#(good god I need to be held more)

[chiprewington]

i'm in my "i want to hold him" phase

#toontown #corporate clash #corporateclash #chip revvington #toontowncorporateclash #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #chainsaw consultant #perry winkles #my art #<- putting that there because edited models #selfship bullshit yet again #perry is WAY too small to properly hold him. can barely even fit eir arms around his shoulders. ey dont care. #i need to talk more in-depth about these two though i just keep posting the sappy stuff #the sappy stuff is good but i need to talk about the whole qpr slowburn eventually!!!!!! #but also. but also. chip as a giant ~9000lb 11ft 7in steel machine needs to be held so gently and told everything's okay and he's safe and- #relieve him at least slightly of the dark cloud hanging over his mind. #let him feel relief told in a heavy sigh expelled from his neck vents. #he's in control and that's what's important. #he'd probably chuckle to himself. how did he get here with a critter of all things? #and yet he still sits there feeling comforted and loved #god i want to hear him chuckle. it'd be such a deep and bassy sound. it'd be adorable. #idk. something something roger and jessica but traumatized that's my favorite summary of these two #🍒 #cherry

[universal-kitty]

    I just realized, I never posted gift-art I got?? For my birthday this year??? The WONDERFUL @jvcmk did this art for me, of my sona + Ren, and I am still SO in love with it.

    It remains my icon on Discord. And I stare at it whenever I need comfort. 💕 Thank you so, so much again for this art!!! (Let me pay you for more someday, aaa)

14DWY (Ren’s source) is an 18+ game. Minors DNI or get blocked. 💖

#14dwy #14 days with you #14dwy ren #14dwy sona #for me #[ save ] #[otp tag pending] #I can't believe I never posted this here??? hello?? #anyways PLEASE look at this lovely artwork muah muah!! #(but don't look at the game if you're comfy with yan topics) #anyways [sHAKES MY LAPTOP] #I LOVE HE!!!! 💕 #HE IS THE BEST AND DID NOTHING WRONG AND~ #(also seeing this with the blog's icon...) #(good god I need to be held more) #(this bitchard needs a GOOD LONG CUDDLE)

[handsomegentlebutch]

My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.

#butch speaks #it was hard not to shake as i held J over the basin to have the water poured on his head #when he was cleansed of sin. as if a little kid could ever knowly or intentionally offend a so-called loving god #the words came naturally to me #but they meant nothing #i remember when they used to mean something. when i begged gods forgiveness for my sin (being a lesbian) and tried to pray the gay away #i remember how much i wanted to die bc i could never truly embrace the sacred #i STILL deal with the complex of catholic guilt. its a very real thing. its hard to shake #i cant help but wonder if the catholicism ingrained in my brain is why i have a hard time with casual dating n sex #fun fact: there was a point when i was a teen that i got REALLY catholic #i prayed everyday. i talked to my patrin saint (st agnes) every day. i wantsd to become a nun #the thought of marrying a man mad me more sad than feeling like an alien did. so id marry the church as a nun. #not the way to hide being a dyke when ur fam is catholic btw LMAO #the first priest i knew was father joe. i loved that guy. he was so kind. friendly. briming with love. #he was one of my biggest references for what a good person was like #he talked about gods love a lot. how its for everyone. no one is exluded. ever. #he used to look right at me when he said stuff like that. a few other kids too. all of whom grew up to be queer #then father joe passed away. our church merged with another church. father jeff was the priest there. #he was kind but not as kind. he talked about hell and sin more. he looked at the same kids father joe did. #but the kindness in his eyes wasnt there. #that wasnt for us. #my family wasnt even THAT catholic #i went to church every sunday i did vacation bible school and catechism classes and youth group #i was an altar servant and in the choir #i even used to speak/understand a little latin #imagine how much worse id have been if my mom could have afforded catholic school lmao #grateful to have grown up poor in that regard #hm. actually... reading my own tags. mayne we were pretty catholic actually. #fucking hell. #i need to have lesbian sex in a church before god and everyone. mayeb that would fix me.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Processing some things

Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)

#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style. #Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look. #Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix #Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3) #<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off' #like...not just handing it to him #I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3 #I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!' #I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK??? #Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay #In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic #reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be #friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay #Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her #Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes) #just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe #SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS #Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow- #Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz... #literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him #OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism..... #TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme #(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain.... #Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but #by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to #do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people. #<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision #and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves #OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM #Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!

[dandyshucks-moving]

there's this one photo I've seen floating around a few times with the words "I wish we could've met as kids, you would've loved the softer me" and I think about it every now and then

so ... art ʅ(๑ ᷄ω ᷅ )ʃ

#''what if they met as kids'' AU basically djdkskl #also i discovered this rly fun music album and was listening to it while working on this fjdksl its called Portrait by The 5th Element !! #theres this one rly weird song on it fjdkdl I assume theyre american bc its like uhh. that one american thing. declaration of independence? #idk fjfkdl i think thats what that is. no idea though im not american SHSJSKL #ANYWAYS GOOD ALBUM besides that one part of the medley song but even that is kind of a fun melody to it #BUT YEAH. meeting as kids. i want to explore the concept a little more fhfkdl #i think it'd be sweet to explore them being friends and going on adventures and OH GOD im just turning Guz into an OC now arent i... OOPS #OH WELL. INTO THE REALM OF OOC WE GOOOOO BRAVELY MARCHING INTO THE FOG DJDKDL #HE'S NOT AN OC HE'S STILL THE SAME CHARACTERRR IM JUST SQUISHING HIM AROUND LIKE SILLY PUTTY AND SEEING WHAT HAPPENS #THE ONLY ISSUE WITH THIS. is that i would need to remember what i was like as a kid. but i do not hold those memories fjfkdl #those are held by another part of the brain. ACK!! good thing i have imagination and can make shit up based on childhood report cards LMAO #dandyshucks #junebug 🪲 #dandy doodlebugs #💜so good at being in trouble #MAYBE KIND OF A WEIRD POST FOR A SELFSHIP BLOG. idk if anyone else has done this. BUT ITS MY BLOG I GUESS #boldly going into the unknown... excelsior!!! onwards and upwards!! new AUs and ideas to explore!! lots of fun to be had!! #💜a boy and his bug🪲

[emdotcom]

I changed my mind. Hater behavior is undeserved, when it comes to works, & idgaf about holding creators accountable when their games are mid, anymore.

#em.txt #now i only care about how you treat your workers tbh #so there are still series i hate. but now I don't want to be mean to people who put time & effort into making shit #this is about post shift 2. people were too fuckin mean to Rjac for a game he made for free #& as a bitch who loves that game a lot i see your criticisms i understand. but you're not gonna be mean to him abt this #that fucking teen that held that interview & told him he needed to be held accountable for his mistakes. god #he made this shit for free across four years. what can happen in four years? what did he work through? #to deliver you a free game. even if you don't fucking like the game if you invite a creator on to talk about their works #you don't fucking talk to them the way uyeah did. shit was cruel & uncalled for. #this game is fucking good but it's forever going to be burried as a game that's complicated with weird tutorials #ps2 is fun. you should try it. if you don't get it -- ask. I'll answer any question at any time #i will vc you i will write a text doc -- whatever you want. more people need to experience this fucking game #it's compelling in a way few games are to me. #i can homestly only compare it to rain world but not for a reason that's overt & easy to explain. more in how it feels to play #rather than what you do. #man. idk. i gotta learn how to talk about shit i love without being mean now #this started because i was talking mad shit to my friends & it asked me to stop because i was downtalking something she loved a lot #& i realized this isn't fun for people. i thought we were having fun but tbh? I'm just a mean negative bitch #& that's not fun. that's mean. #i have to redo this character arc from when i was 13 because i guess I didn't learn it the first time around #cynicism doesn't make you funny or cool. it makes you mean & unfun to be around. finding kind things to say is tougher. #if you can present your criticism nicely then maybe you can criticize too #but that alone does not a good critique make & it definitely don't make you fun at parties #listen. i am still gonna be a bitch. but i am going to be less of one.

[nyamcot]

um...what da scallop.. (they’re playing Mario kart ds)

Redrawing of this image!!!!!! ^___^

#HOPEFULLY the read more cut works . cause ive never done it until now but decided to try it after remembering the word for it #my art lmao #<— I honestly need a new art tag good god :cry: #anyways! #reblogs are highly appreciated aha I love reading tags a lot ^__^ #first actual drawing I did on my phone aside from the little pmd doodle I did a bit ago. I’m vry unsure ab how it came out but it is mostly #bc I held vry high expectations for it to be on par to how I draw on my tablet. #I think it’s fine though so :thumbs up: #I’m getting adjusted at least #puyo puyo #ぷよぷよ #ringo ando #Amitie #arle nadja #Puyo puyo tetris #ppt2 #sega #Puyo puyo art #Puyo puyo fanart #carbuncle puyo puyo #carbuncle #Amitie puyo puyo #ringo puyo puyo #Arle puyo puyo #Nintendo ds #risukuma #(in the background lol) #Risukuma puyo puyo #fanart #artists on tumblr

[meownotgood]

not a single day goes by where I don't think of him, this cute little idiot, stupid little bastard

#dumb fool who I love so dearly #oh my god I love him #I love him more than anything #ANYTHIIIIIIINNNGGGG #I NEED HIMMMMMMMM #his cute face #he's so...... aa. a. s. d... #I need to hold him..... need to.... take good care of him....... #aaaa.. a. a. s. d. d.. f. f.... #he wants me to buy him so bad #he wants to be held #aki <3

[stardustedknuckles]

The problem with becoming friends with people while all of you are going through some awful trauma is that if you're not careful you won't know how to keep being friends without it. Growth is a good thing, but that can be easy to forget when every step forward you take makes you worry those people won't be in your life anymore and you subconsciously feel like you have to manufacture some kind of ongoing crisis so you guys have something to talk about. Friendships formed in the face of hardship are strong and fierce things, and the relationship fading as your lives improve doesn't mean it wasn't real. It just served its purpose. You all made it out alive, and that was why you found each other in the first place. This is a hard and shitty lesson to learn.

#I miss my core group of friends but my god we were held together by the stress in our lives #We leaned hard on each other and we needed that #But none of us knew how to have a regular friendship with low stakes #And the other three figured it out before I did #So it was just me trying to offer news about my life but it was all... Not even negative just A Lot #And they had moved into stability and didn't need that anymore #And from my point of view if I didn't talk nobody would #Which ended up being true #I got better and offered good things going on in my life and they just.... Stopped #Being friends with them was necessary for that part of my life #Of all of our lives #We all met in college and needed each other the few years after when life was still a mess but without the structure of schoolwork #I'm grateful to have known them #But there's no doubt they saw me as a younger sibling #And the more I began to make my own decisions the more they pushed back #And got upset when I didn't take their advice #I hope they're well #But I think I'm done being hurt that they've moved on #Good for them #Now I have regular friendships too - even deep ones - and they're nothing like that was #I'm no longer doing joint survival mode #mundane adventures

[boyczar]

please listen to Nina Simone’s cover of Isn’t It a Pity. please remember that we all are suffering from the human condition. we all have veils that are dulling our ability do what we came here to do: love each other. your neglectful or abusive parents, the trauma you’ve endured, the stresses of work, your lack of communication & emotional regulation skills that you were never taught, your complicated relationship with religion, your self doubt and insecurity instilled in you by emotionally immature people who didn’t know what they were talking about. all of it. you are so much more. we all are. we all reveal our shortcomings in this life, often. even those who have “done the work” still fall prey to the ways of society. they want us lonely and broken. you are easier to control this way. don’t give them what they want. don’t give yourself away, it’s all you have. you are love-able. you are able to love. you are accountable for your actions and responsible for how you enact them, when, and who to direct them toward. empower yourself.

#mine #having a lot of thoughts but far more feelings #good god if you aren’t changing then you are choosing #if you are self aware in the slightest about things you dislike and don’t change them #then you are CHOOSING misery #if you are not changing you are choosing #that sounds harsh or aggressive but it’s not! it’s so empowering #it’s so empowering to choose better and know that all the good in your life is because you put it there #being accountable and held responsible for your choices works both ways #it’s such a positive to know that you can simply choose to release all that negativity #i had a cold hard metallic rock in place of a heart for years and that pain gnawed at me since forever #i finally realized i can just chuck out the rock and start feeling with a real beating bleeding heart #so now i do #you can too #i love you. #no matter what #always have always will #i don’t close doors #i feel no need #i leave my light on #i leave my door open

[qasian-tech-support]

Please ignore if I clicked the wrong blog to respond to.

But I also want new Megas and Protomen :(

RIGHT?!?!

I mean, yeah, the Megas also have their takes on Skullman's theme ("Cracked Skulls"; inspired by MM4) and Chill Penguin's theme ("Chill XMas"; inspired by MMX), and I guess there's also one based on Storm Eagle's theme ("Rougmer Storm"; MMX), but I haven't listened to that one yet.

Like, I get that they have a good story arc to cover the first 3 classic games, but it would be so cool if they explored some of the themes of the following games, y'know? Or flesh out the MMX or other series music! Or hell, pick and choose some Robot Masters and make a new narrative, or like literally anything, please, people are starving over here! And it's not like they aren't still active. Don't get me wrong, I love their Castlevania stuff under the Belmonts label, but it would be nice to get Mega Man content outside of just remixes/remasters of their existing songs. Plus, they're still doing concerts, so like the audience is there for it!

And as for the Protomen, I hope that they actually end up releasing Act III at some point. Having listened to The Fight, it makes me crave it to an unhealthy degree. I love the grimdark kinda take on Mega Man that focuses more on the role that humanity takes in all of the conflict. I feel like that angle gets extremely neglected in Mega Man media.

Idk, as a fan, it's just kinda frustrating how neglected mega man gets. Like, it feels like the rare times whenever we do get content, it focuses on the first three or four games (if we're lucky), and then it just dies off! Or goes dormant for a decade or more. The franchise has so much creative potential that just isn't realized and it's so sad!

#hoping praying everyday for more #oh god and like just how foundational both bands have been for the creative efforts for the classic series #the archie comic even references The Megas a few times!! I GAVE YOU HAIR (ROBOTIC HAIR) #imagine the potential with a Bass focused narrative! or Quint! or Dr Cain!! #and Capcom themselves arent free from scorn here. if they encouraged more creative efforts a la the archie comic it could stimulate #even more interest in the series beyond just jumping and shooting. like that helps to build an evergreen fanbase #and i mean more than just XDiVE. like i find XDiVE charming yeah but like. Im not seeing the profits from being put back into mega man stuff #having friends that have gotten me back into transformers really makes me reflect on Mega Man. i get that transformers has toylines and MM #is more game focused and that def makes a difference but like. the amount of comic series and issues that help flesh out the transformers #universes. for MM we get like 55 issues for archie? 'indefinite hiatus'? bro we know the sonic stuff brought MM down with it just say 'dead' #let IDW take up the license and get Ian Flynn to come back. i know we likely wont get ArchieOCs like Tempo back but like #idk.... it hurts bc i know how good of a job the archie comics were. its hard to imagine a reboot that isnt basically identical in story to #archie. esp bc how much love was put into tying in with the side content like the hand held games. but surely something could be done #somehow it could be continued. find some kind of Genesis Wave-esque mcguffin to change the OCs out. retcon the sonic stuff out completely #i really dont want to see MM1—MM3 needing to be revisited *again*. its like a Dr.Wily/Sigma in their own right for how much it comes back #like thats prob what kills a lot of creative endeavors tbh. the themes and events are so foundational that theyre nigh inescapable #I'm just.... tired.. #i have so much love for mega man and so many chains holding that love down

[aletherancaspar]

me: mom why don’t we ever host a shabeel

mom: [no response]

me: fine i’ll do it myself

#him #my art #orz #the other day i went for a walk #it was like a rainy day 😭😭😭😭😭 #and saw a bunch of shabeels being held #now i do know that it’s the sort of thing that’s planned in advance so it wasn’t really their fault #but it was still a bit funny that 😭😭😭😭 out of all the days of the summer they ended up picking the nicest & coolest days 😭😭😭😭😭 #so i got into wondering why we never host one 😭😭😭 i remember one being held at our ancestral home but never at our current place #(tbf they have a joint family so there’s a lot more manpower available hashtag nuclear family problems) #so in order to fulfil my dream i drew this concept 💅 #maybe his husband wanted to host one?? but that’s just the two of them (and maybe their 3 kids) #i feel like you need at least five people…….. maybe they can call his cousins?? if he has any non-evil ones (haven’t decided yet) #maybe they just call their friends? or neighbours ❓ idk i think Urvish (husband) is friendly enough to convince people #maybe they can even call his ex… why not? the ex desperately needs goodwill with god tbh so this is a good place to start

[sugared-violets]

who needs surgeons when you can just reread the book that defined your adolescence and get your heart ripped out for free

#i didn't get through a whole chapter before i started crying #this is about the dusk gate chronicles which nobody on the face of the planet has ever heard of lol #it's just. these books meant EVERYTHING to me #i've never connected so deeply with any other protagonist. like there are others i LIKE more but this is different #quinn (the protag) just feels... idk like the same as me. almost every decision she makes is the one i would make and our flaws are the same #the love interest reminded me so much of the real boy i was in love with too and that kills me now #the core philosophy of the book literally held our stupid dysfunctional relationship together a couple times #but even now that i'm out and regret ever knowing him the philosophy still means so much to me just in a different way #the rose garden i was trying so hard to cultivate and grow and protect turned out to be nothing but thorns #and the dandelions i used to root out are the happiness i needed all along. yes they're easier but it's easy now because it's right and good #and now it hurts bc these books brought me so much joy but now its stained with associations to someone who hurt me carelessly #in a character that made me want to fall in love #for fucks sake he has the same NAME even. Will this and Will that i can't take it!!! #god. maybe i could find a way to read kindle books in my browser so i can use a deadname replacer on him lol #rename him something that won't break my heart every damn time i read it #anyway. sorry for this i am very sad #dani.txt

[selfshippinglover]

Looking at pictures of demon Alastor got me acting UP

(Horny in the tags so ignore just needed to scream lol)

#cicisays #god wishes i was normal #but nah #seeing sharp teeth and claws sends a shudder through my back like no other #fuck #WHY IS BEING A WILLING SACRIFCE SO EASY #EAT ME HURT ME CHASE ME WANT ME #WHATEVER IT IS JUST LET ME BE THE ONE IT HAPPENS TOO #FUCK #HOLD ME DOWN WITH YOPUR TENTACLES #RIP OFF MY SKIN AND EAT IT IN FRONT OF ME WHILE MY STOMACH FLIPS FOR MULTIPLE REASONS #WALK ALL OVER ME ILL KISS UR HEEL #FUCK EM IM SO HOT AND BOTHERED ITS NOT FAIR #I SHOULD BE BEING HUNTED AND CHASED FOR SPORT RN! #A HAND AROUND MY THROAT WHILE I WHINE #HHHHHH #MMMMM #BRING HELD DOWN WHILE HE SINKS HIS TEETH INTO MY FLESH #IT HURTS IT STINGS BUT ITS SO SO GOOD #TO BE THE ONE #FOR HIM THAT WAY #TOUCH ME AND TELL ME HOW YOU WANT TO DESTROY ME IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL #BIND MY ARMS WHILE I CRY #RAVENGE MY INSIDES WHILE TELLING #E HOW GOOD I LOOK #HOW PRETTY I AM BATHED IN RED #HOW NO ONE ELSE CAN HAVE ME LIKE THIS #RUN KISSES DOWN MY BODY AS YOU CUTE RED LINES ITNO MY SKIN #LEAVE ME HOT AND BROKEN AND NEEDING #LUSTING FOR MORE AS THE WOUNDS PULSE

[timeisacephalopod]

Lmao so apparently my idiot sibling who I will not be able to cut off as thoroughly as I'd like thanks to my mom being too nice and loving her stupid waste of life ass said, in response to me pointing out how insanely sexist she is, no. I'm the sexist one and that's hilarious for a billion reasons, but mostly because ain't no sexist going to spend four years getting an I Hate Sexism Degree. No, obviously having a gender studies degree does not mean a person isn't sexist automatically (the rancid politics of anti porn and anti sex work feminism of the 70's showed how awful feminists can be to women, let alone the long history of racism and anti queerness), but I do think having a gender studies degree probably means you're less likely to be sexist.

But sure, person who doesn't listen or respect SHIT unless it's got a penis attached, I'M the sexist one. Dumb fuck probably doesn't even know what sexism is.

#winters ramblings #my mom told me that amd i jad a good laugh and was like WHAT lmao is she actually THAT fucking stupid? #of course the answer is yes but of all my flaws- of which there are many- sexism doesnt and in fact has NEVER hit the list #because ive been a VICTIM of sexism my whole assed life im not going to buy into it and assume that if no penis is involved #the person is a lying rancid harpy looking to destroy me at all costs like my idiot sibling. ANYTHING a man says is GOSPEL #but anything a woman says needs to be under such a heavy cloud of suspicion she wont ever believe you no matter HOW true #whatever you said was. but if i were a MAN oh id get WORSHIPED at the alter #fuckin im sexist ok ask men who have run into me if THEY think that because it takes 2 seconds fora sexist to make themselves #known and it takes just as short of a time for me to react in a way that suggests i dont agree #and i have NEVER nor WOULD i ever worship a man like hes more impressive than the idea of GOD #in fact in general i go out of my way to ensure men in my life are WELL aware of where i think ALL our places are #and generally thats an equal footing. but yeah im not shocked the dumb fuck who will do ANYTHING for men who BEAT her kids #calls ME sexist for pointing out shes never ONCE treated a woman with a SPECK of respect and in fact thinks her CHILDREN #acting like dicks is THE SAME as GROWN MEN being abusive tyrants because to her girls and grown men are THE SAME #except that grown men get to do whatever while girls are expected to be perfect Or Else because they dont have the Penis of Freedom #but sure im sexist for pointing out treating CHILDREN like they should have more accountability and responsibility than #GROWN MEN is disgusting and CLEARLY bigoted. silly me children SHOULD be held to a higher standard of behavior than grown men!

[2003hondacivic]

some journal entries during an incredibly hard period of my life

#right before and the aftermath #this year has changed so much about my life #reading these old entires i am astounded at how i handled it all with a lot more strength than i realized #the pain was always there but i remained positive #i held myself accountable for my thoughts and actions #i recognized that i wasn’t in a good state of mind and i wasn’t always as emotionally mature as i thought #i had things i needed to say and i wasn’t taught how to in an appropriate manner #which is NO excuse. my parents’ lack was not my fault but it is my responsibility now #i am a capable adult thank god #i am forever grateful for the resources i have now #thank you for this year. thank you for the pain the strength the wisdom the love all of it #i hold so much love still #mine #i lost all my friends (completely all no contact) in a matter of days some time in April #it was involuntary isolation and literal abandonment that was honestly traumatizing for a while but thank god it happened #it hurt a lot going through it but i still love them all. i know things that i wish i knew now #i would have treated the situation completely differently #perhaps i could’ve given some insight & provided more grace and comfort if i knew what i know now #i can’t go back but i accept this. i forgave it before it even happened. no pain is worth the grief of a grudge ever #they all have my blocked but i wish i could say so much to them. and listen to them. so badly. #but that’s what therapy is for i guess #there is solace in knowing that they would have all acted differently had they known what i know now as well #this brings me peace #i love them in other planes. i love them in dreams and they know this. they might not realize it though. that’s okay