rekursor

[rekursor]

i still can't figure out how i wanna take notes and journal (physical/notion/obsidian)

i've spent what the last 3 years of my life? trying to figure out the "way that works for me" to write things down and i CAN'T

i've tried notion, notion is great, i can make databases and write notes anywhere and have a decent structure but i always feel like redoing and improving and the constant "improvements" take up so much time. not to mention i'm so bad at making things look pretty

there's obsidian which is great for my adhd bc lack of structure

OR IS IT?

it took me like idk a year and half to actually be able to use obsidian somewhat healthily but the anxiety of losing things is still there bc now i have a very loose structure

now ofc the last option is the one i've tried the hardest to stick to, a physical diary. this ones appealing bc PHYSICAL DIARIES ARE SO PRETTYYYYYY but also notion has its own aesthetic bc of how much online spaces have romanticized it

the problem with a physical book is the lack of organization and ability to change / edit things and not being able to search efficiently. this is why i keep getting turned off by it. i've tried bullet journalling but even that gives me too much anxiety

ultimately i need to balance all my aesthetic desire (physical diaries are cute to write itno, notion lets you make REALLY pretty pages and obsidian makes me feel really smart but the last isn't as improtant so it's more notion vs physical for aesthetics)

on the other hand organizing information is an issue. notion is easy to organize into but i constantly rework systems which takes too much time, physical books are REALLY hard to organize a lot of info in. obsidian is great bc i can throw things in and find SOME way back i guess

the BIGGEST issue is searching old information, this partially depends on your structure and how well defined it is but like a physical system is simply NOT going to work. you'll have to index like crazy, notion can help with a structure and some searching, obsidian is great for this as long as you link smartly or find a somewhat basic system to retrieve information

but having a lot of lists, juggling hobbies, needing to write informational notes, track friendships over time, remember what i did throughout the day, having short stories about things that happened to me, writing notes on videos i saw and papers i read... all of this is so hard to boil down into a single system and hard to divide into multiple bc i can't figure out where to draw the line.

in conclucions my adhd sucks i hate it.

#journal #the note taking rabbithole has consumed me #note taking #obsidian md #notion #adhd #bullet journal #bujo

[rekursor]

aesthetics anxiety n avoiding consumerism/commodification

growing up as a cis dude i never had much in terms of aesthetics and style so when i started to break out of it, i got sucked into defining and finding new aesthetics bc it helped me define what i like and find easy ways to get into those aesthetics and develop a sense of style

but lately i've been learning more and realising how much of modern aesthetic culture is just inspired by bigotted undertones and invading spaces and ruining things bc something goes mainstream and becomes commodified and like ughh

like i want to develop a sense of aesthetics and style but i also don't want to end up in these spaces and end up being Another person that is just emulating and comodifying aesthetics but as someone who didn't grow up like that, i don't know how to do that at all?

#aesthetics #consumerism #commodification

[rekursor]

😈

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ever so slightly starting to realise i'm no longer interested in the same things and am finally starting to yearn for change damn

[rekursor]

man it sure sucks though that the one thing i respected about tumblr is how it always stuck to an older version the internet without trying to boil it down to generic modern things and then they made the ui like twitters and made it so much worse to look at

[rekursor]

my pursuit of the perfect note taking/journalling system is going to kill me so i'll try and blog more to at least keep things down SOMEWHERE consistently

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also im growing to hate the phrase ''hold accountable'' in discourse because its always so.... empty? like you see people saying ''sure this person apologized, but we need to hold them accountable!'' like cool. what does that mean. how can you get any more accountable than a public apology. do you want them to apologize... again? more? get a tattoo explaining their crimes so everyone they meet is informed? do you want accountability or are you repeating buzzwords because you cant find a nice way to say you just want them to disappear.

[rekursor]

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what they doing to tumblrs ui...

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like what’s up manger

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why do i have to go to college and work? transphobia?

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We need to go back to using sailing ships full time like immediately. Yes it would take longer to get places but the Aesthetic is unmatched

Like there is nothing sexier hthan this

[rekursor]

controversial but I think ubisoft might be my favourite game publisher

#games #im sorry #i know its basic i cant help it

[rekursor]

i've started watching youtube videos at 1x speed again unless it's like a school thing i need and it's actaully quite relaxing

[rekursor]

playing that new harry potter phone game and it's so cool bc one of the characters has my deadname and i got my name for my username so it's just aisha helping out deadname who's like really nervous and doesn't believe in himself and it's... oddly comforting

#harry potter #magic awakened

[rekursor]

adhd is so weird i go a week dreading working on something and the moment i get to work on it i get so hooked i don't put it down for 4 hours

#adhd #i need meds so bad