spacechuur

[spacechuur]

ive been going to the gym once or twice a week recently and i really like it.

i dont need (and want) to lose any weight, but i really only just go so that i can spend energy physically, to just get out of my head for sometime.

all of my energy usually goes towards healing my mental health, breaking patterns and recovering from my trauma; and going to the gym really helps with just, giving myself a rest mentally.

and well. the muscle definition is a nice bonus.

anyways. physical activity really is able to be an important step in recovery from a mental illness. i know kt sounds cliche but it really is.

#ptsd #cptsd #depression #recovery #mental health #mental illness #trauma #trauma survivor

[spacechuur]

The journey I'm taking is inside me. Just like blood travels down veins, what I'm seeing is my inner self and what seems threatening is just the echo of the fear in my heart.

Haruki Murakami, from Kafka on the Shore, translated from the Japanese by Philip Gabriel

[spacechuur]

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

[spacechuur]

sometimes you break a cycle by choosing yourself

[spacechuur]

the things i let others see vs what is actually inside my head and body, often is completely different.

yet.. no one notices.

its safer.. im in control.. people see what i want them to see.

but. sometimes.. i wish they would see the real me..

[spacechuur]

Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Signs that you’re living in abuse:

Behavioral patterns of living in abuse

Was I abused? Checklist

Not knowing you are a victim

Signs your family is abusive

Making excuses for your abusive parents

Experience of living in secrecy

What they taught you was abuse

Emotional experiences of living in abuse

Shame and guilt: how abused children feel

What makes parents abusers (actions)

Have I been manipulated into believing abuse was my fault? Checklist

Am I being held hostage by abusers? Checklist

You are not allowed to mention the past

Why you still love abusive parents

Parental behaviour that isn’t normal

Shit parents aren’t supposed to say to you

Experience of “not belonging anywhere”

Red flags for abusive parents

Healthy vs Abusive Chores

Was my childhood abusive or just had some bad parts?

Rules always change (unpredictable environment is abusive)

Breakdown of abusive parent’s behaviour:

“This is my house” rule

Start living in the real life!

Why all the children aren’t abused equally in an abusive home

Common abuser hypocrisies

Do your parents want you to be happy or look happy?

Why do they try to convince you that you’re worthless

Why do they pretend you’re a burden? Controlling behaviour

Why your abusers are not good people

Abusive parents are keeping you in false hope they’ll change

Are your parents preventing you from succeeding?

Abusive parents pretending “it wasn’t that bad”

Double Bind (why every choice you make ends wrong)

Incorporating trauma in raising children

Abusers will not allow you to call them out on abuse

Signs your parents are narcissistic:

Stuff delusional narcissists say

Shit narcissistis parents say

Recognizing emotional immaturity of narcissistic parents

Examples of narcissistic behaviours

Being punished for growing up by narcissistic parents

What children of narcissists go thru

Signs you’ve been thru sexual abuse:

CSA (Childhood Sexual Abuse) Symptoms

Signs you might have endured CSA

Was I sexually abused by adults as a child? Checklist

Signs of abusive friendship/relationship:

How to tell if a friend is not a friend

Am I in an abusive relationship/friendship? Checklist

Manufacturing insecurities

Red flags for abusers

Have I been thru social abuse? Checklist

You can recognize abusers by how they make you feel

How abusive childhood teaches you to stay in abusive relationships

Recognizing abusive friendship

Signs you’re struggling with trauma

Trauma processing information

Experiences of traumatized children

Signs you’re recovering from long term abuse

Things abuse survivors think/say

Thoughts of victims of child abuse

Your brain on trauma

How long term childhood abuse develops into complex trauma (comic)

Ups and downs of trauma

[spacechuur]

Reminder:

It's a bad day, not a bad life.

#depression #ptsd #mental illness #personality disorder #childhood abuse #actually autistic #daily reminder

[spacechuur]

“It’s not always about doing what you want, it’s about doing what you need.”

My therapist told me this a week ago, and suddenly I’ve been going for a walk, making food, taking showers and going grocery shopping. Not that it has been easy at all. But it’s something that I feel like I need to do, to be a better me.

And I gotta say this, my nights hasn’t been as depressed as when I used my days staring into the wall thinking about life.

[spacechuur]

I believe in you. You're going to get through this, and you're going to be okay. You're strong enough, and you're worth it.

[spacechuur]

im opening up more but im so scared to get hurt

[spacechuur]

i have a boyfriend i have a boyfriend i have a boyfriend aaaaah

hes so fucking cute and caring and good at everything and hhhhh i love him so so much

[spacechuur]

i cant stop smiling like an idiot

[spacechuur]

okay holy hell i kind of have a boyfriend now!?

i actually cant fucking believe it yet.

ive never dared to even hope or think about it.

i still find it scary as hell but i just love and love and love him so fucking much.

had to just share the good news on here.

[spacechuur]

have been at my parents home for less than 24hours and im already far below my lowest point.

[spacechuur]

you're not alone.

[spacechuur]

in about a hour and a half ill be at mu parents homr again, for christmas.

im am so so dreading it. i hate life so much rn bht i know im making my mom amd sister a little more happy by being there so ill do it, for them.

im gonna miss the people that are around me daily, where i live. even if its only for two days.

[spacechuur]

i get told by professionals im more self aware than others that have gone through the same things i have, and i know thats a good thing, but sometimes that self awareness is a struggle, bevause i watch myself coping in the wrong ways, having certain thought paths, and i know they're wrong but i do them anyways