#// yeah get fucked Xen

[galaxofmuses]

careful ... careful.

using the tip of his wing to slice Xen's shoulder before busting into where Gilly was. Grabs them and flies off.

... he's not risking it. no thank you.

A small flinch from the slice and growls with annoyance that dearheart always has a knack of making irritating friends. As a small stitched up mobian appears with a smile.

"......Hunt them down. Bring them back."

"With pleasure! -` ♡ ´- "

The tailess fox disappears into data as if she has done so many times before. The hunt is always her favorite game to play.

#:: Ver; Main; Sonic.EXE AU; World Turned :: #:: OC; Gilly :: #:: OC; Nebula | Gilly :: #:: Silver; For every soul there is a guardian watching it. :: #:: Ver; Sonic.EXE AU; Xen; I’ll Find You :: #:: The Wardens; We make our own monsters :: #:: The Wardens; Tail | Mari :: #foretoldwings #// yeah get fucked Xen #// also please run

[decks-writing-blog]

Whatever the Fuck Benrey is: Chapter Four: Didn't Matter

Chapter One

Previous Chapter

~

Benrey wasn’t tired but Gordon clearly expected him to go to bed. Normally he wouldn’t have but there wasn’t much else he could do. He wasn’t allowed to play on the Game Cube anymore because Gordon needed to sleep and apparently couldn’t with it on. And so, with a sigh, Benrey lay down on his side of the bed to stare up at the ceiling.

It was the perfect time to think. One of Benrey’s least favorite activities but maybe he could figure out a way to fix Gordon’s hand. The security officer uniform had been thrown out along with everyone else’s old clothes – excluding the HEV suit, that Gordon cleaned and put in a cardboard box – so getting that role back wasn’t likely to be an option anymore. But even outside of his having given it up at Gordon’s order because of the hand thing, he would still feel better if he could fix said hand thing.

And so he lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, mentally going over everything he knew about human anatomy. Which beyond the physical layout of their bones that he copied for his own form and when creating his skeleton dudes, wasn’t much. There had to be something he could do though, right?

The answer came to him upon accidentally dozing off when his brain kindly replayed part of the first conversation he’d had with Gordon about his hand never growing back. In the dream they’d had the talk while in Xen and had been playing poker for some reason but it was close enough. Human limbs didn’t grow back but they could be reattached once lost.

Shaking himself the rest of the way awake, Benrey sat up and turned to look at Gordon. He’d rolled over to be facing Benrey. His face wasn’t calm as it should’ve been but instead scrunched up, his whole body tense and twitchy. Not a peaceful sleep then. Lucky him, Benrey was here to wake him from it.

He reached out to shake Gordon’s shoulder. “Wake up, buddy. ”

Gordon jolted awake with a loud gasp. He scrambled backwards, lifting his gun hand. Before it was all the way up though, he fell off the bed, landing on the floor with a thump and dragging the blankets with him. Benrey crawled over to look down at him. The fall hadn’t seem to bring him out of his post nightmare panic as he was still breathing heavy and his eyes roving around wildly.

Benrey took a deep breath and let out a stream of blue sweet voice. As always, Gordon calmed down immediately. Not many people responded to it as strongly as he did, making it another reason to like him.

By the time Benrey’s note ended, Gordon was starting to catch his breath. “That’s… very pretty.”

Him saying it was pretty was nothing new but not many people had nice things to say about it so Benrey was allowed to bask in that a little, right? “Eh, yeah, it is.”

With a groan, Gordon shifted before finally sitting up. Using the bed, he pulled himself to his feet and scrambled at the nightstand until the found his glasses. “Ugh, what happened?”

“You were having a nightmare so I woke you.” Benrey grabbed the blankets and pulled them back up onto the bed. “Also, I got good news. I know how fix your hand.”

Gordon raised and eyebrow but didn’t say anything as he sat on the edge of bed. Probably an invitation to continue, right? So pushing the pile of blankets on his lap to the side, Benrey shifted to sit next to Gordon, his legs hanging of the edge.

“You said, uh, that your hand can’t grow back but it can be reattached, right? So all we gotta do is go back to Black Mesa and find it, right?”

“Well, thanks for waking me and for the thought I guess. That won’t work though. It’s gotta be reattached like within a couple hours, I think. It’s been days, it’s probably rotted by now if something hasn’t eaten it.”

“Oh.” That was fine though because if reattachment was an option with one’s own hand why wouldn’t it work with someone else’s? “Just take my hand then.” He held up his right hand. “Chop off your gun hand and then put mine there instead. My hand grows back so it’s… uh, not a problem. If you want I can even do this.” He shifted his right hand to be about the same size and shade of brown as Gordon’s, even doing his best to mimic the nails and way the palm lightened. He did a pretty damn good job too even if the didn’t get all the little lines on the palm and fingertips quite right. In his defense those were impossible, there were too damn many. What purpose did they even serve?

Gordon stared at it in silence for a few seconds. “That’s a pretty cool trick and I appreciate the offer but I don’t… it doesn’t work like that. I don’t think hand transplants are a thing.”

“What? Why not?”

“I’m pretty sure they’re just not a thing people do.”

“Well, why don’t we try it and see what happens. I got, uh… magic healing powers or whatever so maybe it’ll work for us. You got a… a hatchet or something somewhere? Probably need towels too because it’ll get messy.” Benrey stood to start looking for one. “Or I could use my teeth. I can make them pretty sharp. Never bit through bone before though so that might…”

“Nope, absolutely fucking not! You’re not chopping or worse biting any part of me off. Don’t even fucking try it.”

Benrey turned to look at him to see he’d stood too. “Why so mad, bro? I’m trying to help.”

“I’m not mad.” True to his word, the emotion in his voice had settled down some. “I’m just… a bit freaked out because you just casually offered to bite my arm off.” He held his gun hand close to his chest as he turned his body away slightly. Did he think Benrey would try to bite it off without permission? “That’s a scary fucking thought, dude. Don’t bring that kind of thing up like it’s no big deal.”

“How else am I suppose to stick my severed hand to yours though? I don’t think it’ll attach to skin or… or your gun. So I gotta like… give it something to attach to.”

“Maybe drop the idea or at least it put on hold until we find a surgeon willing to try it so I don’t have to live through my hand getting cut off again. That shit hurts, man, like a lot. I know you probably don’t feel pain or whatever but… I’d rather keep the gun hand for forever then go through that again, all right?”

“So you can’t uh… just choose to stop feeling pain then?” Probably it was Benrey’s own fault for never paying attention before now. In his defense though, how was he supposed to guess humans were so fragile and pathetic? Maybe he should be disgusted with them for being so weak but… he didn’t really care. He disliked most humans anyway and Gordon had always been one of the few he did like, knowing he was soft and fragile didn’t change that. If anything, it made him like him more in a way because now he wanted to protect him.

“No, no I can’t. So, again, thanks for the offer but right now, it’s a big fucking no thank you.”

“Damn, okay.” And so Benrey would continue to feel bad and not be allowed to put the security officer uniform back on even if he ever did find a new one. He took something way from Gordon and couldn’t fix it, so it was only fair Gordon be allowed to continue to take that away from him.

“Good, glad we’re on the same page, finally. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna play the Game Cube for a bit. I’ll keep the volume low so you can sleep if you want but I just… don’t wanna go back to bed right now.”

They’d played all their multiplayer games earlier and neither had had the chance to start the single player games. So instead of asking to play with him on one of those, Benrey pulled both chairs over so he’d be able to sit next to Gordon while he played. It wasn’t often he got a chance to watch someone else play something.

After choosing a game and inserting it into the Game Cube, Gordon settled into the chair Benrey had brought for him with a mumbled, “Thanks.”

***

“Mr. Freeman, are you sure you wanna go back to Black Mesa? I mean, uh… I mean we just got out and it wasn’t very fun when we were there. Especially for you, I think… right? You lost your arm and, and almost died like… a lot of times. Why would you wanna go back?”

Tommy was right, Gordon didn’t particularly want to go back, especially not after only maybe like four hours of sleep last night. If he was planning on suggesting this today he should’ve gone back to bed. But he’d already had one nightmare about losing his hand, adding the idea of Benrey biting it off to his mind could’ve far too easily resulted in returning to an even worse version of that dream. So instead he’d been stupid and played games for the rest of the night while Benrey watched and now he was regretting it because the only thing he’d done today was eat breakfast and step outside the hotel and he was already tired. The dessert heat that was starting to properly set in wasn’t helping. But alas, the longer they put off this reconnaissance trip, the harder it would be to get themselves to do it and so…

“No, I don’t particularly want to go back but we have to. We’re still trying to get in touch with someone who can give us some kind of compensation and to let us know what are jobs are if we still have any. We also should look for survivors and actually fucking help them if we can.” He looked pointedly at Benrey who didn’t even seem to be paying attention but whatever. Gordon had checked again with him before stepping out of their room and made sure he still didn’t have a gun. Not that that made him not dangerous, just less so. Though to be fair, he’d been far from the only one causing problems in that realm. Granted most of the people they’d killed had been clones so… it wasn’t as bad it as could’ve been. “I mean we know Darnold is probably still alive, right? So we should retrieve him even if he is the only one.”

Maybe Darnold would be able to do something about Gordon’s gun hand too since he was the cause of it. Probably not but in addition to being a living person and thus worth saving, it was more than enough reason to go back for him.

“I guess you’re right, huh? We got teleported out but not everyone’s so lucky.”

“Exactly.”

And so they went back to quietly waiting for Bubby and Dr. Coomer to return with the promised car. Hopefully they weren’t stealing it but Gordon wouldn’t put it past them. If so they would at least hopefully have the decency to do it in such a way that Gordon wouldn’t know for sure that it was stolen and thus he wouldn’t be considered complicit in the theft should they be caught.

It wasn’t a long wait as not even a full minute passed before a car rolled out of the hotel’s parking lot and made it way over to stop in front of them. Bubby was driving and Dr. Coomer sat in the passenger seat. The car was the same bright blue sedan that Gordon had somehow forgotten about seeing on Xen. His brain had been so shot at that point he’d likely have chalked it up to an hallucination if he wasn’t seeing it again here. He wasn’t going to ask though because digging Bubby’s secrets out of him wasn’t an adventure he was ready to embark on yet.

“Hello Gordon!” Dr. Coomer said as Bubby rolled down the window at Gordon’s gesture for him to do so.

“Yes, hello to you too, Dr. Coomer. Now Bubby, could you move to the back? I would like to drive.” It should help keep him awake and give him something to focus on that wasn’t bad thoughts.

“Hell no. It’s my car, I’m driving. Get in the back.” Without seemingly any button press from him, the back door clicked and swung open as if motorized. “I can’t believe you made me roll down my window for that.”

Gordon took a breath to insist he at least be allowed a turn at driving sometime during this trip but… let out it with a sigh instead. Arguing with Bubby was like arguing with a cat over dinnertime; useless, but unlike a cat, Bubby had the means to enforce his will. Besides, he was already rolling his window back up, again seemingly without any button press or crank. Did he control the car with him mind? That’d be pretty cool.

Tommy was already climbing in, sliding all the way to the far side. Very much not wanting to sit in the middle, Gordon turned to Benrey, gesturing him to go in. “You next. We, or you and Tommy if he volunteers instead, can swap for the window seat on the way back if you want.” It was only fair since the middle was always the worst seat. “As long you don’t put any glue in my seat this time anyway. If you do that, all bets are off and you’re getting shoved in the trunk for the return trip.” Not a threat Gordon could ever hope to enforce but it was the thought that counted.

“I’m outta glue. Used it all last time ‘cause I didn’t think I’d get another opportunity. What a waste.”

“Nope, not a waste. You got your laugh and now we don’t gotta worry about that anymore, a win-win. Now hop in the car.” Gordon gestured again.

Surprisingly Benrey obeyed without any further prompting. Gordon slid in after him, pulling the door shut behind him. Inside was pleasantly cool, yay for good air conditioning, and the seats were about as comfy as car seats could get. Which wasn’t very but it would help make the long trip there and back a bit less awful even if he did have to sit shoulder to shoulder with Benrey the whole time.

***

Tommy’s road games were fun for maybe a grand total of five minutes after they left the bounds of Tuefort. Not that Benrey had been able to participate much anyway being stuck in the middle back seat. He should’ve insisted they get a Game Boy or PS Vita before setting out on this road trip. Except he hadn’t even been given time to think about it. The others had all decided they were going without consulting him and then had just assumed he’d come with. A correct assumption because even if he didn’t want to go personally, if the rest of them were, he might as well too since he had nothing else to do, but it still would’ve been nice if they’d included him in the conversation.

Another reason he’d have liked to be consulted was, despite their intended destination, Gordon hadn’t put he HEV suit back on, nor had he even bothered to bring it. Benrey hadn’t thought much about his safety before but that was before he knew exactly how weak humans were. It was a miracle he’d survived and the fact that he did was probably due solely to the HEV suit because unlike the rest of them, he was just a normal human. So Benrey would’ve told him to put it back on if he’d been given the chance because him dying and staying that way would be a bummer. Too late now though, he should’ve paid better attention to their breakfast conversation.

About an hour into the ride, Gordon fell asleep. At first just slightly slumped towards Benrey. But then the bouncing of the car over the less than perfectly maintained road brought him closer and closer until he was leaning into Benrey. His height meant that his head rested against the side of Benrey’s instead of on his shoulder as was supposedly supposed to happen when one person fell asleep on another. Benrey didn’t care though, he was just sitting here doing nothing anyway.

He cared a bit more though when Gordon stole his arm. Hugging it, he pulled it to his chest. Gently trying to pull his arm out failed. Meaning if Benrey wanted freedom, he’d probably end up waking Gordon. Which… he couldn’t do, right? Because that was one of the rules for having a pet; when it fell asleep on one’s self, moving enough to wake it was wasn’t allowed. That’s what everyone who had pets always said anyway. Benrey had never understood why but he’d also never had a pet before. And he still didn’t quite get the point of such a law but Gordon was his pet now, right?

He’d taken responsibility for making sure Gordon didn’t steal anything during their journey through Black Mesa. And now because of how weak and fragile he knew Gordon was, especially without the HEV suit, Benrey was taking responsibility for helping keep him alive. Which, as far as he knew was how having a pet worked – unless the pet was immortal, like Sunkist but she was a special case – which made Gordon his pet and thus he wasn’t allowed to move enough to wake him. Meaning he was stuck like this for the rest of the trip.

Not necessarily a the worst thing though. Gordon was warm, soft and… so much touching was a lot but not an unpleasant ‘a lot’. Benrey had never been touched this much before. It was new and thus he was content with it continuing for a little while.

~

“We’ve made it black to Back Mesa!” Coomer said, jerking Benrey out back to the present. “Again!” He climbed out and slammed the door behind him.

Gordon stirred, hugging Benrey’s arm a little tighter but somehow didn’t wake.

“Oh, I hope my Beyblades aren’t too covered in zombie goo.” Once out, Tommy closed his door much more softly.

Benrey wanted out too but… Gordon. What was he supposed to do? Could he pick Gordon up without waking him? If so, that wouldn’t count as breaking the law, right?

“Wake him up or push him out,” Bubby said, making no move to get out himself.

“I can’t. He’s asleep. You’re not allowed to wake your pets up when they fall asleep on you. It’s illegal.” Benrey even kept his voice low because he was a good pet owner.

Bubby cackled. “That’s real cute but we got stuff to do.” He pressed down on the steering wheel’s horn, making seemingly the whole car vibrate with a blaring beep louder than any horn in any of the car games Benrey had ever played.

Gordon jerked awake with a loud gasp, shooting up and finally letting go of Benrey’s arm so he could raise his gun hand. That was fine though because Benrey wasn’t the one who’d woken him so no laws had been broken. “What the fuck man?” His gun hand remained up but he seemed aware enough to know there was nothing to fire it at.

Bubby let go of the horn. “We’ve arrived so stop cuddling your boyfriend and get out of the car.”

“What? Boyfriend? I don’t have…” He cut off as he looked Benrey. “Oh, you mean… No. We weren’t. … Wait, we weren’t cuddling right?”

“Nah, not cuddling. You were just sleeping on me and uh… stealing my arm.” Which now felt awfully cold.

Gordon grimaced before quickly turning away and scrambling out of the car. Benrey followed. The door closed automatically behind him.

“Hello Gordon! I hope you had a nice nap,” Coomer said. “As you can see we’ve arrived at our destination. Where do you suggest we begin looking for survivors?”

“Oh, um… actually yeah, I did a have a nice nap, thanks. I feel much better now. First, I think we should…” Gordon cut off as he turned around. “Where’s the car?”

Benrey turned to look too. Where the car had just been, Bubby stood alone between the tire tracks. “We don’t have time for this. Let’s go.” He set a quick pace as he started for Black Mesa’s entrance. To keep the place secret, the building wasn’t much but it was intact. Meaning the secret elevator in its basement would probably safely take them to the living area.

As the rest of them set in to following Bubby, Gordon fell into step with Benrey. “You wouldn’t happen to know what’s up with Bubby and that car, would you?”

“Nope. Got no idea.”

“It’s just, assuming you were made in the lab like he was, I thought you might like… I don’t know, have the same powers or something. I guess that’s stupid though, huh? Why would they make two beings with the same exact powers? Obviously they’d want to change things in their next unethical experiment.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty stupid. It’s kinda rude to assume we’re the same just ‘cause I might’ve come from a tube too.”

“It’s not… you know what? Sure, that was a rude assumption. I’m sorry I made it.” At the building now, Gordon pulled them to a halt before entering, grabbing Benrey lightly by the elbow to stop him from continuing in. “But, uh, before we go in, you really know nothing about where you came from? Like you have no idea at all if they kidnapped you as a baby or an egg or whatever or if they literally made you in a tube? No one ever mentioned it to you or around you? Really?”

“Uh… if they did I don’t remember it.” Benrey had already told Gordon he wasn’t sure if he was made in the lab or not yesterday. Why was he bringing it up again? Benrey had certainly found himself a pet who was bad at listening, huh? Maybe he should try to train him better. How did one train a human though? “Do you remember when you were born?” It was ‘born’, right? Or did humans hatch from eggs like birds? What did it even mean to be ‘born’? How did it differ from hatching from an egg?

“No but I know what I am and I know who birthed me and on what date and in which state and city. Heck I even know the hospital. Where you came from and what you literally fucking are, are like… important things to know, man.”

“Well… I don’t know any of that stuff ‘bout me.” Nor did he really care. “What’cha gonna do ‘bout it?”

Gordon stared at him in silence for a few seconds, his face unreadable. “Nothing, ‘cause I can’t do anything. But we’re gonna talk about this more later.”

Before Benrey could ask what more there was to talk about, Gordon turned and headed into the building. It was nice that he was paying more attention to Benrey without Benrey even needing to do anything but why’d he have to be so weird about it? Why did he care about what Benrey was or where he came from? Those things didn’t matter… did they?

Next Chapter

#hlvrai #frenrey #benrey #hlvrai gordon

[prinnamon]

[Start ID. Tags that read: #one of them is confirmed dead btw #shephard saw colettes body in xen #who knows what gina is doing #i think abt them sometimes #raging lesbians. End ID.]

Hi, Hello, and Welcome To My Twisted Mind! i don't mean to correct you @freeshephoun but i noticed your tags on my other silly half-wife post and i wanted to let you know hahahaheehoo it's worse than that :) i hope you don't mind me using you as an excuse to talk at length about cross and green and their ambiguous fate

(low-poly blood/corpse screenshots from the game and lots of text under the read more!)

[Start ID. A screenshot of what appears to be Gina Cross in a red HEV suit dead in one of the Displacement Cannon locations in Xen. End ID.]

in Opposing Force, a corpse bearing a striking resemblance to Gina Cross but wearing a red HEV suit can be found in one of the Displacement Cannon locations.

[ID in alt text.]

according to a tweet by Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford in 2018, it is indeed Gina Cross. Colette Green's fate is unspecified, but he suggests maybe G-Man found her useful enough/had enough compassion for her to put her in stasis like Shephard.

Opposing Force did come out before Decay, so considering that changes were still being made to Decay's story during development, far enough along that there are some voice lines and animations for the scrapped missions, it's likely they had no thoughts about anything that would happen in Decay's story when they decided to include Dr. Cross's dead body as an easter egg in OpFor. so, despite the confirmation by one of the people most likely to be considered An Authority on what happened in the expansions, the canon-icity of this is... slightly debatable? especially considering that (iirc) "Gina Cross's" body can actually be spotted in multiple Displacement Cannon locations in OpFor. so unless there was a wild teleporter accident that created multiple instances of her who all died in different spots... okay, wait, i said that as a hypothetical and a joke but now i like that a lot as a narrative device, fuck.

but you get what i'm saying. whether or not this is "canon" is dubious because you'd have to reconcile a lot of contradictory story elements in order to explain how one can accept this as true.

...

CHAPTER 7: RECONCILING A LOT OF CONTRADICTORY STORY ELEMENTS IN ORDER TO EXPLAIN HOW ONE CAN ACCEPT THIS AS TRUE

[PT: Chapter 7: Reconciling a Lot of Contradictory Story Elements In Order to Explain How One Can Accept This as True /end PT]

if you choose to take Pitchford's tweet as canon, what's especially strange (and tragic, i'll explain) is that Gina has never been shown wearing a red HEV suit anywhere else as far as i'm aware. she wears an orange suit when you see her hologram in the training program in Half-Life and Opposing Force, and she wears a tan/ivory suit in Decay.

[Start ID. A scan of a posed render of Colette Green (left, standing) and Gina Cross (right, crouched) from the Half-Life PS2 manual. Colette Green wears a red HEV suit and Gina Cross wears a tan one. End ID.]

red is Colette's color, which i imagine is probably the source of the initial confusion. which could lead you to conclude that, although this is gina, she's wearing colette's HEV suit. it would explain why she's alone. her suit may have been damaged beyond repair, and it wasn't enough to protect her, so she had to take Colette's as she went off on her own for one last desperate mission that required Gina to enter the Xen even after they and Dr. Keller thought they had successfully sealed the dimensional rift.

so, yeah, picture that. they only had one working suit left. so only one of them could go. and it had to be Cross because of her experience. and even despite their best efforts, despite Green giving up her hazard suit to give Cross the best odds, she still failed.

we know based on the ending of OpFor that the detonation of the nuclear bomb in the car park would have killed anyone still stuck at Black Mesa after a certain point, as Green and Keller almost definitely were if things went back to shit after the end of Decay, which they would have had to if Cross managed to end up dead in Xen. it doesn't make sense to say that they'd then just go "acceptable losses!" and book it, since they took so much responsibility upon themselves throughout Decay's story, so i feel they probably stayed and continued to dedicate themselves to damage control up until the very end. and, like, how would they have known about the bomb? communications were out. probably nobody except Shephard, the black ops team, and that one security guard would have been aware, realistically. so, even if Green and Keller would have wanted to escape and save themselves, there's virtually no way they'd have had enough advance notice to get out of there.

but since Colette's effort was admirable enough for her to deserve a reward in the G-Man's eyes (or maybe just to be kept in reserve in case she's needed later, depending on how you read G's motivations), she, like Shephard, was placed in stasis. and if she ever wakes up again, she'll presumably be without Keller since Pitchford makes no mention of him, and she'll definitely be without Gina.

OR if you don't want to engage with the tragedy of any of this, you can just say that the dead Ginas found in OpFor are uh. y;know. copies of her that were created somehow when she and Colette got caught up in the harmonic reflux after sealing the dimensional rift! which is sad for the clones—and oooky spooky because (mario voice) who REALLY died that day? and who came back??—but otherwise, all three of them got out of Black Mesa together.

I think about them. i think about them a lot. whyyyyy why why why WHY can't dr keller and the half-wifes be from an expansion people have easy access to like blue shit and opposing fart. screams and cries and throws up!!! no actual hate towards Blue Shift or OpFor; i love them, i just wish Decay was also two dollar and on PC

Gina Cross's page on Combine OverWiki was the main source for all my information. i also sourced the screenshot of Cross dead and the scan of Cross and Green's posed render from there. hopefully this post makes people realize that there is interesting shit going on with these characters that is worth exploring.

my final message: dear entire world, include colette green in your drawings of the freezer crew chilling in stasis (nonthreatening suggestion)

#i look forward to the release of the unofficial half-life decay: solo mission on steam so i can finally play it #let me know if i typo'd or misspoke in this. i proofread it before posting #worked on this for longer than i meant to. it was originally going to be a short reblog LOL #it turned into essay-length Decay propaganda and deserved its own post #prinna's posts #half-life #half life #half-life: decay #half life: decay #half-life decay #half life decay #gina cross #colette green #half-wife #half wife #hm. unsure if it's fair to tag opposing force. well Yeah because gina's corpse is an OpFor easter egg and i talked about it at length #opposing force #hlop4 #op4 #opfor #half-life opposing force #half life opposing force #half-life: opposing force #half life: opposing force #however i will NOT be tagging keller because i barely talked about him and did not show any pictures of him #and that would feel unfair to the 2 keller fans i know have got to be out there somewhere

[anons-has-hlvrai-aus]

The Metamorphosis of Gordon Freeman [Chapter 1]

Next Chapter

Summary: Gordon finds out four years too late that not wearing your helmet into a chamber filled with otherworldly radiation is going to have some strange effects on the human body. Luckily for him, there’s somebody that can help him accommodate to his new alien powers…unluckily for him, that somebody happens to be a certain former security guard that can’t seem to stay dead.

Chapter Summary: Gordon receives an unwanted visit from somebody he hasn’t seen in a long time.

Word Count: 4,406

Notes: So originally this chapter was much longer, and included Movie Night, but I realized it was getting REALLY long and I thought the initial conversation between Gordon and Benrey acted as a good introduction of things to come. The start of things getting jostled up in Gordon’s life.

Black Mesa had been busy for a while when it came to Xen. The details were of a need-to-know basis, and not everybody in Black Mesa had those qualifications, but that didn’t change the fact that the survey team’s most recent yield of specimens came with an unexpected addition.

Could they call it a man?

It looked like a man.

Correction, it almost looked like a man: average height, a slightly notable stomach, some dark and greasy hair…perfectly normal from a glance.

This wasn’t a normal man.

Normal men don’t bare razor sharp teeth.

Normal men didn’t tank loads of bullets with anything less than a few bruises.

Normal men didn’t come back from the dead.

Normal men don’t spew orbs of color from their snarling mouth.

Normal men don’t have scleras the color of honey and irises that were some sort of horrible color out of space.

Normal men don’t scale walls and ceilings completely nude, their eyes, fingertips, feet mysteriously concealed by shadows with no discernible source.

This wasn’t a normal man.

This wasn’t even a human, masculine or otherwise.

This was something else.

This was something unworldly.

This was something familiar to Black Mesa, despite the shape it currently took.

This was something Black Mesa’s scientists hadn’t seen for a long, long time, and they were going to take advantage of that.

-

SUBJECT: Gordon Freeman, PhD.

CURRENT LOCATION:

Random County Middle School

Poastgame, New Mexico

TIME: Containment Failure + 1491 days, 5 hours

EMPLOYMENT STATUS: It’s complicated

-

Gordon sat in front of a desk, a stern, withered figure staring back at him from the opposite side. Both were obnoxiously business casual, although his interviewer clearly had something a bit out of date. He grinned at the older gentleman, who simply maintained his analytical glare.

“You say you want to be a… science teacher… Dr. Freeman?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s why I’m uh… that’s why I applied for the job here, yeah.” He nodded.

“It says here you graduated from MIT, very impressive.”

“Thank you” spills from Gordon’s lips without a second thought, his scrutinizing assessor briefly redirects his gaze from the paper back to him. It feels like an eternity before he switches focus once more.

“I am very curious about your previous employment, as well as the noticeable gap in your resume.”

Shit. Fuck. Damnit.

What could he even bring up as an excuse that didn’t break his confidentiality agreement?

There was so much shit that went on in Black Mesa: the shady business practices were just the start, the blatant coverup of alien lifeforms wasn’t exactly a reasonable excuse either, nor the multitudes of identical human men that were apparently illegal and wanted by the state of New Mexico, and he was pretty sure so much as whispering about the experiment that destroyed his workplace would paint a target on his back. Again. And he really didn’t need a repeat of last year’s ‘Ed Balls Day Celebration’.

That wasn’t even mentioning the complete disregard for OSHA safety regulations (he didn’t care if Tommy said it had been up to code, it most certainly was NOT in his eyes), the medical malpractice (he was pretty sure what happened in the mixology department counted as this, but he really didn’t want to throw Darnold under the bus considering how nice and genuinely helpful the guy was), the clear disregard of human decency that was the accursed laundry room and it’s wretched coin-guzzling dryers, the-

“Doctor Freeman, I am waiting for you to answer my question.”

Gordon stuttered, suddenly his train of thought failed to provide any sort of plausible answer. He deployed his most reliable excuse. “I’m uh, I’m kinda not supposed to say anything? Kinda supposed to keep quiet about what happened to the place. As for the gap… well…” Most people don’t like it when you tell them the reason you have a gap in your employment is because you spent two years attempting to mentally recover from the trauma of your last workplace, and even more people dislike when you tell them the rest of your gap has been from you trying to get a job and then failing, because the idea of anybody having such a long gap in employment is an enigma to anybody trying to hire, at least as far as Poastgame, New Mexico was concerned. Still, he couldn’t exactly lie about what he’d been doing for the past four years, so he told them exactly what was up with the gap in his resume.

As expected, it did not please the other man in the slightest.

Gordon looked deflated by the end of the interview, looking much like one of the numerous tweens currently outside the office, waiting to hear about their grade-school criminal records.

“Doctor Freeman,” the interviewer started, “this is a middle school, as you are clearly aware. You, good Doctor, are an MIT graduate. As far as I’m concerned, this job is way below your paygrade, and even if it weren’t-“

Gordon zoned out, replaying the interview in his head. He was doing everything right: the right clothes, a nice resume, being totally honest with the guy, didn’t accidentally swear like he did at his previous interview…What sort of arbitrary rules could he have been forgetting?

For a guy that had once ragged on his former co-workers, both living and deceased, about not being able to act like normal people, he was starting to feel like maybe he was a hypocrite with how much he struggled to follow basic etiquette.

Surely, the Resonance Cascade hadn’t ruined his social skills that much in just a week, but who was he to judge? This was the same guy that got nervous about making phone calls (It’s not even that hard! It’s talking to people! You love to talk to people!). Even then, he probably shouldn’t judge, Tommy got nervous about phone calls too, but Tommy seemed a bit more justified given his tendency to change his words mid-sentence.

If there was any factor of justification for Gordon’s awkwardness (and this was a pretty big one that even HE forgot about sometimes), then it was the additional matter that he was a video game character, one whose entire personality and backstory had been sculpted together by some person bumbling around their room in a VR headset for several hours. Now that the video game was over, Gordon had to rely on what was “taught” to him by the player, and that was more than enough to make him feel like a badly rolled DND character. He couldn’t even air his grievances to the Player, they had left not long after exporting their save file to whatever server was housing the Post Game. He did have an opportunity to talk to them, once, but trying to remember too many details of the conversation hurt his head; if he had any chance to tweak or change himself, it was that conversation, and clearly he had wasted it.

So, yeah, Gordon didn’t have an excuse. He was kinda stuck being the prime antithesis of a normal person, it seemed.

He nodded at the interviewer when he seemed to finish his speal, shook the man’s sweaty hand, and gave his empty thanks for the “opportunity” to speak to the man at all before making the drive back home. He couldn’t recall the details between when he left the school and when he got home, his memories always got fuzzy when he was driving by himself. He had enough video game knowledge to suspect it was Fast Travel. For a moment, he wondered if it was possible to turn off, but knowing his luck his attempt to do so would just end up turning his prosthetic arm back into a mini-gun, and then he’d have to figure out how to switch it back to normal.

He should have just asked the rest of the Science Team about the car thing years ago, but he had been putting it off after he decided it was preferable to being left to stew in his thoughts for the entire drive. And now he was suffering the consequences of his inaction, wondering only now if he could toggle Fast Travel and Mini-Gun Hand. Hell, maybe he had the power to toggle game difficulty this entire time and he wasn’t utilizing it, he would really like to switch Job Hunting to “easy mode.”

Whatever. Too late to find out now.

Gordon didn’t really need a job, anyways, given the hush money and all, he just needed some form of normalcy to keep himself from focusing on the events that got him here, thinking about that stuff for too long got him stressed, and bad things tended to happen when Gordon got stressed.

Needless to say, he was pretty sure the horrid little man sitting in the middle of his lawn was not a good omen of things to come, both for his stress levels and his attempts at normalcy.

He let out a long, irritated sound, similar to when one needed to be vocal about an upset stomach, and stepped out of the car. Benrey didn’t seem to notice Gordon quite yet, but he knew better than to let the smaller man be left unattended outside. He could call the police but… he’d really rather not on principle alone. He and the Science Team had all agreed that in case of emergencies, they would call each other first (against Gordon’s better judgment), and then either an ambulance or the fire department second.

Benrey… technically wasn’t an emergency right now. He was just a minor annoyance at best, and if for some reason the man did escalate into a greater problem, Gordon had the benefit of it being movie night at his place tonight. If something went wrong, and he couldn’t contact the Science Team for whatever reason, they would know, and they would raise hell at whatever was causing the problem, because at this point not even a second Resonance Cascade (god hope no such a thing occurs) would be able to stop those people from executing their weekly plans after four years of proper bonding time.

Gordon moved between his house and Benrey, keeping a good distance as he did so before engaging in any sort of conversation. He wanted to be as close to the front door as possible in case the non-human gave chase…not that it meant much since Benrey could noclip, but the idea of safety gave him comfort, even if it wasn’t ensured.

“What are you doing here?” He asked a bit too casually. He was sure his voice would better convey the confusion and dread he was feeling once his brain snapped out of what he could only best describe as a new stage of grief dedicated solely for rediscovering somebody who really should have stayed dead.

Bafflement, he was pretty sure what he was experiencing was bafflement. He wasn’t sure why, though. He’d seen Benrey come back from the dead quite a few times, but that all been four years and 31 days ago (and still counting). At that point you can’t help but reasonably assume somebody like that is going to stay dead this time, but apparently that was not the case for Benrey. That also wasn’t surprising, when he thought about it; the cheapest way to create a threat in a sequel is to just bring back the final boss from the first game.

Oh god, was Benrey going to be his Dr. Wily? Was Gordon going to be stuck defeating the same creep over and over and over again for the next 30-something years? He couldn’t do that, his body still hadn’t recovered from the first time he fought Benrey.

The other man tilted his head slightly to Gordon, as if wanting to acknowledge him but not quite processing he was there. “mm…ding dong…” He poked at Gordon’s thrift store garden gnome, its cheeky smile and unbroken gaze were something Gordon had looked deeply into a few times too many since he got it. He wanted to think the longing it exuded wasn’t just his imagination, but he had accepted by now that it was probably his lonely mind playing tricks on him. He was more willing to accept this as imaginary compared to the skeletons.

“Hey,” Gordon spoke up, “Hey man, I asked you a question.”

“…what?” Benrey looked around again, less sluggish than before, this time locking eyes with Gordon. The smaller man’s face was almost an inverse of the gnome’s, they shared the same vacant stare, but the rest of his expression gave him a more pensive look.

Unlike the gnome, however, Benrey’s face could actually change, albeit subtly, such was the case when it morphed into a small smile upon recognizing Gordon. “Yooo! What’s up! Been a while, man. Been like…” He stared directly at the sun, or at least appeared to do so, his eyes squinting not from the glare but from his trying to process something. “…four years, and a month! That one month is pretty, uh, important.”

Gordon exhaled slowly. It sounded like one of those terrible, pig-shaped noise makers Tommy and Dr. Coomer had bought at the Dollar Store last week. “Whyyyyyy? Why now? Why are you-?” He felt a familiar anger boil over, and suddenly his tone and body language had gone from exhausted to brimming with rage. The edges of his vision went slightly red. “Okay! Okay, I’m going to disregard the fact that you can apparently tell how long it’s been since you last harassed me simply by looking at the position of the stars in broad-fucking-daylight, WHY, OF ALL TIMES, ARE YOU BACK? RIGHT FUCKING NOW?!?!”

He could swear he saw Benrey flinch slightly at his outburst, but he wasn’t sure. The man almost immediately responded with his usual calm.

“I told you man, that one month was important. I got, uh, my PS+ renewed. Played the whole time.”

Okay, that…sorta explained where he’d been for the past month, at least.

“Let me guess, Heavenly Sword?”

“Yeah!!!”

Gordon had the displeasure of witnessing the familiar sight of Sweet Voice spewing from Benrey’s lips. The man’s joy seemed to overflow at him remembering such a basic detail from his nonsensical monologue.

“It was so fun!” Benrey continued. “I got to play on a full server, throwing frags and shit at other people, really great cool stuff.”

The red faded from his vision. Despite wanting to so badly…Gordon simply could not stay mad at him. He was just sitting there, in the grass, blabbering on about Heavenly Sword like an excited child. Damnit, the man was even fidgeting with the hem of his shirt while he talked. Was Benrey even a threat, now? Did four years of whatever he was doing mellow him out?

Gordon’s brows furrowed, he should have been focused on the how and why of Benrey being in his front lawn like a sad dog, but for some reason his mind was derailed to the point of fascination by Benrey’s Adventures in Free PlayStation Plus.

“So you got PS Plus, were you, were you just doing that for four years? Were you just gaming the entire time?”

“Nah man, I was…sleep.”

“For four years? You slept for four entire years?”

“Yeah I got really tired after the uh, the heist. So I had a big sleep. I woke up though. That was kinda sucks.” That checked out, considering what happened after they had their heist in another world, but now Gordon was concerned about how Benrey remembered the heist; nobody was supposed to remember the heist except for Gordon, he vaguely recalls that he and the Player agreed to the Science Team forgetting the heist. Tommy kinda remembered, but only the parts where he had asbestos poisoning. Well, he supposed since Benrey didn’t count as a member of the Science Team, maybe him remembering wasn’t a problem, for now.

“They gave me one month of PS Plus after I woke up and came back. I like video games…can’t play video games in the other place though, so I agreed to the free month.” Benrey continued. He nodded and shook his head while explaining his story, always at the appropriate times where a head movement seemed necessary, almost like it was practiced.

“So you…” Gordon continued the conversation, trying to feel out if maybe he was being led into a false sense of security. “You played Heavenly Sword for a whole month without eating or sleeping?”

“Yea-no?? I ate…pigeons and…” He looked directly at Gordon, he was processing something again, “…tree rats.”

“Squirrels?”

“Yeah those.” His scrunched face changed to a neutral-looking smile.

He had seen Benrey eat pigeons back in Black Mesa, so he wasn’t too surprised the man had eaten squirrels; it seemed like a logical next step. It made sense, Gordon was pretty sure a diet consisting solely of cheese puffs and 7Up (he was pretty sure that’s what gamers ate) could kill even the hardiest of immortals.

Actually, Benrey didn’t mention eating any sort of fruit just now, did he just leave them out on purpose or, was he some sort of obligate carnivore? He probably should have focused on that more than on what he asked next.

“You cooked those before you ate them, right?”

“No. Sorry, I don’t have uh…microbe-wave.”

Gordon just stared at him. He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was.

“Tastes better with the hair on ‘em anyways.”

“I’m not a medical doctor, but I’m pretty sure…that you’re gonna get a disease…” Gordon tried to choose his next words carefully. He really, really tried. But his brain was fried from the interview and the exhaustion was starting to catch up. “…Salmonella. You’re gonna get salmonella if you keep eating raw meat like that.”

It was Benrey’s turn to stare again.

“Oh, who am I fucking kidding?” Gordon threw his hands in the air, “You’re some sort of thing from another world, the bacteria probably just goes right through you!”

“There are…” Benrey paused, his face morphed into a mischievous, shark-toothed grin. “…yo there’s Bakugan in my meat?”

He laughed. Gordon laughed and laughed and laughed until he fell over drunk from the shock of Benrey’s statement, and then laughed until the tap ran dry and he was sober enough to wheeze a response. “No! That’s not-Benrey that’s not what I said at all. I expect that kind of joke from Tommy! Oh my god…”

All of the neighbors peaked over or around to see the commotion at this point. Gordon didn’t feel any need to acknowledge them any as he shakily pushed himself upright, they were used to the bullshit that followed him around by this point, they were just really nosy. They were gone as quickly as they arrived, by which point he was now sitting on the opposite side of his gnome. “Do…Do you wanna like…come inside or something, man?”

“No, I don’t like the color beige.”

In his hysterical drunkenness, Gordon had almost been willing to invite Benrey into his refuge, but the hospitality had now been lost.

He was seeing red again. “How did you know my walls were-? Did you noclip into my house?!” He took his glasses off and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. “Fucking-! I keep getting fucking distracted! Dude!!!!”

Benrey watched Gordon gesture wildly with the hand not carrying his glasses around, directing every movement towards him.

“Why are you HERE?!” He screamed.

Benrey looked at the ground. “That’s uh, private information.” Slowly his head drifted towards Gordon again, he could faintly see the man’s creepy eyes follow the seams of his suit. “…Yo, we dressing up for movie night tonight?”

Gordon stiffened, standing back up. “How do you know about movie night?”

If Benrey knew about movie night, then either somebody told him, or…

“Tommy told me.” Benrey answered quickly, “Well, uh…he told his dad, and his dad told me. Mister Coolguy, Mister Govern-Mant, he got me the free month of PS Plus.”

Benrey fidgeted with the hem of his shirt again, sort of messing with it like he was messing around with a game controller while his mouth bubbled Sweet Voice and word salad.

“Like…he said he was going to buy more when it ran out, and now it’s been a month and my PS Plus ran out…twenty minutes ago.”

“We’ve been talking for about five minutes or something,” Gordon looked at his wrists. There wasn’t a watch on either of them, but it felt important to visually convey the flow of time. “So you’re telling me that your PS Plus ran out fifteen minutes before you got here, and you couldn’t wait another five or so for Mister Coolatta, for Tommy’s dad to renew it again? The PlayStation has games that aren’t multiplayer, you couldn’t play any of those for a while?”

Benrey averted his gaze. “I could but…”

He waited, but Benrey didn’t continue his statement. He was starting to consider the possibility that Benrey was lying out of his ass right now and that he had simply stolen enough information from the Science Team to keep Gordon preoccupied while they all died a slow, painful and permanent death before killing Gordon himself. He waited another two minutes before breaking the silence, hoping maybe that Benrey didn’t know that Gordon knew what he was planning. “But what? Why won’t you play single player games?”

Benrey looked at the ground again. “…I’d like to go inside the house now please?”

“Uh-?”

“WAIT! Can we go to my house instead? Pretty please?” He asked in earnest, pulling off a fucked-up alien version of ‘sad anime eyes’.

Well, if Benrey really was distracting Gordon to leave the Science Team dying somewhere, he did a scarily good job at hiding that fact. He must have been trying to get him into a secondary location to finish the job.

Hastily, Gordon tried to come up with an excuse while he put his glasses back on.

“Uh, sorry man. I wish I could, but uh, the guys are gonna be here in about…an hour, and I still need to change into some normal clothes and figure out what we’re eating for movie night. So-“ He twisted away from Benrey pulling something out and trying to force it into his line of sight, reminding Gordon of his various intrusive thoughts of being kidnapped in the past few years.

Benrey frowned. “Bro it’s paper.” He shook the parchment around for demonstration.

Through a partially-covered mouth, Gordon asked “Can you please not shove paper in my face?”

Benrey responded by wobbling the paper more until Gordon finally accepted it.

“Fine, what is this?”

“Mm…list. Food list.”

“Food list?”

“Food list.”

The paper that the list was written on had been improperly torn from a spiral notebook; you could easily see where the lower half of the page was simply ripped instead of following the tear-away lines. The handwriting on it, by contrast, looked incredibly clean, almost like it was typed out aside from a few blemishes of human error like scribbles over spelling mistakes or a long line from where somebody had made an order and then at the last minute asked for something completely different, much to the chagrin of the transcriber.

“…This is really nice handwriting.” Gordon admitted.

He felt his phone buzz in his pocket, prompting him to look over his messages.

One of them was an unflattering picture of him from a few minutes ago, dying of laughter in his front yard, sent by his neighbors from across the street to the neighborhood group chat.

‘This idiot can’t even comprehend the true form of Gnome Chompski’s attack. XD Ignore the guy in the back dunno who he is.’

Thanks Gina and Colette, very cool.

The other message was from Bubby, so maybe the rest of the Science Team wasn’t dead after all. At the very least, Bubby wasn’t dead.

‘You’d better be goddamn home by now. I’m changing my order again. I want a Sausage Melt, and I want my hash browns smothered and diced. Also, Harold wanted to make sure you added pecans to his chocolate chip waffles. If you forget those nuts again and he cries, I WILL make it your problem.’

“Did Bubby change his order again?” Benrey asked, his expression dead serious. He didn’t wait for an answer, apparently he could just tell from Gordon’s expression and considered that enough to snatch the paper from his hands and scratch out one of the orders with a pen he pulled out from hammerspace. “This fuckin’ guy, I can’t believe it. This is the THIRD time man.”

“I think I can handle the orders from here.” Gordon said. He got the list back without much of a fight, which was preferable to getting into a tug-of-war over a piece of paper.

“I will…see you later?” He slowly backed away from Benrey to get inside his house, tripping as the terrain switched from grass to concrete beneath his feet. “I’m going to go inside now and…do the stuff I said I needed to do!” His hand clutched the door knob, and immediately Gordon turned around to wiggle it open. His face paled with realization that his initial plans to bolt at the first sign of a threat would not have worked anyways, not solely because Benrey could noclip through objects, but also because Gordon would not have had the time to unlock his front door before Benrey did…whatever the fuck he had planned.

Just like in the horror movies.

Shit.

Gordon was a fucking horror movie protagonist and he wasn’t even one of the long-lasting ones. He was the final girl from the first movie that they kill off at the start of the second to make a point.

“Hey man, you dropped this.”

A key ring appeared in his peripheral vision. Gordon strained his eyes to meet Benrey’s line of sight, the man had that deceptively innocent smile from before as he held the keys out like a joy-buzzer.

He took his keys back with the speed and grace of a claw machine, unlocked the door, and just stared longingly at the interior for a minute.

“Inside? Inside for Benrey?”

“Yeah, sure thing man…” Gordon sighed and walked inside, letting Benrey follow behind. If he was going to die, might as well get comfortable first.

#hlvrai metamorphosis au #metamorphosis au #hlvrai #hlvrai au #fanfic

[ferris-the-wheel]

I want to make a new twst dorm but I don't know what movie to base it off of =^='

HAHAHA SO I FORGOT DIASOMNIA WAS BASED OFF OF SLEEPING BEAUTY (i'm very dumb ik) SO JUST IGNORE THAT ONE!

Pretty much just listed disney movies that haven't been made into official dorms or have characters already based off of them (hence why I didn't include The Princess and the Frog, because Sam is twisted from Dr. Facilier). Yeah I fucked up with Sleeping Beauty, like I said, ignore that one 😅

Feel free to give ideas for the dorm you pick (or even one you didn't pick) such as the dorm's appearance, dorm name, traits of the students, and other stuff you may think to add.

(By the way, I plan to stick to the boys-only thing, sorry, so if you want to add an oc to this dorm, please make sure it's male (and that you run it by me first obv). This is my decision, so please respect it 😓 You're welcome to have your oc wear whatever you want though (including skirts, we don't judge here!)

taglist: @edith-is-a-cat @twst-om-lover @officialdaydreamer00 @haruhar-u @lu-lul @lyle-my-beloved @xen-blank @cookiesandbiscuits @b-floyd-o-leech-b @mermaidfanficlibrary

#new dorm in the making? :D #poll

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

(( so i've decided to repost the Freaky Friday fic here on the blog, to have one other place to read it besides just ao3. here we go! ))

HLVRFF: Chapter 1

It all happened so fast, Benry didn't even detect what was going on until after the fact. And by then, it was too late for him to do anything about it.

Being an eldritch horror from the cosmic void, Benrey had a lot of real fun abilities at his disposal. One of those being the ability to 'astral project' as he'd heard humans call it. He never really used this one too much, though. Until he moved in with Gordon, that is. He'd found that slipping out of his own body to go hang out in Gordon's dreams was a pretty sick way to pass the time at night, when nothing else was keeping his attention successfully. Or when he was feeling lonely. Being the only one in your friend group who doesn't need to sleep at night kind of sucks sometimes.

Gordon was… a little unnerved by the brain-intrusions at first. But he never told Benry to fuck off with that shit, as the night time chats with the entity were much, MUCH preferred over all his PTSD night terrors. Dreams never kicked in right whenever Benry was there, including the bad ones, so it was a win-win situation, really. However, if a dream was already in the middle of happening when Benry jumped in, the dream didn't just automatically stop.

He never thought much about it until tonight.

Benry wasn't really feeling in the mood for any video games, so he decided he'd go see what ol' Feetman was up to in dream land. He got himself laid out nice and comfy in his bed, slipped out of his body and into Gordon's.

And soon came to very much regret it.

Gordon was having a nightmare about Xen, looked like. From his vantage point, he could see the man fleeing for his life from something. He didn't see what, but whatever it was, it had the poor guy scared absolutely shitless. Benry could feel all the horrible emotions Gordon was having while sharing a headspace with him, and yeah, no, this was not cool. He needed to calm Gordon down, show him he was just dreaming. If he could get him in a more lucid state, the nightmare would be easy to knock away.

Dream-Xen wasn't set up the same way as the real deal was- but thankfully Benry was able to just clip through everything just like the real one, which allowed him to cut Gordon off as the human frantically made his way through the winding tunnels.

When Gordon rounded the corner and came face to face with Benry, the human let out a strained shriek, and looked like he was about to book it back towards whatever he was fleeing from before. Whu..? Oh, shit, right. Benry was playing the bad guy when they were all on Xen, so of course Gordon wouldn't be very happy to see him, even if he wasn't at the same giant size he was back then.

…Wait.

Benry was the main threat to Gordon and the Science Team when they were on Xen.

So… did that mean…

As if to answer Benry's unspoken question, a massive, pale hand came phasing through the roof of the cave, one of its sharp black talons nearly impaling Gordon as it did. Gordon fell to the cave floor and looked on in horror as the monstrous owner of the hand brought their face into view.

Gordon wasn't having a nightmare about Xen. He was having a nightmare about Benry.

The alien's heart dropped like a fucking rock at the realization. Dream-Benry raised his fist, looking like he was getting ready to crush Gordon, and that's when real-Benry shoved down the sanguine and shadow building up in his throat and dove towards the human. He grabbed Gordon, and then sunk them both down into the floor, escaping into another chamber. Gordon thrashed in his grip, desperate to get away, but Benry held firm, and flipped the man around to face him.

"dude, dude, you gotta- you gotta calm down. that thing- that's not me, you're dreaming-" Benry tried to explain, but Gordon wasn't fucking listening, he just kept screaming at him to let go and get away and-

They were both silenced when the sole of a giant combat boot came down hard directly on top of them.

------------

Benry's whole form jolts as he returns to a more corporeal state of being. God, fuck. Dying was never fun, even in dreams. He lets out a heavy sigh and blinks- wait. His eyes are open? Why is it so fuckin' dark, then? He looks around the room, and does see… a faint light, shining in the corner of the room. Focusing on that light, his eyes begin to adjust a bit more to the dark. It's then he realizes that everything is blurry? He moves to push himself up into a sitting position- oh holy fuck he feels so tired and heavy and weak. What the shit. He brings a hand up to his head to rub at his eyes… and finds that his cheeks are a lot less bony than he remembers. Benry blindly gropes at his face some more, and feels what is very clearly a scruffy beard that he very much did not have before.

"yo what-" he says aloud, cutting himself off instantly when he hears himself speaking with Gordon's voice.

That's… new.

And would explain why he can't see shit all. Benry carefully feels over for where he knows Gordon's bedside nightstand is, and turns on the lamp once he finds the switch, to back up the little light from what he now realizes is Gordon's night light. Okay okay, no longer dark, but still blurry as hell. Squinting at the nightstand, he makes out the general shape of Gordon's glasses, and gingerly picks them up and places them on his face. Ah, there we go, blessed with sight once again. Albeit still pretty fucking shitty sight. This isn't how Gordon's eyes are ALL the time, is it? No, no, can't be. That'd be messed up. His sight, and all of his other senses come to think, are probably just all discombobulated from being forced into the wrong body. Yeah. Totally. He just needs to give it a minute.

Suddenly, a scream rings out in the house, in a voice that Benry recognizes as his own.

Oh shit, Gordon.

Welp, 'giving it a minute' is now officially off the table.

Benry quickly hops out of bed (ignoring the foreign ache in his-Gordon's? legs) and bolts towards the door. It's here that he makes yet another discovery.

His usual powers didn't carry over with him into Gordon's body, apparently, as when he tries to clip through the door because it's faster than opening it, he just fuckin' slams right into the damn thing. He groans, both in pain (so much pain…) and embarrassment, before opening the door like a normal human person and books it down the hall to his bedroom.

Flinging the door open and flicking on the light switch, he's met with a very concerning sight.

------------

Gordon lurches up into a sitting position, reflexively throwing his arms up, as if to hold off the massive boot that was trying to squash him like a bug. It was just a dream, he thinks as he realizes that he's not dead or on Xen. Doesn't do anything to calm his residual panic, though. His heart is still going a mile a minute and… and that's not right. His heart isn't beating right.

His brain finally catches up with the rest of him, and he realizes that he's in an entirely different room than he was when he went to sleep. It's Benry's room from the looks of it, but… it's not right, either. Why is the lighting so weird. The light's not even on, but he can see, he can see SO clearly and- the colours. They're all so much more vibrant, and there's ones he doesn't even recognize. He can't even think how to DESCRIBE them, what the fuck.

Ignore that for right now, Gordon, you gotta calm down, he thinks to himself. Closing his eyes, he reaches a hand up to run his fingers through his hair. Doing such has often helped him ground himself during anxiety and panic. But instead of feeling his long, soft hair, he feels a knit beanie. He does not wear knit beanies. His roommate wears knit beanies. His roommate whose room he inexplicably woke up in just now.

Gordon's eyes snap open and he looks at his hands.

They are not his hands.

"What the fuck," he utters, barely above a whisper, in what is definitely Benry's voice.

No. No? No. No! This isn't happening. This is NOT fucking HAPPENING. He's still dreaming, CLEARLY he's still dreaming! He just needs to wake up. C'mon, Gordon, you can do it. Wake up. Wake up, Gordon. Wake UP, Gordon. WAKE UP, GORDON-

A scream rips out of his throat, as he feels something else in his borrowed body rip.

#half life vr but the ai is self aware #half life vr but it's freaky friday #hlvrai #hlvrai fic #benry #benrey #gordon feetman #body swap #fic repost

[princess-of-anons]

Okay The Hyperfixation has completely consumed me so fuck here we go

Metamorphosis AU

HLVRAI AU where Gordon becomes the same species as whatever the fuck Benrey is because of fucked up Xen shit. Like some sort of metamorphosis or gross alien puberty

He was kinda already Changed™ by the time they all left Tommy’s birthday party but literally nobody can tell Gordon when or how it happened, but he’s pretty sure the fact he spent a lot of time around a lot of Xen Radiation without a helmet on it is the primary cause. Cue the Science Team cheerfully teasing Gordon for not wearing a helmet.

Benrey is here as well, of course. He’s been here for about a month before the story begins (he was really busy playing Heavenly Sword, you see, and once his free month of PS+ ran out he decided to Go Bother Gordon). He has his own house so he doesn’t really need to stay with Gordon…but said “house” is literally an abandoned gardening shed that he wired up an electrical current and router to, so Gordon is letting him stay anyways (“Dude why the hell are you living like this??? That’s fucked up, I guess you can stay with me until you can get a Real Job…”).

Having Benrey live with Gordon works anyways since he needs somebody to help him control the Sweet Voice he keeps spewing out, among other things like not getting stuck in no-clip mode and turning off the fucking nightvision he accidentally unlocked.

Shenanigans ensue:

Benrey turns into a massive worm on a string at least once (to Gordon’s horror AND humor)

everybody vents about how Big Suck their old workplace was

Bubby goes to work at a Burger King for half a shift before inevitably setting the place ablaze

Sunkist rides a skateboard (hell yeah!)

Benrey and Gordon play in the dirt

All this happens and more

#hlvrai #metamorphosis au #hlvrai metamorphosis au #hlvrai au

[roosterm3at]

Asks you about half life headcanons (Kliener and Barney specifically) 😄

bet random barney headcannons

italian, was born in new jersy, but i bet he had like a military family so moved around a few times, maybe to texas when he was younger which would explain the accent and then ended up in California when he was older

personally headcannon him with ocd. he for sure struggles a bit with Compulsions and some sensory things, which is why i always draw him wearing gloves cuz he doesn't always like getting stuff on his hands, and he for sure can get very anxious and easily angry when he's having a hard time.

was raised catholic but lost some of his faith after the war but he sorta just, gives off "slightly religious" sorta man vibes to me idk why

fucking loves football and will flip a table even when he's watching pre-recorded games he's seen 100 times

he loves talyor swift you can fucking fight me on this

and he's bisexual

rando Kleiner headcannons

gay man was closeted during black mesa and most of his life but came out after the combine invasion

for sure has the tism absolutely

i think he likes to write poetry in his free time, helps him relax

has a big ol crush on eli and at some point they start being more than friends, they slow dance together for sure

probably has a sketchbook filled with drawings of xen and alien life

i think he sees barney as sorta a son to him, since he knew him back at black mesa and then was reunited with him when barney was, either transferred to city 17 or whenever that was. Kleiner still sorta sees barney as that young awkward but sweet young man who worked as a security guard near his office and is just worried about him getting himself blowed up in battle.

also jewish

anyway yeah sorry for my basic ass headcannons

#half life #half life 2 #barney calhoun #issac kleiner #headcannons #asks

[artflameball]

What if I made a Benrey timeline thing and was sobbing the whole time

[ID: Five colored drawings of Benrey over the years. Each drawing is next to a bunch of bullet points listing off headcanons for that period of time.

This design of Benrey has pale skin, upside-down hearts on his cheeks, long black nails, pointy elf ears, a small scar on his upper lip, and long, fluffy black-blue hair with a heart ahoge. His eyes change color based on his stress level - they're blue if he's okay or happy, but turn yellow if he's stressed or not feeling good.

The first drawing is Benrey when he's a test subject for Black Mesa. He looks like he's somewhere around three to five years old. He's wearing an oversized hospital gown - the sleeves are too big and don't show his hands. He isn't wearing any shoes. You can see a few of his scars, which look fresh. His pointy ears are drooped. The shadow under his eyes is completely black. He's glancing around nervously, pupils slitted, eyes yellow. He looks scared.

The bullet points beside him read:

Pictured: actual size

Found on Xen when he was like two or three in human years and brought to Black Mesa

Was experimented on to figure out his healing abilities, but they couldn't be replicated in humans

Experiments continued for Definitely Scientifically Justified Reasons Not At All Just The Scientists Torturing Him To Get All Their Anger Out

"I made breakthroughs in science!" "You fucked up a perfectly good child is what you did. Look at him, he's got trauma."

Got the mindset that he's inherently evil hammered into his brain

Left ONCE when he was five and met seven year old Gordon, but was captured again pretty quickly

Managed to escape with the help of Tommy when he was about 21-22

This period of his life lasts about 20 years

The second drawing is Benrey when he's a security guard, somewhere in his early 20s. He's wearing the security guard outfit - helmet, vest, blue button-up shirt, tie, boots, gun holster - and his hair is floofing out of the helmet. He's wearing fingerless gloves as well. He's leaning backwards a bit, hands balled into fists, arms by his side, a bit tense, eyes blue but tinged with yellow at the edges.

The bullet points beside him read:

wadda hell... gay lil security guard

Benrey came back to Black Mesa a few months after escaping, working as a security guard because he liked them and they were nice to him (they weren't as bad as the scientists)

Honestly I don't have a lot to say here about specifically him being a guard

It was after getting out of experiments that he discovered and absolutely fell in love with video games. He has them all. He has played every video game in the ever.

He loves just standing around being strange and offputting

He has pierced ears! You cannot see them but

Left Black Mesa when he was 25 due to The Incident (the rescas lol)

This period of his life lasts about 3-4 years

The third drawing is Benrey post-Xen. He's a complete wreck. He's still in the security guard outfit, minus the vest, tie, and helmet, but it's torn up and stained with his purple blood. The sketch layer (which is half transparent) is on top of the color layer, conveying a sense of messiness. His hair is a mess, he's lost a lot of weight, his eyes are yellow, pupils dilated from numbness, the shadow under his eyes completely black. He looks foggy, distant, tired, just really fucked up.

The bullet points beside him read:

...You sacrifice yourself to save your best friends because you think you're an inherently evil monster and just be mentally fine afterwards.

So yeah, after Xen Benrey's... really not doing good. Drowning in guilt over everything, having all his worst thoughts about himself basically confirmed, and just mentally fucked in every way, Benrey just spirals really bad after respawning.

Where exactly he is after respawning varies depending on the fic. However he definitely falls into a really bad depression spiral after he gets out of Black Mesa and kinda isolates himself.

He is still wearing the guard uniform minus the vest and there is symbolism

This period of his life lasts for a number of months before the Science Team (probably Gordon) finds him. unless he respawns closer to the team in which case it lasts like a month or two at most

The fourth drawing is Benrey some time later. His hair is less messy, he's gained some weight, the shadow under his eyes is somewhat lighter, and his eyes are blue now. He's wearing brown pants, a black hoodie, a dark blue button-up, and a blue thigh strap. He looks like significantly less of a wreck than before.

The bullet points beside him read:

Get dragged out of your depression IDIOT

So the Science Team find him and start making him get better by force lol

He wears button ups under hoodies for a while due to nostalgia from Black Mesa

He STARTS unlearning the mindset of "I'm inherently evil," and starts learning to Not see people as inherently good because he likes them, but. He isn't there yet and won't be for a long long while. It's a slow process

He ALSO starts learning that Black Mesa torturing him was Bad Actually and it traumatized him a bit <\3

Xen drained a LOT of his energy and powers. He's probably never gonna be at 100% in terms of powers ever again, but that's ok

The fifth and last drawing is Benrey, a year or so post-Rescas. He's doing a lot better, and you can tell. He's wearing a blue chullo with an orange puffball on top and pink strings. His hair's poking out of the chullo. He has a dark blue hoodie with a rainbow PlayStation logo, pale blueish sweatpants, a pink thigh strap, and extremely colorful, messy, bright socks. He's gained a lot more weight, his eyes are blue and pupils dilated, the shadow under his eyes significantly lessened. He looks relaxed, and there's a smile on his face, his nostrils slightly flared (which they do that when he smiles). He looks genuinely happy.

The bullet points beside him read:

Live footage of me sobbing while drawing this because he looks so content and happy

This is about a year and a half or so after the Rescas? Maybe two years?

Actually in therapy (and maybe he starts taking antidepressants? idk)

He's doing a LOT better here than he was at any point before. Like even when he was a guard, if the scientists found out it was him they'd put him back into tests so there was that stress, plus he hadn't unlearned his toxic mindsets yet

His mental state still isn't perfect, he's still not There, the bad days are still bad, but holy shit he's doing so much better

probably dating gordon around here because fuck you lol

He always wear the most eyebleedingly colorful socks

I'm sorry this drawing makes me very happy and I'm crying again what the hell he gets to be happy!!!

Either he starts a justin.TV or he works at just Some Job and annoys people. If he ever comes face to face with a Karen they're so fucked he's so annoying eats him

Maybe even both, by day he annoys assholes into leaving, and by night he plays viddy games

End ID.]

Close ups under the cut

Not transcribing these because the transcript above already describes the contents, but I did add alt text

#cassie draws #hlvrai #benrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware #benrey freeman #frenrey #implied #ask to tag #ref sheet

[starryjeekies]

~ Omega X OT11 ~ Dom to Sub

A/N: hello, this was requested by one of my irl friends because I’m finally getting back into writing again and we just saw Omega X together. So I’m formatting this just like my E’last one so check that one out too if you’d like! It’s super unhinged I’m so sorry whoops. Everything is below the cut. Enjoy!!

Dom

1. Hyuk

2. Sebin

3. Yechan

4. Junghoon

5. Hangyeom

6 Jaehan

7. Xen

8. Taedong

9. Hwichan

10. Jehyun

11. Kevin

Sub

Dommest of dom. There is no sub part about him. Have you seen him? Hyuk is a man like no other. Sure he can be cute and adorable when he wants to be. But I honestly think that he needs total control in the bedroom. Now this doesn’t mean he won’t want someone on top of him, bouncing on him, but if anything else he’s a power bottom. There. That’s it. Send tweet.

Sebin. S e b i n. For some reason, my irls and I agree that he is unpredictable. We can’t actually determine anything about this man other than that he is a dom and he is freaky. It’s always the sweet ones that are crazy in the sheets. Because of this I feel like he would be the one in charge and doing all the crazy things. Might let you take control once but he won’t let that go to your head.

My dude will probably put up a fight if you try to dom him. I said it so many times but Yechan would be the bitch to square up in a Denny’s parking lot at 3 am. If anything, he would be the type of guy to make you ride him while being overstimulated whoops that’s a different post. There could be a façade of doming but if you slip out of line he will bring you crashing down.

Daddy Junghoon my mans, hello. Tbh out of everyone in OX, I wouldn’t pick Junghoon to have the daddy kink but hey whatever works for him (I highly suspect Yechan had something to do with this). But I think he would definitely be a dom more so because he doesn’t know how good it can be for a partner to take over. Once he’s been in a situation where he doesn’t have to be in control and he feels it hits different, then I think he’d be more open to you doming him more often.

A man who likes to please. Hangyeom is one who probably would do a lot of things his partner asks of him. Fuck them from behind? Bet. Against the wall? Just say please. Ride him? Better be lubed up. So not saying he’s a switch, but if you ask him to please you, he’ll probably be in control but give you a wild ride unless you ask otherwise.

Just a big baby, that’s all. I don’t think Jaehan is too much whichever way he goes. He’s a big sweetheart so whether it’s him controlling what happens or when you’ve had a few orgasm and take control to chase the final one, I think he’s happy either way. Probably is the type of dom who wants almost wreck you and you spring back at the last second so you’re both fucked out.

I had a long convo about this one, but Xen needs to be put into submission. I think he’s a switch with a dom lean and needs to be forced into submission because he’s a BRAT. Probably likes it too so don’t be afraid to. He’s definitely cocky in what he can do to you so you need to put him in his place with overstimulation and a nice cock ring oops wrong post again.

Taedong is only slightly higher on this list because there is a slightly more dom leaning but that is it. Otherwise I feel like its pretty even. Like 55/45. Yeah. I want to say that he’s game for a lot of things. He’s probably more of the experimentalist because he’s got a dancer physique and can contort his body in different ways. I also can just see him saying a mantra of “please” when he’s close and that’s hella sub energy.

The true switch in my opinion. When I asked “who would want a strap” and my friend immediately said Hwichan so I’m rolling with it. Hwichan is probably really fun and sex would be like the Olympics of just one round after another, both doing a new sport essentially. One minute he’d have you crying and the next you would be needing to hold his hips down to stop him fucking up into your hand.

Jehyun honey ily you’re my ult but your introverted ass comes off kinda subby. He’s shy and can be bashful but he’s also flirty (ik i met him irl and he called me pretty) so he has SOME confidence but I think he’s gotta be comfortable with a partner to determine if he can be more of a dom and more of a sub. Opposite of Taedong but still pretty close.

I want him to prove me wrong but Kevin is too sweet to be a dom. Yes, yes, I know soft doms exist but he is like a patch of daisies on a sunny spring day. I think it’s the pink hair and the constant duck faces he does. I definitely think being a dom is in him, for sure (thank you love me like) but just not as strongly s sub. Still an fantastic lover though don’t let his adorable face fool you he’s probably really good with his mouth.

#omega x #omega x fanfic #omega x smut #omega x blurb #omega x imagine #kim jaehan #lee hwichan #jang sebin #song hangyeom #kim taedong #lee jinwoo #xen #moon jehyun #park jinwoo #kevin #han jeonghoon #junghoon #yang hyuk #shin yechan #omega x kpop

[jazz-kitty]

1, 2 , 7, 8 :3

1. favorite character[s]

ive already talked about kenneth and flora BUT! runner up is cera i think. i haven't seen her in a million years but that's okay. i think she's incredibly fucked up and i want to get her #OUT of her mental and also physical ice prison.

im preddyyyyyyy sure rn that angie is a fucked up cursed version of anju, but as "angie" she still made a servant. it just happens to be in the image of cella- taking some of her likeness & kind of her name- because even deep down the fragments of anju in angie still cares for cella. but i dont actually know. i think her dedication to angie is super fucked up and interesting though. angie doesn't care whether her meat homunculus made of illegal magic lives or dies, but cera is also so incredibly willing to lay down her life for her boss that somehow it works out. well. hopefully it stops working out bc i want cera to be able to live for herself but. AH! not much to say since it all happened like six chapters ago now sicne anyones even thought of cera but i still spin her aorund in my brain bc she's epic as hell. my friend said her ace was a morpeko :(((( thats so CUTE!!!

2. least favorite character[s]

i don't like saki or karen. what do you do when a character for most of their screentime is intended to be comedic relief and then you just don't find them funny. i feel like such a nerd but i just don't think they have jokes and theres not much else to like about them ToT at least as it stands. idk. even then i'll still draw both of them no problem i am not exactly a professional at disliking characters. my main issue with them is that they don't appeal to my sense of humor and if i'm drawing & writing them they do. so. problem solved?

erick is also kind of up there but he stays in his lane over in poison type gearen city [forgot the actual name] so he doesn't bother me as much. plus he has cat ears so he gets bonus points.

7. favorite friendship[s]

patty & cera have they ever talked? NO! have they ever talked about each other? NO! in a hypothetical situation, would it be kind of cute? YEAH!

for ones that r actually on screen though. i loveee neved & nastasia. even if it was just 1 conversation, i love their dynamic. the two most mature [AUTHORS NOTE: does not mean they are mature. just means they are not zetta geara or madelis] xen members havin a little chat and i'm TUNED IN!!!! and their shared affection for ren is so cute. they both know it's a bad idea and they BOTH tell each other it's a bad idea, and then immdiately just go Anyways, because they r BOTH going to continue caring about ren anyways. whateverrr. i think it's cute.

honorable mention delpha and adam. theyr eso sweet. they love each otherrrrrrrr they make fun of each other so much but they would kill someone for each otherrr <3

8. favorite family dynamic

florin and flora you're so. i talk about them too much. florin disowning flora after finding out she's in bladestar is soooo. oh my goodness! and then trying to get her the death penalty too!!! i think about how after florin says that he just wishes flora would trust him more- that he's there for her, if only she'd let him be- flora says THIS

its so. god dude. i feel like it's not just that flora was leading bladestar, but selfishly- florin cares more about the fact that flora never told him about it. and its soooo. oh my god. both of them care[d] about the other so much but are far too fucked up to ever be able to show it. flora feels like she's the only one who can ever get her job done- especially after rune turned her down- and she wants to keep florin SAFE by keeping him out of everything. and florin just wants to BE THERE for his SISTER!!! without understanding until darchlight cave why she's making it so difficult to!!! god!!! it's so evil how many times things could've gotten better and how many chances flora had to just let her brother love her and how every single time she refuses and florin gets pushed a little closer to the edge of a metaphorical cliffside. me when im in a lack of communication challenge and my opponent is flora who thinks letting her brother think she hates him and actively trying to get him to hate her is the simplest way to handle things. i hate rejuv

#jazzask #ive been awfully busy as of late but im excited to get back to playing rejuv soon... #just started chapter 15 last i played! im nearly thereeeeeeee

[can-i-see-your-passport-please]

Hih ello it’s me. Fanfic anon. And I just!!! !!! The idea that Benry lost the boss fight on Purpouse is I think so very supported by canon- I was talkin to a friend about this a while ago but when he pulls out his passport and just holds it up for them all to shoot at? He didn’t have to do that he could’ve just kept the Thing in his pocket. Also the more obvious telling the skeletons to let Tommy go? Also the other idea- that Benry was s-cial (sorry I don’t know the appropriate level of censorship/not in this space here so this is what I’m going with)- is supported at least a little by canon?? The one time Gordon tries to stop one of his deaths (when the blast doors are closing because of the rocket launch at the very end of Act 2) Benry’s response is ‘I kind of wanted that ok’. I’ve been turning it over in my head for a very long time and having someone like. Include it as a thing that matters in their portrayal of Benry (intentionally or not) activated my neurons. Also like in general you’re a good writer, the comfort part of the hurt/comfort was incredibly satisfying. Like yeah boy. Forgive yourself. Get some decent sleep. Also like generally people giving Benry emotional depth and trauma along with the silly man ness is incredibly boundlessly fascinating to me and how you wrote him in both this and the other fic were great. Also this is a weird thing to ask prolly but where does Gordon live in the fic? Does New Mexico get snow and I just don’t know it. Sorry for talking so much this fic is just something to me. Thanks for writing it. It’s becoming a new tab in my browser window that’s just for saving fics I want to reread.

YOU GOT EVERYTHING BANG ON THE HEAD EXACTLY EXACTLY

YEAH....... I subscribe to the theory that he made himself the villain On Purpose because he knew the Nihilanth would kill the team and Gordon can't fucking respawn, so they kill the final boss, they go home, Benrey makes himself the final boss, yeah... I didn't notice the passport thing!! But yeah you're right! There was no reason he had to do that, but he just held it up for them to destroy. Plus like when Gordon went back to break his passport, if Benrey wanted to stop him. He could've! Easily! But he mostly just toyed with him, and then barely did anything to stop Gordon from destroying his passport. (Yes he said it was because he "didn't like that room", but he went into there before with absolutely no problem, and the only real difference here is he's 30 feet tall)

AND YES EXACTLY THE MOMENT WHERE GORDON STOPPED HIM FROM DYING AND HE WAS LIKE "YEAH WELL NOW IT’S GONE AND I KINDA WANTED THAT OKAY" so basically my friend and I were discussing a fic I'd just read that was a different take on canon, and it had incredibly clear (sub)text that the Xen thing was basically Benrey TRYING to die, and we were discussing that, and the VERY NEXT DAY WE REWATCHED HLVRAI AND NOTICED THAT LINE so yeah in my book. Benrey's 100% suicidal (worry not we are not bound by censorship in these lands)

Also I have no idea where Gordon lives I just wanted snow there you decide lol

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT AND THINK I'M A GOOD WRITER THIS ASK IS MAKING ME MELT /POS THANK YOUUUUU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

#hlvrai #cassie rambles #cassie writes #frenrey #asks #anon #tw suicidality #ask to tag #tw suicide #you're still here and you're gonna be okay #🛂can i see your passport? please [benrey freeman]

[hurgablurg]

the whiplash of checking out the dreamzzz webpage, seeing the fairly generic floating islands and thinking “oh yeah, that looks like something the target audience will like” and expecting the same of the grim realm except maybe with more purple and probably some cultural appropriation typical of recent lego youth multimedia - completely forgetting that the 100$+ builds centred around the bad guys look rad as fuck - and then getting slapped with what looks like the Xen Borderworld was subsumed by Khorne and then shoved through the Terror-Vortex of Kor-Virliath.

a giant demon-skull-faced-visage carved into a giant crystal, affixed with gleaming, sorcerous spires, fed by giant intestines that look to be constantly dripping with blood

holy shit.

#lego dreamzzz #dreamzzz #lego

[qhazomb]

That art of alien Gordon and the idea of turned-alien Gordon got me thinkin.

Mans got his DNA rearranged by a portal Danny-Phantom style. Xen portal opened practically on top of him, that has to mess with a guy somewhat

oh, the changes don't happen instantly.

oops realized i misinterpreted what you said here! but yeah, thinking that it was something about being on rescas ground zero that caused the transformation to start happening. the moment he does realize something is Wrong is when he pulls off the HEV suit helmet due to it feeling too cramped for whatever reason... and all his head hair comes falling out with it.

and in its place is a bunch of tendrils.

he, uh. doesn't handle the discovery well.

by the time he's had to pretty much have all the armor pried off due to growing too big for it (and due to now having two extra arms, digitigrade legs, and a goddamn tail), he's Really Not Having a Good Time. realizing that "Fuck, even if we DO get out of here, I still can't go home."

luckily, he actually CAN still go home, as instead of getting a gun arm regen potion from darnold, he gets a 'human-shape' potion.

gordon is SUPER RELIEVED to be human again… but then the others point out his entire ass is showing, from the hole in the undersuit that his big space dragon tail made. the science team of course start chiding him for indecent exposure.

"No one wants to see your ass, Gordon."

"i don't mind."

"No one besides Benry wants to see your ass, Gordon."

darnold tells him he doesn't think he's got any spare pants around after gordon asks, but does inform him that the potion isn't just a one-way transformation. gordon can shift between creature and human and anywhere in between as much as he wants, any time he wants.

he shifts into the 'midform' mode so that he's got a tail again, while also not having to deal with being fucking ten feet tall. which made getting through the vents Absolute Hell, as you might imagine, hah. couldn't really hold a gun well with the full-size space dragon hands (his new smaller pair might could, but he's so new to having them that he didn't wanna risk it. he also can't wear his now too small glasses so his vision isn't the best either, which def doesn't help with his aim)

also, here, have 'turned space dragon gordon' in just the HEV undersuit (which def should have more battle damage on it but i got lazy)

the HEV suit undersuit still fits because "It's one-size-fits-all, Gordon!"

"I- I don't think that's what that actually means but okay??"

#monster gordon au #monster gordon

[nekupen]

Nekupen #05: Half-Life (+ Gearbox campaigns)

Half-Life is the premier first person video game from company Valve Corporation. The game came about when Valve looked at the majority of fpses out at the time and thought "God DAMN this shit is boring". And it's hard to blame them as even with the occasional Build Engine game a lot of the FPS games consisted of running around in a maze lookin' for keycards and shooting bad guys. The narratives were also frequently not really explored upon and were only given minor attention within the game most of the time. Valve decided "Fuck that" and made a fps game that has a simple but interesting story and combat that actually requires thinking and strategizing. Also, janky 3D models. But it was cool at the time! The 3D stuff there was even more impressive than what was in Quake. No more funny lookin', non-interpolated animations! Valve would excrete this game on November 19th, 1998, which probably made some people lose NNN early because they blew their load at how fucking cool the game was.

In Half-Life you play as 27 year old theoretical physicist and NERD Gordon Freeman who works at the Black Mesa Research Facility where everyone is twice his age and the only women that exist are a recording and a hologram. Mr. Freeman's late for an important test so he suits up and blows up a microwave casserole and heads to the test chamber. The test fucks up and now the facility is overrun with aliens and malfunctioning equipment. And also OSHA-violating architecture but that was there before shit hit the fan. You gotta trek through the ruined facility armed with a crowbar and a handgun.

Then you find out about the military! Cool, they're coming to rescue everybody! Psyche, they're killing anything that moves. Luckily, their brains are about as small as their bullets, but you shouldn't underestimate them as they're a bit more complex than your average FPS enemy. If you're taking cover they'll throw a grenade and they know a thing or two about squad tactics and flanking.

Luckily Gordon is proficient with guns and the only non-suspicious thing you could derive from that is that if you learn how to use a handgun and an automatic weapon, you know how to use everything. Both the Black Mesa facility and U.S. military have a unhealthy habit of leaving dangerous weapons around instead of hiding them in secure boxes on high shelves. Funny thing about the weapons in this game, a good majority of them have alternate functions when you right click. Good example is the shotgun, with the left click being a single barrel shot and the right click being a double barrel shot, combining the coolest types of weapon in FPS games into one. 

Each weapon is good at a specific role but at least have some mild overlap. The Python Revolver and Crossbow  are powerful precision weapons, the shotgun is a powerful weapon up close….the Python revolver and Crossbow can also be used in close quarters and arguably can do what the shotgun can do but better. You have grenades you can cook and throw but they have shit physics so honestly, if its viable just use the SMG grenades unless you super value them, which you should because you can grenade jump and I’m getting ahead of myself-

(A showcase of the SMG.)

You have a crowbar that’s good for breaking the copious amount of crates left in the facility. Break literally any crate you’ll see as more often than not there’s goodies in them, like ammo or health and HEV batteries, which are basically like armor.

 You even get ahold of a alien weapon and I just have to say, I admire the invading aliens for their commitment to using a absolute dogshit weapon

Oh yeah, speaking of the aliens again, the invading aliens starts sending in their own troops as well and they and the military engage in war. You get treated to a lot of scripted events of them battling. Kill ‘em both, you don’t get one’s favor killing the other like its Shadow the Hedgehog. You launch a rocket, take some portals, go to the alien’s home, Xen, suffer through shitty level design, kill a space fetus, and set off an event that leads to even worse events. Oh yeah, and you get snagged by some stupid suit person that keeps you in a train.

So that’s Half-Life, it has some low points but its a fun romp all around. Fun enough for official expansions to come out and they’re made by dogsh I mean Gearbox Software. They made three expansions, one being exclusive to the console port for PS2 that they also worked on. The first expansion to hit the market is Opposing Force.

You play as one of the members of the U.S. Military that came to the facility in the base game. It’s actually specified here that this branch of the military is the Hazardous Environment Combat Unit, HECU for short. You’re Corporal Adrian Shepherd and you gotta get out. This expansion adds new weapons and enemies and hot take incoming: This game needs to take a shower. I sincerely feel like a majority of the new stuff feels under baked and it just leads to a sloppier feeling experience quality wise.

Also, a majority of the guards you’ll encounter are no longer of the Barney variety but rather; They’re Otises. They’re fat and stupid and I don’t like them :(. Also, G-man snags the protagonist again.

Next up on the expansion list is Blue Shift. It’s way shorter than Opposing Force and less impressive as well, no new enemies or weapons here. You play as Barney Calhoun, a Black Mesa security guard; and once again: you gotta leave. This time though you actually succeed in ditching and even manage to depart with some surviving scientists. I’ve beaten this expansion more than i have the base game or Opposing Force which probably has me put on a list. Also with this expansion came the HD Models pack and hot take #2 incoming: i like these :) Vote for the punishment I deserve for such a sin here: https://take.quiz-maker.com/poll4660882x69c54De6-146

Finally, there’s Decay. It’s exclusive to the PS2 version so I never played it but the gist of it is that its a mission-based co op mode where you have to solve puzzles with your plus one. The protagonists are Gina Cross and Colette Green - holy shit so they DO have women at the facility!

Speaking of multiplayer: Deathmatch! Yeah I neglected to mention it but I already kind of talked about it when talking about Half-Life: Deathmatch: Source. My thoughts there still apply, I personally am not a big fan of Half-Life’s deathmatch as I don’t think the combat and style of the game goes with the mode. But that’s just me.

Oh yeah also Half-Life: Source is a thing but I’m not talking about it anyway go play half-life please

#half life #half life blue shift #half life opposing force #half life decay #goldsrc #valve #valve software #Youtube

[hlvrfreakyfriday]

HLVRFF: Chapter 11

Gordon was honestly a little worried he’d fucked up when Benry started sobbing again. Thankfully, though, the entity was able to speak through his tears just enough to assure Gordon he was crying in relief.

Benry really didn’t want to leave. The fact that he was going to anyway, just to try and help Gordon feel better, just further cemented that Benry really does care about him. Gordon’s kicking himself for never taking the time to really notice until now.

(He’s kicking himself for a lot of things regarding Benry, really.)

When Benry’s sobs finally calmed down to just a few quiet sniffles, the two of them got to talking.

About Gordon’s nightmares…

“Just because I have nightmares about the fight on Xen doesn’t mean I’m actually still afraid of you. I still have nightmares sometimes about that army of Coomer clones too, but I still willingly go hang out with Dr. Coomer. And like, hell, when I was a kid I had this recurring nightmare about a giant Agumon trying to eat me, even though he was one of my favorite Digimon. Dreams are just weird, y’know?”

“huh. yeah, i guess so. wait... if you had nightmares about your favorite digimon, does that mean i’m your favorite roommate~?”

“Pretty sure you’re my only roommate, Benry.”

“pretty sure you’re dodging the question, gordon.”

About Benry’s life in Black Mesa’s labs…

“i never talked about it ‘cause like, it’s all in the past. can’t do anything about it. and i’m not in the labs anymore now, so. it’s not important.”

“I, uh, kind of think it IS important? I had one of your nightmares, the one about being cut up on the exam table, so obviously that shit still affects you. Do you at least talk to Tommy about this when it’s bothering you?”

“uhhhhhhhh......”

“Dude.”

“please don’t tell tommy.”

“Oh, I’m gonna tell him if you don’t tell him yourself.”

“okay fine geeeeeez.”

About… feelings…

“Hah, you know, I’m a little surprised that you don’t actually hate me.”

“huh? why?”

“I mean... I was really shitty to you? Even before the betrayal thing, when the worst thing you did was just be annoying. I may have been stressed out of my fucking mind during all that, but I never lashed out at the other guys nearly as much as I did at you. Or, y’know. Told any of the others that I wished they were dead. Can’t... really say I blame you for getting so pissed at me, after all that...”

“uh. yeah.”

“Yyyeah. So... why don’t you hate me?”

“...i just don’t. never hated you. not even when i was big mad at you. like, anger and hatred are two different things. you’ve made me feel angry, but never actual, straight-up hate. i know i’ve said i hated you a couple times, but that was a big fat lie. even though you didn’t remember me and kept yelling at me, i was still just... happy to see you again. hear you laugh again. see your light again. i really really missed you. i didn’t wanna lose you again, especially not so soon after finally finding you."

“Benrey, I...”

“-which kinda makes all the messed up stuff i did even more messed up. which is uh, why i really wasn’t expecting you to ever forgive me. um... you do forgive me, right? i, i didn’t misunderstand that?”

“I do, yeah.”

“...even though you don’t have to?”

“I want to. The main reason I was still holding any grudges against you is because I thought you didn’t care; that you weren’t sorry about the things you did, and that it was all just... a fucking game to you or something. Knowing that you DO care, that you actually care a whole lot... It helps. Helps me feel better. Even if just a little bit. So I forgive you, because I genuinely want to.”

“.....”

“And like I said, I may not remember when we were friends as kids, but I really want to be friends again.”

“.......”

“...Oh shit are you crying again? Fuck, dude, don’t-”

“shhut th’ fuck upppppppp and just gimme hug.”

They talked for a good long while, on into the night. They had to stop eventually though, especially for Benry’s sake. All that crying and heart-pouring clearly took a lot out of the guy. When the time for sleep came, Benry hesitantly asked if Gordon would… maybe stay? Share the bed, keep the cuddles going?

And maybe Gordon was just feeling overly soft and fond after all that just happened, because he did stay.

Or, well. They actually moved from Benry’s room to Gordon’s, with his much bigger, actually-made-for-two-people bed. Gordon had forgotten just how nice it was to share a bed with someone. The warmth and presence of another body lying next to his had always been soothing for him, and he never realized just how much he missed it. It made it hard for him to actually get up when morning finally came.

It was also hard to get up due to the fact that Benry was holding onto him like he was an oversized teddybear. Which was not only restricting, but also very comfy.

Shit, no wonder Anna was always wanting to use Gordon as a pillow. His body makes a pretty great one.

From then on, if there was any remaining tension in the house, it’s definitely gone now. Gordon’s already finding himself way more patient and way less annoyed with Benry and his antics. Like, yeah, he already was before, but if his attitude about the entity these past weeks was a long way away from how it was in Black Mesa, now it’s practically light-years away.

Benry’s attitude seems to have shifted, too. He’s gotten… more genuine, if Gordon had to describe it. Letting his usual aloofness falter way more than before. He seems to be less intent on pressing all of Gordon’s buttons, too (or at least, no longer to the point that Gordon gets actually upset). They still have their back-and-forth banter, but it's got Gordon mostly laughing rather than groaning. He’s emoting more with his face, and whether that’s Benry adapting to not having his Sweet Voice, or it’s a result of their honest talk that night, Gordon’s not sure.

But it’s really nice to see.

*****

In the morning, a few days later, they get a knock on the door. Gordon's a little apprehensive about answering at first, not wanting a repeat of when Anna came by- but then again, the only other people who don’t know about all the weird alien shit in his life are Gordon’s mom and brother, and they both always call or text before visiting. So it’s probably just one of the team or a mail guy or something. Gordon goes to open the door and-

“Dr. Freemannn...”

-once again, it is neither of those.

Now, except for the few times the guy actually threatened him, Gordon’s never been that freaked out by Tommy’s weird eldritch dad. When he’s not trying to ‘convince’ Gordon of something, he just looks like your standard suit-wearing government employee.

To Gordon’s regular human eyes, anyway.

Through Benry’s eyes, Gordon can see that Mr. Coolatta lacks any of the glowing 'life energy’ patterns on his body. Benry’s body lacks those, too, but he at least has the glow in his eyes that every living creature seems to have. Mr. Coolatta’s eyes meanwhile, are just... black. Void. Nothing. In fact, it’s like there’s a whole... aura of nothingness about the not-a-man. It’s giving Gordon this horrible feeling of wrongness the longer he looks at him, but he can’t STOP looking at him, it’s like being sucked into a black hole or something, and it’s got him so on edge he feels like he-

Mr. Coolatta clears his throat. Gordon releases the death grip he didn’t know he had on the door frame.

“Uh, hey, Mr. Coolatta. I take it you’re here to help with, um, this?” Gordon says as he steps aside, allowing the older entity into the house.

“Yes. Tommy, informed me of your... predicament. That neither you, nor. Ben-rey. Know how to, fix,” Mr. Coolatta says in that weird, almost forced-sounding way he does, as he and Gordon step into the living room.

Just then, Benry pokes his borrowed head in from the hallway. His eyes light up (both figuratively, and to Gordon’s current eyes, literally) when he spies their house guest. “yooooo, thought i heard g-dad in here,” he says, strolling up to stand next to Gordon by the couch. “you gonna get our brains back in the right cases, yeah?”

There’s a very subtle look of... something distinctly negative on Mr. Coolatta’s face as Benry speaks, but Benry either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

Gordon however is suddenly feeling some slowly mounting concern for whether or not Benry will continue to live under his roof.

“UH,” Gordon speaks up, “if you can just, get us back in our own bodies, that’d be great. All we need you to do, really. We’re both totally fine, other than this!”

Benry gives Gordon a small confused look. Mr. Coolatta also gives him a look, but he’s not sure what exactly it’s conveying.

“Well, if we are. To do this,” Mr. Coolatta starts,” then I suggest that you. Should both, sit down for, it.”

The two younger men do so, taking seats on the couch behind them. Gordon’s about to ask what exactly Mr. Coolatta’s going to do, when a strange pulling feeling hits the back of his head.

Or, no, it’s more like in his actual brain. And it’s going very quickly from just being in the back, to all over, and from a gentle pulling feeling to a painful one. Christ, he’s never even had a migraine or concussion this bad. He wrenches his eyes shut, and throws his borrowed hands up to press against his head...

…And feels the unmistakable texture of a knit beanie that he definitely wasn’t wearing before.

Gordon opens his eyes, and the room looks so... washed out. The colours are all dull, and there aren’t as many of them, and he can’t feel them- holy shit he can’t feel them. He can’t feel colours anymore. What he does feel though is glasses on his face, and pain in his back, and long hair against his neck. He looks to his right- and there’s no one there. So he looks to his left, and there’s Benry- who ACTUALLY LOOKS like Benry.

Which of course means that he looks like himself.

Which means that they’re in their own bodies again!

Benry seems to realize this at about the same time, as his eyes widen before he suddenly bursts into cosmic song. A flurry of happy yellow, excited orange, and positive purple Sweet Voice float out through his teeth as he grins bigger than Gordon’s ever recalled seeing him.

Gordon grins too, and laughs, both at Benry’s happy display, and from his own immense relief. He yanks the beanie off his head and hands it to Benry, who puts it back in its proper place on his own head, still singing all the while. The singing only hiccups for the briefest of moments when Gordon leans over to hug his eldritch roommate, followed by an even bigger burst of colour and song as Benry hugs back.

The pair's attention is brought back to their helpful houseguest when Mr. Coolatta clears his throat again. Gordon releases Benry from the hug and turns to the older entity.

“Thank you, SO much, I can’t even begin to tell you how much I- how much we both appreciate this, man,” Gordon says. Benry’s stopped singing, but is still latched onto Gordon, burying his face in the human’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything to Mr. Coolatta, instead just giving the guy a thumbs up.

There’s another slight facial twitch before Mr. Coolatta replies, “Yes, you’re. Very welcome. I trust that... this, won’t happen again, hmm?” he then asks, looking at Benry.

Despite not looking up, Benry seems to realize the question is directed at him. “uh, yeah. i don’t- ‘m not gonna do that again. like, ever. wasn’t fun, was really bad actually. no more botched brain hangouts. promise.”

Mr. Coolatta seems satisfied with that answer (or as much as he can be regarding Benry), as he thankfully makes no threats or insinuations about Benry’s continued status as Gordon’s roommate.

He also doesn’t make any comments about Gordon owing him anything before he leaves. Gordon wagers a guess that he can probably thank Tommy for that. Bless that man.

*****

It’s a little after lunch time when Gordon makes his way to the front door, car keys in hand. Before he gets to the door, though, he stops and turns to Benry, who’s sitting on the couch, playing a game.

“Hey, I’m going to the hardware store to pick out paint chips and figure out what colour I should repaint my room. You wanna come with?” he asks.

Pausing his game, Benry peeks over the back of the couch, spitting out a surprised little ‘huh?’ at the man. “you want me to come with?” he asks back after a moment.

Gordon nods. “Yeah. Figured you could help me pick a colour. Find one that’ll not only look good in my room, but feel good, too.”

“thought you can’t feel colours anymore?”

“Yeah, but YOU can feel them again. And I wanna make sure I don’t end up with another shitty wet sandpaper colour. Honestly, I can’t believe you never brought that up before.”

Benry remains still and silent for a bit, seemingly processing what all Gordon just said. Then, tentatively, he asks, “can we get new paint for my room, too?”

Gordon’s mouth quirks up in a slight smile. “Sure thing, bud. Get whatever colours you want.”

“helllllll yeah!” Benry whoops, punctuating it with Sweet Voice. Gordon’s small smile turns into a full-on one.

This whole fiasco may have started out incredibly shitty… but Gordon has to admit, he really likes the way things have turned out as a result of it all.

THE END

#half life vr but it's freaky friday #fic repost