you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.
you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.
he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.
a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.
he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.
you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.
people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.
wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.
also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.
he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."
you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.
"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."
he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.
you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.
is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?
"Grind the rails, find clues, collect emeralds, and solve the case in this action packed game where nothing is faster than justice!"
I had SOOOO much fun making this mash-up. I spent a lot of time learning to replicate the Sonic Adventure 2 art style, and deciding which Ace Attorney character best matched which Sonic character.
I love making art, but I rarely do fanart. Whn I do, I always want it to be something that people can have a good chuckle at. I hope this brightens your day.
If you'd like to support me, I have large and small prints of this, as well as the emblem as a sticker! SHOP HERE!
Tell me what you imagine a game like this would be like. I'll share some additional funnies I made for this later.
happy birthday to you, simscord! on this day in 2022, @skittlesplays created the most iconic sims discord server ever. to celebrate the beginning of its 3rd year in this sinful world, have a very special gift i made for my fellow 'shrimpscordians': the shrimpsday cake! 🥳
this should go very well with my shrimpsmas collection! it is essentially @balkopat's white birthday cake recolored to look a bit more 'shrimpsy', and decorated using @surely-sims' inflatable wedding arch from their my wedding trauma collab with @ice-creamforbreakfast, plus dozens of lil shrimp toys from their 2023 advent calendar!
the cake is of course fully functional, has all states, and should be edible! it has 7873 polys and is recolorable, but for now only has the 1 swatch pictured; feel free to add your own.
here's to another year of wonderful memories and shrimpsy insanity, simscord! 🥂 blow out your candles, do the twirl, and age up!
DOWNLOAD: SFS | MF 🦐
credits go to @balkopat for the original white birthday cake, which i recolored, cloned, and edited from their 4t2 conversion; and to @surely-sims for the adorable wedding arch and shrimp toy meshes! also to @skittlesplays, who kinda commissioned this cake in the midst of spam-shrimp sanity. plus of course to my fellow shrimps for always cheering me on 🍤😍
proof that it works ^-^
if there are any issues that you find with this cake, please don't be afraid to let me know! happy simming, and when you download this, do keep in mind,
A mashup of EP12 Flight Jacket, converted 4t2 by @lucilla-sims and recoloured by @goatskickin, and Rope Jeans converted 4t2 by @memento-sims. Available for elders, adults, teens and children!
Categorized as Everyday + Outerwear
For Elder, Adult, Teen and Child Males!
All appropriate morphs included!
20 colours - 8 from Goat and 12 originals
Polycount: 6300
Files are compressorized
____________________________
You have two download options:
Repositoried: the elder, teen and child files are ‘linked’ to the adult files, which makes them a teeny tiny filesize for your downloads folder, but means the adult files are required for the colours to show up.
Standalone: they work as is in your downloads folder, but you miss out on the teeny tiny filesize.
His gloved hand formed a soothing cage around hers as he said it, ' You're of the Source. Unlike these half-men here, you only stand to gain. '
But if she agreed, what would she become?