#“better than Dave Matthews' entire life”

[gogandmagog]

If you had L.M. Montgomery as a pen pal and were able to have her expound on or clarify (3) Anne events or plotholes what would you choose?

(ESL so I’m apologizing if the format of this question is poor.)

No waaay, the format of this question is actually perfection and so's your English! And the question itself, too. Do you know that you’re one of my most elusive LMM mutuals? I have hardly any clues about your viewpoints… and I’d love nothing better than to be able to hand you a mic, and sit down tailor-style in front of you, while you shared your takeaways. (All this to say that I’m returning this very question to you, in your own ask-box, the very next moment after I press ‘post’ here!)

1.) About the aftermath of Walter’s ‘going away.’ Especially, was there any kind of memorial or funeral? Can the narrative catch Una up in its grasp at that moment, if there was? Montgomery communicates grief with such harrowing candour after both Matthew and Joy’s deaths (even Ruby's!)... we get these really saudade and wrenching passages that will never go stale against the readers feelings because each time they bring you to burn with the intimacy of fresh sorrow... but then here comes ‘Rilla of Ingleside,’ and we only get mild surface knowledge of Anne’s long emotional convalescence or one-line mentions of Rilla’s initial shock and her own bitter nightly weeping. The whole thing almost feels like a deferred action to me, comparatively. I don't really like books that consistently spoon-feed you tragedy because I find they typically start insisting upon themselves, but I could have used a little more detail in this particular instance. But maybe I just wish for more Walter, always!    2.) I’d grin soooo stupidly if we could get Shirley’s birth year sorted — his whole entire timeline set out in a clear and linear fashion, really. If we could also hear more about his life (before, during and after the war), I’d be riveted, I’m sure. Where Andrew Stuart has his epic on the life of Methuslela that he dreams of writing, I have my own Shirley (+Mi’kmaq girl) Blyography to dream of writing in a really white whale sort of way.

3.) Hey, and you know what? One small inconsistent thing that has always bugged me, that I’ve just now remembered, thanks to this ask... in the chapter ‘Dawn and Dusk’ in House of Dreams, we’re told that Phil, with her big golden heart, wrote Anne a congratulatory letter as she’d heard of Joy’s birth... but not of her death. But this is puzzling to me, because... exactly who would've told Phil that Joy had been born, but not that she’d passed? This chapter is titled ‘Dawn and Dusk’ because the wee white lady lives only from morning to evening. Anyone that knew of Joy’s birth, knew also of her death. Certainly, Anne wasn’t writing far-reaching announcement letters in those very short hours of gladness she was given. Gilbert knew from the first that Joy could not live the day out, so we can fairly rule him out, too. Susan and Marilla are further impossibilities, as they were made aware of the looming sorrow almost just as soon as they were aware of Joy’s arrival. The only others at the House of Dreams at that time were Doctor Dave and a nurse. It'd be absurd if it was them. So…?

#thaaaanks for this

[thomasharpole]

Jubilance - 7/28

A evening with the Dave Matthews Band in Tampa, FL

I am still trying to piece together and process what I experienced last night in the sweaty mess of a pit, watching some of the most talented, world-class musicians weave unforgettable songs and melodies together with us. The last 2 hours of this show amounted to the most powerful and most spiritual experience I’ve ever had seeing live music. Words, especially in English, fall short of my experience and don’t do it justice. It seems futile to write about it, and yet I want to preserve this night in my writing and internalize the lesson from last night as much as I can.

To stand so close at a show is something I had only done 10 years ago, but I wasn’t ready at the time to understand what I was seeing. As a musician, to watch these men last night, who I have now listened to for the better part of 20 years, genuinely felt like spending time with family or the closest friends of your life.

I could see everything. I could see the smiles, the laughter, the concentration, the emotional highs and lows, and the chemistry of these humans on stage together. I could see Carter’s love and thrill for each band member, his genuine undying smile and extraordinary speed and language he speaks on the drum kit. I could see him feel every single cymbal hit before it even landed. I could see Jeff and Rashawn’s friendship as two brass players, and the way they observe each other through their intricate solos. I could see Fonz get giddy during certain musical moments. I could see Tim’s immense concentration and what feels like his access to another dimension in the way he speaks through his guitar. I could see Buddy fresh and fly demeanor, his constant smile while playing keys, and how he is so deeply appreciated by the other legacy members of the band. I could see Dave’s raw outpouring of himself into every song he sang, his soul eternally begging to be released and shown to the world through the language of music. I could also see the warm twinkle in Dave’s eye from 25 feet away, you could tell that he, who feels like a lifelong friend to all of us, felt right at home and his presence communicated something like “I am so thrilled and happy to be here with you, my loving family, after so damn long.”

The venue disappeared for me because we were so close. I felt like I was in a small room with these guys. I was listening to exactly what I would want to hear and watch if I knew I had one evening left until my life was over.

Below are a few moments from certain songs that I wish to hold onto forever.

Setlist and moments:

**I felt the show really started to take off from JTR onward, so I’m going to start song comments at that point.

Tripping Billies Raven Seek Up So Right When The World Ends Seven You Might Die Trying Satellite The Riff

JTR: the pit crew was absolutely thrilled when JTR started playing. “Rain down on me” resonated deeply with a crowd and musicians who were so brutally covered in the sweat and humidity of the evening, it felt as if everyone in this moment resigned to the extreme physical state we were all in, and the musicians were right there with us. The way the horns built the the jam motif in the end of this tune, teasing and getting snagged on the same melody (between 4 and 6 time sig) until their final release in the last 8 bars. The way Carter carries the group through the end, with Dave high stepping along the way… just fantastic.

The Song that Jane Likes: Sweet song, amazing visuals behind the stage, and first time playing this year on tour.

Typical Situation: Something happened at this point in the show that changed the dynamic of the rest of the night. I watched Carter and Dave come alive during this tune. First, to see Carter playing shaker, mallets, and drumsticks on one song and switch effortlessly between them was awesome. But when this song went into the 7/8 chromatic jam during the middle of the outro it was off the charts. Buddy was hammering the keyboard, Carter was slamming the china cymbals, and Dave was DANCING harder than I’ve seen in 4 shows. The pit sang this one loud.

Do You Remember: Endless 90s nostalgia for me. The visuals of the bicycle evoke extremely colorful feelings of my childhood on Ivy St. The endless summer days, the laughter and sports and quiet evenings outside. My dad sitting on a chair watching us. I could write pages on just this feeling, but this song is a portal into my childhood.

Grey Street: Felt the song coming, and as Carter counted the intro out loud the tempo is so recognizable, it almost has its own identity for this song as the drums roll into the opening chord. The third verse comes back to life and the pit loves it. The girl I’m with says something about me being the crazy man creeping and I make a maniac face and she laughs. The thrill of seeing someone I know witness this song in person, up close, is overwhelmingly wholesome. It feels for a moment, as if the night has conspired to make this all happen. I almost hit the floor during the yeah scream on Grey Street after the 3rd chorus. Belted the note too hard and lost oxygen to my head, felt myself about to pass out immediately and grabbed on for dear life. The sax and trumpet duel during the outro between Jeff and Rashawn is staggering and leads us into the final riff of the song which just punches you in its goodness and power.

If Only: Just a humble little song. I need to listen to this one again (live version) to draw out what I remember from the stage.

Dancing Nancies: Dark, absolutely astounding. Tim Reynolds played the most other-worldly guitar solo with visuals on the back of broken dolls, babies, all kinds of crazy things. Dave began the song asking all the right questions about what he could have been to the audience. The hits on the outro in series of 8 were felt in my chest. Best version of it I’ve seen.

Warehouse: My all-time favorite song from this band. This intro is the most visceral and raw sequence in the show. When the sax, trumpet, guitar, and keys come together all in tremolo in 32nd notes, the frequencies and overtones created along with Carter’s enormous rapid cymbal sound is so intense you can see the physical effect it has on Dave. The closest way I could describe this intro as if the soul is being extricated by force out of the body and almost vacuumed or sucked upwards into a new reality it has to reckon with. “Only hope you’re here to pull me out, when I start going under, as the warehouse slips away” gives me chills. (To get a slight idea of what this is like, watch this clip at 38–40 mins. It’s from a different show, but note especially Dave’s viscerally clear connection with something beyond our understanding around the 39m mark.)

The strobes and lights here only add to the intensity of this intro. The huge yell before the 2nd verse. The drive into the outro. The salsa hits at the end. Rashawn just driving the trumpet to where it sounds like a different instrument. And the final lyrics in the moment of great reckoning:

That’s our blood down there⁣

Seems poured from the hands of angels⁣

Then trickle into the ground⁣

Leaves the Warehouse bare and empty⁣

Then my heart’s numbered beat⁣

Will echo in this empty room⁣

And fear wells in me⁣

Til’ nothing seems big enough to stay long

So I am going away, I am going away

The final Eadd9 chord lands as the warm summation and resolution to the song. I see the faces of all of my friends from the last 10 years that have been moved by this piece of music as well, and every place I have been in my life when listening to this song. It’s a sweet ending.

Everyday: One of Buddy’s licks on the intro to this song was a 32nd note run that blew the entire band away. He played 16 notes in under 2 seconds down the scale. Carter, who is probably the most attentive to rhythm, had his jaw on the floor. Everyone was loving it. The improv vocals. The 3 part harmonies. The crowd singing Hani Hani come and dance with me. The final build. Richness.

PNP > Rapunzel: Endlessly playful song that is perfect way to end a show. Funniest part of the show is when Dave’s string broke about 15 seconds before the outro-dance-explosion that becomes the end of this song. It was very critical that the new guitar get on before the downbeat of the outro because of how much the song picks up and to keep that energy. As Dave is bending his neck to put the new guitar on, after 3 hours of playing and probably in some pain, he changed the last lyrics of Rapunzel to: “Every single thing you do to me, my god I’m FUCKED, but I’ll do, my best, for you, I’ll do yeaaaaaa. LOL! I’m sure he’s used this change before but it was timed so perfectly with him tangled in a new guitar strap, with his head banging against the various items, knowing he had about 3 seconds to pull of this change and it was not going well.

Encore:

Singing From The Windows: I could not hold it together for this song. After a year and a half of what has felt like chaos in the lives of many people and in humanity, the acceptance and hope that pours from this song, and out of Dave, is enough to floor anyone that has an ounce of care for the rest of our species. I looked around and everyone around me in the pit was crying. Dave got choked up on this song the other night and looked like he was barely holding it together. There was a quiet and serenity for a moment without the band, and all of the focus went to the songwriter and the gripping power one man and a guitar can have on an audience of 20,000 people.

Why I Am: Man, it really felt like Leroi still carries a presence in this band and you can tell why the band sings it often.

Stay: By this point, everyone was so insanely hot in the pit that they were belting Stay knowing that it was the last chance we would get to sing together. The way Carter syncopates the china cymbals on the outro of this song has always captured me. To watch Dave dance to this one more time while the horns went off and spread his arms wide on the final 3 seconds of the song was an exclamation point on a wild ass evening.

— —

Anyway, I wish that every human being could experience what I did last night. The world would be an infinitely better place. It’s not often that we have moments in our life that alter the course of the path we’re on, but I think it’s important to recognize them when they happen.

Whatever God is or means, or exists insofar as we allow him/her/it into this world, God was absolutely radiating last night. In the faces of the people, and in the entity that lives and breathes and is created when these musicians get together on stage. There is something above and beyond human form that I am humbled to have been a witness to.

It sounds a bit wild, but we are so unbelievably bigger than our bodies trick us into thinking we are. We are so much bigger than the Warehouse that contains us. And yet, we must live and do God’s work through this physical vessel because it is the only form that we take while we’re here. We must learn from this self and feed it, nourish it, teach it to become more than what it thinks it is.

One other thought: to share this musical experience alone is wonderful. But to have shared this band with someone I love so deeply is all a person could ever ask for. It is the epitome of the human experience, that is, to watch another person receive their own gift, their own joy, their own meaning from something you believe in, and to know they will carry it with them forever. They are changed by your truth. I got to see her become fully and endlessly alive because of this music last night. And that was infinitely enough.

We left the venue on fire with gratitute. It sounds wild, but I remember thinking I could die quite peacefully at that moment! I couldn’t conjure any other thing I needed to go do on this planet. I couldn’t conjure a negative thought. It was impossible. The word “ecstasy” doesn’t do this feeling justice, because the emotions are so much further in range than just intense happiness. Perhaps “awareness” or “power” or “spiritual fullness” resound a bit more to me, but for everyone it is different.

I think what’s most special about this band is that their music permeates into the core of who you are as a human being. It’s spiritual. It’s bursting with truth. It transforms how you see the world. It becomes your attitude and your way of life. This is why these guys sold more live tickets than any other group on earth for 10 years straight. The range of emotion embedded in the music is also the perfect analogy of what we as people honestly grapple with during our journey here. The lessons are clear. The music has given millions of people permission to live better lives: with jubilance, resilience, and an understanding that joy exists even amidst the deepest of pain. Each day we have an opportunity to show someone else this honest attitude, this truth, through whatever medium we choose. It is one of the greatest gifts we can offer another person. There is no question I will carry the richness of this experience with me, from now until the end of my life. I am forever thankful for nights like this, nights that are simply transcendent.

Thomas Harpole

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#dmb #davematthewsband

[inclineto]

Books, November - December 2020

The Relentless Moon - Mary Robinette Kowal [I...was not prepared for an eating disorder to drive as much of the plot as it does; maybe you should be]

How to Read Water: Clues and Patterns from Puddles to the Sea - Tristan Gooley

Spoiler Alert - Olivia Dade [This could have gone so wrong; honestly, I expected to ditch it in the first two chapters, because usually I HATE giddy novels about fandom...and yet! it turned out to be wish fulfillment in the best possible way, somehow despite the inclusion of multiple tropes that I also dislike (least spoilery: “I betrayed your trust by not telling you my terrible secret that involves you when I had the opportunity, and now you can never know,” when that will obviously only make the eventual inevitable reveal much worse). Anyway: if you wanted actor RPF/fandom AU for a canon that doesn’t exist, here you go.]

Floating Coast: An Environmental History of the Bering Strait - Bathsheba Demuth

Desire and the Deep Blue Sea - Olivia Dade

The Way Past Winter - Kiran Millwood Hargrave [dnf]

Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism - Seyward Darby

Swordspoint - Ellen Kushner

Jeoffry: The Poet’s Cat: A Biography - Oliver Soden

Gaudy Night - Dorothy L. Sayers *

Yes, I’m Hot in This: The Hilarious Truth About Life in a Hijab - Huda Fahmy [I introduced this artist to a former boss, whose reaction was to immediately purchase and lend me every book she’s published; I’m overdue to mail this one back (and if your thought was “that book exchange sounds backwards,” well, ...yes)]

One by One - Ruth Ware [it’s fine, I didn’t have anywhere to go the next morning, I didn’t mind staying up until 2:30 to finish this, it’s fine]

A Deadly Education - Naomi Novik

Solutions and Other Problems - Allie Brosh

The House of the Four Winds - Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory

There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People - Emily McDowell and Kelsey Crowe [self-help is not usually my genre, but given that I’ve written so many condolence cards this year that I’ve run out of condolence card-appropriate stationary - archives love using scenes from Hamlet on their exhibition giveaway cards, and they’re absolutely not okay to use for...really any occasion, but especially death - and am utterly unable to tell whether anything I’m writing is any good, and that my standard How To Be A Better Person manual is an etiquette book from the 1930s, what could it hurt?]

Orlando - Virginia Woolf

Around My French Table: 300 Recipes from My Home to Yours - Dorie Greenspan

Return of the Thief - Megan Whalen Turner

Spectred Isle - KJ Charles [still really fond of this one; still really want the lesbian ghost sequel]

Division Bells - Iona Datt Sharma [there’s one scene that threw me out of the world, and I’d kind of love to see whether it got editorial notes and if so, what...but on the other hand, I wasn’t expecting this to make me cry, and it did]

Serpentine - Philip Pullman, illustrated by Tom Duxbury [the story is slight; what you want to read this for are the illustrations, which are delightful]

The Rakess - Scarlet Peckham

The Midnight Bargain - C. L. Polk

The House of Green Turf - Ellis Peters

Beach Read - Emily Henry

Not the End of the World - Kate Atkinson

World of Wonders: In Praise of Fireflies, Whale Sharks, and Other Astonishments - Aimee Nezhukumatathil

Eleventh Hour - Elin Gregory

Ahab’s Rolling Sea: A Natural History of Moby-Dick - Richard J. King [Let’s get this right out there: “Cetology” is my favorite chapter in the entire novel; I think it’s brilliant and fabulously funny and I loathe the lazy “everybody hates ‘Cetology’” trope that shows up everywhere - looking at you, Dave Malloy! - (although my mother tells me that her students did, indeed, universally despise it, which I find incomprehensible), so I’m always a little salty on approaching any Melville criticism: will they disrespect ‘Cetology”??? Sure enough, it’s there, but at least it’s on the way to explaining why you ought to appreciate it.]

Rereadings: Seventeen Writers Revisit Books They Love - ed. Anne Fadiman [the essay to read is Diana Kappel-Smith on the Peterson Field Guide to Wildflowers of Northeastern and North-Central North America]

Why Birds Sing - Nina Berkhout

Books and Islands in Ojibwe Country - Louise Erdrich

Barn 8 - Deb Olin Unferth

Black Sun - Rebecca Roanhorse

Where the Wild Ladies Are - Aoko Matsuda, translated by Polly Barton * [completely won over by this linked collection of present-day yōkai stories]

Ammonite - Nicola Griffith

Or What You Will - Jo Walton

Vesper Flights - Helen Macdonald

La Belle Sauvage - Philip Pullman [I’m fascinated to discover that the sequence I remember from reading this the first time doesn’t start until more than halfway through! He can tell a riveting story, so I wish I trusted Pullman even a tiny bit...but I don’t.]

Written in the Stars - Alexandria Bellefleur

A Libertarian Walks Into a Bear: The Utopian Plot to Liberate an American Town (and Some Bears) - Matthew Hongoltz-Hetling [some of this would never be funny; it’s possible I’d find parts of it funnier if libertarians didn’t make me so damn angry]

The Glass Magician - Caroline Stevermer

#books 2020 #books practical and pleasurable #apparently 2020 in romance novels is the year everyone has a cathartic boundary setting conversation with their parents #the duodecimo whale

[writethehousedown]

Trust Fund, Gold Tongue 2/7 (Crygi) - Peridot

A/N: Thank you to everyone who showed the last chapter some love! I’m really enjoying writing this little universe, and I hope you’re enjoying it so far! My interpretation of this prompt is minuscule, but it’s there if you squint, I promise! As always my sideblog is @artificialperidot, and you can also check this fic out on ao3 if you’re feeling extra generous! Hope you enjoy!

Gigi wondered how she came to sit around a table with all four of her parents around one table at the same time. It was a modern day miracle, seeing they all hated each other in some way- even the couples couldn’t stand each other half of the time. But she supposed their family had an appearance to keep up, and she didn’t want to think about how the tabloids would document their secret family hatred if someone leaked the information that they were sitting at different tables in the dining hall. 

The tabloids would be absolutely correct, though.

As a little kid, Gigi wanted nothing more than for her families to come together. At seventeen, she realised that the adults sitting opposite from her were all idiots.

Gigi loved her mom, she really did, but her taste in men was appalling to say the least. Her newest man, James, had only been around for about a month, and Gigi was already anticipating the messy breakup, where she’d have to pick up the pieces on her mother’s behalf, holding her whilst she cried and convincing her to get her life together again. It was a cycle that was used to, and one that didn’t look like it would break any time soon. Her mom cycled through men like tracks on a really terrible CD, and Gigi had never liked a single one of them. The worst of all of them, though, was her dad.

She did not want to even think about him, let alone sit through a three course meal with him every evening. Or that 30 year old with bleach blonde hair hanging off of his arm who had asked Gigi to call her mom. As if.

The five of them sat around the restaurant table in the busy country club dining hall, and Gigi found herself in a world of her own, absentmindedly twirling her straw in her drink and ignoring the chatter of the others around the table. Her parents made painfully awkward small talk between them as they waited for their meals to arrive, something about business finances or their new cars or the stock market. Gigi zoned out - her parents never really seemed interested in including her in their conversations. Not that Gigi would’ve wanted to talk to them, anyway.

She found it funny, though, that none of them would want to be within 50 feet of each other if it wasn’t for her. She was the reason they all ended up at her dad’s country club every summer. She usually lived with her mom in their penthouse, and put up with whatever boyfriends she had, because although it wasn’t perfect, anything was better than her dad’s house. But, legally, her dad was supposed to see her at least a few weeks a year, and so she and her mom and whoever her mom was seeing were all dragged to this hellhole every summer. 

Three months she inwardly reminded herself. Three more months, and then she’d be eighteen, and her parents would finally let her buy a place of her own, and she would never have to set foot in a country club again. She’d been begging to buy a house of her own from the day she turned sixteen, but her parents would hear none of it, telling her that she was far too young to be trusted to spend that much money all at once. They didn’t seem to have an issue when she blew thousands on clothes or cars or house parties all at once, though. The hypocrites.

Her eyes scanned the restaurant around her, searching for a distraction, and she caught sight of the guy she had thrown her drink at earlier - her dad’s friend, David or Dave or something. She noted his change of shirt from the blue polo that had been drenched in pink lemonade, and smiled at the memory. He got what he deserved, she thought. Nothing made her more mad than people who were rude to the staff.

She was sad she had to run away without that girl though. Crystal. She was pretty adorable. 

She hoped she’d see her around again, soon.

Before long, a waiter came by their table and served their food, plates piled high with steak and grilled veg and some sort of fancy sauce on the side. Gigi’s mouth watered - as much as she hated having dinner with her family, the food was never a let down.

She was halfway through a mouthful of roast beef when her mom started talking again, but this time it was to her. 

“You know, Gigi, James’s nephew is going to be spending a few weeks at the country club this summer,” she said, taking a sip of her wine.

“Oh, cool,” Gigi replied, disinterested.

“His name’s Matthew. He’s around your age, too,” she said, nodding and sharing a knowing look with the others around the table. “We were all thinking…maybe the two of you could, you know, go on a date.”

Gigi almost choked on her mouthful.

Go on a what?!

“Um, thanks, but no thanks.” she replied, her voice a little shaky. She could feel her heart start pounding in her chest a little harder and a little faster than she would’ve liked. 

“Oh, Gigi, give him a chance! He’s a nice young man, isn’t he, James?” her mom said, nudging her boyfriend with her arm. James nodded dumbly, before shoving another mouthful of potato into his mouth.

Tension rose in Gigi’s body, her mom’s words ringing in her ears. “I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I’m not really looking to date someone right now,” she said, doing her best to be polite and not get too emotional.

“Come on Gigi, you’re almost eighteen. It’s about time you got a boyfriend,” her dad butted in, his tone seeming too aggressive for the conversation. She was surprised that her mom and dad had actually agreed on something for once, even if it was for entirely different reasons. Her mom, deep down, wanted to protect her, for her to be happy - her dad wanted her to be someone else’s responsibility.

And Gigi wanted anything but a boyfriend.

Now would seem like a good time for Gigi to remind her parents that she was a lesbian, but she didn’t particularly want to have another screaming match in a public dining hall. She had tried to have that conversation before, and it didn’t end well. She pictured the way her mom had looked so scared when her dad had yelled and rampaged through their house. How she had told her afterwards to not bring it up in front of her father again. How guilty she had felt for causing her dad to explode like that, and for making her mom so scared. 

Her parents had broken up not long after that. And Gigi never brought it up again.

She had kept her love life completely private from then on, sharing secret rendezvous with girls at parties that she would never see again, and playing the role of the straight girl in front of her family. And, her family put a bandage on the stab wounds and acted as if nothing had ever happened.

But, pretending to be straight and actually dating a boy were completely different things, and there was no way she was going to let her family force her into a relationship. No way.

“Sorry, but I’m not interested. End of story,” she said firmly, her tone cutting, and it seemed to shut them up.

The five of them ate the rest of their meals in relative silence, the tension so thick it could’ve been cut with a knife. Gigi was suddenly thankful for the old saying that it was rude to talk with your mouth full. Gigi kept her mouth full as often as possible.

Dinner came and went, and desserts were ordered, Gigi opting for a raspberry sorbet that was new to the menu this year. Her parents ordered more drinks to go alongside their desserts, and Gigi wished she was a couple of years older so that she could have a few shots to make sitting through dinner more bearable.

Minutes ticked by like hours as she waited for her dessert to arrive, to give her something sweet to distract from the sour atmosphere. When it did though, she was met by an even sweeter surprise.

“One raspberry sorbet?” a voice asked from behind her. 

She looked up to see a familiar face placing the pink dessert down on their table and her heart skipped a beat. 

Crystal. The girl that had infatuated Gigi to the point of provoking her to throw her drink in a grown man’s face. She wasn’t too easy to forget.

Her red curls were tucked behind her ears, and she looked as though a faint blush was creeping over her cheeks. She smiled, giving Gigi a knowing look and a small nod, before walking away from their table, bouncing a little as she walked.

God she was cute.

Gigi was suddenly far less interested in her dessert.

“Uh, excuse me for a moment,” she said, and before her parents could protest, she abruptly stood up from the table and left, set on going after Crystal. She wasn’t exactly sure what she intended to say to her, but just seeing her had flipped her mood on its head entirely, and God knows Gigi needed some serotonin.

Plus, flirting with a member of staff would make her summer a little more bearable. Because what her parents didn’t see was none of their business, right?

It didn’t take her long to catch up to Crystal, and just before she made her way back into the staff kitchen area, Gigi grabbed her wrist and tugged her out of the restaurant, around a corner in the porch where they couldn’t be seen.

Crystal looked a little surprised, and took a second to catch her breath, tucking her hands into the front pocket on her apron. “A hello would’ve been nice,” she said in a slightly hushed tone. “You scared me.”

“Nice to see you again too, Crystal,” Gigi replied, and Crystal giggled softly, her nose scrunching up causing Gigi’s stone heart to melt, just a little. From this close together, Gigi could make out the freckles that speckled the girl’s face, and she thought they made her even more beautiful.

Crystal bit her lip. “Um, I never got a chance to thank you, for, ya know… helping me out earlier today,” she said, scratching the side of her temple slightly.

Gigi smirked, thinking about the way the man looked with his wet hair matted to his forehead like dripping curtains. “It was nothing, really. That guy deserved it.”

“His shirt will be sticky forever now,” Crystal said, putting on the voice of a maniacal evil scientist. “The perfect revenge.”

Gigi chuckled, shaking her head in disbelief at how adorably goofy this girl was. But, she wouldn’t be Gigi Goode if she didn’t take an opportunity to mess with her a little when she saw the chance.

“His shirt is not the only thing I can make wet and sticky,” she said, with a cocky wink and a shit-eating grin, before dissolving into laughter.

Crystal’s mouth fell open in a fake gasp as she pretended to clutch her pearls and scolded Gigi, telling her to wash her mouth out with soap, but Gigi couldn’t help but notice the tiniest blush that had appeared on her cheeks, and the way her eyes had widened for just a second.

Adorable.

“So, uh, who were you eating dinner with? Is that your family?” Crystal asked, looking for a way to change the subject.

“Sadly, yes,” Gigi said with a roll of her eyes.

“Which ones are your parents?”

“All of them.”

“Oh! I’m sorry, I didn’t -”

“It’s okay,” Gigi said with a small chuckle. “Technically only three of them are, because my mom hasn’t married her boyfriend. Like she ever will,” Gigi laughed.

“Your dad owns this place, right?”

Gigi sighed. “Uh-huh,” she said, her voice monotonous.

“Which one is your dad?” Crystal asked, peering her head around the corner to glance at her table.

“The one in the grey blazer.” Gigi gestured towards him slightly, making sure they were still hidden from sight. “Why do you ask?”

“I don’t wanna get fired. I need to make sure no one throws a lemonade in his face on my behalf.”

Gigi burst out laughing at that, trying her best to keep her volume to a minimum but not doing a very good job. “Oh believe me, if I could throw a drink in his face, I would.”

Crystal grinned back at her, and Gigi noticed the perfect dimples in each of her cheeks, which somehow made her even more adorable. She found herself drawn to her chocolate eyes, gazing at the twinkle behind her pupils and her long eyelashes that framed them, like they were priceless works of art, which, of course, they were.

They fell into a comfortable silence, and in any other situation, Gigi would’ve made a move. She was never one to wait patiently for the right moment - she was someone that always knew what she wanted, and right now, she wanted nothing more than to cup Crystal’s cheeks and plant a kiss on her lips.

But, she had to remind herself that she was in the middle of a country club, where anyone could see the two of them. And she had a reputation to uphold. She’d need to wait until they were somewhere more private.

Plus, she didn’t want to frighten Crystal. The girl already looked like she was in a constant state of panic as it was, and Gigi thought a kiss would probably tip her anxiety over the edge.

She also wasn’t positive that Crystal liked girls, either, but judging from her messy, curly bob of hair, dyed red, and her nails, short and painted with black nail polish, it seemed a likely possibility.

“I, uh, I should get back to work,” Crystal said, looking away awkwardly.

“Yeah, you probably should,” Gigi replied. Crystal flashed her a pitiful smile, as if to say sorry, that she didn’t want to cut their interaction short, and Gigi couldn’t help but wonder how this girl, this ordinary girl who technically worked for her dad, managed to make her heart flutter with just a simple smile.

But Gigi didn’t want to say goodbye just yet. Not unless she knew she’d see Crystal again soon.

“Hey, are you working again tomorrow?” she asked, an idea popping into her head.

“Yup. 10 hour shift.” Crystal replied, practically groaning.

Gigi smirked. “When’s your break? I need someone to play tennis with.”

Crystal looked taken aback at her proposition. “Uh, I think I have a break at 3ish -”

“Perfect. Then I’ll meet you on the west tennis courts at three,” Gigi smiled, certainty in her tone.

“Uh, cool! I should warn you though, I haven’t played tennis since summer camp when I was like thirteen,” Crystal giggled, looking a little nervous despite the smile plastered on her face.

Gigi raised her eyebrows. “Then I guess I’ll just have to show you the ropes again,” she said, fully aware of the confidence she exuded, and gave Crystal a sly wink, so small that if Crystal had broken eye contact for a second, she would’ve missed it. Judging by the flush of pink on her cheeks, though, she had definitely not missed it.

Crystal grinned. “I look forward to it,” she said with a nod, before slipping back around the corner and going back to her work.

Gigi waited a couple seconds after Crystal left before walking back to her table, making sure to not look too suspicious despite the smile tattooed on her face. When she sat back down again, she was met by the scowl of her father.

“What took you so long?” he grumbled.

“Girl things,” she replied without missing a beat, because she knew that it would shut him up. And, it wasn’t entirely untrue, either.

When she looked down at her plate, though, she discovered that her raspberry sorbet had melted, and was no more than a pink puddle. 

Gigi didn’t mind at all.

#rpdr fanfiction #crygi #crystal methyd #gigi goode #trust fund gold tongue #peridot #lesbian au #fluff #angst #tw: homophobia #concrit welcome #summer lovin' 2020 #day 2: camp #submission

[dcnnafms]

*  taps  the  mic  * testing , testing , 1 , 2 , 3 .... hello ? *  clears  throat  * hi guys & gals & non binary pals  !!  i’m  taylor  weighing  in  at  the  solid  age  of 20  years  old  aka  a  glorified  teenager  because  really  what  can  i  do  that  a  19  year  old  can’t  lmao ?  i’m  from  the  est  & couldn’t  be  more  excited  to  have  found  this  beautiful  gem  of  a  roleplay  !  honestly i haven’t been this excited about a group in ... forever  !  so i cannot wait to start roleplaying with you all  !   but for now i’m going to leave you with this intro because i’m going to the pats game tonight  ?!  and need to run & get ready because my friends are on the way  !  without further ado though , i think it’s time for me to introduce you to my lil baby donna who i haven’t played in like 7 months so please bare with me here while i find my footing with her again !  if you’d like to plot just give this a like or shoot me an im & i promise i’ll get back to you when i get home later tonight !

note : here career is here in this post btw !

╰   stats .  ◞,

click here for the statistics page  .

╰   pinterest .  ◞,

click here for the pinterest page  .

╰   playlist .  ◞,

1. let you go by machine gun kelly , 2. bmo by ari lennox  ,  3. death by trippie redd ft. dababy  ,  4. agree to disagree by sleeping with siren  ,  5.  night shift by dave east ft. lil baby  , 6. violent crimes by kanye west  ,  7. runaway by aurora  ,  8. love song by lana del rey  ,  9. all the good girls go to hell by billie eilish  ,  10.  i think im okay by machine gun kelly ft. yungblood  ,  11. envy me by calboy  ,  12. cash s**t by megan thee stallion ft. dababy  ,  13. yellow hearts by ant sanders  ,  14. what to do? by jackboys ft. don toliver  ,  15. the git up by blanco brown  ,  16. erase your social by lil uzi vert  ,  17. everything i wanted by billie eilish  ,  18.  bandit by juice wrld ft youngboy never broke again  ,  19. bop by dababy  ,  20. candy by machine gun kelly ft. trippie redd  . 

╰   biography  .  ◞,

an only child born to a secretary for a mother & an often unemployed father in athens , ohio in late 1996 . life for young donna was nothing out of any film you would enjoy watching . a childhood full of neglect & growing up much too fast for your own good . her father , matthew , had fallen into heavy addiction just a year before donna’s birth & her mother , denise , had learned to bury her sorrows with a bottle of alcohol . well below the poverty index there were many nights she knew she wouldn’t come home to food on the table but instead a slew of addicts getting their high in the middle of the living room , keeping the young girl up at all times of the night with their rowdy antics . 

by the time she reached third grade she’d learned that her day at school would go over much more smoothly if she made sure she had her backpack, coat & on the one off chance that there was enough food in the house pack her lunch , because if she waited for one of her parents to do it for her she’d never make it to school on time . her mom often had to rush to work in a hungover state & her father didn’t wake up until after she was already due for school , so donna had relied on the bus to get to & from school each day . 

at twelve she’d realized that she was much happier the less time she spent at home & so she did all she could to stay out with her friends . she became one of those kids you passed wondering where their parents were at that time of night as them & their friends wreaked havoc in the streets of athens . picking up smoking weed at the ripe age of thirteen , she quickly learned nothing was a better fix for how much she’d hated her life than a quick blunt . she’d fallen into a dark place at a very young age & from her perspective there was really no way out of the downward spiral she had fallen into . she blamed her parents for messing her up so badly & often when she was home it turned into blows between herself & her parents the end result always landed her at one of her friends houses for the night. 

it wasn’t until she was fifteen that she befriended a new girl whose parents took a liking to donna & really took her in . it was something like a safe haven spot for her , somewhere she always knew she could go & they’d want to hear about her day or feed her . they’re the ones who learned of donna’s wanting to join the school theater club & urged her to do so . they attended her first performance & her second, third , fourth , etc . 

one of her performances at the school garnered the attention of a screenwriter who felt she was a perfect fit for a character they were in the process of creating . this was when her first hollywood deal came , initially turning it down as she had no means to so much as leave the city of athens forget travel to an entirely different state . the screenwriter offered to take care of her completely & before she knew it she was working on the first installment of the hunger games . 

when she got back to athens after spending a few months in los angeles she’d realized just how much potential there was out in the world . at this point she decided to take things within her life a bit more seriously . there was a life outside of athens , ohio & donna was craving for it now . making the conscious decision to focus on her schooling with the hopes that she’d be able to get into a decent university . college had never been so much as thought for donna before she’d left the city but after filming a movie , she realized almost anything was possible even for someone like her . 

during this same year , her parents split up & her father got back together with his highschool sweetheart , this prompted her father to admit to donna that she had a brother who was three years older than her , who was actually in college . the two got to know one another fairly well when he’d come back home from school during breaks & the two found themselves loving the idea of having a sibling . mutually upset that they’d spent so much of their time not knowing each other so much as existed . donna lived with her father & step-mother amanda in athens & the change in her father was more than visible .  she was more than happy that her father had gotten on the straight & narrow , no matter what had to take place for it to happen & who he needed in his life for it to take place . in this time her mother moved to cincinnati & the separation actually made the relationship between donna & her mother stronger . 

in 2014 , she graduated from highschool & had committed to attending ohio state university as a theater major . during her time in columbus , ohio she & her new found friends took a liking to the downtown area where they found a hidden gem bar that often held open mic nights . this is where donna was really able to cultivate her love for stand up , despite dabbling in it a few times back in high school & whenever she was out in los angeles . she took to college well & somehow managed to juggle her education , career & social life fairly well . if you ask her how she did it , she’ll always give all the credit to her brother brody & maybe some residual credit to weed . 

in her sophomore year she’d fallen in love for the very first time , with one of the quarterbacks at her university . they dated for two years before he’d decided to transfer to lousiana state university . she understood why he did it , he had a career in football he was chasing & she couldn’t be mad at him about that . despite the long distance & at times very hectic schedules between the two of them she worked on being the most supportive girlfriend she could to him & made it out to any & every game she possibly could of his . 

after graduating from ohio state she moved down to lousiana in hopes to be with him more but her career kind of kept going & so she was nearly in louisiana just as often as she had been before moving down there. they made it work for a good amount of time , but the distance just started to become a little too much . donna is someone who craves affection after a childhood of not much affection to be sparred . she caught herself at times during the relationship on the verge of cheating , but she is a staunch believer that if you truly love someone you could never do something of that magnitude to them . it was a mutual break up , that came in the early months of 2019 . 

she’s now been living in calabasas since she moved out of louisiana & is learning to get back onto her feet without someone there to uplift her  . 

╰   scandal  .  ◞,

on december 23rd of 2019 a sex tape with donna’s name plastered all over it had been released online . it was a sex tape of her & her ex who by this time has cemented himself as the likely first round pick in the nfl draft . the sex tape took off & it seemed as though every time her team managed to get it down , it popped up somewhere else . both donna & her ex knew neither one was to blame for the leaking of the sex tape & so they worked together to figure out who was behind it , today their getting closer & closer to finding the person who did it . despite this , the tape is still able to be viewed on the internet it you dig hard enough . although not many have to do that as it had gone vial upon it’s initial release back in december . 

#cala.intro #<333333

[ambitionsource]

S1 Rewatch - Maggie’s Take [ 1.06 ]

officially hitting the midpoint of the season, this episode i think focuses on some things that maybe deserve more spotlight...

Favorite scene

Lots of good options this episode!! There aren’t any that are like the obvious standout in my opinion as there are in some episodes, but I think I would have to give the point to Charlie and Zay once again with their conversation in the black box (although Isadora and Lucas on the fire escape is a close second). First of all how pure and good is it that both of them so often just have the natural instinct to hang back and help clean up -- angels, I tells ya! -- but just... the softness and vulnerability in this scene between two boys who are barely friends at this point will always get me. I love how Zay tries to brush it off and Charlie doesn’t let it go, not in an obnoxious way but just by like... continuing to look at him. Without saying anything at all. Or how Charlie completely understands what he’s going through, just in his own Experience of it (more to do with his sexuality, mayhaps?) but is able to connect with Zay on that level. Zay spends the entire episode feeling disconnected, and then for the first time we see him start to find his footing again with Charlie. Also, Charlie being like if you had asked me to hang out, I would’ve said yes... I know how to have fun since someone taught me how............ sirs.... sirs.........

Favorite performance

While I love the charm of Charlie backing Zay on piano with “Perfect Places” (and continually looking up to smile at him while doing so), there’s an unbreakable tie between “Mr. Brightside” and “Happy Days Are Here Again / Get Happy” for me. Like, “Mr. Brightside” is iconic just by existing, but then you have Zay sing it, and just the whole staging of it with the Manhattan visuals... I just think that one has such a cool concept to it and I’m in love with the acoustic version of it. But with “Happy Days” ... I am a sucker for a MF performance as it is. And this one really solidifies the endless potential between the two of them, and shows Maya like... coming to his rescue as he implodes lmao. It might also be because this is one of my favorite Glee duets EVER, and imagining Maya and Farkle with that same kind of warmth and playful energy... like when I imagine how Farkle must keep looking at Maya and there’s this sense of like he really actually might have a Friend in that moment................. I’m fine. It’s fine.

Favorite character (within context of the episode)

Zay Babineaux no contest. In some ways, this episode belonged to him. We went into this episode knowing we wanted to spend some time with him, and I feel like his conflict is just... so real. And relatable. And he delivers 3 iconic performances (Perfect Places, Mr. Brightside, and FourFiveSeconds) so he is just like... on fire. AND he was in Puttin On the Ritz and tap danced the hell out of it. And he went a majority of the episode WITHOUT dancing, arguably his fallback talent but still shone regardless. Like... there is no contest here. This is Zay’s episode and I love him very much.

Favorite line(s)

“I’m just saying, anyone that dedicated to a suit jacket and the career of Rachel Berry can’t be straight.” –Jada Babineaux

“I’m familiar with his work, yes.” –Riley Matthews, about Lucas James Friar

“No, really. That feeling where you know you should be living the life, everything is in place for you to reap the rewards, but you just feel… like you’re not really there. Like you’re outside of your own experience and so everything is intangible. Disjointed... like I said, I get it.” –Charlie Gardner

An underrated moment

What struck me rereading this time around was how when Shawn is meeting with the techies to tell them about the performance assignment, he’s sitting on the floor with them in a circle. It just hit me that that’s totally how they would probably all sit, and there’s something really like... homey and warm about that. Shawn treats these kids like they’re all on the same level, none of them above the other, and that’s probably a small part of the reason that the techies have so much mutual respect. The techies in general just sparkled this ep... like Asher and Dave giving Isadora a standing ovation... ugh I love them all...

Anything I would’ve changed

Would’ve done a little more description about the numbers I think, at least like “Happy Days.” Otherwise, nah.

First impression vs your reread impression

I think I’m harder on this episode in my memory than I should be. I kind of think of it as a less hype episode, but that’s not really fair considering the whole point of the episode is that it’s stripped down. And rereading it, I was relieved that it flowed way better than my memory has convinced me it does. So I came out of this reread feeling better about this one than before. But also, I’ll admit, I got so lost in the euphoria of my playlist playing “Thnks Fr Th Mmrs” when I finished I may have gotten distracted...

#S1 reread #S2 countdown #by maggie #1x06 #mister zay babineaux i love you sir

[pennywaltzy]

Blissfully Silent

So I wasn’t reminded until I saw a flurry of sign-ups for this year’s Holmestice Spring round (which sadly I can’t do with my commitment to WIPBB) that I forgot to post my fic from last winter! It’s a Johnlockary fic that’s a Sherlock POV (and it’s also my 1,250th Sherlock fic on AO3). Enjoy!

Blissfully Silent - He has spent his whole life searching for blissful silence in his head, and he’s lucky enough to find it not once but twice.

READ @ AO3 | HELP ME SURVIVE? | COMMISSION ME? | BUY ME A KOFI?

I am no superman I have no reasons for you I am no hero oh, that's for sure But I do know one thing Where you are Is where I belong I do know where you go Is where I want to be. from "Where Are You Going" by Dave Matthews Band

John was blissfully silent.

It had been a rare moment when he had been caught without his leather gloves on. Skin to skin contact made his head explode with emotions and thoughts, as he had been cursed with both touch-telepathy and touch-empathy at birth. His head had filled up with the emotions and thoughts of others long before he could verbalize these things himself, and it had caused him to become a melancholy and withdrawn child, not speaking until the age of five because he was never sure whose thoughts were in his head, it was all so jumbled. He dressed in layers and he never took them off as soon as he was able to dress himself and stayed as covered as possible from head to toe even in the warm months, earning him the derision of his peers.

But his mind was almost always silent, except when on the receiving end of fisticuffs with those who thought his physical torment was their chief form of entertainment in life.

It had been Mycroft who had realized something was fundamentally different about him and did not respond in panic. Instead, he presented him with a pair of leather gloves, a long coat and a forged doctors note that he was to wear these at all times to present to the various schools he had been to. It was almost like he had dealt with this before, he seemed so nonplussed. But it helped ease the torment and tumult of voices in his head, at least until the drugs. The drugs helped more, but only in degrees.

And then one day all his coping mechanisms failed, and there were too many drugs and an overdose...but oh, blissful silence. No matter who poked and prodded at him, he felt nothing, just stillness and whiteness, and a blank mind.

It was with regret he came out of it and had to go back to only a part of his old coping mechanisms.

But with help, albeit help that never knew the full and unadulterated truth, he managed. He coped. And then he met John, and his life changed in the instant he realized he had left his gloves at Angelo’s when they gave chase of the cabbie and here he was, his fingers brushing John’s bare hand and...nothing. No emotions, no thoughts, just the blissful silence he had been craving once again since his coma.

He made excuses to touch John after that because this was his new addiction, the ability to touch another human and keep his own mind and thoughts. John didn’t know the truth at first, he couldn’t, because Sherlock was so terrified John would see him as the freak he had been called for so long from his fellow schoolchildren to even now, in Donovan’s snide remarks from the sidelines of crime scenes.

But one evening the question arose. “Why are you always touching me, Sherlock? Not that I mind and all, but I thought you weren’t...that way.”

But maybe he was, maybe he was just with John. And he knew John preferred women but he had never turned him away, never denied him before.

“Because you make my head quiet,” he had said, his voice barely a murmur. That one crack in the dam led to it all spilling forward, every last bit, how when he touched most people they invaded his head like an army and it had near drove him mad at points and with him, there was just sweet, blissful silence. Comfort, warmth, but silence. A companionable one and he craved it like he craved nicotine and harder drugs, and it ended with a whispered plea: “Please let me keep touching you.”

The kiss on the lips had been a surprise, yes, and the fact that John had initiated it even more so, but for the first time in his entire life Sherlock had felt happy. Warmth comfort and happiness along with his blissful silence. And from that day forward, they shared one bed, more often than not shared one shower in the morning, when it got to the point that intimacy between them that was more than a kiss was on a table. He got to experience some of the things that regular people of the world did.

And then the twist happened: he had to leave, to save John, to save everyone. He had to make the world think he was dead, leave London with a target on his back and a smear on his name. Leave John. Leave his comfort, his warmth, his love.

When he returned and found John had moved on to Mary, he had been crushed. But she had hugged him and it had happened again: nothing. Blissful silence and he said she was the same as him, that was why they had connected. And instead of being a wedge, he found love twofold, he found happiness twofold, he found acceptance and all of the things he could have ever hoped for with John, just more. Better.

The Holmes-Watson-Morstan household was a chaotic mess as it grew, first with Rosie and then with William and then the other children, but Sherlock and Mary could touch their children, hug them, love them the way both had been craving to be loved when they were children. And even if it was an unusual household they didn’t care. It was comfortable, it was loving, it was theirs, and they were happy, the three adults altogether, the ones who made the others whole. And all was well until the end, in a cottage with bees in the yard and their children and grandchildren gathered together as they lived out the lives they had always wanted, together, never apart, in blissful silence in their heads.

#sherlock #johnlockary #sherlock x john x mary #sherlock holmes #fanfic #fanfiction

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 10 June 2019

Quick Bits:

Age of Conan: Bêlit #4 sets up a rivalry with a high priest from Stygia in this penultimate issue. Tini Howard, Kate Niemczyk, Scott Hanna, Jason Keith, and Travis Lanham guide us through more of Bêlit’s family history and hints of madness.

| Published by Marvel

Age of X-Man: Marvelous X-Men #5 is the first of these minis to reach their end, but it’s far from a conclusion. While the team and Psylocke find out the nature of reality as everything starts unravelling, much still remains hanging, and the conclusion is set for Age of X-Man: Omega. Great art from Marco Failla and Matt Milla.

| Published by Marvel

Amber Blake #4 concludes what has been an entertaining thriller from Jade Lagardère, Butch Guice, Mike Perkins, Dan Brown, and Robbie Robbins. Some nice twists and surprises as this story ends.

| Published by IDW

Archie #705 is part one of “Archie & Sabrina”. I quite like the change to the trade dress to reflect that, giving the appearance of a limited series for the arc, while maintaining the ongoing numbering. Nice Spencer, Sandy Jarrell, Matt Herms, and Jack Morelli do a great job moving through Cheryl’s “Bachelor” plans to hints of things to come, along with impending conflict between Betty and Veronica.

| Published by Archie Comics

Batman & The Outsiders #2 spotlights the battle between Ishmael and the team as he goes for Sofia. Great art from Dexter Soy and Veronica Gandini. The little bits of occult belief and practice Bryan Hill gives to Ishmael are interesting.

| Published by DC Comics

Bronze Age Boogie #3 is another fun issue, pitting Li against Lynda for the Martians’ amusement. The pieces are all coming together nicely. Also, the “Major Ursa” back-up is just about the best thing ever.

| Published by Ahoy

By Night #12 is a bit of a weird one for the conclusion to this series, focusing almost solely on our side of the rift and what happens down the line for everyone. Still, this has been an entertaining series from John Allison, Christine Larsen, Sarah Stern, and Jim Campbell. 

| Published by Boom Entertainment / BOOM! Box

Calamity Kate #4 brings this series from Magdalene Visaggio, Corin Howell, Valentina Pinto, and Zakk Saam to a close. It’s still a bit of a head-scratcher, wondering how much is real and how much is a manifestation of Kate’s issues with her break-up, but it’s entertaining.

| Published by Dark Horse

Detective Comics #1005 concludes the Arkham Knight’s “Medieval” arc from Peter J. Tomasi, Brad Walker, Andrew Hennessy, Nathan Fairbairn, and Rob Leigh. It’s really weird seeing Anton Arcane as anyone’s lackey, but that aside this is still a decent conclusion. The art from Walker, Hennessy, and Fairbairn is incredible.

| Published by DC Comics

The Empty Man #8 is the end of the series. For now at least. It’s a satisfying conclusion for this horror story from Cullen Bunn, Jesús Hervás, Niko Guardia, and Ed Dukeshire, even as it leaves hooks for the possibility of more. Very interesting bits of body horror and ideas about infection.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

The Flash #72 continues “Year One” from Joshua Williamson, Howard Porter, Hi-Fi, and Steve Wands. Once again, the artwork from Porter and Hi-Fi is phenomenal. The layouts, the action, the sheer visual storytelling is incredible.

| Published by DC Comics

Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #7 is the first part of “Feast or Famine” from Tom Taylor, Ken Lashley, Nolan Woodard, and Travis Lanham. It’s May’s grand reopening of the FEAST shelter and it appears as though people are angry that it’s happening.

| Published by Marvel

Gogor #2 is possibly even better than the first issue, giving more focus to the tale even as Ken Garing does more world-building. This is a very interesting fantasy story, with fascinating characters and regions, and beautiful artwork.

| Published by Image

Hawkman #13 gives us a single-issue story from Robert Venditti, Will Conrad, Jeremiah Skipper, and Richard Starkings & Comicraft on the endless cycle of war. It’s a good bit of decompression following “Cataclysm” and Bryan Hitch’s run, using Carter’s endless resurrection to show the toll of battle on one planet.

| Published by DC Comics

Immortal Hulk #19 is another incredible issue in this amazing run, with Al Ewing, Joe Bennett, Ruy José, Belardino Brabo, Paul Mounts, Rachelle Rosenberg, and Cory Petit delivering hard on the new Abomination and Harpy. The body horror aspect of this story is ratcheted up even higher.

| Published by Marvel

Infinite Dark #7 looks like it’s building for a catastrophe for the end of this arc at a magnitude even greater than losing the outer ring in the first arc, as the remaining portion of the station gets plunged into the dark here. The level of tension that Ryan Cady, Andrea Mutti, K. Michael Russell, and Troy Peteri are creating here is about to explode.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Joe Golem: Occult Detective - Conjurors #2 sees Joe brought back to life by Simon Church, against the objections of Simon’s ghost friends, and sets up the road to what looks like might be a new status quo, bringing forth an old direction. Great art from Peter Bergting and Michelle Madsen. I really quite like the murky appearance of the underwater scenes.

| Published by Dark Horse

Justice League Odyssey #10 gets a new logo while the team continues their search for relics for Darkseid. Also, more intrigue as they still don’t exactly know whether they can trust one another. Dan Abnett, Daniel Sampere, Juan Albarran, FCO Plascencia, and AndWorld Design are telling an interesting story here.

| Published by DC Comics

The Life & Death of Toyo Harada #4 enacts Angela’s plan on the rest of the team with explosive results. It’s interesting to see everything burnt to ash along the way. The flashbacks into Harada’s life this issue are illustrated by Diego Yapur and they’re worth it on their own, but you also get the present day material beautifully rendered by CAFU.

| Published by Valiant

Outer Darkness #7 begins the second arc from John Layman, Afu Chan, and Pat Brosseau. We get a little bit of Rigg’s past, more of the crew’s aggressive behaviour towards one another, and a rescue mission as an 18th century mansion tries to swallow another ship. This is the good, weird stuff.

| Published by Image / Skybound

The Punisher #12 begins Frank’s trek back to New York in the first part of “War on the Streets” from Matthew Rosenberg, Szymon Kudranski, Antonio Fabela, and Cory Petit. Great art from Kudranski and Fabela as Frank fights off a squad of Hydra goons on a remote island.

| Published by Marvel

The Ride: Burning Desire #1 returns for The Ride’s 15th anniversary, with a lead story from Doug Wagner, Daniel Hillyard, Laura Martin, and Ed Dukeshire, and a back-up illustrated by Adam Hughes. Nice set-up picking up on where Vega is now fifteen years later. And more depraved cops.

| Published by Image

Silver Surfer: Black #1 is another leg in Donny Cates’ redefinition of the Marvel Cosmic, joined here by Tradd Moore, Dave Stewart, and Clayton Cowles. This reminds me a bit of the George Perez/Tom Grindberg run from ages ago, with some incredible artwork from Moore and Stewart.

| Published by Marvel

Sonata #1 is a fairly imaginative sci-fi/fantasy debut from David Hine, Brian Haberlin, Geirrod van Dyke, and Francis Takenaga. It introduces us to to races of colonizers in the Ran and the Tayans, bringing conflict with them as they try to carve out new lives on Perdita. Beautiful artwork from Haberlin and van Dyke.

| Published by Image / Shadowline

Star Wars: Vader - Dark Visions #5 closes out this series of takes on different perspectives on Darth Vader with a barkeep suffering hallucinations as he tries to flee from Vader’s wrath, from Dennis Hallum, Geraldo Borges, Marcio Menyz, and Joe Caramagna.

| Published by Marvel

Supergirl #31 is pretty much concurrent with Superman #12, though you should probably read Superman first if you’re reading both of them. There’s no need to read both, though, as it stands well enough on its own. This one presents the reunion of the House of El from Kara’s perspective and then continues on the battle against Gandelo.

| Published by DC Comics

Superman #12 reunites the entire House of El amidst the battle with Rogol Zaar and the fleets trying to kill Jor-El. There’s foreshadowing of more “everything you know is wrong!” about Krypton’s destruction and Superman’s origin, which may or may not rub you the wrong way, but I find it entertaining. Especially with the beautiful artwork from Ivan Reis, Joe Prado, Oclair Albert, and Alex Sinclair.

| Published by DC Comics

Transformers #7 is part one of “The Cracks Beneath Your Feet”, with Brian Ruckley, Angel Hernandez, Andrew Griffith, Anna Malkova, Joana Lafuente, Josh Burcham, and Tom B. Long picking up again in the present, following up on the second recent murder on Cybertron. It’s fairly morose, as you’d expect, as Bumblebee laments the loss of the new spark, Rubble.

| Published by IDW

Trust Fall #1 is a great debut from the Dead Letters team of Christopher Sebela and Chris Visions, with Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou providing his usual outstanding lettering to round out the team. It’s another crime drama, with the interesting twist of a family member with teleportation powers. Visions’ art is amazing and the hook of the family being set-up to fall right as they’re ready to move on to bigger and better waters is enticing.

| Published by AfterShock

V-Wars: God of Death feels more like a tease than a discrete story. The good news is that you don’t need to have read any of the previous V-Wars stories, as this fills you in on what you need to know, the bad news is that there’s no indication as to anything else coming next. Still, great art from Alex Milne and Brittany Peer.

| Published by IDW

Other Highlights: Accell #21, Age of X-Man: Apocalypse & The X-Tracts #4, Amazing Spider-Man #23, Asgardians of the Galaxy #10, Catwoman #12, Champions #6, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark #6, Event Leviathan #1, Five Years #2, GI Joe: A Real American Hero #263, GLOW #2, The Grave, Grumble #7, Gunning for Hits #6, House of Whispers #10, Invaders #6, Ironheart #7, James Bond: Origin #10, Jim Henson’s The Storyteller: Sirens #3, Jughead’s Time Police #1, Major X #5, Marvel Action: Spider-Man #5, Morning in America #4, Oblivion Song #16, Orphan Age #3, Penny Nichols, Princeless - Book 8: Princesses #4, Prodigy #6, Red Sonja: Birth of the She-Devil #1, Rick & Morty Presents Mr. Meeseeks #1, She Could Fly: The Lost Pilot #3, Spider-Man: Life Story #4, Star Trek: The Q Conflict #5, Superior Spider-Man #7, Symbiote Spider-Man #3, The Umbrella Academy: Hotel Oblivion #7, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #45, Unnatural #10, Venom #15, War of the Realms: Giant-Man #3, Wonder Twins #5, Wonder Woman #72, Xena: Warrior Princess #3, X-Force #9

Recommended Collections: Avengers: No Road Home, Dark Souls: Age of Fire, Hawkman - Volume 1: Awakening, Hulkverines, Ice Cream Man - Volume 3: Hopscotch Melange, Lollipop Kids - Volume 1, Road of the Dead: Highway to Hell, Moonshadow, Star Trek vs. Transformers, Swamp Monsters, United States vs. Murder Inc. - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy likes pie.

#This Week in Comics

[mysterioustransmissions]

My favorite comics of 2017

Keeping with my new tradition of posting this list super late, here, on the last day of 2018, is my best comics of 2017 list. I can offer excuses -- my wife and I remodeled our house and welcomed our first child into the world this year, and I’m also unfailingly lazy -- but 2017 was also a killer year for comics, making this a bit larger of an undertaking than usual. Both Koyama Press and co-publishers Retrofit Comics and Big Planet Comics had absolutely stacked lineups. You’ll see them listed as publisher for many entries below.

I always struggle with how to order this list. I got serious about organizing my comics collection in 2018, and am running into the same problem. There, I’m thinking of dividing it into two -- a single-author section organized by author name (which ends up being mostly minicomics and graphic novels), and a multiple-author section organized by title (which ends up being mostly traditional-sized comics). Here, I’m essentially doing that same thing, but mixing them together; some entries are by title, and some author name.

Comics I especially enjoyed are marked with an *.

Allison, Matthew; Cankor: Calamity of Challenge #2 and #3 (self-published).

Berserker 1, edited by edited by Tom Oldham and Jamie Sutcliffe (Breakdown Press). There was a lot of anticipation and very specific expectations placed on this book ahead of its release, but no one seemed to walk away from the finished product satisfied. But it’s got a killer cover, great production design, and strips by some of the best cartoonists going. I hope Breakdown does another one.

* Booth, Tara; How to be Alive (Retrofit Comics & Big Planet Comics). One of the funniest books I’ve ever read. Booth’s drawings are a riot to look at, that the gags are also great is pure gravy. About as big as crossover hits get in my house. (I.e., my wife also loved it.)

Cardini, William; Tales From the Hyperverse (Retrofit Comics and Big Planet Comics). Cardini’s sci-fi world is made bigger and more engaging by the rapid-fire pace of this short story collection. His wild experimentation with color is always an inspiration.

Corben, Richard; Shadows on the Grave #1 - #8 (Dark Horse Comics). Not my favorite of Corben’s late-period Dark Horse horror books, but there’s plenty to enjoy. I was stunned by the sheer efficiency of the storytelling -- there are entire stories told with a single image and a few word balloons. A lot of these books sport great covers, issue #1 here, seen at the link for this entry, is one of the best.

Darrow, Geoff; The Shaolin Cowboy: Who’ll Stop the Reign? #1 - #4 with Dave Stewart (Dark Horse Comics). I was so bowled over by the experience of buying Shemp Buffet monthly that I initially scoffed at Cowboy’s return to more traditional narrative, but it turned out to be no less wild and no loss at all.

Davis, Eleanor; Libby’s Dad (Retrofit Comics & Big Planet Comics) and You & a Bike & a Road (Koyama Press). You & a Bike & a Road does something that’s often attempted and rarely successful -- it beats the audience down so it can then lift them up higher. Its success is due in no small part from its origin as a real-life journal. The visceral and emotional pain Davis feels on her journey is sincerely felt, and the lack of cynicism the storytelling choices are made with allow the reader to feel it whole cloth. And listen; it certainly doesn’t hurt that Davis is an amazing narrative storyteller besides -- Libby’s Dad is no less affecting.

DeForge, Michael; mini kuš! #43 'Meat Locker' (kuš!). I sleep on DeForge. I take him for granted. I feel like I’m not the only one? I see some excitement when his books come out, but no discussion. Blame it on the high volume and opaque nature of his work, the dearth of comics reviewers, and me, obviously. Also obviously, whenever something of his does find its way to my hands, I’m never sorry.

Estrada, Inés; Alienation #3 - #6 (self-published). The bundled version of this series, seen at the link for this entry, has the coolest book packaging I’ve ever seen in my life.

Expansion by Matt Sheean and Malachi Ward (AdHouse Books). I didn’t like this nearly as much as this same team’s previous Ancestor (due no doubt to its earlier and improvised creation), but damn, what a cover.

* Forsman, Chuck; Slasher #1 - #4 (Floating World Comics). I’d say the majority of my interest in Forsman’s work is in seeing how he presents his it and steers his career -- he’s among the best there is at that. Slasher is his first work I strongly connected with. It digs deep and gets wilder and wilder.

Ferrick, Margot; Yours (2dcloud). I’m a simpleton, so I was surprised at how deeply I was able to be moved by something this abstract. As always, grabbing 2dcloud’s whole line on Kickstarter expands my horizons and makes me a better reader.

Foster-Dimino, Sophia; Sex Fantasy (Koyama Press). I’ve actually only read the minis of this. This collection has the one I’m missing, plus some new material, but I love Sex Fantasy. It’s like a perpetual motion machine for thought -- you can just think about it forever.

Fricas, Katie; Art Fan (self-published). One of those things you dream of happening at a show -- picked this up at MICE not knowing anything about it, and was delighted by the artwork and knocked out by the “reviews of trippy art events”; particularly the first, about Duke Riley’s Fly by Night.

* Friebert, Noel; WEIRD6 (self-published), SPINE: I’ll Still Watch (Bred Press), Old Ground (Koyama Press). Sometimes when I have a fever, I can’t break loose of a single, circular thought -- I have the same thought over and over, only to realize once the fever’s broken that it was barely coherent. Friebert’s newer, decompressed work is like that. You turn page after page, and nothing happens. It’s the same characters still doing and saying the same things, again and again. You turn the pages faster and faster, almost in a panic, hoping to break the cycle and resolve the unease before you. But it’s no use.

* gg; I’m Not Here (Koyama Press), Valley (kuš!). I’m Not Here is one of a few books I recommended to people who were enjoying season 3 of Twin Peaks at the time. It doesn’t convey information so much as emotion, and rewards as much thought as you want to put into it.

* Hankiewicz, John; Education (Fantagraphics Books). I loved this so much I only read a few pages a night to make it last. Michael DeForge once called Noel Freibert an “astronaut” -- that applies to Hankiewicz also. No one’s ever done anything like this before, and if we didn’t have Hankiewicz I don’t think anyone ever would. Bringing poetry and modern dance (!!) into the language of comics, this was another book I recommended to watchers of season 3 of Twin Peaks -- you don’t understand the story by connecting facts, you understand it by connecting emotions.

* Hanselmann, Simon; Portrait, XMP-165 (self-published). XMP-165 was the first big payoff of the longform nature of Megg and Mogg, and it destroyed me. Also released this year was Doujinshi, Cold Cube Press’ gorgeous re-release of a Japanese Megg and Mogg fan comic.

Harkam, Sammy; Crickets #6 (The Commonwealth Comics Company). People talk about how good this book is, and I agree, but I’m not sure I could tell you why.

Haven, Eric; Vague Tales (Fantagraphics Books).

Hernandez, Gilbert and Jaime ; Love & Rockets Vol. IV #2, #3 (Fantagraphics). I made the terrible error after Love Bunglers to trade wait Locas, and for whatever reason they haven’t released one since. So I was way behind when this started coming out, but I bought and read it anyway. I initially found the story to be light, but I eventually realized I had a free ComiXology trial and caught up. It’s as great as ever.

Ito, Junji; Dissolving Classroom (Vertical, Inc.), Shiver: Junji Ito Selected Stories, and Tomie: Complete Deluxe Edition (Viz Media). Tomie may have come out in 2016 actually? I describe it to people as being about a beautiful woman who stands around until some total lech of a man inevitably murders her, then she comes back and annihilates him in the most unpleasant manner possible. Repeat ad infinitum. I don’t think the text 100% supports my reading, but that’s what it means to me.

Landry, Tyler; Shit and Piss (Retrofit Comics). The ephemeral, disjointed nature the single issue format served this story better, but it’s still extremely rad.

Loup, Celine; The Man Who Came Down the Attic Stairs (self-published).

Marcus, Ben; Crisis Zone 3rd Edition (Bred Press).

Mignolaverse and John Arcudi; Dead Inside #3 by Arcudi, Toni Fejzula, and Andre May, Lobster Johnson: The Pirate’s Ghost #1 - #3 by Arcudi and Tonci Zonjic, Hellboy: Into the Silent Sea by Gary Gianni, Mike Mignola, and Dave Stewart (Dark Horse Comics). Ignoring a few years in college when I was a lapsed comics reader, I’ve bought every Mignolaverse comic since I was about 13. That loyalty has slowly eroded over the last half decade about. I’m not alone in thinking the Arcudi-Davis run is one of the greatest of all time, and that the books started to go downhill after Guy Davis left. Beyond the departure of Davis, there are a few reasons for that, in my view.

First was the decision soon after to expand the line’s offerings. Doubling the line’s output and bringing in (inevitably) inferior creative teams was a no-win proposition for readers. Who wants more of something not as good?

Second, I think that Arcudi, a great writer, has shifted his focus from tightly-plotted five issue arcs to series-spanning character arcs. While I’m guessing this reads great in big chunks, it doesn’t spread out month to month, some months out of the year. I’m looking forward to a big re-read of everything after B.P.R.D. wraps in a few months, to see if this theory holds. Lobster Johnson: The Pirate’s Ghost came close to standing on its own, but was still rife with moments that I can only assume were big character payoffs because I didn’t remember enough to know. (Especially cool covers by Zonjic on these issues.) However, the non-Mignolaverse title Dead Inside offered the type of visceral, plot-based payoff his B.P.R.D. run with Davis hooked me with. I hadn’t been this thrilled by an Arcudi book since Killing Ground.

But third, and worst of all, has been the addition of writer Chris Roberson, whose books read like updates to the Mignolaverse Wiki. (The Visitor: How and Why He Stayed was okay, but pretty much solely due to Paul Grist’s fun art and layouts.)

I’m staying aboard the main B.P.R.D. book as it races to the finish line, and will continue to buy anything Arcudi writes, which seems to be mostly these Lobster Johnson comics. (Although even that’s looking increasingly, and sadly, unlikely to continue: https://twitter.com/ArcudiJohn/status/1075086925436874753) And I’ll certainly buy any more of these very sporadically-released Hellboy OGNs, like Into the Silent Sea, they decide to release -- the only real non-Mignola drawn Hellboy books anymore.

* Milburn, Lane; CORRIDORS (self-published). Sits comfortably next to Inflated Head Zone by Zach Hazard Vaupen, one of my favorite comics. They both forsake straightforward narrative in favor of theme-driven emotional impressionism, and do it with horror. This is catnip to me, and something I aspire to (although I’m far too boring to achieve it).

* Mirror Mirror II, edited by Sean T. Collins and Julia Gfrörer (2dcloud).

Now: The New Comics Anthology #1, edited by Eric Reynolds (Fantagraphics Books).

* Providence #12 by Jacen Burrows, Juan Rodriguez, and Alan Moore (Avatar Press). It came out months after, but it’s a safe bet Moore wrote this before Trump got elected, right? A more accurate depiction of the shell-shock of being thrust into a post-facts world I haven’t seen.

Roberts, Keiler; Sunburning (Koyama Press). Another big crossover hit in my house.

* Shiga, Jason; Demon Volumes 2, 3, and 4 (First Second). Demon became a book I wouldn’t stop showing to anyone who would listen. Like Gina Wynbrandt’s Someone Please Have Sex With Me, its hook transcends the normal comics reading audience -- you can show it to anyone and they get it right away. Specifically I would show people this amazing video https://youtu.be/NRxCTeM5pyU, which would clue them into what Shiga does enough to get them to read Demon. Demon has a story, but it’s more about rules -- establishing them and playfully subverting them with a level of inventiveness that regularly leaves you in awe.

* Terrell, Jake; Extended Play (2dcloud). This delightful book took me completely by surprise, an experience made possible by 2dcloud’s subscription model.

Tomasso, Rich; She Wolf: Black Baptism #1 - #4, Spy Seal: The Corten-Steel Phoenix #1 - #4 (Image Comics). The end of this second series of She Wolf approached the same hostile disregard for what came before as the end of Tomasso’s previous series, Dark Corridor. But where Dark Corridor acted on that impulse by simply burning it all down, She Wolf has enough respect at least to replace what came before by pivoting into a completely different comic. The freedom this affords the plot to dart in unpredictable directions is exhilarating. And it’s fun and beautifully laid out and designed, as always with Tomasso.

Tran, Thu; Dust Pam (Peow). Gorgeous!

Vaupen, Zach Hazard; Combed Clap of Thunder (Retrofit Comics and Big Planet Comics).

* Willumsen, Connor; Anti-Gone (Koyama Press). The part where the protagonists drive their boat past a window with a dog in it rewired my comics-making brain forever. This was another comic I only read a few pages of a night to make it last longer, and also recommended to friends of mine who were enjoying season three of Twin Peaks -- the plot is obfuscated in a similar way.

Yanow, Sophie; What is a Glacier? (Retrofit Comics and Big Planet Comics).

Yokoyama, Yuichi; Iceland (Retrofit Comics). Another comic I recommended to Twin Peaks season three fans. Similar to the residents of the Red Room, the characters seem truly of another world, their motivations and actions incomprehensible to us.

#best of the year

[sciencevsromance]

Film 2017: "Top 10″ (see also: Another Dozen)

Between MoviePass and film festivals (Seattle, Orcas Island, Telluride, and an absurd daytrip to Marin to see Call Me By Your Name at the Mill Valley Film Festival),  I saw more movies in 2017 than any other year (somewhere around 140, including oldies and re-watches) and liked quite a few of them. 

Convergences in the top ten:

Ghosts (3); France (4); crying in cars with moms (2); bloody noses (2), strangers in hostile settings (5), sexually-charged produce (2)

A Ghost Story opens with a bump in the night, but it isn’t a horror movie, unless you find the contradictorily vast and fleeting nature of time to be scary, which it absolutely is. One character ceases to be alive, yet lingers under an evocative sheet; a wife remains, grieves, consumes the better part of a pie in a single sitting. Time passes (and passes) and David Lowery captures its infuriating swells and contractions in a truly haunting cinematic meditation. 

In Faces Places (Villages Visages) ninety-three-year-old Agnes Varda and thirty-something photographer J.R. travel to small French towns to take and install extremely large pictures onto unconventional surfaces. Her eyesight is failing; he refuses to take off his sunglasses. Between their effervescent charm and the moving effect that being seen has on the people of the photos, I had tears in my eyes during most of the film’s running time. An utter delight. 

Call Me By Your Name’s gift to those of us with more mundane lives is how sensuously it conveys the feeling of a being a exceptionally bright-yet-bored teenager in Italy, all those dull summer afternoons stretched endlessly ahead, until suddenly you’ve fallen in love with Armie Hammer and those endless days are disappearing all-too quickly. Luca Guadagnino works here is fully naturalistic mode, languid camerawork, softly-shifting focus, letting the bike rides, swims, and meaningful glances speak volumes and the impeccable soundtrack (with songs echoing) picks up the rest. Timothée Chalamet’s performance -- rangy curiosity, restrained vulnerability, eager determination -- is one for the ages. Elio, Elio, Elio. 

Following the conventional rhythms of a senior year in high school, we see Saorise Ronan’s Lady Bird as she falls in love with a theater geek, a nihilistic dirtbag in a band, her mother, the city of Sacramento, and eventually herself. Where lesser, lazier filmmakers might allow a focus on the lead to crowd everyone else out, Greta Gerwig demonstrates exceptional humanity in allowing every supporting character to be absolutely essential with three dimensional stories of their own. Each of them could’ve sustained their own spotlight, but their intersection with Lady Bird form a rich tapestry of class and geography, family, friendship, and the life-changing power of acknowledging your love of an objectively terrible Dave Matthews Band song. 

I can’t believe how the summer’s greatest and most expensive spectacle, Dunkirk, seems to have completely disappeared from the year-end awards conversation. Christopher Nolan gets to indulge his fondness for clockwork shenanigans, depicting the unlikely rescue of all those sad doomed Brits from that treacherous beach, from three perspectives: the land (sorry, the Mole), sea, and air. There’s very little dialogue; we barely see the Nazis; and there’s no helpful voiceover to refresh you on forgotten history lessons. Yet, with great storytelling economy and absolutely dazzling cinematography, the disjointed timeframes induce a sense of the confused desperation, an utterly harrowing sense of looming death, and the ever slim prospects for escape.  Despite being told with a cool interiority and a restrained chin-up sense of duty, noticing the first hints how the three timeframes intersected were among the year’s most thrilling, the IMAX images among the most indelible, and those little boats finally arriving over the horizon seemingly moments before Tom Hardy valiantly glides that plane down onto the beach of certain doom to be among the most moving. 

Had I seen Phantom Thread even slightly earlier in the year, it might’ve been my only number one (instead of in this artificial six-way tie for a top five). I’ve seen it twice in two weeks and feel like I could watch it forever. Of course, there’s the bravura acting -- Daniel Day Lewis, fussy, controlling, and comedic; Vicky Krieps, clever and constantly adjusting; and Lesley Manville’s placid omniscience -- in an ever-uncertain power dynamic that’s elegantly orchestrated by Jonny Greenwood’s tremendously insightful score. But it’s also how funny the film is throughout (where are my Woodcock GIFs) and genuinely touching it becomes and how surprisingly delightful the late twists pay off. Much has been said about how much Timothée Chalamet accomplishes with just his face in those magnificent closing minutes of Call Me By Your Name; a close runner-up is what Vicky Krieps and Daniel Day Lewis accomplish over a fateful dinner scene.

--

Rounding out the list: perpetual favorite Olivier Assayas’s Personal Shopper (the third, most menacing ghost story on the list, Kristin Stewart’s restrained affect perfectly suited to a bored and grieving medium/celebrity assistant, complete with an unsettlingly suspenseful sequence conducted entirely by oddly-punctuated text messages); BPM (effectively intertwining a vital AIDS-era love story into a ground-level behind-the-scenes account of the talky and evocative activism of ACT-UP Paris); Get Out (on first viewing: a comedy of too-real awkwardness of white liberalism turned all-the-way up to an absurdly scary premise; seen again: a horror documentary); Beatriz at Dinner covers similar territory as Get Out (Salma Hayek’s wholistic healer, entirely out of her element at a wealthy client’s business dinner with a devil developer) but with the limits of kindness and the futility of action portrayed in devastating fashion -- and with crushing application to our present political nightmare -- by Mike White and Miguel Arteta. 

And, as “honorable mentions”, two 2016 films that I didn’t see until 2017: Toni Erdmann, the longest and most uproariously funny comedy about family and globalism I saw all year (the idea of the impending Nicholson-Wiig remake deeply offends me already) and watching 20th Century Women in the winter felt like having a thousand emotionally electrified felting needles applied to a heart that you’d forgotten was even there. I don’t know if anyone captures the sense of the past, present, and future colliding and occurring in a kaleidoscopic collage better than Mike Mills. It’s dumb how quickly this movie came and went and how Annette Bening didn’t even get an Oscar nomination (let alone a win).   

#2017 annual report #best of 2017 #film #movies #call me by your name #dunkirk #faces places #lady bird #a ghost story #phantom thread #beats per minute #bpm #personal shopper #get out #beatriz at dinner #20th century women #toni erdmann

[chip-and-ironicus]

31 Things We Learned in Gextra Life 2017

Over Labor Day weekend we played games for 24 hours straight to raise money for Hurley Children’s Hospital in Flint, MI. The entire stream has been mirrored to YouTube here, and you can still donate to help the sick kids here until the end of the year.

So now, a list of things each game during the stream taught us:

The entire Metal Gear Solid universe is a remix of a visual novel nobody’s ever heard of

Ringtones used to have a cultural cachet that is inexplicable in today’s world

The least entertaining part of fighting games is the fighting game

Contrary to popular belief, the more Jaws you see the better

Croc can go to the store all on his own, like a big boy

Manatees can talk. It’s getting them to shut up that’s hard

Dave Seville had talent, but has been coasting on the work of others for an unconscionable amount of time

The Bee Movie Game can melt brains

Cat food is people

Tasmanian Tigers went extinct due to their poorly adapted jaws

Games made in one English-speaking territory still need localization before going to another English-speaking territory

Fan art can make any game adorable

Streamers can make any game filthy

“Grunting in the manner of Matthew Broderick” is a valuable job skill

Blinx is canonically non-binary

Sometimes the best designed games are the worst to stream

Ben Afleck is the secret illegitimate son of Alec Baldwin

There are more Ratchet & Clank games than you thought

Space is disgusting

Ancient animals had small brains, the simplest of things were too deep for them

Picking a carrot and mucking a stable are equally notable acts

Penguins mate for life when they perfectly cancel each others’ momentum

Animal Farm would have been better with race cars and flatulence

Dogs elicit an instant emotional bond, including digital ones

People who say they want a new Pokemon Snap should be careful what they wish for

“Watering Can” is a hint

Dogs can die from being incel

...Maybe don’t play your first 3D platformer ever while sleep deprived, for a live stream audience

...Maybe don’t even play a game your familiar with while sleep deprived, for a live stream audience

Bubsy 3D really is that bad, though

The N64 version of Gex 2 is the best one because there’s the least of it

And a surprise bonus fact:

32. Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) is a legally required to be in every marathon stream

Thanks again to everyone for coming out to join us and helping us smash our goal yet again! 

#chip and ironicus #chip cheezum #ironicus #Extra Life

[rinnnyxr]

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. I hate my hair color . I have dyed my hair more than once . I prefer winter over summer . I like school . I like country music . I enjoy smoothies . I'm addicted to a TV series . I'm anti social . I'm currently single . I sleep with the TV on . I prefer to write than to read . I like being face to face . I listen to the radio . have freckles . I wear makeup . I'm an only child . I know more than one language . I'm not from the country I live in . I'm in high school . I've been in a fight and won . Reptiles scare me . I like parties . I hate metal . I love metal . I have a dimple . I like Facebook . I hate Facebook . Ive had / have braces . I've watched an episode of The Walking Dead before . I have a fear of heights . I have a scar . My hair is frizzy . My hair is really straight . I sleep with a stuffed animal . I play an instrument .I have Netflix . I don’t like McDonald’s . I have candles in my room . I've published a Youtube video . I smoke . I wear a lot of black clothing . I play a sport . I've been listening to music while taking this . I'm only taking this cause I'm bored

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HAVE YOU EVER…

graduated high school climbed the Eiffel Tower been in love with someone who loves you been to China

been to New York City been to the beach had a pet had a summer fling

read The Little Prince

stayed up all night for fun watched a whole sunrise watch a whole sunset gone on a road trip done an anonymous act of kindness

kissed in the rain been high on marijuana

traveled alone been surprised with a party

had a job you love

won a contest been to a concert forgiven someone for an unforgivable thing

protested for something you believe in cried from laughing so hard laughed so hard it hurt sat in the audience of a tv show

given someone a gift for no occasion seen fireworks repaired/built a house for community service been on a cruise admitted you were wrong learned how to swim learned how to ride a bike had sex with someone you love swam in more than one ocean/sea

been outside your country learned another language learned to love & accept your flaws

learned to love & accept someone else’s flaws

been to a wedding saved a life

gone ice skating found true happiness had a paranormal experience

ridden a horse cried during a movie surprised someone by cooking a meal

got away with playing hookey to do something fun listened to an entire song over 10 mins long

been to a live comedy show ran at least 4 miles without stopping

walked in a charity event donated money you earned yourself

won a game of Monopoly

been to California

helped someone make a life-altering decision

gotten away with something illegal but harmless

learned something from someone half your age

sang karaoke

helped someone you didn’t think deserved it

had a bad experience that ended up changing your life for the better

personally thanked your hero or role model

gone to a psychic

gone camping ridden a train alone saw the movie Into the Wild or read the book

made a stranger’s day

gone to a movie alone in theaters

got out of trouble with the police

made a snow angel held a baby stopped getting fast food

been to a Major League Baseball game laughed off something truly embarrassing

bought something through eBay

waited in line for at least an hour & it was worth it gotten a professional massage won a trophy

stood up for the right thing against all others

-

1. I love the new Phantom of the Opera with Gerard Butler 2. I don’t own any soundtracks 3. I hate to say it, but I feel lonely without a boyfriend. 4. I feel loved all the time. 5. People know how to cheer me up 6. I cover up my anger/depression 7. I know how to cheer people up. 8. I find offensive things funny 9. Like dead baby jokes 10. I love the Princess Diaries 2 11. I cry a lot 12. I’m wearing a shirt with sleeves 13. I’m not wearing a shirt 14. I’m still in my pajamas 15. I think whoever made this survey up is good 16. That last question was shameless self promotion 17. I like pop music 18. I participate in clubs at school 19. And sports 20. I don’t give people a chance 21. I want to change something about my personality 22. I’ve gone without a shower for more than two weeks 23. I’m afraid of total darkness 24. The movie Darkness Falls was the stupidest thing I’d ever seen 25. I want to see the Ring Two 26. I’m going to turn 16 27. I’ve gotten drunk on St. Patricks Day 28. I’ve gotten pinched for not wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day. 29. I’ve made an altar in homage to something I love 30. I’m going somewhere over Spring Break 31. My best friend is younger than me 32. I buy a new item of clothing every week 33. I love affection 34. I hate affection 35. I freak out when people I don’t know touch me 36. I’ve been harassed or beaten up 37. I’ve gotten over depression without counseling 38. I hate whining 39. I used to collect Pokemon cards 40. I don’t like boys 41. I can’t count the times I’ve smoked weed 42. Or done speed 43. Or dropped acid 44. Or done heroin 45. Or cocaine 46. Or Aderol 47. Or Oxycontin 48. I think movies are too expensive nowadays 49. I gossip 50. I’ve seen a Broadway show before 51. And it’s been in New York 52. I love Count the Stars, even though they’re not together anymore 53. I don’t know who Count the Stars is 54. I knew before reading this question that 4/4 of the Ramones are dead 55. I didn’t know that, but now I do. 56. I wear perfume every day 57. I hate an overabundance of perfume 58. I’ve almost blacked out because of the heat/dehydration 59. I’ve gotten a sunburn 60. I love dancing with boys. 61. I watch TRL every day 62. I have homework 63. I love being a sap 64. I own a pair of stilettos 65. And wear them regularly. 66. I knew before reading this question that Nike bought out Converse. 67. I didn’t know that. 68. Therefore, I don’t buy Converse anymore 69. I like the Locust 70. I want to fall in love 71. Because I never have been 72. Stadium food is gross 73. Icees suck 74. I remember my dreams every night 75. My favorite place to be kissed is the neck 76. My favorite place to kiss is the lips 77. I enjoy recieving oral sex 78. I enjoy giving oral sex 79. I want to be the vocalist for a band 80. I am an optimist 81. I am a pessimist 82. People often label me as “hardcore” 83. I know what band wrote the song “Straight Edge” 84. I do not know what straight edge means 85. I have more than five birthmarks 86. I have freckles 87. I’ve never seen snow 88. I’ve never been on a roller coaster 89. I’ve never been to a fair 90. I’ve never seen a cactus in real life 91. I’ve never been on a plane 92. I went to the WTC towers before they were attacked 93. I have never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut. 94. I’m part Irish 95. And I drink like it. 96. I’ve had sex while inebriated. 97. I wish I was more sociable 98. I’ve seen Green Day live 99. I hate the radio. 100. I want to be held right now.

[jim-reid]

Rollercoaster - Tour De Force

The Stud Brothers / Melody Maker 04.04.1992

The Mary Chain, Blur, the Valentines and Dinosaur all touring together proved too much of a temptation for the Stud Brothers who tagged along for the ride, blagged their way backstage and drank all the booze they could get their hands on. Here's what they can remember. It's true that "Rollercoaster" is the best show you'll see this year. The evidence is there onstage - the Valentines' dream-quest into ambient heavy metal, Blur's bold, knowing nihilism, Dinosaur's compulsive, self-destructive cacophony and the Mary Chain's indefatigable cool. As Blur's Damon Albarn remarks with a grin, "It's the four faces of teenage alienation". And all for 12 quid or, as one spectacularly shabby William Reid lookalike puts it, "a mere one-third of your unemployment benefit". Rollercoaster is undoubtedly cause of celebration. Nonetheless, there's little or no evidence of the confident, self-congratulatory camaraderie that apparently characterised Rollercoaster's American forebear, Lollapalooza. Still, this is only the second night. Dinosaur and the Valentines excepted (te two recently toured the States together), the groups don't actually know one another. Backstage in Glasgow, the atmosphere's one of awkward but inviolable politeness. When members of different bands meet, they exchange sheepish nods and single syllable greetings, reminding us of house-guests bumping into each other on the way to the bathroom. When we finally catch up with the Mary Chain, William's casually reclined on a sofa and a tired-looking Jim is sitting upright in a chair, both inadvertently mimicking the pose they struck for the sleeve of "PsychoCandy". Jim is unusually quiet, partly due to a monstrous hangover and partly because the Glasgow gig is to be played before the admiring but unnerving eyes of the Reids' extended family (which, by the way, seems to consist almost entirely of 14-year-old girls and some fairly fierce-looking matriarchs. Plus there's Jim and William's delightfully gregarious mother who gives us the distinct impression she'd give a pretty good interview herself). We ask about the muted atmosphere backstage. "Well, for a start it's only the second date of the tour," says William, "so there's no buddy-buddy, hanging around in the bar. We just say, 'Hi', and get on with it. Maybe by the end of it we'll all be good mates, maybe we'll all be breaking bottles over each other's heads, saying, 'I never wanna see you again in my life, ya bastard!'. Who knows?" Two weeks before Rollercoaster began, the Maker ran an article in which Murph, Dinosaur's drummer, suggested that the whole tour had been conceived specifically to promote the Mary Chain's new album, "Honey's Dead". Jim and William were reported to have been incensed by the remark when it first appeared in print, but have since discussed the matter with Dinosaur. "That was said in a conversation, not in an interview," says Jim, "and it should never have been written down. When we approached the others with the idea for this tour, any one of them could have said no. Tours are always to promote thingsg, everyone here is promoting their stuff. You can have a good time and put on a great show, but the idea is promotion. It always is." Dinosaur's J Mascis and their extraordinary-looking bassist, Mike Johnson (he appears to have dyed his hair grey), now seem only slightly embarrassed by the gaffe. "That wasn't either of us," says Mascis, cheerfully passing the buck. "That was Murph". Mascis is one hell of a lot more forthcoming than we'd expected. In fact, he might almost be described as garrulous. Maybe he finds it easier to talk in the dark. Dinosaur's dressing-room is lit by a single sorry candle and the steady orange glow of a couple of jossticks. "We heard that people might have been upset by what Murph said," says Mike. "Well, not upset, but they might have thought we were..." He searches for a word. "Dicks," suggests Mascis, helpfully. "Yeah, right. Assholes," Mike continues. "But it was just an off-the-cuff remark." "The weird thing was," says Mascis "that 20 minutes before Murph said that, we'd been explaining to him that all tours are about promoting things. He didn't seem to grasp the concept. When he said that, we looked at him like, 'What are you saying?' because, at the time, touring and promoting was exactly what we were doing." Mike is later kind enough to introduce us to the Valentines' Kevin Shields and Bilinda Butcher who've just finished the first set of the evening. Kevin seems quietly bemused by "Rollercoaster". Either that or he's been lobotomised by the extraordinary volume his group employ. "It's gonna be really odd tomorrow night," he whispers, "when Dinosaur go on first. It'll be like they're supporting us, and we've just toured America supporting them." "It'll be great," says Mike, magnanimously. "I think it's so cool supporting you guys. Soon we'll be supporting you in the States, too." Do you think any of you have anything in common? "I think," says Kevin, "the only thing the four of us do have in common is that we're all pretty much the Establishment." This notion is one shared by everyone here except the Mary Chain. Damon, unprompted, later repeats almost word-for-word what Kevin has said. It is a peculiar idea because, while it's certain that all four bands are deserving of music paper front covers, they're hardly bosom buddies with Simon Bates. Dinosaur are often a wilful shambles who take a perverse pleasure in lacerating their best pop songs with vicious feedback. My Bloody Valentine are arguably one of the weirdest bands on the planet and currently without a recording deal. Blur, carelessly indulging their present obsession with Syd Barrett, are getting stranger by the minute. And the Mary Chain, in our opinion the most immediate and accessible of all four groups, couldn't get "Reverence", a Top 10 single, on "Top Of The Pops". "Someone the other day in Germany was saying that we were part of the Establishment," says William, "so I asked him to name a band that were more extreme than us. He couldn't do it." The Mary Chain, now embracing Ben Lurie (guitar) and the two former Starlings, Matthew Parkin (bass) and Barry Backler (Barry once auditioned to play drums with Nick Cave's Boys Next Door), are now an immensely powerful live band. The four of them, lined up at the edge of the stage, three armed with guitars and Jim draped spectrally over the mikestand, look and sound like the classic rock assault. William's also become a very great guitarist, able to give a new force and aggressive dimension to the Mary Chain's gorgeously insidious melodies. This new confidence, striking in itself, is accentuated by a simple but spectacular lightshow of sensuous crimsons and velvet purples. It's the Mary Chain's most extravagent lightshow to date, so much so that when it was initially proposed Bennie, their longtime tour-manager and friend, expressed reservations. "I thought it might be too much, too big. I thought it might undermine them." In fact, it does quite the reverse. After the show, a jubilant Mrs Reid tells us that tonight was one of the highlights of her life. "My boys," she says, sounding touchingly awestruck. "I'm so proud of them." We leave for the hotel so that the Reid brothers and their family can be proud of one another in peace. In the bar, much of what we'd hoped would happen backstage is taking promising shape. This is in large part due to Blur who've basically been rocking since four o'clock this afternoon when bassist Alex James decided Guinness was best savoured through a straw. Blur's dressing-room was teeming with people of indeterminate but doubtless dubious intent and, when earlier we invited Damon to have a drink with us in the auditorium's bar, he was mobbed within six feet of the backstage area. Now the boys are heroically drunk. First evidence of this is when Dave Rowntree, their lanky, ginger-headed drummer, starts playing a dangerously competitive game of knuckles with Lampy, Blur's lighting technician. The game rapidly deteriorates into a continuous rerun of the banned Tango advert, and ends when Dave cracks Lampy with a devastating right hook to the jaw and, as if in sympathy, passes into unconsciousness. Across the room, Alex, who reminds us a little of Rupert Everett in "Another Country", is being apologised to by a man who was once uncharitable enough to devote a whole feature on Blur to how much he disliked Alex. Alex in turn is uncharitable enough to refer to the man as "an enormous homosexual". Since the man is neither tall nor particularly heavy we can only assume Alex was referring to the enormity of his homosexuality. A good deal of handshakes are exchanged but nothing is resolved. Damon decides to help Dave up to his room and Alex, having abandoned his penitent adversary, decides he needs another drink. Since the bar has long since shut, Alex clambers over it and tries to operate the pumps. When this fails, he starts picking at the lock of the metal shutter that mercifully separates him from the optics. When that fails, he attempts to vault the bar, fails again and crashes arse-first to the floor, much to the astonishment of J Mascis and the Valentines' Deborah Goodge, who have hitherto been locked in conversation nearby. Alex, who appears to have the remarkable ability to sober up at will, then wisely decides the carnival is over, bids us a fond adieu and retires for some well-earned kip. Jim Reid, probably present for some time (we're actually in no better state than Alex), wanders over and asks is we enjoyed the show. We tell him it was great. It was great. The best show you'll see this year.

#interview

[acciomatthewdavelewis]

Matthew Lewis Discuss His ITV 'Girlfriends' Character

HelloGiggles has released a new interview with Matthew Lewis talking about his character Tom in Kay Mellor’s new drama Girlfriends.

HelloGiggles: What excited you about the role of Tom, and Girlfriends as a show?

Matthew Lewis: I’ve worked with Kay several times before, and she has consistently — throughout actually my entire life — been turning out some wonderful television in the U.K., which has always championed not only my area, my hometown [of Leeds], and the whole region of Yorkshire, but also championed very real northern working class people who are very rarely seen on television. Probably more so now than ever before, but historically very, very rarely seen on television — particularly on this side of the pond [the U.S.], when all people tend to see is James Bond or Sherlock Holmes and London and that kind of world. Kay has always been a keen champion of the north.

So when she sent me the scripts for this, I devoured them very, very quickly. Then I called her up and I told her that I was a fan of the series. She explained [Tom’s story] to me, and [she had] such a passion for this one. I mean, she’s passionate about every story that she writes, but this one felt like it had more of her in it than any of the previous ones ever had — her and her friends. She said herself, it was a real passion project for her.

I think that Tom is just so incredibly relatable to so many people. Previews or character descriptions, I don’t think do him justice. I think that people have to watch it to really appreciate Tom because he’s a good man. He really is. He has a good soul and he means well. But, he’s been so doted on by his mother that he is incapable of taking control of his own life. He’s incredibly selfish at times and he doesn’t think. And, he’s irresponsible and immature. He’s not capable of looking after his son. But, he tries. He does try.

This series is a real journey for him, of maturity, and the relationship between mother and son and when a mother dotes on her son too much. When is the time to draw the line? How far is too far? … That’s what we see between them. It’s very interesting, very tender at times, explosive other times, and it’s a really interesting journey for both characters.

What can we expect from Tom, looking ahead? Will there be a confrontation between Tom and his mother, with her drawing that line with him?

Absolutely. Gail is attempting to get her soon-to-be ex-husband to not divorce her and that is very difficult with Tom because Tom and Dave have never seen eye-to-eye — probably because Dave tells Tom like it is. It’s something that Tom actually knows. It’s the idea that Tom knows that he pushes it too far. He knows that he dumps everything on his mother. But, he doesn’t want to admit [that] to himself yet. So when Dave comes around and tells him like it is, he reacts badly to that because he knows it’s true. Tom will never change. He will constantly blame other people until his mother calls him out on it. When he realizes he’s got no one to blame but himself. But, while he [has the] support of his mother, he’ll constantly think other people are the problem.

This obviously [will] have to change and that is where we’ll go. We’ll start to see Gail become much more empowered, believing in herself — she’s not just an old woman ready to be thrown on the scrap heap. She’s got so much more to offer. She’s stronger than that. That’s her journey, which obviously encompasses both Tom and Dave, and how their relationship will have to improve because Tom can no longer be selfishly thinking of himself. I think the thing that a lot of…children tend to do, they forget that their parents had entire full lives before they came along, that their parents have needs and wants and dreams and aspirations and it comes to a point where you have to stop being so selfish and start thinking of other people for a change.

Part of what’s so great about the show is you have these three mature women in the lead, which is, unfortunately, all too rare. You mentioned Gail finding her strength, but can you expand on how the show empowers women?

It’s a real thing at the minute, obviously. The fact that they’re women, straight off the bat. We may well be seeing more female leads on our TVs than there ever has been, but it’s still not parity; it’s still not equal. We still got a long way to go in so many aspects, which has become abundantly clear in the last few months, that we have a long way to go. So I think just the fact that it’s [led by] three strong women is wonderful. But, also, there’s an age issue. Whether it’s in all life — I can’t speak for every industry, but particularly in our industry — there is a belief that men can continue well into whatever age they want to continue into, whereas women are often unceremoniously, as I said before, tossed on the scrap heap, whether it’s in news anchoring or in Hollywood movies. That’s something that needs to change.

Kay said herself in the read through…”Women so often, particularly women of that age, are playing people’s mothers or people’s secretaries.” Or whatever, she was making all these different [references to] women always having to play these supporting roles. And she went, “But it’s never been,” as far as she was concerned, “the men supporting these women, having all the women lead, the men be their husbands and be their sons and be their secretaries and all that kind of thing.” Finally, in this, she said, “That’s what I’m doing. It’s the men that are the supporting here, and the women are all focus.” I thought that was wonderful. You’ve got three astonishingly good actresses to play these roles. It’s something that everyone’s concerned about actually, male and female. But, in our society, it seems to be much more of a concern for women, unfortunately.

Everyone’s worried about getting old, and your relevance in society. The world is moving so fast now. You can see it with the way people vote, for crying out loud. It’s an entire generation of people who feel like they’re being ignored or they’re no longer wanted or they’re being left behind. It’s just wonderful that Kay is writing a thing that empowers those people. Not really empowers, just something for them to relate to, to feel like they’re actually being represented on TV. I think it’s great. I think the more diversity of this kind of thing that we can get, the better it will be in the long term.

What have you taken away from working with these powerhouse ladies? Did they impart any advice to you? Or, is there anything that you observed through their performances, or through Kay’s writing?

I’m still very much learning my craft. I came out of Harry Potter at 21. I felt that I had to start on the bottom rung of the ladder and really learn. Being on Harry Potter was a breeze, in truth. It was very comfortable. I played [Neville] for a long time. I was comfortable in the role, and knew everyone on set. I knew coming out of that, that comfort would all be gone and I’d have to start afresh from the ground up. That’s what I intended on doing.

I spent the last seven, eight years, trying to hone my craft and do theater, do television, do film, do all different schools of acting to try and learn as much as possible. And, this is an opportunity to watch three women who have an extensive career of brilliant work that spans all mediums of the craft. I got to sit there for weeks and watch ’em do it, and it was fabulous. I’m always learning. I’m always absorbing as much as I can.

I’ll tell you one thing that I think of more than anything is that these three are all leading ladies. When I say that, I don’t mean in terms of their acting credentials or their abilities, which is not up for debate. I’m talking about the way they lead. It’s a responsibility that anyone who wants to play a leading man or a leading woman in any film, TV [show], or whatever has to have. They are leaders, and the environment on a set is taken by them. The environment that those three created was wonderful. It was such a pleasure to come into work. It was so much fun. It was so relaxed. It was so enjoyable.

They had mountains of dialogue. Kay writes very wordy stuff that moves at such a pace that it’s hard to keep up as a viewer, never mind the person trying to learn the dialogue. Things are happening all the time, and it never felt pressured. It never felt like anyone was struggling or finding it difficult. Everyone was just having so much fun. I think that’s a testament to the material, of course, because it was a lot of fun to perform. But, it’s a testament to those three women and their ability to lead, and to make everyone feel comfortable and enjoy their time.

#itv girlfriends #matthew lewis #interview 2018 #I usually just take excerpts of any long interview #and then redirects readers to the article #but I am too tired to pick the most important points #plus he talks a lot in this one and they're all new info #queue

[ambitionsource]

AMBITION Season 1 ♫ “Before the Storm” [ 1.11 ]

CREATED BY Esther (rapunzles) & Maggie (quincywillows)

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES – The sophomore stars throw their hat in the ring for the chance to attend a highly regarded performance summer program, but only three students can progress from Adams to the final audition. Lucas has a daunting decision to make.

60 Minutes (15K words) || No warnings apply.

[ ← Birds of a Feather ] [ S1 Synopsis ] [ The World Will Never Be the Same → ]

( Follow along with the music on Spotify here! )

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

The halls of Adams greet us for the penultimate episode, cutting between shots of the setting we’ve come to know and love. Through windows in the doors, students rehearse in the music and dance studios. The locker hallways are pristine and decorated for the end of term. Graduation memorabilia is all around.

As the scenery shifts, the voice of Principal Hunter lectures on the importance of the school, everything that the institution stands for. Next to bulletin boards where students are welcome to jot down their summer plans to share, a display case in the atrium shows photos and mementos from the past school year. Les Mis is certainly included, as well as the winter showcase.

Jack: Adams exists to give students the chance to pursue a passion. Something important to them, so pivotal to their future endeavors and true happiness that they can’t even fathom doing anything else. It’s a silly notion, to some, but I’ve always admired that piece to it. That chance to give a young mind the power and potential to do whatever it is that they’ve always dreamed about.

Focus eases in on one advertisement on the bulletin board in particular – an informational flyer about the Kossal Summer Program, which has been referenced multiple times since the pilot. In bold lettering, the text “rising juniors only,” seems sharply emphasized.

Jack: More than anything, I try to give our students as much opportunity as possible. Getting here was the first step, and then I want to help them reach higher. Achieve further. Find access to doors and avenues that they may not have even known existed or felt capable of entering. I work hard to create that space. I work hard with all of the faculty and staff here to foster that environment, where any student can come to a safe, inclusive environment and throw their hat in the ring.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

It becomes clear why JACK HUNTER is monologuing. He is in his disciplinary meeting with WYATT LIVINGSTON, following their deduction that he is the one running AAA Confessions.

Jack: Thus, it’s always such a shame when someone deems to take advantage of this space, and twists it into something it shouldn’t be.

Wyatt doesn’t seem all that impressed. Jack questions him on why the hell he would create a page like this, or barring that, be a part of it in the first place. Wyatt claims he didn’t make the Insta, but Jack presses the question again. Not buying it.

Wyatt dispels Jack’s rosy view of the school, claiming it’s no oasis for creativity and collaboration. It’s a cesspool of egomaniacs and cutthroat competition, and he knows it. The whole reason that the AAAC even works at all is because of the collective terrible attitude at the school. It’s a “safe environment” for them to take shots at each other and be as repulsive and reductive as they all actually are.

Jack snaps at this, claiming that’s not entirely true. He references the very targeted attack on a single student just a few days ago with Lucas, which Wyatt clearly orchestrated and was not just the full petty whimsy of the student body. Unable to fully deny this, Wyatt admits his hand in making some of the initial posts, but he didn’t orchestrate anything. If anything, the Lucas White Trash Dump Day is a perfect example of what he’s talking about – he lit a match, and the sophomore class set the whole forest on fire with it.

Wyatt: Besides, it’s not my fault that everyone hates Lucas. He does that to himself.

Jack doesn’t want to hear anymore. He doesn’t think he can face it. He moves onto discussing punishment, positing what he believes are fair consequences – expulsion, effective immediately. This finally seems to knock Wyatt off his high horse. He claims that’s bullshit considering one student can beat up another and not get kicked out, but he makes a couple of mean anonymous posts and he’s on the chopping block?

Jack argues that it’s the principle of the thing, and that every situation is different. The situation between him and Lucas was an isolated incident with bigoted implications, whereas the page has been an ongoing toxic presence at the school –

Wyatt: But I don’t deserve to get punished for it! I didn’t create the page!

Jack: Fine. Fine, if that’s the case, then tell me who did. Tell me who should take the fall for this, and we can renegotiate your involvement.

Wyatt can’t, because he doesn’t know. Nobody does. Jack takes his silence as an admission of guilt, but it’s evident that he is truly distraught about taking the consequences for it. Perhaps the severity of the punishment may be a bit too harsh…

After a beat, Jack claims that he will take some time to determine the proper punishment. Until then, Wyatt would be smart to keep his head down and enjoy his last couple weeks of sophomore year without further trouble.

Wyatt rises in a huff, storming out. Jack waits until he exits before letting his composed facade crumble, obviously overwhelmed by the chaos this whole situation has caused.

Hopefully, it’s about to come to an end. But not without some major decisions…

Cue opening titles.

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

ANGELA MOORE is at her desk in the black box classroom, fretfully flipping through the schedule of the touring spot she’s been offered. She’s cross-referencing it with her personal calendar, obviously not thrilled with how much it’s consuming of her current life.

She’s been waiting so long for an opportunity like this. It’s her dream, yet now that it’s in front of her she doesn’t know what to do with it. Angela lifts her head, gazing blankly at the empty classroom around her. Wondering what it would be like to leave it behind…

SHAWN HUNTER breaks her out of her daze, entering with coffee and a breakfast bagel. He hands it to her and she takes it gratefully. He tentatively asks if she’s made any decisions yet, to which she gives a definitive no. Still very much in the realm of indecision.

Shawn seems relieved that it’s not a guaranteed yes, but being in uncertain territory isn’t much better. But uncertain ground they’ll continue to tread…

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Ain’t It Fun” as performed by Tufts Beezlebubs || Performed by Nigel Chey, Yindra Amino, Chai Fresco, Nick Yogi, Clarissa Cruz, and Haley Fisher

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

NIGEL CHEY leads this acapella rendition, playfully rehearsing with his fellow sophomores. It’s one of the few numbers we’ve seen so far that gives due focus to the other performers in the classroom, and it gives an upbeat (if subtly ominous) musical start to the episode.

He dances around the stage with YINDRA AMINO, CHAI FRESCO, NICK YOGI, CLARISSA CRUZ, and HALEY FISHER. In keeping with the truce, most of the techies are hanging around with them and half-grooving along while working on set pieces. DYLAN ORLANDO sways with ASHER GARCIA in a bouncy waltz, the latter somewhat singing along.

DAVE WILLIAMS shows off his usual terrible dancing. Nigel sings directly to JADE BEAMON at one point, and she just about passes out. Yogi films the jam session with his A/V club camera to commemorate the end of the year.

Absolutely charmed.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

While the acapella underscores, FARKLE MINKUS is making his way through the hallway after finishing up at his locker, headphones blocking out the rest of the world. He seems a little out of it, traversing the school with less of the impatient, high-maintenance energy than he was bursting with earlier in the year. Subtle, but definitely a shift.

DARBY WINTERS and SARAH CARLSON catch up to him, startling him into conversation. As he removes his headphones, he struggles to catch up to their fast-paced questioning.

Darby: … your audition number? We want to start taking bets on whether you’re going to be able to best Maya or not in this final epic diva showdown.

Farkle: My audi – okay, slow down pixies, and start over. I can’t understand you at warp speed.

They eagerly ask him if he has decided what song he’s using for his audition. Suddenly feeling as though he’s forgotten something, he asks them what the hell they’re talking about.

Sarah: The Kossal auditions? They’re this weekend. Preliminaries are going to be all this week. [ Like he’s stupid. ] You know, the most coveted opportunity of the year?

Farkle: Oh. Oh… yeah. Yeah, I guess I forgot.

Sarah raises her eyebrows, clearly shocked. Darby breezes right past it, telling him he should really start thinking about it, although he’s likely to do amazing regardless. As they flutter away, Farkle shakes off his daze.

He honestly can’t believe he forgot about the program he’s been waiting all year to audition for. But suppose when you actually get friends and stop being all-consumed by your one passion, that’ll do it to you.

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

ERIC MATTHEWS is sitting down with RILEY MATTHEWS, obviously excited about whatever information he’s about to share with her. She still has her focus set on a different matter, though, and figures that’s what the meeting is going to be about.

Riley, hopefully: You’ve figured out who is running AAAC?

Eric: … still working on that. But making progress, undoubtedly.

Riley sighs, slouching back in her seat. Eric promises her that what he has to tell her is just as exciting, another great opportunity here at the end of term. He goes on to explain that at the conclusion to each school year, Michael Jacobs and the school board fund an art gala in which all the major art magnet schools from the area come together to celebrate their achievements of the past year and share in their love of the craft.

He slides a small invitation across the table for her to look at. On the front is a fancy-looking ballroom where the event is usually held, with details and logistics on the backside.

Eric: Now, obviously Jack and I will be attending, as principal and MVP of Adams.

[ Riley glances at him, giggling at his given title for himself. ]

Eric: But we’re allowed to bring one student as a representative for our school, and we were thinking you.

Riley: [ blinking, taking a moment to realize she heard him correctly ] Me – me? You want me?

Eric: The nomination was unanimous.

Riley is evidently stunned by this. Eric goes on to explain all that she helped achieve at AAA that year, particularly how instrumental she was in bridging the divide and improving the overall quality of culture in the sophomore class. There is no one else they can think of more deserving of the opportunity. She should be proud of everything she’s accomplished this year.

The caveat, however, is that the gala conflicts with the district-wide audition evening for Kossal. So should she get chosen from the school-level auditions to progress onward, she would have to decide which one to attend. Riley claims she’s not planning on auditioning anyway.

Eric: What? Why on Earth not?

Riley: Are you – are you serious? You literally just said to me –

Eric: You know, you’re right. You’re right, shh. We’ll unpack that later.

Eric opts instead to highlight all the fun aspects to the gala that Riley should start gearing up for. She gets to dress up! There’s performances, and dancing, and great food! Oh, and she gets to bring a plus one, so she should start thinking about who she might like to bring along.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Class has assembled for the day, bustling into their seats and alive with restless end-of-term energy as Angela brings their attention to the front. She goes on to talk further about the Kossal program, how it is an intensive six-week summer camp in upstate New York where participants are deeply immersed in the art of performance. It is one of the most highly anticipated opportunities of the year for the sophomore class. The program boasts many notable alumni, and they’ve rarely had a student attend it from AAA who didn’t see success in their future.

As she describes it, it’s evident that MAYA HART and Farkle are both totally invested. ZAY BABINEAUX seems inspired too, but less openly determined than the other two divas. Everyone else is somewhere in between, indecisive about whether it’s worth it to try for it at all.

Angela continues on, explaining the catch – given it’s highly selective criteria, the audition process is staggered and competitive. It starts at the school level, where they will select three of their best students to move on to the district-wide auditions. From there, one lucky student from Adams will get to experience the program.

The techies are like… great. This week is going to be hell, isn’t it. ISADORA DE LA CRUZ exchanges a look with DYLAN ORLANDO and ASHER GARCIA, who look less than enthused. Angela dismisses them to work on their auditions or final projects, whichever they deem fit.

In the wings, Farkle pulls Maya aside. In an attempt to preserve their new and blossoming friendship, he proposes that they should help one another with their auditions. Essentially, be there to support one another rather than fall into their usual habits. Given the circumstances, it’s very unlikely that they both won’t progress to the next round, and he doesn’t want their naturally competitive instincts to come between them.

Maya is surprised and a bit hesitant towards this initiative, but she’s not going to be the one to cause trouble. Besides, as far as she can tell, Farkle does seem entirely genuine in his motivations. She agrees with a “hell yeah,” taking a pass on the drama if they can hack it.

They shake on it, agreeing they’ll be on each other’s teams.

INT. AAA - CAFETERIA - DAY

Zay is at his usual table, YINDRA AMINO and NIGEL CHEY occupying the other primary seats around him. They’re engaging in their typical comfortable conversation, Zay allowing them to take the brunt of it.

His focus shifts when CHARLIE GARDNER approaches with lunch in hand, coming to stand awkwardly by their table. He and Zay hold eye contact for a long moment, before Charlie asks if there’s room for him to join them. Although there’s clear tension, Yindra and Nigel don’t seem to pick up on it.

Zay claims there’s room, because he actually has to get going. He rises to leave without much more to say to Charlie. It’s clear this stings a bit, and Charlie watches him go before sliding into the seat he just vacated.

Yindra snaps him out of it when she asks whether or not he’s planning on auditioning for the Kossal program. Charlie says no, as he has a family obligation – there’s this big communal springfest dinner at his church that same night that is super important to his parents. His mother is part of the planning committee, and all that.

Nigel explains that he and Yindra were both considering it, but with only three spots and three known divas, it sort of seems like improbable odds. Charlie nods along, but he’s not really paying that much attention to their complaints. His gaze keeps lingering on the doors where Zay left.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - DAY

LUCAS FRIAR hastily makes his way from the hall to his bedroom towards the door, obviously on a mission. He has his phone pressed between his shoulder and his ear, slipping on his boots.

Lucas: I’ll be there in like five minutes, you can pick me up at the usual corner. [ a beat ] No, tell Dylan he’s not coming over. [ beat ] Yes, I have the fireworks, now could you –

From the kitchen, his mother calls out for him. This is pretty unusual, so Lucas tells Asher he’ll be there in a minute before hanging up and sauntering back towards the kitchen.

INT. LUCAS’S APARTMENT - KITCHEN - DAY

Lucas pokes his head in, finding GRACE FRIAR seated at their small dining table. She’s petite, disarmingly beautiful, and looks deceptively too young to have a teenage son. She asks if he has a minute to chat about something. He starts to state that he has plans, but rather than explaining to his mother that he’s off to go set off illegal fireworks with his dumbass friends, he figures he can spare the few seconds to talk.

Lucas settles into the chair across from her, and the closer we are to her the more the cracks in her dainty exterior seem to show. There are healing bruises on her face from the events of 1.09, and once you notice them underneath the makeup, it’s hard to unsee.

She goes on to explain that through one of her friends at work, she was able to get in touch with the dean of admissions at McCullough, a private all-boys boarding school in upstate New York. Given Lucas’s excellent academic record at AAA – behavioral record aside – Grace believes that if he applied, he could totally get a spot in their elite student body for the last two years of high school. She wants to put his application in for the fall, if that’s something he might want.

Lucas, stunned: You mean… you mean like leave triple A?

Grace hurriedly explains that she knows AAA was never Lucas’s top choice as far as schooling. He never had any artistic interests, there were just no… better alternatives. But this school has excellent reviews, top rated academics. It’s in the countryside rather than the city, so maybe the fresh air could do him good. A little space. And all of its alumni go on to have successful careers as doctors, lawyers, entrepreneurs – whatever Lucas decides he wants to do.

Lucas doesn’t know what to think. Never before has there been another option besides AAA, and the mere prospect of it seems impossible to fathom. Not to mention, so much has changed in the past year at the school he always claimed he hated. He doesn’t know how to answer.

Grace claims that he should take the next couple of weeks to consider it, as the application isn’t due until then anyway. It just might be a viable different route, an… escape from everything going on here. A loaded conversation to drop so suddenly…

Angela, pre-lap: How is anybody supposed to make a decision like this?

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Angela is hanging out with Eric in his office, both of them relaxing after the students have cleared out for the day. They’re sharing sodas in fancy glasses (i.e., what they’re allowed to consume on school property), and Eric is leaning back with his feet up on his desk as they muse.

Angela laments her current situation, definitely feeling torn between two worlds.

Angela: It’s like, all my life, I had one dream. This gig, this draining, paradoxical, invigorating art of performing, that was it for me. All of this from acing an audition to getting a spot on a tour or production, I mean, that was the whole plan, you know? That would fall into place, and the universe would do the rest.

Eric: I hear you, sister. Amen.

Angela: But here I am, finally steps away from the dream. It’s right in front of me. I can taste it. And… I’m holding back. I’m hesitating. How can I be hesitating now?

As Eric points out, there’s a chance her dreams have changed. She certainly has, as has he, and everyone else they know. Hell, look at how much they’ve all grown in just this school year alone.

Eric: Beginning of this year, Jack and I fought about everything.

Angela: Believe me, I remember.

Eric: You and Shawn couldn’t even look at each other, and the school was at war. Quite literally, given everything that conspired after.

Now, all things considered, they’ve found harmony. They’ve found peace, and they’re on their way to almost quelling the last remaining symbol of bad blood. They opened themselves to change, and it turned out to be exactly what they needed.

Eric: Change happens, and it’s scary. But it can be good. You shouldn’t run from it. In fact, it may behoove you to listen to what it’s trying to tell you.

Angela ruminates on this, taking a long sip of her cola. Much to think about.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

Zay is eating dinner with OMAR BABINEAUX and DONNA BABINEAUX, attempting to find the right time to tell them about the summer program. As Omar wraps up discussing a new development at work, Zay takes a deep breath and gears up to speak. Donna beats him to it, however, suddenly remembering an important news bulletin they meant to share with him.

His older sister Jada was selected for an exclusive study abroad program this summer. She’ll be studying fashion in Milan and Paris, so they’re planning a family vacation there as well to take advantage of the opportunity. It’s an exciting update, but definitely throws a potential wrench into Zay’s quest for Kossal.

Donna: Isn’t that exciting?

Zay: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that’s… I mean, dope.

Omar: What were you going to say, Zay? Looked like you had something on your mind.

Zay: Just that, uh… my grades have really turned around since fall semester. So the tutoring did actually help. That’s all.

He doesn’t push the issue further, allowing his parents to congratulate him and take back control of the conversation. Might as well be a sign… right?

INT. JACK’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Jack and Shawn are having their traditional dinner. Shawn raises his glass in a toast, cheering on Jack for catching the dumbass who was running the AAAC. Jack takes the praise, but hesitantly. After they both drink, Jack expresses his qualms about how to progress with punishment towards Wyatt.

Shawn shares no such reluctance to be brutal.

Shawn: What do you do when you catch a cold, Jackie?

Jack: Down a pint of Gatorade and hope for the best.

Shawn: [ with an eye roll ] Okay, how about a malignant mole? A tumor? Any sort of cancerous presence?

Jack: Well I’ve been lucky enough not to –

Shawn: You remove it. You cut the thing out so it’s disease can’t spread. It’s that simple.

Jack points out that some might say similar rhetoric about, say… Lucas, to which Shawn scoffs. He claims that they’re completely different situations.

Shawn: Listen, Friar is a mess all his own. I would know. But he isn’t going around using slurs towards other students, or posting increasingly vitriolic hate just to rile people up. There’s a difference.

Jack references the fact that Wyatt claims he’s not the moderator, that there’s another student running it. Shawn blows this off, stating that has to be a lie.

Shawn: [ with his mouth full ] I would know. I used to lie to get out of trouble all the time.

Jack: Once again, you continue to reassure me of your right state of mind to be teaching the youth of tomorrow…

Shawn states that Jack knows what the right decision is, he’s just wallowing in it. And if he won’t do the right thing, then he’ll just take matters into his own hands. Jack knows he’s just shooting the breeze, but he is also like don’t do anything stupid please, I have enough to deal with.

INT. MATTHEWS APARTMENT - NIGHT

That night, it’s just CORY MATTHEWS and Riley there for dinner at the apartment. In the midst of the meal, Cory congratulates her on being selected as representative, and there’s a soft moment between them reflecting on just how far she’s come in a year. He’s so, so proud of her.

She agrees that there is a lot to think about, like what she’s going to wear and who she should bring along. Cory additionally mentions the decision over which song to perform for her audition for the summer program, until Riley expresses that she isn’t planning on auditioning.

Much like Eric, Cory is totally opposed to this notion. He states that she should at least throw her hat in the ring, and it’s even more low stakes for her considering if she doesn’t make it to the district level, she has another plan already in place.

Cory: Other potential conflicts aside, you shouldn’t keep yourself from getting the chance to run the bases by never letting yourself take one swing at bat.

INT. RILEY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

This sentiment is still lingering with Riley as she gets ready for bed. She hesitates, glancing up at her moodboard to search for inspiration.

It’s drastically different than when it was first made, more intricate and decorated than ever. Lots of little details have been added, including photos of her classmates, playbills from Les Mis, and lots of other little mementos throughout the school year.

She zeroes in on one item in particular – a scrap of notebook paper. It’s the note she and Lucas were passing back in forth in 1.10, during Maya and Farkle’s rendition of “Bop to the Top.” While the majority of it is just a back and forth about how Lucas doesn’t know what the movie is and he thinks Maya and Farkle aren’t that good, the most important statement is the last.

As Riley is defending their performing abilities, he’s followed up with a very bold counterargument: “You’re better.”

It’s evident that is the reason the conversation is hanging up at all. She hangs on this, lightly smiling… wheels are beginning to turn in her head again…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Charlie shows up to the auditorium early, finding Zay on the stage exactly as he hoped he would. He’s running through what would have been his audition routine, the vaguely familiar orchestral arrangement from A Chorus Line playing on his iPhone speaker. Charlie hangs back and watches for a moment, in awe of Zay’s obvious skill as always.

Charlie: Looks pretty good.

Zay is surprised by his presence, both because he didn’t realize he was there and because he’s suddenly deeming him worth talking to again. He rushes to turn off his speaker, taking a second to catch his breath. Then he forfeits the stage, saying that he’ll get out of his way if he needs to use it. Charlie rushes to stop him, asking if he’ll give him just half a second to talk.

Zay looks wary, but he doesn’t leave. He crosses his arms, waiting for Charlie to say his piece.

Charlie: I’m sorry I’ve been acting so distant. Ghosting you, and stuff. I don’t have an excuse. I’ve just been… it’s been weird.

Zay: Bit of an understatement.

Charlie: I haven’t exactly felt like myself much, lately. [ a beat, then he laughs ] Honestly, it’s more like I don’t even know what “myself” actually is. Kind of wondering if maybe I ever did.

[ It’s really hard not to empathize with him. Zay is clearly softening. ]

Charlie: Anyway, it’s not a good reason to treat you the way I did. I can’t explain why I did what I did, but I’m genuinely sorry. I never meant to hurt your feelings. And regardless of what’s going on with me, I don’t want to lose you. I mean, someone has to be able to keep up with me around here.

Zay can’t help but chuckle, earning a hopeful smile from Charlie. But the deal isn’t closed yet.

Charlie, sincerely: I understand if you can’t forgive me. I just wanted you to know.

There’s a moment of silence. Charlie may as well be holding his breath. Then, Zay sighs.

Zay: I don’t know what your so-called God has you used to, but I wouldn’t call what you did unforgivable. Or maybe I’m just a gracious deity.

Jokes aside, he’s accepting the apology. Charlie is clearly relieved, laughing in spite of himself and nodding. Zay mirrors his smile, before prodding further on what he mentioned earlier.

Zay: What did you mean by that? Not feeling like yourself?

Charlie: I don’t know. It’s like… do you remember during acoustic week, we talked about your lack of friends?

Zay: Well, I wouldn’t phrase it like that, but yes.

Charlie: It’s… I guess it’s kind of like that. What I talked about, that feeling where you feel like you’re outside yourself. Only… way worse. Like now I’m out there, and I don’t even recognize the person I’m looking at. It doesn’t feel like me anymore. Or maybe it never really was.

Zay can tell that Charlie is seriously struggling with this. Charlie goes on to explain that he was scared that things were changing, but now he doesn’t even know if that’s the case anymore. He isn’t sure if things are changing, or if he’s just becoming aware of how things already are. He can’t figure out which is worse.

Vague cryptic statements aside, Zay states that he’s there to help if he thinks he needs it. Charlie thinks on it, before agreeing that just doing something fun to get his mind off everything might be exactly what he needs.

Charlie: And, well, you’ve always been the expert on that front.

Zay: This we know. I’ll see what I can do.

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Riley catches Isadora in the hall, asking if she’s seen Lucas. After she suggests checking the usual places, Riley follows up by asking whether or not Isadora is planning on auditioning for the summer program. Her derisive laugh is enough of a response.

Isadora: Are you kidding me? I’m not trying to insert myself into that bloodbath. Farkle, Maya, and Zay can take it, I’m not aiming to scrap in the last two weeks of school.

A valid analysis of the situation. Even still, Riley makes her focus on her as she states that she truly believes Isadora is good enough to earn herself a spot on her own merit. Then she flutters off, Isadora unable to hold back the ghost of a smile at the touching sentiment.

INT. AAA - PRACTICE ROOM - DAY

Maya and Farkle are in the same practice room where they met for tutoring in 1.03, running through some scales together with the latter on piano. They’re interrupted when KATY HART shows up, nervously poking her head in and clearly not sure if she’s in the right place. Maya eagerly leaps forward to greet her, hugging her and guiding her into the space.

Farkle is surprised, Maya quickly catching them both up to speed. She explains that her mother had never seen the inside of the school before, so she was able to work something out with Jack so that she could come by for lunch and stick around to see her audition. Katy expresses awe over how state-of-the-art the facilities are, Maya walking her through everything in their current room. Farkle watches them, obviously touched by their tight-knit relationship.

As Maya goes into further detail about what their practicing for and the summer program, Katy grows anxious again. She’s uncertain about the financial aspect of it. Farkle jumps in, helpfully stating that the summer program is all-expenses paid. That’s partially why their audition process is so thorough – they want to make sure only the most deserving and talented students are mixing and mingling at this shindig.

Good news, for the Harts at least. Katy brightens again, eagerly requesting to hear a little bit of what they’ve been working on. Maya claims that she’ll get to see the full audition in just a bit, but she pleads for a sneak preview. Farkle raises his eyebrows, wiggling his fingers over the keys to show he’s ready.

Maya relents, gesturing her mother towards the chairs to settle in and listen. Then she exchanges a look with Farkle, nodding to count each other in. She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath. Then, as Farkle hits the first chord…

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Listen” as performed by Glee Cast  || Performed by Maya Hart

Maya kicks off this brassy display of her vocal talent, true evidence to how hard she’s worked all year. “The Wizard and I” was impressive, but this is a whole new level of ambition. It’s raw with emotion, even more so given the fact that her mother is there to witness. She smiles at her as she sings, obviously one of her greatest sources of inspiration.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As the performance continues, it shifts to Maya center stage performing for Angela, Shawn, Jack, and Eric. A large crop of her classmates are there to cheer her on as well – Farkle, Zay, Charlie, Riley, Isadora, Darby, Sarah, etc. How nice it is, seeing the divas show up to support one another rather than tear each other down…

As she finishes, her classmates burst into resounding applause. Angela, grinning, thanks her. Katy wipes a couple of tears. Maya can’t stop smiling, nodding gratefully with the spotlight shining all around her.

EXT. AAA - LUNCH COURTYARD - DAY

Lucas and Isadora are at lunch, the latter rattling off what she thinks her summer plans are going to be with this short film idea that came to her during first period. She’s already got storyboards going in a notebook.

Lucas isn’t listening. He’s distracted, watching the other goobs in his techie crew throw food at each other and crack up and live their generally silly existences. Isadora realizes he’s a million miles away and snaps him out of it, asking him if he heard a word she said.

Lucas: Please. Of course I did.

Isadora: Right. So what was I thinking was going to be the climactic plot twist that makes the entire short and dare I say rivals Alfred Hitchcock?

Lucas: You know I don’t understand that reference.

Isadora, bluntly: You really should. Well?

Lucas: … okay. Okay! I wasn’t listening. You caught me, congratulations. You’re Sherlock of the month.

Isadora makes an offhand comment about how she doesn’t see why she bothers to open her mouth, but Lucas is already zoning out again. It’s clear that the decision of McCullough is all he can think about, so he ventures the topic – albeit vaguely – with his most trusted source.

Lucas: Can I ask you a question?

Isadora: Was that not just a question?

Lucas, deadpan: You’re fucking hilarious, seriously.

Isadora: [ with a smirk ] I know. Anyway, go on.

Lucas finds a way of twisting the decision to leave into a thinly veiled alternative scenario, almost like… a scientific hypothetical. Something she would inherently understand.

Isadora: You realize that most often supposed “hypotheticals” are in fact very real situations that one is simply posing as a hypothetical –

He waves her off, going with the ruse anyway. He lays it all down before asking for her advice as to how she would proceed to make the most effective choice. She plainly states that she would make a list of pros and cons to each outcome. From there, it’s far simpler to deduce the best method moving forward.

Lucas absorbs this, nodding along and thanking her. Then she continues on with her film sketch, but he’s already checked out again. Already mentally crafting his list…

INT. AAA - GIRLS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Sarah and Darby are in the dressing room with Chai, hanging out before class resumes. As Darby touches up her makeup, the three of them discuss whether or not they’re auditioning. Sarah complains it’s not really worth trying either way, and Chai concurs. But she blithely states she wasn’t planning on auditioning anyway. In fact, she won’t be returning next year, either.

Darby: [ whipping around and smearing mascara on her cheek ] Oh my God, WHY?

Chai: Relax, Darbs. It’s not goodbye forever. I was able to work out a study abroad sort of situation with Principal Hunter given that I’ll be spending the year in London.

Sarah: London? Where the hell did that come from?

Chai: Well, papa’s still attempting to win over me and mom after getting caught with his pants down with the secretary in our parlor –

Darby, sadly: It’s always the parlor… I’m so glad we don’t have one.

Chai: So he’s paying for me to spend the year across the pond. And it’s like what, am I gonna say no? I can hate his guts and spend his money, thank you very much. I’ll be studying the dramatic arts in the birthplace of Shakespeare, Andrew Lloyd Webber, wandering the West End…

Certainly a not-too-shabby alternative to AAA for a year, that’s for sure. Their conversation is interrupted as Riley enters to drop her things, Darby cheerfully posing the same question to her. Despite her former hesitation, Riley admits that she’s been considering it more and more. Sarah scoffs, asking her if she thinks she stands a chance against the divas. Riley shrugs and states that even if she doesn’t, that’s not a good enough reason to sit it out entirely.  

Chai applauds her confidence, but manages to underhandedly point out that it will give her yet another opportunity to publicly fumble like she did all the time at the start of the year. Sarah laughs along and Darby can’t help but giggle, although her expression is more apologetic.

Riley takes the hit, wishing all of them well with their own endeavors and keeping her chin up before heading out to the auditorium. Chai watches her go, but the expression on her face isn’t resentment. In some ways, it seems closer to envy.

Darby: Hm. Maybe I’ll audition, too.

Sarah: Yeah, uh-huh. I’ll believe it when I see it.

INT. AAA - TEACHER’S LOUNGE - DAY

Jack manages to catch Angela in the teacher’s lounge, brewing a thermos of coffee before she’s due back in the auditorium. He requests a moment to chat with her if she can spare it, which she happily does. The two of them settle in at a round table.

Jack poses the Wyatt problem, giving as much context as possible before asking Angela what she would do in his shoes. He notes the perspective he’s already gotten from Shawn. Angela grants that she isn’t surprised at all that he had that response, but is reluctant to provide her own.

Angela: I don’t know if you want to ask me. I can hardly make my own choices.

Jack: I just want to know your thoughts. Honestly.

Angela hesitates. She explains that she knows what Wyatt did was irrevocably wrong, from the despicable words to Isadora all the way through to the involvement with the confessions page and his targeted derision towards Lucas. It’s bullying in all its varied forms, and it shouldn’t be tolerated. Even still… she expresses hesitation at ousting him so harshly and hastily.

When Jack prods further, Angela points out that Wyatt is still one of her students. He’s making dozens of poor choices, she can concede that, and he deserves to be punished. But she’s also seen him in his brighter moments, instances of participation and camaraderie and learning. That exists in him just as much as the nastiness. As Jack has said himself, it’s never simply black and white, especially with adolescents who have so much growing to do.

For Angela, it just seems a little cruel to kick him out with so little time left in the school year. But she’s a softie, she claims, so what does she know? Maybe that’s not the best advice. Especially if he intends to leave an impression to deter others from exhibiting the same behavior. Jack thanks her regardless, insisting that her feedback was helpful.

Jack, softly: If you do decide to leave us this year as well, you will be sorely missed. I can promise you that.

Ouchie. Angela nods, suddenly a little more somber than before as Jack leaves her to it.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Charlie is out with Zay, the two of them walking side by side as they make their way through the streets while keeping up a conversation. Zay refuses to tell him where they’re headed. Charlie is nervous, but also clearly excited. Invigorated with that infectious energy he gets from being around Zay Babineaux.

Zay declares they’ve made it, turning the corner. Curious, Charlie jogs to keep up.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DANCE LOT - DAY

Zay has dragged them to a back alley park, the empty lot transforming into a break dance spot in the after school hours. A group of a couple dozen or so students is assembled, both older and younger than them. It’s sort of an impromptu crew, coming here after school to jam and challenge each other and just groove together. Most of them are also quite similar to Zay in displaying confidence in their unique sense of style – and come off pretty distinctly queer.

Charlie is more than intimated. He states he can’t do this before whipping around and trying to leave, but Zay grabs his shoulders and pulls him back. He braces him, going on to explain that as long as they’ve been friends – hell, even just classmates – Charlie has always seemed most centered when he’s dancing. These people, they’re the exact same, in fact they’re the experts at using it for self-expression. Zay is positive Charlie has never experienced dancing with freedom quite like this.

There’s a moment where it seems like maybe he’s being convinced… but no. He’s still scared. He tries to run again but is thwarted when one of the older, more respected members of the crew greets Zay and calls them over. Nowhere to hide, Charlie sheepishly follows Zay as he bounces over to greet his acquaintance.

Zay eagerly introduces Charlie, nudging him into standing straighter and not shying away from the moment. The assembled dancers sort of swarm and welcome him warmly, asking him what kind of dancing he’s into and if he thinks he can keep up. After a little bit of banter, let the dancing jam session begin!

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Step Up” as performed by Samantha Jade  || Instrumental

Yes, it’s the title track from Step Up. Yes, this entire sequence sort of feels like it’s ripped straight out of a Step Up movie. But that’s all part of the fun, and watching the teenagers all groove together and encourage each other is engaging to watch. The dancing is fresh, enthusiastic, clearly important to every single one of the kids assembled there.

Charlie is no exception. It takes a little while him to loosen up, the other dancers showing him new moves or helping him get comfortable. But true to Zay’s word, once he relaxes it’s like he transforms – he’s a completely different person. In his element, grounded, alive.

When the bridge hits (“And when the symphony plays, I feel my feet / Lifting from underneath”), focus zeroes in on just Zay and Charlie. In an instant they’re pulled together, and suddenly they’re dancing more with one another than we’ve seen thus far. Sure, they’ve done duets before, but never have they experimented with a dance that really includes the other.

But it’s good. Really good. And it seems pretty natural for the both of them to work out. As the bridge descends back into the chorus, they blend back with the rest of the crew and end out the jam session. Afterwards, the crew applauds, pulling Charlie into the group and giving him pats on the back. A new source of family, maybe…

His smile is impressively bright. Zay mirrors it. It’s impossible not to.

INT. AAA - SHAWN’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Angela and Shawn are at his apartment, having just finished up watching a movie. Well, sort of watching a movie, sort of on the road to Netflix and chilling.

After breaking a kiss, Angela tentatively broaches the topic of what will happen for the two of them if she decides to go on tour. Shawn bristles a bit, claiming that she’s decided then. She disputes this, stating that she’s far from having decided anything in an attempt to keep the situation from imploding. But Shawn has already pulled away, getting to his feet and busying himself by turning off the TV and hitting the lights.

Angela: Shawn, would you listen to me? I haven’t made a choice. I’m just… I’m trying to figure out my plan.

Shawn: You can’t make plans until after you’ve made the decision! [ off her expression ] You’re avoiding it because you don’t want to choose. You want there to be an easy out, but there’s not. You have to decide.

After a little more back and forth, Shawn points out that this is starting to feel eerily like the conversations they had right before the last time things ended badly between them. Angela frowns, stating that it’s different this time. They’re different.

But Shawn has already been emotionally spooked. He asks if he can be alone for a bit, retreating to the bedroom and leaving her alone to stew in it. Angela groans, flopping back on the couch and covering her face.

Weird, how not making a decision can almost make things worse…

INT. CHUBBIE’S DINER - NIGHT

Charlie and Zay are getting a late dinner at Chubbie’s, a credit in part to Charlie’s growth considering plenty of people can see them there who know them. But they’re friends, after all, so what does he have to hide? Just dancing pals.

He thanks Zay for taking him to the lot, stating that while he’s not entirely upright again, he does feel better. Zay is happy to have helped. When the two of them reach for the plate of fries at the same time, there’s a moment where their hands brush together and that tension returns between them again. Zay glances at Charlie, who is staring at their hands.

Then, Charlie proceeds for the fry as normal. Not commenting on the moment, but not immediately shying away from it either.

As he pops the fry into his mouth, he asks Zay what his plan for the summer program is. The number he was working on in the auditorium seemed pretty legit. Zay shrugs it off, claiming he’s not doing the audition. Charlie nearly chokes on his fries.

Zay: Jesus, man. [ sliding his water across the table in case he needs it ] If you survived the scary dancing pit, don’t let a stray potato take you out.

Charlie: What do you mean you’re not auditioning?

Zay: It’s no biggie. My family has this whole summer plan already, and I don’t want to mess with it. Not to mention the Farkle and Maya of it all, who knows what they might do if someone presents even a shred of competition –

Charlie, incredulously: I can’t believe I’m hearing this right now. You need to audition. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you’re too good to pass it up.

Zay: Um, could say the same to you.

Charlie: Yeah, thanks, but I’ve got enough going on internally without adding a stressful audition into the mix. Think you can admit to that.

Zay: Yes, you certainly are a bit of a basketcase at the moment…

Case in point, Zay needs to do this. Charlie won’t hear anything else, and he’s sure his family will understand. He at least needs to try. Zay contemplates this – the notion of actually giving it a shot as well as Charlie getting fired up on his behalf – before eating another fry.

INT. AAA - BOYS DRESSING ROOM - DAY

Farkle is gearing up for his audition, doing vocal warm-ups and mouth stretches in the mirror. Yogi and Dave are also present, shooting the breeze and poking fun at Farkle’s pre-show rituals. Dave shares that he heard Riley might be auditioning too, which freaks out Farkle. He wasn’t expecting more than the three of them to audition, and suddenly the calm of this whole situation feels precarious.

Maya pokes her head in, checking for Farkle and telling him they’re ready. Yogi and Dave tell him to break a leg, but he ignores them as he marches out of the dressing room.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Farkle and Maya make their way into the wings, the spotlight gleaming on stage and waiting for him. He stands apprehensively in the shadow of the curtains, suddenly prickling with stage fright he’s never really experienced before.

Maya gives him a bracing pat on the shoulder, pulling him out of his own head. She jostles him a bit, giving him a smirk and assuring him that he’s got this.

Wow, how nice it is to have friends instead of adversaries. Farkle nods, exhaling through his lips and regaining his performance mojo.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Not the Boy Next Door” as performed by Glee Cast  || Performed by Farkle Minkus

The instrumental precedes him, setting us up for a jaunty, energetic solo as Farkle marches his way onto the stage. It’s an enthusiastic and skillful performance, delivering all of the star power and talent that he’s been serving since “Man About Town” but leaner, looser, more an expression of heart rather than a strangled declaration of perfectionism.

More than anything, it’s clear he’s having fun, which can’t be said for every performance he’s given over the course of the year. He totally loses himself in the number, spurred on by the encouraging cheers from his classmates who came out to see him – notably Maya and Riley, amongst scattered other performers.

He’s out of breath when he belts out the final note, but boy, did he make an impression. Angela thanks him proudly, the rest of the judges smiling as well.

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

Lucas is alone in the booth, in his usual chair. He’s got his pros and cons list in a small notebook, tapping his pen against it as he contemplates it. Presently, there’s a couple more cons than pros.

He raises his gaze to look at the booth around him. Much like the moment that gripped Angela in the black box, Lucas becomes acutely aware of the fact that he may never be back in this space after the school year is done. It’s oddly surreal. His pen starts tapping faster out of instinct.

He’s broken out of his fugue when Riley pops in, knocking lightly before stepping inside.

Riley: I hope I’m not intruding.

Lucas: No, uh, no. It’s fine. You’re fine. What’s up?

Riley can tell he’s not quite himself, but she chooses to brush past it for now. She’s a bit nervous herself, given what she’s there to talk to him about. After a bit of beating around the bush – a pointed eyebrow raises from Lucas to make it evident he knows she’s beating around the bush – Riley works up the courage to ask him to be her date to the Jacobs gala.

Before he can respond, she launches into a frantic ramble explaining exactly what it is and what he’d be expected to do. Lucas does his best to absorb her words at warp speed, obviously stunned she considered to ask him at all.

Riley: [ following her breathless explanation ] Essentially, it’s just a fanciful folly for the arts, but apparently I’m good enough to represent. And I’m supposed to bring a plus one, and I’ve been giving it a lot of thought, and I just keep… I figured it might be nice to have a technician there as well. I couldn’t think of another person better suited for the job.

Lucas: … wow.

Lucas, still slow from the shock, admits that he’s flattered. And he concurs that her reasoning makes sense, bringing a technician along and all that. Riley nods along, chewing her lip and twisting her fingers together.

Lucas: But uh… no.

Riley: No. [ blinking ] No?

Ouch. Lucas presses his lips together, managing a shake of his head. Suddenly, the booth feels a million times more claustrophobic. As Riley tries to digest this turn of events, Lucas scrambles to provide an explanation of his own.

Lucas: Again, I really appreciate you considering me. But it seems like a pretty important thing for the school, or whatever, and a whole glamorous to-do. I just think that there’s a lot riding on you, here, and you should present yourself accordingly. Pick someone more… fitting to the role.

Riley: [ timidly ] What if I think you fit the role?

Well, hard to argue with that. Yet somehow, Lucas finds a way, still declining the invitation although with less certainty the second time around.

Riley is stung, stumbling out a few assurances of “cool” and “sure.” Lucas is apologetic, seemingly genuinely so, but at present Riley just needs to escape. She makes an excuse and darts out of there, Lucas watching her go. There’s a moment where it looks like he might go after her, but it passes without action.

Instead, Lucas sighs and pulls his notebook back onto his lap. He stares at his lists, grabbing his pen and adding Riley to the bottom of it. It’s in the middle of the page, not clear at all which column she falls under.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - NIGHT

As Donna prepares for dinner and Omar chats with her from the table with his work, Zay barrels into the room and declares that he has something to tell them. He doesn’t give them the chance to react as he claims he wants to audition for the Kossal summer program, rattling off what it is and why he wants to do it. He states that he wants to go on the summer trip and this may not even work out, but the chance feels too important to ignore and really important to him.

When he finishes, he’s out of breath. He stares at his parents, wide-eyed, waiting for their reaction. Unsurprisingly they are more than supportive, telling him to go for it and show everyone at that school why he is the best they’ve got. The rest, they’ll figure out later. Zay exhales in relief and hugs his mom, earning a laugh from her.

INT. BABINEAUX HOME - ZAY’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Zay retreats to his bedroom, obviously in far better spirits than earlier in the week. He crafts a message to Charlie, before deciding that’s not enough. He pulls up his contact, dialing his number instead.

INT. GARDNER HOME - CHARLIE’S BEDROOM - NIGHT

Charlie sees Zay light up his phone, grabbing it and escaping out to his balcony. He answers on the fourth ring, not keeping him hanging.

Zay tells him what his parents said, and that he’s going to audition. Charlie congratulates him, claiming that he knew it would all work out.

Zay: How is it when I always think I’ve got the one-up on you, you repay the favor before I even realize it?

Charlie, charmed: Well, I have to be the expert at something in this relationship.

Zay hangs on his acknowledgement of their friendship as a “relationship,” before pushing past it. He repeats the sentiment that his parents said about proving that he is the best AAA has, and Charlie seconds it without hesitation.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “The Music and the Mirror” as performed by A Chorus Line Original Cast || Performed by Zay Babineaux

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Starting from the opening piano tinkles, focus is solely with Zay on the stage. As much an honorary diva as he is, he’s more so a team player than anything else, so this ownership of center stage feels long overdue.

And boy, is it worth the wait. Zay absolutely destroys the classic triple-threat number, singing the hell out of it and then proceeding to dance the hell out of it. It’s four minutes dedicated to giving the star our undisputed attention, and it feels more earned than words can describe.

As the dance unfolds in the second half, focus cuts to some of the friends who have come to see him audition. Nearly the entire class is there considering how popular he is, all in awe of his dancing ability as they should be. Charlie looks prouder than ever. Riley is basically jumping out of her seat from excitement. That’s her first friend!

The judges are deeply impressed, and seemingly grateful at their current three auditionees there’s not actually a decision to make. Farkle seems less relieved, starting to get a little bit antsy as they applaud Zay and he gives a confident bow.

INT. LAW OFFICE - DAY

Riley visits her mother at work, distinctly out of place in the high intensity and strait-laced setting of the law office with her thrift store tee and flare jeans and propensity for knocking things over. It’s a relief when TOPANGA LAWRENCE emerges from her office and happily gestures her in, freeing her from the scrutinizing gaze of her colleagues at the front.

INT. TOPANGA’S OFFICE - DAY

Topanga and Riley catch up as they settle in, Riley primly sitting in the large leather chair opposite her mother’s desk. When prompted on how school is going, Riley offhandedly explains all of the stuff going on at school with things winding down to summer. When Topanga gets wind of the summer program, she comments what a wonderful opportunity that sounds like and questions whether Riley is going to audition.

Riley admits that she was thinking about it, but has sort of decided she’s not going to. Topanga totally turns the usual argument on its head, wondering why Riley would ever hesitate when she’s so gifted but more so curious as to why she’d neglect such a great opportunity when they’re certainly forking over a chunk of change for her to attend the school in the first place. A fair point, but not the most empathetic approach.

It’s encouragement in its most aggravating form. Rather than motivating Riley it almost completely turns her off to the whole thing. Although she states she’ll continue to consider it, her expression makes that statement difficult to buy. Tough day for Miss Matthews…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Class is assembled before first bell, discussing all the auditionees so far and how nothing has been much of a surprise. Wyatt is cleverly keeping his mouth shut giving he’s on probation, but somehow his classmates manage to pull some commentary out of him.

When he says something harsh towards Zay’s performance Charlie starts to refute but Lucas beats him to it, firing back with a dig at Wyatt that makes most of the assorted group chuckle but also wince. Pissed at being ridiculed by him once again, Wyatt serves up a harsh reality check of his own.

Wyatt: At least we know if there was a competition for which one of them to get rid of, there’d be a unanimous decision across the board.

The message is clear enough. Isadora jumps in and tells Wyatt to fuck off, but Lucas is less reactive. In fact, he’s totally blithe when he says something offhand in response, alluding to the fact that Wyatt might very well get his wish.

He gets up, retreating to the booth and leaving an uncomfortable and uncertain quiet in his place. The situation feels serious, but none of them have any clue why…

INT. AAA - BLACK BOX THEATER - DAY

Angela is still grappling with her own indecision, alone in her classroom. Only this time, Shawn isn’t there with coffee and a warm gesture to rescue her.

She checks her phone, revealing a couple of messages sent to him that have gone unanswered. Frustrated, running out of time, and as uncertain as ever, Angela shuts off her phone and jumps to her feet. Unable to sit still any longer.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “Should I Stay Or Should I Go?” as performed by Jools Holland & Kylie Minogue || Performed by Angela Moore

Launching into this anthem for indecision, Angela dances around her classroom as she lets out her aggravation. It’s refreshing to get another track with our favorite performance coach showing off why she’s been offered a touring position in the first place. The vocals are top notch, but the emotion behind them is what really sells the rendition.

As she continues to sing, she makes her way out into the halls…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

In the following montage, Angela’s singing underscores both she and Lucas going through their day as they continue to balance their decisions. Whereas Angela is more about chewing up the scenery and expressing reluctance to leave, Lucas is observing the things about the school he enjoys (his fellow technicians, the booth, the occasional moments where the performers are entertaining) along with all the things he hates (the drama, the stupidity, the incessant singing). With every beat, he makes a little note in his list when no one is paying attention.

Angela finishes off the montage at center stage, dipping her head back and absorbing the spotlight. Exasperated, but evidently no more at home than when she’s performing. It does truly feel like an impossible decision.

Then, she closes up for the night, clicking off all the lights and shrouding the place in darkness.

EXT. OUTDOOR HIDEOUT - DAY

The montage concludes for Lucas somewhere just out of the city, more wilderness than we’ve seen yet. He’s seated on the hood of Dylan’s jeep which is parked in the clearing just beyond the trees, sort of a natural hideaway that the three of frequent somewhat often. Asher and Dylan focus on setting up something further into the space, leaving Lucas alone.

He’s got his list again, distracted by it rather than the task at hand. Asher jogs over with Dylan on his heels, the two of them questioning why he’s been out of it this week and why he’s waiting up. Dylan holds up a bottle rocket impatiently.

Dylan: Come on. We know you like to have first light.

Idiotic antics aside, Asher observes Lucas for a moment before wondering if he knows that if something major were going on, he could talk to them about it.

Asher: Whatever’s going on, you know you could talk to us about it, right? [ off Dylan’s nod of agreement ] I mean, no guarantee that we’d have good advice –

Dylan: [ with a snort ] Definitely not.

Asher: But we’d listen. We got your back. You know?

Lucas examines the two of them – his truest lieutenants – and just takes them in for a long moment. It’s difficult to imagine what his day-to-day would be like without them in it.

He assures them he’s aware, then tells them not to worry about it. He directs them to go finish setting up the rocket, to which Dylan cheers and sprints back over. After they’ve gone far enough away, Lucas takes a moment to add their names on the pros side of the list as a totally separate entity from the rest of the techies.

With that, he officially comes out to an even tally – no clear decision. All that remains in flux is Riley, now having been underlined and with a couple of question marks. This indecision’s killing me…

INT. AAA - ERIC’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack stops by Eric’s office, surprising him given they rarely have cordial friendly chats with one another. He attempts to play it casual at first, commenting on how lovely the auditions have been so far. Since only three have auditioned, guess their job is pretty simple, huh?

Eric: Yeah, for sure. And why are you here again?

Jack: What? I can’t come by to have a chat with my best counselor?

Eric: I’m your only counselor.

Jack: And?

Eric gives him a look, breaking his facade. Jack relents, easing further into the room to settle into the chair opposite his desk. He gets into his qualm with Wyatt once again, especially now that Shawn and Angela have given him opposing advice.

He still feels stuck. He wants to make the best choice as an administrator, but he also knows that teenagers are stupid. They’re ignorant. They make mistakes. He’s seen that shift firsthand all year long, in just about every single one of their students. But he doesn’t want this behavior to continue either…

Eric empathizes, giving Jack what he’s been wanting to hear this entire time which is simply that there isn’t a right or easy decision. He just has to go with his gut. Considering he’s an excellent educator, Eric has little doubt that he will make the best one.

Jack appreciates the sentiment, but still isn’t convinced. He asks Eric what he would do in his position, seeking counsel from him seeing as that’s presumably his job title and all that.

After a beat of contemplation, Eric states that he thinks he would ask Wyatt to leave. Not because he’s irredeemable, but because they have to think about what is best for the collective. Regardless of how they feel about individual students, what always matters most is how all of them can best proceed. Isn’t that true?

Jack takes this to heart, genuinely grateful for the help. Eric accepts his gratitude, offering him an encouraging smile.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Lucas is seated on the edge of the stage, one leg dangling off the side as he painstakingly wraps microphone cables. Riley makes her way in from the audience entrance, hoping to find Isadora and stumbling into him instead. Their staging mirrors their face off at the end of 1.03, now with Riley standing in the aisles and looking up at him on the stage.

They’re a bit awkward with one another as she asks whether he’s seen Isadora, given how recent his rejection of her was. He claims he doesn’t know, curiously wondering why she’s trying to find her. Riley expresses that she wanted to ask her about the audition, letting it slip that she has almost effectively decided she’s not going to do it.

Lucas is shocked, coming off more miffed than he intends to. He questions if she’s serious, not believing there’s a world in which she’s not auditioning. Riley stammers into an explanation, Lucas remaining unimpressed as she lists all the factors that have stacked against her in the past week. He claims none of that matters.

Lucas: This is just you stepping back into the shadows because suddenly overwhelming factors have come into play. You’re really just going to go back to how things were? As if you’ve learned nothing?

Riley: [ scoffing ] Are you really about to give me this lecture right now?

[ Lucas rolls his eyes, diverting his attention back to his cables. But Riley isn’t finished, storming closer to the stage. ]

Riley: So what, you just want me to rock the boat for the sake of rocking the boat? You want me to just do whatever my mother says I should?

Lucas: This isn’t about your mom. And this isn’t about rebellion either. This is about you, and the fact that you are too damn talented to be stepping out of the spotlight just because other people want it. Just because someone else wants what you have doesn’t mean you have to give it up.

Choice words, and not a bad point. Riley absorbs this, crossing her arms and looking at her feet. Lucas gazes at her for a long moment, twisting the microphone cable in his fingers.

Lucas, calmer: Earlier this year, someone told me that if something is important to you then you go out and do it. No matter what anyone else tells you to do or how to be. You stand up for yourself.

Lucas gets to his feet, placing the microphone in the box with the rest and snapping the lid shut. He hops off the lip of the stage, passing her to head back towards the technician’s booth. But he hesitates once he’s passed her.

Lucas: Are you really going to go back to hiding in the chorus line?

He doesn’t give her the chance to respond, marching towards the back of the auditorium. Riley looks over her shoulder and watches him go, obviously torn up all over again. For what it’s worth, what she wants suddenly seems less muddled than before…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Thus, march onward Riley does. She approaches the audition list, hesitating before officially adding a fourth name to the roster. All the sudden, there’s actual stakes to this game. As she writes her name, a voiceover of her introducing herself before her audition pre-laps…

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

Riley is alone center stage, spotlight shining on her. She’s squinting to attempt and see Eric, Angela, any of them – but it’s like they’re not there at all. Basically the entire class has showed up in the seats, wanting to see how a non-diva contender plans to throw down with such a bold move against the status quo.

Angela grants Riley permission to begin whenever she’s ready. Her fingers are shaking as she holds the microphone stand. She closes her eyes, taking a deep breath and grounding herself.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “She Used to Be Mine” as performed by Sara Bareilles || Performed by Riley Matthews

If there’s a pivotal example of how much a performer can blossom in the span of a year, then this performance would be it. Although she starts out timid, Riley delivers an impassioned and powerful rendition of the Broadway belter, obviously channeling all of her emotion and passion into it like never before. It’s stunning, breathtaking, the kind of game-changer that throws this entire competition into a toss-up.

It’s a testament to how far she’s come that nearly the entire class seems impressed. They’re supportive too, smiling and nodding as she decimates the number. Isadora is smug on her behalf, glancing to the other techies proudly. Even Farkle is playing nice, although he’s starting to get a little twitchy…

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - DAY

As she rounds out the number, focus draws to Lucas in the booth. He’s totally captivated, although not that surprised – he’s the one who told her she had it in her, after all.

Still, there’s a contemplative edge to his expression. Trying to figure her out, wondering if he could actually walk away from her…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

Inspired by Riley’s bold move, suddenly the audition list is swimming in the names of other hopeful auditionees. Farkle is staring at it, trying extremely hard to keep his cool and not freak out over the increasing loss of control.

Maya joins him, poking her chin over his shoulder and eyeing it as well before stating that he can’t keep watching it like this. Yet the two of them stare transfixed for a second longer, Maya physically having to turn them both away from it to break the trance.

She gives a pep talk, stating that they both gave kickass performances and all there is left to do is let the deliberation speak for itself. When Farkle doesn’t seem convinced, she tells him she’s getting him away from it. They’re getting out of there – they’re playing hooky. Now there’s a way to get the attention of a goody-two-shoes academic.

Farkle: Um? I’ve never missed a day of class in my sixteen years.

Maya: Aw, so honored to be your first time! Let’s go.

She grabs his hand, yanking him down the hall.

EXT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY

Launching into their day of freedom, Maya and Farkle are meandering their way about town. They’re window shopping in the fashion district, sipping fancy coffee drinks and trying to find their zen – Farkle’s is pointedly marked decaf.

As they chat, they somehow gets on the subject of the local theater scene and the hangouts for up and coming performers. Farkle claims that his parents have membership at this elite club lounge where a lot of Broadway performers congregate and rehearse.

Maya: What’s it called?

Farkle: Emerald City, I think.

Maya: [ stopping cold ] WHAT?

Farkle: I know, feels a little on the nose, but –

Maya grabs him by the shirt collar, yanking him towards her and causing him to drop his drink. She’s got a frenzied gleam in her eyes.

Farkle: I was drinking that!

Maya: You have access to the Emerald City lounge? Where the future stars of Broadway mix and mingle? Where it’s rumored Carly Rae Jepsen snuck her way in and was able to get her stint as Cinderella? How have you never told me this?

Farkle: Ow, unclaw me, please! [ as she does so ] I don’t know, it never came up. I’ve always wanted to go, but I didn’t want to go alone. And to be fair, we weren’t exactly chummy for me to be sharing these things.

Maya: I know, I’m surprised you weren’t just bragging incessantly about it. And listen, had you mentioned this sooner? We would’ve been friends ages ago.

Farkle gives her a look, Maya nudging him playfully before insisting they have to go. If the only reason he’s never gone is because he didn’t want to go stag, well, that problem is now solved.

She starts to drag him down the street but he gets her to slow down, first thanking her for getting him out of that school and out of his own head. He truly needed it, and he’s grateful for it – and her. Maya grins, shrugging it off like it’s nothing.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “One Short Day” as performed by Wicked Original Broadway Cast || Performed by Maya Hart & Farkle Minkus

As the jaunty and uplifting descent into glamourous kicks off, Maya and Farkle dance their way through the streets together as only two divas in paradise can. It’s endearing and comfortable, such a far cry from “What Is This Feeling?” in 1.03. It also doesn’t paint NYC in such a bad light either. In fact, it’s pretty damn beautiful.

On the beat where Glinda tells Elphaba they’re going to be late for “Wiz-a-mania,” Farkle gets caught up checking his phone. People are posting on their own accounts about how auditions are going, and the competition seems to be getting thicker and thicker. But Maya pulls him out of it, yanking him down the stairwell to the hidden depths of Emerald City.

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

As Farkle and Maya enter the depths of the working performers, a montage ensues of the rest of the sophomore class performing their auditions.

INT. EMERALD CITY LOUNGE - DAY

An eclectic, shimmering testament to Broadway and those struggling to work in it, Emerald City is somewhere between a bar lounge and a dressing room. Maya and Farkle watch in awe as working actors and dancers buzz around them, before inevitably pulling them into the dance. Because it’s television, and musical television, and we can do what we want.

After the very necessary and super cute kick line, Maya and Farkle come back together to share their moment on the lyrics “and then just like now we can say…” Farkle states that they’re “two good friends,” before Maya takes his hand and holds their joined fingers up between them. “Two best friends.”

Then the professionals pull them back into the number, rounding out the number with a flourish. What a way to spend a school day!

INT. AAA - TECHNICIAN’S BOOTH - NIGHT

Lucas is back in the booth, although not in his usual chair. A little further into the booth, a panel has popped out of the wall and leaned against the electrical cabinet. And it’s the basic crawl space of an alcove that is revealed behind it where Lucas has built his hideaway, the place he sleeps when he’s avoiding going home. It’s not much, but it’s the coziest space he’s ever known.

This is where he is now, cooped up and regarding his full list. Cons include the horrible competitive environment, all the performers, the constant singing, etc. The pros, however, are strong and difficult to ignore – Isadora at the top and underlined, the techies, Mister Shawn, Principal Hunter (someone has to keep his life interesting), Dylan and Asher…

And yet, the tally comes to an even draw. All save for Riley at the bottom, somehow having become the deciding factor.

The booth door opening scares Lucas out of his melancholy. He scrambles to get up and start frantically attempt to hide everything away, when Isadora appears around the other side of the electrical cabinet. She tells him to relax, he doesn’t have to pack away his whole set-up. Also, she brought dinner. Lucas tries to act indifferent about her discovering his shelter, but she truly isn’t all that impressed.

Isadora: You really thought I didn’t know about all that? It’s not hard to deduce. You hate being at home. You’re always in here, and you’re always here first thing in the morning, which I know isn’t plausible otherwise because you’re not a morning person.

Lucas: Well, when you put it that way. [ a beat, softer ] Forget you’re a genius, sometimes.

Isadora: [ with a shrug ] You’re my best friend. It’s not that hard to figure you out.

He sits back down in his alcove, Isadora settling down across from him. She asks how his “hypothetical” is going. He defensively wonders if she’s figured that all out too, which she admits she has not. But she claims that if it were truly important, she knows he would tell her.

In this case, far from the truth. There’s a reason he’s avoided telling her what’s going on outright – he can’t imagine how she would take the news that he may be leaving for good. He explains that he’s hit a dead end and doesn’t know how to move forward. He’s done the pros and cons like she said, but he’s torn on this last factor that might tip the scales in either direction.

Isadora: First things first, is it an important factor? If it’s extraneous, then you shouldn’t even bother with it.

Lucas: … yes. Yeah, it is. How do I determine where it falls?

Isadora: Well, if this were an actual scientific theory, your next step would be to draft an experiment. Decide what you want your hypothesis to be – which outcome you want it to be, unless we’re talking null hypothesis – and then find a way to test whether or not it’s true. That’s what any good scientist would do. Basic scientific method.

Lucas takes this in, already puzzling over how to accomplish such a thing. Isadora distracts him by tossing food at him, commanding him to eat. He relents, digging in with her.

INT. ANGELA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Angela is typing out an email to the touring company, effectively making her decision. From the looks of it, it seems as though she’s going to decline the offer. She’s interrupted when there’s a knock at her door.

Shawn is on the other side, holding a bouquet of flowers and ansty with earnest. Angela starts to question what he’s doing but he cuts her off, stepping in past her and launching into a poem from the book she gave him. The thematics are essentially well-matched to their current situation, and Angela can’t help but giggle in a what are you doing sort of fashion.

When Shawn finishes the recitation, he puts the flowers on the table and takes her arms. He’s breathless with nerves, but clearly wants her to hear him.

Shawn: I’ve changed a lot since the last time we had these conversations. I have, but I sure wasn’t acting like it. I’m sorry about the way I reacted, and I don’t care if you want to pursue this thing. In fact, I’m proud of you, and I want you to, if that’s what you want. And if it means another few years apart, then so be it. We came back to each other once.

Angela doesn’t even know what to say. She doesn’t know how to convey that she was going to decline the offer, or if she even still should with this turn of events. Thankfully, she’s saved by the bell, in this case her cell phone ringing. He steps back and allows her to pick it up.

As she engages with the call, we can tell that the news is shocking. Shawn tries to get something out of her as she listens, desperately trying to get a read on the situation. When she hangs up, she just stares at him for a couple of seconds.

Shawn: Ange, you’re killing me.

Angela manages to stammer out that she’s been offered a role in an off-Broadway show. Then, she’s finally able to grin. She repeats the statement, trying to make herself believe it. It’s not her big break, no, but it’s a start – and it’s here. She doesn’t have to go anywhere. The two of them, her time here, aren’t finished quite yet.

Shawn pulls her into a hug, lifting her and spinning her. When she lands back on her feet, the two of them share a big damn kiss –

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

The sophomore class is assembled outside the door to the black box, anxiously waiting for Angela to put up the finalists for Kossal. The performers are trying their best not to throw jabs at each other, while the techies hang back against the wall and watch the near stampede in mild amusement.

Lucas: If any of you decide you’re going to the pit because of this, can I watch?

Riley tells them to ignore him, reminding the core group that whatever happens, they’re going to be happy for one another. They all agree, although it’s hard to tell if that sentiment is going to hold true…

Angela emerges, silence immediately settling over the crowd. You could hear a pin drop. She begs for a moment to escape once she puts it up before they all stampede, then moves to pin the list onto the bulletin board. She dives back into the classroom and slams the door just as the wolves descend, trying to see who got the three coveted spots.

Farkle elbows his way through, making it to the front first and getting a look for himself. From his expression, we can almost imagine the list before we see it.

Zay Babineaux. Maya Hart. Riley Matthews.

No Farkle Minkus. No summer program. No successful path to the top.

Sound grows muted around Farkle as the others get close enough to look for themselves. He can’t bring himself to react. He can’t even breathe.

He’s jostled out of it when Charlie bumps him in the back on accident, en route to giving Zay an enthusiastic hug. Maya and Riley eagerly congratulate one another, turning expectantly towards Farkle. Obviously not certain what to say to him, but hoping he’ll opt to take the gracious approach instead and make it easy on them to enjoy their laurels.

What do they want from him? A congratulations? Farkle doesn’t have it in him to give. He sort of sputters an incoherent statement and backs away, trying to wrap his head around it. How this could have possibly happened.

Zay: Seriously? Are you about to diva meltdown? What happened to being happy for each other?

Farkle, panicked: Yeah, well, that’s easy to say when –

Charlie: It’s okay, dude. There will be other opportunities –

Farkle is beyond that. He’s sliding back into manic, figuring he must have let himself slip up somewhere along the way. Or that this is all some elaborate ruse on their part – like they all knew if they got him off his game, he’d be easier to thwart.

Zay: You think I’d choose to be friends with you just to get some made up advantage over you? Believe me, man, I don’t hate myself that much.

Riley: Farkle, that’s not true –

Maya: Farkle. [ breaking through the haze, over everyone else ] Can’t you just be happy for me?

She holds his gaze, obviously hurt. Hoping he’ll say the right thing. But all he can manage is a non-answer.

Farkle: I – need a second. I need – just leave me alone.

Farkle storms away towards the auditorium, desperate to escape. The others watch him go, a myriad of emotions swirling around them but disappointment being the most unifying one.

Zay: Guess people don’t really change.

Maya looks more wounded than anyone else. She breaks away from the group, marching in the other direction.

INT. AAA - JACK’S OFFICE - DAY

Jack is having his final conduct meeting with Wyatt, having made his decision on what his punishment will be. Eric is also present.

The final verdict is somewhere down the middle: Wyatt is being expelled from AAA effective at the start of the new term, but he will be allowed to finish out the remainder of this school year. Wyatt doesn’t have any complaints at this point, resigned. He claims that AAA is a hellscape and totally corrupt. The administration clearly has their favorites, and they have no idea how rotten the place is from the inside out.

Eric, calmly: You seem quite critical of this so-called rotten environment, in spite of how you had an active hand in keeping it alive…

Wyatt chooses not to comment, Jack dismissing him. As he heads out, he warns Jack that getting rid of him isn’t going to get rid of the problems at Adams. For one, he’s not the creator of the AAAC, but more pointedly the page is not the perpetrator of all the mean stuff people say about each other. They do all that themselves. Like he’s been saying, it’s just the messenger. And they’ve just shot it.

Wyatt: So if you really believe you’re making a difference, maybe you try tackling the toxic waste that serves as the very core of this school. But that would require actually being a competent administrator, so…

Eric rises and shoos him out, Jack taking the intended hit anyway. He closes his eyes and rubs his temples as Eric shuts the door behind Wyatt, releasing a sigh and claiming he thinks they made the right choice expelling that kind of bad energy.

When Jack doesn’t seem placated, Eric settles down across from him and comes to his defense. Wyatt is just postulating, and he made a good decision.

Jack nods along, but it’s evident there’s a lingering inkling of doubt…

INT. AAA - ATRIUM - DAY

As Wyatt exits the front office, he pulls out his phone. He crafts a message to AAA Confessions, warning them that Jack is on the warpath. The page is probably going to be officially shut down before the end of the school year. What are they planning to do?

The confessions page starts a message back… then doesn’t respond. Wyatt never gets an answer.

INT/EXT. LUCAS’S BEDROOM / LUCAS’S FIRE ESCAPE - DAY

Lucas is flipping through the McCullough pamphlet, but he can’t stomach looking at it for too long. Still feels like too daunting a decision to make.

He climbs out onto his fire escape, settling down and releasing a sigh. He stares out towards the city for a moment, then reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. He starts a message to Riley, but nothing he wants to say comes out right. He finds himself calling her instead.

Lucas: Hey. I know I said… [ a beat ] things have been kind of… [ willing himself to be outright ] Do you still need a plus one?

Let the experiment begin…

INT. AAA - HALLWAY - DAY

School has emptied out for the day, only a few stragglers left behind. Farkle is back in front of the bulletin board, staring at the three names and unable to believe that he’s not there.

Something about him isn’t quite right. He’s frantic, frenzied in a way that’s beyond just disappointment from a jilted diva. The longer he glares at the list, clenching his jaw and fidgeting in place, the worse the hysteria seems to become.

Song Cue ♫ ♪ “It’s All Over” as performed by Glee Cast || Performed by Farkle Minkus (feat. Zay Babineaux, Maya Hart, Riley Matthews, Isadora De La Cruz, Charlie Gardner, and Lucas Friar)

[ Lyrics specific to characters – follow along here! ]

Farkle spits the words “Miss Moore was supposed to love me, I turn my back and find myself out on the line” towards the list, before whipping around –

INT. AAA - AUDITORIUM - DAY

And suddenly center on a brightly lit stage. It’s almost glaringly bright, to the point where it would hurt to look at. If you’re not in his immediate line of sight, then you’re shrouded in shadow – which is how the figures standing on the stage look to him until they make themselves known and step into the light to argue with him.

Although the rest of the core group is included in the number, it’s more than clear that they’re not actually there. This isn’t actually Maya, Zay, even Lucas singing in opposition to him – they’re all in his imagination, but it doesn’t make it feel any less real. In regards to who is saying what, well, if you read any set of specific lyrics in this show, let it be this number.

As Farkle grows more and more frantic, the opposition towards him grows more and more pronounced. Although this whole thing started with a dashed dream, the way he’s so emotional over them all “dropping” him through the course of the song or turning him away seems like a greater trigger for him than the missed opportunity. So it’s not actually clear what is causing the meltdown, or if he really knows himself.

All he knows is that the entire core group is telling him it’s all over, and he’s fighting against it with whatever he’s got – back to the teeth-gnashing, scrappy, obsessive starlet who clawed his way to first on stage at the start of the school year.

No, Farkle Minkus is far from going quietly. He’s not going anywhere, and he swears that this isn’t how this is going to end.

Oh, boy…

END OF EPISODE.

#S1 #episodes #111

[gretagerwigarchive]

Greta Gerwig Is a Director, Not a Muse

By Noreen Malone, October 31, 2017.

source: http://www.vulture.com/2017/10/greta-gerwig-director-lady-bird.html

Dave Matthews Band is generally not considered cool anymore. Almost certainly, it never was in the downtown New York world of which the actress and writer Greta Gerwig has become a cool-girl-real-girl avatar in recent years. But in a time and place (America’s vast, yearning middle-class suburbs, in the cultural desert of the Clinton and early Bush years) and to a certain kind of person (such as a teenager aching for the jazz-adjacent cred that jam-band fandom could provide but more comfortable with white ball caps and lacrosse than ponchos and hallucinogens), Dave Matthews Band was Bob Dylan in Greenwich Village in 1966. And so there is a crucial moment in Lady Bird, Gerwig’s solo directorial debut, in which the title character, a Sacramento high-school senior in 2003, confronts the cruelest heartbreak imaginable to her by blasting the band’s ballad “Crash Into Me”: “Sweet like candy to my soul / Sweet you rock and sweet you roll.” The result is both sympathetic, and very funny.

“There was no other song it ever was going to be,” Gerwig said. “In preproduction, I realized I didn’t know what I was going to do if Dave said no [to its use]. I wrote him a letter. ‘Dear Mr. Dave Matthews … ’ ”

Gerwig was sitting at a small corner table near the window at Morandi in the West Village, not far from where she lives with the filmmaker Noah Baumbach. “I thought it was a really romantic song when I was a teenager. I would listen to it on repeat on a yellow CD player,” she said. “I couldn’t imagine a world in which a guy would feel that way about me.”

Maybe it was because of her sexy dirndl skirt of a name, maybe because of her squinting physical resemblance to indie Gen-X avatar Chloë Sevigny, maybe simply because of her distinctive delivery. But since the very beginning of Gerwig’s career, she has been a generational lightning rod of sorts. As what the New York Observer once called “the Meryl Streep of mumblecore” — the hyperlow-budget late-aughts movie movement led by directors like Joe Swanberg and the Duplass brothers — Gerwig was near-instantly labeled an “It” girl and invested with all sorts of theories about what her success and acting style meant. Her brand of hipness was confusing — was she really that earnest? Were they all that earnest? How could that possibly be cool? Critics, especially those of an older generation, were suspicious.

She was, unmistakably, a gifted actress. But the Guardian also called her “the poster girl for wayward, brittle middle-youth,” a “galumphing work in progress.” In The New Yorker, Ian Parker wrote that, despite having a “precise, literate mind,” Gerwig “has the air, not uncommon among her contemporaries, of having swallowed a very low dose of LSD.” “Ms. Gerwig, most likely without intending to be anything of the kind, may well be the definitive screen actress of her generation, a judgment I offer with all sincerity and a measure of ambivalence,” A. O. Scott wrote in the New York Times. “Part of her accomplishment is that most of the time she doesn’t seem to be acting at all. The transparency of her performances has less to do with exquisitely refined technique than with the apparent absence of any method.” And then there was this sort of thing: “While watching Greta Gerwig on screen, you might be tempted to kiss her,” wrote Stephen Heyman in T in 2010. “This is not meant purely as praise. Gerwig, 26, plays characters who are given to discursive verbal forays with oodles of ‘ummmms.’ So planting an unexpected kiss would not only be a recognition of her adorableness but also a useful way to shut her up.”

In a way, then, Lady Bird, a remarkably self-assured debut, feels like a rebuke. Or at least an assertion of artistic intent. At 34, and moving, finally, behind the camera, Gerwig is exiting the phase of her life where she’ll be asked to represent a mysterious, fascinating rising generation. The winds have shifted some, and the microgeneration after her is just as earnest (or more so) but culturally preoccupied less with its own emotional wanderings than with larger political questions of identity, and of race. Gerwig seems still to be considering, and even reclaiming, some of the traits that hers has been tagged with: nostalgia, that earnestness, parental attachment. In other words, what does it look like onscreen when millennial sincerity is treated not with mockery or puzzlement but with, well, sincerity?

Gerwig appears to be a genuinely sincere person, a kind of spiritually permanent college student, in a way that might get under the skin of someone with more ironic armor. She wears a giant Hello, Dolly! sweatshirt and an even more giant backpack. She references Tina Fey’s Bossypants like scripture and listens to podcasts about entrepreneurship (“The one about the woman who created Spanx made me sob”) and religion (“Krista Tippett” — the host of On Being — “is like my fucking queen”). She quotes Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel to express her sadness over the Harvey Weinstein mess: “In a free society, some are guilty; all are responsible.” She goes to church sometimes, and though she doesn’t subscribe to any particular denomination (“The Catholic theatrics are pretty high quality, but the Protestants have better hymns”), she’s really into the Quakers right now: “There’s nothing that you have to believe or avow. The only thing you have to believe is that the light of God exists within each person.” She really, really loved her single-sex education, both the high-school portion and at Barnard, where she was delighted to discover that all the doctors at the health center were gynecologists and enjoyed her time on the parliamentary debate team.

Gerwig’s enthusiasms extend also to Zumba, but what she really likes is a barre class run by this one woman from Portland, Oregon, whom she admires for her “body positivity,” and on the day we first met, she was, with some embarrassment, about to try something called the Class, in which Tribeca women combine burpees and cathartic screaming. “It seems like maybe the fitness equivalent of the toy poodle,” she said. “Like, you have to admit that you love them and you want one that’s tiny. You’d rather be the girl who has a German shepherd who goes for a run. Not one with a fluffy piece of lint who goes to a place where you chant with crystals.” She considered. “Before they poured the floor at the studio, I read, they put rose quartz everywhere, and I was like, I mean … I can get down with that.” She has a friend who works for Moon Juice, and so she speaks highly of its sprouted almonds, even if “I always thought it was kind of ironic when she’d be stressing out about the moon powders.”

The author and illustrator Leanne Shapton, who knows Gerwig and Baumbach from the neighborhood, spotted Gerwig and stopped to chitchat. Shapton, as it turned out, designed the font for Lady Bird’s title and credits: “She made an entire uppercase and lowercase alphabet and painted it ten times the size that it needed to be and shrunk it down so it looks like a font but has enough imperfections so there’s a density,” Gerwig told me after Shapton had walked away. “I feel like movies are presents, and credits and fonts are bows and wrapping paper.” She paused. “I like everything to feel like it was given a lot of time. I hate it when I watch movies and it seems like they just went and picked a font and, like, called it a day.” She paused again, considering Shapton. “I also have a crush on her because she’s very beautiful. She is cool in the way that everyone wants to be, but she’s also a real person.”

“I’ve made so many films in New York,” Gerwig said, that “there was an assumption I think a lot of people had that I am a New Yorker, that I am from New York, and I always felt like nothing could be further from the truth. I’ve done a good job of convincing you, but I’m not, as so many people who live in New York are not.”

Lady Bird, which is also Gerwig’s solo writing debut, is the story of a high-school senior (Saoirse Ronan) at an all-girls Catholic school in Sacramento who longs — despite her average grades — to be the star of the school play, to go to college on the East Coast, to be extraordinary. Though her name is Christine, she insists on being called “Lady Bird,” a pretension with which her salt-of-the-earth parents — a nurse and an out-of-work computer programmer, played with extraordinary sensitivity by Laurie Metcalf and Tracy Letts — comply. (It’s a complicated dynamic: Metcalf calls the mother character “totally passive-aggressive.”) The plot is a gentle one. Lady Bird acquires a couple of boyfriends (each recognizable as a classic type who might appeal to a smart-in-some-ways, really-not-in-others teenage girl), chases acceptance from the popular crowd, applies to colleges her family can’t afford to send her to.

Gerwig attended an all-girls Catholic school in Sacramento, with parents who worked as a nurse and a loan officer at a credit union, who sent her off to an expensive East Coast college, and although the movie has been widely discussed as a roman à clef, she says it’s not. For starters, Lady Bird is set in 2003, Gerwig pointed out, and she graduated in 2002. “I never made anyone call me another name. I never had dyed-red hair. She’s so much more wild and outspoken, and I think I was only ever that way in my head. In a way, I felt like I kind of put into her the sheer confidence and the id I find in 8- or 9-year-old girls. They’re just brash, and they don’t know that they should feel anything but great about themselves.

“When you write something you know, you’re making a story that will work, whether or not there’s bits taken. It’s always funny to me when people say, ‘Well, it’s clearly autobiographical,’ and I say, ‘Well, how do you know my autobiography?’ ” she continued. “Certainly, there are things that are connected, but I just think it’s a very interesting assumption. In some ways, it feels akin to the assumption that I’ve experienced as an actor when people say … ‘This is you.’ Which I’ve always taken as a compliment because it felt like you were watching a person.”

The teenage Gerwig was an extensive diarist, but she didn’t look up her old journals until after she’d finished the script, called “Mothers and Daughters” in a first draft that clocked in at 350 pages. (“It originally had a lot more dances,” she said.) When she opened the old pages, she was pleasantly surprised to find that she’d accurately remembered some of the tiny details — the rumor that clove cigarettes had fiberglass in them, the very fact of clove cigarettes at all — that make the movie so spot-on evocative of high school. But mostly it was the vividness of her feelings that struck Gerwig. “I would go on for pages and pages about this crush I had, dissecting every moment. ‘Did he notice that our arms were touching, or was that an accident?’ And then I wrote, ‘Upon further reflection, I think that this might’ve been a more vivid emotional experience for me than him.’ I was like, Oh, honey, nothing you’ve written is more true.”

When Gerwig was young, her parents made a point of taking her to local Sacramento theater — she proudly ticks off the names of the companies, and the playwrights whose work they put on, and even the directors. At Barnard, where she studied playwriting, she became a Kim’s Video devotee, methodically working her way through the director-organized shelves. (It was Claire Denis’s film Beau Travail, she said, that made her shift her focus from theater to movies.) She rejected traditional paths like law and medicine. “Chekhov was a country doctor, spent all his time with people and in their homes. I was like, Well, that’s good, and then I was like, Well, I’m not interested in it, and also I don’t like blood, and there are no country doctors anymore,” she said. “The idea that I would become a doctor to become more like Chekhov is a pretty circular route.”

After college, Gerwig lived all over Brooklyn — East Williamsburg, Prospect Heights, deep Park Slope, or “Park Slide,” as she says fondly. She had odd jobs, including at the Box, the Lower East Side cabaret, and began working with Swanberg, whom she had met through a college boyfriend and who was making interesting movies that were unlike anything that had been done before, for almost no money.

Mumblecore was a big deal, for a small movement, in part for what it seemed to reveal about a certain slice of young, college-educated, mostly white people trying to figure out how they related to the world. It was hailed in the Times as something that “bespeaks a true 21st-century sensibility, reflective of MySpace-like social networks and the voyeurism and intimacy of YouTube. It also signals a paradigm shift in how movies are made and how they find an audience.”

Gerwig now physically cringes at the mere mention of the word mumblecore. “I just hate it,” she said. “It feels like a slight every time I hear it. Because of the improvisational quality of those movies, and the fact that everyone was nonprofessional, I have had a bit of an uphill battle just to say ‘I know how to act.’ I didn’t stumble into this. I wasn’t just a kid.” But she credits her roles in those films — Nights and Weekends, Hannah Takes the Stairs, Baghead — with helping teach her to write. “We called them ‘devised films,’ because we’d know the characters and what was supposed to happen in the scenes but not the words. It was a way of writing while I was acting.”

It was also that set of films — which made a bigger splash in the indie-movie scene than in the culture at large — that put her on Baumbach’s radar. (He actually recommended her to his agent before the two had ever met.) When Baumbach cast her in 2010’s Greenberg, released when she was 26, it was her big break. Shortly after he divorced his wife, the actress Jennifer Jason Leigh (Gerwig had trained for the role, in part, by working as an assistant to Leigh’s mother), the two began their romance. Baumbach and Gerwig turned an email correspondence into a project: The duo co-wrote Frances Ha and Mistress America, both starring Gerwig and both markedly sweeter than anything Baumbach had worked on in the past. “I liked what she was writing so much that it made me work harder with my own to impress her,” Baumbach said.

This collaboration led to a spate of headlines referring to Gerwig not as a partner on the works but as their muse. “The actress Greta Gerwig has had the same liberating effect on Noah Baumbach as Diane Keaton had on Woody Allen: she has opened him up, lending his films a giddy sense of release,” went one typical summation in the Economist.

“I did not love being called a muse,” said Gerwig bluntly. “I didn’t want to be strident about it or say, ‘Hey, give me my due,’ but I did feel like I wasn’t a bystander. It was half-mine, and so that part was difficult. Also I knew secretly that I was engaged with this longer project, and wanted to be a writer and director in my own right, so I felt like the muse business, or whatever it was, was a position that I didn’t identify with in my heart. But I think one thing I learned early because of the group of movies that are called mumblecore” — she slowed down, a little archly, over the word, to acknowledge again her discomfort with it — “is not to attach too much to the moment you’re living through from a press perspective. I also had this sense of, Well, they’ll just eat their hat one day.”

TV was one idea when Gerwig hit a dry spell with acting gigs after making Frances Ha and Mistress America. “I felt like I had done things that I was incredibly proud of and I felt like I had authorship over, and done good work as an actor, but my wheels weren’t catching purchase with whatever the Zeitgeist was,” she said, forking her pasta. It was a curious double identity as an actress — plausibly the face of a generation, particularly of the privileged of that generation, and, just as plausibly, a near-anonymous actress who hadn’t yet made anything that any real number of people had actually seen. She met with the producers behind How I Met Your Dad, a planned spinoff of the long-running, quietly beloved CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother, and signed up for the starring role, along with a writing role. “It felt like this incredible lifeline for me. It felt like a place to give myself some structure,” she said of what looked from the outside like a bit of a career swerve. Not to mention that she was told it was a “sure thing.” The pilot wasn’t picked up. “They send the shows to Vegas, and people sit there with knobs, and they turn the knob down if they don’t like an actor,” Gerwig explained with a little embarrassment. “Nobody exactly told me I tested low, but it was insinuated that America did not like it.”

But that allowed her to turn to directing. “By the time I started, I felt like I had ten years of training. My film school was as an actor and co-writer and co-director, and whatever else I did, which included costuming, and holding the boom, and editing. It was a way for me to get my Malcolm Gladwell hours in.” She also benefited from more targeted instruction, in recent years, from DPs who’d heard she wanted to direct and let her sit with them while they constructed their shots. “When I finished the script, I had a moment with myself where I thought, You’re either going to do this now or you’re never going to do this,” she said. “Now you have to make your mistakes and get your gifts because you have to, at some point, jump. I think a lot of women have also particularly a need to feel that they can stand in their own expertise before doing something. A lot of my female friends will be so overqualified for what they do that by the time they do it, it’s like, Well, obviously.”

During the press tour for Mistress America, a journalist asked about whether dating Baumbach, and then writing with him, had opened certain doors for her. Gerwig acknowledged that perhaps it had, proximally, but refused to concede the larger point. “I don’t mean to sound annoying,” she told the reporter, “but I would have done it anyway. I will find that one door and then push it wide open. I’m lucky to find collaborators and kindred spirits. But I don’t need a man, and I would have done it anyway.”

A confident, direct version of ambition is another generational trait that Gerwig seems to comfortably inhabit. Recently, she saw Saoirse Ronan in London to promote the film; Ronan told her she was beginning to think about whether she could direct, inspired in part by watching her on set. “Greta is the one that I’d want to emulate,” Ronan told me. “She was incredibly clear about what she wanted but also supportive about finding our own way through the characters. We’ve been talking in a practical way, too, about stories that I’d like to do and if I could work with her in that regard. She’s a great one for the advice.”

Ronan was also struck by Gerwig’s actorly approach to directing. “She had very clearly mapped out each character’s journey, what it would be like to be a kid in post-9/11 America in California, how complicated it would be to think about leaving Sacramento for the first time,” but also “she gave us an awful lot of freedom to incorporate our own selves.” Gerwig even gave Timothée Chalamet, who plays one of Lady Bird’s love interests — a self-styled high-school intellectual — a syllabus for “what a paranoid anarchist type of thinker would have been reading back then,” he said, which included, in addition to the requisite Howard Zinn that shows up in the movie, The Internet Does Not Exist, an essay collection that warns of the dangers of a networked world. She also asked him to watch Eric Rohmer’s My Night at Maud’s, which she told me contains a character who is an example of a long-standing type: “These guys who are just completely stuck on their ideas, whether music or progressive philosophy or whatever it is. Like, ‘I’m going to train you to like Pavement.’ ” Gerwig also gave specific directions on how to play the many comic moments in the script: Humor was to be achieved not through comic acting but by playing the situation with all the seriousness with which a high schooler would feel it. “I like things that are funny,” Gerwig said, “but I don’t like things that are in quotes.”

Gerwig plans to tip the balance of her work going forward more toward writing and directing (though she’d like to keep acting). “You just stay in it long enough, and eventually you’ll just be old.” Nobody will worry over whether you are an actor or a director or a writer. “Everyone will just think, Oh, she’s such a wonderful 75-year-old now. She’s our lady Clint Eastwood.”

She has one script, something she wrote before Lady Bird, in the drawer, but for her next project, “I have an inkling of wanting to make something that’s more silent, literally fewer words.” She wouldn’t give any more detail, however. “I worry if I put an idea out in the sunlight too early, it shrivels, and I don’t want to shrivel anything right now.”

Baumbach’s most recent film, The Meyerowitz Stories, was released on Netflix and in theaters just a few weeks before Lady Bird, which comes out on November 3. Both movies open with a parent and child, driving together, on the cusp of the difficult moment when college is about to force that relationship into its next, more distant, phase; both puncture the sweetness of the scene by someone melting down immaturely. In Baumbach’s film, it’s the parent. In Gerwig’s, it’s the daughter.

With Mistress America and Frances Ha, said Baumbach, the pair were able to create “a synthesis” of their two voices, “a kind of a third thing that allows you to try different selves on.” But the couple have strikingly different tones to their independent work, although they tread the same thematic ground (and give each other notes on drafts). Family, in much of Baumbach’s filmography, has been a source of neuroticism for his protagonists, often children picking up the pieces, learning to overcome the limits of a selfish, immature parent’s love. Lady Bird, by contrast, is about a child failing to recognize, in the moment, the expansiveness and totality of her parent’s love for her — as well as the complicated dynamic between teen girls and their mothers, even those who are fond of each other. Baumbach, though, sees their emotional truths as more related. Both movies, he said, are about “how hard it is to acknowledge positive things in someone you need to move away from, and how hard it is to leave.” Gerwig’s story is, in her phrasing, “a movie about wanting to leave a place that’s secretly a love letter to the place, and a movie ostensibly about a daughter that’s secretly about the mother.”

“Oh, I’ve got a lot of guilt,” Gerwig replied quickly when I mentioned that I had seen the film as, in part, a meditation on that particular emotion, and how deeply it can become intertwined with love. “We always joked that we should put up a title card at the end of the movie that said CALL YOUR MOTHER,” she said. The guilt kicked in. “I need to call my mother.”

Gerwig showed her parents and friends the script before shooting and screened the film for them before it premiered, but she also spent a lot of time considering how she’d treated her mother as a teenager. “I could only see the faults in clear relief, but as I’ve gotten older, it’s like, Goddamn, she was right about almost everything.”

For all that she insists Lady Bird isn’t exactly her own story, it feels like a coming-out of sorts for Gerwig’s own sensibility, her preoccupations. “I only ever write from a place of love,” said Gerwig, “which sounds goofy but is actually true. Some writers write from a place of anger or analysis, or something that feels more didactic, but that impulse means that I also write out of real love, which is complicated and changing.”

“Sincerity means a lot to me,” Gerwig continued. “Actually, in Frances Ha, at the beginning, she’s reading out of a literary-criticism book called Sincerity and Authenticity. Basically, the question she’s setting up is, what do we mean by sincerity, and does it diminish the thing?” She considered. “But I’ve always felt like it heightens it.”

#2017 #Interview #Greta Gerwig #Lady Bird