shijidaru

[shijidaru]

Oh jeez, it's been like month since I've posted. I'm sorry nobody :'(

So I have this expression I'll say "I'm swell as a bell" instead of being fine or whatever is standard. I thought it was the same kind of quirky anachronistic slang on par with nifty or spiffy or neato.

After a phone call with my dear parent, they commented that they never heard the expression before I started saying it in my early 20s. Then I googled it; no matching results.

Where did it come from? Did I make something unique? Did I inflict a mandella effect on myself for an alliterated phrase?

I implore you, please use this. I may be quirky and unique, but I don't want to be odd and alone, even though they're essentially the same.

#english #self expression #anachronistic #unique #quirky #so weird

[shijidaru]

I made a Twitter today to ask a YouTube creator a question. I feel so dirty. At least I'm using a codified persona that no one really knows about.

Still, have you even seen those cows with holes in the sides where you can reach inside and feel the cud being digested through a glove? My older siblings was in 4H and I remember that and a sunflower vest, and that's it.

#it’s gross #twitter #cow smuggling #digest #green grass

[shijidaru]

So a lot of people in the LGBTQIA+ community (please correct my acronym) have poor relationships with their families. If mine stayed how it started, my siblings and I would be in the same boat. Luckily, our Mom is the coolest lady ever, got wise and prioritized us... more or less.

My point being, I've always felt like I've failed them and just gave up on having a relationship with my immediate family. Today, I had the best 2hr phone call with my baby sister where she described this GHASTLY house she and hers were living in. We connected on such a personal level as kind of outsiders in the family experience. She and I share so many of the same convictions, and she really she'd some light on the frankly cult like community I grew up around.

I hope to reconsile these tethers with the rest of my sisters, though for 1 or 2 there may be considerable apprehension or even pushback. I don't blame them. In an era of isolation, I just want the opportunity to revive and maintain meaningful connections.

The phrase "blood is thicker than water" actually follows up with "but it makes for poor mortar" meaning genetic tethers are worth very little in the grand scheme of things. It's important to choose who you spend your limited time with/on carefully. I'm lucky enough that my family is deserving of someone better than me but I get to fill that role instead.

I understand that I'd not the case for most and if you ever want to share your woes or achievements, I hope you'll include me. I'd love to celebrate with you, because you really can't have too much family.

#sleepless #family #accepted #found family #family bonding? #invitation

[shijidaru]

TRIGGER WARNING: Gross, bordering on body horror

I had an ear infection. I was living in a filthy depression nest but have since cleaned up. I /assumed/ my ear pain was a result of poor hygiene, and it was...kind of.

At work I wear a headset to man the phones, at home I use a headset while gaming and chatting on discord. In public, I use earbuds to shut out the world and get peace. I'm schizo effective and suffer audio hallucinations, so like someone with tinnitus, I don't do well with quiet.

With my ears covered, dark sweaty and warm, I was the perfect environment for mold to grow. Yes, mold. Growing. In my ear.

Having a fungus growing in your flesh, spreading roots actively consuming you, rotting you alive. It HURTS a LOT. I thought if I let the trash and filth consume me, I'd be a seamless death being gradually absorbed by my environment. NO, being eaten is painful.

I tell y'all this to say I'm dirty, I didn't care, and to not be like me. Instead, please change your pillowcases, wipe your headsets with alcohol, and STOP USING COTTON SWABS TO CLEAN YOUR EARS. This us your call to action.

I use a silicon screw thread hand drill thing. The heads are reusable if you clean them real well, but never will I use a potential harbor for mold spores ever again. TMI be damned, all of you needed to read this.

#mold #body horror #it’s gross #depressing shit #may be triggering #possibly triggering #headphones #hygiene #pillow

[shijidaru]

I've had an epiphany about censorship, and I'd really like to share it before I forget.

If you have a platform, a social media site, for instance, no one is entitled to have truly unlimited free expression on your platform.

Now that you're upset, let me explain. If an idea is submitted by a user, you have an agreement to voice that to your audience. Of course, you credit the author, but people will always judge you by associating with those ideals and the person proposing them. That's how we get accessory, aid and abetting, and harboring charges, especially in the court of public opinion.

An independently owned journal may reject an article if they find it vulgar, that's fine. Usually a platform will have the submission rules in place to state what is and is not allowed.

In the US, we have freedom of speech and press codified in our founding doctrine, the constitution. However, that applies to people hosting the platforms as well. The freedoms detailed are protections from government censorship, and are not there to make Facebook let you post racist minion memes or w/e.

This is why we do not have public, government run forums. The permissions are too broad. If your opinions are so controversial, make your own platform. Print a newsletter, broadcast pirate radio, host a website on a garage server, or just scream in the streets.

If you hand a script to an actor and they refuse to play their part, you find an alternative performer. Nowhere have I seen a playwright decry censorship on their cast.

#censorship #epiphany #freedom #quid pro quo #philosophy

[shijidaru]

I had the most amazing weekends cleaning my depression nest. Honestly if I wasn't so ashamed of my squalor I would've taken before/after pics. So y'all will have to take my word for it.

I donated my old clothes that didn't fit (as motivation to get skinny) but kept the pants I'd gotten too small for instead. I took all the bottles and cans to the drop, but it was closed, so I'll make the trip after work tomorrow. I have a truck scheduled when I get home to haul off the 12× 30gal trash bags of all the garbage as well as the busted futon.

For once, I'll be able to zoom call or video chat on discord without having to be pressed up against the clean wall.

I still have lots of work to do, but my roommate is helping a lot. He de-iced and cleaned my mini-fridge when it was out in the backyard thawing.

I found so many clothes and baubles that I forgot existed. My altar box from pre-schizo diagnosis that I never unpacked, my old Xbox 360 and games, and my musty sexytime box. Did you know that when they touch for long enough they can fuse? I REALLY hope that bag doesn't burst open.

Now I'm trying to sleep in a face mask since my room still stinks of disturbed dust, exhumed trash, and mummified food.

3rd post and it's a curve. 1 more and I'm done, I promise.

#depressing shit #daily achievements #trashpost #memorykeeping #ace pride

[shijidaru]

2nd post, now the trend is a line. I won't do this bit forever, I promise.

Today at my office job, I noticed my mid 50's manager was using a reaction gif in our department's general Teams chat when coworkers were announcing lunchbreaks. I've included it so you too can share in the suffering. It was the same one each time and so unlike his normal sense of humor.

The topic of memes came up in a later conversation between us. He requested that I explain the concept, so I tried using his gif and Far Side calendar as examples. My cube neighbor commented when I came back about how exhausting the exchange must have been. I didn't mind it, I actually enjoyed expanding his knowledge on that newfound interest.

I've always loved helping people learn, even if I'm learning along with them. More often than not I dip down Smarmy Faux-Intellectual Windbag Way straight into Dunning-Kruger Alley, like I did above.

The point is, if you have a question, ask. If I don't know, I'll try to direct you to a credible source. I'll never tell someone to Google it, or claim the question is stupid. There are only 3 types of stupid questions:

1). Those not asked

2). Those that are repeated, but with a different answer expected.

3). Those in which the premise is designed to be obtuse ex: "Why is a Raven like a Writing Desk?"

Outsiders, if you see this, post an ask, or DM me. I promise, I'll be as nice to you as you are to me.

#animated gif #my work #open to all #stupid #questions #anecdote

[shijidaru]

I like how A2 is screaming, and F5 has clearly been telling lies.

Ancient sleeping mountain giants

#anthro #pattern #happy chaos

[shijidaru]

OK first post. I'll try to set my expectations low. I've been intimidated by this site for as long as I've been aware of it. I'm 31 now so I'm finally a grownup.

IDAC if anyone reads this. I'll screem to the void. I had to scrub my online presence attached to my IRL name after a medical debt collect pm'd my aunt on FB. Fun stuff, but in pursuit of a non-twitter outlet, here I am.

I always saw neat little cherry-picked posts on reddit, so forgive me if my first posts are hella cringe.

I guarantee you that I'll be regretting these more than you, so chill out and warm your mitts and piggies over the trash fire that will be my stream of consciousness blaugh.

Also, I do not like the pre-generated tags available on mobile.

#first post #stream of consciousness #i dont even know #self deprecating humor #i got a new phone