#(and sure that's prob due to fucked up shit that happened in past relationships and this is not the same)

[loumauve]

.

#sometimes I wish there was like a guide or sth to dealing with intimacy when you're ace #not just in relationships but also in relationships #bc sometimes I think back to conversations I've had with non-ace folks in the past #and usually they would come down to sth like 'when you know you know' #or 'there's gonna be this look and you'll know it's the right moment' #which all seems fake af and untrue and entirely un-applicable if you've agreed to sth else #like.. if you've agreed to not worry abt that and that you'll pick up the topic if anything ever changes #but how do you know if things have changed. how do you know what you want vs what you're wanting only in the moment #and how do you not make it awkward if you bring it up only to later realise maybe you were just having a weird moment #(like. I go through phases every month and I know it's coming. but I also know it'll go away again eventually) #(and like.. I guess I'm still terrified of setting expectations for things I can later not fulfill) #(and sure that's prob due to fucked up shit that happened in past relationships and this is not the same) #((..the difference a partner you can trust to keep their word on respecting your boundaries can make...)) #anyway. scared shitless of starting sth I can't finish. also unsure if I want to start anything in the first place #and just so tired of not knowing where to even fucking start. gonna blame my migraine weirdness for posting this in the first place #a day in the life of.. #(((how to know if maybe you'd like something now when you haven't in the past but now all parameters are different.. #..and maybe it would be nice but maybe it would still suck and you'd end up hating it and feeling regretful.. #..and maybe you'll never be able to get out of your head enough to just have a moment and go with it and be happy)))

[dyonoi]

I'm not sure if you even look at this blog anymore, but I just wanted to say I MISS YOU!! I still look through your old meta posts and art every few months and while I know you prob won't come back to the fandom, a part of me still hopes it! I guess I was curious to know how you're doing, and whether you've gotten into any other fandoms and ships? You were really fun and if there's something else you're into and writing for I would love to follow you into it!! <3

god this feels like the worst anime timeskip episode. hey there, its been a while. surprised theres people still around who remember. in the past 4??? years i guess ive done some shit, yeah. cliffnotes: finally closed the long distance and moved in with my SO, became a stoner, found the perfect physical art medium for me and have been busy becoming IG famous 💅 and actually making a living off it, and most importantly i have a cat now. he's a manx cat with a little bunny tail and he is so unlike any other cat ive interacted with. he has absolutely no style, no grace. he constantly trips over nothing. cannot jump higher than 2 feet, will gently catch bugs and then lets them fly away, is literally incapable of feeling anger (the sole exception is if you blow air on his feet. this makes him so angry so fast for whatever reason and its hilarious to witness) ive only heard him hiss twice in the past 4 years. anyway things could always be better but lifes pretty good.

as for other media ive gotten into? uh, the truth is i have a VERY muted relationship with media at this point. i dont run any secret fandom blogs. to be honest, i probably will never allow myself to become even nearly as entangled with a fandom ever again as much as i did with homestuck. for all the fun i had, i was WAY too active in it to the point where it was frankly unhealthy and being candid, it played a big role in me stagnating as a human being for a good year or two. the amount of opinionated bullshit i was spewing 24/7 for years predictably made me a target for people who disagreed and wanted to bring me down a peg, warranted or not, and as thick skinned as i am it did eventually start stressing me out and making me act like a loon. thankfully most of this was in private but it still happened, if you know you know. ive alluded to the reason why i got like that, but putting that much energy and faith into a single author to the extent i did is a recipe for ruin on multiple fronts.

hs was a painful lesson in that most shit just…sucks, and even if something starts out great, the chances that the author will stop giving a shit, fuck it up for the ending or even just straight up die is decently high lol and its something you should always have in the back of your mind. (guess which dumbass started reading berserk in late 2020) this was made way worse by hussie just… being an unrepentant fucking asshole. in hindsight this wasnt a shocking reveal but the hopium that theyd make it right in the end was too strong for all of us. i could have forgiven them losing interest as an artist due to general life hardships, but in the end they ditched it after pissing on it and then setting it on fire. so much of hs's success was on the back of fan media and when your finale in return is to salt the earth to the point where no one gives a fuck about it anymore, even the people who liked the tail end petered out pretty quickly too on that. just….eugh. i have permanent media trust issues.

even in the rare instances where something good ends up canon, even if the premise and buildup is great, the fandom surrounding it will pontificate a combined million hours and 9 times out of 10 will write them better than the author ever will. its sad in a way, but its the truth.

i still think davekat is great, once in a while ill look over my folder of it and my art and smile like an old lady looking over a dusty family photo album. the dynamic is rock solid, and if you agree my advice is to steal them. just steal them. call them doug and kevin and export them into your original story. they deserved better, and you will probably do a better job anyway.

media i AM interacting with (lightly) is one piece again. NONE of you bitches that read the entirety of homestuck have any room to complain about how long it is. i have a lot of problems with it (read: sanji) but in general its pretty fun and enough to sink your teeth into. sidenote i have been shipping luffy/zoro since two thousand fucking six and its a testament to my unending great taste that it was and still is an excellent ship. though i have a curse of somehow always ending up in fandom c-tier ships in terms of popularity like that LOL i got memed into watching bnha (DONT LAUGH) and my ship of choice, todobaku? an absolutely hilarious dynamic and a total banger. but yet another c-tier. after being spoiled with davekat content domination for years this sucks haha

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #443

“it’s not a life sentence, but a death dream for you”

When was the last time you were in the hospital? Me personally, uhhh sometime in 2017? Why were you there? I had a cyst removal surgery. Do you like Cheez-Its or Cheese Nips better? Cheez-Its. Have you worn headphones at all today? Yeah, I pretty much always do because YouTube is always open and on a video. When was the last time you had blood drawn? A few months ago or something? I'll be getting some drawn shortly though for genetic testing; due to my mom having some dysfunctional cancer prevention gene, all her children are getting tests to see if we inherited it. The last time you got blood drawn, what was the reason? I want to say I was tested for anemia most recently. What color eyes does/did your father have? Brown. What do you daydream most about? Things I wish I didn't daydream about. What is your relation to the last child you spoke to? They're my niece and nephew. Do you believe the Holocaust happened? No fucking shit? Do you prefer zebra stripes, tiger stripes, or leopard spots? Tiger stripes, ig. When did you last see a dog? At my nephew's b-day party a couple weeks ago. Nicole brought her dog Zeke over. Have you ever been in the mountains when the moon and stars were up? No, but omg I wish!!!!!!!!!! Do you know anyone from Canada? Yep. Has a cat ever licked you? Yeah. Roman especially loves to give kisses. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc. that you haven’t been? The Wizard of Oz park, probs. Are you scared to look at your own organs on x-ray or ultrasound? No, that shit's rad. o: Have you ever walked on a frozen lake/river? No, that sketches me out. I'd be afraid of the ice breaking and me falling in. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever met an Alaskan? Met in-person, no. But I do have an online friend who's from Alaska. Or may still live there? Idk. Have you ever mowed the lawn (even a little bit)? No. Have any unpleasant public transit stories to tell? Nah. Do you know any German words? Seeing as I took four semesters of the language in high school, I know a good deal. However, my skill has definitely atrophied with time and lack of application. Do you have a passport? No. Are your teeth straight? I mean, mostly. I had braces for too long, but I didn't wear my retainer, so they've moved back some. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you? Yeah, sure. I've never understood why height is an issue for some people. Can you quote the movie Mean Girls? No. I personally never got the craze. Have you ever swam in the Atlantic Ocean? I have. The Pacific? No. Can you make yourself cry? No. Have you ever held a starfish? Not a live one. What would you do if you found out your ex was pregnant/fathered a child? Faint or vomit. Wail. All three. Are you very close to your siblings? No. :/ Can you do CPR? No. Favorite sport to watch in the summer Olympics? I don't care. Ever flushed a fish? Yes. Ever been paid for sex or a sexual favor? No. I wouldn't agree to that. Last friend you talked to online? Sara. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity? No. What is the best ice cream flavor? Vanilla. You have so many topping options. What’s your favorite thing to do outside? Photograph nature, especially wild animals. What would you spend $1,000 on? A big, really pro tattoo. What was the best (non-romantic) night you’ve had? Hm. I don't know. Who did you last lay in a bed/couch/recliner with? Mom and I sat together on the couch some time ago. Do you keep a planner? No. What are you craving right now? I've got a seriously random craving for shell pasta with a nice, meaty tomato sauce. Do you want kids anytime soon? DEFINITELY not soon, but also never. Has anyone ever drunk called/texted you? No. Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. What’s the best feeling in the world? Knowing you're in love and really feeling it. What’s something you really want right now, be honest. There's a lot of things. Who in your family do you act like the most? I don't know, really. Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? My mom, 100%. Do you believe that your first true love can be your only love in life? Of course not. Have you ever kissed under water? Yes. Is there that one guy that you’ll always have feelings for no matter what? Suuuure is. Wish it wasn't like that, but I don't see it ever changing, to be real... Are you 100% over the last person you kissed? 100%? No, I can't say I am entirely. Have your parents ever caught you kissing a guy? "Caught me?" How old is this question meant for? Yes, they've seen me kiss a guy before. If you mean like, seriously kiss-kissing, no. Which one of your exes hates you the most? Probably Jason. Are you named after anyone? No. Well, my middle name has been passed down, but "Brittany" wasn't from anybody else in specific. What reminds you the most of your last relationship? The song "The Only Exception" by Paramore. Have you ever rejected someone but they still wouldn’t give up on you? In elementary school, yes. When growing up, did your family always eat at the dinner table together? Usually, yes, at least when growing up. Sometimes we'd use little tables to eat in the living room though while watching TV. What is the greatest source of happiness in your life? My mom, best friend, and pets. What was the last charity/cause you donated to? I'm unsure, actually. Who was the last person you got a handwritten letter from? Sara! :') Did your parents read bedtime stories to you when you were little? Mom did. Have any of your worst fears ever come true? Yes. The greatest fear I've ever had was losing Jason, and that happened. Is anyone in your family divorced? My parents, for one. My older half-sister has also be divorced because her ex is an absolute piece of manipulative horse shit. Has anyone in your family gotten pregnant as a teenager? I think my mom? No, maybe not... Idk. I ain't doing the math. What’s your greatest talent? If you want a serious answer and not something self-depracating, I suppose writing. Would you ever want to get a master’s degree? It'd be cool, but I've never *actually* wanted to pursue that. Have you ever worn revealing clothing in order to get attention? No. Have you ever been falsely accused of being racist? I've never been accused of being racist, because I'm not. To you, is sex just about physical pleasure, or do you see it as an expression of love and commitment? Absolutely the latter. I could never engage in sex without deep emotional commitment. How many times have you been drunk in the past 6 months? Zero. What’s your favorite French food? I have no idea. What’s the most elaborate recipe you know how to cook? Nothing. Which rooms of your house have doors that lead outside? The living room and kitchen. Best purchase you ever made? My snake. :') Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I haven't seen him a long time, but boy did I have a thing for James Hetfield in high school. There are defs others, but no one else immediately comes to mind. Have you ever been caught sneaking out? No, because I've never tried to. How many Facebooks have you had? Just the one I still use. Have you ever been punched in the face? No. When was the last time you talked to the first person you kissed? The beginning of February, 2017. What is the latest you have ever slept in? Past 5. Do you have to watch yourself in the mirror while you brush your teeth? No. Do you text when you drive? Fuck no. You couldn't pay me to. What movie do you really want to see that’s out? I don't even know what movies are out right now. Did America really put a man on the moon? Eventually, yes. Call me crazy, but I do believe the supposed first one was faked, though, to "beat" Russia in the space race. Do some research and it's pretty shocking. Would you like to date someone a lot purer than you? Idc. Do you turn your phone off at night when you go to sleep? No, but I turn the brightness down for if I wake up in the middle of the night and want to check the time. Have you slept in a bed with the last person you kissed? Yeah. Has anyone ever told you that they loved you, and you didn’t say it back? Yes. Has anyone ever played a prank on you? What happened? I don't believe so. Do you like tattoos and piercings? Helllll yes. :') What are you really into? Animals, art, some weird Korean guy on the Internet... Do your parents like your best friends? Yes. Have you ever taken a nap with a member of the opposite sex? Yeah. Do you have weak upper body strength? Yes. What color was the last cup you drank from? It's just clear glass. How old is your oldest sibling? I actually don't know her exact age. 30-something. What was the last thing you ate that had nuts in it? A Nature Valley cashew bar I had earlier today. How many pieces did the last puzzle you completed have? I have no idea. Who did you last shake hands with? uhhhhhhhh Has anybody asked you out on a date recently? Nah. When was the last time somebody asked you to be their girlfriend? When Girt asked me out a few years ago. Name something you’re picky about: Food. Who did you last ask for help? My mom. Do you like corn? Yeah. If you were offered to smoke some weed right now, would you accept? Right now I honestly probably would, believe it or not. Honestly, who is the last person to tell you that they love you? My mum. Have you ever made out for more than a half hour straight? Yeah. How do you earn money? The only occasions where I ever and very rarely earn money is if someone (non-family, of course) pays me to take pictures for them. Where were you raised? All you need to know is a crappy town in eastern NC. Are your ears gauged? No, but I want the first holes in my earlobes to be, but only with very small gauges. I just can't figure out how to do it myself, at least with the gauges I have. I think I'm missing something. Explain what triggered your last kiss? We were saying goodbye. Could you go a month without talking to your best friend? I mean I could, but it'd seriously fucking suck. Have you ever made out in a park? No, because I don't do that in public. What are you listening to? "Paint You With My Love" by Marilyn Manson. I wasn't big on the album when it came out, but this is one of the songs that's aight to me. Last thing you said out loud? I gave Venus a little wave and said "hey babe" or something like that like I do sometimes when she's slithering around and looks out towards me. Are you sad? Always at least a little bit. I have been kinda down this evening. Where is your dad? I would hope at home. He's probably watching TV, or maybe in bed.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''paint me with your love'' by marilyn manson

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

Spoilers up to Chapter 37 of Baghdad Waltz

Hi everyone,

I’m so very sorry for being so late with getting Chapter 38 out. Writing that Spent Brass put a delay in everything, though it was really crucial to get it posted before this next chapter.

This has been a really tough chapter to get right for me. I’ve gone back to the drawing board more than once for a couple scenes. I’m not sure when it will be out, but I’m working on it daily and making some good progress. Thank you for sending me your words of encouragement and letting me know you’re thinking of me! I’m thinking of you too and know you’re really looking forward to more. It will be a doozy, in terms of content, so I hope it’s worth the wait.

In horrifying news, BW is turning THREE YEARS OLD on March 13th. Kill me. (But not before I finish this fucking thing.)

In the meantime, here are some answers to some Asks-------

Thank you so much for the very kind words. I’m so pleased that this story checks off so many of your boxes, and I’m relieved to know that the structure and methods I’ve chosen for storytelling have lent to a balanced narrative where you can appreciate both of these characters. I figure people don’t have to like each character equally, or at all. I just really want their choices make sense, for each character to have a distinct psychology, to have each action and reaction be believable, even if it is infuriating or illogical (it can still fall within the character’s internal logic, based on their own worldview). And I am so honored that this fic can serve as some inspiration for your own. God knows I have mine I go to on the reg when my stuff sucks and I can’t string two words together to save my life.

This is a deceptively silly question, I think (because I can’t keep anything simple). Working out together would be a nice little nostalgic throwback, wouldn’t it? I sometimes pop back to earlier chapters when they were in Baghdad and think about those times with a wistful smile. I think about the way they related, the way they looked, the relative lack of complications in their lives, and it’s such a profound departure from the way things are now.

Steve obviously has kept up his gym going with Matt. We’ve also seen that working out for him is about more than just being swole and hawt; it’s about control and regulating his emotions. And for Bucky, working out used to be a way of maintaining peak fitness for his career, which was one of the ways that he evaluated his self-esteem. If he was fit, he had value. Also, if he was fit, he was sexy, and we know that sexual capability is also one of the primary currencies he uses to determine his self-worth. He also used the construction of his physique as a way to develop his masculinity, the correct form of [gay] masculinity, rather than being a twink or a sissy. This was always a struggle against Bucky’s natural slim body composition, which has become his default again now that he’s been out of the military.

Now Bucky faces a couple of hurdles to exercise, whether he would do it for health or for building his physique. He has the challenges brought about by his many injuries - compromised grip in his left hand due to his massive forearm injuries and inconsistent rehabilitation efforts, ongoing pain in his right foot and a continued limp from that, significant back and hip pain due to very heavy load bearing and overcompensation from his foot injury. This would make it challenging for him to engage in any intense fitness program. What he really needs is to go back to physical therapy, and probably occupational therapy as well, but last time didn’t go so hot last time.

Even if he didn’t have to contend with his injuries, Bucky is at a bit of a crossroads in terms of how much energy he wants to put into rebuilding and maintaining his ideal physical self, which seems to be based on some prototype he picked up long ago (more on that in a future chapter). No chest hair, no body fat, muscles, a perfectly shaved asshole at all times… But he’s not 21 anymore. He has a boyfriend now. And even though he’d probably love to go to the gym to shoulder in on Steve’s time with Matt, I wonder if he would want to go for himself anymore. I wonder if going with Steve would be intimidating or make him feel pressured to fall back into his old patterns. Because now at least he has the excuse that he can’t lift heavy, that he can’t run, so he might as well not even try. But if he could, it would be interesting to see where his path would go as a 31-year-old man.

See? You thought it would be a simple “Yeah, there’re totes gonna go to the gym together, chapter 41, stay tuned!” or “No, probs not, I don’t think he’s much of a gym goer anymore.” Alas. I give no simple answers. This is why you have to wait 5 months for a BW chapter.

This is a good observation. Bucky loves himself a good drunk pizza. He also watches a lot of food-related TV when he drinks. Bucky has had to think a lot about food for various reasons. One is building muscle and physique when his body is telling him NO I WILL NOT. One is not eating so that he can get drunk faster. One is eating the right kind of diet so that he can have anal sex without having to worry about digestive issues (constipation, feeling too full, not being ‘ready,’ too much or too little shitting), which is a thing he would take seriously a hardcore bottom. I see things like pizza as a comfort food, family food, something Winnie would get for them every Friday night after they moved to New York. It’s a very emotional food for him, but he knows it’s “bad” for all of the aforementioned reasons, because it will make you fat and slow your buzz and stuff up your colon, so he might be most inclined to eat it when deep in a bender and doesn’t give a shit about those other things. Because Bucky not only drinks to forget and manage intense emotions, but he drinks also to just relax the relentless march of self-perpetuated, often absurd rules about what and who he is and what he can and should do. So yes, Bucky has some disordered eating, most of it functional, though a lot of his lack of eating recently is likely anxiety-related and/or stomach illness-related.

Another excellent observation. For those who might need a refresher, since this was in chapter 36:

The morning after Bucky shows up at Steve’s drunk and they have sex and many revelations are made about drinking during their relationship, Bucky gets honest about what happened the day before. He tells Steve:  “I had my interview. It— I really don’t know how it went. I was so out of it. I’ve been so fucked up these past couple weeks. Just— it’s been bad. Really bad.” He tells the story of what happened at Scott’s. Steve asks why Bucky didn’t tell him he was struggling, and Bucky says that he didn’t want to get into it. Steve shifts in to talking about whether they should get back together.

I think there are a couple things here I could say. Yes, Bucky saying that he’s struggling is an example of some unusually straight-forward honesty that’s also a personal risk for himself. That’s a real measure of progress! But while I think this honesty is something that’s pretty new, the fact that he’s in a bad place mentally is not new information to Steve. I think back to the chapter before, after Bucky’s PT appointment with Luke, where he was clearly very distraught and having an extremely difficult time. Steve couldn’t get him to say what was happening then, but it was clear that it was something very major.  So I don’t think this really felt to him like a major revelation, like Bucky’s really been holding it all together perfectly while imploding on the inside. I think this observation was more like, why didn’t you just TELL me you were struggling rather than having to have me wonder and then get wasted and come here drunk? Steve has a long history of asking Bucky if he’s okay and getting the brushoff. He’s probably starting to get tired of always asking and getting shot down.

Another part of your question is also very valid - is this the right time to get into a relationship??  Haha. Ha. Well, nobody said these two were good at making relationship decisions. But on a more serious note, Bucky having struggles is not only not new information for this month, it’s not new information for their relationship. Bucky has always had a secret life of pain that Steve has had to wonder about, ask about, beg to be let into, and he probably figures that one of the best ways he can affect change is if they’re in a romantic relationship. It will let him get close, give him some leverage, etc. So although it might come off as callous, Bucky’s struggles are the rule rather than the exception, and Steve probably figures he needs to get this relationship locked down so that he can get them into therapy and much-needed help.

Of course, there’s plenty of dramatic irony here, right? Steve doesn’t know what we know, which is that what Bucky is struggling with here is the REALLY BIG STUFF. He probably just thinks it’s his usual stuff. So. We’ll see where that goes. Bucky is going to maintain this illusion for as long as he possibly can.

Yes, @pitchforkcentral86​ and I had several conversations about whether Bucky should have an animal. It’s a common trope in fic, and a joyful one to read. (Omg, I didn’t know about Alpine until now and I am thrilled!) And yes, service dogs, emotional support animals, therapy animals, pets, they can all be very healing, can provide meaning and purpose, and can also help to structure the lives of people who feel destabilized in various ways.

However, I have held back on giving Bucky an animal because a) his aforementioned history with animals, and b) I’m not sure if that’s what he needs at this point in his journey. I do really think Bucky has some sort of healing that needs to take place around animals. He loves animals. He loves nature and is a true soft boy (TM) who has been deeply hurt by his experiences. It was very inconsistent with his values to do the things he did, see the things he saw, and it’s so painful that he doesn’t know how to reconcile it.

But he’s in such a precarious place now emotionally, with such low resources, and he can barely even share the smallest pieces himself with other humans. People are a lot more complicated, yes, but animals are a lot of responsibility. He would be so hard on himself if he didn’t do a good job, if he didn’t react well to his animal companion, etc. And I think it would probably be more bang for his buck to devote that energy to trying to increasing his emotional intimacy with his partner or his sponsor or other important humans in his life who are asking for his trust. He could GO BACK TO THERAPY EVEN.  

I do think something that would potentially be helpful and pretty low resource cost is to have a therapy animal in his life, like something he could go periodically, a therapy dog at the VA or something he could visit and pet once in a while. It would be a good start.

But that’s just my thinking for this character specifically. I think service/emotional support/therapy animals are wonderful and can create incredible bridges for people to improving their quality of life.

Well, that’s all for now! I will continue plugging away at BW and will get it to you as soon as I can. Thank you, as ever, for your patience! And thank you for the wonderful Asks <3 <3 <3

#YOU ASKED I TOLD #send me asks #thank youuuuu #baghdad waltz

[ohnohetaliasues]

Stones to Abbigale {Ch.5}

(Kat)

I still wanna die.

I sat alone in my room thinking about all that happened in the last day. As I slid deeper into thought a knock sounded at my door.

“Dinner’s ready James” my mom said.

I responded “Lentils again?”

This is also still not how you write or format dialogue.

She opened the door and looked at me with a blank facial expression “We have to talk, come to the table.”

As I left my room, I saw a man sitting at the table next to my sister. Trying not to be rude I said hello and he smiled responding loudly “Hello! Nice to meet you James!”

I asked my mom “So who is this gentleman?”

No teenager talks like this. At least no teenager I’ve met.

My mom responded, “Go ahead and sit down James.”

I slid out the old-fashioned second-hand store chair I always sat in at the table and waited for my mom to explain.

I don’t give a shit where you bought the chair or what style it is. Just say chair. Those details are unnecessary.

“This is Rick, the reason you haven’t seen much of him is because he lives on the other side of the mountains all the way in Spokane,” my mom said.

I smiled feeling slightly awkward and replied, “Oh, alright, cool.”

My sister immediately mocked me “Oh, cool mom duh! You’re such a dweeb James.”

There was no point in being that rude, Lisa.

Despite her bratty insult, I could see she too felt awkward about Rick being so spontaneously introduced to us and was just trying to distract.

Yeah, I agree, this is strange.

“Rick and I have been dating for quite a few months now and are starting to become quite serious” my mom said, clearly seeking our approval.

Rick added “So yeah, it’s really cool to finally meet you, your mom talks a lot about you”.

This...

This is the first this woman is telling her kids of this? She hasn’t told them she’s going to probably Spokane or somewhere in between for dates? They just don’t question it? This is bullshit.

I smiled and nodded while thinking about how odd it was my mom had never mentioned him.

Yeah, good to know I’m not the only one who thinks this is weird.

Rick proceeded to tell us stories about him hunting animals, his upper-level position at a construction company based out of Spokane and continued to remind us how happy he was to be meeting us. As far as I could see he wasn’t a bad guy but as usual, I didn’t expect much knowing most everyone puts on their friendliest mask for first impressions. I’m sure my sister was thinking pretty much the same thing I was, he wasn’t my mom’s first post-dad boyfriend.

My mom inquired, “So how’s your life going James?”

I replied “Fine.”

Rick asked, “Got a girlfriend?” I didn’t respond.

Why in the fresh hell is this the topic of conversation?

I just kept my head down, looking at my plate. My mom looked at me with a proud smile, “James is more of the mysterious type Rick, he doesn’t talk about his relationships.”

Oh, give me a goddamn break.

Rick then said “Oh yeah? Well if you find a lady half as good as your mom, I’d say you’re set.”

My sister interrupted “Aren’t you seeing that messed up emo chick James?”

There is no point in being that rude.

Looking over at my sister with a blank face I said, “Aren’t you seeing every guy at school Lisa?”

Oh my god. Why are you slut-shaming your sister?

Lisa looked horrified and my mom responded “James!”

Not knowing what else to say. Rick was the only one still smiling at the table at that point. Moderately upset by what Lisa said I asked to be excused and went to bed.

As I climbed on the bus the next day Davis hollered “Praise be to James! Our hero has arrived” I smiled as I always did. I hated loving his hilarious lines;

They aren’t hilarious. They’re just... Annoying.

they were kind of a tradition for Davis. Every time I stepped on the bus, he would yell them. Even when I wanted to be upset he always found a way past the walls I had built, knowing exactly what to say every time.

As I sat next to him he said, “I’ve been missing your face a lot Mr. James, I’m trying to figure out ways to compete with your skates.”

Compete?

What?

I smiled and said “You’re one of the only reasons I ride the bus Davis, you’re doing just fine.”

Davis then jumped up and yelled, “You hear that everyone, my best buddy thinks I’m pretty fantastic!”

I laughed, wishing to myself I had more friends like him.

Davis makes me want to die.

Also, that interaction was very stale, but moving on.

As I approached my history class, I could see Mr. Hanson waiting in the hall. I tried to walk by him unnoticed but he said, “Not so fast, you need to go see the guidance counselor.”

???

I asked why and he replied, “It’s about that fight you got in. Ms. Robertson is waiting.”

Okay fair.

I proceeded to the office where there was a line of three people ahead of me.

That isn’t a big line, bro.

It wasn’t due to bad scheduling, Ms. Robertson was just outmatched by the school population and considering she was the only person most students knew to get free condoms and/or advice from she was regularly seeing visitors.

Why does she give out condoms and not the nurse?

“James Patrick!” she said aggressively as I approached the old wood and glass door. I smiled out of politeness as she turned to the others and tossed a bundle of condoms in their direction.

“These are a last resort, abstinence first!” she said as she stood by the door waiting for me to enter.

One of the boys standing at the door said “I actually need advi...” but she slammed the door before he could finish speaking.

Okay. Don’t do your job I guess.

“Have a seat James,” she said. I sat down and the room filled with a few awkward seconds of silence.

She continued, “So it looks to me that you’re healing up ok.”

I replied confirming I was fine.

She then said “I’ve heard both sides of the story and have concluded that your friend Jason is destined for not so great things if he keeps up his attitude.”

My face remained still, emotionless really. I just sat silently listening. She asked, “What direction do you want to go with your future?”

I replied, “I’ve heard really great things about up.” It was like my joke hit a brick wall.

She seemed only sarcastically amused and continued speaking, “But seriously, I was told you turned down a TA position which I personally recommended to Mr. Hanson.”

I replied, “I just wanted to stay in art class.”

She replied “With Mrs. Stanley?”

I nodded and she laughed. “So who’s the girl?” she asked.

I was surprised that she concluded so quickly it was even about a girl. But then again I was just one of thousands of students, we like to think romance is unique, but we’re most all playing the same game.

Shut your mouth.

Also, I hate how Onion is trying so hard to make this a John Green novel.

It isn’t working.

Ms. Robertson had years dealing with people like me, no wonder she could see right through me.

For a brief moment, Ms. Robertson nearly spoke my mind, she said with a smirk, “Oh come on, lots of us like to think we’re special but that just of shows you how we really aren’t. Especially the brats walking these halls.”

Knowing Ms. Robertson had to keep our conversations private, I replied, “There’s this girl... Abbi. I really like her, and it’s the only class I have with her.”

Ms. Robertson was no longer smirking now that I told her who I was interested in. She sat up and looked down at her desk.

Oh no.

She moved some items around and stopped suddenly, she then looked me in the eyes and said  “Listen to me carefully, I can’t tell you anything about Abbi but I can give you advice, think twice about getting involved with her. I want to see you succeed and some people being a significant part of your life can make that difficult for you.”

I didn’t say anything, in that moment I was lost in thought wondering why she would become so serious over Abbi.

This should be good.

Ms. Robertson then asked, “So, I’m not going to try and change your heart, in my experience that’s more often than not a lost cause, but I can change your schedule to something that fits. Abbi has PE during third period, how about you just stick with Mr. Hanson after your first class of the day. Doing so will replace your art class, and your third period will now be PE, where you can see your precious Abbi.”

It said she asked, but nothing in that paragraph was a question.

While her attitude towards Abbi continued to concern me, I also was curious as to why both Ms. Robertson and Mr. Hanson were so adamant about having me be a TA, but I was grateful they were at least trying to work with me regarding my preferences, so I accepted the schedule change.

It’s so bizarre to me that Ms. Robertson told James to stay away from Abbi and then helped him rearrange his schedule to have more classes with her.

I returned to Mr. Hanson’s class and requested I attend art class one last time before the schedule change. Mr. Hanson agreed and I made my way over to the art trailer once more. As I walked in the trailer door I was happy to see Abbi once again sitting in the same seat she always did.

When I approached her to sit down she pulled out my backpack and shook it, “You’re backpack has a lot of interesting things in it.”

I replied “Oh really, you went through it?”

That’s really weird.

She responded “Yep! And by interesting things I mean nothing, just school junk.” I laughed and asked “Life’s got enough burdens for us to carry, why add physical weight?”

Oh my god my eyes are glazing the fuck over.

She raised her eyebrows and said “Ok smarty, did you like our bear?”

I smiled and replied, “I love it!” She threw her arms up and hugged me.

Why?

Physical contact?

Mrs. Stanley walked in, immediately seeing our hug and said, “If you’re going to suck or eat go find an alleyway. This is a trailer we have god damn dignity!”

s this...

A reference to oral sex?

It’s so poorly executed that I literally just thought of food and was confused.

Not knowing how to react, I looked over at Abbi silently mouthing “Oh my god” to me.

I smiled and sat down with Abbi. Alex walked in the room and gave me a glare, probably because his art partner was still suspended for the fight we had, which meant he had to do it alone. I tried to ignore Alex, all I could think of is that pee jar when I looked at him which still freaked me out.

I hate that that’s what you associate this douchebag with. Or that that is a part of this stupid book.

As class came to a close we gathered our things and began to walk out. “Bye Mrs. Stanley I’ll miss you.” Mrs. Stanley responded calling me the F word,

in her natural offensive fashion and gave the class an awkward, semi-shocked laugh.

Walking outside, Abbi asked, “Why do you think Mrs. Stanley still has a job?”

I replied “Pretty sure everyone feels they’ll guarantee themselves an eternity of torment in the afterlife if they were to fire someone as old as her.”

Abbi replied “Yeah, I guess it would be hard getting a job when you’re resume lists World War I nurse in your work history.”

:/

I laughed so hard I had to stop till I could control it, “Are you ok?” Abbi asked with a nervous smile on her face.

Still laughing, I said “Sorry, sorry.” and continued walking as Abbi looked at me, bewildered by how funny I thought she was. My reaction wasn’t really just about what she said, but the fact that she said it to me. I felt so important and excited when she gave me her attention.

I hate everything.

As we got closer to the gym Abbi was giving me a funny look, as I normally didn’t walk her that far, I said, “Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you, we have the same class now.”

She replied, “Manipulating your schedule to be with someone sounds like stalking Mr. Patrick.”

I said, “Not if you drop Mrs. Stanley.”

She pushed me playfully saying “Jealous!”

???

Jealous about what?

The boys split off to dress in their locker room and the girls did the same. I didn’t have gym clothes with me yet so I just sat down at the bleachers and waited for everyone else to get done putting on their uniforms.

It’s a thing at my school that if you don’t have gym clothes you will be provided with some, but maybe that’s just me.

A deep voice sounded off “What are you doing here kid?” I looked over to see a very tall man in the baggiest gym suit I’d ever seen.

“Hi, I’m James Patrick, I think I have your class now. You can clear it with Ms. Robertson.”

He smiled and said, “Well James Patrick, I’m your gym teacher Mr. Mack.”

I nodded and smiled as he bluntly asked, “You’re that kid who got beat up by Jason?”

I hate having to format this fucking story just to make it easier to read.

Onion, learn to format your own work.

I replied, “Yeah I pushed him after he pushed me and then he started throwing punches.”

He smiled and said “Well, that’s my nephew for you.”

Yikes.

I froze up and blankly stared at Mr. Mack as his words sank in. I swear I could feel my heart skip when I acknowledged his connection to Jason. Seeing the look on my face Mr. Mack continued

“Don’t worry, between you and me, kid’s a prick. Just like his dad.” Mr. Mack chuckled and walked away.

Also, another thing, Onion thinks that if you write a word that might extend onto the next page, you have to write a hyphen in the middle of the word to make it fit. While this is sometimes the case, it’s usually fine unless the word when put onto a new line leaves a large dent in the side of the paragraph. When this isn’t so, it’s just annoying to read.

I felt relief and awkwardly smiled only to see Abbi in the corner of my eye bursting out of the girls’ locker room. She was in her PT uniform

You said you needed gym clothes, but whatever, be inconsistent. Also, that says ‘PT’ uniform, not PE. Did Onion even edit this at all?

and carried a beautiful smile on her face. Running over to me, Abbi sat down and gave me a big hug.

“I’m so glad you’re still in a class with me,” she said. The gym shirt was hiked up her arms so I could feel her skin connect with my neck. The sensation was glorious.

Why... Why?

They’re arms.

My face was beaming from feeling her warmth around me.

I replied, “You will be the one reason I look forward to gym.”

Mr. Mack overheard and interrupted as he stood a short distance away “Hey kid, and I thought we were becoming friends!”

I laughed awkwardly feeling a little weird about him eavesdropping. But then again, it’s much easier to close your eyes than it is to turn off your ears.

Yikes.

Everyone gathered on the gym floor, excluding me. Mr. Mack immediately noticed I was not participating and said “Hey, if you don’t have gear, go in my office and pick out an outfit.”

Like I said earlier, clothes will be provided for you.

I reluctantly got up and walked over to his office where all I realized I would have to sift through a huge pile of mismatching jerseys and sweatpants to get a half-decent outfit.

After changing in the bathroom I walked out to everyone taking part in dodge ball. I could feel the focus of the room shift on my outfit and, just as I expected, I was greeted with laughter.

And it doesn’t tell me what that looks like, so I’m just imagining a metallic 1980′s tracksuit.

“Hey, at least you won’t get your normal clothes sweaty from dodge ball!” Mr. Mack said tossing me a ball as the game was already in play.

Before I could even catch it, Raymon, one of the jocks in the class, smacked me in the side of the head.

Raymon is out.

That’s also not a name I have ever heard of. So there’s that.

Everyone but a few people bust out laughing again as Mr. Mack lurched up and pointed at Raymon screaming

“You’re out Raymon, can’t hit above the shoulders!” Raymon replied with a discouraged snap of his fingers, scowling as he sat on the sidelines.

I’m just imagining him like.

‘aw darn!’

Because nobody snaps their fucking fingers in discouragement unless they’re joking.

It was odd how he broke the rules and hit another person in the head yet pretended to be the victim.

He didn’t pretend to be the victim, though.

I never really understood the human tendency to feel sorry for yourself when you’re being punished for breaking rules you were well aware of.

Oh, because you’re so high and mighty.

Abbi was on my team and we were down to just a few people, I very quickly found out I was quite good at the game, better than I thought at least. I kind of used Abbi as my motivation to do well.

A girl you’ve spoken to only this week. And to add to this, you can count the number of times you’ve spoken to her on one hand.

I imagine it was some kind of evolutionary thing, a man trying to impress his mate with physical performances to demonstrate his superiority over other members of the tribe.

That gif is the only one I can use to express how much that line alone pisses me the fuck off.

That is so sexist?

Primitive?

It’s creepy?

It’s really fucking weird?

Like, Onion, honestly, what the fuck was going through your head that made you think it was a good idea to write that shit? ‘Evolutionary thing’ my ass, if I liked a girl or a guy I’d also want to impress them.

You aren’t special and neither is your shitty pretentious main character.

Okay, moving on.

I kept catching every other ball thrown at me only to return it, hitting a student approximately one out of every three attempts.

‘Approximately.’

Stop trying to make yourself impressive.

I always threw low to decrease the chance of anyone catching my ball. After a while my consistent efforts paid off, our entire team was back in play. Raymon had made his way back in the game on their side but only a small nerdy kid remained in play with him. Raymon would try to catch what we threw but was always a few inches short of reaching the ball as it flew by. A ball smacked the nerdy kid in his ankles and only Raymon was left. He tried to throw a ball at my head again but this time I was ready. Just as the ball flew past me every person with a ball on my side threw theirs at him. In an almost comedic fashion every other ball impacted his chest and below. We were all cracking up over it but Mr. Mack interrupted us letting us know class was over.

Okay so that was hard to imagine as a sequence of events.

Before Abbi ran back to the locker room, she walked up to me and said “Can you call me tonight?” I nodded smiling and she kissed me on the cheek. My mind exploded with excitement. From that single kiss on my cheek my whole body felt light and warm the rest of the day.

After doing my chores later that night I called Abbi like she asked and she answered “Hey you!”

I want to die.

I replied “Not a lot of callers huh?”

She said “Actually I just embarrassed myself on the last call hoping it was you. My grandma felt pretty special for about ten seconds.”

Okay, so there’s another thing I have to keep fixing. When you write dialogue, you put the period at the end of the sentence inside the quotations. Onion keeps putting it outside and it’s driving me crazy.

Also these jokes just make me want to die even more than I already do.

She and I talked for hours; we discussed the plausible absurdity of horoscopes, “The Secret,” the legitimacy of souls, the afterlife and even leprechauns. Very few topics were off-limits.

Wow, you’re making yourself even more pretentious.

Being free to talk about whatever was on my mind felt liberating. Having these conversations with her served as just another reminder that there was someone out there who could really understand me with just as much kindness and acceptance as I did them.

YOU HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER PERSONALLY FOR LESS THAN A GODDAMN WEEK.

STOP.

Before I hung up I said “Abbi, thank you for making my imperfect life feel perfect.”

FUCK YOU.

She laughed at how cheesy the line was only to respond, “Well thank you for being so perfectly imperfect.” I felt a warm smile come across my face and said goodnight.

This whole romance between James and Abbi is really unrealistic and corny and forced.

But the chapter is over, so whatever. I’ll see you guys next time.

~Kat

#stones to abbigale #onision #onision cannot write #mod kat #Kat reviews stuff #Mod Kat reviews stuff #Mod Kat reviews things #I'm screaming #bad books #this is terrible #unlikable characters #I hate all the characters here #abbi needs help #and also character development #burn this #kill it with fire #destroy it #i feel so much pain #*Bertrum crying*

[fuckelias]

in any order or combo or whatever,,, 18/42/74/77 are all 👀👀👀👀👀 also i love ur writing!

thank you so much!! i love pumping out these quick lil drabbles a lot. i used 2 for this one, im so sorry i couldnt manage to fit 74 in this, but just send me it again if you would like it filled on its own! also 77 was quite good but it got out of hand fast so i didnt want to make it longer lol.

18 - “are you that desperate?” “for you, yes.” 42 - “my tie is too tight.”

You've taken to staying at Elias' place, mostly out of convenience than anything else. It wasn't like you had feelings for him, just that sometimes the teasing between you two would go a little too far and you'd end up fucking. Anyway, it wasn't like it was all about the sex. You didn't even like the man, with that smug, insufferable grin of his and knowing eyes. The way he would look at you made your skin crawl even as it caused excited goosebumps to erupt. You weren't scared of him, though, despite the paranoia that would often plague you in his presence or that unsettling feeling of not just being watched, but being known. You often wondered if he already knew what your statement would be, not that you'd ever make one. It all happened a long time ago, anyway, and the past was best left in the past. Maybe he knew and he still liked you, or maybe he had done worse things than you had, committed even more despicable deeds. It wasn't like you wanted to know, though, or thought about it too much. You were content with leaving the knowing to the eye.

You feel your skin itching as you lay there sprawled out on his couch, watching some shitty daytime television show. By now, you know when he comes home, and you‘re quite familiar with the telltale markers of his presence. The whole being watched thing took some getting used to, but now you know it's occurring merely because he's making his way inside.

You swear you're not eager to see him but you greet him at the door anyway. He smiles when he sees you, and you tell yourself that you're being ironic when you ask the question, resting one of your hands on his chest and cupping his cheek with the other.

"How was work honey?" you query in a piercing, sarcastic falsetto, making sure he knows you're demonstrating a mockery of an earnest lover inquiring how their better half has fared while away. You don't care about him, but you will sure as shit tease the fuck out of him.

"Just lovely," Elias replies in the same high-pitched mocking tone, and you can't suppress your snicker. You're about to leave him now, to go back to other more important activities but the next words that pass from his lips sounds like an invitation.

"My tie is too tight," he tells you, raising a hand to ineffectively tug at it. You scoff at him as he eyes you intently. He knows you too well, and he knows you won't back away from a challenge.

"Just let me do it," you say to him, and he lowers his hands as you begin picking at the tight knot with all ten of your fingers, making far more progress than he managed due to your advantageous angle.

"Thank you so much, love," he tells you, and the way he speaks is lacking the usual bite that you two use when talking to each other. It unsettles and excites you all at once, but you convince yourself he's clearly being sarcastic, still playing up that married couple act that you began.

"Anything for you, my dear," you reply, leaning in and giving him a kiss on the cheek, complete with an overemphasized mwuah. To your surprise, he hooks his arms around you and holds you close. Again, an out of character action, and discomfort and disbelief flicker you through you as you dismiss the shot of pleasure that the action causes. You begin to return the embrace, and that's when you can clearly feel his dick- he's hard where he's pressed against you. You barely suppress a disbelieving laugh.

"Are you that desperate?" you honestly question him, leaning back to look at him yet unable to escape the embrace as his arms remain wrapped around you even when you make eye contact with him.

"For you, yes," Elias murmurs in a seductive, breathy whisper, and you have to admit that was quite smooth. Your face flushes despite your better judgement, and you suppress the smile that so desperately wants to form on your face. You turn your head away so you don't have to look at him, as you don't want to behold the exciting, dangerous glint in his eye that sets a fire in your gut. His gaze is always so intense, so you delay returning it by burying your head in your chest.

"Bedroom, then. Let's fuck," you say quietly, trying to fit your usual casual carelessness about the relationship you too have into the words, but his forwardness has left you desperately embarrassed.

You can feel the chuckle as it ripples through his body, feel his heart beating steadily where you're tucked against his chest. He kisses your forehead, and you can feel his gaze watching you, the steady, unrelenting feeling of being watched and known and found out, and you think maybe he knows and maybe he doesn't mind at all.

"Lead the way then, love," he whispers ever so softly in a warm baritone, and when you gather the courage to look him in the eye you see softness and tenderness and no judgement at all.

-

i'll probs post these on ao3 when im finished taking them, but for now feel free to submit more. the post with numbers is right here!

#drabble #ask #i rlly like how this one turned out lol #hope u guys enjoy the dynamic

[drewinator23]

FE3H MBTI [Dimitri — ISFJ]

lol so. it looks like a lot of people are subscribing to the idea that dimitri is an ENFJ, in contrast to edelgard, who is supposedly an ENTJ. i believe that misses the point of these characters — and their dynamic — almost entirely, especially in dimitri’s case. while i will say i think edelgard is an INTJ, at least that isn’t too far off from ENTJ. the cognitive difference between ISFJ and ENFJ though...oh boy, where do i start.

the whole dimitri/edelgard conflict isn’t so much a clash between Fe and Te as it is a clash between Si and Ni — with dimitri, of course, representing the former. Fe vs Te does come into play a little (ISFJ’s auxiliary Fe vs INTJ’s auxiliary Te), but i honestly think the main focus of their clash is the past vs future dynamic typical of Si/Ni conflict.

ISFP seems to be a popular choice for dimitri too, but tbh i think a lot of people are mistaking his Si for Fi. i just want to say, right now, that this man...does not have Fi. lol. not in his main functions anyway (yes i will be getting into shadow functions, and cognitive loops, and all that good stuff, so if that’s not your cup of tea then here’s your warning!) ...but yeah let’s get into it.

Dominant Si 

“I must never forget that day. I must never allow their deaths to be forgotten.”

dimitri has a very strong connection to the past. and this doesn’t just apply to his past, but to the concept of the past in general. in stark contrast to edelgard, dimitri vehemently believes in “preserving what deserves to be preserved,” which is an important factor in why his methods are far less radical than hers. he believes it’s possible to improve the system currently in place without tearing it from the ground up the way edelgard does. he places a lot more focus on honoring the fallen, on reminiscing about days gone by, and on respecting tradition in general. and this isn’t to say he’s a dense fuck. dimitri is very much capable of criticizing tradition where it’s due, and we see him do this on multiple occasions. it’s just that he has a lot more appreciation for the positive aspects of tradition/“the past” which edelgard seems to ignore completely. where edelgard wishes her “worthless dreams of the past” would go away, dimitri legit admits to relying on his headaches/nightmares of the past as reminders because he is genuinely afraid to forget the faces of those he “let die,” along with those he killed. he believes forgetting their faces would be an insult to their memory. he talks about his history with edelgard far more than she talks about her history with him. he becomes furious when edelgard’s forces attack the holy tomb and “desecrate the dead.” i think you guys get where i’m going with this. while it’s true that a substantial amount of dimitri’s connection to the past is unhealthy, that’s largely due to the trauma he suffers, along with the cognitive imbalance stemming from his Si-Ti loop. obsessing over the past the way dimitri does is far more indicative of an unhealthy Si user than it is of shadow Si, which is more likely to just abandon the past altogether...or uh, “trample the past underfoot” (looking at you, hegemon edelgard). 

“I owe you, just as I owe the spirits of those I let die.”

second point — duty. (i’m guessing this is the point a lot of people confuse for Fi. dimtiri’s pretty preachy, yeah, but not all talk about justice is inherently rooted in Fi. more on that later though.) this guy literally constructs his entire life around the idea of fulfilling his duty, be it his duty to his father, his duty to dedue’s people, his duty to his kingdom, etc. he constantly talks about his need to fulfill these duties, and pretty much all the effort he puts into anything is driven by this. even his earlier, more light-hearted supports tend to carry a running theme of him making promises (which he takes almost comedically seriously), encouraging his classmates to be responsible, creating debts to be repaid, and so on. the only reason he even goes to the academy in the first place is, by his own admission, to fulfill what he perceives as his duty as the Sole Survivor of the Tragedy of Duscur™. obsessive revenge is a fucked up conception of duty, sure, but it transforms into something healthier by the end of the story while remaining very distinctly Si. his duty to ghosts becomes his duty to the living — to the people in his kingdom who need him now. essentially, he develops a more constructive attitude toward duty that helps both him and the people he constantly feels he “owes.” my boi snaps out of his Si-Ti loop and becomes a bro again once dat aux Fe and inf Ne come back to balance shit out, y’know what i’m saying? anyway speaking of aux Fe,

Auxiliary Fe

“This victory is the result of everyone’s hard work. Thank you, my friends.”

academy phase dimitri (and i guess uh...post-post-timeskip dimitri) is just about the nicest guy ever. he can be stiff and awkward to the point of being comically serious at times, sure (thanks dominant Si), but he’s generally very polite and agreeable. he’s conscious of the atmosphere in his conversations and always makes an effort to keep things comfortable for everyone involved. tbh he could make do with less of the whole constantly-falling-over-himself-apologizing thing, and it would be kinda cool if “sorry” didn’t make up over 90% of his dialogue, but i digress. regret is dimitri’s middle name so it kinda makes sense for it to permeate even his most mundane interactions. ANYWAY my point is — dimitri’s always trying to make sure everyone gets along and he generally prioritizes harmony over being fully honest about his own feelings, which strikes me as a lot more Fe than Fi. a simple but hopefully effective example of this is his support with flayn where he eats her awful fucking food and tells her it’s delicious even though he can’t taste it. he later admits to her that he was only saying what he thought she’d want to hear, which is like...peak Fe my dudes. a good chunk of his support and even main story dialogue involves him trying to smooth things over, prevent conflict, let people know they did a good job, and so on. and this isn’t just with respect to the other blue lions, but to the other house leaders as well. a lot of the praise he dishes out commends hard work and effort (thanks dominant Si), but his focus is also largely on teamwork and cooperation. 

“I saved someone—saved you. That and that alone has always been my crutch.”  

now on to the darker side of...not-so-healthy Fe users. dimitri openly admits to dedue that saving him gave him a reason to live, that it makes him think it was worthwhile that someone “like [him]” survived. and this savior complex doesn’t just apply to his relationship with dedue, but to his behavior and decisions in general. it’s exacerbated by the sense of genuine responsibility and duty he attaches to everything (thanks dominant Si), and it sparks up in many different ways. he admits that he feels like it’s his responsibility to help the orphans at the monastery, since he lost his family like they did. he tells byleth he wants to become like rodrigue, whom he describes as “someone who can reach out and save a lost soul.” he apologizes to byleth for not being able to save jeralt (?? BRUH.) he begs byleth to tell him how he can “save” the ghosts of his loved ones, even though they’re...you know. dead. i think this prob comes from his endless regret that he couldn’t actually stop anyone from dying in the tragedy, so he’s just obsessed with saving everyone he can now. in any case, dimitri feels the pain of loss in war very, very acutely, which is why he freaks the fuck out in remire. he later admits the flames in remire reminded him of the flames in duscur, which flung him into the same rage he associates with what happened in duscur, even though he had no particular connection to the villagers in remire. he absorbs the suffering of people around him like a sponge and surprise surprise it breaks his mind. eventually his Fe gets overloaded af and shuts down (hello Si-Ti loop), but even unhinged dimitri shows an occasional connection to others’ feelings — endearingly so when he pats a random orphan’s head, and eerily so when he sympathizes with fleche’s bloodlust and allows her to join the party because of it.

Tertiary Ti

“He’s dead. There goes our chance to gain more information.”

dimitri’s introverted realm is one of Si and Ti. he wants to reconcile his understanding of what happened in the past with a logical, substantial explanation, and he works tirelessly to find this explanation. this becomes increasingly apparent when he actually spends time alone — when he isn’t in the company of others, dimitri is far more research-oriented than he is overtly sentimental. he is interested in learning the facts of his circumstances, and he spends hours in the library looking for answers, trying to find out for himself what really happened. he is skeptical of the generally accepted “truth” that duscur itself is to blame, and instead believes that the blame foisted on it is meant to cover up something far more underhanded. of course, he is right about this, and he conducts as much research as he can to get to the bottom of the event. he spends hours in the library, late into the night. he reads about his uncle, lord arundel, and immediately suspects his involvement because the church’s records of his donations abruptly stop right before the tragedy. dimitri questions the man himself about this during their brief encounter pre-timeskip, though it (predictably) doesn’t really lead anywhere. he tries this again post-timeskip, but arundel dies before dimitri can pry too much out of him, which the latter bitterly laments. 

“That is merely the logic of the living. It’s meaningless.”

much like dimitri’s Si, his Ti becomes warped once he enters his Si-Ti loop — feeding into a harsh, twisted, self-deprecating sort of logic that only reinforces itself and ignores other viewpoints (thanks to Fe and Ne shutting down). he becomes uncharacteristically blunt and critical, and the colder, more cynical view of the world we see glimpses of pre-timeskip becomes far more pronounced. in his mind, it doesn’t make sense for the living to move on in hopes of appeasing the dead. turning a blind eye to the dead is blasphemous, and anyone who believes that the dead would want the living to do so is merely adopting “the logic of the living” — a delusion to make themselves feel better. this belief likely helps him rationalize his own desire for revenge, and inability to let go of his past, and so the Si-Ti loop reinforces itself. to reiterate though, dimitri’s Ti is incredibly helpful and constructive when he isn’t loopy (ahahah. get it.) but anyway yeah, in short, his analytical process is typically far more introverted than the sensitive, emotion-focused approach he maintains externally. also, his attention to detail and refusal to accept things at face value are more subtle, covert elements of his personality, but they are definitely there. it’s not as pronounced as claude’s auxiliary Ti, sure, but tertiary Ti ain’t a force to be reckoned with either.

Inferior Ne

“Lineage, race, faith, ideologies... If we could just accept each other and make mutual concessions, one step at a time... Perhaps... Who knows if that’s even possible.”

again, this is one of claude’s functions but more baby. take upside down man’s dominant Ne and make it a bit smoller, more scared, and quicker to shut down. inferior Ne is brilliant, but unfortunately the fourth function tends to be one of insecurity. dimitri aspires to be open-minded and accepting (there’s a reason the inferior function is sometimes called the aspirational function), but it’s something he admittedly struggles with at times. he believes in compromise and understanding, and not just in an Fe way — dimitri advocates for reaching out to other perspectives in war, in politics, and in various other contexts throughout the story. it isn’t the first thing on his mind, but it’s an ideal he genuinely admires. and later in the game, once he snaps out of his loop (which is inherently tunnel-visioned due to its introverted nature), he opens up to the idea again and seeks to understand edelgard’s point of view. he asks to speak with her, to get a better idea of where she’s coming from, to negotiate and hopefully reach a mutual understanding. this echoes his dialogue in chapter 3, where he laments the incident with lord lonato and expresses his belief that they shouldn’t have cut him down, but talked to him instead. dimitri’s Si-Ti loop effectively shuts this desire down, for a very long time, but it finally wakes up again once byleth reminds him “there must be another way.”

“I wonder which is best, Professor... To cut away that which is unacceptable, or to find a way to accept it anyway.”

again, as long as byleth is there to steer him back on track, we all know the answer dimitri gets to this in the end. there is always an air of uncertainty about it all — and he definitely needs someone to help kick that inferior into “aspirational mode” — but he is ultimately capable of it. it begins as more of a question than anything, but with guidance it becomes an ideal he can properly believe in and seek for himself. it’s what allows him to finally reach for edelgard’s hand in the end. once he accepts the parts of himself he previously couldn’t, he finds himself able to accept edelgard as well — to extend that same mercy to her. once he’s out of his loop, he doesn’t just regain awareness of his loved ones’ needs with Fe, but becomes invested in understanding their perspectives and motivations again with Ne. he listens to people again, lets them help him, asks them questions, and shows genuine curiosity in their answers. claude would be proud eh?

Shadow Functions

okay here we go. i’m going to make this part shorter since it’s the main functions that matter most, and i know not everyone subscribes to the idea of shadow functions. but anyway here’s the dirt.

Opposing Se

“It’s not that I have grown weary...more that I find it difficult to be around everyone at the moment.”

this man literally cannot taste food. do i even need to elaborate? okay for real though, dimitri often finds it hard to remain present. he’s often caught up in his duties with Si, or worrying about the atmosphere with Fe, or stuck in his research with Ti, and so on. he is very much capable of making pleasant conversation, but actually feeling present is very difficult for him, and he even goes so far as to describe joy as “fleeting.” he struggles to enjoy festivities, claiming they “don’t suit [him],” and prefers instead to chat with byleth about his childhood. he can’t truly enjoy the meals he eats with others, but he remarks about the dishes he “used to love as a child.” trauma aside, dimitri finds genuine comfort in reminiscing about the past, and he often brings it up in his conversations with others. this is a classic dynamic between dominant Si and the opposing Se that comes along with it.

Critic Fi

“Whatever my feelings, it is all the act of a monster.”

dimitri’s personal feelings are...very, very low on his priority list. and despite all his preaching, he ultimately believes that whatever his personal moral compass may be, it doesn’t justify his actions. and he extends this belief to everyone else as well. simply put, dimitri doesn’t think any set of ideals or morals can justify the actions committed in war. as Aleczandxr words it, “the only reality of war is tragedy for him. there is no such thing as a ‘glorious’ or ‘romantic’ death, and sacrifice is blasphemy.” this is evident in his disgust at people trying to glorify glenn’s death (which dimitri ironically shares with felix — who of course has demon Fi — but that’s a topic for another time.) no subjective concept of morality could possibly justify murder, in any context, and this belief is a burden dimitri admits he believes he will carry forever. dimitri’s introverted realm is a reconciliation between Si and Ti, not Si and Fi. although he believes this should apply to everyone in theory, he often struggles to voice it outright, leading to the hypocritical dynamic that often comes with auxiliary Fe and critic Fi. an example of this is when he tells ashe not to beat himself up for what happened with lord lonato, in an attempt to comfort him, but then proceeds to beat himself up for the exact same thing as soon as ashe leaves. furthermore, the advice he gives marianne in his support with her is to understand that she doesn’t have to “force [her]self to smile as [her] soul bleeds,” though that is exactly what he does for the majority of the academy phase. in any case, the fact that he chooses to give her this specific advice, of all things, is telling.

Trickster Te

“I do not want you to die a death like that. Not even for the sake of loyalty or duty.”

dimitri struggles with efficiency. his intense loathing of sacrifice, regardless of context, makes it very difficult for him to strategize as a commander the way that edelgard does. his rational side is, for the most part, internal; he uses it for his research, his theorizing, his personal endeavors to obtain more information and better understand his circumstances. but he struggles to apply that same level of cold, hard logic while commanding his troops, especially in battle. this comes up in his support with ingrid, who remarks that any good king innately understands some of his soldiers’ lives must be sacrificed for the greater good. she then proceeds to call dimitri’s ideals soft-hearted, which is as good an encapsulation as any of how his Te compares to edelgard’s. war and battlefields aside, dimitri struggles with being harsh in general, preferring to speak to others in softer, more personal terms rather than being blunt. he translates his Ti findings into “acceptable” Fe terms, except for when he enters a loop and said Fe shuts down. during these phases, dimitri is harsh in a manner far more characteristic of “unfiltered” Ti than it is of unrestrained Te, as he snaps at others to leave him alone more than he is inclined to order them around.

Demon Ni

“Do I have the right to live for myself?”

as soon as dimitri snaps out of his Si-Ti revenge craze, his first instinct is to ask who or what he should live for now. and even after byleth tells him to live for what he believes in, it’s very clear in dimitri’s subsequent supports that “what he believes in” is still fulfilling his duty to his kingdom. the difference is that he now has a healthier conception of said duty, and is finally open to accepting his loved ones’ support. that said, he has never been naturally inclined to follow his more personal desires, plainly admitting that he has rarely — if ever — given his own dreams any thought. furthermore, he struggles considerably with looking toward the future, and is unable to do so without byleth, who needs to physically stop him from looking back and guide him onward in the final cutscene. even at his healthiest, dimitri is a defender of the past. he criticizes edelgard by asking her if she would really force people to “throw their lives away for the future,” and warns her that regardless of how strongly she believes in her vision, the future she creates will be “built on a foundation of tears.” this is because he understands, better than most, just how critical the past can be in any individual’s life.

Conclusion

the internet needs to stop hating Si and just let characters be well-written “and Si” at the same time lol. especially in such obvious, practically textbook cases of high Si. one of the most common arguments against Si dimitri is that his devotion to the past is only caused by his trauma, and “isn’t the real him.” the fact of the matter is, dimitri’s Si manifests in so much more than just his duty to avenge the fallen. it plays a huge role in so many other elements of his personality, as do the other functions that come with being an ISFJ. i’m tired of these implications that Ni is some inherently higher, “healthier” form of being lying under literally any indication of Si, which automatically gets discarded as trauma or something lmao. c’mon guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#fe3h #dimitri #mbti #isfj

[mariana--diaz]

ITS MARIANA the vixen BITCH!!!

Full Name: Mariana Díaz

Faceclaim: Ester Expósito

Age: 17

DOB: August 8

Year in school: Junior

Gender: Cisfemale

Pronouns: She/her

Side of Normal: South Side

Worst fears: Being unloveable

Milkshake order: Dark chocolate cherry - with extra chocolate chips

biography {mentions of death, sexual content and violence}

Everyone at Normal Secondary School knows Mariana Díaz. If they don’t know her personally, they’ve seen her strutting through the halls and they’ve heard the whispers of her escapades within the boys’ locker room. She’s the one you should keep your boyfriend away from. The girl who can shatter a relationship with a quick wink or a well-shot snapchat. Of course, Mariana hasn’t always had this reputation. It’s relatively new, and if you ask anyone in school about Mariana’s past before this year, most wouldn’t be able to place her. Had she been a transfer? There’s no possible way she grew up in Normal, not with that body, those eyes. She would’ve been noticed. Right?

The truth is, Mariana was born and raised in Normal. Originally on the Northside, in a cute house with a white picket fence and three bedrooms for the brothers and sisters she never had. Her parents always wanted a bit of an age gap between their kids, if only to make it easier on them. It’s hell, raising toddlers at the same time. And before her parents could even consider having their next child, her father was taken from the world. He was a truck driver and had an accident on the road. Mariana found out at school, in third grade, when she was pulled out of class by a solemn-looking front desk attendant. Her world had been shattered that day, and forever changed

Mariana had never been close to her mother. No she and her father had a much stronger bond. And when he was gone, things between the two Díaz women grew ever more distant. Money became tight, her mother was barely home due to the incredibly long nursing shifts she’d pick up in order to make ends meet. The two ended up having to move out, and into an apartment on the Southside. Mariana became quiet, someone you wouldn’t notice. At least for her formative years. She blended into the background, sat at the end of the lunch table and ate quietly in peace. Teachers chalked it up to grief. But it was more, it was an absolute hatred of her life.

To escape she read. Books of adventure, of love. She dreamed she was those girls who were swept away in an epic love story. And because she didn’t receive that love from home, she searched for it other places. Her promiscuity began in high school, at a party. She had put on a short skirt, straightened her hair, and it was simple, nice. She had gotten the attention of a rather drunk football player, all while standing against a wall watching everyone else in the room. When the two escaped to a room and he called her beautiful while also forcing her hand between his legs, she let it happen. Because at least for that short amount of time, she was all he was thinking about.

It continued that way. Boys called her easy. It wasn’t dates to Marie’s Diner that she was getting, instead, a quick drive to the empty school parking lot for hookups. Maybe if she was lucky, 20 minutes of a movie at The Sunset Drive-In before lips found their way on her neck. Regardless of their destination, she’d never end up outside of the car. She knew they were just using her, but the high she got when they moaned out her name was always the same. It’s why she kept coming back. Of course, she thought the Alberonie boy would be different. He wasn’t, he was a boy after all. But he did give her something none of the other boys had given her before. Power.

The transformation happened overnight. Mariana woke up with beautiful silky hair, a body that was thin and fit and didn’t require her to break a sweat in order to keep. She watched hours of makeup tutorials online in order to learn how to achieve the perfect cat eye, to know exactly where to place her highlight for maximum dewiness. Red lipstick became her armor. When she walked into school, she wasn’t just noticed, she was desired. By every boy, she passed, by some girls as well. Students who never batted an eye at her, now wanted her to sit at their lunch table. So what if this newfound popularity came with some costs. The loss of her oldest friend and the need to suck boys dry? Fucking worth it.

headcanons

headcanon 001: Mariana’s body is physically perfect, aside from the small scar on her abdomen. It’s from the night of her transformation, from the shard that boy pierced her skin with. She’s made up numerous lies about how she got it but Mariana doesn’t hate the scar. If anything, it reminds her of who she was, and who she’s become.

headcanon 002: For Mariana, sex is more than a few minutes of intense passion. Of course, she enjoys that part, but it’s not why she craves it. The girl who was always deprived of attention growing up absolutely needs it now. And sex is that for her. It’s the one moment where she knows she’s the only thing on someone’s mind. She can’t second guess their want or need for her because their body says it all.

headcanon 003: Romance isn’t what you think of when you think of Mariana, but deep down she does crave love. True love. She’s just cynical enough to know it’s probably not something that will happen for her. Lust has always been the emotion she’s most familiar with and after her transformation, she’s pretty sure it’s the only emotion she’ll receive from here on out. But she’s fine with that, it makes things all the more simple.

headcanon 004: At first Mariana felt a sense of regret and shame wash over her when she first fed. Aside from the fact that drinking the blood of another person is just absolutely disgusting to think about, the idea that she almost killed someone was truly horrifying. But as the days progressed, the hunger building, she came to terms with it. Maybe that was just what she needed to do to survive. And it’s not like the world was very kind to her, so why should she be kind to it?

headcanon 005: Mariana has learned to use her body to get what she wants. And material things are always nice. She doesn’t have much, and why work for it when she can just get things handed over to her after a few nudes or simple dates? She never thought she’d be actually considering the life of a sugar baby, but when hot rich men want to take you out and spoil you, why not let them? And if they’re pieces of shit? She’d just kill them.

other information

as previously mentioned - she likes dick

but also ladies are pretty and this bitch doesn’t discriminate as long as you just give her some damn fucking attention

has eye liner so sharp she can cut a man

is the epitome of the ‘kisses your neck while my liquid lipstick is still wet so everyone KNOWS” text

is the queen of thirst traps, literally try her

sells her nudes because she can

has been feeling a lil murderous lately so as long as you stay on her good side you’ll probs get off without being sucked dry, but if you’re on her shit list watch out

probs has just been making her way through men that the world doesn’t really need, cause at least she can use her power for good you know?

#{I just took a dna test turns out I'm 100% that bitch || the vixen} #//just reposting for a reminder of what she's like

[aristccrvcy]

( gavin leatherwood, trans male, he/him, fire emblem: three houses ) * &. i know it must be scary for you, ferdinand von aegir, after surviving the takeover. to turn into someone like aeric-ferdinand “ferdie” vittori, a twenty-four year-old actor at castle town centre of theatre & dance, right here in castle town. just remember that you are as sincere as you are opinionated, and to be wary, be safe, be true to who you are : neutral through and through. ( hylia )

         i could never drop him i just. i could Not. i rly couldn’t but i DID ..... want to revamp him a bit so here’s take two on ferdie !! politics, war, death, & divorce tw under the cut !!

BEFORE THE SNAP.  /  F E R D I N A N D  V O N  A E G I R 

So alright. Chances are , if you’ve heard of Ferdinand , it’s because you’ve heard the infamous ‘ I am Ferdinand von Aegir ! ’ quote goin’ around which . . . attributes from. Him introducing himself every time you select him on the battlefield in FE3H. Don’t believe me ?? WATCH. 

...u don’t need to watch that whole thing I’m just tryna get the meme out of the way before I talk abt everything else.

BC ALL JOKES ASIDE I HONESTLY LOVE FERDINAND SOOO MUCH n I promise I’ll take him seriously bc holy fucking shit this character is my babyyyy.

So for STARTERS. Ferdinand is the legitimate son of House Aegir in the Adrestian Empire , which is the house that produces the Empire’s Prime Ministers. Now , here’s the thing ; Ferdinand himself isn’t involved in any of this , but thanks to the Adrestian nobles pretty much stripping the Emperor of their power in the past . . . the Aegir house ( much like the other houses , but Duke Aegir’s implied to have like , spearheaded it ) is pretty damn corrupt.

NOT FERDINAND , THOUGH , considering Ferdinand is actually someone who has very opposing views to his father. Ferdinand , in a nutshell , is basically the snobby noble trope you’re expecting turned upside down crossed over with a Disney prince. That’s the best way i can describe him.

Ferdinand is very aware of his noble status , but he is very steadfast in his opinion of what is truly means to be a noble. He’s well-aware of the difference between nobles & commoners , but where you’d expect him to use that to degrade people of lesser status , he . . . doesn’t. 

Ferdinand strongly believes the duties of a noble constitute of protecting & helping the common people , and that is why they’re so high in status - they’re there to assist and make things better , and not to make things worse , and it absolutely sickens him to his core when there are corrupt nobles who very clearly use their power for selfish & malicious gain. 

Like , he’s confident - he’s very confident and sure of himself , but he isn’t a dick ( in that sense ; he can be kind of a dick , don’t get me wrong ) about it. He’s actually extremely polite & respectful , very kind & genuine - like I really don’t think lying is something that this boy is capable of doing , I really don’t. But he’s humble in the sense that he isn’t afraid to admit when he did something wrong , or that he needs to apologize - IN FACT , a lot of his supports have him apologize for approaching someone wrongly or when he’s accused of something.

One example , he has a support with Dorothea where she tells him that she hates him , and instead of fighting her on it , what he does is he tries to figure out why she hates him so he can better himself and fix something he did wrong. 

Another example , his B-support with Bernadetta has him apologize for spooking her , and he respects her comfort levels by speaking to her on the other side of the door to her room because now he understands that Bernadetta feels extremely scared & uncomfortable during confrontation.

LIKE . . . okay , in the simplest of words , Ferdinand is just good. He’s a good person and he tries his hardest to be better if someone brings it to his attention that he’s doing something wrong.

BUT ALSO . . . the thing is , Ferdinand is also extremely opinionated to the point where he’ll share his thoughts even if not asked ; and sometimes , it comes out. Dickish. Like , really , he’ll criticize anyone if he believes he should because he hates the idea of someone who doesn’t - exemplified in the beginning of his supports with Hubert , where he condemns Hubert for not openly criticizing Edelgard but Ferdinand’s criticism can come out . . . harsh. Like , he’s respectful still , but he’s harsh. And that is because Ferdinand firmly believes in speaking his mind.

His determination also makes him stubborn & extremely competitive to a point where it becomes damn near annoying and this is , because again , he always strives to better himself - even going as far as to declare Edelgard his rival when she . . . really doesn’t think of him as one , and then he gets his ass kicked and runs with his tail between his legs because he lost. He’s. He’s competitive. I will not lie to you. Like he’s great but aLSO... this guy doesn’t. Know. When to let go.

Bt yeah in a nutshell - Ferdinand is a rich guy who criticizes other rich guys for being jerks and not caring abt other people , and he can come off as a dick but ultimately he means well & he is a LOT better than some of these other assholes out there. Ferdinand’s.... he’s just GOOD. 

Bt now that I have the basis of his character out of the way , I want to mention that a major change about him is that I’m changing what route I’m pulling him from - originally , I pulled him from Azure Moon , where if you don’t recruit him you have to kill him at the Great Bridge of Myrddin. So instead , now , I’ll be pulling him from Crimson Flower , where he’s still sided with Edelgard but now she has Byleth & she’s triumphant and everything’s okay on the Empire’s end. But - in other routes - while he’s still with Edelgard , he unfortunately doesn’t make it so if u have AM or VW muses . . . Ferdie didn’t make it.

BUT THAT’S WHAT MAKES THESE THINGS INTERESTINGGGGG and I love it so for that reason ,,, shoves. Ferdinand. In everyone’s direction.

AFTER THE SNAP.  /  A E R I C - F E R D I N A N D  “ F E R D I E ”  V I T T O R I

So the more major changes from his pre-revamp portrayal lie in his CT life - his name’s changed , his occupation’s changed , and almost his entire whole past has changed.

Aeric-Ferdinand Vittori was the only child of a film actor & stage actress , pretty famous people , and he was born with the spotlight on him immediately given that he scored his first role as a child at six years old. Since then , he never really had much of an easy time.

His big break was as a teenager in a teen drama that lasted from when he was fourteen to when he was nineteen , the co-star of a vampire television drama in where his character was a fan-favorite. He ultimately left the show and his character was killed off , and he had some starring roles in other movies & the like before he ultimately moved to Broadway. And in that , he had a bit of an easier time , but he would still often feel like he was about to crack under pressure since all eyes were still on him. He was known as a talented young man with a beautiful singing voice , and unfortunately , everyone wants something to do with you when you have something like that.

His parents were also always in the spotlight because of their very public divorce , and it started to bleed into Ferdinand’s career & public image as well with many people poking their nose into his life and asking his opinion on it. Multiple scandals came out claiming that he leaned one way or the other during it and ultimately , that ruined his relationship with his parents. So at twenty-three , he left the Broadway spotlight , and decided to step out of any light in general for a while.

Settling down in Castle Town , a place where nobody bothered to look , was a good start.

He still loved performing , so he worked as an actor at the local theatre on stage - trying his hardest not to get the big roles and take those up , because he was still a relatively big name & when you’re a big name , people lean into their biases.

And then . . . at this point was where he “woke up”. Because his whole past was fake - but there’s always a point where you realize it is.

He had a girlfriend in Castle Town beforehand that he broke up with due to his paranoia that she’d get caught up in the publicity that he did - Nerissa. And he had parents that he didn’t even talk to anymore , and it threw him for a loop because he was reminded of his father back in Adrestia. And suddenly , he’s no longer a soldier or a noble , but with his celebrity status , he’s basically the closest there is to modern nobility at this point.

So . . . Ferdinand feels. Strange. He always loved the opera & he always loved performances but he never thought of himself as someone who would actually do so. It’s strange , but he likes it.

So now , he’s trying to figure out exactly what the hell happened and how he got here and he’s grown pretty used to people not remembering who he is , but it still . . . hurts.

And THAT is where I end this !! I’m gonna go back 2 my plotting DMs and message more ppl but if this gives u some ideas pls do hit me up bc I love Ferdie SOOOO MUCH and I’m excited for his revamp !!

Also if ur curious ab his old intro still I’ll link it here bc there’s probably some pre-snap stuff I forgot in here that’s in there so !! yes. i’ll b around n will probs try n get an open up soon !!

#castletown.intro #* . abt — ☆ ❛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ғᴇʀᴅɪɴᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏɴ ᴀᴇɢɪʀ ! ❜ #war tw #politics tw #death tw #divorce tw

[ygboysygbby]

Final Weapon

Jinhwan/JAY Scenario

Request: 7 + Jinhwan please for the prompt fic request hehehe

Prompt:  “Why do people give flowers? It’s not like you can eat or do something with it, I mean just buy me food.”

“You know what?”

“What.”

“You’re really fucking short.”

“Wow.”

“Stop asking me about which flower should you get for this freshman girl, what’s her name again? Uh… Suhyun? Yeah, that girl!”

Jinhwan groaned. “How’s that relevant to my height?!”

“I just feel the need to insult you that’s all.” You shrugged casually. “Why do people like getting flowers anyway?”

“What do you mean? Giving someone a bouquet of flowers is a great way to show your feelings, you know.” The man replied back with a sassy tone.

“How would I know? It’s not like I’ve been given any before...” You rolled your eyes.

“Ah yes, I forgot you’re one inexperienced little shit.” He stuck out his tongue, mocking you.

“Shut up, midget.”

Being friends with Jinhwan for the past five months had been one hell of a ride. You both met at the university, had a few same classes in both of your schedules, and clicked because one group project. Despite having quite the opposite life, him being kind of the popular guy while you on the other hand, not that much of a social person, you both became good friends anyway. Being friends with the oh-so popular guy, had two disadvantages: One being you got people talking behind your back, not that you really care, but it’s a downside alright, and two being he constantly got into and out of a relationship like he was changing clothes.

Not that him being somewhat of a playboy was your business, but it was a bit irritating that he would date one girl and brag it constantly to you, rubbing it on your face, since you had never been in a relationship before, or he would nag you and ask about what clothes he should wear on the date and stuff like that. But oh well, he was still tolerable, not that he had ever been in a stable relationship anyway. Besides, you out-sassed him, and that was a skill you could use in handling him.

“But seriously though, why do people give flowers? It’s not like you can eat or do something with it, I mean just buy me food.” You laughed. “I’ll be the happiest!”

“Are you looking for a partner or uber eats?” Jinhwan looked at you in disbelief.

“Definitely uber eats. Feeling some Taco Bell?” You said as you turned your back, laying down on the bed.

The guy sighed in defeat as a smile crept on his lips. “Why not.”

“Let’s order some for Junhoe too!”

“Ah, sure…”

**

The next few days, you went to Jinhwan’s dorm again, to finish the project you were doing last time. The project was due in four weeks, so both of you had scheduled to meet at least three times a week to finish it. But, you being you, you couldn’t work well with an empty stomach, but then again, you have class in an hour, so you decided to just wait and eat afterwards.

And long story short, you finished your “weekly group project session”, or whatever, and your Economy class. You went back straight to your dorm, hungry, planning to just drop your bag and go to the canteen, but then a text notification suddenly popped up in your phone. It was Jinhwan.

“Pizza? My treat.” 

You frowned. First of all, it was kind of a weird time for pizza, but meh, you loved a good pizza anytime so whatever. Secondly, it was even weirder for Jinhwan to suddenly ask you to eat with him, moreover, treating you. But then again there was reason number one so…

“Jinhwan?” You called as you entered his dorm room. “Oh, hey June.”

“Hey.” The tall guy greeted back. “Anyway, thanks for the Taco, I don’t think I’ve thanked you yet.”

“No probs! Just let me see some of your poetries again next time!”

“Hold on, you’ve seen his poetry?” Jinhwan suddenly butted in. “This asshole wouldn’t even let me touch the book!”

“It’s because we have Literature class together.” Junhoe reasoned.

“Sure, mate.” Jinhwan rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, I’m hungry.” He whined.

“Is he on his period?” Junhoe laughed.

You shrugged. “See ya, June!”

After ordering the food, both of you finally sat down and talk.

“So what’s this about?” You asked as you took a bite onto your pizza. “Is this about Suhyun cause I—“

“It’s about you.”

“Oh, it’s about— wait, WHAT?!” You almost spat out your food.

“I like you.”

“OOOOKAAY WH—” You coughed. “Are you drunk?! For fucks sake, the sun’s still up!”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m just messing around with you, chill.”

The hint of seriousness scared you for a good second, before it confused you. There was no way in heavens that a guy like him would suddenly like you romantically. Jinhwan liking you as a friend was bizarre enough for you. Neither he was drunk or his joke was getting lamer.

“Seriously though, anything you wanna talk about?”

“Do you have any idea what kind of place does a girl like Suhyun would probably like to go on a date?”

You scoffed. “So I was right!” Groaning, as you took another bite of the pizza. “She seems like a very sweet girl, so probably a cafe or an amusement park?”

“Hmm... what about you then?”

“What about me?”

“If someone were to take you on a date, where would be your go to?”

“Cinema sounds fun, but I don’t know, how would I know?!” You laughed. “But movie date really sounds like fun, you should probably ask Suhyun to go out for a movie this week...”

“Maybe.” He shrugged.

**

“Hey, wanna watch Aquaman this Saturday?”

“Eh?” You looked at your friend in disbelief. “Why? Don’t you hate superhero movies?!”

“Well, I wanna get on the trend, you know? Can’t risk not knowing anything when someone ask me about it.” He shrugged.

“Geez... whatever, it’s not like I got anything better to do.”

**

“The poster’s finally done!” You said loudly, grinning at your laptop screen. “Are you done with your part?”

“Almost.” Jinhwan said without taking his eyes of his work.

“Guys, can I borrow an eraser? I think I lost mine.” Junhoe suddenly said.

“Here— whoa! You’re growing out your hair?” You looked at the guy in excitement.

He took the eraser on your palm. “Nah, just too lazy to get it cut right now. I’ll probably get it cut next week.”

“It looks good! You should probably keep it for a while.”

**

“I think you need to cut your bangs...”

“Why?” Jinhwan said as he blew air towards his bangs.

“It clearly disturbs you as you write.”

“No it doesn’t.”

“Sure.” You rolled your eyes. “I thought you didn’t like having your bangs growing out like that.”

Jinhwan didn’t reply, instead he groaned and suddenly stormed out from the room.

“What’s wrong with that guy?!” You said in total confusion.

“I’m so done with both of you...” Junhoe laughed.

**

The next morning, you texted Jinhwan and asked him about yesterday. You knew the guy could sometimes be a pain in the bum, but if something truly bothered him, you wanted to know. After all, he was still your dear friend and you cared about him.

But after finishing your class, waiting and waiting for him to respond, nothing. It was weird because Jinhwan was always the one to reply text very quickly, and you didn’t even see him outside your class. You wanted to brush it off because you know how moody the guy could be sometimes, but deep down you know you couldn’t.

It was until at ten in nighttime that a text notification from Jinhwan popped up on your phone, asking if you were asleep, telling that he wanted to meet.

As soon as you replied, confirming that you were awake, a knock came from your door. When you opened, you were greeted by the sight of Jinhwan with flowers in a small vase in his hands.

“Eh?”

“I’m sorry, at the end, you probably won’t get it unless I get you flowers...” He looked away. “Don’t worry, this one’s still practical, they’re artificial and you can... I don’t know, have it on your desk or something...”

“Jinhwan I... I don’t get it, you— d-do you?”

“I like you.” He smiled and sighed. “Feels great letting that out.”

“B-But how? I— wha— why???” You couldn’t form a complete sentence.

“Well, I bought you food, took you to see a movie, and even grew out my hair because you fucking said it looks good on Junhoe, but since you’re one tough shell, I guess I have to launch my last weapon.” He puffed his cheeks in annoyance.

“I’m so so sorry...” The guilt started to fill you up. “I— what should I do?”

He shrugged. “Since you have the hots for Junhoe, the answer is probably nothing.”

“WHAT?! No I don’t—“ You stopped when you realized you were literally screaming in front of your dorm room. “I think you should come in...”

“Finally!” He chuckled. “Oh, Hayi’s not here?”

“Be grateful that she isn’t, you know how nosy she could be sometimes...” You said as you sat down on your bed. “So again, I’m not into Junhoe.”

The guy smiled, this time more sincerely, then handed you the flowers. “Well, either way, this is yours now...”

You looked down to the flowers and went silent for a good second, before putting it down on your desk, near the window. You could felt something weird inside your stomach and it was practically killing you. Never once the thought of Jinhwan having feelings for you crossed your damn mind, and now that you were facing the situation, your mind was not prepared for it. But oddly, you didn’t feel bad about it, even stranger, you actually felt somewhat glad that it was him, and not someone else.

“I should probably go now, I’m only here to give you that.” He pointed to the flowers. “I know they’re artificial but take good care of them, alright?” He laughed.

“Wait...”

“T-Thanks...” You looked down. “I’m sorry I have to make you literally spell it out for me.”

He smiled. It was honestly calming seeing him this way rather than his usual sassy self. “Nah, it felt good saying it out loud.”

“Since when?” You asked nervously.

“Around months ago.” He casually said. “Couldn’t recall what time exactly.”

“Does that mean you didn’t actually like Suhyun?”

“I feel bad for using her as an excuse to get to know your dating preferences, but it happens.” He shrugged like it was nothing.

“I can’t believe I’m actually this dumb...” You facepalmed.

“Hey...” He stepped back closer. “Can’t force you to like me back, right?”

He moved even closer, and before actually realizing it, he was already inches away from your face, smiling. You were taken aback, so bad that all you could do was standing still like an idiot. When he moved again, you flinched, as you expected him to attack you, but nothing happened. Looking up, you saw him smiling before kissing your forehead softly.

“But winning your heart, that I can do.” He smirked.

Uh-oh, this is bad.

This is my first time ever writing something on Jinhwan, and honestly, this is fun, considering out of all iKON members, he is the one that I kinda find hard to think about romantically (idk why tho) 

I really see Jinhwan as a sassy guy but different kind of sassy than Junhoe, you feel me? 😅

As per usual, I’ll prolly come back here and then fixing up some grammatical errors and stuff :D

Hope yall like this story! 💖

#jinhwan scenarios #jinhwan #ikon #ikonic #ikon scenarios #ikon imagines #jinhwan imagines #ikon mtl #hanbin scenarios #junhoe scenarios #donghyuk scenarios #bobby scenarios #chanwoo scenarios #yunhyeong scenarios #ikon reaction

[marianaxdiaz]

ITS MARIANA the vixen BITCH!!!

Full Name: Mariana Díaz

Faceclaim: Ester Expósito

Age: 17

DOB: August 8

Year in school: Junior

Gender: Cisfemale

Pronouns: She/her

Side of Normal: South Side

Worst fears: Being unloveable

Milkshake order: Dark chocolate cherry - with extra chocolate chips

biography {mentions of death, sexual content and violence}

Everyone at Normal Secondary School knows Mariana Díaz. If they don’t know her personally, they’ve seen her strutting through the halls and they’ve heard the whispers of her escapades within the boys’ locker room. She’s the one you should keep your boyfriend away from. The girl who can shatter a relationship with a quick wink or a well-shot snapchat. Of course, Mariana hasn’t always had this reputation. It’s relatively new, and if you ask anyone in school about Mariana’s past before this year, most wouldn’t be able to place her. Had she been a transfer? There’s no possible way she grew up in Normal, not with that body, those eyes. She would’ve been noticed. Right?

The truth is, Mariana was born and raised in Normal. Originally on the Northside, in a cute house with a white picket fence and three bedrooms for the brothers and sisters she never had. Her parents always wanted a bit of an age gap between their kids, if only to make it easier on them. It’s hell, raising toddlers at the same time. And before her parents could even consider having their next child, her father was taken from the world. He was a truck driver and had an accident on the road. Mariana found out at school, in third grade, when she was pulled out of class by a solemn-looking front desk attendant. Her world had been shattered that day, and forever changed

Mariana had never been close to her mother. No she and her father had a much stronger bond. And when he was gone, things between the two Díaz women grew ever more distant. Money became tight, her mother was barely home due to the incredibly long nursing shifts she’d pick up in order to make ends meet. The two ended up having to move out, and into an apartment on the Southside. Mariana became quiet, someone you wouldn’t notice. At least for her formative years. She blended into the background, sat at the end of the lunch table and ate quietly in peace. Teachers chalked it up to grief. But it was more, it was an absolute hatred of her life.

To escape she read. Books of adventure, of love. She dreamed she was those girls who were swept away in an epic love story. And because she didn’t receive that love from home, she searched for it other places. Her promiscuity began in high school, at a party. She had put on a short skirt, straightened her hair, and it was simple, nice. She had gotten the attention of a rather drunk football player, all while standing against a wall watching everyone else in the room. When the two escaped to a room and he called her beautiful while also forcing her hand between his legs, she let it happen. Because at least for that short amount of time, she was all he was thinking about.

It continued that way. Boys called her easy. It wasn’t dates to Marie’s Diner that she was getting, instead, a quick drive to the empty school parking lot for hookups. Maybe if she was lucky, 20 minutes of a movie at The Sunset Drive-In before lips found their way on her neck. Regardless of their destination, she’d never end up outside of the car. She knew they were just using her, but the high she got when they moaned out her name was always the same. It’s why she kept coming back. Of course, she thought the Alberonie boy would be different. He wasn’t, he was a boy after all. But he did give her something none of the other boys had given her before. Power.

The transformation happened overnight. Mariana woke up with beautiful silky hair, a body that was thin and fit and didn’t require her to break a sweat in order to keep. She watched hours of makeup tutorials online in order to learn how to achieve the perfect cat eye, to know exactly where to place her highlight for maximum dewiness. Red lipstick became her armor. When she walked into school, she wasn’t just noticed, she was desired. By every boy, she passed, by some girls as well. Students who never batted an eye at her, now wanted her to sit at their lunch table. So what if this newfound popularity came with some costs. The loss of her oldest friend and the need to suck boys dry? Fucking worth it.

headcanons

headcanon 001: Mariana’s body is physically perfect, aside from the small silver scar on her abdomen. It’s from the night of her transformation, from the shard that boy pierced her skin with. She’s made up numerous lies about how she got it but Mariana doesn’t hate the scar. If anything, it reminds her of who she was, and who she’s become.

headcanon 002: For Mariana, sex is more than a few minutes of intense passion. Of course, she enjoys that part, but it’s not why she craves it. The girl who was always deprived of attention growing up absolutely needs it now. And sex is that for her. It’s the one moment where she knows she’s the only thing on someone’s mind. She can’t second guess their want or need for her because their body says it all.

headcanon 003: Romance isn’t what you think of when you think of Mariana, but deep down she does crave love. True love. She’s just cynical enough to know it’s probably not something that will happen for her. Lust has always been the emotion she’s most familiar with and after her transformation, she’s pretty sure it’s the only emotion she’ll receive from here on out. But she’s fine with that, it makes things all the more simple.

headcanon 004: At first Mariana felt a sense of regret and shame wash over her when she first fed. Aside from the fact that drinking the blood of another person is just absolutely disgusting to think about, the idea that she almost killed someone was truly horrifying. But as the days progressed, the hunger building, she came to terms with it. Maybe that was just what she needed to do to survive. And it’s not like the world was very kind to her, so why should she be kind to it?

headcanon 005: Mariana has learned to use her body to get what she wants. And material things are always nice. She doesn’t have much, and why work for it when she can just get things handed over to her after a few nudes or simple dates? She never thought she’d be actually considering the life of a sugar baby, but when hot rich men want to take you out and spoil you, why not let them? And if they’re pieces of shit? She’d just kill them.

other information

as previously mentioned - she likes dick

but also ladies are pretty and this bitch doesn’t discriminate as long as you just give her some damn fucking attention

has eye liner so sharp she can cut a man

is the epitome of the ‘kisses your neck while my liquid lipstick is still wet so everyone KNOWS” text

is the queen of thirst traps, literally try her

sells her nudes because she can 

has been feeling a lil murderous lately so as long as you stay on her good side you’ll probs get off without being sucked dry, but if you’re on her shit list watch out

probs has just been making her way through men that the world doesn’t really need, cause at least she can use her power for good you know?

#{I just took a DNA test turns out I'm 100% that bitch || the vixen}

[asaeria]

The Red Flags in my Past Relationship

I think my relationship with my first ex is probably the funniest. I reread my diary and god was I so stupid. There were so many red flags that got ignored due to me being blinded by love. It was so toxic and bad for me and yet I took all of the shit. SIGH.

It all started when I got into high school. I noticed him walking down the halls (he was in grade 11 at the time) and I was smitten with him. I've had crushes before, my first one lasted 7 years, so I was used to imagining myself in situations with my crush that were wayyy over romanticized. Just as dramatic and cringey as the Twilight saga. So I pretty much "stalk" him for my grade 9 year. Stalk as in notice him in the halls and I'd stare at him till he was gone from view. I think I started talking to him in grade 10 when I joined a musical ensemble that he was in. And this is where it started.

I was given my first red flag before we even began dating...

Flag #1. We had our "first" date at his house during school hours, so yeah I had to skip class for this. We watched a scary movie and the entire time he asked if I needed comfort, which the shy lil' me at the time kept declining. But I mean, what guy would ask a girl over to watch a scary movie with him if he intend for it to be a date..? So almost 5 months past (Oct - Feb) and nothing really happens between us. At our school for Valentines Day you can choose to buy a rose (or roses) for people which get delivered on the day of Valentines Day. I obviously bought one for him. I ended up finding out he bought a rose for another girl who only walked with him during a fashion show in school. They knew each other as much as he and I knew each other so when I found out he did that I was devastated. He must've not seen me as worthy of being chased by him if he's gonna drop me after our first date and go after another girl, right? AND YET I STILL confessed my love to him in April. Ironically he gave me a rose when he responded to my confession. LOL I learned that if your dude can jump from girl to girl that quickly just avoid him entirely.

Flag #2. A month after we started dating I already had insecurities. This was also the month he made his first major move towards me, a kiss. And around 3-5 months in he had already fingered me. I was 15-16 at the time as well. I never had a relationship before so I didn't know that there were boundaries I had to set up. I didn't think that him touching me in such places meant he was taking advantage of me because I was so blinded by my dumb love for him. I didn't say no to anything because I was naive and thought that he's only doing these things because he loved me too. I found out a year after our relationship started that he only started "liking" me 6 months into our relationship. Which meant he kissed and touched me inappropriately before he even liked me back. I started to feel disgusted at my OWN body and that is NOT okay. If you don't feel ready to have sex, let alone being touched inappropriately do not be afraid to say NO!

Flag #3. So around January (9-10 months after the relationship started) he told me his dad used all the internet for the month or something so I won't be able to reach him through Facebook or any other social media for at least 3 days. He also bought the new 3DS and the new Monster Hunter game around the time his internet ran out too. The 3 days past and I missed him terribly and I figured he probably missed me as much as I missed him. He invites me to play Terraria with him and not even 5 minutes into it he leaves me for his 3DS. You see, I started playing Terraria with him because I wanted us to have some sort of game we can play together. This was our "couple game" sort of. I waited 10-20 minutes for him to finish so that we could play together but he ends up ending our call to eat dinner. I figured, ok he will probs play with me after dinner. The moment he comes back he says "sorry in a fight LOL" which I guess he meant a fight in Monster Hunter, "glhf (good luck have fun) in terraria." So I logged out of Terraria, why would I play a game you invited me to by myself? He notices this 10 minutes later and says "o guess you're not playing." are you mf serious? I told him "uhm cuz it's not fun playing alone??" which he replied with "ok maybe later then LOL" <- this was at 9:30 pm. That was around the time I would be sleeping. He knew I slept early too. This shows how little he cared for me and our relationship.

Example of how our conversations would usually go:

A day later I hit him up with "I'm backk... from the dead"

A: "still assuming you're mad at me ok bye"

Me: "I'm not D: Well I was. But not anymore."

A: "You get mad at me too often LOL"

Me: "^^^ maybe because you're oblivious" and just when I sent that...

A: "NADDHUAGDAIDDB. NEWWW TOKYO GHOUL. SWAG SWAG. SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG"

Me: "I should date women instead. LOL oh yay. wait what new?"

A: "NEW SEASON. oh ok. I c how you feel about me"

Me: "I watched the first ep. Too gruesome. so I stopped ;n; and uh idk"

A: "AYYEEEEE GRUESOME"

Me: "boys have trouble paying attention to detail."

A: "^"

Me: "nonono. I can't watch gruesome stuff ;n; I like watching things like Spirited Away"

A: "afk. Tokyo Ghoul <3"

Me: "oh gawd. yup yup."

By this point I got so fed up with him. I get that he had his own hobbies and stuff but like it felt more like he didn't want anything to do with me despite me being his girlfriend. It's like he didn't even like me to begin with. My boyfriend now showers me with attention and affection. Even when he goes off to play games he'd always make sure that I was higher priority.

Flag #4. A few times after we have had sex he'd jump right on to his computer and he'd start a League of Legends game just as I'm putting my clothes on. I would even have to see myself out of his apartment and walk myself in the dark to the bus stop in a sketchy ass neighbourhood. I started to feel like he was only dating me just so he can have sex with someone.

Conclusion:

After dating him I realized that I deserve and need to seek way better. He was not right for me as I was not right for him. However, the way he treated me and our relationship was complete ass. I've had people talk shit about me because I'm so vocal about how badly he treated me and honestly? I don't give two fucks about what you think about me because I KNOW I deserved better and can call whoever I want out. I was taken advantage of and I was taken for a fool. Maybe he actually had sincere feelings of love towards me at some point, but it doesn't excuse how he treated me for most of our relationship.

Sucked that this life lesson took 1.5 years of my life.

[raijinhasverybigpecs]

What I want to hear more than anything is any and all of your thoughts involving Kushinada? Because I LIVE of them I need all of your ramblings about her and every AU she is currently apart of. You could type out thousands of words and I'd still want more.

since you did write about that hot fenrir X kushinada stuff in your latest fic (which was the most adorable thing btw omg) i figured i might provide a few scenarios for that (a few meaning 1000+ words of cute stuff oops! never mind it’s 2000+ hahaha fuck)

high school au

i know i said it in the dating sim route for fenrir but him giving his leather jacket to kushinada when they go out and it’s cold??? that’s one of my fav tropes omg

also kushinada accidentally comparing fenrir to a loyal dog when talking to aphro and light hel and him overhearing that and being all embarrassed about it bc he can’t deny that he’s literally a dog in human form

he has a very strong sense of smell, always noticing all the flower perfumes that kushinada wears and he always compliments her about how nice she smells even when she’s come back from her garden (he likes the smells of nature hehe)

also he’s very protective of her and gives people the nastiest stares if they say anything remotely negative about her. when kushinada opens up about having an unrequited crush on cu chu and her past with relationship with susano she has to drag away fenrir and get him to promise not to fight those two on sight

also it’s a lil nsfw but i think he’s totally into leaving hickeys around the place so when kushinada shows up at school on a super hot day with a scarf aphro is like “so things must be moving nicely between you and fenrir huh?” and kushinada is just a blushing mess and silently nods

oh, and him just resting his head on kushinada’s when she’s gardening and wrapping his arms around her UwU

so when they start dating i really like the idea of fenrir learning how to grow stuff with kushinada (and him actually having a decent green thumb after learning the basics)

also i couldn’t get the idea out of my idea about fenrir trying to grow kushinada roses/or forget-me-nots/camellias(they all mean love apparently?? that’s cute n sappy hehe) and trying to keep it a secret from her

so while he’s checking some plants during club time, fenrir just snatches a seed packet from her collection and takes her gardening equipment and other materials when he needs them

bc he’s just a beginner he fails pretty badly and goes around asking for help from tyr (as he’s been talking about kushinada w/ tyr who serves as a sorta personal confidant and a father figure who is more stern w/ fenrir than loki). tyr’s all for this as that’s how he wooed ullr over on their first date (and promptly got laid as well) so they both read a few gardening books and search the internet for info…

…unfortunately tyr’s pretty shit w/ gardening as well so they ask chiron for help and, although he’s got the knowledge, it somehow doesn’t work out either…

…so they ask for inari’s help which who suggests that they just hire a professional gardener or just buy some really expensive and rare flowers for her(which they’ll pay for; inari is all for fenrir trying to be romantic and trying to cater to kushinada’s interestseven if it doesn’t turn out)

fenrir eventually decides to come clean and presents her with what he’s got and kushinada kisses him for all his effort UwU. she really appreciates the effort even if she was aware that he was stealing from her the entire time (she’s gotta keep a tight budget with the club, the school only gives her a certain amount of money to run the place and it’s she may be forgetful at times but her equipment disappearing every time fenrir was around was a lil convenient)

also if we’re going full cheese then i want fenrir to confess his love to kushinada all anime-style w/ cherry blossoms and everything :’^)))))) like kushinada would be the first to say that she loves him but it’s really hard for him to say, like he’ll just say “i do too” and avoid saying “i love you”

also just in general they’d probs both like going out to parks, botanical garden or go hiking and have peaceful walks when kushinada points out all the plants while fenrir listens, he likes hearing her ramble on bc it’s cute seeing her so excited about something

so they’re at some botanical garden place and kushinada is really excited and basically dragging fenrir by the arm to point out all the different flower types but all he can think about is how much she’s changed him for the better, how he doesn’t deserve her at all. he’s just smitten with her, with how adorable she is when she’s ranting, even if he’s heard all the information before - he just wants to listen to her beautiful voice. and, wow, she looks so stunning amongst the blooming flowers and he thinks, no, he knows he’s in love with her and how he wants to marry her and that sorta mushy stuff hehe

kushinada snaps him out of his thoughts by asking if she’s boring him with her explanations and then he just blurts out that he loves her and it’s just silence between the two for a moment before kushinada, as the sappy bitch she is, starts crying tears of joy and leaps into his arms :’))))))) (yes i’m the world’s softest bitch, what about it)

mafia au

fenrir stumbles into kushinada’s bakery after a street fight with a rival gang, all bloody and bruised and telling her to not touch him before promptly passing out. kushinada tends to his injuries while he’s out and drags him into her beroom falling asleep beside the bed bc she was so exhausted from work + this incident

fenrir wakes up with a nasty headache, only made worse by him not knowing where he is - he’s still alive, probably due to the beautiful japanese woman uncomfortably lying on the side of the bed with bandages in her hands. he knows he could snap her neck with ease, but something in the back of his mind tells him not to - tyr’s words and actions ring in his ears

also on a side note i’m imagining that fenrir has a rough childhood bc of loki being involved in shady gang operations and that fenrir was preened by him to succeed him but fenrir was betrayed by the norse gang and left to get caught by the cops during a major heist. i imagine that tyr, a cop (duh), went onto the scene and tried to communicate with a scared and furious fenrir. fenrir probably lashed out at him, scarring tyr’s arm (and then it later being infected or something? i’m not here for arm severing lmao) and then breaking down in his arms while tyr comforted him.

fenrir spent some time in prison after that and got out due to tyr lobbying for him and he’s trying to separate himself from his family and old ties to his gang although it obviously catches up with him here :^)

the attack was probably bc in the past fenrir was an asshole and very cocky, brash and abusive to others and he made a lot of enemies bc he thought we was untouchable as one of the norse gang members with really high connections bc of his father

anyways fenrir explores the small apartment before hearing the ring of the bell downstairs (i imagine the bakery to underneath a small apartment like this). he walks to check that out, hiding on the stairs just in case the gang members have found where he ended up

fortunately (or rather, unfortunately) for him it’s not the gang members - it’s inari, wanting to get a pastry and tea from her favourite bakery. when they can’t see kushinada or smell anything being made that’s when they decide to check on her

fenrir makes a mad dash for kushinada’s room, pretending to sleep once again while kushinada is in the shower. she gets out and greets inari, trying to nicely introduce the topic of the strange and ruggedly handsome man resting in her room (it just hit me that this is essentially just that scene from tangled but inari isn’t an evil hag lmao)

inari is really annoyed - they don’t want kushinada to get further involved with any more gang acitivity than she already is and they know about fenrir’s past and what he’s done. they fight for a bit before inari relents, knowing that coddling kushinada and treating her like a defenceless child isn’t going to help her out any.

fenrir is shitting himself - he never expected to get so close to the elusive and destructive inari and it doesn’t help that inari ends the conversation with “if he does anything to hurt you i’ll make sure to put that mangy mutt down and make him regret ever stepping out of prison” before asking kushinada to have a cup of tea with her

after they’re done, kushinada comes up while fenrir pretends to wake up for the first time. she checks on his injuries and she asks about what happened to him but he shuts her down before she has to chance to speak and tries to leave - of course, in his injured state he just makes things worse and falls over. kushinada scolds him for trying to move in this state, and says that even if he won’t co-operate that she’s still going look after him just to prove inari that she can handle looking after herself when dealing with the mafia business.

she leaves for a bit and brings a breakfast tray for him. he wolves it down, reluctantly saying thanks and apologising for his manners - kushinada finds him kinda cute when he’s all blushing and red (although she won’t admit it). she tries to more subtly ask what happened to make him so ravenous but he brushes her off again. fenrir asks for some coffee instead of the tea she’s brought and she makes sure that he uses his manners this time.

she goes down again, leaving fenrir to his own devices. he eventually walks around the apartment for a bit, taking special notice of all the greenery around the place. she pops up behind him while he’s admiring some lillies. he asks how she gets the plants to look so nice - she says that you can gorw anything as long as the conditions are right

then their usual routine sets in - kushinada will get up before him and they’ll eat meals with each other while she runs the bakery downstairs, popping up whenever she has the time to see him.

when he can walk without major discomfort again then kushinada gets him to man the counter and when his arm heals she starts teaching him about how to bake to tend to her plants - he’s not half bad at either activity and when he’s polished his skills enough he makes breakfast for her UwU

of course y’all can imagine as many fluff moments as possible while they fall in love and that cute stuff like

fenrir talking about his tats and what they mean

talking about his past, maybe a lil bit of angst and comfort bc i’m a sucker for emotion support scenes

cute baking moments, fenrir licking the spoon and kushinada getting on his case about that

i’m sure you can think of a few dramatic situations to progress the plot but i’m just here for fluff hehe

or maybe something about fenrir running into some old gang members and them giving him shit about losing his edge and how pathetic he looks manning the bakery - he’s barely keeping himself together but he does for his and kushinada’s relationship together but he snaps when one of the group starts talking about kushinada and threatening to attack her to coax the old fenrir out. it probs gets into a bad back alley sprawl with the gang needing a large ambulance as a result of his anger (i like to imagine that inari was watching around the corner ready to back him up and they’re like “good job kid”)

and maybe fenrir’s family comes to see him?? at the very least i want light hel to work for kushinada at the bakery bc i want Dramatic™ family reunions yo and she’d fit the role p well

#if there's spelling or grammar mistakes don't point them out asdfljdsalkdjljl #anyways i hope you enjoy these againnnnnnn #more payment for your fics hehe #answered asks #high school au #smite mafia au #ily <3 #also the word count is about 2044 i think lmao #i. work. harder. than. the. US. marines.

[cow5secondchance]

Episode 2 - Why Did People Flip - Xavier

Format: Sequester

Eliminated: Wyatt (9-3-1-1-1) || Daisy (Battle Match)

BLAKE

so! week 2 and my plan honestly is to just really still focus on my social relationships. so far, i feel very confident in my ability to connect with people on a 1 to 1 level, and at least hopefully skate through these first few weeks. consistently my problem in the game is missing out on a key group or alliance that is running more than I know. without being too chaotic and paranoid, i would really really like to try to sit here and just scope out the relationships. as for my groups! i really want to work with jennet. she's like iconic? her art is so cute and i do feel like i made a genuine connection with her early on, and i think pointing out we're some of the only award winners in the cast could bring us closer together ! plus 4th place legends... beyond jennet, i have a group with isaac and nicole, and honestly, im feeling suprisingly good about both. i think these first 6 people i mention are the ones im going to focus on most, and focus on really forming game connection wheras the rest im just socially going to really force myself into their LIVES and hope they like me! Daisy and Jarod... loves them and swifties who ive played with in the past both in a way that i feel we were unfinished. jarod got taken out in the doubles round just as we kinda connected on a game level, and then daisy and i were working together in bb netflix before it got canceled. this is really the group i want to strategize with and im really putting myself on a limb being loyal to them because i know they have options, but its a risk im willing to take because if i can be the number 1, their connections can just offer more safety and information for myself. and the final people who i kinda want to work with is captain and wiliam xavier s up there, we just havent spoken tons dont really have much of an opinion on the others? if i had to nominate right now it might be mario just because we havent spoken yet.

XAVIER

It's annoying to be nominated, especially by Jennet. Literally two minutes before we were talking and I was explaining how this round is played. And then Jennet nominates me. I feel betrayed. Getting my G4ce together (Greenhouse 4) so we can vote as a team. And well, well, well, I just found out that the Sequester 4 are also voting together. It is weird that they are all nominated during the Sequester round. They are targeting either Wyatt or Kaleigh. Knowing they are a team, I want one of them out, if I can swing it quietly.

NICOLE

HI I’m back and already went through a ton! Last round a misunderstanding / Lanie throwing me under the bus just because I said I hadn’t spoken to Nyx and Captain really set me up in a weird spot so I had to get rid of Lanie and then she said we all suck (imagine being almost 30 and telling someone who is your students age that they suck! I get it really is terrible to be blindsided but it was her fault, she played too fast! Like yell at me for not communicating properly or whatever she believed I did at that point but don’t take it out on everyone especially like the youngest player in the game!) Anyway, this round is sequester so we are all back together! I finally get to play with Daisy! I love her so much so I’m super glad we got to play, I’m very glad I get to reunite with Lindsay, I’m glad William isn’t mad at me for the whole Lanie situation and now I’m safe for the first vote! It is a very good feeling but I also feel like I should be learning from Lanie’s mistake and playing not fast so I’m trying to take a step back from talking in the house chat. I’m just so excited to see everyone but I will try to contain myself so I don’t annoy anyone. Check back in later in the round!!!

BLAKE

I forget the questions omg but I had a call with Jarod where he kinda threw out wyatts name as an option to go, and honestly I’m completely fine with that because even though they seem super sweet, I feel like I’m juggling enough balls and I don’t need to add them into my mix, whereas I feel a lot better about every other nominee other than Kaleigh, who I don’t think anybody would do this early My strategy is to just campaign for myself to stay to everybody and avoid throwing out names. I’m hoping that comes from Jarod or one of the safe people because they literally have the safety to get away with it 

XAVIER

I like video confessionals. The only alliance of 4 should be Greenhouse

CAPTAIN

hello dr.. so i'm glad i got saved by jarod :pleading_face: he rlly said i'm gonna make captain safe no matter what happens. and thats exactly what he did :100: for ppl who are vulnerable, i want autumn, jarod and xavier to be safe the most like idc i just want 3 of them to be safe. xavier might be in a bit of trouble tho since the totem pole ppl are voting together for sure hmmm so i need to try to talk to them to sway them from voting xavier. for the plans to avoid battle match? idk i just want them to feel safe around me no matter what. so that if i end up voting them, they're not gonna be bitter at me that much. and i lowkey saved myself with wyatt since wyatt said they wanted to work with me so prays.

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also, i secured an alliance with jarod, autumn and jennet. and a greenhouse alliance with mario, nyx and xavier. the latter hasn't been in the talk like with every greenhouse yet but xavier brought it up to me and i think that it should be great. so fingers crossed!

WILLIAM

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO, going into Round 2 im having a really big struggle..... im seeing  THAT I DONT DISLIKE A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS CAST, USUALLY THERE IS AT LEAST ONE BUT NOPE    Also we are moving into a Sequester sorta semi safety chain with half vulnerable and half safe cast and lucky me I think Lanie either hated me the most or the least from our Survivor team and decided to give me the Karma twist which gave me safety for the round but made me have to pick the first unsafe out of the whole cast. I think my strategy was to pick someone who didn't talk to me yet (so i had a reason) as well as someone who was sorta loved by most if not all and wasn't a target for it, because I'm thinking if I just fade into the background this round no one would have a need or want to pick me for the Battlematch, i think its safe to assume whoever goes home will pick the person who made them unsafe plus like one other person, so i just have to avoid being that other 1/13 people. As for the vote i have no clue at all, I think maybe Isaac cause i haven't said much to him at all, or maybe Jarod cause i know he is hella busy and prob wont pick me to go into battle..... just not Wyatt or Blake or Kaleigh rn.  So like yeah, just gonna pray, not talk around too too much, let people come to me so it doesnt seem like im pushing anyones name and hopefully vote someone i dont love out. yeah so much fun xoxo William F

NYX

So, this round is pretty confusing and difficult to navigate cause not only do we have to vote someone out we have to vote someone out and hope they don't drag us into the battleback. I'm very happy to be safe for the vote since at least then i'll have a chance to battleback in a comp. So, for this vote I can't vote Autumn since she gave me safety, I can't vote Jarod since he took one for the team, I can't vote Xavier cause of the gh alliance, I can't vote Blake due to our bonding on tau ceti, so my only real options for this vote are Isaac, Wyatt, and Kaleigh. If I had my way i'd just pile the votes on wyatt and get them out now but it's not that easy because i haven't talked as much and they could see that as incentive to drag me in. Of course all the people I just mentioned I don't wanna vote for I wanna save because that means they'll be willing to work with me to some capacity. To avoid the battle match is the hardest part cause people can be very impulsive with their decisions and heat of the moment always catches people off guard. My best bet is just not to make too many promises and to just tell the truth and hopefully that'll be enough to gain their respect. 

CAPTAIN

besties.. i don't know what i'm doing. its between wyatt and kaleigh methinks but wyatt keeps dropping my name everywhere and i don't really like it. idk if they get eliminated, if they would put me in the battle or not. but like if they're this messy, i'm voting them for sure. also sobs kaleigh is so cute.

__________

prays for me DR! sign: captain.

LINDSAY

bro no one wants to throw out a name because of the battle drag twist so it's three hours to tribal and i dont know who the fuck to vote my gut is telling me jarod but i am absolutely not letting jarod drag that shit back to me definitely not autumn i dont know like. i'm working the tightest with william, daisy and wyatt weirdly enough and none of us have heard anything so i just. ?????

MARIO

I AM SAFE!!! I AM NOT SECOND BOOT AGAIN

AUTUMN

IT WONT LET ME PUT AUDIO FILES IN!!! But when Monty puts them all together later this season I hope yall enjoy haha

XAVIER

Ok this vote is messy. It started out with Jarod and the Sequester group wanting to vote Kaleigh. They got people on board, and it looked good. Until Wyatt made that alliance chat. And of course the vote shifted to Isaac. But the Sequester group won't vote Isaac. Mario voted Autumn. Captain voted Wyatt. I am voting Kaleigh because I haven't spoken to her much. But I want the vote to go Isaac's way - it breaks up Sequester, and he won't think it was me, so safe from the battle. So it may be 5 on Kaleigh, unless the other people in that Alliance chat are not being honest as well. Ha ha. As long as it's not me, right?!

LINDSAY

wyatt made a voting block?? and didn't include me?? the person with no connection to isaac who they kept safe and would have probably voted with them???? wh ok i guess my vote is on wyatt tonight tf 

NYX

So, this round is a clusterfuck of scrambling cause no one wants to get pulled into the battleback and potentially lose there. I just don't wanna go home even earlier than last time because my game has just been so much better and to lose it this way would be fucking devastating. i just want to win so badly so im just hoping i can maneuver this right

LINDSAY

"you know that this is anonymous right" DAISY HELP NO I DIDNT FUCK OK I DONT KNOW WHAT IM DOING WHAT IS HAPPENING WHERE AM I

XAVIER

WHAT JUST HAPPENED. I know Captain voted for Wyatt. Maybe Captain is more influential than I thought? Why did people flip? Because of the alliance chat? It was too much? And why wasn't I included in the flip vote? Agh. Time to make my own rules here.

__________

I am still shookt 

DAISY

#cowsecondchance #episodes

[ofstaffs]

rerek 2

rey rey immediately stepped away, a heartbroken expression taking over her already distraught features. derek clearly didn't trust them together. she didn't want him to be mad at her anymore. instead she backed up even more before stumbling towards where derek had gone, eventually finding him by the bar. "what did i do now?" she asked tiredly, still not able to look into his eyes.

Derek: It had nothing to do with trust or distrust and everything to do with the fact that even after proposing, even after promising his entire life to her, it still wasn't good enough - Rey had purposely kept their engagement from Steve and had acted like she was delivering both regretful and bad news when she'd told him. There were still feelings there, and it killed him that they were so obvious. He shook his head in response to Rey's question, arms crossed over his chest and not looking at her. "Are you in love with him?" he asked, voice distraught and confused, but not accusatory, more upset than blaming. "Because if you are, just get it out of the way now. Just tell me."

rey rey closed her eyes slowly then inhaled a slow, deep breath, letting it out as she managed to bring her exhausted eyes up to his own, though her hands were still clutching fearfully at the skirt of her dress. "no..." she whispered truthfully with an even tone. "are there still feelings there? yes. will i ever act on them? absolutely not. i didn't tell him because i didn't want to upset him on his wedding night, but that didn't go so well. anything else?" she raised one eyebrow then crossed her arms in return, trying to match his own firmness, though it was more adorable than anything.

rey joined the chat 26 hours ago

Derek: Ugh sorry we're figuring out how to get home

rey: haha its oka

rey: y

rey: ill be here

Derek: Derek wasn't sure he believed her, and he hated himself for it. It was just on the tip of his tongue to ask her - quite harshly, really - if Steve's /wife/ knew about their feelings for each other, but he swallowed the words down and sighed a hard breath out through his nose instead, ducking his head and taking more deep breaths to steady himself. He didn't want to fight. He was so tired of fighting. He couldn't comprehend what it must be like to love someone without complications. "Are you ready to go home?" he asked, voice matching the challenge that had been in Rey's. Apparently he hadn't quite gotten out of the clear; but at least he'd gotten away from talking about Steve.

rey rey just gave a single nod and tightened her sweater around herself before tilting her chin up then turning and walking away without waiting for him, trying her best to look defiant. but it wasn't really working. she stopped in place and looked around before ducking her head then quickly moving back to him, grasping onto his arm. "i-i don't know which way to go from here," she admitted sheepishly, voice lacking the stubbornness it'd contained before.

rey: ✍

rey: WHY DID THAT HAPPEN AGAIN JFC

Derek: Derek finished his beer and set his glass down then turned back to Rey-... Who seemed to have walked off without him. He rolled his eyes - if she was going to get defensive and irritated by his completely justifiable concern about her feelings for and relationship with another man, she was within her right to do that. But it didn't mean that he had to put up with it. He followed behind a ways, hesitantly approaching when she stopped. It surprised him when she took his arm, and he looked at her for a long quiet moment before continuing on, arm in arm with her down the road.

Derek: Lol no idea. It's funny

rey rey's stomach was still churning. it had been since the confrontation with ben and steve, and she knew it was all thanks to the exhilaration. she wrapped one arm around her front and continued to hold on tightly to his arm as they walked, though she was staring up at him sadly. they were well out of the meadow by the time she finally spoke up. "...i'm sorry i made you mad, derek... i promise i'll try to stop feeling this way about steve... i just want to make you happy," she murmured as if it were the most simple concept in the world then tucked her head against his arm and looked forward again.

Derek: Derek didn't mind silence. He was wondering what was going through Rey's mind the entire time, but he didn't much feel like talking, nevermind about everything that had happened, whether tonight or ever. "It's fine," he said passively, not really sounding like he meant it. "I just don't want to think about it anymore." He was going to put another ring on her finger and promise her his life, his whole world, and she couldn't even promise him her entire heart. Sighing, he turned them down another street in the direction of the apartments.

rey rey looked up swiftly again as she caught his tone, cheeks immediately paling. without even thinking about it, tears filled her eyes as her lip began to tremble, but she quickly faced away from him before he could see, even though she knew he'd probably find out anyway. still the nausea increased, especially due to his hollow, empty words. slowly, she stopped in place, letting her arm slip from his, as she turned her back to him completely, hand clasping over her mouth. she didn't know what would come out: a sob or sickness, so she just leaned over slightly and kept her hand over her mouth, hating the way they were acting.

Derek: Derek stopped when Rey did, brows furrowed as he watched her turn away and then curl into herself - he'd seen her fold in on herself when she was upset, but he felt that this had come on so quickly. He touched her arm as he stepped up next to her, surreptitiously pulling the pain as he looked at her face. Nausea swept through him, making him queasy for a minute. "What's wrong?"

Derek: I wish this fuxking thing notifications

rey rey glanced to the side just enough to see black running up his veins, and immediately pushed his hand off, shaking her head swiftly. "no..." she whined, not wanting him to do that for her. she deserved it. she'd made him unhappy and this was what she got for it. she stood up straight and moved in front of him, taking small gasps of breath. "i-i'm s-...." sick? sorry? "...s-scared of you leaving, don't leave, please..." she begged through her tears, holding her hand over her mouth again as she looked fearfully up into his eyes.

rey: on a computer it does

rey: it has sound notifications

rey: but i reply fast haha

Derek: "I'm scared of you leaving, too!" Derek pointed out with no small amount of irony and exasperation in his voice. "I'm scared of you cheating on me, I'm scared of you not being happy with me, I'm scared of you leaving me for him." His shoulders were rising and falling whxg as he spoke. "But that's what love is! That's what being with someone you care about is like! Constantly worrying that they're gonna find someone better than you, someone they deserve, because you want the best for them!" He ran both hands through his hair, looking just shy of pacing. "I'm not going anywhere! Jesus Christ, Rey. You think I'd give you my mother's ring and then leave because of shit with Steve? I'd never give him the satisfaction."

rey: yeet i hope this turns into fluff soon

Derek: It will

Derek: also

Derek: I am so so sleepy

Derek: *rapidly JFC were my she's even open when I typed that

Derek: EYES

Derek: FUCK ME

rey rey gasped sharply when he shouted, stumbling back immediately and clasping both hands over her mouth, as her jaw dropped. she just stared at him in disbelief as her tears continued to fall, stepping back again. what had happened to them? they'd been so happy in paris, and then suddenly... it seemed as if something had snapped. she'd never act on the extremely minor feelings she had for steve. derek had to know that. but obviously he didn't. "i'm sorry..." she sobbed helplessly and stumbled back yet again, not knowing what else she could do to make him not yell at her anymore. "p-please stop..."

rey: i hate timezones ugh

rey: ill be 3 hours ahead of you when you get back ;/

Derek: Ugh fuck that

rey: but ill stay up 4 u i promise

Derek: I'm so sorry I've been conking out so early. My mom fucking runs me ragged. I usually only walk like half a mile a day just in everyday life and we've done like 7, in shitty shoes, in the heat the past couple of days. I'm so wrecked.

rey: it's okay bb

rey: ill probs just re-read old rerek threads rip

Derek: He did stop, his chest rising and falling with the harshness of his breathing as he looked at her. He'd scared her, badly, and he hated himself for it. He just hadn't know how else to get out those feelings, to make her understand them. "I'm sorry," he mittered, turning to the curb and dropping down to sit, elbows on his knees and his head hung. He just wanted to be happy. He just wanted them to be happy.

rey as derek sat on the curb, rey felt a massive urge to make herself feel smaller than him, so she took a seat on the road where she had been standing and tucked her knees to her chest. she buried the lower half of her face in her kneecaps and stared down at the asphalt beneath her, crying silently to herself. she didn't want to be afraid... but when he yelled like that... nothing terrified her more. even snoke. even being alone on jakku for fifteen more years.

rey was timed out 12 hours ago

rey joined the chat 2 hours ago

Derek joined the chat 31 minutes ago

rey: rip they just arrested derek im so emo

Derek: womp

Derek: He looks so good in that scene tho

rey: he rly does

rey: the beard makes all the difference lbr

Derek: tru it makes him look so much older

rey: i love it

Derek: Derek hid his face in his hands; he didn't want to be angry about this anymore. He didn't want to feel frusrated with and upset at Rey, and he hated the way she seemed so scared of him, like she genuinely believed he would hurt her. He never would. He'd never raise a hand against her. He clenched his eyes shut as he took deep breaths to steady himself before he could get up and approach Rey, crouching down next to her and hesitantly, gently, touching her shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, leaning in towards her. "I'm sorry I shouted. I'm just.... Frustrated. I want our relationship to be symmetrical and it doesn't feel that way, and that's hard for me to deal with. But I love you - more than anything, Rey - and nothing is going to change that. Ever."

rey rey couldn't help but duck away slightly when derek placed his hand on her shoulder, wincing softly, but took slow, deep breaths and wiped at her eyes then finally looked up into his, her worry evident. more tears fell as he spoke, and she furrowed her eyebrows in confusion slightly. "you-you do...?" she whispered, tone genuinely surprised. she really was scared that he'd stopped loving her simply because of this stupid steve problem. something she couldn't help. she thought being honest about it would be better, that he'd help her get over him, but it had all backfired. "i-i love you s-so much... so much..."

Derek: "Of course I do," he said, a note of bemusement in his tone. As if something like this could just erase the entirety of their relationship, erase everything he loved so much about her. He found her left hand, holding it up between them. "I thought I made that clear when I made this particular promise." He cradled her face in his hand, looking into her eyes as he spoke. "I love you too. More than I think you realize." He wondered if she understand just how much proposing meant to him. "Can we go home now? I'm ready to just lay down with you."

rey rey's eyes drifted to her finger as more tears dripped down her cheeks, though she smiled shakily at the sight of the beautiful ring. then she met his eyes again and nodded. "y-yeah..." she whispered in agreement and wiped at her eyes again before taking his hands and standing slowly, still feeling somewhat off. "how about a massage?" she suggested with a small chuckle. the last one had just felt so darn good. "but this time i'll return the favor... i promise."

Derek: "Hey, there it is," Derek said warmly when she smiled, brushed over her cheek with the back of his thumb. "There you are." He kissed her forehead before helping her up, lacing their fingers together. "I'm more than happy to give you a massage," Derek said. "You deserve one. And I'd love one if you're up to it, but if you're not that's okay, too." He guided her by the hand around to his back, offering to give her a piggy back ride like he had after their first kiss.

rey "stop..." rey chuckled shyly when he commented on her smile, immediately turning her head away and biting her lip, though she was only smiling wider. he was too perfect. "of course i'm up for it," she replied and nodded, then giggled when he led her behind his back. she knew immediately what he was offering, so she laughed softly before carefully climbing onto his back, as if jumping would hurt him. "remember after the movie...? you gave me a ride home on your back," she chuckled, arms winding around his neck.

Derek: "As I recall," Derek said primly, "you loved it." He hooked his arms under her legs and bounced her a little so she'd move up his back into a more comfortable position. He started them back on the path home, not much of the walk remaining at that point. "You trust me?" he asked as they approached the staircase of the building that led up to their apartment.

rey "i did," rey admitted in a soft chuckle, hiding the lower half of her face in the back of his shoulder as she stared up at him. she let him readjust her on his back, complying willingly, and looked up again as they approached the staircase. her head quickly snapped towards him and she just paused before giggling nervously and holding onto him tighter. "always."

Derek: "Good. Take my hand." He held his right arm up, hand offered out to her. "And no matter what, don't let go, okay? And when I say so, just let go of everything else. Like you're jumping off. Got it?" Once her grip was sure, he gave her a, "Go!" and swung her around his body, landing her securely in his arms in a bridal carry.

rey rey quirked an eyebrow at him but slid her hand into his with a somewhat excited chuckle, keeping her grip tight. "okay..." she laughed nervously and raised her eyebrows before jumping off when he told her to, unsure of what to expect. but when she landed in his arms, she paused then began to laugh again, burying her face in her hands. "oh my goodness, that was so fun!"

Derek: Derek grinned, pleased that she'd enjoyed the little trick, and adjusted his arms slightly before heading up the stairs. "I thought you might like it," he said as they came to their landing and he fished out his keys.

rey "i always like when you carry me," rey giggled. it was true. she'd never get tired of it. when they approached the door, she turned her head to face it, but kept her arms wrapped around his neck, fingers combing through the hair at the nape of his neck.

Derek: "I noticed," Derek chuckled, carefully guided them through the door and making sure not to bump her into anything. He closed the door with his foot and carried her down the hall to their room, setting Rey down before climbing onto the bed next to her and laying on his side facing towards her.

rey rey turned her head forward again once they'd disappeared into the bedroom, smiling softly to herself. it smelled like his cologne. perfect. once he had laid her down, she kicked off her heels then curled up into a tight ball, the skirt of her dress curtaining over her legs. "you look so handsome..." she breathed out, reaching her fingers up to trace his cheekbone. "wow..."

Derek: "I look exactly the same way I did before I left for work," Derek chuckled, turning into her touch a little as he kept his eyes on hers. But he understood the sentiment - every time he went without seeing her for long, he always felt struck by how beautiful she was. "I've been looking forward to seeing you since I left."

rey rey shook her head, an adoring smile on her lips. "no... no, you always look this handsome," she whispered, dragging her thumb slowly over his lips and scooting closer as he spoke again. she smiled again and nodded her head, laying her hands in his own. "you're pretty much all of my impulse control, i think that's obvious by now... i can't get through one wedding without fighting with someone," she chuckled.

Derek: Derek hummed noncommittally as he puckered his lips just slightly, enough to press a semblance of a kiss to Rey's thumb. His arm wound around her waist, pulling her even closer until he could slip a leg between hers. "There... there was a lot going on. There's been a lot going on," he said, shrugging slightly. "You're stressed out. All that emotion's gotta come out somehow."

rey rey wrapped both of her legs around one of his and nodded in agreement, letting out a heavy sigh. "yeah..." she murmured, dragging a hand through her hair then resting it on top of her head as she closed her eyes. "yeah, i really am..." she'd never really stepped back and glanced at all her problems as a whole; always just focused on one at a time. but the list went on and on, now that she thought about it.

Derek: "We'll just... we'll find a better way for you to deal with it before it gets to that point," he said quietly, taking one of her hands and bringing it up to his mouth to gently kiss her knuckles. "At least there weren't any drink hoses involved this time," he chuckled, then laced their fingers together. "Have you, uh... have you thought about when? A date? For the wedding?"

rey rey smiled bashfully at his joke, holding his hand tightly, but easing up on her grip more and more as she relaxed. talking about the wedding made it even better. "i'm guessing tomorrow's out of the question," she teased, though she'd actually do it. she just wanted to be his wife as soon as possible. "when's the soonest we can do it? because i want to do it the day before that," she laughed softly.

Derek: Derek actually laughed out loud at that, smiling as he rolled onto his back, looking at the ceiling. "Tomorrow is out of the question," he said, "I don't think even Lydia would be able to get everything together in time." He pulled her hand over to play with her fingers. "Usually engagements are around six months long. It takes a lot of planning to put a wedding together..." He knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear, but he felt it needed to be said.

rey rey felt her jaw drop. literally. /six months/? but immediately she froze, remembering the ridicule she faced the last time for trying to rush something. "o-okay," she choked out, trying not to sound as disappointed as she actually felt. she didn't need a big wedding. she didn't care if it was just them two and someone to officiate. she didn't care. she just wanted to be married to him. but she bit the inside of her cheek and rolled over onto her back, though she let him keep her hand. her left hand, ironically enough.

Derek: "I know it's a long time," Derek said, rolling back onto his side when he felt her roll away, still holding onto her hand and playing idly with the ring on her finger. "And I know you don't want to wait. At this point.... at this point I don't really see the point, either. So we could expedite things, I'm sure. I just want everything... to be perfect. To be exactly what we want. I'm only planning on doing this once."

rey rey looked up at him when he rolled back onto his side next to her, releasing her teeth from the inside of her cheek and instead biting her bottom lip gently. a small smile tugged at the corners of her lips before she took a deep inhale then mumbled, "i know you do... but... i've lived my whole life without luxury. fifteen of those twenty years were spent with even less than a normal amount of wealth. i don't care about how many flowers there are or-or what colors the plates will be... all i care about is being your wife." but she shook her head, tugging at the hem of her shirt. "but-but if you want to wait... i can do that."

Derek: "I know you haven't," Derek said gently. It had been a topic of considerable discussion, and it was almost constantly on his mind when it came to caring for Rey, whether it was making her comfortable or buying her things or making sure she ate enough in a day. "So I... you can't blame me for wanting to celebrate us to the greatest extent that anyone in this town has ever seen." He leaned in and kissed her gently, pouring as much love and sincerity into the gesture as he could. "But I know it's important to you. we could shoot for three months?"

rey rey sniffed softly but kissed him back lovingly, placing her hand on his cheek. at the suggestion of three months, she just let out a shaky exhale but shrugged her shoulders and rolled over onto her stomach. "take my dress off...?" she whispered, face burying into the pillow. it was tight and pinchy, as much as she loved it. plus she still wanted that massage.

Derek: He could tell that it still wasn't good enough - unless he actually married her within the month, he doubted anything would be. But he knew that these things took time - they might be able to manage two months, if Derek wanted to pay an exorbitant amount for everything. The food, the decorations, the cake, the venue, the dresses, the suits, the photographer, the music... it would all take time. He quietly worked on the small clasp at the top of Rey's dress, then unzipped it all the way down to her lower back, carefully guiding her arms out of the sleeves before he pulled it down her body and off her legs gingerly.

rey rey couldn't help herself as she curled her toes into the sheets when he unzipped her dress. occasionally his fingers would ghost over her back or thighs and her heart rate would increase. which she knew he'd pick up on. once it was off, she stayed face down, but slowly tilted her head up to look at him, brown eyes full of love and passion. the pendant of her necklace had somehow slipped down the chain so that it now laid on her back in the exact same position as his tattoo. the moonlight reflected off the silver material of it, and it slid down her shoulder blade as she shifted on the sheets. "...how is it done...?"

Derek: Derek hummed quietly when Rey turned to look at him, fingers gently touching the pendant of her necklace where it sat on her back, a delicate mimicry of his own mark there. "How is what done?" he asked quietly, fingers ghosting over her back and the backs of her thighs.

rey rey stared down at the comforter, hands slowly sliding up to clasp lightly above her head, resting on the pillow. like usual. like they loved. as his fingers trailed over her skin, she began panting lightly, toes curling up again. she took another few moments before finally whispering, "how do you turn someone into a werewolf...?"

Derek: Derek's brows furrowed, a little crease appearing between them as he looked at her, hands faltering for a moment before they resumed their path, thumbs rubbing into Rey's shoulders and down her back in looping circles. "Usually it's done with a bite," he said slowly, "but people can be turned by a scratch that goes deep enough, too."

rey rey swallowed thickly and clenched her jaw, eyes slowly falling shut. his touch was irresistibly enchanting. "and you can only be turned by an alpha..." she whispered, quirking a brow then slowly returning it to its usual spot. her words were becoming breathier, more quiet, as his fingers traveled more places around her body. "...can you turn someone...?"

Derek: "Right," Derek said, fingers curling around her sides to knead over her hips, her stomach, inching up towards her ribcage. "Not anymore," he said. "I was able to, once. I turned Erica, Isaac, and Boyd. They were my betas."

rey rey hesitated before rolling over to lay on her back, gently tugging him down to meet her level. she brushed her fingers across his lips before pausing then whispering, "you want me to be safe... to be able to look out for myself..." she moved her hand down to his and dragged it up her body, taking a bit more time at her chest, before resting it on her cheek. "being like you would keep me safe."

Derek: "Of course I do," Derek said quietly, then froze, frowning a little when Rey implied that... that what? She wanted to be turned? "What? No, Rey, it's not... it's /really/ not that simple," he said, sitting up a bit, confused by what she was doing. "It's so easy to lose control when you first shift," he explained, "you could seriously hurt someone. Hurt yourself. There are people, Rey, who /hunt us/. Just because of what we are. I don't want that for you. Ever."

rey rey shook her head, purposefully averting her gaze from his. she knew there were hunters. they were in magnolia. and three of them were her best friends. not like derek knew that. "i-i could protect myself. you've done it so far, why can't i?" she asked shakily, bringing her hands down to rest over her chest. "you-you wouldn't have to worry about hurting me on the full moon. you wouldn't have to panic each time i don't answer my phone when you're at work. i-i could heal, i could fight better."

Derek: "Because I've been doing this all my life," he said desperately, wishing he could remove the thoughts from her head surgically, completely eradicate them so they'd never appear again. "You can protect yourself right now." He rubbed his eyes. "I'd have to worry about /you/ hurting someone on the full moon!" He couldn't argue with the healing or the fighting, but he didn't want to acknowledge that. "I don't know if you'd still be able to use the Force after the shift."

rey "you told me scott became in control when he was around allison. she helped him stay calm," rey whispered, placing a hand on his cheek. "derek, it could work for us... i know it could..." she shook her head and bit her lip, letting out a heavy sigh. "i don't care if i can't use it anymore. i don't care. i don't care if i have to go against alec when he's hun-" uh oh. immediately rey clasped her hands over her mouth, her eyes widening. "n-nothing..."

Derek: "That took him a while," he said, "and not everyone's anchor is the same thing." He shook his head lightly as she insisted that it could work. He didn't want this for her. He could do it for her in the first place, and he would refuse to tell her who could. His eyebrows lifted when Rey cut herself off, shaking his head again but this time for an entirely different reason. "I know Alec's a hunter," he said. "I met his sister before I met him, and she told me all about it. He told me that he doesn't hunt anything that doesn't deserve it. Including werewolves."

rey rey let out a deep breath of relief, able to snap back into her normal state of mind. at least she hadn't said dean or sam's name. she sat them both up then climbed into his lap, hair curtaining over her face as she panted heavier now. she didn't need derek's senses to tell that her heart was pounding. she could feel it against her chest. "i'm sorry..." she whispered at the ridiculousness of the whole idea. she wouldn't last a second as a werewolf. she knew that. "i-i'm not in my right mind..."

Derek: Derek sat up, hands on her waist as Rey settled into his lap, his head tipping to the side as he tried to look at her through her hair. He pushed it back behind her ears after a few moments, concern in his expression as he cradled her face. "Are you okay?" he asked, her heart pounding and her breathing coming rapid and shallow. "What's going on?"

rey too much. too much was going on. almost losing derek had just been what set it all off. but one thing... one thing had stuck with her. slowly, she tilted her head up to look into his eyes. "i spoke with lydia..." she whispered, eyebrows raising just slightly, though her fingers found his shirt to play with the material again. "she told me... she told me about your uncle... a-and i can't stop thinking about it..."

Derek: It felt like he'd swallowed a gallon of ice water when Rey said that she'd spoken to Lydia about Peter. Peter, of all people. He doubted Lydia took care to explain the nuances and difficulties of the situation. "What did she tell you?" he asked slowly, hands resting lightly on Rey's hips, as if afraid to touch her, afraid that she'd tell him not to touch her.

rey "she said... she said he controlled her... m-made her bring him back from the dead without her actually wanting to..." rey remembered, staring down at the sheets beneath them and furrowing her eyebrows, exterior softening as his hands rested on her hips. any time he touched her brought her comfort, but right now, she wanted to feel him as much as possible. "and that... she doesn't know where he is..."

Derek: "He did..." Derek said, uncertain as to whether or not Lydia had pointed out that Derek had been on the one to kill him in the first place. He was ready to justify it, to tell Rey that he'd been killing people and had no intention of stopping, but that didn't seem to be her concern. "And... no, we don't know where he is right now... Probably off licking his wounds after his last failed grab at power. But if he ever does find me, find us, I'm not going to let anything happen to you. He's not going to hurt you. I won't let him."

rey rey smiled sorrowfully, her eyes falling shut. "how do you always know what i'm thinking...?" she whispered. it felt selfish, being afraid of peter. because if he came, he'd only be out for derek. but after searching lydia's mind for memories of peter... she hadn't been able to get his vicious actions out of her mind. even now, looking into derek's memories, she saw him getting hit, getting hurt by his uncle, and it made her sick to her stomach to think of that ever happening again. she wouldn't let it. "i-i can fight him, he can't do anything against a lightsaber..."

Derek: "It's not going to come to that," Derek promised, wrapping his arms around her torso and pulling her against his chest, tucking her head under his chin. "It's not. I promise." He cradled the back of her head in one large hand, thumb stroking over her hair. "I'd never let you fight him, okay? He's too... manipulative, too willing to get into people's heads, under their skin. He'd find out all your weaknesses and use them against you, and I'd die before I let that happen."

rey rey let herself be coddled and soothed, resting both her arms against his chest. the air was cold, and she was fully unclothed, but derek's natural body heat kept her feeling warm and safe. as it always did. as he spoke about her weaknesses, she clenched her fists slightly in fear. she knew her main weakness: derek himself. if he was ever to be hurt, she couldn't fight and take that risk. and she was pretty sure it was the same way for him, too. "i-i don't want to talk about it anymore..." she whispered for the second time that night.

Derek: "Okay," Derek agreed easily, ducking his head to hide his face in her neck. He could tell she was scared - he didn't need her senses to know that - and he felt... nervous that he'd never considered the possibility that Peter could find them. Could ruin everything they'd built. "We don't have to." He rubbed his hand up and down her back, from the nape of her neck to the dip of her spine, reveling in the simple pleasure that he could touch her, that she was there... and she wasn't going anywhere.

rey rey nodded, feeling reassured by his gentle, steady tone. either he was good at hiding his emotions (which she knew to be true) or he really wasn't worried about his uncle. not daring to look into his mind again in fear of more memories of peter, rey simply glanced up and into his eyes, not knowing what else to say. so she did the only thing she really wanted to do. her hands slid up to tangle in his hair as she leaned up and kissed him, softly at first.

Derek: He kept her wrapped up in his arms as he kissed her, holding her as closely as possibly as her hands wound through his hair. He kissed her gently, reassuringly - trying to convey as much as possible that she didn't have anything to worry about, that he was going to protect her. He cradled her face in his hands, thumbs gently brushing over her cheeks as their kiss gradually deepened.

rey while he deepened the kiss, rey slowly leaned back more and more until she was laying flat on the bed, him hovering above her. she ran her hands down his back until her fingers found the hem of his shirt, which she tugged up and up until eventually it was off, then tossed it aside. her leg slowly moved to brush up his then back down as she nipped at his bottom lip then kissed him again.

Derek: Derek was reluctant to pull away from her for even a moment, but he sat up enough for her to pull off his shirt before stretching out over her again, resting his weight on one hand. The other he let smooth over her skin, over her stomach and up to her chest, his thumb ghosting circles over her nipple only just long enough to make it hard before his fingers were trailing downwards again.

rey when his fingers found her chest, rey tilted her chin up and gasped hoarsely, letting his lips land on her neck. she took a quick, deep breath then set her legs on either side of his body, though she brought them up so her feet were flat on the bed, toes curling into the sheets. but she brought her hands down to unbutton then slowly push down his pants and boxers at the same time. once they were off, she moved her hands up to clasp above her head, and found his lips again.

Derek: "We are going to have to get up eventually," Derek chided with a laugh, pushing back Rey's hair from her face as she rested on his chest, his fingers brushing up and down her spine. He didn't really want to move, either, but a shower and food were in order. "C'mon," he prompted, squeezing one of her hips gently and rocking his body back and forth in an attempt to get her moving. "Let's go."

rey "nooo..." rey groaned under her breath as derek said they'd have to get up. she turned so her cheek was resting against his chest, rather than burying her entire face in it, and winced silently when he squeezed her hip, one of her most ticklish areas. but she was shocked awake and opened her eyes, a small smile forming on her lips. she was so relaxed after they'd finished making love, and he'd just cuddled her for what felt like hours, though she knew it was only about twenty minutes or so. "fine," she sighed in defeat and moved off his chest, but held her arms up to him once he was standing, and giggled tiredly.

Derek: "Yesssss," Derek groaned right back at her, laughing a little when she didn't do much responding other than to move her face. "C'mon. If we don't get up now, we never will, you know that." He stretched, arms extending over his head and legs flexing and toes curling before he half-rolled, half-climbed off the bed. "Oh my god," he laughed when he saw her summoning him down to pick her up. Despite the complaint he still complied, bending over to let her arms around his neck as he lifted her up to hold her against his front. "You're so spoiled," he muttered as he carried her off to the bathroom, leaning over to start the shower without putting her down, instead pressing her up against the wall and letting his lips find her collarbone, already marked but still enticing.

rey "derek..." rey groaned but giggled when he picked her up, wrapping her arms around his neck. she loved being carried like this, no matter what. it allowed them to still be so close after intimate moments such as the one they just shared. "i know, but you're not gonna stop..." she mumbled against his skin as she closed her eyes again, chuckling softly. they were both sweaty and warm, so the shower would definitely feel good. but when he pressed her back against the wall, she lifted her head up with a quiet gasp, then let her eyes fall shut when his lips found her collarbone. the marks there weren't deep, but she'd need to cover them up with makeup tomorrow, she was sure of it. she winced softly, feeling the pit of her stomach tighten with ecstasy again, and took deep breaths, head falling back gently against the wall. "not again..." she whispered. she didn't know if she had it in her, really.

Derek: Derek hummed noncommittally into her skin when she teased him; he'd never stop spoiling her as long as he lived, he knew that with certainty, and apparently so did she. He couldn't blame her for taking advantage of it, especially when he loved it so much. "Wasn't gonna," he replied just as quietly into the skin of her throat, nose brushing along the softness of it, lips dragging a long line as his stubble scraped over it gently. His hands gripped her thighs, thumbs rubbing into the crease where they met her torso before sliding back to hold her up by her ass. "As much as I wish I could." He found her mouth again and kissed her until they were both out of breath, their skin warm and he could feel a heat low in his belly, that endless desire he always harbored for her. But he let her down, feet lightly stepping to the floor before he held his hand out to help her into the shower.

rey as his thumbs massaged into her skin, rey winced again and bit down on her lip, flexing her feet slightly as they rested against his back. again she breathed steadily until his hands moved to her behind, one of her favorite places where he touched her. she nodded in agreement then kissed him back, holding onto his hair gently, and felt that itching sensation creep up her body once she was on her feet. her legs pressed together tightly and she leaned over just a bit to recover, knowing how easy it was for her to become aroused. but then she took his hand and shuffled into the shower, letting the water cool her down both internally and externally. she stood so her back was pressed to his chest then slowly reached an arm up to loop around his neck, eyes closing and lips parting. "that's better..."

Derek: He could have touched her like this forever, no boundaries or secrets between them; he knew she got overwhelmed quickly, whether it was his hands or his mouth or any other part of him, and there were definitely times he played that to his advantage. But he let her recover once she had her feet on the ground, mouth trying (and failing) to quash a please little smirk behind her back. He sidled in behind her, hands smoothing down her sides and the fronts of her thighs, not intended to be sexual but celebratory, reveling in her and the fact that she was his. "I love you," he said quietly, head bowed to press his lips to her shoulder, light, worshiping. "I love you so much..."

rey a smile formed on her lips as she felt his hands travel down her hips to her thighs, and whispered, "i love you with all my heart..." it wasn't hard to, with how amazingly perfect he was. she still didn't feel like she deserved him, and probably never would. "it hurts less this time," she murmured, opening her eyes to look up at him. the first time had been pretty painful, even with how slow and gentle derek was, since it was her first time ever experiencing anything like that. since then, it'd hurt less and less after each run, and now it was just a slight disturbance. she gathered the washcloth and lathered it up with soap before turning her body to face his then handing it over so he could wash her, as they always did after making love.

Derek: "Good!" Derek replied earnestly, pressing his lips to her cheek and nuzzling at it with his nose after. He wrapped his arms around her middle and squeezed her gently. He'd nearly stopped then and there the first time, when he sensed her discomfort and uncertainty despite taking as much time as she needed. "Think it won't hurt at all soon?" he asked quietly. It was difficult to not feel bad whenever they had sex, feel like, despite what she said, she was uncomfortable or unhappy or they were only doing it because /he/ wanted to. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind as he accepted the washcloth from her, tangling the fingers of one hand with hers as he held her arm out for him to start washing, working his way to her torso and over her chest before going on to the other arm.

rey "yeah, i do," rey smiled hopefully and gave him a nod, leaning up to peck his lips gently. she didn't need to use the force to feel the guilt stirring inside him. and she didn't like it one bit. she /wanted/ to do it, she really did, even through the pain. it was all worth it in the end, and she assumed derek didn't see that side of it. only the painful side. she stepped back just slightly so he could extend her arm to clean it, fingers dancing in his own, then watched his hand as the washcloth dragged from her shoulder to her abdomen and chest, where she had a few marks. she loved them. she watched again as he moved onto her other arm, but watched his face now instead. he was sculpted by gods, she was convinced. everything about him was so perfect. literally every little thing. "i love you..." she piped up quietly, standing on her toes for half a second before giving him a shy smile.

Derek: Derek's mouth twisted on a shy sort of smile when she said those words seemingly out of nowhere, and he ducked his head briefly, looking down at their feet before glancing back up at her. "I love you, too," he said, bringing one slightly soapy hand up to cradle her cheek, looking into her eyes as he said the words. "I can't believe you're going to marry me," he said, huffing out a chuckle as he smiled, all teeth and palpable awe. "I can't believe you're going to be Mrs. Hale." He rolled the words around on his tongue. "Rey Hale. Rey Skywalker-Hale?" He laughed a little, using the back of his hand to brush the washcloth over her stomach and hip.

rey rey laughed happily, nodding her head. she was still in shock, too, even though it had been well over a week. "just hale. i'm your family now, i don't want to be remembered just for my father and uncle and everyone else. i want to be my own person," she whispered, then smiled again. "your wife." she leaned up to peck his lips a few times then let him drag the washcloth over her stomach and waist, though she smiled a little each time his fingers brushed against her soft skin. she'd never get tired of his touch. never ever.

Derek: An easy smile tugged at Derek's lips as he leaned in close to her, pressing their lips together easily, briefly, a few times one right after the other. "It's your name just as much as it's theirs," Derek said, both hands touching her waist as he leaned in close enough to feel her breath on his face, her whisper so close that it felt loud in his ears. If they could stay this close forever, he'd die a happy man. "You are your own person, no matter what your name is." He could feel her smile against his lips as they kissed again, and he sighed contentedly when they parted, pulling her in close and resting his chin atop her head as he rubbed the washcloth over her back, and lower, to her thighs.

rey rey smiled softly and shrugged. "it's really only been my name for a few months... i've been fine being just rey before i knew. just rey..." she whispered when he leaned close to her, biting gently at her bottom lip. suddenly words weren't forming in her mind as easily, with how entrancing his gaze was. she nodded slowly, though, and kissed him back, though this one was soft and delicate. when he pulled her close, she rested her forearms against his chest and closed her eyes, though she frowned when he skipped a very important area. she took his free hand and placed it on her butt with a small giggle. "much better."

Derek: Derek's brows shot up when Rey placed his hand back on her ass, a little taken aback by the brazenness of it - a far cry from the woman who had been so uncomfortable with just being aroused a few months before. "Much better," he agreed, chuckling, and then gently passed the washcloth over her skin, humming into her neck as he pressed his face there, reveling in how comfortable it was being this close, enjoying the way they could touch each other so easily.

rey rey smiled slowly and wrinkled her nose just a bit before moving her hand up to the nape of his neck when he ducked his face into her skin, letting her eyes fall shut. slowly, her fingers ran through his hair, gently scratching his scalp in a soothing way as they went along. she remembered him saying long ago how much he loved when she did that. she turned her head just enough to press a gentle kiss to the side of his own, then rested her cheek against his hair and let out a soft sigh.

[ifiwantmagicinmylife]

About the Shannara finale & season in general

This is gonna be long so…

First of all, i wanna be very clear. I’m not trying to spread hate for the show. I love this show. i would never say anything hateful cause i appreciate how this show is and how it wants to be, and i don’t want it to be cancelled due to negativity. I’ve just been frustrated about it…at least lets say since the finale, and I’m writing this to try to get it out of my system.

First of all, I’m a wilretria shipper. since day 1 Eretria&Wil have been my babies. so I’m sure you can see where some of my frustration comes from.

Second. From day one my favourite characters have been Eretria, Allanon and Ander (see why my frustration?)

Eretria: I love Ivana. when she won the Goya award i clapped like crazy. And then turned our Eretria was awesume. Anything anyone would want to be. Strong, an amazing fighter, brave, loyal….and as we also learn, kind and even sweet.

Allanon: i love Manu since i don’t know when, so him being the druid guy…i knew it was gonna be badass. and then it was. and i couldn’t love Allanon more.

Ander: the cool friendly uncle. helping niece to run the race, going to get her at the party like “omg girl you look stunning, that’s ma niece” and then talking relationships with her. I JUST LOVED HIM. and then he also made impossiblefor me to focus on tragic moments. i don’t tag him “the ‘dat ass’ elf” for no reason…

Well, so far you can see season 2 has not given me happiness in this matter. 1 became ashes and the other a waterfall (sort of)

What frustrates me about these is, well..the books. I still haven’t read them, cause i was waiting for the end of the season, but i read a couple of things, from which i got that Ander&Allanon probs both died on the 3rd book. Ok, i can deal with that but...I can’t? cause I thought this season was filling a gap between book 2 and 3. but that’s ok i guess. follow the book way too early.

But what gets me about this is that then I can think or say, “ok, so i guess then they will also follow the book for Eretria and Wil, right? I mean…cmon. It doesn’t seem like that for now, but you know, that’s what a season 3 would be for”, but then people say “oh cmon, the tv show doesn’t have to follow the book, stop with the books”. But the thing is, season 1 was very much like the book from what I’ve heard. I remember reading in the Nerdist website they said they wanted to keep it very similar to the book, that they only made Eretria have more depth and do something more than FALL IN LOVE WITH WIL AND FOLLOW HIM AROUND (sorry, dunno why that capbloq itself…oh wait, i do) So, they are gonna follow and even make happen ahead of time things that happen in the book, but others..neeeh. ok, that frustrates me.

And one other thing, since i’m talking about my ship. I feel wilretria shippers have been mostly completely silent this season. I don’t think we have created any drama regarding Lyria. We just kept getting blows and letting that relationship happen without saying a thing. Because we fear if we say anything we will be called “homophobic”, get hate and things like that. And it is frustrating cause we aren’t voicing ourselves because we aren’t dicks, and we are letting everyone enjoy their ship, but this may ruin any chance of our ship happening if they think we don’t care. And we are seeing it getting even harder with the Mareth thing. So i want you to understand, i don’t care if Eretria has a gf, she is bi so she can have all the gfs she wants. But shutting out Wil completly as a possibility cause yes...no. I love Wil and Eretria even since before i watched the show. I do care, so much.

Now about season 2 in general:

PROS

Garet Jax or “jarjar gax” how i like to call him for funsies. total badass. I wished we could have know what was his past entirely cause it seemed interesting, dammit.

Mareth: She was cute and sassy, a magic user in a different way we had seen, which was cool! and then, related to Allanon, which is great considering we also know nothing about Allanon, or Mareth’s mom. So nice, she could be anything and take us anywhere

And on that note, something I’ve always appreciated about this show, from Tilton, to Allanon, to the gardener, to the background actors, to the rovers & elf hunters...this world really seems like a real post-apocaliptic world cause there’s people from all etnicities. these season some more in leads. good show

This stupid season made me love Wil. That lil bitch annoyed me so much. But he is too cute. And we saw him in his lows and in his highs. using the magic unwisely, hugging the hell out of Eretria when it turned out she wasn’t dead (this poor kid, i swear to god. a whole year thinking he lost Amberle and Eretria; the latest being his fault for leaving her behind). Also he made his peace with Allanon awww. And to be honest I love his death scene. It mirrored Amberle’s and now all our 3 heroes have died to save everyone (let’s not forget ma rover bleeding herself out, ok?) And thank whomever must be thanked, he isn’t dead. You can’t die when i start to love you, a-hole. tho that’s what this show does to me.

Eretria: We got to see where she comes from, what will be her challenges and how her loyalty to her friends is stronger and bigger than anyone could ever have thought. Also she was badass as always.

Ander. I mean, Ander is everything. anything with Ander was the best scene ever. dat ass. best king ever. bless. he also said Eretria is family and at this point I dunno if i want Eretria to marry Wil or him cause honestly “yes, i remember when i met your mom...i fell for her instantly. i mean, she kicked me in the face and let me unconcious, but..” is a great “meetcute” Also the threw that traitor down the waterfall omg my king is so fucking badass.

Allanon: i mean...pfft it’s allanon. everything about him is a pro, duh. Giving him a family and showing him caring for Wil was nice too. he is not a heartless guy. he loves all this crazy kids.

Bandon, Riga, Warlock lord: god, you bunch of asshoooles. i hate you all so muuuuch. Good bad guys :) The warlock lord became my hero when he de-headed Riga. you deserve it biiitch omgggg for Andeeeer. Then the Bandon thing...i mean...poor Bandon, but bitch, you had everyone occupied and Riga killed Ander. Then my new hero warlock lord killed that ship traitor Allanon (i was like that’s what you get! but then he was cursed and became ashes....and i was like, ok a bit too much) and then he did the other thing and i was disappointed on my new hero. i was all “i was rooting for youu” They all where awesume at being bad. is awesume having such great baddies

I can’t believe i almost forgot her

Ambertree: or Amberle, as you prefer. I really didn’t want her to be back for the sake of my ship. but I also did start crying when i saw her in the trailer. So i guess i love her too. And seeing her was so nice. I missed the elf princess. but stay as a tree please Amberle. (ps, also wtf amberle you too with the Mareth thing, i take it back, i hate everyone on this show)

CONS

Ander: Can you please explain to me what the hell has this poor thing done to deserve this shit? His brother dies. he becomes this depressed drinking ball of an elf and loses his gf. years later his dad, his bro, half of his goddamn castle, his ex he still loves die. ALL DIE. His niece becomes a tree. And he has to be king. Also Eretria kicked him in the face (i kind of ship it) And then we get to season 2 and the girl he is with s murdered (....i wasn’t on board of this anyway cause god Catania, you effed the Bandon inprisonment, didn’t ya. but if Ander my love was happy. but no. and then he gets murdered trying to save this girl (Eretria i’m never going to forgive you for being up to tell her to get up and run, but not to throw a knife and save my elf husband). and so the story of Ander ends. Being throw down the traitors waterfall, where no one can recover his body and give him the royal funeral he deserves. I will forever be bitter about this, i kid you not. #longlivetheking

Allanon: Again, my babies cant catch a break. He is trying to stop Bandon, turns out he has a daughter with his loved one and we don’t get to see them become dad and daughter. I had already accepted he was gonna die because i read someone saying “after what happens in book 3″ And then he drops that “you and mareth are ma ship” bomb. my brain: “oh you asshole how dare you to compare them with you and Pyria. You can die now, byeeeee” (i’m evil, i know).

Eretria: I feel this season didn’t do much for her. I guess she did all the development she could do in season 1. But i feel they mistreated her a lot. I get she has a girlfriend, or so, cause at some point she had broken up with her i think...but i feel the way they made her interact with Wil was just weird. The little times they interacted. that was annoying. (those two have so much chemistry they have to keep ‘em apart or we all would be arranging their wedding by the “welcome back, shorttips”) Eretria has always been in love with Wil, let’s be honest. We all saw her face the day Wil said “there is no us” or when she saw him kissing Amberle. We all know without Amberle in the picture things would be very different. Does no one really remember he was up for it the same day he met Eretria? and then some days after in the palace room? (also let me point out Eretria does love will cause to rob some stones she could have giving him an “Ander” and leave. but she didn’t. she stayed, and said would never call him shortips again). So this two at the very least had the hots for each other to begin with. Also let me remind you how Wil cried when Eretria died. He used the stones for something else than killing a demon for the first time to save her (if that doesn’t scream love, soulmates, endgame or whatever, i dunno what does) And this season, tho they have kept giving us sweet moments of the two, where we shippers kept our hopes high (the tree girl was gone, this was out moment), and we hoped to see THEM FALL IN LOVE AND GET TOGETHER (since its a space between books, you know)... and that’s why the complete anulation of this ship is so painful for some of us. We felt Amberle was some sort of puppy teenage love, and Eretria would be the true love woman for Wil....but no. anyway...a Shannara and a child of the Apocalypse. Good magic & (bad/good) magic. ancient kings blood, ancient humans blood. like honestly.

Wil: I’m not gonna blame the poor kid for being an emo and be mad at the world, cause his life went to shit last epi of last season (if not all season in general). And i honestly developed love for him this season. BUT...this thing about him and Mareth...I feel it came out of nowhere. They were just friends and then one day she makes eyes to him and he makes eyes to her? there wasn’t even a big thing where i could say, where there they realized they love each other...and out of nowhere they are the biggest love story eveeer. im sorry, no. i can’t. I get everyone loves them, but i...no. (again, i guess is the wilretria shipper in me who sees more past and more development in the relationship and that this was happening too quickly out of nowhere) (Also the pre-death kiss, that was i guess so romantic and adfghjklñ....kinda ruined the scene for me. like “oh ffs, die already, Wil!”*narrow*” was a thing that happened in my brain)

Others: I dont think I have much complains about the others. One of the only ones is Lyria’s storyline. i feel like the only thing i saw her do was mope and cry? and that one time she stood up to her mom, planned a wedding with Ander and once held a sword (which i feel they really exploded to make her look badass)...i feel like they made this character to be the love interest, and im sorry for it cause it could have been so much more. Also that “don’t wanna be a princess I’m running away but yas i wanna be queen” thing...does it even make sense for the person we were introduced to? also it was the fact that I had to buy into her love story with Eretria. When i saw in the trailer she was gonna have a gf i was like, oh no...more difficulties for my ship, but hey yes, let’s see what happened here. But then...i didn’t know anything about them? when did they meet? how long have they been dating? “where you go, i go”...where does that come from? how did i know what Lyria’s mom told Eretria about her saying that to everyone wasn’t true? Maybe my ship blinds me, but i feel this relationships started as if i started season 1 with will and Amberle frickfracking and then she becoming a tree and I’m supposed to be super sad, but i can’t I don’t know if it makes sense since i shipped Pyria and Allanon since moment 1 but that’s probably my “omg star crossed lovers, him staying young while she grows old, not seeing each other in 30 years shdfadlgfhañsla” loser heart Mareth: I was here for the magic kids friendship until it stopped being a friendship. now she is ruining my life. and i don’t appreciate it.

((me being annoying: also the blingbling palace was too much for me, omg did i miss Arborlon))

Ok, I think that is all. I know it seems like I didn’t like this season, but omg, i loved it. it was so intense all the time, and so many awesume fights, and some great new characters. Is just that I had hopes for my ship just to see them sinking more and more. at this point I’m Artax and my ship is more a submarine.

I can’t wait to see what they do in season 3 (and probably cry and hate everyone cause my ship sinks), but this show is too good to end forever in a “to be continued”. I want my babies back

and please show, stop getting people i love into #crispinskorner

#me watches tv #the shannara chronicles