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sakusafilm · 2 years

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request : suna + tsukishima with a reader that feels like they're not enough, and thinks that he could find someone better.

୧ • ୨ — cw: gn!reader, fluff, hurt/comfort. anon TT i deleted your ask by accident, but i rlly hope you see this. added shoyo and akaashi for myself hehe.

ぞ | TSUKISHIMA sits at the desk in his room, insistent on completing his work before he moves his attention onto you. you're sitting on his bed, scrolling absently through your phone as you wait for him to finish, more focused on watching him as he bends over his books, frowning at whatever questions he's struggling to answer.

his hair has gotten considerably longer than it was in his first year, blonde bangs straight and smooth as the strands brush over his chocolate eyes. he's grown taller than he already was, too - and now, as the tallest member of his team, he's certainly the one that catches most eyes around the school.

you've heard more than a couple of people gossiping about how he's such a hottie, how they wish he'd date them instead of you — and naturally, it's gotten to you a little. you glance over at your reflection in his mirror, eyeing yourself, and you can't help but have the question slip off your tongue.

"kei," you mumble. "you know, i think you could do better than me." his pencil continues scratching at his paper for a moment, and you think maybe he didn't hear you - but then, he stops. after a pause, he turns to you and stares. "excuse me?"

you nod, slightly flustered that he's giving you such an incredulous look. "ah. i was just wondering. just nevermind, go back to work." he gapes at you for a few more seconds, before rolling his eyes. he drags the chair standing near his dresser over to his desk, and gives the seat a slap. "get over here and help me out. you're making no sense."

you get up and go sit next to him, a little awkward, and he slides some of his papers over to you. he doesn't look up at you, but he clears his throat. "who said i could do better than you?" you blink, taking a pencil out of his bag. "i was just thinking." he turns his worksheet over and gives the blank lines a scowl.

"well, don't think then." he glances at you, and lifts his hand to nudge your shoulder with the back of his pencil. "i don't know what happened, but i'm with you 'cause you're the one i want to be with. you're good for me, alright?" you're still for a moment, before a giggle escapes you upon noticing that there's a hint of red dusted across his face. "kei, you're kinda cute sometimes."

he rolls his eyes again, but he lets you wrap your arms around him and give his cheek a kiss. "whatever." he's stiff for a second, before he eases up and leans into you. his mouth moves in a whisper that you barely catch, despite having your face pressed to his hair. "i love you, okay?"

ぞ | SUNA has his eyes shut, as he lays spread out on your lap, letting you play with his hair as you sit on the sofa, supposedly watching a movie with the volume muted. he leans into your touch every once in a while, when you dig your fingers into his hair, but other than that, he seems to be asleep.

the movie credits roll down the screen at the end, and when you don't turn it off, it restarts - but you don't notice, because you've been watching him, not the movie. the room is dark, and the light from the TV flickers and bounces across, spreading its artificial, static glow across the shadows.

he looks pretty, lashes long and thick over his cheeks, the curve of his nose slight, face chiselled and smooth - and of course, he's all toned muscle as he twists slightly, a little cramped with how he's spread across the sofa that's too small for him to sleep on. you think about him and his teammates on court, all the games you've sat at the front seats for, remembering how amazing he looks out there, focused and so skilled at what he does.

"so pretty, rin." you mumble under your breath. "don't know why you're even with someone like me. "there's silence for a few seconds, before his eyes open, almost with a start. he turns his face up, and your gazes lock — "what?"

you feel your face heat up, eyes flitting away as you clear your throat. "nothing, nothing. i thought you were asleep." he doesn't take it, obviously - and you're forced to meet his eyes again when he props himself up with his elbow, leaning in close enough for your noses to brush against eachother. "what did you just say, hm?"

you open your mouth, but before you can say anything, he shifts forward a little and slots his lips against yours in a soft kiss. "you're gorgeous." he breathes, voice low and sleepy as he affirms you. "so fucking gorgeous. and you're mine." when you kiss him back, he hums comfortably into your mouth. "say it with me, angel. gorgeous, mine."

your blush turns furious, but you repeat his words, as he reaches up and cups your face, running a thumb across your cheek. "i'm gorgeous, and yours." he nods, kissing you again, so soft and gentle that you're almost taken aback. "mhm. and i'm yours."

ぞ | HINATA crosses his legs and brushes off some sand that's on his knee, and pats the space next to him, waving to you with a smile on his face. the sun is bright, reflecting off the sea into your eyes as you step out of the shade of the trees to head down and join him on the shore.

"man," he pulls you close to him, smelling of sweat, sunscreen and ocean salt, as you sit down. "i'm glad we have beaches here. i think i'd get real homesick if it was all city and no sea." his hair's a brighter orange than usual, with the noon sun falling on him, and his eyes sparkle as he leans in to give you a kiss on the cheek.

you drop your head onto his shoulder, and stretch your legs out as the sea comes rushing in. the water is cool, lapping at your feet for a second before ebbing away again.

he's telling you about what happened during his practise match earlier this morning, something about how he hasn't seen heitor so into the game in a while, and you love listening to his rambling - but you can't help but wonder what exactly he meant, when he said what he said about getting homesick.

you've always had it in the back of your mind, a sort of warning or resignation - something about how your shoyo would probably be much happier if he went back to japan and stayed there, with his family and his friends, instead of coming back here and becoming part of the brazilian league.

you know he did it because he wanted to, and you're happy to have him with you, but you can't help but think that maybe it'd be better for him if he went back home. if he was with someone else, somewhere else. "shoyo," you voice it out, because you think there's never going to be a better time.

"yeah?" he blinks, hazel eyes so pretty as he looks over at you. you take in a breath. "i was just . . . thinking. what if you moved back to japan?" confusion washes over his expression at your words.

"what do you mean? i'm not moving." you shake your head, relaxing a little when he places a warm, assuring hand on your thigh. "i just thought, wouldn't it be better for you if you . . . stayed there, and found someone there instead? you're - well - you're not lonely here, are you?" he looks like he's contemplating your question for a bit, before his mouth stretches into an easy smile again.

"not really. i love it here, you know. i'm happy — i have you, too. and i love you." his smile is contagious. you close the distance between your faces, and kiss him. he giggles into the embrace, and raises a hand to tangle his fingers into your hair. "can't be lonely, when i have you and all my dreams in my hands."

ぞ | AKAASHI opens the door to his office when you knock. his response to your knuckles on the door is quick, but the first thing you see when he wheels it open is how tired he looks, metal blue eyes rimmed with a hazy red, fluffy black hair disheveled and glasses tilted on his nose. "keiji."

all the indignance you'd walked up to his office with drains away when you peek into the room and notice all the papers strewn across his desk, pens scattered over them, and when you eye the computer monitor, you see all the open tabs, half written emails and articles opened up on the screen.

". . . you should take a break." you say, instead of asking him why he missed the date you two had planned for the evening. it's 08:33 at night now, and you'd just come back after waiting two hours at the cafe you'd meant to visit with him. you're tired too — but not nearly as tired as he is.

his eyes widen all of a sudden - and with only one glance back at all his undone work, he steps out of the room and shuts the door behind him. "oh — oh. I forgot about— I'm so sorry." he starts, and you're feeling terrible now, for being so angry as you walked back home, shaking your head and raising your hands to stop him.

"no, no keiji it's okay! i get it - do you have a deadline that's coming up or something?" he nods, looking upset - and you know it's not about his work, but that he's let you down on this - and you wish you could be better for him, you wish you could help him a little during days like these.

"it's okay, really." you try. "i-i just . . . it's okay. we can go out another day." he opens his mouth again, and you take him by the shoulders and shake your head again. "it's alright, baby - i'm so sorry. if only i could help you. if i were someone else, maybe—"

it comes out without you meaning to - and maybe if you'd completed your sentence he wouldn't have understood what the implication was, but you cut yourself off, and his gaze becomes pained again. "what do you mean by that?"

you're silent for a moment, because you don't want to say anything - it's already so tense between you two, and you don't want anything to happen— he takes your hands, and you have to look up at him.

"you know i love you, right?" he says, and there's something that's almost pleading in his voice. you nod immediately, curling your fingers around his wrists. "of course, keiji."

his shoulders relax a little at your answer, but there's still weariness in his eyes. "let's . . . go to sleep." he mutters. "and we can. go out for breakfast tomorrow?" you pull him into a hug, and he sinks into you, feeling small and fragile in your hold. you nod, leaning your cheek into his hair. "yeah. yeah, that sounds good."

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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happy birthday

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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author i will kiss you on the mouth fr

im absolutely in love with the "Sakusa kiyoomi is in love with you" series

it was such a good read, made me feel so much emotions. pls continue with the series I'd love to read more of it <3

omg thank uuu!! giv me that kiss 😘 lol

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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daylight — sugawara koushi

you once believed love would be burning red, but with koushi— it's like golden daylight.

fem!reader, a toxic relationship with oika, friends to lovers, just sunshines and rainbows honestly

haikyuu boys as taylor swift songs masterlist

sugawara koushi doesn't get mad.

or atleast, he doesn't get mad without knowing the whole story. he's very rational. he's a mediator. he thinks before speaks. and when he does get mad, you know it's over. because when suga gets mad, that means he's really really mad.

you've been with koushi since six years old, after their family moved to miyagi, specifically at the newly renovated house beside yours. and during those years, you only saw him lost his shit three times—when kids tried to pick on you, when someone tried to hurt his dog and when someone insulted you in class. three times and it's something you won't be able to forget because two of those involves you. you're lowkey the pain in sugawara's ass, you cannot even deny that.

so now, you know how much you fucked up as koushi did not even spare you a glance in the crowded hallways of karasuno. he's mad.

however, this time, you couldn't bring yourself to ask the reason why koushi is mad at you. is it because you told him not to get involve with you and your boyfriend? but that's literally something that everyone does. koushi is your bestfriend, and he's important to you, but for you, he really should not stress himself out because of your romantic relationship. you should settle things with your boyfriend alone.

“sawamura,” during recess, you saw karasuno's captain, daichi sawamura, having lunch with the rest of the team. all of the boys looked at you, “where's koushi?”

“told us he's not hungry and stayed in the classroom.” daichi answered.

“that little shit!” their eyes widened at your comment, “i told him to stop skipping his meals!”

“tanaka, is that sugawara's girlfriend?” a second year whispered, but just enough for you to hear. sawamura and azumane laughed.

“i'm not,” you answered the question yourself, “i'm oikawa tooru's girlfriend, though.”

dumbfounded once again, you left the volleyball team quietly. you heard gasps of surprise when you left them. the same reaction you get from everyone whenever you tell them that.

at first, there was a sense of pride and amusement whenever people finds out that you're tooru oikawa's one and only girlfriend.

you know tooru even before you actually met him. he's famous. you heard his name from a couple of friends, acquaintances and even from koushi. he's a star, and somehow, that word even feels like an understatement when it comes to him. he's the setter and the captain of one of the greatest high school volleyball teams in miyagi— aoba johsai.

yes, he's a big deal.

you met oikawa through a mutual friend— issei matsukawa. issei was a childhood friend, like suga. but they moved houses before suga came, so issei and suga did not really met each other. you kept talking to issei through the years though, and it just happens that he's also a volleyball nerd and is playing for aoba johsai.

you went to issei's birthday last summer and met tooru there. he asked for your number and dated for three months before calling it official.

dating oikawa felt unreal at first. he's sweet and caring, very gentle with his words. consistent. at first. in the middle of the relationship, specifically six months after it became official, almost knowing each other for nine months, tooru just... changed.

“captain, __ is here!” kunimi, a first year in aoba johsai, told him. after class, you went straight to oikawa just to visit him. it's been a week since you last saw him. he stopped spiking after that and looked at you. his eyebrows furrowed.

oh, wow. a week of not talking to each other and this is what you'll get?

“why are you here?” tooru asked.

“do you have time to talk?” you sighed, “i just... if you just have the time, if you cannot make time then—”

“i do.”

tooru dropped the ball in his hands before going to the bench. he sipped from his tumbler before going to you again. the both of you went out of the gymnasium quietly after oikawa reminded his teammates to do their training properly.

“tooru,” you called him once no one is around. he just stared at you, “can we please... please talk about it? whatever it is that's making you mad, whatever it is that's driving you to be like this.”

“damn, you really don't know.” he scoffed and smirked.

“i am not a fucking fortune teller, oikawa! how would i know if you're not telling something to me?” you exclaimed in anger, “you are so cruel expecting me to immediately know what you feel! if i am wrong, i will apologize. but the fuck, this is just getting tiring. i have no idea why you're being like this at all.”

“then let's break up.”

it's insane how tooru's eyes doesn't scream confidence tonight as he looks at you, the complete opposite of how he said that. like, he's hesitating, but he cannot show it because of his pride. like that pride is the only thing he have right now and he cannot lose it anymore. not for anyone else, not for you. like he will endure it all— he can. or trying to.

“you're just proving that koushi's right—”

“for you. he is always right, i do not even have to say it,” he sarcastically asked, “the best friend! the one call away! the rational one! at the end of the day, you will always believe his words more than mine. you will always be on his side, even if i'm on the other.”

you felt a growing torn in your throat as you continuously listen to him.

“he knows fucking everything. every single thing about you, right? your favorite color, your favorite food, your favorite movie.” he says, “i can never stand a chance against sugawara. it's sickening.”

“what the fuck are you trying to say?” you asked him in disbelief. your eyes threatening to fall as you stare at him, “tooru, you're my boyfriend—”

“to end this once and for all and go to suga, like what you always do.” he firmly said, “i can't be behind your bestfriend's shadow all the damn time.”

“tooru, i really do not understand. i am—”

“you are in love with koushi, more than you're in love with me, __.” he smiled painfully at you. you felt like everything stopped the moment tooru told you that, “you haven't realized it yet. or i don't know, maybe you're afraid of recognizing your feelings. but god, just... just go. just go to him.”

you? in love with your bestfriend?

it was the funniest you have ever heard. you almost laughed at the nonsense, except you didn't. it felt more like a punch in the gut, or like ice cold water from antartica washing through your system. you couldn't move or react, or laugh at the miserable statement.

sugawara koushi is your bestfriend, and you're in love with him? that happy go lucky guy? that smart ass? the boy who isn't ashamed to pick his booger in front of you? the one who doesn't care if you did not take a bath for two days? (disgusting) that one person who is with you every step of the way?

you're in love with him?

“__!”

tooru scoffed, hearing suga's angry voice, looking intently at you, “and there he is.”

sugawara grabbed your wrist, “let's go home! stop wasting your time to this man!”

tooru turned his back away from you, doesn't even wait for your response. you let koushi pull you away until you're out of seijoh's campus. stopping in the bus stop so the both of you could wait for a ride home.

the sun is setting.

miyagi is a prefecture build with mountains and hills, making it a little closer to the sky than others. from where you stand with sugawara, it is mellow; flaming; autumnal. filling the sky with yellow and orange shades, fading to blue. in literary works, whenever a sunset comes, it signifies end. but you were doubtful today, as it felt like a new beginning.

“why did you go after me?” you finally spoke.

“why wouldn't i? i cannot turn a blind eye and let you beg that man to treat you right and—”

“tooru told me something.” you looked at him, you chuckled, but sugawara didn't and waited for your next words, “something crazy, unimaginable. he's fucking insane and sick for thinking that way.”

“what did he say?” koushi asked.

“that can never happen. that is a lie. i will never—” you sighed, “i can't believe he said that. i can't believe that—”

“what did he—”

you looked at sugawara again, tears threatening to fall. his lips parted, a bit confused about what you're saying and why you're about to cry infront of him. but anger rises from within him, wanting to go back in seijoh and punch oikawa from doing this to you.

“i hate that man.” koushi utters, “he is so fucking stupid for doing this—”

“i am not in love with you, koushi.”

his eyes widened. now, he's more confused. but despite the confusion, a pang hit his chest as he looks at you. oddly, it felt more like you're just convincing yourself and it's not something you're sure about.

the bus finally came but neither of you moved until it just went away, leaving you and koushi alone under the bus stop, and the tint of orange sky.

“that's impossible.” you uttered under your breath.

“i'm—”

“tooru told me that i am in love with you. but that's impossible, right?” you asked him, “i can't be in love with you. we are bestfriends. i can't seem to understand why he thinks that—”

“why is it impossible?” suga asked, “why does the thought of falling in love with me scares you to death?”

“because it's impossible, koushi.” you told him, the growing fear inside your chest making you tremble as you catch his striking eyes. the light grey haired boy in front of remains unfazed.

because for him, it's the most possible thing in the world.

“you cannot love me back,” you continuously spoke, “and it will just end up hurting me... or you. and this friendship will be ruined and—”

“stop thinking for a moment.” koushi cuts you off, “stop thinking about what could happen. it's infuriating,”

“koushi—”

“because i am in love with you, __.”

your lips parted, stunned at the sudden confession.

then, you stare at his face. his brown eyes, his beauty mark. then, you see stardusts hiding beneath his irises. then, your head rewinded everything with him. your best friend. the one who gets mad the most when you're hurting. the one who will always come to rescue you, no matter if you're in the middle of a hurricane or a storm. sugawara will always find a way to go to you. then, his jokes, his laughs. then, his confession. then, you heard your heart.

racing. pounding.

“since we were ten, when you still love that doll. everyday, even if you are the stinkiest person i've ever met. until now, even if you are convincing yourself that you're not in love with me,” he said.

you're a horrible person.

because maybe... tooru is right.

maybe you are in love with your best friend—sugawara koushi.

“i'm afraid, suga.” you told him.

“me too,”

because now, the both of you doesn't want to look at anything else. but each other's eyes, reflecting the golden daylight of the sunset.

“but it's okay,” koushi breathes, “the night could haunt until it gets tired, but daylight is what we will still always wake up to.”

you stared at the sky.

all this time, you thought love was intense, that it could be angry, that it's necessary to bleed, to beg, to endure. love isn't just red, it's always a mix of blue and orange, like daylight.

it doesn't burn, it lives.

you smiled at koushi, “you aren't mad at me anymore?”

“damn... i still am.” he chuckled.

#sugawara #sugawara koushi #sugawara x reader #hq #haikyuu!!#sugawara fluff #oikawa x reader #oikawa #sugawara bestfriends to lovers #i sound so in love while writing this hell #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu x y/n

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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i want a kita nendoroid but im poor rn

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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This fic of yours is so good! Even though i hate kiyoomi for being such a bastrd😣 i feel like i can relate to the reader so much! The reader really deserve better! Not only she is failing but her boyfriend doesn't love her anymore and cheating on her😭 i really can't imagine how hurt is that😭 did u plan on writing a part 2? Kinda wish he's regretting or begging her to come back tho:')

Anyway, welcome to tumblr!:)

was really thinking of doing a part 2 !! so here it is. hope u like it 🍰

in which kiyoomi sakusa begs for you to come back.

sakusa x fem!reader, kita x fem!reader, angst, they fought and like punched each other, mentions of bokutitties LMAO

part 1

nine years.

you spent nine years of your life with kiyoomi sakusa, just to fall apart.

you always believed that people, indeed, just come and go. some of them will be just seasonal. your high school friends, your college friends. for some reason, you lost a lot of connections through the years. and it's not like someone's at fault, it just happened. because, well, people come and go.

but with kiyoomi, you never expected it to happen.

you were so sure that he is someone that you will spend the rest of your days with. you were so sure that he will marry you someday. you were so sure that he is a permanent one. he wasn't just a boyfriend or a partner, he was your bestfriend. so you never expected it.

although you knew that falling out of love hurts, it was the betrayal that is killing you. because falling out love isn't inevitable, but betraying you... like he never loved you... is beyond all of this. it's his choice.

after leaving sakusa's apartment, you moved to a smaller one near the hospital where you're working. you had nothing but some personal things that you tried to fit into your one and only luggage. but that's fine, you know you won't be staying at home much. the plan is to tire yourself out until you pass out.

you chuckle at your own self-destructing thoughts. you want to pass out and find out what hurts more, slamming your butt against the floor or kiyoomi's words. ah, you're going crazy for real.

for the next three months, that's what you did. work your ass off, volunteer doing the things you don't have to do so that you'll have an excuse to stay in the hospital. you basically lived there and if it weren't for some upperclassmen who nagged you, you really won't go home.

your review for the next licensure exams did not stop while brainstorming about your next individual dissertation. and you love tiring yourself out for things like this. you prefer this than think about kiyoomi again.

“sakusa kiyoomi for the first service ace of the game! nasty as always!”

today is different.

you can't escape him and his famous ass today. everyone, like literally everyone, is talking about the next match between adlers and black jackals. this is a highly anticipated match—so every phone, laptop and television around the hospital is on it.

after the adlers lost to jackals a few months ago, this is the most awaited revenge.

you're scribbling random notes in the quarters as your colleagues cannot contain their excitement towards the game. some are throwing awkward looks at you. they know your relationship with kiyoomi, and even if you didn't talk, it's obvious that you're over because of the continuous dating articles about him for the previous months. your colleagues never asked why, but they are hardly trying to be sensitive towards what you feel. you appreciate that, but they don't really have to.

you really understand how kiyoomi is famous and you cannot avoid him all the time so when their stares became too bothering, you looked at them, “just enjoy the game, guys. stop staring.”

“s-sorry, doctor!” someone said, “we just—”

“it doesn't matter to me, so please don't mind me and just enjoy watching.” you chuckled at them.

it's a lie, ofcourse. it does matter to you.

and even if you understand that kiyoomi is famous and all that shit, it still hurts. just hearing his name hurts. hearing and realizing that he's been doing so well hurts. because... why are you the only one miserable? why does it seem like you're the only one who got hurt? he continued in winning, being admired, being loved.

it felt unfair.

“bokuto caught the ball with his titties again!” they laughed, “he's literally my favorite, god! i'm starting to think that he's actually practicing that move in training!”

“better put that chest to use.”

you wanted to laugh and watch with them about the game like you used to. but you cannot endure seeing kiyoomi again even for a second because even after six months since that day, no progress has been made.

even if you work until you pass out, or read and try to retain information in your head—you still remember him. you still love him. and who can blame you? god, you fucking spent almost half of your life with that man. you grew up with him. you showed him parts of you that you can never show to other people. you believed him, you know. genuinely.

“seems like msby will win again.”

you wanted adlers to make msby eat dust this time out of bitterness, but that's not happening at all. seems like everyone in msby trained so hard for this match. atsumu miya is on fire with his sets, shoyo hinata showed new moves, kotarou bokuto can even joke and play around, and kiyoomi sakusa isn't being playing around with his spikes. he has always been so competitive with volleyball but today, there's something different about him. like... he's mad and going insane at the same time.

seems like you have to wait for another game before it's msby's outside hitter 15's turn to eat some shit.

kiyoomi scored so much with his spikes in the game. if it was an official game, he probably became the mvp. in the locker room, atsumu glanced at sakusa who's been staring at the floor too much. bokuto hummed as he tries to read the mood of the room and shoyo made face, trying to make him shut up.

“stop staring,” sakusa, as always, has some great intuitions. everyone knows that. that's why it's a riddle for the three boys why he did what he... just did. to be frank, they are annoyed by it. especially atsumu. he knows how much you love his moody teammate, he watched how much you supported him from the sidelines.

“you were on edge the whole game,” miya commented, “it was a nice game but you have to know that being angry disrupts a lot in the system we built during practice.”

“i...” sakusa tried to search for words, “i'm just a little fired up earlier.”

“you're not fired up, omi.” miya says, “you're so mad, you're trying to ease the anger in you.”

“shut the fuck up. are you a therapist?” sakusa scoffs.

“it's so obvious.” atsumu answers, “you fucked up real bad. hope you know that.” kiyoomi looks at him, “and no, i'm not talking about the game.”

he knows. he fucking knows.

forgetting kiyoomi sakusa is the hardest thing you ever tried to do your whole life. the memories are following you around. taunting and haunting, like those dreamlike days suddenly became a nightmare.

you know exactly what you need to do: move on. there's no other way but to move forward. you cannot let sakusa have the luxury to ruin more things for you. you deserve better than mopping around for a man who left you first.

so after a year, you started meeting new people. a lot of colleagues tried to set you up with a date with their friends. you agreed, ofcourse. you're single, a professional, beautiful. you can definitely agree to it. and these dates reminded you how huge it is out there.

it was fun and amusing to see men try so hard to please you with what they have. one time, you had a date with this lawyer who just talked about the cases he loved handling. it's pretty interesting for you. a lot of them are really interesting. but not consistent.

“you better have fun, dr. __!” dr. uchinaga has been nagging you to meet his nephew for a lot of times already. he waited until you finally agreed, “my nephew is a gentleman. very responsible and smart. i really think that this will work out.”

he's a senior doctor in the hospital and you couldn't reject it, but to be honest, it's making you curious too. he's been sweet talking about his handsome and responsible nephew for months now, and even told you that the man likes you too. at last, it's happening.

this one felt different. you don't know why but this makes you nervous.

you arrived at the restaurant five minutes early from the time that dr. uchinaga told you. it's a michelin five star restaurant in the middle of tokyo, very famous to tourists because of their traditional japanese food.

“uh, a reservation under dr. uchinaga—”

“a reservation under dr. uchinaga—” you looked at the man who spoke in unison with you.

“kita shinsuke.” you almost choked on air. you blinked, couldn't believe the gray-haired man infront of you. your lips parted as you stare at him.

“i think we should be together tonight.” he uttered with the same confidence you remember from years ago.

no way. yes way.

you're dumbfounded as you stare at kita shinsuke but when you managed to offer his arms to you, you mindlessly took it and walked with him inside the restaurant. this is a joke, right? kita shinsuke? the kita shinsuke? inarizaki's former captain? your high school crush?

he is your date tonight?

your heart is racing. something about seeing shinsuke again after years is making you excited. god, you were head over heels for him before you met your damned ex. back then, everyone's gushing over the top five aces of japan or the miya twins, and then there's you admiring shinsuke from afar.

you admired the calmness in him. you admired his precise words. there's nothing extraordinary about his plays but no one can beat him in the mindset department. he is not just book smart, he is wise. especially if compared to teenagers back then.

“do you—”

shinsuke chuckled, “you first.”

you chuckled too, “oh, i was just going to ask if you remember me but then i remembered that it has been like... ten years? so... this is probably a coincidence...”

“oh, not really.” he answered. your lips parted. your face doesn't show it much, but disbelief is crawling under your skin. but, he doesn't know you. or atleast he didn't care about his admirers back then.

“my uncle showed me a picture of his favorite junior. i wouldn't agree to this if i don't know you,” he says, you figured that out, hell! that's just so him, “so yes, i remember you. and i bet you... still remember me?”

“i do!” you quickly told him. damn, how could you forget? you remembered travelling to hyogo just to watch their final match. you brought a banner you did to cheer for him. you were such a fangirl back then, “i do... remember you. i mean— i—”

he chuckled, “let's not talk about high school if that makes you awkward.”

shinsuke made sure that you are comfortable with him throughout the dinner. he is true to his words. he did not ask about high school and kept asking about work. you decided that it would be fun to go to skytree after dinner and he agreed.

you already know this since high school but kita is different.

all this time, you talked to people who wanted to impress you. you never felt that with him. is it because he's confident enough? you're not sure, but you feel like it's deep rooted to the fact that if this ends, it won't be his lost, but yours. dr. uchinaga is right, he has a very responsible and amazing nephew.

“if you don't mind me asking...” he said, “you're not with—”

you looked at him, “i am not with him anymore. yes.” you looked at the view from the skytree.

lo and behold, japan's night lights.

“i think i won't be here with you if i have a boyfriend...” you chuckled.

“right.” he chuckled back, “it's rude to say good to hear, right?”

“yes, that's rude, kita.” you laughed.

the drive home was fun. shinsuke insisted to drive you. he talked about the farm and how he just went to tokyo again for a little vacation. he's staying in the suburbs, loving his best life quietly. and you can't stop yourself from answering, “that's so you.”

it's embarassing. it's as if you know so much about him!

“you know me well,” he commented, “what else do you know about me?”

he gave you a small smirk, you chuckled, “oh, i know a lot. like the way you watch your teammates whenever they are in game like a fox. or the way you clean the comfort room in inarizaki—”

he suddenly laughed, “alright, alright. you were such a fangirl back then. to be honest, the cheering doesn't matter to me.”

oh, you know.

“but when you started not showing up in games, it kinda felt dull.” you were stunned, “so if you ask me if i remember you, i do. you are loud everytime we are in a match and i don't have a lot of supporters back then compared to the miyas, so... kind of hard to forget, honestly...”

“thought you were annoyed by those cheers.” you told him.

“i didn't mind. that's all.” he answered you.

when you and kiyoomi started dating each other, ofcourse, you stopped supporting and going to kita's games. but now that you're out here, hearing what he thinks of you years ago, you cannot help but ask yourself: what if you rejected sakusa? what if you continued supporting shinsuke?

“i can go home from here.” you told him when you saw the convenience store near your apartment. he stopped the car slowly, “thank you for today. i had so much fun.”

“me too.” he smiled, “i'll go home to hyogo tomorrow but will be back for the weekend again. would you like to... uhm...”

“see each other again?” you asked him, “i don't mind, if it's not a bother to you.”

“it's not.” he immediately told you, “i would love to know more about you.”

your stomach felt heavy the moment you stepped out of the car. you waited for kita to drive away first before you started walking home.

the thought of being back in the first stage of getting to know someone makes you feel... angry. kiyoomi actually wasted your time. the years you spent together. and now, you don't fucking know you can actually do this again because the fear of shinsuke dropping you once you invested everything to him is inevitable. it's already rooted in your trauma.

if a man who was with you for nine years can do that, what more for a man that you just met again today?

you sighed at yourself. you have to stop thinking for a moment. it will be okay. kita is so different from kiyoomi. and besides, he's just trying to get to know you. it's not like you'll enter a relationship immediately with him.

“__,” you stopped walking. your heart stopped. your hands became cold as you slowly face the man who called your name.

in a black hoodie, black ballcap and black facemask. lean and tall with his curly hair, after a year of trying to build these walls against him, you realized how you haven't made any progress at all. sakusa kiyoomi stands across from you, the only thing you can see are his eyes.

the lamppost where he's leaning is lighting his face up.

“sakusa.” saying his name again has a bitter aftertaste.

“can we talk?”

“we have nothing to talk about, kiyoomi.” you firmly told him, “leave.”

“just tonight, just... hear me out... baby—”

”do not!” you exclaimed, tears threatening to fall, “do not fucking call me that... do not fucking come here like it's my fault that i don't want to talk to you... do not fucking come here like i should listen to you! because i don't! i owe you nothing!”

”ofcourse... ofcourse, baby...” he removed his mask and took a step closer. you took a step backward and looked at him again.

“it's been a year, sakusa. just leave,”

“it's all my fault. i know.” he says, “i have no excuses. i did it. i kissed another woman. i betrayed you. i ruined everything. i ruined us. i could rest but i chose to do the shittiest thing that i could ever do to you. i wasted everything. it took me a while, but i know that now.”

“and what do you want me to do? take you back like nothing happened?” you remarked, “i am not a pushover, sakusa. i you genuinely loved me, you will never do that... you will never even think of it... but you still did...”

you turned your back from him.

“i miss you so much,” god, he's so cruel. he's a fucking asshole for doing this to you. and you can't allow this. you can't be tamed by this, you can't forgive him so easily, “i am stupid and foolish. but i still love you, __. i just want to tell you this, i just want you to know. you don't have to tell me anything. but when i told you, back then, that i don't love you anymore... it was my pride talking for me...”

you still love him too. but if there's one thing you learned from all of this: it's love being not enough. it's not enough to make you stay. it's not enough to forgive. because you can be angry to those who you love, and that's okay. those feelings are messy and confusing, but they are valid.

“it's over, sakusa.” you said, stopping yourself from tearing up in front of him before finally walking inside the apartment.

but for kiyoomi sakusa, it's not yet over.

after that night, he constantly sent you gifts at home and at the hospital. it varies from flowers to chocolates to snacks to coffees and everything he knows that you love. sometimes, he would wait infront of the lamppost again but you won't stop walking and you won't give him even an ounce of attention, leaving him in emptiness.

on the other hand, shinsuke has been so consistent too. video calls on your free time, dates on your day offs. he would travel from hyogo to tokyo consistently to be with you. he's making you try new things— that secret starbucks recipe, the pink tulips that you hated before, the dark chocolate that you never tried because you were so inlove with the milk chocolate.

“thanks for today, uh,” you stopped tracking of the dates you had with kita already, “do you want to go to my apartment? it's just, uhm, you told me that you want to see this new netflix movie and i also want to—”

“i'd love to.” he smiled at you, “don't be nervous, it's just me.”

you smiled back at him. it's been five months. for others, it may seem fast. but for you, it's already slow enough. shinsuke has been so considerate enough.

he held your hand as the both of you walk to your apartment. it's still early and you're so sure that kiyoomi won't be waiting outside. you're so sure— until you saw his figure waiting. your eyebrows furrowed and you stopped walking. shinsuke looked at you.

kiyoomi is standing there, holding a huge bouquet of red roses. immediately, kita figured it out, “think i have to go—”

“no you don't,” you looked at him, “please don't go,”

he looks at you and slowly nodded, holding your hand tightly as you walk with him. sakusa stands up properly, looking at you and the faux haired boy holding your hand tightly. the bouquet fell on the dust. regret, anger and pain crawling in kiyoomi's system. sakusa knows kita shinsuke, your crush. before him, there's kita.

“__,” sakusa called your name.

kita stares at him.

“please leave, sakusa,” you said, “you see, i don't have the time to talk to you or to even treat you like a guest. just... leave...”

your eyes met his and slowly, a pang of guilt and pain went through your system. these days, you've been thinking why that sensation of guilt and pain has been washing through you whenever you look at him, despite being angry. despite of everything he did.

is it love? you don't think so.

or maybe it is? you're unsure.

because if it's love, maybe it's the love you had with him back then. the love he wasted. the love he discarded like trash for temporary pleasure. and maybe, you will keep hurting for him, for the both of you, because you will continue to grieve for the lost chances. you will keep hurting for each other and think about your what could've beens. you will keep grieving for the memories and the photographs you shared. you will keep hurting for what hurts because you're human.

but it doesn't mean that you'll want him back.

slowly, kiyoomi bended his knees. kita's eyes widened, and yours too. he kneeled in front of you. his pants being dirtied by the dust on the ground. like a bouquet of flower losing his it's life, sakusa kiyoomi is begging you to come back to him. right now. in front of shinsuke.

“stand—”

“you jerk!” shinsuke took his collar and gave him a strong punch, “stop making her feel guilty! stop bothering someone who is doing everyone to forget about you! you wanted this! you ended things! you—”

”kita,” you calmly called his name, “please stop.”

shinsuke calmed down with that, moving away from kiyoomi and going behind you. he got too carried away, and now he's letting you handle this on your own.

“go home, omi.” after so long, he finally heard you call him by his nickname again. making him tear up.

“i don't know what's home anymore,” he whispered, just enough for you to hear.

“then build one again.” you answered, “nurture one again. start over again. because omi, this isn't home anymore.”

“is that what you tried to do?” he asked.

you nodded at him, “i changed the way i drink my coffee. i changed my favorite flowers. i really don't have to, but it helps. it helps a lot. i changed my routine. i built a home from nothing when you left me. and if i could do it, you could do it too.”

“baby—”

“kiyoomi, forgive yourself. we are just meant to fall apart.” you whispered.

“i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry,” he said.

“you were amazing and painful to love. you brought me feelings that i never thought i could feel. and the past nine years of my life has been such a rollercoaster ride. i am still thankful to you, for taking care of me, for loving me, for enduring me. so please go home... go home and rest... because you can't keep doing this anymore...” you said.

silence embraced the three of you. the wind is almost whistling to your ear. your heart is racing as you grasp kita's hand.

kiyoomi slowly nodded and looked at you, “are you happy? genuinely,”

you nodded at him.

sakusa looks at you tonight like he will always love you. and you remember him back then, being so in love with you. tears started falling through your cheeks.

it's over.

kita shinsuke is inlove with you.

so when you started not going to his matches, it started being so dull for him. the annoying, loud girl is not cheering for him anymore. he never envied the attention that the miya twins has been getting but it sure as hell good to hear someone shouting his name from the audience.

you found out that you're dating sakusa kiyoomi in social media. he knows that it's you, because you have that smile in your pictures with him. and then he thought, right, she's from itachiyama. it's even a riddle for him how you managed to travel to hyogo everytime he has game. but he shouldn't be thinking about that now, because he will never see you again.

until it's not what happened and he managed to see you again. for a date. does that mean that you broke up with kiyoomi sakusa? after all those years?

when he confirmed it, he couldn't let go of the opportunity. he doesn't care if he travels from tokyo to hyogo every single day, that's what you did for him in high school, anyway. he will answer your call in a blink of an eye, hear your rants about that toxic colleague that makes it hard for you to work.

“shin!” tears filled your eyes as you hugged your boyfriend of two years, “i can finally have my second specialization!”

your dreams, your aspirations, your hard work. he loved every bit of it. he loves hearing about it.

“ah, i'm so proud of you,” shinsuke chuckled to your ears, “marry me.”

you chuckled, “i will. next week, right?”

finally.

you realized that time was never a factor. it is not a hindrance if we don't let it be one. a nine year relationship could fail and a two year relationship could be your happy ending, you will never know.

there's only one thing you know, though.

you and shinsuke... you love each other.

#kiyoomi sakusa #haikyuu!!#sakusa x reader #sakusa x you #msby sakusa #sakusa fluff #sakusa angst #kita shinsuke #kita x reader #kita fluff

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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thinking about kita shinsuke

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sakusafilm · 2 years

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the way i loved you — miya atsumu

it's 2am and you're cursing atsumu's name, and you're so in love that you act insane.

atsumu x fem!reader, bokuto x fem!reader, love triangle (lol), cursing, fuck buddies, mentions of sex but nothing smut (just for the sake of the fuck buddies narrative), angst (?)

haikyuu boys as taylor swift songs masterlist

there are really just some people... who are hard to forget.

and we will never understand why... even after the toxicity, the mixed signals, the chaos— it's still gonna be that person whom we want to see when we go home. we are always willing to compromise, to ask for an apology for something we never did... as long as they are here. as long as it's them.

“thanks for tonight, kotaro.”

bokuto kotaro is a gentleman. opposite of his funny facade, you had a very intelligent talk with him. he talked about science, and you loved it because, well, you love science too. every now and then, he would throw jokes and sometimes, he's effortlessly funny as he interacts with almost everyone he sees.

you enjoyed the date, long story short. the steak was great. the view from the skytree was breathtaking. your date was dashing, you're envied by every woman who saw. it was a night well spent and a second time isn't impossible, so you agreed. you agreed when bokuto asked you if wanted to spend time with him in universal studios osaka.

you were so confident when you nodded at him, with a huge smile on your face. planning out your first itinerary which would be the attack on titan themed park and that stupidly expensive levi ackerman popcorn holder. but once you entered your apartment, dimmed lights and emptiness welcomes you again.

you sat down on the couch quietly, removing your heels and finally letting your feet rest. you feel like passing out in the couch already, yet you never realized how tired you were outside. and this is exactly why you hate being alone. it makes you tired. it's not just being alone, you feel lonely.

you shut your eyes and cursed the air.

fuck you.

fuck you, atsumu miya.

you went out today, meeting a good man who seems so willing to give you the best and then you come home and remember that jerk once again. it's insanity. it's insanity how you allowed him to claim parts of you that no one could ever know. it's insanity how you remember him even in your own home, when he probably doesn't give a fuck about you anymore the moment he walked out last month.

he won't give a fuck. you know.

in his own words, you're just my fuck buddy.

nothing more, nothing less. that's how he sees you. a person of convenience. he will kiss you when he wants to and will drop you when he's done. you're nothing to him. what's worse is you know that you will be discarded sooner or later, and still you're out here, having a hard time forgetting about that man.

in your defense, you didn't know that it would happen. when you agreed to atsumu, you also just agreed because of sex.

you hated his guts, that's why you were so confident that you won't fall in love with him. he's arrogant and egoistic. a lot of times, he thinks that he's the best in the world. he wants people to meet his standards. he was the annoying twin brother between him and osamu miya. he's obsessed with volleyball. he's always shouting.

but atsumu miya... is apparently more than that. he took care of you too—brought you medicines when you're on your period, brought you homemade food and ate dinner with you whenever you're sad. he will throw jokes from time to time, and he would laugh even before throwing it. he loves to color his hair in blonde, blue or even ash gray.

whenever he caresses you, he's always gentle. taking his time, as if you were the most beautiful girl in the world. he would shower you compliments. he would kiss your forehead. intertwining your fingers onto him.

whenever you're skin-to-skin with him, it always felt right. like he's a missing puzzle, like he fits perfectly with you.

you were confused. you don't know if it's just you romanticizing the thought of him, or it's really him trying to be romantic. you got an answer early, though. it was all a lie. or maybe, you were just delusional that you thought atsumu miya likes you.

you opened your eyes and lazily stood up from the couch when someone knocked, combing your long black hair with your fingers and fixing the tight body hugging black dress you wore tonight.

you slowly opened the door, thinking it's just the old lady next door who loves giving you side dishes. but a yellow haired boy stunned you.

wearing a black hoodie from his team, hair is down the his usual styling. hands inside the pocket of his black jeans, atsumu miya returned to you. you can't help but scoff, looking at him from head to toe. you're trying to insult him, but atsumu doesn't allow people to get to him. he doesn't care. he has a thick face. that's exactly why after everything, he still came back.

he looked at you from head to toe as well, “went somewhere?”

“yeah, i came from a date and i'm tired and i don't have the time and luxury to talk with you so fuck off and leave me alone.” you're about to shut the door but atsumu stopped it with his hand, “atsumu, i swear to god.”

“i'm sorry, baby.”

this man. you hate him so much for this. but you hate yourself even more. you hate yourself when your heart fluttered when he started calling you that common ass endearment once again. you hate how easy it is for you to soften when it comes to him.

“let me guess, the sex isn't good.” you scoffed, “i don't want to see you anymore, atsumu.”

“i'm really sorry, baby—” it took so much courage for you to slam the door in front of his face. guilt immediately rushing down through your system after what you did. and you hate that because you should never feel bad at all.

that man insulted you and made you feel like a trash. he's probably just coming back because the new girl cannot stand him anymore.

atsumu can be quite demanding and dominant. he loves to go to random late night drives, waking you up in the middle of the night and pulling you out of your bed with your pajamas on. he loves to buy shoes, so when he does that, he will also make sure to buy you one even if you don't need it. he loves taking you out to dinner dates, giving your bouquet of flowers every damn time that it almost made your apartment a flowershop this one time that he consistently did it. he will do whatever the fuck he wants. he doesn't need anyone's opinion, so you know that it's also not that easy for him to get along with so many people.

yet you were full of consideration and you understood him.

but that's over now... right? right?

“do you have a schedule later?” the next day, bokuto went to the library with you to study. something atsumu and you never did before, you never asked him because you know that he will not love the idea anyway. but here's bokuto, doing simple study dates. less extravagant, but calmer.

“later? none. if i can finish everything right now.” you chuckled, “why?”

“uh...” bokuto hesitated.

“spill it out.” you told him, he chuckled.

“i'm just not sure if you're comfortable going to this like this... but a friend of mine is celebrating his birthday and they're having an open house party later. anyone could go, so...” he smiled at you.

“i don't go to many parties but i could make time, kotaro.” you smiled.

“oh no! you don't have to if you're not comfy, __!” he scratched his nape, “you don't have to force yourself—”

you chuckled, “it's really okay. i also want to have fun.”

bokuto bit his lower lip, trying to stop himself from smiling like an idiot, “well then, i'll fetch you, later?”

you nodded, “sure thing.”

you genuinely enjoy bokuto's company. he has a good sense of humor and is very respectful to you. very opposite of atsumu's unfunny sense of humor and disrespect.

it's been a while since you last went to a house party, or just a party in general. you are scared to see atsumu again. you know he's the type of person to go to every party in town. but since the night he went to see you again, you became pretty confident. you won't take him back, but you would love to see atsumu miya beg. if you ever see him tonight, you won't back down and falter.

you wore a simple white skirt and white tank top, partnered with white balenciaga heels and accessories.

kotaro: what're u wearing?

you: why 🤨

kotaro: so we could match

you were thrilled. you sent a picture of your outfit for the night to him and when you saw him pulling a black and white attire, just perfectly matching your outfit— you felt butterflies floating in your stomach.

atsumu could never. he will be too ashamed to do this, especially with someone who is just a fuck machine to him. this will make him cringe.

“you look beautiful,” you smiled at bokuto while pitying yourself. you never heard that from atsumu in random days. he can only say that to you after you reached your high during sex. he can never whisper that to you during a drive, in the morning after he wakes up, at the library because he never went with you there.

the celebrant's house is huge. they even have a swimming pool, already packed by people you don't know so you have to remind youself to not swim tonight. it's too crowded. bokuto greeted a lot of people and all of them asked about you too.

“i'm courting her,” is all that bokuto could answer in behalf of you.

courting. you really don't believe in the idea of it. before, it just seems like another way to love bomb someone. but tonight, it felt like a compliment. it felt just right. bokuto is charming and endearing, he makes you so comfortable.

“bokuto kotaro, huh?”

in the middle of the party, you tried to search for a comfort room and parted for a bit with bokuto. and while walking through the hallways, you finally saw him.

you tried to snob him, but atsumu reached for your wrist lightly to stop you. you flinch at his touch. it suddenly feels so cold. across the hallway, you can see the time: 2am. once again.

“can you just... listen? you don't have to speak, just listen to me.” it is an understatement to say that you were shocked that he has a calm voice. he sounds different, far from the atsumu you know.

“i'm sorry.” he says, “i don't have an excuse. i was mad and i told all of that to you irresponsibly. i'm really really sorry.”

you don't know what to say because for the first time, you feel like this is a genuine apology from him. your eyes started stinging just by the thought of atsumu lowering his pride for you. you told yourself that you won't falter, that you won't back down, but the only thing you want to do right now is to pull him into a tight hug again.

“i'm really really sorry—”

“i hate you,” you looked at him. atsumu dropped his hand and caught your eyes. he nodded, as if he's already accepting that, “i hate you so much, miya.”

“i know...” he answered.

“i hate how lowly you think of me. i am not your fuck toy. i am not someone that you can just discard when you're done. you're still here, because i allow you, not because you're that great and i don't have the fucking choice!” i told him. he nodded again, “i hate how you don't call me beautiful in random days, i hate how i cannot do matching outfits with you, i hate your corny jokes, i hate your reckless ass, i hate you how you just pull me to bed for a late night drive when i am still in my pajamas. atsumu miya—”

atsumu leaned, giving you a quick kiss. caughting you off guard. it tasted like mint and alcohol. you still remember, you never forgot even for a millisecond. it tasted like toxin that you're willing to take. atsumu miya is a poison to you.

“then i'll do it.” he said, catching his breath as if he's nervous, “i'll match your outfits. i'll be a gentleman. i'll study with you. i'll be funnier. i'll ask you first, your opinions, your thoughts. every fucking thing, baby.”

your lips parted, “you're just drunk, aren't you?”

“kinda wish i am.” he answered, “but i am very much sober tonight.”

“how could you do all of that with your fuck buddy?” you scoffed.

“what the fuck is love? i am still not sure.” he answered, “but when you started making my heart race, when i felt like i fucking want to intertwine my hands to yours every damn time, it scared the fuck out of me. i am a coward, i know. i told you those words because i can't believe that it's actually happening, it sounds lame to me. it sounds uncool and you know how obsessed i am to look cool all the damn time."

you watched how he ranted his frustrations.

“you look beautiful every damn second i see you. you make me want to do the cringiest things, all the corny stuff. you make me want to compromise. to understand. to face my feelings. to stay." atsumu says, “baby,”

it overwhelmed you but you understood how it must be so overwhelming for him too. a boy who doesn't take anything seriously, suddenly feeling a rush of emotion washing through him. an unfamiliar feeling at that.

you are not expert to things like this too. so you chuckled at him. you laughed as he stared at you.

“fool.” you remarked, “do you think i am used to this? do you think that i know better than you about falling in love? i agreed to our set up because i don't want to waste my time hurting for a relationship. and still, i ended up... like that.”

your eyes met his, “baby,”

“bokuto is amazing, you know. he compliments me. he's charming, endearing. he's sensible. everyone wants to be me whenever i'm with him.” you said.

atsumu's eyebrows furrowed at you, “do i look like i care?”

and then you said, “but he's not you.”

slowly, his expression changed. he scoffed and chuckled.

“goddamn, miya, i missed screaming at you, talking and fighting with you all the damn time.” you said, “it's fucking insane. you're insane.”

”we both are.” atsumu says, pulling you close, “the way we love each other is insane... like a rollercoaster rush.”

he's right. and he's the only one you'll love the way you do.

insane.

—

come here bokuto ☹️

#haikyuu!!#atsumu miya #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #atsumu x y/n #msby atsumu #inarizaki #atsumu x you #atsumu angst #miya twins #miya twins au #miya twins x reader #fubu!atsumu #atsumu fluff #atsumu fanfic #haikyuu au #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader

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