#// also bc i already have a diagnosis it's more tricky to ask for a leave for some reason | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mental-health-advice · 7 years

Text

Submission tagged Coffee Addict

It’s okay if it takes a while for a reply I think I just need to vent. I’m off my meds (they made me so anxious and nauseous it was awful) and I haven’t seen my psych in months. My mom had a psychotic episode and went missing for five days only to show up naked at a neighbor’s. She’d already been unfairly sanctioned less than two months before so she refused to go back to the mental facility and–surprise–that’s where I went too. So she didn’t trust them anymore and I had to say goodbye to my mental health care after missing my last two appts for the same reason. I wasn’t mad at first. My last conversation with my psych was normal–he upped by dose, asked about seeing/hearing things, the usual. I was only on anti-psychotics nothing for anxiety and I was trying to see if he’d give me something and I was about to leave when I remembered ‘oh yeah, hey doc, I really want to gouge my eyes out sometimes. It’s so strong sometimes I just feel my eyeballs to figure out how I’d do it’ and I honestly didn’t think it was a big deal. I’d had the feeling for almost a year itd come and go and I obvs hadnt done anything yet. He made me get my mom (before the sanctioning incident) and sat her down with me to explain to her about the eye thing. Apparently its not that uncommon and with my family’s mental history and my own psychosis he wanted to make sure someone knew to get me help if I needed to go to the hospital. He asked me about mirrors bc schizophrenics who want to gouge out their eyes are normally also scared of mirrors and my mom was in the room and I didn’t want to admit that I think they’re a portal to another dimension. So I havent seen him since and i really miss him we didnt have long together but he genuinely listened to and believed me and I really think I just need that now. My family situation is so screwed up we couldn’t afford the meds even if we could afford the appts. With my meds gone my anxiety is normal again but the depression is back and Ive honestly come close to ending it three times in the past 3-4months. I just feel adrift. Im seeing stuff as always and hearing things but ive just gone back to ignoring everything like I used to instead of taking notes for my psych. the eye thing has gotten better and when I do feel the urge it isnt as strong as it was on abilify. rispirdome made my psychosis worse and now I think the abiify was too. I wouldnt mind going back on abilify as long as i had something for anxiety and ive already made up my mind if i ever get to see a psych again ill tell them exactly that. i dont want to stop seeing and hearing things tho if you can believe it. when my depression went away i felt lost but when my visions faded? i felt like i lost an arm. or my eyes. i was there to get a diagnosis for just what my psychosis was and now i feel like ill never find out whats wrong with me. i get tactile visual and auditory things, the eye thing was the only delusion i told him about. the relationship was very new and i didnt want to reveal how crazy i was just yet. now ill never get the chance. i just feel so alone and i dont know what to do with myself. at least im not disassociating 24/7 anymore.

Hi lovely,

I’m sorry to hear that you are struggling with anxiety and psychosis, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you. I think it’s great that you have reached out for help though, that’s such a positive step towards recovery! Hopefully I’ll be able to give you a little advice to make things a bit easier for you.

I am not a professional, so cannot diagnose you in any way, but there are a couple of things I want to point out. Firstly, hallucinations can be caused by many things, such as a side effect of medication, a lack of sleep and nutrition, and of course mental illness. You mention that you struggle with anxiety - anxiety can cause psychotic symptoms such as hallucinations, so there is the possibility that you are not struggling with psychosis, just a severe anxiety disorder. I really recommend that you go to your doctor about this, as they will be able to discuss properly with you the possible causes and treatments for what you are experiencing. The other things is concerning your medication - because everybody’s bodies work differently, medication can be really tricky, because one medication will not work the same for lots of people. This means that it can take a lot of trial and error before you find a medication which is right and effective for you; there are many different medications that you can try that your body will likely react better to. Again, this is something to discuss with your doctor, and remember that it may take a while before you find the best course of treatment, but there will be something you can try that will work better for you - please don’t give up!

Something that may help you to separate your hallucinations from your daily life, is journaling. You could write about your hallucinations in as much detail as you wanted so then you have a permanent and clear picture of your hallucinations. You could also try writing only about the things you know are real; this could help you to keep a clearer idea of what is real and what is a hallucination and may make recognising the hallucinations easier. Anything that can help you stay more in touch with reality is really useful, so along with journaling, it might be useful for you to keep some grounding techniques in mind that you could use whenever you are beginning to hallucinate. We have a page about grounding techniques here; I would recommend something physical like running your hands under ice cold water or counting out the change in your purse, or even something like jumping up and down on the spot. Grounding techniques help to bring your focus away from the hallucination and back to reality. Is this something you feel like you could try? I am also going to link you to our self-help and calming pages about anxiety. These pages have some great tips about dealing with anxious thoughts.

You are not alone or crazy, lovely! It is completely normal to not want your hallucinations to go away - our symptoms become such big parts of our lives, that losing them can be really hard; just try to remember that them going means that you are getting better, and you always come first! Mental illness does definitely not mean you are crazy, it just means that you are struggling right now - but you can get help and live a happy and successful life. Is it possible for you to begin seeing your therapist again? If not, and if money is a concern for you, maybe web counselling would be a helpful and affordable option?

I hope this has been of some help to you, lovely. Please remember that we are always here for you, so don’t hesitate to get back in touch if there is anything else we can help you with!

Please take care,

Rhiann xo

#coffee addict #mha #advice #advice blog #mental health advice #mharhiann #psychosis #hallucinations #anxiety #anxiety disorders #calming anxiety and panic #getting help #can't afford therapy #psychosis and anxiety #journaling #medication #finding the right medication

1 note · View note

never-to-be-homeless · 7 years

Note

My name is Vivien, I have heard of bipolar disorder in the past and I can relate to some of the signs (almost all of them). I want to get better, but that means telling my parents and I cannot do that. They'll look at me differently. I've struggled with depression for a long time, my mom found out about it and treated me like it was my fault, she got pissed off and didn't want to talk to me. That's why I learned to hide it. Why should I do?

Hi, this is Vivien AGAIN. (½) I know I just sent in an ask already but something else came up. I’m starting college in three weeks and my parents want me to do a lot of activities I just can’t find the energy to do it. My depression affected my grades in the past and all I want is a break so I can start college with a fresh attitude. But they don’t understand that, they are using the “we give you everything, don’t be ungrateful” card idk what to do.They always guilty me into doing stuff My mom is calling me “fucking lazy” when, actually, I’m struggling with depression, and possibly something even bigger (bipolar disorder) she’s saying I don’t want to go anywhere bc I’m “fucking lazy” and she and my dad are saying that Im manipulative, how can I be that? I don’t even have the energy to get out of bed, I sleep about 15 hours a day and feel is not enough, much less to plot against them and manipulate them. I’ve gotten better in the past but I need “me-time” you know?

Hey Vivien,

I’m sorry things are tough for you right now and I understand you don’t want to talk to your parents about what’s going on, but it sounds like talking to someone is what you need. Do you have a trusted adult you can speak with? Self-diagnosis is a tricky thing, and depression or bipolar disorder usually require medication. I know it’s easier to hide and pretend everything is fine, but it sounds like not everything is fine.

Would it be able to come to a compromise with your family? Maybe explain you’d like time to yourself this break, but you’ll do some things with them as well? Just not everything they want to do? They likely just want a chance to see you before you leave for college.

We also have more resources for you to look at. http://never-to-be-homeless.tumblr.com/resources

Stay safe

With love,

#Answered by Jo Harvelle #Admin Brianna #Vivien #depression #bipolar disorder #mental illness #tw: depression #tw: bipolar disorder #tw: mental illness

0 notes