resannoying

[resannoying]

#152 “Snowmageddon” “Snowpocalypse” et al.

Here are two overdone things: acting like a snowfall is a major event, and making fun of people who act like a snowfall is a major event.

The most irksome in both of these camps use words like “snowmageddon”.

It’s real dumb. To be fair so is making a big hairy deal out of a light dusting. But limiting the way you deal with that dumbness to two or three canned, boring portmanteaus piles dumb on top of dumb. Knock it off.

Recently I saw a comedy club use this in posts (yes, that’s plural) on social media. I can only assume they are doing too much business, and have decided to irritate away any comedy fans who might be lurking around.

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #snow #snowmaggedon2019 #snowpocalypse #weather #dumb #comedy clubs

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#151 ”today years old”

I was today years old when saying ”today years old” got old.

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #today years old

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This week we learn the meaning of the phrase “living tree branch to tree branch”, and an exhaustive ranking of all types of furniture!

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Here is the kind of things that annoys me often. Why is this a post?

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Volume 8

My dearest friends and neighbors,

Why is they such a thing as Nutella? Answer me that. Now I know you got more money than I do, but why you got to throw it all away on Nutella? Ain’t that just the dumbest? All it does is sit on your shelf and say you think you’re better than me.

Now if I had my ways, they’d be peanut butter, and that’s it! Just one kind, too. No different brands. You might be a choosy mom, but you choosing the only kind they is. Cause they’s only one kind.

Thank you, and may the sweet baby lord Jesus remember you in his prayers when he’s filling up his little angel diapers,

Jonathon Patrick Ogilvy, III

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# 150 Blame It On "The Algorithm"

Algorithms are the black boxes of the internet. Information goes in. Information comes out. What happens in between, there are few who know. Many would be hard-pressed to even define "algorithm". Still, if something goes wrong online, you will see people saying "There must be something wrong with the algorithm."

That's really useless. It's the equivalent of a mechanic saying the problem is with your engine. Thanks, but that gives us none of the specificity we need to root cause or resolve. It's really just a facile way of sounding like you know what you're talking about without knowing anything about what you're talking about. You might as well be writing scripts for The Big Bang Theory.

Besides all that, you're creating a hobgoblin: a mysterious reified entity that stalks the internet, striking who knows where or how. Its ways are mysterious to us. And, there are of course no non-algorithmic pieces of code that might malfunction anywhere online, right?

#things that annoy me #thingsthatannoyme #res annoying #algorithm #hobgoblin #google #facebook #internet

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# 149 "My Whole Thing About That Is..."

Oh brother, you're about to launch into what you will later refer to as a "rant", which is to say, you will stay slightly more on topic than normal, and speak with slightly more passion.

Yawn.

First of all, "your whole thing"? What makes you so special? There're upwards of 7 billion people, but I have to spend part of my very finite life listening to your opinion? I didn't ask you for this. You're just not good at social cues.

Secondly, it's probably not even your thing, is it? It's probably from a blog you read, or from a comedian you heard. You are dishonestly trying to pass off someone else's content as your own. Just say where it came from. This is your opportunity to spread the word about whatever that thing is you're stealing from, but instead you're hurting it. That thing you thought was good enough to steal from.

Thirdly, there is absolutely no point to this preamble except to say that you're about to speak. We don't need that. Context is not a new thing. It's not like when you're watching a movie, you're constantly yelling at the screen "WHY ISN'T HE INTRODUCING HIS THOUGHTS WITH SOME HELPFUL CLUES ABOUT WHOSE THOUGHTS HE'S CONVEYING?" (This falls into the "just saying" category).

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #sorry for the rant #personal rant #rant #opinion #redundant #plaigarism

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# 148 "Vacay"

Do you shun the "-tion" in "vacation" (that was painful word play, but I am still kind of proud of it)? Why? WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? Are you too damn busy to say all three syllables? NO, YOU'RE TAKING A WEEK OFF. You know who has the luxury of saying all three syllables of vacation? You do. Lap it up. Enjoy it. Drag it out.... Because otherwise you sound like an older dad trying to sound hip to his middle school son's friends.

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #vacation #vacay

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# 147 Nazis

Drive a car into a crowd, kill a lady, and flea the scene wetting yourself? You must be real tough guys. I don't care what happens to you cowards. Climb off the top of your sister and go suck a radish, you nazi shitbags. You're on the wrong side of history AND Indiana Jones. You're the sort of people who claim to love the country, just not half the people who live here, or the ideals it was founded upon, or its laws or constitution, etc. You're the sort of people who thought Inglorious Basterds was a horror movie. You're the sort of people who see Urkel as a threat to your way of life. You're the sort of people who want nothing foreign on our soil -- except your skin color and your European ideology. You're the sort of people who can't watch any sports, because there are too many skin tones -- except NASCAR, and we all know how much you losers love driving away from things....

#things that annoy me #thingsthatannoyme #res annoying #nazis #white supremacy #charlottesville

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# 146 "Chase Lounge"

Uggghhh. "Chaise longue", it's pronounced "shezz long", it is French. It literally means "long chair". Now, pronouncing "chaise" as "chase" is understandable, if not accurate (and it bothers me a bit, like when someone says "ver-sales" for Versailles). BUT WHY IN THE HOLY NAME OF GODDAMN WOULD YOU REARRANGE THE LETTERS IN "LONGUE"??? WHY? Oh, and for gods sake don't correct me, when I say it correctly, to match your hillbilly, ignorant, bs, muddling through any and everything in life, stupid pronunciation.

#things that annoy me #thingsthatannoyme #res annoying #french #chaise #chaise longue #language #lazy

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# 145 People Who Quote Themselves As A Status Update

There are two scenarios: you hire a firm to manage your social media and THEY quote you, in which case you might need to give them feedback "Hey the general public already assumes it's coming from me, the quotes are unnecessary." OR you don't have a firm that manages your social media, you're just authentically a jackass. Next level: when the person attributes a common saying to themselves as they quote themselves. "As I always say 'Murphy's Law'!" No you don't. Shut up. (Co-write with @drusiph)

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #quotes #status #facebook #twitter

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# 144 People who quote movies AS they're watching them

You have seen Holy Grail 1,000 times, but not everyone else has seen it. When you're watching it in a group with people who may have never seen it, don't ruin it for them. Trust me, the people on screen have better delivery than you.

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #monty python #movies #movie quotes #holy grail #irritated

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We're one year old today! Here's the first post

# 1 Classy

People who use the word “classy” sarcastically. As in “We’re drinking wine from plastic cups cause we’re classy.”

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# 143 "The operative word being..."

Ugh, can't you hear the smugness from just reading it? Well, here's some more smugness for you: PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAMN WORD IS OPERATIVE. THATS WHY WE USE THEM.

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #operative

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#podernfamily #podcast #beef podcast 2017 #comedy

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# 142 "said no one ever."

This is a plain and simple case of running something into the ground: It's not inherently annoying, it's annoying because it's been used too much. Today, it was in a Garfield strip, for Christ's sake. Do I need to say anything else to explain how unfunny this has become? Garfield!

#thingsthatannoyme #things that annoy me #res annoying #garfield #said no one ever

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#podernfamily #beef podcast 2017 #the grim reaper #podcast