sweatproof-spandex

[sweatproof-spandex]

There's a theory I've heard a lot- that people who ramble or repeat your question are buying themselves time to think, because they're lying to you.

First off, quick note, there are folks who may need for time for other reasons, like they have social anxiety and want to make sure they're not accidentally offending someone or risking embarrassment or rejection, maybe they have some cognitive issue that slows down their thinking process, maybe they can't remember the answer to your question and need time to think of it. So the theory is just sort of assuming the worst about that person.

But the biggest issue I have with the theory is,

How the fuck do you talk- speak actual real sentences- And Plan a lie At The Same Time??

Is this something people can usually Do?? Like, put your mouth (or hands for sign language) on autopilot and be speaking in a way that Makes Sense, and be Thinking and strategising at the same time?

If I'm speaking there is no conscious thought happening, I'd have to pause, find a way to Not be talking for a few seconds so I can think instead. The idea of doing both at once is like, trying to ride a bike and butter toast at the same time!

Then again, I always found it perplexing that anyone can play the piano. How do you keep track of both hands while they carry out complex instructions like that, separate to each other??

So, I don't know if the theory really is bunk or not. It doesn't seem to me like something very many people could do. But maybe that kind of multitasking is just completely alien to me, and I'm in the minority?

#if anybody finds and reads this #can YOU personally speak and think about something else at the same time? #I'd seriously like to know

[sweatproof-spandex]

I dreamt about pancakes and now I'm really hungry

Also thinking about surnames for some reason. Like, the Japanese way of putting the surname first makes more sense to me.

Don't get me wrong, I don't Like it, but surnames used to be descriptors, right? Like, there are too many Johns in the village, so it's like

"John the baker?"

"No, no, Little John."

"Little John? Is he the one married to Mary?"

"Which Mary? Pleasant Mary or Young Mary?"

"Neither, I meant the Thatcher's Mary. Young Mary's married to Butcher Tom, and I think Pleasant Mary is married to David's son, Henry."

It always feels more natural to put the descriptor first, and whenever we don't, there are other words involved. "John the Baker" at some point had to become "John Baker"- Where did the 'The' go?

The 'son' names are like that too. I get that people used to be all "I am Derek, Son of Jack", and that must have turned into the more casual "I am Derek, Jack's son", and eventually into "I'm Derek Jackson", but that process makes a lot less sense to me than it maybe should because, I've only heard people do this the other way.

For instance, I have two cousins named Emma (not even by marriage, my uncle just decided to have an Emma after his sister already did), my psychologist when I was in therapy was called Emma, and I had a college friend named Emma as well. And if I want someone to know who I'm talking about, the descriptor is usually still first.

I'll say "Mary's Emma", not "Emma, Mary's Daughter", and this is true of anyone. I hear the format "Oscar's Tim", "Sarah's Jack" "My Peppa" AAAAALL the time, and almost never hear the "Ted, Bob's son" format even when we add in synonyms like "Frank, Donna's boy" or "Steve, John's lad" or "Shelly, the Briar's kid"

And the other Emmas aren't any different. I'll say "Runshaw Emma" (the name of my college) most of the time, Maybe I'd say "Emma from Runshaw", but in what world would I shorten that to "Emma Runshaw"?? Similarly, I'd say "Psychologist Emma", not "Emma the psychologist", and certainly not "Emma Psychologist" (That wasn't a job in the olden days but job names are a Huge portion of all our current surnames. Replace it with Smith or Baker and you'll see what I mean. If I don't know someone's surname (and we're talking about how we Gained surnames in the first place so, no-one had them yet) it's way more likely that I'd say "Baker Joe" than "Joe Baker". Maybe I'd say "Joe, The Baker." but, again, if people did this, where did the 'The' go?)

It's just, when the descriptors go first, which usually feels far more natural to me, it makes sense as to how these things could become surnames that precede one's own personal name. But when they Follow the first name, it means at some point we decided to ignore grammar and just Drop all the 'the's and 'of's and 'from's, and like.. WHY would we do that?? How did that happen??

#i don't like it

[sweatproof-spandex]

Has anyone ever said "And the Nays have it"?

I've heard "And the Ayes have it" a lot of times. But never Nays. Which must win sometimes, right?

[sweatproof-spandex]

I'm so tired I just got delirious IN MY DREAM.

The dream sort of just became me visualising 200% but I kept getting the number of 0s wrong, as if I was making a typo with a keyboard. Literally, I could see nothing but 200% clumsily having 0s removed and added. At some point for some reason it also got an e, as if multiple 'percents' needed the plural written out, like 200%es. And when I saw that, I thought how 200% looks like the word "doodles" (it doesn't), and since this whole bizarre thing was apparently somehow about how Healthy certain foods are, I started calling them "Doodle Foods" in my own internal monologue, with all the confidence of someone who got completely off their face drunk and needs to be dragged home, rambling incoherently the whole time.

It was...... an experience.

#level with me doc #my subconscious has gone screwy hasn't it #man... #I've never ever had a dream do that before #i just had so much delirious thought to unpack #which is a task i didn't need when im So Tired #what I need is more sleep #but #now im kind of afraid that my 'sleep self' has lost her mind #like #what the fuck am i going to find if I go back in there

[sweatproof-spandex]

A metaphor is what would happen if a simile and a lie had a baby

#it really is a simile that's pretending not to be a simile

[sweatproof-spandex]

I've come up with some solutions to *opposite day". You know, if someone's trying to abuse it as like a childish manipulation tactic? Like 'I'll ask if you want to date me and if you say no, it's opposite day so that means yes' or something, because I always worried that if I then said the opposite of what I meant, it conveniently wouldn't be opposite day anymore. (You know, because it isn't a real thing and people who start it are usually just trying to be annoying more than anything else).

So, solutions:

Silent disengagement. Not always an option, granted. But if you've been asked a question, it's perfectly reasonable to roll your eyes and walk away.

Questions. This one is funny because it's effectively turning the tables on them completely, they are now at the mercy of opposite day and you hold the on/off switch. "Why are you doing this?" "Because it's funny" "Oh, so that means it Isn't funny. So, why don't you find something more fun to do instead?" And there you are

Ask Confusing questions. Ones where the options get muddled (like a yes/no question with a triple negative in it) The specific one I came up with is, if someone tells you it's opposite day, you say "Are you sure?" And, let's say they answer "Yes". You can then go 'So... You're not sure? So that means I don't have to do it, right?" "No" "Wait, is that No I don't have to join in, or No as in that isn't right and I Do have to join in? Oh- except if the no means the opposite, then maybe I Am right and I Don't have to join in. Or maybe you meant No to 'you're not sure', or no meaning yes you Are sure... AND that means I Do or Don't have to do it." And just kinda bombard them and hope they lose track of what you're saying and give up.

A quicker version of the above is to point out the paradox right away with just "Is it?". Because if they said Yes, you point out that that means, no,it isn't opposite day. But if it isn't opposite day, then all yesses mean yes and all nos mean no, which means when they said Yes it Is opposite day, it didn't get reversed, which means that the Yes Was a REAL Yes, so It IS opposite day, but if it's opposite day then their yes was really a no, and if it's not opposite day then the yes was a yes, and you keep them in a loop.

#more shit my brain did for seemingly no reason #right before i got into bed. to sleep #a thing i NEED- which somehow my brain doesn't realise

[sweatproof-spandex]

FOUND IT

It was called Gelli Baff, and apparently it's still a thing, which surprises me. It's also exactly the texture I remember!

(Definitely more grainy than slimy. Also, look at how little bits of it are stuck to the boy's arms in that first picture. See what I mean about having to clean it up after?)

This stuff came out in 2007, which seems about right, I would have been 10 at the time. However in 2013 (when I was 16, explaining why I didn't hear about this) they actually Did come out with a new product that Does turn water into genuine slime, and not this grainy stuff (that they started referring to as "goo", presumably around the same time to avoid confusion between the two products)

Note that it looks really clingy and sticky, and that the kid in the bath looks like he found it a lot harder to pretend to enjoy this one.. They also gained a gross little mascot creature that.. kind of looks like a ball of snot. 🤢

#i do not regret my decision to stay away from this stuff at all #also apparently the slime dilutes if you add more water and winds up basically just colouring it #otherwise that shit would be impossible to clean #it definitely wouldn't go down a drain with that gluey stretchy texture #and fuck knows what it would do to the pipes

[sweatproof-spandex]

So my tired brain just randomly remembered that when I was a kid, there used to be a product that turned bathwater into slime? But it never actually looked slimy I don't think, it seemed more like... If you took fresh watermelon and a fork and tried to just, mush it all up? Like there was a graininess to it. I never used it, I was horrified by the idea, that's just what I remember it looking like in the ads.

I should be getting more sleep but it's driving me nuts that I can't remember what it was called, and it's the kind of thing that seems like people wouldn't believe just from this.

And by the way, when I say BATHwater, that IS what I mean. It was sort of a reward deal. Kid gets in the bath, gets clean as normal, then the sachet gets poured in and slowly the water turns into brightly coloured 'slime'.

I never understood why anyone would want to play in that, and my mum never understood why a parent would encourage that mess that they now have to clean out of the bath And their child's hair.

#I'm going to have to try to find some evidence of it somewhere #i can't sleep til i have proof #these ads aired for what felt like ages #there's gotta be Something

[sweatproof-spandex]

I just solved an art problem where the solution was to drink a slushie.

.... Kinda.

Right now I'm in the middle of drawing a Vaporeon with a blue raspberry slushie drink ('Why' is another story entirely), and I ran into an interesting problem.

So I get to this point:

And all is.... fine. So I go to fill the cup, and suddenly...

Without the front legs, this thing looks like a mermaid or a prawn or something. I tried moving the cup all around, I tried stretching the back leg out to peek from the other side of the cup, but it would mean puling it so far it would need to be Broken to get there. I tried pulling the other back leg forward and moving the cup away, but then the tail didn't look like it was even part of the same animal anymore. And if I made the cup smaller, it would mean changing the proportions way too much. I already have all but one of the eeveelutions sketched out and in nice poses that Rely on them being this size.

I was getting so frustrated with this!! And then, I solved it!

It isn't quite the shot I was planning on, drinks tend to look more visually appealing Before anyone starts drinking them, but, once you can see that the Vaporeon's hips exist and his body doesn't just slope from the shoulders to the floor, it finally gives enough information to let people Know it has a quadrapedal body, and not, a bizarre prawny one.

#i didn't realise I'd drafted this instead of posting #so it's a few days old now #but whatever

[sweatproof-spandex]

So the site is fighting over whether or not it's reasonable to keep blocking every new follower that looks like a bot, given that tumblr's set-up process now requires new accounts to follow at least 3 blogs before even suggesting they change their icons or headers or make a post.

Some people have suggested giving new followers some kind of set grace period, say 24 Hours or 3 days or whatever, after which, if the blog remains blank and unchanged, it gets blocked. Thing is, there are issues with this. Not least of which being that people who have only just signed up won't know that they need to do these things to avoid being blocked- they're unlikely to check out the tags used by folks talking about it (like 'psa' or 'important'), and they don't follow enough blogs (that are active and don't block them) for the information to naturally filter through to them.

It's also not a perfect solution to message new blogs directly and Ask them whether or not they're a bot, because although a lot of bots will immediately send some kind of clear phishing link, others actually get programmed to respond to key words with a scripted message written by a real person. So they could automatically send something like "what? I'm real lmao" to every message they get that has the word "bot" or "real" in it. Sometimes it won't make sense, but it might convince a few people too.

So I say....

What if we start Testing new blogs/followers instead of just asking? We could say something like:

"Hi- I see you've followed my blog. In case you're new here, we've got an issue on this site atm (it starts with B and rhymes with pots). This may sound odd, but could you type out this captcha)/this photograph of 3 words I just hand-wrote so I know you're not one of them?

Or

"hi, I promise I'll explain this in a second, but for now, bear with me. Take the word Boot, and remove one o. Is that an accurate label for you, or are you an organic life form?",

Or

"could you tell me what This image is so I know you're not a b o t?"

Or even "Hi, quick question, sounds weird but I have to check- Do you have bones?"

#I mean frankly if they can't handle that level of weirdness what are they even on Tumblr for #like honestly

[sweatproof-spandex]

Latest blunder flashback:

When I was about 14, I went to a friend's house, either for a sleepover or just for dinner. Either way we planned to eat there, so I made sure to tell her I didn't eat meat.

We went there straight from school, so it was pretty early, but when we got there, her mum gave us each a plate with a burger and a wrapped cheese slice on it, and had us take them upstairs to my friend's room.

At some point, my friend looked down and said "Aren't you going to eat yours?"

Up until that point..... I had been planning to!! I don't know if it was the polite reflex or maybe the nerves of being there for the first time, but for whatever reason, I was on autopilot. Up until that second, I didn't even register the problem.

When I nervously answered and reminded her I was vegetarian, it was a surprise to Both of us. She apologised a Lot, and was really embarrassed. Meanwhile I was just stunned thinking... If she hadn't called attention to it.. would I have realised before I bit into it? Would I have eaten the whole thing?? And gotten home and had mum ask what our dinner was and answered "burgers" and had mum look confused and say "veggie burgers?" and only realised Then that, No, They weren't!? And it's not even like I was just raised vegetarian and hadn't decided yet, it was the opposite! I would have been Devastated if I'd eaten meat, and I almost just did! Without even thinking about it!

But the thing that haunts me about it is.. while I was on autopilot....

I put the cheese in the burger.

#wasted the cheese and made a situation where my choice made literally no sense #i could just imagine the mother being like 'but then why'd she put the cheese in it?' and my friend going '.... huh. yeah... why?' #thankfully they didn't have time to realise it while i was there because my friend and her sister started physically fighting #so i texted my mum to come pick me up and save me #x') #blunders

[sweatproof-spandex]

I once asked my English teacher if she'd heard of roleplay.

#blunders #she obviously said yes #i then clarified that i meant WRITTEN roleplay #(she said no) #but i still didn't realise how Stupid that first question was #people online just call it roleplay! I didn't stop to think about the fact that offline roleplay existed FIRST #have you heard of roleplay #what a stupid fucking question

[sweatproof-spandex]

My aunt has this little question she likes to ask people- or at least liked to ask back before she retired:

In a hospital.. who is the most important?

(She Meant "of the people who Work in a hospital", so the answer "the patient" threw her for a loop, haha)

Anyway. She liked to ask this to make the point that the Real answer was "no-one", because they all need each other. A surgeon is highly skilled, but can't work without an anaesthetist to put the patient under and watch their condition, neither of them can sustain a hospital full of patients alone so you need nurses to look after each patient post-surgery, nurses don't have time to chase down every patient who can't walk to and from the ward, so you need porters to move them, and so on.

It was a nice idea... But I disagree with her. Yes every job in a hospital is important and needs doing, and people who work in a hospital shouldn't look down on people who do other jobs there, absolutely true.

But I think.. objectively speaking?

The most important people who work in a hospital... are the cleaners.

If you took one job out of a hospital completely? Well, let's look at that. If you have everyone except surgeons, you can still treat a lot of patients and do it well. Obviously you still have nurses and even other doctors. Your anaesthetists could help out if someone is on life support, get people in and out of comas. You have porters who can get a patient to the right door if they need to be taken to a hospital with surgeons in it. It happens a lot, actually, that patients who desperately need surgery get moved to a hospital with a more specialised team to have it done there, so a hospital Can function that way.

If you remove the anaesthetists, well, plenty of surgeries can be performed while a patient is awake, and a nurse or potentially the surgeon themselves Could handle the anaesthetic for those. Again, you can move people who need more serious surgeries. Plenty of hospitals run without an a&e department, so you could also minimise the need for those heavy anaesthetics and invasive surgeries by shutting a&e, and still be a functioning hospital.

If you remove nurses, well, now you have more of a challenge, true. The surgeon can get his own tools, maybe work in pairs if they need extra hands. The hospital couldn't care for patients in the wards, so would really be limited to only perform outpatient surgeries, so the anaesthetists watch patients immediately after a surgery and then give the all-clear for them to go home, have porters take them to the door, ta-da. You could even theoretically close all the wards (if you really needed to), and it would still function as an outpatient treatment centre. Keep a phlebotomist around to take blood samples, the doctors for regular appointments, and as I said the surgeons and anaesthetists, and you can muddle through the rest. It won't be smooth sailing, but it Can theoretically function.

But you take cleaners out? And it's a whooole other ball game.

First off, surgery (in- or out-patient) is a MAJOR risk if the operating room isn't clean. Likewise, taking patients out of surgery and onto a ward that isn't clean, in a bed with unwashed sheets, still raises the odds of infection through the roof. So basically, you cannot safely perform surgery if a patient needs to take up a bed at any point. Some outpatient stuff Might be okay. Like, say, removing a mole. The doctor can clean the skin first, and obviously put clean dressings on after (because those arrive in sterile bags). Do the tools get cleaned though? I don't think the cleaners handle that, I think they get taken off to some specific room to be sterilised? So if that's the case, then yeah, you Could theoretically get stuff like that done.

But honestly... Imagine it. If you saw a little blood spatter on the floor, maybe an old (used) dressing or a tissue under the desk... Every bin you saw was full and overflowing, spilling rubbish onto the floors... You couldn't isolate it to its source, but could swear there's a faint smell of stale vomit in this place, and what you smelled when you walked past the toilet was, frankly, leaving you praying no-one opened that door while you were in here.

Would you let a doctor take a knife to you in that place?

I was once booked in for a pretty big surgery at a good hospital. But before it came, I collapsed in pain one morning, and got ambulanced to the nearest place with an a&e department. Spent hours there, had a scan done, had fluids and painkillers, and they warned me that I might need to have the surgery done that day, as an emergency. My mum was with me, and was already kinda terrified, but the painkillers helped a lot, so they moved me to a ward just to wait and see what happened. At which point, my mum was even more freaked out. On the windowsill next to me was a tissue, which we could all see, and that was gross. But she could see what I couldn't. Under the bed, there was a dressing with blood on it... a grape... and someone else's slippers. Her fear changed from what might happen to me if they didn't operate... to what she could do to stop them if they tried. She wanted me out of that place asap, and so did I.

It felt like I was at risk of infection or of catching some virus just sitting there, and that was Before surgery! Plus the only other patient in the room with me had Serious gastrointestinal problems- I don't know what they were, but she made a looooooot of concerning noises in the bathroom, and was farting every few seconds (not her fault, I felt really bad for her actually)- so no way in hell could I have brought myself to use the toilet in there, and it didn't seem like anyone would be coming around to thoroughly clean it if they couldn't even sweep the slippers and food from under the bed. In the end, my painkillers started wearing off and I left anyway. I couldn't spend the night in that place.

If patients don't feel Safe, your hospital is broken.

Conversely, if you take a hospital and remove EVERYONE BUT the cleaners...... You have quarantine!! Something that probably won't make anyone better, but still has value in stopping illnesses from spreading, or immunocompromised patients from getting worse. I don't think you can do that with many other jobs in the hospital. I mean, just nurses and it's sort of a care home, but not a good one because, hey, no cleaners. If you just have pharmacists, I guess it's a pharmacy, but some nurses and I think all doctors are qualified to prescribe things, and prescriptions can be sent somewhere else to be prepared, so, although it works, it isn't a crucial service. But a "clean room" to keep patients safe from infection, and quarantine to Contain an infection... Those both hold their own value immensely.

So yeah. My answer is cleaners.

#i am obviously not an expert in how hospitals run #I've been a patient and seen from that perspective #this is just my two cents from what I do know

[sweatproof-spandex]

I still don't understand saunas as a cleanliness thing.

If it's hot enough to make you sweat, wouldn't it make you.. less clean?

Or is it that you have to shower after? In which case, like... why not just shower? Not saying that in a judgey 'you could just shower' way, I'm genuinely asking what the sauna part does that would make the process better, and in what way. If that even is the system.

Genuinely confused

[sweatproof-spandex]

Social blunder/moment my psyche likes to throw at me now and then to make me cringe to the max #1:

I was in the debate club at sixth form, and the topic we were debating was whether or not the classic sexy magazines should be banned or censored on grounds of sexism.

I was given the 'Ban Those Mags' side, so, naturally I go hard on eating disorders and other mental health issues created by women being constantly compared to skinny, booby models, right?

The guy opposing me argued that hey, men get body issues too (of course) and they do get sexualised too (also yes), so this wasn't anything unique.

I said well sure, I don't disagree that there's a problem there, but I don't exactly see every guy walking around going "Must Be Muscular"

And... You know those stories you hear, where someone said something amazing and funny "and everyone clapped"? I got the nightmare version.

I was the only girl in the room. Aside from the teacher.. everyone laughed. Immediately.

My perception was altered in a way I didn't get to explain. If I'd been able to heave the giant rock out of my stomach in time, I would have said something like "Okay, alright, point taken, just because I don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But look at the differences here. Trying to get buff is not as damaging as literally starving yourself to death."

I still think it wouldn't have been a great argument- I mean, it is objectively true in one sense, trying to gain muscle means you need exercise and protein, which are less likely to kill you than literally not eating anything, or going through plastic surgery to get a flat stomach and breast implants or something. But it does ignore everything outside of those narrow examples, and really, no-one should have to live their lives constantly in fear about how others see their bodies.

I think about how I could have spoken up before he got chance to and faced the boys head-on, asked them "So you're all damaged by it yeah?" And have them go "Well duh" or "Kinda!" And then I could have said "THEN FIGHT TO BAN THIS CRAP! Once women get to ban Playboy Bunny mags, it'll pave the way for you guys to get in there and help each other out! Ban the mags on both sides!!"

That would have been a compelling argument.

I wish though that I'd been able to explain it better in the first place. Move it away from my experience and look at the evidence. Or, perhaps more accurately, explain a woman's perspective.

Compare Our magazines to theirs. List movies where a completely mundane, middle-of-the-road guy gets to be the lead in movie after movie, but his love interest always has to be thin, sub-30, with model-level looks and flawless hair. I could have communicated that whether or not boys felt pushed towards an ideal, the world constantly showed that attractiveness is Not a make-or-break thing for men's success in life, it isn't rammed down their throats everywhere they look, it's okay to be an average-looking guy, but not girl.

I'd have brought magazines showcasing male celebs with their clothes ON and their shape less important. And dared them to find a single image in their magazines of a famous woman in "respectable", office-safe clothing, not posed to show off their body.

But no.

Instead, I only looked at the surface of the issue, said something completely ignorant, and then crumbled as the whole club laughed at my dumb-ass take.

I know better now, but I still can't hear any talk about body image/expectation equality or anything like that without reliving that moment, and it is excruciating.

#blunders #social anxiety #anxiety #i have regrets

[sweatproof-spandex]

Okay, I'm curious about something now, so despite having almost no reach and not having a clue what tags to use, I'm making this anyway. Big love to anyone who votes, even bigger love to anyone who reblogs it so more people might see it.

(if you did play one option usually, but maybe tried a different method once or twice, just vote for the version you typically played. If you used to mix it up for fun or based on who you were playing with, please choose the 'more than one' option)

#i only just learned that the version i played wasn't the only version #so im curious #polls #tumblr polls #i spy #games #poll #nostalgia #? #that's all i can think of tag-wise

[sweatproof-spandex]

Okay. Here's a little experiment here. I think most people on here are familiar with the experience of being haunted by unimportant things from their past, like an anxiety that every now and then just swings round and slaps you in the face?

The typical supportive response I see most is a reminder that either, this thing wasn't as bad as you remember, or you've grown and learned from it so you don't need to feel bad anymore.

And while those things are probably both true.. it doesn't always stop the thoughts from coming back.

I learned a while ago to respond to my other anxieties not with logical thinking or arguments, but more co-operatively. If I think "What if X hates the birthday gift I bought them?", instead of listing the reasons it's a good gift or thinking "X will NOT react the way you're afraid they will. Shut up.", Actually try answering the question, not dismissing it. Then you can plan to say in advance "I'm honestly not sure about this- if you hate it, I did keep the receipt, and I won't be offended at all if you don't like it, but I hope you will". Now if X hates it, they won't think how you don't know them at all, because you already showed doubt over whether they'd like it or not. They won't be surprised if it's bad, so their reactions will be lesser. And then you can give them the receipt or offer to take it back yourself and give them the refunded money instead.

Now you have a Plan for the 'what if', your anxiety can stop asking that question.

And now I'm wondering. If being more direct and Acknowledging those thoughts with no judgement is better for those... Maybe addressing and acknowledging These thoughts would help too.

So .. I'm going to try typing them out and posting them on here when they arise.

Edit: I've decided to tag these with #blunders. So, if you're interested in seeing all my socialising cringe moments, uh.. that's the tag to check.

#I'll tag this too #so then the tag is clickable #there'll be nothing but this on it though until my brain throws one at me next #blunders #anxiety