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It's been a while...

Since my last post, I've unofficially finished my 4th year of University. I am essentially a individual with a degree... My flatmate and friend was effectively feeling the effects of getting our final assignment--a conference presentation--done and over with. What I assume this feeling is, an invisible wight lifted from your shoulders, a clearer and brighter sight of the world as if reverting back to some childish delight. I unfortunately (I think) could not share this feeling from my heart, only speculate with my mind what it may feel like. How can I describe what I felt? 'Emptiness'? not quite so...some 'null' feeling, numbness? perhaps...Thinking back, I felt the same thing when I submitted my dissertation. One possible origin of this feeling that comes in mind is the lack of effort and purpose I put into my dissertation and my 4 years of University. Acknowledging the events that have taken place, what I've done and who I was , I still seem not to find closure. So I've decided to accept this feelings and these thoughts. Despite it all, they are quite calming, or rather accepting them is quite calming. In a few days we will be returning home. My feelings are just about the same as when I submitted my dissertation, my final assignment and unofficially ended my 4th year, with a tint of sadness. Sadness for not making the most out of it these 4 years--or 2 considering the lock-down. The past few days I've spent binge watching anime finishing one per day or so. It is enjoyable but I wonder whether it's just a distraction. I'll probably be making a list so to not lose track...maybe even write a brief review? I'm also in the process of doing masters application and figuring out career. To be frank, I think I am a bit timid of becoming ambitious, scared of it being a dream and never achieving even the smallest fraction of what I am called to do (or think I am called to do). I believe I have some intra-personal exploration to do hahaha... Anyhow, I dislike transitions even though I'd probably not survive without change occurring in my life. I feel there are still a lot that I want to type but I've never been very good at expressing myself through words and as I said, there's still an amount of exploration I must do to understand myself. If anyone has remained to the end, thank you and may you have a great day or night.

#self care #self love #reflection #journal #journaling #dear diary #anime and manga #university #student #study blog #student life #blog #personal post #self development

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I might appear a hypocrite since I enjoy motorbikes and certain cars like the Mx5, but this is quite true... I've decided to start commuting to town more often this summer because petrol prices are unaffordable with my sessional job. A monthly ticket is my gas for 4 days and I can stress how much I enjoy absentmindedly staring out the window or reading a book rather than being focused on the road for 30 minutes. I guess the only downside is that in my country commuting is not so 'high-tech' yet, and I still have to drive to a different village to get the bus that runs every 30 minutes, since the one passing directly from my house runs every 1h and is quite packed with tourists. I will test it out and update my thought on this soon, hopefully!

People who have never taken public transit before seem to be under the impression that everyone on a bus is ready to stab you meanwhile I have never had that problem and I get to read while I’m stuck in traffic and they don’t.

Also I don’t get stuck in traffic much anyways because the drivers keep going on the freeway even though it gets clogged up with traffic and it’s literally faster to drive on the surface streets where the busses go but whatever I don’t need to pay for a gym membership because I walk to the bus and meanwhile what are you spending your money on? Oil changes so you can keep getting stuck in traffic?

#commute #transport

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Introducing myself!

Name: Ionia Nickname: Nia Birthday: 22/07/2001 Age: 22 Work/School: Currently a Psychology Bachelors' student. Hobbies: Anime, reading, learning languages, cooking/baking, learning, art, roleplay. Fun-facts: I am a cancer, I've been living for a while in the UK. When back home--Cyprus--I got my motorcycle licence and am currently waiting 2 years to be eligible for the 400cc exams. I have struggled a bit with education in general as well as regulating my feelings which led me to creating this blog.

My hopes for this account: I hope I can interact with others with similar interests (or not) to create a healthy and pleasant online community. This account will also be my online 'diary' where I just informally explore thoughts and feelings on whatever comes up for me.

#introduction #intro post #blog intro #introductory post #pinned intro #introduction post #introvert

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During my studies, I got to know this acronym called SMART on how to formulate goals, so that they can be evaluated. SMART stands for 

Specific - this means that your goals should be very specific.  E.g. instead of I want to do more sport you should specify what is meant by sport, for instance I want to go running or biking 

Measurable - this means that you can objectively say what you have to do to accomplished your goal E.g. instead of I want to read more books you should define how many books you want to read in specific time, like I want to read 2 books per months

Achievable - this means that the goal should be worthwhile and it should be specified how the goals will be met E.g. Instead of I want to have a job in 2 weeks you could define what you would like to do to achieve the goal, for example I will get hired by attending 1 network event and sending out at least 5 applications

Realistic - this means that you are able to achieve your goal, it is not too easy or difficult and that you can spare the required time and effort E.g. instead of I want to study 12 hours a day when you have a job on the side as well might not be a good goal, so you might want to find a goal that is more suitable, for instance I want to study for at least 4 hours a day if I have to work and at least 8 hours a day if I don’t have to go to work

Timely -  this means that you define a time frame or date when you would like to accomplish your goal E.g. instead of I want to learn to play the guitar you should specify when you would like to achieve the goal, like I want to learn to play easy songs on the guitar in 3 months

So a SMART New Year’s resolution for wanting to eat healthier could look like this: I want to eat at least 5 different fruits and 3 different vegetables per day at least 5 days a week for the next 2+ months. 

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“Have you noticed, with whatever quality of love you have experienced, that when true love arises, it opens up both your mind and emotions? It’s an openness to whatever is happening.”

— Adyashanti

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What are really important for the human development has been replaced by temporal things.

I can't find the time to perform self analysis and I really need it.

My friends are not my friends any more because, I am not me i am not a person, a person that would entertain them, but then again I shouldn't be functioning in order to entertain them. I should be functioning as myself and so I would for once find the people I could share mutual entertainment.

I have lots of things to work on until I reach my goal.

To be someone I'd fall in love with.

But, should someone or be me.

“Millions of people never analyze themselves. Mentally they are mechanical products of the factory of their environment, preoccupied with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, working and sleeping, and going here and there to be entertained. They don’t know what or why they are seeking, nor why they never realize complete happiness and lasting satisfaction. By evading self-analysis, people go on being robots, conditioned by their environment. True self-analysis is the greatest art of progress.”

— Paramahansa Yogananda

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😍😍😍😍

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What happens once you kill yourself? Because I'm ready to go.

You wanna know what happens once you kill yourself? Your mother comes home from work and finds her baby dead and she screams and runs over to you and tries to get you to wake up but you won’t and she keeps screaming and shaking you and her tears are dripping onto your face and your dad hears all the screaming and runs into the room and he can’t even speak because the child that he loved and the child that he watched grow up is gone forever and finally your little sister runs into the room to see what all the fuss is about and she sees you dead. The person she looked up to and loved. The person she bragged about to  her friends, the person she wanted to be just like when she grew up, the person that made her feel safe. But she’s never really going to get to grow up and smile and laugh and love because she’ll always be consumed with this feeling of missing you. And now there’s something missing from your family and they can barely look at each other anymore because everything reminds them of you but you’re gone and hurts more than anything. and you think that your mom never cared because she was always busy and yelling at you to finish your homework and clean your room and forgot to say I love you sometimes but really, she loved you more than anything and she doesn’t leave the house anymore, she can’t even get out of bed and she’s getting thinner and thinner because it’s too hard to eat. Your father had to quit his job and he doesn’t sleep anymore, every time he closes his eyes he sees his baby dead, and the image never goes away no matter how much alcohol he drinks. And at school your best friend sees that your seat is empty and she gets this sick feeling in her stomach and that’s when she hears the announcement. You killed yourself. And suddenly she’s screaming and crying in the middle of class and no one even bothers comforting because they’re all  busy sitting there staring at your empty seat with tears dripping down their cheeks and all she wants is for you to hug her and tell her it’s gonna be okay like you always did, but this time, you’re not there to do it, everything is dark now that you’re gone and her grades are slipping, she barely goes to school anymore and she ended up in hospital after taking too many pills because she wanted to see you again. the girls who used to make fun of the way you dressed feel their throats get tight, they don’t talk to each other anymore, they don’t talk to anyone, they’re all in therapy trying so hard not to blame themselves but nothing works. and your teacher who always gave you a hard time stares blankly at the wall, she quits her job a few days later. And then your boyfriend hears the news and he can’t breathe, he still calls you a lot just to hear your voice and he talks to you on facebook but you never message him back, he can’t fall in love again because every girl he meets reminds him of you, he’s never going to get over you, he loved you and he cries himself to sleep every night, hating himself and slicing his skin because he couldn’t save you and he’s never going to hold you in his arms or hear you laugh again. Now everyone who knew you, whether they were a big part of your life or someone you passed in the hallway a few times a week, they carry this aching feeling around inside them because you’re gone, and they miss you, and they don’t know why you left but it must’ve been their fault and they should’ve stopped you and they should’ve told you they loved you more and that feeling is never going to go away. And so you killed yourself

but you killed everyone else around you too. 

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Idk if you're still doing this...Cancer (f) and Virgo (m). thankies!

send in two signs and I’ll answer with these:

who’s the cuddler: who makes the bed: who wakes up first: who has the weird taste in music: who is more protective: who sings in the shower: who cries during movies: who spends the most while out shopping: who kisses more roughly: who is more dominate: my rating of the ship from 1-10:

You can send more than only the sun sign, also :-)

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1 in 5 teenagers have thought about suicide, about 1 in 6 teenagers have made plans for suicide, and more than 1 in 12 teenagers have attempted suicide in the last year. As many as 8 out of 10 teenagers who have commited suicide tried to ask for help in some way before committing suicide. Reblog this if you're always here to listen.

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ARIES! Because the are SOOO energetic! And.. Capricorn because they do everything to be the best!

Come on! Tell me What's your favorite sign and why? I wanna knooow :)

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Read this!! '

#oikawa tooru #oikawa x iwaizumi

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Good morning xx