sxlifediaries
Life Diary.
A collection of thoughts about anything and everything.
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“Things change. You can’t stop them, and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you try.”
— Kailin Gow, Shimmer
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M Entry
A few weeks before Christmas, M and I decided that it will be best to stay friends. However, he greeted me during the holidays to which I replied.
Yesterday, M called and asked 2 questions. First, How've you been? Second, do you miss me? To which I answered, " I'm good. I colored my hair." Second, "yes, I do."
Hearing his voice maid my knees weak. His sweet and calm voice would make any woman swoon. M would call me from time to time when he has a free time. He would check my social media pages for when he misses me and he wants to see my face.
When will I be able to fully let him go? Better question is... do I want to let him go?
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M entry
M and I met several years ago. He's a frequent customer at our hardware. His main contact is A, my sister.
Fast forward to more than a month ago, I accepted M's friend request on our hardware's Facebook page. Few moments later, a request on my personal page appeared... it was M. I accepted it after a couple of days. He didn't send a message. He didn't like any of my posts. Nothing.
One morning, he had an online transaction with me. Towards the end of our conversation I casually said, " Cool ride, btw." to which he replied "Thanks! you guys ride too?" "No but my fiance used to bike in the area." And after that he asked for my IG handle, which I gave.
He sent me an Emoji with 3 hearts that night.
That's how it started. He said he has a crush on me which gave me my poison, my drug -- adrenaline.
Our situation is the definition of complicated. M is married and a father to 3 beautiful children. I am engaged to K. We both know our current situations yet I still agreed to his idea. His idea of us.
It's been almost a month since M and I's agreement and we're still in contact. We call each other sweetie.
We met 2 days after my birthday at a nearby cafe. He held my hand as we walk to his car. "This is me." he said. He leaned in for a kiss and hugged me.
We met a few times after that. And did the exact same thing.
I don't what we are or what this is. I just know that I like it.
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August 24, 2021
Today is Day 2 of my sever anxiety and depressive episode. I have little to no appetite. I have drank my prescribed medications. I force myself to drink water. I have decided to stop forcing myself to be okay and just feel what I feel. It's been days of pretending and forcing and it drained the life out of me. Now, I am starting to feel what I feel and process. I need not to be strong but be able to function while I'm depressed and anxious. I feel a bit lighter after making that decision. I hope this day will take a turn for the better but expecting the worse.
That's it for now.
ckp
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I had to learn to stop telling certain people, certain things. If you don't qualify to know, you'll see it on social media along with everyone else! I worked hard to get myself out of poverty, which caused a shift in mindset. There are folks who are cool that are still living in poverty. Certain things that I view as normal, they view as absurd. Therefore, I cannot share certain experiences. If I share, I do not mention prices/cost/money.
Get friends and surround yourself with people who can do what you can do! I am currently working on this part.
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yeah i wanna make you cum but i also gotta check in on that mental health and see how your day was ok like what u need to talk about?? u can tell me while i go down on u
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