Epistles of Saints & Sinners
Chapter Summary:
Tav asks Astarion to participate in a game of her choosing.
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Story Summary:
When Astarion meets the humble bard, Tav, he soon finds out he's the only one between them that knows they are bound as soulmates through their marks. Deciding it's more trouble than its worth, he refuses to tell her along the course of their journey across Faerûn.
But, unbeknownst to him and their companions, Tav is harboring a gruesome secret that she only thought was nothing more than a traumatized period in her life.
As they both come to face to face with their pasts and presents, will they choose to move forward or let it consume them?
Healing isn’t linear—after all.
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Chapter 8: Questions & Commands
Ao3
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Word Count: 6.2k
Pairing: Astarion x female bard Tav
CW: Emotional Abuse, Sexual Language, Sexual Tension, Act 1 Spoilers
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Ballads hatched into our world long ago to inspire, heal, and defeat foes.
Thus, bards did learn the ways of the song to carry them through lands known and forgotten.
Carrying tunes to foster in the ebb of war and love.
We can bring light even to the darkest side of the moon.
— Alfira, ‘A Look into the Life of Bards’
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Once upon a time, there was a wedding. Two lovers. The joining of the year.
Held in a beautiful cathedral of worship to Lathander, where not even the minions of arch devils would bring their contracts. The brilliance of its holy requite through colorful stained glass, to shine upon newlyweds for an age.
Algos stood by the husband-to-be as a groomsman. Dark hair. Confident face. Dressed in shining gold and midnight. The shades of splendor and authority.
A swordswoman, beautiful and anxious about the night, at a table of unknowns. Dress of woven pastel blue and gold forget-me-nots.
“My lady, will you dance with me?” Algos grinned, holding out his hand.
“I would be honored, my love!” A guarded smile from her lips. “How is the wedding party going?”
The man took her hand and spun her onto the dancefloor. “Not so bad. Little trouble with the behind-the-scenes, but everything worked out. How’s the table you were seated at?”
Her hands crawled up onto the expanse of his shoulders. The tempo of the current ballad played by the wedding band, a slow romantic fairy-tale of a tune.
“They sat me with the elusive cousins,” she giggled. “However, I’m not complaining. They are a delight! I wish I could sit with my handsome beau, but I love you regardless.”
Algos nuzzled the side of her head. “I love you too, Birdie.”
Their peace—broken by spritely music blaring from quickened strings, requiring a more rhythmic dance.
“Here, do it like this,” Algos pressured, grabbing one of her hands in his, the other, at her waist.
Her face flushed. Clumsy feet. Self consciousness seeped in. She tried to hold herself together, praying that he would ignore her flaws in this art of movement. “I don’t want to dance like this…no, I didn’t mean it like that—I’m just feeling shy.”
There. In his vision. The glaze she had been preparing for all week in caution. Knowing it could happen at any time if the circumstances were right. Another night she could have predicted with cartomancy from any deck of illustrated cards.
How could irises the color of pitch basalt she let erode her soul with love have such rage?
“We’re leaving.”
Ruffled. A shaking of hands to the guests of the wedding in pleasant goodbyes.
A face twisted. Heavy feet walking out of the venue, beer on his tongue.
Soft pattering taps of her shoes, following him to his hell. Biting the inside of her cheek, head bowed in shame.
Away from everyone—he yelled. No one can intervene; no one can see.
“SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU! Broken. Is it really that hard to do what you're told?! You don’t know how to love. I refuse to believe you even care about me.”
She stared ahead. It was safer this way. Not to fully look at him. Tears fall: salty and broken. She messed up again. Will she ever get it right?
“I’m sorry about feeling awkward about dancing. Please let me expl—,” she begged.
“EXPLAIN WHAT?! This gloom that you carry with you is an embarrassment! Did you even stop to think how that will make me look?! How it makes me look now?! I can’t help but think that you’ve done this on purpose—to foil my reputation.”
“But, I—you said…I do love you—,” she stuttered out.
“QUIET!”
Usual tangents.
Embarrassing. Is that what she was?
Should she mention her concerns to him again about his anger? The outbursts that have scared her? The insecurity she felt. The nervousness. The eggshells she walked upon. The doubts she felt about a future with him.
She’s already endured 8 years. She could endure more.
In the middle of the night, the yelling paused.
A smothering of tears, so she can open her wept swollen eyes the next day.
Into her mind fortress created long ago, she receded—sewing pockets into its walls. Wailing the incident into the opening of one, before threading the seam fully closed and purging herself of the emotions.
In the morning, Algos held Tav tightly. Apologies to her lips. Apologies in her hair. “This is a part of who I am,” he reminded her.
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♫Dance upon the stars tonight,
Smile and pain will fade away.
Words of mine will turn to ash,
When you call the last light down.
Moon reminds me of your grace,
All the love I can’t repay.
Rest and know that I will pray,
Farewell my dear old friend.
Moon, sun, all remind me of your grace,
Faith, care, all the love I can’t repay.
Moon, sun, all remind me of your grace,
Faith, care, all the love I can’t repay.
Dance upon the stars tonight,
Smile and pain will fade away.
Words of mine will turn to ash,
When you call the last light down.
Moon reminds me of your grace,
All the love I can’t repay.
Rest and know that I will pray,
Farewell my dear old friend.
Dance upon the stars tonight,
Smile and pain will fade away.♫
Tav and Alfira. Lutes in hands. An ideal pair for a quaint harmony. They braided around their audience, draping a veil of honor and expelling the spirits of woe. A duet of two bards: an elf and a tiefling. Voices of mirth to rock babes to sleep and inspire fractured favorable qualities to mend.
With boots padded in unison on a final tour around the camp, they meet in the middle to sing their closing lyrics, paying reverence to an old friend.
Flowers and cheers freely tossed to the musicians as they take their bows. A few mesmerized souls with amour’s arrows in their eyes, headily sighed. Gleefully, the women hugged each other.
“Tav, I couldn’t have done this without you. Thank you for all your help with the song. I feel like I can finally honor my teacher properly now.” Alfira held onto Tav for a few seconds longer before holding her at arm’s length with tears in her eyes.
“It’s the least I could do after you loaned me your extra lute.” Tav went in for another hug, patting the optimistic tiefling on the back. “Seeing mine broken to pieces on that beach was not the most pleasant of sights. It was a gift to me from my mother. One of the first lutes I’ve ever owned. Many memories were attached to it. Happy and sad. A chapter I will have to close—I suppose.”
Alfira clasped the elf’s hands within her own, as if they were about to pray together. “Chapters that close for bards, eventually become tales in our songs. Perhaps one day, you will be able to tell yours when the time is right.”
Tav softened her features, a fair simper stretching upwards. “Just so. I cannot properly explain how wonderful this has been, playing with another bard again. I haven’t done so in over a year, since I left the Dales. My gods! Collaborating with another musically inclined person is such an adrenaline rush!”
“I know exactly what you mean! I’ve been trying to teach the children how incredible playing music can be, but they seem preoccupied with their little thieves club at the moment.” She swung her lute around its strap to rest upon her back. “If it is alright, I may go have a drink with Lakrissa. To wind down, that is!”
The songbird curtsied, offering Alfira a good-natured bow of her head. “Off with you! Go have fun! I’ll be joining the party shortly.”
Lungs all but expired, Tav swept the blue-gray mist of her sight around the soirée that Zevlor, leader of the tiefling refugees, insisted they participate in after their defeat with the goblins. She wasn’t entirely opposed to mingling with their new allies, but given the events of the past couple of days—all the social interaction and glories of their victory—she needed to find time to replenish her energy.
Though, such proclivities to her personal edicts would have to wait. Because there were wayward missives being delivered into her thoughts, bathed in the scent of rosemary, bergamot, and aged brandy—like a secret admirer on the cusp of developing into something more.
With the wildflowers thrown at her feet during her curtain call, she tucked a small handful into her garter, briefly wondering if Astarion had watched her performance with Alfira. Did he like the song? What were his thoughts about the lyrics? Or did he notice the fingerpicking during the chorus she had practiced beforehand?
To him she gives herself in offering.
The snares of his raucous life.
She humbly prays to the host of his body to thrust her into his soul.
Ruin her world and all that remains. Amen.
In fact, she pondered if he even liked her at all or if he was merely tolerating her. He never made mention of finding any part of her personality particularly endearing to be around, instead resorting to backhanded comments at his leisure. At times, it seemed only the blood she willingly offered to him thrilled any sense he had concerning the bard.
Oghma’s taint—why did she fucking care?! Astarion could be an absolutely insufferable knave. Wroughting seeds of his own subterfuge and cruelty when she thought he was beginning to show moments of clemency or kindness.
When they found the prisons shortly after their intentional bloodshed with the goblinoids, she squabbled with him over his insistence on urging her to commend those shite goblin children for throwing rocks at the druid Halsin’s bear form because he wanted to “see the show.”
After she denied the lashings from Abdirak, a servant of the goddess Loviatar, he slighted her with his typical lively taunt.
”Something that has more drollness than all these wretched creatures sputtering on about this True Soul nonsense, and you just ‘pass on it’? I truly thought you would have provided us with a more inspiring performance other than that singing you do all the time,” Astarion had provoked with a dramatic tilt of his voice.
Tav chuckled critically as she walked up to the vampire, standing chest to chest with her chin pointed upwards. She had zero tolerance for the knife of his words at the moment. “I didn’t hear you complaining when you told me to sing for you in your tent the other night. Besides, why would I subject my body to public humiliation? This isn’t just a bedroom kink—for god's sake!”
“My sweet ballad babe, anger really does look cute on you.” His fingers moved to fix the length of her skewed bangs, picking up tiny bouquets of her strands individually. “You speak as if your body is a temple that lovers will continue to care about during and after your moments of ecstasy. What a very naive statement.”
”You’re right. I can’t control whether they care about me or not. But, what I can control is who has access to me when it comes to consensual sex and what my own feelings are towards that person.” The bard's tone changed from thorny indignation, to a lower frequency of velvet. Her heated palm wrapped around his icy wrist, bringing it to rest against the upper portion of her chest. “And so we’re both clear—I have never engaged in any type of intimacy with a man I didn’t care about in some way. That includes you.”
After Tav’s earnest reply, Astarion stood skulking for nearly the rest of their mission, staring at her from afar. Petulance? That was probably part of it. A crucifixion he was reliving by instinct behind the splendor of his newly formed kingdom of freedom.
Curious, curious, curious though.
As Tav presented him with challenges to his unethical morals over his comments or suggestions flung from the pantheon of his pearlescent lips, he never acted on them by his own accord. Nor did he bring up such interjections again, naturally acquiescing quietly to the majority vote. His unfavorable characteristics unveiled as the days passed—testing them. Testing her.
Why all this senselessness? Fear? Anger? Did he truly possess that level of evilness deep down? Or was the sun inside of him blocked by hundreds of black-eyed fiends biting at his extremities each time he reached out to try and absorb the light?
The elements in the tapestry of him that flickered of haunted briars regarded in his gaze, she would, at times, be able to minimally trim away to witness a few ticks of goodness bubbling up out of his blighted soul. But, Astarion was at the mercy of his ghosts and Tav understood all too easily that sometimes the victim can have remorseless tendencies from a vicious cycle of learned behavior.
”A gentle hand.” But, what else would it take?
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The sky was empty, save for the lowly honied crescent moon.
Tav carouseled around the gathering, checking in with the guests and her companions. Sips of wine flowing between buzzed lips, sweetening tongues with compulsions of truths and flirtatious verses. The bard gathered her skirts—in her silence and finesse of movements—flashing propositioning suitors a modest smile of rejection as they sacrificed themselves to her in promises of alighting her skin to cinders with their touch.
Oh, but, it wasn’t their balm she desired as their eyes begged her to drop her silken stockings down, a fantasy of rubbing them between their fingertips as they pecked her calves. It was the chilled path of ashes leading to the thief in the night of the man whose lips felt like years of devotion and stole her sanity during her prayers.
Astarion remained by his tent for a good portion of the evening, throwing his daggers into the practice dummy nearby, impressing the tieflings as they clapped for him. Tav surveyed him with a glance every so often, catching him using his normal grand hand gestures as he spoke. Once, when she looked over towards where he stood, a tiefling man had placed a hand on the vampire’s arm, dragging a finger sensuously up and down his sleeve. Astarion patted the man’s hand and nudged his chin in her direction, softening his stare. Her face heated up as she turned away, unsure of what the spawn had said to him.
There was warmth that had long spread throughout Tav’s body and her mind was drumming in happiness from the mead. She could not stop the rush she felt to see Astarion, armed as she was with a plan to unfurl some of their vexations and inner turmoils that teetered on the ridge they kept stepping onto. Half crossed with his behavior. Half wanting this man in her company.
Mirror in hand, she found him.
Astarion’s temporary quarters were the furthest away, set up near the opening to the forest behind them. An intentional tact to listen for enemies or animals scurrying about he told her. A prelude to feed on their blood.
He held up an ornate hand mirror in silver filigree to his face, half of the glass cracked. He opened and closed his mouth several times, then stuck his index finger to pull back his cheek. One of his fangs, a white icy pick glistening from a lit torch in the camp, peeked out. She knew he was admiring absolutely nothing at all—since vampires no longer had a reflection once they became undead—still, she wondered if he knew what he looked like anymore.
“Are yo—,“ she interrupted as a person suddenly appeared in front of her.
“Would you care to dance, my lady?”
Astarion caustically clucked his tongue.
Guex. The tiefling with swept back blonde hair and strawberry skin. A warrior that Tav had met earlier in the Hollow of the grove. Swords collided in the bright sun as she showed him how to properly strike his blade at a target during midday.
Willing her body not to freeze from a painful memory, she put on a prepared face. She beamed as he bowed, balling her hand up near her mouth joyfully. “Guex! No need for the formalities. But, I am afraid, I am not one for dancing.”
He cleared his throat nervously. “Ah, that is perfectly okay my—I mean, Tav. How about a walk, then? Just to chat!”
How adorable. She casted him a slight gleam, sympathizing with the attraction he held for her. “You are so very sweet, but I have plans for the night with my friend Astarion here. If you find me again in Baldur’s Gate, maybe I will be able to turn in my raincheck to you—depending on the circumstances, of course.”
She could see the pale elf raise his eyebrows as he continued preening in the mirror at his non reflective self.
Guex peered over his shoulder at the spawn before quickly turning back to face Tav. “Oh! Um, yes that would be more than fine! Uuuhh, thank you for your consideration! And thank you again for earlier. Have a good evening,” he replied in haste before escaping to rejoin the party.
Astarion threw the mirror to the ground with a melodramatic sneer. “All I wanted was to have a little fun tonight. But, here you are bringing the lambs to gander. Your admirers follow you everywhere, don’t they? Like lost mice begging for crumbs.”
“Except, I have no crumbs to give. Here.” She bent down to retrieve the hand mirror, handing it to him. “Why were you looking at this?”
He grabbed the object from her sighing. “Fruitlessly trying to will the damned thing to show my reflection, I suppose. I still enjoy petty vanity—at least what I’m able to do with it. You know, I have no idea what I look like anymore. Not since I grew fangs and my eyes turned red.”
“What color were they before?”
“I—I don’t remember. My face is nothing but a hazy indistinct shape in my memory now.” A grimness entered his gaze as he tossed the mirror into his tent heatedly. “Another wonderful part of me Cazador took!’
Tav moved in closer to him, resting her hands on either side of her hips. She balanced on her tiptoes at different angles, examining his face. “I could imagine you with bluish golden eyes, akin to the sunset on a clear day, right when one star pops out—to match your porcelain coif!”
The corner of the vampire’s mouth rose waggishly. He spun around once, modeling himself. “Oh? Don’t stop there. What else do you see? I want to know how others view me.”
Brimming with a million words to describe Astarion flooded her thoughts alongside the blush that greeted the tips of her ears. His gorgeousness dangled in front of her waking hours and inspired rhymes to dominate the prose that fought to be in her head. He could order her to adorn him in robes of the sanctimony, sitting her upon his lap while thumbing a wafer of his personal Eucharist into her mouth, and she would accept with it opened wide.
Heavens grant peace upon her for seeking his validation in the moment.
The songstress’s chin scrunched up in concentration. “Your smile. It’s bright like the full moon’s glow kissing the surface of water.”
The pallored elf sighed in annoyance. “This is supposed to be flattery, my dear. If I wanted bad poetry, I’d ask Gale to recite some to me from his questionable scripts. Try again.”
Tav chuckled. She loved the raillery they so easily fell into with each other. There was a nod towards his hands as she spoke again. “Your hands. Strong. Dexterous. But, your touch is possibly one of the most tender I’ve ever known.”
“I’m starting to wonder why I even bothered to ask,” he muttered under his breath. “Fine. What about the whole of my face?”
“High cheekbones. A pointed angular jaw. Straight nose. Features that any sculpture would be counted blessed by the deities to exhibit to the world.”
He blinked a few times with a low hum in his voice. “That’s a bit better I suppose. Do you think I’m beautiful? Answer yes and we’ll call it a day.”
Tav clasped her hands behind her back, walking around him once as if she were assessing the presentation of his appearance.
“You certainly don’t have Lae’zel’s appeal, but you do well enough, I guess,” she teased with a large grin.
Faking disgruntlement, Astarion lazily put his hand across the expanse of his chest. “You guess? How dare you. And here I thought we had something special. Though, you look alright too—I guess.”
They both burst into stitches of friendly chuckles, much like the time under the willow tree and the first night they kissed.
Hearts—beating and dead—danced the slow drag to an unheard sway of blues. A twinkle of time for the bard to act, emboldened by the alcohol in her stomach and the sacred affections she held for Astarion. She nimbly latched onto his forearm with both hands and pulled him down with her into the plush pillows carefully arranged in front of his tent, giggling playfully.
Landing on top of her in surprise, she watched as he tried to balance himself on his elbows, hovering above her sternum. His face was so dangerously close to hers, the delicate blend of blood and milky mint off his palate reached her nose. She was grateful most of the guests had dispersed for the night, finding themselves unvirtuous in the throes of passion with a stranger or asleep from the drink. Pinned under him, the anchored weight of his body’s lower portion was distributed to his legs, with one artfully shoved between her skirted thighs.
“Yes, of course, take a seat,” he rumbled sarcastically, inches from the brûlée of her lips.
“It’s more comfortable down here,” the bard bashfully smiled, her slender finger now twirling the lacings of his shirt flirtatiously. “Play a game with me?”
“Well, isn’t this unusual? I would have never thought you could be so forward given your coy nature.” Astarion fiddled with the ruffling along the edged collar line of her chemise, pulling the fabric down enough to uncover her left shoulder. “But, isn’t that what we’re doing right now? Playing a game. Our roles reversed. You: performing as the alluring soubrette. Me: as the enamored.”
“Hmm. I suppose, but I did actually have another one in mind,” she sighed faintly while he rubbed circles into the tattooed portion of her upper arm.
The spawn cocked a peculiar brow. She felt him adjust himself so that one of his arms was able to move around freely. Snaking a hand to slide up the side of her clothed thigh, inching a bit of the fabric upwards, he whispered at the corner of her mouth. “Mmm. You wish to play it right here?”
“Right here,” she consented quietly, feeling her head slightly buzzed from the mead. A rush of heat hit her core and she shivered, causing her to involuntarily roll her hips. Her leg, still caught between his, rubbed into his pelvis forcing Astarion to groan.
One, two, three, four. Four faded outlines of beauty marks she counted on his cheek. If she connected them, they would resemble a lesser cluster of stars. Ones that she would wish upon to guide her through the glass halls she wandered during their interactions.
Spindly fingers spidered their way to her lower stomach, tracing the waistband of her skirts. His finger slid under the band just enough to tease the hem of her smalls resting on her mound, only to pull back when she whimpered for him. “And what’s my reward if I win?”
The entirety of her body felt inflamed, only to be cooled down with a sudden whisk of careful hands tingling patches on her ivory skin. Her plump lips, filled with a rush of sanguine fluid, tapped adoring kisses into his temple. “That’s yet to be determined.”
Teeth scraped down her cheek onto the side of her satiny neck. He released a huff of his breath that sent a lustful chill down her spine as he pointed the tip of his fang on the unhealed mark from his previous feeding. “What’s it called?”
Tav could feel his semi erect length—heavy and throbbing through his trousers—sending pleasant waves of moisture in places she wanted him to touch. She shamefully imagined how beautiful his cock must be, especially after he’d drank blood. Engorged and leaking, waiting for it to be taken out to admire.
With a mere purse of her lips near the shell of his ear, she purred. “Questions and Commands.”
“Excuse me?” He pulled back instantly in puzzlement, steadying himself over her once more.
“Questions and Commands. You said you wanted to have a little fun,” she repeated.
“That fluff of a children’s game is not exactly what I had in mind. Saving all of those ram horned hellions has made me feel awful! I am not interested in getting caught up in frivolous chit-chat, no matter how much I may enjoy your charms.” He dipped his head down to position an open mouthed peck in the region above the start of her breast tissue. “Now, where were we?”
She wriggled her arms from the confined space to place them on his shoulders, attempting to distract him. As much as she desired another physically intimate night with him, she needed to execute her plan. If they continued to carry on in the same way they had been, the pleasure may not be worth the pain that would come later. The demons inside both of them would only serve to take prisoners to their cage of hellish rebuke.
“Astarion!” Laughter spooled from Tav as his eyelashes tickled her clavicle. “You damned scoundrel—would you stop for a moment?! Are you certain about not playing? Because I’m fairly confident we could make it interesting.”
“My sweet, the only thing on my mind is depraved carnal lust with a very specific songbird,” he murmured into the hollow of her breastbone. “I’ve been thinking about this for quite a while.”
It was becoming difficult for the womanly elf to concentrate. With every precise caress from him, any logical reasoning she held was becoming diluted with his sinuous friction against her. She wanted him in ways she hadn’t predicted tonight.
Tav ran her fingers through his curls, gifting her with a vibrating moan from him. “You are going to ruin every bit of me—as I’m sure you intended to do.” She tugged on his head, urging him to look at her while her bottom lip pushed out in a pout. “Please. Just this once? I want to—I would like to get to know you better and at least this is a more noncommittal way to do so.”
Astarion’s pupils widened. A vague mosaic of feelings seemed to usurp themselves from the nailed coffin of his lost spirit. Distrust? Anxiety? A hint of confusion and fragility. Perhaps even a longing of forspoken broken dreams for connection. Could they tie a binding string of cat’s cradle around their fingers to strengthen their bond or would the three Fates snip them apart never to be bound in life?
Astarion, full of haunts.
Protection is with thee.
Blessed is your face in the sun,
And compassion given to you from the shadows.
Holy is your kiss,
Granted to lovers old and new.
At your undead hour and here ever after,
May you eventually find peace
He audibly sighed.
“Ugh. Fineeee, you wretched creature! Since you seem so insistent on it.” The vamp halted the ministry of his cool lips on her flesh, lifting himself all the way up to kneel in front of her. He reached down to cup the front of his trousers to add comfort to the visible straining hardness. “Though, if you ask me about my favorite color, I’m never speaking to you again. Lady’s first.”
Tav sat up, patting her clothes down to soothe out the wrinkles. Pointing a finger into the air, she counted off. “Before I choose, let’s set up a few ground rules. One: You don’t have to answer anything you’re really uncomfortable with. Two: Same rule applies for the command. Three: Have a good time! Now for my first pick…”
Embers from the local campfire glowed feebly as they continued their game, setting the mood for Astarion to light a couple of his fancy candelabras. A wine bottle, stolen from Wyll’s stash during one of Tav’s command turns, sat betwixt the two companions. Smudged lightly with her lipstick on the rim, they passed it to each other’s mouths while exchanging inviting glances. Willowy digits often skimmed hers, as if he were reaching out from the shadows to capture the dust in the sunlight.
“I still cannot believe I saw Shadowheart and Wyll with their tongues in each other's mouths,” the bard shook her head merrily. “However, I did hear him laying it on thick with his lines earlier. I wonder which one finally caught her attention?”
Astarion smirked mischievously. “My word. I guess our little enigma wanted to see his ‘Blade of Avernus’ after all.”
Arabellan Dry deposited on her tongue as she relieved the bottle of another swig. She had been sedulous in maintaining a misty buzz, sipping mouthfuls of water from her waterskin after imbibing the wine.
During their exchanges, Tav learned Astarion’s favorite pickup lines, giving her quite the amused blush when he tried all of them on her. She responded by telling him that his silliness was one of his personality traits she liked the most.
With a touch of sorrow, a quirk of a side smile twitched on his pasty jaw. Audiences would hunger for that very expression watching the lead actor on stage. Making them gasp as a dagger was held at his throat proclaiming his faults in one act, then wooing them with convictions to stay in existence in the next.
Had anyone ever paid this man a genuine compliment that detracted from his handsomeness before?
She commanded him to play with Scratch by throwing his ball several times—to his extravagant disdain.
”See, that wasn’t so bad? And he thanked you with a kiss.” Tav smiled happily when Astarion sat back down.
”’Wasn’t so bad?’ He slobbered all over my hands and gods know what vile things he’s had in his mouth recently,” he remarked in contempt.
“But, you’ve now made a long-lasting AND loyal friend.”
Astarion didn’t reply, but she witnessed him look over at the dog in confusion as if he couldn’t comprehend entirely what she had said.
He questioned why she made it a point to tell Guex she didn’t enjoy dancing instead of only refusing him, which she politely declined to answer.
“Not every bard has to dance to music,” she awkwardly laughed.
“No, but you choose not to for other reasons; not because you dislike it. Why?”
He stared through her. She blinked away bleary tears filling her ducts. It was the first time Astarion had decided to intentionally ask something so viscerally raw about her and she couldn’t even give herself permission to answer fully.
Tav looked at him in shame, her voice wavering. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m ready yet. Can we move on?”
Later on, she commanded him to show her some sewing techniques and why he enjoyed them. ”No matter how many times you mess up with the thread, you can easily pull it out and restart again,” he told her in no uncertain terms.
Eventually, the commands stopped, leaving way for only questions. Ones that left the deepest rings of sound resonating within, like church bells calling them to worship these parts of each other. Clutching for the other’s breath, practiced and alive.
“Question.”
Tav sat up straight, excited to ask her next inquiry. “Name one of your favorite lines in poetry or a ballad. I may have snooped and seen you carrying around a copy of ‘Lord Dandelion’s Sonnets’ with you.”
Astarion puffed out a breath, then hummed in concentration.
“Wings unpinned within a cage,
I see the gold in the sky over yonder,
The stars, a poor imitation of the ball of flame.
Restless, I wait, feathers outstretched,
The only sound being the clouds overflowed,
Across the tides of the wind…”
“Now freed, I stay grounded, afraid of the dawn’s break.” They finished reciting together.
“I shouldn’t be surprised that you know of his poetry, but for some reason, I am a bit astonished that you know of his less popular works,” he commented in surprise.
“Those works are some of his most influential. They deal with the complex emotions inside all of us.”
He snuck a drink from the wine before passing it to her, as if he were trying to swallow down sudden ideas he hadn’t thought of in two centuries.
“Your turn,” he reminded her.
“Hmm. Question.”
As the night became quieter, the two had comfortably scooted closer together. They faced one another, Tav with her legs resting lazily between Astarion’s widely spread ones, still with the wine bottle acting as a barrier amidst them.
“What do you keep under your skirts? Aside from that lovely hosiery nestled against your pale legs.” He reached out to drag the palm of his hand up and down her lower shin. Ah, so he had been watching her earlier during her performance.
A fake gasp escaped as she lifted her skirts high enough to show him the knife in her garter.
“The femme fatale. Not what I was expecting. And what of the other side?” The vampire pressed in a low gravel.
The other side of her skirts gradually lifted to reveal the flowers in her other leather garter. Tugging one out, she leaned forward to place it into one of the eyelets on the front of his shirt. It was a dainty bit of a bloom. White. Four petals surrounding yellow stamens.
“Flowers? I find them to be gaudy trite instruments for the living.”
"They happen to smell nice,” Tav remarked. “And…they have a language of their own.”
He gazed down at the flimsy growth she had fixed on his clothes in disbelief. “A language? Well, enlighten me. What is this flower trying to say?”
The bard put her index finger up to her lips. “Shh. It doesn’t speak now, but you will find out later. That being said, I have one final question I’d like to ask you.”
“I believe we’ve come too far in this pitiful game of ours to stop now—ask it.”
Tav placed her chin on top of her knees, folding her arms underneath her legs. “Have you ever been in love?”
Astarion loudly scoffed. “Ha! Of course, my sweet. Why every night I had someone in bed, was a night to fall in love with someone new. Thousands of times over!”
She glowered at him.
“Oh, don’t give me that look. Gods, fine, if I have ever been in love—it would have been before I was turned into the monster I am now. Being under Cazador’s thrall didn’t exactly allow me to experience such relationships,” he answered honestly, turning to gaze away from her. Was he uncomfortable?
And then it slipped out. The unfading sentence that would change the rest of their evening. The comment that caused his facial expression to disobey his usual mask by granting her but a singular moment of incredulity. “I see no monsters here, ‘Starion.”
Nearer, nearer, nearer does he move. Grabbing her hands and kissing the underside of them. He wrapped them around his neck and tucked a couple of fingers under her chin, bringing her rosy face to his own. It was akin to witnessing lovers sharing secrets under an umbrella of their own carved out space. She could see the powder blues of his lifeless veins in the lighting, plagued with the intimate images to trace them with her fingers—with her lips.
“What would it take for you to be mine?” He cooed.
“To be yours?” She questioned shyly.
Bloodlust. Sex. Is this what all this was really about? Understandably, vampires could crave both, but was that all this was between them? Why go through the trouble of touching her body like he meant to venerate her?
Yet, mayhaps she was overthinking their entanglement. He told her before he was only seeking a distraction. Despite the care she felt for him that was at constant war, maybe that’s all this needed to be. Casual intimacy didn’t require labels; it only required consent. And they would most likely part ways once their situations with the tadpoles dissipated. She shouldn’t get used to having him by her side for longer than necessary.
“For tonight, that is," he affirmed.
“Maybe you should command me and find out.”
“I command you to come to my bed tonight,” Astarion proposed, working starved pecks on her lips.
“For what exactly?” Tav whispered into his mouth.
“Pleasure. I think we’ve waited long enough.”
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