For One More Hour or One More Day
Dukeceit Week Day 6: Horror/Comedy
Remus and Janus work in IT, and Remus never fails to make Janus' life a bit more exciting than it should be. Janus wouldn't have it any other way.
AO3 Link: [here]
Word Count: 1416
Warnings: swearing, typical Remus-levels of implied sexual content.
@dukeceitweek <3
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[06032021 Network Node Down- 172.12.203.1 - Dee Why ]
Janus stared at the next ticket in his queue. He didn't even have to look at which tech wrote it. He just knew. He picked up his phone and dialed.
“'Sup, DeeDee?"
"Because they use ancient technology and refuse to upgrade, that's why."
There was a beat of silence on the line. Janus didn't need to see him to know Remus was grinning like a maniac.
“Oh, JD, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about," Remus said finally. His voice was laced with barely-contained glee.
“Uh-huh, sure," Janus replied dryly. He watched on his screen as an incoming call diverted from his in-use line. "Do you want to clarify for me, in excruciating detail, what, exactly, it is that broke this time? After all, if it's something I can fix from here, it would save the company an awful lot of money. And you know how I love saving this company money."
“You don't feel like taking work calls either, huh?"
“Ree, I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about."
-
[06142021 CRITICAL | Device failed Availability and Latency checks - Dispatch Requested]
Janus sat in his truck for a few minutes, cross-checking the address across his e-mail, Slack, and the ticket itself. And yeah, they all matched. This wasn’t a repeat of that time Remus had changed the address on the ticket from 96th St. to 69th St. as a joke.
(Janus had almost gotten mugged. He was still a little salty about that one.)
But this time, all the addresses matched. The problem was, he was parked in front of a restaurant instead of the usual office building, and that just didn’t seem right. He opened up Slack on his phone.
Janus D’lyre: Are you sure the address is right?
Remus Rey: Yeah, it’s right.
Janus D’lyre: It’s a restaurant.
Remus Rey: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Janus D’lyre: Are you positive it’s right?
Remus Rey: I just write the tickets, Dee, I don’t do a background check. Just go in.
Janus sighed. He got out of his truck, hefted his tech bag over his shoulder, and went inside.
It was a nice restaurant. Very fancy, with a goddamn chandelier hanging over the front lobby. Field engineers weren’t required to dress in a suit and tie, but Janus did by habit- and he was glad he did, because he would feel like a horrible slob standing here in jeans and a polo.
“Can I help you?”
Janus looked over to the host, standing at the counter with a bright smile that only looked 52% faked.
“Yes,” Janus answered. “I’m here about the network issues?”
“Oh!” The host- his name tag read ‘Patton’- brightened up a bit. “Yeah! Remus is waiting for you, this way!”
“Remus is what?”
It was too late. Patton had already darted around the counter and off into the dining area. Janus sighed and, regretting every life choice leading up to this exact moment, followed.
Sure enough, Remus was waiting for him. Patton led him to a quieter area of the restaurant, where Remus was sitting at a table. Well, sitting was a generous way to phrase it, because in reality, he was tipped back on the rear two legs of the chair, combat boot-clad feet up on the table. He jumped up eagerly at the sight of Janus, and somehow managed not to fall backwards and crack his skull open.
“Hey! You made it! Thanks, Pat!”
“No problemo!” the host replied with a grin before heading back to the front counter. Janus briefly considered that he might be having a fever dream right now.
“Remus, what the fuck?”
“Told you it was the right address!”
Janus glared. “That is not what I’m ‘what the fuck’-ing you about.”
“I mean, I’d prefer me fucking you-”
“Remus.”
“Well, you work so hard, DeeDee,” Remus said calmly, as if he wasn’t standing in the middle of the fanciest restaurant on this side of town, dressed in his usual tank-top and leather vest combo and probably mashing dirt into the plush red carpet, and definitely doing something that should get him fired. “I thought you could take a break, and we could have a nice dinner.”
No, he wasn’t doing something that should get him fired. He was doing something that should get them both fired.
“You’re joking, right?”
“Kinda a lame joke.”
“Remus, you had me dispatched to a random address for a fake problem, to have dinner with you on company time?”
“‘Course not, who do you think I am?”
Janus did not dignify that with an answer. He turned to walk away.
“Jannie, wait!” Remus darted around the table to get in front of him. Janus stopped, and glared. “This is Roman’s restaurant! It’s not a random address, he’s an actual client.”
Janus’ glare lessened. Ok, sure, they did have some smaller commercial clients. And sure, Remus had mentioned his brother’s restaurant was using them as tech support now after a bad experience with a different company. But- “It’s still a fake problem, Remus.”
A shit-eating grin spread across Remus’ face. “Nah. I unplugged the router.”
Janus snorted in a totally dignified manner. “You didn’t.”
“I did.”
“...Well, I suppose… I’d better investigate the issue. Couldn’t be solved remotely, hardware problem and all.”
Remus held out a hand. Janus took it, and let Remus lead him back to the table.
“Great, cause I already ordered!”
-
[06192021 Switch is problematic. Unable to get into the switch || Serial No. 111-0203-2018]
Janus very calmly cleared the ticket, set his work phone to away, pulled out his personal phone, and sent Remus a text.
Jannie-D: I know you’re upset I didn’t let you fuck me last night. Get over it.
Remster: i will not
-
Virgil Caligo: yo are u and remus like good?
Janus D’lyre: We had a small argument last night. Why?
Virgil Caligo: [image attached]
Janus sighed. Virgil had sent him a screenshot of a ticket update Remus had just posted.
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘The device is not only unresponsive to simple ping requests, but is being kind of a jerk about it. 100% package loss, a tragedy. Device was confirmed to be connected to a working power source, but they all say that, so who can really be sure. Dispatch requested, please confirm maintenance window. Actually showing up would be great, too.’
Janus hastily typed a message to Virgil.
Janus D’lyre: Did you take that one?
Virgil Caligo: ya. logan didnt see dw
Janus D’lyre: Thanks. You can transfer it to me, I’ll take care of it.
Janus leaned back in his chair and rubbed his temples. What a comedy of errors this day had been. It was the last time he’d forget he and Remus had a date night planned, that’s for sure.
-
Remus sighed when a priority ticket popped up in his queue. He was having a grand time ignoring his other queues in favor of sculpting a rather elaborate dick out of the green Play-Doh he kept at his desk, but he really did not feel like getting bitched out by Logan for missing a priority ticket. Grumbling to himself, he stuffed the Play-Doh back into its tub and opened the ticket.
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘Likely a hardware bug. Possible remote fix with reset and reconfigure. Device information missing from online records. Please check file and update record.’
Fuck. Remus hated pulling files. What a pain. He trudged his way upstairs to the records room, which was always dark and depressing because nobody ever went there because who the fuck used physical paper in 2021?
But when he unlocked the door and pushed it open, the light was on. And every surface was covered in flowers.
“What the fuck?” Remus asked the flowers. They didn’t answer. But, at the small desk near the door, there was a stack of green boxes from his favorite bakery- and on top of that, he saw an envelope with his name on it. Eagerly, Remus tore open the envelope.
Inside, he found a single sheet of Janus’ fancy stationery paper, the kind with the little holographic snakes along the edge that he only ever used for special occasions. And on that paper, one single sentence, penned in Janus’ elegant, flourishy handwriting: Ok, you can fuck me tonight.
- - -
[06292021 Ticket #00679 Update.] ‘I take it back, the device is no longer being a jerk, and I love the device very much.’
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