#“If you haven't spent any time studying the theory then you can get a say in it”

[muzzleroars]

Cyrus is an incredible person, albeit a terrible one. He had the intelligence to start an energy company, the charisma to start a cult, the courage to try to bend Gods to his will, and the self-control to completely repress his emotions for years. Almost anyone else with those traits, evil or not, could easily find peace or “show them all” or whatever just by collecting wealth, status, adoration, and the like. There must be so much rage and bitterness in Cyrus for that not to be enough for him.

I KINDA...ran away with some theories.....

YOU GET IT.......cyrus is so interesting in who he is and what we can piece together from the little we're given about him. what's most striking about his character is its intensity imo - his design is stark and troubled, his way of speaking is cold and matter-of-fact despite the subject matter, and his motivations belie something in him as deeply empathetic in contrast to his stance on emotions. he has achieved a ridiculous amount, he's clearly a genius in his field and what he chooses to study, but still he appears to be filled with so much pain that it's eating him away from the inside.

nothing is good enough for cyrus, he can never be perfect no matter what he manages to accomplish because any emotion makes him incomplete and he has a deep well of hatred in him. he expresses it only a couple times, but honestly i find it so effective, especially his breakdown in response to the events of the distortion world. cyrus has done so much and he is so much...but he is forever othered, he is always on the outside and he can't be understood by anyone, it seems. when cynthia asks him why he can't just go be on his own and leave everyone else alone, he counters asking why he has to be the one to hide and compromise for others. that response is pretty selfish, but it felt very much like a person who has constantly tried to fit into what they should be, who has tried to live the way others wanted, and who still failed.

we do know his parents never thought of him as good enough, and it must have been to a fairly extreme point as his grandfather regrets not taking him in over it. additionally, his bond with rotom also hints at his severe loneliness - rotom is a solitary, elusive pokemon in diamond and pearl, one that spends its time hiding from humans in electronics. i think cyrus is then meant to be a complement to that, since we know too that he had trouble connecting to people or pokemon and only seemed to have an interest in electronics. he was brilliant, inventive and a good student, yet he was still kept at arm's length by those around him because he was odd. i think this outsider status became deeply ingrained in his sense of self, he built an identity around it in many ways, but i think that only began to collapse when he lost his rotom. he could deal with being different when he had another little weirdo to spend his days with, it was him and rotom as a team, both on the outside but happy with one another because they both finally found a kindred spirit. however, losing that one connection, the lifeline that kept him from being truly alone in the world, made him slip into the extremes of despair we find in the game.

in pokemas, he mentions in his villain arc that the only reason everyone else emphasizes the importance of bonds is because they haven't yet felt the pain they produce when they end. he also says in the game how useless those feelings are because death eventually steals them away forever...which all point toward cyrus being in a deep amount of grief (and possible bereavement). he has spent a lifetime not being enough, being extraordinary in what he could (and did) achieve, but all of it is rendered moot because he will never be "right", and all the weight of that finally fell on his head once he was truly alone. for cyrus, that pain is unbearable and the loneliness he experiences is deeply cruel, deeply unfair. he wants a world alone because true and total isolation is better than being surrounded by people that will never understand him, ones that will never connect with him.

#this is MASSIVE amounts of conjecture of course lol #but with the development he's gotten he does seem grieved imo #also i think introducing team galactic as a legacy thing adds an interesting dimension #he has the burden of living up to familial history then too #and he does EVERYTHING to be perfect #but he never is not to himself or his family #ANYWAYS here's a bunch of paragraphs for a pokemon man #cake answers #cyrus

[corkcitylibraries]

Cork in Verse | Ana Spehar Interviews Noah Hamilton

Noah Hamilton was born in May 1987 in Waterford. He grew up in Thomastown, Co. Kilkenny and is a full-time artist.

Noah Hamilton studied Fine Art at the Limerick School of Art & Design. He graduated in 2009 with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Fine Art. Noah then went on to focus on his drawing skills by undertaking a course at St. John’s College, Cork City studying Drawing (Level 5) and Web Design (Level 5).

When did you start writing? Is there a common theme, style, or structure you find yourself leaning to in your poetry?

I’ve been writing song lyrics since I was a teenager, drew comics since I was nine. Yet when I started really tapping away on the word processer it came from a certain purge, there are just some days where I'm in the mindset to write, a certain free train of thought, although when it comes to poetry, I have a few rules that relate to music theory. I focus on the rhythm of the syllables in each sentence, though every now and again I break my own rules on purpose. Usually with poetry I just type it into my phone. I went through a phase of writing haikus where you get 5 7 5 in the syllable count. It's good to consider the value of each syllable in length, it could have the value of a quaver, crotchet, have a different timing, a lot of music theory worth considering. 

As a visual artist, musician, and a writer, you express yourself in many forms. Where do you seek inspiration?

I hop between mediums just to alternate my time. One day or night I could be drawing, painting, writing, then playing music or a bit of carpentry and so on, any creative project I have a go at. I used to draw compulsively in sketchbooks for years, I still have the ones I kept since I was twelve, lots of drawings of devils and war. It freaked out my art teacher. Once, he rang my mother about it, when she saw them, she said they were quite good, but she asked me to draw something else so then I discovered music. Nirvana was my favourite band, so I drew rockstars in my teens, picked up a guitar to learn as many riffs from tabs off the internet. Art and music were the two big things in my life, why not do both? I remember that I always said to myself if I go blind, I can still play guitar, if I go deaf, I can still draw. Fast-forward to these days when engaging in a creative project, I have different themes to each medium. Innovation is crucial for my work, I always like something new to potter about with. I've learned to be okay with having creative block every now and again. I find comfort in knowing the likes of Francis Bacon went through months without lifting a brush. I like to look at the lives of artists in biographies rather than their work, good to learn from history before pursuing it as a career, though if you enjoy making art for the sheer enjoyment is a great gift in itself.

Do you show your work in progress to anyone?

I do, maybe a bit too much I think, though a painting isn't finished until it's sold. Pieces develop over time, even songs over time where I would add a middle eight here and there with more development on the subject matter.

Would you look on writing as a kind of spiritual practice?

More like an exorcism. I write away my demons, you might say. I like having a go at the Sci-Fi genre, makes it lighter and more aloof. I find it a safer place to be in, a certain detachment from real life with elements of truth involved.

What book would you recommend to our readers?

You know the real page turner for me was The Diary of Adrian Mole: The Wilderness Years by Sue Townsend. I once spent all night just reading that back to back as a teenager. Actually, I haven't read all of the Adrian Mole books, I must follow up on that, though it’s quite a sad thought as Sue Townsend, rest her soul, is no longer with us. Don't tell me how it ends but I’m expecting another cliff-hanger. My main recommendation, now I'm thinking seriously, is a book that I used to play as an audiobook while sleeping. I'll be frank that I don't read as much as I should as I predominantly just binge on audiobooks these days...Ten Books on Architecture by Marcus Vitruvius Pollio. It's very fascinating with instructions on how the Roman Empire was built. It teaches you about their knowledge of building, plumbing, painting, music theory, and geology to name a few of the subjects it covers. It was revived during the Renaissance and it's illustrated by the old masters at that time. I must root out the hard copy myself to see the illustrations.

Paintbrush

A madman with a paintbrush Saying he is an artist Still a madman with a paintbrush Though people are saying he is an artist They don't think he is a madman with a paintbrush They are betting on this madman as an artist as he says himself They know a bit that he is mad A madman with a paintbrush Saying he is an artist Though a paintbrush for a madman is a good idea nonetheless.

Rural I come from rural Ireland A place of cattle and horses Not too far from me Is where they bet on courses. I know a chap who can talk to cattle But not well with women Not that different from me But worse according to other sources In one pub there is gambling A place of many vices No one judges no one Even through their mid-life crisis They may stand, sit and talk shite The barman telling them that they are right His old friend calls him a bollox Just like Jackson Pollock Country life isn't so bad The pints are cheaper with a bit of trad Next day is not so sad Back again since one was a lad This is the frontline for an troubadour No pretense and vanity For those who do will not last long This town is better than any city Men are men here and the women same Hardly ones that aren't so tame Handy with an axe and saw The land will clobber if you break its law. Take heed of it's weather It's harshness and gruff No time for nonsense Faffing or fluff.

#CorkCityLibraries #CorkInVerse

[ckjbun]

Kinda an important notice ...

Hey y'all! I haven't been on here much for the past several months, not sure if you even remember me lol

But yeah, if you do, I've got some things to say...

You don't have to read all of this, there is a TLDR at the end but I just want to use my blog to vent.

Sooo ... In the last few months, my health was slowly getting worse and worse. It started with a blister-like rash on my hands. At that time, I was working in the lab wearing gloves. So I thought maybe it was due to the friction of the gloves on my skin when opening bottles (I had to open a lot of bottles which were under high pressure).

After a while, I became more and more listless, I had no motivation to do the things I used to love like cooking or writing theories. I didn't feel like keeping up with any manga etc.

And then pain started to set in. At the beginning, it was only in the morning. Pain in my joints of my hands. But I ignored it because I had this pain yearly and my doctor always said, "It's probably nothing. You're too young." He was referring to me being too young for rheumatic problems.

I noticed how I started to have problems with concentrating. I started to forget things easily. I started to struggle with expressing myself or with remembering what I was gonna say or do. Much more than usually.

The pain didn't stop with my hands. It spread into my arm muscles and my legs and hips slowly became more and more stiff. It was getting harder for me to stand up.

I still ignored it because "I had no time". I was stressed because of my studies. I had to work on my bachelor thesis and exams. And since my ability to focus declined, I was getting more stressed because I wasn't able to study. I spent days scrolling on social media without taking in any information. With each day not studying, I had even "less time". So I told myself that I will deal with this pain after my exams.

Yeah, I know, stupid right?

The pain peaked after my exams. My whole body was in pain. I was unable to get up from my bed. Every little wiggle of my finger hurt. Every attempt to bend my knees shot me to hell.

I know, it sounds like I'm exaggerating. And maybe I am. But at that moment, I genuinely felt like I would die if I moved.

And then .. it got better!!

The pain lessened. I was able to move. I was overjoyed. I thought I had juvenile arthritis (simply said chronic joint pain due to inflammation). But if my symptoms are getting better without treatment, it's a good sign, right? Right????

Yeahhhh, nope. All the pain suddenly came back two weeks after it was getting better.

And so cold. I was so cold everyday.

So yeah, I spent the last month or more getting sent from one doctor to another. Taking blood and urine tests here and there. Going to the emergency. Taking x-rays and body scans. More blood tests. Trying to figure out what was wrong with my body.

The first time one of the doctors told me something about the test results was on March the 1st, after my first day of work at my internship.

"You have an autoimmune disease."

Yeah, I suspected that.

"It might be Lupus erythematodes."

...

A vague memory of a celebrity announcing they had Lupus surfaced.

Lupus ... a wolf, my latin brain thought.

Of course, I googled it.

"95% of the people with this disease survive the first 5 years. 85% survive the first 10 years."

What about 20 years?? Does everyone die off after the first 10 years???

More google searches.

"Most patients have an almost normal life span."

Relief.

"As long as it doesn't attack your organs."

Panic.

At that time, I had lower back pain for two weeks. Right where the kidneys are. Additionally, I felt a weird pain a little bit above my left chest and in my stomach area.

I might wanna explain more what systemic Lupus erythematodes is. But it's complicated because every patient can have different symptoms and I'm still learning about this disease.

But what it basically does is inflame and cause pain to your organs. Most commonly it affects your joints and skin. If your internal organs are affected, it gets complicated. Even deadly, if it is your kidneys. It can basically inflame any part of your body that's why the symptoms are so versatile.

Often the inflammation occurs in "batches". Inbetween these flare ups of pain, you might have no symptoms at all. In my case, I still have morning stiffness and pain in my hand joints. I also don't have strength in my hands.

What causes these flare ups? UV-light, stress, infections can be very dangerous and probably a few more things I forgot.

But most importantly, most of the patients have a limited "energy reserve". Every, and I mean literally e v e r y activity requires a lot of energy. Normally, I can't remove my blankets on my own because they feel too heavy. So my mom wakes up every morning to help me get up and wear socks.

The thing is, if I overuse my energy, I won't pass out but rather draw from tomorrow's energy reserve. But what happens in the next few days is another flare up of pain. So I have to be very careful.

Fast forward to last week, I finally got the official diagnosis.

Last July, I was in Rome, walking kilometres and climbing stairs up and down the whole day. No big issues except for tired feet.

Now, I'm already exhausted before I even leave the house for work.

It hurts. It hurts me and it hurts my family to see me like this. My family is super supportive. They do so much for me like washing my feet, massaging me etc. All the things that seemed so easily done, suddenly required so much energy. Especially my mom helps me a lot. And I feel so bad because she's not getting younger and I know she has health issues too. I know she's pushing herself.

Most of my friends and relatives keep their distance because they don't want to upset me. But I actually just want one shoulder to cry on. Because I don't want to cry in front of my mom any more. I know it hurts her. So so much.

So yeah, I wanted to tell y'all why I was absent and I will continue to be so. I want to focus on my health and try implementing life style habits that lessen the pain. Not sure when and if I'm coming back.

I've read that for some women it got better with age, so let's hope I'm one of them. I will start medication soon, so let's hope that it will help me and not affect me negatively. Let's hope I will regain the strength to do the things I used to love.

And most importantly, I hope my family stays alright.

Disclaimer: I'm sorry, if I got any medical facts wrong. As I said, I'm still learning about it and there is so much info. I'd be happy if you could correct me. Thanks.

TLDR;

My health declined over the last months. I've been diagnosed with a very rare autoimmune disease. Since I was in a lot of pain, I wasn't online much and I will continue not to be. I want to focus on my health. Currently, there is no cure but maybe I can lessen the symptoms by implementing healthy habits.

TLDR END;

If you read all of this, thank you so so much. It means a lot to me that you gave me some of your time to listen to me <3 but I totally understand if you didn't!!

I'm very grateful to have found this community. The tumblr side of bsd has helped me so much during this pandemic. I'm very thankful for the people I met on here last year. I really hope that life has good things for you and that you stay healthy. I'm sending much love to y'all.

Especially my mutuals. I'm sorry that I haven't interacted with y'all for such a long time. But you really made my last year so much better and I'm grateful for that. I hope you guys are alright.

@n1kolaiz @right-on-the-money @samsa19 @banunuisthebest @elk208 @everyonesfavoritebastard @chazukekani @atalina-falling @emmacifer @pompompurin1028 @agni-skies @justanotherdamnedweeb @boredotaku567 @tunamayuuu

I feel like I'm missing one or two people. I'm really sorry if I forgot you. My memory has gotten worse.

Take care everyone! Maybe I will scroll through my tumblr once in a while and interact with your posts. But yeah, please stay safe!

#personal #long post #not bsd

[loveisalwayswise]

Unndilar and November?

I'm so happy you asked because I really wanted an excuse to talk about Critical Role and reminisce on all the content we got in 2021.

November: What was your favorite line of dialogue this year?

I don't think it's a secret that my favourite Critical Role character is Fjord, so it's probably not going to be a surprise when my favourite line of dialogue comes from him this year. And it's not even a line, it's the whole monologue he gave to Essek after the failed resurrection attempt on Molly.

Essek: I spent my entire life studying the intent to not let things like this happen to chance. That can't be it, can it? Fjord: I don't know. But if you were to ask my wise friend, Caduceus, I'm sure he would tell you that life continues on. It changes, it evolves, and it grows. I don't think there's an end. You just might not be able to see the next trip. But you have more time. You have more time to study. You have a talent that I don't understand. Use that anger, that frustration. Let it fuel you. If you have any regret or grief over what you've done in your life, I see nothing but good, and nothing but an opportunity for you to turn it around. You've shown me all I need to see.

Fjord likes to credit Caduceus every time he says something like this, but in the end, I think a lot of it comes from him. And I was so happy to see that this is where the campaign led him, and that he was able to make a speech like this to Essek after the final battle.

(This actually made me want to gif this conversation, so this is probably going to be what I do with my morning oops.)

Unndilar: Do you have any theories on who the Big Bad Evil Guy of campaign 3 is? Do you think they will be revealed at some point in 2022?

Whoever the BBEG ends up being, I don't think we're going to see any sign of it in 2022. I do think we could already be getting hints and not realizing it, but so many seeds are being planted right now that I can't differentiate between them. I go back and forth with my theories because we were told to throw out our expectations, but for now, I don't think we'll discover who the BBEG is until much later.

We only have a small picture of what is happening in Jrusar, so I don't have a clear idea about who or what the BBEG is quite yet. However, if the current trend continues and the party is led to investigate more strange events in the city, I'd say we might have a more urban-based campaign. We might not get out of Jrusar for a while since whatever the hell is happening there seems to be rather complex. Maybe some members of the Chandi Quorum are going to be BBEG, maybe the Delilah Briarwood is going to be a really big problem going forward, or maybe something else is at work and we haven't even realized it.

Whoever the BBEG, I can't wait to see how it all unfolds.

#critical role #ariane answers asks

[regenderate-fic]

Home at the End of the Universe

Fandom: Doctor Who Ship: Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan Characters: Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor Rating: General Other: Canon Compliant, Character Study Word Count: 3,542 Crossposted from AO3. Originally posted on 6 December 2021. Link to original.

It’s not all right, of course. Everything is tremendously not all right. But the Doctor is there, and if Yaz had any doubts that the Doctor missed her, that the Doctor cared for her even when she wasn’t there, those doubts were erased the second the Doctor’s arms wrapped around her, the second she pressed her head against the Doctor’s hair. The Doctor hasn’t hugged her before— not like this, anyway.

Summary: An exploration of Yaz and her relationship with the Doctor in The Vanquishers.

NOTES: 1. do not read this if you haven't seen the vanquishers. or do, but there are spoilers. 2. i wrote this with no idea what it was going to become but i really like it. also if yaz and thirteen don't kiss On The Mouth in the specials i swear to god...

Three years.

Three years Yaz and Dan are stuck a century in their past, trying to find the end of the world.

Three years without the Doctor.

I’m sure I miss you.

Yaz misses her so much.

“You and the Doctor,” Dan asks her near the beginning, after a long day at sea. “Are you—”

“Friends,” Yaz says, too fast.

I know you do.

Three years.

I hope you said I miss you too, or else that bit's weird.

Three years with that ache in Yaz’s chest, that longing, coupled with the horrible knowledge that even if she can get the Doctor back, maybe the Doctor will be different, maybe she won’t want Yaz anymore, maybe Yaz will be different… Yaz is 25 now. She’s spent twelve percent of her life in the 1900’s, without the Doctor. Not that she’s counting, or anything.

I think you’re calling me from the control room.

Three years with nothing but that hologram. Under two minutes of the Doctor’s last-minute message. I’m sure I miss you.

The Doctor never would’ve said that to Yaz’s face.

But it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because the world is ending— not the world, the universe— and Yaz needs to do whatever she can to make it stop. Which means traveling the world with Dan and Jericho, who aren’t the worst travel companions she could ask for, and trying not to think about the Doctor.

Until she’s in the tunnels below Liverpool with Dan and Jericho and Joseph Williamson and the Sontarans are there but then they’re not and the Doctor appears from thin air.

She doesn’t know what to think. The last time she saw the Doctor after a long time away, Yaz was angry. She’d spent months looking for the Doctor, trying to learn to pilot the TARDIS, with diagrams and theories tacked up against the wall. Ryan and Graham and Sonya had had to fight to get Yaz to eat or sleep or do anything that wasn’t a fruitless search for the Doctor. And then the Doctor waltzed back into Yaz’s life like nothing had happened, and Yaz didn’t know what to do.

This time, though, Yaz decides she’s relieved. She’s spent three years knowing the universe was unraveling and the Doctor is at the heart of it, and she hasn’t been able to do anything to help. She remembers being angry at the Doctor, three years ago when the Doctor wasn’t telling her anything even when it resulted in Yaz being strung above an acid lake without any inkling as to why. But… well. After three years, Yaz will take whatever she can get, as long as it’s more than a two-minute hologram. The Doctor is all over the place, taking in Yaz and Dan, then Kate Stewart— whoever that is? —but when she hugs Yaz… for a second, everything is all right.

It’s not all right, of course. Everything is tremendously not all right. But the Doctor is there, and if Yaz had any doubts that the Doctor missed her, that the Doctor cared for her even when she wasn’t there, those doubts were erased the second the Doctor’s arms wrapped around her, the second she pressed her head against the Doctor’s hair. The Doctor hasn’t hugged her before— not like this, anyway. They’ve gotten pushed together in quite a few life-or-death situations, sure, and there have been a few light touches, but no hugs. And… when the universe is in grave danger, time-sensitive danger, and the Doctor still takes a second to hug Yaz, that has to mean something, doesn’t it? The way it warms Yaz to the core— that has to mean something.

But of course there’s no time to figure it out. The hug was a too-quick moment of respite, and now they’ve got to get down to business. Not to mention the Doctor seems… really, really confused. She keeps losing her train of thought and wobbling like Yaz’s sister did when she got an ear infection and had horrible vertigo. Yaz wants to go and put a hand on her shoulder, ask if she’s all right, but there’s no time for that. No time at all. Time seems to be the problem, actually.

Time especially seems to be the problem when the Doctor asks Yaz how long it’s been and she has to say it’s been three years. She tries to play it off like it’s no big deal, just a few years, but… well. The Doctor knows that’s not the case, and it’s written all over her face. (Yaz feels warm, though, just thinking about the way the Doctor stopped her whole investigation again to make sure Yaz was okay. And Yaz is okay. She survived the three years, and now the Doctor is back. She’ll deal with the rest later.)

It’s amazing, too, after all this time, to see the Doctor back in action, just like always. Nothing has changed— nothing has changed for the Doctor, who probably only missed a few days at most. She’s still running around the space, waving her sonic everywhere, as if Yaz hasn’t had days over the last few years where she’s been half-convinced the Doctor was just a weird dream she had, something she’d concocted to deal with the monotonous reality of living in a world where it took weeks to get from one continent to another. But no, the Doctor is real. Yaz can’t stop staring at her just in case she blinks and the Doctor disappears.

(Of course it doesn’t help when the Doctor actually starts to disappear. Yaz lunges for her, grabbing at her hands, desperate for her to be real. And she is real! She’s just— trisected— in danger— dealing with yet another thing that’s gone wrong with time and space.)

Everything after that is a bit of a blur for Yaz. They’re in and out of the TARDIS, on the Sontaran ship, in the tunnels, on Earth, and so on and so forth until Yaz can barely catch her breath. There are two Doctors, which is… beyond strange, really, but Yaz has seen so much strange at this point that this doesn’t really do much. In fact, she’d find it entertaining if it weren’t for the undercurrent of fear that two Doctors could be a sign that the Doctor is about to die.

There are two Doctors, and Dan, and Karvanista, and Bel, who Yaz hasn’t met but who seems nice. And then Vinder and Diane are there, and the TARDIS is bursting at the seams. Yaz loves being around so many people, especially people who know her century, but also… it feels like she’s come back home after a long time away and there are guests in the living room who just won’t leave. What Yaz really wants is a long warm bath and a good night’s sleep in the bedroom she knows is waiting for her just down the hall, but of course she can’t have that. There’s things to do, a universe to save, everything Yaz has missed in the last three years intensified to the max.

And then they do it. They save the universe. The Passenger form sucks in the rest of the Flux, and everything is quiet. The Doctor is back to just being one person, and she’s still not making a lot of sense, but— when has the Doctor made any sense? She’s here , that’s what matters, she’s here and breathing and running around the TARDIS just like Yaz remembers. They make a stop back in the tunnels to dispose of the Grand Serpent— Vinder and Kate Stewart have that honor. They explicitly request it, actually. Yaz stays back in the TARDIS, watching the Doctor fiddle with the console, somehow too afraid to approach.

“How’re you holding up?” Dan’s come up next to her when she wasn’t looking. He nudges her in the side. They’ve gotten to know each other pretty well, in the last three years. He turned out to be excellent company. And he doesn’t know the Doctor all that well, but he knows how much she means to Yaz.

“I’m fine,” Yaz says, still watching the Doctor. “You?”

“Just taking things as they come,” Dan says cheerfully. Yaz glances around the TARDIS. Dan’s friend is here— Diane? —but she’s across the room, pointedly not looking at Dan. But that’s Dan— always manages a smile, no matter what’s going on around him.

Vinder and Kate come back, a quiet triumph on their faces, and the Doctor doesn’t skip a beat. She launches the TARDIS again, and then they’re on a Lupari ship, seeing off Karvanista and Bel and Vinder all at once. Karvanista is swearing he’ll dump Bel and Vinder as soon as he can, but the way Bel and Vinder are talking, Yaz knows they’ll wear him down.

And then they drop off Claire and Kate back on Earth, and finally Dan, and it’s just Yaz and the Doctor again, alone in the TARDIS. The guests are gone— Yaz is finally at home. But it’s still awkward. She and the Doctor— well, there was always something between them, ever since the start. Or, Yaz always wanted there to be, anyway. But she could always ignore it, convince herself it wasn’t there, the Doctor didn’t see it.

It’s been three years. Three years with that hologram that said I miss you too , with more emotion than Yaz had ever seen the Doctor direct at her. Whenever she convinced herself the Doctor wasn’t real, or the Doctor didn’t care about her, or anything else, she pulled out that hologram and watched the look in the Doctor’s eyes. And then when the Doctor hugged her— well, it just reinforced everything. But now the threat is over, with the Doctor there in front of her, tangible, real , Yaz doesn’t know what to say.

And the strangest thing is, the Doctor doesn’t seem to know what to say either. She’s leaning over the console, her hair falling in her face, saying nothing. It’s unnerving. The Doctor always has something to say, even if there’s no substance to it, even if she’s deflecting from the conversation she’s actually being asked.

“You all right?” Yaz blurts out. She’s asked the Doctor this at least three times today, but now everyone’s gone— maybe she’ll answer honestly this time.

The Doctor lifts her head. “Been better,” she says. “Then again, been worse too. Not a bad day today.” She looks at Yaz with an intensity Yaz has been dreaming of for three years now. “What about you? How are you adjusting?”

“I’m good,” Yaz says, honestly. She grins. “Glad to be back.”

“And I’m glad to have you back, Yasmin Khan.” Before Yaz knows it, the Doctor’s striding across the room to her, pulling her into another hug. “Missed you,” she mumbles into Yaz’s shoulder.

Yaz wants to make a joke, tease the Doctor for making her wait six years just for a hug, but emotion wells up in her and she just buries her face in the Doctor’s shoulder, trying not to cry. She’s just so relieved— relieved that the Doctor still seems to want her around, relieved that she hasn’t changed so much that she doesn’t want the Doctor. Or maybe she has, and the Doctor’s changed too. A lot has happened.

They stand in the hug for a long time, fulfilling their desperation to be together again, surrounded by the TARDIS. Yaz holds the Doctor tight, afraid that if she lets go, the Doctor will fade away again, and she revels in the fact that the Doctor is holding her just as close. And when they finally pull away, the Doctor doesn’t fade away: she’s still there, standing right in front of Yaz, with her blonde hair and the same jacket and suspenders Yaz bought her way back at the start. Yaz can’t stop looking at her.

Until she remembers she’s still wearing her clothes from 1904, and that she has a whole closet on the TARDIS full of her favorite clothes from 2021. She’s enjoyed 1900’s fashion, but she misses who she used to be, someone who wore leather jackets and trousers. She hasn’t even charged her phone in three years— it’s been in her pocket this whole time, a useless slab of metal and glass, just in case something happened.

“I’d better go change,” she says, gesturing at her dress. “Can’t be stuck in the 1900’s forever, can I?”

“Definitely not,” the Doctor says with a grin. “Unless you want to, of course, but clearly you don’t.”

“Definitely not,” Yaz echoes. She gives the Doctor another quick hug, partially because she can and partially to remind herself that the Doctor is still real and tangible and there, and leaves the console room. First left, ninth right, third left. Even after all this time, navigating the winding corridors is second nature, and when she comes into her room she breathes a sigh of relief. It looks exactly how she left it: her nice big bed with its purple bedspread, her plush blue rug, her bookshelf, her neatly organized desk and chair, the posters she’s been collecting from different adventures she’s been on. Nothing feels more like home than this room, at this point— not even her actual home in Sheffield, where she technically still lives with her sister and parents.

She pulls the closet open and sees all her old clothes, lined up in a row. It’s almost surreal, after three years, to see all her old fashion. In so many ways, she’s a different person now. She picks out a floral button up and black jeans and lays them out on the bed before going into the bathroom. This, too, is exactly as she remembered it: the walls are the same copper chrome as the rest of the TARDIS, with a fuzzy purple bath mat laid in front of the tub and a matching towel hanging off a rod.

Yaz takes her time in the bath. One of the perks of the TARDIS is that the water is always the exact right temperature, and never seems to go cold— someday she’ll have to ask the Doctor about that, but for now she’s content to just enjoy it. It feels like she’s washing away everything: three years in the 1900’s, searching for the end of the world, missing the Doctor; all the time she spent worrying and wondering what the Doctor thought of her; the soul-churning fear that the entire universe was about to die, that she was going to be unmade. Everything is all right now: she’s in the TARDIS, and the universe seemed all right, and she was safe. Well, as safe as anyone is inside the TARDIS, but Yaz has always chased danger.

She gets out of the tub and wraps herself in the fluffy purple towel. She looks at herself in the mirror. She almost expects some big change, to look fundamentally different somehow, but she looks the same as ever, her wet hair hanging to her chest, her face relaxed. She dries her hair and instinctively pulls it into the braided bun she learned in 1901. She’s been doing this braid every morning for the last three years; it’s part of her daily routine at this point. She’ll experiment later, figure out which 21st-century hairstyles still actually fit her, but for now she’s happy with this. And then she goes out and puts on the button up and jeans she picked out earlier, and she’s starting to feel more like herself. She hasn’t realized how much the long dresses and hats chafed against her preferred presentation— it wasn’t like she had much else with her in the 1900’s, except maybe the outfit she’d come in with. She got used to it because she had to, but now she’s back in her own clothes she realizes how much better she feels. She adds a maroon leather jacket to the mix, and then she’s ready to go. She takes a deep breath, gives herself an encouraging smile in the mirror, and goes back out to the console room.

The Doctor is still there, almost exactly where Yaz left her, fiddling with the console. She looks up when Yaz comes in, a huge grin on her face.

“Yaz! You’re back!”

“You miss me?” Yaz teases.

“Course I did.” The Doctor grins. “What do you say, are you up for another adventure?”

Yaz feels a smile spread across her face before she even has a chance to think about it. “Of course I am.” She pauses. “But I was thinking— can we invite Dan along for a bit? After all we put him through, I think he ought to have some fun.”

The Doctor immediately jumps into action. She runs towards Yaz— “Yes! Brilliant! Gold star for Yaz!” —then away— “Just got to set the location to Liverpool...” —and she’s doing her dance around the console, and Yaz joins her, a little rusty after three years, but the Doctor gives her pointers, and it’s like nothing’s changed. They pick Dan up; he seems only too glad to come on board. The Doctor points him to the bedrooms, and Yaz is about to follow, but then the Doctor says her name— and she turns— and—

The Doctor finally admits she’s been shutting Yaz out. Well, she has , and it’s about time. It’s been three years. Three years traveling together, and three years in the past, dissecting every bit of their relationship over and over again. The way she’s talking, Yaz thinks she’s starting to understand why the Doctor shut her out, but that doesn’t make it okay. That doesn’t make it fair. And to add insult to injury, the minute she’s finally getting somewhere, Dan comes back in having gotten lost on the way to the bedrooms. Yaz can’t hide her disappointment.

Later, though, after Dan’s found himself a room and gotten settled, after Yaz wanders the halls for a bit, revisiting all her favorite old rooms, the Doctor finds her in the library. Yaz is sitting on the sofa, reading some far future romance novel, and the Doctor comes and sits down right next to her.

“You all right?” she asks. She’s already asked Yaz twice, but Yaz can see in her eyes how nervous she is. The Doctor tries to hide her emotions, but her eyes always betray her.

“I’m good,” Yaz says. “Really.”

“I just—” The Doctor looks up at the ceiling. “I was worried about you, lost in the past like that.”

“I was worried about you!” Yaz exclaims. “Stuck as an angel with the world ending.”

“Wasn’t actually an angel that long,” the Doctor corrects, tilting her head to the side. “Anyway, it was only a few hours for me. I think. Hard to tell. Time got all weird.”

Yaz turns this over in her mind. “If it was just a few hours, how come you said you missed me like that?”

“I did miss you!” the Doctor exclaims. “It was a tough few hours, I’ll tell you that much.”

Yaz laughs. She can’t help it: being around the Doctor always makes her smile.

“Well, I missed you too,” she says. “For a lot more than a few hours.”

“How long, exactly?”

“1901 to 1904.” Yaz counts it in her head. “Three years, give or take.”

The Doctor scrunches her mouth. “I never meant for that to happen. I’m sorry, Yaz.”

“I knew the risks of traveling with you.” Yaz shrugs. “I’m lucky I’m not dead.” Of course there’s more to it than that— Yaz doesn’t know what she’ll say to her family when she gets back— but Yaz means it when she says she knew the risks. “Anyway, I learned a lot. How to dress vintage. How to sneak into old tombs.” How to dispose of a body, she doesn’t say.

“Yasmin Khan.” The Doctor is looking at her with sheer appreciation. “You figured it out.”

“Suppose I did.” Yaz’s cheeks feel hot. She’s lucky her brown skin doesn’t show a blush. “Wasn’t half bad, really. I was worried about you the whole time, though.” She nods to the Doctor. “Anyway, what about you? What happened in those three hours?”

The Doctor inhales, then stops short. “It won’t make sense out of context.”

“So tell me the context,” Yaz prods.

“Tonight?” the Doctor asks, searching Yaz’s face.

Yaz raises her eyebrows, holding the Doctor’s gaze. Usually, this is where the Doctor would look away, deflect, find something else to talk about.

But not this time. The Doctor keeps her eyes on Yaz’s.

“What do you want to know first?”

Yaz thinks for a moment. What does she want to know first? Of everything the Doctor’s hidden from her, everything she’s risked her life for, what does she want to know? “Just start from the beginning,” she decides, even though that’s a ridiculous thing to ask of a time traveler.

But the Doctor just nods. “All right, then. The beginning.” She takes a deep breath. “It starts on Gallifrey, I suppose.”

And Yaz rests her head against the sofa cushion, letting the Doctor’s voice wash over her. It’s been three years— but she’s glad to be home.

#doctor who #thirteenth doctor #yasmin khan #thasmin #my fic #doctor who flux #canon compliant #character study #short

[artificialqueens]

Gimme Love, 4/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Hey, guys! So I realised I forgot to explain the idea behind this story. This is part of a series I'm working on called 'Head in the Clouds' - stories that are inspired by the music of Joji. This story is loosely based off the music video for 'Gimme Love'. I couldn't make sense of the actual video cause it goes by so fast (if you watch it you'll see what I mean), but I kind of have an idea.

Thanks for listening to my TEDtalk.

Major Trigger warnings: Dementia, death, grief, homophobic slurs

-_-_-_-

2003

"Brianna, could you come here?"

I put my pen down on the kitchen table, not really minding that Grandpa was interrupting me. The studying was tiring, if anything.

Walking into his room, I found him getting up from his desk.

"Hey, Grandpa," I said.

"Brianna, do me a favour, baby. Could you read me this one chapter?" He asked, retreating to his bed.

Bit of an odd request for him. "Why? What's up?"

I picked it up, one of the many books that delved into the science and possibility of the existence of parallel universes.

"I'm just...finding it kind of hard to concentrate." He laughed to himself. He made a groaning sound as his back hit the bed.

I sat by him and read about 3 chapters before he said, "that'll do. Thanks, honey."

I got up and moved to the desk, briefly glancing at the front cover, at the main character with his telescope. Far off memories flashed in my brain. I put the book down, turning to face him.

"What are you smiling at, honey?" Grandpa asked, a smile appearing on his own face.

"I just...remember the night you told Jujubee and me about 'the other world'. We haven't stopped talking about it since." I admitted, putting the book back on his desk. "And we'd always play these games like we were there. Our lives would be so different. And just a little bit better."

"And then you found yourself wanting that in reality." Grandpa finished for me.

I was silent, but he knew he was right. "It's not that I didn't appreciate what I already had. It's just...whenever my anxiety was surfacing, or whenever someone was mean in school, or whenever I thought of my parents, I'd just...want to escape." I sat down in the chair next to his bed again, taking his hand in mine and squeezing it reassuringly. "Didn't you ever feel the same?"

Grandpa breathed out a sigh through his nose, his smiling widening. "Brie, of course, I have. All the games you and Juju played, it's called escapism. And it's nothing to be ashamed of."

"Wouldn't you ever try to find one?"

"Find what?"

"I don't know. A door? A gateway to the other world?"

He didn't even need to tell me 'yes.' He had spent many years reading the books, sometimes reading them more than once, making notes and coming up with his own theories. He probably felt the same way I did. In darker times, when things didn't feel like they'd get any better, he was curious about his other-self.

I knew the answer was yes. But I liked hearing him talk about these things.

"Baby, it's something I've always wanted to do. I always...wanted to know if it was possible...to slip into that other world, find this house, and just hope and pray my wife would still be on the other side of that door. I'd kiss her hand and bring her back here. And, life would be complete." He confessed. His smile was sweet but also sad, "But you know, with old age comes difficulties. My brain ain't what it used to be. Just all these words. Sometimes, they're...foreign to me."

This was the beginning of a long year. All the signs started out small, usually, Grandpa looking out the window wondering when his wife would come back from the store and losing the ability to read.

And over time, it slowly began to escalate, getting worse with each month. So bad to the point he'd take his seat belt off at a red light and try to get out. Or he'd shout at Mom, saying she's going the wrong way. Every piece of my Grandpa was slipping away.

And it was all taking a toll on my own happiness.

"You look pretty today." Jujubee commented as we walked through the hallway.

"If you say so." That was all I could reply with.

"No, really. Your hair looks really cute like that." She tried again.

I had no idea what she was talking about. I literally pinned two pieces from the front to the back of my head. It was a half-assed attempt of trying to convince everyone I gave a fuck anymore.

"Yeah, right, Juju. I look no better than I did yesterday. Or the day before. And the day before that.

Jujubee paused for a moment, whereas I continued on. "Are you OK?"

I turned to look at her. "Yeah." I lied. "Why wouldn't I be?"

I wasn't ready for this, Jujubee concerns. The truth was I never told her about my Grandpa because then she'd want to talk about it, then I'd cry, then I'd probably go home and have a breakdown, then I'd give Mom more shit to worry about.

Judging from her knit brows, she wasn't buying it. Before she could even ask anything else, I turned back around, just wanting to get on with things and get to my next class on time. But Trevor just had to be there. He knocked me hard on the shoulder, making me drop my books and almost fall to the ground.

He quickly spun around, watching me collect my books. "Man, who put that trash there?"

I glanced at him with a scorn.

"Hey, douchebag," Jujubee stepped in front of Trevor, "I can see you're a little butt-hurt now that your sex life is dryer than a nuns vagina."

My eyes were wide now, knowing that wouldn't sit well.

"What did you fucking say to me?" Trevor raised a brow.

"You heard." Jujubee said with such spite. "Why don't you go rub one out to your Mom or something? Stop projecting all your problems onto my girl?"

Trevor scoffed a laugh. "Your girl? What are you, a couple of dykes?"

My jaw was almost on the ground. I looked around, noting the students observing as they passed by. I couldn't let them know my secret. I couldn't.

"Why? Does that make us all the more interesting?" Jujubee squinted her eyes. "Honey, don't pretend the thought of us 'dykes’ making out doesn't make an insecure guy like you hard."

A sound emitted from my throat - A panicked sound. Like a yell, one that was dragging its way up my throat, fighting to get out. The attention of everyone around was on the situation, since when? I had only become aware now of the sounds of thrill and excitement. I was internally panicking. How many people were there? Were they even looking at me?

"Not in your wildest dreams, honey." Trevor practically spat the last word before deciding he was finished. He turned and walked away.

Jujubee approached me, rolling her eyes. "God, does he know when to quit?"

But I just stared at her, pretty sure I was trembling. My eyes were still wide, and my jaw stiff.

"Brie?" She blinked.

I could feel it, the lump in my throat beginning to form, like a hard stone that was lodged in place. Blinking a few times, I held the books tighter to my chest and turned to walk away.

"Brianna, what the fuck?" Jujubee came after me.

"Juju, just...leave me the fuck alone." My voice cracked as I quickened my pace.

She didn't follow me anymore. Thank fuck. Because next thing I knew, I was in a bathroom cubicle, quietly crying. I stupidly decided to not go to class. I say stupidly because, during the last period, Denali leaned over and told me she thought they suspended me. When I asked why she would even think that, she said the rumours spread fast, that I had punched Jujubee.

Oh, high school drama.

Of course, Jujubee didn't deserve this. She was only doing her friendly duty and looking out for me. But I didn't need any more shit from Trevor. I didn't want all those eyes on me as I walked the corridors. My home life was already too much.

I wanted to hold on to my Grandpa for as long as I could. But seeing his health dwindle, it felt like someone was coming to get him. And no matter how much I wanted to hold on, they were going to take him away no matter what.

Around 7 months in, his immune system was beginning to fail. He was bedridden.

I'd sit with him for at least an hour every day, either reading to him, feeding him, or just having a long talk. I had a tendency to write down at least one sentence from each conversation like it would provide me with some comfort, like he was still there. When in reality he was...he was...

"Why the sad face, baby?"

I snapped out of my trance, blinking a few times as I looked at him. "Nothing. Just thinking."

"What happened? Did someone break your heart?" He asked, following it up with a laugh.

I let myself smile. "No, thank God. I'm just sleepy. I had a long day at school."

"That's a shame. I was gonna suggest we break out the old telescope. I bet we'd find Cassiopeia if we tried hard enough."

My mouth formed a hard line, unsure of how to respond. As much as I wanted so badly to sit out in the garden with him, he wouldn't even be able to make it there.

"You sure you're OK, Brianna?" Grandpa asked.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking." I looked away, studying my nails instead.

"Well, if it's not a heartache, I bet someones caught your eye?" He asked with a smirk.

I couldn't help but allow the corners of my lips to curve up. "Yeah, actually."

"Oooh." He cooed. "And what are they like?"

I thought for a second, debating how I should answer. To be honest or not. If I lied, would it even make a difference?

Looking at his innocent face, I decided fuck it.

"Sweet. Beautiful. The bluest eyes I've ever seen." I paused. "She's an absolute angel."

Grandpa was silent momentarily. But just as the nerves were beginning to surface, he replied, "and does she know how you feel?"

"No."

"Well, why don't you let her know?"

I took a deep breath in. "Because...I don't know if she likes me back. I don't know if she even likes girls."

"All you can do is try."

"It's not that simple," I spoke quietly. "She's...popular. She's beautiful. She's...everything that I'm not."

My eyes drifted to my hands once again. If I cried, would it even matter? Wouldn't he forget?

"Don't say that about yourself, honey." He reached a hand out and put it on mine. "You don't actually believe that, do you?"

I lifted my gaze again, looking at him with glossy eyes. My silence spoke volumes.

"Oh, no, Brianna." He said with such disappointment. "I can't believe you feel that way. Ain't you ever stopped to look at yourself?"

"No," I whispered. "I can't stand it."

"You need to. Because you are prettier than you know." His own eyes were glistening now. "You may not believe me, but someday you're gonna meet someone who will show you."

I dabbed the inner corner of my eye, "You really think that?"

"I know."

"That means a lot." I smiled.

He gave one final pat to my hand and pulled it away. "Do me a favour, honey. Could you get me some juice?"

"Sure."

I stood up and left for the kitchen.

On my way, I passed through the hall, catching a glance at my reflection. Naturally, I would have disregarded it. But I stopped and stood in front of it. And I just looked.

I wasn't immediately satisfied. But upon taking my glasses off, my opinion changed. I learned pretty quickly my eyes were the best from my facial features.

I smiled. Best not. My frown was oddly alluring. I tried smiling again, this time with teeth. But the braces just ruined the mood.

Putting my glasses on again, I almost jumped out of my skin when I felt tiny paws tap my feet. Of course, it was just Piggie. I scooped him up and looked at both of us together.

"God has favourites, Piggie. Take a wild guess out of us two who it is." I looked at his face in the mirror.

He cocked his head, looking at his own reflection like he couldn't figure out what was going on.

I carried on to the kitchen with Piggie still in my arms, poured the juice and made my way back to Grandpa's room.

I pushed open the door with my foot.

Grandpa's head quickly shot up as I walked in.

"Sorry it took so long. I - -"

"Who are you??"

I froze on the spot. "It's me."

"Roberta! Roberta, there's somebody in the fucking house!!"

My brain went into panic mode. I set the juice to the side, put Piggie out into the hall and approached the bed.

He was continuously shouting, thrashing around in the bed as if to escape. I tried grabbing his hands, reassuring him it was me, his Grandchild. We had literally just been talking.

But he only roared over the sound of my voice, trying to fight my hands off him.

"Pop! It's OK!" Mom rushed into the room. "It's just Brianna!"

I took a step back, letting her take control. He stared at me with an intense level of fear. What did he think I was going to do? Who did he think I was?

"Brie, go to your room or something. I'll calm him down." Mom commanded with a crack in her voice.

With a wavered breath, I left. The sounds of his shouts, I couldn't bear it. I had to get away, even for a little bit. I needed out.

I hurried out the front door, stuffing my arms inside my jacket sleeves, and marched down the path. I didn't even look back at the colourful house. I just wandered. Wherever my feet were going to take me, I'd be fine.

In a sense, I felt cruel, like I was selfish. Despite wanting to be around my Grandpa for as long as possible, I couldn't stand moments like these. But you'd think dealing with this for so long would have toughened me up a bit.

Not even in the slightest.

There I was, marching down the street, trying hard not to have an episode. I tried to maintain my breathing, but the fast pace in my step didn't help. My hands were clammy, not that having them in my pockets helped.

Again, I had no idea where I was going. My eyes remained fixated on the ground. Therefore I was oblivious to the person hastily approaching.

"Brianna, Jesus!"

Jujubee now stood in front of me with her hand on my shoulder. I opened my mouth to speak, but she beat me to it.

"I said your name like 5 times, girl." Jujubee dropped her hand. Her eyes looked me up and down, "What happened? You're shaking."

I was?

"I…" I tucked a strand of hair behind my hair, "I need a cigarette or something."

Jujubee dragged me to the bus shelter, sat me down on the ground like we were still children, parking our behinds wherever the fuck we wanted.

Despite the feeling of anxiety burning my insides, I did spark up a cigarette, anything to shift my thoughts from the current state of my family. Just something normal.

"Girl, are you sure that's a good idea right now?" Jujubee was itching to snatch it from my hand and toss it.

Instead, I said, "Jujubee?"

"Yeah?"

Eyes still glued to the ground, I blinked, "This is it. He's dying."

Jujubee didn't even need to ask. She knew about his dementia for months now. I had no choice but to tell her. The stress from it all got too much, and I was becoming more and more irritable. It was unfair to put her through that. I had to tell her everything.

Jujubee shuffled closer, "What happened?"

I couldn't bring myself to even tell her. Words couldn't even begin to describe the feeling. That feeling of just grabbing him by the hand, and running away as far as possible, so this sickness would just leave us alone.

I blew out a long cloud of smoke, closing my eyes as I let my chest deflate.

There was something about this moment in time. 9PM, at the bus shelter, sitting on the cold ground, smoking a cigarette, Jujubee by my side, her hand now in mine. It didn't feel real. None of it did.

Yet this wasn't foreign to me - This bus stop was the same one from my childhood, that day when baby Blair and I hid from the rain. Funny how the younger version of myself thought I was protecting her from her abusive father.

As bad of a time it was, the thought was comforting in the current moment, sitting there with Blair. The only problem I faced those days was my emotional outbursts and the emotional toll they took on my Mom. Oh, how naive I was, completely unaware of how life could get any harder.

Only 3 weeks later, Grandpa was hospitalised, his immune system reaching its lowest point. I visited him every day after school. There were more moments of forgotten memory, but it made it less frightening with Mom by my side.

One day in particular, however, he seemed in better spirits. It was as if the old him was back, just for a few hours.

"I'm going to the soda machine. You want anything, baby?" Mom stood up from her chair, pulling her purse from her bag.

"I'm good." I gave her a gracious smile.

She nodded, taking another look at my Grandpa before she even moved to the door. I could see the reluctance behind her eyes. She did this every time she left the room, no matter where she was going.

My eyes followed her as she left. Grandpa spoke, "Now that she's gone, any update on that girl?" He asked. I looked back in surprise. How he had remembered that was mind-blowing. He continued, "we haven't had a one-to-one conversation in a long time, honey. Give me an update."

I breathed a sigh out, lifting my brows briefly. "Nothing has become of it, no."

"Go get her, kiddo. You've got nothing to lose."

I smiled sadly. Easier said than done, Grandpa.

He coughed. "Lord, I'd love a cigarette right about now. Do me a favour, though; please stop smoking."

I wasn't completely shocked. He had noticed on a few occasions that he was down a cigarette. "I will." I wasn't lying. But I wasn't making any promises either.

"Brianna?" Grandpa looked at me now.

"Yeah?" I put my feet up on his bed, leaning back in my chair.

"Promise me one thing?"

"Of course."

His eyes remained on me, and he smiled briefly. "Promise me that you'll find a way to the other world. Could you do that for me?"

I had to admit, It was a huge thing to ask of someone like me. It was terrible to say, but I couldn't help but feel this was sort of selfish. Yes, he was on the brink of death, but how could he expect me to be such a miracle worker.

Instead of protesting, however, I just said, "Sure."

Two days later, he passed away.

I didn't cry at all, vowing that I would remain strong for Mom. I had already had my turn at grieving my own parents. And she was by my side for all of that.

Now it was my turn to be there for her. Throughout the whole funeral, I had my arms wrapped around her shoulders, like she had done for me throughout the years. It was a strange feeling - being the one to take care of her for a change. Her head on my chest, hand squeezing mine, it was just so hard to accept.

I almost thought she was going to crumble when they lowered his casket into the ground.

As I said before, there are two types of people in this world; those who hate the sight of their Mother crying and fucking liars.

Because, even though she was my Mother, she was his little girl. And losing a parent is losing a huge part of your life.

Everyone was invited back to the house after the funeral in the hopes the togetherness would lighten the mood.

Of course, it didn't fix everything, but it did allow us some time to breathe.

"You OK, Brianna?" Aunt Monét asked as I handed her some tea.

"I'm fine." Obviously, that was a lie.

I really did think I was doing everyone a favour by putting up the strong front. Little did I know the toll this would take on my own emotional well being. That whenever Grandpa came up in conversation, I'd run. If only I had realised that sooner.

I was afraid of questions like Monét had asked. So school would be a nightmare. Thankfully I was granted 2 weeks off.

The first week I lay in bed, watching box sets of The X Files. Pretty sure I almost gave myself a bladder infection from just laying there too long.

The second week, I finally decided to stop lying around and be useful. Mom recommended I break out the telescope one night. So I invited Jujubee over. I warned her beforehand that she was not to ask me any concerning questions or treat me any different. Of course, she was different with me. But she didn't ask any questions. We just carried on, looking up at the stars through the telescope.

The same week, I also found myself sitting in his room, feeling his presence very much there with me. So I took to reading his books out loud in the hopes I could keep his spirit entertained.

However, I only became interested in the books myself. I read one book. Then another. And another. And another. Fiction and non-fiction. All based on parallel universes. I couldn't get enough of it.

And reading turned into studying - taking notes, hypothesising, questioning.

And then I got Jujubee interested. Just 4 weeks after beginning, it was more than just a hobby. It was a prospect.

-_-_-_-

2020

"Miss. Caldwell. Miss Caldwell, ma'am."

I snapped back to reality, embarrassed that I had even blacked out at all. You'd think I'd know there were more important things at stake, now that I was in the presence of the Secretary of Defence, at a meeting in the middle of an almost empty hangar. Everyone around me, my team included, were important people. I needed them to believe I was on the same level as they were.

"Yes, the atmosphere of the other world," I said, hoping he would think I was listening.

"We're beyond that point now, actually." The General pointed out, standing with his hands behind his back. I couldn't lie. I felt intimidated by him, what with the uniform and all.

I glanced at his black badge, which matched mine. Did that mean I was a general like him now? Were we even on the same level? 'Cause when I woke up that morning, I tripped over my own feet and almost hit my head off the ground. I couldn't be on this guy's level.

"I asked if this place would be big enough for the construction of the rocket." He asked.

I looked around at the wide space. Yeah, it was huge, but when it came to constructing a rocket, that was all beyond me. Sure, it would probably take a good 3 minutes to walk from one end to the other. But was it high enough? I had no idea what I could even say to this guy. "Yeah, it's good."

I hoped it would be good.

"Then it's yours." He gave a quick smile. It didn't make me feel any less intimidated. He began pointing out different sections of the place, a small lab in one corner, offices in another, along the left wall was a cafeteria, and 4 sets of surprisingly clean bathrooms.

All this space, it was mine. And only an hour after the meeting with the General, we were already shipping equipment over.

"This is wild. You could fit two concert halls in here." Jujubee slipped an arm around my shoulders, the pair of us watching as a truck pulled into the hangar, carrying more gear.

I blew a sigh of relief out through my mouth. "I just can't believe this is happening. Like, why me, of all people? When do good things ever happen like this? Like, didn't I always say 'why do bad things happen to good people?'"

Jujubee laughed, "girl, good things DO happen to you. You have a luxury apartment in New York, you're filthy rich, you're a celebrity." She playfully punched me in the arm.

"Well, you're not wrong." I shrugged.

"You deserve every bit of this." She turned to get a better look at me. "You fought for so long to get people on board with this project. You continued on when people doubted you when they laughed. I think you deserve good things to happen to you."

I smiled bashfully, looking to the ground for a brief moment, "Aw, Juju," looking back to her, she lifted a hand and held my cheek. Naturally, I would have shied away, but not now. At this moment, I absolutely adored this bitch. "I couldn't have done this without you."

"I know. You've told me." She pinched my cheek before looking away.

Her hand fell by her side, so I took it in mine. "No, really. You think I would have continued without you here? You remember all those times I wanted to give up? All the times you called me out on my bullshit?"

"Hey, somebody had to do it." She shrugged in return yet swung my hand.

"That's very true." I looked at her for a moment longer. Only now did I notice the way her lashes fluttered when she blinked, how cute that was.

Her eyes moved around the large space again. "Think we could fit a Starbucks in here?"

I pulled my gaze away from her, also having another look around. "Girl, you could fit fucking 10 Starbucks in here." I raised a brow in her direction then. "Should I?"

She laughed as she continued to swing my hand like we were just children again. Honestly, that's what I felt like; A small child in her own Kingdom.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #blair x cracker #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #high school au #angst #gimme love #grinder #tw dementia #tw death #tw grief #tw homophobic slurs

[roswelldetails]

RNM 2x11 - Linger

Quick note: I am SO sorry at how painfully late this is. I wasn't able to watch on Monday night because the police helicopter decided to sit over my apartment yelling loud threats to peaceful protesters when the episode aired politics. And then I had late meetings for work Wed and Thurs. And weekend things. Excuses, excuses though. I will try to do better next week this week.

EPISODE SUMMARY:

SECRETS AND LIES -- Driven by the prospects of her scientific research, Liz (Jeanine Mason) opens up to Diego (guest star Cleo Anthony) about all the good her findings could do. Meanwhile, Max (Nathan Dean) enlists Kyle's (Michael Trevino) help getting to the bottom of the recent abductions, while Michael (Michael Vlamis) does his own investigating into Alex's disappearance. Elsewhere, after learning more about her mother Louise, Isobel (Lily Cowles) pays a visit to Rosa (Amber Midthunder), in hopes that Rosa could help her begin to heal. Franklin Vallette directed the episode written by Ariana Quiñónez & Deirdre Mangan.

DETAILS:

Liz and Diego flashback from Denver the night he proposed. The science:

"Administering a lethal dose of radiation to observe a particular neoblast… It's a regenerative master cell. The only one with this protein. I mean, this particular cell was able to multiply, diversify, and reanimate my worm."

"Wait, so observing the master gets you the underlying mechanisms of tissue regeneration."

"Then I apply the mechanism to human tissue, and irreversible injury and degradation become distant memory. I know this isn't going to happen in our lifetime, but this could be a step to help."

Diego proposed to Liz in the lab at nearly midnight. She didn't seem to see the proposal coming, but she also didn't hesitate to say yes.

A neoblast is a part of a worm. I was so disappointed. I thought it sounded like some badass science thing.

Um...everything Liz is talking about is REAL. Check this out!

Present time, both Max and Liz waking up by alarm after falling asleep working.  Liz's lab work we know a fair amount about and there's nothing specifically revealing about her wake up, but Max's is more interesting.  Max fell asleep, while writing alien symbols in his journal.  There's two empty vials of antidote in the box we saw last week (though we know he took one at the end of last week's episode.  There's also an empty bottle of acetone.

Max, Liz, and Isobel at the Crashdown. Isobel used her powers to get in and apparently immediately put on antennae and made coffee. 

Max immediately reacted when Liz said she was with Maria. Which, note that it is a little odd that Maria is out of town with Crash Con starting, given her pitch last episode and the relevance to her business. 

Now Liz is saying I love you to Isobel too. Once the floodgates open they really really open with her 

"Non-binary intimate companion" 😆

Butyricol has apparently only been used in one highly classified military trial.  What's interesting about that detail to me is that if it's highly classified, how do we know that? All Diego told us last week was that it was only approved for military use.  In order to know that it was only used in one military trial, you'd have to know the details of the military use which, if it's highly classified, would be nearly impossible to get your hands on - even for a senator's son.  IMO, this is probably a bit of a plot screw up/narrative leap.

Liz references Charlie's bioweaponry expertise. Which we, the audience, know about from 2x04, but we didn't actually see Charlie explain any of that to Max and Liz...all she said in 2x08 was "a lot of people want to know what I know."

We are reminded that Alex is out of town, hence why no one is worried about not hearing back from him.

Michael tells Sanders everything they learned about Louise last week & then finds Alex's napkin from Jesse stuck to his boot, with blood on it, and immediately reacts.

Isobel mentions Rosa's sketchbooks in front of Diego, which was risky.  Diego didn't seem to react either, which is weird.

Diego and Liz in the Crashdown.

"Ah, doing some molecular gastronomy."

"Oh, got to stay on top of trends these days. Everything needs to be Instagrammable."

"Look, I was thinking...I bet butyricol uses inducible diphtheria toxins to stun the memory expression neurons into paralysis. See, of we can counteract that, we can get your friend her memories back."

"Would it boost GABA in DLPFC?"

"See, no, you're thinking working memory, not recovery. Think traumatic memory."

I am not smart enough to explain the science in this scene so:

Michael finds Jesse Manes in Alex's house.  Jesse pulls his gun, but Michael uses his powers to disarm him and throw him to the ground.

"You told Alex Tripp gave you this in 1987. That's before the Crashdown ever used this logo."

Accurate, based off of the flashbacks we saw in 2x09. However, how would Michael know that? Unless he has studied the history of the Crashdown Cafe, he wasn't even born yet in 1987.  Unless they changed the logo much later. It would be way more plausible to me for Alex to know that detail than Michael, as someone who spent his childhood hanging out with Liz.  Michael didn't even live in Roswell until 2001.

"I just found out that Alex never made it to Andrews Air Force Base last week.  He's disabled. He has PTSD. So I'm concerned about him."

Isobel tells Rosa that Arturo is lying low.  Which explains why he's not working during Crash Con.

Isobel explains to Rosa why she came. Love that Rosa knew it had to be about Isobel wanting something.

"I am curious about what's in your journals...I didn't really read anything.  I'm trying this new thing where I don't follow every selfish impulse."

"But you still looked.  What are you looking for?"

"Myself.  So to speak. I'm curious about what might be in there from the whole Noah thing."

"You can look.  And if you see something that you want to know about just ask. I'm probably going to tell you to mind your own beeswax, but, you know, shoot your shot."

Kyle and Max in the Wild Pony:

"I was suspended from work today. Craziest thing. I was accused of stealing hospital resources for personal use. There might even be a criminal investigation."

"Look… you're a good person. You probably deserve for me to leave you the hell alone, which is why I wish I didn't have to ask you, but I'm concerned that Project Shepherd might be tied to these abductions."

"You can't ask Alex?"

"He's out of town… Look, I'm just trying to find out who's hurting people."

"I hate having a conscience."

Diego & Liz in the Crashdown kitchen:

"Oh come on, you know damn well no one uses eggshells on purpose in any kind of cooking. You met my meemaw. Don't insult me. You're making calcium carbonate. Is this about regenerating worms?"

"Kind of. I'm testing out a theory. I know I have to recreate it in a sterile environment later, but with my dad laying low in peak tourist season, I haven't been able to spend as much time in the lab."

"The lab that made you sign an NDA. Which is where again?"

"Nice try."

Diego and Liz Flashback #2, celebrating her research grant and study publication:

"The groundbreaking research led by Elizabeth Ortecho is the future of biomedical engineering."

"This grant changes everything. I mean, there is so much more that we can do now. We are really gonna save lives."

"I'm so proud of you. Oh...my God. Are you okay?"

"I'm okay. I'm fine. It's just...when I was a kid, I felt trapped in my life. I was just thinking about what this would have meant to me then. To know that the person I am existed. This isn't what the world teaches girls like me to dream."

"What would you do… if you could do anything?"

"I want a Nobel Prize."

"Strong start. Okay what next?"

"Citizenship for my dad.  I want him to not always have to be so scared. And I want to be less angry. I'm angry so much of the time."

"Anger's not so bad. It reminds us that something's not right. And then we change it. And you are gonna change everything. I'm so glad I get to stand beside you while you do."

Back to present:

"Wait, I don't think that's fully…"

"Why are you helping me? I mean my dad, but me."

"You sound like my girlfriend. Naomi was also surprised that I would rush to Roswell to help someone who bulldozed my life."

"I really wish I would have handled things differently."

"But if you had, I wouldn't have Naomi. I mean, I have a good life, Elizabeth. I'm happy. I do miss you at work though. There's really...there's no replacing you there."

"Yeah I get the feeling."

"So wouldn't it feel really good if you would just tell me what your secret experiment is?"

"Hypothetically, let's say there's this rare blood disorder that affects one in four million people. No research, no treatments...Do you remember my planarian neoblasts with the regenerative proteins? So I…" fades off.

Max & Kyle in the bunker

"Searching for the term butyricol. What makes you think it's got a connection to Project Shepherd?"

"The drug was developed by the military. And the only other clue we have is a fractal burn pattern, which is an alien thing."

"And Project Shepherd is in the middle of your alien-military Venn diagram."

"I know. It's a long shot, but it's all I have right now."

"I'm surprised you haven't asked to see this sooner."

"Yeah, I'm still figuring out how much information I want to know. I mean, you ever wake up from a night of drinking and not want to know what happened the night before in case it's worse than you imagined?"

"Like if I don't remember Taylor Swift drag night at Planet 7, then it didn't happen?"

"...When this is done, why don't you let me give you a lift over to Liz's lab? We can load up the stolen equipment so you can return it. She's not using it."

"Nah, we don't have to do that."

"I mean, your handprint gives you access to their security system, right? So, you know, just get in there and return their stuff. Maybe they'll go easier on you if they have it."

Jesse and Flint (in front of Michael)

"Flint, what did you do with your brother?"

"Drop the gun...you can't pull intel from a dead soldier."

"I'd be careful kid. I taught you everything you know, but I didn't teach you everything I know. You wouldn't have showed up unless you wanted my attention. Well here I am. Where is Alex."

"He's safe and sound. I know how concerned you are about his safety. That why you had him locked in the basement? You kidnapped him first, Pops. What do you want from him anyway?"

"You hand him over to me right now."

"No. This time I outrank you, and I haven't granted clearance."

"You outrank me."

"You went soft. My entire life has been about destroying the aliens. That's all I've done.  Develop weapons, develop strategy. Fighting for our species, 'cause you told me."

"I was wrong."

"You can't do that. I don't need you for this, old man."

My question: how much of that was real and how much of that was staged? It seems like it was staged at the beginning, but then it also sort of seemed to go off the rails. It's really unclear to me just how involved Jesse is with Flint and Helena's plan. I'd like to believe a lot. But who knows? One thing I'm fairly confident about though is that Jesse is NOT who initially took Alex from the junkyard. The figure is all wrong for Jesse at the end of 2x10.

Michael uses his powers to steal Jesse's cane and whacks him over the head with it.

"You had him in your basement? What, you took him last week after you got that piece of alien tech from me? He's a loose end. If we got him back from Flint, you were gonna kill him. You are barely human! When I was a kid, I thought maybe because of my high IQ, my species was superior to your. Then I fell in love with your son. And I didn't feel superior anymore.  I am angry. And smashing things, it's easy. Alex has evolved past that. He's past you! And he's past me. Despite you slapping him around, shoving that Manes Man crap down his throat, he still loves. He even loves you. You don't deserve to call him your son."

Max and Kyle trying to get into the lab.

"I was deceased when they made the guest list."

Gah plot issues.  How did Max manage to sneak up on Liz in the lab at the beginning of 2x08 if he doesn't actually have access? 

"Maybe Liz was still pissed about the pollen in my mom's perfume, had Alex revoke my access?"

Yet another plot issue.  Why would Alex do that, even if Liz asked? He and Kyle were teaming up before he even knew that Liz knew about aliens. It makes zero sense that Alex would do that. It would have to be a spite thing from Liz because of her argument with Kyle in 2x09 and there's no guarantee she even has control over the security access for the lab. 

"If Diego was able to find out about this butyricol through his fancy connections, maybe it wasn't a Project Shepherd or Caulfield trial. Maybe it was legit military."

"Military would have some use for something that would erase state secrets from people's minds. They can't spill to the enemy."

"Or you could erase bad memories from soldiers coming home. Or it could be a weapon."

"Erase an army's memories...they don't know what they're fighting for anymore."

"Project Shepherd hasn't been legit in years, so what does Flint Manes do, officially, for the military?"

"He's a weapons specialist. He could have access to biomedical trials."

"Let's go. Find out what he's up to." 

Liz and Diego

"My team at my research facility, we found a rare protein. A mutated gene. You know what? I've said too much. You probably think I'm delusional anyway."

"No, you're not delusional. Elizabeth Holmes was delusional."

"Yeah, well, at least Elizabeth Holmes had funding."

"You can get funding."

HBO recently did a whole documentary on Elizabeth Holmes. I haven't watched it yet, but she seemed craaaazy in the trailer.

Flashback 3, Liz finding out that she lost her funding.

"The second we move from worms to human cells, they pull our funding and that isn't fair."

"I think you should reconsider the Genoryx grant."

"What difference does it make? Every research facility in this country answers to the same uber-conservative Department of Health and Human Services."

"Well, whoever's funding Genoryx isn't super concerned about FDA guidelines. They're above the red tape.  Look, you can start saving the world now."

"I can't do anything shady or secret. I have too much to lose."

"My God, Elizabeth. You don't always have to be this perfect daughter of a perfect immigrant!"

"Yes I do. Because the imperfect daughter is in a box at Frontier Valley Cemetery."

Back to present:

"Genoryx has more money than they know what to do with."

"Just because your office has ping-pong tables and hyperbaric napping chambers, does not mean that Genoryx isn't unethical."

Note: up until this last line it was implied that Diego and Liz were actually working together in the lab.  This line implies that wasn't the case, that Diego actually works for this Genoryx. Which sounds sketchy.  Related to Deep Sky maybe?

Graham Green's interruption, which is certainly going to be relevant to one of the final episodes:

"Greetings, Graham Crackers! Today, a private citizen pledged a donation to the museum that will change the course of human history. At closing night, 7:00 p.m., main stage, I will unveil the most astonishing alien artifact I've seen in all my years of collecting."

Michael chases down Flint Manes, uses his powers to puncture his tire, disarm him, and toss him to the ground.

Isobel and Rosa discussing Helena:

"This is the post-high school chapter, which is really just a big burn book on my mom. Finding out my dad wasn't my dad was bad. It was Liz's senior year when I dumped my drug dealer boyfriend, and I went to this NA meeting. I think that was the first time that I ever actually wanted to get better. But still, I wore a hoodie, I sat in the back, I made myself really invisible. I was...high at the meeting. You can see it if you want to. Jump in."

What Helena says in Rosa's flashback:

"The drinking started when the man I loved left me. That was almost 20 years ago. And I still see him every day. I see him in the street, in my business, but I can handle that. What I can't handle is when I see him in our daughter's eyes. Sometimes I think if we didn't have a child together, I might not hurt so much all these years later. I might not still love him, but I do today. So I drink, and I take pills. And I try not to look my daughter in the eye."

Back to present: 

"Why did you want to show me that?"

"I cannot relate to marrying a body-stealing alien sociopath. You're kind of on your own for that one. But I know that you're feeling messed up over not knowing your real mom. And I guess I just feel like it's worth saying that I wish I knew mine a little bit less."

Note: Again, how does Rosa know any of Isobel's identity issues? I guess we're supposed to assume that either Liz told her about it all, or that she and Isobel are having long, deep, phone conversations on the side?  Because everything that happened with Isobel trying to learn about Louise happened while Rosa was in rehab. 

The Spanish:

"Javi, la migra. Cuídate. Te llamo mas tarde."

Javi, immigration. Beware. I'll call you later.

The ICE officer from 2x10 comes into the Crashdown, threatens, and insults Liz. Liz first tries to get them to leave by offering them free coffee to go, and then the floodgates open and she starts fighting them.  Diego finally convinces them to leave by telling them that the Acting Director of U.S. Customs and Immigration Enforcement is a personal friend. At least the jackass learned how to pronounce her name properly since last episode!  I don't really want to transcribe their insults so I'm gonna leave it at that summary, though if you need me to, just send me an ask.

Kyle and Max search Flint's house. Key points:

Inconsistency! Max's hands are bare when he picks the lock to break into the house, but then he puts gloves on (off camera) when he's searching. But if the point was to avoid fingerprints he just left them all over the door!

Kyle finds a thumb drive that catches his attention for some reason. It's labeled Yucca Blooms LTD. Just as a side point, the Yucca flower is the state flower of New Mexico.

Max finds something in the trash that catches his attention, but we don't see what it is until the end of the episode. 

They get interrupted by a car pulling up and hide in the closet (paralleling Liz and Kyle hiding in the closet in 2x04).

Max finds the sniper rifle in the closet, which was shooting at him and Charlie when they rescued Cam in 2x08. (But Max shot the sniper...just a point.)

Kyle says Max smells like rain.

Kyle spots the hunting van pulling away from Flint's house.

I lied, you can see Max pull the box from the trash can.

Rosa calls Helena's house to hear her mom's voice.  Dirk answers & says:

"Helena? Helena is that you baby? Oh if it is please come home. We've been so worried. I love you so much. If this is the bastard that took her, I hope you rot in hell, you son of a bitch."

Note: why would Rosa have Helena's phone number? That is such a silly plot point. They wouldn't let her see Helena in 2x07 so why would they let her have her phone number? Why would she WANT it? This one kind of bugs me.

In the car driving back to Roswell, Rosa speculates that Helena was abducted leaving town.  Either that or she bailed on her family.

Rosa says she's not done with rehab and wants to go back once they know her mom is ok. Isobel actually seems concerned and asks if she wants to stay longer. Rosa wants to stay until she's better.

Isobel on money, answering one of fandom's oldest questions:

"Listen, Noah was a treacherous, serial-killing alien, but he did have a happy knack for day trading. And… I've been trying to figure out what to do with all that money he left behind...I want to be better too. The more that I learn about Louise, the more I want to be like her. She was a good person and she made a difference. Someone told me recently that they saw a lot of her in me. I really want that to be true."

They stop at the junkyard since Michael is not responding to Isobel. Which...doesn't seem all that out of character for him?

Michael and Flint chatting while Michael violently tortures him:

"So this is the perk of being a weapons specialist, huh?"

"If this is your attempt to convince me that you aren't a horde of violent invaders here to colonize a planet that isn't yours, I mean, you're doing a really bang-up job."

"You know, I was a good kid. I wanted to be an agricultural engineer. Maybe have a couple kids, start a dad band. But then I was provoked. And now I'm this. Maybe there's still hope for you. Your brother Gregory's living a peaceful life teaching kids, staying jacked on the res. And Alex…"

"Alex is a traitor. He'll be court-martialed when this is over."

"So he's still alive?"

"You were early."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know, my father demanded a meeting. I had just left Sanders' Auto."

"If you hurt that old man!"

"I wouldn't touch him. Okay? He's a hard-working American. I was just leaving you a note. And I took Alex because I knew it was the best way to get you to cooperate. Alex will be fine as long as you do what I say. If you disobey,  make my day any worse, Alex will die knowing you are the reason. So why don't you untie me and apologize. We'll go from there."

Note that this scene is where we learn the source of the fractal burns.

Diego's last pitch to Liz:

"Listen, Genoryx invests in their people. You are valuable. I'm sure they'll sponsor Arturo's path to citizenship if you just sign on. In the meantime, you can work in a sanctuary city."

Max and Liz's fight:

"Kyle and I connected butyricol to Flint Manes. So I called Alex's other brother Greg, and he said that Flint has this property outside of town. He drives a massive hunting van, Liz. He was the sniper the night we found Cameron."

"Have you called Alex?"

"No, Kyle's on it, but there's something else. I found this in Flint's trash."

"This is the box my dad kept my abuelita's ring in until my mom stole it."

"I got the ring back, but she kept the box."

"Rosa called earlier. She was worried about Mom. I said that she probably just bailed like she always does. Okay, if Flint used Jenna to get to Charlie because Charlie builds bioweapons, what does he want with my mom?"

"Maybe he's trying to get to another bioengineering genius."

"Well, that's not gonna work. I don't care about her… Max, what's going on? You're being cold."

"This is a serious conversation."

"No, don't do that. What's going on?"

"I know Maria left yesterday. I saw her and Mimi off from the Wild Pony. So I know you didn't spend last night helping her process. And you certainly didn't spend last night here. I didn't push it this morning because I trust you, and everyone's entitled to their secrets."

"If this is about Diego you're way off base."

"I wish this was about Diego. Why is Kyle locked out of your lab? Why did you tell me that no one's accepting your applications when you've turned down two research grant offers? I found the papers in my trash."

"Because I don't want to go back to that. Okay? I brought you back to life and now I don't want to go back to worms and mice and rats and hoping maybe my work will help some other scientist revolutionize medicine decades from now."

"What kind of work are you doing, exactly?"

"I'm developing a rapid treatment for a rare blood disease. Kyle's girlfriend is sick and I want to help repay him for what he's done for us."

"So this is just about Kyle's girlfriend and then it's over?"

"If I can cure her, the possibilities are endless. I can adjust it for other illnesses.

"Adjust what exactly? Alien DNA? Liz, my God. Like, let's say you're right and you find some miracle cure-all in alien spinal fluid and then that information falls into the wrong hands?"

"It won't because it's in my hands. Max, I love you, I love your family. I am asking you to trust me with this."

"No you're not asking me anything. You haven't asked me about any of this. You just got caught in a string of lies."

"I guess it sucks, huh? When your partner doesn't include you in major, life-altering decisions?"

"Are you angry at me for bringing your sister back?"

Not gonna lie, I laughed out loud when Rosa walks in at this moment.  When, literally, another alien brings Rosa back." Rosa & Isobel's reveal:

"Well, there is new information."

"We found this on Michael's trailer."

"Flint didn't abduct my mother. This is Helena's handwriting. They're working together."

Just one more little detail about the note... It's the same Roswell postcard that Cam's fake note from Charlie came on in 2x04. Different handwriting though.

Kyle and Steph:

"Is it true? Have you been stealing from the hospital?"

"Steph…"

"Yeah. #nofilter. I can't get my hands to work lately, which makes getting the top off my makeup kind of hard. But we can talk about eye shadow after you answer me. Have you been siphoning hospital resources for God knows what?"

"It's not that simple. Yes, I've gone against hospital policy to treat people who can't get health care."

"Yeah well, this isn't a victimless crime, Kyle. My dad. He's been getting so much heat about supply shortages. His personal genome machine getting stolen out from under his nose. Do you know how much it's costing him to keep me alive right now? How much it would cost if he lost his fancy insurance?"

"I hadn't thought about that. I'm gonna return everything. That's why I'm here right now. To apologize. And to say goodbye. I am definitely going to lose my job, and after I confess to everything they're definitely gonna press criminal charges."

"Yeah well, your mom's the sheriff."

"And if you'd met her you'd know that means I'm really screwed. I wish you'd met her. She'd really love you. Goodbye Steph."

"Show up for your shift tomorrow...Yeah the thing about dying? Your dad's willing to do whatever it takes to make you happy. And I don't want you to lose your job, so."

"I don't know what to say."

"Don't. I'm still mad at you. Close the door on your way out."

Helena and Michael after she injects him:

"It's a special drug developed at Caulfield. It won't harm you at all, but you won't be able to use any telekinesis until it wears off. It'll keep you honest."

"I want to see Alex."

"Oh, you will. After you build me this bomb."

MUSIC:

Note, normally I get my music list straight from the source - the show's music supervisor shares it on Twitter @cmollere. But he didn't share this week because politics. So this week I pulled it from here:

Pasado Es Pasado - LMS

Makeup Counter Girl - Powerslide

Summer's Over - Pillbox

Just a Human, Being Human - Joey Sykes

The Last Man in Tujunga - I See Hawks in L.A.

Matter of Fact - BUVA

Take Me Someplace - Joey Sykes

Fade Out - Vicious Kiss

It's Easier to Run Away - Joey Sykes

#roswell new mexico #details #rnm season 2 #episode details #long post #rnm211 #Linger