systememergency

[systememergency]

We get to front for like a week and suddenly we're gone again. Girl bye

#the curse of being a location-specific subsystem :/ #osddid #did system #actually did #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder

[systememergency]

everyone thinks being a system means having friends in your head but really it's the loneliest disorder ever. you never know who you are and you can't remember your friends

[systememergency]

My dumbass has been diagnosed twice with DID but I still want to ask my therapist if I can be tested again to be sure lol

At the end of the day ik that the label you put to your experience doesn't really matter, but I hate that so much of DID testing is self disclosing. I wish I could give like my roommate a test to see what they think and what symptoms they've noticed, because what's the point if I think I experience when I have very little insight?

A lot of the questions especially on the MID (which tests for OSDDID, BPD, PTSD, etc.) I found myself going "Well, these are questions that I may only be answering a certain way because I think I might have DID." Especially the ones like "You feel like you have multiple people in your head" and "You feel like there's another person in your head who comes out and speaks for you." If I hadn't been told prior that I'm experiencing DID, would I have answered those the way I did? I'm not entirely sure.

Idk I feel bad wanting to seek assurance from my therapist, because I'm already diagnosed and maybe I'd just be wasting my and my therapist's time, but eeugh idk doubt sucks :/ I might just ask briefly about a test I can give to my roommate so I can at least get some external input from others

(Btw please don't tell me stuff like "If you were faking you would know." I am aware I'm not *faking* I just don't know if I'm mistaking my symptoms for DID when they're not)

#osddid #did system #actually did #dissociative identity disorder #did osdd #system things #osddid system #did rant

[systememergency]

My therapist (a DID specialist): You definitely have DID

Me (in perpetual denial): Damn... I managed to fool her as well. Truly my faking knows no bounds.

#One thing about my doubt (I imagine this is partially OCD-related tbh) is no amount of external input changes it #I'll still be up until 5am trying to see if there's any way I could be wrong or faking my disorders lmao #osddid #did system #actually did #cdd #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things #osddid system #vent kinda

[systememergency]

one day you think: I want to die. and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book. and I want to die turns day by day into want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun, I want a cleaner kitchen, I want a better job, I want to live somewhere else. I want to live.

- via duckbunny

[systememergency]

Every time I find myself wanting to tell someone close to me I have DID I always get caught up on the fact that the majority of people don't experience this and wouldn't understand it intrinsically. It makes me feel like there's a huge communication barrier that I can't truly encapsulate, because the concept that people don't have alters is hard for me to understand. The fact people don't function in life like this and wouldn't get it how I get it makes me so hesitant to tell people what's going on. It feels so natural for me that it's actively difficult to explain. It would be like trying to explain breathing to someone who doesn't breathe

#My sense of identity has always been *massively* fractured #As a kid I would cry in frustration bc I couldn't act like a consistent person and was convinced I was possessed #The fact most other people just... don't go through that? Strange & unusual #I also get hung up on the fact that ik the vast majority of ppl do not give a shit and do not go out of their way to research stuff #So the burden would definitely be on me and what do I look like? Someone good at explaining things? Lol no #Tempted to just say Hey I have DID and if you wanna know what that means you're gonna have to research it yourself lol #actually did #did #osddid #did system #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things

[systememergency]

next week I'll front during therapy and I'll explain everything so much better and win at therapy. ok didnt front um next week I'll

[systememergency]

I've had to block a few people so reminder: don't follow me if you're bodily below 16 y/o!

#Ik this is a bit hidden in my pinned post so I'll put it higher up + put it in my bio #I'd prefer ppl <16 not interact at all but when my posts get large most ppl aren't going to look at my dni but with follows I will block ya #not system related #dni #small psa

[systememergency]

Others and systems who dehumanize and talk down on the persecutors rather than trying to understand and/or help them need to understand that these alters are also just as traumatized. They need guidance and help just like every other alter within the system.

It can be challenging to do so when it comes to persecutors, but that doesn’t mean you should mistreat and shame them.

[systememergency]

OSDDID community, please remember that, yes, most cases of DID are covert, but not all cases. I am an overt DID system, my alters act extremely different from me and this has repeatedly caused me issues throughout my whole life. It has made navigating this disorder extremely difficult for me and has made people other me a lot. People have almost called emergency services on me for how differently I start acting when certain alters front. I physically cannot hide my symptoms. My symptoms have always been pointed out by others and I was very much estranged from and bullied by people around me for it. Even teachers would badger me over my symptoms.

It gets really tiring and demotivating seeing people saying over and over that "DID is covert," "DID is hidden," "DID never makes itself known" when all my life my DID has been overt, has never been hidden, and has made itself known. It makes me feel like my existence is inconvenient to address because people want to feel better about their experiences. But what about my experiences? It makes me feel isolated from the community because people are constantly saying that my experience is not real which has driven me further and further away from OSDDID communities because there's such scorn for the idea that overt systems do exist.

You can absolutely acknowledge that OSDDID most of the time is covert and not spotted by others. A lot of people do end up figuring out symptoms purely on their own and others doubt their symptoms because they are not obvious enough, and that sucks. But please do not then assume your experience is the only one and that overt systems are some made up concept or that OSDDID is inherently covert. We do exist and we need a place within the community as well

#This made processing the fact that I'm an overt system 100x harder bc it makes me feel isolated from a community that I joined #in the first place bc I felt isolated from everyone else #I noticed this is mostly a problem on reddit but I've also noticed it here so I figured I should say it #Anyway I'm v nervous about posting this for some reason - I hope it comes across in the way I intend lol #osddid system #did #osddid #cdd #did system #actually did #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things #overt did #overt dissociative identity disorder #rant #rant kinda

[systememergency]

there is a very real tendency of teenagers with anxiety disorders self diagnosing with considerably more stigmatized and impairing mental illnesses (e.g. schizophrenia, DID, personality disorders), but the best response to that isn't to get angry with them for "appropriating" lol. instead you show them coping resources for the problems they're actually having and deemphasize diagnostic categories in general. if an 18 year old is claiming to have alzheimer's, they're probably making an innocent mistake and are in genuine distress. be kind.

[systememergency]

Ngl when I first heard "explosive PTSD" I thought it was gonna be some crazy shit but turns out it just means that my PTSD caused other issues (like DID, NSD, etc.) :/ Lame

#I thought it meant my PTSD was gonna cause me to literally blow up but instead it just gave me a dissociative disorder lame #did #osddid #cdd #did system #actually did #did osdd #complex dissociative disorder #dissociative identity disorder #ptsd #complex ptsd

[systememergency]

Fronting feelz like shit- I feel bad the whole system feels bad why am I even out here? Let me back in whore (my brain)!!

#DID is a coping mechanism my ass why do I just wanna cry the whole time I'm out here #♡ #did #osddid #osddid system #cdd #did system #actually did #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things

[systememergency]

identity as a system is so fucked because for the past 4 years we’ve very clearly and aggressively identified as a trans man but now a lot of our frequent fronters and hosts identify as nonbinary and sometimes femininely so now it’s like “well how do we explain this one to people who don’t know we’re a system”

[systememergency]

I was sitting here wondering how tf time had gone so fast then I remembered we only front like 4 months out of the year lmao

#Something I thought I bought like 2 months ago was actually over a year old #crazy how nature do that #did #osddid #cdd #did system #actually did #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things

[systememergency]

I feel like I've only gone through small chunks of my life due to DID, and sometimes I find stuff out about myself that I know realistically speaking I should've known for years. Sometimes it can be frustrating, but I also feel myself drawn to finding out how I perceive the world. The love I feel, the digust, the craving, the passion; it's all so new to me and fascinating. I want to consume everything about the world to see how the guttural feelings I didn't even know I had come out. It's almost like gaining a sense you never had before.

#This is stupid but this came about bc I found out I find earth worms disgusting #I had no idea! #did #osddid #cdd #did system #actually did #complex dissociative disorder #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #system things #♤

[systememergency]

well one thing remains the same: i'm still made up of stars.