#ALL I WANT IS TO FLIP A SWITCH

[rusted-pipe-of-wisdom]

down my arms, thousand satellites suddenly discover the signs of life (x)

it's my baby's @laniardraws birthday, so I whipped out my tranquil feelings and drew our hc where maddox cuts red lyrium crystals out of samson's skin

#fun for the whole family #dragon age #rustypipes-draws #raleigh samson #maddox #samson x maddox #tw blood #touch is the most tranquil song ever #ALL I WANT IS TO FLIP A SWITCH #BEFORE SOMETHING BREAKS THAT CANNOT BE FIXED

[mobius-m-mobius]

It's a pretty cool name.

Loki + the progression of saying Mobius' name for @percheduphere

#mobius #loki #lokius #mcuedit #lokiedit #marveledit #owen wilson #tom hiddleston #tysm for the amazing request because GOD did making this hit harder than i'd even expected?? #like it's kind of a given mobius fell first #but i've been so swamped all month i basically only had time to finish maybe a gif per night #and let me tell you watching loki progressively fall harder with each and every scene was uh. an experience all right 🙃😳 #in S1 loki's so obviously trying to keep their guard up until mobius gets pruned protecting them and it's like a switch flips #the walls come down and you see the power of being believed in the pure RELIEF mobius' presence brings #how much he's valued and needed and LOVED as loki tries to hold him close only to lose him again and again #leading to desperation building until the only option left is to sacrifice everything not realizing now they're both left wanting #y'all i'll never recover 😭 #marvel #owenwilsonedit #dianagifs

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[ineed-to-sleep]

Funny how all it takes is a couple of conversations with a cis straight man about gender to make me go "yup I'm definitely not cis"

#listen I adore my stepfather ok but he's got a pretty traditional view of gender #he's very respectful of others and doesn't enforce it on anyone else #and I think it's not that toxic all things considered bc he sees 'manhood' as being primarily about being hard working and protecting other #but it's still very gender essentialist #and he sees a lot of things as 'man things' and 'woman things' #and talks about skills and roles that are 'men's' #and I'm just like well but I do a lot of those things. but I identify with a lot of the things you describe. #and he tries to go around it like 'ahh well but you have personal history with that' etc etc #we get along really well tho we don't fight or anything but it's interesting to me #it makes me realize just how much I'm outside of the binary in the eyes of cis people #and how much 'trying to be a man' or 'trying to be a woman' are things that hold no emotional meaning to me(personally) #I could not care less what makes me masculine or feminine or if either of those labels are revoked for some reason #taking on the label of woman or man feels like a burden to me bc it always comes with a set of expectations #I just wanna be me yk. I just want people to see me through the lens of 'this is a person' #'this is what this person likes. this is how this person behaves' #I just wanna turn off gender. can I do that? like just flip a switch and no one perceives me as anything anymore #in a perfect world maybe #sleep.txt #I honestly still don't fully understand how I feel about gender but. I know that I don't like being put into a box #the box is Evil.

[yorshie]

Three stages of Mikey.

Soft Mikey.

Prank Mikey

Feral Mikey.

Me:

#I need that mop #somehow it’s all three at once and it’s just like #I’m not even sure how I got here #pretty sure it’s of my own voaliton #but if someone wants to stage an intervention it’s fine #also how. is. it. all. three. at. once? it’s like a flip switches #one minute Mike is sweet and then the next- #send halp

[bbutterflies]

been reflecting on 2023 (good riddance) and can I just say for the record that the single most unexpected thing that happened to me was becoming such a major adrino stan. january 2023 I was writing lovesquare fics and just look at me now

#I genuinely don’t even remember when the switch flipped but I know that one day I woke up and was like. yup. this is all I’m thinking about #I think it was like a certain piece of fanart or something?? I wish I remembered what it was #and then I saw the absolute lack of silly stupid adrino fluff and I said you know what? I’m gonna fix that bc I want to read it #here we are 300k words later and I’m not slowing down lmao #miraculous ladybug #adrino #ramblings

[craycraybluejay]

people think i'm "rude" for being too blunt/too honest but if i took some kind of uncontrollable truth-telling serum i would be actually suicide-inducingly horrible to be around. i'm honest but trust that i take care to be much more polite, fair, and controlled at most times than I want to. you could not take 5 minutes of me blurting out everything that goes on in my brain in gruesome detail, especially pertaining to You specifically. kindness and courtesy are neither a weakness nor proof of some inherent purity. they are a bore of a chore. and while it is an incredibly irritating chore it is required in order to exist (less) hassled by society.

idk. it's truly annoying to spend much effort and energy on all of everything alone. and after accepting no help will come your way, no ackmowledgement or reward for your work comes either. and not only. instead comes punishment. punishment for the grave sin of not being good enough at pretending like i love small talk and not being good enough at kissing ass and not being good enough at neither keeping my head down and doing nothing nor making waves. not being good enough no matter which way you turn, what weight you pull, how much pain you opt to ignore in favour of pushing onward. there is no prize, no safe space, there is only the anger in the meaningless and base fight to survive. hatred, death, despair, the deep wells of agony. and within it all a part of you screams itself hoarse and then quiet to break the dam. at such high capacity, it doesnt matter of its toxic sludge or just water. "just water" kills everything in its path. tsunamis, typhoons, tropical storms, rainstorms, deadly hail... a little bit builds up and in the right place it can be cried out, or redirected, or simply evaporate in the warm, kind, invigorating rays of the sun. but what then if there is no place for that kind of thing. you are the river above a city and you grow and you grow and come the next storm you may just flatten it all to nothing with everyone inside. the dam allows no space to move or grow smaller. you grow so big you don't know if it's even a river anymore. what you are is some strange unnatural body with a riptide so intense it rivals the wildest ocean tides.

i remember the time i almost got swallowed by a storm riptide clearly. it took just a touch of the water and i am being pulled by a force stronger than anything i have felt before or again, something wild and so much bigger. a storm that no longer wants or has any purpose or even one clear cause... without reason, it doesn't *want* to destroy ships and tug people to their crushed deaths. no. it just-- will. it will do that. it has no will but it will kill you. it will destroy everything. what a beautiful terror. but why in me. tugging tugging tugging. sometimes i wish my weak little kid body got seized by the riptide and that i could not break free at all. that would be an epic death.

#rambles #someone promised me a visit to a rage room!!!! they must deliver!!!!!! #i must admit i do look down on the one that rages like a traumatized little bitch-- dog #at every little thing #the one who-- in the real world-- is too angry and stupid even to shut its mouth when it kills itself #here i am with all this anger you put inside me and its enough to genuinely want to wipe our planet dead #and here i am calmly listening to you air your pathetic grievances while i think of smashing your skull in with this hammer #and you. you... like a little baby given power. #and here i fucking am taking it and trying so hard to maintain. as if it wouldnt be such a relief to just let go #as if i havent envied you for your senseless retarded pursuit of being so unapologetically terrible to people #as if i wouldnt do anything to trade our minds and places and be the stupid eternal toddler #people think the things i occasionally say or do are anger. it is not #how many switches will you flip and buttons will you push until you choose the wrongest one yet #how much longer must i withstand this pressure with my hands under me and my teeth pressed firmly together #how many more times do i have to stop in the middle of acting on instinct. instinct to survive and fight #instinct that will destroy indiscriminately. #if its like this for long enough... do you think water can become fire? youve heard of hell freezing over but have you heard of earth #becoming hell? #again i cant sleep. the energy is suffocating. i need to be held tightly and to tussle till my body gives out #no i need to feel bones crack under me.

[visdiefje]

#girl help I am not doing well #basically. so the bedroom does not have the measurements that were on the plan #it is in fact significantly smaller and we're going to have to see if we can return stuff #which is fine and all. it's just tedious. it's fine. #but a switch has flipped in my brain from happy to oh no. #I'm just. dreading. everything. #dreading being there and not feeling at home #dreading being out of place #dreading going out of my room and my parents are Not there #I like the apartment. I know I do. I know. #but I can't feel it right now and that's. very scary #after having spent money I feel I just. want to be home #and I know that's not the solution because I've been feeling I need a change so bad #and I do. I need to learn it. I need to try. I need to grow #for at least a year #but god I do not feel up to the task at all #I want to curl up and hide #but my days here are so numbered that it doesn't feel safe. it feels like a timer ticking #and I don't want to do it there. I don't want to be alone I don't want it #aghhhh #at least I'm finally crying. it's been weeks overdue #r is comforting me the best they can which isn't a lot but I do appreciate it and acknowledge what they say is correct #bien rambles

[witherbythesword]

I feel like a fucking feral animal that needs to be pinned down by the throat and stabbed.. i mean fucked argh no what i wanted to say.. is i need to be fucking sta

#nsfwtext #loosing my marbles #thinking about fucking provoking them #acting out #scratching them #to make them violate me and fuck me to pieces because i need it so so much #but they just think it's cute #poking fun at me for being so desperate for them #being pinned by the throat i slowly start getting weaker and they praise me for being good and relaxing #fucking me oh so slowly and it's NOT ENOUGH #but it's all I am going to get #struggling #trying to fuck myself back into them #but it just makes them press harder #until I am all still #like a little doll #teary eyed from my endless need and how feeling them rut into me so gently doesn't give me any relief.. it just makes it worse #feeling like going crazy and breaking down while they push a finger into my mouth to suck on #slapping me and then going back to chockeing me. #feeling my arousal built more and more #wanting them so much it doesn't matter if it's pleasure or pain begging to be kicked or fucked harder or cut or punched or skull fucked #just anything to truely feel them #argh #i am about to start biting people i need this #thinking about the times someone made me hurt so bad during a scene i felt like I need to throw up #like me brain was all pain and somehow it still got worse with each hit #that pain is so bad i feel like blacking out #saying yellow and #how just one touch was enough to flip the switch and what was pain just a second before was now arousal uggh am so needy for pain rn #when you are so full of pain in a scene it's like your consciousness morphs and all there is is you and pain and your partner

[gibbearish]

are we really back to "oh you support (blank)? name ten people who (do/are) that right now or else youre lying for allyship points and everything you have to say should be disregarded". i thought we left that back in like. 2012 misogynist nerdbro culture

#i have seen it on two entirely separate topics lately and its like. hello????? #'if you cant name 10 trans authors off the top of your head you shouldnt be talking about trans issues full stop. #i dont think thats an unreasonable expectation for anyone wanting to engage in rational discourse' how about we all go outside #because like yeah i couldnt name you too many trans authors but given my transgenderismness i think i do in #fact still deserve a seat at the table. and i dont think there should be a prerequisite academic education level to be allowed to talk. #'but you could find them for free-' yes‚ you can‚ but people should still be allowed to a) choose what they read based #off of what interests them and not mildly-to-extremely dense nonfiction writing and still Talk About Their Own Lives And Have #Opinions #shockingly not reading a lot of one specific type of author doesnt prevent a person from having reasonable and valuable opinions #if youre not capable of parsing someones argument because theyre not well-read enough then that just imo means you dont actually understand #the things youve read to be able to give them a synopsis #this isnt school. we're not being graded. there is no required reading and you are perfectly capable of giving people an #explanation on your stances if theyre unfamiliar with them #i had a b) but i dont remember what it was‚ i think it probably was part of what i covered there that i thought was a separate thought #but yeah just like. idk you can just say 'hey i would really recommend reading xyz but to summarize‚ (thing that disproves them)' #it is not . difficult to either Explain yourself or‚ if that is not possible‚ Not be condescending to the person youre not willing to teach #for not knowing #ill stop there bc ive already done that ramble before but. yes #origibberish #edit: ok upon reread i got turned around and switched from addressing the less educated one conveying their arguments #to the more well read one #bc that was the b is i was gonna talk about both #yall get what i mean though just like. split it in half and flip it turnways

[whatkindofnameisella]

not 2 overshare with u all but. can i get an amen for antidepressants. after being back on them for a bit mine finally kicked in yesterday and i spent three hours playing card games, seeing a play, watching the sun set, and talking happily the whole time. the week previous i was on the verge of crying at most times of the day, every day. today i hung out with four (four!) friends and made plans to see them again, this week. when two weeks ago i couldn't hang out with half that amount of friends for half that amount of time without feeling completely empty. so, things can get better, i guess. just in case you were wondering.

#ive been on antidepressants before but i forgot how big of a difference they make when they first start working..... like #i literally. feel happy for the first time in months. and i didn't realize just how much i wasnt feeling happy until now. like i had a ligh #switch flipped on. #note to all of you: maybe dont try going off of ur antidepressant in the middle of life changes. not my best idea. #but i am just feeling so grateful so. i wanted to share this feeling with u all. <333 #personal

[saltyfilmmajor]

he's hot for teacher

#it's like a switch flipped in my brain and this is all i can think about #WHY #WHY WAS HE GOING TO SAY THAT mcQ #HE WANTS TO FUCK THAT OLD MAN THATS WHY #im really struggling NOT to write hangmav now im FORCING myself not to open a word doc #nsa messages #top gun maverick #between this and the “you came back for him dumbass.” line im just out here #If you want to know what baits me into a ship people think is problematic #it's the Mentor/Teacher x Student dynamic #Source: Obikin #Although I'm not at all inclined to write for roosemav but that side of the fandom seems to be having fun y'all do you #But Hangmav - yeah i can get behind it in a comedic perverse way #Although I'd have to pause me Glass Box Boyfriends Draft and im too stubborn for that

[sovaharbor]

i love all 3 of my cats but he is my specialest boy

#his affection and neediness was so hard-won u guys dont understand. #most aloof cat ive ever had. spent so many years not ever wanting to be pet or held or cuddled at all #then one year the switch flipped and now he is my baby. :( #summer's text tag #also u can see how fcking dirty my blanket has gotten bc he is obsessed with it 😭😭😭😭 #hes always so offended when i wash it bc it doesnt smell like me anymore ig. so. i suffer for him.

[forbiddennhoney]

._.

#personal #i know logically like #im sad because i just lost a friendship that was important to me and i am grieving that loss #but i feel so stupid still being so sad about this #i feel childish for not having moved on already #even though logically it has barely been a Week since this blowup #but like she Did apologize (even though i desperately wish she hadnt yet bc i Needed to be angry to start the grieving process right - #-bc i really struggle to connect with my feelings and learned how to process them first through anger) #and like idk. maybe im just a childish asshole #it feels like this is all my fault even though i know logically thats NOT true #i keep having nightmares about all my loved ones flipping a switch the way she did #i keep having nightmares about not being good enough for anyone and feel so violently insecure about my role in ppls lives #and i WANT like. reassurance that ppl love me is the thing #but if they reference this issue or like i have to ask it just doesnt feel Righ5 #and ive been putting the energy out into the world that i would like to receive sometime but ik i cant demand that either #i just. #feel so sad #i hate that this impacted me so much #like. im literally more upset about this than my dad's health issues #(though admittedly this hits a more deep rooted insecurity/fear/distress than my dad's issues do)

[ozarkthedog]

praying the Indian food i'm having for dinner tonight cures my pms

#its crazy how easily the switch flips #totally fine all day but now i want to crawl into a dark hole and cry #ozzie blabs

[theoldandnewfirm]

Besides Krel being able to whip up a machine that can nullify the power of gods, the other thing in TOA supporting the idea that magic = advanced science is the fact that Merlin understood he could use a microwave to create the cradle stone after brief exposure to said appliance and without a detailed explanation of the technology behind it. Unless there was some overlap between microwaves and whatever process he'd have normally used to create a crystal, I don't think he would have grasped the microwave's potential so quickly.

#sorry i feel like magic in toa is a very underexplored aspect of the show #but we've already established I'm a weirdo who's way too into logic and systems in stories #trollhunters #tales of arcadia #i know ROTT doesn't exist but I'm pretending it does for the purposes of this post #also really all i want is Merlin or Morgana being smug/gloaty about what they can do #and one of the human characters pointing out that modern technology can accomplish the same thing #Merlin's like 'I can turn night to day' #Toby responds by flipping on a light switch