#DON'T MIND ME I'M JUST EXPLODING

[agueforts]

"DOING SOME STUFF WITH DROPOUT"

#DON'T MIND ME I'M JUST EXPLODING #dropout.tv #aspen tag #GODDDDD. IFYYYYYYYY #GRANT ON UM ACTUALLY AGAIN #THE SET!!!!!!!! #ERIKA #IFY. IFY #KAREN??????? #IFY AND BDG IN DRAG???????? #BECCA!!!!!! KRYSTINA!!!!!!!!!!! #DANIELLE!!!!!!! #TRAPP AS A PLAYER........

[dalekaiken]

Ok I kinda wanna write a Dadow fic, Shadow (accidentally) adopting Silver in the future etc. you know the drill.

I think they’d be like Logan and Laura in the movie Logan (2017)

Like can you see the vision

#Sonic #Dadow #lately I've been falling more and more in love with dadow #and the whole shadow being lancelot and silver galahad in the camelot dimension is making me feral #And the funny thing is that I don't even really like the idea of Shadow being a parent #like I'm a Sonadow shipper but I personally don't want them to have children together #But the idea of Shadow 200 years in the future adopting this feral child who explodes people with his mind is just. I just love it #auuugh #Should I create and AU and a fic................... #own posts #shut up paju #I have an explanation for the reason why I don't want Sonic and Shadow to have children but now it's not the time for it bc it's not the #point of this post gkhdgjd

[nguyenfinity]

GJFHKDLKGHJSDL. JKHL DKGFHDJSLGKHJLKBHVFKJNDB

#enstars #jun sazanami #i knew this day would come and yet it hit me like bricks all the same #fun fact i got back after 6 hours at an amusement park today to this #thank you again neppy #now if you don't mind i'm just gonna [explodes] #2:23 to 4:49 #new record i think???? #actually bridal jun might be my fastest considering it's like a fuller background but i do like this one better #also THEY BEADED MY BOY. GODDAMN. #dfgjhklfghkk

[jankwritten]

yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit

i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.

i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.

this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them

#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist #but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all #those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again? #(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do) #BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit #like TENFOLD now #it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode #plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am? #also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism? #it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always #the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn #it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself #this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry #this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past #this is another reason I fucking hate florida #because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment #and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that. #all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid #and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again #tw vent post #tw racism #tw past racism #but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again #fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun

[ratcandy]

i could do whatever i want with monch's character and what will you do about it? huh? tell me i'm wrong? tell me their dialogue contradicts my ideas? Their Dialogue? Huh? All 2 of It?

#sorry i'm having a battle in my head #one half of me is like ''my city now'' and grabbing this moth so fiercely and running very far into another direction #while the half of me that's still foolishly reliant on other people's perception of me is like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!! COME BACK!!!!! #but it's too late the self indulgent half of me is going WATCH WHAT I CAN DO *explodes #anyway #exhibiting really normal behavior. very. yeah. #i'm gritting my teeth rn because i have such a good title in mind for a fic I could write but I don't even have an idea laid out for it #i just have the title #this is like the opposite problem i had with musings and it SUCKS!!!!! #clamtalk

[archiveofyearning]

.

#the truth is. over the years i really have tried to make the best of this loneliness #i've given into it and tried to extract as much beauty and joy out of it as i could. #and i truly do cherish it and the freedom it has given me to be myself completely #i just wish that i could actually have someone to see me that completely. and choose to love me for it #these days i feel such an aching for it that i might explode #like if i don't fall completely in mind-numbing all-consuming love with someone again i will literally die #the kind of love that takes over my entire soul. like knowing someone and feeling known by someone so completely #that it's like you were invisible before #i think i'm feeling that kind of all-consuming love for the desire to love itself. and i think that's worth treasuing too #but god. i've tried so hard to accept that i may never have it again and i keep failing #i just want someone to see this desperate aching inside me and choose to carry the weight of it with me #choose to build something magical out of it #but i end every night feeling undesired and unloveable and alone always alone

[arklay]

DIANA x ALBERT WESKER / template.

#mine. #pair: ewskers #oc: diana #click for better quality ♡ #posting this before i start changing more things lmao but yes i went nuts and made my own psd from scratch... don't look at me #changed ages to birth years cause of how much time passes in the story!! and also gives cheeky fc for you hehe runs away #the checkboxes make me scream like he almost had a clean sweep it's so funny. and he could've had one more i'm not even joking. cause their #first kiss was technically both of them... like idk how to explain this but they were already standing close then diana moved even closer #and was tracing his jaw and such and they were just lingering while holding eye contact but he was the one who actually closed the distance #so i mean... yeah. she was just about to and he beat her to it!! but diana made the move to get them into that position in the first place #is what i mean. i just couldn't give him more it was already too hilarious lmao #can't tell if i like the lil icons but i can't doodle so peace and love on planet earth but yes i'm happy with how this came out hehe #clueless levels are cause they are clowns <3 i have a lot of thoughts about all that but yes they both take hints in some aspects but i #think they both have trouble telling if they are genuine or not or if they are misreading the situation or whether something is romantic or #not (unless ofc it's over the top and ridiculous. ahem. excella. cough. explodes her with my mind) but yeah hit him with the tism so he's #learnt how to read people very well as he's gotten older but i think when it comes to actual just genuine like wanting to get to know #someone and not just someone wanting to get in his pants he seconds guesses it a lot. and diana's all stems from being rattled by her past #experiences oughguhh and i mean her not actually having experienced proper feelings for someone until him lmao but she's got trust issues #also there were so many tropes i could use (thank you to bestie elliot for helping me finds names of things) but i had to do i got you a #drawer specifically because that moment has such a special place in my heart!! like i need to finish the wip where i talk about that cause #it makes me so silly i'm not even joking #anyway omg i hope the mentions work because doing this on the legacy editor after copying the html for beta one because the image just #didn't want to work in the beta image for some reason rip

[the-tired-commander]

blocking someone is not enough i need to explode them with my mind

#i wish i knew exactly what blocking entails on here #can they see my posts anymore in tags?? i hope not #i also had to update my blocked content cause of that #don't mind me complaining in these tags #i'm just pissed off that the reason i almost stopped playing gw entirely is appearing on tumblr again #ya hate to see it #i'm gonna go write stuff for my and my friends characters now to make me feel better #might do another art party style doodle page sometime soon as well #this is fine to reblog if you also wanna explode someone

[gu6chan]

im thinking about that stupid twink elf again and crying and throwing up

drawing some hot fanart of leonard tho (soon to be revealed..........) so it's okay :)))) (<- liar) good night

#drakengard #drakengard 2 #yaha Drakengard #gu6chan's musings #a LOT of ppl especially in the west don't know his story and guys ......... #GUYS......... #IT'S SO UGHHHHHHHHHH *Bangs head against the wall throws up explodes* #did you know the really neat picture of his death is called 'End of Suffering'???? DO U KNOW WHY #ASK ME ABOUT YAHA I KNOW HIS STORY AND I WILL TELL IT TO YOU #because when you hear urick shrug him off???? WHEN YOU HEAR HIM COMMENT ABOUT HIS PERFECT BODY AND THEN SAY #'MY BEAUTY; IT IS MY SIN' AND THEN HIS MAKING PEACE WITH IT LAST SECOND SAYING AUGHHHHB I'M LOSING MY MIND #context makes you KINDA understand urick but also #you'll want to slap him SO bad after omg #yaha was a victim and if his fight wasn't so awful and homophobia-inducing it'd make me want to DIE #since he was a little baby boy he's been dealing with shit..... please if any Drakengard 2 fans want to know about lore? #ask me about it #but most importantly #ask me about yaha because once you have the goods on him you'll want to throw up and rip yourself into tiny little pieces #just like me!!!!!!!!!!! any yaha fans out there im crying to the heavens ...... #i have a lot of fanart i need to share about him lmao

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: February 26

“Diamonds in the Mud” by Gerry Cinnamon

#song of the day #another song off that same excellent concept playlist by losersimonriley #there's so many more Scottish bands added to my circulation now it's wonderful #this is a song specifically about Glasgow being his hometown so he uses more of his accent for it which I love #I've been pestering my brothers with accent and slang fun facts for a while now #more or less since the first time somebody had Soap use a particular Scottish saying in their CoD fic and made me go over all !!!! #'innsidh na geòidh as t'fhoghar e' translates to 'the geese will tell it in autumn' and reading that nearly made me explode #because when I was a small child and I asked my uncle too many 'why' questions he told me not to worry about it #that the geese would tell me next fall #amazing to me to find out decades later through Call of Duty fanfiction that that's an actual phrase #preserved for who knows how many generations between the first Scottish folks who must've brought it to Appalachia #and then eventually my Uncle Tommy who decided to use it to turn the aggravation tables around on a child #I'm thinking about that again now not just because it still blows my mind a little bit #(really truly had so firmly accepted it as just my Uncle Tommy trolling me with nonsense. it's such a thing he'd do) #but also because of a specific bit from the end of the song 'it's thirteen degrees and there's folk in the street in the scud' #that's just under 60F (a blissfully warm sunny day in Glasgow it seems) and 'in the scud' means 'naked' #which is also a thing I've almost heard from my family! #my aunts up the mountain and therefore also my father at times would say 'in the scuff' (my aunts with a little tilt to the vowel sound) #there was a sort of connotation of it being a silly or immature or maybe drunken sort of naked. an unimpressive naked at least #like 'Tommy fell into the muddy end of the pond trying to catch that damnfool heron' (this is a true story btw. take that Uncle Tommy) #'when he got back his wife made him take off all his clothin in the yard and hose down first. had to walk into his house in th scuff' #and then all the old ladies cackle about Tommy walkin through his door 'both heads hangin low' and my dad winces a little bit #it's important I share all these memories with my siblings now. most of the family's dead and gone and the boys don't remember #very fun for me to tell the stories now and see Nick do the exact same wince at the slightly mean-spirited dick commentary #just a little family legacy in action. thank you Gerry Cinnamon #(in the spirit of song-of-the-day though I will share my favorite line without the contextual boost of silly ereborne family stories: #'I know a guy who's a lightweight one or two jars and he's buckled #he's the guy that loses keys has to break into his ain house and gets huckled' #ungodly fun to sing and I do know several of this guy. not related to them though. my whole family drinks like fish)

[running-in-the-dark]

oh, I see. it's one of those nights.

#going insane going insane going insane #too many men in my head and they're all the same guy but not but #uhgghh I need to stop looking at him but I can't and he's so beautiful and I'm so unbelievably stupid #no thoughts in my head just him #and him and him #the three of them #stupid idiot guys with their same stupid pretty face and uggh I hate them #and by hate I mean want oh my god I want them so bad I'm losing my mind #other people are beautiful too! why can't I be normal about this?? why does this need to happen #just. be like. oh hey he's hot I'd fuck him. and move on. like a normal person #nooo it's got to be literal months of me getting increasingly stupid until there's nothing left of my brain because it's all been replaced #by tiny versions of him #it's literally FINE. #people are attracted to people literally all the fukcing time why can't I be normal about this oh my god this is so humiliating #BUT I can't keep it in my mind or my head will explode and for some reason that would be bad. apparently. #AND why can't I just think he's hot??? WHY does it have to become my entire personality?? what do I like? oh him of course. no like what are #my hobbies? oh looking at him and painting him and thinking about him. NO besides that - umm there IS nothing besides that actually?? I've #never had an interest in my life and I don't even know what you mean 🙄 I sit here and think about a man (now it's three of them but #whatever) #what else would there be 🙄🙄🙄🙄 ridiculous. #ugh why can't I just be really fully completely ace? this is so unnecessary I don't want it it's horrible 😫 #except it's not its the best it's fucking incredible because I think about his face and it's like I'm seeing everything and it all makes #sense finally and why would anything else ever matter again #oh my GOD dude if I could hear myself right now. I'd be so embarrassed. but I can't because there's just a billion tiny eliots and alexes #and jacobs in my head and that's all there is #man maybe I should start doing drugs or start drinking again #okay whatever *goes back to watching the librarians and giggling like a maniac every time I see him* #ugh he's wearing a cute jacket and I need to hug him so bad oh my god it's killing meee. soft soft soft. must touch. ugggh

[barkingangelbaby]

no but I miss smoking weed I miss being high I miss intentionally dissociating I miss feeling numb I miss not having to think I miss existing in a space without physically feeling it I miss I miss I miss

#I'm not afraid to admit i have issues with substance abuse probably #i smoked weed for literally half of my life #i think i was smoking a q a week before i quit #just zonked out i did not exist i was not a person #and i know it's good for me to have (mostly) quit but damn #with the way my moods have been lately i just want to get stoned out of my mind and pretend i don't exist #not suicidal i just. do not want to be. #things can and will get better though #but fuck fuck fuck do i wish i could get stoned without feeling like my heart's going to explode #don't read this next one #tonight i miss doing pills even tho it's been like 4 years since i did last and i know that's a bad road to go down again #but fuck i just want to be n u m b and i don't want to drink as much as i did in december #someone punch me in the face #u didn't read any of this #dumb dumb #delete later

[feilien]

Honestly, the more stuff I watch with Matt's FC the more I fall in love with him. And it doesn't help I see a bit of Matt in every role. I just asdfghjkl

#I'm absolutely going batshit fucking crazy with how much I love them both I just 😭 #Don't mind me I'm just screaming into the void #Bc I'm exploding istg #{♚ x There are always ears on the other side of the wall [OOC] x}

[gorgeousgalatea]

Did I get The Hobbit audiobook narrated by Andy Serkis purely for the riddles in the dark scene?

Maybe.

#dude's definitely bringing his a game though I'm exploding with childhood joy lmao #ty again drom <3 #don't mind me just nattering on about stuff

[poptartmochi]

this dress is so insanely beautiful i'm about to start biting

#sriracha.txt #it's by mr. water new york on etsy! 130 dollars! which is. Expensive Do Not Get Me Wrong #but i also feel like that's a decent price for something so pretty. they're a small designer too so i don't mind #plus.. the klarna payments are like 37 each... y'all........ #the reason i'm looking at it is bc I got the invitation for my friends' wedding today and their dress code is like.. high fantasy/court fae #whimsical.. i was shopping around for something that would fit that theme when etsy unrelatedly recommended me this and like.. idk!! it #reminds me of moving water so i thought i could play it off as a nymph look! i'd just have to style it right #also i saw that somebody in the reviews wore it for an opera audition and my mind is exploding w that concept so... yahg <3 #june is my financial recklessness month BUT.. we're about to hit school season so i'll more than make up for my expenses

[arklay]

did not just think about diana finding al just sitting on their bed holding their wedding photo in his hands after she brings him back, and he's just looking at it, visibly distressed, and the moment she touches his shoulder he starts crying and buries his face against her chest because he thinks he really ruined their relationship. good lord

#leah.txt #pair: ewskers #baby boy she would not have spent years regenerating your body if she hated you i am going to disintegrate i can't do this #i think when his viruses are stable his emotions are very much Not. i think the mutant strain changed specific brain chemistry and he lost #a lot of empathy and just the ability to really feel emotions. he was very numb. he knew he should feel a certain way and emulated that but #he didn't really *feel* and after everything is stable he's feeling things he hasn't in over 10 years and he's also in a very bad state of #mind from everything that's happened so oh boy things aren't going great for them #also numb except like anger. and hatred. he was being turned into a literal killing machine after all. notice how blood thirsty he got? #i have so much post volcano lore for them i can't do this i need to just. explodes. and like they are still working through things ofc (it #takes years) when diana is alerted of activity with the company and even though they go and do all of that like he is still trying to find #himself again and decondition everything spencer and umbrella drilled into his head. they are still evil and scheming don't worry there #besties. and they still think they are better than everyone else. this is fact in their minds. but like. there's a lot going on for him #i put him through a lot of pain and as much as i joke that i want to put him through a blender it actually makes me really sad. he doesn't #need more trauma lmao. yeah he is evil and fucked up but no child deserves what spencer did to him #fictional man making me really sad. i need to wrap him in a blanket #sir why did you have to go and try and kill everyone on the planet whadda hell is wrong with you i'm holding your hand #maybe if your wife was there kissing you then you'd calm down a little bit and not throw yourself into a volcano #not unfolding time coming on shuffle as i type this what is wrong with you spotify i can't go through this right now #i like to see powerful men weak and cry but also he is a ball of trauma and it hurts me #i have Many thoughts about why he did what he did in 5 cause yeah it's out of character for him to follow through with spencer's vision #but i don't think that's what he was doing. kinda hinted a bit at this with that one fight fic but also i have a whole essay somewhere