raiiieny

[raiiieny]

Whew I finally downloaded this to get some pics and damn. The growth? Downfall? Whatever it is now i am back wiser, stronger and well somehow okay. Good job to myself B. The sad gal rainy is out. Hehe✨

Gonna list some things i did/ hobbies i’m into now to show myself that damn i’m good.

1. Reading BOOOKS! 📚 *back to this yey*

2. Crocheting 🧶

3. Reading Manga & manhwa

4. Anime, kdrama, series

5. Games!

6. Drawing & doodling

7. Painting and journaling

8. Listening to Music again

9. Boss bitch energy (especially the mental strength to cut off ppl)

10. Appreciating the right people 💕

Nice!

[raiiieny]

Good bye

[raiiieny]

Its weird. At first i was missing him.. but now.. i get flashbacks and i get nightmares .. to heal i need to forget all of it. Even if i ignore a particular place but go over its surrounding areas well.. it won’t help me to forget that place .. i need to stop. I need to stop.. i need to stop. I’ll grieve when i’ll feel like it. But i need to stop. For my own sake. The flashbacks the nightmares.. its too much. These are keeping me away from achieving my peace. I’m just gonna delete this app and try to move on. Maybe i’ll visit this place in future but for now … no more

[raiiieny]

God says;

"Whomsoever you love more than Me,

I will take away from you."

And He adds;

"Do not say; "I cannot live without him/her."

I will make you live without him/her."

And the season passes.

The branches of tree providing shade become dry.

Patience runs out.

The person whom you think as a part of you turns out to be a stranger.

Your mind startles.

Even your friend turns out to be your enemy, your enemy turns out to be your friend.

The person whom you love more than your life betrays you.

Such a strange world!

Whenever you think, "It never occurs"

It occurs.

You say, "I do not fall." Yet you fall.

You say, "I do not get amazed."

Yet you get amazed.

The most weird thing is this;

You keep on saying, "I died."

Yet you live..

(Collected)

Found this poem last year and i was genuinely scared of an outcome like this…scary… i am living this.. hahh

[raiiieny]

The Flowers Death

I had the purest intention

To show you

What real love looks like

But look

In that process

How you hurt me

Countless times.

I still forgave you

Told you not to hurt me

Again and again

Yet you never listened

To all my pleas

Cause being unaware

Is what you can.

All my efforts were a form of

My own love language

That you could never comprehend

Thats why you always said

That one particular line

“Your efforts outshines mine”.

I never wanted the same energy

Nor I wanted materialistic things

I wanted to feel Loved,

to be safe in your arms

Yet you couldn’t give that to me

Cause you were always tired of me.

Even at my lowest

I hoped that you’d say the right thing

And take me back

But oh how foolish i was

Cause you never wanted me back.

It took me this long to realise

You liked me because

You loved to feel like a king

But did it occur to you that

you’ve never treated me like a queen ?

That explains your faithfulness

towards me the very last day

How you got caught red handed

By me even though I didn’t want it

I had to shut my heart and witness it.

I was innocent when i met you

Like a pure flower which just bloomed

But you made me experience

Hell on earth

Which is why the flower

got burned and doomed .

#poems and quotes #mindinpoe #poems on tumblr #my poem #trauma

[raiiieny]

Blue Flag | Ao no Flag by KAITO – Chapter 16

[raiiieny]

Your intuition is your inner compass. Follow it without regret.

[raiiieny]

you were just in love B, you let them hurt your self but its okay..

Forgive your old self, you've changed.

[raiiieny]

So yesterday i had a session with my therapist. I asked her “mam you know everything that happened to me as i told you everything. Well as far as I remember at least. Do you think i’ve made an impulsive decision? Was leaving actually the best thing for me?” She said, “look bristy, first of all just because you are my patient it doesn’t mean i’ll tell you things that would make you happy. Let me ask you this, in your relationship you told me that you did so many things for him and for your relationship. Tell me what did you get in return?” *The silence was too loud*

[raiiieny]

[raiiieny]

Was going through my notes and man the duality of my emotions over time :vvv

Gonna leave them here cause i dont wanna loose em *my phone has 0 space* lmao

I miss my lover

But when i saw him for the last time i knew he wasn’t the one i fell in love with. My lover was sweet to me.. cared about my feelings… but now he was just indifferent. His ego got him and he didn’t think twice to abandon me…honestly i knew that but i wanted to test him. I wanted him to prove me wrong.. yet…guess what..saw tinder in his phone and that also explains so many things.. i miss him being nice to me… making me feel wanted, loved… i miss our happy moments but i knw for sure he was not the one when i was deleting all the pics I honestly was doing him a favour. Remembering sad and not so great memories would help us get over each other but the happy ones? They’ll make us feel miserable. I dont have those pics but i have the memories. Which honestly led me to writing this.…*You*.. if you ever read this… trust me i loved you and a part of me idk still misses you..But you pushed me away. You are not mine anymore. A huge part of me wants to forgive you.. wants to see you happy wants to forget everything you did to me but i’d be betraying my self. Moving on isn’t easy especially when ik that my love meant nothing to you..

I feel like i lost someone important to me and honestly i miss you … but what about you? Do you miss me? Or do you feel that i am an horrible person?.. do you feel i harassed you? I was rude? Then what about the past 8 months? Was i not enough back then? if u feel like that.. hah… it further proves you never cared ..

You saw my tumblr posts of how hurt i was yet you didn’t even budge.. you let your ego win. But all these time I sacrificed mine. This one time i tested you. I hoped that you’ll come to me and say “bristy i am sorry please just wait for me a lil bit love i’ll fix this. We can fix this” . You never did. You pushed me away .. i just hope one day you’ll realise what you did. Why you lost me.. i just hope one day you’ll feel sorry for your actions.

Will that day ever come? Idk.. one day i will move on. I just hope i that dont make the same mistake twice. Love made me so vulnerable that i got hurt like this. You asked me that if my therapist said anything about my family….

She made me realise why i am like this. Why i crave for love and attention.. its cause of my inner child issues. I lacked emotional support as a child. That made me how i am today.. You made me feel heard that’s the reason i fell for you. And when you pushed me away stopped caring about me..thats the reason i started to fall outta love.. as simple as that.

Idk if we can ever be friends again.. maybe one day if we do acknowledge our mistakes maybe… dekha jak ki hoi

Note from 13th match 2023 ^

Note from 23rd march 2023 v

You dont have the right to say “i love you” or “i loved you” no . YOU DONT. You never loved me. If you did you wouldn’t have hurt me. You wouldn’t make me suffer. You wouldn’t neglect me cause people don’t neglect their loved ones. All you cared about your self and your ego. You give your self and your friends the bare minimum and you couldn’t even give that to me. You say i hurt you, i was rude to you and I harassed you. THINK AGAIN. YOU HURT ME FIRST. You made ME feel suffocated. For 7 freaking months. You WERE RUDE TO ME COUNTLESS TIMES when i just confronted you shutting my feelings i become the rude person?? Wow. I never let my ego win. I stayed. Told you to act right. But now that I finally stopped i became the new villain. Geeee great. YOU DONT DESERVE TO UTTER THE WORDS OF LOVE. You never did. you reap what you sow so dont play the innocent victim cause you are not. Im done babysitting you. It hurt me 1000 times more to leave you but

Why should i waste my time love care affection and suffer pain when the person doesn’t even give me the bare minimum. The respect? In the end you accused me of things you did. I knew you would do that someday but I wished i was wrong. You proved me right. You made me experience hell on earth. So you dont even deserve anything. You couldn’t even handle/ keep a person like me. So good luck being with someone and news flash you are the problem. Dont ever say that you loved me cause you never did. You loved feeling better because of me. You never loved me. Oh and plus you also cheated on me so YEAH

Before the year of 2023 i prayed so that i can make the right decision and allah removes people who are not good for me and my future. Well this outcome is the biggest evidence that my dua got accepted. Play the victim you narcissist. Cause thats who you are.

[raiiieny]

even if all the emotional , psychological suffering , gaslighting , abuse was not enough

the cherry on top was getting cheated on :vvvv

i mean tinder? Yeah lol thank you but no next

[raiiieny]

[raiiieny]

[raiiieny]

things are okay 

[raiiieny]

[raiiieny]

May you never again get attached to anyone who isn’t for you. May you find a love that makes you laugh, never lets the honeymoon phase end and gives you unquestionable loyalty. Someone who gives you time, attention and reassurance – without it being requested. A reciprocal love.