sunnydaysecrets

[sunnydaysecrets]

[sunnydaysecrets]

"Yet To Come" by BTS - A Reflection

"Yet To Come" by BTS - A Review Reflection

BTS is finally back.

Last Friday on June 10th, BTS made their long-awaited comeback with their title track, "Yet To Come." The song headlines the group's new anthology album, titled "PROOF," which includes a total of 48 singles, b-sides, and unreleased demos. Their new album also welcomes their 9th year anniversary, which the group and their fandom ARMY celebrates on June 13th annually.

"Yet To Come" is an alternative hip-hop track that chronicles their story as a band thus far, confronting the uncertainties of the future while honoring their past. The group's rap line especially shines in the song, almost as a response to some calls by ARMYs for BTS to return to their hip-hop roots. After all, the whole comeback is a nod to the history of BTS—it celebrates their accomplishments by highlighting their best hits, reminisces their humble beginnings with the demos on Disc 3, and encompasses all of these emotions in the title track "Yet To Come." While some may be quick to clamor for another record-breaking upbeat dance track that BTS has become known for especially among American listeners, the mellowness in "Yet To Come" feels in tune with the anthology album and their 9th anniversary celebration. BTS once again stays true to their thematic storytelling, all while making the comeback feel timely and presently relevant.

Now with all that out of the way, here's how I really felt about "Yet To Come."

“Yet To Come” reminds me of what I forget so often about dreaming—that it isn’t selfish. It’s genuine. It’s honest. As I’ve journeyed my late teens and early twenties with BTS, I’ve watched them accomplish everyone’s wildest dreams and grow as true artists. And while I cheered them on from afar, I found myself mimicking their perseverance and ultimately finding passions and dreams I now confidently call my own.

In my persisting moments of uncertainty, BTS has always known what to say, so precisely that I question: How did you know I was feeling this way? How did you know this was exactly what I needed to hear? In that vein, “Yet To Come” personally feels like it came at the perfect moment.

Lately, I’ve been haunted by questions about the paths that I’ve taken, especially in the last year, that ultimately paved the way for the “next chapter” in my life. Is it really okay for me to run towards a faraway dream, while everyone around me seems so grounded? Is it okay to dream so passionately when the burden of expectations is inescapable? Did I dream wrongly? Or was my dreaming, in and of itself, the sin that I committed? 

I’ve always been a passionate person, insofar as I am paradoxically terrified of ambition. This has always left me at a crossroads between yearning and doubt, but I think I’ve found the answer to my questions in “Yet To Come.” BTS bravely confronts their own uncertainties with the resounding question: “Was it honestly the best?”

In our fear of the future, the familiarity of the past often fools us away from anticipating the possibilities of what could come next. This is something I am still trying to reconcile, yet I am comforted that BTS courageously faces the same conflict even as they approach their tenth year together.

Similarly to BTS, I feel like I am closing a chapter of my own in the next few months. Inspired by the tribute to their old music in “Yet To Come,” I’ll be paying homage to my own memories with gratitude and remembrance. As I continue to stream PROOF over the next several weeks (stream PROOF!), I feel that I can more bravely run toward my own dreams knowing that BTS is still running alongside me.

The most beautiful moment is still yet to come, and the paths that we’ve taken thus far is proof that it is surely on its way.

You can check out BTS' "Yet To Come" here and their album "PROOF" on all music streaming sites.

#bts #yet to come #proof #comeback #festa #bts blog #so proud of u always bangtan #bangtan #bts army #this is not an objective music review whatsoever and ur just gna have to deal with it

[sunnydaysecrets]

Dear ____,

"It is with regret that we write to inform you that you have not been accepted for graduate study at the University of..."

Greetings, few but mighty blog readers. Spring has finally come, and my season of waiting for grad school admissions has pretty much come to an end. It was a long and lonely winter. And I could not write with a heavy heart.

The quote I included above were the direct words of my first rejection letter from a school that I had long been dreaming about attending. The letter goes on to say all the clichés that rejections often write: "our program received a large number of applications," "this was a difficult decision to make," etcetera, etcetera.

The moment I received the email I didn't feel much. It didn't really hit until the next day, I think. On the other hand, receiving my first acceptance was actually quite the comical experience. I received the letter while I was on a call with customer service, trying to fix something for my mother while chaos ensued in my home. Funny, how humbling that moment was. I couldn't even celebrate because I kept getting put on hold on the phone and there was so much fighting outside my door, so much that I didn't even know how to share the good news with my parents. I was so strangely embarrassed to share it, that I kept it a secret for a few hours.

I always thought I would cry once I got into grad school. That I'd instantly feel a shift in my life. That I'd have that euphoric moment that happens in movies and I'd burst into tears while running down the stairs to tell my family. But there's been no tears shed and every day feels pretty much the same. I didn't have that moment, either.

So, about getting into grad school and now imagining the next six to seven years of my life: I feel paradoxical.

What is one supposed to feel about an opportunity like this, anyway? One where you know the opportunity will take you far away from friends, family, everything familiar? Where you know it will get you closer to your dreams, but you aren't even sure if that dream is going to sustain you? And is the dream even real? Is it even genuine?

In any case, blog readers, I finally made it to this point. A short, but quickly fleeting, moment of pride for accomplishing a dream that's always felt like a ghost.

I'm going to grad school, friends. Can you believe it?

#i'm back #apologies #grad school #grad school admissions

[sunnydaysecrets]

favorite things in 2021, pt. 2

Before this year ends, I wanted to share some of my favorite things in 2021. This list includes books, movies, places, and anything else that I deeply loved this year.

This year has been difficult, fleeting, and lonely. But it has also been unforgettable, happy, and rewarding.

In the midst of all the turbulence, I found pockets of peace in the following:

3. The Wind Rises (2013, dir. Hayao Miyazaki)

Directed by the legendary Hayao Miyazaki, The Wind Rises is a fictional animated biopic about Jiro Horikoshi, a well-renowned aeronautical engineer who built fighter planes for Japan during WWII. The film chronicles Jiro's life throughout the Great Kanto Earthquake, studying aeronautics, falling in love, and the raging World War. The movie is poignant, nuanced, and - in typical Studio Ghibli fashion - absolutely gorgeous. What stood out the most is its approach to Jiro's undying passion for airplanes, which we see clash with his detest for war. Utilizing a dream sequence motif between Jiro and Giovanni Caproni, his biggest role model and the engineer who inspired him to pursue the same path when he was young, the film consistently returns to the following thematic quote:

"The wind is rising. We must try to live."

This quote stuck with me... for days. It invited me to reflect on my past year. There were many moments throughout 2021 where I was painstakingly frustrated at almost every aspect of my life, and giving up had never been more tempting. Maybe because I'm sometimes hard-headed or maybe I just didn't know the way out, but I didn't give up. The wind was always rising. So I had to try to live.

Some Studio Ghibli fanatics might be quick to point out - Miyazaki is widely known for being anti-war and being blatant about this in his films. Why would he make a film honoring the life of someone who had a direct and massive contribution to advancing Japan in war?

... Which is a very good question. I was skeptical myself before watching the film.

But I actually think The Wind Rises is Miyazaki's most successful attempt at approaching war and pacifism, which have been consistent themes in his films in the past, with nuance. Contrary to his other magnificent films like Princess Mononoke and Howl's Moving Castle, which are both blatantly and subtly anti-war, The Wind Rises attempts to address the gray areas felt by Japanese ordinary people who were directly impacted by war. Jiro had always seen airplanes as more than tools for war, and at times throughout the film he's even a little naïve to the damage they are capable of bringing. In one scene, Jiro presents his new plane to a seminar and says, "Weight is a problem. But if we leave out the guns, we should be fine." His audience, consisting of other engineers and military generals, quickly bursts into roaring laughter. Jiro's goal had always been simple: "to create beautiful airplanes." At the end of the film (little spoiler alert), he confides in Caproni in one last dream sequence that he's incredibly disheartened that his beloved planes were used for war. Jiro had blindly followed aviation, and it took him to a cursed crossroads between his passion and national atrocity. So, I would very much argue that The Wind Rises stays consistent with Miyazaki's hatred for war, and seeing it from the angle of Jiro further establishes his stance on the subject.

Jiro constantly grapples with the conflicting goals and politics of the career he's decided to pursue, something I think I'm starting to become familiar with in my own life. Since graduating last May, I've gone back and forth endlessly about the path I want to pursue. Is a burning passion enough reason to pursue a goal? Will it be worth it? I guess I see a little bit of myself in Jiro: too often blinded by passion and too stubborn to give up.

Despite these questions, as 2022 looms closer I choose to remember the unchanging nature of wind. The wind is rising. It's a gale. Therefore, we must try to live.

4. "The Orange" (1993, Wendy Cope)

"The Orange" is probably my favorite poem of the year. This poem was published in 1993, but the message continues to resonate, maybe more than ever in the times we live in now. I'll leave the poem below for you to read.

"I love you. I'm glad I exist." might be the most tender line of poetry I have ever read.

My first thought: who does the speaker love? You can tell how much they love this person, and it makes you wonder what kind of person they might be. And then, I question what it would be like to love someone so much that it makes you glad to exist.

I think there is a difference between being grateful to be alive and being glad to exist. The latter is much more difficult. And definitely something I am still learning to do.

In the second half of 2021, much of my life changed. I graduated, lost my grandmother, and worked tirelessly on grad school apps for months. I also lost contact with a lot of old "friends," deleted almost all of my social media, and moved back home. I went from spending every day with friends to seldom seeing and talking to them at all.

I felt like there was little reason to be glad I exist. But like this poem, life is quite funny sometimes. As I spent more time by myself, I started picking up old hobbies and interests I forgot about. I became more comfortable with my thoughts and started allowing myself to dream new goals. I picked up writing again. I traveled. I even got closer with my mom.

Through mindless and seemingly trivial everyday moments like having tea with my mom on our balcony and re-reading a book I loved years ago, I am learning to be glad of my existence. I am allowing myself to indulge in the "ordinary things" that Cope speaks of.

However, I am still a little bit envious of the speaker of the poem. Their burning lust for life seems so natural, but in reality it's difficult and completely unromantic. In those moments it's easy to forget why it's important to love yourself, others, and the world around you. But, sometimes, there are words, stories, and poems like this one that remind me of what often goes unsaid and unexpressed.

To those who loved me unconditionally in 2021, I love you. You make me glad I exist.

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P.S. Check out my favorite songs in 2021 on Spotify here!

[sunnydaysecrets]

favorite things in 2021, pt. 1

Before this year ends, I wanted to share some of my favorite things in 2021. This list includes books, movies, places, and anything else that I deeply loved this year.

This year has been difficult, fleeting, and lonely. But it has also been unforgettable, happy, and rewarding.

In the midst of all the turbulence, I found pockets of peace in the following:

1. Filipino Studies: Palimpsests of Nation and Diaspora (Martin Manalansan and Augusto F. Espiritu)

Filipino Studies is an edited book with scholarly articles on empire, colonialism, and contemporary politics pertinent to the Filipino diaspora. This book, in my opinion, expertly contextualizes the state of the field of Filipino studies. It's game-changing, incredibly insightful, and is a great resource for anyone interested in studying the Filipino diaspora. Scholars in this book include Neferti Tadiar, Emily Ignacio, Antonio Tiongson, Kimberly Alidio, Victor Bascara - all of whom are conducting cutting-edge research but, I think, are also paving the way for Filipino studies (and more generally, ethnic and race studies) to be more approachable. The book explores topics such as the Overseas Filipino Worker (OFW), Filipino youth culture, and U.S. colonial biopolitics in 20th century Philippines. While it tackles advanced and sometimes dense topics, Filipino readers who pick up this book will resonate with the research presented in this book one way or another. I was grateful to have deeply engaged with this book through writing my thesis last spring; it guided my research and greatly informed my current research interests in Filipino studies, oriental aesthetics, and decolonization.

Something I've always loved about ethnic studies is that the research you engage with never feels stagnant because it feels personal. A common experience felt by people of color in the United States is not only erasure, but the intentional rejection, of the realities we live. Our plight always feels like a secret until someone - an author, a scholar, a performer, you - says it out loud and shares it with the world, sometimes unwillingly. bell hooks once said, "Oppressed people resist by defining their reality." This book does just that - it defines the realities of Filipino people against centuries of colonization by providing a temporal and contemporary discussion about the Filipino diaspora. It achieves that artfully.

2. Spiritfarer (Thunder Lotus Games)

This might top off the list as my #1 favorite thing from this year, honestly.

Spiritfarer is a management game like you've never experienced before. You play as Stella, with a potential co-op as her cat Daffodil, as the newly-ordained Spiritfarer. You're abruptly thrusted into this big job, without being given many clues why until you progress further in the game. As the new Spiritfarer, you're tasked to travel the seas to find spirits, convince them to board your ship, and ultimately ferry them to the afterlife. In the process, you care for the spirits that board your ship by cooking their meals, building their quarters, growing crops, and more. Every spirit has a distinct personality, and during their stay on your ship you get to learn about their lives and create an unforgettable bond with them. The game explores deep themes, such as grief, lifelong passions, and, of course, death. In the words of the game's developers, you "learn to say goodbye."

I had been eyeing this game since late 2020, but I didn't get a chance to play it until around March 2021. I immediately fell in love with the entire story. It was the perfect getaway from all the bullshit I was dealing with in school, and I think it reminded me of things in life that were more important than petty school drama. I never thought that a video game could give me such a wake up call. And of course, I have to mention the unbelievably beautiful soundtrack. You'll have to listen to it to know what I mean.

Part of my attachment to Spiritfarer might be due to my experience replaying the entire game shortly after my grandmother's death this past August. Playing a game about death might sound like a morbid way to cope with loss, but the second time I played it I saw the story in a completely new light - I was on the other side now, after having felt loss so closely and so abruptly. Losing my Lola was my first encounter with familial grief, and the sadness I felt was insurmountable... and I still feel it even now. In some ways, Spiritfarer helped contextualize the emotions I was feeling for the first time. Through Stella, I said goodbye over and over again. Something I didn't get a chance to do in real life.

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If you've made it here, thank you for reading! I could go on and on about the things I love, and because the pandemic and my gap year has pushed me into solitude (that for the most part I've really enjoyed!), sometimes I feel like I have so much to say and no one to tell it to.

In the coming days, I'll continue to add more discussions about a few more things I loved in 2021. See you on the next post!

P.S. Check out my favorite songs in 2021 on Spotify here!

#2021 #favorite things in 2021

[sunnydaysecrets]

round 7!

*Drafted 12/1/2021

It is 4:30 PM in Los Angeles and in a few hours I’ll see BTS for the seventh time, my first time in over two years.

A few months ago, I got these tickets as a birthday present to myself, and since the concert coincidentally fell on the same day my grad school applications were due (today!), I figured it'd be the perfect way to celebrate finishing them. Retrospectively, it might have also worked as the best incentive to seeing them through.

On my 5 AM flight to LA, this thought lingered in my head while falling asleep: I’m coming home. I've been a fan of BTS since I was 17. I've streamed all the songs, stayed up late to wait for releases, collected the albums and merchandise, watched their shows, and I've even camped out through the night before their concerts. My late teenage years were some of my loneliest, and I found a community within BTS's fandom, ARMY, through a lot of tough times. I'm sure it was laughable at times to some of my friends and family, but when I recall my best memories from those years I immediately think of BTS.

I'm 23 now, and truthfully I haven't consistently followed the band in the last few years. Between the pandemic, graduating from undergrad, and everything in between - it was hard to find time. But to blame just time feels like an excuse; the more vulnerable truth is that I grew out of following a boy band. I started liking other music, experienced new things, and learned about myself from new angles. But, I still fondly recognized BTS's place in my memories. After all, they've had a massive part in my young adulthood.

After having seen them six times prior, BTS concerts are a space that I would expect to feel really familiar at this point. But instead, I’m standing in this unbelievably long line thinking it feels really different this time around.

There’s one obvious reason why. For starters, everyone in the stadium is required to wear a mask. Concert-goers, determined to continue repping BTS even with this regulation, got creative by wearing masks in purple (BTS’s unofficial “official” color), with BTS logos, or embroidered with the names of the members. Some even voluntarily handed out free purple masks.

This was truly a sight to see, as if it was this glaring reflection of a drastically, painfully different world. Like time, like age, like memories - we cannot go back to how things were. So I can't help but think: How has every person in this stadium fared during the pandemic? What stories do they carry? How has it led them here, in Los Angeles on a cloudy Wednesday, brimming with both excitement and nerves to see a K-pop band? As for me, I think I bring loneliness from these isolating last few months. I also bring my big dreams and an unnerving anticipation for what's ahead. And finally, I bring grief and the memory of my Lola who would be over the moon to know that I am allowing myself happy moments.

Among these thoughts is another burning question: how have I changed since 2019, when I last attended a BTS concert? You see, I can probably map out the last five years through BTS concerts I've been to. Example #1: in 2017 I saw BTS twice in, first, New Jersey and, then, Manila. It was the spring I graduated high school, I skipped class a lot, and I was uncomfortable in my body for a lot of reasons. Example #2: A year later in 2018, I saw them again in New York a few days shy of my birthday - and that entire weekend sucked. That was during a dark time; I was nearly failing my classes and I never had the energy to do anything. On top of everything, around that time my (already) dangerous relationship with food started to deteriorate even more, which ultimately led to over two years of trying to recover.

BTS concerts, in my head, have acted as sort of bookmarks in my young adulthood. So naturally, I question: what does this time around signify? What will I remember about this concert, or really, what will I remember about this period of time? Maybe I'll remember losing a lot of friends this year, or aimlessly walking around Vancouver alone, or writing fourteen drafts of my grad school application essay. But maybe not.

Bottom line, I don't feel like I'm the same person I was at the start of 2021, even less the person I was in 2019 and 2020 respectively. I carry new fears and new dreams. And lately, it seems that the only thing I willingly carry in my present that still reminds me of my past is a reawakened interest in this band I stumbled upon more than five years ago.

After all these years, the memories still somehow remind me of the best parts of myself. The parts I love. Which unsurprisingly are the parts that have survived.

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Side note: as a student interested in race and empire, of course I cannot ignore how BTS, and K-pop in general, benefit from and perpetuate capitalism. The albums they manufacture, the MV sets they build and throw away, and the merchandise that they outsource to the global South are merely few of what is dangerous about this industry. In addition, the industry is corrupt, toxic, and has neglected the mental health of its professionals. Therefore, there is a necessary critique in engaging in this hobby that deserves a discussion beyond just this short paragraph.

I guess this thought is another thing that distinguishes my present from my past.

I am still learning about myself and the world around me, and part of that process is seeing the imperfections in the things I love. If this year, this pandemic, or the time that has passed since my last concert bookmark has taught me anything, it's that life must be lived.

Life must be lived well. Happily. Resiliently. Maybe sometimes even selfishly.

So, I hold onto these memories preciously, but I do it with a grain of salt.

#see you next tour #bangtan

[sunnydaysecrets]

around four thirty, a surprise:

the sun finally peeks out

from behind busy high-rises

clocking out of work,

its rays warring with the aftermath

of a relentless daytime downpour,

a carnival sky chasing

seconds for a brief limelight.

it takes upon the service

to dry all of the city’s umbrellas

in exchange for a metropolitan view

and bustling sidewalks with people

going in circles where loneliness cannot linger.

it paints the horizon in hues neither you,

nor i, can forget

[sunnydaysecrets]

forgotten in summer heat,

only to be reminded

on a rainy fall morning,

an unpracticed truth:

even legs in flight

hesitate in sweet memories.

foggy evenings

peanut butter smoothies

obnoxious artwork we

both laugh at

arguments at my doorstep

mint chocolate chip or

cookie dough,

you choose

your hand brushing against mine,

a few seconds dreaming for forever

words are worthless with

a trembling mouth, and

i never told you i loved you.

#be gentle with me #a rambling poem that came to me during our drive back home from banff #idek what i'm doing #poetry #spilled ink

[sunnydaysecrets]

greetings from the ninth floor

I write this entry from the ninth floor of the Vancouver Public Library, which is tucked behind and in between countless high-rise buildings in Downtown. It’s currently my favorite spot in the city.

The ninth floor resembles the science building from undergrad, and there’s so many students studying and hanging out that I feel like I’ve been transported back to campus. Usually this is an unwelcome feeling, as I rarely enjoy reminiscing undergrad, but I do enjoy the ambiance of a room hard at work (or leisure!). I think ultimately it’s the collectiveness of sharing a space - in this case the ninth floor of this huge library - that gets to me. Since graduating, I’ve surrendered to a pretty companionless lifestyle and this isn’t to say that I’m desperately lonely, but it does make me appreciative of lively spaces like this one.

My days lately have routinely been like this: quietly typing away on my laptop, journaling on my tiny Muji notebook, and scrolling aimlessly on websites. 

It’s 5:36 PM now. Shortly after posting this, I’ll quietly pack up my stuff into my backpack, press shuffle on my Spotify, and start my trek down to exit the library. I’ll walk swiftly from block to block, looking down at my shoes or looking up in search of a sunset while I wait for the pedestrian signal to turn green. My apartment is only a quick walk away, but when it rains it feels longer. In the elevator I’ll finally turn off my music and put my earphones away. I am quiet all day, until my sister welcomes me back into her home. During the rest of the evening, our dialogue is an endless back and forth of questions, stories and laughter. Random things I encountered on my walk. Daily updates on work gossip. Even in our short moments of silence, it is not quiet. And definitely not lonely.

[sunnydaysecrets]

Vancouver, mid-October.

#vancouver #photos

[sunnydaysecrets]

welcome to my blog!

As explained by sunny day secret #1, I truly am not sure how long this blog will live. Truthfully, one of my many weaknesses is that I get distracted easily and can’t keep up habits. But lately I keep returning to the idea of recording my thoughts, like this blog is somewhat of a timestamp in my life that I can return to in a few weeks, months, or years’ time.

I have a few ideas about what to write in this blog, but I also don’t want this to be stressful or distracting (I say, as I write this rather than working on my grad school apps), so I can’t promise I’ll post regularly. But keep an eye out for random reflections, short movie reviews, book/music/etc. recommendations, and of course - more sunny day secrets.

SO, what is a “sunny day secret,” anyway?

I can’t say there’s really one definition or any significant meaning to this term, honestly. I’ve included the line “sunny day secret” in a few poems I’ve written in the past, all in different contexts, some still recorded, some lost, some also probably forgotten at this point. I also just like how it sounds - sunny. day. secret.

To me, a sunny day secret is just something you know and recognize as the truth, and you’re more likely to admit it when the weather is nice! I think naturally we have a lot of things we feel like we’re expected to keep secret or don’t want to reveal (which is always ok, you don’t owe anyone anything), but part of keeping secrets is the possibility of revealing it. Like the yearning for a situation, a time, a day, or just the right temperature and clear skies for your secret to not be a secret.

Finally, sunny day secrets don’t have to be significant or life-changing. Most of mine are trivial, and sometimes even boring, but I’d like to think they still have some value.

That said, thanks for reading, welcome to my blog (my first ever!), and here is

sunny day secret #2: Part of me hopes that this blog will repair my estranged relationship with my writing and poetry, which I think has been caused by the culmination of both global and personal strife in the last two years. At the very least I can hope.

#first post! #hi friends #intro #blog

[sunnydaysecrets]

sunny day secret #1

I can’t promise how long I’ll keep this up, maybe a week, month - who knows?