#// and i haven't even gotten my first paycheck | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spurgie-cousin · 2 months

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I was listening to a podcast with Jill Dillard and something about that situation bugs me. Obviously it was wrong for JB to not pay them for their time on the show, but they always "forget" to mention that Derick had a good paying job that he quit to become a fake missionary. Yes the job he had sucked, but it was a job and it would have paid the bills, especially since they were living in that first house for free. It's an unfortunate fact of life that in the US if you want money you have to work at least a little bit. I wish they would take a little responsibility for their own financial issues that were not a direct result of JB being a stingy bastard.

I kind of get what you're saying, but in the interviews I've heard it's less about their financial situation and more about just the principal of the thing. Maybe the interview you heard was different, but the impression I got was that it was more about exposing Jim Bob's control over the kids and how he used his belief system for his own financial gain.

I mean Jill didn't even know she was supposed to be getting regular compensation for being on an internationally aired tv show for a long time, so it's not like they were just sitting around not making money bc they were waiting on a check. They had income, but they were also cutting into their earning potential by filming for hours a day for free, something that was insisted upon by JB and that Jill was afraid to question bc of her upbringing. Jim Bob was also falsifying his tax documents and lying about paying them too, so.....

Also I don't think Derick's choice to be a missionary has much to do with anything really. It's a really, really respected position in that corner of evangelicism that he would've seen as an investment in his and his family's future. and it's not like he wasn't getting paid for it, he would've gone into it expecting to be supported financially by a church or missionary organization, as would Jill when she eventually traveled with him.

Also just to reiterate, JB wasn't just being stingy, he was stealing money from his kids because he was greedy and literally lying to the US government about it. They weren't not getting paid for their thousands of hours of work because he wanted to save money or something, he was making them sign contracts he didn't give them time to read because he knew under the belief system he raised them in they wouldn't question him. And he did this with the express purpose of hoarding the money that was meant to be paid to his adult children for his own financial gain, and I don't think Jill and Derick are wrong for exposing that behavior from a guy that acts morally superior to everyone. Even if it was just to get a paycheck, because they were owed it anyway (to my knowledge they haven't gotten even like 1/4 of what they're owed though, and it sounds like they expected that to happen).

#i feel like people give Jill and Derick a harder time bc it's s tv show they weren't paid for and not like construction work or a “real job”#but a lot goes into tv too and we all know reality shows are heavily scripted and edited so it's just as much work as being on a sitcom.#replace tv show with factory job or something and more people would be rightly outraged that JB finagled his kids out of their pay i think #like multiple duggar kids have said they worked 12+ hour days. like how the fuck do you live when you're doing that regularly and not being #paid? and you can't get out because your dad controls your life?#jill dillard #Derick dillard #jim bob duggar

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jessepinwheel · 1 year

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so how's padme doing? is she contacting a divorce lawyer yet?

well no not quite yet

The life of a private investigator isn't as exciting as a lot of people make it out to be from the holodramas. I make most of my paycheck looking things up in the Hall of Records for my colleagues, and when I'm not doing that, I'm usually waiting in my office and catching up on some light reading. Not a terrible way to spend a day, but not exactly a profitable one, either.

On this lazy afternoon, I was reorganizing my office--Bail had gotten tired of buying me more shirts, or realized there was a hard limit to how many of them I could wear, so he had started dropping hints that maybe my furniture was getting a little worn out. So I figured if an unsolicited gift was in my future, it might as well be something I actually needed. I was checking my cupboards when someone knocked on the door and entered.

"Detective," they said.

I turned to face my visitor. "Senator Amidala," I said. "Good afternoon. How are you?"

Amidala frowned. "You're not usually this polite to me."

I closed the cabinet. "You're in my office during business hours for what I must assume are professional reasons. I try to be polite to my clients when I can." I pulled up a chair. "Here, have a seat."

She sat. She was dressed down today, with a simple jacket and blouse and no jewelry--this far into the undercity that was probably for the best. She looked well-rested, but like she had something on her mind. A pretty big something, if she was willing to see me.

"Well," I said, taking the seat behind my desk, "you've come all this way. I take it you have some kind of job for me?"

Amidala nodded. "I've decided to go through with the divorce."

Oh. That was a surprise--it seemed like only yesterday she had thrown her drink at me for implying a marriage with a man who had attempted to kill me was maybe not completely beneficial. "My congratulations. But I'm not a lawyer or a divorce clerk and anything else is hardly my business."

"The last time we spoke, you gave me some advice," she said.

If I did, I certainly didn't recall. I'd been ill and slightly out of my mind at the time and everything about that evening up until I got back to my apartment and fell asleep on Bail's lap was kind of a blur. "You'll have to remind me."

"You told me that if I wanted to go through with this divorce, I should protect myself," Amidala said. "Well, I'm here to get some protection."

"I'm not a bodyguard," I replied.

"Not that kind of protection," Amidala said. "I need more...legal protection."

"I'm not a lawyer."

Amidala scowled. "I heard you the first time."

"Did you? Because so far, you haven't told me anything that's within my scope of practice that you would like me to do for you," I said. "In case you need reminding, I'm a private investigator. It even says so on that door you just walked through."

"I'm here because I need you to investigate something," Amidala said. "Or rather, I need you to collect evidence on something. Something that would be compelling in court if it comes down to it."

That...made things a little clearer. "Are you asking me to gather blackmail information for you?" I asked. "You are a woman with powerful political connections. Why do you think you need blackmail to get something as simple as a divorce to go through?"

"A no-fault divorce would be best, but I don't think he'll accept that," Amidala replied. "I'm sure we'll end up going to court. And I don't have time to stretch out proceedings--I want this divorce to happen as soon as possible. So I need a case against him."

"Dear, you don't need my help for that," I told her. "You can just talk to the former Captain Rex--I'm sure he'll be willing to testify about the incident where Skywalker nearly killed him, and me, and Ahsoka."

"I know. I'm planning to. But Anakin was altered at the time--it might not be strong enough of a case. I need something stronger, and that's where you come in."

I drummed my fingers on the desk. "What, Skywalker's done something worse than try to kill his own Padawan? The only thing courts would care more about than that would be actual murder."

There was an awkward pause as Amidala looked to the side.

My eyes narrowed. "No," I said. "He did?"

"Anakin told me they weren't people," Amidala said softly.

"They?" I asked. "He killed more than one?"

All in a rush, Amidala told me the sordid story. She told me about Tatooine, and trying to save Skywalker's mother from a tribe of indigenous people and failing, then taking their lives in payment for it. An entire people obliterated in a flash of blue plasma, a horrible anger and murderous rage that even I had difficult conceiving of.

"All of them, he said," Amidala told me. "Even the women and children. He was very explicit about that."

My stomach roiled. I felt ill, just thinking about it. I won't pretend I had much of an opinion of Skywalker to ruin, but this was beyond a simple murder or simple revenge. This was a slaughter. A massacre of innocents.

It wasn't as if I had never known anger--anger bad enough to kill someone for it. I'd killed a lot of people who probably didn't deserve it. But even in my darkest moments I could not imagine bringing myself to kill those who had not killed first. To look into a child's face and end their life with my bare hands for nothing more than some horrible and hollow emotional satisfaction.

I took a deep breath. "Senator Amidala. How long have you known about this?"

"Just over a year now," she said.

Just over a year. That put it before the war. Before she married Skywalker. "Are you telling me Skywalker confessed to you his massacre of an entire tribe of people, including innocent women and children, and your reaction was to marry him?"

Amidala pressed her lips together in displeasure. "That's not relevant to this conversation."

"No? You realize that Skywalker should be reported and tried, and that by concealing this knowledge, you've made yourself an accessory to his crimes, right?" I leaned over the desk. "I won't pretend to be a bastion of morality, Senator. But even I draw my lines somewhere and what Skywalker has done is far beyond anywhere my lines have ever been. Despite whatever you seem to think of me, I am a law-abiding citizen."

"You can't report what he's done to the authorities," Amidala said. "What he did was outside Republic jurisdiction--there's no court in the entire galaxy that could convict him, except perhaps Tatooine, and I'm sure they will find his story very sympathetic."

She was not wrong--the Republic cared little for crimes that occurred outside their borders. That didn't mean keeping quiet about everything, much less for as long as she had, had been the right thing to do. I found it hard to think of a less right thing to do--besides marrying the man, which Amidala had also done.

"So you think I should dig up information about it so you can drag it out in front of everyone in divorce court? What the hell do you think that's going to accomplish?" I demanded. "This is not a case of a tail job and some dirty photos because your husband has a side piece, this is a literal mass murderer. This is a man who reacts to things that upset him with extreme violence and you already know he won't take a divorce quietly. How is that safe?"

"I'm planning to leave immediately after the divorce. My handmaiden and I have made arrangements so Anakin can't get to me."

"Senator, I am not concerned about your safety. I am concerned about what the man who thinks murdering children is a reasonable form of collateral damage will do when the woman he's obsessed with divorces him and tells the whole world he's a murderer," I said. "I, for one, would like to prevent a similar tragedy from occurring in my own city."

"What? Anakin wouldn't do that, that would be--"

"Be what? Monstrous? Unbelievable? I agree," I told Amidala. "And yet here we are, discussing an equally monstrous and unbelievable atrocity." I sat back in my chair and took a deep breath. "You clearly expect him to cause you some kind of harm--you wouldn't be in such a damn hurry to get away from him and make such a comprehensive escape plan otherwise. Let me be clear, I support you entirely. You should have done this a year ago when he first told you what he did, but you have rather missed the ship on that one. Fine. The second best time to take action is now, and you've asked for my help, so I'll help. I would like there to be no more casualties at your husband's hands, and I would especially like to not be one of them." I sighed. I could already feel a headache coming on--one that I knew would not subside for a very long time. "Tell me, Senator. What brought this on?"

Amidala frowned. "What do you mean?"

"The divorce. Now. It seems not so long ago you were happily married and perfectly willing to sit on Skywalker's murders. Now you've completely turned around to drag Skywalker's name through the dirt to claw your way into a divorce. Obviously some inciting incident occurred between now and then that made you reconsider how you felt about your husband." I rubbed my beard slowly. "Not some violence against you or someone close to you--you wouldn't have come here to confess his crimes to me if you had evidence like that ready at hand. Did Skywalker ask you for something you're not willing to give? Is there some kind of line he crossed, or you think he will cross when he learns a secret you're--"

Amidala slammed her hands on the desk. "That is enough! I am here to hire you, not to have you speculate about my marriage!"

So something had happened. Something Amidala knew would make things with Skywalker infinitely worse, something she cared about more than she loved Skywalker, something that required cutting contact immediately and for the foreseen future.

I couldn't think of too many good reasons that would fit those criteria. But I could think of one.

"So you are," I said. "You know my rates, I'm sure."

"I'll pay," Amidala said.

"It's not that simple," I told her. "I'm a Coruscant-based detective for several reasons, one of which is a significant medical condition. You're asking me to go out to Tatooine, which is outside my area of operations, and incidentally takes me away from my son, as well as the other jobs I do while in Coruscant. All that incurs a significant opportunity cost, and I find that I do not feel very charitable when I deal with you."

"Name your price," Amidala said. "I want this divorce to happen as soon as possible and I know you will get the job done properly. If that means paying extra, then fine."

I named my price. I won't pretend it was fair, and Amidala didn't like it, but she didn't argue with it, either.

"I'll need to stop by the bank to transfer that much," she told me.

"I don't need the whole thing up front," I replied. "I'll accept one week's retainer now, and collect the rest on completion."

"Fine."

She took her credit chip out of her purse. It was fortunate for her that she was the one in the relationship who handled the purse strings--I have met many people in similar situations who were not so lucky. She transferred the money to me without so much as a wince. Either she was richer than I had estimated, or she really needed my work that badly. Maybe both.

"Very good," I said. "I'll need to talk to some people to arrange for my absence, but I expect I can head for Tatooine tomorrow and work on coming up with a way to safely break your marriage. As for you..." I jotted down a name, address, and comm code on a card, then handed it to Amidala. "You might consider seeing this person."

Amidala looked at the card. "Who is this?"

"She's someone who has a lot of experience working with cases like yours," I said. "She won't care who you are or what your circumstances are, and she knows how to keep her mouth shut."

Amidala didn't like that. "What is this person going to do that you can't?"

"Well for one thing," I said, "I'm not a gynecologist."

#fic: asynchronous circuit #fanfic #star wars #jessepinwrites

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peachyteabuck · 2 months

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Okay.

*inhales.*

This will be a long one.

*exhales.*

So. For the first few weeks my manager and I were getting along. I had a lil crush on her at the start because she literally looked like a dyke. Sorry. My gay fucking brain can only think everyone is queer. She literally has tattoos all over, rainbow PIXIE hair, slightly shaved, has dogs and cats, like???? Um screams dyke to me but sadly y'all she's straight as ever.

Which makes sense.

Anyways.

Cut to a few weeks ago, I jokingly asked if she could dye my hair one day, because she kept on saying repeatedly I can ask her for anything and everything and come to her for anything I needed. So. My dumb, oblivious naive ass took that. Because shes older.

Anyways.

My crush disposed eventually, I had a long discussion abt it with my mates and my gf (were both poly before anyone freaks) so shes like warming me and I'm to naive to see it. I've been in this mentality to impress her as much as I can, do whatever she asks me to do, obey, do my job right, get my paycheck, go home, cry and sleep.

I was trying to get on everyone's good side, still am, they're all very nice people, who are accepting with letting me be called by my preferred name, and I don't take that for granted in a world like this.

So, cut to the Saturday I get my hair done at her place because she insisted. So. I travel on a train, a short trip, to hers and everything seemed to go okay. I got to dye my hair a cool few colours, I thought we bonded idk, she introduced me to new music and I did the same, we chatted, I met her adorable cats.

All was well.

Until I got a message from my co worker saying we need to have a chat because apparently my manager was getting uncomfortable with how close we are getting. That we should be kept as work relationship thingy. See. This is my first job I've ever had in years. I don't have much experience with what is right and wrong and how things go in the workplace.

I'm still learning.

So, she brings in not only my co worker, but another manager who knew my manager (the one I went to get my hair done) for ten years. And another co worker.

Basically. All of it is fucking stupid. My gf says she can't even properly communicate. Can't even come to me about it. Saying I've done nothing wrong over and over, that in good at my job, today she finally spoke to me, but she told me she didn't like how I say slay, and I was like ok???? Because it annoyed her.

Anyways <3

I haven't gotten any decent sleep in the last month because of this. She scares me. Everyone tells me I am ok and I did nothing wrong.

Btw. She's 34 and im 21.

My gf is also not impressed.

I'm no longer attracted to her (I lie)

I'm so sorry for this being long, but, yk. Tea.

In conclusion: don't become friends with your manager.

why would she invite YOU to HER HOUSE if she was uncomfortable?? my god??

#i'd share my work drama but it's also a lot lmao #all communique has been redacted for your safety;

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spaceyflowerswriting · 1 year

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💬To Eli

》 Your majesty it has been a while since i have seen your majestic face in the royal academy (Jaewon high).

》 Do not worry your majesty since many of your majesty's allies have also not been attending the royal academy and as it my duty as someone who serves you all i have been faking being you and your majesty's allies as well.

》 Your majesty, the sun of our Beauty (dep.) Empire, this lowly one wants you ask if he is qualified to give a present to princess yenna, your majesty's treasure that he treasures so much that he haven't even shown her his face for a whole month

》 You majesty if this lowly one is allowed to persent her highness something then this lowly would be esthetic and if your majesty could, could you please tell this lowly one what would your majesty's daughter her highness princess yenna would like as a persent?

》 - from your majesty's faithful servent

》 If you do not understand this is sarcasm you bitch!

》 I am tired of your shit! When are you coming back?!

》 Also i just got my first paycheck so i am getting my friends and babies some gifts so tell what does yenna like

》 also what would you like?

[The baby here is Yenna]

"Excuse me." Eli stood up from his seat, ignoring the looks the others seated around the table had been giving him for his buzzing phone and left the meeting room.

Once the door shut behind him, he pulled out his phone. Were the texts updates on Yenna? He had been up all night, anxiously waiting for texts from Sally about Yenna, who had gotten sick and nearly worried Eli to death. It was the only reason he turned off silent mode for his phone.

Instead, they were your texts. At first he was confused, but towards the end he let out a small, shaky laugh.

"Right... I should be in high school with my peers just like everyone else. Instead I'm here commiting crimes to make sure my family are all guaranteed good futures." How absurd everything felt, now that he had put it into words. What were Daniel and them up to, though...? They had also been absent from school?

Eli decided not to worry about it and gave you a reply:

Haha... I'm sorry for making you worry. But everything's okay, I swear. Unfortunately, I can't tell you when I'm coming back. I've just been too busy.

I'm glad to hear things on your side are going well. It's kind of you to want to spend your money on loved ones instead of yourself.

Please buy Yenna a nice blanket. I think she would also like a nice new wand to play with. As for myself, don't worry. I just want you to treat yourself.

#lookism x reader #eli jang x reader #texts #the way u clarify how the baby here is yenna is so funny to me KSJDBSJDK #anyways sorry this got long-ish bc i got emo about eli.#also in case it wasnt obvious from eli's thoughts this takes place b4 the whole workers vs big deal thing #player61752

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thunderheadfred · 11 months

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Life stuff update!

Haven't posted about this first bit anywhere because... wow personal, but it's been a majority chunk of life lately.

Husband put in his notice at his current teaching job a while back. He's been working there for 8 years and is supposedly one of their most valued teachers, yet he barely takes home $100 more per paycheck than when he started. Plus our insurance is insane, taking most of his check every month whilst covering literally fucking nothing (we are still paying off my doctor-ordered biopsy!). PLUS his commute is fucking ludicrous - in the winter he regularly drives over 3 hours a day to a shit job that doesn't pay anything. I barely see him for a hour or two each day during the school year.

Bio clock is ticking, just saying. Never really had that baby-wanting impulse until very recently, and there was absolutely zero possibility of us starting a family while he's at this job. No money, no time, no medical support.

So. Bye. After talking to a therapist to help us through the plunge, we finally decided enough was enough.

He doesn't have another job lined up after summer school, so in August we have zero certain income. Neither off us is particularly panicked about this; the hiring wave for fall teaching positions has yet to happen, and there are several things he can do even if he can't find a full-time job at a local district.

What's looking most likely is actually that he'll juggle part-time jobs for a while. Subbing or other work at a district he's interested in will help him get a foot in the door, meanwhile an afternoon or weekend cashier job at the co-op down the street (where I used to work) has some distinct benefits. First off, he could WALK to work, and the co-op offers higher hourly rates and better promotional opportunities than his current "salaried" teaching job. Add on a big discount at the place where we buy most of our groceries anyway...

Anyway. That's been a lot.

Meanwhile I've been doing the housewife thing. Which actually entails more than just "chores" - I've been doing a huuuuge amount of work on my mental and physical health. I've lost 40 pounds (with 60+ to go) and have completely changed my eating, which has helped immeasurably with CFS, Depression, and life in general. I've started socializing again after years of serious, life-altering anxiety. Basically, I'm getting my life back. Or maybe getting my life for the first time? I was so mentally ill for so long that this really feels like the first time I've been genuinely balanced... maybe ever?

Whether that new peace of mind encourages me back into fandom I have no idea. Fandom social mores seem to have shifted over the years. Maybe it's just the glimpses I see now and then, but the Internet as a whole doesn't seem too anonymous or even like... baseline compassionate for anyone anymore. That's probably a matter of what you make of it, but even so, I'd be lying if I said spending my time in fandom spaces hasn't lost most of its personal appeal. I've been much happier offline, so that's where I've been. I do miss my friends, and I wish they lived down the street and not inside the scary computron. It'd be great to write again, but my interest in fandom work might be over. I'll never say never, but right now I just don't see it. Maybe someday I finally get back into the habit; but it's gonna happen in its own time if it does.

Lately I've been working on my YouTube thing, though where that'll end up nobody knows. It's certainly not a serious money-making prospect, nor am I aiming to make it one. YouTube actually scares the ever-loving shit out of me, so it's pretty much a deliberate mental health exercise. My whole attitude toward it has been "stress less, make more." So I treat it kind of like a journal of the nail shit that has taken over my life (lolllll), and a chance to pay forward all the relaxation I've gotten over the years watching Nail YouTube. It'd be nice if I could eventually have enough subs to maybe pay for some nail supplies or get some free PR or something, but that's about as ambitious as I get.

Okay my fingers are tired

love you byyyyyeeeeeeeeee

#personal #life update

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ecnhocove · 5 months

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If anyone can contribute anything to help me get out of red I'd really appreciate it. I just started a new job and haven't gotten my first paycheck yet and even when I do it'll be fairly low the first few months. I'm really panicking.

#nonbinary #Queer

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shinynx · 6 months

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It's been such a rough couple weeks for me ngl.. I got "promoted" at work a month ago but haven't yet gotten my measley raise .75 cent CAD on my paycheck so I'm just working twice as hard for no fucking reason. There is so much more expected of me and even w/the raise I haven't gotten I'll be making less than the last guy who had the title, and doing 3x as much work. My cat has kidney disease and costs me $300/month to keep her alive n comfortable so I can't afford to start over at another job. My boyfriend has been out of country for a month so I'm all alone in the apartment and it's very hard to find the motivation to feed myself n stuff.. and yeah, I lost 2 rats within 3 days of each other, from old age. But I'm still so fucking sad about it.. the first one died while I was at work and I had to bury him in the middle of the night and the second one, one of my favorites died while I was asleep and I had to bury him in the rain and then rush off to work right after. No time to really grieve or process. My car needs work but i can't muster up the mental strength for phone calls today but if i don't it might break down when i drive 6 hrs to airport on wednesday. So i have to find a shop to fix the transmission today. I have to. I feel so genuinely alone. Especially after loosing so many pets. I don't really have friends anymore since I move around so much and don't use social media to keep in contact w/em. I have discord friends but since I'm always working,, idk it's hard. I'm friends with my co workers at least, but any of them could quit or be fired with no warning, so. I forgot where I was going with this and I need to get out of bed and make phone calls and clean and get groceries

#vent post i guess #i shouldn't complain it's not that bad but idk it helps get my thoughts in order maybe

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allsystemsarenotgo · 1 year

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What is the measurement of success and failure?

Friday night, I watched a dear friend graduate with a Bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering and dual minors in Maths and Computer Science in four years.

Something I long dreamed of doing in high school. I wanted to go into Mechanical Engineering. That's what my grandfather had done and partial of what my father did.

But when I got to college, despite being an A/B student in high school, I was woefully unprepared. I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't academically pass even the basic classes.

There was a point in my second semester of freshman year that I locked myself in my dorm room for a solid week, just stuck in a very deep depression. My peer counselor had to use her master key to do a welfare check on me, and take me to the on-campus counseling center.

And it got bad enough after four semesters that my GPA hit a point that I had to change majors. So I changed from mechanical to computer science. I passed the basic classes there without issue - and one of them I was told to shut up and stop answering questions because I already knew the material but had to take the class just to have the credit on my transcript. I even had no issues with the couple of 3,000 and 4000 level courses I took in the program, but then ran into hurdles in the later classes. But there was just one specific professor that did not like me, I'm not even sure he liked anybody, and just really tried to make my life miserable. Two semesters I took his class trying to get a passing credit and failed to do so; I took the class as a condensed summer with a different professor and got through it with no problem and a high B. But the damage had been done.

I was expulsed from the engineering department as a whole after my 8th semester on campus (10 semesters counting two summers).

I ended up graduating with a bachelor's in University Studies after another 6 semesters (4 full and 2 summer). Where I went, it was basically their fast track program to get out of the college, allowing me to count three minors worth of accreditation towards a generic bachelor's. Considering I had accrued enough hours that would otherwise count for a master's degree, it was all the more depressing too have a generic bachelor's that wouldn't really mean much in life.

Does that mean I was an academic failure?

I've never been much of a social bug, but many of the friends that I made over those 6 years for the only friends I had in life. The only social life I knew was the one with other students.

It wasn't much longer than a year after I graduated that I no longer had most of those friends, and in subsequent years that number dropped more and more.

These days I only have one friend I still talk to from college, but we haven't gotten together in a few years. He is a high level executive at a firearms company now while raising two daughters on his own after their mother relinquished her rights.

My social bubble has only minutely increased since then. The title of "Best Friend" has bounced from person to person as they painfully came and went. My social bubble at this point only consists of the girlfriend on a weekendly basis and K and D (whom I just saw last week for the first time in months but text daily).

I text J and M at least once a week, sometimes daily. But I just saw J for the first time in at least a year as she walked for college graduation, and I have only seen M once (last year) in the last decade.

But outside of Facebook, that's my social/conversation bubble.

Does that mean I am a social failure?

I've never held a "good" job; I'm always lived more or less paycheck to paycheck. The "extra" things I've accrued in life have generally been purchased with my savings account of my mum's inheritance. I've spent 75% of what I inherited in the few years since she passed; granted a chunk of that was eliminating my student loans.

Does that mean I am an employment and/or financial failure?

What is the measurement in success and failure? I feel like so much of a failure when I am surrounded by "more" successful people.

I feel like there are some things, like my friend's graduation, where I had small contributions and share a bit in the success-by-proxy. Is that wrong?

It's hard not to be mad at myself about things of the past. When it comes to "What would you tell a younger self?"... So many things.

Reflecting back on the progression of J and our friendship, it just doesn't make me feel good about myself. During the ceremony, a student spoke about how she is a first generation college student/graduate from an immigrant family, and all the effort that was required for success.

Seeing people go and do and complete the things that I wished I could do but didn't...it hurts the self-esteem.

There are so many things I wish I could time travel and fix so that I could be a better me.

But I can't. I'm just another random bloke with a meaningless degree that can't get any jobs that my knowledge could otherwise maybe get me into...or that I could have gotten myself if I would have been better at university.

Yay for those that can apply themselves and be successful.

Depression for those that have failed in life.

🙋‍♂️

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