nightwatch-ithaqua

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, our discord is raihansofficialboywife if thats .. reassuring (?) for you. .. dont say anything about the username, i know its silly but its personal for us so just dont question it lmao . again i dont really have any interest in moving this over there but im.. sure youre well aware of that by now hm?

we have the inner voice thing, kind of. im not really sure if thats actually even what it really is, but we can talk to each other without saying anything outloud, headspace or otherwise. ("i think thats just telepathy" - luca .. true, but still lol..) admittedly sometimes i miss my old bodies, but i think the one i have now is pretty nice. i dont really have a solid form, i kind of change tiny things about my appearance constantly even when i dont mean to, but mostly i latch onto whatever im presenting as at the moment with my own things added, some of them are surprisingly consistent between forms, like my fucked up eye whcih is why i have the x as that eye in the little emoticon thingies (x_o <- those) .. i like having my own little typing related things that are specific to me because theyre tied to my personal appearance in headspace, its a nice special comfort. andrew does it too, he puts little bunny ears on the sides of all his kaomojis.

i could talk a lot about my headspace appearance, because i personally find it very interesting .. but i also am very much a narcissist (npd holder, along with.. just being incredibly self absorbed and otherwise narcissistic by definition even outside of the pd, hahah) so i personally find every little tidbit about myself to be utterly fascinating.

man thats fuckin awful, im sorry that shit happened to yall. like.. i cannot express enough how genuinely insane that is..? and excuse my language in referring to it.. just. lord. it still disturbs me to this day how malicious people can be for no real reason greater than for the sake of it. how i wish it was just humans but i suppose every being is unfortunately prone to that ill natured behaviour ..

thats a really crazy coincidence in all honesty лол. i forgot how exactly i started using it for myself, i think it started as an aesthetic thing to go along with an old layout of a blog i dont use anymore, and then i started using it as signoffs in asks and just.. got attached, and started using it for myself in general. we even use it for ourselves as a collective now, its been in our discord status and bio for like.. a month or two i think? maybe three. were really bad with time perception so i couldnt give a very good estimation if i tried.

🪷

No no it's okay, we don't need your discord but I am thankful you were at least open. While we are on discord far more frequently we should be talking where you're comfortable. Where both of us are comfortable.

And yes, I believe telepathy is very common in the headspace so I'm not too surprised it's not just us. It's funny too, because while we don't have a fucked up eye, we often feel like we do. It's so strange and I think almost like phantom feeling, like having a phantom limb except it's more of a phantom scar we can't explain. Of course we're not going to be dumb like those "trans-abled" people and fuck up our eye just because we think it would feel right, that's just stupid. (it's our left eye)

And yeah we know what you mean, having little things helps a lot. We have a hood with ears on it but it's got paws attached too. The ears are fixed upright but it's a black hood. Still, we love it and we're glad we have it.

We love our self absorbed alters /hj

No okay for some odd reason our brain tends to latch onto alters that tend to have more self-absorbed personalities. Does this go for all of our alters? of course not. But Edgar Valden, Bob Aken (Obake), Me and the multiple doubles we have of each. But then we also have our Andrew and Aesop doubles and they aren't self absorbed so much as they just prefer their space. It's so strange how our system works. Systems are fascinating tbh.

And yeah, it was just beyond fucked up. It was ridiculous and even when we tried to move someplace else they followed us over. It's just.. such drama. The idv fandom is really fucked up in general. Already a few servers we've come forward on have either been hostile towards us or have actually infantalized me. And I mean waving images of baby keys in my face level and "feeding me meat and rice."

Frankly our status will not hold that emoji forever. We actually.. have no clue why it's even still there lmao. We just put it there one day and never changed it. Time perception is hard fr.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

eh, not my preference, and i seriously doubt we share any servers anyways because.. well, we arent really in any because we dont like being social, and we certainly arent in any big official ones. one on one convo like dms or discord tend to not work very well for situations like this because, as i mentioned, socially awkward and from that point on itd fully be on the other person to keep anything going since we dont really like reaching out firsf to people we arent close with.

ill be honest, they kind of did scare me off a tiny bit lmao, i dont like being told to quiet myself down in any way even if its completely true and necessary haha .. but eh, ill try a bit harder nonetheless.

i thought of two new things, the ears on the hood and the mask. personally if you asked me whether the ears were real or not i honestly couldnt really tell you.. i could move and feel them like actual ears but when the hood comes off theres nothing there lol. my mask was also like that for some reason, by all means just .. a normal mask, but it worked more like my actual face when i wore it. eyes moved and blinked, could make expressions and open my mouth etc.. crazy (shrugs)

🪷

Yeah I mean. We have ADHD so we forget about people we aren't close with so fast it's not even funny anyway.

And like if you aren't comfortable then like, you aren't comfortable. That's okay.

As for my mask, the only thing that I moved were my eyes. In headspace me and the others can move the ears to express ourselves but we couldn't like.. actually in our own bodies. Sometimes we can emote with the mask in the headspace too but like again, not in our bodies. Something about life in the headspace has to be extra expressive for us because we don't have an inner voice to hear each other.

So a lot of our communication is via images or emotions or thoughts. Unfortunately this leads to a lot of us also accidentally invading each other's memories but we've worked on controlling that better.

Also I get you. We're always told we talk too much. Marshmallow is.. he's always so stressed coming out from doing headspace stuff he fronts alone on purpose or with some of our more mute or semi verbal alters so he can have company but also sit in silence.

Dyslexia does make it harder to read for sure but I'm just excited to get an ask.

I have less suspicions about you now though so I'll tell you about the emoji and why I held off saying anything.

That emoji you sign off with has been the same emoji sitting in our discord status for quite some time.

I held off on telling you because awhile back a group of bullies tried to accuse us of being racist and supporting slavery despite no proof (what worried us was that people seemed to believe them anyway). All because we used Pluralkit on discord and they didn't like that. Yeah our attitude got a bit hostile and we became extremely on edge and our abusers kept trying to make themselves sound innocent like we shouldn't just assume they were being mean. And I doubted myself really bad, I kept wondering if we were just digging this hole but we also remember that it literally started with them attacking us.

There was even one instance where they tried to bait an alter of ours into flirting with a minor. It failed of course, not only because they were a minor and part of this group, but even if they were an adult we don't like our alters being sexualized and we most certainly aren't interested in our attackers, attacker's supporters or some random strangers we don't even know.

So I was wary that somehow you using this emoji meant that you were one of them. Not to mention you being a minor. Needless to say I'm still on edge since you're not opening up about your discord but those ARE your boundaries. And frankly we insist on always respecting boundaries.

Being a system is shitty and us being so open about it does unfortunately put a target on our back. But we look at it a few different ways. One, we show other potential systems whether or not this is a safe space to engage so they can decide from there. But two, most importantly for our sakes, we can find out who our real friends will be.

It's less exhausting than masking and coming forward about it and then all the "I don't understand why can't you be one person" "who was fronting the most" "okay so who's [username]" etc. or even them secretly starting to make fun of us behind our backs. Though that can happen either way.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive #long post

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

yeah take your time with that, again i really dont care about waiting .... im very sleepy too i just woke up at the time of writing this

we do have discord, in fact were on it almost all the time cus.. nothing better to do лол.. we cant work or go to school so we just sit around and do whatever is entertaining at the moment. usually that means playing minesweeper andor texting friends while listening to music

i wont mind too much if youd like.. prefer to move over to there for whatever reason..? but, dont be expecting me to start any conversations, or come back to keep adding on like i have been doing over here.. but i wouldnt mind giving it to you, i guess, if youd find that easier . we arent exactly private about sharing our discord, but we keep to ourself and only talk to our friends

🪷

Yes we can move this over to discord if you'd prefer.

We'd actually prefer that. Hopefully we share a mutual server of some sort though like even the official idv server because we won't actually accept friend requests from anyone under 18 anymore.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #night watch fictive #anon asks

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

Does Tumblr not want us editing our asks anymore? I couldn't in drafts and I couldn't in queue before it was even posted. Other posts can be edited, just not asks I'm trying to answer.

Tumblr fix this.

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

It is NOT letting me edit my post for some reason. So I'm just going to reblog it with the rest.

I'm so focused on trying to deal with us going into college that I can't currently think of anything I'd like to ask, personally. I apologize if that's a disappointment.

nah im still here jsut took a little breaky break thumbs up emoji

for the brothers thing i mean both, i have .. lots of insys brothers but also quite a few brothers out of sys, that i consider to be "irl" or blood/biologically relatwd even though we arent. one actually is, but hes our cousin, but thats close enough for me!

i dont mean to send the long asks, so sorry for that. i just talk like, a LOT (well, obviously) and have trouble cutting off parts that arent necessary because to me everything i mention is necessary and ive already cut it down as much as i can! .. thats not a jab at you at all by the way, i understand and i do apologise x_@

i dont have anything to say to start any new conversations now, so if you wanna like.. keep talking about similarities/differences, feel free to chip in with your own topic bc im out of ideas now x_>

🪷

Honestly I have the same talk too much problem lmao.

And it's okay my brain tends to jump to conclusions when things come to a pause lmao. I thought Marshmallow scared you off haha.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

nah im still here jsut took a little breaky break thumbs up emoji

for the brothers thing i mean both, i have .. lots of insys brothers but also quite a few brothers out of sys, that i consider to be "irl" or blood/biologically relatwd even though we arent. one actually is, but hes our cousin, but thats close enough for me!

i dont mean to send the long asks, so sorry for that. i just talk like, a LOT (well, obviously) and have trouble cutting off parts that arent necessary because to me everything i mention is necessary and ive already cut it down as much as i can! .. thats not a jab at you at all by the way, i understand and i do apologise x_@

i dont have anything to say to start any new conversations now, so if you wanna like.. keep talking about similarities/differences, feel free to chip in with your own topic bc im out of ideas now x_>

🪷

Honestly I have the same talk too much problem lmao.

And it's okay my brain tends to jump to conclusions when things come to a pause lmao. I thought Marshmallow scared you off haha.

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

oh, and if you dont mind me sending another unrelated ask so quixkly, i just wanted to share a funny thing luca just said that i think youd find pretty funny - "yknow im not a they/themer but i think we need more they/them luca representation" (..in response to me going "we need it/its ithaqua" out loud to myself)

🪷

Pfft haha.

I'll get to the other ask in awhile, just kind of sleepy rn and can't think of much else to ask about at the moment. I want to ask if you have discord but while the dms would be open we wouldn't be accepting a friend request ofc.

#fictive #idv fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

Okay I'm back at front lmao. Honestly it's pretty understandable not wanting to look like him just to differentiate. It's so frustrating when twins get mixed up anyway, I'm sure it would there too. What is that thing with dressing kids up exactly the same so you can't tell who is who?

Do you mean irl brothers or in system brothers because I've become sort of like family with some of the others here as well. I don't mind reading the long asks as much, even if it takes a bit. Marshmallow may get overwhelmed a little easier. But he's dealing with so many in system goings on he's stressed by the time he comes to the front for a break.

And yeah I mean, we're not supposed to be bonding, just talking but this is definitely an anon ask I'll appreciate forever.

Maybe I can get more of these in the future. Not just from you, but multiple people, fictives or not. Thanks for stopping by at all honestly!

i dont mind much, i get it anyways. i was too busy drawing to check this and then thinking of how to respond also takes a while so its not much of a problem if i have to wait sometimes ...

i like visually separating from nathaniel less because i dislike him so much and more just because.. i like having my own unique style. i dont mind looking as similar as we do, but i prefer to still have defining traits so we dont get mixed up constantly.. at that point id be no better than his shadow.

its really funny now having like, a ton of Proper brothers after the fucked up one. ..too many brothers, in fact. at least according to bede.. who is also one of my brothers лол. i kind of just.. collect them on accident, im very Little Brothjer Swag or someyhing like that. i only have like, 2 younger brothers, (one of them also being.. one of my older brothers), which normally isnt even really possible with me because i tend to get freaked out if im not the Most Little Brotherly around. didnt know that was even a thing, much less a competition, but it is apparently because my brain says so.

its even worse because i kind of just call all of them "my brother" with no sort of context or added name to specify which one im actually talking about lmao.. a bit confusing at times, but i find it funny nonetheless. i think ive been getting better about it lately because helel or andrew tend to ask which one when i mention a brother, so theyve been reminding me to be specific about it pretty well..

sorry if it seems like i change the topic too much or anything like that. if i cant think of a way to respond to something and continue that part of the conversation i kind of just ignore it and go on to the next thing i want to talk about instead. i find it more convenient, especially in cases like this where the goal isnt bonding, so needless small talk without getting anywhere important just seems unnecessary to me.. but i understand if its a bit annoying to deal with anyways.

🪷

Our ADHD allows us to switch between topics with ease. Because of how the mind is wired.

No the only annoyance is having to read such a large ask 5 times because we stop processing it midway through and also dyslexia. We meant to ask you to tone that down a bit the last time but they're still decent asks

- ☁️

#idv fictive #fictive #anon asks #night watch fictive #ask box #reblog

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

Did they get scared off. :(

Those asks were the most interesting thing I've had since making my page.

Ah well nothing lasts forever I guess.

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

i dont mind much, i get it anyways. i was too busy drawing to check this and then thinking of how to respond also takes a while so its not much of a problem if i have to wait sometimes ...

i like visually separating from nathaniel less because i dislike him so much and more just because.. i like having my own unique style. i dont mind looking as similar as we do, but i prefer to still have defining traits so we dont get mixed up constantly.. at that point id be no better than his shadow.

its really funny now having like, a ton of Proper brothers after the fucked up one. ..too many brothers, in fact. at least according to bede.. who is also one of my brothers лол. i kind of just.. collect them on accident, im very Little Brothjer Swag or someyhing like that. i only have like, 2 younger brothers, (one of them also being.. one of my older brothers), which normally isnt even really possible with me because i tend to get freaked out if im not the Most Little Brotherly around. didnt know that was even a thing, much less a competition, but it is apparently because my brain says so.

its even worse because i kind of just call all of them "my brother" with no sort of context or added name to specify which one im actually talking about lmao.. a bit confusing at times, but i find it funny nonetheless. i think ive been getting better about it lately because helel or andrew tend to ask which one when i mention a brother, so theyve been reminding me to be specific about it pretty well..

sorry if it seems like i change the topic too much or anything like that. if i cant think of a way to respond to something and continue that part of the conversation i kind of just ignore it and go on to the next thing i want to talk about instead. i find it more convenient, especially in cases like this where the goal isnt bonding, so needless small talk without getting anywhere important just seems unnecessary to me.. but i understand if its a bit annoying to deal with anyways.

🪷

Our ADHD allows us to switch between topics with ease. Because of how the mind is wired.

No the only annoyance is having to read such a large ask 5 times because we stop processing it midway through and also dyslexia. We meant to ask you to tone that down a bit the last time but they're still decent asks

- ☁️

#idv fictive #fictive #ask box #anon asks #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

i almost never see art w the pigtails and its like damn. i feel like kind of look.. bald without them lol?? but maube thats just because im so used to seeing myself with them that anything else feels kind of weird. im used to it now since i almost never see anything else (opposite problems fr..) but i still cant help but feel i look TOO similar to my brother without them..! which.. i actually dont mind too much, i guess. i talk a lot about him negatively but in all honesty im actually very attached to him (as a character, rather than the guy who fucked up my life.)

i like reminding myself that everyone is their own person and will never be exactly like me because i tend to forget about it, especially with .. some stalking issues ive been facing lately where my ex has been stealing vital parts of my identity just to be petty and fuck with me. but when its not malicious, i find shared attributes quite interesting.. i still think the differences are more interesting though, because everyone is so different in even the slightest things.. like even if there are shared experiences, it affects the people differently, and i think tjats cool..

i lean very heavily into .. a lot of different things, itd take forevr to list everything too since i consider all of my traits to be significant and major aspects of me so i wouldnt want to leave anything out, but i guess to oversimplify, i really like being 'cute' and silly and shit like that. i do like more "serious" and dark aesthetics too, i think its kind of a given with me considering the majority of my sources are focused around those, but i focus much more on the lighter ones most of the time. ive made a lot of jokes about my sources vs the music i listen to because theyre a good representation of the interesting part of what im trying to get at and i find them funny. eh.. i couod put a lot of words into this but i feel like i wont be able to properly .. say the thing im trying to say, so i guess im done with this specifically for now .

🪷

Ithaqua isn't at the front at the moment but I didn't want to leave you waiting. He's fronted less and less after the drama we mentioned before but I did ask and he gave me the go ahead to reply. (Though these asks have intrigued him and he'd love to attempt fronting a little more)

I explained the contents of this ask and he trusts me understanding him well enough to know how he is.

One thing a vast majority of our system finds fascinating is exactly that. The idea of how everyone is their own person living their own lives doing the best they can to thrive and survive and even if it means that they are raised to be hostile or gentle. That everyone has experiences that shape them.

It's always been such a fascinating concept. He'd understand you wanting to separate from your brother so much, for very obvious reasons

One of the things we enjoy talking about is realism. The very reality of life even the dark topics most people find themselves uncomfortable talking about. It's amazing to us that they are even so uncomfortable with the dark truths of life. But we can't judge, there are still some topics that genuinely disturb us but they are far and few between.

- ☁️ (apologies if you'd have preferred his direct response. He needed time with Alva but he too didn't wish to leave you hanging)

#anon asks #ask box #idv fictive #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

yeah, i figured as much, wasnt expecting anything else. works better for me if anything, i dont really like making new friends under any circumstances, so i wasnt planning on that to begin with. im not expecting you to trust me in any way either, im a stranger on the internet lol..

i hold a lot of pride in myself in many different ways, which sometimes is nice i guess because it makes me take a strong interest in people with shared sources because, again, lots of pride in myself and my source.. it can be a problem a lot when i feel like my identity is being threatened, which is why i tend to not like insys doubles. feels like our brain is trying to copypaste me even if theyre completely different in every way XP..

ive only met one other ithaqua (well.. i guess 2 now, if this counts..? or 3, if our friend being an ocassional irl also counts.) and its.. also a morningstar, funnily enough. were pretty similar, because it split off of me, but still plenty different, at least according to the two of us. although we do prefer to stick together, i think the only time weve been separate was when i left front but someone had to stay to watch andrew, and helel was the only other person around. i could talk about the two of us for a while honestly, but ill leave that for another ask since i prefer to not let these get too long and i have something else to talk about here.

one thing i recall is that the first time i saw your blog in tags, you mentioned you dont have pigtails, which i think is neat because i do! and i actually find it really hard to find any art or general representations of me with them.. so are we just having the opposite problem lol..? id love to switch if thats the case /j .. but seriously i find this in particular a bit interesting. i never even knew my brother existed before the whole.. (gestures vaguely) Situation, but he didnt have his hair up in any way, and so i often see mine as another way to keep us separate.. and our hair is slightly different colours, but i think its really hard to tell a lot of the time, so i like having the difference between us since without my hair being put up like that we look almost exactly the same. more than we already do.

🪷

The identity thing feels extremely real tbh. There are too many doubles of me in the system and I feel lost in the crowd, like I don't get to just be me sometimes. At least none of them are after my dear Alva though. They're all very different from me it's so odd.

And yes, ironically, it feels like all the art I see of myself people are drawing their version with pigtails.

After awhile I've come to just let it slide. It took awhile just getting used to being here and accepting that things were going to be this way tbh.

I am less and less ashamed of my system as time goes on and I'm not afraid to share anymore I think that we actually have two NW fictives that were raised together and it was their biological father that attacked and that's a whole story they could talk about because it was a traumatic moment for them too but the story went very different and yet not to dissimilar from canon.

I just think it's incredible how we can have so many similarities and differences all at the same time.

#fictive #idv fictive #anon ask #ask box #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

we dont have any other ithaquas in our system, which is good for me because i think id freak out over it if we did. im usually fine with doubles out of sys, as long as im in a good mood about it, but i get really iffy with others insys weirdly enough. funny how that works.

id love to hear what you hage to say about that emoji, its interesting that you have something to say about it at all.. im not really sure how i got attached to it as my signoff, it kinda just happened a while ago, and i tend to not think anything of it other than "im so cool because i have such a cute and rarely used emoji as a signoff for things!" lol

i do prefer interactions over asks like this over dms, because im really antisocial and .. akward in general with one on one conversations unless theyre someone were close with, as well as the fact that neither i nor our body are adults and if that would make you uncomfortable id prefer to avoid it. i wouldnt mind dropping the interactions in general either if youd like me to. but if you arent bothered then i guess i wouldnt mind trying to have a conversation in dms if youd really prefer that..

yeah, i havent really spent much time in the fandom because, again im antisocial and tend to stick to my little family groups, but i havent seen any other system in idv spaces other than our friends. so its nice to see another, especially being another ithaqua fictive, because as ive stated before i find learning things about doubles to be very interesting.. but it is sad that theres like, no one else around as well :/ its a shame too, because you seem pretty cool, but i might also just be biased because i think im cool and so obviously someone else with a shared feature that is incredibly important to me and my identity would be cool too!.. лолл

🪷

We don't mind talking with you but we aren't going to be friends or anything more with a minor. So as long as it doesn't get weird you're ok.

Well the emoji is something I only want to share when we trust you and not on Tumblr. Paranoid honestly that people are after me after some incidents. And we don't even entirely trust you, no offense.

And uh yeah I maybe get bias towards other Ithaqua fictives tbh outside of the system. While the others in our system have slowly grown on me it's just not the same.

I enjoy seeking out others like me for both the similarities and the differences but the last one I met was a Morningstar fictive and funnily enough despite me not seeing him as myself he and I were so much alike it was almost funny.

#anon asks #ask box #fictive #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

ive honestly been building up the courage for this for a good while now, lets just hope i dont forget i actually sent it afterwards

its always really interesting to see other ithaqua fictives (and doublws for any of my other sources (multifictive)) because its cool seeing how we all sort of came from the same thing but are also really different . because people are different obviously - dumb wording, im not the best with speaking, but i hope you get what i mean.

the shared alva love surprised me for a second but i think its silly, (/pos) that old man is great isnt he лол. and the whole thing with not seeing morningstar as your/myself (wasnt sure which to use) too, like... that is a Whole Other Guy isnt he! haha

now as much as id like to study you like some poor specimen and just ask a shit ton of questions because i am very talkative and curious and nosy about every tiny little difference, i dont think thatd be a very good idea, so ill refrain.

- 🪷, if youd like to keep track of me, because i might just start taking frequent visits back

Hey actually this ask is very interesting! I'm always open to meet other Ithaqua doubles (outside the system, it's taken forever for me to accept the ones just within our system)

My DMs are open but the funniest thing of all, the weirdest thing about all of this is the emoji you use for your tag because- well perhaps I can explain sometime.

But honestly it's also nice to have a genuine conversation as well when nobody else has truly been interacting like I'd hoped.

Thank you for giving me hope on the matter.

#ask box #anon asks #anon #fictive #night watch fictive

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

Every time I get a new follower I'm reminded that my page exists and I need to keep up with it. I'm lazy and my brain is rotting for Alva 24/7

Live laugh love Alva. Tired old man.

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

Hehe I'm a silly little woodland creature

[nightwatch-ithaqua]

MORNINGSTAR HEADCANONS

I headcanon that Morningstar

is the type to only put lipstick on his bottom lip.

Usually only wears his mask/crown to express or show his power

His head is actually empty almost all the time, no thoughts just do

He shoved his brother in an old outfit he wore to embarrass him

He definitely wears eyeshadow and eyeliner

He paints his nails black

He definitely admires himself in the mirror (very full of himself)

He chooses his words carefully then strikes when you least expect it, putting people in an awkward position so he keeps the power

He constantly keeps eyes on the people he trusts the least

He sleeps sitting up (back up against the backboard of his bed)

He talks to himself.

It's all face, he's actually very lonely and doesn't feel like he actually belongs where he is.

I apologize to any fellow fictives (this does not apply to you, just the version of him in my mind)

#Ithaqua idv #fictive #idv fictive #morningstar idv headcanon #it's funny I just don't see Morningstar as myself #idc that we're the same 'character' #we are not the same person #so should I list more hcs?