being in some movies not appropriate for your kid’s to see. But I think your good with that. So these blog’s of God’s have me not knowing what is or who is in that time frame or not. Okay I’m not understanding why I have to make movies that are appropriate for my kid’s? Okay that’s you saying that now. But I have said it before & you should make movies appropriate for your kid’s to see now & forever until your dead & gone from this planet. Something of a legacy to leave your family you know. Okay let’s get going out to our place then. You can get dressed & we will see if you can hit that old pickle ball around that old court. Okay I’m wrong about that discussion but God made it sound like you were all grumpy about me in those blog’s with you & Goldie & me in Harry’s cave. Oh that one. Okay I do have something to say about that one & all of them then. Okay let me go over here & sit down & just say nothing then. I have a feeling you are going to blow your stack now at me right Angie? No I’m not going to blow my stack at you Sheila. Okay great. What is it you want to say then Angie? Well why don’t you write & make some sense of these blog’s? They have some potential Sheila. Well if I write until all of one is done the way God says for me to say it. Then someone would take that blog & make it their’s. So they don’t make any sense. And God won’t Bless them for stealing someone else’s blog’s like God’s that’s why. Oh okay but you know who & when & where in these blog’s? I don’t know any detail’s. I don’t ever ask. When it happens. It will just happen naturally for me. So here you are. That’s a start. Where it goes from here is up to God Jesus. Boy you have faith then don’t you Sheila? For having this to have come this far. Well it’s a Miracle for me to even think about being here. Your not worth my time spent. Do you think I’m here to be just in a movie or just to fool you? No I’m not sure but I do know this. I don’t care if we ever really meet but since we have. I will be saying this to God daily about you. I Pray she & her family will be safe Forever in Heaven knowing God as Jesus Alone. Okay that is nice but I don’t know if I believe that much. That’s why I’m here. I saw some of your you tube message’s from God’s Heart. I guess that’s what your trying to say right Sheila? Yes it’s from God’s Heart to me from Him through The Holy Spirit. I know it’s Him in my life but I don’t know who else has Him a lot. But God says a lot more then I’m thinking. I’m glad for God for that. He is fun to be with but my heart is His to do with what He want’s. So here I’am with you. I never thought this would happen. I just wrote that the other time before I wrote one about God’s Heart being with me until I’m dead here. Which will be soon now. Oh are we imposing here on your time with your family then? I mean, is there something wrong with you Sheila? Well I’m sure many here say there is. But what God is saying is that I will be with Him so much more then anyone else on earth as many will be. We will be with Him so much that we won’t care what people have to say about us. No matter what we say about Him as God Alone through The Holy Spirit. And it’s about to happen to me & then to many. We all have our time here. You will to but not now. So is there anything else I can answer before you leave for home to your kid’s? And by the way, there is one of your kid’s that is the spitten image of you from the side viewing. I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. It was you all over again as a child as her. I think it was your twin daughter. Probably I have had a few say she look’s just like you now Angie. Well she does & boy is her heart strong like yours. You have your hand’s full with her the most but she is like you. So you can deal with it. As parent’s we all have to deal with our own self when we have kid’s. And the best way to do that is through The Holy Spirit. So remember that. See I need you with me for a bit to help me to deal with her now. She is fun but stubborn as all get out. Gee it’s not you now is it Angie? No she is not like me. I’m not that stubborn am I Sheila? No but yes. Your strong. She’s not stubborn like my mom thought & still think’s I’am at times. She’s beginning to see herself in me a lot now. So we are strong in our Will here that’s all. There’s nothing wrong with that but we have to be able to stand our self in front of us to be able to be with them better then our parent’s were with us. They didn’t have God to tell them what to do. I do now but when he was young. I didn’t understand him well enough. But God is Blessing me big time now. He likes coming over to our house. Both of our son’s do. It’s home to them & they know we are getting older. So they do what they are asked to do with us. It makes up for the time we don’t have with them for now. They work & will have their own family to contend with. That’s where I come in for them to help them deal with each child differently as they grow up. And God said I can be here for that to. So what else can I say except God Is Awesome God Alone with God Jehovah & God The Holy Spirit. Praise God Jesus They are One God but Three In Presence as One God Alone Still. Okay your coming home with me for at least a day or two Sheila. I can’t do that. You need to practice with you & with your kid’s. No one showed me. I just started doing it. When do I do that with them Sheila? That’s my down time as for me time when they are all in bed. It’s so quiet & calm. I love that time. I know I had that moment to. So I will help you to learn how to Pray better for you. It will help you to hear God’s Voice & Word’s from Him better through The Holy Spirit okay Angie? Well okay but I wish I could have you there to see what it’s like with six kid’s just screaming at me & each other & I’m looking at my watch thinking, I hope it’s bed time soon. I can’t handle this much longer. So I just say go into your room & play or something. I need to be alone for a bit. Okay that’s not Angie on that last sentence but the one before was. I’m still laughing about that one. I used to think, I wonder if I can put them to bed now & they would sleep into like noon tomorrow. Well it never work’s that way. My son’s were up early to. So Angie I can’t go with you. You can do this on your own. God will help you. Just ask God to help you hear His word’s from Him more loud clear & precise each time He is with you for Prayer for you & them to. Well when is that going to be Sheila? I have six kid’s and my oldest is bigger then me now. That doesn’t make any difference. I started to Pray with my two big boy’s in their teen’s. They were big & bigger then me to. I went in to each of their room’s at night when they were in bed & I Prayed for them differently. God gave me the word’s from Him for each of my two son’s. What a difference it has made for them in their life to. Some of it is a blur but that last time with them in our house. Mom got nice & it was because of God Jesus. That’s what they both have thought. So it work’s being with God more. On patience it was for me. Just like now. I’m being patient with you & your game here in pickle ball right Angie? Oh you are funny Sheila. Listen here is my number at home & my cel. If you have any question’s or Prayer request’s. Or you want me to Pray for you. Give me a text. Not a message. I don’t answer my phone messages. Just say please Pray for me & give me a name I would know. Or call me & tell me what number & name for me to look for on my cel. Otherwise I just delete it out without listening to my messages. But just text me if you can. It saves time for you anyway with who you are. Okay thank’s. I will if I need to. So I can’t talk you into it huh kid? No I’m good here for now. Just call me if you need me. Hey if you want just bring your kid’s out here for a couple of day’s. I’ll keep em busy for you if you want a break from them. Hey if I invited you to my place. Why not the same for me there Sheila? Well I don’t know you for one. I don’t want you to think I’m intruding on your privacy. I respect that okay Angie. Well I have my oldest kid’s who like it at home with me. It’s the stability thing right now. I have to be there for them now okay? Yeah no problem I understand completely. I tell you what. I will be in touch with you. I will talk with my kid’s & see what they say. Fine with me. I don’t care if I don’t come out. I know you can handle it. Okay I’m putting in a pickle ball court like as soon as I get home. You have to come when it’s done. And I know I can have it in fast. So if I do that. Would you come out then & teach us all how to play Sheila? I will pay you well for doing that. And it gives me something to do with them to on nice day’s. Yeah now that you will have a pickle ball court. I will come & see you. And I will not charge you. Just let me have some fun with your kid’s. I like kid’s a lot. I know how to get them going into their childhood again. I think it’s more for me then for them but it work’s like a charm every time. God has said I need to do some thing’s with kid’s but it’s hard to just say; Hey I’m taking your kid’s for a day. Can I do that please? I want to play now. Well you can have all of mine. Especially when they are the way they are around me when I’m there so much now. I can’t see or think straight now but I’m good. Okay I’m calling you in the future when this court is done. What about paddle’s & ball’s & stuff. Can I get that all online now Sheila? Well you can. I tell you what. I will pack some paddles up & some ball’s from here. Or I will just buy some from my friend’s. We can look online but it’s hard to choose there are so many to choose from. So I will ask my friend about which ones for you & your kid’s. How easy it is to be with God Jesus for you Sheila. You have to come over to see us from now on okay? Well if you want & I’m not working much I can. Oh you don’t work that much to come out there & see us play some pickle ball right? We’ll see who this is that God just wrote about. Well I will see you soon Sheila. I will call you & I’m going to read those blog’s okay? Like I want to know what all of the fuss is about now in Hollywood buzz town now. Okay fine with me kid. Don’t get mad at me okay? I really do like you & I’m looking forward to seeing & playing some pickle ball with you & your fun kid’s. Ha yeah fun is right. They are fun when their not fighting for me. Well you are a great mom. That’s why they want you there with them. It’s now they want you & unfortunately it’s now we need to provide for them to at the same time. It’s all backward’s for us. When we are old. We can spend the time but now they have to do what we did with them. It’s a cycle that can’t be broken for most of us as parent’s. Boy do I want to hear her some more. Where does she come up with that stuff Angie anyway? She just sit’s down with your kid’s & play’s a game she said she played when she was their age. Okay I don’t know who she is but I can say this. Watch for a moment. When she is with them they don’t hear anyone else around them. Why is that anyway Angie? I don’t know. She is like looking at them & talking with them. She said she wasn’t like that with her two son’s. She could have been but it wasn’t her time to be with God like so much like now. You just don’t have the time or desire the time or energy to do all that she does now with God Alone. But she is helping me to cope better with them. Each of them has a way of being with me. So I’m listening to her be with each of my kid’s. And she is a stranger to me & them. Not now kid. I just heard your look alike call her aunt Sheila. Well I’ll be darn. I can’t believe she took to someone like me so soon. She is not like you Angie. She is with God a lot. Your not. What? I’m with Him a whole lot more with her around. I don’t know how long it will last but I have her number to call if she need’s to Pray for me. Well look at that. Did you see that. She just got a hug from your look alike Angie. Well I’ll be darn. Why do you keep saying that Bet? Well I’m not over there with your kid’s. She’s just having the time of her life. Oh here she comes with the kid’s. Hey mom, we want to make some fun cookies for us to snack on. Right guy’s? Yeah do we have any good stuff to eat around here? We can have the cookies after we eat all of our dinner. That’s what Sheila just said. And then we get to sleep outside under the star’s with her. So can we eat now mom? Well I guess we can. What do we want to eat? Sheila what should we to eat anyway? So we can get our cookies & ice cream later tonight before bedtime? Well I don’t know what mom let’s you eat. What do ya say mom? Is it out of your way for pizza or something like that? Can I go get it? Or it be delivered? I don’t know what is allowed here now. So you tell me okay Angie? I don’t want to break any rules you have going on here with your family. Well we can go get something to eat. Well what do you have around here to eat now? Maybe we can save some time. Okay we do need to know about dessert thought right guy’s? I mean to me that’s the best part of the meal sometimes. So what do you say we go look in mom’s pantry & fridge. Wow look at all of this food. She’s prepared for some good food here guy’s. Well what do you want to eat? Well we don’t know what this stuff is Sheila. She shop’s without us to help us to eat better. Well what a smart mom huh guy’s. Okay here’s some kind of stuff. What do you think? Should we give it a go? Or should I go get a pizza for all of us to eat if mom say’s yes? Well we have to go ask. She’s the boss. Yes she is and don’t ever forget that. Yeah but we know we can push her around to but not in a bad way. I know my kid’s used to pull my heart string’s to. We have heart string’s attached to our heart & sometimes we give in because we know it’s okay. Sometimes we don’t because we know what’s best. Who is this person Angie? Does she talk like this all of the time here with you & your kid’s? Yes & I want her to stay. I don’t want her to leave but she says she has to in about a day or two max. Well tell her you will pay her to watch your kid’s. I mean who wouldn’t want her around being with God like this around you & them like this anyway? Well she says she doesn’t believe anything is different with her. It’s just God’s Heart with her. So she is just who she is. Well I want her at my house. My kid’s would have fun with what she says & does. Who does this at their age? Well I could but I’m to darn tired to do what she does. I just say; Okay go to bed. I’m tired. Hey I know. Let’s get her & my kid’s over here with you & your kid’s. Let’s see what happens when she has more kid’s to deal with. I think she would be as successful but tired at the end of the day. Well what are they doing now. Their getting ready for another water balloon fight. They are choosing team’s & then whoever loses has to feed them self stuff from mom’s pantry. Which is the good healthy stuff. Oh let me guess. The winner’s get to eat what they want & she will take them all to where they want on her. Who is this person? Who does these thing’s. Oh their they go. Look at her heart. She want’s to be there as much as they do. What is she doing now. Oh their choosing team’s for a nurf gun war. You got to be kidding me right Angie? No she asked me how many kid’s were going to be here. I said about eight I guess. So she goes to the store & buy’s like eight nurf gun’s or rifles or whatever she is using now. Okay everyone. Whoever loses get’s to eat from mom’s pantry right? Yeah we don’t want mom’s food from her pantry Sheila. Well we all have to fight hard but fair & honest. No breaking any of the rules okay guy’s? Okay. If you do. It’s an extra team point for us as a team. So however many shot’s we get off. When we are out of ammo you have to let us refill our nurf gun’s okay? It’s only fair for the little ones. So remember if I see or anyone see’s anyone who yell’s; TIME. I’M OUT OF AMMO. Well we have to move on to their team member’s & shoot at them okay guy’s. Okay. Alright everyone ready? Yes. Okay on three we will start our war of nurf gun fight. ONE, TWO & THREE. NOW! GO GUY’S! WHEW HOO! Who does this at her age? All together now. She does. Okay that’s it. I’m out. Hey you, you shot me when I called time out. Okay I’ll let you have a mistake. Okay that’s it. I’m getting you now you little look alike mom you. Did she just say you little look alike mom you? Yes she did. Oh I have to say she is really good with her word’s. She has a daughter in-law that is from another Country. So she just say’s what’s from her heart now. Oh you stinker. You inherited that one from your mom to didn’t you? Yeah. Okay I gotcha now you little stinker. Come here guy’s times up. Okay here we go again. All of us add up our scores. Well how do we do that Sheila? I don’t know I feel I won what do you all think? Nooo we don’t think you won. We shot you the most. Okay who do you think won? Oh I can’t move. She’s so much fun to see what she says to see their response. Okay we have to take a vote. Who think’s their team won? We did. No you didn’t. You all, we all put up our hand’s that we won. Well how come you didn’t figure out some score plan Sheila? This was your idea. Exactly I thought of it. You all were supposed to come up with a scoring plan. Well I guess it’s a draw. Now we have to come up with who really won. So off to those people over there. They watched us. Let them decide who eat’s from mom’s pantry or from my favorite fast food restaurant in town. Okay let’s go & say good job to all of the winner’s win you lose. Because I know I won easily. Oh you did not Sheila. Your just saying that so you can win like big time for some good food in town. Well we’ll see what they say. Okay guy’s. You seen it all. Who do you think won with the most nurf gun shot’s against the team’s? Well we definitely know you didn’t win Sheila. See I told you so. Well I don’t know if their eye sight is as good as it was about twenty or thirty years ago. Okay who won Angie? Can you stand up & make the announcement when your done laughing please? I don’t know who we chose do you guy’s? Well we think it was a tie for all of your team’s. Oh you got to be kidding mom? That means we all have to eat healthy again tonight again. Okay Sheila why are you laughing? You said your food is better to eat right? Yes but not every day. So mom’s pantry it is tonight & I won’t be in for a moment. So go choose what I must eat with you all tonight okay? We don’t know either. It all look’s the same to us. Okay I can’t stand to be here anymore. I’m taking her home with me for one day Angie. You can’t have her all to yourself all of the time. What do you mean? She just got here yesterday. What? Your kidding me? I thought she has been here for a few day’s at least. Okay I’m sorry but I’m taking them all out to pizza Sheila. I can’t stand the thought of you having to be here & not doing anything outside of this house. Okay that’s fine with me. Is there by chance a Wunderland place around here. Let’s google one. I want to take them if I can find one. Or some game arcade place to take them to before I leave. Well we can look. Are you the age you say you are? You really look young for your age. Well I think I have really good gene’s from my parent’s that’s why. No you look really young for your age. How old are you now anyway. Hey that’s not nice to ask her, her age. I don’t mind. I’m this age. Well you look great & how do you do what it is you do with these kid’s anyway Sheila? Hey are we going to have cookies & ice cream tonight Sheila? Yeah we can have smoor’s to with the cookies if we want. What’s a smoor’s Sheila? Oh you got to be kidding me? Well hon I will show you all tonight. You can’t have too much of them all. I can but you can’t but I can still show you anyway. What? What do you mean you get to but we can’t Sheila? Well I guess we can tie a rope to one foot so you don’t go floating off into the air in the middle of the night from all of that sugar you ate. We would all wake up & say; Oh look it’s you on a string. Let’s go buy one of her. She makes a neat balloon decoration. I think there’s enough sugar in her system to keep her up there long enough for my birthday party tomorrow. Gee what a shame though. I was going to invite her to my party. But now she is part of my party decoration’s. Okay who is having a birthday party anyway around here Sheila? Well not me. It’s not here yet. Maybe mom or someone else here. My point is now doll. Not so much sugar or? I become more of a decoration then part of the party fan fair I guess. You got it. All right let’s go get them there cracker’s then & cookie mix. Then maybe you can have a bit of each okay hon? Yeah okay. Let’s go to bed now. I want to hear your story about God when He was a child my age. Oh I have to hear that story. When is it your going to be telling them? Well in bed. Because that’s when I have & Angie has their undivided attention. Right Angie hon? Yes now let’s go get some pizza okay you? Yeah I will go for that. Let’s lock the kid’s in the pantry & quickly leave for the pizza before they know we are going okay Angie. Okay we heard that. So let’s go mom & aunt Sheila. Oop’s I don’t know if I should call you that. Is it okay? Yes right up until mom says no or you get to big to want to. I hope it will be a long way up the road. Okay let’s go now. Say could I say something to you Sheila before we go? Yes what? Well I think you are putting on a show for her to try to make up for when you leave don’t you? No I will be back if she want’s and kid’s know the difference between mom’s love & someone else who is here for them for a short time. But mom is here for good & I mean that in a really good way. But if she need’s me for a break & I’m available. I’ll do it in a heart beat. Okay you two let’s go. I don’t feel I have to keep up with little new shoes here. Little new shoes Angie? Yeah you bought some new shoes just to come & see us huh? Well God said it was time for some more new clothes. So I splurged a bit. Well it’s nice but just be you. It’s fine with me & them. I know it’s not them I’m trying to like say; Okay I have more then just sweat’s to wear. It’s you all here now. I can’t keep up with your clothe wear but I will keep it up for me to be with others around me for now. Okay it’s time for me to say bye for now. It’s been a while but it’s been fun. Time for me to feed the two little pup darling’s & me to. Bye for now. amen

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