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#/KNIVES/ DOESNT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE IT
reaperkiller · 2 years
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7 and 14 for your new dude!
7. Describe them in three words. Now let them describe themself in three words.
OUGH. KILLING ME WITH THIS ONE
i would describe him as resilient, stubborn, and uuuuh. loyal. yeas,,, he's a very special boy he will not give up but sometimes that is a big problem and he probably should leave things alone sometimes. but he doesn't <3 and then everything gets worse. also if you befriend him. well he is like a golden retriever he is There now and you cannot get rid of him <3
a very important [to me]thing to note is he does Not like himself very much. so. he wouldnt look at himself in a positive light at All. not very good. can't think of three words specifically but he Does describe himself as a monster a lot, partially bc of the way he looks/sounds, and that mixed with his job as a gang leader?? oohh he does not like that at all. if i could have used a fourth word for him?? reckless. he will simply do Whatever. if he's putting himself in danger, he's like Well. I Deserve It So It's Okay. and he most definitely does Not deserve it but he cannot even begin to comprehend that about himself.
14. Would they agree with the term ‘guilty pleasure’? Do they have any?
i did already kind of answer this but im going to offer another answer bc i refuse to shut up about him now. he's my specialest little boy. he loves collecting jewellery and has so many little fancy dangly earrings that look like little knives and guns and stuff and they make him SO happy. he doesnt wear them very often but when he does he can't stop being like (: !!!! the whole time. AND IT IS WHAT HE DESERVES!!!
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foxstens · 3 years
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somebody save him
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dylinski · 4 years
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Magnetism
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Warnings: SMUT! bondage (but barely), language, violence, kind of dom tommy (but y/n is a brat so it doesnt last long), angst (obviously)
Relationships: Thomas/Reader
Word Count: 7.5K
Author: @dylinski​
A/N: Here’s my fic for day 4 of tomuary!!!! if i get them finished, i plan on posting two more but we’ll see how that goes. lol hope ya’ll enjoy and let me know what you think please. i’m really unsure about writing smut and idk if this is any good, so if i shouldn’t write anymore it would be nice to know. lol
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There’s something about running for your life and fighting against all odds to survive that make a person reevaluate their life, but with Y/N, that’s not the case. Being in the scorch with a bunch of boys wasn’t much different from the glade, so what was there to consider? She knew who her friends and her enemies were and that’s all she needed to know in order to survive in this world. If Thomas had just listened to her when she said not to trust Teresa, more of them would be alive, but him not believing anything Y/N says is to be expected. Since the moment he came up and out of the box, something repellant between them switched on. The only proper way to describe it is when you try to force two poles of a magnet together with the same polar direction.
Fighting their way out of the maze, through the scorch, and now in this abandoned town lets a person see a lot of death and Y/N was tired of it. If that meant trying to convince Thomas that running around and attacking WCKD at random to find Minho, risking other’s lives, was a bad idea then she was willing to take all the blame. They were so close to paradise and they had saved so many souls already. At least Vince agreed, having one person on her side is nice.
There was another meeting, discussing all the usual topics, but Thomas seemed more pissed off than usual, which is saying something as of late. He’s been nothing but a pissy bitch since the search for his raven-haired friend had turned sour and unwilling. The meeting was held in a moderate-sized room, big enough to hold the handful of people permitted. Thomas was leaning on both hands over a table with Newt at his hip, what a surprise. They were combing over a map with Vince and Jorge, arguing about a last city or something. Y/N was sitting in the corner, rolling her eyes at practically every other word, a sad image of men and boys arguing over nonsense around the circular table. 
Newt would look up every once in a while and give her a sympathetic smile to let her know she wasn’t forgotten in the exchange of emotions and words. She liked Newt, he had always been kind to her when most of the other boys treated her like she was fragile and delicate in the maze. He never doubted her or underestimated her abilities despite what was between her legs, well, until that little shit popped up and out of the ground. Motherfucking Thomas, the angel, the savior, the one who will lead us to paradise. Yeah right, more like the one who will lead everyone to their preventable deaths.
“Look! He was there, okay? I know it. Minho was there!” The vein in Thomas’ neck was protruding and defined from the strain he was putting on his words. He was desperate. “We grabbed the wrong container!”
“Thomas, there was a 50/50 chance and we made a choice of which one to grab. Not to mention the odds of him being in either train car, to begin with, were small.” Vince was calm and collected, he always managed to keep a cool head.
“Yeah, but he was there! If I had just..” Thomas was quieter now, but no less desperate.
“You didn’t pick the wrong one, Mate. We saved at least 100 people from WCKD today. I wouldn’t call that a failure. We didn’t find Minho, but I have faith we will. He’s still out there, I know it.” Newt looked up at Y/N when he finished, and she couldn’t help to give a forced smile. Leave it to him to be the voice of reason, but also the one to egg on the bumbling buffoon everyone seems to eagerly place their faith in.
“Newt, I get that, but he was there, he was right there! If we hadn’t been so pressed for time I could have-”
Y/N jumped up, utterly pissed at this point and tired of hearing these idiots run round and round in the same circles. “You could have what, Thomas? You could have picked the ‘right’ container? Hmm? Why don’t you go tell that to Sonya? Or Aris? I’m sure they’d love to hear that you saving their lives, along with everyone else in that box, wasn’t your goal and you’d gladly trade them for the single life of Minho.”
Everyone in the room fell silent and it was filled with the light of the moon shining through the missing part of the ceiling. The flames from the lanterns danced on everyone’s shocked faces. Y/N was never one to prance around the daisies when it came to stating the obvious. Thomas looked almost ashamed and it was honestly annoying. She was tired of his pitiful ’I didn’t ask for this’ routine.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Despite the guilt that raged in his stomach, he used it to fuel his anger towards Y/N, which was to be expected. He took most of his negative emotions out on her, his own personal punching bag, but he could never land any punches because she honestly couldn’t care less. She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on her hips, shooting knives at him and his nostrils flared under her eyes. An unknowing battle of spiteful gazes between them.
“Well, as entertaining as it is to watch you two practically have hate-sex with each other, we need to discuss our options.” Jorge obviously chose his words to jolt the two out of their staring contest and it worked. They both made faces like they had tasted something sour, scrunching their noses at the idea of actually wanting each other. Well, I mean, it’s not the first time Y/N had thought of it, but just because he had the body that could rival a god doesn’t mean she was ignorant of his pea-sized brain.
“There’s nothing to discuss. We’re not risking anyone’s lives to go to the last city, if it’s even real.” Y/N couldn’t help but sights the relief of Vince seeing reason.
“I’ve heard things over the years, that it was a last resort for WCKD, their place of operations. I’ve never managed to make it that far north, but it’s one of the safe heavens that were put into place when things went to shit.” Y/N huffed in annoyance, thanks, Jorge. Great job at giving the little shit ideas.
“Look, we could make it there with a small team in a week and then be back with Minho in no time.”
“No, Thomas. I’m not risking any more lives to save one person. This is a suicide mission. If it’s anything Jorge says it is, the city will be a fortress. Not to mention the road to get there, riddled with the infected. We don’t have the people or the resources to take on a fight like that.” Vince was tired of arguing with him, so he was standing his ground and that would be the end of it. Thomas may have been the leader in the glade and the scorch, but here he was allowed the privilege to have a say by Vince.
“I don’t need an army, just two or three-”
“Thomas, no!” Vince was done with these petty arguments and put his foot down. “The ship is almost done. We’ll be ready to sail in less than a week. There are casualties in war, and in this world, the life of one doesn’t out way the lives of the many. We’re not going and that’s final.”
Thomas grunted and threw his arms up in rebellion, stomping off to brood somewhere by himself. 
Y/N couldn’t help the small smile of satisfaction that crept onto her face from seeing him so pissed off. She strode over to where Newt was standing and crossed her arms, leaning her back against the table to face him.
“He’s hurting you know? He blames himself. He blames himself for everything honestly.” The smile melted away just as easily as it appeared. There goes Newt, always defending his puppy.
“He should! I told him not to trust Teresa!” Newt let a small shudder roll over his body at her name and Y/N couldn’t help but feel empathy and guilt for mentioning it.
“We all trusted her, except for you, of course. You never let us forget it, but we had no reason not to. She helped us, she helped Thomas. Maybe you were just jeal-”
“For the love of God, Newt, if you say I was jealous, I’ll break your other leg.” He chuckled at the threat, knowing it was empty and mostly a joke. It made her smile a bit, seeing him smile and laugh. He was always like a brother to her and she missed seeing him so happy. A lot of them haven’t been able to feel that way for a while now. Not since Thomas showed up and shucked it all up, anyway. 
“He understands why you hate him.” Y/N was caught off guard, lost in her own head when Newt broke through.
“I don’t hate him, I just…” There wasn’t really a word for it. It was like Thomas was made specifically to boil the blood in her veins and ignite a fire in her stomach that was begging to rage. He knew exactly how to get under her skin and press her buttons, and most of the time he wasn’t even trying.
“You two are a lot alike actually.” Newt let out a chuckle and ignored the hard stare directed at him. “You’re both stubborn as bulls, reckless too. Jumping into things without thinking clearly. You’re guided by emotion rather than logic, but there’s nothing wrong with that.” He turned his head to face his friend and curled up the corner of his lip. “Go get some sleep, we’ve all had a long day.” Newt patted her shoulder and limped off, leaving her alone in the room that now felt huge.
Y/N wasn’t really that tired, so she decided to go around to her favorite spot by the water that she found when they first arrived. The way the moonlight danced on the water in the darkness created the illusion of twinkling lights and reminded her of looking up into the sky in the glade. She hopped down from the ledge onto the sand and trotted through the thick and moist beach towards the large rock that always managed to be warm despite the sun. When it finally came into view, she halted in her tracks.
Of course, Thomas would fucking be there, laying on her rock in her secret spot. A low grumble resonates in her chest as she clenched her fist and stomped towards him. He heard and sat up hazily, having been lost in the limbo of sleep and consciousness.
“What? Who’s...oh. It’s you.” He laid back down, resting his head on his arms that were raised over his head.
“That’s my spot.” Y/N spoke through gritted teeth and clenched fists, trying not to punch him.
He lifted his head slightly and opened one eye, looking Y/N over and then let his head fall back down. “I don’t see your name on it.”
Y/N’s jaw went slack as she let out a small whine of protest, which seemed to put a shit-eating grin on Thomas’ face. Despite being pissed as hell, she couldn’t deny that his smile, with the crescent eyes and the way the moon illuminated his face, was...beautiful. No. No no no no. She’s mad and he’s an annoying little shit that gets everybody hurt or killed. Okay, good. She couldn’t stand the thought of actually being attracted to him.
“You know, Newt says-” Thomas was cut off by her.
“Newt says a lot of things.” Despite being so close to him, Y/N still couldn’t help but feel the rise of annoyance as she rolled her eyes.
Thomas sat up on his elbows and looked over at Y/N. The way he looked at her, and the light of the night with the waves crashing, for some reason it made her feel vulnerable. She moved her arms that were crossed on her chest down to wrap around her stomach. Thomas tilted his head in the most quizzical of ways like he was trying to decipher her. She was a puzzle he couldn’t quite solve, but so terribly wanted to. 
Tired of being gawked at, Y/N took the few steps between them and leaned against the large boulder, her back mostly facing Thomas. She looked up to the sky that was mostly black and empty and let out a sad sigh. She missed the stars, but since they left the maze they seemed to have all died out.
“I know, I miss them too.” Y/N shot a look over her shoulder at Thomas who was looking up. She couldn’t help but linger her gaze on him, he looked so...broken. He must have felt her stare because the muscles in his arms flexed under his weight as he shifted uncomfortably. His jaw clenched, but he still kept looking up, searching for something they both knew he’d never find.
“Why do you want to save Minho so bad?” He broke his lock on the sky and looked at her like it was the stupidest of questions, which it was. “I mean, I know why, but he’s probably dead. We haven’t heard anything about him in months and-”
“He’s alive.” Thomas laid himself back down flat against the rock. “I know it, I can feel it in my gut.” He spoke like it was the truth, something factual rather than the simple feeling that it really was.
“Yeah, but what if he’s not? Are you willing to risk our lives, your life, for someone who may not even be alive?”
He sat up fully and his eyes were dark and full of emotions she couldn’t quite decode. His posture changed to confidence and purpose. “Minho would do it for me.” He looked out to the ocean and crossed his legs, letting his elbows rest on them, placing his cheeks between his hands.
Y/N couldn’t argue with him there. She had known Minho longer than Thomas, and if there was one thing he’d never do, it would be leaving a friend behind. Thomas scooted over and patted the hard surface next to him. She examined the spot and looked up to him, questioningly. He gave her a small smile and she climbed up next to him. There was silence between them, not having much to say, as they shared the space and took in the sea and its illusion of stars.
“I’m going,” Thomas spoke softly as he continued to stare out at the water. They could hear the waves lapping against the stone as his words echoed. Y/N wasn’t entirely sure what he meant. Was he going now? Going to sleep? He looked up and his lips turned down, eyes full of sadness and it hit her. He was going to the last city, alone.
“What!? You can't go! Did you not hear Vince? It’s a suicide mission!” Y/N surprised both of them at her exasperation to get Thomas to stay. I mean, sure she didn’t like the guy, but it’s not like she wanted him dead.
He looked at her and pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “I don’t care. I have to at least try.” The look in his eyes was pitiful and unrelenting. The decision was made, and once he made his mind up on something, there was no use arguing with him.
“If you want to die, that’s fine, I won’t be a part of it.” Y/N hopped down from the rock and started to walk away hurriedly. “But I’m telling Vince.” 
Thomas’ eyes grew wide and he jumped from the rock and chased after her. “No! You can't say anything!” He grabbed her arm and she reactively spun around, landing a solid punch in his gut. Thomas grabbed his stomach and took a step back, grunting in pain. She rolled her eyes and turned to continue walking when Thomas ran up behind her and tackled her to the ground.
“What the fuck, Thomas!?” She struggled but managed to spin around, her back to the sand and Thomas hovering over top her, caging her in with his arms as they held her wrists down over her head.
“I can't let you tell anyone before I leave!” His hot breaths were huffing into her face, a contrast to the cold breeze that had chilled the air.
Y/N looked up at him in frustration and confusion, but mostly at herself. Her eyes flitted down to his lips for the slightest of seconds, but she had to throw those thoughts from her mind. Sorry, Thomas. She slammed her head up into the boy’s nose and he let out a shout as he flew back, grabbing his face and releasing his grip on her arms. She wiggled out from under him and stood up to keep going, but a hand wrapped around her ankle and she face-planted into the hard earth and let out a groan, rubbing the sore spot on her head.
Thomas climbed up on top of her, straddling her waist from behind. He held her wrists to her side this time, avoiding the possibility of her bucking her head back and hitting him in the face again. She writhed underneath him and fought as best she could, but he was stronger than her. It didn’t help that he had the advantage either.
“Are you jacked!? Let me go you little shuckface!” She let out screeches and shouts as she struggled, but it was no use. She gave up and relaxed under him. “Well, you can't hold me down forever! What’s your plan here slinthead?”
Thomas didn’t reply, obviously trying to make this shit up as he went along. He pinned her arms behind her back and stood up, making a grunting noise as he pulled her up with him. “Oh, now he’s the quiet brooding type. Couldn’t get you to shut up for the life of me in the glade, but now you got nothing to say?”
“Shut up.” He grunted through his teeth as he pushed Y/N forward a bit, jerking her around as they walked. He still had her arm pinned behind her back and it was getting kind of painful now.
“Where are you taking me? Are you gonna kill me? Didn’t think you’d have the balls. Well, actually with all the people you’ve killed over the last year, it probably won’t be that hard.” Thomas threw Y/N up against the wall of one of the buildings as they passed through the camp and her head bounced off, now throbbing in two places. She slammed her eyes shut and grabbed the back of her skull as Thomas slammed his hands into the wall on either side of her face. His body was pressing into hers and she could feel every muscle tense as he gritted his teeth and flared his nostrils.
Their faces were inches apart as he growled at her. “I’m getting fucking tired of you reminding me how many mistakes I’ve made!” She has seen him angry like this before, and it was intense, but to have it directed at her, if she was less of a stubborn mule, she probably would have klunked her pants. Thomas was like a raging sea when he was truly angry, everything in his path swallowed up and demolished. He had so much anger, so much hate towards WCKD and himself that when he reached a tipping point it would all spill out like an erupting volcano, and Y/N just happened to be in his path.
“You walk around, talking shit about me to everyone and I can’t take it anymore! You think I don’t carry those people with me, that I don’t know the lives I’ve cost!? I didn’t want any of this! I never asked for it. I didn’t want to be the leader! That’s Minho’s job, but for some God-forsaken reason, everyone but you thinks I’m some savior. I just want to save my friends! I just want to get as far from WCKD and this fucking place as I can! The last thing I need is you reminding me how royally I’ve screwed up every five seconds!” He pulled her off the wall, she was mostly shell shocked from his burst of fury. He gripped her bicep tight enough to leave a bruise as he guided her further through the camp. “But first, I’m getting Minho.”
They traveled the rest of the way in silence which was preferred by Thomas since he was trying not to wake up anyone anyways. They made it to the small building that Thomas had claimed as his own and he shut the door behind them. He pushed Y/N down forcefully on his excuse for a bed and she sat there, still and silent. Thomas paced and ran his fingers through his hair as his mind raced a million miles a minute.
Y/N gulped and wasn’t entirely sure what to say to keep him from exploding again. It wasn’t that she feared he would hurt her, she knew he wouldn’t, but she feared to see him like this. Seeing him like a rabid dog biting at the ankles of anyone who caught his eye. Thomas grabbed a shirt from the floor and ripped off a piece and grabbed her arm, pulling her up the bed.
“Are you serious? You’re tying me up?” Thomas glared at her and then proceeded to tie her wrist to the post of the bed. “Kinky.” Her words were meant to antagonize him, and it worked as he visibly clenched his jaw in vexation. He got up and started to walk around the room when Y/N cleared her throat and waved her hand at Thomas. “Well you’re not very bright, are you?” He looked at her with bewilderment and she rolled her eyes. “My other hand. What’s to stop me from untying your sad excuse for a knot?” Thomas growled under his breath, mostly at himself for not thinking about that possibility. He ripped off another strip of cloth and tied her other wrist to the opposite bedpost.
She wasn’t entirely sure why she was helping him, but she was starting to find this entertaining. Seeing him sputter around in an attempt to get himself killed and digging himself into a deeper hole. Y/N watched him with enjoyment as she crossed her ankles and relaxed against the headboard. He was scurrying around the room like a squirrel, trying to find things and stuffing them into a bag.
“So you’re just gonna leave me tied up when you leave until someone finds me, huh?” Thomas looked over his shoulder and huffed as he continued to rummage through his belongings. “Don’t forget your jacket, might get a little chilly.” He stood up from where he was squatting and threw his bag down hard on the ground and curled in his lips with impatience.
“Keep talking and I’ll gag you!” 
“Ooo, promise?” Thomas shot daggers as he glinted his eyes and growled. Y/N just smiled and wiggled her head in triumph. “If you wanted to get me into bed, all you had to do was ask.” Thomas rolled his eyes and turned to keep packing. She was getting bored of the silence and made an attempt to rile him up again.
 “Some of the boys in the glade used to talk, you know?” Thomas ignored her as she rambled on. “Apparently you weren’t very quiet when you used to, you know?” Thomas turned to her with curiosity. Since her hands were, tied she couldn’t make the motion, so she thrust her hips up twice, but he got the idea. His eyes went wide and he froze in place. Y/N couldn’t help but laugh at his discomfort. “I overheard Jeff telling Zart about how they accidentally saw you in the woods rubbing one out and when you came you said my na-”
“SHUT UP!” Thomas grabbed what was left of the shirt from the end of the bed and shoved it into Y/N’s mouth. She just laughed through the fabric, her enjoyment muted. His cheeks were so pink that they looked like they were hot to the touch and it was almost adorable how flustered and embarrassed he looked. He was sitting on the side of the bed, his back mostly facing Y/N and his head hanging low in shame.
Finally, his cheeks turned from pink to red and he looked to her as he stood. “Well, what do you expect with you prancing around the glade in those short shorts and spaghetti-strap shirts!?” Y/N’s face went from amused to resentful. She tried defending herself through the cloth but all that came out was stifled noise. Thomas threw his arms up and huffed in annoyance, then grabbed the shirt from her mouth.
“I said, you fucking misogynist, that it was fucking hot out while I was working, unlike you who avoided his duties like the plague! Besides, how is it fair for you to fucking say shit like that about me when you paraded yourself around in those pants that clung to your ass while you were shirtless? Do you think I liked staring at your abs as sweat rolled down them?” Both of them were stunned into silence, Y/N realizing what she said and Thomas just amazed that she even thought about him like that. 
They both stared at each other, Y/N turning flushed and Thomas trying to hold back his smile. “Shut up!” She pushed her leg out to the side as she kicked him as hard as she could in the leg. He shouted at the impact and bent over to grab the spot that now throbbed.
“You’re such a violent little shit!” He hollered at her, referring to their brawl earlier.
“Yeah? Imagine me in bed.” Her words were sultry and aimed at being intimidating, but Thomas just smiled the most devilish grin. 
“I already have.”
Y/N rolled her eyes and blushed as she turned her head against her shoulder in the opposite direction of Thomas in protest. After a moment she looked back since he was so quiet and he was still standing there, looking at her with hunger and gnawing on his bottom lip. She narrowed her eyes and couldn’t help but look down and noticed the bulge in his pants. Her eyes went wide and she gasped as she went to kick him again. He yelped and swatted her foot away. “What the fuck, Thomas?”
“What!? You’re the one who said to imagine you in bed!”
“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re such a whore!” Thomas had a smile of amusement at being called a whore like it was a funny joke. Y/N just huffed and turned her eyes up in annoyance. 
“C’mon, you haven’t thought about me?” Thomas sat on the edge of the bed, keeping distance between them in case she wanted to kick or headbutt him again.
“God no!” Her words were firm and strong, but she was betrayed by her face. His lips went dry at the lie and she licked them unknowingly as her eyes darted to his. She blushed and looked away quickly to avoid any further incrimination, but Thomas grabbed her chin and turned her back to face him. His face was so close to hers now, them only needing to whisper to communicate.
“Tell me, what did you imagine? Do you think about my thick cock while you had your fingers inside yourself?” She shuddered at his words and her mouth was like a desert, begging for water. Her lips were parted and she couldn’t gain control of her tongue as she searched his eyes, full of need and hidden desire. He licked her bottom lip with the tip of his tongue and a chill coursed through her. He pulled away and her face followed, but was she restrained by the ties on her wrists. She let out a small whine at the loss of his mouth. Thomas bit his lip and chuckled. “If that’s how your lips taste, I bet the rest of you tastes just as amazing.” His hand rested on her bare calf and trailed its way up her leg until it reached her thigh where the hem of her shorts began.
Her hot, panting breaths were mixed with his, their lips nearly touching. She wanted desperately to close the minuscule distance between them, but couldn’t make her body move, frozen under his touch. Thomas went in, but just before their lips connected he tilted his head and collided his mouth with her neck. She let out a gasp at the sudden feeling of his warm lips against her chilled flesh. He kissed and sucked at the spot just below her jaw as she leaned back, giving him more access. He worked his way down to the pulse in her neck and bit down, then licked over it to alleviate the red marks. The mix of pain and pleasure, hot and cold, had her rubbing her thighs together in search of friction. Y/N let out a small moan into Thomas’s ear and his hand made its way further up her leg. He continued to lick and nip at her neck, leaving marks and right before his hand reached her core he pulled away.
Y/N let out a whine of protest at the loss of his warmth as he stood up and started to walk away. She was finally able to find her voice, but just barely. She croaked out in a pant, “You can’t just do that.”
“Can’t I?” A smile crossed his lips and the asshole had the nerve to wink. She pouted and huffed in retaliation and Thomas was now standing at the end of the bed, his legs touching the mattress, directly vertical to her. “I’m not going to just give you what you want. You have to work for it, Princess.” Y/N’s eyes went wide, seeing him like this, so domineering. The last thing she ever expected was for him to be authoritative in bed, let alone letting herself be subdued by him.
Thomas was such an arrogant little shit, he got into crevices that she didn’t even know she had. Working his way through her walls and made her squirm. She tugged at the cloth around her wrists, digging into her flesh and creating a pleasurable sting, wishing she could jump on him. She’s not entirely sure if her desire is to jump his bones or beat his ass though. He laughs and leans over her feet, placing his hands on the mattress. “Come on, baby girl, beg.” He took his time saying the last word, allowing the ‘g’ to bounce off his tongue.
“I don’t fucking beg!” Y/N spit at Thomas and the wet hit his chin. He grinned and stood up as he wiped it from his face with his finger, then placed it in his mouth. He sucked on it and let it out with a pop. Even if her tongue wouldn’t beg, her eyes sure did. “Fucking Christ…” she mumbled under her breath, but he still heard and chuckled.
Thomas places his hands on her ankles and slowly slid them up the length of her legs, maintaining eye contact. He placed his knees on the bed and was straddling the lower part of her body. When his fingers reached the waist of her pants, he curled his fingers into the band and looked her in the eyes. His digits against her flesh were thrilling and like fire coursing to her core. He searched her eyes for protest, but Y/N bit her lip and gave him the slightest nod. He smirked and looked down as he dragged the clothing off her hips. The tug pulled her down slightly, now resting on her tailbone instead of her ass. He pulled her shorts all the way off with her shoes and let them drop to the floor.
Y/N crossed her legs, feeling vulnerable, but Thomas leaned in and forced them apart by her knees. She dragged her legs up, placing her feet flat on the bed as Thomas’ fingers trailed up her thighs, leaving a trail of fire. He leaned down, his heat breaths against the inside of her legs. He kissed and licked at the warm skin and left bruising marks as he sucked into it. His mouth made its way up painfully slow to her sex when he blew cold air across it. A shiver radiated up her spine and left her feeling dizzy at the mix of everything.
Thomas kept licking and sucking everywhere around her core, the place where she so desperately wanted him to be. Her hips bucked up uncontrollably whenever he got agonizingly close, but he would always move away. “Thomas..” His name was breathy and needy, a plea for him to stop being such a tease. He moaned at the sound of his name on her lips and it reverberated through her skin as he continued to kiss and she felt it in her core. The stimulation causing her to whine. 
“Tell me what you want, Princess.” His words vibrated against her flesh as he refused to release his lips. 
Y/N let out a couple hearty breaths when she finally panted out, “Fuck me with your tongue, you prick!”
Thomas dove into her core without hesitation and the sound that came from her was somewhere between a screech and a gasp. His tongue lapped up around her entrance, licking up all the wetness he caused. He hummed at the taste and it sent shivers through her body and down to her toes. “God, you’re so fucking wet.” He licked a stripe up to her clit and clamped his lips around the nub as he sucked hard. The pressure around it was inciting, but then he started to flick his tongue across the bundle of nerves. The two sensations mixing together sent a warm thrill down to her bones as her back arched up slightly. 
The noises coming from Y/N were a mix of moans and gasps as his tongue worked on her fervently. He let go of her clit and replaced it with the pad of his finger, rubbing circles into it. He traced the ring of her entrance with the tip of his tongue until her hips bucked up and he penetrated, just like she had said she wanted him to. He thrust his tongue in and out, drinking up the dampness she was producing for him. “So wet. Taste’s so good.” The words vibrated through her core and a deep long moan was released. 
“Fi..fingers.” She struggled to get the word out, but Thomas knew what she needed. He placed his mouth around her nub again, sucking and flicking while his finger traced the place his tongue had been. He looked up at her through his eyelashes and watched as she writhed under his torment. She looked down at him and whined, so he gave in and pushed a finger inside her. He slowly pumped it in and out as she let out soundless gasps. He wiggled his finger, stretching her out and slid a second one in. He pumped as he sucked at her clit and her moans were constant now. Her body, unable to keep still, was beyond her control and fully reacting to everything that Thomas was doing.
He scissored his digits, widening her for his cock. “Are you gonna come on my fingers, baby?”
“Mhmmm” That was all Y/N could manage with all the sensations she was feeling. That fire building in her stomach was overflowing and begging to spill out. She was such a wreck that she felt like she was being torn apart. Thomas curled his fingers and pumped them vigorously as he kept his mouth to her bundle of nerves and hit that spot that triggered everything. His digits brushed across it once, twice, three times, and then the coil broke.
Thomas watched as Y/N let out a silent scream and threw her head back. He smiled at his victory and hummed around her clit, causing her body to spasm through her orgasm. He licked around his fingers, taking in all she had to offer. Pulling his fingers from her, she went limp on the bed, panting with her eyes shut and her wrists red from tugging at the ties around them. He licked his digits, eating up everything he could and couldn’t help but be smug at how well he unraveled her. “Oh, I’m not done with you yet babygirl. If I made you come that good on my fingers, I can’t wait to see you on my cock.” 
Thomas started to rub the all too obvious tenting in his pants and Y/N opened her eyes, panting, and looked at him in awe. He pulled off his shirt and, dear God those abs and his chest. He wasn’t chiseled or defined, but you could still see the muscles easily. There was a patch of hair between his pecs that spread down and across to his nipples that were hard pebbles. Y/N licked her lips as she thought about running her tongue across them. Her eyes found the thick brush of hair just below his belly button that led down to the band of his pants that hung low on his hips, showing off the ‘v’ that disappeared into his waistband. 
Y/N gulped as she rubbed her thighs together, becoming aroused again just by the sight of the man. He reached a hand down his pants and started rubbing, as she poked his legs with her foot. “Take. Them. Off.” Thomas smiled and did as he was told. His pants fell around his ankles as he stepped out, kicking off his boots. He pumped his cock, the flesh around his swollen head begging to be tasted.
He crawled onto the bed, his heavy dick hanging between his legs as he hovered over Y/N. She was licking her lips so much they were bound to become chapped. He laid his body on top of her, his cock resting against her pelvis. He reached a hand under her top, pulling the hem up to reveal her breast. The rough pad of his thumb brushed over the sensitive and raised peak, making her close her eyes. She let out a hot breath and Thomas took advantage of her open mouth. He plunged his tongue between her lips and swirled it around, filling her with her own taste.
Their lips smacked against each other, creating a dance of tongues filled with moans and whines. Thomas released her mouth and trailed suckling kisses across her jaw and down her neck until he reached her nipple. He took it into his mouth and thrust his hips forward, rubbing his shaft against Y/N’s all too sensitive clit. She shuddered and met his hips as she bucked up against him. He let out a deep groan at the friction he’d been craving so frustratingly and lightly bit down on the flesh next to her nipple in response.
“Untie. Me. Now.” Y/N huffed, trying to keep herself coherent enough to speak.
“Not yet.” Thomas purred into her ear and licked a long stripe from her jaw up to behind her ear that left chills on her skin as the cold air hit the wetness. She grunted in revolt at not being untied but was distracted as Thomas thrust his hips up again and she let out a hitched breath. He zoned in his focus on her nipple, sucking and nibbling until Y/N was writhing beneath him.
Thomas started to kiss her passionately in a chaos of lips, teeth, tongues, and saliva as he lifted his hand not preoccupied with her nipple to untie the fabric around her left wrist. She pulled her arm away at the freedom and immediately wove her fingers through his hair. He gave her other nipple equal attention when he switched hands to release her other wrist. It went for his ass without hesitation. She drew her leg up over his thigh as her fingers dig into the flesh on his behind. He moaned into her mouth at the feeling of her touch, not realizing how sorely he needed it.
His hips bucked up against her core rhythmically now as they deepened their kiss in a flutter of groping and tugging of flesh. “Fuck me.” Y/N spoke into his mouth and Thomas growled in response. He leaned up, pulled her shirt over her head and lined his cock up with her cunt. His head and shaft were already slick with her wetness from gliding across her core. He pressed the tip against the entrance and slowly pushed the head in. Y/N let out a moan as she felt him move deeper inside her, inch by agonizing inch. Halfway, he easily slid in until he bottomed out.
He kept still, taking in her heat around him and allowing her to adjust to his size. She whined when he was still for too long and the look in her eyes was all the answer he needed. He hiked her leg over his hip for a better angle and slowly pulled out until she was almost empty. He slowly pushed back in until their pelvis’ met again. He repeated this excruciating movement until she couldn’t take it anymore. She gripped the back of his head, intertwining her fingers in his hair and pulled his face to her. She kissed him hard and pulled on his lip with her teeth letting it bounce back with a plop. He let out a rumble in his chest and thrust into her hard. A small yelp escaped her chest and she dug her other hand into his shoulder. “Fuck.”
Thomas pulled out slow again, but rammed into her hard. He did this a few more times until he couldn’t take it anymore himself. He started to quicken his pace and Y/N’s head fell back as she clung to him. Her moans and grunts unrelenting, littered with profanities and his name, egging him on. “Oh fuck.” She forced out her words with each breath as he pushed into her like there was no room for them with him inside.
“Fuck, baby girl. You feel so fucking good.” Thomas let his head fall into the crevice of her neck as he pulled her other leg over his hip, the heels of her feet digging into the bottom of his ass. He mercilessly thrust into her, over and over, moving the bed along with them and they were both practically screaming now. “Christ, princess you’re so tight.”
Y/N couldn’t answer, her mind too wired and out of control, just like her body. She let out noises she couldn’t decipher and felt that heat in her abdomen start to boil like a hot white flame. They were both covered in sheens of sweat, and she watched as a bead dripped down Thomas’ temple. The vein in his neck was defined and strained, pulsing visibly. “I’m so fucking close.”
Thomas reached down between them and started to vigorously rub circles on her clit, he shifted his pelvis and with his next thrust hit her g-spot perfectly. “Holy..” She gasped out as the build-up reached its peak, the split moment of feeling lighter than air, her stomach jumping. “FUCK.” Her dams burst and she let out a long and gruff breath, exhaling hard as she came around his thick cock, her eyes and head rolling back.
Thomas could feel her clenching around him and the hot pressure sent him over the edge as he came inside her, letting hot spurts coat her walls. He took his fingers from her clit and wrapped his hand around the base of his cock as he milked out every last bit of his orgasm into Y/N. He collapsed down onto her, their bodies a mess of sweat, saliva, and come. They both panted and sighed as they let their bodies catch up to the moment, exhausted from what just happened.
Thomas got up and grabbed a cloth, dousing it in water, then cleaning up the mixture of come from Y/N. He cleaned off his limp cock and let it drop to hang between his thighs. He laid back down in the bed next to her and wrapped his arms around her as she curled up next to him. He reached over and played with the ends of her hair, examining her face. “I’m still leaving, you know.”
Y/N laid flat on her back and sighed. “I know.” She turned back into his side and looked up from his chest. “Let’s go get Minho, together.”
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Taglist: @xoprincessmel​ @bitch-banshee​ @parker-potter​ @writingsbychlo​ @lettersofwrittencollective​ @fan-child​ @moongoddesskiana​
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vampirearataka · 5 years
Text
Poor, Lonely Whitey
Reigen’s lasting affect on Mob can be seen throughout the series, one of the more famous, the analogy of not pointing knives at someone ie psychic powers. However he points a knife at Mob emotionally— and is thus left behind.
This is an analysis of Reigen’s actions and behaviors, specifically in Season II, Episode 6, and why he would lash out on Mob the way he does.
TLDR: reigen projects onto mob the feelings he has about not being enough and lonely and depressed and manipulated, and when that fails he bottles it up and pretends to move on
First off, I’m so proud of Mob for sticking up for himself. He had a great time this episode with his friends!!! But when Reigen says “Grow up for crying out loud!... I’m one of the biggest reasons you’re able to control your powers!”
Reigen invalidates all the progress we’ve seen Mob making. We open after the title sequence seeing Mob do the most push ups he has— that’s his progress! Yet, Reigen pulls him away from the friends he holds dear and tries to make him think that the Reigen Savior Trope is a reality.
But it’s not. And thus, Reigen is alone again.
Throughout this episode, I believe one thing is made clear: how hard his depression hits him. Depression isn’t always crying at night, constantly crying “woe is me!” It can also be apathy. Exciting new events can just feel.. mundane.
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You would think leaving a crappy job and starting a business would be exciting. He appears rather bored and to have rented the place without a plan. This makes it clear he wanted a change from the repetitivity white collar work has.
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But we’re seeing that this cool, fun, psychic job... isn’t that. It’s repetitive. We’ve seen these scenes— it nearly plays frame by frame the same.*
*note: the manga shows us during this arc how he’s about to close spirits and such down-- and that its bc of mob that he doesnt. its bc of mob he doesnt hate his job *
This shows us how Reigen feels— that each day plays out the same, no matter what adventures await. This is a common feeling of depression.
And now he has no one. He knows this, but he projects his negative feelings onto Mob. This is shown earlier, when he tells him that his friends are just using him. It’s also shown when he says:
“He shouldn’t have anyone he can talk to about his problems other than me. If he cuts ties with me, he’s going to end up alone again. There’s nothing to worry about. He’ll be back here. I know it. But I’m not sad about this at all.
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Obviously we see that Mob is, in fact, not lonely. He’s hanging out with his family and friends, using this opportunity to be with them. “If he cuts ties with me, he’s going to end up alone again.” Reigen seems to be referencing Mob. Yet, we know he was never REALLY alone. The story has been ABOUT his bonds with the people around him.
“He’s going to end up alone again” refers not to Mob, but to Reigen. The scene cuts to the night sky as Reigen says “you’re probably feeling pretty lonely right about now,” is another example of him projecting his own loneliness onto Mob.
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This is the more direct show of his projection. Mob must be feeling awkward, he thinks, and instantly hides when he sees him.
He obnoxiously tells Dimple that “I hope you have fun following around a normal middle schooler!”
He knows that Mob really is just a normal kid, this is something he normally emphasizes with his rhetoric of no one being special and everyone having their own abilities. He wants to be around Mob again, but he lets his pride get in the way.
Why does he project onto Mob this way?
He doesn’t want to admit it. He is lonely and depressed. But he’s a business owner, he’s getting more popular among clientele, he’s 28! It’s the prime of his life! He should be feeling great.
His identity of a business man affects his whole life.
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The first thing he does when he gets home after work is... work. He has nothing else to do, and no one to see.
But he’s supposed to be in his prime.
This idealism is quickly shattered on his birthday.
It starts with him logging onto FaceBook (FriendBook) and realizing that it’s his birthday. No one has wished him a happy day.
But then his mom does! Yay! Except... she’s telling him to hurry up and get married, and her so-called present to him is a link. A link to a flyer about a job, a “real” job, the very white collar job Reigen hates.
As he reads it, we don’t see his face, at all.
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This is a very clever tactic by the narrative. His previously forced optimism and the mask he puts up, is shattered here. But we don’t get to see that. We can’t see his reaction— just him scrolling.
All we are allowed to see is his hand tremble as he reads.
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After this, he decides it’s time to go to a bar. He’s not particularly excited it, as he describes the people there as the type to fall for pyramid schemes and cults.
He says it’s perfect for him. In the context of that, it’s because he’s a smooth talker, and they’re attracted to him because he helps them with all their problems.
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Strange thing to say about the place you and your friends go.
He tells his supposed friends that it’s his birthday. He gets (somewhat awkward) well wishes. A woman there almost immediately begins to try and sell him a pillow, since it’s his birthday!
He realizes...
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He aims to change himself after this. What’s changed? The narrative is sneaky in showing him getting even more popular and doing well with clients.
But when you think about it, nothing has changed. The feelings he previously projected are just now bottled. He didn’t want to acknowledge it, and after a horrible birthday where he DID, he shoves it away.
He’s still doing the same jobs. He’s still alone, only helping and offering advice to people as contact. He says he wants to “become somebody”, even though he already WAS. But he can’t say that. And now he’s forced away the company that made him happier.
And episode 7 will only make him feel worse.
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louisetakesphotos · 7 years
Photo
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At 4am we awoke. After a hearty breakfast I strapped my 15kg pack on to my back. (Photographer life) We were physically ready to begin, but still mentally preparing ourselves for the 1000m ascent to the summit at altitude. We were standing under another mountain looking up at switchback after switchback. A 500m sharp ascent. Breathless I shuffled along. Each step is a struggle. The air so thin you constantly feel out of breath. Each corner leaning on my trusty walking stick Wallace, sucking air into my lungs trying to get enough in to continue the shuffle. The cold air and altitude added a dry hacking couch to my arsenal of challenges. My hands are so cold it feels like knives are stabbing into my fingers, the air is so dry that our lips are cracking and the walkway is covered in ice so you can’t switch off and climb mindlessly. What i’ve described probably sounds horrific and most definitely not worth the pain. But with each step higher the view gets more and more breathtaking. With each pause you look around in wonder and the only thing stopping you from exclaiming loudly or shouting to the heavens is the lack of oxygen and the other trekkers who would probably stare at you strangely. My finger can hardly press the shutter fast enough. We finally reach high camp, 500m’s higher than Thorong Phedi (our sleeping quarters) Marijn, my fellow hiker assures us the difficult part is over. The next part of the hike is a much flatter, a slow steady incline. How wrong he was. Luckily he DID warn us that there would be lots of false summits otherwise I probably would have unleashed my inner gremlin on him. We departed for the next step of the journey, fresh faced, giddy, giggling, joking. Just much more innocent, naive versions of ourself really. Hiking to the pass. Step 1: Scale the side of a snowy mountain, using a very thin snowy/icey walkway. Misstep a few times and face your own possible demise as your leg sinks into a foot of snow and you topple over, luckily falling BACK onto the pathway, rather than down the side of the mountain. (Don’t worry mum, i’m totally exaggerating) ((people who aren’t my mum: I’m totally not exaggerating) Step 2: Cross a landslide area. A small path is carved into a sheer wall of rock, ice and snow. This is the main reason you have to start so early. As the sun hits it and the day warms up the ice melts and the rocks begin falling. As we wandered up to it we could hear the wall creaking and groaning as the ice was melting, followed by the terrifying sound of rocks clattering down the wall, across the path and onto the floor below. As we get closer and closer the rocks are falling faster and faster. Some can’t even be classed as rocks, we’ll call them boulders. We look nervously at each other but the rocks don’t look to big yet (we’re ignoring the boulders) and they’re easy enough to dodge and the thought of going back to high camp to sleep another night doesn't appeal to anyone. So on we hike. Erica and Tomas go first. I watch with a sick and heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach (this time unrelated to a parasite) as a large rock comes crashing down the mountain. People are shouting ‘ROCK’ and Erica looks up deciding whether to run forward or backwards. She steps forward and narrowly avoids a rock to the head. I follow them up, my breathing is ragged. My lungs are screaming for me to stop and catch my breath but the fear I feel as each small rock scatters past keeps me going. With a few running steps I reach the top. I lean on Wallace, the walking stick, and breathe deeply trying to reoxygenate my body. We can’t bear to keep watching so we keep hiking. Step 3: Go insane and lose faith that your life is even real and you are actually stuck in a strange time loop where you will never reach the pass. Now the long walk up and down and up and down small snowy hills begins. You can only see the hill in front of you. Each time you get there you hope this is the one. When i get to the top i’ll see the flags and the ‘Thorong La’ sign post. But each time you get severely dissapointed. With each incline the shuffle gets slower and slower. My breathing gets more and more difficult and the hacking cough worsens. I have to stop and catch my breath every 10 steps or so. The day has truly heated up now and we’re removing our layers, the reflection from the snow is heating us up from every angle, (my main sunburn occurred on the underside of my nose, an area of my body i’d never thought to sunscreen)
We each go at our own pace, too breathless to talk to each other. FINALLY after a few hours I crest a hill and not even 100m away is the pass. The colourful flags fluttering in the wind. It doesnt’ feel real. I’d prepared to never reach the pass. 13 days of trekking and several hours of false summits it no longer existed in my current reality, but lo and behold here it is.
I didn’t know how to react. So many days of walking and here it was. We had a cup of the best chai ever, took some photos and then it was time to leave. So anticlimactic. A gruelling 2kms down a steep descent across snow, ice, slush and then mud. 4 hours later we finally reached Muktinath and our first shower in days. It wasn’t until I was raising a drink with my hiking group that night that I finally felt that sense of accomplishment for what we’d achieved.
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lovelesswiki · 7 years
Text
Post-Moonless predictions— Soubi’s mental state (2/10)
previous part<--[here] --> next part
for the last week or so, i’ve been talking about a large theory i’ve been writing. since finishing it, i’ve decided to publish it in parts, since it’s actually about 10 different theories all on one subject. since it’s all written out, i’ll try to be publishing one part of this per day.
essentially, this is a set of theories about what i believe will have to happen in order to properly lead up to a climax--the one we’ve been building up to for years and years now. so, these are what i theorize will happen after the first moonless vs beloved battle, broken up into ten different parts. each theory is explained and theres images for each one.
table of contents (bolded is the post you’re looking at):
moonless and beloved will rematch (1)
soubi will fall into a deep depression and possibly become suicidal (2)
ritsuka will arrive at seven voices, SM’s activity will be revealed (3)
SM will reveal that there was a mole in their organization (4)
kio will be the one to take ritsuka to goura (5)
ritsuka will find things out about soubi and the aoyagi family (6)
SM’s true purpose will be revealed. ritsuka will have to make a decision about good vs evil (7)
seventh SM member will be revealed (8)
nagisa will find out what really happened to sanae (9)
ritsuka will be asked to join SM to fill the aoyagi seat (10)
Theory: after the moonless battle, soubi will fall back into a catatonic state, become deeply depressed, and become actively suicidal. this will be following constant abusive treatment from seimei and soubi essentially giving up on everything.
NOTE: this post will be discussing suicide and abuse in explicit terms. this is a warning for that. also, this post is one of the most important, since i mostly focus on ritsuka in the others, for reasons that ill be discussing in this post. 
i strongly suspect that everything after the moonless battle will become worse for soubi, somehow.
before the moonless battle, we see soubi falling into what i can only describe as a near catatonic state. it’s seen at a couple times in the manga that when soubi gets extremely depressed or witnesses something horrible, he locks up completely. after the oath that seimei forces soubi to recite and seimei’s attitude that they lost, i can only imagine that this will get even worse.
catatonia, for those that dont know, is a mental state in which the sufferer goes into a state of immobility where they refuse to do everything or almost everything. it’s a sign of various psychotic disorders, including depression with psychotic features. usually, catatonia presents with things such as mutism, stupor, negatism (refusal to do things that they need to do such as eating), and agitation, and it does often present after a traumatic or shocking event. if any of this sounds familiar, you’d be right, because soubi presents this very clearly in the events following being taken from ritsuka.
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(i know soubi is in no way normal, but he certainly doesnt act like this all the time) 
in addition to this, soubi has apparently asked and forgotten nakahira’s name multiple times, enough that nakahira is angry about it and calls soubi out for being rude. he also ignores any offers for food and, as nakahira points out, has done nothing but sit in that state since he arrived at the house. he doesnt appear to even have slept.
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(im going to go out on a limb here and say that soubi probably did actually forget his name and legitimately wasn’t intentionally being a shitty person.)
in the same chapter, we see that the only thing that rouses soubi is seimei, and every panel after that, soubi is shown to be in what looks to be immense pain. his expressions are very exaggerated and hurt and it literally looks like hes getting a nail driven through his hand again. im not going to show every panel of this, because im not kidding. it’s every panel that shows soubi from the beginning of chapter 105 to right up to where we are currently in the manga, save for the hallucination soubi has about his life back at home, but we’ll be getting to that soon.
the worst of this intense emotional pain, though, is when seimei forces soubi to recite an oath. soubi looks to be in the worst pain hes been in through the entire duration of the manga, and that’s including getting a nail through his hand and when seimei showed up at seven voices and forced soubi to let him escape. truth be told, i think this scene is where soubi crosses the line from being extremely depressed and hopeless to something actually worse. in short, i think this is the moment soubi realizes that there is nothing else besides this, and there’s no way out.
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so, before we delve too deep into that, let’s talk about something related. let’s talk about seimei and what’s going to happen directly after the moonless battle in relation to seimei’s state of mind.
i heavily suspect that we’re going to see some of seimei’s violence towards soubi, as well as nisei. we have flashbacks and a current timeline with seimei and soubi where seimei acts very cruelly and abusive towards soubi, but we’ve never seen him actually get physical with him (with the exception of his naming). despite this, it’s been stated multiple times by multiple characters that soubi was beaten by him and we see him at one point during a flashback with kio where soubi’s hand is badly injured and it doesn’t seem to be from a battle. seimei won the battle against moonless, but is clearly displeased with how they won and how close it was, as well as with the fact that nisei was defeated, and in the time between taking him back and now, seimei seems particularly displeased with the way soubi acts and speaks. i believe this is going to come to some sort of a pinnacle where seimei’s physical treatment of soubi (and nisei) is going to be shown in order to trigger readers and fans into a concrete and undeniable belief that seimei is a piece of shit.
(not that he isn’t already, but physical violence tends to be a very ‘in-your-face’ type of thing that cannot be ignored or looked over or even easily forgotten. everyone remembers it and it tends to be huge in storytelling, especially with characters who are trying to be negatively portrayed. while it’s easy to overlook the scenes with rampant emotional and verbal abuse, it’s not easy to overlook scenes with rampant physical abuse. this is why we remember misaki’s treatment of ritsuka and ritsu’s treatment of soubi much more than we remember, say, nagisa’s treatment of the zeroes, despite the fact that she’s hit at least youji. this is also why readers much more easily dislike characters like ritsu and misaki over nagisa and seimei.)
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(this scene isn’t remembered very often, even.)
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(soubi’s injury is implied to be seimei’s doing, but it’s never confirmed or explicitly shown, although that type of injury is easily done with a knife. i wonder who’s proficient with knives...?)
so, right now we have a seimei that is displeased for a multitude of reasons. first, we have soubi, who’s depressed, unwilling to do much, and who has begun questioning seimei and talking back to him. he won the moonless battle, but only after beloved as a whole was half defeated. and then we have nisei. i feel bad for nisei, because i do not see this turning out well for him at all. nisei lost. nisei was defeated. nisei was weak. nisei couldnt do what he was ordered. nisei forced seimei to rely on soubi to win a battle because nisei couldnt do what he was ‘created’ to do. nisei is useless to seimei, and an embarrassment. there is no way at all that seimei is even remotely happy with nisei, and this is something that i think is going to play out horribly for him, and something that will greatly affect soubi, as well.
to see why, we need to understand soubi and nisei’s relationship. up until very recently, soubi hated nisei with every fiber of his being. he vowed over and over that he would kill him. at the moonless battle, soubi was given a wide and huge opportunity to carry this out and kill nisei, but instead chose to take pity on him. the look that soubi gave nisei in the moment before he put a sleep spell on him wasn’t one of hatred, but one that looked as if soubi pitied him, like he felt sorry for him after watching him be defeated and be beaten up right in front of seimei. soubi seemed understanding, almost, and i think in that moment he came to a greater understanding that being the beloved fighter isn’t an honor. it’s a curse. 
i don’t think soubi is going to fair well if he witnesses nisei being punished for his failure during the battle. similarly, i dont think soubi is going to fair well if he is punished or pushes seimei to anger, either. 
the entire series, up until seimei taking soubi back, has partially been about soubi building a sense of identity that involves being an actual person and not a thing. at this point, i doubt soubi would react well at all to being beaten or punished for winning a battle too closely, nor do i think he would react well to seeing nisei be punished for having to drop out of a 2 vs 1 battle, humiliating seimei as he did so. in fact, i think this would push soubi towards an edge that i think is going to become very clear in the coming chapters.
to put it simply, with soubi’s characterization and the events leading up to now, i strongly suspect that soubi will become suicidal to a degree. maybe it’s a large degree that pushes him towards an actual choice. maybe it’s to a lighter degree. given what yun has said about the climax and everything, i think it may be the former, and thats what im going to work off of here. 
let me break this down a little bit: soubi’s life revolves around the possibility of death. throughout the series, it’s implied that fighters like soubi dont tend to live very long and that soubi is ‘old’ for a fighter. many characters also tell him, to his face, that soubi should have already killed himself and that he didnt deserve to live after seimei’s ‘death’ and that he’d be better off dead. soubi has one reason why he didn’t kill himself after seimei’s death and seemed to be passively suicidal then, too. but, above all, soubi wants out. you know the only way that soubi has been told that he can get out from seimei’s rule? the only way he could leave the life he currently leads? by dying.
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(the ol’ ‘ha ha you’ll be dead and in the ground before i ever do that’ routine)
 seimei tells soubi here that the only way he can leave or escape is if he dies. seimei makes that very clear, and this scene and the chapters that follow it are some of the most distressing chapters for soubi. something is very clearly wrong with him in these chapters. while soubi can be a hard character to understand, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that soubi is not acting like he usually does. he’s catatonic and depressed. hes refusing food and seems to be lost in his thoughts all the time. he looks like hes in immense pain at every second. he does not look or sound good at all. on top of this, other characters comment on it too.
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 let’s also talk about that last image a little, too. mikado calls soubi out for drifting away after soubi gets lost in what seems to be a hallucination. i say hallucination because during it, even soubi seems a bit surprised at the outcomes of certain things, though he doesn’t question it. if it were a fantasy or a daydream, he wouldn’t be shocked by, say, ritsuka being able to get permission to stay over at his apartment. and after being taken out of that moment, soubi does seem a little disorientated and not sure where he is, as seen in the way he reaches out for the rain and doesn’t appear to be able to respond. 
soubi hallucinates during the battle about his home life and specifically, about the small family he’s built for himself involving ritsuka, natsuo, youji, and kio. in this hallucination, he takes care of the three kids and has ritsuka’s friends over and even comments that it’d be nice to live together. the threat of seimei or of being attacked by opposing teams doesn’t seem to exist in this small world of soubi’s, and he doesn’t seem particularly worried about anything. aside from a comment he makes about shutting ritsuka’s mother up, he seems fairly normal, even. and then he’s torn away from it and put back into the battle, at which point he makes this comment: 
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soubi’s thoughts in this moment definitely read as an admission of guilt and reluctance. hes very upset in this moment, after being torn away from a reality he’d created to try to deal with things, and he’s realizing that there’s no one around who will comfort him and tell him that it’s alright, and that things are only going to continue to get worse. from this monologue, soubi also seems to not want to fight moonless at all. he doesnt seem to want to participate in the battle, but he’s acknowledging that he doens’t have a choice. soubi doesnt want any part in this battle, and id even wager to say that hes on moonless’s side and wants seimei apprehended. however, he also seems to know that if he fights, that won’t happen. it was the same at seven voices--soubi very clearly did not want to let seimei escape and he did willingly chase him down with ritsuka, but was forced to let him get away with it and then locked down afterwards due to shock and guilt, even going as far as to try to convince ritsuka that he was a bad person afterwards. 
soubi really, really seems to want to be ‘good’ and do what the ‘good’ people want him to do. he didnt argue with ritsu at seven voices when ritsu told him to apprehend seimei, and he went as far as to talk back at seimei when he thought seimei was patronizing ritsuka. he didnt want to break that window and allow seimei to get away, but he had to. soubi is a character who seems to very much want to be ‘good’, but is forced to keep doing ‘bad’ things. throughout the series, soubi seems to have learned morals to an extent and now recognizes the difference between right and wrong, and no longer seems to believe that everything seimei does is right. 
it’s very clear that he wants out, from telling seimei that it’d be fine to be abandoned to being catatonic at the house to hesitating and hallucinating a fantasy about a better home life during the moonless battle to seeming upset that he’s the one doing these things. however, soubi has no way out. seimei will not kill him. for reasons unknown to me, seimei seems to particularly want soubi to suffer, and seimei is smart enough to know that death would end soubi’s suffering. soubi is strong enough to the point that moonless, who’s supposedly beloved’s match, can’t defeat him. no other team has even come close to defeating him. nisei isn’t going to kill him. soubi can’t run away--he doesn’t have the willpower to, and what would be the point, anyways? the last time he got out from seimei, after seimei’s ‘death’, seimei let him build up happiness and then came right back around and took it all away from him. seimei is never going to leave him alone, and as long as seimei is alive, he’s going to want soubi to suffer. and soubi still thinks of soubi as some sort of god, meaning that soubi doesn’t see seimei as being able to die or even be captured. not that soubi has the willpower to be any sort of cause of death to him, anyways.
 this leaves one thing–if soubi wants out, hes going to have to die. seimei would not willingly give him up, since seimei seems to want to cause soubi as much pain as possible, and i dont see soubi as the type who would actually be able to successfully run away and break things off from seimei and even if he did, seimei would find out new ways to take everything away from him. for soubi, it’s completely hopeless, because no matter what he does, seimei is just going to take everything away from him over and over again, as he’s been shown to do.
on top of all this, forcing soubi to repeat an oath clearly caused him great distress during the battle, even if it helped him win. the oath itself is important, as well, since it gave voice to soubi’s thoughts and worst fears--that there’s only seimei. there is nothing else. nothing else matters. there will always be only seimei. while seimei may view this oath as a forced declaration of soubi’s ‘devotion’ towards him, soubi seems to see it as a terrible fate, like repeating this oath only solidified the fact that he will never, ever escape seimei.
 as a result of being forced to do that and subsequently realizing that theres no way out, that this is going to be the rest of his miserable life, and that he’s just going to be in horrible emotional pain for the rest of his days when he’d had about a year of happiness with a family that he’d built for himself–it’s going to trigger something in soubi deeper than the near-catatonia that we saw before the moonless battle, and i think itll push soubi into a territory that can be labelled as actively suicidal.
suicide itself has been talked about vaguely in the series before, too. in the beginnings of loveless, teams told soubi directly that he should’ve killed himself and that he was better off dead. at one point, early in loveless, ritsuka asks soubi what would happen if seimei ordered soubi to hurt ritsuka. soubi responds by telling ritsuka that he’d kill himself first before he could do anything to ritsuka. any and all talk about suicide in the series seems to be directed at soubi and no one else, and this could easily be seen as foreshadowing.
im almost done with this one, but there’s also yun saying that the climax would involve soubi realizing that it does matter and him making a choice about what he wants. this could quite possibly be the realization that he could do something about this and the choice whether or not to push himself over an edge that he’s on. ill get to this in another post, but i strongly believe that unfortunately, soubi is a character who has been set up to die, and i think that making this choice would have a huge effect on every character and following event in the story.
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at this point, soubi has despaired and abandoned everything. he doesnt care about himself or others. we’re undeniably at this point right now. and with the way soubi is and his mental state currently, the choice that he makes may very well be to kill himself. it would set off a huge chain of events in the series and would effect everyone. soubi is a character who has some sort of non-neutral relationship with almost every character in the series. very few don’t hold feelings one way or another towards him (mikado and seven being the biggest two). everyone else seems to either hate him with a passion or feel positively towards him. his death would effect every single one of these characters and the world, given that soubi is a main player in it and is said to be the best fighter.
going along with that, it would be a fitting climax and a resolution for the problem of seimei. seimei would be left without soubi in what would be perhaps the largest show of defiance possible. he might still have nisei, if he didn’t already discard him in some way or another after the initial moonless battle. seimei would essentially be left with nothing, and it would come down to the fact that all his power lays in the people he’s manipulated and abused his entire life.
there’s also the possibility of soubi attempting at some point after the rematch, perhaps when he’s back with ritsuka, or soubi making the decision at the climax that his life does matter and that he can get out of this somehow.
regardless, im fairly certain that the rest of soubi’s storyline right up until the moonless rematch and subsequent climax will be showing him falling deeper and deeper into despair and losing his grip on reality even more than he has currently. i also believe that it’ll show seimei in an even more negative light, given his attitude involving the first moonless battle. 
the rest of this series will be about ritsuka’s doings to come, since i think soubi’s story from here until the rematch will be about his deteriorating mental state.
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