nerdmorkai

[nerdmorkai]

Ngl besties I am yearning for physical intimacy

#fucking truth

[nerdmorkai]

I want to make you cum, but also laugh. I am all about the post nut hilarity.

#fuckin this #also cuddles and sappy shit #but a little dash of humor

[nerdmorkai]

Orgasm but with feelings, fuck.

#shit hits different

[nerdmorkai]

It is where my head belongs

women's thighs. you agree. reblog.

#like for a nap #or you know...*eyebrows*

[nerdmorkai]

Oh you’re tired?? Well i know a GREAT place to nap it’s called my chest with my arms holding you ever so gently yeah it’s got great reviews

#i am also a little soft #and i run hot

[nerdmorkai]

Playing with light.

#me #new light #i dont know

[nerdmorkai]

#gonna try to manifest this #come on

[nerdmorkai]

[nerdmorkai]

It's been a week

It has officially been two months since I lost my wife. I have been trying to get back to doing the things that she always loved, my writing and my art. This is what I read at her Celebration of Life. Just wanted to put it out in the world to maybe spread some kindness. There are a lot of firsts coming up without her and I am dreading the holidays. I turn 40 in two days, Christmas, and the New Year. She was always the font of joy during the holidays. We really were Branch and Popi (Trolls reference). I'm going to try to keep my color the best I can.

From the first moment I met Kadi, there was something just so enchanting about her.  She was the kind of person that made you believe we are made of stardust.  There are so many things that just attract you to her.  That one dimple when she smiled.  The way she laughed with her whole body.  The way she was just a safe space.  It is surreal that I only got to experience it for nine years.  I will now have to remember her longer than I knew her.  Less than a quarter of her life, I was able to be a part of her story.  I think that is the hardest part about losing someone before you expect it.  It isn’t just that they are gone, but the time you already dreamed of having with them can no longer become a reality.  Now the story I thought would be, has to be re-written. When someone passes, it feels like their story ends.  Like when you fall for someone your mind spins a tale that can span decades.  It is the “what if” game we play as we date.  Writing drafts of the book series that you hope comes from this new love.  I kinda liked that series I drafted in my head.  I selfishly really wished I was in her story more.  Kadi’s story is one that we all fell in love with because it was so easy to love her.  Her story is my favorite book and I am sitting here at the last page wanting more.

I sat with that grief.  It wasn’t until I really started to write these words that I realized I was part of her story.  We all are.  She may not be here but it doesn’t mean that her story ends.  That moment of kindness when your internal monologue cites Kadi as its cause.  The desire to feel free under the lights of a forest filled with music.  To give more than what was asked.  To never let a friend pay. Every action can be influenced by what Kadi would do. We all now have the responsibility to live a life that Kadi would be proud of.  She dreamed for so many people, she wanted the best for everyone.  If you believe you will see Kadi again, make sure your story is so full of adventure, love, and kindness that you could spend weeks telling her about it.  For those of you who do not believe you will see Kadi again, love so hard it can only lead to your heart shattering.  Take it from someone who knows.  I would rather have the last 9 years than to not have her at all.  This grief is bittersweet.  It hurts, but it’s reassuring it was real, I know I loved her.  This is my love for her that has nowhere to go.  Kadi is the only reason I have the emotional intelligence to even figure that out.  She made me a better man.  But when I think about it Kadi didn’t make people better versions of themselves, she helped people become part of a better world.  The one she dreamed of.  So if we keep her in our dreams and in our hearts her story never really dies, every moment she helps influence in your life is a new page written in her story.  If we pass on kindness and sympathy to strangers as freely as we do our loved ones.  If we love without fear.  If we are gentle with the innocent.  If we speak for those without a voice.  If we help others achieve their dreams.  If we dream of a better world for everyone.  If we strive to make a world that would make Kadi proud.  If we can do that, Kadi’s legacy will become a Never Ending Story.

#me #writing #grief #So old

[nerdmorkai]

Your silhouette makes me want to paint a master piece.

#mine #writing

[nerdmorkai]

looking for someone i can be silly and slutty with

#It is the fucking best #just need to find that again #please

[nerdmorkai]

#It's the simplest things that I miss #she had a tick and her hand would always twitch

[nerdmorkai]

Morning sex from the side with them sleepy moanings

#The fucking best

[nerdmorkai]

HAHA, can anyone help me find this porn? I need to watch it

[nerdmorkai]

#Everything #I want to kiss everything

[nerdmorkai]

kissing down their stomach before going down on them.

#me #its like my lips go on a little sexual adventure #lips to lips

[nerdmorkai]

slow missionary with lots of eye contact and kissing and no chance of pulling out

#ugh #need