#(i named him leo by the way. he's insanely jealous of the attention their 'parents' gave danny & lashes out. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

astrognossienne · 3 years

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tragic star: keith moon

“If you don't like it, you can fuck off!” - last words of Keith Moon

This one was a long time coming, but frankly, it took me a while to get interested enough in the subject to actually do this analysis, let alone finish it. At any rate, Keith Moon, like most of the drummers from the rock ‘n’ roll period that we still read about today, led a self-destructive lifestyle. A close friend of his once said the drummer was “like a train ride you couldn’t stop.” Not only was his drumming chaotic – so was his life. According to some, he was at his core a kind and generous soul, but to others, he was lost, lonely soul, and terribly immature throughout his adult life. Perhaps it was the sudden success, upon joining the rock band The Who, when he was only 18 (although plenty of others of the same era were as young, or younger, and survived just fine), but Keith was so eager to please and make everyone laugh that he eventually became the “Moon the Loon” character that he was portrayed as in the media. It got to the point where he wasn't sure who he really was. A true Leo, he made a circus out of everything and he wouldn't walk into any room and just listen. He was an attention seeker and he had to have it. He used amphetamines, tranquilizers, drank way too much alcohol, destroyed hotel rooms and friends’ homes, threw TVs into swimming pools, set fires, and the list goes on. He was ultimately unable to outrun or outlast his demons; whether it was the wife and child he drove away, the friend and chauffeur he accidentally killed in early 1970...whatever else haunted him, it ultimately caught up with him just as he was finally trying to improve his life. Friends were well-acquainted with the many sides to Moon’s strange personality; one minute he was insulting, exaggerating, joking – the next minute he’s a wide-eyed, innocent-looking drummer boy. The public Keith Moon was The Who’s manic drummer and hellraising, daredevil comedian; a man who only ever lived in the moment. However, the real Keith Moon was a son, a brother, a father and a deeply insecure man. A man of extremes, his was a complete shitshow of a life.

Keith Moon, according to astrotheme, was a Leo sun and Cancer moon (the moon is speculative). Moon was born to working class parents in Wembley, London, England. He was a hyperactive child by nature and a mediocre student at school. His art teacher said in a report: "Retarded artistically. Idiotic in other respects". His music teacher wrote that Moon "has great ability, but must guard against a tendency to show off." At the age of 12, he had joined the Sea Cadet Corp and was given his first musical instrument, the bugle. He left school by 15 and was in his first band, The Beachcombers. While performing with the Beachcombers, he used to attend concerts of a band called The Detours. At that time The Detours were planning to sign a deal with Fontana Records and for this deal, this band required a new drummer. The Detours changed their name to The Who in 1964. When Moon learned about the band’s need for a new drummer, he approached them for an audition. After the audition, he became their new drummer, and performed with The Who for the first time in 1962.

From the moment he joined, musically the band was complete, although adding his already volatile personality to those of the other three equally headstrong members meant that the early years of the Who's career were fraught with drama and violence, despite their almost immediate success. Much of the tension came from the fact that Keith readily joined in on popping pills with guitarist Pete Townshend and bassist John Entwistle, while lead singer Roger Daltrey (with whom Keith was never particularly close) didn't. After sacking Roger for two weeks in mid-1965, he was reinstated, band relations improved, and the Who continued to release a string of successful singles and albums before a downturn in their fortunes in 1968. However, the release of the album Tommy in 1969 turned them into international megastars overnight and from that moment until the day Keith died, they would remain one of the top rock bands in the world. Running concurrently with the Who's rise to stardom in the 1960s was Keith's relationship with his wife Kim. She first met Keith in 1965 when he was 19 and she 15, and while they fell in love rather quickly, he exhibited twin streaks of jealousy and insecurity and Moon was occasionally violent towards Kim. While his mental issues, which would now be readily (and correctly) diagnosed as a combination of ADHD and BPD, reared their ugly heads on innumerable occasions, Keith's true personality shone through enough that Kim stayed with him; she decided to marry him when she became pregnant within a year of dating, and they got married in 1966. Their daughter Amanda was born on 12 July. In those days, there was a belief that married rockstars with kids weren’t as appealing to their mostly female fans, and the marriage (and child) were kept secret from the press until May 1968. He loved his daughter, but his absences due to touring and fondness for practical jokes made their relationship uneasy when she was very young. "He had no idea how to be a father", Kim said. "He was too much of a child himself."

The chaotic sixties would not hold a candle to what the new decade had in store for him, however. Shortly after New Year’s in 1970, Moon accidentally killed his friend, driver and bodyguard, Neil Boland, outside the Red Lion pub in Hatfield, Hertfordshire. Pub patrons had begun to attack his Bentley; Moon, drunk, began driving to escape them. During the fracas, he hit Boland. After an investigation, the coroner ruled Boland's death an accident; Moon, having been charged with a number of offences, received an absolute discharge. Those close to Moon said that he was haunted by Boland's death for the rest of his life. Moon had nightmares about the incident and said he had no right to be alive. Also, compounding this tragedy, was the fragile state of Moon’s marriage. Even after marriage and his daughter being born, he was still jealous, self-centered, and abusive to his wife Kim, both verbally and physically. His mental state also deteriorated as his appetite for all manner of pills escalated and he exploded into a full-blown alcoholic. Even after separating for a year, Kim returned to him, hoping that he had finally changed, but the insane lifestyle Keith kept up at their house became too much. Kim and Amanda (nicknamed “Mandy”) finally left for good in 1973. Since his marriage was a central part of Keith's life, their divorce would come to affect him perhaps more than any other event in his adult life and it was a devastation Keith would never recover from. While most people would use an event like this as the impetus to clean up their act, Keith used it instead as an excuse to drive himself further into oblivion.

Moon's lifestyle began to undermine not only his health but his career. During the 1973 Quadrophenia tour, at the Who's debut US date, Moon ingested a mixture of tranquilizers and brandy. During the concert, Moon passed out on his drum kit during the song "Won't Get Fooled Again." The band stopped playing, and a group of roadies carried Moon offstage. After he was given a shower and an injection of cortisone, he was sent back onstage. Moon passed out again during "Magic Bus," and was again removed from the stage. The band continued without him for several songs before Pete Townshend asked, "Can anyone play the drums? – I mean somebody good?" A fan in the audience, who happened to be a drummer, came up and played the rest of the show. During the opening date of the band's March 1976 US tour at the Boston Garden, Moon passed out again over his drum kit after two numbers and the show was rescheduled. By the mid-1970s Keith was living in Los Angeles and getting up to even more insanity with John Lennon, Ringo Starr, Harry Nilsson, and other stars. Even a new love in his life, Swedish model Annette Walter-Lax, couldn't get him to slow down and take control. There were even stints in psychiatric wards after some mental breakdowns brought on by his despair at losing Kim and his daughter and his drinking. His alcohol and drug abuse was now not only affecting his health (he put on a significant amount of weight at this time due to infrequent gigging) but sadly, his drumming. In 1978 soon after he recorded Who Are You, his final album with The Who, depressed by the deterioration of his drumming and threats from the rest of the Who to clean up his act or else, that he finally decided to get some help. By the summer of 1978, he seemed to be trying to get his life in order, staying sober and solidifying his relationship with Annette. He was terrified to go into rehab or under psychiatric evaluation, however, and instead self-medicated with Heminevrin, a drug used for treating acute withdrawal from alcohol. However, he took too many on his final night and sadly died on September 7, 1978 at the age of 32.

Over forty years after his death, it's still difficult to think of Keith Moon as anything more than just a hard-drinking insane rock star who would smash his drum set on stage or destroy a hotel room. But regardless of the human being behind the drumkit, the legendary drummer should be remembered as the man who forever changed the sound of rock 'n' roll.

Next, I’ll go back to my beloved star analyses by covering a personal favourite of mine; a force of nature and an unsung pioneer of cinema whose death was ridiculously sensationalized and whose colourful life was almost as wild as Moon’s: Cancer Lupe Vélez

Stats

birthdate: August 23, 1946*

*note*: due to the absence of a birth time, this analysis will be even more speculative.

major planets:

Sun: Leo

Moon: Cancer

Rising: unknown

Mercury: Leo

Venus: Libra

Mars: Libra

Midheaven: unknown

Jupiter: Libra

Saturn: Leo

Uranus: Gemini

Neptune: Libra

Pluto: Leo

Overall personality snapshot: He may sometimes have wanted a safe, simple life where he felt emotionally contained and able to pursue his own creative interests. Then, however, the compulsion to strive for a more central, leading role reared its challenging head, and he knew he had it in him – so out into the spotlight he went. So immense was his creative energy as well as his warm feeling for others that he could become both the artistic home-maker and the home-loving artist/writer/entrepreneur. His personality was large and welcoming, colourful and theatrical because he had such an uncanny knack of dramatizing his vivid impressions and selling himself in the most genuine, heartfelt way. Both the paternal and the maternal urge was strong in him. He needed to use his will to project and establish your identity in the world, and to use his instincts to nurture and protect his emotional and material security. The Sun and the Moon are in their ‘home’ signs here, so that potentially he had the creative vision of Apollo and the lunar wisdom of Diana all rolled into one. This could make him pretty overpowering at times, and indeed he needed a partner and a family on whom he could lavish his emotions. His bearing was often aristocratic, sometimes haughty, oversensitive and self-absorbed, but he always seemed to have enough affection to go around so that no one felt left out. He also managed to remain approachable and compassionate because he was so aware of his own vulnerability and need to be loved. Thus he made a warm and understanding friend, and he enjoyed expressing his feelings with original flair and thoughtfulness.

He was protective, possessive and clannish, a stalwart member of his family, group and nation, and utterly devoted to his ideals. Deeply honourable and dependable, he brought an attitude of devotion and romantic style to all he did. He may have actually had a good head for business because he possessed an instinctive knowledge of security needs as well as a shrewd understanding of people, their desires, fears and foibles. His refined taste for comfort and beauty was part of the impetus for success – he knew his own mind and did not easily budge from his preferences and high standards. Aesthetic sensitivity was strong, and combined with his innate tenacity and quiet ambition means that he was quite successful in the arts. Even though he readily turned a bright face to the world, he did not always feel confident and strong. He had a lively sense of individuality, but his potency was sometimes too dependent on emotional familiarity, and the range of his self-expression too circumscribed within repetitive emotional patterns. Inwardly he shied away from encounters with the big, bad world, and early in life he may have needed to find ways of handling challenges that normally push the panic button. This wouldn’t have been hard for him because his creative drive was tremendous and his individuality needed recognition.

He was ambitious, sound at giving orders, carried responsibility well and was a good teacher, especially able to bring out the best in children. He believed in herself and generally knew the right thing to say at the right time, although he could show a stubborn and dogmatic side. He had a high opinion of his mental powers, and it was certainly true to say that he had plenty of mental energy. He was quite sociable and expected other people to behave well at all times. He was eager for close personal relationships, so he tended to have a wide circle of friends. Self-indulgence was a problem for him, as was laziness and conceit in relationships. He tended to be impatient with superficial details, preferring large-scale situations, and he disliked being tied down by obligations over which he had little control. Conservatism may have affected his creativity, artistic values and love affairs. This expressed itself as self-imposed restrictions or as selfishness. He often felt inadequate, which created an insidious form of oppression over all his forms of expression. He could also take herself so seriously, that people think that he was older than his years.

He was part of a generation that was strongly interested in humanitarian ideals, new avenues of communication and progress in mechanical skills. As a member of this generation, he was able to bring original ideas to both his career and spare-time interests. Crises in thought and ideology arose because he looked beyond tradition and old attitudes towards new original and inventive ways of looking at things. His active mind tended to need constant stimulation and his tastes could be quite fickle and difficult to satisfy. He belonged to a time of peace-loving idealism when the family unit and the way relationships were managed underwent great changes. He could be too idealistic and a little unrealistic when it came to matters of love, sex and romance. As a member of this generation, he tended to need to be motivated to make the most of his potential, because the line of least resistance appeared very attractive, especially when it involved pleasure-seeking. He embodied the Libra Neptune generation in the sense that he was a huge part of a time when beauty reappeared in fashion. He was part of a generation which was highlighted by the clash between authoritarianism and individualism. As a member of the Leo Plutonian generation, he wanted freedom in his relationships and demanded the loyalty of his friends as a right. As a member of this generation, he wanted power over his own life and was prepared to challenge established structures. He didn’t feel comfortable being dictated to, unless he in some way agreed to it beforehand. He was a part of excesses of the sixties. He was part of a generation that brought about a revolution in forms of entertainment, recreational activities and leisure time, as well as attitudes towards children.

Love/sex life: He was a lover so in love with the idea of love that nothing else matters. At times his whole-hearted idealism made him too optimistic and too easily deceived by people who promised to fulfill his ideals and then renege but, as delicate and unworldly as his romantic fantasy may seem, it was remarkably durable. Though he may have been misused and hurt, he never lost his faith in the power of true love. Issues of the flesh were always secondary to him and he was apt not to give them much thought. If such urges must be satisfied, then so be it. If sex proved useful in reaching other goals, that was fine too. As long as sex did not intrude on his ideal of perfect love such physical inconveniences hardly mattered. Unfortunately, most of the rest of the world did not agree with him on this point and, measured by their standards, his sexual behaviour may have seemed immoral or at least strangely naïve. He needed to learn to allow for such harsh realities even as he strove to create that grand idyll of perfect love.

minor asteroids and points:

North Node: Gemini

Lilith: Capricorn

Juno: Libra

Chiron: Libra

Vesta: Aries

Ceres: Aquarius

Pallas: Sagittarius

His North Node in Gemini dictated that he needed to prevent his idealism from influencing his thoughts to such a high degree. He needed to consciously develop a more clear-minded and analytical approach involving his thought processes. His Lilith in Capricorn dictated that he was dangerously attracted to women who had a scrappy plucky attitude hot-wired into their psyche. Against his better judgment, he liked to be around a woman who needed to be in control and to be mistress of her own destiny, because her life was in the control of not-so-well-meaning others as a child. Juno in Libra, he sought a mate who was harmonious, artistic, musical and intelligent. He liked beauty and balance at home. He believed in equal partnerships where all lived up to the letter of the law. Chiron in Libra, he often felt wounded in relationships and could wound others in retaliation. He may have felt he was constantly hurt or rejected in relationships. Through learning that he was whole on his own, he could have freed himself from this destructive pattern. He would have benefited from a partner that could have helped him heal in some way. Vesta in Aries, he was incline to initiate work for religious and humanitarian projects. Action came from a desire to improve every situation. There was a great deal of insecurity in self-evaluation. Ceres in Aquarius, at his best, he had tact and the ability to compromise, making him well liked by all. Pallas in Sagittarius, he had the ability to evaluate true personal worth enabling him to use his resources in the most advantageous ways. Other people may think he was lucky. Ideally speaking, he could have been generally positive instead of being wasteful, and he could have been confident and reliable. Nonetheless, he still used his ideas in a practical way, especially in his career.

elemental dominance:

air

fire

He was communicative, quick and mentally agile, and he liked to stir things up. He was likely a havoc-seeker on some level. He was oriented more toward thinking than feeling. He carried information and the seeds of ideas. Out of balance, he lived in his head and could be insensitive to the feelings of others. But at his best, he helped others form connections in all spheres of their daily lives. He was dynamic and passionate, with strong leadership ability. He generated enormous warmth and vibrancy. He was exciting to be around, because he was genuinely enthusiastic and usually friendly. However, he could either be harnessed into helpful energy or flame up and cause destruction. Confident and opinionated, he was fond of declarative statements such as “I will do this” or “It’s this way.” When out of control—usually because he was bored, or hadn’t been acknowledged—he was bossy, demanding, and even tyrannical. But at his best, his confidence and vision inspired others to conquer new territory in the world, in society, and in themselves.

modality dominance:

cardinal

He was happiest when he was doing anything new, and he loved to begin new ventures. He enjoyed the challenge of claiming territory. He tended to be an initiator—and a bit territorial as well. Also, he had a tendency to start more things than she could possibly finish.

planet dominants:

Moon

Sun

Venus

He was defined by his inner world; by his emotional reactions to situations, how emotions flowed through him, motivating and compelling him—or limiting him and holding him back. He held great capacity to become a part of the whole rather than attempting to master the parts. He wanted to become whatever it was that he sought. He had vitality and creativity, as well as a strong ego and was authoritarian and powerful. He likely had strong leadership qualities, he definitely knew who he was, and he had tremendous will. He met challenges and believed in expanding his life. He was romantic, attractive and valued beauty, had an artistic instinct, and was sociable. He had an easy ability to create close personal relationships, for better or worse, and to form business partnerships.

sign dominants:

Leo

Libra

Cancer

He loved being the center of attention and often surrounded himself with admirers. He had an innate dramatic sense, and life was definitely his stage. His flamboyance and personal magnetism extended to every facet of his life. He wanted to succeed and make an impact in every situation. At his best, he was optimistic, honorable, loyal, and ambitious. He loved beauty in all its guises—art, literature, classical music, opera, mathematics, and the human body. He usually was a team player who enjoyed debate but not argument. He was, at his best, an excellent strategist and a master at the power of suggestion. Even though he was likely a courteous, amiable person, he was definitely not a pushover. He tried to use diplomacy and intelligence to get what he wanted. At first meeting, he seemed enigmatic, elusive. He needed roots, a place or even a state of mind that he could call his own. He needed a safe harbor, a refuge in which to retreat for solitude. He was generally gentle and kind, unless he was hurt. Then he could become vindictive and sharp-spoken. He was affectionate, passionate, and even possessive at times. He was intuitive and was perhaps even psychic. Experience flowed through him emotionally. He was often moody and always changeable; his interests and social circles shifted constantly. He was emotion distilled into its purest form.

Read more about him under the cut.

Keith John Moon was an English drummer who played with the English rock band the Who. He was noted for his unique style and his eccentric, often self-destructive behaviour. His drumming continues to be praised by critics and musicians. He was posthumously inducted into the Modern Drummer Hall of Fame in 1982, becoming only the second rock drummer to be chosen, and in 2011, Moon was voted the second-greatest drummer in history by a Rolling Stone readers' poll. Moon grew up in Alperton, a suburb of Wembley, in Middlesex, and took up the drums during the early 1960s. After playing with a local band, the Beachcombers, he joined the Who in 1964 before they recorded their first single. Moon remained with the band during their rise to fame, and was quickly recognised for his drumming style, which emphasised tom-toms, cymbal crashes, and drum fills. He occasionally collaborated with other musicians and later appeared in films, but considered playing in the Who his primary occupation and remained a member of the band until his death. In addition to his talent as a drummer, however, Moon developed a reputation for smashing his kit on stage and destroying hotel rooms on tour. He was fascinated by blowing up toilets with cherry bombs or dynamite, and by destroying television sets. Moon enjoyed touring and socialising, and was bored and restless when the Who were inactive. His 21st birthday party in Flint, Michigan, has been cited as a notorious example of decadent behaviour by rock groups. Moon suffered a number of setbacks during the 1970s, most notably the accidental death of chauffeur Neil Boland and the breakdown of his marriage. He became addicted to alcohol, particularly brandy and champagne, and acquired a reputation for decadence and dark humour; his nickname was "Moon the Loon." After moving to Los Angeles with personal assistant Peter "Dougal" Butler during the mid-1970s, Moon recorded his only solo album, the poorly received Two Sides of the Moon. While touring with the Who, on several occasions he passed out on stage and was hospitalised. By their final tour with him in 1976, and particularly during production of The Kids Are Alright and Who Are You, the drummer's deterioration was evident. Moon moved back to London in 1978, dying in September of that year from an overdose of Heminevrin, a drug intended to treat or prevent symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. (x)

#keith moon #leo #tragic stars #long ass post #star analyses #astrology #mine

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axwalker · 4 years

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Tears in heaven 6: Friends

Synopsis: Alexis O’Brien is about to get married but memories of her old life are coming back to haunt her.

MASTERLIST

Pairings: Liam x MC Drake x MC (TRR)

Warnings: NO ONE UNDER 18 should read this story. This is an 18+ blog.

This story will deal with very dark subjects such as death, severe depression and suicide attempt (among others) if you’re triggered by any of those issues, PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS STORY

N*SFW

A/N: The story will go back and forth between three different periods of time (2010 / 2015 / 2019). In this chapter, the flashbacks cover an extended period of time.

A/N: I’m well aware that Drake would want to name his kid Jackson. But as this is an AU, where something very sad happens, I decided to no not give this little boy, the name of one of their canon babies.

Disclaimer: All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Word count: 6,200 (sorry!!)

Songs inspiration: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton

THANKS TO: @burnsoslow for beta reading so thoroughly, editing, correcting so many English mistakes, and help me to figure out some parts of the storyline. TE QUIERO MUCHO. ❤️

@pedudley I appreciate your feedback so much. I LOVE YOU ❤️

September 2009- June 2017

Liam had been in love with Alexis for more than eight years.

It had started after that day at the Derby. Drake and Alexis had spent one Sunday with Liam in Valtoria watching Indiana Jones movies, drinking whiskey, and exchanging anecdotes. From that day on, the three of them started to spend a lot of time together. And, with time, Alexis and Liam became good friends. She always listened to him and gave him sensible advice; she knew better than anyone what it meant to have a demanding father like Constantine. She was funny, witty, and passionate. She made him laugh and encouraged him to work less and spend more time doing the things he loved. She seemed to understand, to see the real him.

He started to notice that she was always in his mind. Something would happen and he’d think about her; he’d hear a joke and ask himself if she’d laugh at it. Soon, the longing became more urgent, more difficult to bear.

He still remembered the night when they had agreed to go to the movies together. Drake had to cancel at the last minute, but Alexis and Liam were good friends, so they went together anyway.

Big mistake. The Wolfman had been the longest movie of his life. He had spent 119 minutes longing to kiss her, to take her hand -- dying to caress her tanned thighs.

Everything about her fascinated him, and he realized that he was head over heels for her. The worst part was to witness how crazy she and Drake were about each other, how much his best friend loved her. So he tried to stay away. He tried to keep himself busy and was never available when Drake invited him to eat or drink with them. But it was impossible to avoid her completely, and the moments he spent with them were a form of torture. He craved her company, her laughter, but he also felt intensely guilty towards Drake.

He started to sleep around with different women. He was rich, handsome, and very good in bed. He had absolutely no difficulty finding beautiful women to go back to his apartment with him; he was a generous lover and usually had a good time. But it was nothing more than a pastime. Those women would never be enough to calm his yearning for her. A lot of those nights, he pictured Alexis’ pretty face looking at him, her body under his, writhing, panting, moaning his name.

Drake and Alexis’ wedding day had been one of the worst days of Liam’s life. He had been obligated to stand next to Drake and be the witness of their vows, their love. To watch her look at Drake, completely enraptured. His heart broke at the realization that she would never be his. His only consolation was to know how happy she was with Drake. How good his best friend was for her.

When Drake had called him to tell him that Alexis was pregnant, he had been overwhelmed by happiness for them. He knew how badly Drake wanted to start a family, and she would be a great mother. But he couldn’t avoid feeling insanely jealous too. And that jealousy disgusted him; it made him feel petty and disloyal. So he had finally decided to leave Cordonia for a while -- anything to avoid betraying his best friend, his brother. He moved to Italy and started to control his family’s businesses in the Mediterranean countries.

After one year in Sardinia, he had met Giulia Ferrante at a business meeting. She was a tax attorney in the firm that represented the Rhys in Italy. Giulia was a tall and beautiful blond, with magnetic blue eyes. She was worldly, sophisticated, ambitious, and utterly fascinating. Completely opposite to Alexis in every possible way. After a few romantic months, he was over the moon; Giulia had agreed to come back to Cordonia with him. He couldn’t deny that some of his old feelings had resurfaced when he saw Alexis again, but he was convinced that Giulia would help him to fully eradicate them.

All his friends, and even Constantine, had welcomed his girlfriend with open arms. They got engaged and then married in an elegant ceremony that most magazines had called “The Wedding of the Year.” During the first months of their marriage, they were happy, but soon, they started to have a lot of trouble. Giulia was controlling, insecure, and jealous of any woman that came close to him, especially Alexis. She demanded that Liam stop seeing Drake and his wife. The truth was that Giulia loved Liam madly, but he wasn’t capable of giving her what she desperately needed from him. This caused them to fight constantly and intensely.

One day, he came home after work to discover that Giulia had gone back to Sardinia; Liam sadly realized that he was more relieved than anything else. He began working late, drinking with Leo, and hanging out too many nights at Alexis and Drake’s cabin. Tom was three years old and had Liam wrapped around his little finger. His godson was a bright and happy child, the perfect mix of both his parents. Liam loved to spoil him and play with him.

When the little boy had died, Liam ignored his own grief and did everything he could to be there for Drake. For both of them. It killed him to watch their destruction. He tried to make Drake talk, but his walls had doubled since the accident. He drank heavily, and nothing that Liam did or said seemed to help.

One night, Drake had called him and had asked him to take care of Alexis. Without further explanation, he told Liam that he needed to leave, but that he couldn’t do it without being sure that someone would look out for Alexis. Liam tried to convince him to stay, but Drake had left anyway.

The first months after his departure had been hellish -- not only for him, but for Liv and Max too. Alexis’s depression had gotten worse since Drake had left; nothing made her feel better. Liam felt powerless until that horrible day when she had tried to kill herself and he had saved her life.

He had tried to contact Drake, but apparently, he wasn’t in Andalucía anymore. Savannah assured Liam that her brother was all right, but he wasn’t going to come back any time soon. Liam tried to understand his best friend’s behavior, but it was getting more and more difficult every day. In any case, he couldn’t help Drake anymore, so he decided to focus his attention on Alexis. He convinced her to get help, so she was committed to a specialized clinic. He visited her every single weekend, on both days that visitors were allowed.

The first months were extremely difficult. It hurt like hell watching Alexis unsuccessfully fight her depression. She was barely capable of eating or leaving her bed. She refused to participate in any group activities, and speaking of Drake and Tom was off-limits; any mention of them, and she crumbled all over again. She didn’t want to face her new reality, to accept that all the happiness she had felt had simply evaporated.

Her sorrow broke Liam’s heart. He stayed with her every chance he could, and she had cried in his arms more times than he could count. He would have given anything to help her; he felt powerless, a useless face to her grief. Liv and Maxwell visited, too, but not with the same frequency and dedication that Liam did.

Four months after Alexis was committed, she started to get a little better. She began to participate in some group activities and talked to her therapist about Drake and her son, though she was still unable to pronounce his name.

She and Liam started to take long walks together and discovered that they had a lot more in common than they thought. He was determined to give her back her will to live, her old love for life. She was very interested in art, a subject that he was passionate about; he brought her his favorite books so she could read them in her spare time. They spent hours talking about painters and techniques. He promised her he would take her to Paris so she could see “Starry Night” in person. Little by little, she seemed to heal -- or at least improve.

Around December, she demanded to be allowed to leave the clinic. Her therapist wasn’t convinced: Even after 15 months, she couldn’t say Tom’s name or talk about the accident. But she was functional again, and the doctor knew that she would have to face real life sooner or later. So she had finally authorized Alexis’ release for the beginning of February.

One cold morning, 15 days before Alexis was to be discharged, Liam was in the reception talking to her doctor when he saw Drake entering the clinic’s hall. Liam felt a surge of rage. How did Drake dare to come back after all those months without even a phone call? Liam was sure that Drake knew about Alexis’ suicide attempt because Maxwell had told Savannah. The fact that Drake hadn’t bothered to come back even then infuriated Liam. Where the hell was Drake while Alexis cried her heart out every night? When she had called his name again and again after a nightmare? When she had to be sedated? Committed in that clinic? Even if Liam knew that Alexis’ sorrow was the consequence of Tom’s death, he realized that Drake’s departure had been her breaking point. He didn’t doubt for a second that if Drake had stayed, Alexis wouldn’t have attempted to take her life. So Drake didn’t have any right to come back now that she was doing better. Liam knew that seeing Drake was going to bring all the memories back; the recovery she had fought for so hard would be jeopardized because of his return. It wasn’t fair to her. Liam needed to protect her.

When Liam confronted him, Drake didn’t give him any explanations. He had asked for Alexis, in an almost-desperate tone, but Liam was too angry at his friend to care about him anymore.

Liam needed time to think about the best way to proceed. He had asked Drake to come back the next day. That night, Liam analyzed all the risks and possible consequences and realized that his own priority was Alexis. More than that, he was sure that Drake would do the same thing if he was in Liam’s shoes.

The next day, he told Drake that Alexis didn’t want to see him anymore. Drake was devastated; he had insisted on hearing it from Alexis herself, but Liam had coldly convinced Drake that the best thing to do was to leave again. Alexis was healing; she needed time and space, and Liam knew Drake -- he wasn’t going to stop looking for her. So Liam repressed his guilt and, without telling Alexis, had given Drake her suicide letter. Drake realized how much his mistakes had damaged her and had returned to Spain the next morning.

When Alexis was discharged, Liam had helped her to look for an apartment; she got a job teaching Spanish at an Adult Language School and enrolled in college to get a master’s degree in translation. She already spoke Spanish and French, so it would only take her a year to obtain the degree. Her dream of writing had died with her son.

That year, Liam and Alexis became best friends. She never talked about the past, so Liam learned to respect her memories. They created new ones. They went to museums and art exhibits. She tried to make him taste something more exotic than his beloved baklava, and he tried to make her love the opera. They spent hours next to each other reading or working. She teased him relentlessly about his addiction to work so he would loosen up a little. He helped her study for her tests and do homework. Their friendship was an oasis for Alexis, who was desperate for some stability in her life. It was hope for Liam, who had never stopped loving her. She frequently had bad moments, days where she drank too much and couldn’t get out of bed, but Liam would never let her give up.

A year later, Alexis graduated as a certified translator. Liam threw her a small dinner party on his rooftop with Olivia, Max, and their friends -- the first party she had had since the accident. Though she was nervous at first, she tried to bury her old memories and managed to have fun. At the end of the party, only she and Liam were left. Liam was sitting in an armchair watching her while she leaned over the railing gazing at Cordonia’s skyline. She was wearing a short summer dress that showed her long legs. The music was still playing, and she was unconsciously swaying her hips to the rhythm. Liam’s heart skipped a beat, and he realized that he couldn’t wait another second. He had loved her more than eight years; he was sure that he could make her happy if she gave him a chance. He stood up and leaned on the railing next to her. He chose his words carefully; he knew how vulnerable she was, and he didn’t want to pressure her or scare her off.

“I want you to know that no matter what happens, I’ll always be here for you, Alexis.” He paused -- it was now or never. “Always. But I can’t hold this any longer. I need to tell you how I feel. How you make me feel.” He turned to watch her; she was still staring at the city lights. “If you don’t want me to keep talking, I won’t,” he added gently.

Alexis wasn’t sure how to respond. She didn’t want to lose him; he had become the most important person in her life. And she loved how she felt when she was with him; he made her feel things that she thought were not possible anymore. He made her forget that she was alone, that Drake would never come back.

She took a step in his direction, placing her hand on his shoulder. She turned her eyes to him before she said shyly, “Keep talking.”

That small phrase pushed Liam over the edge. He cupped her face and kissed her softly, almost afraid of breaking the spell. He had waited eight years for that kiss.

He spoke in a low voice. “I’ve loved you for so long, Alexis. I would do anything to make you happy.”

Alexis decided to be honest with him. “I don’t know how I feel yet, Li; I don’t even know if I will be able to truly love again. The only thing I know for sure is that I will never want to be a mo-” her voice cracked, “-- to have kids again.”

He pulled her close to him, his embrace safe and warm. “I understand, darling. I do. We’ll take things slowly. I’ll be patient, my love,” he said, tenderly stroking her face.

She nodded against his chest. He raised her chin towards him and kissed her again, deeper this time. He would spend all the time in the world waiting for her.

She kissed him back, promising herself that she would do anything she could to make him happy too. He was her future.

August 2011-May 2015

Alexis’s pregnancy had been an easy one. Except for a few days of morning sickness and constant fatigue, she had been lucky.

The childbirth had been more difficult; after 14 hours of pain, promises of celibacy, and some heavy cursing from both his parents, their baby had been born, only three days after Alexis’ own birthday. Drake and she were both bursting with happiness. Drake never thought he could love someone that much; his wife and son were his entire world. Alexis’ favorite book was Tom Sawyer, so Drake had suggested naming the baby Tom Walker. Alexis had agreed with tears in her eyes.

The first months were blissful chaos. Tom hated to sleep, so he kept both his parents up almost all night. They didn’t care; he was a sweet baby and they were both crazy about him.

Alexis had taken a semester off college, but she was determined to come back in September. Savannah was a stay-at-home mom, and she had a lot of help at Ramsford, so they decided that she was going to take care of Tom during the day. Every day around 5:00, one of them went to Ramsford to pick Tom up.

Lexie felt guilty; her little baby was too young. Maybe she should’ve stayed at home with him, but she knew that if she didn’t go back to school then, she would never do it.

Drake reassured her; Tom was a happy, loved baby, and they were giving him everything they could. He had graduated in June, and thanks to his excellent grades and references, he already had some clients and worked part-time for Liam’s stables. He was able to manage his own time, so he was usually the one that picked Tom up from Savvie’s house. He loved the moments that he spent alone with his son, but he was never happier than when Alexis arrived home, too. She was a great mom, sunny and playful. Drake felt extremely proud of his little family.

Their baby grew in the blink of an eye. Tom was joyful and easygoing; he had learned to speak and melted his parents with his wit and laughter. He had Drake’s eyes, the same chocolate shade and shape. His bright grin was all Alexis; the room lit up for Drake when one of them smiled at him.

His practice had taken off; every farmer and private clinic in the county called him when they needed a vet. Alexis was about to finish her English degree. She wanted to write, but she knew she needed to start earning money, so she was going to look for a job in a publishing house.

----------

Soon Tom turned three years old. As they did every year, they had invited their closest friends to celebrate both birthdays together. It had been one of the happiest days their family had ever celebrated.

Alexis decorated their courtyard with posters and figurines of Shrek’s different characters, while Drake prepared his famous chocolate cake with Tom. When she was finished decorating, she entered the kitchen. Her heart melted when she saw them together. Tom was sitting in his high chair with a little apron; Drake had given him a wooden spoon and a plastic container so he could “help”whip some cake batter.

“Uh, Drake. I think someone licked the bowl,” Alexis said with a teasing smile when she saw Tom’s little face covered in chocolate.

The little boy giggled as he shook his head no. Drake chuckled. “Well, apparently it wasn’t Tom, Lexie.” Drake looked at his son with a conspiratorial smile. “Maybe Mom licked it and is saying it’s you, eh, little man?”

“Yes! It was Mom!” The toddler covered his face to hide the chocolate stains.

Alexis tickled him until the little boy roared with laughter. “Aha! This is the proof I needed!” she screamed when Tom uncovered his face. She kissed his little nose before talking to Drake.

“I’ll take him upstairs for a quick nap, or he’ll be sleeping at his own party,” she said as she got him out of his chair.

Drake saw his son’s sleepy face and nodded, smiling. “You are right, baby -- just come here first.” He cupped her face and kissed her, then he placed a soft kiss on the top of Tom’s head. She gave him the flirty smile that made him crazy before going upstairs with their son in her arms.

Two hours later, the guests arrived. They all settled in the courtyard where Drake had placed some chairs and tables.

The party was a success; it was the first birthday Tom fully appreciated. He ran around and played with all his little friends from the playground.

“He’s so similar to you, man. I can’t get over it,” Liam said as he watched Tom play with one of his friends.

Drake opened beers for each of them as he spoke. “What are you talking about, Li? He’s all Alexis.”

“The same smile, yes. But the rest is you. The eyes are exactly the same … and he’s going to be trouble -- I can tell.” Liam teased.

Drake watched his friend look at his wife and son with a nostalgic expression on his face. Sometimes Drake wondered if Liam had loved Giulia at all; he didn’t seem to miss her.

Liam stood up and took Tom in his arms; the boy giggled when Liam carried him on his shoulders.

“Let’s take this little man to his gifts,” Liam said. Tom clapped excitedly, making Liam laugh.

Liam gave him a tricycle, Maxwell a game of Hungry, Hungry, Hippos, and Olivia a set of wooden swords.

Liam and Max played with the boy and his friends all afternoon as Drake and Alexis served the food and got the cake ready.

They all sang to both of them; Tom was over the moon. It was a perfect birthday.

At 8:00, all the guests had left. Drake took Tom to bed while Alexis cleaned up the house.

Half an hour later, with their son sound asleep upstairs, and the baby monitor in his left hand, Drake went looking for his wife.

He watched her through the glass door. She had put some music on her phone and was wearing her earphones, so Tom wouldn’t wake up. He couldn’t hear the song, but just seeing her dancing and singing made him smile. He had heard that sometimes, kids added stress to a marriage, that some couples with children drifted apart. But he was even crazier for her than he had been five years before. He wanted all of her, all the time. And he knew she felt the same about him.

“Hi, baby!” He touched her shoulder and she startled; she hadn’t seen him come into the garden.

“Shit, Drake, you scared me!” she exclaimed laughing.

“I haven’t given you your gift yet.” He took her hand and led her to one of the garden chairs. He sat in one of them, thinking she would sit on his lap, but she straddled him instead.

He arranged a strand of chocolate-colored hair behind her ear. The sight of her elegant neck and the smell of her cherry perfume were too much for Drake. He pulled her towards him and kissed her. She was wearing an orange halter dress with a lace-up back. He had been dying to untie that lace since he had seen the dress that morning. He roamed her back with his hands and slowly undid the knot, leaving her chest exposed.

He admired her bare figure for a few seconds. “You’re so fucking gorgeous. I can’t believe you’re all mine.” He peppered her collarbone, her neck, her chest with kisses. Her nipples were erect for him, and he groaned before softly biting them. She gasped, but he put a finger on her lips.

Pointing to their son’s room upstairs, he growled in her ear, “Don’t make a noise, Lexie. Or I’m going to have to stop, and I’m guessing,” he stroked her folds over her dampened underwear, “that you wouldn’t like that.” He smirked at her.

She swallowed hard but nodded furiously. Drake’s fingers slid under the fabric. He focused on stroking her skin and teasing her nub. He easily plunged one finger inside her and then a second one, pumping slowly at first and then mercilessly as she arched her body, barely whispering his name.

“Good girl,” he whispered, kissing her collarbone. She shivered, and her body convulsed with an intense orgasm while he watched her, mesmerized.

She rested her head on his shoulders. He tied up her dress again as he gave her time to recuperate, kissing her temple softly and rubbing her cheek. She raised her head to look at him.

“Was that my gift?” she teased him.

He answered her, a cocky smile on his lips. “Please, Lexie, that was barely a taste of all the things I will do to you later in our room.”

She bit her bottom lip. “I can’t wait.”

He took out an envelope from his back pocket and gave it to her. “This is your gift.” He was adorably excited about it.

She opened it; it was a picture of an RV and a map of Europe. Alexis looked at him, puzzled.

He gently stroked her thigh as he spoke. “I know how much you want to travel, baby. And I know that we don’t have a lot of money, and traveling with Tom can be complicated, but with an RV, things could be easier. We won’t need hotels or planes. And we can manage our own time. I did some research; a lot of families do it.” He grinned at her. “As for the countries, you get to choose them -- it’s your birthday gift.”

The knot in her throat didn’t let her speak. He was right; it was her dream to travel, and she absolutely loved the idea of doing it in an RV. It was a little crazy, a little bohemian. It suited them perfectly.

Drake looked at her expectantly. “What do you think? Do you like it?”

She cupped his face, looking at him with tears in her eyes. “I don’t like it; I love it, Drake. It’s the most perfect gift.”

“Hey, don’t cry,” he said as he wiped one happy tear. “I didn’t want to make you cry, baby.”

“I can’t believe how happy you make me.” She gave him a long, fervent kiss.

When they parted, breathless, they heard Tom calling them through the baby monitor. Drake smiled at her as they came up to read him a story and put him back to sleep.

April 2019

“Actually, Alexis, I would like to speak a moment with Drake. If he doesn’t mind.”

Drake smirked, “Of course I don’t, Li. Why wouldn’t I want to catch up with such an old and loyal friend?”

Alexis threw them a worried look but left them alone. For better or worse, they needed to talk.

After his sarcastic remark, Drake’s rage had lessened a little. He sat on the steps of the garden as he took a flask out of the inside pocket of his jacket. He took one swig and passed the flask to Liam, who was sitting next to him.

They drank quietly for a while until Liam decided to break the silence. “I’ve been in love with her since we met.”

Drake laughed bitterly. “You seriously think I didn’t know? You think I didn’t notice how you looked at her sometimes?” He took another drink from the flask before speaking again. “Please, Liam, you were like my brother. A part of me has always known.”

It was a warm spring night; Liam took off his tuxedo jacket. “Why did you never say anything?”

Drake shook his head. “I started to really notice it just before our wedding, but I knew you wouldn’t do anything about it. I thought that if I said anything, it would ruin our friendship. And then you left and came back with Giulia.” He stroked his beard pensively. “Plus, I thought Lexie and I were unbreakable. I thought she loved me as much as I loved her.” He paused before adding resentfully, “Obviously, I was wrong.”

Liam sighed, sadly. “Please, Drake. You and I both know that I’ll never share with her what you did. I won’t pretend otherwise.”

“I don’t understand why you’re together. I don’t understand either of you anymore,” Drake stated with a gravelly voice.

Liam furrowed his brow. “I tried everything, Drake. I tried to convince myself that I only saw her as my friend, as your wife. When I noticed that my feelings only got deeper, I left. I lived in Italy for a year. Hell, Drake! I even married Giulia. But when I came back, my love for her was still here waiting for me, intact. She drove me crazy.” He took a sharp breath. “I just want you to know that I never tried anything while you were together. Never.”

“No, of course not. You’re a gentleman. You waited until my marriage blew up in a million pieces before making your goddamn move.” Drake tried to calm himself, but there were some things that he couldn’t leave unsaid. “Our son had died, Liam. She was destroyed, and you took advantage of that.”

Liam toyed with the flask; he didn’t want to fight with Drake, but his old friend was twisting the truth. “You’re rewriting history. I helped her because she was alone. She needed me. And, frankly, you have no right to judge us, Drake. You left her and me here to deal with everything. You have no idea how she was. She was destroyed, completely broken.” His eyes watered at the memory. He turned to watch Drake, who had gone pale. He gave him the flask, and Drake took a long swig. “I had to fight really hard to bring her back to life. And we fell in love. I’m sorry, Drake.” Liam wanted to apologize for his behavior that day at the clinic. “I’m sorry about that day at the clinic. I know I was a real jerk, but I just wanted to protect her.”

Drake felt his chest tighten. He should have been the one protecting and loving her, not Liam. But in spite of his pain, he understood the position Liam had been in that day. “Yes, you were a real jerk at the clinic. But you were right, too. She was the priority, not me. My presence would have hurt her.” Drake didn’t see the point in explaining to Liam the reason why he hadn’t come back that year. It didn’t matter that he had been in prison. The reality was the same: She needed him and he wasn’t there. He tried to push the painful memory out of his mind. Her rejection that day still hurt like hell. That fucking letter still hurt like hell.

Liam gulped the rest of the whiskey. He might have to tell Alexis what he had done one day, but he wasn’t ready yet.

Drake took the empty flask and stood up. He looked at Liam one last time before leaving. “I don’t think I’ll ever be truly over her.” He took a sharp breath before speaking. “But I know we don’t belong together anymore.” Admitting it out loud only made the pain more excruciating. “Please take care of her, Liam. And make sure she talks about Tom. She might hide it, but she needs it.” He patted his ex-best friend on the back before leaving the gardens.

-------------------------------------------------------

Several days later Drake was about to enter Starbucks when he saw Alexis. She was in line, waiting for her turn.

He hesitated for a few seconds before approaching her. She was wearing a pair of jeans with a beige blouse, a gray vest, and her old leather satchel -- a very different outfit from the short dresses and tennis shoes she used to wear all the time. She still looked beautiful, but more serious, less carefree.

“Hi,” he said casually.

She blushed, surprised to see him there. “Hi. What are you doing here?”

He smirked. “Same thing as everyone in the line, I think. I want coffee.”

She couldn’t suppress a smile. “As funny as usual.”

He shrugged. “Some things don’t change.”

She bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly, unsure of how to proceed. The last time they had seen each other, things hadn’t ended well.

He didn’t want to say goodbye so soon, so he kept talking. “You’ve always loved to work in cafes,” he said as he pointed at her satchel.

“Yeah, that was the plan, but this place is packed. There aren’t any free tables available.” She attempted to hide her nervousness behind a small smile. He noticed it anyway and his heart tugged; her vulnerability was his weakness. He would do anything to make her feel comfortable with him.

“Look, someone is leaving.” He nodded at a couple of teenagers who were putting their coats on. “What do you say I pick up the coffees and you go take the table?”

She knew she shouldn’t. Her instincts were shouting at her not to do it, but she couldn’t help it. “Okay, I’ll get a …”

He raised his hand, interrupting her. “A tall mocha, white chocolate …” He snapped his fingers, trying to remember. “... double-espresso, extra whipped cream, right?”

She smiled at him, impressed. “That’s exactly it.”

“I’ll be at your table in five minutes,” he said, smiling back.

He came to the table 10 minutes later and gave her the drink. Their fingers grazed for a few seconds, producing a jolt of electricity in both of them. She withdrew her hand nervously, but neither of them said anything. He sat in front of her with his coffee still in his hand.

She had to admit that he looked great: manlier and even more rugged than before. His usual denim shirt looked amazing on him; he had rolled his sleeves so she could see his strong, veiny arms … the same arms that had held her so tightly so many nights in the past. She turned her eyes, blushing.

He saw the pretty blush coloring her cheeks. “Is there a problem?”

She shook her head. “Not at all.”

Drake was curious about her new life. He wanted to know if she was happy. He needed to make sure that she was all right before letting her go. The problem was that he didn’t know how to address the subject without making her run, especially after their last exchange at Savannah’s party.

“How about a truce, Lexie?”

Her old nickname on his lips had the effect of making her heart race in her chest. “What do you mean?”

“I just want to know how you’re doing; we don’t have to talk about the past.”

She’d be lying if she said that she wasn’t very curious about him. “I’m in.”

“Do you still write?” he asked before carefully taking a sip of his hot coffee.

“No. I don’t.” She didn’t mention the reason, but they both understood. He would have given anything to grab her hand, but he knew that she would be out the door in less than 10 seconds, so he settled for giving her an understanding smile. “Anyway, I’m in translation now,” she added.

“Well, I’m not surprised, you always loved languages. What kind of literature?”

She drank from the straw before she answered, “None. Legal documents.”

His eyes widened. “Legal documents?

“Yes. Is that a problem, Drake?”

He was about to change the subject to avoid a fight, but he couldn’t contain himself. “There’s no problem. It’s just … that is the kind of thing you hated before.”

“Before being the operative word. I love it now,” she answered defensively.

He leaned on his chair. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Look, it’s not my dream job, but it turns out I’m pretty good at it. And I actually enjoy it.” It was an exaggeration; she barely tolerated the mountains of boring documents she had to translate every day, but she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of accepting that he still knew her so well.

He smiled at her. “I’m happy for you, Lexie.” When he saw her unconvinced look, he added, “I really am. I’m so sorry that I’m such a judgmental prick.”

She laughed before saying, “Admitting the problem is the first step, Drake. All you have to do now is to sign up for the meetings.”

He chuckled. He hadn’t seen that coquettish light in her eyes for a long time. It was still as devastatingly attractive as it was five years ago. He cleared his throat before speaking. “Did you move to Valtoria?”

She shook her head. “Sorry, Walker. It’s a two-way street.” She had a lot of questions for him too. “Are you still working as a vet?”

“Yes and no. I was in Spain for a while, but I couldn’t use my degree there. That’s one of the reasons I came back.” He didn’t dare admit that the need to see how she was doing had been the main reason. “I’m starting a new job in a clinic next week. I’m actually very happy about it.” He smiled at her with his real smile, the one that showed his dimples and weakened her knees. “So you live in Valtoria?” he asked again, intrigued.

She put her hair behind her ear. “Not yet,” she stated simply. She didn’t want to specify that she would be moving there right after their wedding next month. “How long have you been dating Kiara?”

“A month.”

She had to know the truth, as painful as it would be to accept. “Are you in love with her?”

He arched his brows. “I think it’s my turn, Lexie.” His piercing eyes looked intently at her. “Are you sure you want to be a duchess?”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be one.” He was about to interrupt her, so she raised her hand to stop him. “But I’m sure about Liam, Drake. It may seem like a huge sacrifice to you, but you have no idea what he’s willing to do for me.”

“I know he loves you, Lex.” He took an excruciating breath; his next words physically hurt. “And I know you love him, too. I wasn’t trying to criticize. I’m happy if you are.” He looked at her, trying to memorize how gorgeous she was.

She swallowed hard. It shouldn’t bother her so much that he didn’t care if she loved Liam or not. She flipped her hair, making a strand fall over her eyes. Without thinking about it, Drake took the strand of hair and placed it behind her ear. They locked eyes with each other as the tip of his fingers gently rubbed her ear, then slowly moved over her cheek and grazed her face. Her heart was about to explode. She stood up, almost knocking over the table. His touch still had the amazing power of making her lose her senses.

“I have to … I have to go.” Her phone rang; she saw a name on the screen and answered the call. When she hung up, she took her vest and satchel. “That was Rashad. Our court appointment is on May second.” She threw him a sad look; everything between them would be over soon. “I’ll see you then, Drake.” She left the coffeehouse as fast as she could.

Drake’s stomach flipped. The date set by the judge was only one week away, two days before Tom’s birthday.

PERMATAG: @mskaneko @pedudley @pug-bitch @burnsoslow @ac27dj @twinkle-320 @kimmiedoo5 @marshmallowsandfire @loveellamae @lauzales @ravenpuff02 @debramcg1106

TIH: @ao719 @yukinagato2012 @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @cordonia-gothqueen @bebepac @nomadics-stuff @hopefulmoonobject @gardeningourmet @cordonianroyalty @msjr0119 @axwalker

#axwalker writes #tw depression #tw death #+18 #n*sfw

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faedawayyy · 3 years

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SIBLINGS I DESPERATELY WANT - FEMALES

the back stories are very specific but fc’s are up for debate, i guess.

HADLEE QUINN TW: SEXUAL ABUSE

21 or 22 OCCUPATION/STUDYING: up to you. SEXUALITY: up to you.

hadlee and brielle always had a rocky relationship. yes, brielle was the child of teen parents but they had hadlee four years younger at just 13/14. she’s gotten used to growing up with the bare minimum and still idolises her parents. when brielle opened up about her dad, she refused to believe her. she idolises their parents and thought brielle was just attention seeking as usual. this fractured their relationship and bond even more. now that brielle has moved out, she is starting to experience some of the stuff that her younger sister did. she’s just too proud/afraid to admit it because she feels like if she pushes away her parents, she’ll lose everything. personality: creative, individual, a little quirky at times, friendly but also quite emotionally detached and distant. she always wanted that picture perfect life in high school but was also sympathetic to the fact that her parents were poor and doing their best.

NATES SISTERS: THIS FAMILY IS SO PRECIOUS OMG.

LILIANNA ‘LILLIE’ HARWOOD

27 - 6TH MARCH, PISCES OCCUPATION/STUDYING: it’s your choice SEXUALITY: asexual lilianna is the oldest of the harwood siblings and she’s that cool older sibling that the other sisters so desperately wanted to be. she’s the trend-setter of the family and it’s pretty clear to see that taylor, posie, nate and evie have adopted personality traits of hers. she spent her teen years having to fight them off and lock her door to stop them from pestering her. other than being witty and sarcastic, lilianna was born an over-achiever. she was the only one out of her siblings to attend a private school outside of the springs because she got the grade for a good scholarship. she then set her sights on cambridge for university to study medicine. nobody knows why, but she would put insane amounts of pressure on herself to be a good role-model for the others and was almost like a third parent. in her second year at cambridge, she eventually burnt out and her mental health broke down. she couldn’t help but feel like she’d spent her early and mid-twenties working, stressing and over-achieving and she missed out on all of the messiness that comes with it. a secret of hers is that despite being open about her sexuality since she was around 18, she’s never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. it’s just never happened for her and now she’s seeing her younger siblings date, she’s starting to feel pressured to find somebody. however, she feels like in such a sex-positive generation, it’ll be hard for her to find somebody who accepts her for who she is. she still lives at home by choice and nate’s parents are eager to normalise that young adults/twenty-somethings CAN still live at home. with lilianna’s anxiety still pretty rocky, they’d prefer it that way anyway.

TAYLOR HARWOOD

26 - 21ST APRIL, TAURUS OCCUPATION/STUDYING: acting and modelling SEXUALITY: heterosexual

if lilianna is the cool, trend-setting older sister then taylor is the *spice* in the family that her other siblings could sometimes do without. it shouldn’t be mistaken; ALL of the harwood siblings love each other and they’re probably as close as families come, but from the moment she was born, taylor had it clear that she was the star. think kim kardashian vs. her sisters; she’s the stand-out and loves to have all eyes on her. she’d be the one signing up for her school’s productions, forcing the others to put on shows for their parents and constantly stealing lilianna’s clothes to sneak out of the house in. taylor was in stage school from a very young age and during her first year in high school, her mother agreed to fly out to los angeles with her and her agent to audition for different productions; this is where she landed vicotrious. everybody was excited for her and taylor was sure she’d got her big break. as everybody knows, victorious was a huge success and she became a household name at a very young age. taylor dropped out of school and was schooled on set while she worked. their mother spent most of her time in los angeles while the other siblings stayed home with their dad. in what would have been taylor’s last year of high school, victrious was cancelled and ended. since then, it’s been a struggle to get any work and she eventually moved back home. this was a hard transition for taylor. she felt as if she was washed up at 18 and had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. she went back to school for her final year but was severely bullied by jealous girls and people who were eager to see her downfall from the start. one girl even rewarded her the “biggest has-been” award which completely humiliated her at her graduation after party. unlike lilianna though, rather than retreating and taking some time for herself, she threw herself into more smaller projects. she has a determination to make it and when she got into st judes, it felt like a new chapter for her. she’s already moved out and has her own apartment downtown but happily comes home to see her siblings as much as she can. her life’s goal is to make sure that nobody ever forgets taylor harwood.

POSIE HARWOOD

25 - 5th AUGUST, LEO OCCUPTATION: model SEXUALITY: heterosexual

posie was named after her grandmother; josephine ‘posie’ harwood. compared to her other siblings - nate included - she’s always been more laidback. her parents (and lilianna) more or less dragged her through school kicking and screaming. she rarely had motivation to do anything and just wanted an easy life. more or less the complete opposite of lilianna and taylor. since posie grew up under two huge personalities with big ambitions, she definitely got to fly under the radar a lot and neglected typical responsibilities you have to remember when you grow up. for example, she got away with dropping ice-skating when all of her siblings were made to stay in extra curricular activities, her grades were never as good as her sisters and all in all, she wore the ‘family disappointment’ badge with pride. she’s quite content with riding their coat-tails for as long as she can. although lazy, posie is also extremely social and loves meeting people and having fun. she had the most typical teenage years with fake i.d.’s, a string of good for nothing boyfriend’s and riding on temporary highs. her siblings know her as soft and loving, but to people outside the family, she definitely has the label of being the more argumentative one. when taylor was being picked on in school, it was posie who put things to rest by punching the girl in the face. when a boy broke evie’s heart, it’d be posie to serve him revenge. on top of that, she’s aware that she’s beautiful and her favourite thing to do is string people along, get what she needs from them and then move on to the next best thing.

EVELYN ‘EVIE’ HARWOOD TW: GROOMING

18 - JANUARY 4TH, CAPRICORN OCCUPATION: you pick. SEXUALITY: you pick.

evie is the youngest of the family and adores every single one of her siblings, although by default she’s probably closest to posie and nate. like most little sisters, she’s got a bit of each sibling in her. but alongside this, she’s also struggled to find her own identity and would often cling to the others in order to feel included and like she had direction in life. evie struggles with dyslexia - a common learning disability - and never found school easy. she’d always had tutoring and that was ramped up when it came to her exams. all of her siblings also pitched in to help her; lillianna with science, posie with english and nate with maths...taylor was a little too busy, but offered the moral support. she passed her exams and she still has it down as one of the best days of her life because she definitely thought she’d be the first one in the family to fail. after seeing how much fun posie and nate were having at st judes, she decided to try her luck and was even more surprised when she was accepted there too. for the first time in her life, it felt like she was getting somewhere on her own and she was. her first year at the school has been quiet and she’s struggled a little to form friendships without the guidance of her older siblings. the bigger personalities have definitely overwhelmed her but she’s slowly finding her feet. one person who has particularly been a good support system for her has been her tutor, who helps her manage her dyslexia when lectures and assignments come around. he’s always boosting her up and has at times let her get a better grade than she would’ve got by editing her assignments for her. there have been a few times where she’s been invited to his home; usually with a study group but the last few times have been just her. she’s starting to feel slightly uncomfortable around him. especially since he’s been making the work harder so that she needs to rely on him more; he also sent her a christmas present this year in the form of a revealing dress and jewellery for her ‘christmas party’..which she isnt sure is fully appropriate. while she doesn’t feel like she can open up and (quite frankly) is afraid to, it’s made her cling to her other siblings more than before.

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starringstjames · 4 years

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{ facie, 20, aest, she & her } ☆ did you hear the rumor? JESSE ST. JAMES has been spotted in the big apple! HE is TWENTY SIX y-o and works as a BROADWAY ACTOR. some things never change, because HE is still SOCIAL but also NARCISSISTIC. psst! we did our research and found out that HE is a compulsive liar and has driven his siblings away as he’s painted them as jealous and spiteful when that was never the case. i wonder how long JESS will play pretend! ☆ { jonathan groff, glee character }

cw. for mentions of eating disorders & drug use

about.

name: jesse anthony st. james age: 26 date of birth / zodiac: august 1st / leo gender: cismale pronouns: he/him sexual orientation: heterosexual hometown: staten island, new york occupation: currently in rehearsals for the new off-broadway show ‘the princess diaries: the musical’ family: margot st. james (nee. castello) - mother, anthony st. james - father, older sister, younger brother

background.

born in staten island to a pair of local chemists, jesse spent most of his childhood in a run-down house, sharing a bedroom with his sister. the st. james family had never left staten island, they had barely moved from the neighborhood for generation.

as a child, jesse constantly craved attention. he’d do anything if it meant people would praise him, and this usually involved harassing his sister into reenacting episodes of tv shows in living room together. eventually, to save their daughter the torture, the st. james parents enrolled jesse in a local youth theatre, hoping it would give him a place to get all of his energy out.

when jesse was nine, his mother fell pregnant again and gave birth to jesse’s younger brother ( jesse is not 100% convinced that all the st. james childhood share the same father but he has no proof of this ). jesse was immediately threatened by this, viewing his brother has competition and this was when he began taking his performing more seriously. he would not be overshadowed by a baby.

jesse snagged his first lead role at age thirteen, playing the cat in a production of seussical jr. he spent every waking hour practicing lines and making sure he knew the songs and dances like the back of his hand. why it drove his family crazy, they humored him.

in high school, jesse was far from top of the food chain. being the lanky white boy, with a pretentious vocabulary and a hatred for ‘the ridiculous rap music’ but him at odds with the rest of his peers. but he was okay with his, when he got out of there and became famous they’d feel bad for not wanting to sit with him at lunch.

jesse’s success in performing gained the desired effect, with his parents loving to tell anyone who’d listen about how much of a star their son was going to be. jesse was even able to get his parents to leave his sister’s high school graduation early to come drive him to an audition.

a few weeks before jesse was set to start his senior year, the st. james’ relocated to manhattan. the years of being put on the back burner had done a number to his sister, which everyone else seemed to have notice besides jesse. they had to move so that she could be sent to an eating disorder clinic in manhattan. jesse jumped at the chance to move closer to the great white way, it didn’t matter if his sister had to work her way through a little bulimia in order for him to get that.

after graduation, jesse decided to skip the whole college thing, he wanted to get out into the world and began auditioning whenever he could, earning money on the side by working at his parents’ pharmacy. it was this work on the side that led to finding his eleven year old brother unconscious in the storeroom, having knocked himself out by inhaling a bunch of the cleaning spray.

after the confrontation that went down between his parents and his brother, jesse decided it was time to get his own place, finding a small (insanely overpriced) apartment in new york city and getting a job as a cater waiter.

this job, however, was only needed for a few weeks before jesse booked his first gig as the gerry understudy in beautiful on broadway. the first night he went on for the role, he invited his whole family, but his parents were the only ones to show up, saying that his brother and sister had been busy. jesse knew that was bullshit and when his cast mates asked him why they hadn’t seen his siblings at stagedoor, jesse told them that they had never come to see him perform, that they had never supported him. which wasn’t true. but it felt it.

the next year, after his contract for beautiful ran out, jesse performed the role of anatole in great comet, unfortunately only for a few weeks before the shows closing.

during a livestream he did on instagram during his run in great comet, jesse was asked about his family. and he said that he had grown up in poverty - which wasn’t true. staten island wasn’t very pretty, but they weren’t poor. but jesse saw all of the praise he was getting for overcoming adversity, and things only escalated from there.

in 2018, jesse joined the north american tour of waitress as dr. pomatter and the interviews that followed his casting on theatre publications only fueled his fire for making things up. when asked about how he got into theatre, jesse confidently stated that he turned to theatre to get away from his sister’s self-destructive behavior and her rampent jealousy and that he got his first professional role only hours after his little brother overdosed in front of him to get attention because jesse was succeeding. jesse couldn’t help how the way people patted him on the back felt.

as the tour came to a close, jesse got a phone call from his sister. the two hadn’t spoken in months, but she had finally stumbled upon his interview. she accused his of being a liar, stating that she had come to every single show he had done as a kid and even given up her free time to help him with lines, accusing him of using her sickness for his own gain and said that his brother barely touched drugs and that his OD was just a case of peer pressure from some bad eggs at school and that his parents had no clue he had been saying any of this. his family was officially cutting ties with him. jesse didn’t say anything, he just hung up the phone and made a tweet about how his family was toxic. he didn’t need them, people already thought he had gotten this far without them, he could do it for real.

jesse’s 2020 plans include rehearsals for a new musical, the princess diaries: the musical as michael. it’s jesse first time originating a role and his first time off-broadway and he knows it will do leaps and bounds for his career. this will show his family the real jesse, the one everyone else was seeing, the hardworking and driven kid who overcame everything thrown his way.

headcanons.

— jesse’s favorite musical is sunday in the park with george, and is counting down the days until he’s old enough to play george. — jesse has a shellfish allergy, which is a real shame because he loves the idea of being rich enough to order lobster at a fancy hotel restaurant. — besides the girl he went to prom with, jesse’s never had a girlfriend. it’s a lot easier for him to keep up his professional life by sticking to hook ups with people who won’t do harm to his career. — once he earns a tony award for acting, jesse wants to move into directing. and after that, release an album and after that, move into hollywood acting. he wants to be a EGOT winner really badly. — jesse met patti lupone when he was fifteen on a field trip to look at various new york tourist spots. she was buying a croissant at a local cafe. it was a highlight of the trip.

connections.

(open to any gender unless otherwise specified)

best friend — they’ve known each other for years and jesse always makes sure to get them the best seats when they come see his shows. he’ll even excuse them bootlegging if they really want. co-star — weather it be a show they did in the past or a cast member in the princess diaries, jesse wants to make the best impression he can and build up a strong connection with his cast. he hates backstage drama. rival — they’ve been stealing roles from each other and jesse doesn’t hide his negative feelings. hook-up — a one night stand, or a repeat offender. let’s just hope no one catches feels ( female or non-binary character ) anything else you can think of!

@pretendinghq

#tag. about #pretending.intros #pretending.tasks #pretending.task001

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