#80% of these can also be seen as platonic because I didn't feel like doing much else

[two-red-lungs]

This might be a divisive (if that's a word) question, but I gotta know. Do you hc that the Lost Boys, like David, Marko, Paul, and Dwanye actually like womyn? Like sure they flirt with their meals to get them to let their guard down, but like outside of that.

I'm just think about how buckwild everyone went over Michael, and like their interactions with Star was more or less her being brushed off and treated like an accessory at best or a nuisance at worse. It's so stupid omfg but I feel like bad for wanting to sexualize them because of it? If that makes sense? Anyways I just wanted to see another dead head's musings over these cruelly gorgeous vampire. Like I guess this is an ask over how probably you'd see them as wanting to at the very least smash and dash, or even like fall in love with a womyn? Sorry for the word vomit and please don't answer if any of these questions squik u out!

This is actually a very nuanced and interesting set of questions! I have many opinions, as usual. Let's get into it shall we???

Lost Boys Opinions/Hot Takes

Lost Boys: Attraction to Women

Okay, to blanket-statement start off, yes. I personally believe that all the boys are, on some level, attracted to women, because honestly I have yet to encounter a vampire in any media that didn't have bisexual energy.

But I think it really varies for each of them. Like, David? Almost completely uninterested in women. Like a men-women 80-20 percentage. He prefers men. Marko would be on the other side of the spectrum: I'd put him at a men-women 30-70 percent. Kind of a sex gremblin. Paul's smack in the middle at 50-50. Dwayne is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and who knows what goes on in that gorgeous head.

They're just not very... romantic creatures. Romance is probably the furthest thing from their minds actually. I imagine the Lost Boys live in their own little reality, disconnected from the world and from humanity, and that reality is all about eating and drinking and fucking and fighting. No slowing down, no nights off. No time.

ESPECIALLY for falling in love.

The Boys & Star:

I absolutely think the way they treat Star/how her character is handled is a direct result of the director's world lense. The dude was gay. Do I blame him for making none of the boys interested in her, because of that? Absolutely the fuck NOT. However, she was completely sidelined and essentially used as straight prop/beard and she deserved better.

I think if the movie was made in 2022, we would have seen a Hannibal/Will romantic dynamic with Michael and David, with Star and Laddie playing roles as story-movers only, no romance attached. Star and Michael may have even had a better platonic friendship, allied by the fact that they both wanted to be human.

She also low-key seemed miserable and didn't like any of the boys, either, and I think she'd come alive and have way more personality around fellow women.

David & Michael:

Again, unfortunately, 80s movie. This was a very gay-coded relationship. You can tell the directors/story writers wanted them to angry kiss.

But. BUT. I don't think Michael is David's first 'fascinating boy'. I think the boys collect things: trinkets and sexual endeavors and posters and stuff. David collects (or tries to collect) people, especially people he finds sexually attractive. But by nature of his vampirism (he's fucking insane and murderous) basically nobody survives his 'tests'.

If it wasn't for the Emerson heritage of vampire hunting, I think Michael would have died, a year or two would pass, and David would find another pretty, fascinating, young boy toy.

Are the Lost Boys Sexy???

BITCH YEAH THEY ARE!!!! They are beautiful beautiful twenty-somethings with glorious hair, skintight pants, and the ability to fly. That's hot!!!! Own it!!!! It's fine!!!!

My rule of thumb is, 'would a horny man feel bad about this'? No. So I'm not going to feel bad about it either. Women are allowed to find things sexy.

For your last bit of question, I think the boys bed all sorts of folks of all genders. It usually ends in murder, however, so. There's that. But Paul has totally been to a hippie orgy, and David has absolutely been to a gay leather club. I am so so so certain.

This is sad, but I think if any of the boys fell in actual love, it would be quickly taken away from them. Because the boys survive through being insanely codependent on one another, and them drifting away to 'love' someone might be seen as a threat to be eliminated.

Like if Paul suddenly got deeply infatuated with a beautiful woman and started sending her love letters, or going on walks with her at night, if David heard about it, within the month something terrible and accidental would befall her. Because to him, Paul is his. Part of his family. And David likes to collect.

#thanks for the ask!!! #the lost boys #the lost boys 1987 #david tlb #marko tlb #dwayne tlb #paul tlb #minors dont look #my writing

[theprophetsaid]

Top 5 cute Maycury headcanons, go!

Platonic or romantic? I'll be self-indulgent and do both.

Platonic:

Brian had his own special seat at the Garden Lodge dinner table in the late 80s because he was there so often. And Freddie would call it 'Maggie's Spot' 🥺

Brian has definitely told Freddie, "But I love your smile, Fred," at least once, and seeing Freddie hide it made his stomach hurt.

I can picture them having so much fun picking out their matching outfits for the Magic tour. I can also imagine Roger and John finding it a bit silly, but Freddie and Brian would insist on being color-coordinated.

Freddie was so relieved when Brian stopped straightening his hair, and Brian was lowkey devastated when Freddie cut his short. He loved the soft 70s look.

I can't help but feel like they had "instinctive" knowledge about each other that no one else was privy to. They were just so connected. They knew the depths of each other's heartbreak, and they knew little ways to make each other feel seen. Brian knew Freddie in a way that others didn't, and vice versa.

Romantic:

Brian buys flowers for Freddie every week. Freddie is a more spontaneous gift buyer. Sometimes, he'll show up with five different trinkets at once because he just can't help himself.

In the modern day, they'd be the celeb couple that people watch and go, "God, them? How does that work?" But they'd turn into a mysterious, private it-couple.

They'd have a cozy vacation home in Southern Europe or Japan where they can be for several weeks at a time just to get out of the limelight and focus on their relationship. Most of the time would be spent in bed, but they do manage to write some sappy love songs.

They rescue an abandoned kitten, and it instantly is like a baby to them. They're worried sick, staying up all night.

Cuddling is a must and a near-constant for them. They even cuddle when they're mad at each other sometimes. It keeps them both calm.

send me asks if you're bored

#answered //

[bethrnoora]

Hello hopper/enzo and/or el/max for the ship ask thing 👀

hello hello these are so good and honestly not ones I have thought super hard about before so thank you!!

Hopper/Enzo:

Whether I ship it or not: I can absolutely get down with it

Why I ship it or not: I do really enjoy their rapport in s4 and a lot of their interactions later in the season had me like men! kiss each other!

My opinion on their canon potential (chemistry, canon interactions, etc): on account of Enzo being married and us really not knowing anything about his family idk it's a little messy to navigate in canon BUT like I mentioned I really think they had some solid chemistry and in my head could see sort of an unresolved/unspoken attraction that just leads to them being like I Will Never Forget You My Brother In Arms. you know, 80s action hero shit since s3 was so intent on just making Hop a weirdly played-straight action protag sorry I'll stop being salty about season 3 now. that being said I really want Enzo to survive s4, I think that Hopper should have another living friend, and even tho the Russia plotline is one of the weaker points of the season for me I think their gradual allies-of-convenience to genuine budding friendship is a highlight and a really really good dynamic in general that I love to see

My opinion on fanon interpretations/fandom around it (Favorite widespread hcs, pet-peeves, etc): I've never really engaged with it in a significant way so I can't really say tbh

El/Max

Whether I ship it or not: I'd say so, I think a lot of the dynamics presented between the younger squad are charming, some platonically and some romantic and some both. in this case I can see them as both!

Why I ship it or not: kind of a twofold thing, I like it as kind of a subversion of the weird way they made El like...immediately jealous of Max when she saw her in s2 and also because them hanging out in s3 was genuinely so fun and cute and I am glad that the writers didn't have them just being catty to one another once they actually got around to having them interact.

My opinion on their canon potential (chemistry, canon interactions, etc): I LOVED them having fun together in s3 and I think overall they have a lot they could bond over even just as friends so I wish we saw more of that before El had to leave!! it makes me wonder about like, what if El and Max also stayed in touch when El left and had the chance to talk about things that touched their lives that maybe they didn't feel comfortable sharing with the rest of the group (like El getting bullied and Max being deeply conflicted about Billy's death). alas.

My opinion on fanon interpretations/fandom around it (Favorite widespread hcs, pet-peeves, etc): I guess I haven't really seen much of them online either/sought out content for them so I'm not really sure haha. I guess I do like that people gravitated towards it early on as a bit of a "fuck you" to that weird animosity they gave El towards Max in season 2 because like I said! that was so dumb and weird! outside of other people's interpretations, I have been rotating the headcanon of transmasc Max and trans girl El in my brain lately. not really doing anything with it just. Thinking

#ask #jennaflare #this was very fun thank you!!! #stranger things #sorry i keep headcanoning sadie sink's characters as nonbinary/transmasc #i just see a redhead weird little girl and go 'is anyone gonna project onto them?' w/o waiting for an answer. as a former redhead weird girl

[dreaminpeaches]

Humble Pie Concept: Hereau Timeline

Okay so its 4am when I came up with this concept it was too hot for me to sleep so forgive me, if it's sound too weird.

Okay, so what if Beau never met Beau (walk with me to this pier before you throw me off), but instead Beau met Hera...

Hera is character from my other blog , but she exists in Humble Pie, as a famous all star athlete. She's not only know for being a talented athlete but also a beautiful athlete as well. Beau knows of Hera and is a semi fan of hers, her poster was one of the only ones he didn't take down when he was redoing his room. Anyways, Hera is also known be to a very cool and spicy athlete often called the Mona Lisa of sports because she never smiles in pictures and she has a very cool girl, competitive and cocky persona in public. But in actuality, Hera is a nervous wreck whose real dream is to break from her cool girl persona and become a cutesy idol girl.

Where as Bonnie and Beau are interesting as couple for how different they are, Hera and Beau are interesting for how similar they are, both trying to break from personas, that they made for themselves out of protect and want to be a more honest verison of themselves, and I could see them help each other through it.

Beau and Hera's relationship is more mellow than Beau's and Bonnie's chaotic relationship, like for example, Bonnie won't really have the patience to go fishing with Beau--like just watching him fish, but Hera wouldn't be really mind it, she would actually find it really calming, and would enjoy watching Beau along with playing with the cats near by.

Beau is less snarky with Hera and more gentle because Hera can be really hard on herself when she makes the slightest mistakes, and tends to fall into stress loops.

While in Beau and Bonnie's relationship, Bonnie is the one usually to make Beau laugh and cheer him up, in Hera and Beau's relationship, Beau is the one to make Hera laugh and is more goofy with her. Mostly because Hera doesn't rub it in like Bonnie does, like when Beau acts goofy around Beau too much for too long , Bonnie is basically like "You like Krabby Patties don't you, Squidward?" If you know what mean, but Hera is more is more like "Thanks, I need that" and doesn't mention again in mocking or teasing way.

Beau and Hera also have a few more things in common, they both like sports (duh) and they both grew up with fathers who weren't the best dads outside of sports. Hera's father wasn't nearly as physically abusive as Beau's dad, he was more neglectful and ignored Hera anytime she wasn't talking about or practicing some type of sport, Hera's dad secretly wanted a son and kind of was depressed when he found out Hera was a girl, and ever since she could walk he always pushed her to more masculine interest than feminine, he would completely ignore her if she wanted to show her dad and new song and dance she made up in her favorite Ariel dress but she would have his undivided attention if she finally prefected her volleyball serve. Bonnie never knew her father because everytime she would ask her mom what he was like she would say "He was a useless p@#$ who couldn't handle my energy, so I got rid of him", Bonnie's mom would as end the conversation there never really elaborating any further.

How Beau and Hera meet is basically the same how Bonnie and Beau met, but with Hera the meeting has a more 90/80s sitcom feel like "All Star Athlete, Hera Grace? What are you doing here?" But less sitcom y because Hera as a nervous breakdown at the same time her car broke down. So, not only is Beau trying to help fix her car, but is also trying to comfort Hera, while at the same time trying figure out what is All Star Athlete, Hera Grace doing in his small town driving a beat up car.

At first, Hera tells Beau that's she just in town for vacation...

Beau: "So, out of all the places you could go as All Star Athlete, Hera Grace, you chose a small southern town?"

Hera: "I guess I just like the humble aesthetic... heh heh.."

Beau:" Okay.."

Beau (internally): Grandma was right, famous people are weird..

Beau and Hera continue to meet to work on Hera's car, and people don't recognize Hera because (a. Small town folk wouldn't really believe some one THAT famous would just plop into town (b. Using superman logic, Hera wears sunglasses so nobody can recognize her. So yes, Beau and Hera are sunglasses stunting couple 😎😎

Anyways, Beau and Hera start spending more time together and get closer, there is that scene where Hera walks in on Beau playing and being goofy with his siblings, but since Hera isnt as teasing as Bonnie, Beau doesn't feel as embarrassed about it.

There is a moment where Beau walks in on Hera doing a Disney number in one of her cute idol dress, she has another breakdown when she realizes Beau is watching, Beau comforts her again, and that's when Hera reveals that she actually made a deal with her father that if she can at least start her idol career in a year, then she could quit her athlete career and become an idol full time. The reason why she came to Beau's town because all the big city entertainment and music companies literally shut the door in Hera's face, Hera suspect that her dad was behind it and was purposely making harder for her since he wasn't going to help out at all with her idol career, which is why he gave her the best up car, there's a small but ambitious entertainment company in Beau's town looking to start an idol group and since it's not connected to a big company Hera felt like she actually had a chance. Hera begs Beau to keep this a secret and she isn't ready to go public with it.

Hera: "Please, keep this a secret, if-if anyone finds out, I'll--ill--"

Beau: "Hey! hey! It's okay, I know what it's like to keep a secret, but at least yours is actually really cute.."

Hera:" (Blush) heh...heh.. thank you, that really means alot to me, Beau"

While Bonnie's hyperfixation is mascots, Hera are idols, idol culture, Idol anime shows/games, and Disney. She often info dumps about Idol stuff while helping Beau work on the car.

Hera: "Oh! Oh, there's this another idol group I like called Arashi, they're were the first idol group I ever seen, and they have this one song that oozes sparkle energy, and they're still really cute and fun despite being kind of old for idols, and --oh, I'm sorry, rambling again.."

Beau: "No, no, it's fine, you smile for real when you talk about that stuff, I like it.."

Hera: "(blushes) UMMMM!..okay, so where was I-- oh, yeah.."

For money, Hera works at a cat cafe, she was gonna work at the same maid cafe Bonnie did but Hera was still shy about preforming in front others on the spot like that, so she picked the cat cafe that was two stores down, she also coaches softball at the local rec center.

Hera is no where near as flirtatious as Bonnie, since Hera spent most of her life practicing sports, and trying to literally win her dad's affection, she didn't really think about boys in a romantic sense, although she is comfortable around guys platonically, Beau was the first guy to treat Hera like a normal girl, not one of the guys or a sports goddess, just a normal girl, Hera is used to being call Beautiful or Sexy, but when Beau calls her Cute, she considers that flirting.

Since Hera is so used to holding masculine energy and qualities and being praised and recognized for it, it's nice to allow herself to be more feminine and being recognized and complimented for it.

While Beau is more sparing but loving with his kisses with Bonnie . With, Hera he uses his kisses to comfort her and/or to stop her from falling into stress/aniexty loop, usually holding her or hugging her or at least holding her hand and say "It's Okay", "I'm here", "Don't worry about it"

Okay, that's about all I have to say for this timeline/AU, I still love both Beaunnie and Hereau equally, I like Beaunnie for it's chaotic energy, I like Hereau for it's neutral good energy, I like both Bonnie and Hera, we can stan multiple queens in this household thank you very much...

#immersive daydreaming #paraportal #paracosm #paracosm: Hereau! Humble Pie #para ship: hereau #i actually like how chill and comforting this dynamic is #hera had some gender dysphoria at times in her life #this post was brought to by 4am brain #im not getting sleep tonight rip that REM #what dynamic are these two i still haven't figured it out

[orange-waterfalls]

What Did You Do?

Platonic Wilford Warfstache x gender neutral!reader

@insertadumbnamehere ty for the request!

A/N: ok, so, this one takes place before, during, and almost immediately after WKM. I figured that "The Warfstache Affair" would take place pretty soon after it, so yeah. Wilford is referred to as William and The Colonel. You two are besties. Rated... T for cursing. Uh,,, I finished this during study hall instead of studying so... Appreciate my work. Inform me on any mistakes please.

Asks and submissions are open!

Word Count: 2.2k

--

You sat in the living room of your house, waiting for your friend to show up. William had a knack for being late to everything, you knew this and have accepted it by now. You were browsing through movies, wondering what you guys should watch. Nothing about Safari's or about a war. You might trigger something. He'd been through too much.

You heard your door unlock and creak open. You'd given him a key at this point in your friendship. You looked up at the Colonel and smiled. He wasn't looking at you.

"Hey, Will," you greeted. He nodded to you, a small smile on his face. It seemed forced.

"Evening," he responded. You tilted your head slightly.

"I uh… was looking for a movie. Anything in mind?"

"No… not particularly…"

"Ok. Well I found some feel-good movies, or we have some horror if you'd--"

"I got a letter," he interrupted. You raised an eyebrow at him. He cleared his throat. "It's… it's from Mark…" you scrambled to your feet, walking over to him. He was holding a letter with "William J. Barnum" written on it. You knew about his… falling out with the actor. It was pretty bad, from what you heard. Over a girl as well. You thought that to be a bit immature, but you didn't need to tell him that.

"What does it say?" You asked.

"I don't know. I haven't looked yet."

"Why not?"

"I wanted to wait until I was over here," you squinted at him in confusion. "In case… I read something I don't like…"

"Well… open it!" You urged. He tore the top open and took out a piece of paper. He read it to himself. You didn't need him to read it out loud to you, as you looked over his boulder to read.

"I've… been invited to Markiplier Manor for… a party…" he explained. You stepped away from his shoulder and stood in front of him.

"Well?" You asked.

"Well what?"

"Are you going?"

"No! Why would I?" He asked. You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Because… he's your friend--"

"Was my friend, Y/N. Was my friend…" he spoke quietly. You rolled your eyes.

"Ah, yes. It must've slipped my mind that you two behaved like 3rd graders…"

"Hey!"

"... And haven't talked to each other in years because of a girl." The Colonel stepped towards you.

"Celine is not just a girl…" he said in a warning tone.

"Yes, yes, I know. She's a woman. And you don't talk to your best friend because of her!"

"He's not my best friend, you are!" Your face heats up a bit. "And anyways, I didn't stop talking to him because of that, I stopped talking to him because he was a selfish prick!"

"And you didn't even try to talk it out? That seems a bit immature, Will…"

"Oh, please. Like you're mature…" you frowned at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You aren't exactly the most fair person yourself."

"Oh, really?" You raised your voice. "Care to elaborate, William?"

"Why, yes," he growled. "You're needy, you're selfish, you complain so much when you don't get everything you want--"

"What are you talking about?"

"Sometimes I don't want to hang out with you, Y/N!" He yelled. "Sometimes I just want to hang out in my own home by myself, but you just want me to hang out with you at every chance you get. And I do not want that!"

"Why not?!" You yelled, your voice cracking. You didn't have many friends, William was one of the few you had. Of course you wanted to hang out with him. You didn't have to be doing anything just… being near each other was fine for you. You could admit, you were a bit clingy.

"Sometimes you remind me of him," he sighed. You didn't think it was a compliment.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked. At this point, William had already lost his temper, and was now just spitting whatever popped into his mind.

"It means the only difference between you and him is that he has enough money to pay people to stick around! All your friends just feel sorry for you!" He snapped and realized his mistake all too late. You stared at him with a hurt look, feeling the tears glazing your eyes. You had trusted him with one of your insecurities. You had let him in. And now he was using that against you.

"Y/N…" you spun away from him. "Y/N I didn't mean…" he reached out to touch your shoulder, but you jerked away. He pulled back. You were letting the tears spill and quietly crying. Soft enough that he could tell you were trying to hide it, but loud enough that he heard you anyways. He put his arm back at his side.

"I'd like you to leave," you said, your voice wavering. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Y/N-"

"Leave, Will!" You demanded. He sighed.

"I'll… go to the party… we'll talk later, okay?" He said. You didn't respond. He sighed and left your house, leaving you to cry on your own.

--

It had been about a week since you'd seen or heard from the Colonel, and you were ready to talk. You thought he was just giving you space since he knew how upset you were. You texted him, "hi, Will. I wanted to apologize and say that I'm ready to talk whenever you are." And left it at that. You didn't think much about the fact that he didn't respond, until the next day.

Two policemen had shown up at your door.

"Can I help you?" You asked, slightly nervous.

"Do you know a William J. Barnum?" They asked. Your heart stopped.

"Um… yes…"

"We'd like to ask you a couple questions about him." You opened the door for them to come inside. You invited them to sit down on your couch, and made some coffee since it was early.

"So…" you began, nervously. "What's up with Will?"

"He went missing," The cop on the left said.

"Oh…"

"After he presumably killed 5 people." You froze. William? Kill people? No… no, he couldn't… he wouldn't…

"Excuse me?" The cop on the right called your attention. You snapped up to him.

"Huh?"

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"Oh… um… a couple days ago… he told me he was going to Markiplier Manor for a party… we had a fight… I haven't heard from him since then…"

"I'm sorry." The left cop apologized. You nodded at him. "Do you have any idea of where he could be?"

"Uh… no. No, I don't think so…"

"Do you have any idea of what could've cause him to do this?"

"Well… he has some anger issues… and, uh, he doesn't really like Mark… they had a… falling out a while ago… over a girl…"

"A girl?"

"Yes. Celine…"

"Celine? Sister of the mayor Celine?"

"Yes?"

"She's one of the people who've gone missing since the party. Along with Mayor Damien, and a District Attorney." You widened your eyes.

"W-What about the other two?"

"Hm?"

"You said he presumably killed five people? What about the other two?"

"Oh, uh… Mark's Butler told us that Markiplier was dead, but his body had gone missing. And uh, we found the body of a detective in the Manor. He was shot in the chest with a 357 Magnum." You frown. "Any recollection of that?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah… he takes his Magnum everywhere…"

"Mm…"

"But… I never thought he'd…" you felt the tears burning your eyes as they threatened to fall. The left cop sets a gentle hand on your arm.

"I'm sorry about this. I know it's hard, especially if we don't even know for sure. But we need you to work with us," he consoled. They also you a couple more questions before standing up to leave.

"Here's the police station's number. Call if you get anything from him, okay?" The right cop said. You nodded, wipond your eyes with the back of your hand. They thanked you for the coffee and left. You sat on your couch, sighing. William…

"Damnit, William, what'd you get yourself into?" You mumbled and got out your phone.

--

William sat in the empty room, music playing on a boombox in the corner. He was thinking, and the beats of 80s songs were apparently helping with that.

Why were the police after him? He didn't do anything. He didn't kill anybody. He knew he didn't. I mean… the District Attorney was living proof of that. Abe was… fine. Right? Of course he was… if they were alive, why wouldn't he be? He started to laugh a bit. This was so… ridiculous! It was mad! He loved it!

There may have been something wrong with his head. Watching the person you killed come back after seven hours can do that to a person…

But he wasn't crazy. He wasn't. He knew that for a fact.

bzzt

He turned his head to the phone he sat on the boombox and raised his eyebrows.

bzzt

"Now, who could that be?" He said to no one in particular. He leaped to his feet and waltzed over.

bzzt

He looked at the phone, checking to see who it was. The contact name was "N/N". You had changed it to your nickname a while ago, saying that if he had a nickname, you should have one too. He smiled widely as he saw it.

bzzt

He picked up the phone.

"N/N! Hello, how are you? It's been a while, huh?" He said, his voice all over the place.

"William, what did you do?" You asked bluntly.

"Well, I missed you too…"

"William. What did you do?"

"Not much. I had some cake the other day and-"

"William..." You growled. He furrowed his eyebrows, wondering what you were so upset about. Then, he laughed.

"Ah, so the police got to you. I didn't do anything." He claimed.

"Don't lie to me, Will," you warned.

"I'm not! I would never!"

"Then why do the police think you killed five people?!"

"Five people? No!" He paused. "...maybe two or three…"

"What?"

"It's fine, they came back! Well… one of them did…"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He grunted in frustration.

"I shot them in the chest. I sat right there next to the body for several hours. Then they just got back up. Right there in front of me."

"... okay… William-"

"I was thinking of changing my name, actually! What do you think about "Wilford Warfstache"?"

"I think we shouldn't talk for a while." You said quickly. William's smile dropped and he froze.

"What?" He asked softly.

"I think, until things calm down, you should lay low for a while and… we shouldn't talk."

"But… but I like talking-"

"I know, Will. I like talking to you too. But this is serious. You're in trouble for some really bad things. You should try not to make it worse, okay? Keep quiet and don't cause trouble." You commanded. "It'll be safer for the both of us if we don't stay in contact. You know my address, you have a key, I don't plan on moving anytime soon. If you really need to come here you can."

"Y/N…"

"I'm gonna miss you, Will." Your voice cracked as you spoke. William felt tears pricking at his own eyes.

"I'll… miss you too…"

"Goodbye…"

"Wait!"

"What?"

"I'm sorry… about before…"

"I know… I am too…"

"... I love you…" you chuckled from the other end of the line.

"I… love you too…" Then you hung up. William stood there for a moment, not sure what to do. You were his best friend. What was he supposed to do now? Who was he supposed to have a movie night with? Who was he supposed to talk to?

He looked over to his previous spot on the floor, where he's left his gun. What was one way he could let you know he was doing good without contacting you?

He smiled and started giggling.

"Time to cause some chaos!"

--

It had been three weeks since your call with William. The police contacted you occasionally, asking if you heard anything. You always said no. You knew William, and he wouldn't do anything like that on purpose. So, you didn't tell the police anything.

You worried about William. He didn't seem like himself on the call. He seemed… loose. More… careless. That was worrying.

You sighed as you opened your front door, having just bought groceries. You sat the bags in your kitchen and turned on the TV to have some background noise as you cooked. You flipped through the channels until something on the news caught your eye. You went back to it

"--a gruesome series of murders committed by a man who calls himself "Wilford Warfstache". The police think this man may be the fugitive William J. Barnum, who is allegedly killed the actor Mark Fischbach, the mayor of the town, the mayor's sister, a detective on the case, and a district attorney." the newswoman explained. You gaped at the TV. "He is responsible for killing a woman, her husband, their neighbor, their dog, and possibly, their baby. If you see this man, call the number on screen right away." They showed a picture of William with his mustache dyed pink. You buried your face in your hands and swore.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me…"

#wkm wilford #markiplier wilford #wilford warfstache #wilfordmotherlovingwarfstache #william j barnum #wkm the colonel #the colonel #wilford warfstache x reader #wilford warfstache x male!reader #wilford warfstache x female!reader #wilford warfstache x gender neutral!reader #wkm x reader #x reader fanfiction #x male reader #x female reader #x gender neutral reader #wilford warfstache x you #wilford warfstache x y/n #x you #x y/n #x reader #markiplier egos x reader #markiplier egos #markiplier

[literally-sarcasm]

I dare you to answer all 170 questions

1: How tall or short do you wish you were: Like 5'4 or 5'5

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not): Probably cats

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style: Not overly

4: What was your favorite video game growing up: Probably Super Mario 64 or 

Mario Kart 64

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Watching YouTube, sleeping, drawing

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say: Don’t break this person’s trust

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here] It’s an opinion 

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic]: Somewhere between Melancholic and Phlegmatic

9: Are you ticklish: Kinda

10: Are you allergic to anything: Not that I know of

11: What’s your sexuality: panro/Demi 

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa: Cocoa all the way

13: Are you a cat or dog person: Cat person

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson: Merperson

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber: Not really

16: How tall are you: 5'2

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to: Not sure, nothing has really stuck with me yet

18: How much do you weigh: Around 150-155 lbs

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits: Yes

20: Do you like space or the ocean more: Do I have to choose?

21: Are you religious: No

22: Pet peeves: When people break my focus on something (i.e. Talking loudly when I’m focusing, etc.)

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]: Nocturnal 

24: Favorite constellation: Leo

25: Favorite star: I don’t know

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls: I don’t care too much for them

27: Any phobias or fears: Thunderstorms and there being nothing after death

28: Do you think global warming is real: Yes

29: Do you believe in reincarnation: Its a possibility that I can’t rule out

30: Favorite movie: Guardians of the Galaxy 

31: Do you get scared easily: depends on how you’re trying to scare me

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime: 12

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.]: I love your blog a lot

34: What is a color that calms you: Most of them are really calming but especially warm tones

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live: Italy, France, and England are just a few 

36: Where were you born: United States

37: What is your eye color: A mostly green hazel color

38: Introvert or extrovert: Introvert

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs: Somewhat

40: Hugs or kisses: Hugs

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now: I’m not sure

42: Who is someone you love deeply: My friends

43: Any piercings you want: Septum, eyebrow, possibly snakebites, more in my ears

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings: Yes

45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so: No and I don’t think I ever will

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Don’t really have one

47: What is a sound you really hate: Yelling

48: A sound you really love: Rain

49: Can you do a backflip: No

50: Can you do the splits: Not any more

51: Favorite actor and/or actress: Don’t have one really

52: Favorite movie: why is this on here twice

53: How are you feeling right now: I am in a mood ™

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now: Purple

55: When did you feel happiest: Uh, awhile ago

56: Something that calms you down: listening to music 

57: Have any mental disorders: Depression, anxiety 

58: What does your URL mean: It was for an OC of mine and I just kinda turned this into a personal blog

59: What three words describe you the most: Tired, quiet and angry

60: Do you believe in evolution: Yes

61: What makes you unfollow a blog: They start acting gross/ bigoted or I didn’t notice that they were that way before I followed them

62: What makes you follow a blog: They’re nice and post content that I like

63: Favorite kind of person: nice people

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats, fish

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @my-best-is-messy @savan27 @ubih (honestly I have so many that are my favorites and this is really difficult to pick 3)

66: Favorite emoticon: 🍩

67: Favorite meme: idk

68: What is your MBTI personality type: INTP-A/-T

69: What is your star sign: Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog: No, none of them can

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most: A graphic t and jeans/ shorts

72: Post a selfie or two: Not right now

73: Do you have platform shoes: No

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself: I broke my toe by accidentally kicking a rock really hard

75: Can you do a front flip: No

76: Do you like birds: yeah

77: Do you like to swim: Very much so

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you: Swimming is

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Hateful people

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Dragons

81: Piercings you have: I have both ear lobes double pierced

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Reading

83: Favorite person to talk to: So many

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr: This is pretty cool

85: How many followers do you have: 23

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes: No

87: Do your socks always match: They almost never do

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely: Sometimes

89: What are your birthstones: Peridot, Sardonyx, and Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be: A cat

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be: Probably an orange rose

92: A store you hate: I dislike makeup stores but I don’t hate them

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day: Like half of one 

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds: Fly

95: Do you like to wear camo: No

96: Winter or summer: Summer

97: How long can you hold your breath for: At least 30 seconds

98: Least favorite person: Quite a few people (especially at my conservative school)

99: Someone you look up to: My section leader in band

100: A store you love: Hot topic

101: Favorite type of shoes: Flip flops or just no shoes

102: Where do you live: The Midwest 

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why: I am not

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem: Talc

105: Do you drink milk: I haven’t really recently but I do like milk

106: Do you like bugs: Yes so long as they don’t fly at my face or bite/ sting me

107: Do you like spiders: Yes so long as they aren’t on my bed 

108: Something you get paranoid about: People

109: Can you draw: I can, just not to well

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked: Got any boys you like?

111: A question you hate being asked: Do you have a boyfriend

112: Ever been bitten by a spider: I don’t think so

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach: Yes

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days: A mix of the two

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: No one

116: Favorite cloud type: The big fluffy ones

117: What color do you wish the sky was: Maybe a pastel Purple

118: Do you have freckles: Maybe? Idk

119: Favorite thing about a person: When they’re nice

120: Fruits or vegetables: Fruits

121: Something you want to do right now: sleep 

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier: I love them both equally 

123: Sweet or sour foods: Sweet

124: Bright or dim lights: Dim lights

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature: Not sure

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: The shit that some people post

127: Something you love about Tumblr: A lot of the people are super nice

128: What do you think about the least: Nothing

129: What would you want written on your tombstone: Fight me

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now: Lots of people 

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself: My hair

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures: No

133: Computer or TV: Computer

134: Do you like roller coasters: Yes

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness: I don’t get motion sickness and uh I’ve never been on a boat 

136: Are your ears lobed or attached: Attached

137: Do you believe in karma: Yes

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are: Idk. Maybe like a 4

139: What nicknames do you have/have had: I haven’t really had many

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends: No

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink: Yes

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others: I try to be a good influence to others

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help: idk

144: What makes you angry: Bigots

145: How many languages do you speak fluently: 1 but I’m learning French and Italian

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries: I don’t really have a preference 

147: Are you androgynous: Probably 

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color 

149: Favorite thing about your personality: ?

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. All my mutuals 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose: ?

152: Do you like BuzzFeed: I’m indifferent 

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] I didn't 

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons: Not really

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair: Depends on whose hair it is

156: What embarrasses you: Being called out for no particular reason by people

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: Talking in front of more than two people/ anyone I don’t know very well

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: I’m going to the park (I actually went to tp someone’s house)

159: How many people are you following: 726

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s):1,881

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s): I don’t know

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s): 2,749

163: Last time you cried and why: Today because my life is nuts

164: Do you have long or short hair: I would say it’s medium length

165: Longest your hair has ever been: About halfway down my back, maybe an inch or 2 longer

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon: I mostly dislike religion because so many people use it to excuse being bigoted and to try and disprove science/ say that x thing that is backed up by facts isn’t actually real

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created: I’m curious about it but I don’t think I really care too much

168: Do you like to wear makeup: I like the idea of wearing it but I hate trying to do it

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds: No

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully: Yes

(sorry this took like 30 years to answer)