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kaitsawamura · 2 years

Text

somewhere in between

; summary

After a night of drinks with coworkers, they find out you’re a virgin. That “they” includes Daichi Sawamura, the biggest fat crush you’ve had in a long time. But an interesting turn of events tells you the feeling might be mutual and lends you an opportunity that you never would have hoped for in a million years. Will you take it?

; stats

Pairing: Coworker!Daichi Sawamura x Virgin!Reader (she/her)

Rating: M for MATURE, 18+ only minors do not interact

Content Warnings: virginity, loss of virginity, social alcohol consumption

Tags: semi-proofread because once I finished I didn't want to wait and only skimmed :crine:, friends to lovers, virgin reader, discovered pining, mutual attraction, lots of fluff, Daichi and Reader are under the influence of a couple drinks, oral (f receiving), sex with a condom, feeling completely and utterly safe with someone, it's more about that than the smut, goofy cute giggles about body parts

Word Count: 6837 (per AO3)

; links

Better Than Fiction Collab: This piece is part of a collaboration! All the other wonderful pieces written by talented authors can be found by clicking on the link.

AO3 Version

HQ Masterlist

; author’s note

Beware folks, this is really really really self-insert and self-indulgent. However, I think sprinkling in a little of my real life at the beginning of this fic is going to be relatable for a lot of people? Maybe? The theme of this collab to me, means sex that’s about more than just hot and heavy blacked-out vision, etc, etc. It’s about the safety and the knowing so I tried to play really heavy on that. This is my first Daichi fic and I’m so nervous because I love him so much and I don’t want to fuck this up lmaooooo. HE’S MY HUSBAND. ANYWAY as always, I hope y’all enjoy!

“Wait, really? You’ve never even been kissed?” You’re really regretting finally giving in to after hours drinks with your new coworkers. Well, new is a relative term. You’ve been working at the agency for about a year now. So, not new. But this feels like a new side of them that you haven’t seen before. It’s a fun side, sure, but a side that doesn’t really appeal to you all that often. And now you’re remembering why; it’s bubbling to the surface, ruining the buzz that should have you feeling warm and happy and included.

It’s not like admitting you’re a virgin bothers you; it’s something you’ve been okay with since high school. It’s something you’ve become more okay with as you’ve gotten older. Everyone lives at their own pace, right? You’re always the first to preach it because it’s true. It’s perfectly fine to have had sex by your age and perfectly fine to have not had sex by your age. But sometimes, you’re around someone who gets to that inevitable line of questioning: you’ve never been on a date?! You’ve never held someone’s hand?! You’ve never been kissed?! And in your experience, the questions are never asked with ill intent. But sometimes… sometimes they hurt.

Because they make you wonder for a split second if there’s something wrong with you. They make you wonder if you have false confidence. If you’re not desirable. Not worthy of being wanted, even if only in a physical way.

And unfortunately for you, right now is one of those instances. The heat is sitting heavy in your cheeks along with the alcohol. The sensation is not eased when you take another sip of your drink and over the rim of your glass see Daichi’s eyes on yours.

Daichi Sawamura. He’s arguably, easily, the hottest person here. At the bar. At your work. In the town, but you’re a little biased. You get to see his face five days a week. You get to see his personality in action five days a week. It’s what makes his strong chin and wide shoulders, his barrel chest and massive thighs, his deep brown eyes and genuine smile all the more attractive. He’s a workhorse because he loves what he does and he’s good at it. He’s kind and steady and reliable. Always encouraging others. You’re pretty sure he’s the glue who holds everyone together.

He was easy to befriend. The first one who welcomed you wholeheartedly to the agency. The one who made sure you understood how things worked from the filing system to the second-hand espresso machine in the lunch room that sometimes had to be restarted to be used. He’d checked in with you everyday for at least the first three weeks and when he was satisfied that you’d had the hang of things, he’d made a point of taking the same lunch break as you so you had a familiar face to hang out with. He was the only one that had remembered your birthday.

You set your glass down a little harder than you mean to as you shrug your shoulders and avert your eyes from Daichi back in Ryū’s direction. “Nope, never been kissed. It’s not that big of a deal. It’ll happen when it’s meant to happen.” He sits back into the booth, face a little incredulous.

“Isn’t that kind of a cop out? If you want something, ya gotta go for it! Take Daichi, for instance. He practically fought tooth and nail to partner with you on that last project. Something about how you two were the best suited for it. Which wasn’t exactly a lie but…” He trails off when he catches sight of Daichi glaring at him out of the corner of his eye. You feel the heat from your cheeks burst low in your belly, burst from heat into swooping butterflies. Daichi had insisted on working the project with you? It made sense but it also made sense for him to have partnered with at least two other people in the office. Ryū lets out a breath through pursed lips. “And that’s the end of the line for me, folks. I sense I’ve made some mistake. This is where I say ‘Well, look at the time! I better be going!’ and exit before I make myself look like an even bigger ass.”

Now it’s your turn to look incredulous as you glance between him and the three other people who are silent but on the verge of giggling. Your turn to look incredulous when you set your eyes back on Daichi and you can see that he’s blushing in the low light of the bar. It has your bloody running syrupy in your veins. You watch as he stands to let Ryū out and then the other three as they quickly decide they better get going too. It’s a Friday night but everyone has plans for their Saturday. You stand as well, slipping your arms into your jacket and heading to the front to pay your portion of the tab.

“Uh, mind if I cover this one?” You turn to Daichi, intent on insisting that it’s fine, you’ve got it but when you see the smile on his face, the one that says he’s sorry for the way the night turned, you offer him a small smile back and step aside as he swipes his credit card. “Hey, I’m sorry about tonight. I don’t think Ryū was trying to be a dick.” You laugh, shaking your head as the two of you walk outside. There’s a light snowfall; you mentally chide yourself for not leaving earlier. Your old car is gonna have a field day trying to start in this weather. At least you were wearing a jacket and had a blanket in the trunk in case you had to sit there for a minute.

“Oh, I know he’s not. Ryū wouldn’t hurt a fly, I know that. I just… It’s really, really okay, right? But sometimes being reminded of the fact that I’m 29 and still a virgin feels a tad defeating, ya know?” Daichi’s watching you, a soft expression on his face that you can’t place but one that makes you feel as if you’re being laid bare. It’s a feeling you normally wouldn’t like but with Daichi, you can’t help but feel safe in being known. “It’s whatever, I’m just being a baby. It’s probably the alcohol, I don’t really drink. I did have fun tonight though! I might even consider doing it again sometime.” You smirk, pulling your keys out of your bag. “Will you take an Uber?” Daichi shakes his head before stuffing his hands in his coat pocket as he walks with you to your car.

“Nah, I live within walking distance. And, uh, for the record. For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re being a baby at all.” He rubs his hand over the back of his neck; the movement has his scent wafting to you through the cold air, faintly musky and smelling of expensive cologne. You have to stop yourself from leaning in to catch a bigger pull of it. Another thing about him that puts you at ease.

“Thanks, Daichi. You’re really sweet. I better get going.” You feel something pulling at the inside of you, something near panic but a good kind of panic like you’re about to skydive. You turn back to him and grab his hand. It’s warm and large and when he doesn’t pull away, it gives you more confidence to keep going. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad you insisted on working on the last project with me.” You look up at him, feeling the snowflakes catching fluffy on your eyelids as your breath comes out in a small puff. He grins and it’s like there’s a 1000 watt light bulb standing right in front of you. When Daichi smiles, he smiles with his whole face, all the way through to his dimples and squinted eyes. It makes your heart pound and your chest fill with a balloon fit to burst.

“Hey, I know you’ve talked before about how much you like breakfast. There’s a new little place nearby if you want to try it out sometime. I’ve been meaning to check it out for a while.” You haven’t dropped his hand and he hasn’t moved away and all of a sudden you can’t quite feel the cold as acutely as you had just a moment before. You nod and back up a couple steps towards your car.

“You free tomorrow?” The snow starts coming down harder when he nods. He stands there, snow dusting his dark brown hair and you have to suppress another urge, this time to brush it from his head. “Daichi, you wanna a ride to your place?” You can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from your throat as he dashes to the passenger side of your car and you both hop in. You put your keys in the ignition and crank. Your car sputters, revs, but stays off. You feel your stomach drop. Please. You turn the key again, same thing. “Shit. Um. What time is it?” Daichi glances at his phone.

“12:45. I’m guessing there’s not gonna be any towing companies open. Does this happen a lot?” He’s looking at you with concern; you know it’s not pity but it still curdles in your stomach the same way.

“I mean. Yeah. It’s an old car. I’m sorry, I guess I can’t give you a ride home. I’ll have to call my sister to give me a ride to my place. Hopefully she’s awake. I might have to take a rain check for tomorwoow too… What?” You hadn’t noticed until just now how much room he was taking up in your car but now you’re looking at Daichi and how he’s watching you mumble to yourself and how his broad shoulders cover the expanse of your passenger seat. You can’t put a finger on the expression on his face but his lips are softly parted and he’s looking at you like you’re the only thing he can see at that moment.

“Sorry, it’s nothing. Just a trick of the light. Look, I don’t want to be too forward but my apartment’s a ten minute walk from here. My couch has a foldout bed that’s not too bad. We could call a tow truck after breakfast tomorrow.” You don’t realize how far he’s leaned in your direction until he’s leaning back, intentionally giving you space, you think. “But it’s entirely up to you. I can wait here until your sister picks you up if you’d rather still call her.”

You sit back too and stare out your windshield. The steam from your combined breaths is already creating fog on the glass. There’s a thumping deep in your chest that you really want to ignore but you can’t. The combination of this and the way your stomach is flipping wildly in your abdomen is making you queasy. You really, really want to say yes to his apartment. But in light of tonight’s conversation, nerves are making it a little harder for you to say yes. God, you really want to say yes.

“I mean… if it’s not too much trouble that would be great. I really don’t want to impose though, I can totally call my sister!” Again he’s watching you; you can feel your words coming out faster and your voice pitching upwards. You’re a little too used to not wanting to be an imposition and he knows it, can see it written as plain as day across your face. He reaches across to you, places a stilling hand on your arm.

“Who taught you that accepting an offer is an imposition? I wanna have a little chat with them.” His words catch you off guard and eyes are intense in the small space of your car. But they soften around the edges the longer you’re silent, stunned into it. He clears his throat and smiles then. “It’s no trouble at all, seriously. Do you have a paper and pen? We can leave a note on the dash in case people are wondering about it before we get down here in the morning.” You nod, running his words over in your head as you dig through your bag. All you have is your notebook so you tear a page from the back and write a quick “too late for towing, will be back first thing in the morning” with your number looped across the bottom.

Daichi takes it from you, his fingers brushing your hand as he takes the paper. “I’ll stick it under the wiper and then we can start walking?”

“Sounds good.” Your head spins a little as you get out of your car and lock it. You’re going home with Daichi. There’s no preordained rule that says you have to sleep with him but even going back to his place now that there’s something out in the open between the two of you has notes from a song you didn’t know existed ringing clean and tripping bright in your blood. Everything suddenly seems hazy and in focus all at once as if something thicker than blood ran through your veins.

When he meets you on the sidewalk and walks close to you, that feeling doesn’t go away. When snow starts catching in your hair and his, and you can feel time moving more slowly in this weird liminal space, that feeling doesn’t go away. When he points out an apartment window a few stories up as you walk where you can see the residents already have their Christmas tree up, that feeling doesn’t go away. It definitely doesn’t go away when you slip a little on some ice and Daichi grabs you before you fall and instead of letting go, you end up holding on to him for dear life. The feeling doesn’t go away when you blink and you’re at his apartment, a little brownstone complex, and he guides you through his door with a hand at the small of your back.

The lights bloom on gradually when he flips the switch by the front door, bathing everything in a low warm glow. You feel sleep heavy in your limbs but something else buzzes behind your eyes when Daichi trails behind you into his living room. A big leather couch with throw blankets; a huge coffee table with wood legs and an inlaid glass top. There’s a couple of large books on it and a couple paperbacks too. Some coasters. A string of lights up over the glass doors leading to a small balcony outside. A darkened hallway with pictures you can’t make out on the wall. His kitchen tucked into the corner on your right. It smells like cinnamon.

You turn to him, a grin large on your face. “Are those cinnamon pine cones I smell?” Somehow you are both surprised and not at the same time. Surprised because Daichi is so different from a lot of people you’ve met, guys in particular. You’re also not surprised for the exact same reason, because it is Daichi. He’s chuckling from where he’s standing at the fridge. He hands you a cold bottle of water that you gulp down immediately.

“There was a stand selling them at the corner the other day. They smelled good, okay?” He’s laughing some more as he finishes his own water and makes his way to the coffee table. You pretend to be looking at some pictures on the wall but really you’re watching him pull the table away from the couch and the way his whole body works together while he does. This is dangerous, you realize. Not in a bad way but in a way that nearly knocks the breath from your lungs. You have a huge crush on your coworker and everything about how this night is going is not helping.

“Daichi, I hate to bother you for anything else but can you direct me to the restroom?” Maybe splashing some water on your face, washing the makeup off will help the buzzing in your head. He sends you down the hallway while he ducks in his room. The small space is no less tidy than the rest of the apartment; the same wood floor, a plush rug, white countertops and a spotless mirror. You glance through the couple bottles displayed neatly next to the sink, look at what toothpaste he uses, what face wash and moisturizer. It feels strange to be learning all these things about him. Strange and somehow right. You do splash some water on your face and it does help you feel a little better until the feeling of a somewhat clean face makes you realize that the rest of you still has the day’s grime settled on your clothes and skin. It’s fine; you’ve gone a night without your full shower routine before. This won’t be any different.

“Hey, if you wanna take a shower that’s totally fine with me!” Daichi’s voice rumbles from the other side of the door but you can hear the pause so you open it; he’s standing there holding a big old shirt and long pajama pants with red checkers. You push the thought away that they’re some other girl’s but you realize maybe you didn’t hide the thought so well because something dawns on his face as he quickly adds “Oh! They’re my little sister’s! They’re clean, I just thought maybe you wouldn’t want to sleep in jeans. She left them here by accident the last time she visited and I think they’ll be comfortable.”

“What about your shower?” He shrugs, explains he took one that morning. You thank him and once you find the extra towels he’s told you are in the cupboard above the toilet, you get in and thank your lucky stars. You didn’t glance at your phone to see the time but you knew it had to be going on 1:30 by now. Thank god it’s a Saturday. It would have been killer for you both to have to be at work by 8 if it had been a weekday.

The warm water helps you feel a lot more human as does the fact that Daichi has a trustworthy face wash in the shower. When you step out and dry off, put the pajamas on that smell faintly of a floral perfume, you’re pretty sure you might fall asleep on the spot. But you push past it, fold your clothes up for tomorrow and head back out to the living room. The kitchen light is back off but a smaller one next to the couch has replaced it; you watch quietly from the hallway as Daichi unfolds a blanket and lays it out on the sofa bed. Watch him as he places one down to lay on and one to cover up with and how he lays out an extra two pillows. There's fresh water already on the coffee table next to the couch and a phone charger has been plugged in near it as well. You wonder absently how he came to be so domestic or if it was just that he was… good.

He notices you standing there, in the shadow of the hallway, and smiles. It’s a small one this time, warm, familiar. “I hope it’s comfortable enough. Akari said it was so I have to trust she wasn’t fibbing.” He’s got on a white t-shirt, gray sweatpants. He watches you, gone even softer around the edges from the beer and time of night. You think, maybe softer around the edges because you’re standing here in his living room. And something about the way his cheeks dust with pink as you watch him back has your feet propelling you forward, more into his space.

Maybe it’s stupid but for a moment, you’re dumbstruck. All the memories you have of him come flowing through your brain, like shooting stars across a night sky. How he was captain of his high school volleyball team and Ryū had piped in with that he was the best one there was. How he had a framed picture of his family at the office. The countless times he’d dropped a latte on your desk just the way you liked it from the coffee shop on the corner. All the times you’d seen him hold doors open for people when he didn’t realize someone was watching. The way he spoke to every single client, every person he came in contact with. As if they were, at that moment, the only person to exist in the world. He gave his full attention, nothing less. Exactly how he was giving you his full attention now. The look in his eye was spurring you on, it had to be. You had (obviously) never done anything close to this in your life. You were nervous. But you were sure.

He’s looking at you, back and forth between your eyes; he’s moving slow when he steps in to meet you, as if he might scare an animal. And if it had been anyone else, you think you would be. One of his hands moves to your face, brushes a lock of hair behind your ear. His thumb lingers on your cheek; you lean in to the strength and safety of his hand. He leans forward, lips near your ear. “I… I really wanna kiss you. Can I kiss you?” You’re nodding against the pulse of his wrist before any other part of you, mind or body, can catch up.

It’s not like what you thought it would be, when his lips meet yours. There’s no cataclysmic shift of the earth. There’s not even what you would think is a spark. But he moves in closer to you and brings his other hand up so he’s cradling your face as he kisses you and all you can think is safe. You feel safe to lean into him and explore what it means to be held like this, to be kissed like this. You feel safe to reach one hand into his hair, slip your fingers through the thickness of it, safe to reach the other up to his chest.

You’ve never done this before so you’re not sure if you’re doing it right but you can’t even waste a thought on caring really. Your body feels heavy and your skin is only getting hotter by the minute. Your breathing is heavy and when you shift a bit to move closer, you can feel the outline of Daichi’s cock through his sweatpants. It has heat slicing through your belly and you groan. He releases a sharp short gasp in response as he takes a small step backward.

“Am I going too fast?” The simplicity of the question or the sincerity with which he asks it (maybe that he asks it at all) makes something trip in your chest.

“No, you’re not. Daichi… I–I really like you. I think I’ve liked you since I first met you. And I’ve only liked you the more I’ve been around you. If this was to go… farther tonight, I think I would be happy with that.” You’re looking up at him, watching the emotions flow across his face, the slightly crooked bridge of his nose (you’ll have to ask him if that’s from volleyball later), the dark brown and copper of his eyes (they’ve slightly darkened since he kissed you but haven’t gotten any less soft), his slightly parted lips. And god, if you didn’t know better you’d say there was a careful adoration there in his face. Even if nothing else about this lasted, to see that look on someone’s face and know it was for you? That feeling would always be priceless.

“I’d be happy too. I think we’re a little bit dumb, aren’t we?” He says it with that smile, the one that’s bright and soft and makes your heart beat faster. You nod. You have missed a lot of cues apparently. But so has he. And maybe it was better that way. Maybe all of that was leading up to this. You take his hand and squeeze it. “You want to take this to the room?” He’s leading you before the question fully leaves his mouth but you’re glad for it. He shuts the lights off in the living room as you go and even that small action has you adding yet another thing to the list of things about him that you love.

His room feels much larger than you would have thought; the four poster bed takes up a lot of the room and if you weren’t getting a little nervous about what was going to happen, you’d be fantasizing about what it would be like to sleep in it. Just sleep in it. The quilt alone looks like the softest thing ever and he’s got more than one pillow there; it seems like a silly thing to notice but you do. But then he’s kissing you again and you don’t notice much more of anything else. You’re turning, backing up slowly until the backs of your legs bump against his bed. He’s pulling the quilt down and you’re laying back and then it hits you: this is actually happening.

Part of you is hesitant; you’d just had a conversation that night about how after all this time, you’d never been intimate in this way. Sure, you’ve read a lot. Watched television shows and movies. You’ve used your hands, used a vibrator. But there was only your physical needs to spur on feelings of pleasure. Now, there was a whole other person. A person you liked beyond lust. Of course, maybe that’s all this was. But this feels like something else entirely. That’s what has you holding your arms out to him and pulling him into his own bed, pulling him on top of you. He’s supporting his weight on one arm and the other is cupping your cheek and it has you nearly sick with an emotion you don’t want to explore right now.

“I’m gonna take your pants off now, okay?” You nod and he slides them down off your hips along with your underwear. You feel the cold rush of air hit your cunt and you realize with a new kind of embarrassment that you’re wet. Daichi realizes at the same time you do, places a steadying hand on your knees to prevent you from closing them. He shakes his head, barely a movement before he’s backing up, kneeling over you again, continuing his attention down the planes of your stomach. Until he stops and you feel his hot breath against you down there and you’re shuddering out a breath. “You can tell me to stop any time,” he reminds you, his voice rumbling into you. You shake your head near frantic, comb your fingers through his hair. Heaven nor hell could stop him now, least of all you. Even if you wanted him to stop which you most definitely don’t.

When he puts his mouth to the wet mess of your sex, you think you could get used to this, with him. It’s a completely new sensation, the way he practically drinks from you. Your voice pitches high and drawn out as he licks; the sounds he’s making are almost pornographic and god, you can’t believe that it’s it feels like this. He shifts, pulling you closer; you help him, canting your hips softly into his face.

“Right there, yeessss.” Your words come out garbled, difficult to even get out. He keeps going, focuses on your clit. You can feel something rising inside of you, something tightening. You recognize the feeling, only now it feels a hundred times more intense. It’s coiling in you like a new spring, the sparks of it sending the nerves in between your legs on fire. You’re gripping into his hair as he keeps going, delving his tongue into your cunt, sucking, moaning into you. It’s right there, right there, right there, you can feel it. “Oh, shit. I think–think I’mgonna–” He’s nodding into you, pressing your legs apart and there…

Your orgasm snaps, leaves you panting, arching your back and rutting your hips continually into his face. You want to close your legs but he won’t let you, keeps going to wring the last of it from you and by the time he’s finished, every little touch has you twitching. Everything feels overly sensitive. He huffs a soft breath, places a kiss to the flesh of your inner thigh. You can hardly process anything except to think that all of this feels like instinct. Instinctual when you thought maybe you wouldn’t know what to do, how to act. It makes you feel self-confident, even as you lay stretched out on Daichi’s bed, watching him with half-lidded eyes as you murmur “Daichi, I need–I need more. I need you inside me.” The look in his eyes… you wish you had a way to bottle that look.

A kiss to your mouth. “Are you sure you want to do this?” A kiss to your jaw, your neck. You turn so he has access to more skin, more of you. “We can stop now. We can stop at any point. This is for you, this one’s for you.” He’s pulling your shirt over your head and you’re gone to the world once more. A low whistling breath wheezes from his chest when he sees your breasts. He kisses again from your neck down over your sternum. He kneads one breast with a hand, laves his tongue over the pebbled nipple of the other. You back arches into him. Shit. Your hands never made you feel like this. There’s a split second where you can’t believe Daichi wants you but you push it away because that is the only doubt in your head and heart right now. And it has no right to be here. You’re turning back to him, nuzzling into his own neck. You nip softly at his ear, experimenting. The soft groan that falls from his mouth has you smiling. Exhale. You’ve got this.

“Yeah, Daichi, I want this. I want you.” He’s staring at you and it rushes in on a pinpoint that maybe he was having the same doubts. You can’t wrap your head around it. You smile at him and mirror his placement with your hand on his cheek. “Daichi,” you whisper it, speaking this thing, this good thing into existence. “You big dope. I want you. I want it to be you.” It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders; he’s reaching for the drawer in his nightstand for a condom and the lines above his brows have smoothed into concentration. “Can I… can I watch?” His eyes snap back to you and you’re afraid you’ve said something wrong until you can see in the low light how his pupils are blown.

“Baby, if you say anything more like that I might honestly have a difficult time making this last.” Now it’s your turn to flush and you’re a little embarrassed but it’s a good kind you think, a shy kind. Daichi takes his own shirt off, tosses it to the side of the bed. He stands, slides the gray sweatpants past his hips and down his legs. Oh god, he isn’t wearing any underwear. You watch with rapt attention as he crawls back onto the bed and faces you on his knees. You don’t have any experience with dicks in real life but you know his is pretty. On the shorter side, you think, but thick and curved slightly to the left, up to his stomach. It’s leaking precum. There’s no other way to describe it really. Pretty. You giggle a little bit, can’t help yourself. You’re shocked by it so you clap a hand over your mouth; you never would have thought you would think that. Daichi looks at you, somehow only good-natured confusion on his face, questioning.

“God, Daichi, I’m so sorry I just–it’s pretty. I just never thought I’d say that.” You’re waiting for him to laugh in response but he doesn’t, just keeps staring at you as he tears the condom wrapper with his teeth and proceeds to smooth it over his cock. And then he’s crawling back up the bed to you and you squeak as he takes your chin in hand, turning your face from side to side. You’re not afraid or alarmed in the least at his change in his demeanor. It has your pussy flooding again; you squeeze your thighs together, trying to gain any sort of friction. Daichi caresses a thumb across your chin, your bottom lip.

“Do you know how beautiful you are?” He’s too fucking good at that, you think. Too good at asking you questions that shouldn’t be shocking but somehow are. Questions that make you warm and fuzzy on the inside. Questions that are at once both deeply gratifying and somehow terrifying because in yet another instance, if it was anyone but Daichi you would be questioning the motivation behind them. But all you can sense is attraction and affection and it nearly wrecks you.

“I’d like to think I am. But it feels nice to have someone else tell me,” you respond quietly. His brows screw together just a bit, the same emotion written on his features as when he asked you about who taught you that you were an imposition. It stays there when he leans down and seals his lips over yours; you can taste yourself there still. He positions himself above you, readjusting until he’s propped on one elbow, the other hand ghosting over your breast, squeezing the soft flesh of your sides and hips. You reach down between the two of you and take his cock in your hand. “I think I’m ready,” you say, watching with a certain satisfaction as his nostrils flare and he lets out the smallest of groans as you pump once, twice.

“Okay,” he whispers. You guide him to your cunt, guide him inside you. You can feel your face scrunch as you feel the pressure before he slips in fully. “Just breathe,” he says near your ear. He’s rubbing swirling circles into your sides as he waits for you to acclimate. You draw his mouth to yours and kiss, nodding against him to start moving. When he does, you can’t help the whine that spills from your mouth, the responding groan from his throat spurring you to roll your hips into him. The friction nearly sends you out of your mind.

“Fuck, keep going, Daichi please.” It’s the only cue he needs, the only motivation. He grips your hip with one hand and begins moving at a faster pace. Now you understand. All the books you’ve read, the shows you’ve watched. This is what they were talking about. Because the way his thick cock moves against your walls, the way your cunt pulls at him as if it’s the only thing you need to survive, you get it.

The angle of his thrusts has you clenching around him. You don’t know if the intoxication of the moment comes from it being your first time, if it comes from doing this with him, or because he just feels so fucking good. You wrap your arms around him, trying and succeeding to bring him closer. You would swallow him whole in that moment if you could. You want this to go on forever. Not just the sex. But this… this intimacy. With him. You try to slow the thought process down a little; maybe you don’t need to think about it too much.

“Hey,” he says it softly, his own breathing starting to come choppy from his throat. “Are you here with me?” The way he seems to sense where you’re at in your head before you do leaves you feeling seen in a way you haven’t experienced before. You lock in on his eyes and nod; you can feel another orgasm building but it doesn’t feel like the first. This one feels like a building wave, larger, broader, less acute than the one before. He can see it on your face and based on the erratic snap of his hips, you think he’s close too. You’re cresting the wave; he’s reaching a hand up to lock with yours as he leans in to whisper “You’re safe. You can relax. Let go, baby, I’ve got you.” You feel it then, the peak, and it’s like you’re standing at the edge of a cliff and you’ve just jumped off into deep blue water. It rushes over you, from the hand gripping Daichi’s, through your chest, into the hand clutching his back, to where your cunt keeps a velvet grip around his cock. You keep the rolling rhythm of your hips going, wanting him to come with you and when he does, he moans into your neck.

“I’m here with you, I’m here,” you repeat to him. It’s like a prayer, but better because it’s said at the altar of something much more sacred than anything you’ve ever offered one to before. His cock leaps inside of you and an image sears into your mind’s eye of getting fucked with no barrier between the two of you. You hope there will be opportunities for that in the future.

“Are you okay?” His voice is muffled by your neck; the weight of him is comforting and you can only nod. The two of you lay entwined for some time before he makes any attempt at moving, before he even slips out. You hiss a little at the new ache but welcome his kiss of apology. When he stands it takes all your resolve to let go of his hand. He roams out the door only long enough to come back and shut the door, a warm cloth in hand. Condom already discarded, he slips his sweats back on then turns his attention to you once more.

The warm cloth feels incredibly good as he wipes away any remnants of your arousal and when he’s finished, he tosses it to the hamper in the corner. Your smirk at him when he gathers your clothes and readies to hand them back to you.

“I don’t think the previous owner would be too appreciative if I put those back on right now,” you say with a satiated laugh. You can see the thought process roll through the gears in his brain before he throws them to the ground and rummages through a dresser drawer until he finds an old oversized shirt. “That’s better.” When you slip it on, it falls to just above your knees and smells faintly of him. He crawls into bed and the way he shuffles around on his side until he’s comfortable sparks affection anew in your chest. When he finally settles, he watches you in the way he does. You can see the question just out of reach, the question he has the decency not to ask. So you give him the answer. “Daichi, that was… you made me feel so safe and good. I’d… I’d like to do more of that in the future.”

He smirks on a soft huff of breath as he grabs your hand and squeezes. “I think that can be arranged.” You smile shyly at him (as if the man wasn’t just your first sexual experience) before turning on your side.

You curl your back into his stomach, reveling in the feeling of his arm around you. Outside the snow is falling harder, covering the city in a blanket of white. It’s cold but his breath against your neck is warm, calming and drawing you under into sleep as the cadence becomes slower and deeper. It would be easy to say that you don’t know what the night’s events mean for you or for him. It would be easy to say that this was a one night stand. It would be easy for anyone else but you. Because you? You know, you know, that this is just the beginning.

You don’t know it now but in the morning, you’ll wake to your face tucked in the space between his throat and his chest, your hands curled under your chin. The storm will have come in harder but you will be warmer than you’ve been in a long time. He’ll open his eyes to look at you, reach a hand out to touch your face. You’ll not say a word because you don’t want to break the silence and neither will he. You’ll give in once more to the pull of sleep, huddled close to him. The day can wait just a little longer; because you now have all the time in the world.

#daichi sawamura x reader #sawamura daichi x reader #daichi x reader #daichi sawamura #sawamura daichi #haikyuu #hq #collab: better than fiction #betterthanfictioncollab

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selfcareparker · 3 years

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LMAOO I WAS GONNA BRING UP FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLIDER BUT I WASNT SURE IF YOU WERE WATCHING IT HSKAJ (are you liking it? i know it’s only the first episode but ya know, another one tomorrow night- well tomorrow night for me, and did you like wandavision?? i loved it!!)

oh my goodness i’m watching lion king while writing this and i haven’t seen it in a while and i am..... emotional. but anyway, i love that streaming services think that imma pay for them while they charge $50 a month. like yes of course i have that kind of money and i am going to give it to you to watch tv 🙄 that $50 is budgeted to sims thank you. (ALSO SIMS!!! i’ll get to that in a minute) now see if i don’t google levidia right this minute LMAOO, not that i’m gonna use it.. just for the research...

AND HDKSHS SEND THAT CHAOS WALKING LINK LMAO i saw it for the third time with a different one of my friends and she wasn’t the best one to see it with? she literally was on her fucking phone and i was like ok whatever her loss not mine, and idk if you’ve read the books or if you’ve seen it by now, but by the end of the whole movie, after they’ve confirmed THE THING throughout the whole movie she asked the dumbest question and i’m like diD YOU NOT WATCH THE MOVIE, and i guess she didn’t. so. this sounds so vague but i don’t wanna spoil the movie for you just in case lol.

THE STORY LMAOO, so A DIFFERENT FRIEND LOL, like my oldest bff, we had a day together and we wanted to go see chaos walking. and i honest to God thought that no one would be seeing this movie. like NO ONE. every day, i checked the theater seating and no one was there right? plus i really wanted us to have the theater to ourselves. so we sit in the wrong seats, the row in front of us, STILL THINKING WE’RE ALONE. and then these 3 older people came in AND IM ABOUT TO SCREAM FHSJSH AND IM LIKE “are we in your seats?” and they we were like uh yeah, AND IT WAS SO BAD LMAOO , we’re moving and everything would’ve been FINE but my friend’s reclined seat was going down so slow and as it’s going shes LITERALLY SAYING ALOUD “awkward awkward awkward” so she thinks forget it, lemme just get up. HER BAG GETS CAUGHT ON HER CHAIR AND HER FRIES AND THEY SPILL ALONG WITH HER HONEY MUSTARD 😭😭 ALL OVER THE FLOOR! so i’m trying not to laugh lmao but those aren’t even our seats and we just made a mess, so naturally, i get on the floor and start cleaning it up with my napkins (this is going for too long) AND MY FRIEND IS STILL SAYING “awkward awkward awkward awkward” and i’m really abt to crack up bECAUSE LIKE SHUT UP HAHAHA and we’re cleaning it and shit and the oldest lady is gonna say “yeah you’re not gonna make an old lady get on the floor, are you?” AND I WANTED TO LAUGH AND SCREAM AT THE SAME TIME BC DID WE ASK YOU TO, NO, so then i had to get the manager and she helped us clean it, we got new fries and everything was fine, it’s just a crazy story bc LITERALLY WE COULDVE AVOIDED IT AND EVERYTHING BUT THESE ELDERLY PEOPLE HAD TO COME AND SEE THIS MOVIE😭😭 at least the gentlemen was nice.. he helped us clean. but then his wife was like “i aM nOt siTTiNg tHeRe” and at first i thought she was a teenager bc of her stink attitude but her husband was nice. and it’s not like we weren’t cleaning it up, we were!!! like i was so apologetic- anyway.

about sims! do you play console or pc? wait,, you already told me you play pc bc your computer was broken, i’m glad you can play now though :’)) litetally when i read in the tags that you’re playing sims !!!! and are you hyped for bunk beds? i have cc so i’ve had them for a bit, but they were glitchy... but i’m so excited we have them now! i should really play sims today...

GURL IM SO PROUD OF YOU 🥺🥲 i know you aren’t fluent in everything and you aren’t a linguistic genius LMAO but it’s still soooo amazing :’) here i am reading the captions while ur just going hahah, yea i tried duolingo but.... i didn’t stick to it HDJSH talking to you though makes me so interested because you know all these languages, not even studying them like that, but you have this foundation and ahh it’s just super cool. LOL YOU DONT SOUND LAME HAJA IM TELLING YOU ITS SO SO COOL, i’m loving this lesson btw oh my goodness- HSKAJS YOU THOUGHT I WOULD ALREADY KNOW THAT??? HDYSJHS MY ONLY ENGLISH SPEAKING ASS??? HAHAHAHHAH i find that word (Rindfleischetikettie- i’m not gonna write the whole thing i’m sorry) very interesting... like... wow. did you have to google that or did you just know lmao

OKAH THE WATER THING HDKDJDKS UR GONNA TERRIFY ME HAHAH OH MY LORD- first of all CROATIA 😍😍 but thinking about it like that, I WOULD FREAK OUT TOO HAHSGSG i never go that deep into the water, or if i do i have my dad with me lol and i kind of hold onto him bc ive seen/heard too many things about people being dragged into the sea. but i loveee the water (i wanted to be a mermaid soooo bad ohmigosh)

I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ONE CANNOT LIKE MUSIC ITS AWFUL !! lmao yeah i haven’t even listened to harry’s his first album, everyone says they love it more. I WAS GONNA SAY IMMA LISTEN TO ONLY ANGEL BUT THE WAY YOU DESCRIBE IT HUHAHAH also i have never listened to anything by mgk (i actually had to google who he was IM SORRY😔) i’m tempted to listen tho lol PLEASE JUSTIN BIEBER- I PROMISE IM NOT LAUGHING AT U IVE JUSY NEVER HAD SOMEONE SAY THAT B4!! like i don’t know many people who’ve liked him bUT NOW IM GONNA LISTEN & the cardboard cutout- okay. 😭😭😭

oh my goodness to see the vamps live 🤧 TO SEE ANYONE LIVE PLEASE JJDGSHAHGD and little mix is so good oh my goodness- i actually haven’t been to that many concerts.. i was at my first one, elsie fest (it’s like a broadway thing really) in uhhh october of 2019, yea i took my mom for her birthday bc she loves darren criss and i’m obsessed with glee lmao OH MY GOODNESS YOUVE BEEN TO SO MANY!!! and those are such great artists 😩😩

LMAO UR FINE, hamilton is a musical that lin manuel miranda wrote and i think generally made? i’m obsessed, but basically it was on broadway and then recorded and put on disney+ ... idk i guess it counts a film bc it’s like a movie really cuz it was recorded but in what 2018 or 2016? i don’t remembers the date that is on disney+ but it’s strange how i got into it, a lot of my friends were obsessed and i was like uhh why? and while researching it and watching it, trying to figure out why people love it... i fell in love with it LMAO but the music is FANTASTIC and lin is incredible😭 but yes yes yes i loveeeee high school musical!! my dad actually took my cousins to see it on ice or something (i absolutely forget lmao) but i don’t know how people don’t know hsm. it upsets me.

OKAY IM DOWN TO THE BOTTOM HAHAHA (it takes me so long to respond, now i’m on lion king 2 WHICH IS SO GOOD PLEASE FHHSSHHSHSH) i could respond in chunks but i kind of enjoy responding like this? it feels a bit like a letter but if this whole thing is overwhelming i’ll cut it up lol

+ yes that was me about your fic and sleep and everything lol but it was so good😭 i don’t understand how you write peter so well like you have this ability to capture his.. everything? i’m crine. all the time. over your fics. & i cannot describe my happiness for youuuu :’) i’m so happy you’re writing again 🥺🥰 the thing about how you only want to write the long peter fic but you don’t know how to continue... i feel that so so so hard, i don’t think i told you but ughh i was so blah bc of that feeling of having pent up inspiration for only one fucking thing and not being able to write it. it’s so frustrating 😭

not to add more to this but i need to vent a bit? the situation is definitely different bc with your major it obviously requires for you to ya know, know english lol, but uhm bc i’m homeschooled ive been cheating on all my work SHSHDHSJ like i google the answers but i’m still learning! it’s just..... i find it so unnecessary, like going for an audition no one is gonna say to me “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” like tf??? there’s literally no point. i’m gonna be getting into voice lessons again soon and i’m already doing dance, AND i’ll be doing this summer camp program (more hamilton lol) and thinking about school is only making me stress more, like i haven’t been able to rehearse dance at all this week bc of it...... so

hahaha reading your tags, lonely anon would still be accurate HAHAHHAHA // another add: yea i love ur current theme, i’ve gotten used to “seeing you” like this, but anything will look super pretty :)) ALSO HOW IS IT STILL SNOWING THERE, i swear it’s getting warmer and warmer by the day here 😭🤧

these long ass posts, my gosh🥲 lonely lovely anon <3

Omg yes it does feel like a letter sldkdj and then the few days of waiting also make more sense okay i love this ❣️💕❤️💓❤️💞🧡💜💘(wtf)sksjhz

Dear lovely anon,

ALSKSJVKD yes i‘m liking falcon and winter soldier dlkdh i haven‘t watched the second episode yet but i‘ll watch it tomorrow! but i didn‘t watch wandavision........ eidislskks i was going to but idk i wasn‘t that interested in it and watching series is already too much of a commitment (what can i say i‘m a Sagittarius—🤧 (no i’m joking i actually know NOTHING about starsigns)) didjj that i couldn‘t force myself to watch it, ALSO i hate (idk if this is an unpopular opinion) when every episode is like a whole hour. i‘m rewatching an old series today (it‘s german so i won‘t even get into it) and the episodes are 25 mins each and i‘ve already watched 8 episodes today ridlndjdjd,,, and i feel like if the episodes were an hour each i wouldn‘t have gotten past episode 2 today like idk.... even if series had the same length in total, i prefer when the individual episodes are shorter idk why tho tbh (so yeah i already wasn‘t 100% convinced about watching wandavision so i just couldn’t make myself watch a bunch of 1hour episodes— i‘ve heard that it‘s good tho- but i‘m not much of a series person so. Dldkk (have we talked about this already??? sorry i don‘t remember what i said lol and i couldn‘t find my own post anymore so dkdjsh) (WAIT I JUST CHECKED THE WANDAVISION EPIOSRDES ARENT EVEN THAT LONG??? Okay wait i might watch it now - did you like it? let me know if i should watch it— why did i think they were 60minutes???)

okay another confession i‘ve never watched the lion king????? i mean i watched it when i was a child but i was too young to actually pay attention to any kind of plot i just liked the songs lol sldkdj i‘ve been meaning to watch it for years tho 🦁 (idk it just felt appropriate to put a lion emoji lmoaoo)

OH MY GOD THE CHAIS WALKING/CINEMA STORY AHSJSKKS😭😭😭😭 NOOOOO (very fitting that there was so much chaos when you were watching a film that has chaos in the title loool) and the “awkward awkward awkward“ SAME SKSKSLSKDJ, that‘s literally me 24/7 ahajshshhshshsh. Like i was so skdjdjdkdllsldksnsnsnsb while i read what you sent me djslslsjdjdbdn why are old ladies always so grumpy btw 🥲🥲🥲 at least the man was nice tho! and wait did i read that right... you have fries (which, to me, are called chips dusuusldk) at your cinemas?? (Movie theatres sorry sksjsh) we just have popcorn and nachos and drinks i want chips too when i‘m watching a film what😭😭🥺🥺🥺🥺

Also i still haven’t watched it so thanks for not spoiling it!!! (idk when i’ll watch it i’m so bad with films and even worse with series💀💀💀- same with cherry. i literally forgot all about cherry, i was SO hyped when the trailer came out like i’ve never been so excited about a movie... and then it came out... and i still haven‘t watch it like what‘s wrong with me???? Dkdjdjdjdklsl i feel like i‘m not gonna watch it anytime soon tbh, but i wanna watch chaos walking i just have to find the time

Okay and @ your other friend who wasn‘t paying attention like why are you even watching the film then???? but ok (omg this sounds so mean i‘m sure she‘s very nice but in this situation just like❔❔❔)

SIMS ahhh, BUNK BEDS, ahhhh sdljdjdjdkdkdldksj i actually haven‘t played it since the update 🤧🤧 i made both of my sims (enisa (bestselling author already, thank you) and michael (aspiring doctor)) go to university and bro it takes so long 😭😭 and you can‘t do anything else if you want them to do well so literally the last three times i played sims i was just constantly clicking their homework and computerd to write their assignments (i play it in german so idk what its called on the sims) and do their presentations and do them all over again so that they get better or whatever for HOURS, but imma play again soon

also i‘m living my fanfiction life loool, so i made my two sims neighbours (on the same plot tho but i made two small separate houses lol, i still wanted to control both of them at the same time but i made sure they didn‘t interact before i wanted them to skdjdjdk). and first they both experimented and got some experience in the love department you know (all genders, cause i have to live my sexuality even in a pc game slskdjh— wait, i‘ve never lived my sexuality irl like i‘ve done NOTHING nothing with guys nothing with girls (🥲) but maybe that’s why i want to do it even more in the sims) and then they met at uni and realised like hey we‘re neighbours and now they‘re together (but michael accidentally had an alien baby with another woman (who was an alien which i was not aware of) cause i wasn‘t paying attention like i said woohoo not try for baby like michael why is your pull out game so weak tf LSHDDHDJDJSKKDKSKDKS okay but making out and flirting and doing all the fun stuff in the sims turns me on way more than it should PFAHAHHAHSH) so idk why i told you this but I’m creating that neighbour!au in the sims lmaoooo

i did not have to google Rindfleischetikettierungsüberwachungsübertragungsaufgabengesetz (just did it again😌 sisjshhs) but i might have mixed up the words überwachung und übertragung or i might have even forgotten a word skskks but in the end it doesn‘t matter (by linkin park- ok i‘m so sorry it‘s 2 am and i have a headache from having waveformers in my hair all day but i still wanted to reply to this now so sorry if i‘m not making any sense right nowbahahshah)

i wanted to be a mermaid too dldjdksksj like h2O and all those series convinced me i could be one like. i remember i‘d always go in the deep pool and attempt to swim like them in all the series with that wave motion i must have looked so crazy with my goggles as well dkdjsksöksj (i was like twelve but still)

so mgk has two sides one is hip hop/rap which is like ~~~~ idk he has good and bad songs, but his latest album is like punk pop snd I LOVE IT SO SO SO SO SO MUCH, so if you like punk pop I’d recommend his album tickets to my downfall (i don‘t blame yoj if you don‘t like it tho like about a year ago i would have HATED that type of music dkdkdkkd)🥴

Okay talking about music, there‘s this german rapper and he is... not a good person. he‘s literally a criminal and extremely sexist but to me he‘s still hot???????? he‘s even cute at times even tho he has tattoos everywhere and is like 6‘5 and is super aggressive but i see him and i‘m like 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 my heart beats only for you💘💘💘💘and he released a new song today and i watched the video and i‘m wondering wtf is wrong with me 😃 (he did look particularly cute cause he was high so idk he wasn’t really aggressive in this one) 😭 so i thought i‘d share that LMAO IDK

(not saying tattoos aren‘t cute btw i LOVE tattoos imma get some soon, but you know he looks like someone your grandma would be afraid of (and in his case rightfully so💀)

okay wait i‘m getting so tired it‘s 2 am i think i‘ll have to do the rest tomorrow but i wanted to do it now😭🥺🥺 see you tomorrow

it is now 3:42 am and i couldn‘t sleep so here we go again

girl you can laugh at me for liking justin tho skskks i wanna laugh at myself idk, like i said i really really really liked him a few years go, basically my life was at least 50% justin and then he went on a break for a while and released an album last year which i hated 🥴 but this album is wow. (Still weird to me because it‘s literally the definition of pop and i don‘t ever listen to pop?) and it‘s so weird because i used to know so much about justin and had so many friends who loved him as well and now it‘s like I’m listening to someone new? Don‘t get me wrong i never KNEW justin and i never will and i‘m aware of that shahsh but yeah i used to be soooo used to him and it‘s like reconnecting with an old friend and you realise you don‘t know that friend anymore- like you don‘t know them anymore at all. I mean justin is weird nowadays 😂😂😂 so pls laugh at me tbh dskksjsjsh

awww it‘s so wholesome that you gave your mom tickets to the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺 i gave my mum tickets for pink like 2 years ago and she loved it so much and i was like 🥰🥰🥰 (i went with her) AND OMG GLEE ok so unfortunately i barely remember glee, but i used to watch it too!!!! And it‘s actually on my list of series i wanna watch (again) so youre making me want to watch it even more (but like i said i‘m bad with series so 😩😩😩 who knows when i‘ll rewatch it)

When all this pandemic shit is over (let‘s be hopeful <3333) then you need to go to as many concerts as possible!!!!! i‘ve been to SO MANY and it‘s literally one of the things in my life i‘m the most grateful for, concerts are some of the best experiences i‘ve ever had in my life especially the ones that are in smaller concert halls where you can feeeel the vibe and everyone‘s energy (and that sounds awful thinking about it mid-pandemic 😐) anyway—

Okay omg you‘re absolutely making me want to watch hamilton right now like omg i WANT TO WATCH IT NOW but it‘s 4 am sodndkdldl

what you said about my peter fics🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺like omg i love these emojis they literally just describe how i felt when reading what you said so, yes, 🥰🥺 + thank you :) it really means a lot <3

and no omg i totally get the studying thing. like last year before i graduated .. was that last year? yes wtf omg okaykdjdj, so the last three months before i had my final exams we were just in a lockdown and we didn‘t even have online classes. We had nothing except one teacher who left our group chat (😭) because she was mad at us (?) and one maths teacher who did an online ““lesson““ once a week. he‘d ask: so does anyone have questions. us: . Him: okay, bye then. So. Yeah dndldldj. But we had one online test and it was in german and like i read the book wee were supposed to read? but the questions on the test were all unanswerable (is that a word?) and i had to google everything (got an A tho 🤪 but only because i googled everything so i was so scared that i wouldn‘t be able to get a good result on the final exam because what if i‘d gotten used to just googling everything and i couldn‘t do it by myself anymore? anyway it was all fine in the end but yeah at times i couldn‘t even study because i had so much anxiety about studying and yeah- like this whole annoying cycle. but you said you‘re still studying———- okay wait 👁👄👁 i forgot what i was going to say??????????????????????????????????????????????????? Like wtf. Is wrong with me? And i‘m reading what you wrote again and i just don‘t know what i was going to say? Like i get what you‘re saying obviously but i‘m like? Idk 4am brain ayeee, please vent more if you need to and elaborate further because right now i‘m???? Too dumb to respond to this right now wtf. I‘m so sorry lmao ddlkdjdjd what is even going on like i‘m sitting here open mouthed just like ? But btw the fact that you have Voice and dance lessons is like SO FUCKING COOL like oh my god that is sosososos cool wtf, i was thinking that when you first talked about it too

And “i want you to chanel the knowledge within yourself of the centripetal force of the circle that is the table on this stage” ODHDKSLDBDJDOFIDKDNDLDK

Yes i know about the weather dkdkdkjd but it‘s getting (a lot) warmer here too and where i live we kind of get a weird type of wind called föhn (which literally means hair dryer but idk if that‘d the reason why it‘s called that, i‘m too tired to think of whether it makes sense rn) and it gives me headachesssssss and the changing weather is also giving me headaches 😭😭😭😭 so this season right now is just headache season and i hate summer so i wish it would just snow again lmao (okay it‘s getting so late that it‘s early already snd i can hear this bird chirping so fucking loud wtf i‘m also getting a headache 🤧🤧🤧) but at least i can do my new theme soon (i hope it‘ll look good🥺 and omg thank you for what you said about my current theme- i always feel like i‘m so bad with aesthetics, i obviously like my theme but i feel like every single person on tumblr has a theme that is prettier than mine so it was very nice to hear you say that you love it👉🏼👈🏼 (i‘m so used to it by now that i actually hate it lmao so it‘s getting yeeted soon and i‘m making megan thee stallion my pfp 🤪 (if the graphics and shit works out skdjdjdj)

#lovely anon #<333 #okay its so late now i dont wanna post it now in case i‘m too tired to notice losds of mistakes #but i also wanna post it now so.#*loads #i‘m posting it #and i absolutely do not mind if you answer like this!!!! but if you ever do feel like it‘s too much or you uust want to respond to one thing #in particular sooner then pls go ahead! <3

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hp-again · 6 years

Text

Rereading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Chapter Seven - The Will of Albus Dumbledore

AND WE BACK.

- sidenote but I just realized theres a typo in my book and now im wondering if i could make $$$MILLIONS$$$ of dis (on p.126 instead of the header saying “chapter seven” it says “chapter one” ???? anyone else have this)

- harry was muttering “Gregorovitch” in his sleep and how do none of them know who that is??? isnt he like super famous? then again maybe ron and harry are just stupid

“Wow - that’s right, I forgot! I’m seventeen!” Harry seized the wand lying beside his camp bed, pointed it at the cluttered desk where he had left his glasses, and said, “Accio Glasses!” Although they were only around a foot away, there was something immensely satisfying about seeing them zoom toward him, at least until they poked him in the eye.

our boys a big kid now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“This isn’t your average book,” said Ron. “It’s pure gold: Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. Explains everything you need to know about girls. If only I’d had this last year I’d have known exactly how to get rid of Lavender and I would’ve known how to get going with... Well, Fred and George gave me a copy, and I’ve learned a lot. You’d be surprised, it’s not all about wandwork, either.”

1. oh ron honey no 2. loling at the fact that the key to a womans heart isn’t all about wandwork....if dat aint the perfect euphemism idk what is

- molly got harry a watch and i want to cry a lil

- omg this chapter is wild the delacours gave harry an enchanted razor and mr. delacour implies that he should be careful bc it will shave EVERYTHING (dick n balls included so buyer beware!!!!!!!)

- lol harry and ginny are so fucking awkward im sorry i cannot read their interactions without cringing

“Seventeen, eh!” said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred. “Six years ter the day since we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?”

my two favorite things: hagrid and a bucket-sized glass of wine

- omg hagrid is taking care of newborn unicorns WHAT i need to see this

- i wish charlie would have been in the movies because he sounds HAWT

“Wha- Norbert’s a girl?” “Oh yeah,” said Charlie. “How can you tell?” asked Hermione. “They’re a lot more vicious,” said Charlie.

sounds about right.

- ew scrimgeour is here yall

“Are you planning to follow a career in Magical Law, Miss Granger?” asked Scrimgeour. “No, I’m not,” retorted Hermione. “I’m hoping to do some good in the world!”

WIG.

“To what use did he think you would put his Deluminator, Mr. Weasley?” “Put out lights, I s’pose,” mumbled Ron. “What else could I do with it?”

lol i s2g these kids did not come to play today. serving realness to the prime minister HIMSELF

- scrimgeour better gtfo before the kids slaughter him with their savagery im serious

- everytime harry lifts up his fist to show the “i must not tell lies” scar i have to supress the urge to say “OOOOOOOOO!!!!”

I open at the close.

CRINE.

Harry looked up, diverted. The circumstance of Ron having read a book that Hermione had not was unprecedented. Ron, however, looked bemused by their surprise.

a lowkey burn lol

WELP if you liked this, follow me for more chapters!

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mysamcedesmadness · 6 years

Text

Steerio Hearts Stuff & Stuff

White Devils and the Demons They Serve (Chs 15-17)

I was gonna do two seperate posts, but you two are the ones who do most of the reading and y’all actually read EVERYTHING, so I figured, even if it’s as long as a chapter, y’all would’ve read it anyways.

@sweetiedee85

Stevie can’t even sniff his fingers with Bukowski breathing down his neck. What is Bukowski up to with Cheerio?

I. Am. Still. Crine. Over this comment. That is all. (Because, you just found out in Ch 17 what Bukowski was up to.

But I guess it’s the devil you know versus the devil you don’t.

Even though this is regarding Tesla, this is actually a fantastic summary of most of the characters in this story, hell - in the series. People often accept what their life seems to be instead of fighting for what it can be. That DEFINITELY happens in the context of having a mental illness, because everyday life can be overwhelming enough, so taking extra risks and chances are sometimes astronomical.

What’s sad is they would rather do that than come see their child. Time is more value, and we see they don’t care enough to spend any with her.

The Robinsons are the worst. I just have no other feedback of them for right now. Radja more than Champ - but they are a team and that team should’ve included their daughter and never does. In fact, I have a little arc that involves Radja coming up shortly and yes, she’s just the worst in it.

But then those dang nightmares and training haunting the poor guy. I know it’s something he struggles with even after their married. He has triggers, and they usually lead to him growing and learning something different about himself and the way he views things. It seems that this is only the beginning of that journey.

Stevie sometimes suffers from psychosis, so he’s forgotten a lot of things that he’s been exposed to, because his brain was just unable or unwilling to process the trauma - much like his breakdown after Mary died. This is why later he still has repressed memories punching him in the gut and why it’s important to him to be a realist. He seems like an asshole a lot, for “Just being realistic,” but he knows himself (particularly after he’s out) and he just wants to make sure he’s trying to assess things normally and naturally, so that he doesn’t unintentionally wind up in a state of psychosis... Now, WE know that sometimes, it’s going to happen, anyway. But, these glimpses into his episodes are here for me to try to explain why Stevie is such an “asshole,” OUTSIDE of his racism. That’s a completely different issue which I’d never justify. Lol.

I do wonder if Tesla wants this footage. I doubt Bukowski has any good in him so is it his self need to have every part of Tesla in his grasp, under his control? Will she be somehow grateful he’s gotten this back? Idk but just the thought makes me sicker.

Tesla does NOT want this footage, wants no part of this footage, was alarmed by Bukowski and Stevie even MENTIONING this footage, and has absolutely no need for this footage. This is primarily about Bukowski’s control, and also his fetish. He enjoys watching. He enjoys knowing things. It makes him feel powerful to know things and to be able to see things. She MAY be grateful that he’s gotten it, but honestly, she’s still suffering from the damage of the event. She knows that it has already been done, and whether or not there is footage, she’s already suffered and has to live with it. Be sick, be very sick. It’s meant to be deeply sickening.

Anyway, Stevie is out of control lol threatening Derek was un called for. We know at this point she’s the one exception to that word, and that’s recent so I wasn’t surprised when he said it. I thought Cheerio would at least consider turning down Stevie’s offer but nope lol She just as toxic in love as him, and she sees beyond his training. I doubt I could have it in me.

Stevie is often impulsive in his decisions, but sometimes, they’re premeditated. Sometimes, he thinks things out, knows that his decision isn’t great and does it anyway. He gets so much better about this as he ages, but Teenage Stevie is deeply territorial and no matter what he says, he feels like he owns Cheerio.

And, no ma’am. I can’t relate to her, in that regard. A chick called me “Kunta Kinte” in 2007. I tried to beat her with a beer bottle in her own trailer, had to get dragged out of there and brought home and I still will call her a bitch, if I see her today.

Angelwings

Ok... Who is Bukowski even using to make Tesla (Ally) jealous? I mean agh.

This had me cracking up SO HARD. You would be surprised the kinda pink dick pandering out there on the innanets. Whenever I had a successful porn blog, right here on Tumblr, I seen some shit. And there are folk less attractive and less charming that can somehow manage to get little sex games going with people, especially if they’re in a fetish niche (which gingers are).

ok so Tesla told her to have sex in the shower? If she's in the bathroom they accept verbal... side eyeing and looking all squinted eyed trying to imagine how they WON'T get caught.

This is because the orderlies won’t generally just burst into the bathroom while a resident is in the shower if the resident seems fine and is willing to peek out and show their face. They’ll only barge in if the resident seems off (trying to pretend that they’re fine) or is not responsive. They want to value their privacy to a certain extent, but not to leave them vulnerable, if they somehow got hold of a weapon or something.

It just goes back to what Stevie says to Sam. He has to constantly battle with his thoughts. At least he does that.

I touched on this a little bit with Dee. Stevie HAS to do this, to make sure that he keeps himself grounded. His triggers are so dynamic that they literally take control of his mind, for a time. He wants to not have to experience that, and he never wants to hurt the people he loves because of some type of break.

Hmm so Dani is trying to work at a library. That's kind of perfect. Hope she gets it and keeps up her therapy and stuff. It always makes me upset to see any hospital release patients before they are ready. I really hope Dani can transition back into society.

Oh, no - she’s not trying to work at the library. The library is one of the few places that poor people can have access to the Internet and by this time, even though the story is set for several years ago - a lot of the jobs and such are available to apply online. Dani would most likely apply online, because she knows that she might appear to not be normal when going in to get applications and people might “fire before you hire” her upon seeing that she’s not very normal. Sorry, I didn’t explain that. I know that the Texas Workforce Commission has access, but I didn’t feel like researching how unemployment works in Ohio, so I just went the library application route. Dani’s story isn’t over yet, so you’ll definitely find out how life went for her.

They function as a community, one for all and all for their cause. People can do anything when they work together even create monsters and killers.

People who lead abusive lifestyles often see their behavior as normal. Hence arguments TO THIS DAY of “My mom beat me and I turned out fine” or “People are this way because they don’t get beat enough.” Contrary to the cases upon cases of research and information that hitting children only causes trauma. Now, generally - children of abuse do NOT turn out to be killers and horrible criminals. Some go on to be kind humans and productive members of society... But even those generally have to address the trauma that was caused by their toxic environments.

Inevitably we know the fate of the hospital but in the other stories we never hear of the other characters. I hope they get the help they need wherever they go.

I have stories plotted out for most of the ones that we know. It’s gonna be a moment to get to some of them, but I’ll try not to drop the ball, completely.

Stevie was angry with Bukowski for hurting his Bust it Baby- learning so much. I had to look that up. That is Cheri by every definition if not now then later. She is well on her way. That exchange was cute the way Cheri acted.

Bust It Baby Pt 2 was ONE OF MY FAVES in the club. (Telling my age, now. LOL) But, THEY would have been teens/kids around that time, so I didn’t feel bad referencing that mug. Bwahahaha. Cheri DEFINITELY becomes all of that for Stevie. But, yeah - she was a little bashful about it being said in a group setting.

Even Tanisha had to tell him about himself with Stevie. It's like Stevie was punished for all the children, well Mary got to Stacey but Sam was golden. Some couples should not procreate.

I think it took a while for Dwight to comprehend that just because Stacie and Sam ‘turned out okay,’ that didn’t MEAN that he had been blameless in helping to shape Stevie the way that he did. He never saw himself as having anything against Stevie, because he loved him as much as he did the others (or so he thought - he just wasn’t CLOSE to him). And Mama T was able to see that Dwight’s not being close to Stevie affected how he handled him, whether or not he did love him - which she believed and trusted that he did, but she needed him to get that STEVIE needed to believe and trust it.

This Entire Review: I Have a Lot of Responses, Love

Bukowski is blinded by crazy. Any half decent individual would see red flags. DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! What an idiot. Poetic justice would be if Tesla killed his awhen he drugged and kidnapped her or whatever his chosen crazy decides to do. I just don't see him living after he knocked on that door.

Unfortunately, Bukowski’s time is not yet up. But, he has definitely poked a bear by reaching out to Max. Stevie making deals in an institution with a demon eww. Stevie has his number already, is he blinded by the vajayjay?

Stevie is blinded by both the caviar and his inability to access, the way that he would like to. He’s a teenage boy trying to squeeze quickies in all day in between heavily monitored times. That argument between Stevie and Cheri was like imagining popcorn pop. You know the explosion is coming. When it does your like damned that's some Good popcorn! I kept saying Oh, and scrunching up my face like Stevie's next words are gonna get him smacked and then he did it. He said the ultimate, ONE word that is complete Taboo in anger no less. *SMACK* ! Round two lol!

Stevie often feels attacked when nobody is attacking him. I blame Dwight for this, because Stevie spent most of his life feeling like he had to explain and defend himself, to the point where his mentality is paranoid and he thinks that he has to fight whenever a conflict or challenge arises. Cheri is not a violent person, but whenever she gets angry (Teenage Cheerio) will lash out, because she’s in a position where she can’t just go to the spa or have a smoothie. She’s relaxed more later because she has the freedom to simply escape for a moment. Here, she’s a caged bird. Cheri is hella patient with him and I get it. I have had to explain blackness to other races, as if EVERY race and EVERY culture and EVERY class does not have their own innuendoes and humor. Even his Arian idiot family. Like the lady at work told my coworker with at straight face 'Don't all y'all like fried chicken? I said what did you do? My coworker said I took a deep breath and saidNo! And what you just said is considered racist. Of course she asked how? My coworker said she just walked away. I probably would have a. been patient and broke it down, or b. said ungh hungh just like all y'all like caviar and filet minion. Just would depend on my mood but Cheri is time enough for Stevie. Most of how she handles Stevie I agree with.

I don’t. It’s not my job to bear the burden of educating people who (if they gave a fuck) could access resources to educate themselves. I made those mistakes when I was younger, and that shit was nothing but additional emotional labor added to the constant processes I had to go through, throughout the day in my black ass skin. I watch racists getting beat up for being trash on YouTube all the time. That’s handling that I agree with.Lol. Now there is no way in hell any man would not take Derek's behavior as a challenge or threat. I felt like he was trying to purposely show Stevie he could reach Cheri in a way Stevie could not and do things with Cheri that Stevie could not just to put it in Stevie's face then try and hide behind a smile and laughter like he didn't have an agenda. Even if he doesn't like her like that he KNEW Cheri was with Stevie. He should have acted accordingly. I think Derek was trying to be sneaky. Yes Stevie is a jelly monster and he is territorial and possessive but that is Stevie. Like Mason calling Cheri Ri Ri then correcting himself in front of Stevie. Mason is not deliberately trying to poke the bear. He calms all that down in front of Stevie and Stevie eventually learns that Cheri has to have other friends. I don't think that was Derek's mind set, befriend Cheri and Stevie. He just liked having the attention sounds like from everyone, in a mental hospital. Stevie is not stupid. Cheri is a little Naïve I think, especially when she meets Max. To me she made a couple mistakes with that. Trust no one. Describe new people in addition to looking up tags.

This is highly problematic, in my opinion, for many reasons, all of which - I’ll respectfully address. Firstly, any man or person in general that takes the friendship of someone else with their partner as a threat is toxic, and possibly abusive. Control and possessiveness are not key points of love. They are key points of obsession and obsession is almost always dangerous when it involves people as the object.

I don’t think that I wrote anything to indicate that Derek was in any way trying to challenge or compete with Stevie, so that feeling seems to be some internalized antiblackness or at the very least, sympathy for the devil - in this case, that’d be Stevie. Because HE was wrong and he reacted. There is nothing wrong with a black kid getting attention from people or trying to impress or please people, so I’m not sure why that would be considered poking the bear or purposefully trying to upset Stevie.

They are ALL in the mental hospital, and while Stevie definitely isn’t STUPID, he certainly is psychotic. He’s not always right. Even his instincts are frequently off, at this juncture of his life and it isn’t the responsibility of a black boy, who is here for his own mental health to coddle Stevie and think about all the ways that he may or may not be offending him by being generally friendly to everyone around him, which is literally all Derek does in this chapter. I only wrote him making jokes and being jovial, up until the point that Stevie threatened him, out of paranoia, after being told multiple times that he shouldn’t bother with it.

And Cheerio is definitely naive, but that also doesn’t mean that she should have had all the answers as to why not to suspect everybody that she met. She did her part to try to keep herself safe, and of course, Max would have had avenues set up as to not tip her off. He’s been trained to deceive. Saying that she made some mistakes sounds a little bit victim blaming to me, especially considering that she followed the rules that were given to her, and whenever she was abducted, she was run off of the road and taken. She hadn’t met up with him in the woods, or something.

She was extremely paranoid (affecting her mental state and her peace of mind), because of everything that they had told her and she had no way of knowing that someone who’s information came back clean was someone else. I feel like this must be stated - Max doesn’t just LOOK like Max Giardi when he greets her. He’s not going up to her looking like somebody that she could Google and she’s just put her thumb in her butt and calls it a coincidence. He’s tactical. He purposefully entered her world. He wouldn’t do it in a way that any normal person would notice that anything off, much less someone that he would presume has been told to look out for him.

Bonus Face Claim:

Ashlee Brian as Derek (Originally a dance crew member in “The End of Twerking” episode.

#Steerio Hearts Stuff & Stuff #Notes #My writing #Replies #AU Glee Fanfiction #FCs

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