#(very badly. i very badly need a job.)

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[oozeandgoo-art]

had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.

#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading #oc #im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people #im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though #besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol #sketch #god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking #colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING #and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement #it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it #put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead #ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it #the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does #rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you'' #however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here. #includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares #which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down #and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that... #(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL) #seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.

[archerofunspeakablelove]

Russian Roulette update: Yassen's conversation with John towards the end of Командир (The Commander) genuinely made me tear up a bit. Y'all if I hadn't started shipping them at the start of Eagle Strike the first time I saw them interact this scene would've 100% convinced me because the way Yassen was so hesitant about working for Scopia at the start and had considered his other options, but now that John is tutoring him he desperately wants to prove his loyalty and competency. In the jungle John tells him he could leave if he wanted to, Scorpia had taught him enough about disguise - all this he had considered before himself, yet when John brings it up Yassen immediately shoots it down, becomes agitated. Why? Because he feels like John is questioning his competency. Remember what he said? "I can do this." John wants Yassen to not have to walk down the same path that he did, but ironically he is the reason Yassen even cares so much about succeeding in Scorpia in the first place. His cover worked a bit too well and now Yassen has a very fixed idea of who John is, and he will do anything to prove himself to his version of John.

You get it, right? The way they want completely different things out for each other, completely incompatible things, because they do not understand each other. These types of dynamics really just eat me up from the inside

#chaotic ramblings #alex rider #russian roulette #yassen gregorovich #john rider #man they really need a ship name i need SOMETHING to tag these posts with #the fact that yassen's relationship with john is very much personal to him even though he would never admit it #and it just so happens that to him john is basically an embodiment of scorpia #and he wants to impress john so by proxy he decides the best way to do that is to prove himself to scorpia #do you get it. do you get the dynamic #the tension in that scene was phenomenal i felt like i was reading fanfiction #which i suppose means that every fic author in this fandom does a wonderful job of capturing their relationship #just. the way yassen is so on edge whenever john says something about how he could still leave if he wanted to. before it's too late #the way he is so confused as to why john would bring this up because it doesnt fit with the very fixed idea he has in his mind about #who john is. the way he says “i killed some of them” as if to say see? i am like you. i can be like you. please give me a chance #his admiration for and attachment to john is so incredibly unhealthy which is unsurprising given that he has not had a normal #relationship of any sort since he was 14 and everyone he knew died #he wants so badly to be who he thinks john wants him to be. and that means that he will never be who he wants to be or who john wants him t #be or who he thinks john wants him to be. he is pursuing something that just doesn't exist #god i am so normal about these two

[frostedpuffs]

mentioned it on the ppu update, but i recently made a really tough decision to take a pay cut to work one day less a week in favor of having time for myself and my hobbies again. i realized that working 5/6 days a week without consecutive days off (and even dealing with work issues/calls on my days off) has left me so exhausted, mentally and physically. i was without any time to write or draw, because on those rare real days off, i was doing all of my house chores and errands, and still didn't have any time to myself. needless to say i was exhausted and Sad 24/7.

SO!!! i will still be working the Hell Schedule for the next two weeks, but after that, hopefully things will start to be a little easier. maybe i will have more art to post for you all to see. maybe more frequent fic updates. or maybe i will just be able to breathe again!

i really do appreciate everyone that has followed me for my art/fics still sticking with me during this long funk of no art/no fic. i know the majority of you followed me for ml content, so i hope i can provide that again soon, because i have also dearly missed being able to create!!! I've missed it SO MUCH!!

#i dont talk a lot abt my personal issues here bc this is a Public Blog with a lot of people following it #so i dont like to blast personal stuff bc that's embarrassing to me #BUT HOLY FUCK DUDE I WAS SO DEPRESSED LIKE. DANGEROUSLY BADLY #but if i can just get through these next two weeks i think i will be okay :) #i will say this: no job and no amount of money is worth killing yourself for a place that would replace you the second you drop dead. #it will very much suck to not be making as much money #but it is what has to be done for me to be able to LIVE instead of just surviving #i am very lucky that i can make a decision like this. i recognize a lot of people cant. so i do feel privileged that i am able to do this. #but i need it to be done before i become so burned out i cant get out of bed #text post

[foxgloveinspace]

The humidity is low enough that I am. Very much so ok with the heat. (I mean… not really but also. Yes).

It shouldn’t be 80 in February, but also!!! I can enjoy the warmth without the awful humidity making me feel like crap!!

#very much so #need to go somewhere where there isn’t a crap ton of humidity. and nice weather. #I feel like Arizona and Colorado would be very good weather wise. but also the summer. #ugh. #I feel like I’m most tempted by Arizona though……. mostly just. I don’t want to live California but I do but it’s so expensive but it’s #probably exactly what I want. and it’s so….. ugh. #I wanna move sooooo badly. #how do you work on moving guys. I need a good paying job I have to quite daydreaming about being a best selling author and just….. actually #do something about my situation

[tabernacleheart]

When we are passed over for promotion or lose a job, when we become chronically ill, when we lose people we love, what then? We face the question, “If God was blessing me during the good times, is he punishing me now?” This is a hugely important question. If God is punishing us, we need to change our ways so he will stop. But if our difficulties are not a punishment from God, then changing our ways would be foolish. It might even oppose what God wants us to do!

The Bible reveals that sometimes our suffering is not a result of our sin. Consider the example of Job. He suffered greatly, losing his substantial wealth and his family. His friends urged him to admit that it was divine punishment because of his sin, but Job resisted, insisting that he had not deserved his sorrow. In the end, the Lord rebuked Job’s friends, revealing that they had not spoken rightly about God when they said God had been punishing Job. In fact, it was Satan who had caused Job’s suffering all along! [Nevertheless,] we are not told why God allows Satan to torture Job. One harrowing day, nearly everything Job treasures is stolen. The people he loves—including all his children—are murdered or killed in violent storms. But Job neither assumes God is punishing him nor becomes bitter over God’s treatment. Instead he worships God.

Because Job has experienced prosperity as a blessing from God, he is prepared to suffer adversity without jumping to conclusions. He recognizes the limits of his own understanding. He doesn’t know why God sometimes blesses us with prosperity and sometimes allows us to suffer adversity. He just knows that God is faithful. [When we, too,] know that sometimes [our] suffering is caused by forces [we] don’t now understand, [we can prayerfully ask God to] help [us patiently] suffer adversity without jumping to the conclusion that it is a punishment. Instead, [our trust in God's faithfulness] will lead [us] to worship and trust [Him] always.

Theology Of Work Project

#suffering #the book of job #this is very relevant to my life lately #i needed to hear this so badly tonight #god is faithful #for everything there is a reason #trust in God #radical surrender #theology of work project #punishment #faith #reflect on this

[cozylittleartblog]

I loaf your Deltarune art. It is very shape. Also, have you drawn pirate Rouxls?

thank you. i have drawn pirate rouxls exactly one time in ms paint for a meme, and i should change that but also that entire fight makes me laugh hysterically. like. sir. what. are you doing. what can i draw that hasn't already been drawn. but also it's so stupid i Need to draw Something eventually???

every time i'm reminded he is canonically considered An Attractive Hunk in-universe i have to pull up this relevant picture, which i have so lovingly titled...

#deltarune #rouxls kaard #ask #anonymous #anon #i had to post the screenshot of my files because if i put that image in here tumblr makes it like 700px tall #and i scribbled out the other images because its mostly fanart other people made and i have standards dammit #... but one of them is a cursed picture of papyrus and one of them is Thoust Knoweth I Hade To Do It To Theme #holds up that image. queen. girl. explain yourself. #every genuinely serious or sweet moment i try to write with him i have this picture in the back of my head #this clown has range #hes a 10 but he fought and lost to children while badly dressed as a pirate standing on a giant rubber duck #its good jevil isn't here or he'd kick his ass for stealing his job #toby really made the man of all time #the man ever #i didnt need to make this post and tags so long together but pirate rouxls is like #its so in character but its also such an anomaly in the very fabric of reality itself #what. what. what. what. what. what. What. what. what. what. w

[zevrans]

.

#job's been sucking life out life out of me and it's getting harder and harder to go there and do the amount #of work that you know you're getting very underpaid for but you have no choice at the moment too so. 🥴🥴🥴 #i hate this job at this point i can not imagine how people work their whole life on one job they hate they are so strong in every way #meanwhile my mental health is crumbling each shift i take haah 🙃 #it wasn't good to begin with but my anxiety now is just a whole new level #i NEED to record on my phone the moment i lock the entry doors at the end of my shift #and i try to memorize the sound of the key turning in the keyhole as if video record isn't enough #i feel like my ocd is resurfacing badly i thought i had it more or less under control before i took the job #how wrong i was 😭😭😭 #i just want to snuggle in bed and not leave the house for at least a week or two just to revitalize my social battery and will to #interact with people irl 🤡 #okay one good moment tho there was a girl so beautiful today 🥺 that i couldn't keep it to myself and said to her how beautiful she was 🙈 #and she said i was too 😭 i legit felt so shy to look at her that pretty she was and she had a cool neck tattoo 😳🥺 #moments like these help me get through the day 😭 #tbd

[li-esonthefloor]

suggestive comic (it's a shitpost) which does not need to be under cut probably but is for reasons

i will not be providing context at this time

#doodle #the very normal brotherly kresnik bros #i need a badly drawn comics tag #i have given myself a chuckle therefore my job is done #swooshes my cape and disappears into the night #am i mocking myself or the kresniks? the musical (the answer is Yes) #badly drawn comics tag #cw incest #tox2 tag

[upperranktwo]

I am not in a good mood at all rn. Got an email from my landlord saying I need to do more cleaning or else I'll get in trouble but I'm the only person in this hall that actually cleans anything which means someone is throwing me under the bus and claiming I do nothing and it's really pissing me off. I can't move until November but I also don't have a job so even when November comes around I won't be able to pay rent anywhere and I'm seriously on the verge of crying. I do not have the money to pay them to get someone else to clean since their standards are so high... I worked really hard so I could have somewhere to live and finally have an address of my own since I spent 3 years sleeping on the floor at my dad's and it's just unfair that things ever seem to work out for me :(

#my dads flat is very small he doesnt even have a bed he sleeps on the sofa #so it's not like he made me do it and he had a bed #he's not sleeping the best either #i just feel so :( #sky rambles #i want to live on my own so badly #but it's so expensive #this was the only option i had to have my own space #up until November last year I had never had my own bedroom #so having my own room was a big thing for me #i've been through so much in my life which I will not talk about on here #i just want something to go right for me in my life #i rlly thought i'd be able to find a job by now #but lmao :) #i'll never forgive my old place #firing me for being mentally ill #after I had people laughing at me and making me cry #because I like a fictional character #and having people make me do things i wasnt qualified for me and then shouting at me when I messed up #i'm so hopeless i need something good to happen for me or else i'll go insane

[secretcircuit]

lmao lrb there was a time last year where i was like "i'm doing SO okay right now despite not being okay! i will simply make a plan to take a road trip across the country" and then made a list of tasks to do (not related to the road trip) & rather than doing the tasks, got extremely drunk at like 12:30 in the afternoon and had one of the worst breakdowns ive ever had lol

#like it was on par with one i had in like 2015 when i realized i needed to quit my then-job lmfao #but shoutout to my friends for being very supportive and caring while i was Struggling badly #katertalks

[cold-neon-ocean]

short-ish vent/explanation as to why things have been so slow sobs

I don’t really feel the passage of time anymore but it’s crazy how much time I’ve lost just since February to just one after another dealing with the house pets. First our puppy’s neuter, then my sister bringing her cats into the house, her cats tearing things up and needing to be watched constantly (by me of course bc I’m the only one here), her cats then giving everyone ringworm which was a nearly 2 month ordeal that we’re still recovering from physically and financially, and now both puppies (one has seemed to recover now) are having some sort of intestinal issue the vets don’t know the cause of, but I’m just cleaning bloody diarrhea (its not parvo, the vet tested) and doing laundry all day.

I never really got the chance to recover from the introduction of the puppies back in September last year. I feel like my life has been overtaken by all these animals completely against my will and out of my control. Mom is just hemorrhaging money from all these obligations and vet bills she never planned/asked for, and I’m trying to help (despite none of these pets being mine) while also barely having the time to work that I used to. I used to be able to sit at my desk nearly all day without being interrupted but now dealing with all these animals by the time I get to sit at my desk I’m exhausted and it’s like 7pm but I gotta get up at 6am to give out medications and make breakfast for 5 pets.

Its starting to calm down but I’m just really upset over how all this affected my ability to work since these extended wait times reflects on my business very poorly and it’s just been killing me because this is not how I normally conduct things but I just had the rug completely snatched from under me and haven’t really been able to get back up. 

I also want to make clear that none of these animals are mine, nor did I have anything to do with the decision making to get them. I was told by my fam that it was expressly kept secret from me- literally until the animals came through the front door, because they knew I’d be upset because I’d have to watch them since I’m the only one home. The only pet that belongs to me is my leopard gecko who is a perfect angel boy who I’ve had not one issue with since getting him (he just turned 2 last month). 

Things are (hopefully) starting to stabilize, I’m praying that we can have just a little time without an animal having some sort of health crisis. I’m really sorry this has been such a long running thing, I never could have anticipated for any of it. I’m so grateful for the patience of my commissioners and am especially sorry to them, this isn’t normally how my business handles and I’m really ashamed of it.

#Matsu Blogging #vent #[ i'm typing this at almost 1am cries sorry if it's a bit rambly #i've been very frustrated for a good while #and the most recent health crisis hasn't helped #I love the puppies don't get me wrong #I like one of the cats and tolerate the other #it's just literally been one thing after another in a nearly year long succession #once this queue is clear I'm gonna be pulling back on commissions if possible #at least until things start to stabilize #I've been job hunting for a while and a new prospect has come up #i hope it works out #i need the stable income so badly #i don't normally like venting like this but I've just been feeling so terrible #like I have no control in my life rn and it's affecting my business #idk if you read this far I really appreciate it lol #sorry this got so long #I feel like this has just become a stain on my career as an artist when I think about it #and I feel like I broke the trust of some clients who I valued a lot #it's just such a terrible feeling ]

[manwithoutaspleen]

more transition rambling

as upset as i sometimes get about not passing, i still love what transitioning is doing for/to my body so much. like i never get sick of seeing how hairy i’m getting, i’m impatient for more facial hair and so excited to have stubble and one side burn (and i would love for both side burns to come in.) my chest hair has started coming in the past few weeks and THATS been a thrill.

every time i hear myself singing and actually like how i sound? every time i laugh weird and sound like my brother, who i love so much? every time i see a friend for the first time in awhile

it’s just, life has been so hard for like, a year and a half now, and while i do think i’m finally on the upswing, there’s a lot of new trauma to deal with. but one thing i’ve learned from all this is how to take care of myself so, so well. i can love and care for myself now in ways i never imagined being possible. and having a body that actually brings me joy makes that so much easier.

and like, it’s especially resonant to have a body that actually brings JOY when i’ve had chronic pain since i was 12. when this all started because i got a new disability. my body can do less and hurts more and i still love it more. its harder to care for, but i’m trying harder.

transitioning has saved my life in SO many ways i could not be more grateful that i finally did it

#separate ramble for the tags: #i deactivated my twitter for a day and realized i could just. not bring it back #and so i didnt! and while i will pop in occasionally so i dont lose it permanently and to check in w people and there and such #it is kinda nice. its also very weird #i also deleted the tumblr app #so i cant just like share every random thought i have with the internet #and i WANT to so badly i am so used to it lmao #but i think practicing being more intentional about what i share online and like breaking that habit of tweeting everything is good for me #even if its not permanent #but hell it might be! #i havent done a great job on breaking the scrolling habit bc i still have instagram for my sibling gc lmao #but reels are. way less engaging than twitter so. #reflecting on it though has made me realize like my memory is so bad and one reason i tweet so much is literally as a Record #but its like alright well maybe a Journal would be Better #and accepting that its ok to forget random thoughts i do not need to preserve every little idea i have #reflecting on internet habits on the internet is very online i admit #but i dont mind being online im just trying to find a way to do so that doesnt break my brain so bad #which is why this is on my mind rn bc like i do genuinely enjoy doing a little blog every so often lmao #might branch out and start actually blogging/writing about my interests too

[stonerzelda]

ah fuq i did not factor in canadian prices for that. Special edition arzette collection uhm. So much for the idea of quitting my job soon to look for others again lol

#i shouldve known like when the price came up being. like way more affordable lol i was like um sick #but theb i saw the actual transaction number in my bank account and uhhhhhhh i mean itssss. not Devestating but. i would not have done it 🧍 #and yeah im basically getting really sick and tired of the bullshit of working at this place like i keep trying to just press on #cuz it was NOTTTTT EASY finding a job AT all not even a LITTLE bit for the LONGEST time #but its literally so fckin uncomfortable when your coworkers dont like you and your boss is a bit of a dick lol! #like i get in shit for Every Single Tiny Little thing i ever do wrong #and i still have an assload of other training to eventually learn but they 'dont trust me' to teach me yet #its just weird and im over it but at the same time i cant just quit cuz 'um i dont like it <3' #i need income very very very very very Badly. like VERY badly especially now #its just so fucking stupiddddd im tired of feeling like an idiot and like NOBODY wants me there man

[soldier-poet-king]

My anxiety has only gotten worse once I started wanting to live bc now that I actually CARE whether I live or die it's like. Well here's all the horrible terrible ways you might die on any ordinary day doing regular things and I'm going to become an AGORAPHOBE at this rate and I was ALREADY a car hater and now I can't help but think about dying horribly in a car crash every time I get behind the wheel and I feel so stupid and dumb bc this panic is NOT going to help me get my full license in our stupid graduated licensing program and my "middle level" license WILL expire in a year and a half with no chance of renewal and life is SO HARD and for WHAT I would kill a man to live in a European city with good public infrastructure and no need to drive and why do I have to be such a dumb baby idiot who can't do this thing that literally almost everyone can and even my stupid irresponsible dumb jock brother can do without any fear or struggle

#franposting #ughhhh #suicide mention #I GUESS???? #anyway. fuvk torontos highways ESPECIALLY #GOD LET ME MOVE AWAY FROM THIS EXPENSIVE SHITHOLE PLEASE #but alas. this is where the jobs be #this morning i almost called in sick bc i was lying in bed in paralyzing fear crying about driving to work #how can i practice highway driving if the infrastructure is GODAWFUL and its ALWAYS traffiky and no one in this GODDAM city OBEYS THE RULES #anyway i uh. want to live very badly #but now i am afraid of doing anything that is needed to exist as a person #so both practically and existentially i need to learn to live after spending so long waiting to die

[munchkinmarauder]

Is it just me or is the prevelance of shows (particularly American) that are based in a work place and shows work as the place you find a sense of belonging kind of sinsiter and basically work place propaganda? Everyone basically dedicates all their time to their jobs and treats their colleagues as family (with very little in terms of social circles outside that).

#Sitcoms #Workplace sitcoms #Working hard and long hours is presented as aspirational #Work is presented as fun #And that's not often the case in real life #For most a job is a job #There are so many stories of people being treated badly and exploited by work #Like I love the Office (U.S.) #Parks and rec and superstore as much as the next person and #But while they occasionally call out toxic work places they also very much glamorise dedicating yourself to your job #Again not wrong to decidcate yourself to your job bit it needs to #Be in moderation