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pundachen · 5 months

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Weaponized Incompetence -

Weaponized Incompetence 1/?

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish x reader, fem pronouns

Warnings: none, sfw.

MacTavish was, without a doubt, one of the most patient and kind Sergeants you had ran across in the SAS, made even odder by the fact that he was a Sergeant in one of the most elite Task Forces in British military history. But he was. He was firm and encouraging, always willing to answer (reasonably) stupid questions, and the least likely between himself and Sergeant Garrick to absolutely lose his shit.

Admittedly, Sgt. Garrick had been pushed to the metaphorical edge by a very, very stupid troop who just didn’t know when to quit. He probably would have handled it better, if it hadn’t been the first week of evaluation. You couldn’t really hold it against the Sergeant.

Six months later, and Sgt. MacTavish had kept a distressingly cool head. You weren’t fond of it; it left a lot of questions. Where was the line? How would he react when it was crossed? How did he handle anger - was he a shouter? Mr. Cold Shoulder? You had seen Sgt. Garrick at his limit; a shouter. Captain Price was authoritarian to his core; disappointed, and willing to hand out fitting punishment to ensure it didn’t happen again. Ghost, terrifyingly, appeared to be a cold shoulder kind of guy; the kind of petty, what are you talking about, I’ve never heard of Trooper Johnson a day in my life while maintaining eye contact with said never existed Trooper.

Initially, it hadn’t bothered you. But the longer it went on, the more you wondered. And obviously you couldn’t do anything serious to trigger him. You weren’t about to risk your tenuous place on the 141, even as a tertiary member. Which left your favorite method - playing as stupid as humanly possible.

Never about anything work related. You had fought tooth and nail for the respect you earned as one of maybe 20 female front line soldiers. No, you had to act stupid about the stupid things.

You started small. Spotting the mohawked sergeant in line at the cafeteria, sliding your way behind him with a beatific smile at Troop Russell, who let you into line with a resigned air. Carefully brushing your shoulder against the sergeant, welcoming his easy greeting like a witch letting children into her gingerbread house.

“You know,” you started, in a way that anyone who shared a barracks with you knew was a bad sign. “I’ve never figured out why people think chickens lay eggs.”

Smiling vacantly to hide the incandescent joy of shit-stirring, you watched as the sergeant stuttered, brows closing together in confusion. You could practically see the thoughts growing in that pretty little head; is she being serious? Is this a joke?

No joke, you thought giddily, still maintaining a deviously blank poker face. Go on, you know you wanna.

“What are ye talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Eggs,” you answered, slow enough to cast a questionable tone. Like you couldn’t understand why he would be confused. “They come from cows.” By this point, the line had stalled, Sergeant MacTavish bewildered enough to cease multi-tasking. You couldn’t blame him. Walking single file while cafeteria staff handed you food was probably a difficult task when dealing with yourself. You wouldn’t know - you were everyone else’s problem, never your own.

Pointedly, you looked at the lone, hard boiled egg resting on his plate, and then past his shoulder to the stretch of no man’s land between him and the person in front of him. At least a meter of space. He jolted into action, the hiss of his plastic tray frissioning against the metal ledge covered by his pretty, deep baritone. “Eggs are poultry, lass. They do come from chickens.”

“See, everyone thinks that,” you shook your head. From the corner of your eye, you can see Troop Russell, chin tucked to his chest. Troop Russell has never won a game of poker in his life. You’ve never played poker with him, but you know this for a fact as well as you know that chickens do, obviously, lay eggs. “But they’re wrong. They come from cows; its why they have a second stomach. Its how they regurgitate eggs.”

They key to saying this kind of off the wall shit, you’ve learned, is to never give anyone time for a reasonable retort. It’s why you decided to corner him in the lunch line, a bunch of military ducks in a row that clears out relatively fast. Content with the microwaved chicken sandwich dressed up with a single leaf of lettuce, fruit cup, singular rolling egg, and squat baby water bottle on your tray, you decide it’s time to make your escape.

“C’mon, think about it sergeant - if eggs come from chickens, why are they in the dairy aisle? With all the dairy?” And there it is, quick but beautifully vindicating; a flash of what the absolute fuck across his adorably disgusted little face. Not yet fed up with your shit, but certainly in disbelief of it.

“Anyways, have a nice lunch, Sergeant,” you grin, practically floating to your usual table. Moments after you settle onto the bench, Troop Russell is sliding in next to you. “This is going to end horribly,” he points out.

“But hilariously,” you counteract. “Don’t ruin this for me.” Deciding to start with your victory egg - the catalyst of your nonsense - you make eye contact with Sergeant MacTavish as you bite into it. Three rows away and seated diagonal from your own table, he’s ignoring the seemingly content ramblings of Sergeant Garrick to squint at you. Confused. But, like those dumb ass kids who saw a gingerbread house in the middle of haunted woods, you knew he wouldn’t walk away. Oh no. Too baffled by the incongruousness, he would walk right in.

Blame it on daddy issues, or problems with authority, but you refused to work with a man without knowing what he was like madder than a bull. And something about easy, pretty Sergeant MacTavish told you whatever outcome? It would be fun.

anywho, I have no idea & am screaming into the void 🥴

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pundachen · 1 year

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#witch hat atelier #WHA coco #witch hat atelier coco #manga colouring

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pundachen · 1 year

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#witch hat atelier #manga coloring #olruggio #qifrey #olrufrey

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pundachen · 1 year

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#hakumei to mikochi

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pundachen · 1 year

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hiiiii, do you still do manga colourings? I was wondering if you still take requests for some:/<3

Hi! I indeed still do manga colourings (I just don't post them here as often)

Feel free to request series/pages if you'd like me to check them out 👍

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pundachen · 2 years

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Aftercare with Genshin characters part 2

Author’s note: Woah my previous post got a ton of support, here’s a part two <3 I may or may not have written a bit too much for Heizou, can you guys tell I love him? Would you guys like a part 3 btw, perhaps suggest some characters for the next one :D Check out part one !

Characters included: Lisa, Childe, Gorou, Scaramouche, Ningguang, Heizou

Warnings: NSFW is hinted, petnames are used and are gender neutral (some might be a bit odd lol), not proofread (I’m lazy)

Word count: 868 words

If you like my content, consider supporting me via my Ko-fi!

SEMI-NSFW CONTENT UNDER THE CUT

Lisa

Lisa is a tease, just like Kaeya, kissing the bruises she left on you while bragging about how good they look on you “Look at all these cute markings I gave you, now everyone knows you belong to me” she whispers in your ear with a slight giggle that makes your cheeks burn up, which of course makes her so happy. She gives you a massive hug, you’ve always adored her loving and warm hugs, “You did so well cutie” She’s not really one to go all out on aftercare because both of you are exhausted all the time, but simply being together is all you need sometimes.

Childe

I think we all know that Childe is crazy in bed, but he loves taking care of you afterwards as well!! After resting a little bit in his arms, he sees if you’re still awake, “Little one, are you still awake?” he says in a soft voice, in return he hears you mutter something, probably a bit annoyed because you wanted to stay in his arms for a little longer. “Do you want to take a bath or would you like something else?” he says as he fixes your hair a little bit, no matter what you want, he’ll do it for you, how could he say no to your sweet eyes.

Gorou

Gorou is probably way too busy to do a whole lot, as much as he’d love to stay he probably has something else to do, on those days he’ll get a bath going and get everything ready for you, but on some days he’s lucky and he gets to stay with you. “Little pup, I’ll be with you all evening, what would you like to do?” he looks at you with bright eyes as you wonder how he still has energy after what the two of you just did. You ask, he’ll do it, he’s set all his work aside for you, you better take advantage of it.

Scaramouche

Scaramouche is the type of guy to pretend to be mean but never mean it, and when you two are done he has to make sure you understand he didn’t mean any of the things he said to you, “Sweetie, are you alright? You know I love you right?” he says with slight sadness in his voice, you might need to take care of him more than he has to take care of you, but that’s completely okay. You cup his face with your hands and kiss him, that’s all he needed to know, you still love him and know he would never be mean to you. You guys usually just cuddle afterwards, while Scaramouche is a quiet guy, the air around him when he’s with you is so loving, he doesn’t have to say anything to let you know he’s yours.

Ningguang

Ningguang knows exactly what you want, it’s like she can read your mind, everything was already prepared for you. While letting you rest she went ahead and got you cleaned up, asking one of her maids to make some tea for you and just leave it out for her to grab later. “You did so well sweetie, just let me take care of you, let me know if you want something” she says while cleaning you up, she usually gives you a massage while you relax, you always try to get her to sit down so you can massage her as well, she rarely complies but you can see her finally get some rest when she does, “Thank you for tonight” is the last few words you hear her mumble as she falls asleep.

Heizou

Heizou can sense what you want to do, just like Ningguang, he closely watches your face as you catch your breath, he loves looking at you any time of the day, especially after doing it. He kisses your forehead and gets up to go to the bathroom, he turns on the faucet and makes sure the water isn’t too warm for you, slowly letting it fill the bath, adding some nice soap during it. He goes back to you, picks you up and goes to the bathroom to slowly put you in the bath, “Is there anything else you want before I join you, my little detective?” he asks as he gets the towels ready, as he sees you nodding no he takes off his clothes and joins you. Heizou is always so kind to you, washing your hair and cleaning off your body as he talks about what he wants to do tomorrow, he knows his voice is relaxing to you so he always loves talking to you after a long day, anything to make you happy. Once you’re both done and dried off, you walk to the bed you both share as he walks to the kitchen to make your favourite tea. You do your hardest to stay awake but somehow end up dozing off before he comes back, as Heizou comes back he sees you fast asleep, “Guess I should be glad I love this tea as well, good night my little detective” he whispers as he kisses your forehead and joins you in bed.

#Here we go again with the tags #genshin x y/n #genshin x reader #genshin smut #heizou shikanoin #heizou x reader #ningguang #ningguang x reader #childe #childe x reader #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #reminder that I have requests open #gorou #gorou x reader #lisa #lisa x reader #genshin #genshin impact

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pundachen · 2 years

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Aftercare with Genshin characters

Author’s note: Hiiii it’s been a while, I wanted to write this one, maybe I’ll do this with more characters when I have time.

Warnings: NSFW is hinted, petnames are used and are gender neutral (some might be a bit odd lol), this covers female and male characters, not proofread (I’m lazy)

Word count: 822 words

If you like my content, consider supporting me via my Ko-fi!

SEMI-NSFW CONTENT UNDER THE CUT!!!!

Kaeya

Kaeya was always so sly after doing it, he’d boast about how great everything felt, he’d collapse on top of you whispering the dirtiest words in your ears turning you on once more, “You were amazing baby, you felt so great,” he’d listen to you groan not wanting to go again and he completely understands, after all he is very hard to handle. He gets off of you and cleans you up a little bit, you usually don’t do much after sex except cuddling and falling asleep, he always loves watching you fall asleep before him.

Albedo

Albedo is always so busy, but he finds time to take care of you after sex. He runs a warm bath for you with the nicest soap you’ve ever smelled, carefully lifting you up from the bed and putting you in the warm bath. If you want him there with you, he’d jump in, but usually he helps clean you up and then goes to change the bedsheets and do some light reading. Once you’re done he’s always open for cuddles. Albedo doesn’t say much but as you drift off you hear him whisper something along the lines of “I love you so much”

Zhongli

Zhongli likes to take things slow all the time, especially after sex. He lets you catch your breath and cleans you up while saying the sweetest words, “You did so well my love, just let me take care of you now.” If you’re not too exhausted then he’ll offer to make some tea for you and perhaps give you a gentle massage so you’re not going to be too sore tomorrow. He ends the evening with you in his arms, reading out loud a new book he had just bought as you drift off to sleep, he absolutely adores your sleeping face.

Jean

Jean is probably just as exhausted as you are after sex but that doesn’t mean she forgets about aftercare, she gives you her clothes as she cleans you up and gentle massages your body, “Thank you, you did so well my little dandelion.” When she’s done she goes to make some tea for you, cleaning herself up in the process. She brings the warm, nice smelling tea to you and wraps both of you up in soft blankets. As much as she wants to stay awake, she’s usually the first one to fall asleep but you don’t mind.

Xiao

Xiao is probably so worried about your wellbeing after sex, “I didn’t hurt you did I?” he gently asks you with a concerning look in his eyes. Once you’ve told him you enjoyed it he’s glad, he gives you a kiss on your forehead and whispers to you “I enjoyed it as well my little butterfly.” As he slowly gets up, he asks if you’d like to take a bath or just cuddle together, if you want a bath then he’ll get one ready for both of you and clean you up as you enjoy the warm water, usually you end up falling asleep but Xiao doesn’t mind taking care of you. He doesn’t mind just cuddling either, so if you’d rather do that then he’ll give you some of his clothes and then just falls asleep in bed with you. Xiao doesn’t sleep often but he’s always so relaxed in your arms that he just falls asleep instantly.

Tighnari

Tighnari is always prepared for aftercare, he probably has some herbs that can help with muscle aches or exhaustion so if you needed it, he could easily grab some. “You did so well sweetie.” he says as you both catch your breaths, “little kit, are you hurt anywhere?” he asks you with the sweetest tone in his voice, he looks at your body and notices the few bruises he left on your body, you tell him that you like the bruises, he nods and makes sure to kiss them. He makes some tea for you and falls asleep on top of you because you wanted to play with his ears.

Yae Miko

Yae Miko is always such a tease, both during and after sex she likes to tease you, “Did you enjoy yourself sweetie? You were moaning my name so nicely tonight” she whispers in your ear giving you small kisses across your cheekbone. Of course she understands and respects your limits, she just likes seeing your reactions to her sweet whispers. After just cuddling for a little while she gets up and walks towards the kitchen, “Would you like some fried tofu?” she asks with a big smile on her face, you never refuse her food so she starts cooking, softly humming a song she probably heard a while ago. Once both of you finish the food, you thank her and fall asleep in her arms shortly after. Yae Miko usually stays up for a while, reading a book and eventually goes to bed as well.